All language subtitles for S01xE01 Tomkinsons Schooldays

English subtitles by SirGawen (2012)

Good evening

You know, I think it was G.K. Chesterton,
who once said...

"The follies"...

"The follies of my youth"...

"men's youth..."

"of men's youth..."

"are in glorious retrospect".

No, "are, in retrospect, glorious..."

And so, our story tonight...

"are in retrospect glorious"

Our story in retrospect...

No. "Are, in retrospect, glorious"...

"Are, in retrospect, glorious"...

"compared..."

"compared..."

...by Eddie Waring.

"compared to...

"compared"...

"the follies of men's youth are,
in retrospect, glorious, compared to..."

"to..."

"compared to the follies of their old age."

"compared to the follies of their..."

Our sherry tonight...

No, no. I think it was G.K. Chesterton,
who once said "The follies of our youth

"are, in retrospect, glorious, compared to
the follies of our old age."

"And so our story tonight
concerns a boy

confronted at one and the same time
with the follies of youth
and old age."

That's it!

Was it OK?

Fine, fine, fine.

I had been at Graybridge for two weeks,

and the dour, forbidding place
had produced
such misery in my soul

and fear in my mind as I had never
known in my whole life.

Everything about the place seemed
designed to crush the soul

and break down any reserve of pride I ever had.

Thank you, Foster.
Next please.

Beating the headmaster was
just one of those ghastly chores

which produced
such depression within me.

Ouch! That's better!

There was also the compulsory fight
with the grizzly bear,

which all new
boys had to go through.

And there was St Tadger's Day
when, by an old tradition,

boys who'd been at the school
for less than two years,

were allowed to be nailed to the walls
by senior pupils.

The days always
began the same way.

We were welcomed by Alsatians at 3:30.

After two games of football
we assembled for morning prayers

in the big hall.

O Lord, we give Thee
humble and hearty thanks
fot this Thy gift of discipline,

knowing that it is only through the constraints
of others that we come to know ourselves

and only through true misery
can we find true contentment.

We ask Thee especially today, o Lord,
to remember the owner, trainer and writer

of Doncaster Boy of
the 4th league of Chepstow.

And may the fire of Thy just
and awful wrath

fall upon Biggs, Normanton, Potter Minor
and Tookey. Amen, amen.

It has come to my knowledge
that certain boys

have been helping masters to escape.

Some parts of glider have been found
in the History 6th form library

and this must not repeat!

How I longed to be able to hop
like the 2nd-year boys

and not to have to ask permission
to breathe out after 10:30.

And how I dreaded,
as we all did,

the sight of Grayson, the school bully.

He twice won the Public Schools
Bullying Cup.

And last year the extraordinarily
vicious Ackroyd of Charterhouse

at the kicking of
fags at the Hurlingham Club.

I say, sorry Grayson...

You'll call me 'School Bully',
you miserable little tick.

Five weeks after the start of term
I had an amazing stroke of luck.

I was accidentally shot
in the stomach

by Monsieur Lapoint
during the French translation.

And I ended up
in the school sanatorium.

Now, at last, my parents would
come to visit me

and I could tell them of the horrors
I was going through.

I felt sure they
would understand.

Hello mummy!

Hello Tomkinson!

- How are the wounds?
- Not bad, not bad.

Here, I've brought you these.

What are they?

- Shoe trees, dear.
- Oh, super.

Where's daddy?

He's at the South Pole
again, dear.

Oh, lucky daddy.

I wish I could be there.

- Tomkinson...
- Yes, mummy?
- He may...

He may not be back
from the Pole.

You mean?

Yes. He has a woman down there.

Another woman, mummy,
besides you?

I'm afraid so.

He keeps going back
there, you know.

This is his 146th expedition.

I never realized.
I thought he was...

...mapping the annual movement
of the polar ice shelf?
Yes, so did we all.

Mummy, perhaps I should
come home?

No, no. I'm afraid you
must stay here, Tomkinson.

A nice gentleman has agreed
to pay your school fees

for four years.

And the headmaster says you can

stay on here free during the holidays...

But mummy...

I'm afraid it's the only thing
we can do, Tomkinson.

I should continue to send you cakes, of course.

Oh mummy, please.

I'm afraid I must go now, dear.

I do hope the wounds heal up.

Oh, they're nothing, honestly mummy.
Please let me just come back...

- Are you coming, Elspeth?
- Yes, Mr Hoggins.

Good bye, Tomkinson.

Bye bye, mummy.

I was shattered.

I couldn't believe that
my father would just go off

like that with another woman.

He was a homosexual
for a start!

That moment on I resolved
to do everything in my power

to escape from Graybridge
at the first opportunity.

Play... well...play that, boy.
Keep that...

In there! In there! In there!

Get him! Get him! Get him!

Bravo!

Well taken! Oh, well taken,
Tomkinson!

...come on, Tomkinson, run, run, run, run...

Well played, boy.
Well played...

Tomkinson?

Tomkinson!

I was seventeen miles
from Graybridge before I was
caught by the school leopard.

Two weeks later I tried to get out
disguised as a woman.

Morning, chaplain.

But I was caught by Mr Moodi,
the Spanish master.

- Get off!

Good Lord! Tomkinson!

From then on I was confined to
indoor activities only.

Jolly good, jolly good.

Now, what are you boys doing?

Oh, that's very good.

Now, what's this there?

Aa, yes.

Pretty good.

What is that, Tomkinson?!

It's a model icebreaker, sir.

It's a bit big for a model,
isn't it?

It's a full-scale model, sir.

It's not a model
if it's full scale, Tomkinson.

It's an icebreaker.

This is good, isn't it, sir?
It's got three engines, an enormous...

No, no, no, it's not a point.
That is not a model.

It'll be hell if this comes out
at speech day exhibition.

You are a very stupid
boy, building an icebreaker
like this, Tomkinson.

Yes, sir.

I won't say anything to the headmaster,
if you can get it down

to a minimum of four foot.

But sir, there's fifteen
hundred tons of steel in this...

Do you want to come
and see the headmaster with me?

No, sir.

Well, melt it down at once!
- Yes, sir.

Sorry, sir.

There seemed no way
I could escape from this prison.

Daily my depression
and misery mounted.

Until one day...

amongst the usual
games announcements

on the school noticeboard,
something caught my eye.

"On June 12th in big school
Rear Admiral Sir Vincent Smythe-Obleson,

the polar explorer,
will address the school".

I wondered - could this be my chance?

For our school lecture
this term, we are
very fortunate to secure

the services of one of our
most famous and distinguished
old boys -

the polar explorer,
Rear Admiral Sir Vincent Smythe-Obleson.

Applause! Applause!

Hello boys! How nice it is
to be here...

- Speak up!
- Who said that?

- I would like to say...
- Shut up!

Who was it?

Right. The entire back three rows
will come to beat me
this evening.

Carry on.

I've just returned from
exploring one of the enormously

interesting polar icecaps.

I explored it for over three months
eight hours a day.

I got up at 9:00
and explored until 6:00,

with one hour non-exploring
break for lunch.

And during that time,
I can sincerely say,

I explored in His Highness's name

an area the size of Yorkshire!

This area...

Stop it!

If the school refuses
to show the appreciation
spontaneously,

I shall enforce to close
it down instantly
and burn selected boys.

- This area...
- Wait!

Is that clear?

Go on.

This area of polar icecap
I have called Graybridgeland.

This was the moment I've
been waiting for.

You know boys,
there's nothing worse than
seeing a human body abused.

Rubbish!

- Who said that?
- Mr Ryan, sir.

Oh, I see. Sorry,
I thought it was one of the boys.

Carry on.

...and the future of our children
and our children's children...

...let's all stand and sing
the school song.

"My school, my school,
la la la la..."

The lecture finished
and soon I felt myself
being lifted up.

It worked!

At last I was on my way
out of Graybridge.

Not daring to breathe,
I looked out on the new world outside.

That was very good, Ellis.
Very good indeed.

Thank you, headmaster.

You'll see some better money there.

But why...
why the school song?

I thought it was a jolly good whizz
end, sir,

just sort of came to me.

- Well, stick to the script in future, Ellis.
- Yeah.

Oh, no.

After the incident
with the trunk things became
really hard for me.

My ears were sewn back

and I had three weeks detention

in a sack on a school maggot pit.

But for the first time
I became the centre of
some attention at Graybridge,

and I found
myself once again

in the presence of Grayson
- the school bully.

Come!

In return for not
hitting any of the masters,

the Head allowed
Grayson certain privileges,

such as having unmarried
Filipina women in his room,

smoking opium and having
a sauna instead of prayers.

He's been on the term
cruise to South America

and looked fit and well.

Aw, Tomkinson, ha ha ha...

You appaling little
creepies.

You really are the ugliest,
most unpleasant little piece of vermin.

It's only my misfortune to encounter.

I breathed a sigh of relief.
At least he liked me.

Some filthy little creeps
at lower school

told me all about your
escaping tricks.
- That's right, yes...

- Don't answer back,
you smutty little oik!
- Sorry.

Don't you know that all
escape routes from the school

are managed by myself
and the chaplain?

No.

Why d'you think the chaplain is always
laying gas mains
and doing sewage works?

- I thought he liked it.
- Shut up, I'm talking.

Of course he doesn't like it.

He does it because
I tell him to

and because I'm the only
person he knows
who's ever likely to get him archbishopric.

Mr Hoskins going
to be an archbishop?
- When he's finished digging.

......... he thinks that it's gonna be
York or Canterbury,

which is sad really.

- Oh, where is it?
- Soligorsk.

It's in Ukraine.

It's pretty cold
and the food's unspeakable,
but I can't help that.

Anyway, the point is the chaplain
has nearly completed the network

of tunnels over 12 miles long.

The last thing we need is
a spotty little twerp like you...

School bully.

Ha ha ha... Yes,
we're just talking about you.

What? No, no. I'm afraid
he hasn't come yet.

What? Oh no, no,
I'm afraid it hasn't arrived.

He asked about the hat,
the archbishop's hat.

No, I'm sorry.

No, you can't start this weekend.

Why?

Well, the old one has to die,
for a start, that's why.

No, I could not do that.

What's the hurry anyway?

What?

Oh, you haven't!

Oh, you idiot!

Er... Tomkinson, yes.

You're very keen to get out
of this place, aren't you?
- Rather.

Yes... Pick him up, pick him up.

Well, though I loathe
and detest the sight of
your odious little face,

I'm prepared to let you
be the very first

to try out the chaplain's
new tunnel.

Oh, thank you,
thank you, bully.

Yes... Do you like...
Do you like girls?

Who?

- Suki.
- Yes, school bully?

Suki, how would you like to show
Tomkinson the tunnels, eh?

Keep him company, you know?

Gosh!

A cigarette?

So it was that four hours later,
carrying 200 cigarettes,

completely drunk
and with a half-naked

unmarried Filipina lady,
I emerged behind
the writing desk

in the headmaster's study.

The chaplain, now 74
and impatient to get his archbishopric,

had finished the tunnel
just a 100 yards too early.

I was found guilty of smoking,
drinking, lying, thieving,

breaking the headmaster's
writing desk

and escaping without permission.

I was sentenced to the
most awful penalty
the school could provide -

the 30-mile hop against St. Anthony's.

The training for the hop
was a nightmare.

But after three weeks of
these nightmares

we had a hopping team
second to none.

I will never
forget the day of the hop.

The whole school was in a fever,

mostly dysentery and beriberi;

a few cases of blackwater fever
and scurvy amongst the older boys.

Our opponents from St. Anthony's
- a buddhist public school in Yorkshire -

were legendary hoppers.

As soon as we were in line,
Mr Graffit, who was a gundy for the day,

gave us each the traditional palfries.

Ready for a palfry?

Tall laddie for a palfry!

Weeny laddie for a palfry!

Medium-size laddie for a treat big palfry!

Thank you, gundy.

Good luck, Graybridge.

Boys of St. Anthony's
and Graybridge school!

Hop ye, and hop ye good this day!

On your marks,
get set...

Hop up, Graybridge.

We all did our best,
(God knows!)

but we severely weakened
by our training.

We were no match
with St. Anthony's boys,

many of whom had hopped
internationally.

As we headed into
the mountains, the rocks began
to take their toll

of young bodies ravaged
by three terms of athlete's foot.

After twelve and half miles I saw
Venner of 5A fall and
die exhausted.

And after seventeen miles
he was joined by Apsley, Credworth,

P.E. Spitwell, Emerson and Zappa Major.

I knew that my own time
would soon be up.

On 21st mile a wave
of darkness swept over me,

I could go no further.

This was it.

Hello there, you snivelling little creep.

The School Bully?

Look, you little toad.
I'm sorry about getting
you to this spot.

Oh, the hop?
It'll be all right...

Huh, of course it won't,
you pathetic little twerp.

You won't last out the course.
Nobody from Graybridge has.

So, I've got something here that...
might help a little bit.

Now, you just have...
have a little sniff of that.

What is it?

Ehm, well, it's a sort of..., erm...

...sort of smelling salts.

I just...?

Oh yes, you do. You just...
you just sniff it.

Gosh...

Yes, here they are.

It'll keep you
on your foot for a bit.

Well, good luck!

You dismal little creep.

I didn't know what
Grayson had given me,

but the mountains looked
wonderful that day.

Huge grey-green monsters
grappled with the black
soot-like demons

of the cliffs and crannies.

I heard sheep talking and
the grass reciting poetry.

My father always said Nansen
was on something when he
explored Greenland.

And now I can understand it.

I felt I could hop for ever!

My mother... Is she in?
I must see her.

Oh, I'm afraid she's
busy, sir.

I don't care, I must see her.

- She... she's playing tennis, sir.
- Thank you.

- D'you want a bit...?
- No.

Mummy!

Tomkinson!

Oh, good Lord, Mr Bradman!
What a service!

...nothing else.
That's why I'm here.

You can't just let your
schooling gone, Tomkinson.

You owe it to me,
and you owe it to your father.

Mummy, you can't send me
back to that prison.

Don't be silly, dear.

You don't know what's it like
when they torture
and beat you...

Very interesting, dear.

Mother, I'm never ever going back!

Now, listen!

Before your father started out
on that last fatal polar journey,

I made a solemn vow
that I would always,
always keep you at school.

Just let me go and see him.
He'll understand.

Don't be a fool, dear.

He's at the other end of the earth,
surrounded by five million

square miles of uncharted
ice and snow.

How on earth do you think
you'll find him?

Well, you've got his address.

Yes, but I couldn't give it to you.

Mother, I...

He made me promise never
to reveal his whereabouts

to a member of the press.

- But I'm not a...
- No, you must go back to Graybridge,

as he would have wanted.

And I must get on with
the gardening.

- But surely...
- There's some rhubarb for the journey.

- Good bye, Thomson.
- Tomkinson.

Sorry - Tomkinson.

Pa pa, mother.

- Who is this?
- Who is what?

- This man.
- What man?

Good Lord! Get off!

Yes, get your hands off my mother!

Tomkinson!

Daddy!

Enter!

Sorry, I'm late, Bully.
I was detained by the prayers.

Heard you good news?
Have you? Tomkinson won the hop!

Yes... yes... .
Jolly good.

Yes, yes. This is... erm,
jolly..., eh... jolly good.

Are you going anywhere, Bully?

Yes. I've been offered a job at Eton.

At Eton?

Yes, Eton. You have heard of it,
haven't you? Silly little headmaster.

Yes, of course, Bully.

Their school bully's left
to join the government.

They offered me the job.
Two thousand pounds a year,

meals sent up from London,
a house in France during prep,

an insurance to cover
all boys' damages,

I think it's very good...

Look... you can't just...
You can't just leave like this,
you know.

I mean, parents send their
boys to Graybridge

just to be bullied by you.

I'm afraid it's your problem,
you scruffy little creature.

No, no, ...Let's think about it.

I mean, Graybridge has got
a good name for bullying.

You can appoint somebody else,
easily enough, can't you?

But you can't do this to me.
You know there's nobody
in the school with your

strength, your...
your effortless,
almost superhuman...

- What about Tomkinson?
- I was going to make him
head of school...

Oh, come on. He deserves
more than that.

After all, he's the only one
we've had who's ever won the hop.

Good bye, Suki.

Yes, yes, he won the hop,
but Bully...

...bullying...

does all the thing...
you know, I mean...

Do you think he's up to it?

As I cycled back to the leafy
English countryside
towards Graybridge,

a thousand memories crowded
into my mind,

of the horrors that
had blighted my life there

and the lives of so many of my
friends and companions;

what was to ruin my life
for three more years.

Will the system like that
ever change?

There was no hope left.

Here he comes!

Right, boys.
Stand straight.
He's here.

At first, I couldn't believe
what was happening,

but slowly I realized.

Perhaps there was a chance
to change Graybridge.

Boys, three cheers for Tomkinson -
hip hip hooray!

And for some reason,
it was being offered to me.

Jolly good show, Tomkinson.

But of course, I knew
I would have to do it
in easy stages.

Call me School Bully,
you ghastly little toad!

Ha ha ha ha. Jolly good, huh?

I knew you'd
make a go of it, Thomson.

Thomkinson, cloth ears!

Sorry, School Bully.

Let's all sing the school song.

"My school, my school,
how bravely she stands. Long..."

English subtitles by SirGawen (2012)