All language subtitles for Keeping.Up.with.the.Kardashians.S04E10.WEBRip.Netflix.en[cc]

[Kim] Tonight on
Keeping Up with the Kardashians...

Vegas, baby.

OK, bye, guys.
I love you but I gotta go.

I have to go back to work.
I'll see you later.

Vegas is always a lot of fun,

but tonight, we're here to work.

[Rob] Whatever. Scott and I are here
to have fun, we're in Vegas,

we're here to get drunk,
have a good time.

[laughing]

I'm ready to do some bad things tonight.

-[Kim] Ow!
-You shut the [bleep].

Right now. Scott?

-[Rob] Get off me.
-Scott!

-[grunting]
-Scott!

-[bleep]
-Stop it, Scott.

Stop it. Stop it.

-Stop it!
-[Kris] Scott!

-Back off.
-Don't you [bleep] talk to me like that.

-Don't...
-You shut your [bleep] mouth.

Shut your [bleep] mouth.

-[shouting indistinctly]
-[bleep]

I hate him.

Oh, my God, food's here. Oh, wow.

Thank you.

I'm famished. How is it?

Oh...

my God.

-Mmm!
-[Kim] This is really good.

Always the little restaurants
have the best, like, food.

I'm excited about your birthday.

Except...

I ran into Mike Snedegar,

he told me you weren't
having the party this year.

He called me and said,

you know, do I want to do my party
at Tao this year,

and I said, "Yeah, of course.
Call my mom,"

I called my mom
and I gave her the heads-up

and I said,
"I want to do this party at Tao."

Well, I guess she didn't get back to him,

because when I said it to him,
I was like, "We're going to Vegas,"

he was, like, confused.
'Cause he's like, "For who?"

And I'm like, "Kim's birthday."

And he's like, "Well, her mom said
she's not doing it..."

She should've booked it and locked it.

-Yeah, well...
-This was, like, two weeks ago.

[Kim] For the last couple of years,

I've always worked
on my birthday, in Vegas.

And Mike is a really good friend of mine,

and I promised him
that I'd do it this year, too.

This is work.
I'm not gonna turn it down.

After we spoke the last time

and you were like,
"We're definitely going to Vegas,"

I, like, told... told everyone.

I gave him my word.

Yeah.
It's bad for your business...

-It's a bad business... Yeah.
-It's a bad look.

'Cause you look like a liar.

Probably thinks you're full of [bleep].

-Yeah. Seriously.
-I would.

I don't wanna be one of those
full of [bleep] people

that just say, "Oh, yeah, sure,
I'll do it, I'll do it."

-"Yeah, call my people."
-Yeah.

And then my people say no
when I said yes.

Your mom is nuts.

I really hope she doesn't turn you
into MC Hammer.

[Kim laughing]

"Kim's Career: Cold Case Files."

[Kim chuckles]

The criminal? Kris.
She's literally, like, the shooter.

-She murdered me.
-She murdered you and [bleep] hid.

She didn't even tell you
that she was canceling your birthday.

Yeah.

[theme music playing]

[Kim] Mom?

[Kris] Hey, Kim.

Mom. Why did you tell Mike
that I'm not doing my party at Tao?

Kim, you work 364 days a year.

It's, like, a bit much

and he wanted you
to come for your birthday?

Kim makes it sound like
I've canceled her birthday celebration,

when in fact, it's an appearance.

She's gotta be on a schedule,
she's gotta do a red carpet,

she's gotta do a meet-and-greet,

she's gotta stay
for a certain amount of time...

And Kim has been working so hard.

-Twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.
-[alarm clock ringing]

I love that.

I'm endorsing products right now,
I have my own products,

I have my foot in the door in fashion...

Usually the hair is always down.

-I know. Always.
-And this year,

you're going a little bit up.

I mean, it's still a little bit down
in the front.

What made you change your mind on that?

I like them at that length.

It's a good, thick fabric.

[Kris] Of course, I'm gonna turn it down.

She needs a break,
at least on her birthday.

I made a promise to Mike.

I verbally said,
"Yes, I'm doing my birthday party at Tao."

-I'm just trying to watch out for you.
-But he's my friend,

and then you go and say no
and it makes me look bad,

it makes you look bad.

The next morning, you have
your Carl's Jr. commercial shoot.

But I know that,
and I usually wouldn't book that

but I gave him my word.

So this is the one exception
where I would do that.

-So you're gonna go to Vegas...
-Yeah.

That's not who you are, Kim.
You don't go without sleep.

You're gonna have to bring
all my meetings with you,

if you want this to happen.
How's that for you?

-I'll have you work on your birthday.
-Fine! Fine!

And I'm gonna bring Keith Frankel,

we're gonna bring the GNC guys,

because that's who I was supposed
to be meeting with that weekend.

I'll be fine. Trust me.

-OK, Superwoman.
-Thank you.

You are not made of steel, Kim.

What shall we get?

[Scott] Oh, that looks good and healthy.
All the peppers.

[Kourtney] Since when are you
into all this healthy food?

Uh, since you were pregnant
and I want you to be healthy.

Interesting.

-Is it?
-Yeah.

I've definitely seen
a huge change in Scott.

Somewhere along the line,
something just clicked in his head

and he's been

really excited to be a father.

Do you wanna do all the walls the same?

You like the ceiling white
and the walls gray?

I like that you're into this.

Scott has been working
for the company that makes QuickTrim

and he's been

getting up every day, going to work,
getting up early...

Right now, we're just
basically reaching out

to people that we'd like
to endorse the product.

Um, I'm interested in it.
I mean...

You know,
I think that things like that work.

Why don't we get a proposal together,

put some stuff on paper,
what we could offer you?

[Keith] Yeah.

I'll get in that bikini, too,
if I have to.

-[Nicole laughing]
-[Keith] We just might need you to.

I just see such a change in him.

He makes me feel
like I have a real partner in life.

He's definitely on the right track.

Oh!

That was nice.

I love that. Thank you.

[Scott] I love ya.

Why does QuickTrim have boobs on it?

Boobs?

That's Kim's real body.

-No, it's not.
-Yes, it is.

[Bruce] Where? Is that her butt?

-[Kris] Boobs. It's not a butt.
-Oh. It's boobs. I thought it was a butt.

[Kourtney] I don't think
that's her belly button.

Right, Scott? You're the new
QuickTrim guy. Come on.

Didn't we do Kim's body on this?

That's Kim's body, all right.

[Kris] A month ago,
I got Scott a job

with my new business partners,

and this is really,
really important to me.

And I have a lot at stake here.

Trust me. This guy can talk.

I... You know, sometimes,
he just doesn't even shut up.

I mean, maybe he can work on a new...
tanning product.

Or, like, a sunscreen.
He'd be good at that.

[on phone]
Well, let's give it a whack.

I trust you. And, he's family, so...

Gotta make it work.

Oh, you're telling me
we gotta make it work.

Thank God you finally have,
like, a real job,

so you don't just keep doing
whatever it was you were doing.

I mean, honestly.

[Kourtney] OK.

Let's not dwell on the past.

I just want him to be successful.

-He is! He's great!
-And be motivated to do something great

and I think this is a really
good start for him. That's all.

[Kourtney] My mom is so critical of Scott

and always making rude comments
about him,

and you'd think that now
with him having a daily job,

she would just back off.

Lamar is set for life,

he's got his thing, he's talented,
he's got his basketball.

And then there's Reggie,
who's got his whole football career

and he's young
and still on top of his game.

-That's right.
-[Kris] And by the way,

Robert is developing
a whole skincare line.

They're taken care of.
I mean, they're set.

I just want Scott to succeed,
and I push him

because I don't think
he has anybody else doing that for him.

I want my daughter and my grandchild

to have a great life also,

and to be, you know,
the best that they can be.

I honestly feel like,
no matter what I do in this family,

no matter what I achieve,

I'll never be what Kris wants.

You can [bleep] with the best of 'em,

so use your gift.

Show us that you have some initiative.

Like, take the ball and run with it.

-He's not retarded.
-Are you done, honey,

on the poor guy?

[funky dance music playing]

Vegas, baby.

[Kris] Hi, guys.

-Hi.
-How are you?

[Kris] So, we've all just arrived
except for Khlo�,

who's gonna go to Lamar's game tonight,

then meet us here later.

Oh, my gosh.

[man] Hello.
Welcome to the Chairman Suite.

-Hi.
-[Kris] Hi. Oh, wow.

-How are you?
-Very well, thank you.

-[Kris] The sauna!
-[man] It's about 8,000 square feet.

[Kourtney] Eight thousand square feet?

[Kim] Oh, my God!

Wait, let me go get my dresses
and hang them.

You can give the Lush, the champagne.

Oh, thank you.

They have it all hooked up for me.

I mean, the nicest penthouse suite...

I mean, this is what it's all about.
This is what I work so hard for.

An actual movie theater in here.

-Oh...
-Look at the walls in here. It's crazy.

Farewell, my friends.

I understand Kim's hosting
her big birthday bash...

Whatever. Scott and I are here
to have fun, we're in Vegas,

we're gonna get drunk and have fun.

[Scott] Good drinks are forever.

Look at this, you don't even have to ask.

-I wasn't going to.
-I'll trade you.

I never do.

Can you get this little kid a beer, too,
while you get it?

Appreciate it.

I literally just want, like, 10 minutes.

Gonna lay down?

Seriously, how exhausting.

[Jonathan] I'm dead.

[Kim sighs]

Imagine if we, like, fell asleep
and missed your entire birthday party.

-Oh, my God. That would be...
-How funny would that be?

Awful.

I'll wake you up
in four minutes and 20 seconds.

-[Kim chuckles]
-[doorbell rings]

Who the [bleep] is this now?

[door unlocking]

-[Jonathan] Oh, boy.
-[Kim] Hi.

Hi, Kim, how you feeling?

-[Kim] Good, how are you?
-Good. Did you have a good day today?

-I did.
-[Dawn] Good.

We're gonna send somebody up
to pick you up

-at around 8:15.
-OK.

We'll escort you down to Tao,

where you're gonna go ahead
and you'll do your red carpet

and you'll do media interviews.

At around 8:45, you'll go into your dinner

-at the restaurant.
-[Kim] OK.

And then after the dinner
for your birthday,

we'll head up to the Tao nightclub,

where you'll be hosting
your birthday party celebration.

-[Kim] OK.
-Got a lot of work.

-[chuckling]
-[Kim] All right.

-Thank you.
-Thanks. Happy birthday.

[Kim] I'm gonna try and take,
like, a five-minute nap.

Do you think you could have
somebody wake us up

in about two and a half minutes?

Absolutely! Not a problem.

-Two and a half minutes. Thank you.
-Two and a half minutes. You got it.

-[laughing] OK.
-Thanks.

[Kim] Thank you.

[Rob] It's, like, two o'clock now, dude.

[Scott] How many beers did you drink
out of the mini-fridge

before we came down here?

Scotty. Now that I've got you drunk,

let's talk about
how much my mom dislikes you.

That's the last thing I wanna think about,
is Kris Jenner right now.

Anything to do with her
puts me in a complete different mood.

It's literally impossible
to please that woman.

[scoffs] Why am I even gonna bother?

It doesn't matter what I do,

there's always been something about me
that she's never been fond of.

And it comes to a point, it's like,

can I ever change that opinion of her?

It's kind of like,
you've just accepted the fact

-that she hates you.
-Right.

Yello! Wouldn't mind a little drink here!

[scoffs] Not talking to you, Boss Hogg.

-Patr�n, extra cold.
-[server] Got it.

-Here you go.
-Thank you.

Welcome.

[Scott] All right, shall we?

You do salt first?

Ugh.

[laughing]

[Scott] Drink up, why don't you,
and then I'll tell you.

How many drinks do you think
we can get in us before dinner?

Oh, you do not want to drink too much
before dinner.

Wait. 'Cause Keith Frankel's
gonna be there today.

We're in Vegas, dude, relax.

Nothing bad's gonna happen.

Dude...

I'm ready to [bleep]

and do some bad things tonight.

[Kris] Where's Kim?

-Kim!
-[Kourtney] We're out the door!

[Kim] Coming!

[Jonathan] It's your birthday, not ours!

[Kim] At 8:15,
I have to start working again.

I have to be in hair and makeup by 5:00.

It's four o'clock right now.

I wanna go shopping,

and I wanna just have
some time for myself,

something fun for me to do.

It is my birthday. I'm allowed
to have a little fun, after all.

I never get time off.

I just think, like, just 10 minutes

just to buy a few things for myself
is amazing.

Kim! Look at this bag.
Like, if you had a little girl.

-[Kim] Aww.
-This is for Suri Cruise.

[Jonathan laughs]

[gasps] Wait, there's one more pair
up here that I need to see.

-[Jonathan] Wait, are these them?
-These.

-Oh, the blue?
-Yeah.

-Look at these.
-I know. I'm kidding.

Tell me again what's going on.

-[Khlo� on phone] Mom.
-[Kris] Yeah.

[Khlo�] Seriously, don't irritate me.

Just pay attention, OK?

-OK.
-So, I just heard from the facilities.

Nothing is detrimental
but the shins are bruised.

...before I can come.

So, don't worry about
hair and makeup for me.

I will just do the best I can.

I don't know what else to say.

The point is, you still have to come.

[stammering] I don't... I...

[Khlo�] I never said...
Are you [bleep] retarded?

I'm still coming to Kim's birthday dinner.

I just don't need hair and makeup anymore
'cause I don't have time to [bleep] do it.

-OK.
-I'm focusing on my husband who's injured.

I'm still coming there.

-OK. OK.
-OK?

Love you.

Her husband...

[Jonathan] Yeah, she's like, "My husband."

I know. It's weird, right?

I don't have a lot of time.

I have, like, five minutes left.

Hair and makeup starts
in, like, 25 minutes.

-Is that papagaio?
-OK, bye, guys.

I love you but I gotta go.
I have to go back to work.

I'll see you later.

[chuckles]

-[Kim] You wanna walk back with me?
-OK, well, we were coming, Kim.

-Adi�s, amigo.
-I have to work, Mom.

-I... I'll see you there.
-Like, honestly.

Like, seriously?

I'm about to go
get my hair and makeup done.

[J.J.] Enjoy your birthday.

[Rob] Happy birthday.

[J.J.]
Seriously, why are you excited, though?

I just got here, man.
I'd like a room situation...

[Scott] Here's your [bleep]
room situation.

How is this my room situation?

[Rob] Scotty.

Yeah, how you doing? Yeah.

Can we get a couple beers up here?

Scott...

Hey, come on. We're try...

Jesus.

Dude, dude.

[Rob] No, no, no, no!

No! No!

So, Kourtney and I are getting
our hair and makeup done for tonight,

and we hear

crazy noise from outside.

-I'm sick of this shh...
-Dude.

All right. All right, all right, buddy.

A pillow fight!

Oh, that's gonna leave a mark.

[Kim] That's not annoying at all!

[Rob] Hey, I gotta go downstairs.

-[Scott] Of course, you do.
-I'm gonna get my friend.

-Come with me, then.
-I'm not gonna go anywhere.

Be right back.

I decide to call this good friend of mine
who lives in Vegas

to meet up with us in the hotel.

-[man] Sorry.
-That's OK.

-How you doing?
-Hi. How are you?

[Rob] This girl,
she's a female acquaintance.

We decide to hang out in Paula's room

while the girls finish
getting ready upstairs.

-So awkward.
-No, no, no.

Rob's getting a hooker.

But I know that last week, he said
that he had something lined up here,

-so I'm assuming...
-When he says "lined up..."

-He means...
-Means he's got a hooker.

-No.
-Our friend is [bleep] a hooker.

-She's not a hooker.
-OK.

'Cause she's not paying by the hour?

What are the chances she's a friend?

She's a hooker.

Come on. We gotta...

[Scott] Hey, Rob.

[Rob] What do you guys want?

[Scott] How's it going?

-[Paula] Hi.
-This is one of my good friends.

[Scott] Of course, it is.
We all call them that.

What's going on?

[Paula] With what? [laughs]

I mean, a good-looking kid,

you look like his sister...

-You got nice boobs.
-[Paula] Thank you.

Let's see what they'd look like
over Rob's shoulders.

[Rob scoffs]

-[Rob] No.
-[Scott] I came down...

to watch you guys have sex.

Are you gonna? Yes or no?

-Scott...
-You don't [bleep] where J.J. is.

No, he's not.

-No...
-You probably gotta [bleep].

Oh, my gosh.

She's ready to have Rob's big,

-raw can of...
-[Rob] So, why don't you guys leave?

I... Why would we?

All right, Scotty.

I don't wanna fight you right now.

Scott is so wasted,
it's like he's possessed or something.

He is being the stupid drunk guy.

I mean, he's just gotta chill out.

Look. I understand you guys

are interested

in doing what you gotta do.

And I'm fine with it.

Don't look at my [bleep], sweetheart.

-[Paula laughing] I'm not looking...
-You look at your [bleep] boyfriend's.

Don't be a [bleep]. Take your shirt off,

and [bleep] her.

All right, this isn't happening.

You need to leave.

I totally will.

Where's she going,
to clean her placenta?

-Before the ol' Rob Kardashian?
-[Rob] All right, [bleep].

Outta here, outta here, outta here.

-[Scott] I'm sorry.
-Out, out, out.

I'm sorry.

Sorry, he's drunk.

Bye.

I'm sorry the hourly rate
got too high for everybody.

[Paula chuckles] Nice to meet you.

-Of course it is, you hooker.
-[Paula laughs]

Oh, thank God.

[Rob] Scott completely made this
super awkward.

'Preciate that, buddy. 'Preciate it.

That's what happens.
[bleep] one hooker,

and then you're a professional.

[J.J.] Didn't last very long.

-Scott?
-He's passed out.

Scott's asleep?

Scott completely [bleep] blocked me,

and made this super awkward.

Note to self, if I ever want
to hook up with a girl,

I will never bring Scott along.

The [bleep] is the matter with you, dude?

Scott and I, we're wasted.

We're, like, trashed.

Trashed, trashed.

[Scott] Mmm, Kourtney, I love you.

[Rob giggling]

[Scott mutters indistinctly]

[Rob giggling]

Kourtney, I'm tired.

[Kourtney] Rob.
Why wouldn't you let Scott sleep,

so we don't have to deal with him tonight?

Rob?

You guys should both go to sleep.

[grunting]

Oh, yeah. Do me like you did.

Why don't you ever do those moves
in the bed with me?

[Scott] There's a thing called attraction.

That's sexy.

[retching]

I puked.

Like, it's on another level of annoyance.

-[Rob] Hey, Kourt...
-Hey! Hey! Hey!

[bleep]

Kourtney, come back here with my child!

Come back here with my child now!

[bleep], dude! Dude, are you serious?

-[Scott laughing]
-[Rob] Are you serious?

Oh, my gosh! Are you kidding?

Dude, that's...

[Scott laughing] Oh, my goodness.

Stop... Can you guys do this
in the other room,

not where we're doing hair and makeup?

-Ow!
-You mother [bleep].

[Kourtney] You just hit Kim.

[Rob] Ow, that's my ear! Ow!

[screaming]

[J.J.] Get off of me!
-Ow, my ear!

[Kim] What the [bleep]
is going on in here?

Seriously, dude, [bleep].

[Rob] Oh, my ear!
It's gotta be bleeding.

I'm here for work, and this is serious.

They just think it's some kind of joke.

I could totally puke in this right now.

-[snorts]
-[coughing]

[Kourtney] That's so rude.

You're acting like drunk slob kabobs,

and Kim doesn't want drunks,
wasted people at her dinner.

-[Scott] It's not a problem.
-[Kourtney] OK.

-But you're here for her birthday...
-Of course.

-So you should respect that...
-We do.

-...and not be getting wasted.
-Why didn't Rob...

You're worse than Rob.

-[Scott] I'm worse than Rob?
-Yeah.

-You're worse than Rob.
-How's that?

When you sober up, then...

That will never happen.

-OK. So then you can't come to dinner.
-I love you.

Does it matter that I love you?

If you sober up, then we can talk.

Not only is Scott ruining Kim's birthday,

but his boss is gonna be here
and he could totally lose his job.

My mom's on her way back up.

Sober up!

[Scott] My own girlfriend's
telling me what to do?

It's Vegas! Have some fun, lighten up.

-Where are we going? Dinner.
-[snickering]

[Kris] I hope everybody's on time tonight,

because this is a major business dinner

and I'm trying to get our product sold
across the country.

Everyone's gotta be on their game.

-[doorbell chiming]
-[Scott] Uh-oh.

Yo! We got a delivery.

-[J.J.] Hello.
-Hi.

-[grunting]
-When did you get here?

[bleep]

-[J.J.] Jesus!
-[bleep]

Stop it. Stop it.

What the hell is going on here?

-[Rob] Mom!
-Scott.

Get off the floor.

-[shouting]
-Stop it!

-[grunting]
-When did you get here?

[bleep]

[J.J.] Jesus!

-[grunting]
-They're going a little crazy.

Stop it. Stop it.

Scott.

-[Rob, muffled] Mom, he's hurting me.
-Stop it.

-Mom!
-Stop it, Scott!

What the hell is going on here?

You just got champagne all over me
and I just got dressed.

I'm not... I'm not kidding.
People are gonna hear me in the hallway.

Get up off the [bleep] floor.

Get off the floor.

I have champagne all over my new dress.

[Rob] Mom, I'm bleeding from my fingertip.

I don't give a [bleep].

-Get off the floor.
-Well, you know what, I do.

I didn't deserve none of this.

What happened to me? Who did this? Mom?

[Kris] Stand up, Robert.

Put the beer down.

-Robert...
-This is blood.

You guys cannot treat
somebody's property this way.

[Scott] Look, I didn't try
to get you bloody.

He punched me.

-Mom, look what he did.
-[Kris] Go sit down.

[Scott] That's assault.

[Kris] Scott, I...

Scott, I need you to go sit down. Scott!

I'm so mad and disappointed

and confused.
This is a major meeting for me tonight.

I can't afford
to deal with this right now.

-Oh, wait, your room's this way.
-[Scott] Of course it is.

-What is going on here?
-They hurt me. They hurt me.

We're waiting to go to Kim's birthday.
What the hell is wrong with you?

-I don't know what they did to me, Mom.
-Stop it! What is wrong?

Can you come here
and tell me what's going on?

-[Rob] Look what he did to me.
-Rob and Scott are not coming to dinner

'cause they're annoying.

-[Kris] He needs to go lie down.
-He... I don't control him,

so he can do
whatever the [bleep] he wants,

and... he's not coming to dinner,

and I don't need to hang around
losers like that.

They're acting
like drunken idiots.

There's no way they're coming
to Kim's birthday dinner.

[Kris] We are leaving in 10 minutes
for dinner, Rob. Get dressed.

-[Rob] Yes?
-You don't have a choice.

I'm not kidding, Robert.

J.J., if you'd get dressed
I'd love for you to join us for dinner.

[with gritted teeth] Robert,
it is your sister's birthday.

Get your [bleep] clothes on, right now.

I'm not kidding.

-Get the [bleep] dressed.
-[cell phone ringing]

J.J., can you go
get your friend dressed, please?

[Scott] Rob's not allowed to go to dinner.

Hey, Keith.

[all shouting in background]

Good! Where have you been?
Did you disappear?

-Yeah! Come on up. 35-105.
-[laughing]

Oh, I would laugh, Scott.
That's really funny.

Robert, I'm not kidding.

How disappointed I am in you.

I think that you allow yourself

to be...

just influenced by people
that make bad decisions.

Now, you're ruining
your sister's birthday. I'm really upset.

Mom, we're joking around.

[Kris] You're not joking around, Robert.

Go to your room, please.

Either rinse off and get...

-Go to my room.
-Yes.

[Kris] Rob does not act this way.

My son does not behave this poorly,

especially when he knows
that a night is so important to me.

Is that for real,
what's going on out there?

[Kim] Yep.

I will never, ever

have Scott on one of these trips again.
Do you hear me?

[Kris sighs heavily]

What time does the plane
leave Los Angeles?

[Kim] Noon. Why?

One of the pilots got sick
and we called for a new pilot.

[Kim] What? Then I need to get home.
I have a nine o'clock appointment.

I have my Carl's Jr. commercial tomorrow.

I can't miss it. I have to be on time.

Not acceptable if I'm not.

[Kris] We'll all get on
a six o'clock plane with you.

Things are going wrong left and right

-and I'm just trying to remain calm.
-[Kim] What time... So...

Do we not have a private plane?

We need to get home.

-OK.
-I need to be home by, like,

eight o'clock latest.

[Kris] So, what we need to do

is get somebody to give us
two tickets home

at six o'clock in the morning.

[Kim] Three,
'cause Brittny's coming with me.

OK, three.

I have all these shopping bags.
That's the only reason why I brought 'em,

why I bought the stuff
and not have it shipped,

'cause I thought I was going
on a private plane and I'd be OK.

[Kris] Right now, I'm dealing
with my son who's drunk off his ass,

you, who wants a private plane

because her bags won't fit
on a commercial flight.

And I'm dealing with Khlo�
missing her flight,

not have... having an expired license,
so she can't get on a plane.

-She's a [bleep] up.
-OK.

So... let me just go

have a glass of champagne or something
to kind of calm my nerves.

[Kim] And I'm dealing with a mother
who's a drunk.

[Kris] Well, no, actually,
your mother's not a drunk.

I seem to be the only one
who has a head on their shoulders today.

-[Kim] Oh, really?
-Yeah, really.

I'm here to work. I'm not even here
to celebrate my birthday.

I don't even care.
I'm not here to even enjoy my birthday.

What do you think I'm here to do?

I didn't come here
for a piece of cake, honey.

I came here because we have things to do.

All right?

What the [bleep] are you doing out here?

Get inside.

You got me in trouble.

And now, you're gonna pay.

[Kris] OK, no...
Keith is coming up right now.

-Scott? Scott. Scott.
-Keith is coming.

Get in your room, please,
'cause Keith is gonna be here in a second.

You're not gonna have a job.
So why don't you go to the room

and save yourself a lot of embarrassment?

Please.

Keith and Tom Dowd from GNC

are on their way up to the room.

And these guys are out of control.

I have to figure out a way to fix this
and fix it now.

I hate him.

I hate him.

He's going to [bleep] up my...

Get to your...

Scott? Scott. Scott.

Scott!

Scott, do you really want
to ruin your life like this?

-Do you wanna just...
-[knocking at door]

It's the police, isn't it?

Don't look at them in their eye.

-Scott, get to your room.
-[Rob] I'm going to shower.

[knocking at door]

[man laughing]

-Hi!
-He just punched me.

How are you?

-Good to see you.
-Good to see you.

I don't think Scott really understands

the magnitude
of what he's gotten himself into.

This is a huge business deal for us.

And now, he is going to jeopardize

not only his own job,

but now he's messing
with my whole family.

[Scott] Listen to me.

-[Kourtney] Yeah.
-It's seven months old.

Yeah. Way more mature than you are.

-Yeah. OK.
-Listen to me.

-Listen to me.
-What?

-I love you.
-[scoffs]

-Mm-hmm.
-I do.

Ugh, you reek.

You look like [bleep].

Your eyes look like you aged
about 20 years.

-I'm trying to catch up to your old age.
-[chuckles]

Here's Keith.

Keith.

You're on in five. Five minutes.

[Kourtney] He looks like he aged
about 20 years today.

Well, he worked two days in a row.

[Kourtney] Since Scott's a drunk slob,

he's gonna shower
and just sleep it off,

and the rest of us are gonna go
to Kim's birthday dinner

and have a great time.

-[shower running]
-Somebody better come in here

and talk to this dick
if the old wife won't.

[Kourtney] Go take a shower
and take a nap

and don't come to dinner or out.

You like that, boys?

[Scott] I'll tell you right now,

if I go to bed, I'll be out for two days.

[J.J.] Are you allowed at dinner?

I'm a liability, my brother.

-[J.J.] Course, you are.
-I'm not allowed anywhere.

Who's here?

-[Kim] Is that good?
-It's always good.

But you'll probably hate it.

[Kris] Well, Robert's sobered up enough
to come out to dinner with us,

and thank God, Scott's not here.

Finally, we can just
have our business meeting

and celebrate Kim's birthday.

-You look magnificent.
-Thank you!

[man] That's not Bruce.

That's why they patted him down so hard.

So, I have a story for you guys.

Rob, you can listen, too.

-So I go to the...
-[voices trail off]

[Kris] Oh, God.

I think I'm gonna kill him.

[Scott] You!

You're a [bleep] titan!

I love you!

How are you?

If I go bald,

I'm gonna be pissed.

-[Kim] Kourtney?
-Yeah?

[Kim] Get him next to you.

Why?

[Kris] 'Cause he's not gonna have a job.

I don't know what to do.

I know that Scott's acting out of control,

but what am I supposed to do about it?

[Scott] How are we?
Who's ordering what?

Kris, good to see you.

Aw, man, that was a lot of excitement.

How's my hair?

Can I get a Ketel One and tonic?

-And a couple limes?
-[Kris] Um, Scott.

Scott.

Kris.

What in the world is Scott doing
at this birthday dinner?

He's in no condition to be at this table.

Scott is making my business partner
really, really uncomfortable.

-[shouting indistinctly]
-[Kris] You can't hear in here.

'Cause somebody's yelling too loud.

I hope you lose your voice.

-My prayer in my life...
-[Scott] Why would you want that on me?

...is that you lose your voice.

Tell your boss he's [bleep].

[man] Whoa!

Oh, boy.

-[mock gasps]
-[Keith] You're ruining it.

I'm in a nightmare.

[Scott] You're in a nightmare.

I'm in a [bleep] nightmare.

He's so damn annoying.

This is such a nightmare.

I totally thought he changed
and he's such a [bleep] child.

I would like to make a toast.

[Keith] Toast!

[Kris] I'm really proud of you.

Happy birthday, doll.

[all cheering]

[Kris] Scott, what are you drinking?
What are you drinking?

'Scuse me.

He can only have water.

No more drinks.

He gets nothing else alcoholic.

Thank you.

Give 10 grand, cut him off.

I knew I had a problem.

Hey, give me that vodka.

This [bleep] guy
is cutting me off over here.

I will beat the [bleep]
out of this [bleep] guy.

-[woman] Oh!
-Ooh, you all right?

[bleep]

I'll smack you, [bleep] bitch.

Listen to me.

When I ask for a drink,

I'd be appreciative of a drink.

[waiter] Absolutely, absolutely.

But nothing to do with you, buddy.

When I have heard...

[Kris] Scott is threatening the waiter
and in his face.

The scariest thing is that
what Scott really wants to be doing

is do to me what he's doing to the waiter.

'Cause Scott knows
I'm the one who cut him off.

-Please, back off.
-Don't you [bleep] talk to me like that.

Don't... Excuse me?
I'm not talking to you anyway...

[Scott] Don't you [bleep] ever.

-Back off.
-Back where?

-[waiter] Back...
-[Scott] Where do you want me to go?

I seriously think Scott
has lost his mind.

He's scaring me right now.

-I can't get you a drink...
-You shut your [bleep].

-[waiter] Whoa, no.
-[Scott] You shut your [bleep] up.

-You shut your mouth...
-My mouth is shut.

You want another one?

-Back off.
-Back where?

-[Kim] Kourtney, do something!
-[Kourtney] What am I gonna do?

Hey! Come on, let's have a drink.

Scott, you're done, you're done.
You need to leave.

-Please.
-[Kim] Did you see what he did?

He took a $100 bill
and shoved it in his mouth,

like, "Shut the [bleep] up,"

and put it in his mouth.

When I see Scott shove the $100 bill
down the waiter's throat,

that sobered me up fast.

I do not wanna be that guy.

-[Kris] Kourtney?
-[Kim] It's not Kourtney's fault.

It's not Kourtney's fault.

Really? OK.

OK. Sit down.

Calm down, calm down, calm down.

[Kim] Did you see what he's done
to that waiter?

-No, no, no, no.
-Don't make it a big deal.

No, it's just humiliating
in front of the bus...

That's the head of GNC
and the owner of QuickTrim.

[Kris] Kourtney]

What?

-[Kris] You have to ask him...
-I'm not [bleep].

I'm not gonna go tell him anything.

-I'm not talking to him.
-No, unless they arrest him.

Do you want them to arrest him?
They're ready to arrest him.

-They're giving you one last chance.
-If that's what they need to do.

-What do they want me to do?
-They're giving you a last chance...

To do what?

Kourtney is pregnant, Mom.

[Kourtney] Yeah, shut the [bleep] up.

She cannot deal with this.

Kourtney really can't do anything.

She's pregnant,
she can't really handle him right now.

And my mom is just gonna make it worse.

I really have to deal with this.

Scott. Can I talk to you?

That guy deserves
to get stuffed in his face...

[Kim] No, he... No one deserves that.

It wasn't funny.
Rob's about to cry for this guy.

My mom is screaming.
Everyone's upset.

Your mom is always screaming.

Like, I just feel, like,
you're really drunk.

Kourtney is in tears.
She's crying in the other room.

You know what? Kourtney knew
exactly the person she was with

when she met me.

And I will never take back
things that I do

when I need to do them.

The guy disrespected me,

and everybody's lucky I didn't
handle the guy in a different situation.

[Kim] Scott doesn't get
how upset we all are,

and I just don't think at this point,
he really is gonna understand.

He's just too drunk.

Just go to the room.

[Scott] I'm not going to the room.

OK.

I'm gonna celebrate this birthday
the way I should.

'Cause you don't drink,
I have to, for you.

Scott, you're drunk. Seriously.

-Get it together.
-[Scott] All right.

[Kim] Bro, it's not funny!

He just was saying, you know,
he disrespected him,

and that the guy deserved it,

and he should've punched him in the face,

we're lucky he didn't beat him...

So I said, "Let me have a security
take you down to your room."

And he goes, "No, I'm going out tonight."

And I'm like, "Kourtney's visibly upset,
my mom is furious,"

he goes,
"Well, your mom's always furious.

Kourtney's always upset.
She knew who I was when she met me."

So he's just having an attitude,
he's not apologizing?

I really cannot believe Scott.

He's not even apologizing.

I just can't even be around him
for another second. I'm done.

[Kourtney] Do not leave without me.

'Cause I cannot stay in Vegas.

[Kim] I feel really bad for Kourt.

I wish we can leave, but we can't.

I'm just exhausted.

The last thing I wanna do
is host this party,

but I have to.

[Kim] What's up, Las Vegas?

[crowd cheering]

Help me lift my mood

and show me how to party

my last year of my 20s before I'm 30!

-[crowd cheering]
-Let's party, Las Vegas!

[man] Give it up for your girl,
Kim Kardashian!

-Thank you!
-[cheering continues]

[Kris] The second that dinner was over,

I flew straight back to Los Angeles
all by myself,

because I wasn't gonna spend
one more minute with Scott

and that whole situation.

It was one of the worst nights of my life.

It was one of the worst nights of my life

because Scott was so out of control.

-And...
-[Bruce] What'd he do?

First of all,
I think he has a drinking problem.

Oh, honey.
You're just figuring that out now?

He got so belligerent,

and so I asked the waiter
not to serve him anymore.

Scott orders another drink,
the guy won't serve him,

Scott got mad, stood up,
started screaming at the waiter,

and shoved a $100 bill down his throat.

-No.
-Yeah.

Scott's really lucky
that he didn't lose his job

or kill my business deal.

You know what,
good thing I wasn't there.

I would've decked him.

I... I would've taken him right out.

It was so bad.

[Bruce] I don't know
why anybody acts like that.

Especially to other people.

But what's Kourtney gonna do?

He's not father material.

[Kim] So now we have to take
a commercial flight,

which throws everything off

because I just bought
all that stuff today.

I have about...

I'd say a good two and a half-hour rest.

So, I get home from the club
at, like, 5:30. And...

Scott hasn't come back to the room yet,
God knows where he is.

What kind of man
leaves his pregnant girlfriend

in Las Vegas

all by herself?

[crowd cheering]

I feel so bad about last night. About...

I feel like Scott,
like, ruined your birthday.

I mean, he did, but... [scoffs]

[Kourtney] Kim and I are on our way
back home from the airport.

I need to do what's best
for me and my baby.

I'm pregnant and don't need
to be dealing with this,

so I'm done.

He needs to move to New York,

like, leave me the [bleep] alone.

Mom will never talk to him ever again.

Like, ever.

I will never talk to him again.

I wonder if they caught it.

You got up, took 100 bucks,

and stuffed it in that dude's, going...

something you were saying,

and then, you just stuffed it
in his damn mouth.

I don't really remember last night.
It's a bit blurry.

And I'm talking to Rob and he's telling me
that I made some huge scene over dinner.

I remember dinner, but I didn't think
it was that big of a deal.

[rasping] What time
did everybody else leave?

Early?

[Rob] Yeah. Just...
Take a shower, pack up.

-Hey, man.
-[Mario] 'Sup.

Where's Kourtney now,
did she go home?

-[Rob] She left this morning. I was like...
-She left without Scott?

[Rob] Yeah.
And they were supposed to be...

We're all supposed to be
on the same flight.

I know what Scott did last night
was extremely rude and disrespectful,

but he's my friend/brother,

and I wanna help him out.

[chuckles] Don't mess with the Zohan.

[line ringing]

-[on phone] Hey, Rob.
-Hey, Bew.

What are you doing?

Um, just, uh...

showered and got dressed and everything.

And Scott's showering right now.

Are you mad at him?

Yes, I'm...

I mean, I knew
that it was gonna be like this.

I didn't know if it was gonna change.

And it obviously never does.

I need someone that can take care of me,

not that I need to take care of.

You know?

I'm just over it.
I'm over, like, the young, kid [bleep].

I don't give a [bleep]
if he wants to [bleep].

Or... He can do whatever.
But he's not gonna be living in my house.

He can go back to New York
and do whatever the [bleep] he wants

and I could care less.

[dramatic music playing]

You're, like, dressed to go out
to, like, a nightclub.

Uh, no, I'm not. You didn't say that
when I had this dress on in London.

You're very cranky today, Kim.

Try and suck it up a little bit.
You look a little tired.

So, I'm back in L.A.
I flew in for the Carl's Jr. commercial,

which is possibly
the biggest career move right now.

This is a huge deal.

This is something
that I've always dreamed of,

and I can't believe that it's here.

[director] Ready, and roll camera.

And action, Kim.

Nice. And cut.

OK. See, this is what we're gonna do,
400 times.

Action.

And action.

Ready, and action.

Ooh!

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

So I'm just eating and eating

and even when the camera stops,
I keep on eating.

[director] And action!

[cameraman] Beautiful. Action, Kim.

Nice.

We've been shooting for hours.

And after dealing with Scott,
I can hardly keep my eyes open.

-[cameraman] Beautiful.
-[director] And cut.

-Cutting.
-Good.

-That was great.
-[crew applauding]

All right, all right.

[Kim] I've come to the realization
that I just can't do everything.

I'm always doing so much
and I love what I do

and I want to please everyone
and do everything.

But at some point,
I just have to take care of myself.

[knocking at door]

-[Kris] Hello?
-[Kim] Come in.

Hey, Mom.

-[Kris] Hi, Kimmy.
-[door closes]

I wanna talk about

-just your scheduling and stuff.
-OK.

I'm gonna... You know,
take about two weeks off

and just stay in New Orleans.

I don't want you to book anything for me.

I just... I think I should stick
to five projects at a time.

I tried to tell you to stay, like,
at least with three,

because you can't be everywhere
at the same time.

I tell Kim over and over,

"Take some time off and get some rest."

I think Kim has got the message.

You need to trust that I actually know
what I'm doing at some point.

You do?

[knocking at door]

[phone ringing]

[Kourtney] Yeah?

[on phone] My key isn't working.
Can you let me in?

[Kourtney] No. I changed the locks, um...

-[Scott] What?
-And you don't need to be here.

[Scott] Look, regardless of how you feel,

we need to speak to each other.

It's the same story.

I'm just over hearing it.

[Scott] It's not the same story.
It's a completely different story.

OK. So go tell it to someone who cares.

You don't get it, and that's exactly why

I will not have you as part of my life.

[knocking at door]

[Scott] Ugh! Let me in the house.

[Khloe] Next on
Keeping Up with the Kardashians...

Scott has really crossed the line.

I just can't have you in my family.

[Kourtney] My water broke.

-[Kendall laughing]
-[Kylie] Ew!

The baby's coming.
I'm so excited.

[Khloe] His head is out.

-[mouthing]
-[doctor] You can do it!

Push it, push it, push it.
Yes!

[baby crying]