All language subtitles for Keeping.Up.with.the.Kardashians.S03E01.WEBRip.Netflix.en[cc]

[***]

Hello, Mother!

[Kris] Hey, you guys!

How was the trip?

-So much fun!
-It was so much fun!

I wanna show you some pics.
That's the Opera House.

Oh, look!
That's a great shot.

Look at that. That's the koala bear
that attacked Kim.

-[Khlo�] Look, it's attacking her.
-[Kim] It's attacking me.

-[Khlo�] Yeah.
-[Kris] Look at its nails right there.

I know, it scared me so badly.

[Kris] That's worse than Bruce's manicure.

[chuckles] Do you guys
want something to eat?

[in bad Australian accent]
You must be starving.

Did you know that I got kicked out
of my DUI class while I was in Australia?

[***]

[screaming]

[Khlo�] Two years ago,
I did something stupid. I got the DUI.

-[police siren blaring]
-[officer] Will you do me a favor?

Step out of the car, please.

[Kris] And it seems like
every year rolls around

and at the anniversary
of Daddy's death,

and I think that everybody doesn't know
how to deal with their grief,

including myself.

[Khlo�] It's a long process and

I just feel bad that I have
to put everybody through this.

Khlo�, how do you get
kicked out of a DUI class?

Because I missed two consecutive weeks
in a row by going to Australia.

Well, if you're okay today, Khlo�,

-you should go get that taken care of.
-You have to make a court appointment.

So go make one.

-It says, "Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch...
-[Kris] Call right now and make one.

...bitch, bitch, bitch some more."

Wine made after your own heart.

[Kim] So guzzle it up.
Guzzle up.

-[Kris makes guzzling sound]
-Ew!

Is that what happens
when you give Bruce [bleep]?

-Is that the noise you make?
-[Kim] Khlo�, don't even say that.

-That's so sick.
-Oh, my God.

To imagine Mom and Bruce
having sex, it's disgusting.

You need to go make a call
so you get on that right now.

Don't make me worry about it.

[Khlo�] The sex master is here!

-Take care of the DUI.
-[Khlo�] Take care of your sex!

[Khlo�] I just, like,
hate going to court in general.

Like even if I literally just have to go
and get an extension from the judge.

And then we should be done.

[Khlo�] My best friend Malika
is driving me to the court.

Ooh, it's caliente in this bitch.

All I need is an extension
from the judge and I'll be fine,

so I don't think
it will be that big of a deal.

[Malika] I don't get it.

My judge is not very happy with me.

And I'm kind of like in a state of shock.

You don't... It's... It's really unreal.

[Khlo�] He thinks that my job is a luxury

and that there's no excuse
on why I got kicked out.

So I now have
to serve 30 days in jail.

[Khlo�] I don't know how
I'm gonna tell my mom.

-[Kris over phone] Hey, Khlo�!
-Guess who's going to jail on the 18th?

[Kris] What?

[Bruce] All right, we're ready.

[Kris] No, no, no,
you're right here.

The wind, you guys...
Is this necessary?

Go change. Awful.

No, that is not cute.

[man 1] Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on.

I'm gonna need
someone to make me laugh.

Where's Kim?

[Khlo�] Kim is always late.

I am here.

[Kourtney] Get out of our way!

[Kim] Stop! Jealous?

-[Bruce] Stop!
-[Kris] That's enough.

[Kim] Stop.

[man 1] Okay, guys.

-[man 2] That's it. We're done.
-[man 3] Money.

[Kris over phone] Why would
they send you to jail, Khlo�?

-You can't go to jail on a first offense.
-I'm not lying.

I'm not lying about it, Mom.

Why would I lie about
something like this, seriously?

-Do you think that's [bleep] funny?
-[Kris] I'm not saying you're a liar,

Khlo� , it's just shocking.
That it has come to this.

What the [bleep]? It is what it is.
I cannot go and analyze every situation.

I'm going to jail.

I could've gone without you even knowing,
but now I have to stress out more

because now you're [bleep]
making a bigger deal about what it is.

-It's not that big of a deal.
-Any mother would react like crazy

if their daughter calls them
and says, "Hi, I'm going to jail."

-How do you think I feel?
-[Khlo�] Mom, how do you think I feel?

Like, ugh, I just gotta go.
I can't even deal with this. I got to go.

-Bye.
-[Kris] Khlo�...

[Malika] I'm sorry, Khlo�,
but you're wrong.

I mean, the stress.

How else do you expect her to react?
She's your mom.

-[Khlo�] Right?
-[Bruce] I'm leaving.

[Khlo�] Wait. I wanna
talk to you first.

I don't even wanna be there
when Bruce receives this news,

because I honestly don't know
how he's gonna take it.

I did get arrested, but before.

-Mm-hmm.
-In '07.

-The DUI?
-Uh-huh.

-Mm-hmm.
-So now, on Friday...

I have to go to jail.

-Really?
-[Khlo�] Yeah.

Congratulations!

You're telling her,
"Congratulations, you're going to jail"?

It's not a joke.

-I didn't think it was a joke.
-[Kris] She got sentenced

-to thirty days in jail.
-[Bruce] Why?

[Kris] Khlo� and Bruce
are so casual about her sentence

that it's sort of shocking to me.

Because as a mom, it's just...

weighs really heavy on my heart.

I'm sorry, my love,
this is like a never-ending story.

[Bruce] You know,
she's a good kid, made a mistake.

She's gonna have to pay for it.

It's gonna be very difficult on her,

but I can guarantee you, she's
never gonna have this problem again.

[Khlo�] It says, "Is she drunk?

"Khlo� Kardashian is due
to check into jail this Friday

for violating her probation.

But before that,
she's gonna party it up."

I mean, people are just retarded.

[Khlo�] The stories
that the tabloids are writing,

they're so bizarre
and crazy and elaborated.

* I can tell the papers got you *

* From what I heard
They got it all true *

[Khlo�] I have a drinking problem
and now I'm an alcoholic.

And I just need to go to rehab.

It's like [bleep] off, get a life.

[Khlo�] The press.
Out of everything from this DUI,

that's probably been
the hardest thing for me.

Just bothers me cause I feel like
there's no way for me to redeem myself.

There's no way for me to be like,
"I'm not an alcoholic."

All of us are under enormous stress.

As a mom, I've never
had a child go to jail before.

-It's weird. We don't know how to act.
-Mom. Listen.

It's weird for all of us.

It's especially weird to me.
It's happening to me.

[Kris] Sometimes, you know,
I just wish Daddy was here...

[voice breaking] because he'd probably
could give us all really good advice.

[Kourtney] Mom...

Anytime my dad is brought up,
his name is brought up, a picture,

my mom gets extremely emotional.

Mom, you're just
making things harder.

You shouldn't talk about that right now.

It's just sad.

You know, this is one of those times

when I just wish that he was around
to kind of tell us what to do.

[Kris] My ex-husband Robert Kardashian,
who passed away five years ago,

was an ace lawyer and
I really feel like if he was alive today,

we wouldn't be going
through any of this.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

[Kourtney]
That's not right to do.

Khlo� is going to jail,
you're gonna make her feel bad.

I know, I have a moment, I get
really sad when I think about Daddy

-and this is just like overwhelming.
-I mean, I can't...

-[Kris] I can't control my emotions.
-I'm sorry...

...but I can't think
about Dad, about this.

-[Kris] Okay.
-I just can't even fathom

the thought of Dad knowing
that I'm going to jail.

[Khlo�] I mean,
I love my mom, but come on,

please, just like don't
do this to me right now.

Do not suck me
into your little emotional...

train that you're going on.

No, I can't think about Dad.

Okay, I'll do my best
to keep my emotions in check.

Oh!

-[Kris] You're doing okay?
-Mm-hmm.

[Khlo�] Today I'm going to jail

and I just wanna get it over with
and never have to worry about it again.

TMZ is stationed

-at every gate with their cameras.
-[woman] No way!

This is kind of serious.
We have ten minutes...

Mom, suck my [bleep]!

I think all of us are just trying
to be as calm as we can for Khlo�...

but I think at this point,
my mom is a wreck.

We could go to like IHOP...

if we get really close
and have a whole bunch of time,

do you wanna have breakfast?

[Khlo�] What up, Hadrian's lover?

Were you not gonna
call me to say ta-ta?

[Rob over phone]
What are you talking about?

What am I talking about?

Your sister's going to jail.
Have a little compassion.

Kim, you would stop
taking pictures of yourself,

your sister is going to jail.

-Oh, my God.
-We need the effect on everyone

on what we're doing, right?

-Well, Khlo�'s going to...
-Here, Kim, this... Look!

-[camera clicks]
-[Kris] I feel like I'm gonna barf.

Good, throw up.

[woman] Ready?

-[cameras clicking]
-[man 1] How's it going, Khlo�?

[man 2] You're going to jail?
How long are you gonna be there, Khlo�?

Been drinking this morning, Khlo�?

-[woman] Did you ask Paris for any advice?
-[man 3] Khlo�, one over here!

[Khlo�] Now I'm getting freaked out.

-Swarms of paparazzi are starting to come.
-[man] Khlo�! Khlo�!

This is the last thing I want to have
to worry about and have in my face.

[man 1] Do you have any advice
for the youths of America?

[man 2] There's no happy hour
where you're going.

[cameras clicking]

-[man 1] Khlo�, Khlo�.
-[cameras clicking]

[man 2] Turn around,
can I get one here?

-[man 1] Kris, Kris.
-[man 2] Kris!

[Kris] I never thought I would
be walking into a courthouse

to surrender my daughter,

you know, to stay in jail.

It was so surreal.

-[distorted voices]
-[cameras clicking]

[man] Kris, how do you feel
about your daughter going to jail?

[Kris] All these memories
are swimming around in my head

of the O.J. Simpson trial.

After our divorce, my ex-husband
was on O.J. Simpson's defense team

and Nicole was one
of my dearest friends.

It was probably one
of the hardest things

that I'll ever go through
in my whole life.

[man] Khlo�, are you worried?

[Kris] Because it tore my family apart.

It did, it caused a lot of friction
between Robert and I.

[man 1] Good luck! Be strong.

-[man 2] Cheers to you, Khlo�.
-[man 3] Khlo�, Khlo�.

[man 4] Justice isn't fair.

Hey, Shawn, we were just getting
a little anxious about Khlo�.

Now that Khlo�'s gone,
my mom just is all freaking out.

She doesn't know what to do.

Inside, it's just eating me alive,

not knowing exactly
what's happening with Khlo�.

We're just trying to wait it out.

[Kris] Okay, promise her dear life.

[Kim] See, my trick is you gotta
cover the whole bowl with sugar

and then you mix it.

My dad, he could not eat...

Like, towards the end, he really
couldn't swallow food, you know,

and all he wanted
was my Cream of Wheat.

He could not like hardly talk,

and he would be like...
[whispers] Cream of Wheat.

"You make me Cream of Wheat."
And I'd be like, "I got you."

[Kim and Kourtney's voices fading]

[Kris] Robert and I were obviously
on two separate sides, um...

of the O.J. Simpson trial.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[woman 1] Congratulations!

-[indistinct chatter]
-[woman 2] Hi, Danny!

[Kris] And I think that
it made it really tough for me

to be nice to him on certain days,

because I was so angry
about what was going on.

[woman] Here.

[phone ringing]

Khlo�, are you okay?
-[Khlo� over phone] Yeah, I'm fine.

-Where are you?
-Klo!

[Khlo�] In solitary
confinement right now.

I'll be out like within
the next two hours though.

Khlo� is going to be released
due to overcrowding

and we just like,
we really can't believe it.

-I'm so freak... I'm hyperventilating.
-No, I know. It's okay.

[Kris] Kim, let's roll, come on.

[Kourtney] Here she comes
to save the...

-[Kris] [gasps] Oh, my God.
-Don't be weird.

[Kris] Khlo� walks up those steps
and I've never seen

a more beautiful face in my entire life.

-Do you have any belongings?
-Klo, put your hands closer together.

-Your shoelaces are gone.
-They didn't want me to hang myself.

[Kim] Klo, let me see.

[Khlo�] I was only at Lynwood
for about three hours,

but you don't wanna go there.
It's not fun. Like,

being there for 30 days,
I would've died.

And they like search you
and touch your [bleep] and everything.

-[Kourtney] What?
-And it's so hot.

-I mean, over your clothes.
-[Kourtney] Did they do it inside?

They just have to make sure
you're not, like, holding anything.

[Kris] That wasn't stressful.

Kourtney is under
more stress than you are

from hanging out with you that long.

[Kim] Are you celebrating tonight?

I only have
one word for tonight. Vodka.

-[Kris in a Russian accent] Vodka.
-I wouldn't say that to Khlo�.

I don't have a drinking problem!
I can't drink and drive!

Okay.

[Khlo�] I'm out of prison

and I'm so happy to be out,
I just wanna eat and then bathe.

-Can I have a wine list?
-Yes.

-[waiter] Let me get it for you.
-[woman] We're celebrating.

-[waiter] All right.
-We're actually numbing.

God, really.

[Khlo�] I'm not
in the mood to drink, but...

my mom and Kourtney decide
to order rounds of shots for everyone.

[woman] Kourtney,
if you take it, I'll take it.

-[Kris] Okay...
-Oh, [bleep] better.

[Khlo�] Little miss Kourtney
gets so [bleep] up.

Like, how appropriate is that?

-The officers were really really sweet.
-[Kris] Tell him what happened.

-Tell him that...
-Khlo� got [bleep].

Kourtney!

-[man laughing]
-She got [bleep] in the butt too.

Kourtney, shut up.

I just got out of the jail for a DUI.

I can't be surrounded
by drunk people right now.

[Khlo�] So is everybody
ready to leave?

[woman] Who says you can't
swallow twice, who said that?

Oh, that ain't fun. No.

[Khlo�] I just hate...
Like, these things are ridiculous.

Wait, here it says, "Khlo� Kardashian
served her jail sentence in record time."

-Hey!
-[both] Hey, Kim!

-[Khlo�] Think I... There she is.
-What are you guys doing?

[Kourtney] We've been reading
all this stories about Klo.

[Khlo�] I'm an alcoholic.

It's so depressing. Makes me
not wanna even lift a finger.

[Khlo�] I've been out of jail
for a couple of days,

but, you know,
I don't really wanna go out

and give people
anything else to say about me.

It's... It's not worth it.

[Kris] I know, I'm starving.

[Kris] When I'm feeling
funky about something,

one of the people that I always find
great comfort in talking to is my mom.

[Kris] I just... I feel like
I'm going through

these weird feelings, you know,

concerning Robert Kardashian.

You know? And every time
his name comes up,

I get really,
you know, sentimental and...

-I know you do.
-Emotional.

-I mean, I still feel that way about Papa.
-[Kris] Mm-hmm.

That, you know,
I didn't spend enough time there.

And, you know,
everybody goes through that.

I feels so desperately guilty

about the fact that
I wasn't there enough in the end,

when he passed away.

Like there was
something I could've done.

[Kris] I was the one
who initiated the divorce

and Robert was really unhappy about it.

It's probably one of my biggest,
biggest regrets of my life.

But after the O.J. Simpson trial,
he got really, really sick.

And I never really got the opportunity
to express to him the way I actually felt.

I feel like I really let him down.

I don't think so, Kris.

-I don't really...
-Oh, I did.

We let people down, but they come
back up and they'll still love us...

[voice breaking]
How did this happen?

-How is it that he's gone? [sniffs]
-It's not your fault, sweetheart.

I feel like it is.

[Kris] I just wish I could come
to a place where

I was okay with...
these feelings.

You need to talk to him. Talk to him...

and say, "I hope you forgive me."
'Cause I talk to Harry all the time.

-You've got to let it go.
-Yeah.

[Kim] What do you mean
you're not going out?

You don't have to drink and go crazy.

-You get dressed up, look cute and go out.
-[Khlo�] I don't wanna do anything.

-[Kim] Khlo�, you have to own up to it.
-I don't want to deal with it.

The thing about Khlo�
is she's so tough on the outside,

but on the inside she's
way more sensitive than people think.

You need to face it, get it over with,

and not worry about
what people are gonna say.

-You just cannot live your life that way.
-I figured that we start by going out

for like dinner or something.

We wanna go out, we go out.
We wanna go to dinner, we go to dinner.

If we wanna do whatever
we wanna do, we do it.

[Khlo�] I know I'm not a bad person.
I know I don't have a drinking problem.

Kim's right. I should go out,
I should enjoy my life.

-Love you, ladies!
-[whooping]

[Khlo�] I don't need
to sit at home all night,

doing nothing,
bored out of my mind.

-[man] Khlo�!
-Come on, sista!

[Kourtney]
You hear that music?

You guys have been drinking tonight?
Khlo� have you been drinking?

Your questions don't get old at all.

[Khlo�] I shouldn't be afraid
of what the paparazzis are gonna say.

They're gonna talk regardless.

Not getting into
the driver's seat, honey.

[Khlo�] I mean,
you're such a loser. Go away.

[Kris] So, you guys,
I've been talking to Grandma

and I'm just really struggling
with a lot of stuff,

and I wanted to see
how you were feeling

about me going
to visit Daddy's grave.

-[Kourtney] Mm-hmm.
-It's been almost five years.

And with everything
going on with you girls,

it seems to be really
more present all the time.

I can't really resolve.

[voice breaking]
And I just think I need to...

pay him a visit. That's all.

My dad, I think,
to the day he passed away,

was always in love with my mom,

and I think my mom
always knew that.

And, you know, I think
she felt guilty inside over it.

I know she probably
needs to do this just for herself.

I think it's a good idea.

[Khlo�] I think the idea sucks.

I do not think that I want to remember
my dad laying in grass

where there's a plaque
that says "In loving memory."

I don't choose
to listen to this conversation.

[Kris] Okay, so don't partake.

-Okay, I'm not.
-[Kris] Just...

Why are you being,
so, like, judgmental about it?

She's not asking you to go with her.
If you don't wanna go, you don't have to.

No, she's asking for my opinion,
I think it's a stupid idea.

I think you're gonna go there
and make yourself cry more.

Maybe that's good for you,
maybe you should go there...

I always have to hold my feelings in
because you guys are always so critical

-if I just even say one word.
-[Kourtney] We're not critical.

-It just upsets us when you get emotional.
-Yeah, and you asked for our opinion.

-[Kourtney] And that's why...
-But you're mean about it.

I just think that
you make fun of me, Kourtney,

-and it's not nice. And Khlo�...
-[Kourtney] I'm not making fun of you.

...you're just disrespectful.

You know what? All of you
think about what you say to people

because it's very hurtful,
and I'm done.

[Kris] Think about
what you say to people

because it's very hurtful,
and I'm done.

-You guys are honestly so rude.
-Good.

No, why is that good?
That you're rude to your mom?

[Kris] I think no matter
how you lose someone

or how long you've loved them,

the loss is still profound

and unbearable.

To come here is symbolic

'cause it's a place where I can

find some closure

to something that I have been
struggling with for the last five years.

[***]

[Kris] [voice breaking]
I think that you go through life

and you don't want
to have any regrets,

but I think that the one thing
I wish I could take back,

in many ways, was getting a divorce.

It was a very selfish thing to do
when I look back on it,

and I'm so sorry for... [sniffles]

you know, ruining that perfect...

union that we had.

I feel like you still probably
carried some of that pain with you

when you got sick.

And the one thing that
I will never be able to change

is that I wasn't there for you,

and I'll always live with that guilt

and that pain. [sniffles]

But I came here today
to leave it here.

So that I could go home... [sniffles]

and be a good mom

and a good wife.

And I'm really sorry.

And I'll always love you and...

I just want all of us to find

peace.

[Kris] It was like the most
freeing thing that I have done.

It was something
I needed to do to move on.

-Krissy!
-Kris Jenner.

[Kris] Oh, God.

[Khlo�] Kourtney and I send
our most sincerest apologies.

Kim's right, we should let you
have an outlet to talk about things,

we should be there for you
like you're there for us.

Finally.

[Kim] I'm really glad that Kourtney
and Khlo� have apologized to my mom

because I just don't think
sometimes they realize

how difficult and harsh
they are with her.

I love you guys with all my heart,
you're my whole life,

you really are,

and we've all lost something
that connected all of us.

The best thing of all is that
he gave us all...

Look what I have,
the four of you.

[Bruce] Everybody in life has a history

and, you know,
sometimes it's really difficult

to deal with things in the past.

And Kris deals with that all the time,
especially with her ex-husband.

We've talked about it a lot
throughout the years, and I know,

you know, the more she talks about it,
probably the better it gets.

[Kris] I just want you guys to know
that I'm really trying to be there for you

and every time that you're there
for me, it means the world.

I'm gonna be more there for you.

[Kourtney] We're gonna be
more there for you.

I'm not a hugger,
but I'll give you a hug.

[Khlo�] And be the daughter
you always wanted.

[Kris] I love you guys.

[Kris] This season on
Keeping up with the Kardashians...

I'm feeling really dirty tonight.

I wasn't raised with a maid like you.

[both] Push in the tush!
Push in the tush!

I was at a boy's house!
Why do you care?

[Bruce] We're going camping!

-[Kim and Kourtney] Khlo�!
-[laughing]

[Kim] I'm Reggie!

I love you so much.

I'm going to move to New York.

I want you to grow and conquer,
I just want you to do it in L.A.

[Bruce] You're doing this PETA thing,

don't you think
you should lose a few pounds?

What?

-What are you doing?
-This is such a joke.

[Kourtney over phone]
And all you care about is Kim.

Well, why don't you
[bleep] punish me?

You guys are not good
business women.

I will sue the [bleep] out of you.

-[heart monitor beeping]
-Oh, my God.

[Khlo�] So, does that mean
you're engaged?