All language subtitles for Desperate Housewives - 07x07 - A Humiliating Business

MARY ALICE:
Previously on Desperate Housewives.

I really don't want you to go.

This will make us enough money
to get Paul out of our house.

Mike took a job in Alaska.

I'm trying to treat you like a lady.

Bree's new romance got serious.

KEITH: So you're saying you like me
how I am?

Very much.

MARY ALICE: Paul's bride pushed him
to the breaking point.

I want you gone
by the end of the week.

But she was strongly encouraged...

Bye, Mama.

... to save her marriage.

MARY ALICE: Humiliation.

It's something we all try to avoid

whenever possible.

But unfortunately,

there are some days
when we can't help but fall

flat on our face.

Oh!

- (CHUCKLING) Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

Mortified, but fine.

What happened?

I don't know, I was thinking about
how hot it was

and I didn't pay attention
to where I was going.

For a second there, I was wondering
if you fell on purpose.

On purpose?

A broken leg would be a great excuse
to get out of dinner with my parents.

Don't be silly. I'm looking forward
to meeting your parents.

(EXHALES)

Can we sit for a minute?

The heat is really starting to get to me.

Really? It's not that hot.

Are you kidding? It feels
like someone turned on a furnace.

Are you okay?

Have I been pushing you too hard?

No, no, I'm having the time of my life.

I just need to rest for a tiny little...

So what happened?

Not exactly sure.
She probably just overexerted herself.

This is beyond embarrassing.

There's a lemonade stand over there.
Should I get her something to drink?

Good idea. She might be dehydrated.

This is ridiculous.
I had a bottle of water an hour ago.

And I did not overexert myself.
I happen to be in very good shape.

Your heart rate is a bit elevated.

Probably from the stress of having
all these strangers gawk at me.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Oh, my Lord. It's happening again.

Do you see this? It's like a wave of heat

- just coursing through my body.
- Oh!

What is happening to me?
Am I having a stroke?

Honey, you're just having a hot flash.

A what?

It's no big deal. We all have
to go through the change sometime.

Wait, are you saying...

Yep. You've started menopause.

MARY ALICE: Humiliation.

So did we figure out what was wrong?

It's something we all try to avoid.

It's no big deal. She just had...

Indigestion! I never should've
let you buy me that hot dog.

Especially women who date

younger men.

MARY ALICE:
It was morning in suburbia.

A time for women
to attend to their husbands' needs.

And while Tom Scavo's wife
was setting out the sports section,

and Carlos Solis' wife
was removing lint from his suit,

and Roy Bender's wife
was cleaning his dentures,

Paul Young's wife was resting

because she had already
attended to her husband's needs

all night long.

Thank you.

For what?

For the most amazing night.

So I didn't disappoint you?

Are you kidding?

I'm so glad.

I must say, for a virgin,

you were certainly open-minded.

My whole life I heard
people talk about sex.

They always made
such a big deal about it.

And don't get me wrong,
it was very interesting.

But lying here, quietly,
this is my favorite part.

It's wonderful, isn't it?

So would you like to do it again?

I hear that men like sex in the morning.

I must say,
so far your research is flawless.

(CAR HORN HONKING)

Beth, I'm gonna need a rain check.

Why?

I have business to attend to.

Who is that man?

Derek Yeager. My cellmate from prison.

So, have you thought about my offer?

I have.

I actually think starting
an interior design business

is interesting.

Interesting? It's genius!

You know what an artistic eye I have.

Oh, my God, are you doing
what I think you're doing?

If you think I'm trying to stuff
my boob in my daughter's mouth,

then yes.

Ugh! It's so unnatural.

So...

What do you say?

I will woo the clients,
be the face of the company

while you do all the business-y stuff.

It would be nice to be my own boss.

Okay. I'm in!

And if we work out of your place,
I can bring the baby with me.

Ooh! That won't work.

Everything at my place
is metal and sharp.

No, it isn't.

Well, then I'll have
metal and sharp things brought in.

No babies in my house.

Well, then we'll have to work here.

Yeah, right.

Potential clients will be
so impressed when they walk into this

tipped-over hamper. Get a nanny.

I've been trying.

It's not that easy.

Well, then I'll find someone.

There's got to be
some poor schlub out there

who's trustwon'thy
and desperate for money.

I don't like this kind.

Honey, it's cheaper.

But it doesn't have a prize.

The prize that comes with this cereal
is we can afford the milk.

Okay, that's $61.48.

Even with all the coupons?

(SIGHS)

Well, nothing in there...

Let me see if I can put something back.

My fabric doesn't have to be that soft.

Hey, meat is murder, right?

Okay, you know, just put $20 on this
and I'll pay the rest in cash.

Care to donate a dollar
to St. Matthew's Kids?

What?

It's for poor people.

You give a dollar, I ring the bell,
everyone knows you donated.

Has that piercing affected your sight?

I'm counting pennies here!

Lady, we're supposed to ask everyone.
Calm down.

"Calm down."

I can't afford to buy my kid
the cereal he likes!

He's gotta eat this cardboard crap!

Ooh! Nickel in the swear jar.

And that used to be
a quarter in the swear jar.

We've even had to mark down
our swears!

So don't talk to me about the poor
'cause I am the poor!

Where's my little jar
at the checkout stand?

There is none!

Don't feel bad. She screamed
at our dry cleaners, too.

You burned the meatloaf again?

It's just a little crispy. It'll be fine.

And what's with the candles
and the good china?

Is it our anniversary?

Ow! Why are you hitting me?

Because you don't listen to me.

I told you last night
Bob was coming for dinner.

Oh. Right. Bob.

What was that for?

Not knowing when our anniversary is.

Okay. When is it?

I don't have time for this.

Bob is gonna be here any second.

Do I have to eat with you guys?

Bob and I have nothing in common.

I'm sorry he's not all,
"See the game last night?

"Check out the jugs on her.
Hey, pull my finger."

I did that one time.

At my cousirs funeral!

You're right.

I am unfit to socialize
with your classy, gay boyfriend.

I should be forced to eat by myself

in front of the game.

No! You are having dinner with Bob
and that is all there is to it!

For God's sake, he helped us
find our biological daughter.

We owe him
more than we can ever repay.

Then shouldn't we take him out
for a nice meal

instead of forcing him to eat
that briquette you call meatloaf?

I hope the pot roast isn't too dry.

It's good.

He's an ex-con.

He's just happy
there's no ground glass in it.

(PAUL CHUCKLING)

It must be nice for you two
to see each other again.

How long were you roommates?

Cellmates.

Yeager and I spent two years together.

We kind of looked out for each other.

That's lovely.

If I may ask, Yeager, what were you...

I believe the phrase is "in for"?

Well, you know,
sometimes when people steal stuff,

they give it to another guy
who sells it for them.

Yes. A "fence."

Right.

I killed the fence.

Oh!

Well, how about that?

We may want to keep
that story to ourselves.

I'm sure the people on the Lane
would be unsettled to learn

that their new neighbor
was a convicted murderer.

Neighbor?

Yes.

Yeager is gonna be staying
at my old house for a while.

He's doing a little work for me.

What kind of work?

It's nothing you need to worry about.

I'm not worried about it.
I just want to know.

Darling, I'm not trying to exclude you.

I'm trying to protect you.

From what?

Beth, let's enjoy our dinner.
We have a guest.

GABRIELLE:
And this was Grace at Halloween.

Oh, she's beautiful, Gabby.

And so sweet.

Getting to know her
has been such a blessing.

Carlos and I will never be
able to thank you enough.

Hey, I just made some calls.

No, you did more than that.
You changed our lives.

So,

we wanted to give you these
as a token of our appreciation.

Orchestra seats to

Cats?

What's wrong?
I thought you loved musicals.

That was Lee. He was the show queen.

When I found out
he saw Annie six times,

even I wanted to gay-bash him.

Oh! Well, I want to get you tickets
to something. Do you like the opera?

Figure skating? Beauty pageants?

Barbra?

Sorry.

You ever think the reason Lee broke
up with you is, you're not gay?

What can I say?

Give me a beer and a college
basketball game, I'm happy.

You're kidding.
Who do you like this year?

Well, Duke's got most of its starters
coming back this year, so...

Hey, hey, hey!
You kiss boys with that mouth?

Bob, I get basketball tickets all the time.

You want to go to a game this week?

Are you serious?

Oh, I'm in.
You know, there's a game on tonight.

Maybe after dessert,
we could turn on the...

(EX CLAIMS)

What's wrong?

I thought I knew you.

Now all of a sudden you're talking
beer and basketball?

It's like you're not even...

A tired gay stereotype?

Exactly. It's very upsetting.

Tell you what, let us watch the game.

During halftime I'll come back in

and tell you how great you look
in your Dolce Gabbana.

Versace.

Just go.
I can't even look at you right now.

Menopause? You're not old enough
to be going through menopause.

And more importantly,

I'm not old enough to have a friend
going through menopause.

This has completely blindsided me.

These last few weeks, being
with Keith, I have felt so alive.

Even when I was young,
I didn't feel this young. But now...

Oh, I hate to spoil the announcement
of your death sentence,

but life does go on.

And there is an upside.

I'd love to skip those three days a month
when I'm cranky and irritable.

Just three days, huh?

BREE: This couldn't have come
at a worse time.

I'm sure it will be the end
of my relationship with Keith.

Why do you say that?

Here's why, "Check out my girlfriend.

"The one with the pit stains
and the estrogen patch."

Exactly. Now he'll be looking for
some fresh, young thing

who doesn't retain water
and can still bear him children.

So, why tell him?

I have to. We're in a relationship.

Where'd you get that?
The Big Book of Staying Single?

There's no reason
you have to tell your boyfriend

the absolute truth about yourself.

Yeah, we lie to men all the time.

I don't.

Oh, please. You're telling me you
never pretended you like football,

or laughed at a Three Stooges movie?

Or faked an orgasm
just to make him stop?

Hey, just for the record,

I love football,
the Stooges are damn funny,

and I've never asked a man to stop.

Interesting.

(OVER ANSWERING MACHINE)
Susan, Renee Perry here.

Listen, Lynette and I are starting
a fabulous interior design business.

(RENEE CHUCKLING)

Anyway, I hear you've got
some time on your hands

and we could really use your help.

The pay is good
and the hours are flexible.

Now, we're at Lynette's
if you're interested.

(EX CLAIMS)

What just happened?

Your mommy just got a job
as an interior designer!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Susan!

I came over as soon as I got
Renee's message!

I would love to help you guys out.

(LYNETTE STAMMERING)

I told her about the job.

Renee...

Oh, why not?

She's obviously flat broke.

No one lives downwind
from a pet store by choice.

It's true. I need to work.

Well, obviously
you're more than qualified,

but are you sure it won't be weird?
I mean, we're friends.

I think that's a plus.

I just want to make sure that...

For God's sake. The woman
wants to be your nanny, hire her!

Excuse me for not wanting to ruin
one of my closest friendships.

You didn't worry that working
together would ruin our friendship.

Go figure.

If you're cool with this,
I'd love for you to start right away.

What do you think?

I think my dear friend
just offered me a job.

How could I say no?

Mrs. Van De Kamp?

Hi, I'm Dr. Wagner.

Oh, I usually see Dr. Shapiro.

She's on maternity leave.

Well, there's some salt in the wound.

Yes, so I see you're here
to talk about menopause.

And frankly, you're in luck.

In addition to being a gynecologist
for 20 years,

I am going through the change myself.

Is it awful?

The way I look at it, we've earned this.

It's like getting a watch when
you retire from a job well done.

I suppose.

Still, I was hoping you could give me
something to mask the symptoms.

See, I'm recently divorced

and I'm dating someone
who is significantly younger than me.

I understand.
And might I add, check you out.

Oh! (LAUGHS)

Well, I must say, I highly recommend
the younger man experience.

The stamina can be quite invigorating.

I've heard tell.

And in the interest of keeping
this going as long as possible,

- I am prepared to lie.
- Mmm.

So, do you think you can help me put
menopause on pause?

I think so.

We have a duty
as women of a certain age

to keep this sizzling relationship going.

So let's talk about some therapies.

(SIGHS)

Hey! I was in the neighborhood
and thought,

"You know who
I haven't seen lately? Gabby."

Oh.

Okay, I'd love to catch up, but it's 11:00,

and I was about to go to...

So, how are things?

Love the highlights,
you totally make those shoes work.

They're slippers.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So that was fun.
Hey, talked to Bob lately?

Anything new going on with Bob?

I don't think so.

Don't cover for him.
He's seeing someone.

What makes you say that?

Jason told Hunter who told Sergio
who told me

that Bob has been seen out
three times with some hunky Latino.

No, no, no. Bob's not seeing anyone.

Fine. I'll go tell Hunter to tell Sergio
to tell Jason that he's a liar!

No, no, no, the hunky Latino is Carlos.

He and Bob have been hanging out.

What?

Yeah, so you have nothing
to worry about.

No, that means we both have
something to worry about.

Huh?

Look, I hate to break it to you,

but Bob's always had a major crush
on Carlos.

(LAUGHS) Well, I hate to break it to Bob,

but Carlos is as straight as they come.

So was Bob's college roommate
and his thesis advisor

and his basketball coach.

That's why he likes basketball.

Bob's college nickname was Flipper

and it wasrt because
of his dolphin tattoo.

Okay, this is crazy.
Bob isn't going to "flip" Carlos.

Okay, let me tell you his game.

First he takes them out drinking,

then he gets them really hammered.

Then when their defenses are down,
he flips them.

I mean, not literally.
Yeah, actually, sometimes literally.

Lee, I think I know my husband.

He's not passing up
these chimichangas

for a plate of franks and beans.

I don't know what that means, but
you just ruined Mexican food for me.

(CAR DOOR OPENING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Oh, my God.
I can't let Bob see me like this.

Use the back door.

I always do.

Hey! Where have you guys been?
The game ended hours ago.

We went out to a bar.

He kept buying me drinks,
I am so hammered.

LEE: Psst!

So I've come up with a marketing plan
and a billing structure.

Oh, and I filed for a license with the city

so we can get a discount
with our suppliers.

Are you listening to me?

I'm sorry, that was so dull,
I actually started to dream.

(HISSING)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Hey, how's it going?

Oh, fine. Paige is asleep.

That quickly?

What's your secret? Whiskey?
I'm not judging, I just want to know.

No, just rocked her.

Hey, have you heard from Mike?
How's Alaska?

He's fine, thanks for asking.

Did you guys know that
the state of Rhode Island

can fit into Alaska 424 times?

I read that once on a cup.
Never forgot it.

When we're wooing clients,
let me do the talking.

(HISSING)

So, since I'm not busy,
where do you keep your dirty laundry?

Honey, you don't have
to do the laundry.

Sit down, I'll open some wine.

No, thanks, I'm on the clock.
I'd rather get work done.

Well, if you're looking
for something to do,

I'd love some more iced tea.

Renee, that is not her job.

(BAB Y CRYING)

That is her job.

Susan, I didn't mean you needed to...

You're right. This is my job.

I don't know what to do, Mama.

He won't tell me why he's trying
to buy all these houses.

And now he's got a murderer
moving into one of them.

Hold on.

I've got an idea.

Well, hello there.

Paul went to the store.

Will he be gone for a while?

Yeah.

It sure is a mess in here.

Can't help but wonder
what you boys are up to.

You want to know what's going on?
Talk to your husband.

You saw me. I tried.

He's keeping me in the dark
for some reason.

That's between you and him.

You want to keep his confidence.

I get that.

But, please, I'm just so worried.

Lady,

I'm not comfortable with you
getting this close.

Why?

Oh.

You're a parolee.

You can't afford
to get in any trouble, can you?

That's right.

If you got accused of a crime,

they might lock you up for good.

Huh?

What are you doing?

When I tell people you attacked me,
I want it to look realistic.

What the hell?
I've never hurt a woman in my life.

You think the police
are gonna care about that?

You're a convicted felon.

You can't be doing this.
I already got two strikes.

I don't like to be unpleasant,
Mr. Yeager.

Really, I don't.

But I am going to find out
what my husband is up to.

One way

or the other.

Hey, hon. We have to take the girls
shoe shopping this weekend.

What's better for you,
Saturday or Sunday?

Neither. I'm going to Rancho Pines
for the weekend.

You're gonna play golf?
That sounds like fun.

Yeah. Bob invited me.

Bob? You're going with Bob?

Uh-huh. He got us a suite at the lodge.

So, this is a sleepover?

Well, it's a 6:00 a.m. Tee time.

Bob says that will be a lot easier.

I'll bet he did.

But why not get your own room?

Bob says he got the last one available.

Wow, you're just trusting Bob
left and right, aren't you?

What do you mean?

I'm just surprised, that's all.

One week we hate the gays,

the next week
we let them watch us shower.

It's kind of kooky, don't you think?

What the hell are you talking about?

Open your eyes.
This trip is not about golf for Bob.

It is about seduction.

(LAUGHS) Really? That's great.

'Cause I was actually planning
on turning gay this weekend.

Don't joke like that.
Can't you tell I'm upset?

I can, but I don't know why.

Even if Bob wanted to seduce me,
which I doubt,

do you really think I'd go along with it?

Well, no.

Then why does this bother you
so much?

I don't know! It just does!

Fine.

I won't go.

Really?

Thank you.

I certainly wouldn't want to do anything
that makes you think I'm gay.

In that case, ditch the moisturizer.

Oh, I really hope your parents like me.

Relax. I already laid the groundwork.

I told them you were smart
and beautiful and a terrific cook.

Thank you.

And, what did they say
about the age difference?

Nothing. I didn't tell them.

What? Why?

Because you look so fantastic, I don't
even think they're going to notice.

But I don't want them to think
we're trying to put one over on them.

Here we go.
Dad, Mom, I'd like you to meet Bree.

Well, hi. I'm Richard.

This is my wife, Mary.

Well, check you out.

Bree,

Keith tells us
you're a professional chef?

I was. Now I just cook for fun.

Me, I'm retired from the army.

So, as long as it doesn't come
in a can, it tastes good to me.

A military man? You must have
some fascinating stories.

Oh, no, Mary's the one with the stories.

Guess what she does for a living.

Yes. Take a wild guess.

She's a doctor.

As a matter of fact,

I have a brand-new,
incredible work story.

Would you like to hear it?

No.

No. Because I realize that as a doctor,

you're prevented, ethically,
from talking about your patients.

Depends how drunk I am.

So, the army?

Can I just thank you
for keeping our country safe?

Let's talk about you, Bree.

I don't know if you realize this,

but you are the first girlfriend
that Keith has introduced us to.

So, you must be very special.

Yes, Keith. It seems serious.

Is Bree the one who's going to be
giving me my grandchildren?

Mom.

RICHARD: Ignore Mary.

No, no, no. Ignore Mary.
Grandchildren, her big thing.

What? No. I just think that when you
reach this point in a relationship,

it's something you should talk about.

Well, there's plenty of time for that.

No, not as much as you may think.

Waiter!

Mary, stop it.

I think you're embarrassing Bree.

Oh, no, I'm fine.
It's just a little warm in here.

Are you sure?

'Cause this is exactly what happened
to you at the park the other day.

(SIGHS)

Mom, could you take a look at her?

Of course.

Bree, why don't you tell me
your symptoms?

Honestly, it's nothing. (LAUGHS)

I just get a little warm sometimes.

Would you say that the sensation
comes on suddenly? Like a...

Like a flash of hotness?

No, not at all. Let's just drop it.

Well, you seem so irritated.
And before you were so pleasant.

Would you say that your moods
swing suddenly like this?

What are you doing?
Stop badgering her.

I'm not badgering.
I'm simply asking her to tell the truth.

Is that something that's also
difficult for you these days, Bree?

Telling the truth?

Oh, for God's sake!

I am going through menopause, okay?

That is what Dr. Wagner
is so delicately trying to say.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I am going to the kitchen

to ask them if I can stand
in their walk-in freezer.

Guess what else?

That's not her real hair color, either.

Okay. Sorry.

We should get going, Barbara.
We have a 7:00 reservation.

And we have a whole presentation
for you after dessert.

I don't know if I can wait that long.
Can I have a sneak peek?

Um...

Sure.

This is for your daughter's room.

We were thinking all the furniture
in an antique white.

And pale rose for the walls.

It's both elegant and feminine.

You don't feel it might be a little
old for her? She's only seven.

No. Trust me.

This color works for all ages.

It's a classic look.

Or...

Just an idea, but maybe you could do
something more playful.

I painted the characters
from the Knights of the Round Table

in my sors room and he loved it.

Maybe your daughter has a favorite
character from a movie or a book?

I'm sorry, we haven't been
introduced. I'm Barbara Fine.

This is Susan Delfino.

The nanny.

Well, Susan, it's a great idea.

I'm gonna call my daughter
and see if there are any characters

that she would love to see on her wall.

Should show her your other sketches.
She's good.

What the hell was that?

It was just a thought.

I think she liked it.

I don't care.
You made us look like idiots.

That was not my intention.

Regardless, I do not appreciate

being upstaged by the woman
who does the dishes.

(DOOR SLAMS)

She had no right to talk to you like that.

No, no.

I crossed the line.

Okay, done. You ready to go?

Yeah.

Hey, Bob.
Can I borrow a couple of eggs?

Hey, what the hell was that about?

Your husband canceled our golf trip.

Did he?

He said you think
I'm planning to seduce him.

We should talk about that.

After I get the eggs.

Why would you even go there?

Look, I know about your history, Bob.

Or should I say "Flipper"?

Ah.

Well, Lee's a fine one to talk.

Did he tell about the summer
he stalked Ryan Seacrest?

Okay, look,
I don't want to fight about this.

How could you think that, Gabby?
You know me.

No, I don't! I thought I did.

I thought you were a fun, gay guy
who I had something in common with,

and then I find out you're into sports,
and spending time with my husband.

What the hell was that about?

It's about me being lonely!

Do you ever see anybody
coming around here to visit me?

Do you ever see me going out
on a Saturday night?

Ever since Lee left,

all I do is work
and come home to an empty house.

You know, I was so happy
to get your invitation to dinner.

And when Carlos wanted to hang out,
I thought, "This is great.

"I got a social life again."

Now to find out
you thought I had an agenda?

Bob, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Well, now you do.

I'll get those eggs for you.

Carlos can go on the weekend.

Really?

Yeah.

Thanks.

And if you ever do feel the need
to flip a straight guy on the Lane,

I'd start with Tom Scavo.

I always felt he was three beers away.

Two.

How was your meeting?

Good.

Barbara's going to hire us.
We're officially a design firm.

That's great.

Can I ask you something?
Are you upset with this arrangement?

Because I'm getting a vibe.

I should go.

You are out of diapers.
I'll pick some up tomorrow.

Susan, please. I need to know.
Are you angry with me?

Yes. Yes, I'm angry.

Why? All I did was give you a job.

Yeah. The wrong job.

When Renee called me,

I thought you were asking me
to work with you in the design firm.

Oh, no.

I was so excited.
I knew I'd be good at that.

And then I find out you just want me
to be your nanny.

I had no idea.

You know, and don't get me wrong.
I love you for the gesture,

but I hate you for it, too, because
I'm not in the position to say no.

I am beyond sorry.

It's okay.

It's just this awful reminder

that all of my friends
look at me differently now.

I'm the poor one.

Susan, these money troubles,
they're temporary.

But how we feel about you,
our friendship,

that's never going to change.

Thank you for that.

Oh, come here.

You know, I've never said this
to a nanny before.

How about we go downstairs
and get a little drunk?

You're the boss.

Are you coming to bed?

I wanna make love again.

With an invitation like that...

No.

Let me.

You've turned out to be the perfect wife.

That's sweet,

but not entirely true.

You don't think I'm trustwon'thy.

What?

You won't tell me why you're moving
your ex-cellmate into your old house.

Darling, I'd prefer
not to discuss that right now.

You don't need to.

Yeager already told me
what you're up to.

What?

We had a nice, long chat.

He told me what you've got planned
for our neighbors.

I must say, I was shocked,

to say the least.

I know what I'm doing
might sound crazy to you,

but you don't understand
how much I despise these people.

You don't understand how much I need

these people to suffer
for what they did to me.

But that's where you're wrong, Paul.

I understand vengeance.

Completely.

Wow.

You really are the perfect wife.

I'm sorry I left the restaurant like that.

I just couldn't go back to that table
and face your mother.

Oh!

Phew!

So why didn't you tell me
about the whole menopause thing?

I was afraid of how you'd react.

You really think I would care
about something like that?

Keith, I like you.

More than I ever intended to.

But I always knew there was
an expiration date on this relationship.

A what?

You are 1 7 years younger than me.

That's a big number.
It means something.

Not to me.

It might.

There are other considerations.

So you can't get pregnant.

Who cares?

That doesn't bother you?

No.

No.

We could adopt.

So long as I get to teach
someone how to throw a ball,

I don't care whose DNA they got.

Oh, Keith.

Not only can I not have children,

I don't want them.

I've already done that.
It was wonderful. But I've done it.

Oh. (CLEARS THROAT)

And you...

You are gonna be
such an amazing father.

And I would never ask you
to give up that experience.

Why are we even talking about this?

We've been dating for two months.
Why... I...

It's too soon to talk about kids. Right?

I suppose.

Let's take our time. I just wanna...

I just want us to keep being happy.
Okay?

Hey. I was just about to head over
to your place to pick up Carlos.

Yeah, about that,

I've decided Carlos shouldn't go
with you this weekend.

What?

Oh, for God's sake.

Wait, let me finish.

I've been thinking
about what you told me,

and I realized there's somebody else
you'd have more fun with.

Yes, go.

You've got to be kidding me.

Gabby called to say
that you were lonely and depressed.

And once I stopped laughing,
I actually felt bad for you.

We only broke up four months ago.
How did you gain this much weight?

(EX CLAIMS)

Okay. Okay.
Now that we're done saying hello,

let's talk about this fabulous weekend.

Did you seriously think
I would take him? We broke up.

And it's time to put the pieces
back together.

Let's be honest.
You've been miserable without Lee.

And you've been miserable
without Bob.

That's why you're getting so fat.

You may not think I'm your friend,
but I am.

And I am smart enough to know that
you need something more in your life

than a straight guy to go play golf with.

You need somebody to love.

And,

you need somebody
who will love you back.

Gabby, I appreciate what you're doing,
and I think...

Lee knows I still love him, but...

There are still huge issues between us.

Maybe it's time to work those out.

I'd hate to see that fabulous
resort weekend go to waste.

Come on. Talk to each other.

Do it for me. As your friend.

Oh.

I forgot! One more thing...

Okay. Never mind. I'm good.

MARY ALICE: Humiliation.

It's not always
something we can avoid.

We may have wives
who insult our masculinity.

We may take jobs

we feel are beneath us.

We may have boyfriends

who make us feel old.

Yes, there are all sorts of ways
to be humiliated in life.

But the surest way
to get your dignity back

is to get what
you've been waiting for.

I found out what Paul is up to.

He told me everything.

Oh. Baby.

I'm so proud of you.

Thank you, Mama.