All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E15 Cousin Serena Strikes Again Pt 1x

Serena! I might have known.

Who were you expecting,
Steve McQueen? Ooh!

What is the big idea?

Oh, I just came by to ask you to take
a ride on my new bike. Isn't it the end?

No, but you are. Do you
realize it's 3:00 in the morning?

Sure, that's the ideal time to get
out on the road and open 'er up.

It's also the ideal
time to sleep.

Well, if you're going
to get huffy about it...

Nice seeing you, Serena.
Sorry you have to rush off.

Who said I was leaving?
Who said you were staying?

Cousin, you're not
being very gracious.

Compared to the
way I feel, she is!

Just for that,

I'm going to stay for
breakfast, lunch and dinner,

- dull as that will be.
- Oh, no, you won't!

Sweetheart, why don't you go back
to bed and let me handle... No, let me.

Serena, it just so happens we're
having a dinner party tonight...

for a very important client,
and our plans don't include you.

You'd be bored to tears.

I can always provide my
own entertainment, you know.

Ooh!

I know. That's why
you're not invited.

- Not that you're not welcome.
- Good night, Serena.

- See you around.
- Yeah!

Around dinnertime, that is.

Wait a minute!

Well, guess who's
coming to dinner?

Meet with your
approval? Very nice, Sam.

No sign of Serena yet.

Let's keep our fingers crossed.
Maybe she'll forget about it.

Yeah, and maybe Macy's
will tell Gimbel's. Mm-hmm.

Is that the good china?
It's the only china.

Oh. Yes, of course.

Eh, the flowers look nice, Sam.

They're daisies.
Didn't they have roses?

Darrin, you're acting as if the
queen of England is coming for dinner.

Believe me, the queen of England is
a lot more democratic than Clio Vanita,

and not as rich.

You've heard of the Seven Hills
of Rome? She owns three of them.

Oh, well, I guess it pays
to be a little, old winemaker.

"Vino Vanita, the
true gold of Rome."

Hey, that's a good
slogan. Is it yours?

Yeah, and I hope Clio agrees
with you. She's tough to please.

They're here!

Did you fill the ice bucket?
What about the canapés?

Darrin, will you please
relax? Come on, come on.

Oh, my.

Smile.

Hi, kids. Hi. Larry.

I hope we're not late.
Hi, Samantha, Darrin.

Samantha, may I present
Clio Vanita? Darling.

Mm, naughty boy.

Did you not promise to take me to
lunch, eh? And yet you never called.

Well, I, uh...

And this is the dear, little
wife of whom you've spoken.

Charming. Charming.

May I take your
coat? Ah, sì. Grazie.

Oh, my, what
beautiful chinchilla.

Oh, yes, but it is becoming so
popular, I think I must give it away.

It's a shame you can't give
it back to the chinchillas.

What a dear, little house.

You must show
it to me, caro mio.

Well, she certainly has style.
Oh, is that what you call it?

That's what I call it
in mixed company.

Oh, I love what you
have done to your house.

It is so intima... cozy, so
incantevole... enchanting.

Well, we find it
comoda... comfortable.

Hey! What does a guy have to
do to get a drink around here?

Oh, sorry. What'll
you have? The usual?

That's right: Vino
Vanita, my favorite.

How about you, Louise?

Oh, I'll have a... She'll have
the same, won't you, dear?

Clio? Oh, for me,
a martini, very dry.

And when you stir it, don't use a
spoon. The metal spoils the taste.

Just use your so
charming little finger.

Say, isn't that interesting?

On second thought, I think I'll
try a martini without a spoon.

- Me too.
- I... Excuse me.

I'll be right back. I'll help
you, sweetheart. Scusi.

Won't you sit down? Grazie.

Wow! She's gotta be kidding.

Now, honey, just keep
remembering, we need her goodwill.

What a snob.

Caro mio, when
you stir my martini,

use only your so
charming little finger.

Hmm! Personally, I think she
should see a plastic surgeon.

What for?

To have her nose lowered.

Clio, I don't know
whether I've told you

this, but I get more
personal satisfaction...

out of working on the Vino Vanita
account than any of the others.

I mentioned it to my wife
just the other day. Hmm.

Isn't that right, dear? Oh,
yes, we serve it all the time.

Speaking of that,
you old, gray fox,

what have you been doing to
earn all the money I pay you, hmm?

Clio, I don't know
where to begin.

You did receive the copy on the 12 ads
we're running in Connoisseur magazine.

Sì. Last month.

Oh. And what about that
slogan you promised me, eh?

The one you said that would capture
the imagination and sweep the country?

We've got a little surprise for
you. We've come up with a beaut.

Oh, really? What is it?

I'd rather let Darrin spring
it... eh, tell you about it.

At least we have one
thing to be thankful for. Huh?

Serena hasn't shown up. I don't
know why you're so worried about her.

Compared to that Italian
vulture, Serena's Chicken Delight.

Sweetheart, you take the drinks
out. I want to check the squab.

But don't you... No,
no. Now, hurry, hurry.

Our guests must be dying
of thirst. All right, all right.

Well, I'm glad to know
I'm not late for dinner.

Serena, you know
how fond I am of you...

But? Well, it's just that it's
a very complicated evening.

You're perfectly welcome to stay
as long as you keep out of sight.

Gee, I didn't know you
were that fond of me.

Go ahead, tell her the
slogan we came up with.

Now?

Wouldn't it be more
appropriate after a drink... or two?

Why mix drinking and
pleasure? I mean...

Don't be so modest,
carissimo. I insist on hearing it.

Okay.

Picture a scene...
Something like this one...

Men and women,
well-groomed, beautiful.

They lift their
glasses in a toast,

and they say, "Vino Vanita,

the true gold of Rome."

Well, so much for our number two
choice. Now give her number one.

Uh, that one's not
quite ready yet, Larry.

But he'll come up
with it, and it'll be a lulu.

Oh, you don't have to sell
me on this charming man.

He's an absolute genius, I know.

And someday I'm going to
steal him from your organization.

If you don't watch out, Cousin,

she's going to steal him
from your organization.

That's ridiculous...

I think.

Rio de Janeiro was
meraviglioso... marvelous...

Molto divertente... diverting,
especially the Brazilian men.

Oh, I'm surprised
to hear you say that.

Everyone says the Italian
men are so attractive.

Oh, to this I say
ridicolo... ridiculous.

Me too.

To me, the most charming, the most
handsome are your American men.

Well, that may be, but...

Just remember they're
our American men.

Just a little joke.

Uh, an American joke.

It loses something
in the translation.

Yes.

Um, w-would anyone care
for some more dessert?

Signorina, you haven't
even touched yours.

Oh, I do not dare. Always
I must watch my weight.

Is that right? You know, personally,
I think you have a terrific figure.

For a woman your age.

Naturally, what I meant was,

no one would ever dream that
you had a problem with weight.

Oh, terrible. You do
not know how lucky you

are. You do not have
to fight the calories.

Oh, I pretty much
eat what I want.

That is right. When you are married,
you can let yourself go to pieces, no?

I say, uh, let's adjourn
to the living room.

Oh, I am dying to see that funny,
little house you have in the garden.

- Will you show it to me?
- The gazebo? Well, sure. Heh!

You don't mind if I borrow your husband
for a while, do you? Of course not.

As long as you remember
where you got the loan.

Your wife has quite a
sense of humor, hasn't she?

Oh, yes. That's
what keeps me going.

We'll be laughing all the
way to the bankruptcy.

May I help you,
Samantha? No, no, Louise.

You go keep Larry
company. I'll be in in a minute.

All right.

Serena, one of these days you're gonna
go too far, and I hope you stay there.

Well, someone had to
uphold the family honor.

And if I were you, I'd pop out to the patio
and keep an eye on Madame Flutterby.

Serena, can't you understand?

She's no threat to me,
but you're another matter.

Come bello, hmm?

It reminds me so much of my own
garden on my estate just outside of Napoli.

That's nice. You know, it is
surrounded by a gigantic forest.

Uh, they say it is
populated by fati...

What you call elves.

Now, don't tell me a sophisticated
woman like you believes in elves.

Well, fati is so similar
to our word for fate.

Surely you believe in that, hmm?

Fate? Oh, yes. That's what I'm
worried about right now... my fate.

Oh! Clio, please.

Somebody might come out
here... like my wife. Ah, sì, your wife.

I admire so much the loyalty
in the male. Clio, cut it out!

Oh, mama.

You Americani are so
provinciale... provincial.

Or is it that you do
not find me attractive?

Oh, no. I find you very
"attractivo"... uh, attractive.

Well, then... Uh, please.

I'm beginning to think you do
not want my account any longer.

Maybe I should look
for another agenzia, eh?

Uh, Clio, don't be silly. We love your
account. How much do you love it?

Uh, mucho. Then show it.

How? Come to Rome with me.

What for? Uh, don't answer that!

Well, you know, we could
visit the Vanita vineyards,

and it would inspire you to
write the correct slogan, no?

Uh, now, wait a minute,
Clio. Be sensible.

I don't have to go to Rome
to think up a good slogan.

Apparently you do.

Okay, so you didn't care
for what I came up with.

I can come up with
another. Then you'd

better come up with it
by domani... tomorrow,

because I have just decided
after the meeting I am leaving.

If you think you can find a
suitable slogan, bene... okay.

If not, you can say
arrivaderci to my account.

- What?
- Or you can come back
to Rome with me.

Now, what do you say? Clio,
I have something to tell you.

I am very much in love with my wife,
and my wife is very much in love with me.

How nice. Kiss me.
Uh, I'll be right back.

I think I need another
glass of Vanita wine.

I'll come with you, caro.

Oh, no, you don't.

No one is going to make
a monkey out of my cousin.

In fact, I think my cousin's cousin is
going to make a monkey out of you.

What do you mean?
Just what I said.

I want off the Vanita
account. Why?

That woman is something else.
She wants me to go to Rome with her.

No! Yes!

You lucky dog!

She says if I come up with a slogan
she likes before she leaves, okay.

If not, either I go with
her, or we lose the account.

Did you ever hear of
such high-handed tactics?

Never! Is your
passport in good order?

Larry, I'm not going to
Rome! Let me put it this way:

If we get knocked out of the ball
game, you're benched... permanently.

Larry, that's pretty
narrow minded. If you...

Oh, uh, hi, Sam. Hmm.

Louise is checking with the
babysitter to see if she can stay later.

Good. Fine.

Anything wrong? Oh, no, no, no.
Larry and I were just discussing baseball.

I was just observing how
short lived a player's life can be.

Where's Miss Vanita?

Oh, I left her on the patio.

Alone? Darrin, where
are your manners?

Excuse me.

Serena, what are
you doing out here?

Good deeds for you, coz.

Look, Larry, maybe I can
come up with a slogan...

that'll make her happy by
the time we meet tomorrow.

You'd better, or it's arrivaderci,
America; hello, Roma.

Where's Miss
Vanita? Right up there.

What?

Serena, you didn't!

You did!

Oh!

Serena, you change
her back right now!

Before you flip your gourd,
coz, let me tell you what she did.

Are you out of your mind? I don't
care what she did. You change her back!

You mean, you don't care
if she takes Darrin to Rome?

Serena, I am going to count
to three, and then I... Rome?

Sam? Honey?

Serena!

Sam, Larry and Louise want to...

Hi! Where did this come from?

M-Must have climbed
over the wall, I guess.

Probably belongs to a neighbor.

Hey! It sure is an
affectionate little thing, isn't he?

She. Darrin, there's
something I have to tell you.

Can it wait? Larry and Louise
have to go. Oh? Well, yeah.

Um, wh-what I want
to tell you is, uh... Oh.

We're ready to go.
Have you seen Clio?

Well, she had a terrible headache,
and so I told her to lie down in the den.

- Darrin'll drive her home.
- Oh, that's too bad.

Where did you get the monkey?
Oh, she must've come over the fence.

I'll take her.

Kind of vicious, isn't it?

Good boy. What are
you talking about?

That headache
routine. Very clever.

When you take her home, you
can mend your bridges, right? Larry...

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

Well, good night, Samantha.
Good night, Louise.

And tell Clio we're sorry
about her headache.

Oh, we'll see ourselves
out. Night, Larry.

Night-night.

When did Clio go into
the den? I didn't see her.

Well, uh, to tell
you the truth, Darrin,

she, uh, kind of left.

Well, I'm not surprised.
She was a little

upset. I guess I said
something to offend her.

It sounds like he's
trying to tell us something.

She. Sweetheart, I think you ought
to tie her up on the patio until morning.

Okay. Come on here, you cute little
thing. We'll make you comfortable outside.

First thing tomorrow we'll find
out who you belong to. Come on.

Ooh! Wha...

Is that cute? I'd
put it another way.

Okay, out!

Sam, you'll hurt her feelings.

If she doesn't get out of there right now,
I'm gonna hurt more than her feelings.

I'm surprised at you!

Now, come on.
Come on. Upsy-daisy.

There. You see? You just
have to know how to talk to her.

Maybe we ought to
let her stay right here.

Nothing doing. I-I-I mean, she'll
just keep chattering all night.

Eventually she'll settle down
and go to sleep. No, she won't.

It'll calm her down.
It'll keep me awake.

Don't be silly.

As a matter of fact, I
can make a nice little

bed for her right here
in one of these drawers.

Don't you dare. I don't want her in this
room. I don't even want her in this house!

So, please, get her out of here.
What is the matter with you?

I've never heard
you carry on like this.

Is there something
you're not telling me?

Where did that monkey come from?

- Um, you invited her.
- What?

Darrin,

that's not a monkey.

It's not?

No.

That lovable,
little creature is...

Miss Vanita.

You're... You're joking. No.

You took a live client and
turned her into a monkey?

- No.
- You are joking.

- No.
- You're trying to drive me
out of my mind?

I-I-I... I mean that, um,

that is... that is M-Miss
Vanita, but, uh, I-I didn't do it.

Serena did it.

You see, she thought Clio was,

in her own words, making
a monkey out of me.

So she decided to make
a monkey out of her.

Y-You must admit it
does show imagination.

Sam!

That little minx. When I
get my hands on her, I'll...

You'll what?

Change her back! And
then get out of my life forever!

- Darrin.
- Did you hear me?

I heard the last part,

and I'll be happy to cooperate.

See you around, coz.

Darrin, forgive me, but
that was a dumb thing to say.

What did I say?

Serena? Come back!

It's no use. You insulted her.
You told her to stay out of your life.

But I was only joking, in a way.

The way you were joking, I'm
afraid she took you seriously.

And she's the only one who
can change Miss Vanita back.

Serena, after all these years, this is
no time to start taking me seriously!

I've sent emergency calls out everywhere.
No response. Serena's just being stubborn.

Sam, what are we going to do? That monkey
has to be at a meeting at 11:00 tomorrow.

Well, I know what I'm
going to do. I'm going to bed.

And if you were smart,
you'd do the same thing.

Go to bed? And sleep? How?

How do I do that with
this monkey on my mind?

Better than having a
monkey on your back.

We'll just have to wait
until Serena cools off,

if she ever does.

Let's just hope she
comes back someday.

Someday?

If I don't bring her a suitable
slogan by 11:00 tomorrow,

we're going to get
fired off this account.

Darrin, that's silly. How
can a monkey fire you?

It's all right. I am just
going out of my mind.

You'll feel better after
you've had some sleep.

I seriously doubt it, but I might
as well try. What are you doing?

I'm getting undressed. Not
in front of her, you're not!

I am going to take Miss Vanita
downstairs and tie her up on the patio.

Silenzio!

That's better.

Don't miss part two...

of "Cousin Serena
Strikes Again" next week.