All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E13 Instant Courtesy

Honey, I'd like some
more coffee. Sam?

Cute, huh? Just Mother's
weird sense of humor.

Good morning, slave.

Endora, you're a one-woman
invasion of privacy.

My daughter works like a slave.

I thought she might
at least dress the part.

Mother, you've had your
little joke, bad as it was,

so, uh, do you mind?

- Thank you.
- She never even knocks.

All of a sudden,
she's here like the flu.

Watch it, Dumbo.

M-Mother, dear,

I know it seems perfectly
natural for you to arrive like this,

but I-I think, in the future,
we deserve a little warning.

Like a hurricane or any
other natural disaster.

Show us a little courtesy
and consideration.

Courtesy? Durwood, you could
make a fortune giving rudeness lessons.

Mother.

I try to be polite, but it isn't
easy with you around here.

But fortunately, I'm late
for work. Excuse me.

Mother, you bring out a side
of Darrin that no one ever sees.

He's really very
courteous and considerate,

even chivalrous and gallant.

Honey, I'm leaving.

Excuse me.

Courteous, chivalrous,
gallant, is he?

Well, if he isn't
now, he soon will be.

With a root of hemlock
and a sting of bee,

I shall give him
instant courtesy.

Hi, Darrin. Mm-hmm.

Leaf of laurel, pinch of salt,

be considerate to a fault.

Root of hemlock, stinger of bee,

give him super courtesy...

Politeness, manners, gallantry.

Good morning, Frank! How
are you feeling this morning?

Good morning, Darrin. I'm
fine. That's great. You look fine!

Oh!

Let me help you,
Betty. Oh, it's all right.

Really.

No, no. I'll do that too.

There you go. You wanted the
Adrienne Sebastian file this morning.

Oh, that's too heavy for
you, Betty. Let me take it.

While I'm at it, let me get
your typewriter out for you.

Thanks.

Let me compliment you on
the way you're doing your hair.

Why, thank you.

And that dress...
Just perfect on you.

Mr. Stephens, I think there's
something you should know.

I'm engaged... to be married.

Wonderful! Who's
the lucky fellow?

I hope I'm not interrupting
anything important.

Not at all, Larry.
Excuse us, Betty.

Please?

After you. No, no, no. Go ahead.

Please.

You're very gallant. Well...

Have you and Miss
Wilson been, uh, lunching?

No. I mean, before
she got engaged.

Of course not.

Ah, it's those cool
cats who fool you.

We have Adrienne Sebastian and her
advertising manager coming in at 11:00.

And they don't go visiting
unless it means business.

Big business.

I have two ways of
approaching the account.

Well, let's make a
good first impression.

Look for yourself.

Here's the poetry. Mm-hmm.

First I tried a rock-'em-sock-'em
hard sell. It didn't seem to work.

- They'll love it.
- Then I tried something
a lot more subtle, and I...

No, no, no, no. Stay with
the hard sell. It's their bag.

Well, then there it is.

- Larry.
- Hmm?

Have a chair.

Ah, you might want
to make some notes.

Comfortable?

What is going on around here?

Larry, I don't understand why you're
so suspicious. What's bugging you?

What's bugging me is what's bugging
you. There's nothing bugging me.

You're even laughing off-key.

Darrin, I've got radar. I get a
ping when something's wrong.

You may need a new
tube in your pinger.

This is a good pitch, Darrin.

I think I'll go to the privacy
of my office and study it.

Nothing you want to tell me? No.

You don't want to talk about it.

But in case you
do, I'm always here.

Yes?

Mrs. Sebastian and
Mr. Traynor are here.

Yes, send them right in, and, uh,
Miss Springer, tell Mr. Stephens.

Oh, Mrs. Sebastian,
this is a great honor.

How do you do, Mr. Tate? Mr. Traynor,
it's a pleasure to see you again.

How are you? I've been
looking forward to this meeting.

You know, after all, Adrienne
Sebastian is practically a household word.

It's one of the truly
great cosmetic firms.

May I join the festivities?

Oh, come in, Darrin.

Mrs. Sebastian, Mr. Traynor, may I
present my associate Darrin Stephens.

Mrs. Sebastian,
your own beauty...

is the best advertisement
for your product.

You're hired.

And, Mr. Traynor, great
pleasure meeting you, sir.

All right. Let's move
this along, shall we?

Well, fine. Darrin?

Uh, let me seat
Mrs. Sebastian first.

- Thank you.
- I think you'll
find that comfortable.

The light won't be in your eyes.

You're very thoughtful,
Mr. Stephens.

Oh!

Cigar? Just pitch the idea.
We're pressed for time.

Ah, rush, rush, rush. That's why
we have an ulcer-ridden society.

Darrin, you're about
to give me one.

I think Mr. Stephens has a
very refreshing point of view.

Oh, so do I!

I just don't want to
inconvenience you with a delay.

Darrin?

We have two presentations.

One, the old hard sell.

The other emphasizes the grace,

the charm, the
feminine mystique...

that I always associate with
the name Adrienne Sebastian.

Well, now.

You're selling, uh, a
very intangible thing...

Beauty...

And our research tells us that... that
people of today are really turned on...

by beautiful things.

So, what's beauty?

A flower, a Renoir painting,

a... a Chopin nocturne,

a sunrise with
the surf coming up.

A sales chart with
a line going up.

For heaven's sakes, Darrin,

this is a business conference,
not a philosophy seminar.

- I rather like it.
- So do I.

I want a campaign that
says you've got two choices...

Use Adrienne Sebastian
products, or be ugly.

Oh, Charlie, that
is pretty crass.

Yes.

Perhaps that is,
shall we say, "blunt"?

It sells. And I
make the decisions.

Right, Adrienne? Oh, yes.

When I think of it, perhaps, uh,

sometimes the hard
sell does hit the target.

So far we've had nothing
but interruptions and detours.

I think you're trying to cover
up a lousy campaign. Not at all.

Here, l-look at these.

I think you'd better call the office and
tell them we're going to be a little late.

Yeah. I'll dial it for you while
you look at the presentation.

I'd rather do it myself.
It'd be my pleasure.

Darrin, put down that phone!

Sorry. My apologies,
Mr. Traynor.

Darrin, could I speak to you for a
moment while they go over the ideas?

Certainly, Larry. Oh, excuse us.

Of course.

After you. Go ahead!

No, please.

Just what are you trying
to do? Is something wrong?

You're perspiring. Stop that!

If you're not blowing your mind,
you're sure blowing this meeting.

Larry, they're our guests. I'm
just trying to be considerate.

You're overdoing it. Will you
just pitch that presentation?

I think she digs the soft sell.

But he makes the decisions.
But it's her company.

I'll get the other presentation.

Oh, darn.

Here, I'll do that for
you, Miss Springer.

I can do it. It's
just that it's so...

I know. It's a messy man's job.

I'm not knocked out by this, but it
is hard sell, and that's what we want.

I'm not sure, Charlie.

I think we... we should look at
Mr. Stephens's second concept.

Well, maybe he can come up
with a tough hard sell with warmth.

He has 10 seconds.

It bothers me, seeing a pretty
girl like you getting her fingers dirty.

That's very sweet of you.

There's still a lot of chivalry
left in the world today.

Thank you, Mr. Stephens. Darrin!

I've got it right here, Larry.

Tate, I've got a gut feeling that you
and, uh, Sir Walter Raleigh here...

haven't got anything
to interest us.

Really, Charlie, Mr. Stephens
was only showing common courtesy.

Courtesy is a refuge of
scoundrels and yes-men.

I've got a feeling he's both.
Adrienne, we're running late.

I think you're making a mistake,
but it was a pleasure meeting you...

both!

Now, that's a darn shame.

Losing several
million in billing?

Yeah. I guess you could
call it that... "a darn shame."

Unless you want to
call it "a catastrophe."

Larry, you're perspiring
again. Here, let me...

Will you knock off
this do-gooder routine?

Flitting around the
office like the good fairy!

Did it ever occur to you that
people want to dial their own phones,

even if it's just to give
their fingers a little exercise?

Larry, I was merely
treating our guests...

as courteously and as
politely as I know how.

And I've had all I can
take of this courtesy bunk!

Darrin, you've been working
too hard. You too, Larry.

I want you to take a
vacation, get a little rest.

Larry, that's very considerate,
but I don't... No, no, no. I insist.

Go away somewhere. See
the Caribbean. See the islands.

See a doctor. A doctor?

To help straighten out your thinking,
unkink you. Wait a minute, Larry.

It happens in the advertising
business, and, believe me, I understand.

I know the pressures, the
tensions, the frustrations,

and then poof!

So take a year, two
years, three, if you need it!

Larry, that's the most
generous thing I've ever heard.

Darrin, I didn't mean
a vacation with pay.

When your batteries are recharged,
and you're back in your old form again,

come and see me, and
we'll talk things over.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, darling.

What are you doing
home so early?

I'm trying to figure
that out myself.

Oh, hey!

Those are too heavy
for you. Let me do that.

Oh, thanks, sweetheart.

Oh. How'd the meeting
go? Right out the window.

I never realized all the work you
do around here while I'm at the office.

Wait. Wait a minute. What do
you mean, "right out the window"?

Honey, I wouldn't worry
you for the world, but...

Would you sit down
for a second? Uh-oh.

Would you like something? Hmm?

A cup of coffee. A cold drink.

Yes, I'd like something...

To know what's going on.

Uh...

I know it's not polite
to be this blunt, but,

would you think I'm having
a nervous breakdown?

Exactly what went
wrong today, precisely?

Frankly, Larry was
acting a little odd today.

He seemed to have this phobia...

about simple, ordinary,
everyday courtesy.

Now, what's wrong
with the world today?

Nobody seems to appreciate
the niceties, the gallantry.

Courtesies.

Don't you worry, sweetheart. I'm sure
Larry's over it by now. You know how he is.

Now, uh, you just relax.

I have some things
to do in the kitchen.

May I help you?

No, pl-please don't,
as a favor to me.

Well, since you put it that way.

Thank you.

Mother. Mother, you
come here this minute.

"Tell your chivalrous husband...

that his courteous mother-in-law
is regrettably unavailable."

Oh, Mother, you
are exasperating.

"Guess who made me that way."

Oh!

Larry, I think you're acting
like a fool. Darrin is your friend.

Not anymore. I fired him.

Oh, you are really beautiful.

Louise, he was
acting very strangely.

By your standards,
anyone who offers you a

light or insists you
go out the door first...

is having a nervous breakdown.

Right.

Mrs. Sebastian! How
nice to see you again.

Thank you. May I come in?

Please do. This is a
very pleasant surprise.

I can only stay a moment,
but I did want to talk to you,

even though I shouldn't
go over Mr. Traynor's head.

You see, I was very impressed
with you, Mr. Stephens.

Our advertising needs
a fresh, new look.

We, uh... We also need
a new advertising agency.

How does this sound?

The Darrin Stephens Agency.

You can start with my
account, and if I do say so,

that's a very good start.

Well, you're very flattering.
It's just good business for me.

I don't want to press
you for a decision.

I have a package to pick up,
and I can stop by on my way home.

Maybe we'll have
something to celebrate.

May I walk you to your car?

Well, here goes.

The good witch
against the bad witch.

Larry Tate, play it wise.
Admit you're wrong, apologize.

I merely got rid of
a disloyal employee.

And one of the most creative men
I know, who is also a trusted friend.

Why did I say that?

- I'll phone him.
- Not by phone, Larry Tate.

Come yourself. Don't hesitate.

I think I'd better go
right over and see him.

Mother, where have you been?

Samantha, surely
you haven't forgotten...

that it does take a few minutes
to get here from Bangkok,

especially during
the monsoon season.

You put a courtesy spell
on Darrin, didn't you?

- Who?
- Darrin, my husband?

Oh! Oh, yes. Him.

Oh, I'm sorry, darling,

but he's one of the most
forgettable people I know.

Well, never mind
that. Just take it off him.

All right. All right.

The whole thing's
getting boring anyway.

Disappear, courtesy.
That's a counter spell?

Well, what do you expect
on such short notice? Poetry?

Ta-ta, dear.

Mother, you're a naughty witch.

Hello, Samantha. Darrin.

Surprised to see me? Not really.

Come in.

Well, I've been doing
a lot of soul-searching,

and I realize how wrong I was.

That's very considerate.

Isn't it, sweetheart?
For Larry, yes.

Darrin, I said a lot of things I
shouldn't have. I was upset.

You were a little weird.

In any case,

Darrin, old friend, forgive me.

I apologize.

In case you weren't
listening, Larry just apologized.

- I heard him.
- Darrin!

I'm just wondering how
sincere the apology is.

Darrin, I'm surprised at you.

He found out that Adrienne Sebastian
offered me the account personally.

- How can you think such a thing?
- I learned from the maestro.

Wait a minute. You-You mean
she offered you the account?

Hey, what an
opportunity... for both of us!

Marvelous!
Congratulations, Darrin.

You mean, you didn't know
anything about this? Of course not.

My word of honor.

My real word of honor!

Well, Larry, forgive
me. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.

We have more arrivals and
departures than Kennedy International.

Oh, Mrs. Sebastian.

I-I'm Samantha Stephens.
Won't you come in? Thank you. I...

Why, Mr. Tate, I didn't
expect to see you here.

I realized I'd fired the most
talented man on my staff,

and I came over to
beg his forgiveness.

Rubbish.

You men are all alike. I don't
believe you really fired him.

I think it was just a clever
gimmick to get my account.

Mrs. Sebastian, that... That
doesn't make any sense.

I don't have to make sense.

Maybe I'm just a silly
female, but I trust my intuition,

and something is wrong here.

I'm canceling my offer.

Well, that's your prerogative.

However, here's the alternate
concept. It's yours, no strings.

What Darrin has in
mind is that... Never mind.

Thank you, no. I
am not interested.

I think I... I think I'd
be foolish to refuse.

Why did I say that?

Well, it's a woman's
prerogative to change her mind.

Stephens and Tate ride again!

Yeah, Tate and
Stephens ride again!

Let's say we open up a
bottle of the old bubbly.

I'll drink to that.

It's funny the way things
have of working themselves out.

Funny? Yeah, it's hilarious.

Oh, boy.

Well, that's the end
of the bottle, Darrin.

But there'll never be an
end to our friendship. Never.

Accounts may come
and accounts may go,

but true friendship
goes on forever.

I think I have the cello
part for this somewhere.

Ho-ho. Ha-ha.

Hello.

Oh, uh, Mrs. Sebastian.

Well, uh, thank you very much.

We would be delighted. 10:00
tomorrow morning at your office.

Thank you.

How about that? She
loved the second concept.

She thought the ideas were inventive
and fresh, and we've got the account!

I knew she'd like it. Larry,
you never even saw it.

Don't quibble about the details.

I'm going home and
celebrate all over again with...

- Louise.
- Louise.

Be in my office at 9:00, hmm?

And fill me in on
what that's all about.

Good night, Samuel.

Ah! Well, what do you know?

And we owe it all to
Mother. And we owe it all to...

Oh, what? Oh, no!

Oh, yes.

You see, sweetheart, she
said... I don't wanna hear about it.

Well, Darrin... Don't tell me.

You won't mind if I tell her?

What do you mean?

When she hears that
she actually helped you,

she won't sleep for a week.

I'll build it up a little.

She won't sleep for a month.