All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E07 Samanthas French Pastry

Hey, very elegant.

Thank you.

All this trouble just
for Larry and Louise?

Uh-huh. Old Chinese proverb say,

"It never hurt to impress boss."

Who said that? Confucius?

No, Charlie Chan.

Now, while you fix me a drink, I
will take my cake out of the oven.

One angel food cake coming up.

I think your angel food
cake went to the devil.

Uncle Arthur, what
are you doing in there?

I popped in to say hi and found
your cake flatter than a pancake.

Thanks to you.
You stepped on it.

I did not. My feet
weren't even in there.

Shall I, uh, tell a few jokes?

What for? To
get a rise out of it.

Shh! Oh, sorry.

When you cast your spell,
you probably faced west...

when you should
have faced "yeast."

Get it? "Faced yeast."

I, uh... I really break
you up, don't I?

Oh, Uncle Arthur, it isn't
that I'm not glad to see you.

It's just that we're
having company.

So, uh, why don't
you pop in tomorrow...

after Darrin's gone to the office,
and we can have a little chat?

Not before I whip
you up a new dessert.

Never mind the dessert.
You've said hi, now bye.

Oh, no, not an angel food cake.

That's so cafeteria.

Let's see.

How's the cake? Didn't pan out.

It fell a little.

French pastry. Perfect.
Something special.

I'll make a delicious napoleon.

Bonsoir, mes amis
and vive la France.

A scrumptious napoleon now
gets a chance... uh, chance.

Hi there.

Where am I? I demand
to know, where am I?

Why I am here?

Uncle Arthur, I'm a little surprised
to see that you're still here.

If you want a real
surprise, turn around.

Uncle Arthur, what
have you done?

I thought I'd whip up a little
napoleon, and I got a big one.

I'm too much.

Yes, I am.

Um, Mr. Napoléon,

I'm afraid there's
been a slight mistake.

- Can I help you?
- No, sweetheart, go away.

Go, go away. There's
been a slight mistake.

It's partially my fault.

Uncle Arthur, it's
peachy to see you,

but Samantha and I
are expecting guests.

So, if you don't mind...

Who... is... he?

Guess.

He looks like Napoléon.

I am Napoléon.

Can't fool you, can we?

Arthur, is this one of
your practical jokes?

If it were a joke,
I'd be laughing.

- May I say something?
- You keep out of this.

Samantha, you're
not going to tell me...

that this man is actually
Napoléon Bonaparte?

Okay... I won't tell you.

But he is.

Well, make up your mind,
do you want to know or not?

I demand to be heard.

Quiet.

I can't believe it.

Yeah, it is kinda
hard, isn't it?

What is he doing here?

He's our dessert?

Sam!

Well?

Shall we, uh, call you Monsieur
Bonaparte or just plain old Napoléon?

Call me Emperor.

Not too friendly, are we?

I don't believe it.

In our living room, in person,
sits Napoléon Bonaparte.

Hmm. Yeah.

You're the only living
human being who can say...

he's had Napoléon Bonaparte
as a guest in his house.

- It's ironic.
- Ironic?

Yes. Who can you say it to?

I, uh, thought a little
humor might humor you.

Sam, how did it happen?

Well, it's, um,
sort of technical.

Well, when a witch or a warlock
casts a spell involving an object,

in this case a French pastry,

the name of which may also be
used to identify a human being,

the kinetic vibrations run the risk of
zonking across the atmospheric continuum.

And the ectoplasmic manifestations
which might not ordinarily occur...

Sam. Sam.

- Yes, dear?
- I'm sorry I asked.

Just go inside
and get rid of him.

Yes, dear. I'll
try. You stay here.

Ah, I'll go with you.

As your biggest
fan, I wanna watch.

But if, uh... Go.

- Mr. Bonaparte...
- He wants to be called Emperor.

Fine. Emperor,

I'm afraid we're going to
have to send you away.

I refuse to be sent anywhere
unless I know where am I.

I brought you here.

I'm a warlock, and
my niece is a witch.

Now, Uncle Arthur, please, no
need to give away the family secrets.

Sam, will you please hurry up and
send him back where he came from?

Sweetheart, I can't
reverse Uncle Arthur's spell.

He has to do it himself.
Don't you know anything?

Yes! I know that my wife
and I are expecting company.

And if you and your sidekick
aren't outta here, I'll break your neck!

Just try it, buster, and I'll turn
you into a tiny Eiffel Tower.

Oh, that I'd like to see.

Uncle Arthur, will you
please reverse your spell?

Only for you. Not for him.

Okay, Emperor, on your feet.

Stand up.

All the way.

Oh, sorry.

Un, deux, trois, quatre!

You're taking French
leave from where you're at.

That's funny. He should be gone.

Maybe you're using
the wrong arm gestures.

- You're a lousy warlock.
- How would you know?

I'll take one more
zap at, uh, Nap.

That's Larry and Louise.
Uh, Uncle Arthur, please hurry.

Don't... Don't rush me, Sammy.
I can't function under pressure.

Maybe you can function
under a punch in the mouth.

One more word out
of you and I'm leaving.

- Sorry.
- That's the word.

Oh, uh, Emperor, would you, um,

consider hiding in a closet?

Absolutely not.

Well, then would
you meet us halfway?

Will you not say how you
got here or who you are?

As your guest, I will oblige.

Because as a Frenchman,
I find you so attractive.

Merci milles fois.

Get on with it. Oh, yes, uh...

Remarkable!

And very nice material.

Oh, uh, now, your name
is, uh, Henri Richard.

Uh, you're my cousin from Paris, and
we have invited you to stay for dinner.

Hmm? I don't believe this.

You don't believe this?

More coffee, Henri?
Ah, non, merci.

Larry? Larry. Hmm?

More coffee? Excuse
me. Yes, please.

Henri?

Something's been
puzzling me all evening.

- Oh?
- Is it possible that
you and I have met?

I don't know. How old are you?

Forty-seven. Then
it is not possible.

Well, somehow I find
your face very familiar.

Uh, would anybody
care for brandy?

- Napoleon brandy?
- I'm not sure. I'll check.

That's it. He looks
like Napoléon.

Napoléon who?

Napoléon Bonaparte.
Henri's a dead ringer for him.

Hasn't anyone ever
told you that before?

Never. Although, it flatters
me to be compared...

to the greatest man of all time.

I hate to quarrel with my host,
but he looks like Napoléon.

And that gives me a great idea.

Darrin, you know our
Zoom Detergent account?

- Uh-huh. What about it?
- I've just had a brainstorm
for their new TV commercial.

We dress Henri like
the Emperor Napoléon,

and he says, "Put
Zoom Detergent in your

dishwater and you'll
never meet your Waterloo."

- Larry, it won't work.
- Why not?

Well, um, first of all,
Henri's not an actor.

Big deal.

Lots of commercials are
done by nonprofessionals.

And in the second place, he
has to leave as soon as he can.

We'll shoot the
commercial tomorrow.

And with all those residuals,
you'll make a bundle of money.

And you'll be famous
throughout the world.

I will? In Europe too?

Wherever there's television.

But I don't understand.
What is it, television?

- So, the answer is no.
- But my answer is yes.

I accept your proposal.

Great! It's turned out to
be a great night for all of us.

Terrific. Come on,
Louise. We're going home.

- What for?
- So I can get the ball rolling
for Napoléon's commercial.

I'll let you know the
time and the studio.

- Larry, wait.
- Good night, Sam.

Thanks for a deliciously
productive dinner.

We'll see ourselves out.

Come on, Louise.

I'm sorry, Samantha,
but business is business.

Henri, see you tomorrow.

Bonsoir.

Au revoir, ma chérie.

Henri.

Emperor, shame on you!

No pointing. I do
not permit pointing.

You knew that we didn't want you to accept
Larry's offer, but you ignored our wishes.

Yes, that's quite
true. And I know why.

He's got a yen for Louise.

Well, I'm sure after two centuries,
you must be starved for affection.

Madame, I assure you, my
motive was not to conquer a woman.

- Then what was your motive?
- To conquer England.

If once again I can
become famous in Europe,

then once again can
I rebuild my forces.

- Sam, do something.
- Well, I...

No. No one must do nothing.

I now proclaim if any
of you tries to interfere...

with my arrangement
with Monsieur Tate,

I shall tell him my Cousin
Samantha is a witch.

Oh, is that ruthless.

How do you think I
got to be emperor?

Well, go ahead.
Tell Monsieur Tate.

Who'd believe a man
who thinks he's Napoléon?

I am Napoléon Bonaparte,
Emperor of France.

England, I beat you yet.

Sam! Coming!

Hi, sweetheart. How do you feel?

I don't know yet. Have you
heard from your Uncle Arthur?

No. I guess he's still mad.

I feel terrible.

Well, you'll feel better after
breakfast. We're having crêpes suzette.

Crêpes suzette? Yeah,
it was Napoléon's idea.

Why didn't you tell him he can eat
what we eat, or he can go without?

Well, I didn't want to argue with
him. You know how huffy he gets.

Maybe that's Uncle Arthur.

Ringing the doorbell? Oh.

Good morning. I'm here
to escort Henri to the studio.

He's due onstage in an hour.

What's the matter, don't
you trust us? I trust you.

But I sense in my associate a certain
reluctance for this entire enterprise.

Larry, now that you
mention it, after sleeping on it,

I sincerely... Hold it, Darrin.

As senior vice president, I
sincerely disagree with you.

If you sincerely disagree with
me, you can sincerely quit your job.

Any questions? Yes.

Shoot. Would you like
some crêpes suzette?

I predict total disaster.

Oh, now, sweetheart,
be optimistic.

Sam, you know what
I wish? What's that?

I wish just once these things
would happen to someone else.

Not always to me. Oh.

Great set, huh, kids? Yeah.

It's a room in
Napoléon's palace.

Um, Larry, are we supposed to
believe that he used Zoom Detergent?

No. But we're supposed to believe if he
had, his palace would have been cleaner.

Oh. Where's Cousin Henri?

He's, uh... He's in his
dressing room. Good.

Um, Mr. Tate,
Mr. Bradley's here.

Member of the board.
And a tough man to please.

Come on, Darrin.
Let's soften him up a bit.

Uh, good luck. Uh...

Uncle Arthur, what
are you doing in there?

You've heard of the
man behind the camera.

I'm the man inside the camera.

Will you get out of
there immediately?

And subtly.

I gotta stop hitting
that brandy after dinner.

And besides, I have important
news about how to reverse my spell.

You do? What's that?

I can't reverse it.

Terrific. That was really
worth coming to tell me.

But don't worry. I'm working
on those arm gestures,

and I'm still in there pitching.

And striking out.

And no more Bloody
Marys at breakfast either.

Uncle Arthur, will you
please get out of here?

All right, Sammy,
but in times of stress,

we shouldn't lose
our sense of humor.

Yeah, swell.

That's it. I'm getting
back on my liver pills.

Sam? Oh, yes?

Did I see you talking
to a baseball player?

Who, me? What would a baseball
player be doing in Napoléon's palace?

I guess I'm keyed up. Yeah.

Mr. Bradley, this is
my wife, Samantha.

Oh, well, it's a
pleasure, Mr. Bradley.

And may I say I use
Zoom Detergent constantly.

Well, I should hope so.

All right, Tate, let's get
this show on the road.

All right, Mr. Bradley,
I-I'm handling it personally.

All right. Come on. Let's
get this show on the road.

Napoléon, onstage.

This is my new spokesman?

Uh, yes, sir. Anything wrong?

Okay, okay, it isn't
exactly as I envisioned it,

but, uh, let's see if
he can sell detergent.

All right, boys, rehearsal.

All right, just sit right
over here, Napoléon.

That's it. And, uh, read
what it says on those cards.

- Action.
- If you want your home
to be your palace,

use Zoom Detergent.

Zoom is the economy cleanser my
empress Josephine would never be without.

Wait a minute.

This guy stinks. Am I
right, or am I wrong?

Well, uh... I'm right.

He's an insult to a
great American product.

You with the cards, out. Tate!

Yes, sir? He stinks.

- And so does the commercial.
- Now wait.

The whole thing is
off. Wait. Is this better?

If you want your
home to be your palace,

use Zoom. Henri, forget it.

But why? The commercial's off.

I protest. On what grounds
has this been done to me?

On the grounds, to put it kindly,
that you're wrong for the part.

I am wrong for the
part of Napoléon?

Henri, take it easy.

Stop calling me that.
I am not your cousin.

I am Napoléon Bonaparte,
Emperor of France.

Is this guy putting us on, or has
he flipped? He's putting us on.

No more lies. Now
is time for truth.

I am Napoléon.

I think he means it.
Sam, your cousin is sick.

Now, now, Henri,
don't be a sore loser.

My name is not Henri.

My name is Napoléon.

This nut needs a
psychiatrist, and so do you.

And furthermore, if you don't come
up with a better commercial for me,

I'm taking my account
to a different agency.

Darrin, I'm holding you
personally responsible.

What did I do? You
married Samantha.

And this nut is her cousin.

Mr. Bradley, wait!

Well, what do we do now?

I don't know. How about
leaving the country?

I know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to send a
messenger to Larry Tate...

and tell him you are a witch.

You have no messenger.

Did I hear someone
call for a messenger?

That's a very nice
horse, Uncle Arthur,

but will you get
him off my carpet?

Extraordinaire.

I have it.

Oh, hooray. It's a
little late, but hooray.

I'll believe it when I see it.

You are a cynic.

And I refuse to
"cynic" to your level.

Emperor, are you
ready to embark?

Mm, the sooner the better.

Ah, Monsieur Stephens, I'm
glad to have met you. Likewise.

Ah, Cousine Samantha,
it's been a great plaisir.

- Is this gonna take long?
- Well, thank you, Emperor.

And, uh, bon voyage.

Sammy, I've figured it out.

To reverse the spell,
all I gotta do is pitch it...

with a little reverse English.

It had nothing to do with
those rotten arm gestures.

Would you please get on with it?

Oh, sorry, shorty.

Would you care to step
over to the fireplace, please?

Watch this, Sammy. In reverse.

Oh. Don't you know anything?

Oh, bat wings and lizard tails.

I was just gonna
say that. You...

Listen, fella. In the future...

when these, uh,
minor incidents occur,

don't make such a fuss.

Please.

Now all I have to do is think of a
new commercial for Zoom Detergent.

You will, sweetheart. You
will. How do you know?

Because you're very talented.

Thank you. Same to you.

Do you know what
I'm happy about?

No. What? England is safe.

There's a lovely
roast in the oven.

Mm, roast beef.

Honey? Hmm?

This isn't a roast beef.
It's a roast chicken.

I'm something else.

Sam, get rid of that
delinquent warlock.

- Testy, isn't he?
- Uncle Arthur, out.

Good.

Aren't you gonna
invite me to dinner?

I-I'm sorry, Uncle Arthur, but under
the circumstances, I don't think so.

Why, that roast is big
enough for eight people.

And it's gonna be
eaten by two. Selfish.

Good riddance.

Uh, I wonder.

Oh, for... Uncle Arthur?

You come back
here with our dinner.

I thought you'd reconsider.

Uncle Arthur, if only I could
bust you... Oh, relax, Darrin.

Loosen up. After all, a roast for
eight shouldn't be "eight-en" by two.

I kill me.