All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E06 Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

How long have you been
standing there, honey?

I came in around the
crow's-feet. Did I miss anything?

Just checking to see how the old
boy's holding up under the years.

And how is the
old boy holding up?

Just great, except for a receding hairline,
a double chin and a trace of a pot.

Oh, sweetheart. On
you, it looks good.

Sam, the key today is
youth. Eighty percent

of the accounts that
McMann and Tate handle...

are designed to appeal
to people under 30.

Well, you appeal
to people under 30.

Tabitha adores you. Honey, I'm
not kidding. I've got to get with it.

If you're over 30, the youth
of today doesn't trust you.

But, Darrin, in advertising,
it's talent that counts,

and that's you at any age.

Honey, you just
don't understand.

Your problem is
that you love me.

That's not my problem.
That's my pleasure.

Well.

Isn't that sweet.

Making up after a fight?
Endora, don't you ever knock?

Hmm.

- We're not home.
- Fortunately for you,
I don't offend easily.

Let me try a little harder.

I'd appreciate it if when I got
home tonight, you're not here!

Sweetheart, uh, you're
gonna be late for work.

Now remember, you're
just as young as you feel.

Right.

Oh, I see Durwood is
his usual charming self.

It's nothing.

Just a little concerned about
creeping middle age. Perfectly natural.

Perfectly vain is what it is.

Vain? Huh! Darrin hasn't
a vain bone in his body.

Well, I admit he has nothing to be
vain about, but that doesn't stop him.

Mortals are the vainest
creatures in the world.

Darrin is the exception and
furthermore... Mommy. Mommy!

Coming, Tabitha!
Furthermore will have to wait.

Tabitha and I are
going to the park.

Oh?

Oh, Samantha, you're so blind
when it comes to that mortal nothing.

Not a vain bone in his body, eh?

We'll see about that.

Not a vain bone
in your body, eh?

Vanish all self-control,

and now we will see...

just how vain you
mortals can be.

Let's go, gorgeous!

Shut up!

What are you
waiting for? A fire?

Ah.

That's, uh, 93 years
of our history. Mm.

I, uh, I believe you,
uh, missed a page. Yes.

Oh, did I? Here we are. Page 11.

Oh, yes. The Pharmaceutical
Gold Seal Award, 1944.

Mmm. Very impressive.

Hascomb Drug Company won
that for its licorice-flavored liver pills.

Sounds delicious.

You know, Tate, this, uh, tanning
lotion product of ours is a new departure.

Until now, we've
made nothing but pills.

Frankly, I'm a little worried
about branching out.

Oh, relax, Mr. Hascomb. Our
specialty is launching new products.

I hope so.

But still, if it were a pill, I'd
feel a lot more comfortable.

- Here, have one.
- What for?

Whatever ails you. You name
it, Hascomb's got the pill for it.

Now, the red one's for tension,
the white's for indigestion,

and the pink's for
neuritis and neuralgia.

They're so tempting. It's a
shame I'm feeling so well.

Tate, Sunspot Tanning
Lotion was not my idea.

I was against it right
from the beginning.

It was my wife who kept
insisting we try something new.

Impossible woman,
constantly interfering.

Let me put you at ease.

We at McMann and Tate plan to
handle Sunspot Tanning Lotion...

with the same dignity that your
pills have enjoyed all these years.

Good. Good. No
flashy campaign for me.

I'm a conservative man. I run a
conservative business in spite of my wife.

And that's the way
it's going to stay.

Mr. Hascomb, put your
faith in Darrin Stephens.

If there's one man
who respects the old,

the established, the
tried and true, it's Darrin.

I'm sorry I'm late,
but I passed this

haberdasher's and I
just couldn't resist it.

Uh, Darrin, this is Mr. Hascomb
of Hascomb Drug Company.

You know, I just
thought of something.

Already? Oh, this man's
got a mind like a steel trap.

- Let's hear it, Darrin.
- There's no mirror
in this room.

The conservative, 93-year-old company
with a nice, solid, conservative image.

Young man, what are you wearing?

Love beads. They go all the
way back to ancient Egypt.

The high priests
used to wear them.

High priests. You can't get
more conservative than that.

Cigarette, anyone?

Stephens, I hope you
understand. We want a mature,

conservative campaign
for our suntan lotion.

But the mature,
conservative consumer doesn't

hang around the beaches.
The young people do.

Uh, Mr. Hascomb, uh, which
one of those pills was for tension?

The red ones.

Let's see that.

My, what an interesting box.

Darrin, getting back to
Sunspot Tanning Lotion.

Frankly, I don't think
Mr. Stephens is the man for us.

Uh, Mr. Hascomb, as one conservative
to another, let's reserve judgment, huh,

uh, at least until
this afternoon?

- H-How about cocktails?
- I don't know. I just don't know.

I'm thirsty already.

Shall we say 5:00, Seafarer's
Lounge? Well... Well...

Well, it-it'll give us time
for a little cautious thinking.

All right. Until 5:00,
then. Good-bye, Tate.

See you at 5:00.

Darrin, what the
devil are you doing?

This wood is marvelous.

I can see myself
perfectly in it.

What kind of polish do you use?

I must get some.

Hascomb drops a $500,000
account right in our laps.

No sweat, simple campaign.

You almost blow it and all you
can do is stand there and smile.

I'll have you know these
beads are very much in fashion.

- Those beads are for the birds.
- Exactly. The birds have
the right idea.

Take the peacock, for example.

The males have all the
brightly colored feathers,

while the females are blah.

Now you listen to
me, Cock Robin,

when you show up for that
meeting, you'd better be plucked.

You hear me? Plucked!

Honey! Honey, open up!

Well, hi, sweetheart.

Wh-What are you
doing home so early?

Did Larry give you
the afternoon off? No.

I have a cocktail date at 5:00 with a very
important client. I came home to change.

Wait'll you see the clothes I
bought. I look magnificent in them.

Uh, sh-shouldn't I be
the one to tell you that?

You will, darling. You will.

What do you think?

I think if your client is a rock
and roll singer, you've got it made.

As a matter of fact, he's an old

conservative who never
got beyond the minuet.

Then why are you dressed
like that? You'll lose the account.

Sam, man cannot
live by accounts alone.

I've got to be me.
Young, dashing, with it.

This isn't you.

This is... Mother!

Of course. I don't know
what you're talking about.

All I know is, I'm late.

Oh, Darrin. Darrin, please.

Uh, just... just wait a minute.
I'm trying to tell you something.

Mother must have zapped
a vanity spell on you.

That's... That's why you're
behaving this way. What way?

Vain, Darrin.

An excessive or undue pride
in one's appearance, vain.

Just because I
appreciate beauty?

Darrin, believe me.

You are a victim of
mother's witchcraft.

Nonsense. Now will you please
step aside? You're blocking my view.

No! I won't step aside,

not until you change your
clothes for that meeting.

Then you leave me no choice.

Good. I'll use the
mirror in the car.

Oh, Mother.

Of all the mean,
low-down, spiteful...

Mother, I demand that you pop in here
this instant and zap that spell off Darrin.

Tate, my wife the nag
calls me a 19th-century man.

And you know what I tell
her? Uh, no, but I'd love to.

I tell her: What's so hot about the
20th century? That's very clever.

And if my wife can't change me,
what makes Stephens think he can?

He doesn't want to change you.
Believe me, he won't even try.

He'll adjust to your image.

If there's one thing about
Darrin, he's adjustable.

If there's another thing
about him, he's late.

- May I have one of those?
- What color?

A nice assortment would be fine.

Mother!

Oh. Well, all right.

If you won't unzap that spell, the
least I can do is try to save that meeting.

Roses and posies
and daisies and weeds,

come flower power,
rip off his beads.

Now needle and thread
and wool and all those,

weave Darrin into
his regular clothes.

Ah, there he is
and looking just fine.

Mr. Hascomb, you're about to
meet the real Darrin Stephens.

Sam did this.

She stole the clothes
right off my back.

Well, never mind.

You're beautiful anyway.

Ohh!

Sam!

Sam!

Sam, what have
you got all over you?

What have you got all over you?

Never mind my clothes.
Sam, you're a mess.

I was mixing some cake batter...

when I was startled by
the roar of a bull moose.

What's your excuse?
I'm sorry I startled you.

Why don't you just zap it away, like
you did with my clothes at the restaurant?

Thank you. I will.

Now. Oh, no, you
don't! Not again.

Darrin, I-I did it
for your own good.

I-I couldn't let you meet a
conservative client dressed like a...

Like a, uh... Go ahead, say it.

Like an attractive,
desirable youth.

That's hardly what
I was going to say.

We've got to rush. We're
expected at Larry's in an hour.

Hey, hold-hold it. Wh-What's
this about Larry's in an hour?

We postponed the meeting
with Hascomb until tonight.

He and his wife are
going to be there.

If anything goes wrong this
time, we'll really lose the account.

I can't wait to see myself
in my new evening jacket.

I can.

- Darrin, the door's locked.
- I know. I locked it.

Well, unlock it.

Not yet. I'll call
you when I'm ready.

Sweetheart, I have to
get dressed for dinner too.

So either open up or... or
slip my clothes under the door.

Here I come, ready or not.

I'm not ready.
Smashing, isn't it?

Blinding is the word.

It's the latest thing from Rome.

Fourteen-karat gold lamé.

Fourteen karat? Well, it
must have cost a fortune.

It did. But I'm worth it.

Well, if you're worth
it, I'm worth it too.

Why should you be the
only one who glitters?

How dare you use
witchcraft to dress.

If you can dare gold
lamé, I can dare anything.

I tell you, Sam. That dress will
have to go. It's just... too much.

Too much dress? Oh,
well, uh, I can fix that.

More witchcraft?
Yes, but less dress.

Sam, get rid of that dress.

Mm, I'll change if you change.

But if you're gonna shimmer in
gold, I'm gonna shimmer in silver.

- This is blackmail.
- It sure is.

All right, Sam, you win this
time, but I won't forget this.

Well, that's all right,
sweetheart. I'll take my chances.

Guess I'll just have to wear my
old tuxedo with the same old...

Sam, wait! Don't move! Huh?

Look at that!

When you stand in a certain light, I
can see myself all over your dress.

It-It's like a hall of mirrors.

I've never known such happiness.

Oh, Mrs. Tate, you should have
seen Stephens fall into that pool.

It was like a
silent-picture routine.

You should have
liked that, dear.

After all, silent pictures are
old-fashioned. Just your speed.

Uh, another hors d'oeuvre,
Mrs. Hascomb? Oh, why not?

Emily, that's your
sixth. Who's counting?

I am. Tate, Stephens
is late, as usual.

I wonder what he
fell into this time.

Oh, I'm sure he's on his way.

I hope he gets here before my
wife eats herself into a stupor.

That must be them.

Uh, uh, uh.

- It's not them.
- Of course it's us.

It's tomorrow night. The
dinner's tomorrow night. Go away!

Well, I'm sure that
was Darrin's voice.

Is that you, Darrin? Samantha?

Oh, uh, hi, Louise. Louise.

It is you, isn't it?

What magnificent creatures.

Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Hascomb, this
is Darrin and Samantha Stephens.

Of course, uh, Mr. Hascomb
knows Darrin already.

Tate, I was under
the impression...

this was to be a business
dinner, not a love-in.

- Emily, get your things.
- Oh, relax, Whitney.

I can see this is
gonna be a fun party.

And I think it could use
some champagne. Excuse me.

Where did you get that dress?

- It's a heavenly creation.
- How did you know?

Hascomb, do you happen to have
any of those little red pills on you?

Emily, get your things.
Mr. Hascomb, let's not act in haste...

Tate, if you think I'm going to put
the solid, conservative public image...

of Hascomb Drug
into the hands of this...

middle-aged
hippie, you're crazy.

Oh, uh, Mr. Hascomb, I'm
very sorry to hear you say that.

- Oh?
- Well, yes.

I have such respect
for all of your products.

But they don't seem to
get to the right people.

A pill. My kingdom
for a little red pill.

I've always told Whitney he
should try to reach the younger set.

Particularly with suntan lotion.

After all, the younger the
customer, the smaller the bathing suit.

And the smaller the bathing suit,
the more skin that needs suntan lotion.

They're right, you
know, Whitney.

Oh, you're
definitely not with it.

I've pointed that out
a number of times.

Emily, shut up and eat.

Uh, Mr. Hascomb, you
really should listen to Darrin.

He has his finger
on the pulse of today.

And his foot on the
unemployment line of tomorrow.

Emily, for the last
time, get your things.

Not yet, darling.

Not until you hand over the
entire Hascomb Drug account...

to this darling young man.

I think I'm
witnessing a miracle.

You're out of your mind.

Possibly. But I'm also the major
stockholder in the Hascomb Drug Company.

You gave me that gift
yourself, you know, darling.

That wasn't a gift.
That was a tax dodge.

Well, no matter.
Fifty-one percent is 51%.

And I say we take the
Hascomb image out of mothballs.

And into today's scene.

Emily, I warn you.

And I also say we take
you out of mothballs.

Mr. Stephens, may I
borrow your beads?

Well, I don't know. I don't
like to break up my ensemble.

Oh, thank you.

There, Whitney. You
already look 10 years younger.

Now, about your hair.

I could teach him to
tease it. It does wonders.

Honestly, Larry, this is what
Darrin had in mind all the time.

You mean, you two
dressed this way just to

convince Hascomb to
go after the young market?

Absolutely. Darrin knew he
had to do something dramatic.

Well, I've certainly
got to hand it to him.

And all this time, I
thought it was just vanity.

Darrin, vain?

Why, he hasn't a
vain bone in his body.

Well, come on, everyone.
How about a toast?

Ohh. Mmm. Thank you.

To youth.

To the new look in
Hascomb products.

To the good old days.

To the better new days.

To me.

All right, Samantha,
I will take the oath.

As long as the stars
remain in the sky,

as long as the water
remains in the well,

I promise I will never again
zap on Durwood another spell.

Now, I should like
a cup of café au lait.

Oh, no. Not so fast.

First, I want the
witch's honor sign.

Oh, really, Samantha. Don't you think
you're carrying this thing a bit too far?

After all, I am your mother.

Why do you only remember
that when it's convenient to you?

The witch's honor sign, please.

Oh, all right. Witch's honor.

That's better. Sweetheart,
you're not going to believe this,

but Larry just called and he...

What are you doing
in those clothes?

Never mind that. What
is she doing in my house?

I swear, Samantha. It was
not I who did it this time.

As I was about to tell you,

Larry just called to say that we've
got a whole slew of new clients...

because of the way we
handled the Hascomb account.

And he insists
that I dress the part.

I feel ridiculous.

Oh, well, now, never mind,
sweetheart. You look divine.

No, I don't. I look
like a jackass.

That can be arranged. Mother!

Well, it's the
thought that counts.