All language subtitles for Bewitched S05E04 Darrin, Gone and Forgotten

Here. Mm-hmm.

Look, sweetheart, dishpan
hands! That's terrible.

No, it isn't. It's wonderful. I've
always wanted dishpan hands.

Makes a witch feel
like she belongs.

Well, on you they look good.

Happy, sweetheart? Let's see...

I've got a beautiful
wife, a lovely daughter,

a comfortable home, a good job.

I guess I'm reasonably happy.

Why only reasonably?

I would be ecstatically
happy if you were an orphan.

Another remark like
that, and I'll be a widow.

Honey, I was only joking.

It's jokes like that that can
get you turned into an artichoke.

Besides, I thought you and Mother
were getting along rather well lately.

You're almost on speaking terms.

Let's hope it stays almost.

How about a little
after-dinner drink?

All right. Let's have something
different and marvelous and exotic.

Scotch and soda? Delicious.

Darrin, why don't you try
a new approach to Mother?

Well, she's not
all bad, you know.

She does have a good side. All
you have to do is find it and get on it.

I'll admit that's not easy,
but I think it's worth a try.

Don't you, sweetheart?

Don't you?

Darrin, just because I said
Mother has a good side...

doesn't mean you have
to stop talking to me.

Darrin?

Darrin?

Darrin?

Darrin!

Darrin?

Wha... Mother.

Mother?

I demand that you appear before
me immediately, and no stalling.

I hope you have good news.

You just plucked
me off a coral reef.

Don't be cute.

I'm not being cute.

I was skin diving in the Bahamas
with Jacques Yves Cousteau.

Now, if you'll just excuse me...

Mother, Darrin is
gone, and you know it.

Oh, you do have good news.

Now tell me.

You tell me. Where is he?

Very well.

I'll tell you, straight out,

I haven't the foggiest.

N-N-Now, Mother,

I-I'm sorry to have
to ask you to do this,

but, uh, repeat after me...

Spiders that
crawl, bats that fly,

silence my tongue
if I'm telling a lie.

Samantha, get hold of yourself.

I'd like to take credit for
Durwood's disappearance,

but I give you my word, I
had nothing to do with it.

You didn't? No.

Then where is he?

Well, I don't know.

Oh!

Oh!

N-Now... Now, Mother,
let's be calm about this.

I am calm. I'm
positively serene.

It's you who are all stoked up.

Mother, Darrin's gone,
and somebody's got him.

Who'd want him?

Now, who would...
Uncle Arthur. That's it.

Uncle Arthur is using Darrin
for one of his practical jokes.

Well, why would he
do a thing like that?

Durwood is already
a practical joke.

Mother!

But why would...

Uncle Arthur is cooking
up one of his mad, wild...

That wasn't Uncle Arthur.

No, it certainly was not.

- Well, who was it?
- I haven't the slightest idea.

I hope.

Carlotta.

Endora, darling...

how nice to see you
again after all these years.

You're a sight for sore eyes.

Oh, thank you, my dear Carlotta,

and you're a sight too.

Uh, M-Mother... M-M-Mother, I hate
to... to barge into this reunion, but...

Ah, you're Samantha.

Right. Who are you?

What a beautiful
creature you are.

You don't look at
all like your mother.

M-M-Mother, please,
pull in your claws.

Uh, Carlotta, you must
be here for some reason.

Does it involve Darrin?

Aren't you going to offer
me something to drink?

We're fresh out of hemlock.

Oh, now stop it, you two.

My husband's gone, and you
two are playing cat and cat.

She's right. Enough
of this merriment.

Endora... What?

Haven't you told Samantha
about... our little deal?

It must have slipped my mind.

Very well. I'll tell
you about it myself.

It seems that at the
turn of the century...

Vanity prevents
my naming which...

Your mother promised the
hand of her firstborn daughter...

to my firstborn son.

- Huh?
- Oh, I...

vaguely remember
something like that.

When the planet Icarus...

passes between Pluto
and Jupiter, I collect.

Oh, you're both mad.

But not half as
mad as I'm getting.

Oh, it was eons ago,
darling. Eons ago at a party.

Carlotta, get this straight,

I am already married.

Marriages to
mortals don't count.

You bring him back
here this instant.

But of course, my dear.

Now, where shall we put him?

The telly might be fun.

Help!

Sam! Oh!

Oh, now, Darrin, don't you
worry. I'll get you out of there.

Relax. Those aren't
animals chasing him.

They are only animal sounds.

Aaah!

And if you refuse to
marry my son, Juke,

your precious Darrin will be
running from those sounds forever.

Carlotta, it's witches like you
that give us all a bad name.

Thank you.

Mother, how could you make such
a primitive marital arrangement?

They did that sort of
thing in the Middle Ages.

I... I think it was
in the Middle Ages.

Are you ready to
go and meet Juke?

Um, C-Carlotta, wh-why
don't the two of us sit down...

and discuss this
thing like intelligent...

Help! Help!

I'm ready.

Sam!

Don't worry, Samantha.
I'll think of something.

- I hope so.
- And I'll take good care
of Tabitha for you.

Just don't marry her
off while I'm gone.

And this is Juke's room.

He's so proud of all his pinups.

W...

Why, all these
pictures are of me!

But of course. Juke has
been in love with you...

ever since he was a baby.

But he's never even met me.

Just a formality.

Mother? M-Mother, I'm home.

We're up here, darling.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I am late,

but I ran into some old
school friends and we were...

Oh, that's all right, darling.
Juke, dear, we have a guest.

It's Samantha.

Hello, Juke. Hi.

Shake her hand, dear.

That's enough.

Now then, Juke dear,

who always keeps her
word? You do, Mother.

And who promised that someday
you would have Samantha as your wife?

You did, Mother.

And what a handsome
couple you will make.

Glorious.

Remember, Samantha...

Wh... Wh... W-What's that?

Just your mother's
depraved sense of humor.

Ta-ta.

I... I didn't put up any of those
pictures of you, Samantha.

My... My mother did.

Here's another one
with dear cousin Serena.

Hey, how about her?

No, Mother made up her
mind. It's got to be you.

Don't you ever talk
back to your mother?

Of course I do.

Lots of times. Good.
Then all we have to do is...

I talk back to her when
she's asleep or in the shower.

You should have heard me tell
her off when she was down on Earth.

I was magnificent. Groovy.

It's amazing with a mother like that
how I turned out so well-adjusted.

Juke, there's one
thing we can do.

What's that? You'll
have to stand up to her.

No, think of
another thing to do.

Oh, come on, Juke.
You can do it. Just try.

Y-You're wrong. I can't change
the pattern of a lifetime just like that.

After all, the roots of
my cowardice run deep.

But you're a warlock.

No, warlock "schmorlock."

Juke, look,

maybe if you'd act like a warlock,
you'd begin to feel like one.

Well, I... I guess I can try.

What did you say?

I said... I'll try, Samantha.

That's better.

Now, l-let's practice. Just
pretend that I'm your mother.

Yes, ma'am.

Juke, I thought
you said you'd try.

Oh. I-I-I will.

I will. Let's do it again.

Yeah, well, okay, sit down.

Now, here goes. Now, y-you
make believe I'm your mother.

Mm-hmm. Good morning, Juke.

What's good about it?

Juke, just because
you're a warlock...

doesn't mean you
have to be nasty.

Just stand up for your rights.

Stand up. Your rights.

Rights. I gotcha. I
gotcha. Mm-hmm.

Good morning, Juke darling.

Good morning, Mother.

It is such a beautiful day. Why
don't you and I take a fly in the sky?

I'd rather not, Mother.

Juke, Mother wants
you to go flying with her.

I've made other plans. I'm flying
with some of the guys to the Riviera.

That's it, Juke. Keep
up the good work.

Mother does not like you
to fly so far from home.

- Tough!
- I positively forbid it!

Tough and double-tough.

I'm a warlock, and
what I say goes.

Bravo, Juke. How do you feel?

Strong, like the warlock I am.

Take me to the enemy.

W...

Mother, let's get
one thing straight.

Juke, dear, you're
blocking my sun.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Mother, I will not fly with you
today, so don't even bother to ask me.

And furthermore... Juke, dear,

be a good boy and bring
Mother a cup of iced nectar.

Not only am I an adult, I'm a warlock,
which is the strongest thing around.

Juke, Mother is thirsty.

And what I say goes because
every witch knows my word is...

- Juke!
- Would you like cream
or lemon in your nectar?

Lemon.

Oh, Samantha, you're back.

The wedding's off, right?

Wrong. It's still on.

And the irony of it is that Juke
doesn't even want to marry me.

Well, then there's no problem.

You don't know Juke.

Carlotta has him
very well trained.

On command, he sits
and heels. He even fetches.

Oh, Samantha, what a shame.

A shame is getting a
run in your stocking.

This is a catastrophe.

Oh, I'm afraid, my darling, that
you'll have to go through with it.

Carlotta's a very
powerful witch.

As strong as she is,

she must have a
weakness, an Achilles' heel.

As a matter of fact,
she has Achilles' heel.

It's bronzed and mounted
on her mantelpiece.

Yet there's something about
her, something vulnerable.

I warn you, Samantha.

Zap for zap, she's unbeatable.

Mother, I'm not going to
fight her with witchcraft.

I've just thought of a much
more powerful weapon.

That's Carlotta's calling card.

She always was one
for a big entrance.

I think I'll make a little exit.

Oh!

How dare you desert my son!

Perhaps you have forgotten...

Help!

Help!

The next time I put animals
behind those sounds.

You dare to yawn in
the jaws of my power?

Carlotta, your threats
are beginning to bore me.

Very well, Samantha,
you asked for it.

Lions and tigers,
after your prey,

Darrin Stephens
is your feast today.

Mother, please wait.

Samantha, she means it.
She's serious. She'll really do it.

Let her.

Let her? Let me?

Yes.

Do you know what your
problem is, Carlotta?

Oversell.

You don't have enough
faith in your own son.

Well, that's true, Mother.
You'll have to admit that.

Juke is warm and sensitive.

- You think so?
- Of course.

And how could I
resist that personality,

that charm, that wit.

Well, after all, he
is his mother's son.

And his looks...

He's also his father's son.

Gee, Samantha, I...

I should have tried
to play down my

attractiveness. I'm
sorry it got out of hand.

I owe you a great debt, Juke.

Being married to a mortal
was a strain. You've set me free.

I think this calls for
a little celebration.

Champagne. For our
new, happy little family.

To our new family.

What's the matter, Juke? You're
not drinking. Don't you like the toast?

Of course he does. It's
just that he doesn't drink.

- It gives him flushes.
- It does not.

Mother says it does.

Nonsense. One little
drink can't hurt him.

I am his mother.
And if I say no, it's no.

I am his wife-to-be,
and I say yes.

Well, I guess he could
have one little drink.

Good.

To our new life together.

Gee! Oh, I like this stuff.

Samantha, you're going
to make a great wife.

Oh, well, that's only
the beginning, Juke.

Beginning?

What beginning?

Of the new Juke. For instance...

Look at the way he's dressed.
Where'd you get that suit, Juke?

M-M-Mother zapped it for me.

Well, it'll have to go.

I-I'm beautiful.

Groovy. Ghastly.

A wife has something to say about the
way her husband dresses, and I say...

I am his mother, and I say...

Hold it!

I-I'm the wearer,
and I say... it stays.

Well, all of this will straighten
out when you are married...

and come home to live.

Oh, surely you don't think
we're gonna live with you?

Atta-witch, Samantha.

But don't worry, Carlotta.
You'll have visitation rights.

You will allow me
to visit my own son?

Oh, well, of course.
I'm not heartless.

Uh, you can visit him
every other Sunday.

And you can always phone me.

- Juke!
- Nah-ah-ah.

You may look, but don't touch.

This marriage is off!

Oh. Oh. Oh, no, this
marriage is not off.

What? Mother, I've
been thinking lately.

You shouldn't think too
much. It makes you bald.

I've been thinking.

A deal is a deal. I'm
going to marry Samantha.

- Juke...
- Ah-ah-ah.

Just come home with me, and I
won't ever tell you what to do again.

She won't even suggest.

Well, let's see.

First of all, I dig
these clothes.

What you dig is all I desire.

And another thing, I'm
gonna live on my own cloud.

No. That's where
I draw the line.

♪♪

♪♪

Uh, Juke... Juke,
a-at least, um,

get a cloud on the same
block as your mother.

Well... Well, okay.
Now, pop off, Mother.

I'll be right there. W-W-Wait...
Now, w-wait a minute.

What... What about Darrin?

I will send Darrin to you as
soon as you send Juke to me.

Ta-ta.

Um, I hate to rush you, Juke...
Oh, I'm leaving. I'm leaving.

I did want to thank you, though, for
showing me how to handle my mother.

Oh, anytime. A-And, Samantha,

if you ever get tired of
being married to a mortal,

I'll be around.

I think I'll make mine a double.

I think I'll have a
double too. A double?

Well, it's been
quite an evening.

I'll drink to that.

There is nothing like a nice, quiet
evening at home, just the two of us.

You're right. There's
nothing quite like it.

Just in time for my
second cup of café au lait.

Sorry, Mother dear, but I'm down
to my last drop. Oh, well, no matter.

I prefer instant coffee anyway.

What are you doing up so early?

Or haven't you
been to sleep yet?

I bring news, Samantha.

A letter from Juke.

Oh! Well, it's been months
since his emancipation.

I was wondering how
he was getting along.

Well, he says that he...
How... Mother, you didn't!

Of course not.

How could you think that I'd...

What does the dear boy say?

"Dear Samantha, Just a note to let you
know that I found the right girl for me,

and we're getting married."

Isn't that wonderful?

Go on.

"And just as soon as my wife decides
when we're going on our honeymoon...

"and when we're coming back
and where we're going to live,

"I'll let you know,
and you can visit us.

"That is if my
wife will allow it.

Love, Juke."

Oh, Mother!

You're such a
naughty witch. I know.