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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,942 --> 00:00:14,900 It all began on New Year's Day... 2 00:00:14,942 --> 00:00:18,192 in my thirty-second year of being single. 3 00:00:19,483 --> 00:00:21,858 Once again, I found myself on my own... 4 00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:26,108 and going to my mother's annual turkey curry buffet. 5 00:00:26,150 --> 00:00:27,733 Every year, she tries to fix me up... 6 00:00:27,733 --> 00:00:30,108 with some bushy-haired, middle-aged bore... 7 00:00:30,150 --> 00:00:33,358 and I feared this year would be no exception. 8 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,233 There you are, dumpling. 9 00:00:35,275 --> 00:00:36,900 My mum-- 10 00:00:36,942 --> 00:00:38,317 a strange creature from the time... 11 00:00:38,358 --> 00:00:39,692 when pickles on tooth picks... 12 00:00:39,733 --> 00:00:41,233 were still the height of sophistication. 13 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,900 Doilies, Pam? Hello, Bridget. 14 00:00:42,942 --> 00:00:45,067 Third drawer from the top, Una. 15 00:00:45,108 --> 00:00:47,067 Under the mini gherkins. 16 00:00:47,067 --> 00:00:51,275 By the way, the Darcys are here. They brought Mark with them. 17 00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:52,900 Ah, here we go. 18 00:00:52,942 --> 00:00:54,317 You remember Mark. 19 00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:56,025 You used to play in his paddling pool. 20 00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:57,900 He's a barrister. Very well off. 21 00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:59,942 No, I don't remember. 22 00:00:59,983 --> 00:01:01,900 He's divorced, apparently. 23 00:01:01,942 --> 00:01:04,400 His wife was Japanese. Very cruel race. 24 00:01:04,442 --> 00:01:06,108 Now, what are you going to put on? 25 00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:07,275 This. 26 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,192 Oh, don't be silly, Bridget. 27 00:01:09,233 --> 00:01:10,358 You'll never get a boyfriend... 28 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,358 if you look like you've wandered out of Auschwitz. 29 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:13,400 Now, run upstairs. 30 00:01:13,442 --> 00:01:15,400 I've laid out something lovely on your bed. 31 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,483 Tsk. 32 00:01:18,692 --> 00:01:22,483 You're just too good to be true 33 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,900 Can't take my eyes off of you 34 00:01:24,942 --> 00:01:29,317 Great. I was wearing a carpet. 35 00:01:29,317 --> 00:01:31,150 There she is. 36 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:35,150 My little Bridget 37 00:01:35,192 --> 00:01:37,692 Hi, Uncle Geoffrey. Ha ha. 38 00:01:37,733 --> 00:01:39,025 -Hmm. Had a drink? -No. 39 00:01:39,067 --> 00:01:40,317 No? Come on, then. 40 00:01:40,358 --> 00:01:42,067 Actually, not my uncle. 41 00:01:42,108 --> 00:01:43,858 Someone who insists I call him uncle... 42 00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:45,233 while he gropes my ass... 43 00:01:45,275 --> 00:01:48,358 and asks me the question dreaded by all Singletons. 44 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,442 So...how's your love life? 45 00:01:51,483 --> 00:01:53,692 Super. Thanks, Uncle G. 46 00:01:53,733 --> 00:01:55,733 Still no fellow, then, eh? I don't know. 47 00:01:55,733 --> 00:01:58,233 You career girls. Can't put it off forever. 48 00:01:58,275 --> 00:02:00,150 Tick-tock, tick-tock. 49 00:02:00,192 --> 00:02:02,733 -Hello, Dad. -Hello, darling. 50 00:02:02,775 --> 00:02:04,317 How's it going? 51 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,942 Torture. 52 00:02:05,983 --> 00:02:08,900 Your mother is trying to fix you up with some divorcee. 53 00:02:08,942 --> 00:02:10,317 Uhh. 54 00:02:10,358 --> 00:02:13,442 Human-rights barrister. Pretty nasty beast, apparently. 55 00:02:13,483 --> 00:02:16,900 Hoo. Ding-dong. 56 00:02:16,942 --> 00:02:19,775 Maybe this time Mum had got it right. 57 00:02:19,817 --> 00:02:23,150 Come on. Why don't we see if Mark fancies a gherkin? 58 00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:25,150 Good luck. 59 00:02:25,233 --> 00:02:26,733 Mark? 60 00:02:26,775 --> 00:02:29,442 Maybe this was the mysterious Mr. Right... 61 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,275 I'd been waiting my whole life to meet. 62 00:02:32,317 --> 00:02:35,400 You remember Bridget. 63 00:02:35,442 --> 00:02:37,192 Maybe not. 64 00:02:37,233 --> 00:02:38,983 She's used to run around your lawn... 65 00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:41,192 with no clothes on, remember? 66 00:02:41,233 --> 00:02:43,275 Uh, no, not as such. 67 00:02:44,983 --> 00:02:46,192 Come and look at your gravy, Pam. 68 00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:48,108 I think it's going to need sieving. 69 00:02:48,150 --> 00:02:49,317 Of course it doesn't need sieving. 70 00:02:49,358 --> 00:02:51,108 Just stir it, Una. 71 00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:54,358 Yes, of course. I'll be right there. 72 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,358 Sorry. Lumpy gravy calls. 73 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,858 Let me love you 74 00:03:01,358 --> 00:03:04,317 -So...ha. -So. 75 00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:07,483 You staying at your parents' for New Year? 76 00:03:07,692 --> 00:03:09,067 -Yes. -Mmm. 77 00:03:09,108 --> 00:03:10,483 -You? -Oh, no, no, no. 78 00:03:10,692 --> 00:03:12,692 I was in London at a party last night... 79 00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:15,025 so I'm afraid I'm a bit hung over. 80 00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:16,983 Wish I could be lying with my head in the toilet... 81 00:03:17,025 --> 00:03:18,483 Like all normal people. 82 00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:23,192 New Year's resolution-- drink less. 83 00:03:23,233 --> 00:03:26,192 Oh, and quit smoking. Mmm. Ha. 84 00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:28,900 -Oh. -Oh. Ha. 85 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,317 And keep New Year's resolutions. 86 00:03:33,108 --> 00:03:36,067 Oh. And, uh... 87 00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:39,025 stop talking total nonsense to strangers. 88 00:03:39,067 --> 00:03:41,358 In fact, stop talking, full stop. 89 00:03:41,358 --> 00:03:44,942 Yes, well, perhaps it's time to eat. 90 00:03:44,983 --> 00:03:45,942 Mmm. 91 00:03:45,983 --> 00:03:47,817 I need you, baby 92 00:03:47,817 --> 00:03:48,775 Apparently... 93 00:03:49,733 --> 00:03:50,858 she lives just 'round the corner from you. 94 00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:53,442 Mother, I do not need a blind date. 95 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,108 Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster... 96 00:03:56,150 --> 00:03:57,942 who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish... 97 00:03:57,983 --> 00:04:00,025 and dresses like her mother. 98 00:04:02,692 --> 00:04:04,400 Yummy. 99 00:04:04,442 --> 00:04:06,317 Turkey curry. 100 00:04:06,317 --> 00:04:08,192 My favorite. 101 00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:11,067 And that was it. Right there. 102 00:04:11,108 --> 00:04:14,025 Right there. That was the moment. 103 00:04:16,233 --> 00:04:19,442 I suddenly realized that unless some thing changed soon... 104 00:04:19,483 --> 00:04:22,108 I was going to live a life where my major relationship... 105 00:04:22,150 --> 00:04:24,025 was with a bottle of wine... 106 00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:27,233 and I'd finally die fat and alone... 107 00:04:27,275 --> 00:04:31,067 and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs. 108 00:04:31,108 --> 00:04:33,733 Or I was about to turn into Glenn Close... 109 00:04:33,775 --> 00:04:35,192 in "Fatal Attraction." 110 00:04:36,817 --> 00:04:43,067 All by myself 111 00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:45,025 Don't wanna be 112 00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:49,400 All by myself 113 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,400 Anymore 114 00:04:52,442 --> 00:04:55,025 You have no messages. 115 00:05:21,317 --> 00:05:23,233 When I was young 116 00:05:24,817 --> 00:05:28,192 I never needed anyone 117 00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:34,483 And making' love was just for fun 118 00:05:36,817 --> 00:05:39,358 Those days are gone 119 00:05:44,733 --> 00:05:49,733 All by myself 120 00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:52,483 Don't wanna be 121 00:05:52,692 --> 00:05:57,067 All by myself 122 00:05:57,108 --> 00:06:02,067 Anymore 123 00:06:02,108 --> 00:06:05,983 Ohh 124 00:06:05,983 --> 00:06:07,983 Ohh 125 00:06:08,025 --> 00:06:09,108 Oh-oh-oh 126 00:06:18,317 --> 00:06:23,775 All by myself 127 00:06:24,817 --> 00:06:27,942 Don't wanna live... 128 00:06:27,983 --> 00:06:30,025 And so I made a major decision. 129 00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:31,483 I had to make sure that next year... 130 00:06:31,483 --> 00:06:34,775 I wouldn't end up shit-faced and listening to sad FM... 131 00:06:34,817 --> 00:06:37,233 easy-listening for the over-thirties. 132 00:06:37,275 --> 00:06:40,192 I decided to take control of my life... 133 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,733 and start a diary... 134 00:06:41,775 --> 00:06:44,442 to tell the truth about Bridget Jones... 135 00:06:44,483 --> 00:06:45,817 the whole truth. 136 00:06:47,233 --> 00:06:49,358 Resolution number one-- ohh-- 137 00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:51,192 obviously will I lose twenty pounds. 138 00:06:51,192 --> 00:06:52,108 Number two... 139 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:54,692 always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. 140 00:06:54,733 --> 00:06:56,108 Equally important... 141 00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:58,775 will find nice sensible boyfriend to go out with... 142 00:06:58,817 --> 00:07:00,817 and not continue to form romantic attachments... 143 00:07:00,858 --> 00:07:02,358 to any of the following... 144 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,775 alcoholics, workaholics, commitment-phobics... 145 00:07:04,817 --> 00:07:06,150 peepingtoms, megalomaniacs... 146 00:07:06,150 --> 00:07:08,067 emotional fuck wits, or perverts. 147 00:07:08,108 --> 00:07:10,775 And especially will not fantasize... 148 00:07:10,817 --> 00:07:15,358 about a particular person who embodies all these things. 149 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,442 What you want 150 00:07:18,692 --> 00:07:20,775 Baby, I got 151 00:07:20,817 --> 00:07:22,483 What you need 152 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,108 Do you know I got it? 153 00:07:24,150 --> 00:07:27,483 Unfortunately, he just happens to be my boss... 154 00:07:27,733 --> 00:07:29,775 Editor-in-Chief, Daniel Cleaver. 155 00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,692 And for various slightly unfair reasons... 156 00:07:31,692 --> 00:07:33,942 relating to this year's Christmas party... 157 00:07:33,983 --> 00:07:37,817 I suspect he does not fantasize about me. 158 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,983 Oh 159 00:07:40,025 --> 00:07:44,150 Can't live 160 00:07:44,192 --> 00:07:47,858 If living is without you 161 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:52,442 I can't live 162 00:07:52,483 --> 00:07:54,108 Can't give anymore 163 00:07:54,150 --> 00:07:56,692 Or maybe I'm wrong. 164 00:07:56,733 --> 00:07:57,858 Huh? 165 00:08:06,483 --> 00:08:08,317 Ah. 166 00:08:08,358 --> 00:08:10,692 Happy New Year, Mr. Fitzherbert. 167 00:08:10,733 --> 00:08:12,067 Happy New Year, Brenda. 168 00:08:12,108 --> 00:08:14,775 Mr. Fitzherbert-- Tits Pervert, more like. 169 00:08:14,817 --> 00:08:16,692 Daniel's boss who stares freely at my breasts... 170 00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:19,483 with no idea who lam or what I do. 171 00:08:19,692 --> 00:08:21,858 Morning. I need that "Kafka's Motor bike" release... 172 00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:23,067 by 11:00. 173 00:08:23,108 --> 00:08:25,733 Perpetua-- slightly senior... 174 00:08:25,775 --> 00:08:27,775 and therefore thinks she's in charge of me. 175 00:08:27,817 --> 00:08:28,983 Most of the time... 176 00:08:29,025 --> 00:08:31,692 I just want to staple things to her head. 177 00:08:32,942 --> 00:08:34,108 Publicity. 178 00:08:34,150 --> 00:08:36,067 All I asked-- I only asked... 179 00:08:36,108 --> 00:08:38,858 if he wanted to come on a mini-break to Paris... 180 00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:40,858 Daily call from Jude. Best friend. 181 00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:42,817 Head of investment at Brightlings Bank... 182 00:08:42,858 --> 00:08:44,400 who spends most of her time... 183 00:08:44,442 --> 00:08:47,317 trapped in the lady's toilet, crying over fuck wit boyfriend. 184 00:08:47,317 --> 00:08:48,942 I'm too needy. 185 00:08:48,983 --> 00:08:50,483 Am I codependent? 186 00:08:50,692 --> 00:08:52,067 No, you're not. 187 00:08:52,108 --> 00:08:54,192 It's not you. You're lovely. 188 00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:56,150 It's Vile Richard. 189 00:08:56,192 --> 00:08:59,108 Ugh. He's just a big knob head with no knob. 190 00:09:01,025 --> 00:09:05,442 Is some people's opinion of Kafka... 191 00:09:05,483 --> 00:09:07,400 but they couldn't be more wrong. 192 00:09:07,442 --> 00:09:08,942 This book is a searing vision... 193 00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:11,108 of the wounds our century has inflicted on-- 194 00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,025 on traditional masculinity. 195 00:09:13,025 --> 00:09:16,067 It's positively Vonnegut-esque. 196 00:09:16,108 --> 00:09:18,067 Thank you for calling, Professor Leavis. 197 00:09:19,358 --> 00:09:22,150 Guest list for launch party. 198 00:09:22,192 --> 00:09:23,358 Ah. 199 00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:28,317 Was that...F.R. Leavis? 200 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,817 Mm-hmm. 201 00:09:30,817 --> 00:09:32,025 Wow. 202 00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:33,358 Huh. 203 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,108 The F.R. Leavis... 204 00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:37,858 who wrote "Mass Civilization and Minority Culture"? 205 00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:39,400 Mm-hmm. 206 00:09:39,442 --> 00:09:43,150 The F.R. Leavis who died in 1978? 207 00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:47,983 Amazing. 208 00:09:50,692 --> 00:09:52,442 Emergency summit with urban family... 209 00:09:52,483 --> 00:09:54,900 for coherent discussion of career crisis. 210 00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:57,192 Fuck 'em. Fuck the lot of them. 211 00:09:57,233 --> 00:09:59,275 Tell them they can stick fucking Leavis... 212 00:09:59,358 --> 00:10:01,150 up their fucking asses. 213 00:10:01,192 --> 00:10:03,775 Good, good. That's very useful, very useful. 214 00:10:03,817 --> 00:10:05,317 Shazzer--journalist... 215 00:10:05,317 --> 00:10:07,150 I likes to say "fuck" a lot. 216 00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:09,775 And, Jude, what would you do if one of your assistants... 217 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,025 made a harmless little mistake like that? 218 00:10:12,067 --> 00:10:13,400 I'd fire you, Bridge. 219 00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:15,150 Excellent. 220 00:10:15,192 --> 00:10:17,400 Is that Cleaver chap still as cute as ever? 221 00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:18,858 Oh, God, yes. 222 00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:20,858 Then I think a well-timed blow job's... 223 00:10:20,858 --> 00:10:21,983 probably the best answer. 224 00:10:22,025 --> 00:10:23,358 - Ohh. - Oh, you love it. 225 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,692 Are you that chap that sang that song? 226 00:10:25,733 --> 00:10:27,442 Yes. Yes, I am. 227 00:10:27,483 --> 00:10:29,150 Tom-- Eighties pop icon 228 00:10:29,192 --> 00:10:31,275 who only wrote one hit record... 229 00:10:31,317 --> 00:10:33,275 then retired because he found that one record... 230 00:10:33,317 --> 00:10:34,775 was quite enough to get him laid... 231 00:10:34,817 --> 00:10:36,275 for the whole of the Nineties. 232 00:10:36,317 --> 00:10:38,942 -Great song. -Thank you so much. 233 00:10:38,983 --> 00:10:40,358 Total poof, of course. 234 00:10:40,358 --> 00:10:42,358 -More vodka? -No. 235 00:10:42,358 --> 00:10:45,275 Yes. Fill her up, God damn it. 236 00:10:45,317 --> 00:10:46,942 At least now I'm in my thirties... 237 00:10:46,983 --> 00:10:48,150 I can hold my drink. 238 00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:52,067 Ohh! Whoops. 239 00:10:52,108 --> 00:10:55,358 -Mind the step. -She's fine. Drive on. 240 00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:59,983 Apparently F.R. Leavis is coming. 241 00:11:01,983 --> 00:11:03,983 Afternoon, Bridget. 242 00:11:04,067 --> 00:11:07,150 What do you mean you're going on holiday? 243 00:11:07,192 --> 00:11:10,108 Well, what about Julia? 244 00:11:12,192 --> 00:11:15,358 Does she have to go to the funeral? 245 00:11:39,692 --> 00:11:42,275 Listen, we got a little problem... 246 00:11:44,192 --> 00:11:47,192 The only problem is the kitchen. 247 00:11:47,233 --> 00:11:49,150 Quite frankly, there isn't room... 248 00:11:49,192 --> 00:11:52,275 Message Mr. Cleaver. 249 00:11:52,317 --> 00:11:54,858 Am appalled by message. 250 00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:58,900 Skirt is demonstrably neither sick nor absent. 251 00:11:58,942 --> 00:12:01,983 Appalled by management's blatantly size-ist attitude... 252 00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,233 to skirt. 253 00:12:03,275 --> 00:12:06,942 Suggest management sick, not skirt! 254 00:12:06,983 --> 00:12:08,983 That's quite ridiculous. 255 00:12:08,983 --> 00:12:11,150 Ooh. Oh, I see. 256 00:12:11,192 --> 00:12:12,900 Hang on. Hang on. 257 00:12:20,025 --> 00:12:22,483 Right. Yeah. 258 00:12:22,692 --> 00:12:24,442 No, I understand that. 259 00:12:24,483 --> 00:12:26,233 I understand that perfectly. 260 00:12:31,775 --> 00:12:34,192 Very bad start to the year. 261 00:12:34,233 --> 00:12:36,067 Have been seduced by informality... 262 00:12:36,108 --> 00:12:39,358 of messaging medium into flirting with office scoundrel. 263 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:43,858 Will persevere with resolution to find a nice sensible man. 264 00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:47,692 Will put a stop to flirting... first thing tomorrow. 265 00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:49,150 Good plan. 266 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:57,942 Don't get me wrong 267 00:12:58,025 --> 00:12:59,275 If walking past office... 268 00:12:59,317 --> 00:13:01,192 was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt... 269 00:13:01,192 --> 00:13:03,442 can only say that it has failed parlously. 270 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,025 Cleave. 271 00:13:05,067 --> 00:13:08,150 Shut up, please. I'm very busy and important. 272 00:13:08,192 --> 00:13:10,983 P.S. How dare you sexually harass me... 273 00:13:11,025 --> 00:13:13,317 in this impertinent manner. 274 00:13:13,358 --> 00:13:14,817 Message Jones. 275 00:13:14,817 --> 00:13:16,067 Mortified to have caused offense. 276 00:13:16,108 --> 00:13:18,483 Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. 277 00:13:18,692 --> 00:13:20,150 Deeply apologetic. 278 00:13:20,192 --> 00:13:22,858 P.S. Like your tits in that top. 279 00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:26,233 I'm thinking about the fire works 280 00:13:26,275 --> 00:13:28,317 Mustn't read too much into it, no. 281 00:13:28,358 --> 00:13:30,150 Dum lum dee dum 282 00:13:30,192 --> 00:13:32,942 Dum dum dee dum, dum dum dee dum dum 283 00:13:32,983 --> 00:13:34,233 And it all began, of course... 284 00:13:34,275 --> 00:13:36,192 with some very irresponsible e-mailing... 285 00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:38,442 over Bridget's non-existent skirt. 286 00:13:38,483 --> 00:13:42,108 If I split like light refracted 287 00:13:43,817 --> 00:13:46,400 I'm only off to wander 288 00:13:47,858 --> 00:13:50,817 Daniel. The New York office for you. 289 00:13:50,817 --> 00:13:53,692 Yeah, tell them I'll get back to them. 290 00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:56,775 Once in a while 291 00:14:05,108 --> 00:14:06,775 Daniel. 292 00:14:06,817 --> 00:14:07,983 Jones-- 293 00:14:08,025 --> 00:14:10,108 -Evening, Kenneth. -Good evening, Daniel. 294 00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:15,858 If you've got a moment... 295 00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:17,275 I'd like a word before you leave tonight. 296 00:14:17,317 --> 00:14:18,858 Yes, certainly. 297 00:14:22,025 --> 00:14:24,192 -I'll see you in a sec. -Excellent. 298 00:14:24,233 --> 00:14:25,775 -And, Brenda... -Yes? 299 00:14:25,817 --> 00:14:27,358 At the "Kafka's Motor bike" thing... 300 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,400 I thought it might be fun if you introduce me... 301 00:14:29,442 --> 00:14:30,817 before I introduce him. 302 00:14:30,817 --> 00:14:32,775 Add a lovely sense of occasion. 303 00:14:34,817 --> 00:14:36,400 Certainly, sir. 304 00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,275 Hmm. 305 00:14:38,317 --> 00:14:40,900 Tch. Brenda, listen. 306 00:14:40,942 --> 00:14:42,483 What are you doing tonight? 307 00:14:42,692 --> 00:14:44,150 Actually, I'm busy. 308 00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:47,983 All right. Well, that's a shame. I just, uh... 309 00:14:48,025 --> 00:14:49,442 well, I thought it might be a charitable thing... 310 00:14:49,483 --> 00:14:50,900 to take your skirt out for dinner... 311 00:14:50,942 --> 00:14:52,067 and try and fatten it up a bit. 312 00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:54,775 -Hmm. -Maybe you can come, too. 313 00:14:54,817 --> 00:14:56,942 What about tomorrow? 314 00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,025 No. Tomorrow's the launch. 315 00:14:59,067 --> 00:15:00,817 Ah, yes, of course. 316 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,900 Possibly the worst book ever published. 317 00:15:02,942 --> 00:15:07,692 Well, in the end, that's not the ad line we've gone for. 318 00:15:07,733 --> 00:15:09,275 Next night? 319 00:15:09,317 --> 00:15:10,775 Let's see, shall we? 320 00:15:11,983 --> 00:15:13,358 Good night, Daniel. 321 00:15:13,358 --> 00:15:15,858 Right. No pressure, Bridge... 322 00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:19,442 but your whole future happiness now depends on how you behave... 323 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:21,192 on this one social occasion. 324 00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:22,983 Right. What should I do? 325 00:15:23,025 --> 00:15:24,858 First, look gorgeous. 326 00:15:35,192 --> 00:15:36,400 Ohh! 327 00:15:36,442 --> 00:15:39,442 Ow! Gooh! 328 00:15:39,692 --> 00:15:44,067 Two--then totally ignore Daniel and suck up to famous authors. 329 00:15:44,108 --> 00:15:45,775 Salman. 330 00:15:45,817 --> 00:15:47,733 Salman. Salman. 331 00:15:47,775 --> 00:15:50,025 Circulate. 332 00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:52,150 Oozing intelligence. 333 00:15:52,192 --> 00:15:54,275 Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? 334 00:15:54,317 --> 00:15:56,983 Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? 335 00:15:57,025 --> 00:15:58,400 Chech-nya! 336 00:15:58,442 --> 00:16:00,150 Introduce people with thoughtful details... 337 00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:02,317 such as, "Sheila... 338 00:16:02,358 --> 00:16:04,858 "This is Daniel. Daniel, this is Sheila. 339 00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,817 "Sheila enjoys horse-riding and comes from New Zealand. 340 00:16:07,858 --> 00:16:09,942 "Daniel enjoys publishing and comes--" 341 00:16:09,983 --> 00:16:11,150 All over your face? 342 00:16:11,192 --> 00:16:12,317 Exactly. 343 00:16:12,358 --> 00:16:13,858 Excuse me. 344 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,233 I'm terribly sorry to interrupt you... 345 00:16:16,233 --> 00:16:18,108 when you're having dinner. It's just that-- 346 00:16:18,150 --> 00:16:20,983 Yes. Yes, it was me. 347 00:16:20,983 --> 00:16:23,233 Yes. Nine years ago. 348 00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:25,150 No current plans to record anything else. 349 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:26,442 Thank you so much. 350 00:16:26,483 --> 00:16:28,275 Oh, it's just that, ahem... 351 00:16:28,317 --> 00:16:31,483 your--your chair is on my wife's coat. 352 00:16:33,150 --> 00:16:34,942 Your--your chair on the... 353 00:16:34,983 --> 00:16:36,983 Of course it is. Of course it is. 354 00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:38,692 Thank you so much. Thank you. 355 00:16:38,733 --> 00:16:41,108 Hmm. Major dilemma. 356 00:16:41,150 --> 00:16:42,900 If actually do, by some terrible chance... 357 00:16:42,942 --> 00:16:44,442 end up inflagrante... 358 00:16:44,483 --> 00:16:47,942 surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment. 359 00:16:47,983 --> 00:16:50,150 However, chances of reaching crucial moment... 360 00:16:50,192 --> 00:16:52,692 greatly increase by wearing these. 361 00:16:52,692 --> 00:16:54,817 Scary stomach-holding-in panties. 362 00:16:54,858 --> 00:16:57,317 Very popular with grannies the world over. 363 00:16:57,358 --> 00:17:00,983 Ha. Tricky. Very tricky. 364 00:17:16,442 --> 00:17:17,983 Ladies and gentlemen... 365 00:17:18,025 --> 00:17:20,817 welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motor bike"... 366 00:17:20,858 --> 00:17:22,233 "The Greatest Book of Our Tiime"... 367 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:25,067 and here to introduce it is Mr. Tits Pervert. 368 00:17:25,108 --> 00:17:28,067 Ooh, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert. 369 00:17:29,233 --> 00:17:33,150 OK, circulate, oozing intelligence. 370 00:17:33,192 --> 00:17:36,483 Ignore Daniel, and be fabulous with everyone else. 371 00:17:36,692 --> 00:17:40,442 I am the intellectual equal of everyone else here. 372 00:17:40,483 --> 00:17:41,775 Ooh. 373 00:17:41,817 --> 00:17:44,025 It's like a whole theory of short fiction... 374 00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:45,817 and of the novella, you know? 375 00:17:45,858 --> 00:17:47,067 And, of course, the problem... 376 00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:48,858 with Martin's definition of the novella... 377 00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,317 is that it really only applies to him. 378 00:17:53,192 --> 00:17:55,275 That doesn't sound like Martin. 379 00:17:55,317 --> 00:17:57,483 Not. 380 00:17:57,692 --> 00:17:59,900 I could be wrong. What do you think? 381 00:17:59,942 --> 00:18:04,317 Uh...do you know... 382 00:18:05,733 --> 00:18:10,192 where the toilets are, huh? 383 00:18:10,233 --> 00:18:13,983 Stay calm. Can't get any worse. 384 00:18:16,942 --> 00:18:19,108 What are you doing here? 385 00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:22,358 I've been asking myself the same question. 386 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,442 I came with a colleague. 387 00:18:24,483 --> 00:18:25,858 So how are you? 388 00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:27,817 Well, apart from being very disappointed... 389 00:18:27,858 --> 00:18:30,942 not to see my favorite reindeer jumper again... 390 00:18:30,983 --> 00:18:32,275 I'm well. 391 00:18:32,317 --> 00:18:34,067 Anyone going to introduce me? 392 00:18:34,108 --> 00:18:37,442 Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. 393 00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,150 Perpetua. Ha. 394 00:18:39,192 --> 00:18:40,983 This is Mark Darcy. 395 00:18:41,025 --> 00:18:43,108 Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick... 396 00:18:43,150 --> 00:18:44,942 with a cruel-raced ex-wife. 397 00:18:44,983 --> 00:18:46,317 Perpetua's a fat-ass old bag... 398 00:18:46,358 --> 00:18:48,275 who spends her time bossing me around. 399 00:18:50,025 --> 00:18:51,817 Maybe not. 400 00:18:51,858 --> 00:18:53,150 Anyone going to introduce me? 401 00:18:53,192 --> 00:18:55,733 Ah, Perpetua. 402 00:18:55,733 --> 00:18:57,775 Uh, this is Mark Darcy. 403 00:18:57,817 --> 00:18:59,775 Mark's a top barrister. 404 00:18:59,817 --> 00:19:02,025 Oh, he comes from Garth and Underwood. 405 00:19:02,067 --> 00:19:04,025 Perpetua is one of my work colleagues. 406 00:19:04,067 --> 00:19:06,733 Why, Mark, I know you by reputation, of course. 407 00:19:08,817 --> 00:19:10,317 Ah, Natasha. 408 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,983 This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. 409 00:19:13,025 --> 00:19:16,275 Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law. 410 00:19:16,317 --> 00:19:17,692 Bridget works in publishing... 411 00:19:17,733 --> 00:19:20,150 and used to play naked in my paddling pool. 412 00:19:21,483 --> 00:19:23,942 -How odd. -Ha ha. 413 00:19:23,983 --> 00:19:25,858 Perpetua, how's the house hunt going? 414 00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:27,442 Disaster. 415 00:19:27,483 --> 00:19:29,775 I oughtn't go into it with you. 416 00:19:29,817 --> 00:19:33,775 By the by, that man is gorgeous. 417 00:19:33,817 --> 00:19:35,192 Ah, yes, Mark. 418 00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:37,483 Just give me time. Give me time. 419 00:19:38,983 --> 00:19:41,275 "You've written as earing vision--" 420 00:19:41,317 --> 00:19:42,983 Can you remember the rest of this? 421 00:19:43,025 --> 00:19:44,400 "Of the wounds our century... 422 00:19:44,442 --> 00:19:46,983 "has inflicted on traditional masculinity. 423 00:19:47,025 --> 00:19:48,983 "Positively Vonnegut-esgue." Obviously. 424 00:19:51,108 --> 00:19:53,108 Listen, you don't know where the loos are here, do you? 425 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,108 Uh, yes. In the hallway. 426 00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,275 Thanks. 427 00:20:00,442 --> 00:20:01,733 One, two. 428 00:20:04,983 --> 00:20:07,067 Ladies and gentlemen. 429 00:20:07,108 --> 00:20:08,942 L-- 430 00:20:11,025 --> 00:20:13,192 L-ladies and... 431 00:20:13,233 --> 00:20:15,025 L-- 432 00:20:15,067 --> 00:20:16,192 Oi! 433 00:20:16,233 --> 00:20:17,692 Oi! 434 00:20:19,692 --> 00:20:21,192 Sorry. The, uh... 435 00:20:21,233 --> 00:20:24,733 mike's not... work--working. Ahem. 436 00:20:24,775 --> 00:20:27,275 Ladies and gentlemen... 437 00:20:27,358 --> 00:20:32,858 welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motor bike"... 438 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,900 "The Greatest Book of Our Time." 439 00:20:39,817 --> 00:20:44,317 Obviously except for your books, Mr. Rushdie... 440 00:20:44,358 --> 00:20:47,942 which are also very good. 441 00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:52,900 And Lord Archer... 442 00:20:52,942 --> 00:20:56,067 yours aren't bad, either. 443 00:20:56,108 --> 00:20:57,483 Anyway... 444 00:20:57,692 --> 00:20:59,942 uh, what I mean is, uh... 445 00:20:59,983 --> 00:21:02,067 welcome, ladies and gentlemen. 446 00:21:02,108 --> 00:21:05,067 Thank you for coming to the launch of... 447 00:21:05,067 --> 00:21:09,025 one of the top thirty books of our time. 448 00:21:09,025 --> 00:21:12,108 Anyway, at least. 449 00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:15,400 And here to introduce it, ha... 450 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,108 properly, ha ha... 451 00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:19,817 is, uh, the man we all call, uh... 452 00:21:19,858 --> 00:21:22,067 Tits Pervert. 453 00:21:22,108 --> 00:21:23,275 Mr... 454 00:21:23,317 --> 00:21:24,400 Tits Pervert! 455 00:21:24,442 --> 00:21:26,192 Mr... 456 00:21:27,733 --> 00:21:28,900 Tits Pervert. 457 00:21:28,942 --> 00:21:30,817 Fitzherbert, uh... 458 00:21:30,817 --> 00:21:32,400 because... 459 00:21:32,442 --> 00:21:35,983 that is his name. 460 00:21:36,067 --> 00:21:38,275 Mr. Fitzherbert. 461 00:21:39,442 --> 00:21:40,942 Thank you. 462 00:21:45,483 --> 00:21:47,192 Thank you, Brenda. 463 00:21:49,067 --> 00:21:51,108 Just switch this on. 464 00:21:55,275 --> 00:21:56,858 So how autobiographical... 465 00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:58,358 is your work, Salman? 466 00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,775 You know, it's an amazing thing... 467 00:21:59,817 --> 00:22:01,733 nobody's ever asked me that question. 468 00:22:01,775 --> 00:22:03,317 Excuse me. 469 00:22:03,358 --> 00:22:06,025 Jones. Sod 'em all. 470 00:22:06,067 --> 00:22:08,400 It was a brilliant... 471 00:22:08,442 --> 00:22:13,817 post-modernist masterpiece of oratorical fireworks, really. 472 00:22:13,817 --> 00:22:14,983 Uhh. 473 00:22:15,025 --> 00:22:16,775 You're looking very sexy, Jones. 474 00:22:16,817 --> 00:22:18,817 I think I'm gonna have to take you out to dinner now... 475 00:22:18,817 --> 00:22:20,983 whether you like it or not, OK? 476 00:22:21,025 --> 00:22:22,192 Come on, get your stuff. 477 00:22:29,858 --> 00:22:32,067 So how do you feel about this whole situation... 478 00:22:32,108 --> 00:22:33,942 in Chechnya? Isn't it a nightmare? 479 00:22:33,983 --> 00:22:35,358 I couldn't give a fuck, Jones. 480 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:39,275 Now, look, how do you know Arsey Darcy? 481 00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:42,233 Apparently, I used to run 'round naked... 482 00:22:42,275 --> 00:22:43,733 in his paddling pool. 483 00:22:43,775 --> 00:22:45,983 I bet you did, you dirty bitch. 484 00:22:46,025 --> 00:22:48,108 What about you? 485 00:22:48,150 --> 00:22:49,775 Same. Yeah. 486 00:22:51,192 --> 00:22:54,442 No, no, I was best man at his wedding. 487 00:22:54,483 --> 00:22:56,192 Um, knew him from Cambridge. 488 00:22:56,233 --> 00:22:57,442 He was a mate. 489 00:22:57,483 --> 00:22:59,483 And then what? 490 00:22:59,692 --> 00:23:02,900 And then, uh...nothing. 491 00:23:02,942 --> 00:23:05,442 You don't need to protect him. He's no friend of mine. 492 00:23:05,483 --> 00:23:08,025 Well, um, then... 493 00:23:08,067 --> 00:23:10,233 many years later... 494 00:23:10,275 --> 00:23:13,775 I made the somewhat catastrophic mistake... 495 00:23:13,817 --> 00:23:18,192 of introducing him to my fiancee. 496 00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:23,108 And, um... 497 00:23:25,817 --> 00:23:29,733 I couldn't say, in all honesty, I've ever quite forgiven him. 498 00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:32,150 God, so... 499 00:23:32,192 --> 00:23:35,192 he's a nasty bastard. 500 00:23:35,233 --> 00:23:36,983 And a dull bastard. 501 00:23:37,025 --> 00:23:39,233 Yes. Yes, I think that's fair. 502 00:23:39,275 --> 00:23:42,192 Anyway, fuck him. Listen, don't let him ruin our evening. 503 00:23:42,192 --> 00:23:43,942 Why don't you have some more wine... 504 00:23:43,983 --> 00:23:45,858 and tell me more about practicing French-kissing... 505 00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:47,025 with the other girls at school... 506 00:23:47,067 --> 00:23:48,150 because that's a very good story. 507 00:23:48,192 --> 00:23:50,900 -It wasn't French-kissing. -Don't care. Make it up. 508 00:23:50,942 --> 00:23:52,858 That's an order, Jones. 509 00:23:52,858 --> 00:23:55,483 So, um, how about a drink at my place? 510 00:23:55,692 --> 00:23:57,983 Totally innocent, no funny business... 511 00:23:58,025 --> 00:23:59,983 just full sex. 512 00:24:01,067 --> 00:24:02,733 No, no, no. 513 00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,858 I should get a taxi. 514 00:24:04,900 --> 00:24:08,067 But thank you for the lovely dinner. 515 00:24:10,192 --> 00:24:13,275 It's a pleasure, Jones. 516 00:24:17,442 --> 00:24:20,317 Oh, love 517 00:24:20,358 --> 00:24:22,358 Love, love 518 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,358 Oh 519 00:24:27,025 --> 00:24:29,775 Ooh 520 00:24:29,817 --> 00:24:31,775 You're alone 521 00:24:31,817 --> 00:24:33,858 All the time 522 00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:37,150 Does it ever puzzle you 523 00:24:37,192 --> 00:24:40,900 Have you asked why you seem 524 00:24:40,942 --> 00:24:43,275 To falling love 525 00:24:43,317 --> 00:24:45,442 And out again 526 00:24:45,483 --> 00:24:49,275 Do you really ever love 527 00:24:49,317 --> 00:24:50,942 Or just pretend 528 00:24:50,983 --> 00:24:52,483 Oh, baby 529 00:24:52,483 --> 00:24:55,483 Why fool yourself? 530 00:24:55,483 --> 00:24:59,150 Don't be afraid to help yourself 531 00:24:59,192 --> 00:25:02,150 Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. 532 00:25:02,192 --> 00:25:05,775 And this is a very silly little dress. 533 00:25:05,817 --> 00:25:07,442 And, um... 534 00:25:07,483 --> 00:25:10,025 these are, uh... 535 00:25:10,025 --> 00:25:12,858 fuck me, absolutely enormous panties. 536 00:25:12,900 --> 00:25:14,483 Jesus. Fuck. 537 00:25:14,692 --> 00:25:16,692 No, no, don't apologize. I like them. 538 00:25:16,733 --> 00:25:19,275 Hello, Mummy. 539 00:25:19,317 --> 00:25:22,483 Love 540 00:25:22,692 --> 00:25:24,025 I'm sorry, I have to have another look. 541 00:25:24,067 --> 00:25:25,858 -They're too good to be true. -No. 542 00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:27,025 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. 543 00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:28,400 I'm wearing something quite similar myself. 544 00:25:28,442 --> 00:25:32,025 -Here, I'll show you. -No. No. 545 00:25:32,067 --> 00:25:33,483 This time decide 546 00:25:33,692 --> 00:25:37,150 That you will open up 547 00:25:37,192 --> 00:25:39,692 Let it in 548 00:25:39,692 --> 00:25:42,483 There's no shame in sharin' love 549 00:25:42,692 --> 00:25:46,275 You feel within 550 00:25:46,317 --> 00:25:48,983 So jump right in 551 00:25:49,025 --> 00:25:51,775 Head over heels 552 00:25:51,817 --> 00:25:53,817 And fall right in 553 00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:55,108 Ha. Huh. 554 00:25:55,150 --> 00:25:56,400 That was fantastic. 555 00:25:56,442 --> 00:25:58,442 Ohh. Mmm. 556 00:25:58,483 --> 00:26:00,025 Ay, ay. 557 00:26:00,025 --> 00:26:01,817 Ohh. Daniel. 558 00:26:01,858 --> 00:26:02,983 Yeah? 559 00:26:03,025 --> 00:26:05,483 What happens at the office? 560 00:26:05,733 --> 00:26:07,483 Oh. Well, I'm glad you asked that. 561 00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:10,317 You see, it's a publishing house. 562 00:26:10,358 --> 00:26:12,358 So that means that people write things for us... 563 00:26:12,358 --> 00:26:13,983 and then we print out all the pages... 564 00:26:14,067 --> 00:26:15,275 and fasten them together... 565 00:26:15,317 --> 00:26:17,192 and make them into what we call a book, Jones. 566 00:26:17,233 --> 00:26:21,733 No, do you think people will notice? 567 00:26:21,775 --> 00:26:22,942 Notice what? 568 00:26:22,983 --> 00:26:26,108 Us. Working together, sleeping together. 569 00:26:26,150 --> 00:26:27,317 Hang on a minute, Jones. 570 00:26:27,358 --> 00:26:30,692 Just slow down. It started on Tuesday... 571 00:26:30,733 --> 00:26:32,275 and now it's Thursday. 572 00:26:32,317 --> 00:26:34,317 It's not exactly... 573 00:26:34,358 --> 00:26:37,150 um, a long-term relationship, is it? 574 00:26:37,192 --> 00:26:40,775 You're very bad. 575 00:26:46,150 --> 00:26:47,275 Ohh. 576 00:26:48,442 --> 00:26:50,983 Mmm. 577 00:26:51,025 --> 00:26:52,983 Bridget Jones, want on sex goddess... 578 00:26:53,025 --> 00:26:56,858 with a very bad man between her thighs. 579 00:26:56,900 --> 00:26:59,108 Mum. Hi. 580 00:26:59,150 --> 00:27:01,275 It's the truth universally acknowledged... 581 00:27:01,317 --> 00:27:04,942 that the moment one area of your life starts going OK... 582 00:27:04,983 --> 00:27:09,067 another part of it falls spectacularly to pieces. 583 00:27:09,108 --> 00:27:11,233 Ah, anyone else want to have it off? 584 00:27:11,275 --> 00:27:13,108 Ha ha. Don't be shy, madame. 585 00:27:13,150 --> 00:27:20,067 French. Have it oeuf. Ha ha! With the wise crack egg peeler. 586 00:27:20,108 --> 00:27:22,983 Now, nice firm grip. 587 00:27:24,317 --> 00:27:27,150 Put it in the hole. And... 588 00:27:27,150 --> 00:27:29,692 up, down, up, down. 589 00:27:29,733 --> 00:27:31,733 And off it comes in your hand. 590 00:27:33,025 --> 00:27:37,483 Oh! Mind the over-spray. Sorry. 591 00:27:39,150 --> 00:27:41,067 Darling, if I came in with my knickers on my head... 592 00:27:41,108 --> 00:27:42,483 he wouldn't notice. 593 00:27:42,692 --> 00:27:45,025 I spent thirty-five years cleaning his house... 594 00:27:45,067 --> 00:27:47,275 washing his clothes, bringing up his children. 595 00:27:47,317 --> 00:27:49,483 I'm your child, too. 596 00:27:49,692 --> 00:27:50,983 To be honest, darling, having children... 597 00:27:51,025 --> 00:27:52,817 isn't all it's cracked up to be. 598 00:27:52,858 --> 00:27:55,317 Given my chance again, I'm not sure I'd have any. 599 00:27:55,358 --> 00:27:57,733 And now it's the winter of my life... 600 00:27:57,775 --> 00:28:00,025 and I haven't actually got anything of my own. 601 00:28:00,067 --> 00:28:03,775 I've got no power, no real career... 602 00:28:03,817 --> 00:28:06,067 no--no sex life. 603 00:28:06,108 --> 00:28:07,900 I've got no life at all. 604 00:28:07,942 --> 00:28:09,942 I'm like the grasshopper who sang all summer. 605 00:28:10,025 --> 00:28:11,733 I'm like Germaine sodding Geer. 606 00:28:11,775 --> 00:28:13,192 Greer. 607 00:28:13,233 --> 00:28:16,858 Well, anyway, I'm not having it. And I've been talent spotted. 608 00:28:16,900 --> 00:28:19,692 Julian thinks I've got great potential. 609 00:28:19,733 --> 00:28:20,983 Who's Julian? 610 00:28:21,025 --> 00:28:22,942 From the Home Shopping Channel. 611 00:28:22,983 --> 00:28:24,983 Comes into the store to have his colors done. 612 00:28:25,067 --> 00:28:26,775 Potential for what? 613 00:28:26,817 --> 00:28:29,233 As a demonstrator on his cable show. 614 00:28:29,275 --> 00:28:30,942 You know, his assistant. 615 00:28:30,983 --> 00:28:33,275 Apparently, it's the highest- rated show on the channel. 616 00:28:33,317 --> 00:28:34,692 Well, apart from the one... 617 00:28:34,733 --> 00:28:36,858 where the fat people beat up their relatives. 618 00:28:36,858 --> 00:28:38,400 Ooh! I must wiz. 619 00:28:38,442 --> 00:28:41,775 -Have you heard from Mark Darcy? -Goodbye, Mum. 620 00:28:44,317 --> 00:28:45,900 Mrs. 621 00:28:45,942 --> 00:28:49,275 Mrs. Jones 622 00:28:50,442 --> 00:28:51,983 Julian. 623 00:28:55,233 --> 00:28:57,817 Sorry to keep you waiting. 624 00:28:57,858 --> 00:29:03,317 Goin' on and on and on and on 625 00:29:03,317 --> 00:29:07,733 And a few weeks later, it got lots worse. 626 00:29:07,775 --> 00:29:09,317 Hello! 627 00:29:09,358 --> 00:29:10,817 Look at this. 628 00:29:10,817 --> 00:29:13,108 Paying off this heart-shaped pendant. 629 00:29:13,150 --> 00:29:16,108 One of my own personal recommendations... 630 00:29:16,150 --> 00:29:18,983 is this absolutely stunning... 631 00:29:19,025 --> 00:29:21,442 matching necklace and earring set. 632 00:29:21,483 --> 00:29:27,108 The earrings measuring just over a centimeter... 633 00:29:27,192 --> 00:29:31,317 in genuine diamond with two pairs in lapis lazuli... 634 00:29:31,358 --> 00:29:34,317 in a lovely mock-gold finish. 635 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,317 The exact replica of those worn at Wimbledon... 636 00:29:37,358 --> 00:29:41,483 in 1993 by Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Kent. 637 00:29:43,692 --> 00:29:45,983 Well. 638 00:29:46,025 --> 00:29:48,108 Has she actually moved out then? 639 00:29:48,192 --> 00:29:52,025 Apparently, she and this tangerine-tinted buffoon... 640 00:29:52,067 --> 00:29:53,275 are suddenly an item. 641 00:29:53,317 --> 00:29:56,317 Half our friends have had them around to bloody dinner. 642 00:29:56,358 --> 00:29:58,942 She's even taking Jaundice Julian... 643 00:29:58,983 --> 00:30:00,775 to Una Alconbury's Tarts and Vicars party. 644 00:30:00,817 --> 00:30:03,275 That's not the Pamela I knew. That's cruel. 645 00:30:03,317 --> 00:30:08,067 Well, still, could be a golden opportunity. 646 00:30:08,108 --> 00:30:12,192 If you spent the entire party flirting with other women... 647 00:30:12,233 --> 00:30:14,192 it would drive Mum wild with jealousy. 648 00:30:14,233 --> 00:30:15,358 What? 649 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,192 That's how I got my man. 650 00:30:17,233 --> 00:30:20,692 Have you got a boyfriend? A real one? 651 00:30:20,733 --> 00:30:24,150 I have, Father. I have. 652 00:30:24,233 --> 00:30:27,150 And he's perfect. 653 00:30:45,692 --> 00:30:49,817 Hurrah. Am no longer tragic spinster... 654 00:30:49,858 --> 00:30:53,317 but proper girlfriend of bonafide a sex god... 655 00:30:53,358 --> 00:30:55,442 so committed that he's taking me... 656 00:30:55,483 --> 00:30:59,233 on a full-blown mini-break holiday weekend. 657 00:30:59,275 --> 00:31:00,733 Just promise me we don't have to sit... 658 00:31:00,775 --> 00:31:03,317 in any little boats and read poncey poetry to each other. 659 00:31:03,358 --> 00:31:05,692 He's also protecting me at Uncle Geoffrey's... 660 00:31:05,733 --> 00:31:08,067 hideous Tarts and Vicars fancy dress party. 661 00:31:08,108 --> 00:31:10,025 This can't be just shagging. 662 00:31:10,025 --> 00:31:12,233 A mini-break means true love. 663 00:31:14,108 --> 00:31:16,733 Suddenly feel like screen goddess... 664 00:31:16,775 --> 00:31:19,775 in manner of Grace Kelly. 665 00:31:21,317 --> 00:31:25,317 Though perhaps ever so slightly less elegant under pressure. 666 00:31:29,483 --> 00:31:33,108 It's very quiet here, isn't it? Are we the only guests, or... 667 00:31:33,150 --> 00:31:35,067 We have a wedding this weekend. 668 00:31:35,108 --> 00:31:37,775 I believe there are just four of you not involved. 669 00:31:37,817 --> 00:31:39,942 Oh. Hmm. 670 00:31:39,983 --> 00:31:42,775 You do the boats, I'll do the tea. 671 00:31:43,983 --> 00:31:45,192 Oh, Jesus. 672 00:31:45,233 --> 00:31:47,900 -Hello there. -Hi. 673 00:31:47,942 --> 00:31:49,983 Well, well. 674 00:31:50,025 --> 00:31:53,067 I take it you're also heading for the Alconbury's rockery. 675 00:31:53,108 --> 00:31:54,483 Yes, that's right. 676 00:31:54,692 --> 00:31:58,025 I brought Natasha. Get a bit of work done. 677 00:31:58,067 --> 00:32:01,067 Thought I might make it a not entirely wasted weekend. 678 00:32:01,108 --> 00:32:02,942 How interesting. 679 00:32:02,983 --> 00:32:04,400 What a gripping life you do lead. 680 00:32:04,442 --> 00:32:07,442 I'll see you upstairs in a second. 681 00:32:22,108 --> 00:32:23,942 Hmm. Well, the weakness of their case... 682 00:32:23,983 --> 00:32:26,817 Lies in the deposition they made on August 30. 683 00:32:26,817 --> 00:32:28,275 Season of mist... 684 00:32:28,317 --> 00:32:30,150 and... 685 00:32:30,192 --> 00:32:31,983 mellow fruitlessness. 686 00:32:32,025 --> 00:32:33,858 Oh, fuck me, I love Keats. 687 00:32:33,900 --> 00:32:35,317 Have you heard this one? 688 00:32:35,358 --> 00:32:37,442 "There was a young woman from Ealing... 689 00:32:37,483 --> 00:32:40,358 "who had a peculiar feeling. 690 00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,192 "She lay on her back and opened her crack... 691 00:32:43,233 --> 00:32:44,942 "and pissed all over the ceiling." 692 00:32:44,983 --> 00:32:46,108 Oh, bollocks. 693 00:32:46,150 --> 00:32:48,150 What've you done? 694 00:32:48,192 --> 00:32:51,067 -I'm boarding you, Bridge. -Don't you dare! 695 00:32:51,108 --> 00:32:53,942 -I'm king of the world! -No! 696 00:32:53,983 --> 00:32:56,192 Fuck me. Uhh! 697 00:32:56,233 --> 00:32:57,817 Aah! 698 00:33:00,733 --> 00:33:02,400 Oh, piss and bollocks. 699 00:33:02,442 --> 00:33:04,192 You stupid ass. 700 00:33:06,775 --> 00:33:08,442 Bollocks. 701 00:33:08,483 --> 00:33:10,025 All right. 702 00:33:10,067 --> 00:33:12,025 Aah! No! 703 00:33:12,025 --> 00:33:13,483 So childish. 704 00:33:13,692 --> 00:33:15,733 Aah! No! 705 00:33:15,775 --> 00:33:17,192 Yes. 706 00:33:17,233 --> 00:33:19,400 Hey, Darce, come on in! 707 00:33:19,442 --> 00:33:21,275 The water's lovely! 708 00:33:21,317 --> 00:33:22,942 Come on, you're working too hard, mate. 709 00:33:22,983 --> 00:33:24,150 Ha ha! 710 00:33:25,733 --> 00:33:28,692 -Daniel. -Yes, Bridget? 711 00:33:28,692 --> 00:33:30,233 That thing you just did is actually illegal... 712 00:33:30,275 --> 00:33:31,442 in several countries. 713 00:33:31,483 --> 00:33:33,317 Well, that is, of course, the major reason... 714 00:33:33,358 --> 00:33:35,483 I'm so thrilled to be living in Britain today. 715 00:33:35,692 --> 00:33:37,900 Yes. I can't understand... 716 00:33:37,942 --> 00:33:39,942 why the Prime Minister doesn't mention it more... 717 00:33:40,025 --> 00:33:41,275 in his speeches. 718 00:33:41,317 --> 00:33:43,233 You should write to him about it. 719 00:33:43,275 --> 00:33:44,483 I intend to. 720 00:33:47,858 --> 00:33:49,983 Daniel. 721 00:33:50,025 --> 00:33:51,108 Bridget. 722 00:33:51,150 --> 00:33:54,275 -Do you love me? -Shut up, or I'll do it again. 723 00:33:56,442 --> 00:33:57,983 Do you love me? 724 00:33:58,025 --> 00:33:59,692 Right. You asked for it. 725 00:33:59,733 --> 00:34:02,983 And over we go. 726 00:34:03,025 --> 00:34:04,400 I'm going to give you something to bite on. 727 00:34:04,442 --> 00:34:06,067 Here. 728 00:34:06,108 --> 00:34:08,483 OK? Pop this in your mouth, darling. 729 00:34:10,858 --> 00:34:11,983 You're begging for it. 730 00:34:13,275 --> 00:34:14,942 Stop it. 731 00:34:17,983 --> 00:34:19,442 No, no. 732 00:34:27,192 --> 00:34:28,317 Hmm. 733 00:34:28,358 --> 00:34:33,817 I got to go back to town. A meeting's come up. 734 00:34:33,817 --> 00:34:35,275 On a Sunday? 735 00:34:35,317 --> 00:34:36,775 No. The meeting's first thing tomorrow. 736 00:34:36,817 --> 00:34:38,775 I've got to work on some figures. 737 00:34:38,817 --> 00:34:43,692 We could just pop into the party for a minute. 738 00:34:43,733 --> 00:34:45,275 Bridget, I'm really sorry. 739 00:34:45,317 --> 00:34:48,858 I just can't do it. I've got to head back. 740 00:34:48,900 --> 00:34:50,358 Listen, Daniel... 741 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,817 if you've changed your mind, you could just say so... 742 00:34:53,858 --> 00:34:56,192 because, honestly, I don't see what could be so important. 743 00:34:56,233 --> 00:34:58,483 No, well, you wouldn't, would you? 744 00:34:58,692 --> 00:35:00,358 Because you don't have the faintest bloody idea... 745 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,692 of just how much trouble the company's in. 746 00:35:03,733 --> 00:35:05,150 You swan in in your short skirt... 747 00:35:05,192 --> 00:35:07,108 and your sexy see-through blouse... 748 00:35:07,150 --> 00:35:08,817 and fanny around with press releases. 749 00:35:08,858 --> 00:35:10,275 You know, this is the Americans flying in... 750 00:35:10,317 --> 00:35:11,983 because they're thinking of shutting us down... 751 00:35:12,025 --> 00:35:13,358 for fuck's sake. 752 00:35:16,317 --> 00:35:17,983 Sorry. 753 00:35:19,983 --> 00:35:21,817 I'm sorry, Bridge. I know I'm being a prat. 754 00:35:29,733 --> 00:35:31,733 Look, I'm going to arrange a lovely car... 755 00:35:31,775 --> 00:35:33,442 to come and pick you up and take you back... 756 00:35:33,483 --> 00:35:35,067 to London after the party, OK? 757 00:35:35,108 --> 00:35:37,192 If you have to travel alone, travel in style. 758 00:35:37,233 --> 00:35:39,275 Hmm. 759 00:35:39,317 --> 00:35:41,275 And, um... 760 00:35:41,317 --> 00:35:43,192 I also think it's very important... 761 00:35:43,233 --> 00:35:46,442 that you win this costume competition. 762 00:35:48,067 --> 00:35:49,275 Good. 763 00:35:49,317 --> 00:35:50,900 Good start. 764 00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:55,400 Now, then, Miss Jones, where does this go? 765 00:35:58,733 --> 00:36:01,692 Oh, well, here we go. 766 00:36:01,733 --> 00:36:03,233 Trying hard to fight off a vision... 767 00:36:03,275 --> 00:36:06,442 of Mum and Auntie Una in fishnet tights. 768 00:36:06,483 --> 00:36:10,025 Seems unnatural, wrong even, for 60-year-olds to dress up... 769 00:36:10,067 --> 00:36:12,900 as prostitutes and priests on a Sunday afternoon. 770 00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:18,067 Fly me to the moon 771 00:36:18,108 --> 00:36:20,108 Oh, holy Jesus. 772 00:36:21,483 --> 00:36:23,150 Bridget. 773 00:36:23,192 --> 00:36:25,442 Where are all the other Tarts and Vicars? 774 00:36:25,483 --> 00:36:26,983 Oh, dear. Didn't Geoffrey call you? 775 00:36:26,983 --> 00:36:28,983 Didn't you telephone Colin and Bridget? 776 00:36:29,025 --> 00:36:30,900 How's my little Bridget? 777 00:36:30,942 --> 00:36:32,067 Bop, bop. 778 00:36:32,108 --> 00:36:33,483 Oh. 779 00:36:33,483 --> 00:36:34,775 Geoffrey. 780 00:36:34,817 --> 00:36:36,817 So, where's this chap of yours, then, eh? 781 00:36:36,858 --> 00:36:38,442 Ah, yes, well, he had to work, so... 782 00:36:38,483 --> 00:36:40,442 Ha! A likely tale. 783 00:36:40,692 --> 00:36:42,275 Off they run. Whee! 784 00:36:44,150 --> 00:36:45,900 You are all I long for 785 00:36:45,942 --> 00:36:49,150 Bizarre what some men find attractive. 786 00:36:49,192 --> 00:36:51,275 Oh, God. 787 00:36:51,317 --> 00:36:53,817 Darling! Geoffrey! 788 00:36:53,858 --> 00:36:55,442 What on earth are you wearing? 789 00:36:55,483 --> 00:36:57,442 You look like a common prostitute. 790 00:36:57,483 --> 00:36:59,275 Yes, well, that was, actually, the point. 791 00:36:59,317 --> 00:37:00,483 Say hi to Julian. 792 00:37:00,692 --> 00:37:02,733 Hello, Julian. 793 00:37:02,775 --> 00:37:03,942 My dear... 794 00:37:03,983 --> 00:37:06,067 you and your mother could be sisters. 795 00:37:07,858 --> 00:37:09,442 And what a lovely bracelet. 796 00:37:09,483 --> 00:37:11,192 It's what I call an all-arounder-- 797 00:37:11,233 --> 00:37:14,192 the sort of thing one can wear with anything to any occasion. 798 00:37:14,233 --> 00:37:15,942 Oh. 799 00:37:15,983 --> 00:37:17,817 Have you spoken to my dad? 800 00:37:17,858 --> 00:37:20,442 Yes. He's behaving most bizarrely. 801 00:37:20,483 --> 00:37:22,025 I think he was actually trying to flirt... 802 00:37:22,067 --> 00:37:24,442 with Penny Husbands-Bosworth, poor thing. 803 00:37:24,483 --> 00:37:25,942 She was very frightened. 804 00:37:25,983 --> 00:37:27,817 She's only just had her ovaries done. 805 00:37:32,900 --> 00:37:34,275 I don't know what you ever saw in him. 806 00:37:34,317 --> 00:37:36,400 Shh. Bad man. 807 00:37:44,108 --> 00:37:45,900 Heh heh. 808 00:37:45,942 --> 00:37:47,942 Didn't tell you, either. 809 00:37:50,858 --> 00:37:53,108 No. I didn't spend as much as Bernard, thank God. 810 00:37:58,025 --> 00:37:59,150 Oh. 811 00:38:00,358 --> 00:38:01,817 I'm sorry, Dad. 812 00:38:01,817 --> 00:38:03,942 The way she looked at me. 813 00:38:05,025 --> 00:38:06,983 Well, she loves you, really. 814 00:38:06,983 --> 00:38:09,150 You love each other. 815 00:38:09,192 --> 00:38:10,483 This is only a temporary glitch. 816 00:38:10,692 --> 00:38:12,358 Is it? 817 00:38:12,358 --> 00:38:14,692 I don't know. 818 00:38:14,733 --> 00:38:16,733 I don't know. 819 00:38:20,025 --> 00:38:21,983 Ah, Bridget, there you are. 820 00:38:22,025 --> 00:38:23,275 Don't worry. You're not the only one. 821 00:38:23,317 --> 00:38:25,942 This is Penny. Geoffrey didn't get in touch with her, either. 822 00:38:25,983 --> 00:38:27,150 I'm sorry? 823 00:38:27,192 --> 00:38:29,025 I was just saying Geoffrey didn't contact you, either... 824 00:38:29,067 --> 00:38:30,442 to tell you that the Tarts and Vicars concept... 825 00:38:30,692 --> 00:38:31,942 had gone out of the window. 826 00:38:31,983 --> 00:38:33,858 Oh, yes, he did. 827 00:38:33,900 --> 00:38:35,108 Oh, right. 828 00:38:35,150 --> 00:38:36,817 Lovely dress. 829 00:38:36,858 --> 00:38:38,400 Very exotic. 830 00:38:41,983 --> 00:38:43,817 What a shame you couldn't bring your boyfriend, Bridget. 831 00:38:43,858 --> 00:38:45,192 What's his name? David? Darren? 832 00:38:45,233 --> 00:38:46,733 Daniel Cleaver. 833 00:38:46,775 --> 00:38:48,483 Oh. Is he a friend of yours, Mark? 834 00:38:48,692 --> 00:38:49,942 Absolutely not. 835 00:38:49,983 --> 00:38:52,317 I hope he's good enough for our little Bridget. 836 00:38:52,358 --> 00:38:55,400 I think I can say with total confidence absolutely not. 837 00:38:55,442 --> 00:38:57,317 Well, I'm sure he'd say the same about you... 838 00:38:57,358 --> 00:38:59,067 given your past behavior. 839 00:38:59,108 --> 00:39:00,442 Sorry? 840 00:39:00,483 --> 00:39:02,108 I think you know what I mean. 841 00:39:02,150 --> 00:39:03,275 Mark. 842 00:39:18,025 --> 00:39:19,317 Hmm. Looks like Auntie Shirley... 843 00:39:19,358 --> 00:39:22,150 didn't get the message, either. 844 00:39:30,317 --> 00:39:31,483 Hi. 845 00:39:31,692 --> 00:39:35,942 I really, really wanted to see a friendly face. 846 00:39:35,983 --> 00:39:37,733 Oh, now, listen, I'll tell you what. 847 00:39:37,775 --> 00:39:40,692 I have an idea. Let me finish this... 848 00:39:40,692 --> 00:39:42,233 while you go home, have a long hot bath... 849 00:39:42,275 --> 00:39:45,858 and I'll call round, and we'll have dinner later, OK? 850 00:39:48,775 --> 00:39:50,442 Is there someone here? 851 00:39:50,483 --> 00:39:52,775 Not that I'm aware of. 852 00:39:52,817 --> 00:39:54,733 Unless that Bosnian family has moved in again. 853 00:39:54,775 --> 00:39:55,942 Bastards. 854 00:40:08,067 --> 00:40:10,067 Oh. 855 00:40:10,108 --> 00:40:11,900 I'm sorry. 856 00:40:11,942 --> 00:40:13,192 Sorry. 857 00:40:15,817 --> 00:40:17,150 I'm going mad. 858 00:40:17,192 --> 00:40:19,400 Listen, I am feeling really bad, actually. 859 00:40:19,442 --> 00:40:21,400 -I should've been there today. -No, I'm sorry. 860 00:40:21,442 --> 00:40:22,775 No, no, I'm sorry... 861 00:40:22,817 --> 00:40:24,817 but at least I got a hell of a lot of work done. 862 00:40:24,817 --> 00:40:26,817 Just give me one more hour, OK? 863 00:40:26,817 --> 00:40:28,442 Fine. That's fine. 864 00:40:28,483 --> 00:40:30,983 I will go home and de-bunny. 865 00:40:32,358 --> 00:40:33,858 Oh... 866 00:40:33,900 --> 00:40:38,150 and you know last night when I said that I loved you? 867 00:40:38,192 --> 00:40:39,400 Mm-hmm. 868 00:40:39,442 --> 00:40:40,983 I didn't mean it. 869 00:40:41,025 --> 00:40:42,025 I was being ironic. 870 00:40:42,067 --> 00:40:45,900 Oh, God, yeah, I know, I know. 871 00:40:45,942 --> 00:40:47,317 All right. 872 00:40:49,900 --> 00:40:51,900 -Thank you, madam. -Mmm. 873 00:41:03,067 --> 00:41:06,108 Bridge. 874 00:41:06,150 --> 00:41:07,442 Bridget. 875 00:41:23,900 --> 00:41:27,900 This is Lara from the New York office. 876 00:41:27,942 --> 00:41:30,025 Lara, this is Bridget. 877 00:41:30,067 --> 00:41:31,858 Hey, there. 878 00:41:34,775 --> 00:41:37,733 I thought you said she was thin. 879 00:42:27,983 --> 00:42:30,025 I was hoping that you would want to be a part of it. 880 00:42:32,858 --> 00:42:34,483 This is totally insane. 881 00:42:34,692 --> 00:42:37,483 I'm 36 years old. It may be my last chance to have a child. 882 00:42:37,692 --> 00:42:38,858 Alex. 883 00:42:42,025 --> 00:42:44,358 Aah! 884 00:42:55,233 --> 00:42:59,775 The male penetrates the female and leaves. 885 00:42:59,858 --> 00:43:02,817 Coitus is brief and perfunctory... 886 00:43:02,858 --> 00:43:04,067 and the female... 887 00:43:07,483 --> 00:43:09,442 That's wonderful. 888 00:43:09,692 --> 00:43:11,192 Well, I don't think it's bad. 889 00:43:16,108 --> 00:43:17,275 Right. 890 00:43:32,817 --> 00:43:35,192 We've had very good response... 891 00:43:35,233 --> 00:43:37,358 to the Teddy Knows Best teaser campaign 892 00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:40,025 and had various local radio bits for-- 893 00:43:40,067 --> 00:43:41,442 Look, Bridge, stop that. 894 00:43:41,692 --> 00:43:44,983 I feel...terrible. 895 00:43:45,025 --> 00:43:46,983 The thing is... 896 00:43:47,025 --> 00:43:49,025 with Lara and me... 897 00:43:49,067 --> 00:43:51,400 well, you know... 898 00:43:51,442 --> 00:43:52,900 No. You'll have to fill me in. 899 00:43:52,983 --> 00:43:54,858 Well, the truth is... 900 00:43:54,900 --> 00:43:57,400 the truth is, we're the same, Bridge, you and me. 901 00:43:57,442 --> 00:43:59,400 You know? We're two people of a certain age... 902 00:43:59,483 --> 00:44:03,108 looking for the moment to commit and finding it really hard. 903 00:44:03,150 --> 00:44:04,400 And I just think that in the end... 904 00:44:04,442 --> 00:44:07,733 it's got to be something extraordinary... 905 00:44:07,775 --> 00:44:10,275 something which makes us go that extra mile. 906 00:44:10,317 --> 00:44:11,483 And I think... 907 00:44:11,692 --> 00:44:13,817 Lara and-- 908 00:44:13,900 --> 00:44:16,108 I don't know, being American and all... 909 00:44:16,150 --> 00:44:21,150 it has something to do with confidence and being so... 910 00:44:21,192 --> 00:44:24,733 well, young, you know? 911 00:44:28,817 --> 00:44:32,067 Well, we've...become very close. 912 00:44:32,108 --> 00:44:35,692 Well, you've only just met her. She flew in yesterday. 913 00:44:35,733 --> 00:44:37,108 Uh... 914 00:44:39,358 --> 00:44:40,692 Oh. 915 00:44:42,025 --> 00:44:43,942 Silly Bridget. 916 00:44:43,983 --> 00:44:46,067 You haven't only just met her. 917 00:44:46,108 --> 00:44:47,442 No. 918 00:44:47,483 --> 00:44:49,775 No. I got to know her pretty well... 919 00:44:49,817 --> 00:44:52,025 when we were in the New York office together. 920 00:44:53,483 --> 00:44:54,900 Oh. 921 00:44:54,942 --> 00:44:56,900 Oh, fuck. 922 00:44:56,942 --> 00:45:01,275 There's no easy way to say this, but, um... 923 00:45:01,317 --> 00:45:06,233 I wanted you to be the first to know that... 924 00:45:06,275 --> 00:45:08,233 we're engaged. 925 00:45:27,358 --> 00:45:29,692 At times like this... 926 00:45:29,733 --> 00:45:33,317 continuing with one's life seems impossible... 927 00:45:33,358 --> 00:45:36,150 and eating the entire contents of one's fridge... 928 00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:38,442 seems inevitable. 929 00:45:38,483 --> 00:45:41,067 I have two choices-- 930 00:45:41,108 --> 00:45:45,067 to give up and accept permanent state of spinster hood... 931 00:45:45,108 --> 00:45:49,025 and eventual eating by dogs... or not. 932 00:45:50,233 --> 00:45:51,733 And this time, I choose not. 933 00:45:51,775 --> 00:45:53,483 I will not be defeated... 934 00:45:53,692 --> 00:45:57,275 by a bad man and an American stick insect. 935 00:45:57,317 --> 00:46:00,358 Instead, I choose vodka... 936 00:46:01,817 --> 00:46:03,192 and ChakaKhan. 937 00:46:15,442 --> 00:46:18,275 I'm every woman 938 00:46:18,317 --> 00:46:21,400 It's all in me 939 00:46:21,442 --> 00:46:24,025 Anything you want done, baby 940 00:46:24,067 --> 00:46:25,942 I'll do it naturally 941 00:46:27,108 --> 00:46:30,108 Mmm 942 00:46:30,150 --> 00:46:33,233 I'm every woman 943 00:46:33,275 --> 00:46:36,400 It's all in me 944 00:46:36,442 --> 00:46:38,775 I can be the most right now 945 00:46:38,817 --> 00:46:40,192 Every girl from A to Z 946 00:46:40,233 --> 00:46:43,150 Whoa, whoa, whoa 947 00:46:43,192 --> 00:46:44,400 Whoa, whoa, whoa 948 00:46:44,442 --> 00:46:45,733 Whoa 949 00:46:45,775 --> 00:46:47,442 Ahh. 950 00:46:47,483 --> 00:46:48,817 Ohh! 951 00:46:48,858 --> 00:46:50,358 I can cast a spell 952 00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:51,858 Fuck. 953 00:46:51,858 --> 00:46:53,317 Of secrets you can't tell 954 00:46:53,317 --> 00:46:55,692 Mix a special groove 955 00:46:55,733 --> 00:46:57,983 Put fire inside of you 956 00:46:58,025 --> 00:47:00,108 Any time you feel danger... 957 00:47:00,150 --> 00:47:02,150 Why do you want to be in television? 958 00:47:02,150 --> 00:47:06,108 Well, I've realized that I've become deeply committed... 959 00:47:06,150 --> 00:47:07,942 to communicating to the public... 960 00:47:07,983 --> 00:47:10,400 the up-to-the-moment and in-depth news... 961 00:47:10,442 --> 00:47:12,317 both political and ecological. 962 00:47:12,358 --> 00:47:14,900 What do you think of the El Ni�o phenomenon? 963 00:47:14,942 --> 00:47:17,733 Um...it's ab lip. 964 00:47:17,775 --> 00:47:20,775 I think, basically, Latin music is on its way out. 965 00:47:22,317 --> 00:47:23,858 So, why do you want to work in television? 966 00:47:23,900 --> 00:47:25,983 Because I'm passionately committed... 967 00:47:26,025 --> 00:47:27,900 to communicating with children. 968 00:47:27,942 --> 00:47:29,192 They are the future. 969 00:47:29,233 --> 00:47:31,192 Do you have any children of your own? 970 00:47:31,192 --> 00:47:32,817 Oh, Christ, no. Yuck! 971 00:47:34,858 --> 00:47:35,942 Ah. 972 00:47:35,983 --> 00:47:37,275 Sorry. 973 00:47:37,317 --> 00:47:39,900 So, why do you want to work in television? 974 00:47:39,942 --> 00:47:43,317 I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss. 975 00:47:43,358 --> 00:47:45,192 Fair enough. Start on Monday. 976 00:47:45,233 --> 00:47:46,775 We'll see how we go. 977 00:47:46,817 --> 00:47:48,192 Oh, and... 978 00:47:48,233 --> 00:47:49,983 incidentally... 979 00:47:50,025 --> 00:47:51,400 at "Sit Up, Britain"... 980 00:47:51,442 --> 00:47:54,358 no one ever gets sacked for shagging the boss. 981 00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:56,192 That's a matter of principle. 982 00:48:00,775 --> 00:48:02,275 Oh, Bridget. 983 00:48:02,317 --> 00:48:04,067 Come on, it's... 984 00:48:04,108 --> 00:48:05,692 I mean, I know it's been awkward as ass... 985 00:48:05,733 --> 00:48:07,150 but there's no need to leave. 986 00:48:07,192 --> 00:48:09,192 No, actually, there is. 987 00:48:09,192 --> 00:48:12,025 I've been offered a job in television. 988 00:48:12,067 --> 00:48:13,483 Television? 989 00:48:13,692 --> 00:48:16,900 Mmm. And they want me to start straight away. 990 00:48:16,942 --> 00:48:20,858 So I've got to leave in about, ooh, three minutes... 991 00:48:20,858 --> 00:48:22,858 so, um... 992 00:48:24,817 --> 00:48:27,817 Whoa. Just hold it right there, Miss Jones. 993 00:48:27,858 --> 00:48:29,067 I'm sorry to inform you... 994 00:48:29,108 --> 00:48:31,067 but I think you'll find that by contract... 995 00:48:31,150 --> 00:48:33,192 you're expected to give at least six weeks notice. 996 00:48:33,233 --> 00:48:34,900 Ah, yes, well... 997 00:48:34,942 --> 00:48:37,150 I thought with the company being in so much trouble and all... 998 00:48:37,192 --> 00:48:38,442 you wouldn't really miss... 999 00:48:38,483 --> 00:48:41,067 the person who waltzes in in a see-through top... 1000 00:48:41,108 --> 00:48:43,358 and fannies about with the press releases. 1001 00:48:44,983 --> 00:48:46,317 Bridget. 1002 00:48:46,358 --> 00:48:49,358 I want to hear this, because if she gives one inch... 1003 00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:51,067 I'm going to fire her bony little bottom anyway... 1004 00:48:51,108 --> 00:48:53,733 for being totally spineless. 1005 00:48:53,775 --> 00:48:55,025 What? 1006 00:48:55,067 --> 00:48:58,275 Well, I just think you should know that, um... 1007 00:48:58,317 --> 00:49:01,192 there are lots of prospects here for a talented person. 1008 00:49:01,192 --> 00:49:02,358 Just give me a minute, will you, Simon? Thanks. 1009 00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:03,983 Right-o, boss man. 1010 00:49:05,275 --> 00:49:09,483 Lots of prospects for a person who... 1011 00:49:09,692 --> 00:49:11,400 you know, perhaps for personal reasons... 1012 00:49:11,442 --> 00:49:15,317 has been slightly overlooked professionally. 1013 00:49:15,358 --> 00:49:18,317 Thank you, Daniel. That is very good to know... 1014 00:49:18,358 --> 00:49:19,733 but if staying here... 1015 00:49:19,775 --> 00:49:22,233 means working within 10 yards of you... 1016 00:49:22,275 --> 00:49:26,150 frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's ass. 1017 00:49:26,150 --> 00:49:27,775 R-E-S-P-E-C-T 1018 00:49:27,817 --> 00:49:29,900 Find out what it means to me 1019 00:49:29,942 --> 00:49:31,858 R-E-S-P-E-C-T 1020 00:49:31,900 --> 00:49:33,317 Takin' care of T.C.B 1021 00:49:33,358 --> 00:49:35,067 Sock it to me, sock it to me 1022 00:49:35,108 --> 00:49:36,983 Sock it to me, sock it to me 1023 00:49:36,983 --> 00:49:38,942 Well, bye, everyone. 1024 00:49:38,983 --> 00:49:40,942 Just a little bit 1025 00:49:40,983 --> 00:49:42,233 Just a little bit 1026 00:49:42,275 --> 00:49:43,817 I get tired 1027 00:49:43,858 --> 00:49:45,442 But keep on tryin' 1028 00:49:45,483 --> 00:49:47,150 You're runnin' out of fools 1029 00:49:48,317 --> 00:49:49,775 Oh, just sod off. 1030 00:49:49,942 --> 00:49:52,233 Hello and welcome to "Sit Up, Britain." 1031 00:49:52,275 --> 00:49:55,483 OK, everybody, it is bonfire night... 1032 00:49:55,692 --> 00:49:57,317 and we are on fire. 1033 00:49:57,358 --> 00:49:59,275 We have live fire station feeds... 1034 00:49:59,317 --> 00:50:03,775 from Newcastle, Swansea, Sheffield, and Lewisham... 1035 00:50:03,817 --> 00:50:05,483 just poised for tragedy. 1036 00:50:05,692 --> 00:50:07,900 Bridget Jones, where are you? 1037 00:50:09,817 --> 00:50:10,983 I'm here, Richard. 1038 00:50:11,025 --> 00:50:13,150 Put on some more makeup. I want you on-camera. 1039 00:50:13,192 --> 00:50:14,317 But-- 1040 00:50:14,358 --> 00:50:16,317 I'm thinking...mini skirt. 1041 00:50:16,317 --> 00:50:17,942 I'm thinking fireman's helmet. 1042 00:50:17,983 --> 00:50:19,817 I want you pointing a hose. 1043 00:50:19,858 --> 00:50:21,192 I want you sliding down the pole... 1044 00:50:21,192 --> 00:50:22,733 and then go straight into the interview. 1045 00:50:22,775 --> 00:50:25,025 Great. 1046 00:50:25,067 --> 00:50:26,775 I'll do it. 1047 00:50:29,025 --> 00:50:30,483 No problem. Fine. Right. 1048 00:50:30,483 --> 00:50:32,025 So, you drop into shot... 1049 00:50:32,025 --> 00:50:33,192 and then interview Chief Fireman Bevan. 1050 00:50:33,233 --> 00:50:35,025 Yep, yep, yep. 1051 00:50:35,067 --> 00:50:36,317 Go, go. Go, go. Go! 1052 00:50:36,358 --> 00:50:37,942 Go? 1053 00:50:38,025 --> 00:50:41,192 Oh, no. We're going to Newcastle first. 1054 00:50:41,233 --> 00:50:42,817 Stop! 1055 00:50:42,858 --> 00:50:44,192 Climb back up. 1056 00:50:44,233 --> 00:50:45,400 On you in thirty seconds. 1057 00:50:45,442 --> 00:50:47,150 OK. 1058 00:50:49,358 --> 00:50:51,942 Neville, what the fuck is going on? 1059 00:50:51,983 --> 00:50:53,233 She's supposed to be sliding down the pole... 1060 00:50:53,275 --> 00:50:55,442 -not climbing up it. -Go, go, go, go, go! 1061 00:50:55,483 --> 00:50:56,942 Oh, OK. 1062 00:50:57,983 --> 00:51:00,150 -Oh! -Oh, Jesus Christ. 1063 00:51:00,192 --> 00:51:02,733 Uhh! Uhh! 1064 00:51:02,775 --> 00:51:03,775 OK, we're out of time. We're out of time. 1065 00:51:03,817 --> 00:51:05,233 Just wind 'erupt. 1066 00:51:05,233 --> 00:51:08,483 Well, that seems to be about all we've got time for... 1067 00:51:08,692 --> 00:51:10,358 down here in Lewisham. 1068 00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:14,192 Uh, Chief Officer Bevan, thank you very much. 1069 00:51:14,233 --> 00:51:16,025 Excellent fire station. 1070 00:51:16,067 --> 00:51:17,983 Uh, and now... 1071 00:51:18,025 --> 00:51:20,317 back to the studio. 1072 00:51:20,358 --> 00:51:21,983 Whoo! 1073 00:51:22,025 --> 00:51:23,900 Whoo! 1074 00:51:23,942 --> 00:51:25,942 Whoo! 1075 00:51:25,983 --> 00:51:27,275 Whoo! 1076 00:51:27,317 --> 00:51:29,983 Excellent. Am national laughing stock. 1077 00:51:30,025 --> 00:51:32,233 Have bottom the size of Brazil. 1078 00:51:32,275 --> 00:51:33,858 Am daughter of broken home... 1079 00:51:33,900 --> 00:51:35,400 and rubbish at everything and... 1080 00:51:35,483 --> 00:51:36,775 oh, God. 1081 00:51:36,817 --> 00:51:39,442 I'm having dinner with Magda and Jeremy. 1082 00:51:39,483 --> 00:51:42,358 The only thing worse than as mug married couple-- 1083 00:51:42,358 --> 00:51:45,275 Lots of smug married couples. 1084 00:51:45,317 --> 00:51:47,942 Right, everyone. This is Bridget. 1085 00:51:49,317 --> 00:51:50,942 Bridge, this is Hugo and Jane. 1086 00:51:50,983 --> 00:51:52,442 And, obviously, you know, of course... 1087 00:51:52,483 --> 00:51:53,900 Cosmo and Woney. 1088 00:51:53,942 --> 00:51:55,150 -Hi, Bridge. -Hi, Bridge. 1089 00:51:55,192 --> 00:51:57,775 This is Alistair and Henrietta... 1090 00:51:57,817 --> 00:51:59,025 Julia and Michael... 1091 00:51:59,067 --> 00:52:00,150 Joanne and Paul... 1092 00:52:00,192 --> 00:52:02,025 and Jeremy's partners from chambers. 1093 00:52:02,025 --> 00:52:04,858 This is Natasha Glenville and Mark Darcy. 1094 00:52:04,900 --> 00:52:06,025 Hi, there. 1095 00:52:06,067 --> 00:52:07,442 Hello. 1096 00:52:07,483 --> 00:52:09,442 Not in your bunny girl outfit today? 1097 00:52:09,483 --> 00:52:10,817 No. 1098 00:52:10,858 --> 00:52:15,483 We bunnies only wear our tails on very special occasions. 1099 00:52:15,483 --> 00:52:17,817 -Sit yourself down. -Right. 1100 00:52:20,942 --> 00:52:23,983 Hey, Bridge, how's your love life? 1101 00:52:24,067 --> 00:52:25,400 Oh... 1102 00:52:25,442 --> 00:52:27,858 Still going out with that publishing chap pie? 1103 00:52:27,900 --> 00:52:30,192 Uh, no, no. 1104 00:52:30,233 --> 00:52:31,483 Terribly brill. 1105 00:52:31,692 --> 00:52:34,358 Never dip your nib in the office ink. 1106 00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:35,900 Right. 1107 00:52:35,942 --> 00:52:37,150 You really ought to hurry up... 1108 00:52:37,192 --> 00:52:39,775 and get sprugged up, you know, old girl? 1109 00:52:39,817 --> 00:52:43,317 Time's a-running out. Tick-tock. 1110 00:52:43,358 --> 00:52:45,358 Yes, yes. 1111 00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:47,817 Uh, tell me, is it one in four marriages... 1112 00:52:47,858 --> 00:52:49,817 that ends in divorce now or one in three? 1113 00:52:49,858 --> 00:52:51,150 One in three. 1114 00:52:52,150 --> 00:52:53,442 Seriously, though. 1115 00:52:53,483 --> 00:52:57,317 Offices full of single girls in their thirties-- 1116 00:52:57,358 --> 00:52:59,275 fine physical specimens... 1117 00:52:59,317 --> 00:53:02,442 but they just can't seem to hold down a chap. 1118 00:53:02,483 --> 00:53:03,983 Yes. Why is it... 1119 00:53:03,983 --> 00:53:05,983 there are so many unmarried women in their thirties... 1120 00:53:05,983 --> 00:53:07,108 these days, Bridget? 1121 00:53:13,150 --> 00:53:15,317 Oh, I don't know. 1122 00:53:15,358 --> 00:53:18,400 Suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes... 1123 00:53:18,442 --> 00:53:20,983 our entire bodies are covered in scales. 1124 00:53:33,900 --> 00:53:35,067 I very much enjoyed... 1125 00:53:35,108 --> 00:53:39,025 your Lewis ham fire report, by the way. 1126 00:53:39,025 --> 00:53:40,483 Thank you. 1127 00:53:44,067 --> 00:53:46,108 I just... 1128 00:53:46,150 --> 00:53:47,775 yeah, well. 1129 00:53:49,317 --> 00:53:50,775 So. 1130 00:53:51,817 --> 00:53:53,108 It didn't work out with Daniel Cleaver? 1131 00:53:53,150 --> 00:53:55,275 No, it didn't. 1132 00:53:56,817 --> 00:53:58,108 I'm delighted to hear it. 1133 00:53:59,692 --> 00:54:02,858 Look, are you and Cosmo in this together? 1134 00:54:02,900 --> 00:54:04,442 I mean, you seem to go out of your way... 1135 00:54:04,483 --> 00:54:06,775 to try to make me feel like a complete idiot... 1136 00:54:06,817 --> 00:54:11,692 every time I see you, and you really needn't bother. 1137 00:54:11,733 --> 00:54:16,067 I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway-- 1138 00:54:16,108 --> 00:54:18,858 with or without a fireman's pole. 1139 00:54:21,358 --> 00:54:22,858 That'll be my taxi. 1140 00:54:22,900 --> 00:54:25,317 Good night. 1141 00:54:25,358 --> 00:54:26,817 Look, um... 1142 00:54:26,817 --> 00:54:29,817 I'm sorry if I've been... 1143 00:54:29,858 --> 00:54:31,108 What? 1144 00:54:31,150 --> 00:54:35,025 I don't think you're an idiot at all. 1145 00:54:35,067 --> 00:54:39,067 I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. 1146 00:54:39,108 --> 00:54:41,358 Your mother's pretty interesting. 1147 00:54:41,358 --> 00:54:42,692 And you really are... 1148 00:54:42,733 --> 00:54:44,733 an appallingly bad public speaker. 1149 00:54:44,775 --> 00:54:47,025 And you tend to let whatever's in your head... 1150 00:54:47,067 --> 00:54:48,317 come out of your mouth... 1151 00:54:48,358 --> 00:54:51,733 without much consideration of the consequences. 1152 00:54:51,775 --> 00:54:55,067 I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet... 1153 00:54:55,108 --> 00:54:59,942 that I was unforgivably rude and wearing a reindeer jumper... 1154 00:54:59,983 --> 00:55:02,233 that my mother had given me the day before. 1155 00:55:03,483 --> 00:55:05,483 But the thing is, um... 1156 00:55:05,692 --> 00:55:10,233 what I'm trying to say very inarticulately is... 1157 00:55:11,692 --> 00:55:13,317 that, um... 1158 00:55:13,358 --> 00:55:15,067 infact... 1159 00:55:15,108 --> 00:55:18,317 perhaps, despite appearances... 1160 00:55:18,358 --> 00:55:21,108 I like you very much. 1161 00:55:21,150 --> 00:55:24,358 Ah. Apart from the smoking and the drinking... 1162 00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:27,233 and the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhea. 1163 00:55:27,275 --> 00:55:31,192 No. I like you very much-- just as you are. 1164 00:55:32,900 --> 00:55:36,483 Mark, we really are making progress on the case in here. 1165 00:55:36,692 --> 00:55:40,483 Jeremy's had the most brilliant idea. 1166 00:55:40,692 --> 00:55:42,275 Right. 1167 00:55:42,317 --> 00:55:43,733 Right. 1168 00:55:46,317 --> 00:55:48,483 I must go, because... 1169 00:55:50,233 --> 00:55:52,233 well... 1170 00:55:52,317 --> 00:55:53,983 bye. 1171 00:55:54,067 --> 00:55:57,317 Someone exactly like you 1172 00:56:01,358 --> 00:56:05,942 I've been travelin' all around the world 1173 00:56:06,067 --> 00:56:08,900 Just as you are? 1174 00:56:08,942 --> 00:56:10,400 Not thinner? Not cleverer? 1175 00:56:10,483 --> 00:56:13,733 Not with slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose? 1176 00:56:13,775 --> 00:56:15,275 Someone like you 1177 00:56:15,317 --> 00:56:16,817 Mm-mmm. 1178 00:56:16,817 --> 00:56:19,858 To make it all worth while 1179 00:56:19,900 --> 00:56:21,983 Well... 1180 00:56:22,025 --> 00:56:23,442 fuck me. 1181 00:56:23,483 --> 00:56:25,150 Keep me satisfied 1182 00:56:25,192 --> 00:56:27,400 Someone exactly like you 1183 00:56:27,442 --> 00:56:29,192 But this is someone you hate, right? 1184 00:56:29,233 --> 00:56:31,108 Mmm. Mmm. 1185 00:56:31,150 --> 00:56:33,275 Yes, yes. I hate him. 1186 00:56:36,900 --> 00:56:39,775 I've been traveling a hard road 1187 00:56:39,817 --> 00:56:44,025 November 9. Weight--138 pounds. 1188 00:56:44,067 --> 00:56:45,858 Cigarettes--three. 1189 00:56:45,900 --> 00:56:48,108 Birthday--thirty-three. 1190 00:56:49,358 --> 00:56:51,942 OK, Bridget, see if you can get it right this time. 1191 00:56:51,983 --> 00:56:55,150 The verdict in the Aghani-Heaney case is expected today. 1192 00:56:55,192 --> 00:56:56,150 Get yourself down to the high court. 1193 00:56:56,192 --> 00:56:59,775 I want a hard headed interview. 1194 00:56:59,817 --> 00:57:01,692 You do know the Aghani-Heaney case? 1195 00:57:01,692 --> 00:57:04,692 Yes, of course. 1196 00:57:04,733 --> 00:57:06,817 Big case... 1197 00:57:06,858 --> 00:57:10,067 featuring someone called Aghanihini. 1198 00:57:10,108 --> 00:57:14,025 Or two people called Kafir Aghani and Eleanor Heaney. 1199 00:57:14,067 --> 00:57:16,817 That's the one. 1200 00:57:16,817 --> 00:57:19,900 She's a British aid worker. He's a Kurdish freedom fighter. 1201 00:57:19,942 --> 00:57:21,858 The government want to extradite him home... 1202 00:57:21,900 --> 00:57:23,483 where he'll certainly be executed. 1203 00:57:23,692 --> 00:57:24,942 She's married to him... 1204 00:57:24,983 --> 00:57:26,775 and they fought for five years to keep him here. 1205 00:57:26,817 --> 00:57:28,150 Today is the decision. 1206 00:57:28,192 --> 00:57:29,733 Oh, that's exciting. 1207 00:57:29,775 --> 00:57:33,442 Yes, it is... so what are you waiting for? 1208 00:57:33,483 --> 00:57:36,817 Am suddenly hard-headed journalist... 1209 00:57:36,817 --> 00:57:39,900 ruthlessly committed to promoting justice and liberty. 1210 00:57:39,942 --> 00:57:42,150 Nothing can distract me from my dedication... 1211 00:57:42,192 --> 00:57:44,192 to the pursuit of truth. 1212 00:57:44,233 --> 00:57:46,733 Well, almost nothing. 1213 00:57:46,817 --> 00:57:49,858 Right. I'll just pop to the shop for some ciggies. 1214 00:57:49,900 --> 00:57:54,025 14 p for the Polos and packet of Wheat Crunchies. 1215 00:57:54,067 --> 00:57:55,275 Packet of Embassy, please. 1216 00:57:55,317 --> 00:57:57,067 I'm sorry. I'm not quite fin-- 1217 00:57:57,108 --> 00:57:58,983 Good afternoon. 1218 00:58:01,192 --> 00:58:02,317 Hi. 1219 00:58:03,442 --> 00:58:05,358 You like me just the way I am. 1220 00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:06,858 Sorry? 1221 00:58:06,900 --> 00:58:09,108 Nothing. 1222 00:58:09,150 --> 00:58:11,317 Bridget, we've fucked up utterly. 1223 00:58:11,358 --> 00:58:14,067 Eleanor Heaney and Kafir Aghani have come and gone. 1224 00:58:14,108 --> 00:58:17,400 Oh, God. I'll be sacked. 1225 00:58:17,442 --> 00:58:18,775 Did the others get interviews? 1226 00:58:18,817 --> 00:58:20,817 I don't know. I was having a slash. 1227 00:58:20,817 --> 00:58:22,442 Actually, nobody got interviews. 1228 00:58:22,483 --> 00:58:23,775 How do you know? 1229 00:58:23,817 --> 00:58:24,942 Because I was defending him... 1230 00:58:24,983 --> 00:58:27,108 and I told him not to give any interviews. 1231 00:58:28,150 --> 00:58:30,108 Look... 1232 00:58:30,150 --> 00:58:32,358 I have a plan. 1233 00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,025 And action. 1234 00:58:36,025 --> 00:58:39,317 Mr. Darcy, you were defending Mr. Aghani. 1235 00:58:39,358 --> 00:58:41,442 You must be delighted. 1236 00:58:41,483 --> 00:58:44,108 Yes, well, Kafir Aghani has spent his entire life... 1237 00:58:44,150 --> 00:58:45,442 defending the basic human rights... 1238 00:58:45,483 --> 00:58:47,192 of his own people, and today's verdict... 1239 00:58:47,233 --> 00:58:49,192 has been the result of five years of struggle... 1240 00:58:49,192 --> 00:58:51,150 by this woman, Eleanor Heaney... 1241 00:58:51,150 --> 00:58:54,692 to save the man she loves from an extradition order... 1242 00:58:54,733 --> 00:58:58,275 that would've been tant amount to a death sentence. 1243 00:58:58,317 --> 00:58:59,775 Right. 1244 00:58:59,817 --> 00:59:02,817 And, Eleanor, over to you. 1245 00:59:02,817 --> 00:59:05,900 Did you fancy Kafir the first time that you saw him? 1246 00:59:08,775 --> 00:59:11,817 This has been Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... 1247 00:59:11,858 --> 00:59:16,358 with, let's face it, a bit of a crush now, actually. 1248 00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:17,900 Good afternoon. 1249 00:59:17,942 --> 00:59:21,983 Bridget Jones-- already a legend. 1250 00:59:22,192 --> 00:59:23,983 I feel fantastic, bombastic 1251 00:59:24,025 --> 00:59:26,108 Ecstatically astounded 1252 00:59:26,150 --> 00:59:29,275 Got a girl who can really use her brain 1253 00:59:29,317 --> 00:59:31,817 I feel surrounded, confounded 1254 00:59:31,858 --> 00:59:34,317 Emotionally dumbfounded 1255 00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:38,358 Oh, joy. I am broadcasting genius. 1256 00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:41,775 Celebrating by cooking birthday feast for close friends. 1257 00:59:41,817 --> 00:59:43,317 Have sneaking suspicion... 1258 00:59:43,358 --> 00:59:46,233 am also something of a genius in the kitchen as well. 1259 00:59:46,275 --> 00:59:50,942 Tie flavor-enhancing leek and celery together with string. 1260 00:59:50,983 --> 00:59:52,358 Right. 1261 00:59:52,358 --> 00:59:53,733 String. 1262 00:59:53,775 --> 00:59:55,275 String, string, string. 1263 00:59:55,317 --> 00:59:57,317 Perfect. 1264 00:59:57,317 --> 00:59:58,900 I don't think so 1265 01:00:01,025 --> 01:00:04,858 Finely slice oranges and grate zest. 1266 01:00:04,900 --> 01:00:06,858 Why don't you leave it there? 1267 01:00:06,900 --> 01:00:09,817 I feel fantastic, bombastic, ecstatic... 1268 01:00:09,858 --> 01:00:11,150 Aah! Oh, bugger! 1269 01:00:11,192 --> 01:00:12,150 Oh, bugger, bugger! 1270 01:00:13,775 --> 01:00:16,108 I feel surrounded, confounded 1271 01:00:16,150 --> 01:00:17,275 Emotionally dumbfounded 1272 01:00:17,317 --> 01:00:19,400 Where the fuck is the fucking tuna? 1273 01:00:19,442 --> 01:00:22,192 Oh, this is Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... 1274 01:00:22,233 --> 01:00:23,733 searching for tuna. 1275 01:00:28,192 --> 01:00:29,192 Bridget Jones. 1276 01:00:29,192 --> 01:00:30,775 Hello, darling. 1277 01:00:30,858 --> 01:00:32,025 Hi, Mum. 1278 01:00:32,067 --> 01:00:35,067 I just wanted a bit of a chat. 1279 01:00:35,150 --> 01:00:37,483 Ouch! Careful, you ham-fisted cunt! 1280 01:00:37,692 --> 01:00:39,817 The thing is, darling, I'm-- 1281 01:00:39,858 --> 01:00:41,358 Between you and me, I'm not entirely sure... 1282 01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:43,358 that Julian isn't a bit of a shit. 1283 01:00:43,400 --> 01:00:44,400 Yes, well, you know, Mum... 1284 01:00:44,400 --> 01:00:46,358 I haven't really got time right now. 1285 01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:48,108 Oh, l... 1286 01:00:48,150 --> 01:00:50,942 I can't deny the sex is still very surprising. 1287 01:00:50,983 --> 01:00:52,983 You know, the other night, quite unexpectedly... 1288 01:00:53,025 --> 01:00:55,192 I was just dozing off, and I felt this huge-- 1289 01:00:55,233 --> 01:00:56,817 Bye, Mum. 1290 01:00:58,275 --> 01:00:59,150 Ecch. 1291 01:01:00,483 --> 01:01:01,442 Oh. 1292 01:01:01,483 --> 01:01:03,733 Who can be calling now? 1293 01:01:05,317 --> 01:01:06,442 Oh. 1294 01:01:10,025 --> 01:01:11,400 The door was open. 1295 01:01:11,442 --> 01:01:13,983 I came to congratulate... 1296 01:01:14,067 --> 01:01:17,442 the new face of British current affairs. 1297 01:01:19,483 --> 01:01:21,858 Huh. 1298 01:01:21,900 --> 01:01:26,358 But I see I may have come at a bad time. 1299 01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:28,233 How's it look? 1300 01:01:28,275 --> 01:01:31,275 Great. It's, um...blue. 1301 01:01:31,317 --> 01:01:33,150 Blue? 1302 01:01:33,192 --> 01:01:34,733 No, but blue is good. 1303 01:01:34,775 --> 01:01:36,983 If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food. 1304 01:01:37,025 --> 01:01:40,025 Oh, shit. It must've been the string. 1305 01:01:40,067 --> 01:01:41,775 Oh, it's string soup? 1306 01:01:43,025 --> 01:01:44,900 Oh, God. They're going to be here any minute. 1307 01:01:44,942 --> 01:01:46,483 Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've come to see you... 1308 01:01:46,692 --> 01:01:50,733 and not orange parfait in sugar cages. 1309 01:01:50,775 --> 01:01:52,025 Have a drink. 1310 01:01:52,067 --> 01:01:53,233 Yes. 1311 01:01:57,233 --> 01:01:58,233 Happy birthday. 1312 01:01:58,275 --> 01:01:59,442 Thank you. 1313 01:02:02,692 --> 01:02:05,108 Did I really run round your lawn naked? 1314 01:02:05,150 --> 01:02:06,817 Oh, yes. 1315 01:02:06,858 --> 01:02:08,483 You were four, and I was eight. 1316 01:02:08,692 --> 01:02:12,150 Well, that's a pretty big age difference. 1317 01:02:13,192 --> 01:02:14,733 It's quite pervy, really. 1318 01:02:14,775 --> 01:02:16,858 Yes, I like to think so. 1319 01:02:20,483 --> 01:02:23,150 What are we going to do about this dinner, then? 1320 01:02:25,317 --> 01:02:30,275 We can have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and... 1321 01:02:30,317 --> 01:02:31,358 well, for main course, we have... 1322 01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:34,108 uh, congealed green gunge. 1323 01:02:34,150 --> 01:02:38,192 -That is caper berry gravy. -Oh, yes. Yeah. 1324 01:02:38,233 --> 01:02:40,192 -Do you have eggs? -Yes. 1325 01:02:40,233 --> 01:02:41,192 Right. 1326 01:02:41,233 --> 01:02:42,817 -Omelet it is, then. -Ah. 1327 01:02:42,858 --> 01:02:44,275 With caper berry gravy. 1328 01:02:48,192 --> 01:02:52,692 You wouldn't by any chance have any beet root cubes? 1329 01:02:52,733 --> 01:02:55,733 A mini-gherkin, stuffed olive? 1330 01:02:55,775 --> 01:02:58,317 No, Pam, and besides, I'm busy. 1331 01:02:58,358 --> 01:03:00,400 The gravy needs sieving. 1332 01:03:00,483 --> 01:03:02,317 Surely not. Just stir it, Una. 1333 01:03:06,983 --> 01:03:09,358 In the dark 1334 01:03:09,358 --> 01:03:11,358 I can hear 1335 01:03:12,483 --> 01:03:14,775 Happy, happy birthday! 1336 01:03:14,817 --> 01:03:17,192 Hey, TV queen. 1337 01:03:17,233 --> 01:03:21,233 Hey, Bridge, you looked fantastic. 1338 01:03:23,858 --> 01:03:24,900 Hello. 1339 01:03:24,983 --> 01:03:26,192 Hello. 1340 01:03:26,233 --> 01:03:27,483 Are you joining us? 1341 01:03:27,692 --> 01:03:30,025 Yeah. Yeah, of course. 1342 01:03:30,025 --> 01:03:31,483 What did you say? 1343 01:03:31,692 --> 01:03:34,983 It's OK 1344 01:03:36,900 --> 01:03:38,858 Mmm, mmm 1345 01:03:38,900 --> 01:03:40,692 Did you miss me? 1346 01:03:49,192 --> 01:03:50,192 Excellent. 1347 01:03:50,192 --> 01:03:51,233 Mmm. Yeah. 1348 01:03:51,275 --> 01:03:53,192 Delicious. 1349 01:03:53,233 --> 01:03:54,483 Really special. 1350 01:03:54,692 --> 01:03:56,317 It's really--really very good. 1351 01:03:56,358 --> 01:03:58,150 Really. It's very nice. 1352 01:04:00,817 --> 01:04:01,858 Say... 1353 01:04:01,900 --> 01:04:03,192 Mmm. 1354 01:04:03,233 --> 01:04:04,733 Mark, why did your wife leave you? 1355 01:04:04,817 --> 01:04:06,775 Mmm. Eat up. 1356 01:04:06,817 --> 01:04:09,275 Eat up. Two more lovely courses to go. 1357 01:04:10,775 --> 01:04:13,817 Make it mine 1358 01:04:13,858 --> 01:04:15,900 They can talk 1359 01:04:15,942 --> 01:04:17,150 Mmm, delicious. 1360 01:04:18,692 --> 01:04:20,733 I have to say, this really is the most incredible shit. 1361 01:04:24,692 --> 01:04:26,692 This is the worst of the three. 1362 01:04:26,733 --> 01:04:28,483 It does actually remind me of something. 1363 01:04:28,692 --> 01:04:29,483 It tastes like-- 1364 01:04:29,692 --> 01:04:31,150 Marmalade. 1365 01:04:31,192 --> 01:04:32,817 Well done, Bridge. 1366 01:04:32,858 --> 01:04:35,942 Four hours of careful cooking and a feast of blue soup... 1367 01:04:35,983 --> 01:04:37,442 omelet, and marmalade. 1368 01:04:37,483 --> 01:04:38,483 Thank you. 1369 01:04:38,692 --> 01:04:39,983 I think that deserves a toast, don't you? 1370 01:04:40,025 --> 01:04:41,150 To Bridget... 1371 01:04:41,192 --> 01:04:44,358 who cannot cook, but who we love... 1372 01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:45,858 just as she is. 1373 01:04:47,692 --> 01:04:48,942 To Bridget... 1374 01:04:48,983 --> 01:04:51,442 just as she is. 1375 01:04:51,483 --> 01:04:53,442 Did you miss me? 1376 01:04:54,733 --> 01:04:56,692 Did you miss me? 1377 01:05:00,192 --> 01:05:01,733 I'll go. 1378 01:05:12,358 --> 01:05:13,692 Who? 1379 01:05:14,900 --> 01:05:18,108 Ah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1380 01:05:18,150 --> 01:05:21,942 I'm obviously interrupting a... 1381 01:05:21,983 --> 01:05:24,275 Darcy. 1382 01:05:24,317 --> 01:05:26,775 What brings you here? 1383 01:05:26,817 --> 01:05:29,317 Oh, right. Yeah. 1384 01:05:29,317 --> 01:05:30,733 I should've guessed, shouldn't l? 1385 01:05:30,775 --> 01:05:33,733 Hi. I'm Tom. It's really good to meet you at last. 1386 01:05:33,775 --> 01:05:36,733 Yeah, listen, I just came to, uh... 1387 01:05:36,775 --> 01:05:38,942 I thought you might be on your own. 1388 01:05:38,983 --> 01:05:41,108 Huh. What an idiot. 1389 01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:45,442 Excuse me. 1390 01:05:52,900 --> 01:05:54,858 I've been going crazy. 1391 01:05:54,900 --> 01:05:56,942 I can't stop thinking about you... 1392 01:05:56,983 --> 01:06:00,067 and thinking what a fucking idiot I've been. 1393 01:06:00,108 --> 01:06:02,733 Christ, is that blue soup? 1394 01:06:02,775 --> 01:06:04,442 Yes. 1395 01:06:04,483 --> 01:06:06,442 That Sunday in the country... 1396 01:06:08,817 --> 01:06:10,692 Come outside. 1397 01:06:12,150 --> 01:06:15,025 It was all just going so fast-- 1398 01:06:15,067 --> 01:06:18,442 the hotel and that weekend, meeting your parents. 1399 01:06:18,483 --> 01:06:20,692 I just panicked. 1400 01:06:20,733 --> 01:06:22,358 You know me. I'm... 1401 01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:24,233 I'm a terrible disaster... 1402 01:06:24,275 --> 01:06:27,150 with a posh voice and a bad character. 1403 01:06:27,192 --> 01:06:28,733 You're the only one who can save me, Bridge. 1404 01:06:28,775 --> 01:06:30,817 I need you. Without you, twenty years from now... 1405 01:06:30,858 --> 01:06:35,317 I'll be in some seedy bar with some seedy blonde. 1406 01:06:35,317 --> 01:06:37,358 Well, what about Lara? 1407 01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:40,483 Oh, over, over. totally fucking finito. 1408 01:06:40,692 --> 01:06:42,275 Dumped me. 1409 01:06:42,317 --> 01:06:46,275 She realized that I hadn't got over you. 1410 01:06:46,317 --> 01:06:48,317 I know you're thinking... 1411 01:06:48,317 --> 01:06:51,317 it's just a sex thing, but I promise you... 1412 01:06:51,358 --> 01:06:54,275 whenever I see that skimpy little skirt on TV... 1413 01:06:54,317 --> 01:06:55,775 I just close my eyes and listen... 1414 01:06:55,817 --> 01:06:58,150 to all the intelligent things you've said. 1415 01:06:58,192 --> 01:07:01,192 I was thrilled that little Kurdish bloke was set free. 1416 01:07:02,858 --> 01:07:04,108 Bridge... 1417 01:07:05,358 --> 01:07:07,942 I missed you a lot. 1418 01:07:11,025 --> 01:07:11,983 Oh, God. 1419 01:07:12,025 --> 01:07:13,733 I'm going now. Bye. 1420 01:07:14,817 --> 01:07:16,317 Mark, stay. We-- 1421 01:07:16,317 --> 01:07:17,775 No, I don't think I will. 1422 01:07:17,817 --> 01:07:21,067 Well, listen, don't leave on my behalf. 1423 01:07:21,108 --> 01:07:26,275 I think it's time you and I put this past behind us. 1424 01:07:26,317 --> 01:07:27,817 At least stay for a birthday drink... 1425 01:07:27,858 --> 01:07:29,275 with me and Bridge, huh? 1426 01:07:29,317 --> 01:07:31,400 Good-bye, Bridget. 1427 01:07:33,233 --> 01:07:34,775 Mark. 1428 01:07:40,442 --> 01:07:41,400 Why are you here? 1429 01:07:41,483 --> 01:07:43,900 Bridge... 1430 01:07:43,942 --> 01:07:46,442 I just told you why I'm here. 1431 01:07:46,483 --> 01:07:49,483 Why was Mark "Wanker" Darcy here? 1432 01:07:49,692 --> 01:07:52,400 Oh, bloody hell. Wait a minute. He's back. 1433 01:07:52,442 --> 01:07:53,858 All right, Cleaver, outside. 1434 01:07:53,900 --> 01:07:55,442 I'm sorry? 1435 01:07:55,483 --> 01:07:57,067 Outside? 1436 01:07:57,150 --> 01:08:00,900 Uh, should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword? 1437 01:08:04,317 --> 01:08:05,692 All right. Hang on. 1438 01:08:14,983 --> 01:08:16,358 I should've done this years ago. 1439 01:08:16,400 --> 01:08:18,483 Done what? 1440 01:08:18,692 --> 01:08:19,692 This. 1441 01:08:19,692 --> 01:08:21,858 Ooh! Fuck! 1442 01:08:21,900 --> 01:08:23,775 Fuck me, that hurt! 1443 01:08:23,817 --> 01:08:25,692 Ahh! 1444 01:08:25,733 --> 01:08:26,942 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 1445 01:08:26,983 --> 01:08:28,317 -This. -Aah! 1446 01:08:28,358 --> 01:08:30,858 Aah! Oh, Christ, not again. 1447 01:08:30,858 --> 01:08:31,858 Uhh! 1448 01:08:33,942 --> 01:08:35,067 Fight! 1449 01:08:35,108 --> 01:08:36,983 What? 1450 01:08:37,025 --> 01:08:38,983 Well, quick! 1451 01:08:39,025 --> 01:08:40,358 It's a real fight! 1452 01:08:40,358 --> 01:08:41,983 It's a fight! 1453 01:08:43,817 --> 01:08:45,150 All right, all right, all right. 1454 01:08:45,150 --> 01:08:46,442 I give up. I give up. 1455 01:08:46,483 --> 01:08:48,233 Just give me a moment, all right? Just... 1456 01:08:48,275 --> 01:08:52,317 Let me get a moment's break here, OK? 1457 01:08:53,358 --> 01:08:55,275 Cheat! 1458 01:08:55,317 --> 01:08:56,900 Cheat! Cheat! 1459 01:09:05,025 --> 01:09:07,025 I should've knew it! 1460 01:09:19,233 --> 01:09:21,067 Ow, ow, ow, ow! 1461 01:09:21,108 --> 01:09:22,400 Whose side are we on? 1462 01:09:22,442 --> 01:09:23,733 Mark's, obviously. 1463 01:09:23,775 --> 01:09:25,692 He's never dumped Bridget for some naked American. 1464 01:09:25,733 --> 01:09:27,733 And he said he liked her just the way she is. 1465 01:09:27,775 --> 01:09:29,483 Yeah, but he also shagged Daniel's fiancee... 1466 01:09:29,692 --> 01:09:30,483 and left him broken hearted. 1467 01:09:30,692 --> 01:09:33,025 Good point. It's a very hard one to call. 1468 01:09:33,067 --> 01:09:35,775 It's raining men 1469 01:09:35,817 --> 01:09:38,900 Hallelujah, it's raining men 1470 01:09:38,942 --> 01:09:40,317 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1471 01:09:40,358 --> 01:09:41,858 Oh, yes! 1472 01:09:44,483 --> 01:09:45,983 Mark! 1473 01:09:46,025 --> 01:09:47,442 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, all right? 1474 01:09:47,483 --> 01:09:49,025 Ohh! Ohh! 1475 01:09:49,067 --> 01:09:51,025 Aah! 1476 01:09:51,067 --> 01:09:52,442 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 1477 01:09:52,483 --> 01:09:54,067 I really am sorry. 1478 01:09:54,108 --> 01:09:55,067 I--I will pay. 1479 01:09:55,108 --> 01:09:56,733 Had enough, Darcy? 1480 01:09:56,775 --> 01:09:59,358 Not quite, if that's all right by you. 1481 01:09:59,400 --> 01:10:01,775 Oh! You broke my bloody jaw! 1482 01:10:01,817 --> 01:10:05,067 Happy birthday to you 1483 01:10:05,108 --> 01:10:08,775 Happy birthday to you 1484 01:10:08,817 --> 01:10:13,317 Happy birthday, dear what's-his-name 1485 01:10:13,358 --> 01:10:18,358 Happy birthday to you 1486 01:10:19,900 --> 01:10:21,900 It's raining men 1487 01:10:21,983 --> 01:10:24,275 Hallelujah, it's raining men 1488 01:10:24,317 --> 01:10:26,900 -Uh... -Ohh... 1489 01:10:26,942 --> 01:10:28,275 -Uhh. -Uhh. 1490 01:10:31,692 --> 01:10:33,817 Jesus. 1491 01:10:33,858 --> 01:10:34,983 Uhh. 1492 01:10:39,775 --> 01:10:41,025 All right. 1493 01:10:41,067 --> 01:10:43,067 -All right? -Enough. 1494 01:10:43,150 --> 01:10:44,942 Enough. 1495 01:10:44,983 --> 01:10:45,983 Enough. 1496 01:10:46,025 --> 01:10:47,483 Wanker. 1497 01:11:01,233 --> 01:11:03,108 What is your problem? 1498 01:11:03,150 --> 01:11:04,942 -My problem? -Yes. 1499 01:11:04,983 --> 01:11:08,817 You give the impression of being all moral and noble... 1500 01:11:08,858 --> 01:11:10,275 and normal... 1501 01:11:10,317 --> 01:11:12,317 and helpful in the kitchen... 1502 01:11:12,358 --> 01:11:14,483 but you're just as bad as the rest of them. 1503 01:11:14,692 --> 01:11:16,733 Well, I can see that I've been laboring... 1504 01:11:16,817 --> 01:11:19,317 under a misapprehension. 1505 01:11:19,358 --> 01:11:23,983 A very, very foolish mistake. Forgive me. 1506 01:11:38,192 --> 01:11:40,442 Uhh. 1507 01:11:44,150 --> 01:11:46,942 Let's go back upstairs. 1508 01:11:46,983 --> 01:11:48,442 Come on. 1509 01:11:51,358 --> 01:11:53,442 We belong together, Jones. 1510 01:11:54,900 --> 01:11:56,817 Me, you. 1511 01:11:58,025 --> 01:11:59,900 Poor little skirt. 1512 01:12:02,025 --> 01:12:04,067 Right. 1513 01:12:04,108 --> 01:12:08,025 If I can't make it with you... 1514 01:12:08,067 --> 01:12:10,858 I can't make it with anyone. 1515 01:12:13,192 --> 01:12:14,358 Um... 1516 01:12:20,358 --> 01:12:24,733 That's not a good enough offer for me. 1517 01:12:24,775 --> 01:12:26,692 I'm not willing to gamble my whole life... 1518 01:12:26,733 --> 01:12:28,400 on someone who's... 1519 01:12:28,442 --> 01:12:31,400 well, not quite sure. 1520 01:12:32,900 --> 01:12:34,858 It's like you said. 1521 01:12:34,900 --> 01:12:38,317 I'm still looking for something... 1522 01:12:38,358 --> 01:12:40,442 more extraordinary than that. 1523 01:12:59,775 --> 01:13:01,483 Ding dong, merrily on high 1524 01:13:01,692 --> 01:13:03,733 December 25. 1525 01:13:03,817 --> 01:13:06,858 Weight--140 pounds... 1526 01:13:06,900 --> 01:13:08,483 Plus forty-two mince pies. 1527 01:13:08,692 --> 01:13:11,942 Alcohol units-- 1528 01:13:11,983 --> 01:13:12,983 Oh, thousands. 1529 01:13:13,025 --> 01:13:14,775 Bugger off! 1530 01:13:14,817 --> 01:13:16,483 Come on, kids. 1531 01:13:18,317 --> 01:13:21,192 This baroque carriage clock... 1532 01:13:21,233 --> 01:13:23,817 is a particular festive favorite of mine... 1533 01:13:23,858 --> 01:13:26,817 incorporating the Hallelujah Chorus... 1534 01:13:26,858 --> 01:13:28,275 from Handel's "Messiah"... 1535 01:13:28,358 --> 01:13:31,067 every hour on the hour. 1536 01:13:31,108 --> 01:13:32,150 I don't understand it. 1537 01:13:32,192 --> 01:13:34,025 The man's actually turned red now. 1538 01:13:34,067 --> 01:13:35,983 Merry Christmas, Pamela. 1539 01:13:41,983 --> 01:13:43,233 Well... 1540 01:13:43,275 --> 01:13:45,442 I'm going to Bedfordshire. 1541 01:13:52,483 --> 01:13:53,442 Night, night. 1542 01:13:53,483 --> 01:13:54,983 Night, night. 1543 01:14:09,025 --> 01:14:10,817 The thing is... 1544 01:14:11,942 --> 01:14:14,900 well, close up, he was almost purple. 1545 01:14:16,358 --> 01:14:19,942 You were such a lovely normal color. 1546 01:14:20,025 --> 01:14:23,858 He had a filthy temper. 1547 01:14:23,900 --> 01:14:26,150 And, well, the jewelry is fabulous... 1548 01:14:26,150 --> 01:14:29,108 and really very reasonably priced and... 1549 01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:33,400 I thought I might ask if... 1550 01:14:35,442 --> 01:14:37,400 we could have another go. 1551 01:14:38,983 --> 01:14:40,775 I mean, obviously, with some effort on your part... 1552 01:14:40,817 --> 01:14:42,900 to pay a bit more attention to me. 1553 01:14:42,942 --> 01:14:45,900 I do realize what I'm like sometimes. 1554 01:14:45,983 --> 01:14:47,192 It doesn't help that you and Bridget... 1555 01:14:47,233 --> 01:14:49,025 have your lovely grownup club of two... 1556 01:14:49,067 --> 01:14:50,400 and always saying... 1557 01:14:50,442 --> 01:14:52,900 "What's silly old Mummy gone and done this time?" 1558 01:14:52,942 --> 01:14:56,275 You used to be mad about me. 1559 01:14:56,317 --> 01:14:58,150 You couldn't get enough of me. 1560 01:15:02,067 --> 01:15:03,775 What do you think? 1561 01:15:07,192 --> 01:15:09,108 I don't know, Pam. 1562 01:15:11,400 --> 01:15:13,983 I just don't know now. 1563 01:15:16,317 --> 01:15:17,983 It's been very hard. 1564 01:15:18,025 --> 01:15:20,942 Oh, Colin. 1565 01:15:24,817 --> 01:15:27,358 I'm joking, you daft cow. 1566 01:15:28,442 --> 01:15:29,400 Oh! 1567 01:15:31,983 --> 01:15:34,775 Pam, I just don't work without you. 1568 01:15:37,692 --> 01:15:40,233 Awful. 1569 01:15:43,942 --> 01:15:46,900 Lovely, lovely, lovely. 1570 01:15:46,942 --> 01:15:49,108 Get back up those stairs, young lady. 1571 01:15:49,150 --> 01:15:50,358 Get dressed. 1572 01:15:50,400 --> 01:15:51,775 What for? 1573 01:15:51,817 --> 01:15:53,775 The Darcys' ruby wedding party. 1574 01:15:53,817 --> 01:15:55,150 What for, indeed. 1575 01:15:55,192 --> 01:15:57,858 Mark will be there-- still divorced. 1576 01:15:57,900 --> 01:16:01,358 He's also still deranged. I'm not going. 1577 01:16:01,400 --> 01:16:04,275 Poor Mark. It's always a bad time of year for him. 1578 01:16:04,317 --> 01:16:06,400 You know, his Japanese wife left him on Christmas Day. 1579 01:16:06,483 --> 01:16:07,775 Cruel race. 1580 01:16:07,817 --> 01:16:09,025 Yes, but I'm not quite sure... 1581 01:16:09,067 --> 01:16:11,150 he didn't deserve it, actually. 1582 01:16:11,192 --> 01:16:13,025 She ran off with his best friend from Cambridge. 1583 01:16:13,067 --> 01:16:15,442 Total scoundrel, apparently. 1584 01:16:15,483 --> 01:16:16,983 Best man at his wedding. 1585 01:16:17,025 --> 01:16:19,108 Christmas Eve, Mark comes home early from work... 1586 01:16:19,150 --> 01:16:22,317 finds the pair of them in a most unorthodox position-- 1587 01:16:22,358 --> 01:16:24,775 stark naked, a tit like rabbits. 1588 01:16:29,775 --> 01:16:32,067 Just give me five minutes. 1589 01:16:32,108 --> 01:16:33,233 Ain't no mountain high enough 1590 01:16:33,275 --> 01:16:34,483 Oh, ho 1591 01:16:34,692 --> 01:16:35,900 Ain't no valley low enough 1592 01:16:35,942 --> 01:16:37,150 Whoo 1593 01:16:37,192 --> 01:16:39,150 Ain't no river wide enough 1594 01:16:39,192 --> 01:16:42,150 Stop. Stop the car. Stop the car. 1595 01:16:42,192 --> 01:16:44,358 Dad, get out. Too slow! 1596 01:16:44,400 --> 01:16:45,442 Ain't no valley low enough 1597 01:16:45,483 --> 01:16:46,942 Say it again 1598 01:16:46,983 --> 01:16:48,233 Ain't no river wide enough 1599 01:16:48,275 --> 01:16:50,858 Hey, to keep me from you 1600 01:16:50,900 --> 01:16:52,733 Dad, get in. 1601 01:16:52,775 --> 01:16:53,900 -Hurry. -What's your hurry? 1602 01:16:55,983 --> 01:16:58,192 Not too fast. 1603 01:16:58,233 --> 01:17:01,358 Keep me from you 1604 01:17:07,483 --> 01:17:09,775 A bit snowy, isn't it? 1605 01:17:09,817 --> 01:17:11,317 Ain't no mountain high enough 1606 01:17:11,358 --> 01:17:12,775 Oh, ho 1607 01:17:12,775 --> 01:17:14,275 Ain't no valley low enough 1608 01:17:14,317 --> 01:17:15,733 Whoo 1609 01:17:15,775 --> 01:17:17,733 Ain't no river wide enough 1610 01:17:17,775 --> 01:17:20,025 To keep me from you 1611 01:17:20,067 --> 01:17:21,817 Ain't no mountain high enough 1612 01:17:21,858 --> 01:17:24,150 Ow, ain't no valley low enough 1613 01:17:24,192 --> 01:17:25,442 Say it again 1614 01:17:25,483 --> 01:17:26,858 Ain't no river wide enough 1615 01:17:26,900 --> 01:17:29,358 Hey, to keep me from you 1616 01:17:29,400 --> 01:17:31,692 Sorry. One moment. 1617 01:17:34,483 --> 01:17:35,858 Thank you for inviting me. 1618 01:17:35,900 --> 01:17:38,817 I didn't. It must've been my parents. 1619 01:17:43,358 --> 01:17:44,358 So... 1620 01:17:44,400 --> 01:17:46,442 So. 1621 01:17:47,983 --> 01:17:49,067 Hello, Bridget. 1622 01:17:49,108 --> 01:17:50,733 Didn't know you were coming. 1623 01:17:50,775 --> 01:17:54,733 Mark, your father wants to begin A.S.A.P. 1624 01:17:54,775 --> 01:17:56,275 Oh, does he? Right. 1625 01:17:56,317 --> 01:17:57,692 Well, uh... 1626 01:17:57,733 --> 01:17:59,858 Come on, Mark. Be helpful, please. 1627 01:17:59,900 --> 01:18:01,692 The caterers have totally screwed up. 1628 01:18:01,733 --> 01:18:03,150 Does nothing work outside of London? 1629 01:18:03,192 --> 01:18:04,942 Hmm? Apparently not. 1630 01:18:06,358 --> 01:18:07,942 Well, I'd better... 1631 01:18:09,858 --> 01:18:11,983 Listen, uh... 1632 01:18:12,025 --> 01:18:16,108 I owe you an apology about Daniel. 1633 01:18:17,858 --> 01:18:20,150 He said that you ran off with his fiancee... 1634 01:18:20,192 --> 01:18:22,817 and left him broken hearted, he said. 1635 01:18:22,858 --> 01:18:24,150 Ah. 1636 01:18:25,150 --> 01:18:26,358 No, it was the other way around. 1637 01:18:26,400 --> 01:18:29,900 It was my wife... 1638 01:18:31,150 --> 01:18:32,692 my heart. 1639 01:18:34,233 --> 01:18:36,275 Sorry. 1640 01:18:36,317 --> 01:18:40,025 That's why you always acted so strangely around him... 1641 01:18:40,067 --> 01:18:44,775 and beat him to a pulp, quite rightly. 1642 01:18:44,817 --> 01:18:46,108 Well done. 1643 01:18:47,150 --> 01:18:48,275 Well, um... 1644 01:18:48,317 --> 01:18:50,442 Can we just, um... 1645 01:18:50,483 --> 01:18:53,150 pop out there... 1646 01:18:53,192 --> 01:18:54,733 for a moment? 1647 01:18:57,150 --> 01:18:59,067 Quite delightful, isn't it, my dear? 1648 01:19:00,983 --> 01:19:02,483 OK. 1649 01:19:04,317 --> 01:19:08,192 I just have something that I want to say. 1650 01:19:08,233 --> 01:19:09,775 Um... 1651 01:19:09,858 --> 01:19:12,067 You once said that you liked me just as I am... 1652 01:19:12,108 --> 01:19:17,025 and I just wanted to say... like wise. 1653 01:19:17,067 --> 01:19:19,025 I mean... 1654 01:19:19,067 --> 01:19:21,192 there are stupid things your mum buys you. 1655 01:19:21,233 --> 01:19:22,858 Tonight's another classic. 1656 01:19:22,900 --> 01:19:25,400 You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing... 1657 01:19:25,442 --> 01:19:27,108 in every situation. 1658 01:19:27,192 --> 01:19:30,358 And I seriously believe that you should... 1659 01:19:30,400 --> 01:19:32,442 rethink the length of your side burns. 1660 01:19:34,275 --> 01:19:36,942 But you're a nice man... 1661 01:19:36,983 --> 01:19:38,108 and... 1662 01:19:40,192 --> 01:19:41,733 I like you. 1663 01:19:44,900 --> 01:19:46,858 So if you wanted to pop by sometime... 1664 01:19:46,900 --> 01:19:48,275 that might be nice. 1665 01:19:51,817 --> 01:19:53,942 More than nice. 1666 01:19:56,192 --> 01:19:57,233 Right. 1667 01:19:59,192 --> 01:20:00,317 Crikey. 1668 01:20:03,233 --> 01:20:05,108 Ladies and gentlemen... 1669 01:20:05,150 --> 01:20:08,817 could I have your attention fora moment, please? 1670 01:20:08,858 --> 01:20:10,275 Excuse me. 1671 01:20:13,817 --> 01:20:15,233 Of course. 1672 01:20:15,275 --> 01:20:17,983 ...wife and companion Geraldine. 1673 01:20:18,025 --> 01:20:23,067 A toast to her, my--my wonderful wife Geraldine. 1674 01:20:23,108 --> 01:20:25,317 To Geraldine. 1675 01:20:25,317 --> 01:20:27,067 And we, in turn... 1676 01:20:27,108 --> 01:20:29,983 have been blessed with our son, Mark. 1677 01:20:30,025 --> 01:20:31,233 He's always made usproud... 1678 01:20:31,275 --> 01:20:33,942 and we couldn't be prouder of him... 1679 01:20:33,983 --> 01:20:35,067 than on this particular day... 1680 01:20:35,150 --> 01:20:37,775 because I'm thrilled to announce... 1681 01:20:37,817 --> 01:20:40,108 he has just been invited to be a senior partner... 1682 01:20:40,150 --> 01:20:42,233 in the firm of Abbott and Abbott in New York. 1683 01:20:46,817 --> 01:20:48,317 He also, incidentally... 1684 01:20:48,358 --> 01:20:50,442 takes with him his brilliant partner in law... 1685 01:20:50,483 --> 01:20:52,442 Natasha. 1686 01:20:52,483 --> 01:20:54,483 And, well,I don't think they'll mind... 1687 01:20:54,692 --> 01:20:56,275 since we're amongst friends... 1688 01:20:56,317 --> 01:21:00,900 if I say that someday this remarkably clever girl... 1689 01:21:00,942 --> 01:21:04,275 is going to be something-else-in-law as well. 1690 01:21:10,108 --> 01:21:11,900 I begged him not to say anything. 1691 01:21:11,942 --> 01:21:13,317 So I ask you now... 1692 01:21:13,358 --> 01:21:15,442 to charge your glasses once again... 1693 01:21:15,483 --> 01:21:18,067 to Markandhis Natasha. 1694 01:21:18,150 --> 01:21:20,442 To Mark and his Natasha. 1695 01:21:20,483 --> 01:21:23,108 No!No! 1696 01:21:27,192 --> 01:21:29,942 It's just that... 1697 01:21:29,942 --> 01:21:32,358 it's such a terrible pity... 1698 01:21:34,942 --> 01:21:38,233 f-for England... 1699 01:21:38,275 --> 01:21:40,025 to lose... 1700 01:21:40,067 --> 01:21:42,442 such a great legal brain. 1701 01:21:42,483 --> 01:21:44,483 -Is she pissed? -What? 1702 01:21:44,692 --> 01:21:47,733 F-for the people of England... 1703 01:21:49,358 --> 01:21:50,900 I like me and you... 1704 01:21:50,942 --> 01:21:55,108 to lose one of our top people. 1705 01:21:55,150 --> 01:21:56,192 Uh... 1706 01:21:57,192 --> 01:22:00,733 just top person, really. 1707 01:22:03,442 --> 01:22:04,983 Ahem. 1708 01:22:06,317 --> 01:22:09,192 Well...better dash. 1709 01:22:09,233 --> 01:22:12,692 I've got another party to go to. 1710 01:22:12,692 --> 01:22:15,358 It's single people. 1711 01:22:15,400 --> 01:22:18,150 Mainly...poofs. 1712 01:22:21,483 --> 01:22:23,317 Bye. 1713 01:22:38,108 --> 01:22:41,400 Knew the sight 1714 01:22:41,442 --> 01:22:43,983 Wasn't right 1715 01:22:43,983 --> 01:22:46,275 I was stupid 1716 01:22:46,317 --> 01:22:48,942 For a while 1717 01:22:48,983 --> 01:22:51,483 Swept away 1718 01:22:51,692 --> 01:22:54,442 By you 1719 01:22:54,483 --> 01:22:57,108 And now I feel 1720 01:22:57,150 --> 01:22:59,775 Like a fool 1721 01:23:01,442 --> 01:23:04,067 So confused 1722 01:23:04,108 --> 01:23:06,775 My heart's bruised 1723 01:23:06,817 --> 01:23:10,317 Was I ever loved by you? 1724 01:23:10,358 --> 01:23:12,817 Out of reach 1725 01:23:12,858 --> 01:23:15,733 So far 1726 01:23:15,775 --> 01:23:20,942 I never had your heart 1727 01:23:20,983 --> 01:23:23,442 Out of reach 1728 01:23:23,483 --> 01:23:26,067 Couldn't see 1729 01:23:26,108 --> 01:23:31,442 We were never meant to be 1730 01:23:31,483 --> 01:23:34,067 Catch myself 1731 01:23:34,108 --> 01:23:36,817 From the spell 1732 01:23:36,858 --> 01:23:41,983 I could drown if I stay here 1733 01:23:42,025 --> 01:23:44,108 Keepin' busy 1734 01:23:44,150 --> 01:23:45,275 Every day 1735 01:23:47,358 --> 01:23:50,942 I know I will be OK 1736 01:23:50,983 --> 01:23:51,942 Yes? 1737 01:23:51,983 --> 01:23:54,025 Hi, it's us! 1738 01:23:54,067 --> 01:23:56,400 Oh. 1739 01:23:56,442 --> 01:23:58,358 Great. Come on up. 1740 01:24:00,358 --> 01:24:02,400 Have we got the most fantastic surprise for you. 1741 01:24:02,483 --> 01:24:03,942 Oh, no. You're not going to sing. 1742 01:24:03,942 --> 01:24:06,317 Not that fantastic, sadly, no, but still pretty good. 1743 01:24:06,358 --> 01:24:08,025 We've decided we're taking you to Paris for the weekend. 1744 01:24:08,067 --> 01:24:10,983 Forget everything--particularly, forget about Mark Darcy. 1745 01:24:11,025 --> 01:24:13,150 I can't believe you said what you said you said. 1746 01:24:13,192 --> 01:24:14,483 I know. 1747 01:24:14,483 --> 01:24:16,942 There goes my invite to the Darcys' next year. 1748 01:24:16,983 --> 01:24:18,692 If he didn't leap over the family heirlooms... 1749 01:24:18,733 --> 01:24:20,150 and whip you up in his arms, then sod him. 1750 01:24:20,192 --> 01:24:24,775 Yes. He's clearly the most dreadful cold fish. 1751 01:24:24,817 --> 01:24:26,317 Exactly. 1752 01:24:26,358 --> 01:24:27,442 I mean, there's been all these bloody hints... 1753 01:24:27,483 --> 01:24:29,233 and stuff, but has he ever actually... 1754 01:24:29,275 --> 01:24:30,983 stuck his fucking tongue down your fucking throat? 1755 01:24:31,025 --> 01:24:33,067 No. Not once. 1756 01:24:33,108 --> 01:24:34,442 I think we should pack, shouldn't we? 1757 01:24:34,483 --> 01:24:36,067 Passport, Bridget. And pants. 1758 01:24:36,108 --> 01:24:37,483 Yep, pants. 1759 01:24:37,692 --> 01:24:38,900 Hurry up, Bridge! 1760 01:24:38,942 --> 01:24:40,775 We're freezing our bollocks off out here! 1761 01:24:40,817 --> 01:24:42,983 Yeah. Just the keys. 1762 01:24:44,025 --> 01:24:45,775 I'm stuck! Oh! 1763 01:24:49,733 --> 01:24:51,233 Come the fuck on, Bridget. 1764 01:24:52,900 --> 01:24:53,942 Close the door. 1765 01:24:53,983 --> 01:24:55,275 Bridget? 1766 01:24:55,317 --> 01:24:57,275 Stop being so bossy. 1767 01:24:58,858 --> 01:25:00,900 What are you doing here? 1768 01:25:00,942 --> 01:25:03,108 I just wanted to know if you were available... 1769 01:25:03,108 --> 01:25:04,400 for barmitzvahs and christenings... 1770 01:25:04,442 --> 01:25:06,483 as well as ruby weddings. 1771 01:25:06,692 --> 01:25:08,108 Excellent speech. 1772 01:25:08,108 --> 01:25:10,192 I thought that you were in America. 1773 01:25:10,233 --> 01:25:13,733 Well, yes, I was, but, um... 1774 01:25:13,775 --> 01:25:16,275 I realized I'd forgotten something back home. 1775 01:25:17,483 --> 01:25:18,733 Which was? 1776 01:25:19,858 --> 01:25:23,692 Well, I realized I'd forgotten to, um... 1777 01:25:24,942 --> 01:25:26,275 kiss you good-bye. Do you mind? 1778 01:25:28,858 --> 01:25:29,983 Um.... 1779 01:25:30,025 --> 01:25:31,775 not really, no. 1780 01:25:35,275 --> 01:25:36,942 So... 1781 01:25:36,983 --> 01:25:39,733 you're not going to America, then? 1782 01:25:39,775 --> 01:25:41,275 -No. -No. 1783 01:25:41,317 --> 01:25:42,317 -Not. -Oh, oh. 1784 01:25:42,358 --> 01:25:44,442 You're staying here? 1785 01:25:44,483 --> 01:25:46,442 So it would seem. 1786 01:25:47,483 --> 01:25:49,942 Aah! 1787 01:25:51,983 --> 01:25:53,067 Go, Bridget! 1788 01:25:53,108 --> 01:25:54,067 Friends of yours? 1789 01:25:55,942 --> 01:25:59,067 No. I've never seen them before in my life. 1790 01:25:59,108 --> 01:26:01,067 Look, are you coming to fucking Paris or not? 1791 01:26:02,817 --> 01:26:03,775 Not. 1792 01:26:03,817 --> 01:26:05,900 -No fucking room anyway. -No. 1793 01:26:05,942 --> 01:26:08,275 Maybe we should just go upstairs for a minute. 1794 01:26:08,317 --> 01:26:10,400 Yes. Very good idea. 1795 01:26:10,442 --> 01:26:12,900 No. Come on, let's go. No. 1796 01:26:12,942 --> 01:26:15,442 Of course she's not coming. 1797 01:26:15,483 --> 01:26:17,150 Close it down. 1798 01:26:20,900 --> 01:26:22,483 Uh... 1799 01:26:22,692 --> 01:26:24,108 give me just a minute. 1800 01:26:24,108 --> 01:26:26,858 Um...keep yourself busy. Read something. 1801 01:26:26,900 --> 01:26:29,858 Lots of very high-quality magazines... 1802 01:26:29,858 --> 01:26:33,817 with helpful fashion and romance tips. 1803 01:26:34,817 --> 01:26:37,275 I'll be right with you. 1804 01:26:43,358 --> 01:26:48,692 Definitely an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers. 1805 01:27:18,775 --> 01:27:19,983 Right. 1806 01:27:24,983 --> 01:27:26,275 Right. 1807 01:27:32,942 --> 01:27:33,942 Mark? 1808 01:27:33,942 --> 01:27:35,942 Mark? 1809 01:27:40,192 --> 01:27:42,108 Mark! 1810 01:27:42,108 --> 01:27:43,858 Mark! 1811 01:27:49,108 --> 01:27:50,067 Oh. 1812 01:27:52,233 --> 01:27:54,275 Oh, shit. 1813 01:28:00,692 --> 01:28:02,317 Double shit. 1814 01:28:11,983 --> 01:28:13,483 Bollocks! 1815 01:28:13,692 --> 01:28:15,108 Oh, God. 1816 01:28:20,692 --> 01:28:23,233 Ooh! Wish me luck! 1817 01:28:23,275 --> 01:28:25,733 Good luck, crazy girl! 1818 01:28:25,775 --> 01:28:27,108 Ain't no mountain high enough 1819 01:28:27,150 --> 01:28:29,108 -Oh, ho -Ain't no valley low enough 1820 01:28:29,108 --> 01:28:31,817 -Ooh -Ain't no river wide enough 1821 01:28:31,858 --> 01:28:35,067 -Oh -To keep me from you 1822 01:28:35,108 --> 01:28:36,942 Ain't no mountain high enough 1823 01:28:36,942 --> 01:28:39,108 Ow, ain't no valley low enough 1824 01:28:39,150 --> 01:28:41,108 Say it again, ain't no river wide enough 1825 01:28:41,108 --> 01:28:44,733 Hey, to keep me from you 1826 01:28:44,775 --> 01:28:48,775 Ain't no mountain high enough 1827 01:28:48,858 --> 01:28:50,817 Nothing can keep me 1828 01:28:50,858 --> 01:28:52,108 Mark? 1829 01:28:52,108 --> 01:28:53,983 Keep me from you 1830 01:28:56,483 --> 01:28:57,858 Mark! 1831 01:29:00,025 --> 01:29:02,150 Oh, damn. 1832 01:29:03,692 --> 01:29:04,983 Ain't no mountain high enough 1833 01:29:05,025 --> 01:29:07,442 No, ain't no valley low enough 1834 01:29:07,692 --> 01:29:10,150 I am so sorry. 1835 01:29:10,192 --> 01:29:11,483 I'm so sorry. 1836 01:29:11,692 --> 01:29:13,358 I didn't mean it. 1837 01:29:13,400 --> 01:29:14,983 I mean, I meant it... 1838 01:29:15,025 --> 01:29:20,150 but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant. 1839 01:29:23,358 --> 01:29:25,775 Oh, for Christ's sakes. 1840 01:29:28,442 --> 01:29:30,442 It's only a diary. 1841 01:29:31,858 --> 01:29:35,150 Everyone knows diaries are just full of crap. 1842 01:29:38,817 --> 01:29:40,317 I know that. 1843 01:29:40,358 --> 01:29:42,692 I was just buying you a new one. 1844 01:29:42,733 --> 01:29:44,233 Time to make a new start, perhaps. 1845 01:30:01,858 --> 01:30:02,983 I've been searchin' a long time 1846 01:30:06,317 --> 01:30:10,733 For someone exactly like you 1847 01:30:14,275 --> 01:30:18,233 I've been traveling all around the world 1848 01:30:20,983 --> 01:30:22,817 Waitin' for you 1849 01:30:22,858 --> 01:30:24,108 To come through 1850 01:30:25,900 --> 01:30:29,025 Someone like you 1851 01:30:29,067 --> 01:30:30,025 Will make it all worth while 1852 01:30:30,067 --> 01:30:31,442 Wait a minute. 1853 01:30:32,483 --> 01:30:35,108 Nice boys don't kiss like that. 1854 01:30:35,150 --> 01:30:36,692 Oh, yes, they fucking do. 1855 01:30:36,733 --> 01:30:38,067 Keep me satisfied 1856 01:30:38,108 --> 01:30:41,942 Someone exactly like you 1857 01:30:45,442 --> 01:30:48,442 Someone exactly like you 1858 01:30:52,275 --> 01:30:55,900 Someone exactly like you 1859 01:31:00,317 --> 01:31:02,775 The best is yet to come 1860 01:31:05,942 --> 01:31:08,942 The best is yet to come 1861 01:31:23,275 --> 01:31:26,858 Have you met Miss Jones? 1862 01:31:26,900 --> 01:31:30,442 Someone said as we shook hands 1863 01:31:30,483 --> 01:31:34,358 She was just Miss Jones 1864 01:31:34,400 --> 01:31:37,108 To me 1865 01:31:38,942 --> 01:31:41,900 And now I've met Miss Jones 1866 01:31:43,192 --> 01:31:45,942 And we'll keep on meeting 1867 01:31:45,942 --> 01:31:48,942 Till we're done 1868 01:31:48,942 --> 01:31:51,317 Miss Jones and I 1869 01:31:53,775 --> 01:31:55,108 Whoa, fellas 1870 01:32:23,942 --> 01:32:26,067 And all at once 1871 01:32:26,150 --> 01:32:27,983 I lost my breath 1872 01:32:28,025 --> 01:32:30,067 And all at once 1873 01:32:30,108 --> 01:32:32,067 Was scared to death 1874 01:32:32,108 --> 01:32:33,858 And all at once 1875 01:32:33,900 --> 01:32:36,983 I owned the earth 1876 01:32:37,025 --> 01:32:39,192 And sky 1877 01:32:41,275 --> 01:32:45,358 Now I've met Miss Jones 1878 01:32:45,400 --> 01:32:48,483 And we'll keep on meeting 1879 01:32:48,692 --> 01:32:51,692 Till we're done 1880 01:32:51,733 --> 01:32:54,108 Miss Jones and I 1881 01:32:55,733 --> 01:32:58,067 Miss Jones and I 1882 01:32:59,483 --> 01:33:07,233 Miss Jones and I 1883 01:33:10,983 --> 01:33:12,733 How! 1884 01:33:12,775 --> 01:33:16,150 I didn't mean to hurt your feelings 1885 01:33:16,192 --> 01:33:18,442 It was so careless of me 1886 01:33:20,400 --> 01:33:23,733 I guess I've gone and done it 1887 01:33:23,775 --> 01:33:25,983 It's just a matter of time 1888 01:33:27,400 --> 01:33:29,150 Nothing I can do 1889 01:33:29,192 --> 01:33:31,442 But tell you I'm sorry 1890 01:33:31,442 --> 01:33:38,483 And that's the hardest part of all 1891 01:33:38,692 --> 01:33:46,233 'Cause your love's the killin' kind 1892 01:33:46,275 --> 01:33:54,233 Your love's the killin' kind 1893 01:33:54,275 --> 01:33:56,400 Yeah 1894 01:33:56,442 --> 01:33:58,983 I'd rather walk on glass 1895 01:33:59,025 --> 01:34:04,192 Than see tear drops in your eyes 1896 01:34:04,233 --> 01:34:06,483 And I'd fall to pieces 1897 01:34:06,692 --> 01:34:08,400 Just to hold you 1898 01:34:08,442 --> 01:34:11,067 The best thing in my life 1899 01:34:11,108 --> 01:34:15,233 And it's just luck I get to love you 1900 01:34:15,275 --> 01:34:18,900 You're the one thing that's right 1901 01:34:18,942 --> 01:34:22,900 You're the light in my hell's darkness 1902 01:34:22,942 --> 01:34:30,400 'Cause your love's the killin' kind 1903 01:34:30,442 --> 01:34:38,317 Your love's the killin' kind 1904 01:34:38,358 --> 01:34:40,067 Oh, yeah 1905 01:34:41,858 --> 01:34:43,900 I just might cry now 1906 01:34:43,942 --> 01:34:45,400 Lie 1907 01:34:45,442 --> 01:34:47,692 Lay down and die now 1908 01:34:49,150 --> 01:34:51,358 You've done it to me 1909 01:34:52,858 --> 01:34:57,233 You're puttin' me under 1910 01:34:57,275 --> 01:34:59,733 I close my eyes at night 1911 01:34:59,775 --> 01:35:01,983 Sittin' under sky 1912 01:35:01,983 --> 01:35:05,150 I love you and all is pleasures 1913 01:35:05,192 --> 01:35:06,983 Baby, feels so right 1914 01:35:07,025 --> 01:35:11,983 My arms won't be of any use at all 1915 01:35:12,025 --> 01:35:16,358 If I can't hold you 1916 01:35:16,400 --> 01:35:24,108 'Cause your love's the killin' kind 1917 01:35:24,108 --> 01:35:28,067 Your love's the killin' kind 1918 01:35:36,483 --> 01:35:40,233 Not of this earth 1919 01:35:42,025 --> 01:35:45,358 You've changed places with the sun 1920 01:35:47,983 --> 01:35:50,775 I know that you're the one 1921 01:35:53,192 --> 01:35:55,858 I love what we've become 1922 01:35:58,150 --> 01:36:02,275 Not of this earth 1923 01:36:03,775 --> 01:36:06,983 Not surprised we're unashamed 1924 01:36:09,025 --> 01:36:12,192 She's gonna have to change her name 1925 01:36:14,733 --> 01:36:17,233 Then we'll know they'll be the same 1926 01:36:19,775 --> 01:36:24,150 She's not of this earth 1927 01:36:24,192 --> 01:36:29,900 And I believe we've seen the worst 1928 01:36:29,942 --> 01:36:33,775 If I ever leave this world 1929 01:36:35,275 --> 01:36:37,358 You will have a song to sing 1930 01:36:37,400 --> 01:36:40,900 So you know what you're worth130346