All language subtitles for Bobs.Burgers.S10E02.WEB.x264-TBS.Hi

- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --

And with this sample,
I will have reassembled

a whole tangerine in my belly. Mm, mm...

Okay, Gene, maybe that's
enough samples for now.

Ooh, jerky. Good shelf life.

Should we get some? Stock
up for the apocalypse?

- Mm, maybe no apocalypse jerky.
- Jerky jerk.

You know, I think I'd do
really well in the apocalypse.

Don't you think? Aw, who am I kidding?

I'd probably get eaten immediately,

and not just because
my thighs are perfect.

No, you'd be okay.

Though I am picturing you with an apple

- in your mouth right now.
- Father!

Sorry. I'm sure you'd
be a very capable boy.

Together we'd survive at
least a day. Maybe two.

Whoa. Those are never here.

Could it really be possible?

That there's mushrooms
at a farmer's market?

I'd say very possible.

Not just any mushroom, Gene.

The Woolly Neptune.

I-I had one once,
years ago. It's perfect.

I've always wanted to make a
burger of the day out of it.

Whoa.

That can't be right. Uh, excuse me?

The Woolly Neptune isn't
really $30 an ounce, is it?

- It is.
- Uh, could it be less?

- Is this you negotiating?
- I guess, yes?

Look out, Farmer. Here comes Big City.

I'd come down to $29 an ounce.

Wow, Dad. You destroyed him.

Uh, I'd have to charge,
like, $20 a burger.

I don't-I don't want to be that guy.

Sorry, man. You know, you
could have a look in the woods,

try to find some yourself.

- The woods? I've heard of those.
- Really? Is that an option?

I heard they grow around here sometimes,

but I thought that was just a rumor.

My guys get these in Ohio,

but they might also grow
in the Melville Reserve.

- Hey, we could do that.
- Hunt for mushrooms?

It doesn't sound like something we'd do.

Gene, this is our chance to go out there

and fend for ourselves.

A little apocalypse practice, huh?

The two of us out there
hunting and foraging...

Shirts off, our boobs
bouncing in the wind.

Finding fresh produce
for the restaurant.

And-and you... you-you are just

the right size for
looking for mushrooms.

- So, come on, let's do it.
- You're serious?

I thought we were just trying
to impress the mushroom guy.

LINDA: Ooh, Tina.

- There's a package for you.
- TINA: Oh, yeah?

Wow, first that postcard from
Grandma two years ago, now this?

It's probably a refill on your puberty.

- Hey, it's my new glasses.
- Whoa.

You think you can pull those off?

Aw, man, I thought we got charcoal Grey.

These are black. I was really
excited about my hot new look.

Why don't you try them on, sweetie?

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- One more.
- Whoa.

I can see clearly now.
Hey, look, the rain is gone.

Lin, remember that
Woolly Neptune mushroom

- I had years ago?
- I'm gonna lie and say yes.

Turns out they grow in
a forest not far away.

Look, I know it's a lot to ask for you

to watch the restaurant
today, but it just rained.

Yeah. And?

So we need to go, Lin.
Conditions are perfect.

- Whoa. Whoa.
- Okay.

You see, I'm one of those
chefs that forages for food now.

Yup. We're mushroom hunters.

I'm Daddy's little piggy.

Check out our foraging basket.

Oh, yeah, I was gonna
put toilet paper in there.

Ah, dreams. But wait,
you got to leave now?

Yeah. It just rained.
Come on, who wants in?

Who wants to go? I assume everyone.

- Oh, God, no.
- (sighs) Okay.

- Um, Tina?
- Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Tina got new glasses.

- This is how she acts now.
- Hmm.

But isn't there a thing
where you can get really sick

if you eat the wrong mushroom?

Yeah, but did I mention we've been doing

Internet research upstairs?

Like, a solid 20 minutes' worth.

- So we're good. - I
liked the pop-up ads.

One simple trick to get
rid of crepey breast skin.

Look, we printed out a whole bunch

of very helpful mushroom info.

Hey, you got the printer to work.

It didn't print, like, well.

I mean, the toner's
low. It's always low.

I've maybe never changed the
toner, I just shook it again.

So basically the story of Hanukkah?

These are a little faded, but
you can mostly read everything.

What if you get lost?

What? These two? No.

Dad, have you always
had that much ear hair?

- Um, yeah, I-I think so.
- I can see each one.

And there's so much going
on in the nostrils. Wow.

- That's great, Tina.
- Okey-doke.

We'll be back in a few
minutes with Woolly Neptunes.

No, Gene, it takes an
hour just to get there.

- We'll be back in, like, three hours.
- Three hours?

I guess I could bring my BlackBerry

and get some work done.

BOB: Almost there.

- Probably. Maybe.
- Love your confidence.

Okay, I think this is where
the Internet says to park.

Do we need to get out of the car
or is this a drive-through situation?

It is not, Gene.

- The plan is we get out.
- Oof.

- Check our map.
- (moans)

- Look for Jasper trees.
- (groans)

- And low, moist valleys and gullies.
- Mm.

(scat singing)

Oop! Pull up your socks there, fella.

You don't want to get ticks.
No, sir. Lyme disease.

You guys want a spritz?
You guys need a hit?

Uh, yeah, sure. Uh, hit us.

I... (coughs) Oh, that's...

- That went right in my mouth.
- I'll take a spray.

- Yup. Yup.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

-That's good. I think that's enough.
-There we go.

No, no, no. We're good.
Thank you for the help.

- Have a great day, you two.
- Thank you.

And I'm done.

- Perfect job.
- Are you sure?

I see a spot you missed. Many spots.

Actually I'm not sure you got any spots.

Mm, looks pretty clean to me.

Listen, yesterday, I
would have agreed with you.

But with these new glasses?
It's a whole new world.

There, ketchup stain. There, relish.

- Holy crap, I can see salt.
- I don't know, Tina.

Since you can see so well, maybe
you should be the one to mop.

I might just not have the eyes for it.

- Hmm. I guess I should.
- I guess you should.

(sighs) Man, I'll try wiping menus,

but we might need your
eyes for that job, too.

Don't take it too hard,
Louise. You'll find your thing.

- You think so?
- Yeah, yeah.

What I wouldn't give.

GENE: Which way do we go, Pops?

- Uh... this way?
- JASON: Great day for a hike.

Nice basket. Forget your picnic?

Uh, we're actually, uh,
hunting for mushrooms.

(laughs) No way. We're
mushroom hunters, too.

Man, there is nothing like
walking the mossy aisles

of the forest floor
grocery store, am I right?

Exactly. I feel totally the same way.

Uh, believe it or not,
it's our first time out.

Do you know where we might
find any Woolly Neptunes?

(laughs)

So you just want to find the
rarest, most expensive mushroom

in, like, the world your first time out.

(laughs): Sure, no problem.

Joking. It's maybe impossible.

Oh, no. Uh, really?

Yeah, we gave up looking for
those things a long time ago.

So, what do you guys look for now?

Oh, tumblers, red rubies,
leaves in funny shapes.

Yeah, I know all those. Um...

Well, I mean, if we still wanted
to look for Woolly Neptunes,

w-where do you think we'd go?

Look, it's probably not worth your time,

but we haven't checked
Paradise Grove in a while,

- so maybe over there?
- Yeah. I'd give,

- uh, Paradise Grove a shot.
- Yeah.

- Who knows, you might get lucky.
- Paradise Grove.

Uh, are there a lot
of Jasper trees there?

And moist valleys and gullies?

(laughs): Look at you
guys! Total pros, huh?

So, how do we get to Paradise Grove?

What you're gonna do is you're
gonna follow this path here,

and then you're gonna hit a fork,

and then you go northeast
along the ridge-line there.

Go northeast along the ridge-line.

I love it. I love the way that sounds.

Okay, Gene, uh, we
should get going, then.

- Hey, thanks for your help.
- Bye-bye.

Good luck! You're gonna need it.

- Ain't nothing where we sent you.
- (both laugh)

- What's that?
- Uh, we, we said, uh,

we hope you find lots
of Woolly Neptunes.

Oh. Okay, then. Thanks again.

- You guys are the best.
- Have fun. You're gonna follow

a big dumb path in a big
dumb circle and you're not

gonna find anything and
then you're gonna go home.

I'm-I'm sorry, you're pretty
far away. I can't hear you.

- What'd you say, man?
- Nothing. - Nothing.

Right, never mind. See you later.

- I like those guys.
- I love those guys.

BOB: So then, this way

- is the way to go.
- How do you know?

Well, because it's northeast,

and those guys said to go northeast.

How do you know it's northeast?

Well, (chuckles) I'll tell you, Gene.

- You see the sun?
- Now I do. Thanks a lot.

As you know,

the sun rises in the
east and sets in the west.

Wait a second. Are you a flat-earther?

No. Okay, so if the
sun sets in the west,

then this is north
and that is northeast,

- which is where we're headed.
- (grunting)

-(gulps loudly)
-Did you just pull something out of your sock and eat it?

Yeah, a cracker. We're
foraging. We need our strength.

Did you not put crackers in one
sock and cheese in the other?

- No.
- And no chicken fingers anywhere?

- No.
- Pizza bagels?

No, I put no food in my socks.

Ugh, fine, you can have
some of my sock cheese.

No, thanks.

GENE: Got a little melty in my sock.

It's like fondue. Wipe, wipe, wipe.

Hey, Mom, will you try these on

and tell me if you can see super clear?

Sure. Ooh, blurry.

- Blurry?
- You look like a glamorous Henry Kissinger.

Let me try yours, Linda. I'm Linda.

You can smell me all across the room.

What do you mean "smell me"?

Like, grease or fat or whatever.

- No.
- Like burgers.

No, you cook burgers, fries.

Bob's lucky. All night long,
you must smell like fries.

I wonder if I can see
out of these bad boys.

Whoa. Insta-headache.

- These are coming off.
- Do you want to try these?

Oh, you're putting them on me. Okay.

- How do we look?
- I don't know, Teddy.

- We can't see. - I can't see you.
- Oh, right.

I can't believe Bob missed that.

Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

- You okay, Tina?
- Kind of.

It's just... These
glasses only work for me.

Yeah, they're your glasses.
That's what prescriptions do.

No, don't you get it? I think
they're somehow combining

with my exact eyesight to
give me super sharp vision.

Right. Like, maybe they're
secret military-grade

and were supposed to go to some spy,

but they got sent to you accidentally.

- Yeah, maybe.
- Let's see, can you read, uh,

that menu board, uh,
outside Jimmy Pesto's?

I-I think it says "charsh."

Does it say charsh? That's
weird, that's not even a word.

No. It says "fried pizza balls."

-(gasps)
-See? I have way better than normal vision.

So you were hoping for a bit
of a new look, and you got...

a superpower.

Superpower is a strong word. But fair.

So, are you ready for this
level of responsibility?

I was born ready. I mean, not really.

I was born a baby. And then,
over time, I became more ready.

Uh, but-but now, y...
Um, yeah, I'm ready.

I am not seeing a lot
of mushrooms so far.

Definitely not any Woolly Neptunes.

That's fun. Someone dropped a log.

Probably God.

BOB: Well, let's just
hop this little obstacle.

(grunts) Nope. Little short.

I'm gonna go under. I'll
meet you on the other side.

I'll be the boy that
crawled on his belly

under God's log and became a man.

Ooh. Okay, I'm up.

I'm just gonna take a little rest.

Me, too. We earned it.

- See you tomorrow.
- Wait, Gene.

D-Don't actually fall asleep.

Just want to close my eyes.

This is so comfortable on my face.

-Ooh, moss.
-Gene, no. We have to stay awake.

(yawns) Good night, Dad.

TINA: I can see so many details.

Look at the leaves on that tree.

And the feathers on that bird.

And those... butts.

I see all the creases.
There's so much topography.

Wait, are those underwear lines?

Can I really see
Tighty-whities right now?

Oh, man, I can. But should I?

Course you should. Shut up.

But isn't this just like
someone who's invisible

and then goes into dressing rooms?

Wait, that'd be amazing.

No, stop! People are
entitled to privacy.

- (shouts)
- Are you all right, sweetie?

Uh, sure, yeah. Just
adjusting to these new glasses.

It's a lot of responsibility.

New glasses can be, I guess.

That crack goes all the way up... No.

Mm... Wipe, wipe, wipe.

Hey, are we still going the
way those guys told us to?

- Whoa... Whoa, whoa! Whoa!
- Whoa!

- (screams)
- Whoa! Whoa!

(grunts) Are you okay, Gene?

Yes. Your smushiness saved me.

Hey, Dad? Are those...

(whispers): It can't be.

- Moist gully...
- Jasper trees...

Woolly greenish-blue cap.

Picture's gray-ish gray, but sure...

- And an off-center stem.
- Like something I know.

- And velvety blue gills?
- Like something else I know.

It's a Woolly Neptune, Gene!

- Holy crap! We found it!
- We found it!

And there are so many of them!

MITCHELL: Hey! You guys find something?

We found some Woolly Neptunes.
A whole bunch of them.

- JASON: Are you sure?
- Definitely sure.

- Wait, where are you guys?
- I-I don't know.

We-we might have gotten a little lost

and then, uh, and then we got more lost.

- And then we fell.
- Not your fault, though.

Your directions were great.

Hey, guys? The thing is there
are a lot of lookalike mushrooms

that are really, really poisonous,

so we'll come to you and
verify that yours are okay.

Oh, okay, thanks. We'll stay here, then.

- We're in a moist gully!
- (whispering): Are you guys nuts?

- (both shout)
- Oh, hey. Bug spray lady.

Where'd you come from?

(shushes) Listen, the
last thing you want to do

when you find a treasure
is blab it to the world.

Especially those guys.

(whispering): Yeah,
but-but those guys are nice.

They're-they're helping us.

Oh, no, they are not.

Those guys are shady as hell.

(whispering): But they've
got such a great vibe.

How'd you even find this place, anyway?

Those guys told us where to go.

Yeah, but we didn't go
there, and then we fell.

Wait, did they give us directions

to a place that didn't
have mushrooms on purpose?

But we messed those
directions up so badly

we actually found some?

That's exactly what happened.
You got to call these guys off.

Oh, okay. Um... Guys?

You know what? Uh, we were wrong.

These aren't Woolly Neptunes.

They're-they're, um, they're carrots.

Wild carrots, if that's a real thing.

I think they're tangerines!

- Terrible job.
- I know.

MITCHELL: Yeah, we're gonna,
uh, check them out anyway.

JASON: To be safe and all.
Just-just keep making sounds.

- Crap. What do we do?
- (stammers) Hurry.

Pick the rest of the mushrooms
real fast before they get here.

I'll help. Go. Go.

I should probably stop naming each one.

Right after you, Stewart.
It's okay, Stewart.

You're gonna live with me
now. And you too, Jessica Alba.

- MITCHELL: Are we getting warmer?
- Oh, crap. They're so close.

(whispering): There's no
time to run. You got to hide.

-(whispering): Yes, hide. Always hide.
- There.

In that log.

(grunts) I feel like we're
cheating on our other log.

(groans)

- How you doing, buddy?
- I don't know.

I have this super ability to see,

but I feel like I should
be doing more with it.

Hmm. You're just looking at butts, huh?

Yeah. It doesn't have
to be saving the world,

but at least, like, fighting
local crime or something.

Maybe you can fight crime.

Hey, you see that
couple across the street?

Duh. Of course you can.

But with my fuzzy eyes,
I can barely see them, so,

I don't know, do you
think that maybe they could

- be up to something nefarious?
- Nefarious?

Well, Th-they are both
wearing sunglasses.

Pretty sketchy, I'd say. Do you
think you could read their lips,

- see what they're saying?
- I don't know.

Uh, let me try.

He's saying, "Hey, burrito doctor,

you're late with the penguin again."

Hmm, they must be talking in code.

- Probably spies.
- Spies?

Mm-hmm. Teddy, we
need you to take notes.

All right, can I borrow a pen?

Hurry, Teddy.
This is important business.

Linda, pen! I need a
pen. Give me a pen now!

- Okay. Why?
- I don't know.

Teddy, you're getting all this, right?

What am I writing? I'm
confused. What am I doing?

She's saying, "I'm going to
count from one to Annie Potts."

He just looked over his shoulder!

- Something's about to happen!
- Right, right.

This is a highlighter! Why
do I have a highlighter?

- Okay, this is...
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Just write with a highlighter!
- Ooh, you lip reading?

Okay, let's see. She's saying,

"My father gave me this
nose. It's not so bad."

Hmm, that's not what I got, but,
wait, you can see their lips?

Like, clearly?

Yeah, it's not that hard.
They're right over there.

(scoffs) No, only Tina's
glasses can see that far

'cause they're special.

Wait, so can you tell me what it says on

Jimmy Pesto's menu board?

It says "fried pizza balls." Ech.

They have them today?

I mean, they sound...
they don't sound so bad.

Uh, who knows how they are.
Who's had 'em? I never had 'em.

I'm just gonna go outside
real quick and pizza ball.

I mean, what? No!

I'm not gonna go do that
because I don't even like those.

I don't... I'll be back with
a burnt mouth in 12 minutes.

No, I won't!

Huh. So I can't see
better than everyone else?

I can just see better
than me from before?

Look, the important thing
is you cleaned everything

in the whole restaurant
by yourself today,

and you had fun doing it.

- Did I?
- You did. You really did.

Where'd you guys go?

We don't want you to eat bad mushrooms.

You could get the worst diarrhea
you can possibly imagine.

(whispers): And I can imagine
some pretty bad diarrhea.

Oh, hey. Are you looking for two guys,

one small? 'Cause I saw them
hightailing it down that trail.

All right, let's go. Wait a minute.

Uh, hey dude, I can see your foot.

It's totally sticking out from the log.

BOB: No, it's... not?

(chuckles) Guys, come on
out. We're here to help.

I could've sworn you
guys went on that trail

- right... that-that one.
- Uh...

Yeah, we were, uh, we
were just in that log

looking for, um, log mushrooms.

There-there weren't any.

- Whoa.
- My goodness.

So these are the Woolly Neptunes
you think you found, huh?

Or are they moldy
strawberries? Who knows?

Oh, this is unfortunate.

You know what I'm seeing
here? Tell me if you agree.

Ugh, the spore dust on
the stem is concerning.

- Yeah, yeah, it should be white,
- Ugh. Mm-hmm.

- But it's kind of a light blue.
- Yup.

This is definitely Devil's Fur.

- Devil's Fur?
- Aka Lentinellus Diaboli.

Yeah. Hate to tell you guys,

but you found a whole
pot of fool's gold.

Huh. Really?

Oh, yeah. You could've gotten very sick.

Yeah, we'll just go ahead
and dispose of those for you.

Huh. So these are
totally worthless then?

- Yup, afraid so.
- Oops.

(both gasp)

Aha! If they were worthless, you
wouldn't care if I squished one.

- We don't care.
- (whispering): They're faking.

Gene, we're gonna run to the car.

- Hey, guys, fetch!
- Uh, that's kind of demeaning.

I still want that mushroom, though.

- Hey!
- Hey, come back here!

(panting) Which way's the car?

Okay, we came into the
park and then we went north.

- I got turned around...
- Wait!

That's one of the rocks I
wiped my cheesy fingers on.

- That means the car is that way.
- (chuckles)

Look at us navigating.

I mean, look at me, but sure.

- (panting)
- Okay, I'm going over.

GENE: I'm going under!

(grunts, laughs) I did it!

Call me Draco Malfoy
'cause I am Slytherin!

(both panting)

BOB: Gene, there's the car!

- We made it!
- Oh, no, no, no.

No, where are my car keys?

They, uh, fell out of your pocket

when you were climbing into that log.

Wait, how'd you get here so fast?

You went the long way,
I went the short way.

Oh, short way. Sounds shorter.

Well, thank God you have 'em.

Oh, can I, uh, can I have 'em?

You can, but you got to give
us the Woolly Neptunes first.

- We're the "us" part.
- Yeah, us three.

But then you'd have
all our mushroo... Oh.

But... You're on their
team now? What happened?

- Y-You said they were shady.
- Oh, they are.

- But so is she.
- Oh, she's the worst.

The second I saw you guys
with all those Woolly Neptunes,

I was wondering how I was gonna get 'em.

And then you dropped your
keys and I picked 'em up.

Ooh, that was good.
But you yelled so much,

and these bozos came along,
so I had to cut them in.

Give us those mushrooms,
or I'll... we'll...

take 'em from you, I guess?

Are you kidding me?

We've been looking for them for so long,

- they feel like they're ours.
- Give 'em.

You guys are jerks, stealing
mushrooms from strangers.

- Hey, don't judge us.
- Don't steal our mushrooms.

Let's just trade before we
say something we regret, okay?

(sighs) Damn it.

I just wanted to forage with my son.

- I-I don't want to fight.
- You guys are lucky! If I wasn't here,

he'd do that thing where he
jumps up and kicks you all

- at the same time.
- I'll tell you what. I have an offer.

- Prepare to be dazzled.
- There are five of us,

what if we split the
mushrooms five ways?

Huh? That's fair.

No. You want your keys or what?

(sighs) Oh, fine, just take 'em

and go sell them for drugs or whatever.

Hey, just because we enjoy the outdoors

- we automatically like drugs?
- Yeah. Is nature a drug?

- Is cocaine a drug?
- Uh, yes, it-it is.

- Which one?
- Cocaine.

That would explain
why it's so expensive.

- So how are we gonna split these up?
- Wh...

- How about one of us picks one and then somebody...
- Oh, so like a draft?

-Like my fantasy football league.
-(grunts)

- Oh, wait, oh! - (grunting)
- Give... give me...

(overlapping chatter)

Oh, come on!

So... see you guys around?

- Gene, let's go.
- Okay, bye.

(groaning): Oh. Ugh.

Stupid delicious pizza balls.

I was so excited earlier.

I really thought I had super powers.

Tina, we've been through this.

Remember when you went up a bra size?

- Oh, yeah.
- Superboobs.

The streets did feel a
little safer that week.

Honey, you do have super powers.

Your super power is being the
best 13-year-old kid I know.

♪ Here she is, Super T ♪

♪ Taller than a tree,
stronger than a rock ♪

♪ Can jump like a
cat, cozy like a hat ♪

♪ Beaky like a bird,
bendy like a straw... ♪

How's it go? ♪ Fuzzy like a grape. ♪

Come on, I'll tickle you.
There she goes!

- You're my super, super Tina!
- (laughs) Mom, please.

- The point is you're special.
- That's a nice song.

Thanks, and even if
it's not a super power,

it's nice to see you so clearly, Mom.

Aw.

I can see all those
little lines on your face.

- What?
- What are those called?

- Crow's feet.
- Right, crow's feet.

Don't forget her laugh lines.

Oh, and look at your little mustache!

Okay, go clean the bathroom,
all of you. Now. Go.

- Me, too?
- No, Teddy, not you.

Okay.

(sighs) Hey, sorry I
dragged you out here, Gene.

And even though those dumb jerks
tried to steal all our mushrooms

and they all got smushed,

it was nice spending the
day with you, pal, and...

did I say all?

Because they didn't all
get smooshed. L-Look!

I held onto one. Well, half of one.

Nice job, Dad! I also got a few.

This, and that, and this. This one, too.

Oh, my God, Gene, you
are a very capable boy.

- I am!
- If there was an apocalypse,

I bet we'd last three
days... with you around.

- A long weekend.
- L-Let me see those.

Uh, you know what?
Actually, uh, you hold 'em.

- 'Cause they were in my sock?
- Yeah.

We'll-we'll-we'll cook
'em. Uh, quite a bit.

LINDA: ♪ There she is, Super Tina ♪

♪ Wearing super clothes,
flying 'cross the clouds ♪

♪ Doing helpful stuff,
finding kitchen things ♪

♪ Corkscrew's in the
drawer, gives it to her mom ♪

♪ There she is, Super Tina ♪

♪ Starin' at the butts,
always at the butts ♪

♪ There she is,
cleaning the glasses ♪

♪ Got to keep 'em clean,
now she's spinning 'round ♪

♪ Her glasses gonna
fall, so she cannot see ♪

♪ Okay, now she can see ♪

♪ She's Super Tina! ♪

- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --