All language subtitles for Barefoot.In.The.Park.19679

We just got married!

They just got married.

This is the Plaza Hotel, please.

- Plaza? Corie, it's the Plaza.
- Wait a minute, I'm not finished.

- Corie, the man is waiting. Wait.
- Give him a big tip.

Paul, you're not
sorry we got married?

After 40 minutes? Let's
give it a couple of hours first.

Paul, if the honeymoon
doesn't work out,

let's not get divorced.
Let's kill each other.

Let's have one of the maids do it, I
hear the service here is wonderful.

- Here's...
- Thank you.

Come on.

- Good afternoon.
- Yes.

My hand. I need my hand.

- Mr. Paul Bratter.
- Yes.

And is Mrs. Bratter
staying with you?

My mother?

Mrs. Bratter, yes.
Mr. and Mrs. Bratter.

How long will you be
staying with us, Mr. Bratter?

- Six days.
- And nights.

It's a pleasure to have
you at the Plaza. 449.

Corie, that's... Stop, huh?

This way, please.

Excuse us, please.

Mr. Adams, I hope you
realize I'm only 15-years-old.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Well, they're so
stuffy around here.

Is this what life is going to
be like for the next 50 years?

Is that all we're going to be married,
50 years? That's not very long.

Wait, don't make rash judgments.

Paul, I think I'm going
to be a lousy wife.

But don't be angry with me. I love
you very much, and I'm very sexy.

Then let's go inside.
I'm paying $30 a day.

Okay, Paul, let's
start the marriage.

- Good luck, Paul.
- Good luck, Corie.

Forget it. They're
never coming out.

- How long has it been now?
- Five days.

That must be a hotel record.

For a political convention, the
honeymoon record is nine days.

Wait a minute, Paul.
Where are you going?

Work. I have to go to work,
I don't do this for a living.

Can't you call and tell them
you can't come in today?

Tell them you're sick.

I am sick, but I
have to go in today.

You promised you'd
never leave me.

It's just till 5:30,
just until 5:30.

Corie, if it's a good
marriage, it'll last until 5:30.

See you tonight, hey?

What was that? A kiss?

Would you get inside?
This is a nice hotel!

Was that a kiss?

'Cause, boy, if that's what kisses
are gonna be like from now on,

don't bother to
come back at 5:30.

Corie, I can't kiss you anymore.

My lips are numb. Now,
will you please go inside?

If you don't give
me a real kiss,

I'm gonna give you back
your pajamas. Right now.

Couldn't you make it 4:30?

Tonight, at the new apartment.

Okay, it's 49 West 10th Street.

I love you.

Thank you, Mr. Dooley.

Next time you're in New
York, just call me up.

Hello?

Bratter?

Up here! Top floor!

Top floor.

Take your time!

Top floor, it's
always the top floor.

Whatever happened to elevators?

Let's see. The bed is six-feet long
and the room is five-and-a-half-feet

and I'm in big trouble.

- Telephone company.
- The phone?

- Yeah.
- Great, come on in.

That's... That's quite a climb.

Yes, five flights, if you
don't count the front stoop.

I counted the front stoop.

- Would you like a glass of water?
- Please.

I'd offer you soda or
a beer or something,

- but we don't have anything yet.
- Glass of water's fine.

Except we don't have
any glasses either.

You could put your
head under and just slurp.

No, I don't have
enough breath to slurp.

Well...

Where would you like the phone?

I don't know. Any suggestions?

Well, it all depends on what
you're gonna do with the room.

You gonna have
furniture in here?

Sure.

Listen, you can give
me a long extension cord

and I'll carry it around with
me for the first few years.

Good. I'll use the
old connection.

You're really gonna live
up here, huh? Every day.

Every day.

I hope that's the
man with the furniture.

I don't wanna see this.

Hello, Bloomingdales?

Lord & Taylor's!

Up here, top floor!

Oh, my gosh.

It's probably another
wedding gift from my mother.

She sends me wedding
gifts twice a day.

I hope it's an electric heater.

Is it cold in here?

I can't grip the phone.
Maybe the steamer's off.

Maybe that's it.

Just turn it on,
it'll come right up.

It is on. It's just
not coming up.

Your husband have
a lot of sweaters?

I prefer it this way. It's a medical
fact that steam heat's bad for you.

Yeah? In February?

Just put them down anywhere.

I know, I know.

I'm terribly sorry
about the stairs.

I think he wants you to sign it.

Wait a minute.

Here you are.

Are you gonna be all right?

That's a shame, giving a
job like that to an old man.

He's probably only 25,
they age fast on this route.

Okay, lady. You're in business.

My own phone. Can
I make a call yet?

Your bill started
two minutes ago.

Who can I call? I know.

By the way, my
name is Harry Pepper.

If you ever have any trouble
with that phone, do me a favor,

don't ask for Harry Pepper.

What's the matter, bad news?

It is going to be cloudy
tonight with a light snow.

Just think, you'll be the first
one in the city to see it fall.

Hello, is Mr. Paul
Bratter there, please?

This is Mrs. Paul
Bratter calling.

This is terrific, it
works just great.

Just like a real phone.

Frank? Is Paul there?

Hi, Corie. He left about 20
minutes ago and looked very tired.

Tell him to call me as
soon as he gets in, will you?

I've got some great news for him
if he can stand more excitement.

No kidding, Frank. What is it?

Frank, listen, can
you hang on a minute?

That may be him now.

I didn't want him to come
till after the furniture arrived.

Paul?

Corie? Where are you?

Paul? Up here!

Paul, up here, top floor!

It's him!

How long did you
say you were married?

Six days.

He won't notice the
place is empty till June.

So long, Gramercy 59971.
Have a nice marriage.

And may you soon
have many extensions.

Frank, he's on his way up. Can
you hang on for five more flights?

Paul?

Hurry up, darling!

Now, don't expect too much,

'cause the furniture
hasn't gotten here yet.

And Paul, the paint
didn't turn out exactly right.

But I think it's
gonna be beautiful!

Paul?

Paul, are you all right?

Coming. Coming.

- What?
- He's coming, he's coming.

He's coming, he's coming.

Hi, sweetheart!

Paul, darling!

Say something!

It's six...

It's six flights.

- Did you know it's six flights?
- No, it isn't, it's only five!

What about that big thing
hanging outside the building?

That's not a
flight, it's a stoop.

It may look like a stoop
but it climbs like a flight.

Is that all you have to say?

I didn't think I'd
get that much out.

It didn't seem like six flights
when I first saw the apartment.

Why is that?

You didn't see this apartment,
Paul, don't you remember?

You saw the apartment
on the third floor.

- Then that's why.
- You don't like it.

- You really don't like it.
- I do like it, dear.

I'm waiting for my
eyes to clear first.

I thought you were gonna
come in here and say "Wow!"

I will... I will, I'm just...

Wow.

Paul, it's gonna be
beautiful. I promise you!

- Do you know what?
- What?

- I missed you.
- Did you, really?

In the middle of the Monday
morning conference, I began to...

Let's go back to the Plaza. We
still have an hour till check-out.

- We can't.
- Why?

You stole a towel and
three ashtrays, we're hot.

For a lawyer, you're
some good kisser.

- What?
- For a kisser, I'm some good lawyer.

Something's happened.

Something's happened,
Paul. Tell me what!

It's not positive, but the office
is gonna call and let me know.

- They called. I mean, I called.
- When?

- Now.
- Where?

- Over there.
- Where?

Over there, right over there,
they're on the phone right now.

- Why didn't you tell me, Corie?
- I forgot.

- You missed me and got me all crazy.
- Frank?

Yes, Frank, tell...

Very funny, Frank.

For a lawyer I'm
some good kisser.

I'd love to listen all night
but we got work to do.

You got a case
in court tomorrow.

Frank, are you kidding?
Do you mean this?

The whole thing?

Birnbaum versus Gump,

Marshall dumped it in our
eager and inexperienced hands.

Our chance to get the key
to the executive washroom!

We're a cinch! I'll go over
the briefs here tonight.

I'll meet you at eight in the
morning to go over everything.

Think I have time to
grow a moustache?

Did you hear? Did you hear?

My first case! I'm
going to be a lawyer!

That's great, Paul.

- You have to work tonight?
- Yeah. I'll go over the affidavits.

This furrier's suing a woman for
non-payment. I've got the furrier.

I have a black lace night-gown.

He made four tailored coats for this
woman. Now she doesn't want them.

She's 4'8". He'd have to
sell them to a rich midget.

And I thought I'd put on a record
and do a Cambodian fertility dance.

There's no signed contract...
What's happening, what is this?

I'm trying to get
you hot and bothered

and you're summing
up for the jury!

The whole marriage is over!

Corie, honey, I'm sorry.

I'm just excited. You want me
to be rich and famous, don't you?

During the day, at night I
want you here and sexy.

Tell you what, tomorrow, your
night, whatever you like, all right?

- Something wild, crazy and insane?
- Fine.

- Like what?
- We'll wallpaper each other.

But tonight I've got to
work. Please? Okay?

So where do I sit?

The furniture will be
here in a minute, Paul.

What about tonight?
I'm in court tomorrow.

Maybe we ought
to check into a hotel.

We just checked out of a hotel.

- I want to sleep in my apartment.
- Where, dear?

Only room for
one in the bathtub.

Where's the bathtub?

There's a shower.

- How can I bathe?
- Take a shower.

I don't like showers, I like
baths. How can I take a bath?

Lie down in the shower and
hang your feet over the sink.

It's freezing in here.
Isn't there any heat?

Of course, there's a radiator.

The radiator's the
coldest thing in the room.

- Is there a janitor?
- Only Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

It'll warm up
with the furniture.

What about tonight?
I'm in court tomorrow.

It's not like you have a case
every morning! This is your first.

Well...

- What are you doing?
- Seeing if the windows are closed.

- Why is it windy?
- A draught?

No, wind. There's a brisk
north-easterly wind blowing.

- Don't get sarcastic.
- I'm not. I'm getting chapped lips.

How can it be windy
in a closed room?

How's this for an answer,
there's a hole in the skylight.

Paul...

Paul, don't get excited.

We'll plug it up for tonight.

How? It's 20 feet high.

You'd have to fly over
and drop something in it.

It's only one night
and it's not that cold.

In February at three in
the morning it's freezing!

The weather bureau said it's
gonna be cloudy with light...

What? What? Light what?

Snow.

Snow? It's gonna snow tonight?

- In here.
- They're wrong as often as right.

I'll be shoveling snow
in my own living room.

In the first place,
it's just a little hole.

- And secondly, what should I do?
- Go to pieces, like me.

It's natural.

I have a better idea.

I'm gonna keep you warm,

and there's no
charge for electricity.

All right.

Corie, I can't do this.

Would Corie be upset if I
just popped up and said hello?

Upset with her own mother?
Why? I do it all the time.

They're still practically
on their honeymoon.

She's probably dying for
advice, you know young brides.

Corie gives her own advice.

- All right, let's go home.
- I'll be 10 minutes.

No longer! I'll
circle the block!

I see I haven't got much of
a law career ahead of me.

Good. I hope we starve.

I hope they find us dead
in each other's arms.

Frozen skinny lovers
found on 10th Street.

- Then we are in love again?
- Yes, we're in love again.

It's the bed.

- It's the bed.
- Yes.

I hope it's the bed.

Bloomingdales?

Surprise!

- She couldn't wait.
- Your mother?

I invited her for Tuesday.

I can't entertain her now, I've
got a case in court tomorrow.

She'll hate it, she'll think we're
gypsies living in an empty store!

Five minutes ago this place was
paradise, now it's Cannery Row.

She doesn't understand, Paul.

She's practical,
not young like us.

Well, I'm 26 and cold as hell.

Sorry.

Paul, promise me one thing.
Don't tell her about the rent.

- Say you're not sure yet.
- All right.

Wait, I have to know what my
rent is, I'm a college graduate.

Can't you lie a little, for
me? Don't tell her it's 125.

- How much is it, then?
- 60.

- Six...
- 65.

It's 75, all right? $75
and 63 cents a month.

- All right.
- Including gas and electricity.

Will she believe that?

Anyone would. The
125's hard to swallow.

Yes, hello?

Yes, it is.

You what?

Thank you for calling.

The furniture's not
coming till tomorrow

but they're sending
some bedding.

It'll be all right.

Just don't let her stay
too long, I've got a case...

In court, I know.

- Hello, Mother.
- Hello, Mom.

- I can't breathe.
- Take it easy.

- I can't catch my breath.
- You should've rested.

I did, but there were
always more stairs.

- Paul, help her.
- Watch the step.

More stairs?

- Mother, would you like some water?
- No, thank you, dear.

I can't swallow yet. Oh, my.

It's not that high, Mother.

No, dear, not really.
What is it, nine flights?

- Five, we don't count the front stoop.
- I didn't think I'd make it.

If I'd known the people on the
third floor, I'd have gone to visit them!

Mother, what a
pleasant surprise!

I'm not staying, Aunt
Harriet's waiting for me.

Just one good look
around, that's all.

I'm not sure I'm coming back.

You can't tell anything yet, I wish
you'd arrived after the furniture.

Don't worry, I've a
marvelous imagination.

Well?

- Corie, baby, it's beautiful.
- You hate it!

No, I love it.

It's a charming
apartment. I love it.

It's not your kind of
apartment, I knew it!

I love it. Paul,
didn't I say I loved it?

- She said she loved it.
- I knew I said it.

Are you absolutely
crazy in love with it?

Yes, it's very cute and there's
so much you can do with it.

I told you she hated it.

At least let me see
the whole apartment!

This is the whole apartment.

- It's a large room.
- There's a bedroom!

- Where?
- One flight up.

It's two little steps.
See? One, two... Three.

Split-level.

Where's the bedroom?
Through here?

No, in here. This
is the bedroom.

It's really a dressing room
but I'll use it as a bedroom.

A wonderful idea, and
just put a bed in here.

- That's right.
- How?

- It'll fit, I measured the room.
- A double bed?

- No, a large single.
- Very nice.

Where will Paul sleep?

- With me.
- Large single?

You won't be able
to get to the closet.

- You will.
- Without climbing over the bed?

- You have to climb over the bed.
- That's a good idea.

- And hang clothes from the pipe.
- That's right.

Everything is temporary, Mother.

Harper's says "It
won't take shape"

"until the bride's personality
becomes clearly defined."

I don't know, I think
it's you right now.

What's in here?

The bathroom.

No bathtub.

This is the kitchen!

It's very cozy.

It's chilly in here. Do
you feel a draught?

Stand here, Mom, it's warmer.

Mother, you need a drink.
Paul, get a bottle of Scotch.

Now?

You have lots of wall space.
What color will you paint it?

It's painted.

Very attractive.

I've got to go.

No, Mother, have a
drink. Paul, get the Scotch.

- One drink.
- I'll get the Scotch.

- Button up, it's cold.
- I've noticed that.

- Get some cheese.
- Paul!

I just want to give my fella
a kiss and wish him luck.

- Thanks, Mom.
- It's beautiful.

- It's a perfect apartment.
- It is.

You do like it?

Where else can you get anything
like this for $75.63 a month?

Are you sure, Paul?
Six flights of stairs again.

It's the only way to travel.

Well?

Corie, baby, I'm
so excited for you.

It's not the way
you pictured, is it?

Well, it's unusual.

Like you.

When you were a little girl
you wanted to live on the moon.

I thought you were joking.

Well, drunk again?

Okay, I'll take care of him.

I know what let's do, let's open my
presents and see what you sent me.

Hey, what's in here?
That sounds expensive?

I think it's a broken clock.

Aunt Harriet helped
me pick it out.

She thinks I should
move into New York.

That's an idea.

I said "Why, Harriet?
Just because I'm alone?"

"I'm not afraid to live alone.
In some ways it's better," I said.

Does this pot come
with directions?

If I'd known about this kitchen
it'd come with hot coffee.

Mother...

I love everything!

You've got to stop
sending me presents.

Start spending your
money on yourself.

Myself. What does a
woman like me need,

living all alone way
out in New Jersey?

- You could travel.
- Travel.

Alone.

At my age?

I read a story in The Times.

A middle-aged woman
traveling alone fell off a ship.

They never discovered
it till they got to France.

Mother...

I promise, if you fell off a ship
somebody would know about it.

You know what you really need?

Yes. I don't want to hear it.

- You're afraid of the truth.
- No, I'm afraid of the word you use.

You're darn right, it's love.

I didn't even know what it was,

then I spent six wonderful days
in the Plaza and what happened?

- I promised I wouldn't ask.
- I found love.

Spiritual, physical, and emotional.
Nobody should be without it.

I'm not, darling. I have you.

- Not that kind of love, I mean...
- I know what you mean.

- And you won't discuss it.
- Not around you.

That must be Aunt Harriet.

- I've got to go.
- Some visit.

A sneak preview. I'll see you both
on Tuesday for the world premiėre.

You shouldn't
have run just for me.

Goodbye, love. I love
your new apartment.

See you both on Tuesday.

Geronimo!

Paul, what's the matter?

I just had an interesting talk
with the man in the liquor store.

Some of the greatest weirdos in
the country live here in this building.

No kidding? Like who?

Well, the Boscoes in apartment
1 C, Mr. and Mrs. J Boscoe.

- Who?
- A lovely young couple.

They just happen to be the same
sex, no one knows which one.

- In 3C are Mr. and Mrs. Gonzales.
- So?

And Mr. and Mrs. Armendariz and
Mr. Calhoun, who must be the umpire.

- Who's in 4D?
- I don't know.

Nobody does. Nobody's
been seen in three years.

Except every morning there are
nine empty cans of tuna outside.

- So who is it?
- A big cat with a can opener.

I forgot Mr. Victor
Velasco, he lives in 6A.

- Where's that?
- He lives in the attic.

He's 58, he skis, climbs,
married four times.

- The Bluebeard of 10th Street.
- What does that mean?

Either he attacks 10th Street
girls or he's got a blue beard.

- Where are you going?
- I'm gonna stand in here and work.

If anything comes up, like the
bed or the heat, let me know.

Paul?

Are you asleep?

Just my hands and my feet.

Paul, the trouble is we're
wearing too much clothing.

You know how the
Eskimos keep warm?

They check into a motel.

Paul, do you hate me?

- Yes.
- Then say it.

I hate you.

And I hate you.

- There's somebody at the door!
- If it's the Red Cross, let them in.

Aren't you gonna answer it?

You found the
apartment, you answer it.

Paul.

- Who are you?
- Who are you?

- I live here.
- So do I.

How delightful. I hope
I didn't disturb you.

My name is Velasco.
Victor Velasco.

The Bluebeard? From the attic?

I was wondering if I
could use your bedroom?

The bedroom? No.

But I can't get
into my apartment.

I wanted to use your window
and crawl out along the ledge.

- Did you lose your key?
- No, it no longer fits the lock.

The penalty of being four
months behind in the rent.

So, you say you live here?

Just moved in today.

Really. And what
are you, a folk singer?

No, a wife!

You know you're
unbearably pretty.

All indications point to
my falling in love with you.

I see our ratfink landlord
has left the hole in the skylight.

- He'll fix it, won't he?
- Don't count on it.

My bathtub has been
leaking since 1949.

Tell me, does your
husband work during the day?

- Yes.
- In an office?

- Yes.
- Good. I work at home in the day.

I predict interesting complications.
Am I making you nervous?

- Very nervous.
- Wonderful!

Once a month I try to make
pretty young girls nervous.

Just to keep my
ego from going out.

But I'll save you a lot of
anguish, I'm... I'm 58 years old

and a thoroughly nice fellow.

I'm glad to hear that.

I'm not. I wish I
were 10 years older.

Older?

Yes, dirty old men get
away with a lot more.

You see, I'm still
at the awkward age.

Now, when do I get
invited down for dinner?

Dinner? We'd love to have you
for dinner as soon as we get set up.

I could starve to death.
Shall we say Tuesday night?

Tuesday night,
no, my mother's...

- Tuesday night's fine.
- It's a date.

I'll bring wine, you can pay
me for it when I get here.

And you're invited to my
cocktail party tomorrow, 10:00.

- You do drink?
- Of course.

- Good! Bring liquor.
- If we don't freeze first.

You don't know about
the plumbing, do you?

Everything in this
museum works backward.

For example, on the
steam it says "turn right"

so you turn left.
Except I can't reach it.

- Will you help me up, please?
- With great physical pleasure.

One, two, three, up!

Corie, was there anybody...

We were just warming
up the apartment.

This is Mr. Velasco
from upstairs.

He was telling me all our
plumbing works backwards.

That's right. An important thing to
remember is you have to flush up.

- Until tomorrow.
- What's tomorrow?

Don't forget Tuesday!

Tuesday? What's he
doing in the bedroom?

That nut went out the window.

Hello?

Hello, Mother? It's me.

There's an old nut
out on our ledge!

Nothing's wrong, I'm just confirming
our Tuesday night dinner date.

- At two in the morning?
- I wanna be sure you'll come.

At two in the morning?

And listen, wear
something gay and frivolous.

Buy a new dress.

At two in the morning?

I'll call you tomorrow. Bye.

- Who are you waving at?
- Him.

I decided to meet
you here every day.

It takes so long to
climb up and I can't wait.

You will not meet
me here every day.

The bus driver will
think you're my mother.

Do you have an Aunt Fern?
She sent us a check today.

- Boy, do you have a cheap Aunt Fern.
- I'll write and tell her.

Your mother called, she and your
father are coming up next week.

And your sister
has a new boyfriend.

From Rutgers, he has acne. And
they all hate him, including your sister.

- Did you miss me today?
- No.

- Why not?
- Because you called me eight times.

I don't talk to you
that much at home.

What a grouch.
How did it go in court?

- I...
- Gump or Birnbaum?

- Birnbaum.
- You won?

Yes.

I'm so proud!

Aren't you happy?

Birnbaum didn't win damages.

- We got six cents.
- Six cents?

It's the law, you
have to get something.

- How much do you get?
- Birnbaum gets it all.

I get a going-over tomorrow.

Now I get all the cases
that are a dime or under.

Grouch, grouch, grouch!

You weren't grouchy this
morning under the covers.

Don't carry on personal
conversations on the stairs.

Why, what's wrong with it?

Everybody knows
our intimate details.

I ring the bell and
suddenly we're on the air.

I better make you a drink.

You should be charming tonight.

This little dinner you've planned
has got fiasco written all over it.

Why? It may be they
have a lot in common.

Are you kidding? Your mother...

That quiet woman from New
Jersey and the Count of Monte Cristo?

- You're kidding.
- Why?

You've seen his apartment, he wears
Japanese kimonos and sleeps on rugs.

Your mother wears a
hairnet and sleeps on a board.

Maybe we could help her.

We don't have to introduce her as
my dull 52-year-old housewife mother.

That wasn't what I planned
but what did you have in mind?

Something more
glamorous. Former actress.

She was in The Man
Who Came To Dinner.

Where, the East
Orange Women's Club?

No, Broadway. She was in the
original company of Strange Interlude,

and she had a small part
in Knickerbocker Holiday.

Are you serious?

Cross my heart.

- Your mother an actress?
- Yeah.

You never told me this. Why
didn't you ever tell me this?

I didn't think you'd
be interested.

That's fascinating,
I can't get over that.

- Now you're interested.
- It's a lie.

- Every bit of it.
- I'll control myself.

- Hello, Mom.
- Are you all right?

Paul, in my handbag
are some pink pills.

Pink pills? Right.

I'll be all right, I'm
just out of breath.

I'll get you something to drink.

I had to park three blocks away.

Then it started to rain so
I ran the last two blocks.

Then my heel got caught
in the subway grating.

Then I stepped in a puddle and a
cab went by and splashed my stockings.

If the hardware store was open I
was going to buy a knife and kill myself.

- Drink this.
- Here's the pill.

Martini to wash down a pill?

It'll make you feel better.

I had one at home, that's
why I'm taking the pill.

Let me help you inside.

- I'll get you an hors d'oeuvre.
- No, thank you.

- It's sour cream and blue cheese.
- I wish you hadn't said that.

- Maybe you'd like to lie down?
- No, thank you, dear.

I can't lie down
without my board.

Right now, I just want
to see the apartment.

Well, here we are.

- Corie!
- Do you like it?

Like it?

It's magnificent.

My goodness! And
you did it all by yourself.

- Mr. Velasco gave me a few ideas.
- Who?

Our decorator, he comes
in through the window.

The man from upstairs.

You've heard about him?

Yes, Corie had me on
the phone for two hours.

He's been married four times.

If I were you I'd
sleep with a gun.

Mother! See, we
did get the bed in.

Yes. Just fits, doesn't it?

Just. We have to turn in unison.

Well, I must admit, I never
expected anything like this.

I can't wait to see the expression
on your parents' faces, Paul.

I beg your... My what?

We're having dinner
with them, aren't we?

- That's what you told me, Corie.
- Is that what you told her, Corie?

If I told you you had a
blind date with Mr. Velasco,

I couldn't have blasted
you out of the house.

A blind date with Mr. Velasco?
The man that lives up... Good God!

What's all the panic?
He's just a man.

My accountant is just a man. You
make him sound like Douglas Fairbanks.

- He looks nothing like him, does he?
- He jumps like him.

Come on, you'll have
a marvelous evening.

- Come on where?
- To Mr. Velasco's.

- I'm not even dressed.
- You look fine.

For Paul's parents I wanted to
look clean. He'll think I'm a nurse.

- He'll think you're very interesting.
- Is my hair all right?

Fine, just push it up a bit.

Paul, is something
wrong with my hair?

Mother, just go
along with everything.

- Where are we going?
- Try to be one of the fellows.

- What fellows?
- Shall I go first?

- Go where?
- Up there.

- It's where the birdman lives.
- Good Lord.

Go on, Paul.

It's all right, Mother,
I'm behind you.

Mother, are you all right?

Oh, my, I should
have gone into training!

I got you. Paul, pull her up!

- Give me your arm, Mom.
- Oh, my arm!

- Paul, stop pulling her arm!
- I'm helping.

Thank you! Isn't this wild?

What do you think, Mother?

- I've broken some straps.
- Hello?

My guests. Paul...

- I beg your pardon?
- "Hello" in Burmese.

- Corie, rav-a-shing!
- What's that mean?

Ravishing. That's English.

Paul, won't you do the honors?

Mr. Velasco, you haven't met
Corie's mother, Mrs. Banks.

- Mom, this is Mr. Velasco.
- How do you do?

I was looking forward
to meeting you.

I invited your daughter
to my cocktail party.

She spends the entire evening
talking of nothing but you.

- That must have been a dull party.
- Not at all.

I mean, if she just
talked about me,

that must have been
dull, not the party!

- I understand.
- Thank you.

Won't you sit down?

Aren't these marvelous?

Yes, they're marvelous.

And now...

- Knichi!
- Knichi?

It's an hors d'oeuvre. Mr. Velasco
makes them, he's a famous gourmet.

Gourmet, imagine.

Didn't you once cook
for the King of Sweden?

We belonged to the same gourmet
society. 150 chartered members,

including the King,
Prince Philip, Fidel Castro.

- Fidel Castro, too?
- Yes.

We meet every five years
for a dinner we cook ourselves.

In 1987 they're supposed
to come to my house.

We have another 30 seconds.

- Until what?
- Until they're edible.

The last 15 seconds we just
let them sit there and breathe.

- Paul, aren't they gorgeous!
- Yeah.

When you eat knichi
you take a bite into history.

Knichi is over 2,000 years old.

Not this particular
batch, of course!

Good Lord.

Are you allowed to
tell us what's in them?

Well, if caught, your taste
buds are ostracized for two years,

but since I'm among friends.

It's bits of salted fish, grated
olives, spices, and onion batter.

Ready!

Five, four, three,

two, one, zero.

- Mrs. Banks.
- Thank you.

- What kind of fish is it?
- Eel!

Eel?

That's why the time element is
so essential. Eel spoils quickly.

Mrs. Banks, you're not eating.

I had a martini and
a pink pill and I...

Please, the temperature of
the knichi is very important.

You must eat now, in five
minutes we throw it away.

Wouldn't want you to do that.

- No, no, pop it.
- Pardon?

If you nibble knichi
it tastes bitter.

You must pop it. Look.

See?

Thank you.

- Mother, are you all right?
- I popped it back too far.

- Was that water?
- No, vodka, I use it in the knichi.

My stomach...

The trick is to pop it right
to the center of the tongue

so it gets the benefit of
the entire palate. Corie.

Well, here goes.

- How about that?
- Perfect!

You are the prettiest
Epicurean I've ever seen. Paul.

No, thank you. I have a bad arm.

You can try. You have to try
everything, right, Mr. Velasco?

As the French
say, "At least once."

Bitter, right?

You know why, don't you?

- I nibbled, I didn't pop.
- Have another and...

I don't care to pop another. Besides,
we're over the five minute limit.

Are we ready to
go out to dinner?

Aren't we having
dinner at your flat?

- We had a fire in our stove.
- What happened?

We just turned it on.

If you're looking for the
unusual, I have a suggestion.

That's what we
want, right, Mother?

You know me, one of the fellows.

- Then off to the Four Winds.
- The Chinese restaurant?

No. The Albanian restaurant on
Staten Island. We'll take the ferry.

- Ferry?
- I love it already! Come on, Mother.

Paul, help her.

It won't let go of me!

Don't expect anything
lavish in the way of decor.

I'm not even certain they
have a restaurant license!

Mr. Velasco, don't
you wear a coat?

It's only 30 degrees,
for me it's springtime!

My group, stick close to
me. If anyone gets lost,

we'll meet at the
United States Embassy.

Where were you?

- Getting my gloves.
- What for? It's only 30 degrees.

I'm sorry, I forgot.
We're having a heatwave!

- Do you have a dime?
- Yeah.

Would you look
at her? Look at her.

She's freezing to death
but she wouldn't admit that.

I'll admit it. I'm
freezing to death.

- Hi.
- Help!

Come on, Mother.

Listen, are you sure
we're in the right place?

What? Inhale... This way.

Heavenly!

"Em Shask Kepop."
"The Four Winds."

I bid you now, enter a
gastronomical paradise.

Kishama!

Velasco!

You taste delicious!

You think so? I put
myself on the menu!

- How many have you got?
- Four. All cold, tired, and starving.

Good! First you
drink, then you eat,

then go up to my bed
and take a little sleep!

Get up!

Ouzo, my beautiful beloved
ouzo! Paul, you drink?

Yes, thank you. Ouzo,
I'd like a Scotch...

No, this is ouzo. She is Mushka.

- Didn't you know this was ouzo?
- No.

- Is the glass dirty?
- What color is ouzo?

- White.
- It's dirty.

To the beginning
of new friendships!

- What does that mean?
- I don't know, I just made it up.

Cheers!

- Here's to your health, Mom.
- To my health.

Have another, quickly!

- Really...
- One can make you sick.

Two starts you on
the road to recovery.

- Pelmenchki!
- I don't believe it!

- Taste it, you still won't believe it!
- Pelmenchki, for us!

He only makes it twice a year!

If you like it, I make
you more next July.

To Pelmenchki!

Pour it in right away
otherwise it goes sour.

It's Mushka!

- What are they playing?
- An old Albanian folk song.

"Shama, shama, ''
what does that mean?

Jimmy crack corn
and I don't care.

No kidding?

I'll race you up the stairs!

No, no, no!

No, you don't!

I won!

I won...

That was not a fair
race. You tickled me.

- How do you say it again?
- Say what?

Waiter, there's
a fly in my soup.

No, that's "Fly, you
have a waiter in my soup."

Well, I did. He put his
hand in to take out the fly!

How's my head
gonna feel tomorrow?

- Wonderful!
- No headache?

No! No headache! But you won't
be able to make a fist for three days.

Hey, look at that!

We promised to make coffee.

And a promise is a promise!

I forgot the stove doesn't
work! Upstairs for coffee.

- Don't you want coffee?
- They will if we make it.

Don't you two go away!

I feel like we've died.

And gone to heaven.

Only we had to climb up.

Struck down in
the prime of life.

It isn't exactly that I feel
sick, just kind of numb.

And I can't make a fist.

Mom, you want to hear
something frightening?

My teeth feel soft.

It's funny, the best thing we
had all night was the knichi.

Anyway, Corie had a good time.

She gets such a
terrific kick out of living.

You've got to admire
that, don't you, Paul?

Yes, I'd admire anyone who
has three portions of Pelmenchki.

I tried, Paul, I just couldn't work
up an appetite the way they did.

No, don't blame yourself, Mom,
we're not used to that food, that's all.

You don't pick up a fork
and dig into a black salad.

You've gotta play with it!

I couldn't get through coffee
tonight. I'm all out of pink pills.

- Where you going?
- I'd like to die in my own bed.

- What will I tell them?
- Make up some clever little lie.

Tell Corie I'm not
really her mother.

We've decided to
have flaming brandy.

Excuse me,
darling, but it is late.

- Mother, you can't go!
- I know, darling,

but I have a 10 o'clock dentist
appointment at nine o'clock,

and it's been a very long evening.
And I don't know what I'm saying.

- You can't...
- Darling, good night, Paul.

Good night, Mr. Velasco.

Good night, Paul.

- Good night, Corie.
- You're going too?

- I'm going to drive Mrs. Banks home.
- Oh, no!

- I mean no, it's too late.
- For what?

The buses stop at two o'clock,
how would you get home?

I'll meet that problem
in New Jersey.

Really, Mr. Velasco...

- Victor.
- What?

If we're spending the evening
together, it must be Victor,

and the arrangement must
be reciprocal. What is it?

- What is what?
- Your name, Mother.

It's Ethel.

Yes, that's right,
my name is Ethel.

That's better. Are
you ready, Ethel?

If you insist, Walter.

Victor. It's Victor.
Good night, Paul.

Shama shama, Corie.

If you don't hear from us, try
the Nacional Hotel, Mexico City,

room 703. Come on, Ethel!

- What did he mean?
- Stop worrying.

And call me in the morning.

How about that? He likes her.

He likes my mother.

He'll probably
have to sleep over.

Paul, do you suppose
that... Not my mother.

Boy, what a night.

I know, let's take
the Scotch downstairs

ring the bells and yell "Police"

just to see who comes
out of whose apartment.

Don't you feel well, darling?

What a rotten thing to
do, your own mother.

Why?

Dragging her out to the
harbor for a bowl of sheep-dip.

It was Greek bean soup.

And at least she tasted it.

She didn't jab it with her
knife, throwing cute epigrams

like, "I think
somebody's in there."

That's quite a match you made, I
can just hear the sparkling dialogue.

He's talking about a Japanese
restaurant in East Berlin

and she's describing
her root canal job.

- Give me your hand, Ethel.
- What?

- There is ice on the stoop.
- Don't worry about me. I can manage.

Ethel, are you all right?

I can't understand how you can
be so unconcerned about this.

Unconcerned?

Do you think I'll get any sleep
until that phone rings tomorrow?

I'm scared to
death for my mother.

And I'm grateful there's finally
something to be scared about.

What I'm really
concerned about is you.

Me? Me?

I'm wondering if you're
capable of having a good time.

Why, because I
wear gloves in winter?

No.

Because there isn't the
least bit of adventure in you.

You know what you are?
You're a watcher. A watcher.

There are watchers
and there are doers,

and the watchers
watch the doers do.

Well, tonight you
watched and I did.

It was harder to watch what you
did than to do what I was watching.

You can't even
relax for one evening.

- Sometimes you act like a...
- What? A stuffed shirt?

- Is that it?
- I didn't say that.

- That's what you implied.
- No, that's what you anticipated.

But you're very
proper and dignified.

When was I proper and dignified?

- At Delfino's you were drunk?
- I was stoned.

I didn't even know until
you told me in the morning.

I mean, you're a
funny kind of drunk.

You sat around looking
unhappy, watching your coat.

Because I saw someone
else watching my coat.

I'll get drunk and make
your hair stand on end.

That isn't necessary!

Last New Year's Eve I
punched an old woman.

Don't tell me about drunk.

When else was I
proper and dignified?

All the time. You're always
dressed right, you always look right.

You always say the right thing.

You're very nearly perfect.

- That's a rotten thing to say.
- I thought you slept with a tie.

Only for very formal sleeps.

You have no sense
of the ridiculous.

Thursday you wouldn't walk barefoot
in Washington Square Park. Why?

- It was 17 degrees.
- Exactly.

It's very logical and
sensible and it's no fun.

Maybe you're right. Maybe I
am too proper and dignified.

Maybe you'd have been happier
with somebody more flamboyant

like the geek.

More laughs than
a stuffed shirt.

- You said I wasn't.
- Well, you are now.

I'm not gonna listen to this. I
have a case in court in the morning.

- Where are you going?
- To sleep.

How can you go to sleep now?

I'm gonna close my eyes and
count knichis. Good night, dear.

You cannot, we're
having a fight!

You have it, and then
turn off these lights.

That gets me absolutely insane!
You can even control your emotions!

No, I'm just as upset as you,

but when I'm hungry I
eat, when I'm tired I sleep,

and you eat and sleep too.

Not during a crisis!

Crisis? We're just yelling.

This isn't a crisis? Our marriage
is hanging in the balance.

It is? When did this happen?

It has suddenly become very clear to
me that we have nothing in common.

Because I won't walk barefoot in
the park? You don't have a case.

Adultery, yes,
but cold feet, no.

Don't oversimplify this.
I'm angry, can't you see?

It's 2:15.

If I can get to sleep
I'll get five hours' sleep.

I'll call tomorrow to
fight on the phone, okay?

You will not sleep! Stay here
and fight to save our marriage!

If our marriage hinges on
Pelmenchki, it's not worth saving.

Now, dear, I'm crawling into our
tiny single bed if you'd care to join me.

You won't discuss it! You're
afraid to discuss it! Coward!

Bring a pail, the
closet's dripping.

I hate you! I really,
really hate you!

Listen! One thing
I've learned in court,

when you're tired and angry, you
may say something you'll regret.

- I'm tired and angry.
- And a coward!

Maybe you're right, maybe we
don't have anything in common.

Maybe we should have
more than just a blood test.

Maybe people should be checked for
common sense and emotional maturity!

All right! Why don't you get it
passed by the Supreme Court?

Only couples with a
certificate from their psychiatrist

proving that they're emotionally
mature can be married!

- Listen...
- Don't touch me!

Don't you lay a finger on me!

I don't want to be in
the same room with you!

- What's going on? You're hysterical.
- I am not!

I know exactly what I'm
saying, it's over between us.

It's never going to be any good.

Sorry, I don't want to cry.

- Cry, please, go ahead.
- Don't tell me when to cry!

I'll cry when I
feel like crying!

And not until you're
out of this apartment!

What do you mean,
"out of this apartment"?

You don't think we're gonna
live here anymore? After this?

- Are you serious?
- Of course I am! I want a divorce!

- Divorce?
- I can't discuss it any more.

- Where are you going?
- To bed.

- You can't.
- You did.

That was a fight,
this is a divorce.

I can't talk when
you're hysterical.

I wanna know why
you want a divorce.

Why?

Because you and I have
absolutely nothing in common.

Nothing in common? What
about the six days at the Plaza?

Six days does not a week make.

What does that mean?

I don't know!

I don't know what it means.

All I know is that
I want a divorce.

You know, I think you mean it.

You mean this?

I do.

I really do.

That's just great.

- I thought you weren't gonna cry?
- Well, I am!

I'm gonna have the biggest
cry I ever had in my whole life!

And I'm going to enjoy it!

'Cause I'm gonna cry so hard
I'm gonna keep you awake all night!

Good night, Paul...
I mean goodbye.

Six days does not a week make?

It's for you! I don't
live here anymore!

Fine.

You work and work, for a
lousy six cents, I don't know...

- One pound of grapes. Anything else?
- No, thank you.

God bless him.

If that's for tonight don't
bother, I have my own.

- You were moving out.
- I haven't found a room yet.

I work during the day.

You can look tonight.

I'm getting a cold. That's
why I'm home early.

I thought I'd take some
aspirin and get into the sofa.

I'm sure you can
find some place.

- Stay at your club.
- It's not that kind of club.

There's a locker room
and a handball court.

To sleep over, I'd have
to keep winning the serve.

Hello, Mrs. Bratter, Mr. Bratter.
How's every little thing?

The little things are fine.

Shall I charge it, Mr. Bratter?

Charge it to Mrs.
Bratter, it's a new account.

The grapes are his.

It's open.

- Hi.
- Hello again.

Phone's out of order.

I know, I wouldn't be
up here on a social call.

Hey, you did a real nice job.

Know anybody
who'd want to rent it?

Rent it? Are you moving already?

I'm looking for a smaller place.

Smaller than this
are not easy to find.

So, how do you
like married life?

Very interesting.

- Hello, I'm the telephone man.
- I'm the husband.

Well, let's see what's
wrong with the phone.

It's dead.

I know. It was
murdered last night.

I'll be out of here
as fast as I can.

Take your time,
nobody's rushing you.

Is there any beer in the house?

I said, is there any
beer in the house?

Would you like me to look?

There's no beer in the house.

There is no beer.

That's my trouble, beer. I can
drink ten cans in a night, of beer.

My laundry come back today?

Yes, your laundry
came back today.

They stuffed your
shirts beautifully.

Would you like a drink?

I said, would you like a drink?

- Who?
- You.

- Me?
- Yeah.

- No.
- Right.

Just one more
little screw will do it.

There! I'm finished.
I'm finished!

Hello?

Yes, it is.

Just a moment.
It's Aunt Harriet.

I don't have an Aunt Harriet.

You won't be needing
me anymore, goodbye!

Aunt Harriet? Can
you hang on a second?

When do I get it?

- Get what?
- My divorce. When do I get it?

After they send the
marriage license.

- I want you out of here tonight.
- Fine, great! I'll get my bag!

Hi, Aunt Harriet.

What's wrong?

I'll sleep in the car
where it's dry and warm.

No, Mother's not with me.

She left about
2:00 this morning.

Yeah? What happened?

What?

Mother? My mother?

- Are you sure?
- What's the matter?

No, my phone's
been out of order.

Aunt Harriet, don't get excited,
I'll call you back when I find out.

- Goodbye.
- What's wrong?

Mother didn't come home last
night. I'm gonna call the police.

Take it easy, there's
nothing to be...

Mother wasn't in her
bedroom this morning.

Maybe she fell asleep
on the ironing board.

Just go away. Go away.

- Where are you going?
- Upstairs to find my mother.

And don't come back, I'm
buying a big dog tomorrow.

Fine, someone to walk
barefoot in the park with.

A dog, that's a laugh.

He'll take one look at those
stairs and go right for her throat.

Mr. Velasco, can I
see you for a minute?

A little dog, a little doggie.

Fortunately I don't need anybody
to protect me because I'm a man.

Independent.

Mature.

Self-sufficient...

God bless me.

I've probably got the flu.

Yeah. Chills, fever, sweating.

Probably have a 24-hour virus.

Maybe tomorrow
at quarter to 4:00.

Thanks, thanks a lot.

And thus it was written, some shall
die by pestilence, some by the plague

and one poor schnook gets
it from a hole in the ceiling.

That's it. That's it.

Goodbye, leaky closet.

Goodbye, no bathtub.

Bye, hole.

Goodbye, six flights.

Goodbye, Corie.

- No goodbye? I'm entitled to...
- Goodbye!

Is it your mother?

Corie? Is it an accident?
Corie, for Pete's sake...

It's not the way
it looks at all!

Good God...

Corie, you've got to believe me!

Somebody believe me...

I warned her.

I warned her and I was right.

He warned me, and he was right.

It must've been the drinks,
I had a lot to drink last night.

Martinis, vodka, black
bean soup, and ouzos.

Well, that's not my problem.

I'm well out of it now.

And after I fell, Victor
carried me inside.

I couldn't walk because my
shoes fell down the sewer.

Don't explain.

His hat fell over his eyes
and we fell down the stairs...

into apartment 3C.

I fell on his foot.

I wanted a nice
sociable evening.

Mr. Gonzales, Mr. Armendariz and
Mr. Calhoun carried us both up there.

When I woke up Victor was gone
and I was there in his bathrobe.

- Mother!
- That's the truth, Corie!

- I got a cold.
- I've had one for 20 years.

Say, that's a nice
coat you got there.

What?

Your coat.

I'll make you a trade,
what have you got?

Nothin'.

It's a deal!

Believe me, I've
told you everything.

- Then where are your clothes?
- I can't tell you.

- Why not?
- You won't believe me.

- I will.
- You won't.

- Where are your clothes?
- I don't know.

- I don't believe you.
- I told you.

I don't know where they are!

I've never been so
humiliated in all my life.

I kept having the most
horrible nightmares.

I dreamed my fingers were falling
off because I couldn't make a fist.

It's me!

Mr. Velasco, are you all right?

If a broken toe is all
right, yes. Hello, Ethel.

- Victor... Mr. Victor... Velasco.
- I couldn't get up the ladder.

- Did you tell Corie what happened?
- Why? What happened? Yes.

Take his arm, Mother.

I knew I would come to
this, being helped by women.

Dear, does your foot hurt?

Compared to my stomach, no.

I have a new ailment, which
I shall call Intestinal Volcano.

Are there little men in there
running around in spiked shoes?

And pointy steel helmets,
jumping up and down.

How long has this been going on?

It hardly ever happens,
except after every meal.

Welcome to my club. I
think you have an ulcer.

An ulcer, me? From what?

Too many spicy foods. You'll
get used to taking little pink pills.

I'd rather die, but first
I have a headache.

Corie, do you have
about 300 aspirins?

I don't think I'm as
young as I think I am.

- Why?
- Isn't that obvious?

I couldn't carry
you up the stairs,

I can't eat rich food
and I dye my hair, my...

- It's very nice.
- Thank you.

So are you.

- Ethel, you're a very unusual woman.
- Unusual? In what way?

I took a long look at you last
night, you know what you are?

- A good sport.
- A good sport.

All through last night,
the trip to Staten Island,

the strange food, being
carried up to my apartment.

If you remember?

Mr. Velasco, where
are my clothes?

Your clothes. Here.

I'm sure I wore more than that.

It's a cleaning ticket.
They're sending them up.

At the cleaners!

When did I take them off?

You didn't, you were drenched
and out cold. Gonzales took them off.

- Mr. Gonzales?
- Not Mr., Dr. Gonzales.

Dr. Gonzales. That's all right.
How convenient, having an MD here.

Not an MD, a
Doctor of Philosophy.

Here are your aspirin.

- No, I'm feeling much better now.
- I'll take them.

Well, I must go, someone is
calling about renting my apartment.

From now on I take elevators.

Is there anything
I can do for you?

Yes, there is. Would you
have dinner with me tonight?

- Me?
- If you don't mind plain food.

I love plain food.

Good. I'll call New York
Hospital for a reservation.

- I'll pick you up at 7:00.
- Whatever you say, Victor.

That's funny, I was
getting used to Walter.

You know what I
could use right now?

A double ouzo.

What I really could
use is a new outfit.

- Mother, can I talk to you?
- I slept without a board last night.

For the first time in years
I slept without a board.

- Mother...
- Is ouzo a Greek miracle drug?

Mother, I've got to talk to you.

- You're worried about me.
- I'm not worried about you.

My hair, I wonder what
I could do with my hair.

Paul and I are
getting a divorce.

Divorce?

That's right.

Paul and I are
splitting up. For good.

You and Paul? I
don't believe you.

You saw him leave with his suitcase,
what did you think he had in there?

I know how neat he is, I
thought maybe the garbage.

Mother, I believe you,
why don't you believe me?

Because I've never seen two
people more in love than you and Paul.

Maybe that was true yesterday,

but it sure isn't true today.

It couldn't have
been all your fault.

No? Because of me, you were running
around without your clothes and...

Paul is out on the streets with a
cold looking for a place to sleep.

Whose fault is that?

Yours.

You want to know something
that may shock you?

I still love you.

And Paul loves you, too.

And I love him.

I don't know what he wants. I
don't know how to make him happy.

What am I gonna do, Mother?

That's the first time you've asked
my advice since you were ten.

It's really very simple.

All you have to do is give
up a little bit of you for him.

Don't make everything a game.

Just, late at night in that little
room upstairs, take care of him.

Make him feel important.

If you can do that, you'll have a
happy and wonderful marriage.

Like two out of
every ten couples.

You'll be one of the two, baby.

Now, get out of
here and go find him.

I've got a date.

Aunt Harriet won't
believe a word of this.

If you don't hear from me, try
the Nacional Hotel, Mexico City.

Room 703.

Paul, it is you!

I doubt that very much.

- I've been looking for you.
- Oh, yeah?

Well, you'll never find me.

Your coat! Where's your coat?

Coat?

I don't need a coat.

It's only two degrees.

What have you been doing?

What have I been doing?

Just what have I been doing?

I've been walking
barefoot in the park.

Paul, you're crazy.

But guess what I am?

You're drunk?

You finally noticed!

You're lousy stinking drunk.

I see you still have your
shoes! Boy, what a stuffed shirt!

Paul, no!

Paul!

Paul?

Paul, are you all right?

Corie, I got to tell
you something.

- Later.
- No, now.

I got all the way down the
stairs and suddenly it hit me.

Suddenly, I saw everything
clearly for the first time.

I said to myself, this
is crazy, this is crazy.

It's all wrong for me
to run away like this.

There's only one
right thing to do.

Really, Paul? What?

You get out!

Why should I get out?
Lease is in my name.

I'm going home!

Drop in any time!

You know my address!

After all, a man's
home is his castle.

I'm home, castle!

Still here?

Well... I will give
you ten minutes

to pack up your
Pelmenchki and go.

Paul, you're burning
up with a fever!

- How about that?
- You'll get pneumonia.

That's what you want,
that's what I'll get.

Take your shoes
off, they're soaking.

I can't, my feet have swollen.

- I shouldn't have let you out.
- I've got an idea.

Let's do what you said before,

wake the police, see if they
come out of the crazy neighbors.

This building is under
arrest! Everybody out!

Paul, will you get into bed?

- You get in first.
- You're sick.

Not that sick.

No, stop it. Stop it!

I mean it, stop it.

- Come here, cutie.
- Paul, stop it.

No! I'm warning you.

You're pretty when
you're mean and rotten.

Keep away from
me or I'll scream!

There's snow, we'll
have an avalanche.

You've got a fever!

Stand still, the both of you!

Open this door!

I'm scared!

- Of me?
- Yes.

- Why?
- It's not you anymore.

I want the old Paul back.

- That fuddy-duddy?
- He's not a fuddy-duddy.

He's strong and dependable and
protects me from people like you!

I want him to know I love him,

and I'll make everything
how he wants it.

I'll fix the hole in the skylight
and the leak in the closet...

I'll put in a bathtub, and even
carry him upstairs at night,

that's how much I love him.

Paul?

Paul?

Paul?

Paul?

You idiot, you'll kill
yourself! Come down!

No! I wanna be a nut!

Just like everybody
else in this building!

No, Paul, I don't want you to
be a nut. Come down, please!

Not until you
have said it again.

- Loud and clear.
- Anything, Paul, anything.

- My husband...
- My husband...

- Paul Bratter...
- Paul Bratter...

rising young attorney...

rising young... rising
young attorney...

- is a lousy, stinking drunk!
- Is a lousy, stinking drunk.

And I love him!

I love you too, Corie.

Even when I didn't
like you, I loved you.

Paul, please, come
down from there.

- I can't, not now.
- Why?

'Cause I'm gonna be sick.

- No!
- Yes.

Don't move, I'll be right
out there to get you.

Would you do that?
'Cause I'm getting panicky.

Paul, I'm coming, I'm coming.

Corie? Corie!

- Corie!
- What? What, Paul?

Don't leave me.

Paul, you'll be all right. Just
hold on tight and be calm.

How? What should I do?

What should he do?
What should he do?

- Sing!
- Sing?

Sing as loud as you can
and don't stop till I get there.

- Promise you'll sing?
- I promise.

Okay, don't stop. I love you,
darling! Keep singing, Paul!

- Corie!
- What, Paul?

What song should I sing?

Shama, Shama.

- Shama?
- Sing it!

- What's happening?
- I don't know.

They're looking
up at this house.

Oh, Paul.

Good, they made up.