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1
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:09,474
YO, CHARLIE! IT'S DENNIS!
2
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:12,411
HEY.
HEY, DUDE.
3
00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:14,413
WHAT'S UP, BUDDY?
4
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:17,616
HEY, YOUR FACE LOOKS,
UH, LIKE, POOFY.
5
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:20,062
UH... UH, YEAH, I'VE BEEN
CRYIN' A LITTLE BIT.
6
00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:22,554
HUH? I'M SORRY.
7
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,556
HEY, DO YOU HAVE
THAT BASKETBALL?
8
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,459
MAC AND I WERE ABOUT
TO GO PLAY IN THE PARK.
I THINK YOU...
9
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:30,247
UH, YEAH. I MIGHT.
COME ON IN.
YEAH? OKAY.
10
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,668
WOW, DUDE! I THOUGHT MY
PLACE LOOKED LIKE SHIT.
11
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:39,771
OH.
YEAH.
12
00:00:39,839 --> 00:00:42,474
WHAT'S WRONG? YOU LOOK,
UH, HUNGOVER OR SOMETHING.
13
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:46,912
NO. YEAH, IT'S...
I FOUND OUT I MIGHT
HAVE CANCER, SO OOH.
14
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,685
- WHAT?
- YEAH, I FOUND OUT
I MIGHT HAVE CANCER.
15
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:57,522
THAT'S WHY I HAVEN'T
BEEN DOWN TO THE BAR RECENTLY.
AND, UH...
16
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:01,927
JESUS, DUDE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
17
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:04,274
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING.
HERE, CHECK THESE PAMPHLETS OUT.
18
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:07,599
THEY GO OVER CANCER,
CANCER-RELATED ISSUES.
19
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:13,071
YOU KNOW, IT FEELSACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD TO GETTHIS OFF MY CHEST, YOU KNOW?
20
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:16,085
YEAH?
I'VE BEEN SITTIN'
IN HERE BOOHOOIN' A LITTLE BIT.
21
00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:18,476
SO, UH...
I MEAN, I'M GLAD WE CAN TALK.
22
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,679
WE CAN TALK, RIGHT?
23
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:23,393
YEAH. OF COURSE. YEAH, TALK.
WE CAN ALWAYS TALK.
AWESOME, DUDE.
24
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,884
ALL RIGHT, SO IT STARTS OUT
I'M NOT FEELING GOOD.
I'M HAVIN' HEADACHES AND...
25
00:01:26,953 --> 00:01:31,857
UH, DID YOU WANT TO TALK,
LIKE, RIGHT NOW?
26
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:34,659
WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING
WE COULD TALK RIGHT NOW.
27
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,962
WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY
A GOOD TIME.
28
00:01:37,031 --> 00:01:40,232
IT'S JUST THAT MAC
AND SWEET DEE ARE DOWN
IN THE CAR WAITIN' FOR ME.
29
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:43,302
I TOLD THEM I'D JUST,
YOU KNOW, ZIP IN AND ZIP OUT.
30
00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:48,640
- OH, YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
- I COULD ASK 'EM TO WAIT.
31
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,477
DON'T DO THAT.
32
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,546
- I REALLY SHOULDN'T.
- THEN DON'T.
33
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,528
HEY, UH, LOOK, MAN.
34
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:12,364
KEEP... KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.
YOU'RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS.
OH, YEAH.
35
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,911
YEAH.
DO ME A FAVOR THOUGH.
UH, DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
36
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:17,847
I DON'T WANT IT GETTIN' AROUND.
OH, NO, NO.
I WON'T SAY ANYTHING.
37
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,804
THANKS. ALL RIGHT.
38
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,873
UH... UH...
39
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:26,211
COULD I GET THE...
THE BASKETBALL THOUGH?
40
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,825
IT'S JUST
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MEET,
LIKE, A BUNCH OF PEOPLE,
41
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:32,651
AND WE WERE SUPPOSED TO
BRING THAT.
YEAH, NO. YOU'RE... OKAY.
42
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,617
YEAH, BUT CHARLIE'S GOT
SUCH GREAT HAIR. IS HE
GONNA LOSE ALL OF HIS HAIR?
43
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,619
YEAH. HE PROBABLY IS.
44
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:10,522
WELL, SO WHAT KIND OF
CANCER IS IT?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
45
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,736
WELL, WHEN DOES HE
GO IN FOR TREATMENT?
HE DIDN'T SAY.
46
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,628
YOU KNOW, WE JUST
STOOD THERE FOR A LONG TIME
AND DIDN'T SAY MUCH, YOU KNOW?
47
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:19,497
AND WE CRIED TOGETHER,
AND I HELD HIM FOR A WHILE,
48
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:21,767
AND THAT WAS IT.
49
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,169
MM-HMM.
50
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:28,039
THAT IS SO SAD.
HE IS GONNA LOOK SO BAD
WITHOUT THAT HAIR.
51
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:30,954
WE GOTTA DO SOMETHIN' NICE
FOR HIM. WE SHOULD GO BACK.
NO, NO, NO.
52
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,511
WE CAN'T GO BACK.
HE MADE ME PROMISE
NOT TO TELL ANYBODY.
53
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:36,392
SO WHEN WE SEE HIM
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO ACT
LIKE WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING?
54
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:39,317
YEAH.
NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT RIGHT AT ALL.
55
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,319
WE CAN'T JUST
ABANDON HIM RIGHT NOW.
56
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,889
HE NEEDS PEOPLE AROUND HIM.
HE SHOULDN'T BE ALONE.
57
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,958
I LEARNED A LOT
IN MY THEATER AND PSYCH CLASSES
ABOUT THE HUMAN NATURE...
58
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:50,306
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. DEE, YOU
KNOW WHAT? NOBODY CARES ABOUT
YOUR PSYCH OR THEATER TRAINING.
59
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,263
NO, NO, NO. DEE'S RIGHT.
LET'S THINK ABOUT THIS.
60
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,733
WHAT'S THE ONE THING
THAT CHARLIE NEVER GETS?
61
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,535
LAID.
RIGHT! SO LET'S FIND
A GIRL FOR CHARLIE.
62
00:03:57,604 --> 00:04:00,216
- NO, NOT AT ALL WHAT
I WAS SAYING ACTUALLY.
- NO, NO. LET'S FIND...
63
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,640
LET'S FIND A GIRL FOR CHARLIE...
SOMEONE TO BE THERE FOR HIM,
64
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:04,720
SPEND TIME WITH HIM,
YOU KNOW, NURTURE HIM.
BANG HIM.
65
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,989
HAVE SEX WITH HIM, RIGHT.
OKAY, GREAT.
66
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,625
- YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS
DESPERATE ENOUGH?
- ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
67
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,582
- I'M NOT HELPING YOU WITH THIS.
- OH, COME ON.
68
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,852
DON'T BE
A PAIN IN THE ASS.
I AM NOT BE...
69
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,355
SPEAKING OF WHICH, ANYBODY
WANT TO GET UP OFF THEIR ASS
AND HELP ME WITH THE BOXES?
70
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,401
THE BOXES?
THAT'S WHAT CHARLIE DOES.
CHARLIE'S JOB, YEAH.
71
00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:22,238
- YEAH. WELL, I CAN'T
DO IT ALL BY MYSELF.
- OH, I'M SORRY.
72
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:26,364
SO CHARLIE'S WASTING AWAY,
AND WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT SWEET
DEE'S FEELINGS ALL MORNING.
73
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:29,012
GREAT.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I LOVE CHARLIE VERY MUCH.
74
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,703
BUT THIS IS A STUPID IDEA
YOU GUYS HAVE. SO YOU KNOW WHAT?
75
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,738
OH! WHATEVER!
I AM NOT HELPING
YOU WITH IT.
76
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:37,020
WHATEVER. YOU KNOW WHAT,
DENNIS? WE DON'T NEED HER.
YOU'RE RIGHT. WE DON'T NEED HER.
77
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:39,878
WHAT WE'LL DO IS
WE'LL FIND A GIRL FOR CHARLIE
TONIGHT IN THE BAR.
78
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,924
- YES.
- NO, YOU WON'T.
79
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,949
YES, WE WILL.
THERE ARE NEVERANY GIRLS IN THIS BAR.
80
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,420
GODDAMN IT!
81
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,623
I TOLD YOU.
I DON'T GET IT, DEE.
82
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:54,792
THERE ARE TONS OF WOMEN
IN THIS CITY.
WHERE DO THEY GO?
83
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:58,696
UH, THEY'RE AT THE VELVET-ROPE
CLUBS ON DELAWARE AVENUE.
WHY?
84
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,544
DENNIS, OUR BAR
IS IN SOUTH PHILLY
IN A SCARY ALLEY.
85
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,946
MIGHT AS WELL
CALL IT RAPE BAR.
NO, NO, NO.
86
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:06,971
THE PROBLEM IS THAT
EVERY TIME A BEAUTIFUL GIRL
COMES INTO A PLACE LIKE THIS,
87
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,151
IT'S ALWAYS THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE
THAT WINDS UP ACCOSTING HER.
88
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:12,977
CARMEN, YOU HAVE
THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
ARE YOU BULIMIC, OR WHAT?
89
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,424
NO. I WORK OUT,
LIKE, EVERY DAY.
90
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:18,683
YEAH, IT SHOWS.
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU
WORK OUT TOO.
91
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,718
YEAH.
ONE WOULD THINK ACTUALLY.
92
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:23,655
BUT IT'S PRETTY MUCH
ALL NATURAL.
93
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:26,858
DENNIS, MAYBE YOU
NEED TO RETHINK
THIS WHOLE PLAN OF YOURS.
94
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,806
I DON'T THINK GETTING
CHARLIE LAID IS GONNA
HELP HIS CANCER PROBLEM.
95
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,063
WHATEVER.
DENNIS, I FOUND THE PERFECT
GIRL FOR CHARLIE.
96
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:34,065
SMART, BEAUTIFUL,
THE WHOLE THING.
WHERE?
97
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,768
- RIGHT THERE.
- OVER BY THE POOL TABLE?
98
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,971
YEAH. NICE.
THAT'S GREAT, MAC.
99
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,507
GOOD WORK, MAC.
THAT'S A DUDE.
100
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,776
NO. THE ONE WITH THE
EXPOSED MIDRIFF AND THE CANS.
101
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,911
YEAH.
THAT'S ERIC WYZOTSKI'S COUSIN.
CARMEN, RIGHT?
102
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,913
YEAH.
YEAH, CARMEN.
103
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,782
TRANNY.
IMPLANTS?
104
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:51,961
YEAH.
NICE.
105
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,918
NOT BAD. IT'S GOOD.
ARE YOU SURE?
106
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,788
YEAH.
LOOK AT HIS JEANS, DUDE.
107
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,296
THERE'S AN UNMISTAKABLE BULGE
OF A LARGE PENIS IN THOSE JEANS.
108
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:01,804
THERE'S A DICK
IN THOSE PANTS.
THERE'S A DICK IN THOSE PANTS.
109
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:03,761
YEAH.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
110
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,298
EXCUSE ME, BRO.
CAN YOU GIVE ME A SECOND?
111
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,300
THANKS. IS THAT A PENIS
IN YOUR PANTS?
YEAH.
112
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,403
YOU LIED TO ME.
NO, I DIDN'T.
113
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:13,438
YOU LIED TO ME.
YOU DON'T WORK OUT?
114
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,540
PLEASE.
I'VE SEEN YOU AT THE GYM.
YOU'RE RIPPED.
115
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,720
NO. DON'T TURN
THIS AROUND. WAIT.
116
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:20,178
REALLY? YOU THINK SO?
117
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:23,014
YEAH.
I WAS AFRAID I WAS GETTING
A LITTLE TOO RIPPED, YOU KNOW?
118
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,417
OH, NO. I LIKE IT.
119
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:27,819
WOW!
120
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,821
HMM.
121
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,034
WELL, I GOTTA
GET BACK TO WORK.
122
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,392
UM, BUT I DON'T KNOW.
123
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,439
MAYBE I'LL GIVE YOU
A CALL SOMETIME.
124
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:38,429
OKAY.
YEAH.
125
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,464
YEAH,
I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL.
126
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,840
♪♪
127
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,757
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
CHARLIE?
128
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,759
I LIKE YOUR BRACELET.
GREAT.
129
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:12,797
THAT'S ONE OF THOSE,
UH, LANCE ARMSTRONG
"RACE FOR THE CURE,"
130
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,044
"LIVE STRONG"
KIND OF THINGS.
131
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,802
YEAH.
COOL.
THAT'S VERY COOL.
132
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:21,072
YOU MUST BE A VERY
COMPASSIONATE PERSON.
I'M NOT.
133
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:24,208
UH...
DID YOU WANT
SOMETHING FROM ME, OR...
134
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:27,690
WHAT TIME ARE... ARE YOU
GETTING OFF OF WORK?
135
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:31,849
IT'S NOT A THING
TO WALK AWAY ABOUT.
WHATEVER.
136
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,722
DENNIS, I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS.
137
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,802
BUT WE FOUND THE PERFECT
GIRL FOR CHARLIE.
138
00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:42,805
THAT'S AWESOME.
OKAY, YOU KNOW THE WAITRESS
OVER AT THE COFFEE SHOP,
139
00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:45,007
THE ONE THAT HE'S BEEN
IN LOVE WITH FOREVER?
YES.
140
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,366
WELL, OKAY. HE SAW HER WEARING
ONE OF THOSE LANCE ARMSTRONG
"RACE FOR THE CURE,"
141
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,946
"I LOVE PEOPLE THAT ARE
DYING OF CANCER"
TYPE BRACELETS.
142
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:54,406
THAT'S REALLY COOL.
WELL, SO THAT BRACELET
PROBABLY MEANS...
143
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,741
THAT SHE'S COMPASSIONATE
TOWARDS SICK AND DYING PEOPLE.
144
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,770
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THAT'S WHAT THAT SYMBOLIZES.
145
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:02,052
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SYMBOLIZES?
THOSE BRACELETS SYMBOLIZE
JUMPING ON FASHION TRENDS.
146
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,248
AND YOU KNOW WHAT
THE THING THAT'S SO RAD IS?
147
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:08,686
THEY COME IN ALL KINDS OF COLORS
NOW, SO YOU CAN ACCESSORIZE YOUR
COMPASSION WITH YOUR OUTFITS.
148
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:10,655
REALLY COOL.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
149
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:13,603
WELL, BE THAT AS IT MAY,
WE STILL NEED YOU
TO TALK TO HER...
150
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:16,861
BECAUSE THE WHOLE THING
IS GONNA SOUND SO MUCH BETTER
COMING FROM A GIRL.
151
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,996
FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T
HAVE TIME SINCE, APPARENTLY,
152
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:21,265
I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES
ANYTHING AROUND HERE ANYMORE.
153
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:25,670
AND SECOND OF ALL, IT'S GROSS!
I'M SURE THAT THERE'S SOMETHING
MAC AND I CAN DO FOR YOU...
154
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,705
THAT WILL CONVINCE YOU
TO HELP US.
155
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:33,544
SWEET DEE IS IN.
156
00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:35,580
SWEET DEE'S IN WHAT?
157
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:46,057
SHE IS IN...
WAY OVER HER HEAD.
158
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:49,927
- IN WHAT?
- DEBT.
159
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:52,930
HUH. I KNOW THAT GAME.
160
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,741
I'M GONNA GET A BEER.
YOU WANT ONE? GREAT.
161
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:07,412
UH, YEAH.
162
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:12,249
NICE COVER, DICK.
THANKS.
163
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:14,986
SO SWEET DEE'S IN?
YEAH. UH, UNDER
ONE CONDITION.
164
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:18,156
WHAT?
SHE GETS TO PUNCH YOU
IN THE FACE.
165
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,703
- WHAT?
- RIGHT IN THE FACE.
166
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,761
WHY?
THE CHRISTMAS PARTY.
167
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,762
HOW ABOUT THAT GAME
AGAINST DALLAS...
168
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,991
WHEN SANTA CAME OUT AT HALFTIME
AND WE THREW BATTERIES?
169
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:30,146
SHE GRABBED ME FROM BEHIND.
IT WAS INSTINCTUAL.
170
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,103
I KNOW THAT, MAN.
YOU DON'T GRAB.
171
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,239
YOU DON'T GRAB FROM BEHIND.
NOT FROM BEHIND.
172
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:37,186
THAT SUCKS BECAUSE
IF SWEET DEE'S OUT, WE NEED
TO FIND ANOTHER GIRL QUICKLY.
173
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:40,645
UH, WELL...
WE, UH, YOU KNOW...
174
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:44,815
WE KIND OF NEED HER.
WE KIND OF NEED SWEET DEE.
175
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:49,086
YOU'RE SAYIN'... ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT LETTING SWEET DEE
PUNCH ME IN MY FACE?
176
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,156
CHARLIE HAS CANCER.
177
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,731
"SO YOU'RE NEW HERE, YEAH?
WHO ARE YOU?"
178
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,968
WHO AM I?
179
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:07,405
I'M JUST A SMALL-TOWN GIRL...
180
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:10,608
WHO MOVED TO THE BIG CITY
WITH BIG DREAMS...
181
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,911
JUST TO FIND OUT...
182
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:16,213
THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE IT
IN THE BIG CITY...
183
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,750
IS TO SHAKE IT.
184
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:21,118
AND THAT'S WHAT I DO...
185
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:24,555
AT THE COYOTE UGLY.
186
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,558
END SCENE.
187
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,593
WOW.
188
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:31,262
ARTEMIS, THAT WAS AMAZING.
189
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,631
WOW!
THAT REALLY MEANS A LOT.
190
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,335
BUT YOU WON'T BE
SEEING ME IN CLASS ANYMORE.
191
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:40,138
I LOST MY JOB
AT THE WAWA.
192
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:42,351
I'M SORRY. ARE YOU DOING
ANOTHER SCENE? I... I...
193
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,109
I WON'T BE ABLE
TO PAY MY BILLS!
194
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,246
I'M THINKIN' ABOUT
GOIN' ON WELFARE!
195
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:51,782
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
196
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:55,653
OH, MY GOD! OW.
OKAY.
197
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:57,721
♪ NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP ♪
198
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,158
♪ NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN ♪
199
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:03,327
♪ NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND
AND HURT YOU ♪
200
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,296
- HELLO?
- HEY, DENNIS. IT'S DEE.
201
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,999
I WAS...
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
202
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,200
- UH, RICK ASTLEY.
- WHAT'S UP?
203
00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:13,070
OH, NOTHING. ONLY I JUST
SOLVED ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS.
204
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:16,408
- REALLY?
- MM-HMM. EXCEPT FOR CHARLIE
AND THE WHOLE CANCER THING.
205
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:19,110
BUT I DID FIGURE OUT
HOW TO GET HELP AT THE BAR.
206
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,712
SWEET DEE,
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
NO, NO. JUST LISTEN.
207
00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:24,382
I WAS THINKING WE COULD DO
THAT WHOLE COYOTE UGLY THEME.
208
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:26,770
YOU KNOW, WHERE THE GIRLS
DANCE ON TOP OF THE BARS,
209
00:11:26,819 --> 00:11:29,098
TAKE THEIR BRAS OFFAND STUFF.
I'M LISTENING.
210
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:32,490
OKAY, WELL,
I HAVE A FRIEND WHO WOULD
BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT FOR IT.
211
00:11:32,558 --> 00:11:34,892
SHE'D WORK FOR TIPS ONLY.
AND SHE WOULD EVEN COME IN...
212
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,428
AND INTERVIEW WITH YOU, SO YOU
COULD SEE IF YOU LIKED HER.
213
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:40,698
WOULD SHE WEAR
THE, UH, HOT PANTS, TANK TOP,
WANNA-HUMP-HUMP PUMPS?
214
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:42,700
OH, YEAH.
DO IT.
215
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,702
OKAY.
ONLY UNDER ONE CONDITION.
216
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:47,750
I DON'T WANNA HELP YOU
GET THAT WAITRESS
TO SLEEP WITH CHARLIE.
217
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,785
OH, COME ON, SIS.
WE NEED YOU.
218
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:53,811
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU GOTTA CHOOSE. CHARLIE'S
WAITRESS OR A HOT NEW BARTENDER?
219
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:56,480
♪ ...AND HURT YOU
NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP ♪♪
220
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,449
- SWEET DEE'S OUT.
- WHAT?
221
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:01,363
YEAH. SHE'S TOO BUSY
TRAINING THIS NEW BARTENDER.
222
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:04,556
APPARENTLY,
SHE'S GOT THIS HOT NEW
FRIEND WHO SH-SHE...
223
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:08,093
HEY.
HEY.
224
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,172
HI.
CARMEN.
225
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:13,531
DENNIS.
THAT'S A THREE-POINTER.
226
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:17,702
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS, UH...
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
227
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,005
JUST WATCHIN'
A BASKETBALL GAME.
228
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,709
OH.
229
00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:26,811
I WAS JUST LEAVING
ACTUALLY.
230
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,725
OH, OH, NO, NO, NO.YOU KNOW WHAT?I WAS GONNA LEAVE.
231
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,727
I MEAN, YOU...
YOU... YOU COULD...
232
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:35,086
NO, IT'S OKAY.
I'VE GOT A HAIR APPOINTMENT
IN, LIKE, 20 MINUTES.
233
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:38,622
- IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU.
- IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU.
234
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,559
SO I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT?
OH. MM-HMM.
235
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:44,388
I'LL PICK YOU UP
AT 8:00?
COOL.
236
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:49,133
OKAY.
237
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:57,975
- SHE'S GETTIN' IT REMOVED.
- SO WHAT?
238
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:01,045
I'M JUST PUTTIN' IN
MY TIME, YOU KNOW?
239
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:03,213
- SO THAT AFTERWARDS I'LL BE...
- GROSS, DUDE.
240
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:06,083
FIRST.
241
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:08,119
GROSS.
242
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:25,737
- THIS IS JUST PATHETIC.
- YEAH.
243
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:29,974
ALL RIGHT. LET'S ROLL.
W-WAIT. WELL...
WELL, WHAT'S THE PLAN?
244
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,610
THE PLAN IS THAT YOU'RE
GONNA DISTRACT CHARLIE, OKAY?
245
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:36,447
I'M GONNA MARCH UP
TO THAT WAITRESS, TELL HER
THAT HE HAS CANCER. ALL RIGHT?
246
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:39,417
SHE'S GONNA FEEL SORRY FOR HIM,
AND THEN SHE'S GONNA
SLEEP WITH HIM.
247
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,925
THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT.
248
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,988
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
WANNA DO?
249
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:50,894
HEY, DENNIS.
CHARLIE HAS CANCER.
250
00:13:50,963 --> 00:13:53,498
REALLY?
251
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,801
YEAH.
THAT'S SO SAD.
252
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,837
YEAH.
253
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:02,506
ARE YOU OKAY?
254
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:05,777
YEAH. I'M...
I'M ALL RIGHT.
YEAH?
255
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:21,292
- YOU DID WHAT?
- I SLEPT WITH HER.
256
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,339
CHARLIE'S BEEN IN LOVE
WITH THAT GIRL FOR MONTHS.
257
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,042
I KNOW, MAN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
I MENTIONED THE CANCER THING.
258
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:28,377
SHE INSTANTLY STARTED
COMIN' ON TO ME.
REALLY?
259
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,601
YEAH. YOU WERE
RIGHT ABOUT THAT.
260
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,537
CANCER... GOLD MINE.
261
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:37,041
WHAT... WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO?
DON'T WORRY. I GOT A PLAN.
262
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:39,176
BAM.
263
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,813
BAM? WHAT'S THAT?
264
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,815
$200.
265
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:47,685
WHY?
WELL, DENNIS WAS THINKING
THAT THAT MIGHT HELP...
266
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,321
CONVINCE YOU TO SLEEP
WITH OUR FRIEND CHARLIE.
267
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,957
GROSS.
268
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:56,827
- 250.
- DEAL.
269
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,201
HEY, CARMEN!
270
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,237
HEY, YO, CARMEN!
271
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:10,474
- HEY.
- CHARLIE HAS CANCER.
272
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,509
OH, MY GOD!
273
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,646
YOU POOR BABY.
I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.
274
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:23,387
♪ NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN ♪
275
00:15:23,457 --> 00:15:26,991
♪ NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND
AND DESERT YOU ♪
276
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:31,929
♪ NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY
NEVER GONNA SAY GOOD-BYE ♪
277
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:35,633
♪ NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE
AND HURT YOU ♪
278
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:39,804
♪ NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN ♪
279
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:43,741
♪ NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND
AND DESERT YOU ♪
280
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:46,377
♪ NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY ♪
281
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,613
♪ NEVER GONNA SAY GOOD-BYE ♪
282
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,782
♪ NEVER GONNA TELL A LIE
AND HURT YOU ♪
283
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:54,852
♪ NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP ♪
284
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:57,088
♪ NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN ♪
285
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,090
♪ NEVER GONNA
RUN AROUND AND... ♪♪
286
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:03,761
♪♪
287
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,731
HEY, DENNIS!
COULD YOU HELP ME
WITH THIS KEG, PLEASE?
288
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,500
UH, I SLEPT A LITTLE
FUNNY ON MY NECK.
289
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:13,337
HEY, IS YOUR FRIEND GONNA BE
DOIN' STUFF LIKE THIS?
290
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,306
UM...
HELLO.
291
00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:20,578
- CAN I HELP YOU?
- I'M ARTEMIS.
292
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:24,182
- OKAY.
- I'M HERE FOR THE AUDITION.
293
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,457
I'M JUST A SMALL-TOWN GIRL...
294
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:36,594
WHO MOVED TO THE BIG CITY
WITH BIG DREAMS...
295
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,164
JUST TO FIND OUT...
296
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,766
THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE IT
IN THE BIG CITY...
297
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,702
IS TO SHAKE IT.
298
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,905
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
299
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:51,575
SHAKE IT. SHAKE IT.
300
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,878
YOU WANNA SEE ME SHAKE IT?
301
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:56,347
OF COURSE YOU DO.
302
00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:58,883
THEY ALL DO.
303
00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:01,619
I SHAKE IT.
304
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,321
SHAKE IT.
I SHAKE IT.
305
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:08,092
I SHAKE IT. I SHAKE IT.
I SHA...
306
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:13,976
YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY
HAVE THOUGHT THAT THIS
WAS GONNA BE A GOOD IDEA.
307
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,668
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS SO YOU. I TELL YOU I
NEED SOME HELP BEHIND THE BAR.
308
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,415
I FINALLY FIND SOMEONE
WHO'S PERFECT, AND SHE'LL
PRACTICALLY WORK FOR FREE.
309
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:23,352
AND JUST 'CAUSE SHE DOESN'T
HAVE THE RIGHT MEASUREMENTS
OR WHATEVER, YOU FREAK OUT.
310
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:26,055
OH, YOU JUST
WANT SOMEBODY TO DO
ALL THE GRUNT WORK FOR YOU.
311
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,123
SHH! SHE'S GONNA HEAR YOU.
I DON'T CARE!
312
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:30,114
HEY-OH!
313
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:33,050
WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
GOTTA PEE.
314
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:41,759
HEY, BUDDY?
DENNIS!
315
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:45,263
WHAT'S GOIN' ON, MAN?
YOU SEEM REALLY HAPPY.
UH, I FEEL PRETTY HAPPY.
316
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,410
DO YOU? WHAT HAPPENED?
I THINK YOU KNOWWHAT HAPPENED.
317
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:48,977
UH, I MIGHT.
318
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,980
YEAH. I THINK YOU DO KNOW. YOUTALKED TO THAT WAITRESS, RIGHT?
YEAH.
319
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:55,773
IT TOTALLY WORKED. IT TOTALLY...I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAID,BUT WE WENT OUT ON THIS DATE.
320
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,153
SHE REALLY LIKES ME.SO THANK YOU, MAN.
YOU'RE WELCOME, MAN!
321
00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:00,623
YEAH, YOU SEEM FLUSH.
YOU SEEM LIKE A...
I FEEL LIKE A...
322
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:03,447
I FEEL LIKE AN ICE CREAM
SUNDAE, YOU KNOW?
323
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:06,828
THAT'S GREAT, MAN. THAT IS
TERRIFIC. IT MUST REALLY TAKE
YOUR MIND OFF THINGS THEN, HUH?
324
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:09,286
SURE, YEAH. WHAT THINGS?
325
00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:12,475
WELL, YOU KNOW,
THE... CANCER.
326
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:25,369
HERE'S THE THING THOUGH...
ABOUT CANCER.
327
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,438
I DON'T HAVE IT.
328
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,210
WHAT?
329
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:36,180
MOM, I'M TELLING YOU,
THIS GIRL'S AMAZING.
330
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:39,317
YEAH, I GOT BUTTERFLIES
IN MY STOMACH.
331
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:41,852
THERE'S ONE LITTLE ISSUE.
YEAH. OH!
332
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:45,390
OH, MY GOD!
I THINK YOU BROKE MY NOSE!
333
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,304
- THAT GUY'S BEATIN' ON THAT CHICK!
- - OH, MY GOD!
334
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:51,695
OH, NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S A DUDE. YEAH, SHE HAS
A PENIS. SO IT'S OKAY.
335
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:55,166
DUDE, ISN'T THAT A HATE CRIME?
SHIT, YEAH,
IT'S A HATE CRIME!
336
00:18:58,772 --> 00:19:01,538
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
OH, WELL, EXCUSE ME
FOR BEIN'...
337
00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:03,719
THE MOST TERRIBLE MAN
ON THE PLANET!
I... I'M SORRY.
338
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:06,488
OH, I'M A TERRIBLE MAN!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT IS THAT?
339
00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:09,157
WE THOUGHT YOU WERE
DYING, CHARLIE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
340
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:11,127
WHO'S WE?
ME AND MAC AND SWEET DEE.
341
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:13,283
OH, GREAT! GREAT.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE!
342
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:16,853
NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO
INTO REMISSION OR SOMETHING
SO THEY DON'T THINK I WAS LYING.
343
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:19,568
YOU WERE LYING!
YEAH. I LIED TO YOU,
ALL RIGHT?
344
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,004
LOOK. THE GIRL... SHE WEARS
A LANCE ARMSTRONG BRACELET.
345
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:24,729
OKAY? SO I TELL YOU
THAT I HAVE CANCER, RIGHT?
346
00:19:24,798 --> 00:19:27,532
THEN YOU'RE GONNA TELL HER.
SHE'S GONNA FEEL SORRY FOR ME.
347
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,312
WE'RE GONNA START DATING.
AND THAT'S THE WAY
THAT LIFE WORKS, MAN!
348
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:33,404
THAT WAS
A HORRIBLE THING TO DO!
WELL, I'M A BAD GUY THEN.
349
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:36,112
YOU ARE A BAD GUY!
YOU LIED TO US.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK AT THIS.
350
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,475
SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA CRACK
A FEW EGGS TO MAKE AN OMELET.
351
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:41,590
YOU GOTTA CRACK A COUPLE EGGS
TO MAKE AN OMELET?
YOU GOTTA CRACK AN EGG.
352
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,859
SO YOU'RE THROWING DOWN
LIFE LESSONS NOW?
I'M THROWIN' DOWN EGGS!
353
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,961
CLASS IS IN SESSION.
THE TEACHER'S
TEACHIN' CLASS NOW!
354
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,686
I'M CRACKIN' EGGS OF WISDOM.
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'?
355
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:52,368
LET ME CRACK ONE MORE EGG FOR
YOU AND THROW IT IN THE OMELET!
YOU GOT AN EGG?
356
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,503
THE WAITRESS
DOESN'T EVEN LIKE YOU.
YEAH?
357
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:59,096
WE HAD TO PAY HER $250
TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!
AHA! BECAUSE...
358
00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:03,134
SEX?
359
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,970
WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX.
360
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:23,220
HEY! GUESS WHAT, DEE.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
NO, NO, NO.
361
00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:25,367
GIVE ME A SECOND.
CHARLIE WAS LYING
THE WHOLE TIME.
362
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,669
HE DOESN'T HAVE CANCER.
WELL, HOW COULD YOU
NOT TELL ME...
363
00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:30,493
THAT YOU PAID HER
TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?
WHAT?
364
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,746
I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW
YOU COULD POSSIBLY BE SO...
365
00:20:36,770 --> 00:20:39,303
YOU CAN'T LIE
ABOUT HAVING CANCER!
IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU DO!
366
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:41,350
WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DYING!
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, LISTEN!
367
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:44,253
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE
WHAT HAPPENED! I ACCIDENTALLY
PUNCHED THAT TRANNY IN THE FACE.
368
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,588
THESE TWO GUYS
STARTED CHASING ME.
DEE, GET ME A BEER.
369
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:49,446
IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
I RAN ALL THE WAY HERE. GO.
370
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,390
HEY.
HEY.
371
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:03,527
HEY, WHAT THE HELL
DO YOU GUYS WANT?
372
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:07,097
WELL, IT'S FUNNY. IT'S A, UH...
IT'S A FUNNY, FUNNY THING.
IT'S FUNNY.
373
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:09,934
UH, WE PAID YOU $250
TO SLEEP WITH CHARLIE AND...
374
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:11,936
AND YOU NEVER ACTUALLY
HAD SEX WITH HIM.
375
00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:14,472
SO WE WERE WONDERING
IF WE COULD GET
THE 250 BUCKS BACK.
376
00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:17,085
IF YOU COULD TOSS
THAT BACK OUR WAY,
THAT'D BE GREAT.
377
00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:29,487
IS IT... IS IT LOCKED?
YEAH.
378
00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:33,624
SHE'S PROBABLY GETTIN'
THE MONEY THOUGH, RIGHT?
379
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:41,999
DENNIS!
31882
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