Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,471
Good evening, America.
Tonight we present
2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:04,838
a full hour
of Family Guy,
3
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:07,375
beginning with a very
special extended episode,
4
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:09,910
followed by some
never-before-seen musical clips.
5
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:10,878
That's right.
6
00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,346
So, without further ado,
7
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,915
here's a little episode
entitled "Stewie and Brian."
8
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:17,017
Well, actually, it's
called "Brian and Stewie."
9
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:19,053
Really? Shouldn't it be
person before animal,
10
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,221
like Turner and Hooch?
11
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,090
I don't think that movie
is a good example.
12
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,424
Of anything.
13
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:24,825
Besides, it's
alphabetical.
14
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,196
You asked to have
your name first, didn't you?
15
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:30,731
Ladies and gentlemen,
here's "Brian and Stewie."
16
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:31,965
Pathetic.
17
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,272
Hurry up.
18
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:40,541
We still have to swing by
Wyndham's before they close.
19
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:41,875
Relax. I'm almost done.
20
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:43,753
And why do you have
a safety deposit box anyway?
21
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:46,013
What's in there
that you can't bury in the yard?
22
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,281
I have things.
23
00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,882
You have a dead bird in there?
24
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:50,251
What are you gonna do with that?
25
00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:51,352
I was gonna take it home,
26
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,862
show it to Lois,
make her proud of me.
27
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,798
Hey, I'm starving.
You want to grab a late lunch?
28
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:55,862
Can't.
I'm Jenny Craig-ing.
29
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,225
Already paid for the meals.
30
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:59,960
And if I want to return
this sweater, we've got to get
31
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,795
to Wyndham's by half 6:00.
Half 6:00?
32
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,632
Yes. You have to return it
within a fortnight for a refund.
33
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,034
I love it, but I feel like
it was too much.
34
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,068
Cute, right?
35
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:09,069
It's Thom Browne.
36
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:10,771
It was over $3,000.
37
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:13,107
You spent $3,000 on a sweater?!
38
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:14,142
What's it to you?
39
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,319
That's the most idiotic thing
40
00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:16,644
I've ever heard.
You're a moron.
41
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,778
A pretentious moron.
42
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,547
Drop dead.
I was returning it anyway.
43
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,149
Where'd you even get
that kind of money?
44
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:22,759
None of your damn business,
that's where.
45
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,386
You know, today started
as a really nice outing,
46
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,820
but as usual,
you had to ruin it.
47
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:27,788
I had to ruin it?
48
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:28,822
Yeah, you.
49
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,391
You know,
I-I was actually hoping
50
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,336
that you'd talk me
out of returning this sweater.
51
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,495
So, you're right;
I guess I am a moron.
52
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,265
You know, it's the one time
I ever splurged on myself,
53
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:39,433
and you have to go
and make me feel foolish.
54
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:40,968
Look, I didn't...
Save it, okay?
55
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:43,471
I'll be waiting outside
under the porte cochere.
56
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:46,507
It's my own fault for thinking
I could have pretty things.
57
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:47,941
I'm not having fun anymore.
58
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:49,610
I feel you should know that.
59
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:52,846
What was that?
60
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,484
I don't believe this.
61
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,686
Hello?! Hello?!
62
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,288
We're locked in!
63
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:04,792
Did you... did you
just crap your diaper?
64
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,795
I got scared when
the door closed.
65
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:11,699
It seems today
that all you see.
66
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:14,835
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV.
67
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:18,672
But where are those
good old-fashioned values.
68
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,809
On which we used to rely?
69
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,945
Lucky there's a family guy.
70
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,282
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do.
71
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:29,783
All the things that make us.
72
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,552
Laugh and cry.
73
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,053
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
74
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,489
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION,
75
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,891
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
76
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,894
andVOLKSWAGEN.
It's what the people want.
77
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,200
Hey!
78
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,835
Hello! Hello!
79
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:48,836
Somebody!
80
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,037
We're trapped in here!
81
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,505
You're wasting
your breath.
82
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:52,982
These bank vault doors
close automatically
83
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,375
at the end of
the workday.
84
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,019
This thing won't be open
again till tomorrow.
85
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,054
Well, there's got to be
some way out of here. Think!
86
00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,423
I don't know. You
think of something.
87
00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:00,714
Well, I have no idea!
88
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:01,891
So, you invented a time machine,
89
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,817
but you can't get us
out of a safe?
90
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,919
Yeah, that's science.
I'm not Houdini.
91
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,331
Can't believe this.
We're locked in here
92
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,199
until tomorrow and the
only thing I've eaten today
93
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,991
was a grape Chris
dropped at breakfast.
94
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,593
It took me
half an hour
95
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,495
just to get the damn
thing off the floor.
96
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,597
I'm uncomfortable.
You have to change me.
97
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,698
I'm not changing you.
98
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:18,875
We don't even
have any diapers.
99
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,200
Oh, my God, that smell
100
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:21,702
is making me sick.
101
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:22,846
Oh, thank you for making me
more self-conscious.
102
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,348
I'm not gonna
be able to stay like this
103
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:25,873
until tomorrow,
you know.
104
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:28,409
Well, I don't know what you
expect me to do about it.
105
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,610
You don't?
106
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,245
No, I don't.
107
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,913
Stop looking
at me like that.
108
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:35,716
Look, I'm going
to propose something,
109
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,451
and I need you to hear me out.
110
00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:38,886
Will you promise me
you'll do that?
111
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,020
I guess.
112
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,589
You guess or you will?
113
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,790
Yes, I'll hear you out.
114
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:46,059
Okay, well, I can't be
in a soiled diaper
115
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:47,928
until tomorrow, Brian;
We both know that.
116
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,563
I'll get a rash,
which could lead
117
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,064
to an infection
if left like this.
118
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:53,801
All-all right, fine,
I'll take the diaper off.
119
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,737
That doesn't really solve
our problem, now, does it?
120
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:57,705
Yes, it does.
121
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,973
No, it doesn't though, really.
122
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:01,742
See, you're, you're not...
123
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,320
you're not really
thinking this through.
124
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:04,578
W-We would still be faced
125
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,814
with the problem of the odor,
you see.
126
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,449
And-and, of course, you know,
127
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,484
then what am I gonna do
with no diaper?
128
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:11,761
I'm-I'm not gonna
walk around here
129
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,321
with-with my Tic Tac
hanging out.
130
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,755
I-I need a clean diaper.
131
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,657
I told you, we don't
have any clean diapers.
132
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,926
Well, well, no, I mean,
not right now we don't, no.
133
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:22,896
But if-if the poo
were to be removed...
134
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,064
I'm not following you.
135
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:28,168
If the poo were to be removed...
136
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:30,604
W-What does that...?
What are you driving at?
137
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:31,839
Eat it.
138
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,907
What?
Eat it, Brian.
139
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,108
You're out of
your mind.
140
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,744
Now, you promised
you'd hear me out.
141
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,779
Besides, is it really
that big a deal?
142
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,848
You just said yourself
that you're starving.
143
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,921
And, you know, I've seen you
eat poop before, Brian.
144
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:43,984
Yeah, mine!
145
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,453
Is that really
a huge distinction?
146
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:46,954
It is to me!
147
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,689
I can't even...
How would... You...
148
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,023
That's sick!
That is sick!
149
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,626
How messed up in the head are
you that y-you would even ask?
150
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,294
Look, okay, okay,
just calm down, okay?
151
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:55,972
We're not, we're not...
we're just talking.
152
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,006
We're not doing
anything yet.
153
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,174
All right,
we're just talking.
154
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,000
Nobody's doing anything
at this point.
155
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,935
Dogs sometimes eat feces.
156
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,804
It's not a judgment;
It's just a fact.
157
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:07,941
So what I would need you to do
is eat what's in my diaper,
158
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,811
lick the diaper clean,
possibly lick my fanny
159
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,614
and then put the diaper
back on me.
160
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,282
Probably lick my fanny.
161
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,951
Yeah, you should start wrapping
your brain around that, too.
162
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,820
There is no way any
of that is happening.
163
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,555
Well, I don't see
a way around it, do you?
164
00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:22,823
I would shoot
myself first.
165
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,133
Well, how you gonna
shoot yourself?
166
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,192
There's no gun in here.
167
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:31,164
There's a gun in your safety
deposit box, isn't there?
168
00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,387
Stewie, come on. You don't know
how to use that thing.
169
00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:45,979
Oh, really? What if I hold it
sideways like a black guy?
170
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,015
Whoa, whoa, come on, man.
Take it easy, all right?
171
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:48,982
I-I don't want any trouble.
172
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,059
There's not gonna be any trouble
173
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,652
as long as you eat my poo.
174
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:52,753
That's not happening.
175
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:53,897
Well, then I'll be
forced to shoot you.
176
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,499
Go ahead. There aren't
any bullets in that gun.
177
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,666
I don't believe you.
Then shoot me.
178
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,734
I will. I will!
Do it. Then do it!
179
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,326
What are you waiting for? Go on!
180
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,928
I will! I'll blow
your head off!
181
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,431
Wait a minute. Don't you have
your cell phone with you?
182
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,666
You're right!
183
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,935
Oh, no, low battery.
184
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,571
I have to make
this call count.
185
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,772
Hurry up.
186
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:12,740
It's ringing.
187
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:13,774
Oh, thank God.
188
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,208
Come on, come on.
189
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,387
Yes, hi. Can you connect me
to men's designer wear, please?
190
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:18,679
Thank you.
What are you doing?!
191
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:19,913
This will just
take a second.
192
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,090
Give me that! Whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
193
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,916
Hi, uh, this is Stewie Griffin.
194
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,384
Uh, who am I talking to?
195
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,719
Hi, Matthew.
196
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,263
I think you're the salesman
who helped me
197
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,590
pick out a Thom Browne sweater
two weeks ago.
198
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,058
Yes, I was going to see.
199
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,960
The Bounty Hunter
that night.
200
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,895
Well, I enjoyed it
very much. Thank you.
201
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:35,963
Good memory, my word.
202
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,798
Anyway, it doesn't
fit properly and...
203
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:38,966
Give me the damn phone! Hey!
204
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,033
Stop it.
205
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,769
Um, and I don't think I'm gonna
206
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,971
make it to the store
before closing time today.
207
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:47,808
Is it possible to get
an extension on that refund?
208
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,911
No exceptions, I see.
209
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:54,147
So you're telling me
if I was James Franco calling,
210
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:57,918
I would still not be able to get
an extension for one day?
211
00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:59,787
Yes, Matthew, I will hold
for your manager.
212
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,221
I'm gonna wrap this up
so quickly.
213
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,957
Hey! Sorry, he's gonna
have to call you back...
214
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:05,626
It's dead.
215
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:08,662
You wasted the one phone call
we had to return a sweater?!
216
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:11,899
A $3,000 sweater,
which I am now stuck with.
217
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:12,966
Oh, this day.
218
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,004
You stink! And now
I'm trapped in here
219
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,948
with you and your stink
because you were too stupid
220
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,183
to call somebody
who could help us!
221
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,476
That really hurt.
222
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:23,511
Just get away from me!
223
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:24,478
I can't even look at you!
224
00:07:24,512 --> 00:07:25,746
Well, I'm-I'm sorry.
225
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:26,680
Don't be mad.
226
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:28,682
Don't!
227
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,935
All right, I'll do it.
228
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,336
What are you talking about?
229
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,439
I can't leave you like this.
230
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,142
But you have to swear
never to tell anybody.
231
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,777
You mean, you're gonna eat my...
232
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,146
Yeah, no, no, I won't
tell anybody. I swear!
233
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,515
Okay, how should
we do it?
234
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,283
I-I guess it's
dealer's choice, really.
235
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,885
I suppose
the easiest way would be
236
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,987
to use the diaper
as a-a bowl of sorts.
237
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,722
Do you know how
to take it off?
238
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,824
No, I've never done it myself.
Mum does it.
239
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:13,060
All right, well, we should
get your overalls off first.
240
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,028
I know how
to do the snaps.
241
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,165
There. I did it.
242
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,167
Okay, good. Now let's
get your feet out.
243
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,870
I can't believe
we're doing this.
244
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,838
Oh, really smells bad,
doesn't it?
245
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,974
Yeah. You sure you
can't stay like this?
246
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,709
I'm getting a rash, Brian.
I can feel it.
247
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,544
Okay, okay, I can do this.
248
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:31,879
All right, lay down.
249
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,716
It's so amazing to me
that you know how to do that.
250
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:36,893
It's-it's like watching
someone do algebra.
251
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,886
I just have no conception
of how it's done.
252
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,521
Oh, God!
253
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,558
Okay, you ready?
254
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:49,930
Okay.
255
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,101
Ah, don't do it
right here!
256
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,235
I don't want to watch!
What?
257
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,904
Take it over there.
Do it in the corner.
258
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,438
It's gross!
It's your poop!
259
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:00,908
Yeah, but it's your...
activity, you know?
260
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:03,176
It's... it's your...
it's your thing...
261
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,260
I can't finish!
262
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,361
You have to!
263
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,763
How would we explain it
half-eaten?
264
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,832
There's no going back
from this.
265
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,475
It's done.
266
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,479
Got some dessert for you.
267
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:40,814
You've gotta
be kidding me.
268
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:41,982
Come on.
It's throw-up.
269
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,416
You like throw-up.
270
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,986
I do.
I do like throw-up.
271
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,490
All right, now let's get
this diaper back on you.
272
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,093
Mmm, there's just one part left.
273
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,771
What are you talking about?
There's nothing left.
274
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:55,939
Look, the diaper's completely
clean.
275
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,231
Yeah, yeah,
but my ass isn't.
276
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,000
You have to clean my ass.
277
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,302
Oh, God, Stewie,
there's got to be a line!
278
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,904
Brian, this is
the most important part.
279
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,615
You've seen Lois
with those sanitary wipes.
280
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,975
She gets all up in my
biznatch with those. No, no way.
281
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,242
I could get really sick.
282
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,811
Look, there's hardly anything
on it.
283
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,112
This will take one second,
284
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,514
and then we can put this whole
unpleasantness behind us.
285
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,917
If you ever...
286
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,252
I'm not gonna breathe a word
to anybody ever.
287
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,788
Now go on. Get started.
288
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:23,123
All right, here goes.
289
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,658
Oh, and just do me a favor
290
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,694
and tell me
when you're about to begin
291
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,829
because I don't wanna be
surpri... Moon river!
292
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:31,198
Oh, by God, there...
there it goes.
293
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,502
Brian, you rock.
294
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:37,504
Thank you so much
for doing this.
295
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:46,046
Oh, wait.
I-I can do this part.
296
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,221
So... yeah.
297
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,422
Thanks.
298
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,792
I feel a lot better now.
299
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,829
Smell's gone.
300
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,701
Look, I hope this hasn't created
any weirdness between us.
301
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:10,203
I mean, it's not that strange
what happened.
302
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,972
What'd you eat?
303
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,007
Italian Wedding Soup.
304
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,809
Oh, actually, it wasn't bad.
305
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:16,877
I know, right?!
306
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,046
Jenny Craig, can you believe?
Only 220 calories.
307
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,181
Probably less for you.
308
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,817
You know, I think
I missed my nap today.
309
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:24,885
I'm sleepy.
310
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,053
Well, why don't
you lie down?
311
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:27,087
I think I will.
312
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,926
Brian?
What?
313
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,694
I just realized
something.
314
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:35,929
What?
315
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,664
Tomorrow's Sunday.
316
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,126
Guess this is as good
a time as any.
317
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:12,532
Mmm, whatcha doin'?
318
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:13,901
Oh. Hey.
319
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,568
Just needed a little drink.
320
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,604
Was kind of saving it,
but, uh...
321
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:18,638
what the hell, right?
322
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:19,773
Saving it for what?
323
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:20,941
It's not important.
324
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:21,909
Want a sip?
325
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:24,377
You're offering me some?
326
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,712
It's liquor, isn't it?
327
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,713
Yeah, it's liquor.
328
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,481
Babies aren't supposed
to have liquor.
329
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,918
This would be
the most naughty thing ever.
330
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,953
Do you want
a sip or not?
331
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:34,822
Yeah, yeah!
332
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,824
But I don't want
to get too buzzed.
333
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,091
People take
advantage of kids
334
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:39,226
when they're buzzed.
335
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,327
It's so easy,
336
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,494
and I wouldn't
even remember.
337
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:42,996
So don't you
try anything.
338
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:43,997
Try what?
339
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,899
I already practically
French-kissed your butt.
340
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,435
Yeah, there was no practically
about that.
341
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,837
Mmm, smooth.
342
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,972
I like what comes out
of Lois' breasts better,
343
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,773
but I, I like this, too.
344
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:03,683
Oh, startin' to...
startin' to feel that.
345
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:04,818
Oh. You know,
346
00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:06,920
I-I like, I like hanging out
with you, Brian.
347
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:09,756
I feel like, I feel
like a big boy right now.
348
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,491
Yeah, this isn't
so bad, right?
349
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:14,928
It's like a
very private party.
350
00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:17,730
Mmm, I feel like dancing.
351
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:23,203
Yeah, you know
how to move.
352
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,872
That is real...
353
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,606
You... Wow,
that is awesome.
354
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,008
I'm really impressed.
355
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,143
Oh, wait, I can hurdle
my own leg
356
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,012
like they used
to do in the '90s.
357
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,852
Okay, all right,
you know,
358
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,320
this is gonna sound
really weird.
359
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,688
This is gonna
sound really weird,
360
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:44,124
but I really want you to
do it, okay? Wha... what?
361
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,959
First you have to say
that you'll do it
362
00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:46,994
before I tell you,
363
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,962
no mat...
no matter what it is.
364
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,163
All right.
Really?!
365
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:51,564
Yeah.
Sure, w-what is it?
366
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:54,334
I want you to pierce my ear.
367
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,336
Let's do it.
368
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:57,670
You mean it?
369
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,015
Because I-I...
Look-look at my face.
370
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,874
I'm totally serious.
Are you totally serious?
371
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,675
I-I'm with ya.
I'm on the train!
372
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,144
You have...?
Do you have a needle?
373
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,146
Uh, uh, ooh, there's a pin
in the sweater.
374
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,881
Here.
375
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:09,249
Oh, my God!
This is happening!
376
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,250
This is really happening!
377
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,751
Oh, you know,
I think this is going
378
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:13,020
to look so good on me.
379
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,854
This, this...
You know what else?
380
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:17,524
Oh, maybe I'll buy a glove
with no knuckles.
381
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,402
Aren't we supposed to, like,
heat it or something?
382
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:20,660
I don't care. I really...
383
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,762
I don't give a...
I'm all worked up right now,
384
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:24,831
so we have to do it.
Just do it, okay?
385
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:25,875
Before... Wha-what are we
drinking anyway?
386
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:26,866
Glenfiddich.
387
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,101
Love her!
388
00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:29,269
Oh, you know what?
389
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,837
I'll just sterilize it
in the scotch.
390
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,605
You just sterilize it
in the scotch.
391
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:33,716
Why didn't...?
It's, it's...
392
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,842
Bitch, sterilize
that bitch up, you know?
393
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:39,112
You know, I don't, I don't know
why I told Matthew
394
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,748
that I liked, that I liked
The Bounty Hunter
395
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:42,950
'cause I hated it.
396
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,852
I just, I wanted him to like me
in that moment.
397
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,054
And that's why I said it.
398
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,289
I don't... Why do I...
why do I do that?
399
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,925
Why do I...? Why am I such
a people pleaser, you know?
400
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,860
When, when is it
Stewie's turn, you know?
401
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,963
I, I, I'm...
402
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,197
I voted for McCain.
403
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,631
Okay, left ear.
Left, left ear.
404
00:14:58,665 --> 00:14:59,699
Right now.
Stick it in.
405
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,867
Come on, dude.
406
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,970
Can I just...
can I just say before...?
407
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,771
Can we just, like, take two...?
408
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:06,406
I-I love... You're so brave.
409
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,641
I just love how brave
you're being right now.
410
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,910
This is like the closest
I've ever felt to you.
411
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:11,911
Okay. Oh, my God,
412
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,580
I was thinking
the same thing.
413
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,882
We are so "us" right now.
414
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,917
Do you...
do you know that?
415
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,220
Okay, okay.
416
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,388
Okay, here we go.
417
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,957
Oh, my God!
418
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:24,958
Oh! Are you okay?
419
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:25,925
Is it over?
420
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,094
I think.
421
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:28,628
I-I don't know
where the pin went.
422
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:29,762
Mov... Wait,
move your hand.
423
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,435
What? What?
What is it?
424
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,903
There's so much blood.
425
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,438
Ew...!
426
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:39,572
It's stuck in there.
427
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:40,840
I think the pin's
too thick
428
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,142
to go all
the way through.
429
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,011
Ew! Get it out!
430
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,445
Got it.
431
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,746
How's it look?
432
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,481
Cool.
433
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,017
Really? Oh, that's good.
434
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,452
Oh, I knew it was...
I knew it would look...
435
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:53,453
it would look cool.
436
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,487
We don't... Wait.
437
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:56,589
Don't we have
to put an earring in it
438
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:57,924
so the hole won't close?
439
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,127
I don't think it's gonna close.
440
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,428
I can't believe...
441
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,431
I can't believe
I have pierced ears.
442
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:08,335
I'm one of those people
who I talk about.
443
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,337
Finally, no more clip-ons,
you know?
444
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,439
No... Hey, give me
some of that.
445
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,606
Don't hog that there.
446
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:14,774
Give me some of that.
447
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,144
It looks... it looks
really good, Stewie.
448
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,545
I wish we had
a mirror
449
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,680
'cause I-I-I actually did
a really good job.
450
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:21,714
Oh, yeah, it's awesome.
451
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:22,849
I'm not worried.
452
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,719
Mmm, cozy.
453
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,122
So, um, question.
454
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,123
Yeah?
455
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:31,824
This is gonna seem stupid,
456
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,726
but I've been dying
to know.
457
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,727
The Dog Whisperer.
458
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:35,828
Wha... what is that?
459
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,497
Is any, is any
of that true?
460
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,299
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
I've offended you.
461
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,168
No, no, no, no,
not at all, Stewie, no.
462
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,869
No, it's, some,
some of that stuff,
463
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,171
some of that stuff
is right on.
464
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:45,205
Really? Wow.
465
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,539
Well, give me
a "for instance."
466
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:47,650
Well, the guy
talks about...
467
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,142
Cesar Millan.
Right, Cesar Millan
468
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,411
talks about living
in the moment
469
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:54,147
because that's how dogs live,
you know?
470
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,348
We live in the moment.
471
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,350
I so don't live in the moment.
472
00:16:57,384 --> 00:16:59,519
I'm always, "Oh, remember
that petting zoo?"
473
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,888
Or "I can't wait
to go to Florida."
474
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,357
I'm never, I'm never,
like, really present.
475
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,159
You know, you-you gotta help me
work on that.
476
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,694
Oh, definitely.
Definitely, man.
477
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:08,928
Live with purpose, you know?
478
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,897
Celebrate every day.
479
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,566
He talks about all those things
that dogs do.
480
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:14,667
Like, we do that.
481
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,169
Dogs do that.
It's instinctual.
482
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,871
In us, you know?
It's like I can't not do it.
483
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,673
That's kind of
what his whole thing is.
484
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,842
Such beautiful lessons.
485
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,277
I hope he's not Mexican.
486
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,846
There's something off about him,
but I hope it's not that.
487
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,782
You know, people can learn
a lot from dogs, you know?
488
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:32,285
A lot. Like, we're
like, like here's us...
489
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:33,420
We're, like,
"Yeah! Yeah!"
490
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,954
Like that. "Yeah! Yeah!"
491
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,889
Okay, sure, sure,
relax, relax.
492
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,958
It's just, well, you don't...
493
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:42,729
I mean, you don't really do
any of those things, do you?
494
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,731
Yeah, I do. Wait.
What are you talking about?
495
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,733
It's just, I don't know...
496
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,635
I mean, do you, you really live
with purpose?
497
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,203
How could you say that to me?
498
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,704
Just callin' it like I see it.
499
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,316
Listen, why, why don't...
why don't you...
500
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,308
You know what?
You can just go to hell!
501
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,977
Hey, whoa, whoa. Look, I didn't
mean to start anything.
502
00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:58,945
Let's just forget it, okay?
503
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,613
We're... we're having
a good time.
504
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:01,914
I don't want to forget it.
505
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,384
How dare you tell me that
my life doesn't have purpose.
506
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,619
No, that's not what I said.
That's what you're saying.
507
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,764
No, no, no. Don't do that. Don't
try to turn my words on me.
508
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,099
And you know what,
take that sweater off.
509
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,424
It makes you look queer.
510
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,968
Okay, well, now you're
just bein' a dick.
511
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,237
Well, you might as well
get used to it.
512
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,071
You're gonna be hearing a lot
worse once you go to school.
513
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,665
Are you trying to hurt me?
514
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:19,966
Because you've succeeded.
515
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,501
Oh, just calling it
like I see it.
516
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,803
Oh, I see.
Is that what we're doing?
517
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,805
All right, well, I'll play
that game with you.
518
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,440
Oh, yeah? What are
you gonna do?
519
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:28,741
You think I care
about you?
520
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:29,809
I don't.
521
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,244
Yes, you do.
I know you do.
522
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:32,845
I don't really care.
523
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:35,748
No, you're just smart enough
and you're just clever enough
524
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,150
to occasionally amuse me.
525
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:40,187
If I had anybody else... anybody
else to choose from... I would.
526
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,989
You are the best
of a bad situation.
527
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,157
Nothing more.
528
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:45,425
I use you, man.
529
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,794
Yeah, I would know
if you were using me.
530
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:48,928
Oh, oh, you would?
531
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,096
I got you to eat my poop.
532
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,531
And you know why I did it?
533
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,008
Yeah, you were afraid
you were going to get sick.
534
00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:55,134
Because I wanted to see
if I could.
535
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,869
What?
536
00:18:56,903 --> 00:19:00,540
Come on, Brian, I spend half
the day in a dirty diaper.
537
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:01,841
I was bored.
538
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:03,142
Just passing the time.
539
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:06,213
I thought, "How low can I
get this douchebag to go?"
540
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,547
Oh, my God!
541
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,883
And when you did it,
I actually felt sorry for you.
542
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:12,219
There. Your turn.
543
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,786
You're a monster.
544
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,322
Hey, you started
this whole thing.
545
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,824
You son of a bitch,
I could kill you for that!
546
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:18,867
Oh, really?
Well, how convenient.
547
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,059
You got a gun right there.
548
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,531
Here you go, Brian. You want
to kill me? Kill me with this.
549
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,566
Oh, but there are no bullets
in it, are there?
550
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,701
Yeah, there are. I lied.
551
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:29,836
Oh, you're so full of crap.
552
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,170
Besides, if you shot me,
553
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:33,039
it'd all be caught
on that security camera.
554
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:38,378
Security cam... Oh, my God,
maybe somebody can see us!
555
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:39,879
Hey, hey, somebody help!
556
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,481
We're in here!
557
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,426
No one's out there, Brian.
They would have come in.
558
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:44,517
Save your energy.
559
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:47,920
Oh, my God.
What?
560
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,022
It's all on tape.
What's all on tape?
561
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:57,364
Oh, my God, oh, that
is gonna be on YouTube.
562
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,865
Oh, God.
563
00:19:58,898 --> 00:19:59,766
Everybody that works
in an office
564
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,334
is gonna say to
their coworkers,
565
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:02,745
"Hey, type in
'dog, baby, heinie lick.'
566
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:04,371
Check this out."
567
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:07,274
And then the boss is gonna say,
"Hey, what are you doing there?
568
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:09,242
Oh, yeah, that's funny.
I saw that in my room."
569
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:11,578
"Okay, now type in
'Japanese, fish, ass.'"
570
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,380
I am gonna be so humiliated.
571
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,923
Well, I could save you
the embarrassment
572
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,015
and shoot you in the head
573
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,768
except there aren't
any bullets in this gun.
574
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,907
I'm sorry, Stewie.
575
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,775
Me, too.
576
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,812
How long is this gonna last?
577
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,480
No idea.
578
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:04,964
Hope I'm not bothering you.
579
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:05,798
Nope.
580
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:07,467
Just doing some stretching.
581
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,936
Maybe a few poses.
582
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,738
You'll tell me if I'm
bothering you, right?
583
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,307
I know what you're thinking.
584
00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:16,809
Stewie's so late
to the yoga party.
585
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,578
I'm not even any good.
586
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:19,846
Right?
587
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:21,080
I mean, I'm okay.
588
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:22,949
You know, I'm not
the worst in the class.
589
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:24,851
I've even been singled out
a few times.
590
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:27,320
Probably because it's mostly
pregnant women in the group.
591
00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:29,922
Still, Brody must see something.
592
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,123
Although I certainly don't.
593
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:33,360
But then again I'm not
the instructor, am I?
594
00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:35,094
Oh, yuck.
What happened to my ear?
595
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,162
We pierced it.
596
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:38,130
Oh, yeah.
597
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:41,334
Lot of crazy
went on last night.
598
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,002
Well, we were both drunk.
599
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:44,303
Oh, of course, of course.
600
00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:45,472
Oh, yes, that's right.
601
00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:47,282
We were four pillows
to the breeze, my friend.
602
00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,008
I don't know what
the phrase is.
603
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:49,942
W-w-what're you...
what are you reading?
604
00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:51,110
David Copperfield.
605
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,178
It looks old.
606
00:21:52,211 --> 00:21:53,613
It's a first edition.
607
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,515
That's why I keep it
in my safety deposit box.
608
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:56,783
It's by Charles Dickens.
609
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,017
Ha. Giggity.
610
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:03,189
What are you doing?
611
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:04,290
I was hungry.
612
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:05,558
You want one?
613
00:22:05,592 --> 00:22:07,794
You've had energy bars
this whole time?!
614
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:08,961
You idiot!
615
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:10,530
Not energy bars.
616
00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:11,998
Jenny Craig Anytime Bars.
617
00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:13,866
And you just bitched
yourself out of a bite.
618
00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:15,635
All right, I'm sorry.
619
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,303
All right, can I
have one, please?
620
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,538
All right.
621
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:20,740
Can you give me
a caramel one? No.
622
00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:24,811
You can have... um...
623
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,414
You can have...
um...
624
00:22:27,447 --> 00:22:28,648
you can have
strawberry yogurt.
625
00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:29,882
I don't like
strawberry yogurt.
626
00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:31,851
Oh, picky for someone
who eats the same food
627
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:33,986
out of a plastic bowl
on the floor every night.
628
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:34,821
Okay, I get it.
629
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,589
A bowl that starts
in the kitchen
630
00:22:36,623 --> 00:22:39,659
at the beginning of a meal and
ends up in the living room. Shut up.
631
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:42,194
And then forgets four seconds
later that he ate it. Shut up!
632
00:22:42,228 --> 00:22:45,197
Ooh, harsh tone, you just got
bumped down to coconut mint.
633
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,608
Hey, Bri?
634
00:22:55,642 --> 00:22:57,009
Yeah?
635
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:58,445
How come you have a gun?
636
00:22:58,478 --> 00:23:00,547
I don't know.
637
00:23:00,580 --> 00:23:01,914
What do you mean you don't know?
638
00:23:01,948 --> 00:23:04,016
You... you...
what about all that liberal crap
639
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:06,853
you're always spewing
about stricter gun regulations?
640
00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:08,254
You even cried after Columbine.
641
00:23:08,287 --> 00:23:09,889
Because that was
a national tragedy.
642
00:23:09,922 --> 00:23:12,058
Oh, it was kind
of a regional tragedy.
643
00:23:12,091 --> 00:23:13,092
Whatever.
644
00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,226
It's just weird, you know?
645
00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:15,528
I mean, you're
the last person
646
00:23:15,562 --> 00:23:16,772
anybody would expect
to have a gun.
647
00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:18,931
Well, that's why I keep it here
where it's safe.
648
00:23:18,965 --> 00:23:20,042
That doesn't make any sense.
649
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:21,868
Why have it
if you're not gonna use it?
650
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:24,771
Is it like a sexual thing?
No.
651
00:23:24,804 --> 00:23:26,473
Oh, that's a relief.
652
00:23:26,506 --> 00:23:28,374
I hate the idea of you
getting your thrills
653
00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,543
pressing a gun
up against your crotch.
654
00:23:30,577 --> 00:23:32,287
Ugh, just picturing it
gives me the willies.
655
00:23:32,311 --> 00:23:34,823
You know, I really don't want to
talk about this with you, Stewie.
656
00:23:34,847 --> 00:23:37,016
Okay, okay, I respect that.
Thank you.
657
00:23:38,985 --> 00:23:40,920
Are you sure it's
not a sexual thing?
658
00:23:40,953 --> 00:23:42,288
I'm sure.
659
00:23:42,321 --> 00:23:44,791
Oh, good, 'cause that'd be
strange if you had fantasies
660
00:23:44,824 --> 00:23:46,926
about pressing a gun
up against your crotch
661
00:23:46,959 --> 00:23:48,861
and feeling your heartbeat
through your.
662
00:23:49,862 --> 00:23:51,330
Please tell me why you have it.
663
00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:53,232
I said I don't want
to talk about it.
664
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,233
But I want to know.
665
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:55,301
Just tell me. Come on.
666
00:23:55,334 --> 00:23:56,335
No.
667
00:23:56,368 --> 00:23:57,504
Come on, please.
668
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:05,111
I keep it in case... I ever
want to commit suicide, okay?
669
00:24:08,981 --> 00:24:10,249
Oh, my God.
670
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,084
You're... you're serious.
671
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:13,419
But why, Brian?
672
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:15,321
You wouldn't understand.
You're just a kid.
673
00:24:15,354 --> 00:24:16,923
Well, I could try.
674
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:21,528
I don't know.
Sometimes it's... all too much.
675
00:24:21,561 --> 00:24:23,996
What is?
Life.
676
00:24:24,030 --> 00:24:25,431
Everything.
677
00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:27,133
Just having the gun here,
678
00:24:27,166 --> 00:24:29,936
knowing there's a way out,
it... it helps.
679
00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:31,838
Yes, but a gun... it's so messy.
680
00:24:31,871 --> 00:24:33,105
What about pills?
681
00:24:33,139 --> 00:24:34,874
Even hanging yourself is better.
682
00:24:34,907 --> 00:24:37,343
At least then you might grow
an inch or two
683
00:24:37,376 --> 00:24:38,386
while you're hanging there.
684
00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:39,812
Of course, when they find you,
685
00:24:39,846 --> 00:24:41,948
you might have those
Illeana Douglas eyes.
686
00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:45,952
So, um, why the gun?
687
00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:49,021
It just seemed
the quickest way, I guess.
688
00:24:49,055 --> 00:24:51,824
I suppose.
689
00:24:51,858 --> 00:24:54,293
But I-I-I don't quite understand
why you're so unhappy.
690
00:24:54,326 --> 00:25:00,366
Yesterday when you said
I don't live with purpose...
691
00:25:00,399 --> 00:25:02,334
you were right.
692
00:25:02,368 --> 00:25:04,003
I don't.
693
00:25:04,036 --> 00:25:05,572
What purpose does my life have?
694
00:25:05,605 --> 00:25:06,982
I don't like
when you talk like this.
695
00:25:07,006 --> 00:25:08,908
Oh, it's true, Stewie.
696
00:25:08,941 --> 00:25:11,878
Dogs are supposed to be able to
instinctively live with purpose,
697
00:25:11,911 --> 00:25:14,647
not even to have think about it,
just born like that.
698
00:25:14,681 --> 00:25:17,216
But I wasn't.
699
00:25:17,249 --> 00:25:19,586
You know, I've tried to find
meaning in my life,
700
00:25:19,619 --> 00:25:22,589
and I just... I just can't.
701
00:25:22,622 --> 00:25:25,224
And that bottle of Scotch?
702
00:25:25,257 --> 00:25:28,027
I was saving it
for my last drink.
703
00:25:28,060 --> 00:25:29,829
Wow, heavy.
704
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:31,898
And, you know, I'm not
talking about purpose
705
00:25:31,931 --> 00:25:34,371
in the shallow, Rick Warren
over-the-counter self-help variety
706
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:35,911
because that's...
that's just delusion.
707
00:25:35,935 --> 00:25:37,003
That's not real.
708
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:38,871
I mean, is there ever a time
709
00:25:38,905 --> 00:25:41,874
when we're truly
in the present moment
710
00:25:41,908 --> 00:25:43,776
and not looking toward
the past or the future?
711
00:25:43,810 --> 00:25:45,778
I mean, right there,
in the moment?
712
00:25:45,812 --> 00:25:50,082
I get that way when
I watch Handy Manny.
713
00:25:50,116 --> 00:25:52,451
So is that why
we came here?
714
00:25:52,484 --> 00:25:54,053
Were you gonna end it?
715
00:25:54,086 --> 00:25:56,222
No, I was just putting money
in my Christmas club.
716
00:25:56,255 --> 00:25:57,957
God, I have to get
one of those.
717
00:25:57,990 --> 00:25:59,892
You know, last year
I only had $30 saved
718
00:25:59,926 --> 00:26:01,260
when the holidays
came around.
719
00:26:01,293 --> 00:26:02,895
I was so embarrassed.
720
00:26:02,929 --> 00:26:04,931
I think I gave Meg tape.
721
00:26:04,964 --> 00:26:08,968
Well, you're the... only person
I've ever told this to.
722
00:26:10,737 --> 00:26:11,880
Aren't you gonna say anything?
723
00:26:11,904 --> 00:26:14,473
Well, I don't know
what to say.
724
00:26:14,506 --> 00:26:17,376
Wanting to kill
yourself, I...
725
00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,145
Well, I think that's
pretty selfish of you.
726
00:26:19,178 --> 00:26:20,713
How is that selfish?
727
00:26:20,747 --> 00:26:23,282
What would I do
if you weren't here? Hmm?
728
00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:25,551
You're the only one
who makes my life bearable.
729
00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:28,955
I thought you said I was
the best of a bad situation.
730
00:26:28,988 --> 00:26:31,891
I was just trying to hurt you
'cause you hurt me.
731
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:33,159
But the truth is...
732
00:26:33,192 --> 00:26:34,493
you're my only friend, Brian.
733
00:26:34,526 --> 00:26:36,328
If I didn't have you,
I'd be lost.
734
00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:37,496
You'd be okay.
735
00:26:37,529 --> 00:26:39,098
No, I wouldn't.
736
00:26:39,131 --> 00:26:41,600
I don't really care
for anybody else. Just you.
737
00:26:41,634 --> 00:26:42,969
You're the only one I like.
738
00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:46,605
Well... thanks.
739
00:26:46,639 --> 00:26:49,241
I like you a lot.
740
00:26:49,275 --> 00:26:53,980
I guess you could say
I... really like you.
741
00:26:54,013 --> 00:26:57,616
I would even dare to go
a little further perhaps.
742
00:26:57,650 --> 00:27:00,920
I care a great deal about you.
743
00:27:00,953 --> 00:27:02,354
A very great deal.
744
00:27:02,388 --> 00:27:04,490
Maybe even...
745
00:27:04,523 --> 00:27:06,058
deeper than that.
746
00:27:07,994 --> 00:27:10,096
I... I...
747
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:11,664
I love you.
748
00:27:11,698 --> 00:27:14,366
I mean, not in
like a "Hey, let's, you know,
749
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:15,768
let's have an underpants party,"
750
00:27:15,802 --> 00:27:18,137
or whatever grownups do when
they're in love, but I mean,
751
00:27:18,170 --> 00:27:22,675
I mean, I love you
as one loves another person
752
00:27:22,709 --> 00:27:25,044
whom one simply
cannot do without.
753
00:27:25,077 --> 00:27:27,346
Well, I...
754
00:27:27,379 --> 00:27:29,048
I love you, too, Stewie.
755
00:27:29,081 --> 00:27:32,018
You give my life purpose.
756
00:27:32,051 --> 00:27:35,321
And maybe, maybe that's enough.
757
00:27:35,354 --> 00:27:38,057
Because that's just about
the greatest gift
758
00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:39,625
one friend can give another.
759
00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:42,328
Thank you.
760
00:27:42,361 --> 00:27:43,996
Hey.
761
00:27:44,030 --> 00:27:45,197
What?
762
00:27:45,231 --> 00:27:46,398
Will you read to me?
763
00:27:46,432 --> 00:27:47,666
Sure.
764
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:50,569
Wait, wait, wait. I want
to get all snuggled in.
765
00:27:50,602 --> 00:27:51,871
Okay, go.
766
00:27:51,904 --> 00:27:55,207
"Chapter One: I am born.
767
00:27:55,241 --> 00:27:58,077
"Whether I shall turn out
to be the hero of my own life,
768
00:27:58,110 --> 00:28:01,013
"or whether that station
shall be held by anybody else,
769
00:28:01,047 --> 00:28:03,349
"these pages must show.
770
00:28:03,382 --> 00:28:05,918
"To begin my life
with the beginning of my life,
771
00:28:05,952 --> 00:28:10,356
I record that I was born on
a Friday, at 12:00 at night..."
772
00:28:34,814 --> 00:28:36,783
We hope you enjoyed
our very special episode.
773
00:28:36,816 --> 00:28:39,418
And for the rest of the hour,
we'd like to treat you
774
00:28:39,451 --> 00:28:41,296
to some of your favorite
Family Guy musical moments.
775
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:42,955
That's right.
Some you may know,
776
00:28:42,989 --> 00:28:45,267
and others you've never seen
before... like this first one.
777
00:28:45,291 --> 00:28:47,226
A few years back,
Lois had a visit
778
00:28:47,259 --> 00:28:48,961
from her long-lost
brother, Patrick.
779
00:28:48,995 --> 00:28:51,230
He had an irrational hatred
of fat people
780
00:28:51,263 --> 00:28:52,899
and began strangling them.
781
00:28:52,932 --> 00:28:54,801
Though several of these
hefty men were killed,
782
00:28:54,834 --> 00:28:56,936
Peter and his friends from
the National Association
783
00:28:56,969 --> 00:28:58,704
for the Advancement
of Fat People
784
00:28:58,737 --> 00:29:00,706
never got to mourn for
any of the victims.
785
00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:02,574
Until now.
786
00:29:02,608 --> 00:29:05,778
People, people, I know what
will make us feel better.
787
00:29:05,812 --> 00:29:08,881
Let us sing the NAAFP anthem.
788
00:29:08,915 --> 00:29:12,151
Stand up, all fat men.
789
00:29:12,184 --> 00:29:15,287
Stand up straight.
790
00:29:15,321 --> 00:29:18,791
Stand up because no chair.
791
00:29:18,825 --> 00:29:22,895
Can hold your weight.
792
00:29:22,929 --> 00:29:26,565
If God created us.
793
00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:30,937
To be so big.
794
00:29:30,970 --> 00:29:33,806
That's proof he must be.
795
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:38,945
A big fat pig.
796
00:29:38,978 --> 00:29:41,647
God's real flabby.
797
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:45,584
With an ass so wide.
798
00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:48,921
His arms look like pillows.
799
00:29:48,955 --> 00:29:53,159
With cake mix inside.
800
00:29:53,192 --> 00:29:56,829
God's man boobs are flabby.
801
00:29:56,863 --> 00:30:02,601
And they hurt when he jogs.
802
00:30:02,634 --> 00:30:06,305
And the back of God's neck.
803
00:30:06,338 --> 00:30:14,338
Looks like a pack
of hot dogs.
804
00:30:16,548 --> 00:30:18,550
One thing we like
to do at Family Guy
805
00:30:18,584 --> 00:30:20,686
is make fun of pop
culture by twisting it
806
00:30:20,719 --> 00:30:22,121
and mocking it and
commenting on it.
807
00:30:22,154 --> 00:30:23,822
Yeah, and sometimes
we just steal stuff
808
00:30:23,856 --> 00:30:25,057
and put our
characters in it.
809
00:30:25,091 --> 00:30:26,859
Here's a scene inspired
by... Copied from...
810
00:30:26,893 --> 00:30:28,861
A Jerry Lewis film
entitled The Errand Boy
811
00:30:28,895 --> 00:30:30,796
that was created for
the episode where Peter
812
00:30:30,829 --> 00:30:33,499
takes over Pewterschmidt
Industries.
813
00:30:34,901 --> 00:30:37,336
Peggy, hold my calls
for a few minutes, please.
814
00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:34,929
Several years back,
Brian made friends
815
00:32:34,953 --> 00:32:37,423
with an elderly woman who had
been homebound for years,
816
00:32:37,456 --> 00:32:39,758
and he attempted to bring her
out of her shell.
817
00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:40,759
Ah, yes. Pearl.
818
00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:42,294
She was a nice woman.
819
00:32:42,328 --> 00:32:43,862
So vibrant, full of life.
820
00:32:43,895 --> 00:32:45,331
We became close friends,
821
00:32:45,364 --> 00:32:47,199
and I sang this song
to explain to her
822
00:32:47,233 --> 00:32:49,301
all the wonderful things
that she was missing
823
00:32:49,335 --> 00:32:50,712
by shutting herself
off from society.
824
00:32:50,736 --> 00:32:52,038
And by the song's end,
825
00:32:52,071 --> 00:32:53,605
she felt the courage
to venture out.
826
00:32:53,639 --> 00:32:55,941
And did she get to see
all those things you sang about?
827
00:32:55,974 --> 00:32:58,110
No. She immediately got
hit by a truck and died.
828
00:32:58,144 --> 00:33:00,646
Ah. Well, then, I'm sure
she's glad she met you.
829
00:33:00,679 --> 00:33:01,813
Here's the musical number
830
00:33:01,847 --> 00:33:04,450
that ended
that poor woman's life.
831
00:33:04,483 --> 00:33:05,851
Come on, Pearl.
832
00:33:05,884 --> 00:33:08,387
There's so much you've
missed in the last 30 years.
833
00:33:08,420 --> 00:33:11,290
In fact, allow me
to fill you in.
834
00:33:11,323 --> 00:33:14,226
The '60s brought
the hippie breed.
835
00:33:14,260 --> 00:33:17,463
And decades later,
things have changed indeed.
836
00:33:17,496 --> 00:33:20,699
We lost the values,
but we kept the weed.
837
00:33:20,732 --> 00:33:24,370
You've got a lot to see.
838
00:33:24,403 --> 00:33:27,473
The Reagan years
have laid the frame.
839
00:33:27,506 --> 00:33:30,309
For movie stars
to play the White House game.
840
00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:34,080
We're not too far
from voting Feldman/Haim.
841
00:33:34,113 --> 00:33:37,316
You've got a lot to see.
842
00:33:37,349 --> 00:33:40,352
The town of Vegas
has got a different face.
843
00:33:40,386 --> 00:33:43,889
'Cause it's a family place
with lots to do.
844
00:33:43,922 --> 00:33:45,557
Where in the '50s.
845
00:33:45,591 --> 00:33:48,827
A man could mingle with scores
of all the seediest whores.
846
00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:50,762
Well, now his
children can, too.
847
00:33:50,796 --> 00:33:53,732
You heard it from
the canine's mouth.
848
00:33:53,765 --> 00:33:55,501
The country's changed.
849
00:33:55,534 --> 00:33:57,169
That is, except the South.
850
00:33:57,203 --> 00:33:59,938
And you'll agree.
851
00:33:59,971 --> 00:34:03,775
No one really knows,
my dear lady friend.
852
00:34:03,809 --> 00:34:06,712
Just quite how
it all will end.
853
00:34:06,745 --> 00:34:07,779
So hurry.
854
00:34:07,813 --> 00:34:13,285
'Cause you've got
a lot to see.
855
00:34:17,289 --> 00:34:20,526
The baldness gene
was cause for dread.
856
00:34:20,559 --> 00:34:23,862
But that's a fear
that you can put to bed.
857
00:34:23,895 --> 00:34:26,865
They'll shave your ass
and glue it on your head.
858
00:34:26,898 --> 00:34:30,569
You've got a lot to see.
859
00:34:30,602 --> 00:34:33,939
The PC age has moved the bar.
860
00:34:33,972 --> 00:34:37,276
A word like redneck
is a step too far.
861
00:34:37,309 --> 00:34:40,045
The proper term
is country music star.
862
00:34:40,078 --> 00:34:43,415
You've got a lot to see.
863
00:34:43,449 --> 00:34:44,783
Our flashy cell phones.
864
00:34:44,816 --> 00:34:46,718
Make people mumble,
"Gee whiz".
865
00:34:46,752 --> 00:34:48,554
Look how important he is.
866
00:34:48,587 --> 00:34:49,888
His life must rule.
867
00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:51,590
You'll get a tumor.
868
00:34:51,623 --> 00:34:53,325
But on your surgery day.
869
00:34:53,359 --> 00:34:55,127
The doc will see it and say.
870
00:34:55,161 --> 00:34:57,062
"Wow, you must
really be cool."
871
00:35:00,332 --> 00:35:01,909
There's lots of things
you may have missed.
872
00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:03,669
Like Pee-Wee
and his famous wrist.
873
00:35:03,702 --> 00:35:06,905
Or Sandy Duncan's
creepy, phony eye.
874
00:35:06,938 --> 00:35:08,674
That awesome
Thundercats cartoon.
875
00:35:08,707 --> 00:35:10,176
Neil Armstrong landing
on the moon.
876
00:35:10,209 --> 00:35:12,711
Neil Armstrong...
Wait, was he the trumpet guy?
877
00:35:16,715 --> 00:35:19,918
So let's go see the USA.
878
00:35:19,951 --> 00:35:23,121
They'll treat you right
unless you're Black or gay.
879
00:35:23,155 --> 00:35:26,158
Or Cherokee.
880
00:35:26,192 --> 00:35:29,828
But you can forgive the world
and its flaws.
881
00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:33,131
And follow me there because.
882
00:35:33,165 --> 00:35:39,938
You've still got
a hell of a lot to see.
883
00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:47,971
You've got...
a... lot to... see.
884
00:35:49,915 --> 00:35:52,318
Brian, I've
missed so much.
885
00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:54,520
I wouldn't be standing
here right now
886
00:35:54,553 --> 00:35:56,288
if it wasn't for you.
887
00:35:58,056 --> 00:36:00,959
Quahog is a wonderful example
of suburban America...
888
00:36:00,992 --> 00:36:03,495
Full of neighbors
who look out for each other
889
00:36:03,529 --> 00:36:04,706
and enjoy spending
time together.
890
00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:06,131
Like a big family.
891
00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:08,800
Up next, we find Peter and Lois
in need of a babysitter,
892
00:36:08,834 --> 00:36:10,969
and their kind, elderly
neighbor, Herbert,
893
00:36:11,002 --> 00:36:11,837
offers to help out.
894
00:36:11,870 --> 00:36:13,071
It's a musical number
895
00:36:13,104 --> 00:36:14,906
that will warm the
cockles of your heart.
896
00:36:14,940 --> 00:36:15,807
Yeah, check it out.
897
00:36:15,841 --> 00:36:18,744
Herbert's got a raging
cockle in this one.
898
00:36:18,777 --> 00:36:20,846
So, it would only be
till Monday,
899
00:36:20,879 --> 00:36:22,714
and we could pay you for it.
900
00:36:22,748 --> 00:36:24,192
Yeah, and it's real easy...
I promise.
901
00:36:24,216 --> 00:36:26,718
I mean, you-you've spent time
watching children, right?
902
00:36:26,752 --> 00:36:28,387
Uh, yes, sir. Yes, I have.
903
00:36:28,420 --> 00:36:29,588
Ah. Wonderful.
904
00:36:29,621 --> 00:36:31,490
You mind stopping by
tomorrow morning?
905
00:36:31,523 --> 00:36:34,025
I'll wear my snazziest duds.
906
00:36:35,427 --> 00:36:37,863
Got my tweed pressed.
907
00:36:37,896 --> 00:36:40,098
Got my best vest.
908
00:36:40,131 --> 00:36:44,770
All I need now is the boy.
909
00:36:44,803 --> 00:36:46,872
Got my striped tie.
910
00:36:46,905 --> 00:36:49,275
Got my hopes high.
911
00:36:49,308 --> 00:36:52,210
Got the time and the place
and I got rhythm.
912
00:36:52,244 --> 00:36:54,846
Now all I need is Chris
to go with 'em.
913
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,383
If he'll just appear.
914
00:36:57,416 --> 00:37:00,519
We'll fill this big town.
915
00:37:00,552 --> 00:37:02,921
Full of joy.
916
00:37:02,954 --> 00:37:05,924
And if he'll say.
917
00:37:05,957 --> 00:37:07,759
"My darling, I'm yours,"
I'll throw away.
918
00:37:07,793 --> 00:37:12,230
My striped tie
and my best pressed tweed.
919
00:37:12,264 --> 00:37:17,469
All I really need
is the boy.
920
00:37:23,141 --> 00:37:25,143
And now we have
a super special treat:
921
00:37:25,176 --> 00:37:27,112
A never-before-aired clip
that may be
922
00:37:27,145 --> 00:37:29,047
the greatest thing
we've ever done.
923
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,082
Featuring the last
known recording
924
00:37:31,116 --> 00:37:32,984
of Michael Jackson,
here is...
925
00:37:33,018 --> 00:37:35,654
Stewie, that number has
been cut. What? No way!
926
00:37:35,687 --> 00:37:37,789
But it had
the Toy Story sneak peek.
927
00:37:37,823 --> 00:37:39,491
Sorry... legal said
no to all of it.
928
00:37:39,525 --> 00:37:40,959
Well, that sucks.
929
00:37:40,992 --> 00:37:42,661
What else we got?
"Shipoopi".
930
00:37:42,694 --> 00:37:43,829
Seriously? Again?
931
00:37:43,862 --> 00:37:45,431
Fine.
932
00:37:45,464 --> 00:37:47,333
Here's "Shipoopi".
933
00:37:50,502 --> 00:37:52,347
Now, a woman who'll kiss
on the very first date.
934
00:37:52,371 --> 00:37:53,805
Is usually a hussy.
935
00:37:53,839 --> 00:37:55,907
And a woman who'll kiss
on the second time out.
936
00:37:55,941 --> 00:37:57,609
Is anything but fussy.
937
00:37:57,643 --> 00:37:59,687
But a woman who'll wait
till the third time around.
938
00:37:59,711 --> 00:38:01,480
Head in the clouds,
feet on the ground.
939
00:38:01,513 --> 00:38:03,148
She's the girl
he's glad he's found.
940
00:38:03,181 --> 00:38:04,816
She's his shipoopi.
941
00:38:04,850 --> 00:38:07,419
Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi.
942
00:38:07,453 --> 00:38:08,987
The girl who's hard to get.
943
00:38:09,020 --> 00:38:11,590
Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi.
944
00:38:11,623 --> 00:38:13,425
But you can win her yet.
945
00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:15,361
Walk her once
just to raise the curtain.
946
00:38:15,394 --> 00:38:17,262
Walk around twice
and you make for certain.
947
00:38:17,295 --> 00:38:18,830
Once more
in the flower garden.
948
00:38:18,864 --> 00:38:20,999
She will never get sore
if you beg her pardon.
949
00:38:22,401 --> 00:38:24,169
Do, re, mi, fa,
so, la, si, do.
950
00:38:24,202 --> 00:38:25,871
Si, la, so, fa, mi, re, do.
951
00:38:25,904 --> 00:38:27,873
Squeeze her once
when she isn't lookin'
952
00:38:27,906 --> 00:38:29,551
Get a squeeze back,
that's fancy cookin'
953
00:38:29,575 --> 00:38:31,042
Once more for a pepper-upper.
954
00:38:31,076 --> 00:38:33,512
She will never get sore
on the way to supper.
955
00:38:34,913 --> 00:38:37,716
Do, re, mi, fa, so, la,
si, do, si, do.
956
00:38:37,749 --> 00:38:41,319
Now, little ol' Sal was a
no gal as anyone could see.
957
00:38:41,353 --> 00:38:44,790
Look at her now, she's a
go gal who only goes for me.
958
00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:46,992
Squeeze her once
when she isn't lookin'
959
00:38:47,025 --> 00:38:49,160
Get a squeeze back,
that's fancy cookin'
960
00:38:49,194 --> 00:38:50,629
Once more for a pepper-upper.
961
00:38:50,662 --> 00:38:52,507
She will never get sore
on the way to supper.
962
00:38:52,531 --> 00:38:55,801
Do, re, mi, fa, so, la,
si, do, si, do.
963
00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:58,404
Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi.
964
00:38:58,437 --> 00:39:00,005
The girl who's hard to get.
965
00:39:00,038 --> 00:39:02,874
Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi.
966
00:39:02,908 --> 00:39:04,843
But you can win her yet.
967
00:39:23,729 --> 00:39:26,398
No! No!
968
00:39:49,287 --> 00:39:51,890
Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi.
969
00:39:51,923 --> 00:39:53,358
The girl who's hard to get.
970
00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:55,961
Shipoopi, shipoopi, shipoopi.
971
00:39:55,994 --> 00:39:57,896
But you can win her yet.
972
00:39:57,929 --> 00:40:04,936
You can win her yet.
973
00:40:04,970 --> 00:40:07,806
Shipoopi!
974
00:40:07,839 --> 00:40:09,775
You know, when it comes
to road show episodes,
975
00:40:09,808 --> 00:40:11,543
you and I do most
of the traveling.
976
00:40:11,577 --> 00:40:13,745
True, but when Peter
found out that his father
977
00:40:13,779 --> 00:40:15,581
wasn't Francis, the
man who raised him,
978
00:40:15,614 --> 00:40:18,249
but instead a man in Ireland,
Peter decided to visit.
979
00:40:18,283 --> 00:40:19,751
And did we explore
the effects
980
00:40:19,785 --> 00:40:21,987
of the difficult political
and agricultural dynamics
981
00:40:22,020 --> 00:40:23,722
that have rent Ireland
for centuries?
982
00:40:23,755 --> 00:40:26,257
No. We just made them a
country of drunken redheads.
983
00:40:26,291 --> 00:40:28,560
Ah. Groundbreaking.
984
00:40:28,594 --> 00:40:30,996
You knocked up my mom and
never called her again.
985
00:40:31,029 --> 00:40:32,230
Yeah. So what?
986
00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:34,165
So what?
So, let's dance!
987
00:40:34,199 --> 00:40:36,401
Oh, he doesn't smell
like Irish Spring.
988
00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:38,269
And he never
taught me anything.
989
00:40:38,303 --> 00:40:39,905
But still I
slap my chest.
990
00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:42,307
And sing of my
drunken Irish dad.
991
00:40:42,340 --> 00:40:44,109
Oh, his face looks
like a railroad map.
992
00:40:44,142 --> 00:40:45,811
And he never shuts
his freakin' trap.
993
00:40:45,844 --> 00:40:47,579
But all the ladies
catch the clap.
994
00:40:47,613 --> 00:40:49,180
From your drunken Irish dad.
995
00:40:49,214 --> 00:40:51,092
Ask a Hennessey, Tennessey,
Morrison, Shaughnessy.
996
00:40:51,116 --> 00:40:53,118
Riordan and Rooney,
they'll tell you the same.
997
00:40:53,151 --> 00:40:54,929
McNultey, Mulrooney
and Cotter and Clooney.
998
00:40:54,953 --> 00:40:56,931
All feel the same mixture
of pride and of shame.
999
00:40:56,955 --> 00:40:58,857
Finnegan, Hannigan,
Kelly and Flannigan.
1000
00:40:58,890 --> 00:41:00,826
Look to the ground
when their dad passes by.
1001
00:41:00,859 --> 00:41:02,303
Cafferty, Rafferty,
Joyce and O'Lafferty.
1002
00:41:02,327 --> 00:41:06,898
Fight for his honor
and then start to cry.
1003
00:41:22,180 --> 00:41:24,783
Oh, we Irish lads
are all infirm.
1004
00:41:24,816 --> 00:41:26,685
And our moods infect us
like a germ.
1005
00:41:26,718 --> 00:41:30,021
'Cause we're all the spawn
of a pickled sperm.
1006
00:41:30,055 --> 00:41:31,957
And we don't tan
well, either.
1007
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:34,960
From our drunken Irish dad.
1008
00:41:34,993 --> 00:41:37,696
Do you remember when Peter
got his own TV station?
1009
00:41:37,729 --> 00:41:38,964
Yeah, and the FCC
censored him.
1010
00:41:38,997 --> 00:41:40,732
We all sang a song
about how they take
1011
00:41:40,766 --> 00:41:42,167
the best parts out
of everything.
1012
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,870
I know, and the worst part
is that after the song aired,
1013
00:41:44,903 --> 00:41:46,838
we heard the FCC people
liked it.
1014
00:41:46,872 --> 00:41:48,574
They liked
the parody of them.
1015
00:41:48,607 --> 00:41:49,841
Doesn't that just suck?
1016
00:41:49,875 --> 00:41:51,352
I mean, like, you know,
like when-when...
1017
00:41:51,376 --> 00:41:53,478
when you make fun of someone
and then they laugh.
1018
00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:55,346
It's like, "No, man.
No, you don't get it.
1019
00:41:55,380 --> 00:41:56,715
The joke is on you."
1020
00:41:56,748 --> 00:41:58,860
And then they're supposed
to be like, "Oh, you got me.
1021
00:41:58,884 --> 00:42:00,652
Oh, now I've got to think
about myself."
1022
00:42:00,686 --> 00:42:02,654
And you're like,
"Yeah. Yeah, you do.
1023
00:42:02,688 --> 00:42:03,922
"Take that.
1024
00:42:03,955 --> 00:42:05,657
And stay out
of our playground."
1025
00:42:05,691 --> 00:42:08,093
But those FCC bozos
liked the song.
1026
00:42:08,126 --> 00:42:10,195
I-I don't know... it just...
it ruins it for me.
1027
00:42:10,228 --> 00:42:11,268
Anyway, let's take a look.
1028
00:42:11,296 --> 00:42:12,540
Actually, because of
your little rant,
1029
00:42:12,564 --> 00:42:13,865
we don't have time
for that song.
1030
00:42:13,899 --> 00:42:15,000
Really?
1031
00:42:15,033 --> 00:42:17,202
So, what, that means
the show is over? Yep.
1032
00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:20,906
Okay. Good night.
1033
00:42:24,042 --> 00:42:28,013
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION,
1034
00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:32,017
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
1035
00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:36,054
andVOLKSWAGEN.
It's what the people want.
1036
00:42:36,087 --> 00:42:39,891
Captioned by
access.wgbh.org oup at WGBH74688
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof