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1
00:00:02,654 --> 00:00:04,656
[laughs]
2
00:00:06,310 --> 00:00:08,008
♪
3
00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:11,750
[shrieks]
4
00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:18,931
[school bell rings]
5
00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:22,326
[burps]
6
00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:25,199
[tires screech]
7
00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:27,244
D'oh!
8
00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:29,072
[grunts]
9
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,118
[1960s-style sitcom theme
playing]
10
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:39,126
HOMER:
My Three Kids.
11
00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:50,615
WILLIE:
Everyone, out of my kitchen!
12
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:56,143
Brandine, do I come off
as a yokel or a hayseed?
13
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,101
Well, you are versatile,
darlin'.
14
00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,930
You can play anyone
in the trailer trash spectrum.
15
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:04,238
A-yeah, I'm a regular
Benedict Cabbage-Patch.
16
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:05,456
[chuckles]
17
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,763
RALPH:
Meow!
18
00:01:07,806 --> 00:01:09,808
Community thespians,
19
00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:13,290
today we returnto turn-of-the-century Oklahoma.
20
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:15,945
Farm boys are farming.
Cowboys are cowing.
21
00:01:15,988 --> 00:01:18,556
And, Carl, do you think
your character Ike Skidmore
22
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,125
is bringing his cell phone
to the box social in 1906?
23
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,127
I see him
as a forward-thinking guy,
24
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,911
a tech first adopter.
25
00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:29,045
You know how I see him?
Not played by you!
26
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,352
Lenny, get yourself
out of that horse's patoot.
27
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:32,918
You're Ike Skidmore.
28
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:35,399
Yee-haw! A speaking part!
29
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:37,401
This is gonna be tan-fastic.
30
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:40,578
Geez, don't make it
into a song and dance.
31
00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:43,581
♪ I've got spurs that
jingle, jangle, jing... ♪
32
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,017
[exclaims]
33
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,281
My spur's stuck in my eye!
34
00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,978
Carl, you're back in.
35
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,327
Well, only with
Lenny's blessing.
36
00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:53,156
-You don't have it.
-I'm doing it anyway.
37
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,420
Okay, Marge, this is
your big song number.
38
00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:59,771
You're Ado Annie,
the girl who cain't say no.
39
00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:02,774
Now, do you have any qualms
about playing this part?
40
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:06,256
-No.
-Wrong, wrong!
You cain't say no.
41
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,866
Now, where's my handsome Curly?
42
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,433
Right here.
43
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:12,393
Now, this I can work with.
44
00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:13,350
HOMER:
Okay, Maggie,
45
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,439
what shall we do
while Mommy rehearses?
46
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:16,962
The dog track is closed.
47
00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:18,355
You can come visit me!
48
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:19,965
I didn't hear that.
49
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:22,185
Hmm, what shall we do?
50
00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:25,188
Why is this place so popular?
51
00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:28,017
Do they serve booze?
Is it a baby fight club?
52
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,888
Is there a big-screen TV?
53
00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:32,108
Do they serve booze?
Are there free doughnuts?
54
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,414
Meet Batman?
55
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:34,893
[gasps]
Do they serve booze?
56
00:02:34,937 --> 00:02:36,982
[baby talk]:
We're going to find out.
57
00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:39,985
Why in the hell
is Daddy and Me class packed?
58
00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:43,902
You'll understand everything
when Chloe comes out.
59
00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:45,687
Quiet, quiet, she's coming.
60
00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:47,558
I borrowed my granddaughter
just for this.
61
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,647
I said I was taking her
to feed the ducks.
62
00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:51,649
[scoffs]
Like I have bread money.
63
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:52,824
-Hi, dads.
-[dads greet]
64
00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:55,566
Who's ready to do
the wiggle worm dance?
65
00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:58,003
I vant to viggle
like the vorm, ja.
66
00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:00,049
♪ A wiggle worm giggles ♪
67
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,877
♪ And a wiggle worm waggles ♪
68
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,489
♪ Let's all wiggle
like the wiggle worm does. ♪
69
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:09,363
Oh, I get it, she's sexy.
70
00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:10,929
[growls]
71
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,627
Maggie! How long
have you been here?
72
00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:15,412
♪
73
00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:18,459
Why does this line say "Curt"
when I'm talking to Curly?
74
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,375
No, you see, "curt"
is in parentheses.
75
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:23,681
It tells you
how to say the line.
76
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:26,118
Obviously lying--
yeah, no, I knew that.
77
00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:29,383
Impressed noise.
You really know your stuff.
78
00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:30,601
Okay, actors,
79
00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:32,473
in the words
of William Shakespeare,
80
00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,475
find your "X" and shut up.
81
00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:36,477
Geez, all right, easy.
82
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,958
All I ask is that
you give me the performance
83
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:43,832
I have pictured in my head but
have not communicated to you.
84
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:47,139
Our curtain opens
on sun-drenched fields
85
00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:50,186
of undulating golden corn.
86
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,493
♪ O... ♪
87
00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:55,147
Stop, stop, stop!
88
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:56,932
This set is terrible.
89
00:03:56,975 --> 00:04:00,109
That corn isn't as high
as an elephant's eye.
90
00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:02,720
Oh, you wanted the corn
to be high.
91
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:05,506
I have never seen
such incompetence and idiocy
92
00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:06,724
in a theater.
93
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:09,379
You have made me hate you all.
94
00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:12,382
Excuse my salty language
in front of Aunt Eller,
95
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,949
but why don't you
just take a hike?
96
00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,951
[gasps]
Oh.
97
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,561
Get lost.
98
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:22,305
Losing temper,
we don't want you here.
99
00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:26,135
Turns to cast, I saved the play.
100
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,529
Marge, surely you
want me to stay.
101
00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:30,400
Actually, no.
102
00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:34,796
For the last time, that's
the one word you cain't say.
103
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:37,102
This is mine.
I brought it from home.
104
00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:38,452
Now what do we do?
105
00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:41,324
I learned-a to speak
like-a the Oklahoma for this?
106
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,718
Con-a sarn it.
107
00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:46,242
[grunting]
108
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:49,158
Everyone, stop, just stop.
109
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,594
Chief, no more gunplay.
110
00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:52,596
But I wanna.
111
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,685
[indistinct yelling]
112
00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:57,601
Just listen to me!
113
00:04:57,645 --> 00:05:00,169
What if I directed the play?
114
00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:03,477
Hey, that's a good idea. I mean,she directs Homer and the kids
115
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,000
out of the house every morning.
116
00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,741
And I direct traffic.
117
00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:08,395
That's a stupid analogy.
118
00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:11,136
I think Marge makes us all
feel good about ourselves.
119
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,443
[sighs]:
Mmm.
120
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,402
Yelling in unison.
121
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:18,709
ALL:
Marge! Marge! Marge! Yay!
122
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:22,147
Wait a minute, if thisis a real gun, where's the prop?
123
00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:24,367
[gasps]
Poor Lou.
124
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,151
All right, you asked for it.
125
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:29,372
Uh, wh-wh-who wants
Oklahoma!tickets? Front row.
126
00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:30,591
I can get you three together.
127
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:40,470
[groans] This is
a really complicated show.
128
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:41,602
So much gingham.
129
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,213
We need a show
that we can actually pull off
130
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:45,475
in Springfield.
131
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:48,609
Small cast, simple sets,
and some hip-hop,
132
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,437
but not real hip-hop.
133
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,613
Great, but I got
to be someplace,
134
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:54,571
so, real quick,
the best kind of original show
135
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:57,269
is one that rips off a big hit.What's the biggest hit?
136
00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:58,619
Hellzapoppin'!
137
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:01,404
No, Hamilton
by Lin-Manuel Miranda.
138
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,101
Oh, the guy from In the Heights.
139
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,756
Now, how did I know that?
I'm back!
140
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,890
All right, who's our
Alexander Hamilton?
141
00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:12,328
That would be me.
Thanks to this furnace filter,
142
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,679
you won't be saying
"burr" anymore.
143
00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:20,205
No, our most famous
historical figure...
144
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,425
[gasps]
Jebediah Springfield!
145
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,559
I'll write a musical biography,warts and all.
146
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,474
I can't see how that could fail.
147
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:30,433
Now I'm in a hurry-- Maggieand I have a Daddy and Me class.
148
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,043
Aren't you forgetting something?
149
00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:34,524
Keys, wallet, I don't think so.
150
00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:37,005
[chuckling]: Oh, sure.
I'm happy to take Maggie.
151
00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,572
You sure like that class.
152
00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:42,576
Oh, uh, some dads just love
to be with their little girls.
153
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:44,621
-Can I go?
-Sorry, no.
154
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:47,276
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
155
00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:48,799
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall."
156
00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,279
Oh...
157
00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:53,891
Poor little eggy,
leaking your goo.
158
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:58,287
The Red Queen's not looking,
I'll kiss your boo-boo.
159
00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:01,159
Humpty J. Dumpty,
are you eating yourself?
160
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,379
Maybe.
161
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,123
[Marge groans]
162
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,778
Excuse me, excuse me, pal.
Take care of your kid.
163
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,564
I-I'm so sorry. I was just...
164
00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:16,740
Yeah, I know what you were just.
165
00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:17,915
LISA:
Let's see...
166
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:21,397
killed a bear, founded a town,
died of a beaver bite.
167
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,703
Lis, you're gonna love it.
168
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:23,878
I came up
with the perfect opening.
169
00:07:23,921 --> 00:07:25,488
Okay...
170
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:28,665
[clears throat]
♪ Lisa is so stupid,
so very, very stupid ♪
171
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:32,539
♪ So dumb and stupid
and smelly, too ♪
172
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:35,672
♪ She has a real bad temper,
a bad, bad temper ♪
173
00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:38,501
♪ And she's smelly, too! ♪
174
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,503
You're just motivating me.
175
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,505
I need to finish this.
176
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,072
[whimpers]
177
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,553
Ah, my muse.
178
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:48,511
MARGE:
Okay,
179
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,861
my first day as director.
[sighs]
180
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:53,124
So hard to dress for respect.
181
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:57,128
No. No.
182
00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:59,130
No.
183
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,915
Got it.
184
00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:05,789
[gasps]
185
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,793
Hey-a, buddy, what'll it be?
186
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,142
Moe, it's me.
187
00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,623
Midge! I thought it was
Hillary Clinton.
188
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,190
Give me a vodka, straight up.
189
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,235
Are you sure you're not Hillary?
190
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:22,153
Our new production will be
Bloody Bloody Jebediah,
191
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,939
a hip-hop musical
about our city's founder.
192
00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,680
Is it respectful?
193
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,159
Not entirely.
194
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,552
What?!
195
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,772
Why don't we start
by going around the circle
196
00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:33,338
and saying what parts
we're playing.
197
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:34,905
I'm Marge, the director.
198
00:08:34,949 --> 00:08:36,951
Luann, Jebediah's wife.
199
00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:41,172
Carl, Quarrelsome Settler. I gota bone to pick with this part.
200
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:42,957
Beautiful, use it. Next.
201
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,003
Lenny, Mayor of Shelbyville
and an ostrich.
202
00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:52,619
Frink, tech crew. Always crew.
203
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:55,622
Hollywood only lets in
one Bill Nye in a generation.
204
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,841
[exclaims]
With the nerdy and the hoyvik
205
00:08:57,885 --> 00:09:00,757
and the reference
only I understand.
206
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:04,848
And, of course, our incredible
star, Sideshow Mel.
207
00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:06,763
Finally not a sidekick.
208
00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:09,287
This is my time to shine.
209
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,725
Your first line is on page 37.
210
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:12,769
What?!
211
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:15,511
♪ Yo, Jebediah survived
the pox ♪
212
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,860
♪ Never used clocks ♪
213
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,993
♪ Didn't wear socks,
that's what we learned ♪
214
00:09:19,036 --> 00:09:22,257
♪ From examining his docs,
and now the mic drops. ♪
215
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:23,693
Boom, et cetera.
216
00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:25,695
-[groans]
-Krusty, what's wrong?
217
00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:27,654
It's happened--
the worst possible thing
218
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,830
that can happen to a performer.
219
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,048
What do you mean?
220
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:32,615
I'm in an article entitled,
221
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:34,269
"Where Are They Now?"
222
00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,706
[sobs]
223
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:39,230
Right above Judd Nelson
and New Coke.
224
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:41,189
I'll tell you
where Judd Nelson is.
225
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:44,018
He's on my show tonight.
[sobs]
226
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,240
Ah. Fantastic!
227
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:50,764
What's that thing
you were doing?
228
00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:54,419
Oh, uh, local theater.
You wouldn't be interested.
229
00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:56,770
Hey, I'm a performer, an artist,
230
00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:59,294
which means I'm always
interested in money.
231
00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:02,297
Live theater is the only thing
getting ratings these days.
232
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:03,472
Who owns the rights?
233
00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:06,214
A Mrs. Marge Simpson.
234
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:09,696
Oh, really?
Let's see what kind of bargain
235
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:12,350
Mrs. Marge Simpson drives.
236
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,832
So you'll get 80% of the profits
237
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:18,705
while I get foreign distributionrights in Venezuela
238
00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:20,794
for a window of three weeks.
239
00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,144
[chuckles nervously, groans]
240
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:26,451
So my little show's
gonna be on TV live?
241
00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:28,845
Yep. This is the first time
a woman has signed something
242
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,500
with me where I didn't lose
custody of something.
243
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,067
So where will we stage it?
244
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,809
Outside,
where the lighting is free.
245
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,898
Ooh, are you sure
that's not risky?
246
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:41,031
Well, some would say I'm takinga risk with an original play
247
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:45,296
and a first-time director, butshow business is based on risks.
248
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,864
Risks and comic books.
Excuse me.
249
00:10:47,908 --> 00:10:49,866
[chuckles]
250
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:53,914
So, Marge, are you ready
to beg me to come back?
251
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:57,047
Actually, Llewellyn,
we're doing fine on our own.
252
00:10:57,091 --> 00:11:00,050
No need to grovel. You don't
actually have to say anything.
253
00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:01,530
Okay, fine, I'll come back.
254
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:03,706
No one's asking you
to come back.
255
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:06,100
You know what? Just for that,
I won't come back.
256
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:09,886
-Fine.
-Please, I'm begging you,
take me back.
257
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,063
All right, but beware,
258
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:15,892
hell hath no fury
like a director scorned.
259
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,502
Now, if you'll excuse me,
260
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:20,114
I have to sneak my headshot
onto the wall.
261
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,551
And poof.
262
00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:23,944
You're flushed, Plummer.
263
00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,424
I hired you to bus tables.
264
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:33,910
-Hmm?
-I'm researching a role.
265
00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:35,956
[chomps]
266
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:42,310
Now, Mom, before you go
into that production meeting,
267
00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:46,096
I want to pass along a quote
from F. Scott Fitzgerald.
268
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:50,100
"Great art is the contemptof a great woman for small art."
269
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:53,103
He actually said "man," but he'd
have wanted me to change it.
270
00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:55,540
Didn't he also say,
"Show me a hero
271
00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:57,978
and I'll write you a tragedy"?
272
00:11:58,021 --> 00:12:00,676
Yes, but he also said,
273
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,853
"Never confuse a single defeat
with a final defeat."
274
00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:05,420
But didn't he also say,
275
00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:08,205
"There are no second acts
in American lives"?
276
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,207
Just get in the meeting!
277
00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:12,470
The bagels are getting hard.
278
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:13,994
[grunts happily]
279
00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:16,039
[doorbell rings]
280
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,347
[chuckles]
There's my Jebediah.
281
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,784
Marge, I'm leaving the show
282
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:24,265
to fulfill a lifelong dream--
283
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,920
playing Prospero in The Tempest.
284
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,704
You can't quit now.
285
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,271
We're live in three days.
286
00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:32,273
We have no understudy.
287
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:36,059
And you were gonna bringthe edibles for the wrap party.
288
00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:38,061
Not my problem.
289
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:40,977
There's nothing I enjoy more
than watching a director
290
00:12:41,021 --> 00:12:44,415
trying to talk an actor out
of leaving for a better part.
291
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,809
[cackles]
Dramatic twist!
292
00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:53,860
♪ Sing a song of sixpence,
a pocketful of rye ♪
293
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:57,472
♪ Four and 20 blackbirds
baked in a pie. ♪
294
00:12:57,515 --> 00:12:59,256
[cawing, chirping]
295
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,868
Stay in there,
you stupid blackbirds!
296
00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:03,173
[screeching]
297
00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,175
Darling, you're supposed
to kill the blackbirds
298
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,264
before you put them in the pie.
299
00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:09,527
Homie, Homie.
300
00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:10,964
[screeching]
301
00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:13,096
-Homie. Homie.
-Blackbirds! Blackbirds!
302
00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:14,619
Homie, wake up.
303
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,099
What are you dreaming about?
304
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:17,971
Uh, Daddy and Me class.
305
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:20,103
You are a great father.
306
00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:23,063
Oh, I wish I felt
like a great director.
307
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:25,674
Fine, if you want me to quit
the class, I'll do it.
308
00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,328
Who said anything
about quitting?
309
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:30,287
I've had enough people
quit on me today.
310
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:32,724
Marge, anyone who can raise
two girls and two boys
311
00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:34,465
the way you're doing
can do anything.
312
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:36,511
You're gonna make it.
313
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:39,514
I've got
a special announcement today.
314
00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:41,211
You're gonna wear the perfume
I bought you?
315
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:42,517
Even better.
316
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,084
Barry's divorce came through,
317
00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:47,130
so I'm able to leave this classand marry him.
318
00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:49,480
Come on up, Barry.
319
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,004
[all groaning]
320
00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:52,657
Later, losers.
321
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:55,138
Barry's not sitting
cross-legged anymore.
322
00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:56,574
Uh, why him?
323
00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:58,054
Maybe I have the cutest baby.
324
00:13:58,098 --> 00:14:00,448
Or maybe the first words
I got her to say were
325
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,232
"I love you, Chloe."
326
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,800
[gibbering]:
I love you, Chloe.
327
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,455
We sang "Wheels on the Bus"
together.
328
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,022
Well, that's it. Time to...
329
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:11,589
[stammers]
Where's the baby I brought?
330
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:15,506
Ah, geez. I won't be dating
her grandma anymore.
331
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,465
[indistinct chatter]
332
00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,946
So I guess we're not
doing the class.
333
00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:26,126
Wait a minute, the part youliked was spending time with me?
334
00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:30,173
Aw. Well, I'll always dance
with you, sweetie.
335
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:33,524
♪
336
00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:36,527
Hmm?
[gasping]
337
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:37,877
[strains]
338
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:41,968
Okay, no pressure,
but I need to find a new lead
339
00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:43,970
in the next 15 minutes.
340
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:45,188
Preferably a name.
341
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:46,973
Is Bumblebee Man available?
342
00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:49,410
No, he's playing Don Quixote
in Man of La Mancha.
343
00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:52,979
Damn it. Why is this town's
theater scene so vibrant?
344
00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:56,069
I'm here to audition
for the part of Macbeth.
345
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,505
It's not Macbeth.
346
00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,072
-Is it Macduff?
-Not Macduff.
347
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:01,988
Well, there's no other parts
worth playing!
348
00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:03,554
That's it. We're doomed.
349
00:15:03,598 --> 00:15:05,165
We'll just have a bake sale.
350
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:06,862
Will you serve haggis?
351
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,603
-No.
-I'm out.
352
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:11,998
[deep voice]:
♪ A pioneer with no fear ♪
353
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,000
♪ Shooting deer ♪
354
00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:16,002
♪ On the frontier... ♪
355
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:17,829
Spotlight that singer.
356
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:21,398
♪ And the crowds all cheer ♪
357
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:24,445
♪ Jebediah Springfield ♪
358
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:28,449
♪ Found the town right here. ♪
359
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:29,972
[regular voice]:
Yes, glavin, it's me,
360
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:35,325
with the Gomer Pyle voice and
the unexpectedly good singing.
361
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:36,631
You've got the part.
362
00:15:36,674 --> 00:15:37,632
[deep voice]:
♪ Thank you. ♪
363
00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,068
Save your voice.
364
00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:42,071
[regular voice]:
All right, then.
365
00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:43,638
[thunder rolls]
366
00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:46,467
Marge, as your producer, I'm
gonna inform you of a problem,
367
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,686
then blame you
if you can't solve it.
368
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,688
[sighs]
Now what?
369
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:53,430
There's one thing a first-time
director cannot control.
370
00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:54,649
Bruce Willis?
371
00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,259
No, the weather.
372
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,870
-Marge, it's going to rain
during the show.
-How hard?
373
00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:02,918
Well, let's just say I hope youliked the movie Waterworld.
374
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,616
Ambitious, eh, but unsatisfying.
375
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:07,618
You might want
to consider canceling.
376
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:10,621
I don't know much about showbiz,but I know one thing:
377
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:12,797
the show must go on.
378
00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:14,625
Huh? I never heard that before.
379
00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:16,845
Really? Well, tell me
to break a leg.
380
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:19,456
Why would I do that?
It's violent and cruel.
381
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:22,068
Well-- there's no business
like show business.
382
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:23,634
Nah, nah, now that's not true.
383
00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:25,071
Most show business companies
384
00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:27,247
are part of much larger
conglomerates.
385
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,162
Just get the hell out.
386
00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,033
ThatI've heard before.
387
00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:33,035
[grunts]
388
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:34,254
Hmm.
389
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:36,430
Going live.
Break a leg, everyone.
390
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,432
-MAN: What?
-MAN 2:
Why would you wish that?
391
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:40,129
LENNY:
You're mean.
392
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:43,045
[piano playing]
393
00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:45,221
♪ Let me tell you
about a mystery ♪
394
00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:46,657
♪ Of our city's history ♪
395
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,485
♪ An out-of-towner
was our founder ♪
396
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:50,270
♪ Despite his latent bigotry ♪
397
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:52,489
♪ How did this pioneer
domineer ♪
398
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:55,318
♪ Persevere,
then die right here? ♪
399
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:58,495
♪ Before the tire fire,
a man named Jebediah ♪
400
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:02,021
-♪ Made Springfield
the new frontier... ♪
-[mouthing]
401
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,154
Cue camera three.
402
00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:06,503
Cue Bart.
403
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,506
Whoa.
404
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:13,336
[deep voice]: ♪ That's right, my
name is Jebediah Springfield ♪
405
00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:16,339
♪ There is none
to whom I yield ♪
406
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:18,124
♪ No king to whom I've kneeled ♪
407
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:22,998
♪ Tonight
my secrets are revealed ♪
408
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:31,267
♪ Jebediah Springfield ♪
409
00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:37,273
[hip-hop beat playing]
410
00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:40,711
♪ Now, this bear and I
are one and the same ♪
411
00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:43,584
♪ He gave his life
so that I could have fame ♪
412
00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:46,587
♪ Jebediah Springfield. ♪
413
00:17:46,630 --> 00:17:48,154
MARGE:
Cut to commercial.
414
00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:51,766
That's a cut
to commercial, everyone.
415
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,376
John Lithgow?
416
00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,248
I like to work.
417
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:57,467
-Oh, uh, line, please?
-"Grrr."
418
00:17:57,511 --> 00:18:00,209
No, you fool, a rescue line.
419
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:01,776
Mom, what do we do?
420
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:03,386
Improvise.
421
00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:06,172
Lisa, I need a five-minute rap
about the cruelty of the sea
422
00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,783
and the brave souls
who rise above it.
423
00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:11,829
No problem. Can I make sly
analogies to today's politics?
424
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,048
No. You'll date it.
425
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,574
♪ The bullets flew like rain ♪
426
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,054
♪ As buffalo were slain... ♪
427
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,796
Who wants to change the channel?
428
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,624
Eh, either they're all dead
or it's a hit.
429
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:25,191
Fifty-fifty.
430
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:27,584
[gasps]
431
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:31,501
♪ And now I have
a raging fever ♪
432
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:35,201
♪ Bitten by a rabid beaver ♪
433
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:38,160
♪ I didn't fight
for equal rights ♪
434
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:42,817
♪ I wish I'd done more
for non-whites ♪
435
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:47,169
♪ But no more time
for Jebediah ♪
436
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:52,174
♪ All that's left to do ♪
437
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:55,612
♪ Is ♪
438
00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:58,224
♪ Die-a. ♪
439
00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,269
[groans in regular voice]
440
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,187
[cheering]
441
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,971
BARNEY:
In unison...
442
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:08,843
AUDIENCE [chanting]:
Marge! Marge! Marge!
443
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,759
This is the happiest moment...
[choking]
444
00:19:11,802 --> 00:19:14,805
Careers are getting shorter
than ever these days.
445
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:19,810
Marge, we got the highest ratingin modern TV history.
446
00:19:19,854 --> 00:19:21,595
A 0.6!
447
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,466
Congratulations.
448
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:27,992
I did it. I directeda popular off-Broadway musical.
449
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:30,821
And I wrote a popular
off-Broadway musical.
450
00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,520
And I caught an octopus
on Main Street. What a day.
451
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:39,482
And the winnerfor Outstanding Lead Performance
452
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,005
in a Play or Musical.
453
00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:44,095
Oh, mein Gott!It's Sideshow Mel
for The Tempest.
454
00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:46,359
[Krusty the Clown Show
theme song playing]
455
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:50,450
Barbara, you can put
the kids to bed now.
456
00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:53,714
Is what I'd like to say,
but I'm childless.
457
00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:57,500
"One pie to the groin
won't do damage," they said.
458
00:19:57,544 --> 00:19:59,154
They were wrong!
459
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,461
12 nominations, zero awards.
460
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,811
Welcome to Club Snub, Marge.
461
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:06,814
Feel the bile rising, the
bitterness that will never...
462
00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:10,948
PRESENTER:
And a special award for
Best Newcomer, Marge Simpson.
463
00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,733
-[gasps]
-Damn it!
464
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:22,264
♪ Ah, hell, give me ♪
465
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:25,398
♪ A white wine spritzer ♪
466
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:27,313
♪ Ah, hell, give me ♪
467
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:31,360
♪ A white wine spritzer ♪
468
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:55,341
♪ You ♪
469
00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:57,995
♪ Only ♪
470
00:20:58,039 --> 00:20:59,475
♪ Live... ♪
471
00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:01,347
-FRINK [deep voice]:
♪ The end. ♪
-Shh!33859
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