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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:25,914 --> 00:00:28,876 ##[A Life Of Illusion playing] 2 00:00:42,056 --> 00:00:43,599 [Alarm buzzing] 3 00:01:06,872 --> 00:01:08,248 [Grunts] 4 00:01:18,217 --> 00:01:19,510 [Grunting] 5 00:01:55,963 --> 00:01:58,048 Hey, Andy! What's up, dude? 6 00:01:58,132 --> 00:02:00,259 Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara. How you doing? 7 00:02:00,342 --> 00:02:01,510 When you going to get a car? 8 00:02:01,552 --> 00:02:04,763 Hey, why don't you get a car? I can't afford it. 9 00:02:05,305 --> 00:02:06,849 [Laughing] 10 00:02:06,890 --> 00:02:10,310 So, Survivor tomorrow night. We on? See you then. 11 00:02:10,394 --> 00:02:12,187 I'll bring a soda. Hey, enjoy your orange. 12 00:02:12,229 --> 00:02:14,231 Okay, take care. See you. Bye-bye. 13 00:02:15,274 --> 00:02:18,777 That guy needs to get laid. Tell me something I don't know. 14 00:02:18,861 --> 00:02:19,820 [Chuckles] 15 00:02:35,419 --> 00:02:36,628 Good morning. 16 00:02:41,925 --> 00:02:44,303 Excuse me. Pardon me. 17 00:02:45,637 --> 00:02:46,764 Sorry. 18 00:02:47,222 --> 00:02:49,099 [Car horn blaring] 19 00:02:55,856 --> 00:02:57,566 Excuse me. Thank you. 20 00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:02,404 Good morning. Hey. 21 00:03:02,571 --> 00:03:04,573 Good morning, Paula. Andy. 22 00:03:06,241 --> 00:03:08,494 Excuse me. I have a question. 23 00:03:09,036 --> 00:03:13,916 What is the difference between Hi8 and Digital video tapes? 24 00:03:14,375 --> 00:03:16,585 I'm not a salesman, so, I could probably... 25 00:03:16,669 --> 00:03:19,380 Welcome to Smart Tech. How can I be of service to you? 26 00:03:19,546 --> 00:03:21,006 Well, I was just wondering... 27 00:03:21,090 --> 00:03:23,592 what is the difference between these? 28 00:03:24,426 --> 00:03:27,346 (Jay) Well, if I'm photographing someone as fine as yourself... 29 00:03:27,429 --> 00:03:29,181 I'd probably go Digital. 30 00:03:31,975 --> 00:03:36,230 # Hey, don't worry I've been lied to ## 31 00:03:42,319 --> 00:03:45,280 My God. Sorry I'm late, man. No problem. 32 00:03:46,365 --> 00:03:47,658 Oh, man. 33 00:03:48,784 --> 00:03:50,744 I had a weekend. Yeah? 34 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:54,164 We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know... 35 00:03:54,248 --> 00:03:57,167 and we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to this show. 36 00:03:57,251 --> 00:03:59,586 Everyone's, "You gotta check out one of these shows. " 37 00:03:59,628 --> 00:04:02,172 And, you know, it's a woman fucking a horse. 38 00:04:02,464 --> 00:04:05,718 We get there, and, you know, we think it's gonna be awesome... 39 00:04:05,801 --> 00:04:09,179 and it is not as cool as it sounds like it would be, man. 40 00:04:09,555 --> 00:04:11,765 It's kind of gross. Yeah. 41 00:04:11,807 --> 00:04:13,475 You think, "A woman fucking a horse"... 42 00:04:13,559 --> 00:04:15,144 and you get there and it's... 43 00:04:15,227 --> 00:04:17,104 a woman fucking a horse. Yeah. 44 00:04:17,146 --> 00:04:19,148 It was really giving it to her. 45 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:20,566 And you know what... 46 00:04:20,649 --> 00:04:23,277 to be honest, I felt bad for her. We all just felt bad for her. 47 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,029 Yeah. Kind of felt bad for the horse. 48 00:04:25,112 --> 00:04:28,323 Wow, that's something. So what did you get up to? 49 00:04:29,158 --> 00:04:32,453 You know, I just kind of hung out. I was... 50 00:04:33,037 --> 00:04:34,413 God, Friday, when I went home... 51 00:04:34,455 --> 00:04:36,790 I really wanted an egg-salad sandwich. 52 00:04:36,832 --> 00:04:38,834 And I was just obsessing about it and I was like: 53 00:04:38,917 --> 00:04:40,919 "Man, I'm gonna make one of those. " 54 00:04:40,961 --> 00:04:44,465 So Saturday I went out and I got, like, a dozen eggs... 55 00:04:44,548 --> 00:04:47,134 and I boiled them all and then I just... 56 00:04:47,217 --> 00:04:50,179 I spent, I don't know, probably three hours... 57 00:04:52,181 --> 00:04:53,849 like, three-and-a-half hours making... 58 00:04:53,932 --> 00:04:57,978 you know, the mayonnaise and the onions and paprika... 59 00:04:58,062 --> 00:05:00,105 and, you know, all the accoutrement. 60 00:05:00,189 --> 00:05:01,648 And then, by the time I was done... 61 00:05:01,732 --> 00:05:03,317 I just really didn't feel like eating it. 62 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,944 I can imagine. And I didn't have any bread. 63 00:05:06,570 --> 00:05:09,865 So, you know, it was pretty good. It was a good weekend. 64 00:05:10,324 --> 00:05:12,993 Sounds pretty awesome. Yeah, it was fine. 65 00:05:13,077 --> 00:05:14,453 Sounds really fun. 66 00:05:15,496 --> 00:05:16,997 Cool. Cool. 67 00:05:17,081 --> 00:05:18,457 Cool, cool. 68 00:05:21,627 --> 00:05:23,170 Hey, Paula. Yeah. 69 00:05:23,253 --> 00:05:25,756 I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. 70 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:29,218 For the first time today, I woke up... 71 00:05:29,635 --> 00:05:33,597 I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you... 72 00:05:33,806 --> 00:05:36,308 that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD... 73 00:05:36,392 --> 00:05:38,769 that you've been playing for two years straight, off... 74 00:05:38,811 --> 00:05:40,521 I'm going to kill everyone in the store... 75 00:05:40,604 --> 00:05:42,481 and put a bullet in my brain. 76 00:05:42,856 --> 00:05:46,276 David, what do you suggest we play? I don't care. Anything. 77 00:05:46,485 --> 00:05:49,321 I would rather watch Beautician and the Beast. 78 00:05:49,405 --> 00:05:51,949 I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours... 79 00:05:52,032 --> 00:05:53,826 than have to listen to Michael McDonald. 80 00:05:53,909 --> 00:05:57,121 Nothing against him, but if I hear Yah Mo B There one more time... 81 00:05:57,204 --> 00:05:59,665 I'm gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground. 82 00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:02,626 You're such a smart ass. Get back on the floor. 83 00:06:04,837 --> 00:06:06,088 [Garbled] Fuck you. 84 00:06:06,171 --> 00:06:07,256 [Clears throat] 85 00:06:07,464 --> 00:06:10,092 This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma. 86 00:06:10,175 --> 00:06:11,760 What are you doing? That's my customer. 87 00:06:11,844 --> 00:06:15,014 It certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended. 88 00:06:15,097 --> 00:06:16,765 No, that's my... Wait. 89 00:06:16,849 --> 00:06:18,892 Go to the checkout there. Pick up there, please. 90 00:06:18,976 --> 00:06:20,769 She was unattended because I went to the back... 91 00:06:20,853 --> 00:06:22,646 to get the brochure that she requested. 92 00:06:22,688 --> 00:06:24,189 I apologize, but it's too late. 93 00:06:24,273 --> 00:06:25,774 The transaction has been completed. 94 00:06:25,858 --> 00:06:27,609 Then you're gonna give me half the commission. 95 00:06:27,651 --> 00:06:29,153 You'll receive none of the commission. 96 00:06:29,194 --> 00:06:30,654 I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy. 97 00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:31,780 This is bullshit. 98 00:06:31,822 --> 00:06:33,699 Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. 99 00:06:33,782 --> 00:06:37,077 How about Jesse Jackson? Old Jesse needs a cause. 100 00:06:37,161 --> 00:06:38,704 Sick of you poaching my customers. 101 00:06:38,787 --> 00:06:40,289 I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit. 102 00:06:40,331 --> 00:06:43,334 You wanna take this shit outside? Just take it outside and squash it? 103 00:06:43,417 --> 00:06:46,670 Let's stay inside, so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? 104 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:50,215 Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath... 105 00:06:50,299 --> 00:06:53,135 I can't return it until it has spilled blood. 106 00:06:53,177 --> 00:06:56,472 Look, listen to me. You are fucking with the wrong nigger. 107 00:06:57,056 --> 00:07:00,476 Hey! You're fucking with the wrong sun-nigger, okay? 108 00:07:00,517 --> 00:07:03,020 Dude, I will hang your old ass by your turban. 109 00:07:03,312 --> 00:07:06,315 Turban now? Do you see any fucking turban here? 110 00:07:06,357 --> 00:07:08,025 Do I talk like a turban guy? 111 00:07:08,108 --> 00:07:11,028 Do I say, "Hey, Jay, do you want a Slurpee? You want a Slurpee?" 112 00:07:11,070 --> 00:07:14,323 Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. 113 00:07:14,365 --> 00:07:15,449 Brooklyn, okay? 114 00:07:15,532 --> 00:07:19,119 My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay? 115 00:07:19,203 --> 00:07:20,496 All right, man. Calm down, dude. 116 00:07:20,579 --> 00:07:22,748 Look, you still covering my shift on Friday or what? 117 00:07:22,831 --> 00:07:25,751 If I can keep this commission, with pleasure. 118 00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:28,671 Cool, then. All right, pop. No problem. 119 00:07:31,632 --> 00:07:33,300 How about Andy? No. 120 00:07:33,676 --> 00:07:35,219 Come on, man. We need, what, five guys... 121 00:07:35,302 --> 00:07:36,804 to play a decent poker game, right? Yeah. 122 00:07:36,887 --> 00:07:38,472 If we cancel this, I'm gonna have to go... 123 00:07:38,555 --> 00:07:40,474 to some stupid-ass birthday party with Jill... 124 00:07:40,557 --> 00:07:41,809 and that shit ain't happening. 125 00:07:41,892 --> 00:07:43,352 No. (David) Why not? 126 00:07:43,727 --> 00:07:47,231 He's a really nice guy and all but I'm pretty sure that... 127 00:07:47,314 --> 00:07:48,691 he is a serial murderer. 128 00:07:48,732 --> 00:07:50,484 Who cares, man? He's a nice guy. 129 00:07:50,526 --> 00:07:52,861 I just wanna get drunk, fucked up, and play some cards. 130 00:07:52,903 --> 00:07:55,030 That's great. Look, I don't wanna end up a lampshade... 131 00:07:55,114 --> 00:07:57,157 in some creepy apartment, that's what I'm saying. 132 00:07:57,199 --> 00:07:59,243 I don't really see any other options. 133 00:07:59,326 --> 00:08:01,870 Andy. My man. 134 00:08:02,871 --> 00:08:04,707 You got any plans later on tonight? 135 00:08:04,790 --> 00:08:07,042 Why, do we have to unload the Sony truck? 136 00:08:07,084 --> 00:08:10,170 No, the guys are getting together, we're playing some poker... 137 00:08:10,254 --> 00:08:12,256 thought, you know, you'd wanna play. 138 00:08:12,548 --> 00:08:13,799 With you guys? 139 00:08:15,384 --> 00:08:17,886 Yeah, sure. That would be cool. 140 00:08:18,095 --> 00:08:21,348 You know how to play, right? Yeah, I play online sometimes. 141 00:08:21,390 --> 00:08:23,684 We're gonna play in the store. Great. 142 00:08:23,892 --> 00:08:25,394 Are we allowed to do that? 143 00:08:25,477 --> 00:08:27,104 Absolutely not. Yeah. 144 00:08:27,312 --> 00:08:28,313 Oh. 145 00:08:28,564 --> 00:08:30,482 Well, so I'm gonna go tell Paula. 146 00:08:31,734 --> 00:08:33,152 I'm just kidding. 147 00:08:33,235 --> 00:08:36,363 I'm kidding. That sounds great. Cool, I'll see you guys tonight. 148 00:08:36,405 --> 00:08:37,448 Okay. All right. 149 00:08:37,531 --> 00:08:39,199 [Clattering] Oops. 150 00:08:41,118 --> 00:08:43,162 I almost feel guilty. No, you don't. 151 00:08:57,551 --> 00:08:58,969 Going down! 152 00:08:59,595 --> 00:09:01,388 Going down! 153 00:09:01,472 --> 00:09:02,723 Dumbass. 154 00:09:03,557 --> 00:09:05,059 And a full house. 155 00:09:05,476 --> 00:09:06,852 Oh, my dukes! What? 156 00:09:06,977 --> 00:09:09,355 How much fucking online poker do you play, dawg? 157 00:09:09,396 --> 00:09:12,441 For like an hour or two a night, when I'm not playing Halo. 158 00:09:12,941 --> 00:09:15,402 Why did you invite this guy? He's a fucking ringer, man. 159 00:09:15,486 --> 00:09:16,695 This is hog shit. 160 00:09:16,737 --> 00:09:18,947 You, you're a fucking asshole to tell me to come here. 161 00:09:19,031 --> 00:09:20,866 You tell me he was a nice guy, didn't you? 162 00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:23,243 Well, fuck you people, and fuck you, you and you... 163 00:09:23,327 --> 00:09:26,330 fuck and kiss my big brown fucking ass, okay? 164 00:09:26,413 --> 00:09:27,748 (Jay) I'm gonna see you tomorrow. 165 00:09:27,831 --> 00:09:28,874 Peace. All right, man. 166 00:09:28,957 --> 00:09:30,167 (Mooj) Fuck a goat. 167 00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:31,460 [All laughing] 168 00:09:31,543 --> 00:09:33,379 Good night. I love that guy. 169 00:09:33,420 --> 00:09:36,382 Dude, you totally... Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn. 170 00:09:36,423 --> 00:09:38,092 About to go see Ellen in a little bit. 171 00:09:38,175 --> 00:09:39,635 Going now? Late-night action, huh? 172 00:09:39,718 --> 00:09:40,803 Dude, you know how it goes. 173 00:09:40,886 --> 00:09:43,347 Does your girlfriend know about all these late-night visits? 174 00:09:43,430 --> 00:09:45,015 It's like an unspoken agreement. Yeah. 175 00:09:45,099 --> 00:09:48,143 It's like a completely and utterly unspoken agreement. 176 00:09:48,227 --> 00:09:50,396 If you knew her, if you knew who I was dealing with... 177 00:09:50,437 --> 00:09:51,689 you wouldn't be saying this shit. 178 00:09:51,772 --> 00:09:53,649 There's nothing you can't do with this woman... 179 00:09:53,732 --> 00:09:55,818 straight up and down. I've done every single thing... 180 00:09:55,901 --> 00:09:57,778 I could possibly create. I've literally lubed up... 181 00:09:57,861 --> 00:10:00,239 and made love to the arches of her feet. All right. 182 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:01,365 Wow! (Jay) Yeah. 183 00:10:01,448 --> 00:10:03,117 Foot fuck! That's sick, man. 184 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:04,702 Wow. That is not sick. 185 00:10:05,119 --> 00:10:07,079 I will give you sick. Oh, shit. 186 00:10:07,121 --> 00:10:09,915 I was sleeping with a woman recently, she had the... 187 00:10:09,999 --> 00:10:13,293 Her tits were unbelievable. Oh, man, I love titties. 188 00:10:13,919 --> 00:10:16,463 And so we're doing it and I'm about to finish... 189 00:10:16,547 --> 00:10:18,549 and her dog starts licking my ass. 190 00:10:18,632 --> 00:10:22,970 I swear to God, I have to decide, do I finish or do I stop the dog? 191 00:10:23,053 --> 00:10:24,930 I know your nasty ass. He finished. 192 00:10:25,014 --> 00:10:27,391 I finished. And then I stole the dog. 193 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,310 No, I didn't, but... 194 00:10:30,602 --> 00:10:33,063 You know, sometimes, Amy and I would make love... 195 00:10:33,105 --> 00:10:35,232 till it was almost like we weren't two people... 196 00:10:35,315 --> 00:10:37,985 but we were two spirits or something. 197 00:10:38,068 --> 00:10:41,238 Our souls were connected in this way, I can't describe it. 198 00:10:41,321 --> 00:10:44,908 Time stood still. It was like we were sharing the same heart. 199 00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:48,787 Stop, man! Why do you always come and kill the vibe with those things? 200 00:10:48,871 --> 00:10:50,831 "Sharing the same heart," that's like some... 201 00:10:50,914 --> 00:10:52,041 Britney Spears shit, man. 202 00:10:52,124 --> 00:10:55,085 This is three grown ass men, don't nobody want to hear that shit. 203 00:10:55,169 --> 00:10:57,421 Yeah, man, come on, nobody wants to hear that shit. 204 00:10:57,504 --> 00:11:00,090 Thank you, Andy. Dude, you broke up two years ago. 205 00:11:00,132 --> 00:11:02,593 You get over it at some point. Two years, man. 206 00:11:02,634 --> 00:11:04,219 You need to get past that... 207 00:11:04,303 --> 00:11:07,514 because no ass is worth thinking that much about... 208 00:11:07,848 --> 00:11:09,099 I always say. 209 00:11:09,350 --> 00:11:10,768 Andy, do me a favor. 210 00:11:10,851 --> 00:11:14,271 Would you please help him redeem himself by telling a real sex story? 211 00:11:14,313 --> 00:11:15,314 Yes. 212 00:11:16,607 --> 00:11:20,027 I don't... You know what, I'm a gentleman and I don't... 213 00:11:20,569 --> 00:11:21,904 I don't kiss and tell. 214 00:11:21,945 --> 00:11:25,282 Fuck it, I raise you. Nastiest shit you've ever done. 215 00:11:25,574 --> 00:11:27,284 I'm talking about nasty. 216 00:11:28,494 --> 00:11:29,536 Wow. 217 00:11:29,661 --> 00:11:32,706 So many stories are running through my head right now. 218 00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:36,251 I dated this girl... 219 00:11:36,835 --> 00:11:40,422 for a while, and she was really a nasty freak. 220 00:11:40,506 --> 00:11:45,386 She just loved to get down with sex all the time. 221 00:11:45,469 --> 00:11:48,013 She was like, any time of day, she was like: 222 00:11:48,097 --> 00:11:50,808 "Yeah, let's go. I'm so nasty. " 223 00:11:50,933 --> 00:11:52,226 And I'd be nailing her. 224 00:11:52,309 --> 00:11:53,519 Oh, shit. She'd be like: 225 00:11:53,602 --> 00:11:55,979 "Oh, you're nailing me. Cool. " 226 00:11:56,188 --> 00:11:59,650 She talk dirty to you? She loved to dirty-talk. 227 00:12:00,317 --> 00:12:02,528 Totally into it. She'd be like: 228 00:12:02,611 --> 00:12:07,574 "Yeah, let's screw, let's... I wanna fuck. " 229 00:12:08,575 --> 00:12:10,202 God, it was so dirty. 230 00:12:10,661 --> 00:12:14,790 She'd be like, "Me so horny, me love you long time. " 231 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,083 So... 232 00:12:16,166 --> 00:12:19,044 (Jay) So what were the titties like? Yeah, describe her... 233 00:12:19,128 --> 00:12:21,213 Yeah, she had great tits. 234 00:12:21,338 --> 00:12:24,466 No, I mean, like, detailed. Did she have, like, you know... 235 00:12:24,550 --> 00:12:26,343 them little pink teeny nipples. Oh, yeah. 236 00:12:26,427 --> 00:12:28,929 (Jay) Or like the long National Geographic nipples. 237 00:12:29,013 --> 00:12:31,557 You have like the bumpy Braille nipples, the Stevie Wonders. 238 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:32,975 (Andy) Yeah, they were nice. 239 00:12:33,058 --> 00:12:36,311 You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's... 240 00:12:36,645 --> 00:12:38,814 And you feel it and... 241 00:12:39,648 --> 00:12:43,610 it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it. 242 00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:46,280 Bag of sand? 243 00:12:48,490 --> 00:12:50,534 You know what I mean. Why don't we just play? 244 00:12:50,617 --> 00:12:52,286 Why don't you just deal the cards? 245 00:12:52,327 --> 00:12:53,954 What are you talking about? 246 00:12:54,038 --> 00:12:56,123 Have you ever felt a breast before, man? 247 00:12:56,165 --> 00:12:57,166 Yes. 248 00:12:57,249 --> 00:12:59,793 Dude, are you gay? No, I'm not gay. 249 00:12:59,877 --> 00:13:01,503 I've been with tons of women. 250 00:13:01,587 --> 00:13:03,630 I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once. 251 00:13:03,672 --> 00:13:05,674 Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to fuck guys. 252 00:13:05,716 --> 00:13:08,344 I'm cool. I got friends who fuck guys, in jail. 253 00:13:08,552 --> 00:13:09,803 No, I'm not gay. 254 00:13:09,845 --> 00:13:12,848 No, I've borked a lot of women in my day. 255 00:13:12,931 --> 00:13:14,058 You've "borked"? 256 00:13:14,308 --> 00:13:17,102 Hold up. Yo, answer this question: 257 00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:19,480 Are you a virgin? 258 00:13:21,065 --> 00:13:22,441 Are you a virgin? 259 00:13:22,608 --> 00:13:24,860 Yeah, not since I was 10. 260 00:13:24,943 --> 00:13:27,488 It all makes sense. You're a virgin. 261 00:13:27,571 --> 00:13:30,115 I am... Shut up. How does that happen? 262 00:13:30,199 --> 00:13:31,617 He's a fucking virgin. 263 00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:34,995 I knew it. That makes so much sense, man. Look, he's a virgin. 264 00:13:35,037 --> 00:13:37,331 You guys are hilarious. All right, come on, don't be mean. 265 00:13:37,414 --> 00:13:39,500 I'm not being mean. I'm trying to help the partner out. 266 00:13:39,583 --> 00:13:41,335 I'm trying to say I wanna get you laid, dude. 267 00:13:41,377 --> 00:13:42,586 I understand what's going on. 268 00:13:42,670 --> 00:13:45,506 You guys are so up your asses. 269 00:13:45,673 --> 00:13:49,093 From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm getting you some pussy. 270 00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:51,053 [Men laughing] 271 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:03,982 A bag of sand! Come on, man! You could do better than that. 272 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,861 God, me so horny? Me so stupid! 273 00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:10,322 [Yelling] 274 00:14:13,951 --> 00:14:15,494 Oh, come on. 275 00:14:15,828 --> 00:14:17,454 [Laughing] 276 00:14:18,706 --> 00:14:21,250 It's gonna be fine. They don't even remember. 277 00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,085 Those guys are cool. 278 00:14:28,173 --> 00:14:29,508 [Alarm buzzing] 279 00:14:30,884 --> 00:14:32,386 This is gonna be bad. 280 00:14:33,595 --> 00:14:35,180 (Andy) Yeah, well, virgin's not a dirty word. 281 00:14:35,264 --> 00:14:37,307 You know what's a dirty word, is asshole... 282 00:14:37,391 --> 00:14:38,851 and that's what you guys are. 283 00:14:38,934 --> 00:14:42,187 You know, I may not have had sex, but I could fuck you up. 284 00:14:44,189 --> 00:14:45,399 Yeah. 285 00:14:50,863 --> 00:14:52,072 Come on. 286 00:14:55,159 --> 00:14:56,910 Hey, David. Hey, Andy. 287 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,166 What's up? Cal, good morning. 288 00:15:07,713 --> 00:15:09,214 (Haziz) Hey, Andy. Hey. 289 00:15:09,298 --> 00:15:11,216 We're gonna have to get you some punani. 290 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:12,718 [Both guffawing] 291 00:15:13,802 --> 00:15:17,181 Andy, it's going down, partner. We're gonna be... 292 00:15:17,222 --> 00:15:18,515 [moaning] 293 00:15:19,558 --> 00:15:21,810 This for you, partner, this for you. 294 00:15:21,894 --> 00:15:24,855 Waves of them coming at you on Friday, Saturday. 295 00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:27,524 By Sunday, your nuts gonna be drained. 296 00:15:27,566 --> 00:15:31,195 Hey, Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. 297 00:15:31,779 --> 00:15:33,739 Not everybody is a pussy magnet. 298 00:15:33,781 --> 00:15:37,743 What are you? 25? I'm 40. 299 00:15:37,910 --> 00:15:40,537 Holy shit, man. You've got to get on that. 300 00:15:40,704 --> 00:15:44,917 Life isn't about sex. Life is about children and passion. 301 00:15:45,334 --> 00:15:46,335 Yeah. 302 00:15:46,418 --> 00:15:48,504 And spirit. Yeah, life's about passion. 303 00:15:48,587 --> 00:15:51,131 It's not about fucking and balls and pussy. 304 00:15:51,215 --> 00:15:54,510 It's about love. It's about people. 305 00:15:55,260 --> 00:15:58,097 It's about connection. It's all about connections. 306 00:15:58,180 --> 00:16:02,351 It's not about cock and ass and tits and butthole pleasures. 307 00:16:02,393 --> 00:16:04,144 It's not about butthole pleasures at all. 308 00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:07,439 It's not about this rusty trombone and dirty Sanchez. 309 00:16:07,523 --> 00:16:10,484 Please stop. And Cincinnati bowtie. 310 00:16:10,651 --> 00:16:15,406 And your pussy juice cocktail and this shit-stained balls. 311 00:16:15,489 --> 00:16:16,990 Mooj, just please stop. Just relax... 312 00:16:17,074 --> 00:16:19,243 All right. That's enough, party's over. 313 00:16:19,576 --> 00:16:21,286 Let the virgin get back to work. 314 00:16:25,708 --> 00:16:26,834 Andy! 315 00:16:27,126 --> 00:16:29,503 Andy, come on. We were just kidding. 316 00:16:29,878 --> 00:16:30,921 Pointless. 317 00:16:31,005 --> 00:16:33,298 Andy, nobody cares that you're a virgin. 318 00:16:33,382 --> 00:16:35,217 Don't be such a baby. 319 00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:37,678 They were just having fun. They didn't mean anything. 320 00:16:37,761 --> 00:16:39,555 Get away from me, David. Wait a minute. 321 00:16:39,596 --> 00:16:41,515 Stop following me! Hold up. 322 00:16:45,102 --> 00:16:46,937 Hold on. I'm gonna have to quit my job now. 323 00:16:47,021 --> 00:16:48,272 You don't have to quit your job. 324 00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,190 You know what, I don't wanna go out with you guys. 325 00:16:50,274 --> 00:16:51,567 Fine. Okay? I don't need your help. 326 00:16:51,650 --> 00:16:54,153 Okay, fine, you don't have to go out with us if you don't want. 327 00:16:54,236 --> 00:16:56,739 You know what, I respect women, I love women. 328 00:16:57,114 --> 00:17:00,451 I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them. 329 00:17:00,701 --> 00:17:02,911 Okay. I have a very fulfilling life. 330 00:17:03,412 --> 00:17:04,997 ##[Playing] 331 00:17:06,707 --> 00:17:10,544 And now, I am making your silver pants blue. 332 00:17:11,545 --> 00:17:13,547 Get some roadburn, come on! 333 00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:16,008 Come on, sucker! 334 00:17:16,091 --> 00:17:19,428 # Now, pretty ladies around the world # 335 00:17:19,595 --> 00:17:21,638 # Got a weird thing to show you ## 336 00:17:21,764 --> 00:17:22,890 [laughing] 337 00:17:22,973 --> 00:17:24,558 Oh, my God! 338 00:17:28,771 --> 00:17:31,565 Hey, Will and Grace, back to work. 339 00:17:31,607 --> 00:17:33,817 Hey, Haziz, can you just give us a second? 340 00:17:33,901 --> 00:17:36,195 We're just kind of in the middle of something. 341 00:17:36,278 --> 00:17:37,946 I'm on my break, okay? 342 00:17:38,030 --> 00:17:40,449 Fuck off, Haziz. Leave us alone, all right? 343 00:17:40,532 --> 00:17:42,618 Fuck off? Fuck you! Fuck you! 344 00:17:42,701 --> 00:17:44,662 Fuck you! Fuck off. Fuck off. 345 00:17:44,745 --> 00:17:46,455 I'm gonna kick you in the nuts, asshole. 346 00:17:46,538 --> 00:17:49,750 Hey, hey! Watch the language, okay? I have a family. 347 00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:50,918 Watch how you talk to me! 348 00:17:51,001 --> 00:17:54,004 It's a free country, Bambi. I can smoke out here if I want to. 349 00:17:54,088 --> 00:17:55,339 Smoke my pole. 350 00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:57,716 You are a very unkind man. Get inside! 351 00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,093 This is not professional. 352 00:17:59,176 --> 00:18:01,470 Paula, this asshole over here... 353 00:18:01,553 --> 00:18:03,347 It's okay. (Haziz) Paula! 354 00:18:03,472 --> 00:18:05,933 It's all right. Come on. You know, it's just... 355 00:18:06,475 --> 00:18:08,310 So, how could this not have happened? 356 00:18:08,394 --> 00:18:10,270 It just never happened. 357 00:18:10,729 --> 00:18:14,108 When I was young, I tried, and it didn't happen. 358 00:18:14,775 --> 00:18:18,195 And then I got older and I got more and more nervous... 359 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,740 because it hadn't happened yet. And I got kind of... 360 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:25,369 weirded out about it. Then it really didn't happen... 361 00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:28,622 and then, I don't know, I just kind of stopped trying. 362 00:18:29,164 --> 00:18:31,375 Do you want to give it another shot? 363 00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:33,210 Maybe it's too late. 364 00:18:34,294 --> 00:18:37,131 Sometimes I feel that it is just too late for me. 365 00:18:37,673 --> 00:18:39,508 No, that's crazy. 366 00:18:39,591 --> 00:18:42,553 You're 40 years old. You know, 40 is the new 20. 367 00:18:42,636 --> 00:18:44,596 You wanna spend the next 60 years of your life... 368 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,181 never experiencing sex? 369 00:18:46,265 --> 00:18:48,308 And not just sex, but love... 370 00:18:48,392 --> 00:18:53,313 and a relationship, and laughing and cuddling and all that shit. 371 00:18:53,981 --> 00:18:55,315 I don't know. 372 00:18:56,525 --> 00:18:59,695 I wouldn't know what to do. Look, you gotta take a risk. 373 00:18:59,778 --> 00:19:01,447 You gotta risk it. Look at me. 374 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:03,407 I went out with this girl for four months... 375 00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:05,200 and it was the greatest... 376 00:19:05,868 --> 00:19:07,619 greatest thing in my life. 377 00:19:08,537 --> 00:19:12,458 Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think. 378 00:19:13,125 --> 00:19:14,626 And, you know, instead of saying: 379 00:19:14,710 --> 00:19:17,713 "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior?"... 380 00:19:17,796 --> 00:19:19,631 I dumped her. Stupid decision. 381 00:19:19,673 --> 00:19:22,551 I spent the last two years of my life regretting it. 382 00:19:22,634 --> 00:19:24,511 Why don't you get her back right now? 383 00:19:24,595 --> 00:19:26,680 Because she's dating this pot dealer. 384 00:19:26,764 --> 00:19:28,390 Stupid horrible decision. 385 00:19:28,474 --> 00:19:31,643 But, hey, that's her journey, you know. I gotta respect that. 386 00:19:31,685 --> 00:19:32,978 I gotta give her the space. 387 00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:36,982 She wants to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody... 388 00:19:37,024 --> 00:19:39,068 that's love, man. It sounds horrible. 389 00:19:39,151 --> 00:19:41,278 Of course it's horrible. It's suffering... 390 00:19:41,362 --> 00:19:43,906 and it's pain and it's... You know, you lose weight... 391 00:19:43,989 --> 00:19:45,449 and then you put back on weight... 392 00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:47,618 and then you call them a bunch of times... 393 00:19:47,701 --> 00:19:51,080 and you try and email and then they move or they change their email... 394 00:19:51,163 --> 00:19:52,665 but that's just love. 395 00:19:53,165 --> 00:19:55,084 Do you realize that this is the first time... 396 00:19:55,167 --> 00:19:57,461 we've spoken for more than, like, 30 seconds? 397 00:19:57,503 --> 00:19:58,587 Uh-huh. 398 00:19:58,962 --> 00:20:01,840 It's kind of nice. Come out with us this weekend. 399 00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:04,968 No pressure. We'll just have a good time. 400 00:20:05,177 --> 00:20:07,805 Okay, yeah, I will. I'll give it a shot. 401 00:20:07,888 --> 00:20:08,931 Great. 402 00:20:09,014 --> 00:20:11,183 But I'm not going to have sex with anybody. 403 00:20:11,266 --> 00:20:13,977 Good, sex should be the last thing on your mind. 404 00:20:15,187 --> 00:20:19,149 ##[I Got Ants In My Pants playing] 405 00:20:25,989 --> 00:20:27,866 Logjam. Hi. 406 00:20:33,789 --> 00:20:34,790 Shit. 407 00:20:38,377 --> 00:20:39,545 Oh, God. 408 00:20:43,841 --> 00:20:45,009 Sorry. 409 00:20:46,635 --> 00:20:48,512 See you later. Thanks for the dance. 410 00:20:58,022 --> 00:21:00,024 I'm okay. It's all right. 411 00:21:06,071 --> 00:21:07,948 Oh, come on, bus! 412 00:21:14,705 --> 00:21:16,832 Oh, come on, dogs! 413 00:21:20,002 --> 00:21:21,920 Shit! You gotta be kidding me. 414 00:21:38,228 --> 00:21:41,857 I mean, I'm kind of nervous. I never had oral sex before. 415 00:21:42,399 --> 00:21:47,029 Jennifer told me how to do it. It's gonna kick ass. 416 00:21:51,241 --> 00:21:52,826 [Screaming] 417 00:21:53,452 --> 00:21:55,204 What are you doing? 418 00:21:55,245 --> 00:21:56,664 Okay, just... We're almost there. 419 00:21:56,747 --> 00:21:57,706 [Grunts] 420 00:21:57,790 --> 00:22:00,167 We have one. Houston, we have one. 421 00:22:00,918 --> 00:22:03,170 You'll pull my fucking hair out! 422 00:22:03,212 --> 00:22:05,130 We did it. God! 423 00:22:05,214 --> 00:22:06,882 Oh, my God, you came in your pants. 424 00:22:06,965 --> 00:22:09,760 What did you do? I had some Cream of Wheat. 425 00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:12,554 You know what else is sexy? What? 426 00:22:13,138 --> 00:22:14,848 Me... Yeah? 427 00:22:14,890 --> 00:22:16,100 ...sucking... 428 00:22:17,476 --> 00:22:20,020 on your... 429 00:22:20,604 --> 00:22:21,647 toe. 430 00:22:21,730 --> 00:22:23,607 That's what you want to suck on? Yeah. 431 00:22:23,691 --> 00:22:27,986 It's just so big and thick. Okay. 432 00:22:29,697 --> 00:22:31,031 Yeah. 433 00:22:32,241 --> 00:22:33,909 [Laughing] 434 00:22:34,076 --> 00:22:35,035 That tickles. 435 00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:36,120 [Screams] 436 00:22:36,203 --> 00:22:38,247 I'm sorry. Oh, no. 437 00:22:38,330 --> 00:22:40,374 Your nose is bleeding. You think? 438 00:22:40,416 --> 00:22:42,835 I'm sorry. I'm hot. 439 00:22:43,085 --> 00:22:45,129 But, now, you can't have any of this. 440 00:22:45,879 --> 00:22:47,840 You should just give up forever! 441 00:22:47,923 --> 00:22:49,675 [Exclaiming] 442 00:22:53,303 --> 00:22:55,723 ##[Ain't No Mountain High Enough playing] 443 00:22:56,682 --> 00:22:58,434 Cal, what do you think? Is this too yellow? 444 00:22:58,517 --> 00:22:59,518 No. 445 00:22:59,893 --> 00:23:01,979 What's Curious George like in real life? 446 00:23:02,062 --> 00:23:03,230 Come on, man. 447 00:23:03,897 --> 00:23:05,607 ##[J.O.D.D. playing] 448 00:23:12,990 --> 00:23:15,409 Wow, this is pretty crowded. 449 00:23:15,701 --> 00:23:18,579 Yeah. Well, it's $9 beer night. 450 00:23:19,747 --> 00:23:21,165 Okay, look now. 451 00:23:21,248 --> 00:23:23,459 So, this is what's about to happen, all right? 452 00:23:23,542 --> 00:23:26,211 You about to go run down some drunk chicks, all right? 453 00:23:26,295 --> 00:23:28,756 And don't confuse that with tipsy. We talking about drunk. 454 00:23:28,797 --> 00:23:30,841 I want vomit in the hair, bruised-up knees. 455 00:23:30,924 --> 00:23:32,384 A broken heel is a plus. 456 00:23:32,468 --> 00:23:34,011 That's what you want to find, okay? 457 00:23:34,094 --> 00:23:36,889 No, Dave already told me I didn't have to have sex tonight. 458 00:23:36,930 --> 00:23:37,973 And now he's gone, so... 459 00:23:38,057 --> 00:23:40,059 Dude, just stop thinking for a minute, all right? 460 00:23:40,100 --> 00:23:41,727 You ain't got to think on this one. 461 00:23:41,810 --> 00:23:43,771 All you got to do is use your instinct. 462 00:23:43,812 --> 00:23:45,272 Show me your instincts. 463 00:23:45,314 --> 00:23:48,067 My head, my heart. I follow my heart. 464 00:23:48,150 --> 00:23:50,778 Now, I'm gonna show you this one time, all right? 465 00:23:50,861 --> 00:23:53,572 Instincts. Show me your instincts. 466 00:23:54,198 --> 00:23:56,408 Show me your instincts. They're right here. 467 00:23:56,742 --> 00:23:58,535 Own your instincts. 468 00:23:58,702 --> 00:24:01,622 All you doing is using your instinct. That's it. 469 00:24:01,664 --> 00:24:04,458 That's how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle. 470 00:24:04,541 --> 00:24:06,460 There's a code written in his DNA. 471 00:24:06,502 --> 00:24:08,212 It says, "Tackle the gazelle. " Okay. 472 00:24:08,295 --> 00:24:11,423 And believe it or not, in every man, there's a code written that says: 473 00:24:11,507 --> 00:24:13,425 "Tackle drunk bitches. " No. 474 00:24:13,509 --> 00:24:17,012 You know what, I don't feel comfortable... 475 00:24:18,305 --> 00:24:20,557 hitting on drunk "bitches," you know. 476 00:24:20,599 --> 00:24:21,767 I don't think that's right. 477 00:24:21,850 --> 00:24:23,060 Okay, hold up. 478 00:24:23,143 --> 00:24:25,979 First of all, you making it out to be some kind of bad thing. 479 00:24:26,063 --> 00:24:28,482 I didn't use bitches in a derogatory sense. You did. 480 00:24:28,565 --> 00:24:30,275 It just does... This doesn't feel right. 481 00:24:30,317 --> 00:24:33,195 Of course it don't feel right. What has felt right for you didn't work. 482 00:24:33,278 --> 00:24:35,864 You need to try some wrong, dawg. 483 00:24:37,992 --> 00:24:40,452 Okay, how do I tell which ones are drunk? 484 00:24:40,494 --> 00:24:42,204 Now you're talking. All right, check this out. 485 00:24:42,287 --> 00:24:44,039 You see this redhead over here? Where? 486 00:24:44,123 --> 00:24:47,668 With the big old titties. I'm not gonna stare at a woman. 487 00:24:47,751 --> 00:24:50,337 Dawg, I'm not telling you to stare at nobody. 488 00:24:50,462 --> 00:24:53,257 I'm telling you to use your peripherals. Now look at me. 489 00:24:53,298 --> 00:24:54,800 See. Look. See? Yeah. 490 00:24:55,217 --> 00:24:56,552 I'm not looking at you. 491 00:24:57,302 --> 00:24:59,847 No. I'm looking at... You're looking at her? 492 00:25:01,765 --> 00:25:05,310 What do you want me to do? I want you to use your peripherals. 493 00:25:05,686 --> 00:25:07,646 See? I'm not looking at you. 494 00:25:08,689 --> 00:25:12,943 No. See, I'm looking at the redhead at 3:00 with the big titties. 495 00:25:13,152 --> 00:25:15,988 You see her, racked up right there, see her? 496 00:25:16,405 --> 00:25:17,906 Yes. Yeah. 497 00:25:18,157 --> 00:25:21,410 You find one with the peripherals. Okay. 498 00:25:21,827 --> 00:25:24,955 You see, over by the post. 499 00:25:25,706 --> 00:25:26,957 It looks like a... 500 00:25:26,999 --> 00:25:28,751 It's either a ficus... 501 00:25:28,792 --> 00:25:30,544 It might be a rubber tree plant. 502 00:25:30,836 --> 00:25:33,714 All right, if you're making a joke, dawg, it's not funny. 503 00:25:33,797 --> 00:25:36,383 I see a blonde and she's very pretty. 504 00:25:36,467 --> 00:25:38,886 Better, okay. All right. 505 00:25:38,969 --> 00:25:40,971 Now with your peripherals... Yeah. 506 00:25:41,055 --> 00:25:43,515 ...you got to scope out a hot, drunk chick. 507 00:25:43,682 --> 00:25:45,017 And then you should make your move. 508 00:25:45,100 --> 00:25:46,935 Okay? All right. Yes. 509 00:25:47,144 --> 00:25:49,938 And remember, it's more important that she's drunk than she's hot. 510 00:25:50,022 --> 00:25:52,483 For this first one. Go get her. Peripherals, though. 511 00:25:52,524 --> 00:25:53,692 All the way. 512 00:25:54,818 --> 00:25:56,111 All peripherals. 513 00:26:03,452 --> 00:26:04,745 That boy is stubborn. 514 00:26:07,623 --> 00:26:10,918 Hi, I'm Andy. You look comfortable. 515 00:26:11,168 --> 00:26:13,587 Can I get you another cocktail? 516 00:26:13,671 --> 00:26:14,797 Too drunk. 517 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,342 But you got the right idea. But clinically alive. 518 00:26:20,469 --> 00:26:21,428 Hey! Yo! 519 00:26:21,512 --> 00:26:23,931 I'm having trouble finding the drunk people. 520 00:26:24,014 --> 00:26:26,225 You want to know where there's one? Yeah. 521 00:26:26,308 --> 00:26:30,145 I. I, Captain Yellowshirts. 522 00:26:30,229 --> 00:26:31,230 [Growls] 523 00:26:31,313 --> 00:26:33,440 Okay. Have a good one. 524 00:26:33,524 --> 00:26:34,692 Yo! What? 525 00:26:34,775 --> 00:26:37,945 I met a girl and she's here with a bachelorette party... 526 00:26:38,028 --> 00:26:40,030 and they invited us to party with them. 527 00:26:40,322 --> 00:26:43,242 Okay, that's good. It's so good... 528 00:26:43,325 --> 00:26:44,994 because no one is hornier than a girl... 529 00:26:45,035 --> 00:26:47,663 who's about to watch her friend get married to a guy. 530 00:26:47,746 --> 00:26:49,164 It's so funny. 531 00:26:50,124 --> 00:26:51,291 [Women whooping] 532 00:26:53,335 --> 00:26:57,131 So we just decided because this is my last night as a free woman... 533 00:26:57,172 --> 00:27:00,300 before I marry Dan, that we would just wig out. 534 00:27:00,509 --> 00:27:02,177 We're wigging out! 535 00:27:03,178 --> 00:27:05,973 You guys are hilarious. 536 00:27:07,266 --> 00:27:08,517 Wait a minute. 537 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,146 Yes, Mr. President. Yes, the erection results are in. 538 00:27:12,187 --> 00:27:13,313 [All laughing] 539 00:27:13,355 --> 00:27:16,150 Hey, guys, look, it's Dr. Zeus' penis. 540 00:27:16,650 --> 00:27:18,444 I really mean this. 541 00:27:19,361 --> 00:27:21,822 Hey, everybody, who wants penis cake? 542 00:27:22,114 --> 00:27:23,157 I do. 543 00:27:23,282 --> 00:27:26,535 (Cal) She does. Hey, you guys, Betty Cocker. 544 00:27:26,827 --> 00:27:28,620 [All laughing] 545 00:27:28,704 --> 00:27:30,289 What a good guy. What a... 546 00:27:30,372 --> 00:27:32,333 Dan, the guy Robin's marrying... 547 00:27:32,416 --> 00:27:35,669 is such a good guy. 548 00:27:35,711 --> 00:27:37,338 He sounds like a good guy. 549 00:27:37,379 --> 00:27:40,424 I hated him for like two years 'cause he cheated on me. 550 00:27:40,716 --> 00:27:41,925 But... 551 00:27:44,386 --> 00:27:46,597 he's really changed now. 552 00:27:47,765 --> 00:27:50,851 He's a really good guy now. Your friends seem nice. 553 00:27:50,934 --> 00:27:53,437 You have really kind eyes, you know that? 554 00:27:53,645 --> 00:27:56,899 Thanks. Your hat has sequins. 555 00:27:59,485 --> 00:28:00,486 Mmm. 556 00:28:04,156 --> 00:28:05,199 Mmm. 557 00:28:09,328 --> 00:28:10,829 [Both tittering] 558 00:28:11,205 --> 00:28:13,415 Your hands are on my belt. What? 559 00:28:13,499 --> 00:28:15,501 Your hands are on my belt. I'm sorry. 560 00:28:15,584 --> 00:28:16,794 It's good. 561 00:28:17,711 --> 00:28:18,962 You're cute. 562 00:28:19,046 --> 00:28:21,215 This is kind of lame. You wanna get out of here? 563 00:28:21,298 --> 00:28:22,800 Okay, yeah. 564 00:28:28,013 --> 00:28:29,390 Yeah. Fuck. 565 00:28:29,973 --> 00:28:31,308 Come on. Okay. 566 00:28:36,689 --> 00:28:38,023 You wanna drive? 567 00:28:38,065 --> 00:28:40,609 I don't have a car with me here, so... 568 00:28:40,693 --> 00:28:42,528 Cars just suck. 569 00:28:43,028 --> 00:28:44,196 [Grunting] 570 00:28:44,530 --> 00:28:45,698 I'm driving. 571 00:28:46,907 --> 00:28:47,950 Are you drunk? 572 00:28:48,033 --> 00:28:49,576 No, I didn't have anything to drink. 573 00:28:49,660 --> 00:28:51,870 Blow into this? Okay. 574 00:28:53,580 --> 00:28:54,832 [Beeping] 575 00:28:56,917 --> 00:29:00,796 What is this? The judge recommended I get one. 576 00:29:01,422 --> 00:29:02,423 [Engine starting] 577 00:29:02,506 --> 00:29:05,384 ##[Get Ur Freak On playing on car stereo] 578 00:29:07,386 --> 00:29:10,848 Whoa, okay. Wow. That's fast. 579 00:29:12,766 --> 00:29:15,310 Okay. Come on, you're in the lasso. 580 00:29:15,436 --> 00:29:16,437 [Giggling] 581 00:29:18,313 --> 00:29:20,024 # Missy be puttin' it down # 582 00:29:20,107 --> 00:29:21,191 # I'm the hottest round # 583 00:29:21,275 --> 00:29:22,818 # I told y'all mother-uh # 584 00:29:22,901 --> 00:29:24,069 # Y'all can't stop me now # 585 00:29:24,153 --> 00:29:25,195 # Listen to me now # 586 00:29:25,279 --> 00:29:26,530 # I'm lastin' 20 rounds # 587 00:29:26,613 --> 00:29:28,115 # And if you want me, people # 588 00:29:28,198 --> 00:29:29,700 # Then come on get me now ## 589 00:29:30,617 --> 00:29:34,705 And Dan's like, "You're such a B-I-T-C-H, bitch!" 590 00:29:34,747 --> 00:29:35,831 [Tires screeching] 591 00:29:35,914 --> 00:29:38,709 And I'm like, "You're the bitch, bitch. " 592 00:29:38,792 --> 00:29:40,544 You know? Yeah. 593 00:29:40,586 --> 00:29:42,338 What was your name again? 594 00:29:42,588 --> 00:29:44,131 Andy. Andy. 595 00:29:44,214 --> 00:29:48,927 Let me tell you something, Andy. Don't ever be named Dan. 596 00:29:49,261 --> 00:29:52,014 Dan rhymes with man, and men jerk off. 597 00:29:52,097 --> 00:29:53,557 And he was a jerk-off. 598 00:29:53,599 --> 00:29:56,310 Do you know what I mean? Look out! The car! 599 00:29:56,602 --> 00:29:59,605 Wow. I like you. 600 00:30:00,022 --> 00:30:01,523 You're not a... 601 00:30:03,859 --> 00:30:04,860 Ugh. 602 00:30:04,943 --> 00:30:07,988 I think I ate some bad shellfish sandwich or something. 603 00:30:09,323 --> 00:30:11,367 You're cute. No. 604 00:30:17,831 --> 00:30:20,834 That tasted good. That tasted like shellfish. 605 00:30:22,127 --> 00:30:24,922 Look out! Sorry. 606 00:30:25,923 --> 00:30:27,049 Watch it! 607 00:30:27,091 --> 00:30:28,550 [Exclaiming] 608 00:30:29,426 --> 00:30:31,929 Do you think I'm pretty? Oh, yes. 609 00:30:32,262 --> 00:30:33,722 Oh, God, yes! 610 00:30:35,140 --> 00:30:37,601 You're not looking at me. Yes, you're pretty. 611 00:30:37,643 --> 00:30:39,520 You're not looking at me. Yes, you're pretty. 612 00:30:39,603 --> 00:30:42,231 Do you think I'm pretty? Look at me. 613 00:30:42,314 --> 00:30:45,401 Look at me! I'm looking! You're pretty! 614 00:30:45,442 --> 00:30:47,861 God, I just wanna live! 615 00:30:49,488 --> 00:30:52,074 God, I hope I get my period soon. 616 00:30:52,199 --> 00:30:55,703 I am in a bad mood. Okay. 617 00:30:55,786 --> 00:30:58,622 I'm so tired. 618 00:30:59,331 --> 00:31:00,749 Hey, whoa! 619 00:31:00,791 --> 00:31:01,792 [Glass shattering] 620 00:31:01,875 --> 00:31:04,294 Oh, God! Turn away! 621 00:31:04,628 --> 00:31:06,797 Hey, get off the wheel. 622 00:31:08,507 --> 00:31:11,093 You're not gonna get in my pants acting like that. 623 00:31:11,176 --> 00:31:12,720 I'm starving. 624 00:31:12,970 --> 00:31:15,514 Let's get some fucking French toast. 625 00:31:16,056 --> 00:31:17,266 [Tires screeching] 626 00:31:17,599 --> 00:31:21,228 Okay, here we are. Oh, God, we made it. 627 00:31:21,311 --> 00:31:22,646 Home sweet home. 628 00:31:23,981 --> 00:31:25,607 Oh, mommy! 629 00:31:25,691 --> 00:31:26,692 [Screeching] 630 00:31:28,193 --> 00:31:29,445 [Panting] 631 00:31:29,486 --> 00:31:33,282 Are you okay? The fucker came out of nowhere. 632 00:31:34,700 --> 00:31:37,077 Okay. We're okay. 633 00:31:37,161 --> 00:31:38,412 [Laughing] 634 00:31:39,246 --> 00:31:40,247 [Crying] 635 00:31:40,289 --> 00:31:41,623 Are you okay? 636 00:31:42,291 --> 00:31:44,418 Well, are you... What's the matter? 637 00:31:48,130 --> 00:31:49,131 [Gasps] 638 00:31:50,132 --> 00:31:51,383 I'm sorry. 639 00:31:51,967 --> 00:31:55,429 That's okay. I think I kind of had that coming. 640 00:31:56,180 --> 00:31:58,349 I'll still have sex with you if you want. 641 00:31:58,432 --> 00:32:01,435 You know what, I think I'm gonna pass on the sex, if you don't mind. 642 00:32:01,518 --> 00:32:04,021 At least I don't have to work out tomorrow. 643 00:32:04,772 --> 00:32:06,648 Did you have a daiquiri tonight? Yeah. 644 00:32:06,732 --> 00:32:07,775 I thought you might. 645 00:32:08,359 --> 00:32:09,735 It was a very bad night. 646 00:32:09,818 --> 00:32:10,778 [All laughing] 647 00:32:11,654 --> 00:32:12,738 Yeah, laugh. 648 00:32:12,821 --> 00:32:15,115 You know what, you guys wouldn't be laughing right now... 649 00:32:15,199 --> 00:32:18,702 if some girl had just vomited shellfish sandwich into your mouth. 650 00:32:18,827 --> 00:32:19,828 [Grunts] 651 00:32:19,912 --> 00:32:21,789 You know what, you're right, it's my bad. 652 00:32:21,830 --> 00:32:23,832 Let me apologize to you first of all... 653 00:32:23,916 --> 00:32:27,753 for not mentioning in detail that when you pick up a drunk woman... 654 00:32:27,836 --> 00:32:30,464 who's falling down on her way out of the bar... 655 00:32:30,547 --> 00:32:33,384 that you should probably drive. I drive a bike. 656 00:32:33,467 --> 00:32:37,012 Okay, Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong, who asked you to drive a bike? 657 00:32:37,096 --> 00:32:39,264 You know what, I'm not the only person in the world... 658 00:32:39,306 --> 00:32:40,474 who rides a bike. 659 00:32:40,557 --> 00:32:43,268 Yeah, everyone rides a bike, when they're fucking six. 660 00:32:43,310 --> 00:32:45,437 Why don't you kiss something? 661 00:32:45,521 --> 00:32:48,649 Because this is over, you guys, okay? 662 00:32:48,732 --> 00:32:50,401 Can I just interject for a second? 663 00:32:50,484 --> 00:32:51,860 [Stuttering] Let me just say... 664 00:32:51,985 --> 00:32:54,321 you're putting the pussy up on this pedestal. 665 00:32:54,405 --> 00:32:55,948 You're just building the pussy up, man. 666 00:32:55,990 --> 00:32:57,408 What are you even talking about? 667 00:32:57,491 --> 00:32:59,451 "Building the pussy up," what does that mean? 668 00:32:59,493 --> 00:33:04,206 You making the pussy into this great big Greek goddess named Pussalia... 669 00:33:04,289 --> 00:33:05,457 and what you're doing is... 670 00:33:05,541 --> 00:33:08,836 you're psyching yourself into thinking it's some impossible feat. 671 00:33:08,919 --> 00:33:10,295 Yeah, I think you're right. 672 00:33:10,337 --> 00:33:12,339 I'm putting the pussy up on a pedestal. 673 00:33:12,381 --> 00:33:13,799 Right. That's it. 674 00:33:14,008 --> 00:33:15,801 It's "Pussalia," right? 675 00:33:15,843 --> 00:33:18,345 Look where you going. I don't wanna say the word anymore. 676 00:33:18,387 --> 00:33:20,639 Say what word? "Pussy. " I don't wanna say it. 677 00:33:20,723 --> 00:33:22,975 Fuck it. "Pussy" is a scientific word. 678 00:33:23,100 --> 00:33:25,185 Dude! New pants, man. 679 00:33:25,728 --> 00:33:26,729 You know what, Dave? 680 00:33:26,812 --> 00:33:29,356 You know, you said there wasn't gonna be any pressure at all. 681 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:31,066 (David) I'm not pressuring you. Excuse me. 682 00:33:31,150 --> 00:33:32,776 Can one of you guys help me, please? 683 00:33:32,860 --> 00:33:34,403 No hablo English, lady. 684 00:33:35,821 --> 00:33:38,115 I actually am helping a customer right now. 685 00:33:38,198 --> 00:33:40,534 Okay, well... I'm on break. 686 00:33:40,617 --> 00:33:43,162 But our stock supervisor is very knowledgeable. 687 00:33:43,245 --> 00:33:45,748 He can answer all of your questions and he'd love to help you. 688 00:33:45,831 --> 00:33:46,874 Thank you. 689 00:33:46,957 --> 00:33:48,500 Have a nice day. You, too. 690 00:33:49,418 --> 00:33:53,672 Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish. Hi, Andy is my name. 691 00:33:54,298 --> 00:33:57,384 This one looks pretty good. You don't wanna buy that VCR. 692 00:33:57,468 --> 00:33:58,469 I don't? 693 00:33:58,510 --> 00:34:00,346 No, actually to be totally honest with you... 694 00:34:00,387 --> 00:34:01,722 you don't wanna buy any VCR. 695 00:34:01,805 --> 00:34:03,474 It's a dead technology. 696 00:34:03,557 --> 00:34:07,686 It's like getting an eight-track player. 697 00:34:07,770 --> 00:34:10,189 Yeah. Or a Betamax. 698 00:34:10,230 --> 00:34:12,316 You know what, actually I'd recommend this one. 699 00:34:12,358 --> 00:34:13,484 This is a dual. 700 00:34:13,567 --> 00:34:16,654 You've got the VCR and DVD combo. 701 00:34:16,695 --> 00:34:20,240 So, you know, that technology would be probably pretty good for... 702 00:34:20,532 --> 00:34:21,659 Six months or so? Yeah. 703 00:34:21,700 --> 00:34:22,993 That's good. 704 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,079 At best. Sorry. 705 00:34:25,204 --> 00:34:27,581 No. As good as it gets. 706 00:34:27,706 --> 00:34:28,916 Okay, that sounds good, then. 707 00:34:28,999 --> 00:34:30,084 Okay, all right. 708 00:34:30,167 --> 00:34:31,168 [Cal speaking Spanish] 709 00:34:31,251 --> 00:34:32,336 It's perfect. Sorry. 710 00:34:32,378 --> 00:34:33,671 Coming through. 711 00:34:34,004 --> 00:34:35,089 Okay. 712 00:34:35,172 --> 00:34:37,883 God, you know, it's so funny, I work right across the street... 713 00:34:37,966 --> 00:34:39,385 and I've never been in this place. 714 00:34:39,468 --> 00:34:40,886 Really? Where at? Yeah. 715 00:34:40,969 --> 00:34:43,597 The "We Sell Your Stuff On eBay" store. 716 00:34:44,390 --> 00:34:46,100 Yes. And that's the name? 717 00:34:46,350 --> 00:34:48,686 Yeah, I was looking for something... 718 00:34:48,894 --> 00:34:51,730 you know, obvious. So I chose that. 719 00:34:51,814 --> 00:34:54,024 I don't understand. So, what, you do what? 720 00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,360 Well, I take the stuff that you don't want... 721 00:34:56,402 --> 00:34:58,487 and then I "sell" it on eBay. 722 00:34:58,570 --> 00:35:01,073 But you don't actually sell anything in the store? 723 00:35:02,032 --> 00:35:03,617 No. I don't. 724 00:35:04,368 --> 00:35:06,453 So why do you have a store? 725 00:35:06,537 --> 00:35:07,830 I don't know. 726 00:35:07,871 --> 00:35:11,166 No, I think it's because, you know, I wanna maybe look professional... 727 00:35:11,208 --> 00:35:14,211 and not like a crazy person who's just gonna steal all your shit. 728 00:35:14,253 --> 00:35:16,630 Sure. I didn't mean anything by that. 729 00:35:16,714 --> 00:35:18,173 No, it's okay. 730 00:35:18,340 --> 00:35:22,011 You know what, you should come by sometime if you want, you know... 731 00:35:22,094 --> 00:35:23,887 see it for yourself, check it out. 732 00:35:23,971 --> 00:35:25,514 I'll check out your empty store. 733 00:35:25,597 --> 00:35:28,851 Yeah, it's the one across the street that's not empty. 734 00:35:30,185 --> 00:35:31,687 Here's my number. So... 735 00:35:32,229 --> 00:35:34,690 All right. So, just anytime. 736 00:35:35,357 --> 00:35:38,235 Why do I need your number if you're across the street, though? 737 00:35:39,486 --> 00:35:42,489 I don't really have a good answer for that, Andy. I just... 738 00:35:42,573 --> 00:35:44,533 Sorry. Just giving it to you. 739 00:35:44,742 --> 00:35:47,870 So I'll write you up, and I'll meet you over at the register. 740 00:35:47,911 --> 00:35:49,580 Okay. And check you out... Check out. 741 00:35:49,663 --> 00:35:50,998 Okay, see you over there. Okay. 742 00:35:51,081 --> 00:35:52,041 Okay. 743 00:35:52,458 --> 00:35:54,501 Awful chatty. Hey... 744 00:35:54,918 --> 00:35:57,087 Look, I think she gave me her number. 745 00:35:57,171 --> 00:35:59,673 She wrote down her number, but I think she gave me her number. 746 00:35:59,757 --> 00:36:01,133 No, she gave you. Dude, man. 747 00:36:01,216 --> 00:36:02,801 See, you still mad at me? 748 00:36:02,885 --> 00:36:04,720 No, I was never. Right, you see what I mean? 749 00:36:04,803 --> 00:36:06,722 Yeah, we gonna celebrate it, man. Yeah. 750 00:36:06,764 --> 00:36:08,223 This is pretty cool. Yeah. 751 00:36:08,265 --> 00:36:10,225 Unbelievable. Come on, give him some credit, man. 752 00:36:10,267 --> 00:36:11,477 The man pulled a number. 753 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,104 It's just... I was in... I can't believe that happened. 754 00:36:14,188 --> 00:36:15,647 What you did with you's own hand. 755 00:36:15,731 --> 00:36:17,858 Man, she just gave me her number. 756 00:36:18,067 --> 00:36:22,696 That's great, man. I'm telling you, love is a mysterious fig. 757 00:36:22,738 --> 00:36:23,781 It is. 758 00:36:23,864 --> 00:36:26,617 Okay, here's a question. When should I call her? 759 00:36:27,242 --> 00:36:28,494 You like her? Yeah. 760 00:36:28,577 --> 00:36:30,037 You definitely don't want to call her. 761 00:36:30,079 --> 00:36:31,705 When is the next Olympics? 762 00:36:31,789 --> 00:36:33,165 (Jay) So what you just got to do is... 763 00:36:33,248 --> 00:36:34,958 just get you a bunch of these hood rats... 764 00:36:35,042 --> 00:36:36,460 run through them, just knock them out. 765 00:36:36,543 --> 00:36:37,586 Boom, boom, boom. 766 00:36:37,670 --> 00:36:40,214 And once you've done slayed like 20, 30 of them hood rats... 767 00:36:40,297 --> 00:36:43,050 now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho. 768 00:36:43,092 --> 00:36:45,219 You know what I mean? I'm not a big ho runner. 769 00:36:45,302 --> 00:36:47,096 My uncle used to drive a ho runner. 770 00:36:47,179 --> 00:36:49,056 Screw these analogies. What he's saying is... 771 00:36:49,098 --> 00:36:51,141 you are going to be so bad at sex the first time... 772 00:36:51,225 --> 00:36:53,143 you don't want to have sex with someone you like... 773 00:36:53,227 --> 00:36:55,646 'cause they'll think you're a weirdo for being so lame at it. 774 00:36:55,729 --> 00:36:57,773 You want to have sex with hood rats first... 775 00:36:57,856 --> 00:36:59,900 so that by the time you get to the girl you do like... 776 00:36:59,983 --> 00:37:03,445 you're not terrible at sex, you'll be mediocre at it. 777 00:37:03,779 --> 00:37:05,280 Probably still pretty bad, though. 778 00:37:05,322 --> 00:37:07,574 (Jay) Let's put it up for my man for pulling that number. 779 00:37:07,616 --> 00:37:09,994 Way to go, man. Politicked his ass off. 780 00:37:10,077 --> 00:37:12,371 (Cal) You did politic. Thanks a lot. 781 00:37:12,454 --> 00:37:14,498 Like a train, round the bend. You ready? 782 00:37:25,175 --> 00:37:26,218 [Clears throat] 783 00:37:47,364 --> 00:37:48,574 [Coughing] 784 00:37:48,699 --> 00:37:49,700 Yeah. 785 00:37:50,826 --> 00:37:52,036 I can't. Do it. 786 00:37:52,119 --> 00:37:53,746 I can't pee in public. Gotta do it. 787 00:37:53,787 --> 00:37:55,414 I've got a mental block about it. 788 00:37:55,456 --> 00:37:58,667 Come on, do it. I'm shy! 789 00:38:00,127 --> 00:38:01,879 [Shouting] 790 00:38:02,921 --> 00:38:05,549 I peed in public! 791 00:38:05,841 --> 00:38:08,177 Let me out. I can't hear what you're saying. 792 00:38:08,260 --> 00:38:10,804 I don't want to be in here. It's a soundproof room. 793 00:38:11,513 --> 00:38:13,682 Just learn the techniques. Right on, man. 794 00:38:13,766 --> 00:38:15,100 [Woman moaning] 795 00:38:15,184 --> 00:38:17,061 You guys, this is not funny! 796 00:38:28,530 --> 00:38:29,657 [Sighing] 797 00:38:43,962 --> 00:38:45,422 [Ringing] 798 00:38:48,300 --> 00:38:49,301 Hello. 799 00:38:49,385 --> 00:38:50,427 [Grunting] 800 00:38:55,974 --> 00:38:57,309 Hey, what you watching? 801 00:38:57,393 --> 00:38:59,520 Dawn of the Dead, man. Great. 802 00:38:59,645 --> 00:39:01,772 The store is slow. Paula's gone. 803 00:39:01,814 --> 00:39:04,233 Yo, is Paula back? No. She's not here. 804 00:39:04,692 --> 00:39:06,652 She said we can't watch this in here. You sure? 805 00:39:06,735 --> 00:39:09,113 I know. Can I ask you something in confidence? 806 00:39:09,154 --> 00:39:11,240 I know this is gonna sound weird. 807 00:39:11,949 --> 00:39:13,450 Am I good-looking? 808 00:39:13,492 --> 00:39:15,244 Do you think a woman will find me attractive? 809 00:39:15,327 --> 00:39:16,996 [Snarls] Oh, my God! 810 00:39:17,788 --> 00:39:20,374 Oh, my God, the blood just... Okay, never mind. 811 00:39:20,457 --> 00:39:22,292 Wait, Andy. Hold up. 812 00:39:22,334 --> 00:39:25,337 Listen, this is embarrassing for me. This is hard to talk about. 813 00:39:25,421 --> 00:39:27,881 Are you ready for my honest answer? Yes. 814 00:39:28,298 --> 00:39:30,634 Yeah. I think you're a good-looking cat. 815 00:39:31,427 --> 00:39:32,970 I don't think that anybody knows it... 816 00:39:33,053 --> 00:39:34,638 and I don't think anybody can see it. 817 00:39:34,722 --> 00:39:35,889 Well, that's why I'm asking you. 818 00:39:35,973 --> 00:39:38,475 You seem really well-groomed and really put together. 819 00:39:38,559 --> 00:39:41,270 I mean, look, dude. You think this was an accident? 820 00:39:41,603 --> 00:39:44,106 All of this right here? Premeditated, partner. 821 00:39:44,189 --> 00:39:47,609 You gotta highlight your attributes, like a diamond in the rough. 822 00:39:47,651 --> 00:39:49,403 You willing to make some sacrifices? 823 00:39:49,486 --> 00:39:50,529 Absolutely. 824 00:39:50,612 --> 00:39:53,407 You see that whole Teen Wolf thing you got going right there? 825 00:39:53,490 --> 00:39:55,326 You need to wax that right out. 826 00:39:55,409 --> 00:39:57,286 Does it hurt? No. Waxing don't hurt. 827 00:39:57,328 --> 00:39:59,330 I mean, not unless you're a bitch. You know what I mean? 828 00:39:59,413 --> 00:40:00,914 It didn't hurt me. I get it done all the time. 829 00:40:00,998 --> 00:40:02,666 [Screaming] What the fuck! 830 00:40:02,750 --> 00:40:03,751 [Exclaiming] 831 00:40:06,170 --> 00:40:08,088 Fuck that nigger up! 832 00:40:09,006 --> 00:40:11,508 Bitch, get out of the room! 833 00:40:14,428 --> 00:40:16,472 (Jay) This is gonna be good. 834 00:40:16,513 --> 00:40:18,766 This the one right here, right? Hi, how are you? 835 00:40:18,849 --> 00:40:20,851 So this is your first time getting body waxed? 836 00:40:20,934 --> 00:40:21,977 Yes, it is. 837 00:40:22,061 --> 00:40:24,146 Take off your shirt. Okay. 838 00:40:27,524 --> 00:40:29,443 We're gonna need more wax. 839 00:40:29,526 --> 00:40:31,820 I'm staying. This is gonna be good. 840 00:40:32,488 --> 00:40:35,282 And clear all my appointments in the afternoon. 841 00:40:35,532 --> 00:40:36,825 Here we go. 842 00:40:37,201 --> 00:40:38,494 That feels warm. 843 00:40:41,664 --> 00:40:44,750 (David) I like your sweater. Does that come in a V-neck? 844 00:40:46,126 --> 00:40:48,629 (Cal) She starts doing his pubes, I'm out of here. 845 00:40:50,589 --> 00:40:52,174 (Jay) You gonna look good after this, man. 846 00:40:52,257 --> 00:40:53,509 Thanks, man. 847 00:40:53,842 --> 00:40:55,219 So, ready? Yeah. 848 00:40:56,720 --> 00:40:59,056 [Speaks foreign language] 849 00:41:00,015 --> 00:41:01,266 [Screaming] 850 00:41:01,350 --> 00:41:03,185 You fucker! 851 00:41:04,353 --> 00:41:06,939 I'm sorry. That's just your job. 852 00:41:07,022 --> 00:41:10,484 You want me to stop now? No. It's okay. 853 00:41:11,986 --> 00:41:13,195 Let's do another one. 854 00:41:13,278 --> 00:41:14,947 That one little patch looks sexy though. 855 00:41:15,030 --> 00:41:17,032 Does it look good? (Cal) Yeah, it looks really good. 856 00:41:17,157 --> 00:41:18,158 [Exclaiming] 857 00:41:18,242 --> 00:41:20,619 (David) It looks man-tastic. 858 00:41:21,787 --> 00:41:22,955 (Andy) Okay. 859 00:41:24,581 --> 00:41:28,210 Wow! I didn't expect that at all. I really didn't expect that. 860 00:41:28,794 --> 00:41:31,213 (Jay) You got it. The first one is the only one that hurts. 861 00:41:31,255 --> 00:41:33,716 Yeah. Those hairs are pretty deep. 862 00:41:33,799 --> 00:41:34,883 Okay. 863 00:41:35,217 --> 00:41:36,844 You ready? Yup. 864 00:41:36,927 --> 00:41:38,387 [Speaks foreign language] 865 00:41:38,554 --> 00:41:40,264 [Screaming] 866 00:41:40,639 --> 00:41:42,391 Sucker motherfucker! 867 00:41:42,850 --> 00:41:45,144 You shithead! I hate you! 868 00:41:45,227 --> 00:41:47,021 I hate you so much! 869 00:41:48,147 --> 00:41:49,356 That one hurt. 870 00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,817 That one hurt just as much as the first one. 871 00:41:51,900 --> 00:41:53,861 That's great, man. Man! 872 00:41:53,944 --> 00:41:55,112 [Exhaling] 873 00:41:55,779 --> 00:41:58,032 One, two, three. 874 00:41:58,115 --> 00:41:59,116 [Grunting] 875 00:41:59,241 --> 00:42:03,203 Fuck me! 876 00:42:03,662 --> 00:42:07,166 In the asshole! 877 00:42:07,291 --> 00:42:09,293 [Andy exclaiming] 878 00:42:09,376 --> 00:42:10,502 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 879 00:42:10,544 --> 00:42:12,171 I really don't swear this much. 880 00:42:12,212 --> 00:42:13,672 You know what, I got a weak stomach. 881 00:42:13,714 --> 00:42:15,549 That's all I can really take. I'll see ya'll. 882 00:42:15,591 --> 00:42:17,968 (Andy) Jay. Be tough, Andy, you got it. 883 00:42:18,052 --> 00:42:20,137 Where did Jay go? (David) He went to throw up. 884 00:42:20,220 --> 00:42:21,472 Ready? Yup. 885 00:42:22,181 --> 00:42:23,223 One, two. 886 00:42:23,307 --> 00:42:24,350 [Gasping] 887 00:42:24,433 --> 00:42:26,727 Cocksucker motherfucker! 888 00:42:26,852 --> 00:42:28,520 You pulled on two. 889 00:42:29,772 --> 00:42:31,440 Why didn't you pull on three? 890 00:42:31,523 --> 00:42:32,858 Freddy pie hole! 891 00:42:32,941 --> 00:42:34,360 [Andy exclaiming in Spanish] 892 00:42:34,568 --> 00:42:36,487 No! Kelly Clarkson! 893 00:42:36,904 --> 00:42:38,530 [Screaming] 894 00:42:41,700 --> 00:42:43,452 [Andy screaming] Ya'll done or ya'll... 895 00:42:43,535 --> 00:42:45,037 That's fucked up. (Andy) Oh, shit falls! 896 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:46,246 That's fucked up. 897 00:42:49,249 --> 00:42:51,210 I hate you. 898 00:42:51,251 --> 00:42:53,629 Stop smiling, you jerk! 899 00:42:53,712 --> 00:42:54,880 You pussy. 900 00:42:54,963 --> 00:42:57,049 Oh, God. What's next? 901 00:42:57,424 --> 00:42:59,677 You're doing the nipple. (Cal) Not the nipple. 902 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:01,470 Come on. Not the nipple. 903 00:43:01,553 --> 00:43:03,222 Please, Cal, hold my hand. 904 00:43:03,639 --> 00:43:06,433 You kidding me, man? Hold my goddamn hand, man. 905 00:43:07,017 --> 00:43:09,269 Do it! Just hold. Okay, here we go. 906 00:43:09,353 --> 00:43:10,479 [Exhaling] 907 00:43:10,562 --> 00:43:11,563 (woman) Ready? 908 00:43:12,272 --> 00:43:13,565 No. Yup. 909 00:43:13,607 --> 00:43:15,567 One, two, three. 910 00:43:16,110 --> 00:43:18,529 [Screaming] Nipple fuck! 911 00:43:19,905 --> 00:43:22,366 Mika, you should burn in hell! 912 00:43:22,825 --> 00:43:25,494 Okay, all right. No, seriously, I think I'm done. 913 00:43:25,577 --> 00:43:27,913 I think we're done. I think that's good. 914 00:43:28,247 --> 00:43:29,248 [Panting] 915 00:43:30,082 --> 00:43:31,417 You know what, guys... 916 00:43:31,458 --> 00:43:34,003 this is not a good look for me! 917 00:43:34,420 --> 00:43:36,255 You look like a man-o'- lantern. 918 00:43:36,296 --> 00:43:38,257 Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Thank you. 919 00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:54,732 [Screaming] 920 00:43:57,818 --> 00:43:59,570 (Cal) Thank you very much. You're welcome. 921 00:43:59,611 --> 00:44:01,238 Thank you. Thanks. 922 00:44:01,697 --> 00:44:03,741 Andy, I owe you an apology, man. 923 00:44:03,824 --> 00:44:07,286 I wasn't very nice to you for the past two-and-a-half years. 924 00:44:07,328 --> 00:44:08,454 You were nice to me. 925 00:44:08,537 --> 00:44:11,206 No, I was... I thought you were really boring and... 926 00:44:11,290 --> 00:44:13,584 I kind of thought you were a serial killer. 927 00:44:13,625 --> 00:44:14,626 [Laughs] 928 00:44:14,877 --> 00:44:16,253 I'm not joking. 929 00:44:16,754 --> 00:44:19,631 Hey! Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry. 930 00:44:19,715 --> 00:44:22,051 Don't worry. There's a lot of padding in these. 931 00:44:22,092 --> 00:44:24,470 I could hurl it off the balcony, it would be fine. 932 00:44:24,553 --> 00:44:26,263 Yeah. It will be fine. We couldn't break this... 933 00:44:26,347 --> 00:44:27,389 if we tried. No problem. 934 00:44:27,473 --> 00:44:29,558 Look, you shouldn't listen to Dave and Jay, okay? 935 00:44:29,641 --> 00:44:32,728 Those guys are crazy. You should listen to me, okay? 936 00:44:32,811 --> 00:44:35,773 Look, there is a hot-ass girl who works right there. 937 00:44:35,856 --> 00:44:39,193 There she is, in the bookstore. You should ask her out, man. 938 00:44:41,153 --> 00:44:42,988 Something wrong with her underpants. 939 00:44:43,113 --> 00:44:44,573 (Cal) Yeah, they're not in my mouth. 940 00:44:44,615 --> 00:44:46,617 You know, I kind of... 941 00:44:47,826 --> 00:44:50,037 like the woman from the eBay store. 942 00:44:50,204 --> 00:44:51,246 That's great, but... 943 00:44:51,288 --> 00:44:52,623 you're not gonna get with anyone... 944 00:44:52,665 --> 00:44:54,291 unless you play the odds on this, man. 945 00:44:54,375 --> 00:44:56,293 You need to plant a lot of seeds. 946 00:44:56,335 --> 00:44:59,838 It's like this. When I was growing pot, I realized... 947 00:45:00,381 --> 00:45:03,467 that the more seeds I planted... Thank you. 948 00:45:03,592 --> 00:45:05,886 ...the more pot I could ultimately smoke. 949 00:45:05,969 --> 00:45:09,181 I think I have all the advice that I can handle right now. 950 00:45:09,264 --> 00:45:10,349 Don't get bitter. 951 00:45:10,432 --> 00:45:13,310 I'm not bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay? 952 00:45:13,352 --> 00:45:15,145 That was Jay's idea, okay? 953 00:45:15,229 --> 00:45:17,815 And I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is... 954 00:45:17,898 --> 00:45:20,401 like the gayest thing you could possibly do, okay? 955 00:45:20,484 --> 00:45:24,196 Look at me. Looks are not important. Really look at me. 956 00:45:24,321 --> 00:45:27,241 I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards... 957 00:45:27,324 --> 00:45:29,743 but I get with women. 958 00:45:29,827 --> 00:45:31,912 Aren't you curious as to how that's possible? 959 00:45:31,996 --> 00:45:34,248 I am not ugly as fuck. 960 00:45:34,331 --> 00:45:36,125 I didn't say you were ugly as... 961 00:45:36,208 --> 00:45:37,668 Well, you implied it. Okay. 962 00:45:37,751 --> 00:45:40,337 It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck or you're ugly as shit. 963 00:45:40,421 --> 00:45:43,507 It's about talking to women, and I know how to do that... 964 00:45:43,590 --> 00:45:46,969 because I observe, because I am a novelist. 965 00:45:47,636 --> 00:45:49,513 What? You never told me that before. 966 00:45:49,596 --> 00:45:52,391 That's because I am not an arrogant prick, Andy. 967 00:45:52,474 --> 00:45:54,893 Okay? The problem most men have is... 968 00:45:55,227 --> 00:45:56,729 they don't know how to talk to women. 969 00:45:56,812 --> 00:46:00,482 You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. 970 00:46:00,649 --> 00:46:03,235 What am I supposed to say? "I went to magic camp?" 971 00:46:03,610 --> 00:46:05,404 "I'm an accomplished ventriloquist?" 972 00:46:05,487 --> 00:46:08,615 "I am a seventh-degree imperial yo-yo master. " 973 00:46:08,657 --> 00:46:09,658 [Exclaims] 974 00:46:09,742 --> 00:46:11,785 Do me, yo-yo master. 975 00:46:11,827 --> 00:46:15,622 I want you to do me, 'cause you're the yo-yo guy. 976 00:46:15,998 --> 00:46:17,207 Are you done? Listen. 977 00:46:17,291 --> 00:46:19,209 The problem most men have is... 978 00:46:19,293 --> 00:46:22,755 they just plain straight up have no clue how to talk to women. 979 00:46:23,172 --> 00:46:26,050 Just ask a question, okay? That's it. 980 00:46:26,175 --> 00:46:29,386 Because women do not care about what you have to say... 981 00:46:29,470 --> 00:46:30,929 at all anyway, you know. 982 00:46:31,013 --> 00:46:33,015 And all they want to do is talk about themselves. 983 00:46:33,098 --> 00:46:34,808 So you're just gonna let them do that. 984 00:46:34,892 --> 00:46:36,518 Okay? So remember. 985 00:46:36,602 --> 00:46:39,813 Questions, be cool, and be kind of a dick. 986 00:46:39,897 --> 00:46:43,025 Here, be David Caruso in Jade. 987 00:46:43,525 --> 00:46:45,694 Okay. I know exactly what you're talking about. 988 00:46:45,778 --> 00:46:47,279 You do. That's good. 989 00:46:49,073 --> 00:46:50,491 (Cal) There she is. 990 00:46:53,327 --> 00:46:55,037 Go plant that seed, man. 991 00:46:55,663 --> 00:46:57,414 Plant it with your finger. 992 00:47:09,635 --> 00:47:11,053 Can I help you? 993 00:47:13,097 --> 00:47:14,723 I don't know. Can you? 994 00:47:16,392 --> 00:47:18,352 Are you looking for something? 995 00:47:19,728 --> 00:47:22,356 Is there something I should be looking for? 996 00:47:23,691 --> 00:47:24,942 [Laughs] 997 00:47:26,652 --> 00:47:28,195 We have a lot of books. 998 00:47:28,654 --> 00:47:31,740 So, maybe it depends on what you like. 999 00:47:36,745 --> 00:47:38,205 What do you like? 1000 00:47:38,497 --> 00:47:41,959 We have a great section of... 1001 00:47:42,501 --> 00:47:43,961 do-it-yourself. 1002 00:47:44,044 --> 00:47:46,380 Do you like to "do it yourself"? 1003 00:47:47,339 --> 00:47:49,508 Sometimes. I mean... 1004 00:47:50,050 --> 00:47:53,637 if the mood strikes. 1005 00:47:54,888 --> 00:47:57,057 How is the mood striking you now? 1006 00:47:57,516 --> 00:47:58,892 [Laughing] 1007 00:48:00,561 --> 00:48:01,770 [Tittering] 1008 00:48:04,023 --> 00:48:05,482 What's your name? 1009 00:48:06,191 --> 00:48:07,401 What's your name? 1010 00:48:07,484 --> 00:48:09,528 I'm Beth. 1011 00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:13,365 Andy. 1012 00:48:14,658 --> 00:48:15,784 Andy. 1013 00:48:18,454 --> 00:48:21,040 Don't tell on me, okay, Andy? I wont. 1014 00:48:22,750 --> 00:48:25,085 Unless you want to be told on... 1015 00:48:25,961 --> 00:48:26,962 Beth. 1016 00:48:29,757 --> 00:48:31,342 Wow. That totally worked! 1017 00:48:31,425 --> 00:48:33,552 I literally said nothing. And she found me fascinating. 1018 00:48:33,635 --> 00:48:35,471 I would've thought you were doing that for years. 1019 00:48:35,554 --> 00:48:37,264 Should I have asked her out? No. That's the key. 1020 00:48:37,348 --> 00:48:38,766 You wait for it to grow into a plant... 1021 00:48:38,849 --> 00:48:40,351 and then you fuck the plant. 1022 00:48:44,396 --> 00:48:45,481 Okay. 1023 00:48:46,357 --> 00:48:47,566 This is easy. 1024 00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:49,735 All right. 1025 00:48:50,235 --> 00:48:52,863 Hello, Trish. How you doing? What's going on? 1026 00:48:53,238 --> 00:48:54,198 [Laughing] 1027 00:48:54,531 --> 00:48:55,699 Good joke. 1028 00:48:55,741 --> 00:48:57,534 This is a fun conversation. 1029 00:48:57,576 --> 00:48:59,953 Just grow a backbone and call her. 1030 00:49:00,079 --> 00:49:02,706 She asked you to call her. She wants you to call her. 1031 00:49:08,462 --> 00:49:09,797 [Telephone ringing] 1032 00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:10,839 Hello. 1033 00:49:11,382 --> 00:49:12,716 Hey, how you doing? 1034 00:49:14,677 --> 00:49:16,470 How you doing? I'm well. 1035 00:49:16,887 --> 00:49:18,305 Who is this? 1036 00:49:19,014 --> 00:49:22,017 This is James. James. Do I know you, James? 1037 00:49:22,101 --> 00:49:23,268 [Grunting] 1038 00:49:23,602 --> 00:49:25,646 I was wondering whether you had a few minutes... 1039 00:49:25,729 --> 00:49:27,606 to talk about a little laundry detergent. 1040 00:49:27,690 --> 00:49:29,817 Are you a telemarketer, James? 1041 00:49:30,067 --> 00:49:31,068 Yep. 1042 00:49:31,151 --> 00:49:32,486 Are you at the top of a tall building? 1043 00:49:32,569 --> 00:49:34,989 Can you get to a roof quickly? Jump off! 1044 00:49:35,072 --> 00:49:36,198 I mean, you people are sick. 1045 00:49:36,281 --> 00:49:38,075 Get a real fucking job, why don't you? 1046 00:49:38,158 --> 00:49:39,702 Go shoot yourself in the fucking head. 1047 00:49:39,785 --> 00:49:42,621 Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it? 1048 00:49:42,705 --> 00:49:44,081 Why don't you do that, huh? 1049 00:49:44,164 --> 00:49:45,457 Okay. I'll see you later, James. 1050 00:49:45,541 --> 00:49:48,877 Nice to talk to you. Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye. 1051 00:49:50,587 --> 00:49:51,588 Oh. 1052 00:49:51,672 --> 00:49:52,881 [Doorbell ringing] 1053 00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:57,177 Hey, man. Got a big box of porn for you. 1054 00:49:58,929 --> 00:50:01,265 Can I come in? Yeah. 1055 00:50:02,057 --> 00:50:03,058 [Sighs] 1056 00:50:03,225 --> 00:50:05,102 Sweet video game chair. 1057 00:50:09,064 --> 00:50:10,316 So what's in the box? 1058 00:50:10,399 --> 00:50:12,735 It's my personal collection of erotica. 1059 00:50:13,152 --> 00:50:14,278 I want to give it to you. 1060 00:50:14,361 --> 00:50:17,281 I think there might be a few tapes in there that just might open up... 1061 00:50:17,364 --> 00:50:18,866 Pandora's box of love. 1062 00:50:18,949 --> 00:50:19,992 Okay. 1063 00:50:20,075 --> 00:50:22,870 Amy and I, we used to watch Harry Twatter... 1064 00:50:22,953 --> 00:50:24,455 and we'd put it on the television... 1065 00:50:24,538 --> 00:50:26,457 and then act it out as it was going on... 1066 00:50:26,540 --> 00:50:28,167 and it was... 1067 00:50:30,210 --> 00:50:31,712 She's adorable. 1068 00:50:32,671 --> 00:50:34,089 Fucking bitch. 1069 00:50:34,173 --> 00:50:36,216 Well, you know, this is really gracious and kind... 1070 00:50:36,258 --> 00:50:37,426 and generous and everything. 1071 00:50:37,509 --> 00:50:40,220 But I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment. 1072 00:50:40,304 --> 00:50:42,765 There's some really great stuff in here. 1073 00:50:42,806 --> 00:50:45,184 Really great movies in here, man. 1074 00:50:45,434 --> 00:50:46,977 Hey, did you ever see School of Rock? 1075 00:50:47,061 --> 00:50:48,520 Yeah. Well, this is... 1076 00:50:48,604 --> 00:50:50,230 It's called School of... 1077 00:50:50,564 --> 00:50:51,690 You know... 1078 00:50:51,982 --> 00:50:55,361 That's nice. But it stars Jack Black Cock. 1079 00:50:56,236 --> 00:50:57,404 That makes sense. 1080 00:50:57,488 --> 00:50:59,323 Dude, here it is. 1081 00:50:59,406 --> 00:51:01,950 Boner Jams '03. It's a mixed tape I made. 1082 00:51:02,034 --> 00:51:06,121 All these great scenes that I was really into in the summer of 2003. 1083 00:51:06,455 --> 00:51:09,208 I think you'd really dig it. Yeah. Now I can see that. 1084 00:51:09,291 --> 00:51:10,793 This is... 1085 00:51:11,085 --> 00:51:12,503 Everybody Loves Raymond. 1086 00:51:12,586 --> 00:51:14,004 That's probably not supposed to be... 1087 00:51:14,088 --> 00:51:15,881 This is a good show. I just tape it sometimes. 1088 00:51:15,964 --> 00:51:18,008 Well, I don't think you understand something, Dave. 1089 00:51:18,092 --> 00:51:22,554 I don't want this stuff, okay? Because I don't do that, that much. 1090 00:51:22,638 --> 00:51:24,598 What, masturbate? Yeah. 1091 00:51:25,683 --> 00:51:28,060 Dude, I've jacked it twice since I've been here. 1092 00:51:28,102 --> 00:51:31,230 Are you kidding me? Why not? It's not a hobby of mine. 1093 00:51:31,271 --> 00:51:33,607 Well, then, that's the only hobby you don't have. 1094 00:51:33,691 --> 00:51:36,110 No, seriously, I just don't feel comfortable talking about... 1095 00:51:36,151 --> 00:51:37,236 You need to. You're wound up. 1096 00:51:37,319 --> 00:51:38,904 You're like one of these action figures... 1097 00:51:38,988 --> 00:51:40,739 all hermetically sealed in your box. 1098 00:51:40,781 --> 00:51:43,158 You gotta play with... Don't! 1099 00:51:43,242 --> 00:51:44,326 Don't take it out! 1100 00:51:44,410 --> 00:51:47,037 I'm sorry. You know what, it's just... 1101 00:51:47,162 --> 00:51:49,873 It loses its value if you take it out of its packaging. 1102 00:51:49,957 --> 00:51:53,085 I'm just saying, let it out. Give it some air, man. Play with it. 1103 00:51:53,127 --> 00:51:55,796 Take your porn with you. I'm not taking it. 1104 00:51:55,879 --> 00:51:57,548 Take your box-o-porn. 1105 00:51:57,631 --> 00:52:00,426 It's my gift to you. No. I don't want it. 1106 00:52:00,676 --> 00:52:01,844 David, it's not... 1107 00:52:01,927 --> 00:52:02,970 Andy, for the last time... 1108 00:52:03,053 --> 00:52:04,930 I don't want your giant box of pornography. 1109 00:52:04,972 --> 00:52:07,266 No, no, no! Come on, man. 1110 00:52:07,558 --> 00:52:08,851 So uncool. 1111 00:52:09,476 --> 00:52:10,644 Uncool? 1112 00:52:11,687 --> 00:52:15,482 Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy. 1113 00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:18,736 (David) For the last time, I don't want to watch... 1114 00:52:18,819 --> 00:52:20,446 School of Cock with you. 1115 00:52:20,863 --> 00:52:23,824 ##[Hello playing] 1116 00:53:30,516 --> 00:53:32,434 It's nothing official. 1117 00:53:33,394 --> 00:53:36,397 Just a little token of my appreciation. 1118 00:53:39,525 --> 00:53:40,943 [Tape forwarding] 1119 00:53:44,905 --> 00:53:46,115 [Woman moaning] 1120 00:53:48,283 --> 00:53:49,284 [Sighs] 1121 00:53:57,292 --> 00:54:00,587 Hi, Andy. I'm gonna talk dirty to you. 1122 00:54:00,671 --> 00:54:04,967 I want to have lots of sexy sex with you. 1123 00:54:05,134 --> 00:54:09,179 I want to touch your big, fat noodle... 1124 00:54:09,304 --> 00:54:13,183 'cause I want to have naughty intercourse with you. 1125 00:54:13,392 --> 00:54:17,354 I want you to put your penis on, I mean, in me, Andy. 1126 00:54:17,646 --> 00:54:21,025 I want to do lots of, lots of sexy... 1127 00:54:21,108 --> 00:54:23,819 hot things with you. Shit. 1128 00:54:24,570 --> 00:54:27,656 This really isn't working, Andy. I don't know what to say... 1129 00:54:27,740 --> 00:54:29,199 because I am you. 1130 00:54:29,241 --> 00:54:30,242 [Exclaiming] 1131 00:54:31,285 --> 00:54:32,661 (Andy) Okay. New tape. 1132 00:54:34,913 --> 00:54:37,750 Nothing is ever good enough and it's always our fault. 1133 00:54:37,833 --> 00:54:39,668 Hey, you can't speak to your mother like that. 1134 00:54:39,752 --> 00:54:41,628 You do. She's not my mother. 1135 00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:45,799 [Traffic humming] 1136 00:54:46,633 --> 00:54:48,969 I heard Dave gave you the box of porn. 1137 00:54:49,345 --> 00:54:50,387 Yeah, he did. 1138 00:54:51,805 --> 00:54:53,766 You ever watch, like, Primetime Live... 1139 00:54:53,849 --> 00:54:55,851 when they take a black light into a hotel room... 1140 00:54:55,934 --> 00:54:58,437 and show you all the semen all over the bedspread? 1141 00:54:59,063 --> 00:55:00,022 Yeah. 1142 00:55:00,648 --> 00:55:02,816 You blind someone with that box. 1143 00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:05,235 Could see that thing from space. 1144 00:55:08,781 --> 00:55:11,367 This right here, you looking at the Bentley of big screen TVs. 1145 00:55:11,450 --> 00:55:13,827 I'm talking about, this is the Rolls-Royce of big screen... 1146 00:55:13,869 --> 00:55:14,870 [exclaiming] 1147 00:55:15,412 --> 00:55:17,873 Sometimes, I think these butterflies are in here. 1148 00:55:18,374 --> 00:55:20,292 I think he might be fooling us all, though. 1149 00:55:20,376 --> 00:55:21,293 Really? 1150 00:55:21,377 --> 00:55:23,545 I actually think he might be, like, some genius... 1151 00:55:23,629 --> 00:55:25,714 and this is like some big, like, hilarious... 1152 00:55:25,798 --> 00:55:28,801 Like he's bored at work and he just wanted to kick up some shit... 1153 00:55:28,884 --> 00:55:30,219 so he told us all he's a virgin. 1154 00:55:30,302 --> 00:55:32,388 You're seeing that a lot of stuff that's not there. 1155 00:55:32,471 --> 00:55:34,431 You're just projecting all over him. 1156 00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:36,183 He might be an idiot savant... 1157 00:55:36,266 --> 00:55:39,269 but he's not, like, clever enough to go that deep. 1158 00:55:39,353 --> 00:55:40,729 But he's got a great body. 1159 00:55:40,771 --> 00:55:43,107 Would you fuck him? In a New York minute. 1160 00:55:43,190 --> 00:55:44,817 You would fuck him? Absolutely. 1161 00:55:47,111 --> 00:55:48,904 Hey, Andy, what are you doing for lunch? 1162 00:55:49,363 --> 00:55:51,532 I don't know. I have a turkey sandwich. 1163 00:55:51,615 --> 00:55:54,451 We're gonna go around the corner. I think you should come with us. 1164 00:55:54,535 --> 00:55:57,329 There's this great place. A lot of cute girls. 1165 00:55:57,746 --> 00:55:59,206 I don't know. Okay. 1166 00:56:00,124 --> 00:56:02,042 We brought you a shirt. 1167 00:56:02,459 --> 00:56:04,253 This place is pretty fancy. 1168 00:56:05,587 --> 00:56:06,588 Something going on? 1169 00:56:06,672 --> 00:56:08,507 Hey, who's ready to have some fun? 1170 00:56:08,590 --> 00:56:09,883 [People cheering] 1171 00:56:10,551 --> 00:56:11,969 Hey, guys... 1172 00:56:13,387 --> 00:56:15,889 No, don't ignore me. I know what this is. 1173 00:56:15,931 --> 00:56:18,434 Within one hour, you'll each have 20 dates. 1174 00:56:18,559 --> 00:56:21,895 Don't... Please don't do this. I saw this on Primetime Live. 1175 00:56:22,021 --> 00:56:23,731 All right, ninja master. 1176 00:56:24,148 --> 00:56:26,150 We've given you all the advice we have to give. 1177 00:56:26,233 --> 00:56:27,401 Now you gonna put it in action. 1178 00:56:27,484 --> 00:56:29,445 Advice? You guys all gave me different advice. 1179 00:56:29,528 --> 00:56:31,405 He thinks you're a pothead. I am. 1180 00:56:31,572 --> 00:56:34,658 Dude. Hey, partner. What are you whining about? 1181 00:56:34,742 --> 00:56:36,869 You asked for this shit. No, I didn't. 1182 00:56:36,952 --> 00:56:38,787 Will you just quit whining like a bitch? 1183 00:56:38,871 --> 00:56:41,373 I'm not whining like a bitch. You are whining like a bitch. 1184 00:56:41,457 --> 00:56:44,460 And you about to cram like 10 years of pimpage into one day. 1185 00:56:44,543 --> 00:56:47,421 I don't want to cram pimpage. And after that... 1186 00:56:47,838 --> 00:56:49,548 you on my level. Come on. 1187 00:56:49,631 --> 00:56:52,092 (Cal) Just ask questions. This is a bad idea. 1188 00:56:52,176 --> 00:56:53,177 [Buzzing] 1189 00:56:53,719 --> 00:56:55,012 [People chattering] 1190 00:56:55,095 --> 00:56:56,430 (woman) Hi. Hi. How are you? 1191 00:56:56,513 --> 00:56:57,723 I'm fine. 1192 00:56:58,932 --> 00:57:00,100 Are you fine? 1193 00:57:00,893 --> 00:57:01,894 Yeah. 1194 00:57:02,770 --> 00:57:04,396 You're fine then? 1195 00:57:05,105 --> 00:57:08,233 Are you fucking retarded? What the hell's the matter with you? 1196 00:57:08,609 --> 00:57:10,152 Do you want me to be fucking retarded? 1197 00:57:10,235 --> 00:57:11,236 [Buzzer sounding] 1198 00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:13,697 When I look into the eyes of the children and the parents... 1199 00:57:13,781 --> 00:57:15,199 and they are smiling and saying: 1200 00:57:15,282 --> 00:57:17,534 "Thank you, Dr. Montalban, you saved my child"... 1201 00:57:17,618 --> 00:57:18,702 it was worth it. 1202 00:57:18,786 --> 00:57:19,828 [Buzzer sounding] 1203 00:57:21,580 --> 00:57:22,706 Amy... 1204 00:57:23,374 --> 00:57:25,501 what are you doing here? David. 1205 00:57:26,877 --> 00:57:29,213 And you are Gina? Gina. 1206 00:57:29,296 --> 00:57:31,006 Hey, what's up? Nothing. 1207 00:57:31,131 --> 00:57:33,717 Look, I'm going to be real honest with you. 1208 00:57:33,759 --> 00:57:36,261 It's been a long time since I've been with a man. 1209 00:57:36,345 --> 00:57:39,014 Spent a lot of time with the ladies. 1210 00:57:39,098 --> 00:57:41,517 Looking to get back up on that pogo stick. 1211 00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:43,560 You know what I'm saying? Excuse me. 1212 00:57:43,602 --> 00:57:47,564 Remember that time when we made love and you cried in my arms? 1213 00:57:47,648 --> 00:57:50,109 Please don't reminisce about the times we fucked, please. 1214 00:57:50,150 --> 00:57:52,027 It's so creepy. Let's go to Paris. 1215 00:57:52,111 --> 00:57:54,947 I want to take you underneath the Eiffel Tower and make love to you. 1216 00:57:54,989 --> 00:57:56,240 Cut it out. Cut what out? 1217 00:57:56,323 --> 00:57:58,909 This go to Paris! We've been broken up for like two years, man. 1218 00:57:58,951 --> 00:58:00,411 I don't want to date you anymore. 1219 00:58:00,452 --> 00:58:02,079 You're a whore. I am not a whore. 1220 00:58:02,162 --> 00:58:03,789 I just didn't like you. 1221 00:58:03,872 --> 00:58:04,999 This is so us. 1222 00:58:05,082 --> 00:58:06,083 [Laughs] 1223 00:58:06,125 --> 00:58:07,167 [Snickering] 1224 00:58:07,251 --> 00:58:08,836 Psycho talk. What? 1225 00:58:08,919 --> 00:58:10,754 You're a good-looking man. Thank you. 1226 00:58:10,796 --> 00:58:13,215 Very pretty. Real soft, delicate features. 1227 00:58:13,298 --> 00:58:15,759 You're real feminine, you know, which is good for me... 1228 00:58:15,843 --> 00:58:18,512 because that would be a simple sort of transition. 1229 00:58:18,595 --> 00:58:19,763 You know what I'm saying? 1230 00:58:19,847 --> 00:58:23,017 Maybe throw a little rouge on you, tuck your sac back. 1231 00:58:23,100 --> 00:58:24,643 You game? No. 1232 00:58:24,727 --> 00:58:25,728 [Buzzer sounding] 1233 00:58:25,811 --> 00:58:29,523 You need to stop fucking around with my friend, okay? 1234 00:58:29,606 --> 00:58:32,443 Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy. 1235 00:58:32,526 --> 00:58:35,571 I moved, I changed my e-mail address, my phone number. 1236 00:58:35,654 --> 00:58:37,072 He's practically stalking me. 1237 00:58:37,114 --> 00:58:39,575 Well, I didn't know all that. So, I'm sorry. 1238 00:58:39,658 --> 00:58:40,743 [Buzzer sounding] 1239 00:58:40,826 --> 00:58:41,952 I love Minnesota. 1240 00:58:42,036 --> 00:58:44,621 (woman) I grew up in a town outside of Minneapolis... 1241 00:58:44,705 --> 00:58:47,583 with a population of, like, 500 people. Really small. 1242 00:58:47,624 --> 00:58:49,918 Yeah, it's like the Land of a Thousand Lakes. 1243 00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,755 What about you? You're used to, like, a really big city. 1244 00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:55,090 Really... God, yes. 1245 00:58:56,175 --> 00:58:59,511 The town that I grew up in was really small. I mean... 1246 00:58:59,636 --> 00:59:02,514 you know, it was just so safe. There was no crime. 1247 00:59:02,598 --> 00:59:05,768 I mean, a girl could just walk from one end of town to the other... 1248 00:59:05,851 --> 00:59:08,687 and just, you know, feel completely safe. 1249 00:59:09,438 --> 00:59:10,648 [Coughing] 1250 00:59:10,731 --> 00:59:11,774 [Buzzer sounding] 1251 00:59:11,857 --> 00:59:13,192 (Jay) You suppose he's had enough? 1252 00:59:13,275 --> 00:59:15,694 Spank bank has once again been filled. 1253 00:59:16,612 --> 00:59:18,113 (Cal) I'll tell you who's the hottest. 1254 00:59:18,197 --> 00:59:21,283 You're gonna think I'm crazy. Let me tell you. Gina. 1255 00:59:21,700 --> 00:59:24,745 Can't get va-Gina out of my head. Va-Gina all week. 1256 00:59:34,588 --> 00:59:35,964 You know what's a fun game? Huh? 1257 00:59:36,048 --> 00:59:38,008 You take three Excedrin PMs... 1258 00:59:38,050 --> 00:59:40,803 and you see if you could whack off before you fall asleep. 1259 00:59:40,844 --> 00:59:42,054 [Sighing] 1260 00:59:42,721 --> 00:59:45,265 You always win is the best part about the game. 1261 00:59:48,060 --> 00:59:49,979 (Jill) Are you Andy? Yeah. 1262 00:59:50,020 --> 00:59:51,605 Is this yours? Did you write this stuff? 1263 00:59:51,689 --> 00:59:54,358 My girlfriend, Jill, found your speed-dating card. 1264 00:59:55,150 --> 00:59:56,443 Yeah, right. 1265 00:59:56,485 --> 00:59:58,612 God, I've been looking for that speed-dating card. 1266 00:59:58,696 --> 01:00:00,489 Thank you so much for bringing it to me. 1267 01:00:00,572 --> 01:00:02,700 So, you actually wrote that one girl looked like... 1268 01:00:02,783 --> 01:00:04,660 she was "hurting for a squirting"? 1269 01:00:04,952 --> 01:00:07,705 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hurting for a squirting, I wrote that. 1270 01:00:07,788 --> 01:00:10,124 So you wrote "ho fo show. " 1271 01:00:10,916 --> 01:00:13,419 Yeah, I remember that girl. She was a ho. 1272 01:00:14,169 --> 01:00:15,337 Fo show. 1273 01:00:15,546 --> 01:00:17,631 Let me show you how this device works. 1274 01:00:17,673 --> 01:00:19,425 Right, I'm just looking for a cordless phone. 1275 01:00:19,508 --> 01:00:22,136 Yup, it's great. You can do anything, make video diaries... 1276 01:00:22,177 --> 01:00:25,889 Hey, Amy, how's it going? How you feeling? I'm great. 1277 01:00:26,098 --> 01:00:28,726 I feel fantastic since we broke up. 1278 01:00:29,268 --> 01:00:30,894 I feel awesome! 1279 01:00:30,978 --> 01:00:33,647 Can you just show me the department where there would be phones? 1280 01:00:33,689 --> 01:00:35,858 How have you been? What's been going on... 1281 01:00:35,941 --> 01:00:37,985 I bet... Hey, have you been doing a lot of this? 1282 01:00:40,321 --> 01:00:41,655 Sir, please, sir. 1283 01:00:41,739 --> 01:00:43,198 You are never gonna meet anybody... 1284 01:00:43,282 --> 01:00:45,951 with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch. 1285 01:00:46,035 --> 01:00:47,745 Who the fuck are you to put me on trial? 1286 01:00:47,828 --> 01:00:49,496 I've never even met you. 1287 01:00:49,538 --> 01:00:51,749 So why don't you back the shit off, all right? 1288 01:00:51,832 --> 01:00:53,834 And stop with the inquisition. 1289 01:00:53,959 --> 01:00:55,210 That's how you talk? 1290 01:00:55,294 --> 01:00:57,171 You know what, I don't have to answer to you. 1291 01:00:57,212 --> 01:00:58,756 You ain't my bitch. 1292 01:00:58,839 --> 01:01:00,382 Know what I saying? 1293 01:01:00,466 --> 01:01:02,801 So, shit, man. Fuck it. 1294 01:01:02,843 --> 01:01:04,887 You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert. 1295 01:01:04,970 --> 01:01:07,097 I don't hang out with him. I work with him and that's it. 1296 01:01:07,181 --> 01:01:08,849 I tried to introduce him to a few nice people... 1297 01:01:08,932 --> 01:01:10,017 he made a fool of himself. 1298 01:01:10,100 --> 01:01:11,769 I don't mess with him, baby. That's not me. 1299 01:01:11,852 --> 01:01:14,063 You should keep your ho on a leash. 1300 01:01:14,146 --> 01:01:15,814 Bro, I can't let you... Hey. 1301 01:01:15,856 --> 01:01:18,025 I can't let you be talking to my woman like that, dawg. 1302 01:01:18,108 --> 01:01:20,277 Know what I'm saying? Bitch is running wild, man. 1303 01:01:20,361 --> 01:01:23,572 You miss that ass? That's the ass of a free man. 1304 01:01:23,656 --> 01:01:26,033 That ass is going out tonight, maybe to a club. 1305 01:01:26,075 --> 01:01:27,660 Maybe to a night club. 1306 01:01:27,868 --> 01:01:29,203 Hey, Andy... 1307 01:01:29,244 --> 01:01:31,580 take a look at your pal. Oh, my God. 1308 01:01:31,664 --> 01:01:34,208 Yeah, he's performing a public colonoscopy. 1309 01:01:34,291 --> 01:01:35,709 Isn't that sweet? 1310 01:01:35,751 --> 01:01:37,252 I'm gonna send David home for the day... 1311 01:01:37,336 --> 01:01:38,504 and you're gonna fill in for him. 1312 01:01:38,545 --> 01:01:40,255 What? Selling things? You got that right. 1313 01:01:40,339 --> 01:01:41,548 I don't think that's a good idea. 1314 01:01:41,632 --> 01:01:43,175 And you're gonna have to talk to people, too. 1315 01:01:43,217 --> 01:01:44,843 I know that's a frightening concept to you... 1316 01:01:44,927 --> 01:01:46,178 but I think you can handle it. 1317 01:01:46,220 --> 01:01:48,013 So get out there and start selling some shit. 1318 01:01:48,055 --> 01:01:49,348 ...thing for Amy. 1319 01:01:49,723 --> 01:01:51,183 Hold it. Check it out. 1320 01:01:51,225 --> 01:01:52,643 (David) I miss her. 1321 01:01:52,893 --> 01:01:54,353 ##[music playing] 1322 01:01:55,521 --> 01:01:57,481 Dude, the floor's the ultimate aphrodisiac. 1323 01:01:57,564 --> 01:01:59,358 All you got to do is go make your pick now. 1324 01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:01,777 Come on, man. Okay. 1325 01:02:02,569 --> 01:02:04,530 And you could act a little enthused about it. 1326 01:02:04,613 --> 01:02:05,698 Yeah. 1327 01:02:07,116 --> 01:02:10,327 (Jay) That's right. That's right. Gazelle in the pink top. 1328 01:02:11,495 --> 01:02:13,205 (Jay) Oh, shit. Hi. 1329 01:02:13,247 --> 01:02:15,332 (Andy) Looks like you're checking out digital cameras. 1330 01:02:15,374 --> 01:02:17,334 You know what, he ain't going to do it willingly. 1331 01:02:17,376 --> 01:02:20,212 No. We need to, like, really facilitate things a bit more. 1332 01:02:20,295 --> 01:02:21,839 Yo, Andy. (Andy) Yeah. 1333 01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:23,424 What's up, dude? This is Jay, man. 1334 01:02:23,507 --> 01:02:24,758 Hey, Jay. 1335 01:02:24,883 --> 01:02:26,301 I am throwing a party tonight. 1336 01:02:26,385 --> 01:02:28,095 It's gonna be real mellow, just chilled up. 1337 01:02:28,178 --> 01:02:29,555 Now, you really need to be there. 1338 01:02:29,638 --> 01:02:32,182 It's gonna be really, really colorful. 1339 01:02:32,433 --> 01:02:33,726 Are you free? 1340 01:02:34,601 --> 01:02:35,686 Yeah, I think so. 1341 01:02:35,728 --> 01:02:38,147 That was a joke, man. I know you're free. 1342 01:02:38,439 --> 01:02:39,815 I'm okay. Gotta go, man. 1343 01:02:39,898 --> 01:02:40,983 All right, bye. 1344 01:02:43,736 --> 01:02:45,863 So, tell me, Montel... 1345 01:02:46,238 --> 01:02:49,325 why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, Al-Qaeda? 1346 01:02:49,408 --> 01:02:50,492 No, hold up. 1347 01:02:50,576 --> 01:02:52,745 No, no. It's not that kind of party, y'all. 1348 01:02:52,828 --> 01:02:54,872 You're not coming to our fucking party either, okay? 1349 01:02:54,913 --> 01:02:55,998 Fuck you, okay? 1350 01:02:56,081 --> 01:02:57,833 First of all, it ain't that kind of party. 1351 01:02:57,916 --> 01:02:59,793 Go fuck a goat. Yeah. 1352 01:02:59,918 --> 01:03:01,712 Why you always telling me to fuck a goat, man? 1353 01:03:01,795 --> 01:03:02,838 (Mooj) Fuck a goat! 1354 01:03:05,257 --> 01:03:06,633 [Elevator bell dings] 1355 01:03:08,552 --> 01:03:09,803 ##[music playing on stereo] 1356 01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:11,055 [Knocking on door] 1357 01:03:19,396 --> 01:03:20,564 Hello? 1358 01:03:22,858 --> 01:03:23,984 Hello? 1359 01:03:25,778 --> 01:03:26,987 Hello. 1360 01:03:28,572 --> 01:03:30,282 Hello. Hi. 1361 01:03:31,241 --> 01:03:33,786 Are you here for Jay's party? Yes. 1362 01:03:34,203 --> 01:03:35,829 I am Jay's party. 1363 01:03:37,665 --> 01:03:40,751 You know what, hiring a transvestite prostitute isn't helping me, man. 1364 01:03:40,834 --> 01:03:43,087 What? Ain't nobody hired no damn transvestite. 1365 01:03:43,170 --> 01:03:44,213 What are you talking about? 1366 01:03:44,254 --> 01:03:46,090 She was really nice, incidentally. 1367 01:03:46,173 --> 01:03:47,883 If that sister was a transvestite... 1368 01:03:47,966 --> 01:03:50,052 that was the Mona Lisa of transvestites. 1369 01:03:50,135 --> 01:03:52,054 You got a hummer from the tranny, didn't you? 1370 01:03:52,096 --> 01:03:55,432 You know, aren't we owed one now? 'Cause technically we paid her. 1371 01:03:55,516 --> 01:03:56,850 Get a dick, man. 1372 01:03:56,934 --> 01:03:58,560 Do you guys even like me? 1373 01:03:58,644 --> 01:04:02,106 Or is this some sort of cruel joke that you're all in on? 1374 01:04:02,189 --> 01:04:04,483 Because I'm not a freak. I'm a good person. 1375 01:04:04,566 --> 01:04:08,028 I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but... 1376 01:04:08,696 --> 01:04:10,656 I think that he's rocking the shit in this one. 1377 01:04:10,739 --> 01:04:12,449 Shut up, Dave! 1378 01:04:12,533 --> 01:04:16,412 Hold up. Let's just chill on the aggression for a minute. 1379 01:04:16,787 --> 01:04:20,916 Look at him. He is such a bad ass. 1380 01:04:21,542 --> 01:04:23,919 He looks just like Luke Wilson. 1381 01:04:23,961 --> 01:04:24,962 Mmm-hmm. 1382 01:04:25,087 --> 01:04:26,797 So you saying she was definitely a man? 1383 01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:27,881 Yes. 1384 01:04:27,965 --> 01:04:30,050 Okay, well, how do you know that she was a man? 1385 01:04:30,134 --> 01:04:33,095 Because her hands were as big as Andr� the Giant's. 1386 01:04:33,429 --> 01:04:36,098 And she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls. 1387 01:04:36,890 --> 01:04:38,392 So you have no proof. 1388 01:04:38,600 --> 01:04:40,436 You know what? Just leave me alone. 1389 01:04:40,477 --> 01:04:42,563 Just stay away from me. Or I'm gonna tell Paula... 1390 01:04:42,604 --> 01:04:44,565 that you're all stealing the recordable CDs. 1391 01:04:45,232 --> 01:04:47,901 Come on. That's like we were paid to do it. 1392 01:04:47,943 --> 01:04:50,029 We did this 'cause we're your friends... 1393 01:04:50,112 --> 01:04:52,865 and we didn't think you have the balls to do it yourself. 1394 01:04:52,948 --> 01:04:54,199 Really? (David) Yeah. 1395 01:04:54,450 --> 01:04:55,784 Okay, watch this. 1396 01:04:55,951 --> 01:04:57,453 Yo, Andy, it's just CDs, man. 1397 01:04:57,494 --> 01:04:59,413 That's a third strike for me, dawg. 1398 01:05:03,959 --> 01:05:05,085 [Brakes screech] 1399 01:05:05,169 --> 01:05:06,754 [Man shouting] 1400 01:05:17,389 --> 01:05:18,390 [Grunts] 1401 01:05:19,683 --> 01:05:21,018 [Bells chiming] 1402 01:05:22,978 --> 01:05:23,979 Hi. 1403 01:05:24,688 --> 01:05:26,815 Andy. Hi. Right, yeah. 1404 01:05:26,982 --> 01:05:28,776 You remember my name. I did. 1405 01:05:28,859 --> 01:05:31,362 How you doing? I'm great. I like your store. 1406 01:05:31,445 --> 01:05:33,989 That's good, yeah. If you have time, look around. It's... 1407 01:05:34,073 --> 01:05:35,157 Okay. 1408 01:05:35,616 --> 01:05:36,950 How's business been? 1409 01:05:36,992 --> 01:05:39,953 You know, it's coming along. I mean, it takes a while. 1410 01:05:40,037 --> 01:05:43,082 Do you want to go out sometime? Yes. 1411 01:05:43,540 --> 01:05:46,043 Yes, I would like that. That would be great. 1412 01:05:46,126 --> 01:05:49,880 I think I'm maybe free this weekend, if that's okay. 1413 01:05:49,963 --> 01:05:52,758 Or you could call me tomorrow and we can just firm it up. 1414 01:05:52,800 --> 01:05:54,343 Okay. Great. Great. 1415 01:05:54,426 --> 01:05:58,013 Okay, so I'll call you, and yeah, that'll be good. 1416 01:05:58,097 --> 01:05:59,598 How you doing? Congratulations. 1417 01:05:59,640 --> 01:06:01,558 Okay, so I'll... Yeah. 1418 01:06:01,892 --> 01:06:03,185 Can I help you? 1419 01:06:03,268 --> 01:06:05,771 Yeah, these are wonderful. I'll take these. 1420 01:06:05,980 --> 01:06:09,608 Thanks, they are. They're great. The goldfish just crack me up. 1421 01:06:09,733 --> 01:06:10,776 Funny. 1422 01:06:10,818 --> 01:06:11,944 Yeah, they are. Yeah. 1423 01:06:11,986 --> 01:06:13,195 Yeah. They're cute. 1424 01:06:13,278 --> 01:06:16,448 I don't actually sell anything here. I just sell them on eBay. 1425 01:06:18,450 --> 01:06:19,618 I don't get it. 1426 01:06:19,994 --> 01:06:20,953 Okay. 1427 01:06:21,161 --> 01:06:24,081 Can you help me? No, you're on your own here. 1428 01:06:24,164 --> 01:06:27,292 Good luck to you, and to you. And I'll give you a call. 1429 01:06:27,376 --> 01:06:30,379 Great. Nice to see you. Great. Thanks for coming in. 1430 01:06:30,963 --> 01:06:31,964 Bye. 1431 01:06:32,589 --> 01:06:34,633 So, I guess I'll just give you some money... 1432 01:06:34,717 --> 01:06:37,261 and you can give me these shoes and... 1433 01:06:37,344 --> 01:06:40,014 You know, I know it seems so strange... 1434 01:06:40,097 --> 01:06:42,808 Yes. I'd just rather buy them from you straight up. 1435 01:06:42,850 --> 01:06:44,810 Yeah, I know. I wish it could be that easy, but... 1436 01:06:44,852 --> 01:06:48,105 I wish, too, but you're making it extremely difficult for me. 1437 01:06:48,188 --> 01:06:50,316 I'm just trying to get these shoes back to my house... 1438 01:06:50,399 --> 01:06:51,650 so I can wear them. 1439 01:06:52,109 --> 01:06:53,652 (Cal) I got a corpse in my way. 1440 01:06:53,736 --> 01:06:54,903 (David) Look out. Just kill it. 1441 01:06:54,987 --> 01:06:57,990 That's just so not fair that you have blades and... 1442 01:06:58,073 --> 01:06:59,950 I'm telling you, man, I feel great. 1443 01:07:00,075 --> 01:07:02,119 I'm so... It's like a weight has been lifted. 1444 01:07:02,161 --> 01:07:05,789 Celibacy is the way to go, man. Andy had it right, you know? 1445 01:07:05,831 --> 01:07:07,708 Look at him. He looks younger than all of us... 1446 01:07:07,791 --> 01:07:09,043 but he's 10 years older. 1447 01:07:09,126 --> 01:07:11,628 Why? Because he's never had a relationship. 1448 01:07:11,795 --> 01:07:14,423 No she-devil sucked his life force out yet. 1449 01:07:24,725 --> 01:07:26,852 [Telephone ringing] 1450 01:07:30,939 --> 01:07:33,275 Hello? Hey. Hi. Hello. 1451 01:07:33,651 --> 01:07:34,652 Is this Trish? 1452 01:07:35,653 --> 01:07:37,821 Who's calling, please? This is Andy. 1453 01:07:37,905 --> 01:07:40,157 Hi, Andy. Hi, how you doing? 1454 01:07:40,199 --> 01:07:43,160 I'm good. How're you doing? I'm doing great. 1455 01:07:43,952 --> 01:07:45,204 (Cal) So you're gay, now? 1456 01:07:45,287 --> 01:07:47,164 No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate. 1457 01:07:47,873 --> 01:07:49,917 I think... I mean, that sounds gay. 1458 01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:52,878 I just want you to know that this is the first conversation... 1459 01:07:52,961 --> 01:07:56,382 of three conversations that leads to you being gay. 1460 01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:59,426 There's this and then in a year it's like, "You know... 1461 01:07:59,510 --> 01:08:02,680 "I'm kind of going to wanna get back out there, but I think I like guys. " 1462 01:08:02,721 --> 01:08:05,557 And then there's the big, "I'm a gay guy now. " 1463 01:08:05,849 --> 01:08:08,310 You're gay for saying that. I'm gay for saying that? 1464 01:08:08,352 --> 01:08:10,980 You know how I know you're gay? How? How do you know I'm gay? 1465 01:08:11,021 --> 01:08:13,524 'Cause you macram�d yourself a pair of jean shorts. 1466 01:08:13,607 --> 01:08:14,692 You know how I know you're gay? 1467 01:08:14,775 --> 01:08:16,860 You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore. 1468 01:08:16,944 --> 01:08:18,487 You know how I know you're gay? How? 1469 01:08:18,570 --> 01:08:21,657 'Cause you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are? 1470 01:08:21,740 --> 01:08:23,242 Do you know how I know you're gay? How? 1471 01:08:23,325 --> 01:08:24,785 You like Coldplay. 1472 01:08:25,494 --> 01:08:26,829 You're dead. 1473 01:08:26,912 --> 01:08:28,163 [Both groaning] 1474 01:08:28,205 --> 01:08:29,289 Come on. 1475 01:08:29,373 --> 01:08:31,333 Leave my torso alone at least. 1476 01:08:32,209 --> 01:08:33,627 I also wanted to call... 1477 01:08:33,711 --> 01:08:36,380 and see what night you might want to go out. 1478 01:08:36,505 --> 01:08:38,298 I'm actually free tonight. 1479 01:08:40,384 --> 01:08:43,762 Okay. Now, I was thinking maybe this weekend, but that's good. Okay. 1480 01:08:43,846 --> 01:08:44,805 (Trish) Great. 1481 01:08:44,888 --> 01:08:46,890 Okay, what time do you want to pick me up? 1482 01:08:48,350 --> 01:08:49,685 Let's see. 1483 01:08:50,561 --> 01:08:54,148 That's actually kind of a problem because I ride a bike. 1484 01:08:54,398 --> 01:08:55,816 That's cool. Are you kidding me? 1485 01:08:55,899 --> 01:08:57,693 I love getting on the back of a motorcycle. 1486 01:08:57,735 --> 01:09:00,446 My boyfriend in college drove a motorcycle. 1487 01:09:00,529 --> 01:09:02,323 So, I mean, I'm cool. 1488 01:09:02,406 --> 01:09:06,493 Yeah, I bet that was cool. I ride a bicycle. 1489 01:09:07,578 --> 01:09:09,204 You know how I know that you're gay? 1490 01:09:09,288 --> 01:09:10,331 How? 1491 01:09:10,414 --> 01:09:12,708 You like the movie Maid in Manhattan. 1492 01:09:12,750 --> 01:09:14,293 You know how I know you're gay? How? 1493 01:09:14,376 --> 01:09:17,504 I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once. 1494 01:09:17,588 --> 01:09:19,381 You know how I know you're gay? How? 1495 01:09:19,423 --> 01:09:22,176 You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says: 1496 01:09:22,217 --> 01:09:24,470 "I love it when balls are in my face. " 1497 01:09:24,553 --> 01:09:25,638 That's gay? 1498 01:09:25,721 --> 01:09:27,056 God damn it! 1499 01:09:27,473 --> 01:09:30,100 I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off. 1500 01:09:30,184 --> 01:09:32,686 And now I'm throwing it at your body. 1501 01:09:33,520 --> 01:09:34,521 Fuck you! 1502 01:09:36,023 --> 01:09:37,149 You guys... 1503 01:09:37,900 --> 01:09:40,069 she's picking me up in an hour. 1504 01:09:41,111 --> 01:09:42,738 Oh, drag, dude. 1505 01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:45,532 She's picking you up from here? Yeah. 1506 01:09:45,616 --> 01:09:47,201 That's fucked up, man. 1507 01:09:47,242 --> 01:09:48,869 Why? Why? 1508 01:09:49,578 --> 01:09:53,040 Seriously. I mean, look at this place, man. 1509 01:09:53,582 --> 01:09:56,835 You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? 1510 01:09:56,919 --> 01:09:59,213 What is she going to think when she comes in here? Look. 1511 01:09:59,296 --> 01:10:01,757 He's got a billion toys. So what? 1512 01:10:01,840 --> 01:10:04,593 And more video games than a teenaged Asian kid. 1513 01:10:04,677 --> 01:10:06,178 It's all right. 1514 01:10:06,845 --> 01:10:09,640 Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss? 1515 01:10:09,974 --> 01:10:11,141 It's Oscar Goldman. 1516 01:10:11,225 --> 01:10:13,435 Why do you have that? That's worth a lot of money. 1517 01:10:13,519 --> 01:10:15,479 That's much more valuable than Steve Austin. 1518 01:10:15,562 --> 01:10:19,817 Well, that may be the case. But none of this shit is sexy, okay? 1519 01:10:19,900 --> 01:10:21,610 I'm not trying to be sexy, man. 1520 01:10:21,694 --> 01:10:23,153 I mean, seriously, Asia? 1521 01:10:23,278 --> 01:10:25,155 You framed an Asia poster? 1522 01:10:25,239 --> 01:10:27,199 How hard did the people at the frame store laugh... 1523 01:10:27,282 --> 01:10:29,326 when you brought this in? They did not laugh at me. 1524 01:10:29,410 --> 01:10:31,286 Know why you're gay? Because you like Asia. 1525 01:10:31,370 --> 01:10:32,621 You guys cool it with the gay. 1526 01:10:32,705 --> 01:10:34,540 You know, she's on her way over here, okay? 1527 01:10:34,581 --> 01:10:36,333 First, you relax, okay? 1528 01:10:36,417 --> 01:10:39,712 Just stop calming me down and tell me what I should do. 1529 01:10:39,753 --> 01:10:41,964 Okay, we just take everything that's embarrassing... 1530 01:10:42,047 --> 01:10:43,090 and we move it out of here. 1531 01:10:43,173 --> 01:10:45,217 So it doesn't look like you live in Neverland Ranch. 1532 01:10:52,599 --> 01:10:53,851 Hi. Hi. How are you? 1533 01:10:53,934 --> 01:10:54,935 Good. 1534 01:10:55,019 --> 01:10:57,021 So, you wanna head out? 1535 01:10:57,104 --> 01:10:58,939 Did you just move in or something? 1536 01:10:59,023 --> 01:11:01,275 No. Actually I'm getting new carpet in. 1537 01:11:01,358 --> 01:11:03,777 I'm having carpet put in tomorrow, so... 1538 01:11:05,112 --> 01:11:06,447 Well, you know. Yeah. 1539 01:11:06,530 --> 01:11:08,240 Okay. Looks good with the floors. 1540 01:11:08,282 --> 01:11:09,742 Yeah. All right. 1541 01:11:10,075 --> 01:11:11,535 I should tear up the hard wood... 1542 01:11:11,618 --> 01:11:13,746 and see if there's carpet underneath. 1543 01:11:13,787 --> 01:11:15,664 That's never the case. 1544 01:11:19,001 --> 01:11:20,669 This is gonna be fun. Yes. 1545 01:11:20,753 --> 01:11:22,629 You know, I drive by this place every day. 1546 01:11:22,713 --> 01:11:24,423 I've never been in before. 1547 01:11:25,090 --> 01:11:26,300 I'm glad you came. 1548 01:11:26,383 --> 01:11:29,636 You know, I never really go out with nice guys like you. 1549 01:11:30,596 --> 01:11:33,432 I think I've avoided nice guys like you my whole life... 1550 01:11:33,515 --> 01:11:34,975 at my own peril. 1551 01:11:36,852 --> 01:11:38,520 My last boyfriend drank a lot. 1552 01:11:38,604 --> 01:11:39,563 Mmm-hmm. 1553 01:11:39,647 --> 01:11:41,190 And so... This is just punch. 1554 01:11:41,273 --> 01:11:42,399 [Laughing] 1555 01:11:42,441 --> 01:11:44,276 No, it's okay. A little bit's fine. 1556 01:11:44,318 --> 01:11:46,612 Buddha punch. I need some Buddha. 1557 01:11:47,112 --> 01:11:49,615 Excuse me, miss. Could you gather your team... 1558 01:11:49,657 --> 01:11:52,409 and sing happy birthday for my daughter, please? 1559 01:11:55,204 --> 01:11:57,122 ##[Singing in Chinese] 1560 01:12:07,383 --> 01:12:08,634 [All cheering] 1561 01:12:10,844 --> 01:12:13,597 That was so good. What? That was great. Happy birthday. 1562 01:12:13,639 --> 01:12:15,641 It's your birthday, too? No. 1563 01:12:15,683 --> 01:12:17,768 It's his birthday, too. No, no, no. 1564 01:12:17,851 --> 01:12:20,437 Could you sing for him and bring him a cake? 1565 01:12:20,521 --> 01:12:22,022 (man) Happy birthday. 1566 01:12:22,147 --> 01:12:23,983 ##[Singing in Chinese] 1567 01:12:25,359 --> 01:12:26,610 [Inaudible] 1568 01:12:35,995 --> 01:12:38,372 Thanks a lot. Happy birthday, Andy. 1569 01:12:54,680 --> 01:12:57,891 You really like kissing, don't you? Yes. 1570 01:12:58,142 --> 01:12:59,476 [Laughing] 1571 01:13:00,644 --> 01:13:01,937 I really do. 1572 01:13:01,979 --> 01:13:03,731 Take off your pants, okay? 1573 01:13:05,274 --> 01:13:06,608 Okay. Okay. 1574 01:13:09,111 --> 01:13:11,488 Wow, this is really gonna happen. Oh, yeah. 1575 01:13:11,530 --> 01:13:12,990 Thank God. 1576 01:13:14,408 --> 01:13:17,578 Okay, I'm taking off my pants. Yeah. 1577 01:13:17,828 --> 01:13:19,413 Do you need some help? 1578 01:13:19,788 --> 01:13:23,250 I think I almost got them. It's hooked on my ankle. 1579 01:13:23,917 --> 01:13:25,461 Wow, that's... 1580 01:13:25,627 --> 01:13:26,879 [panting] 1581 01:13:27,046 --> 01:13:28,881 Hey, wait. Do you have protection? 1582 01:13:28,964 --> 01:13:30,632 I don't like guns. 1583 01:13:30,841 --> 01:13:32,134 [Laughing] 1584 01:13:33,552 --> 01:13:35,095 That's funny. 1585 01:13:35,179 --> 01:13:37,514 I have condoms right here. Okay? 1586 01:13:37,598 --> 01:13:39,475 Okay. There's, you know... 1587 01:13:39,516 --> 01:13:42,603 Check the expiration date because they were from when I was married. 1588 01:13:42,686 --> 01:13:45,481 And we didn't have sex that often. That's why there are so many, okay? 1589 01:13:45,564 --> 01:13:46,649 Okay. 1590 01:13:51,028 --> 01:13:52,404 I got them. 1591 01:13:54,782 --> 01:13:56,408 How does this go? 1592 01:13:56,909 --> 01:14:01,622 Okay. "Roll over the tip and down onto the base. " 1593 01:14:03,499 --> 01:14:05,084 Over the balls? 1594 01:14:05,668 --> 01:14:07,044 It doesn't say. 1595 01:14:10,255 --> 01:14:12,466 Do you mind if I use your magnum? 1596 01:14:13,634 --> 01:14:14,635 Yeah. 1597 01:14:16,512 --> 01:14:18,472 Wow. You got to be kidding. 1598 01:14:19,306 --> 01:14:20,766 I am Aquaman. 1599 01:14:22,851 --> 01:14:24,353 What is that? 1600 01:14:28,524 --> 01:14:29,483 [Grunting] 1601 01:14:33,696 --> 01:14:35,114 [Coughing] 1602 01:14:39,660 --> 01:14:40,661 [Condom bursts] 1603 01:14:40,744 --> 01:14:41,745 [Yelps] 1604 01:14:42,413 --> 01:14:43,497 Mom? 1605 01:14:43,539 --> 01:14:44,581 [Marla exclaiming] 1606 01:14:44,665 --> 01:14:45,916 What's going on here? 1607 01:14:46,000 --> 01:14:47,918 Who the hell are you? It's Andy. 1608 01:14:48,002 --> 01:14:49,044 Hi, I'm Andy. 1609 01:14:49,128 --> 01:14:50,629 God! What are you doing? 1610 01:14:50,713 --> 01:14:52,715 Marla, get the fuck out of my room! 1611 01:14:52,798 --> 01:14:53,799 You know what... 1612 01:14:53,882 --> 01:14:56,468 I cannot believe that you're allowed to have sex when I'm not! 1613 01:14:56,510 --> 01:14:58,470 That is so unfair. I'm gonna head out. 1614 01:14:58,554 --> 01:14:59,555 (Trish) You should go. 1615 01:14:59,638 --> 01:15:02,599 Oh, Jesus! How many times did you just do it? 1616 01:15:02,683 --> 01:15:03,809 Oh, my God! 1617 01:15:03,892 --> 01:15:05,019 [Groaning] 1618 01:15:06,186 --> 01:15:07,688 I'm so sorry. 1619 01:15:14,695 --> 01:15:16,655 Dude, teach me. 1620 01:15:26,874 --> 01:15:27,875 (man) Hotline. 1621 01:15:27,958 --> 01:15:31,462 Hi, yes, I'm calling because it's more than four hours... 1622 01:15:31,545 --> 01:15:34,590 and your ad said to call if it's been more than four hours. 1623 01:15:34,673 --> 01:15:36,592 How much of the medicine have you taken, sir? 1624 01:15:37,134 --> 01:15:40,054 I haven't taken any, but your ad said... 1625 01:15:40,095 --> 01:15:43,974 that if you've had an erection for more than four hours, you call. 1626 01:15:44,099 --> 01:15:47,478 You're only supposed to call if you've taken the medicine. 1627 01:15:47,561 --> 01:15:50,939 Okay. I'm sorry. I must not have heard that part. 1628 01:15:51,023 --> 01:15:53,484 Yes. If you haven't taken the medicine, you don't call. 1629 01:15:53,567 --> 01:15:55,569 Right. I'm sorry. Right. 1630 01:15:55,736 --> 01:15:57,946 So, there's nothing you can do? 1631 01:15:58,405 --> 01:16:00,449 I just don't wanna... There's nothing I can do. 1632 01:16:00,532 --> 01:16:01,575 I'm in Bombay, India. 1633 01:16:01,700 --> 01:16:04,411 Okay. No, not you personally. I just don't want... 1634 01:16:04,745 --> 01:16:06,622 I just don't want to have an erection anymore. 1635 01:16:06,705 --> 01:16:07,706 [Laughs] 1636 01:16:07,790 --> 01:16:09,958 You know, you could have sex. 1637 01:16:10,042 --> 01:16:11,043 Okay. Yup. 1638 01:16:11,752 --> 01:16:15,589 That's one thing people do when they have an erection. 1639 01:16:15,673 --> 01:16:18,217 Yeah, that's not an option. I don't have sex. 1640 01:16:18,300 --> 01:16:20,636 Okay, well, then you can masturbate. 1641 01:16:20,719 --> 01:16:22,388 I'd rather not masturbate. 1642 01:16:22,471 --> 01:16:25,432 If you'd like the erection to go away, you can light a match... 1643 01:16:25,516 --> 01:16:29,561 blow out the flame and put the hot ember on your wrist. 1644 01:16:30,270 --> 01:16:32,398 And that will focus the brain elsewhere... 1645 01:16:32,481 --> 01:16:35,025 and you will lose your erection. Really? That'd work? 1646 01:16:35,067 --> 01:16:37,861 Take your finger and flick your testicle... 1647 01:16:37,945 --> 01:16:39,405 and if you do that till it hurts... 1648 01:16:39,488 --> 01:16:41,699 your erection will go away. Okay, all right. 1649 01:16:41,740 --> 01:16:43,158 It sounds unpleasant and it is. 1650 01:16:43,242 --> 01:16:44,952 It is a trick we use in India. 1651 01:16:45,035 --> 01:16:48,789 Okay, those are all good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it. 1652 01:16:48,872 --> 01:16:50,874 We appreciate your business. 1653 01:16:51,083 --> 01:16:53,127 Oh, no. We didn't get your business... 1654 01:16:53,210 --> 01:16:56,630 No, not this time. I guess I didn't need you this time. Thank you. 1655 01:17:06,348 --> 01:17:07,433 [Sighing] 1656 01:17:09,435 --> 01:17:10,436 [Exclaiming] 1657 01:17:16,942 --> 01:17:18,235 [Sighing] 1658 01:17:24,116 --> 01:17:25,075 [Exclaims] 1659 01:17:25,159 --> 01:17:27,703 My goodness, Andy, you are a terrific salesman. 1660 01:17:27,786 --> 01:17:30,122 Thank you. Gosh, you really got it down. 1661 01:17:30,205 --> 01:17:32,041 Thanks. And your numbers are good. 1662 01:17:32,082 --> 01:17:33,083 Thanks. 1663 01:17:33,125 --> 01:17:35,085 I'm going to put you out on the floor full time. 1664 01:17:35,127 --> 01:17:36,128 Really? Yeah. 1665 01:17:36,211 --> 01:17:37,087 Wow. Okay. 1666 01:17:37,171 --> 01:17:39,465 Good. We're gonna get you a blue shirt and tie, all right? 1667 01:17:39,548 --> 01:17:40,466 Great. Thanks. 1668 01:17:40,549 --> 01:17:43,552 You know, Andy, I've been thinking about your problem. 1669 01:17:43,636 --> 01:17:45,804 I think I might have a solution for you. 1670 01:17:47,014 --> 01:17:50,100 You ever heard of the term "fuck buddy"? 1671 01:17:51,894 --> 01:17:52,978 What? 1672 01:17:53,103 --> 01:17:55,606 It's a special friend... 1673 01:17:56,523 --> 01:17:57,733 who you fuck. 1674 01:17:58,734 --> 01:18:00,819 No, haven't heard that term. 1675 01:18:00,903 --> 01:18:03,822 When I was a little girl, I developed early. 1676 01:18:04,490 --> 01:18:07,576 By the time I was 14, I had this body you're looking at. 1677 01:18:07,618 --> 01:18:10,704 Can you imagine that? I don't want to, no. 1678 01:18:11,288 --> 01:18:14,375 Well, needless to say, a lot of male attention. 1679 01:18:14,458 --> 01:18:15,584 Like men, yes. 1680 01:18:15,668 --> 01:18:19,672 Especially from our Guatemalan gardener, Javier. 1681 01:18:19,838 --> 01:18:20,964 Okay. 1682 01:18:21,340 --> 01:18:23,092 You know, Javier... 1683 01:18:23,968 --> 01:18:28,722 before he made passionate yet gentle love to me for the first time... 1684 01:18:30,099 --> 01:18:34,228 he serenaded me with a beautiful old Guatemalan love song. 1685 01:18:34,269 --> 01:18:35,938 Really, that's... 1686 01:18:36,313 --> 01:18:38,732 That sounds nice. 1687 01:18:38,774 --> 01:18:40,234 ##[Singing in Spanish] 1688 01:19:06,135 --> 01:19:07,177 Okay. 1689 01:19:08,804 --> 01:19:10,055 My goodness. 1690 01:19:10,347 --> 01:19:12,599 I think we better get back to work. Yeah. 1691 01:19:12,641 --> 01:19:14,977 Yeah, I better go back to work. Yeah. 1692 01:19:15,060 --> 01:19:16,895 So, okay. All right. 1693 01:19:16,979 --> 01:19:18,856 So, you mull it over and I'll talk to you soon. 1694 01:19:18,939 --> 01:19:20,774 All right, I will. Thank you. Okay. 1695 01:19:22,901 --> 01:19:23,902 [Gasps] 1696 01:19:25,863 --> 01:19:28,866 What's up, dawg? What happened? How was the date with Trish? 1697 01:19:28,949 --> 01:19:31,285 It was a disaster. Really? 1698 01:19:31,327 --> 01:19:34,121 Yes. I've never been more embarrassed in my life. 1699 01:19:34,330 --> 01:19:36,373 Couldn't get the condoms to work. 1700 01:19:36,457 --> 01:19:39,209 And one of them exploded on my balls. 1701 01:19:39,543 --> 01:19:41,295 And then her kid walked in the room. 1702 01:19:41,378 --> 01:19:42,296 Wait. Hold up. 1703 01:19:42,379 --> 01:19:43,922 She was hiding the kid from you, dawg? 1704 01:19:43,964 --> 01:19:45,299 You know what, it doesn't matter... 1705 01:19:45,382 --> 01:19:47,718 because it was going downhill straight from there. 1706 01:19:47,801 --> 01:19:49,970 Listen, you don't want no baby-daddy drama. 1707 01:19:50,054 --> 01:19:51,305 Trust me on this one, all right? 1708 01:19:51,347 --> 01:19:53,432 For all you know, he in prison right now. 1709 01:19:53,474 --> 01:19:54,850 Let's say y'all living together. 1710 01:19:54,933 --> 01:19:57,895 Next thing you know, you the one going on the 1st and the 15th... 1711 01:19:57,978 --> 01:19:59,188 to pick up the government check. 1712 01:19:59,271 --> 01:20:01,357 What if he got boys that's on the outside... 1713 01:20:01,440 --> 01:20:02,524 and they stalking you? 1714 01:20:02,608 --> 01:20:04,485 You see what I'm saying? You got to think, partner... 1715 01:20:04,568 --> 01:20:06,278 What the fuck are you talking about? 1716 01:20:06,320 --> 01:20:08,822 Here's what you do. You tell her you're a virgin. 1717 01:20:08,864 --> 01:20:10,991 You test her with this shit, okay? 1718 01:20:11,075 --> 01:20:13,827 Here, tell me. Tell me. This is how it's gonna go. Tell me. 1719 01:20:13,911 --> 01:20:15,704 I'm a virgin. Sweet. 1720 01:20:16,205 --> 01:20:19,625 I like that because you don't have Chlamydia. 1721 01:20:20,834 --> 01:20:23,587 And I know that, and that shit is everywhere. 1722 01:20:24,129 --> 01:20:25,923 What if she laughs at me, though? 1723 01:20:26,006 --> 01:20:28,175 Then you punch her in the fucking head if she laughs. 1724 01:20:28,258 --> 01:20:30,803 I'm not going to punch her in the head. She's really sweet. 1725 01:20:30,886 --> 01:20:34,473 No. I mean, you punch her in her fucking head emotionally. 1726 01:20:34,515 --> 01:20:37,518 She's different. She's someone I felt like I had... 1727 01:20:37,601 --> 01:20:38,936 a connection with. 1728 01:20:39,019 --> 01:20:42,272 All you trying to do right now is bust off this first night. 1729 01:20:42,356 --> 01:20:44,858 You got a whole lot of semen back up in you. 1730 01:20:44,942 --> 01:20:46,110 I am going to tell her. 1731 01:20:46,193 --> 01:20:47,987 You should totally tell her, man. I'm going to. 1732 01:20:48,070 --> 01:20:50,322 'Cause I watched this movie called Liar Liar... 1733 01:20:50,364 --> 01:20:53,033 and the message was, "Don't lie. " 1734 01:20:53,117 --> 01:20:54,827 And that was a smart movie. 1735 01:20:54,868 --> 01:20:56,370 Yeah, that's the right thing. Yeah. 1736 01:20:57,121 --> 01:21:01,041 Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins, too? 1737 01:21:01,709 --> 01:21:05,295 That's funny. I didn't even know you girls talked like that. 1738 01:21:05,963 --> 01:21:09,091 I think my first time might be your best time, too. 1739 01:21:09,925 --> 01:21:11,343 Well, I knew it. You know what... 1740 01:21:11,385 --> 01:21:14,471 I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that... 1741 01:21:14,722 --> 01:21:19,184 you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter... 1742 01:21:19,518 --> 01:21:23,981 with all the compassion and care that someone... 1743 01:21:24,273 --> 01:21:25,899 would give to their soul mate. 1744 01:21:25,983 --> 01:21:27,860 Oh, my God. I'm in trouble. 1745 01:21:31,071 --> 01:21:32,281 Hey, Andy. 1746 01:21:32,740 --> 01:21:34,366 (Joe) You watching Survivor tonight? 1747 01:21:34,450 --> 01:21:36,910 No, actually I'm going out to dinner with somebody. 1748 01:21:36,994 --> 01:21:37,911 Hi. 1749 01:21:38,412 --> 01:21:39,455 (Andy) This is her. 1750 01:21:39,538 --> 01:21:41,540 Trish, this is Joe and Sara. Hi. 1751 01:21:41,623 --> 01:21:42,958 Hi, Trish. Hey. 1752 01:21:43,042 --> 01:21:44,543 But tape it for me, okay? 1753 01:21:44,626 --> 01:21:46,337 Will do. All right. (Andy) Thanks. 1754 01:21:46,378 --> 01:21:47,504 So long. (Sara) Bye-bye. 1755 01:21:47,588 --> 01:21:49,298 See you later. Have a good night. 1756 01:21:49,381 --> 01:21:51,759 Yeah, my man's gonna get it on tonight. 1757 01:21:51,842 --> 01:21:52,801 Yes, sir. 1758 01:21:52,885 --> 01:21:55,429 Yeah, and you better get on me, too. 1759 01:21:55,721 --> 01:21:57,640 What is wrong with this woman? 1760 01:21:57,723 --> 01:21:58,891 Mercy, mercy, mercy. 1761 01:22:05,272 --> 01:22:06,982 I'm so sorry that happened the other night. 1762 01:22:07,066 --> 01:22:08,067 No, I'm sorry. 1763 01:22:08,150 --> 01:22:09,860 Oh, my God. That was me. 1764 01:22:09,902 --> 01:22:10,903 No. 1765 01:22:11,612 --> 01:22:14,323 Let me... I have something I want to tell you. 1766 01:22:15,199 --> 01:22:17,159 Kind of hard to talk about. 1767 01:22:18,118 --> 01:22:19,119 But... 1768 01:22:19,870 --> 01:22:22,873 you know, there are certain things... 1769 01:22:23,207 --> 01:22:25,584 about who I am that... 1770 01:22:26,085 --> 01:22:29,088 I'm sorry. I just have to get this off my chest. 1771 01:22:29,171 --> 01:22:31,840 I am so sorry, I didn't tell you I had kids. 1772 01:22:32,591 --> 01:22:34,426 Yeah, what was that about? 1773 01:22:34,510 --> 01:22:36,887 Gosh. You know, that really surprised me. 1774 01:22:39,723 --> 01:22:41,684 No, you should have told me probably, but... 1775 01:22:41,725 --> 01:22:42,726 I'm sorry. I know. 1776 01:22:42,810 --> 01:22:44,895 What do I care if you have a kid? 1777 01:22:45,396 --> 01:22:47,022 Well, I have two kids. 1778 01:22:47,898 --> 01:22:50,317 Wow. Okay. How old are they? 1779 01:22:51,318 --> 01:22:52,361 Six. 1780 01:22:53,112 --> 01:22:54,363 Sixteen. 1781 01:22:54,822 --> 01:22:56,198 Twenty-one. 1782 01:22:57,074 --> 01:22:58,367 Forty-two. 1783 01:22:59,284 --> 01:23:01,245 Fifty-six. How many kids do you have? 1784 01:23:01,286 --> 01:23:03,122 I have three. Okay, three. 1785 01:23:03,205 --> 01:23:05,165 Yeah, and one of them has a kid. 1786 01:23:05,249 --> 01:23:06,542 A one-year-old. 1787 01:23:06,917 --> 01:23:08,627 That's cool. That's great. 1788 01:23:10,629 --> 01:23:14,133 I'm really glad we're doing this. Me, too. 1789 01:23:18,512 --> 01:23:20,014 Listen, Andy... 1790 01:23:20,431 --> 01:23:23,434 I don't want to send you running for the hills or anything, but... 1791 01:23:23,517 --> 01:23:28,230 I really feel like if we decide to do this again, then... 1792 01:23:30,357 --> 01:23:33,569 maybe we should hold off on the physical part for a while. 1793 01:23:35,487 --> 01:23:37,823 That is a fantastic idea. 1794 01:23:38,615 --> 01:23:40,075 Why didn't I think of that? 1795 01:23:40,159 --> 01:23:41,368 Really? Totally. 1796 01:23:41,452 --> 01:23:44,747 No sex? No. Why do that? 1797 01:23:44,830 --> 01:23:46,623 Because here's the thing. 1798 01:23:46,749 --> 01:23:47,958 From personal experience... 1799 01:23:48,042 --> 01:23:50,711 I found that sex can really complicate things. 1800 01:23:50,794 --> 01:23:53,881 And what we should be doing right now is getting to know each other. 1801 01:23:53,922 --> 01:23:54,965 Yeah. 1802 01:23:55,341 --> 01:23:57,343 Well, I never thought you'd go for it. 1803 01:23:57,426 --> 01:23:58,719 I'm going for it. 1804 01:23:58,802 --> 01:24:01,805 Well, that just is a great, great notion. 1805 01:24:02,765 --> 01:24:03,849 Are you serious? 1806 01:24:03,932 --> 01:24:06,727 Look at my face. Look at how serious I am. 1807 01:24:07,019 --> 01:24:08,729 Can you see my nostrils? 1808 01:24:08,812 --> 01:24:10,606 Yes. That's serious. 1809 01:24:10,939 --> 01:24:12,358 That's more angry. 1810 01:24:12,775 --> 01:24:14,985 Yeah, you know what, most guys would be saying: 1811 01:24:15,069 --> 01:24:18,280 "Yeah," right now, but, like, by the third date, it would be: 1812 01:24:18,364 --> 01:24:21,867 "Hey, baby, I really need to physically express how I feel"... 1813 01:24:21,950 --> 01:24:24,328 and all that stuff. Well, hey, baby... 1814 01:24:24,411 --> 01:24:27,498 you know, three dates... Make it 10, 10 dates. 1815 01:24:29,375 --> 01:24:30,668 How about 15? 1816 01:24:30,751 --> 01:24:34,463 Fifteen. Screw your 15. 20 dates. 1817 01:24:34,755 --> 01:24:36,799 Okay, 20 dates. Twenty dates. 1818 01:24:37,257 --> 01:24:39,426 Okay. This is genius. 1819 01:24:39,802 --> 01:24:41,178 It's gonna hurt. 1820 01:24:43,180 --> 01:24:45,140 Not as much as you think. 1821 01:24:46,892 --> 01:24:49,019 We can really get to know each other this way. 1822 01:24:49,103 --> 01:24:50,062 Yeah. 1823 01:24:50,521 --> 01:24:53,065 This is one, right? No, next one. 1824 01:24:54,817 --> 01:24:56,318 [Door opening] 1825 01:24:57,444 --> 01:24:58,529 [Clearing throat] 1826 01:24:59,029 --> 01:25:00,948 Is it safe to come in, or are you guys doing it? 1827 01:25:01,031 --> 01:25:02,700 Honey, it's safe. 1828 01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:06,203 Great. 1829 01:25:06,286 --> 01:25:07,913 (Trish) Well, good timing. 1830 01:25:08,288 --> 01:25:09,957 Yeah. (Trish) You remember Marla. 1831 01:25:10,040 --> 01:25:12,960 Hi, we met. And this is my little bunny rabbit. 1832 01:25:13,043 --> 01:25:14,461 Julia. Hey. 1833 01:25:14,545 --> 01:25:16,922 This is Andy. Julia, how you doing? 1834 01:25:17,881 --> 01:25:21,427 You know what, do you by any chance like magic? 1835 01:25:21,927 --> 01:25:24,388 Yeah. I thought that you might. 1836 01:25:24,471 --> 01:25:25,973 Because I noticed on the way in... 1837 01:25:26,056 --> 01:25:28,642 that you had something shiny behind your ear. 1838 01:25:28,726 --> 01:25:31,145 Marla, did you see that? Something behind her ear? 1839 01:25:31,228 --> 01:25:32,730 You think you do? Could I check? 1840 01:25:32,813 --> 01:25:35,107 Do you mind if I check behind your ear? 1841 01:25:35,316 --> 01:25:36,692 Big money! 1842 01:25:36,775 --> 01:25:37,735 [Exclaiming] 1843 01:25:38,152 --> 01:25:40,779 That's amazing. Wow, it is amazing. 1844 01:25:40,863 --> 01:25:42,948 There's something else, too, behind your ear, I think. 1845 01:25:43,032 --> 01:25:45,701 No, actually it's not behind your ear. I think it is your ear. 1846 01:25:45,784 --> 01:25:46,744 Rip! 1847 01:25:46,827 --> 01:25:50,289 It is your ear. There is your ear. 1848 01:25:50,372 --> 01:25:51,707 I ripped it off. 1849 01:25:51,790 --> 01:25:53,292 Gross! Yeah, that's... 1850 01:25:53,375 --> 01:25:56,503 All right. Wait. Okay, but that means that you... 1851 01:25:56,587 --> 01:25:59,548 walk around with a rubber ear in your pocket all day? 1852 01:26:00,382 --> 01:26:02,092 Yeah, like half the time. 1853 01:26:02,384 --> 01:26:04,261 You know, I can come to your high school... 1854 01:26:04,303 --> 01:26:06,305 and do it for your friends if you want. 1855 01:26:06,347 --> 01:26:08,182 You know what, I should head out. 1856 01:26:08,265 --> 01:26:09,600 Really? Yeah. 1857 01:26:09,642 --> 01:26:11,560 I have to give you a ride home. 1858 01:26:11,644 --> 01:26:12,853 Right. Yes, you do. 1859 01:26:12,936 --> 01:26:15,147 Yeah, 'cause you don't have a car or anything, right? 1860 01:26:15,230 --> 01:26:16,774 Right, I don't have a car. 1861 01:26:16,857 --> 01:26:19,485 'Cause he doesn't have a car, and he does magic. 1862 01:26:19,818 --> 01:26:20,903 Awesome. 1863 01:26:21,111 --> 01:26:23,697 And sarcasm is like a second language to me. 1864 01:26:23,781 --> 01:26:25,824 So, I'm right there with you. 1865 01:26:25,908 --> 01:26:26,909 [Laughing] 1866 01:26:28,952 --> 01:26:30,329 But, Dad... 1867 01:26:31,080 --> 01:26:34,375 I don't know how to love. 1868 01:26:35,250 --> 01:26:36,752 You never... 1869 01:26:36,835 --> 01:26:40,881 taught me how... 1870 01:26:41,173 --> 01:26:42,299 [ringing] 1871 01:26:44,218 --> 01:26:46,095 Hello. (Andy) Hey, Cal. 1872 01:26:46,261 --> 01:26:48,472 Hey. I just got back from a date. 1873 01:26:48,555 --> 01:26:50,641 Did you tell her you're a virgin? 1874 01:26:51,016 --> 01:26:53,143 No. I haven't gotten to that yet. 1875 01:26:53,227 --> 01:26:55,437 Really? Are you having sex right now? 1876 01:26:55,646 --> 01:26:57,815 No. She was incredible. 1877 01:26:58,148 --> 01:27:00,484 She was amazing. She didn't pressure me. 1878 01:27:00,526 --> 01:27:03,529 And she has three kids. 1879 01:27:03,612 --> 01:27:05,614 And one of her kids has a kid. 1880 01:27:05,698 --> 01:27:07,241 [Coughing] 1881 01:27:07,825 --> 01:27:09,118 You all right? 1882 01:27:09,535 --> 01:27:13,831 Did you just say she has three kids, one of whom has a kid? 1883 01:27:13,872 --> 01:27:16,333 Yeah. So, so, she's a grandma? 1884 01:27:16,500 --> 01:27:17,501 No. 1885 01:27:17,584 --> 01:27:19,336 I'm not a doctor or anything like that... 1886 01:27:19,420 --> 01:27:21,588 but she's a fucking grandma. 1887 01:27:22,423 --> 01:27:24,008 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1888 01:27:24,091 --> 01:27:25,509 She's the hottest grandma I ever saw. 1889 01:27:25,551 --> 01:27:27,011 Yeah, she is. She's a hot grandma. 1890 01:27:27,052 --> 01:27:29,805 That's a good-looking grandma. My grandma looks like Jack Palance. 1891 01:27:29,847 --> 01:27:30,889 Well, she's no Jack Palance. 1892 01:27:30,973 --> 01:27:32,683 No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady... 1893 01:27:32,766 --> 01:27:34,727 I would want to fuck Jack Palance right now. 1894 01:27:34,810 --> 01:27:35,811 Yeah, me, too. 1895 01:27:36,395 --> 01:27:37,521 She's a hot grandma. 1896 01:27:37,604 --> 01:27:39,481 Heck, yeah. No, do a grandma, man. 1897 01:27:39,523 --> 01:27:42,318 You should fuck her on her plastic-covered couch. 1898 01:27:43,110 --> 01:27:45,112 Fuck her while she watches Murder, She Wrote. 1899 01:27:45,195 --> 01:27:46,780 She would probably find that very erotic. 1900 01:27:46,864 --> 01:27:48,115 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1901 01:27:48,198 --> 01:27:51,660 Fuck her and then have her send you a check for $12 on your birthday. 1902 01:27:52,369 --> 01:27:54,621 I'm the dude with the hot granny. 1903 01:27:55,998 --> 01:27:57,750 (Andy) What did you want to talk to me about? 1904 01:27:57,833 --> 01:27:59,543 Well, Andy, the numbers just came in... 1905 01:27:59,626 --> 01:28:03,339 and you are by far our best salesman. 1906 01:28:03,672 --> 01:28:06,050 So, I am promoting you to floor manager. 1907 01:28:06,467 --> 01:28:08,302 This is the bullshit of all bullshits! 1908 01:28:08,344 --> 01:28:10,346 You scumbag! Ass kisser! 1909 01:28:12,681 --> 01:28:14,350 Thank you. That's great. 1910 01:28:14,683 --> 01:28:18,437 I understand you have a girlfriend. Yeah, kind of seeing somebody. 1911 01:28:18,854 --> 01:28:21,482 I'm very happy for you. Thanks. She's great. 1912 01:28:21,649 --> 01:28:23,275 Are you still a virgin? 1913 01:28:24,360 --> 01:28:25,861 You know, I don't really... 1914 01:28:25,903 --> 01:28:27,821 talk about my personal life. You're a virgin. 1915 01:28:27,863 --> 01:28:29,239 Yes, I am. Yeah. 1916 01:28:30,616 --> 01:28:32,326 My door is always open. 1917 01:28:32,951 --> 01:28:34,745 So to speak. Great. 1918 01:28:36,246 --> 01:28:37,623 Great. Thank you. 1919 01:28:38,123 --> 01:28:40,084 I'm very discreet. 1920 01:28:42,878 --> 01:28:45,339 But I'll haunt your dreams. 1921 01:28:47,216 --> 01:28:48,592 Okay. Okay. 1922 01:28:48,801 --> 01:28:49,802 [Sniffing] 1923 01:28:53,931 --> 01:28:55,349 Wow. 1924 01:28:57,226 --> 01:29:01,271 So who's gonna take my job? Cal will be taking over your job. 1925 01:29:01,355 --> 01:29:03,190 And he's interviewing people right now... 1926 01:29:03,232 --> 01:29:04,525 for his old job. 1927 01:29:04,608 --> 01:29:06,652 So, have you ever worked with electronics before? 1928 01:29:06,735 --> 01:29:07,861 No. No? 1929 01:29:08,070 --> 01:29:11,323 But I have electronics in my home. 1930 01:29:12,366 --> 01:29:16,328 Perfect. That's the job pretty much. You're very well-qualified. 1931 01:29:16,996 --> 01:29:18,497 More than these other losers. 1932 01:29:18,580 --> 01:29:19,581 [Laughs] 1933 01:29:20,040 --> 01:29:22,710 I could do that... Wait, last thing. 1934 01:29:22,793 --> 01:29:24,837 I'm also gonna need that extended warranty on it... 1935 01:29:24,878 --> 01:29:27,214 for the price of "on the house. " 1936 01:29:29,216 --> 01:29:30,509 That I can't do. 1937 01:29:30,551 --> 01:29:33,262 Hey, don't be a Negro. Be my nigger. All right? Help me out. 1938 01:29:33,345 --> 01:29:35,389 Hold up. I ain't nobody's nigger. 1939 01:29:36,390 --> 01:29:39,143 I mean, you're somebody's nigger wearing this nigger tie. 1940 01:29:39,226 --> 01:29:40,728 Now you being condescending. 1941 01:29:40,811 --> 01:29:44,315 See, you've been warned, all right? Just move forward amicably. 1942 01:29:44,398 --> 01:29:45,733 Okay. Well, check this out. 1943 01:29:45,816 --> 01:29:47,901 First of all, you're throwing too many big words at me. 1944 01:29:47,985 --> 01:29:49,695 Okay, now because I don't understand them... 1945 01:29:49,737 --> 01:29:51,238 I'm gonna take them as disrespect. 1946 01:29:51,280 --> 01:29:53,657 Watch your mouth, and help me with the sale. 1947 01:29:53,741 --> 01:29:56,410 Okay, see, now you found yourself a nigger. 1948 01:29:56,493 --> 01:29:59,330 You were looking for a nigger? Nigger here now. See? 1949 01:29:59,413 --> 01:30:02,708 Today's forecast: Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by. 1950 01:30:02,916 --> 01:30:04,877 You want to go? I suggest you move back. 1951 01:30:04,960 --> 01:30:06,587 Then, nig, fire on. 1952 01:30:06,670 --> 01:30:07,963 What are we gonna do? 1953 01:30:08,505 --> 01:30:11,258 What are you gonna do, Mr. Floor Manager? 1954 01:30:12,676 --> 01:30:13,886 Go, get them, tiger. 1955 01:30:13,969 --> 01:30:15,638 This shit just got rigged. 1956 01:30:15,721 --> 01:30:17,598 What are you gonna do, bitch? I'll tell you what. 1957 01:30:17,681 --> 01:30:19,600 You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th? 1958 01:30:19,683 --> 01:30:21,477 You ever heard of, Rolling 20s, nigger? 1959 01:30:21,560 --> 01:30:23,896 Since I was 16, nigger, I'm saying "frosty. " 1960 01:30:23,979 --> 01:30:25,648 You know what I'm saying, "spoon", nigger. 1961 01:30:25,731 --> 01:30:27,358 We fucked dwarfs in the ass. 1962 01:30:27,441 --> 01:30:29,401 Nigger, this dwarf here don't got to be tall... 1963 01:30:29,443 --> 01:30:31,236 to pull the trigger off in somebody face! 1964 01:30:31,320 --> 01:30:33,572 Come on nigger, back up. What's up? Hey... 1965 01:30:33,614 --> 01:30:34,865 Welcome to Smart Tech. 1966 01:30:34,907 --> 01:30:36,325 Is this your boy? What can I help you with? 1967 01:30:36,408 --> 01:30:38,077 Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you! 1968 01:30:38,160 --> 01:30:39,870 How can we help you, sir? Nigger, what? 1969 01:30:39,953 --> 01:30:42,331 No, he don't need no help. He's already been served. 1970 01:30:42,414 --> 01:30:45,250 I served him. He's taken care of. He's a little slow, but he got it. 1971 01:30:45,334 --> 01:30:48,045 See, what he thought was he can come up in here and make the rules. 1972 01:30:48,087 --> 01:30:50,506 But now he see that Jay make the moves at Smart Tech... 1973 01:30:50,589 --> 01:30:53,425 that I run this, bitch and now he bought the bounce. 1974 01:30:54,802 --> 01:30:55,970 This your boy? 1975 01:30:56,095 --> 01:30:58,639 Yeah, that's my boy. We represent Smart Tech. 1976 01:30:58,722 --> 01:31:00,182 You just got fucked up with him. 1977 01:31:00,265 --> 01:31:02,768 Both y'all niggers going get clapped up when I get back. 1978 01:31:03,811 --> 01:31:05,062 Both of you all niggers. 1979 01:31:05,145 --> 01:31:07,272 What did I do? It don't fucking matter! 1980 01:31:07,523 --> 01:31:10,734 Yeah, aim high, Willis. Aim high! 1981 01:31:10,776 --> 01:31:12,277 Please don't do this. 1982 01:31:13,112 --> 01:31:15,072 Jay, what's going on? 1983 01:31:17,282 --> 01:31:18,575 Jill broke up with me. 1984 01:31:18,659 --> 01:31:21,161 I'm so sorry. What happened? 1985 01:31:21,412 --> 01:31:23,497 I came home a little tipsy. 1986 01:31:23,789 --> 01:31:26,166 And I had one of my condoms on still. 1987 01:31:28,210 --> 01:31:31,463 Woke up the next morning and jumped in the shower with her. 1988 01:31:32,131 --> 01:31:34,174 I don't know what I was thinking. 1989 01:31:34,258 --> 01:31:35,384 Why did you cheat on her? 1990 01:31:35,426 --> 01:31:37,761 Because I'm insecure! You can't tell? 1991 01:31:37,803 --> 01:31:40,222 I know, man. It's gonna be okay. 1992 01:31:40,264 --> 01:31:42,391 I'm cold. It's gonna be all right, man. 1993 01:31:42,474 --> 01:31:44,101 Seriously, man, I'm sorry. 1994 01:31:44,435 --> 01:31:46,145 I apologize to you. I know. 1995 01:31:46,228 --> 01:31:48,063 If you wanna have a meaningful relationship... 1996 01:31:48,105 --> 01:31:50,357 you've got to leave the sex out of it, man. You're right. 1997 01:31:50,441 --> 01:31:51,608 It's all right. You're good. 1998 01:31:51,692 --> 01:31:53,527 I'm sorry. Come here. I love you, man. 1999 01:31:53,610 --> 01:31:55,070 Man, I love you, too. 2000 01:31:56,280 --> 01:31:57,948 You're a good guy. 2001 01:32:00,117 --> 01:32:02,536 Do you know how I know you guys are gay? 2002 01:32:02,619 --> 01:32:05,039 You're holding each other ever so gently. 2003 01:32:05,122 --> 01:32:06,081 Cabr�n. 2004 01:32:06,874 --> 01:32:08,959 [Whooping] 2005 01:32:11,295 --> 01:32:12,546 [Exclaiming] 2006 01:32:12,630 --> 01:32:13,714 (Trish) Bravo. 2007 01:32:14,173 --> 01:32:15,758 At least he can cook, Mom. 2008 01:32:16,133 --> 01:32:19,887 ##[Believe It Or Not (The Greatest American Hero theme) playing] 2009 01:32:19,970 --> 01:32:22,598 I love... Spiderman. 2010 01:32:26,977 --> 01:32:28,062 [Whooping] 2011 01:32:35,861 --> 01:32:38,113 Pull out slowly and go straight ahead. 2012 01:32:38,238 --> 01:32:39,239 [Screaming] 2013 01:32:59,301 --> 01:33:00,761 ##[Humming] 2014 01:33:01,804 --> 01:33:02,930 [Exclaims] 2015 01:33:06,725 --> 01:33:07,893 I'm all right. 2016 01:33:08,394 --> 01:33:09,520 Nobody's there. 2017 01:33:09,687 --> 01:33:11,939 (Trish) I want to know everything about you. 2018 01:33:12,022 --> 01:33:13,107 I want to tell you. 2019 01:33:13,148 --> 01:33:14,191 You do? Yeah. 2020 01:33:14,274 --> 01:33:17,111 Like, what do you want to do? What are your dreams? 2021 01:33:17,486 --> 01:33:20,447 You don't wanna work at Smart Tech for the rest of your life. 2022 01:33:21,073 --> 01:33:23,158 I've been working there for a long time. 2023 01:33:23,242 --> 01:33:26,954 And I've been thinking lately that maybe I should open my own store. 2024 01:33:27,204 --> 01:33:28,288 Really? Yeah. 2025 01:33:28,330 --> 01:33:31,792 What kind of store? Well, like a stereo store. 2026 01:33:31,834 --> 01:33:34,211 Oh, my God, that is... Why don't you do that? 2027 01:33:34,295 --> 01:33:35,963 I don't have enough money to do that. 2028 01:33:36,005 --> 01:33:37,506 What about those collectibles? 2029 01:33:37,548 --> 01:33:39,800 I bet if you sold those, you could make a lot of money. 2030 01:33:39,883 --> 01:33:43,721 I just sold a guy's G. I. Joe for $1,000. 2031 01:33:44,054 --> 01:33:45,556 Really? Do you have any of those? 2032 01:33:45,639 --> 01:33:46,765 Yeah. You do? 2033 01:33:46,849 --> 01:33:47,891 I have 47 of them. 2034 01:33:47,975 --> 01:33:49,143 No, you don't. 2035 01:33:49,226 --> 01:33:51,228 Yeah, in their original boxes. You do? 2036 01:33:51,312 --> 01:33:53,397 I could help you sell them on eBay. 2037 01:33:53,480 --> 01:33:56,567 I would not take a commission, I swear to God. 2038 01:33:56,650 --> 01:33:59,695 You could do it. You could totally pull it off. 2039 01:34:01,155 --> 01:34:03,198 Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. 2040 01:34:21,342 --> 01:34:22,551 Aquaman. 2041 01:34:23,010 --> 01:34:24,094 Here. 2042 01:34:24,553 --> 01:34:25,929 Clothes on. 2043 01:34:27,723 --> 01:34:29,642 I'll send you off to... 2044 01:34:30,684 --> 01:34:33,646 a farm with lots of land. 2045 01:34:33,687 --> 01:34:36,482 So, you and other Aquamen can run around... 2046 01:34:37,608 --> 01:34:40,069 and play in the Aquafields. 2047 01:34:50,287 --> 01:34:52,289 Godspeed, Col. Steve Austin. 2048 01:34:54,750 --> 01:34:57,169 You don't wanna go, do you? Okay, you can stay. 2049 01:34:57,252 --> 01:34:59,129 Steve Austin can stay. 2050 01:35:03,092 --> 01:35:04,593 Hey, Cal. David. 2051 01:35:04,802 --> 01:35:07,012 Way to sell a big TV. 2052 01:35:07,054 --> 01:35:08,597 She likes you, man. 2053 01:35:08,806 --> 01:35:10,808 Too bad I retired my penis. 2054 01:35:11,100 --> 01:35:14,311 Mooj, we try to be fair with the schedule but it's hard. 2055 01:35:14,478 --> 01:35:17,982 Okay, but why every damn schedule comes up, I get most early shift? 2056 01:35:18,065 --> 01:35:20,943 It's bullshit. Nobody buys stereo at 10:00 in the morning. 2057 01:35:21,026 --> 01:35:22,069 No, I understand. 2058 01:35:22,152 --> 01:35:25,072 People buy stereo between 6:00 and 8:00. 2059 01:35:25,155 --> 01:35:26,156 Mmm-hmm. 2060 01:35:26,198 --> 01:35:29,660 Rich men get off work, then buy stereo. 2061 01:35:29,743 --> 01:35:32,287 Right. Not after fucking brunch. 2062 01:35:32,371 --> 01:35:33,998 Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. 2063 01:35:34,039 --> 01:35:36,667 I'm going to give you a couple of Jay's shifts. 2064 01:35:36,750 --> 01:35:39,378 And then I'll give you a couple of mine and that way... 2065 01:35:39,461 --> 01:35:42,631 we'll all be equal, okay. Thank you, Andy. 2066 01:35:42,923 --> 01:35:44,049 It's okay. 2067 01:35:44,466 --> 01:35:46,010 You're a good man, Andy. 2068 01:35:48,220 --> 01:35:51,098 By the way, what date are you on, now? 2069 01:35:51,515 --> 01:35:54,101 I think it's around 17. 2070 01:35:54,184 --> 01:35:56,937 It's hard to tell what actually constitutes a date, though. 2071 01:35:57,021 --> 01:36:00,858 Three to go. So that means you're gonna have sex in three days. 2072 01:36:01,567 --> 01:36:03,986 Maybe, I might try to space them out a little bit. 2073 01:36:04,069 --> 01:36:06,572 I'll pray for your cock. Okay, thanks. 2074 01:36:06,780 --> 01:36:08,866 Thanks. Thank you. Have a good cocky. 2075 01:36:09,033 --> 01:36:11,618 Trish is on the phone. Here is a shock. 2076 01:36:11,702 --> 01:36:13,662 Girlfriend with a problem. Hello. 2077 01:36:13,912 --> 01:36:16,165 (Marla) I have done everything but sex! 2078 01:36:16,206 --> 01:36:18,709 I'm a woman, okay? Deal with it! 2079 01:36:18,751 --> 01:36:20,836 I'm gonna start taking you back to church. 2080 01:36:20,919 --> 01:36:22,880 We are gonna start going to church. 2081 01:36:22,963 --> 01:36:24,465 Hello? (Marla) You know what? 2082 01:36:24,548 --> 01:36:25,883 What the hell are you talking about? 2083 01:36:25,924 --> 01:36:28,594 Oh, my God, I cannot believe this. Thank God you're here. 2084 01:36:28,677 --> 01:36:31,639 Jesus Christ. Marla locked herself in the bathroom. 2085 01:36:31,722 --> 01:36:32,681 What happened? 2086 01:36:32,765 --> 01:36:34,558 She wants to go to the family health clinic. 2087 01:36:34,642 --> 01:36:36,685 She wants birth control. But she's too young. 2088 01:36:36,727 --> 01:36:39,938 I want to have sex with my boyfriend! But I can't, Mom! 2089 01:36:40,022 --> 01:36:41,273 So, you want me to take her? 2090 01:36:41,357 --> 01:36:43,442 No, I don't want you to take her. Okay, all right. 2091 01:36:43,525 --> 01:36:46,362 I want her to keep it in her pants until she gets to college. 2092 01:36:46,403 --> 01:36:47,488 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 2093 01:36:47,571 --> 01:36:48,822 "Keep it in my pants"? 2094 01:36:48,906 --> 01:36:51,533 Okay, you didn't keep it in your pants, Mom. 2095 01:36:51,575 --> 01:36:55,037 I know. I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me, Marla. 2096 01:36:55,120 --> 01:36:58,165 Mistakes? Okay, so I was a mistake then. 2097 01:36:58,248 --> 01:37:02,169 No, you're not a mistake. Your sister was the mistake. 2098 01:37:02,878 --> 01:37:04,338 Oh, my God! 2099 01:37:04,755 --> 01:37:07,591 Her older sister, I mean, she wasn't planned, you know what I mean? 2100 01:37:07,675 --> 01:37:10,177 Because I was such a... Oh, God, you wanna run away, don't you? 2101 01:37:10,260 --> 01:37:11,345 No. 2102 01:37:11,428 --> 01:37:14,223 You and your boyfriend have sex all the time! 2103 01:37:14,306 --> 01:37:16,058 Oh, my God! Are you kidding? 2104 01:37:16,100 --> 01:37:17,935 We never have sex. Do we ever have sex? 2105 01:37:18,018 --> 01:37:19,353 No, we don't. 2106 01:37:19,603 --> 01:37:21,438 What? Yes, you do! 2107 01:37:21,522 --> 01:37:24,191 You're such a liar! Why do you lie to me? 2108 01:37:24,274 --> 01:37:25,275 Why? 2109 01:37:25,359 --> 01:37:26,443 [Door slamming] 2110 01:37:26,527 --> 01:37:27,987 [Muttering] 2111 01:37:28,862 --> 01:37:30,823 I didn't hear anything after "a liar. " 2112 01:37:30,906 --> 01:37:33,742 What did she say after "a liar"? She sounds like a tea kettle. 2113 01:37:33,784 --> 01:37:35,703 Fuck you! 2114 01:37:35,786 --> 01:37:36,996 [Crying] 2115 01:37:37,997 --> 01:37:40,499 Maybe I should take her. No, I don't think so. 2116 01:37:40,582 --> 01:37:43,002 You know, a little information never hurt anybody. 2117 01:37:57,057 --> 01:37:58,100 Cool. 2118 01:37:59,184 --> 01:38:00,227 Wow! 2119 01:38:02,730 --> 01:38:04,815 Where do you put the penis? 2120 01:38:05,733 --> 01:38:07,067 Oh, shit. 2121 01:38:17,453 --> 01:38:19,121 It is... 2122 01:38:19,955 --> 01:38:21,582 not a Rubik's Cube. 2123 01:38:24,251 --> 01:38:25,210 Shit. 2124 01:38:26,962 --> 01:38:29,089 God, how much longer are they gonna make us wait? 2125 01:38:29,131 --> 01:38:31,675 [Exclaims] I don't know. They should be out in a second. 2126 01:38:32,134 --> 01:38:33,177 Now, you're all here... 2127 01:38:33,260 --> 01:38:35,638 because you're interested in obtaining birth control. 2128 01:38:35,721 --> 01:38:36,972 Any questions? 2129 01:38:37,598 --> 01:38:39,933 Here's a cute story. I came home the other day... 2130 01:38:39,975 --> 01:38:42,978 and he is with his girlfriend in my marital bed... 2131 01:38:43,062 --> 01:38:45,981 doing things that are illegal in Alabama. 2132 01:38:46,106 --> 01:38:49,443 Sex acts, right? Things that my wife won't do, okay? 2133 01:38:49,860 --> 01:38:52,696 Did you have a question? How do I get my wife to do that? 2134 01:38:52,780 --> 01:38:54,198 Does anybody else have a question? 2135 01:38:54,281 --> 01:38:57,618 My daughter is, for lack of a better word... 2136 01:38:57,993 --> 01:38:59,078 dumb. 2137 01:38:59,370 --> 01:39:01,580 How do I stop her menstrual cycle? 2138 01:39:01,622 --> 01:39:03,916 You want her to stop having a menstrual cycle? 2139 01:39:03,957 --> 01:39:06,585 I want to stop it, maybe just for a few years. 2140 01:39:06,669 --> 01:39:08,921 Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. 2141 01:39:08,963 --> 01:39:12,091 Does anybody else have a question? I have a question. 2142 01:39:12,132 --> 01:39:15,970 I think some of the people here might be sexually inexperienced. 2143 01:39:16,595 --> 01:39:19,640 Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it? 2144 01:39:20,015 --> 01:39:21,642 Is that a serious question? 2145 01:39:21,725 --> 01:39:23,352 No. It wasn't. (Judith) Okay. 2146 01:39:23,978 --> 01:39:27,606 Now, there are a lot of activities that you can engage in... 2147 01:39:27,648 --> 01:39:30,484 without having sex that are both fun and safe. 2148 01:39:30,567 --> 01:39:32,653 What sort of activities? I think... 2149 01:39:32,736 --> 01:39:34,947 everybody wants to know about the activities. 2150 01:39:35,030 --> 01:39:39,576 Well, instead of having intercourse, you could have outer-course. 2151 01:39:40,077 --> 01:39:42,204 Outer-course? What's that? 2152 01:39:42,329 --> 01:39:43,664 Yeah, what is that? 2153 01:39:43,747 --> 01:39:47,876 Outer-course is anything that isn't vaginal intercourse. 2154 01:39:48,168 --> 01:39:50,170 I prefer vaginal intercourse. 2155 01:39:50,337 --> 01:39:51,630 [Chuckling] 2156 01:39:51,839 --> 01:39:53,132 He really does. 2157 01:39:53,465 --> 01:39:57,052 Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse. 2158 01:39:58,178 --> 01:40:01,598 Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping. 2159 01:40:01,640 --> 01:40:02,975 You could dry hump. 2160 01:40:03,058 --> 01:40:06,186 There is masturbation. Masturbation. Play with yourself. 2161 01:40:06,270 --> 01:40:08,272 Mutual masturbation. Play with a friend. 2162 01:40:08,355 --> 01:40:11,942 Deep kissing. There is erotic massage. 2163 01:40:12,026 --> 01:40:13,902 That sounds like it would be nice. 2164 01:40:13,986 --> 01:40:16,572 Oral sex play. Sounds like my Friday night. 2165 01:40:16,655 --> 01:40:18,532 Shut up, Seth. We went to temple. 2166 01:40:18,615 --> 01:40:20,409 Okay, are there any virgins here... 2167 01:40:20,492 --> 01:40:23,162 who are thinking about having sex for the first time? 2168 01:40:24,455 --> 01:40:25,456 Oh. 2169 01:40:25,873 --> 01:40:28,000 Wait. So you're a virgin? 2170 01:40:28,334 --> 01:40:29,293 [Snickers] 2171 01:40:30,586 --> 01:40:33,464 I'd tap that. Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"? 2172 01:40:33,505 --> 01:40:36,508 Seth, what, you think you're cool with your little Jew fro? 2173 01:40:36,550 --> 01:40:39,803 We don't say, "tap that. " What are you talking about, Seth? 2174 01:40:39,845 --> 01:40:42,139 You know what, I'm a virgin, too. 2175 01:40:42,222 --> 01:40:43,766 [People laughing] 2176 01:40:44,183 --> 01:40:45,309 That's... 2177 01:40:45,392 --> 01:40:47,269 We're virgins, too. Yeah. 2178 01:40:49,188 --> 01:40:52,191 No, you know what, it's a personal choice... 2179 01:40:52,232 --> 01:40:53,776 and I don't think it's weird at all. 2180 01:40:53,859 --> 01:40:55,110 You know what your problem is? 2181 01:40:55,152 --> 01:40:56,904 You're putting the pussy on a pedestal. 2182 01:40:56,987 --> 01:40:58,697 That's the second time I've heard that. 2183 01:40:58,781 --> 01:41:00,699 What is the "pussy on a pedestal" thing? 2184 01:41:00,783 --> 01:41:04,662 Okay, I can't listen to anymore of this, 'cause it's making me sick. 2185 01:41:04,703 --> 01:41:05,704 So, bye. 2186 01:41:05,788 --> 01:41:07,956 You can get this information on your website, right? 2187 01:41:07,998 --> 01:41:09,750 (Judith) Yes. Thanks. Nice meeting everybody. 2188 01:41:09,833 --> 01:41:10,960 Any other questions? 2189 01:41:11,001 --> 01:41:12,962 Do you have any extra-large condoms? 2190 01:41:13,003 --> 01:41:14,838 Seth, you got a tiny penis. 2191 01:41:17,591 --> 01:41:18,592 [Sighing] 2192 01:41:18,968 --> 01:41:22,096 So, I made that all up to help you out. 2193 01:41:24,181 --> 01:41:25,683 No, you didn't. 2194 01:41:25,933 --> 01:41:29,269 But thank you for doing that. 2195 01:41:32,147 --> 01:41:33,774 How can you tell? 2196 01:41:33,941 --> 01:41:36,360 Well, you know, I go to school with, like, 400 guys... 2197 01:41:36,443 --> 01:41:37,861 who are all trying to have sex. 2198 01:41:37,945 --> 01:41:39,905 And, yeah, so I can tell who's done it. 2199 01:41:39,989 --> 01:41:41,031 Of course. 2200 01:41:41,115 --> 01:41:44,034 And you really haven't? No, I really haven't. 2201 01:41:44,535 --> 01:41:46,912 Please don't tell your mom, okay? 2202 01:41:46,996 --> 01:41:48,706 Yeah, I won't. Thanks. 2203 01:41:48,831 --> 01:41:52,001 But when are you gonna tell her? 2204 01:41:52,209 --> 01:41:54,169 Believe me, I'm working on it. 2205 01:41:55,546 --> 01:41:57,256 I am working on it. 2206 01:42:00,259 --> 01:42:01,510 Do you have any weed? 2207 01:42:03,470 --> 01:42:04,680 Yeah. You do have some. 2208 01:42:04,763 --> 01:42:06,890 Can spare any or is it all spoken for? 2209 01:42:07,599 --> 01:42:09,643 I mean, like what are we talking? Are we... 2210 01:42:09,727 --> 01:42:12,187 Just enough to get me baked for like a week. 2211 01:42:12,396 --> 01:42:13,480 That's a lot of weed. 2212 01:42:13,522 --> 01:42:15,482 Yeah, I am taking vacation next week, so... 2213 01:42:15,524 --> 01:42:17,359 Where are you going? I'm not going anywhere. 2214 01:42:17,443 --> 01:42:19,236 I'll stay in my apartment. Just getting baked? 2215 01:42:19,320 --> 01:42:20,821 I want to be baked the whole time. 2216 01:42:20,863 --> 01:42:23,240 Watch TV, I'll probably re-watch Gandhi. 2217 01:42:23,866 --> 01:42:25,826 Gandhi baked is good. Yes, isn't it? 2218 01:42:25,868 --> 01:42:27,494 I always feel bad when I watch it baked... 2219 01:42:27,578 --> 01:42:29,538 'cause I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot... 2220 01:42:29,580 --> 01:42:30,622 and poor Gandhi is... 2221 01:42:30,706 --> 01:42:32,416 fucking starving his ass off. Starving, I know. 2222 01:42:32,499 --> 01:42:34,960 ##[music playing on TV] 2223 01:42:36,045 --> 01:42:37,504 Sounds good. Yeah. 2224 01:42:37,588 --> 01:42:40,341 I'm going to take her to capacity. Are you okay with that? 2225 01:42:40,382 --> 01:42:41,717 Give it a shot. 2226 01:42:41,800 --> 01:42:43,927 Freak! Oh, yeah! 2227 01:42:45,638 --> 01:42:48,265 Michael McDonald, man, I haven't heard this in years. 2228 01:42:48,349 --> 01:42:50,476 Yeah, I haven't heard it in like 48 minutes. 2229 01:42:51,226 --> 01:42:53,937 If I get the set, will you throw in the DVD? 2230 01:42:54,021 --> 01:42:56,273 You don't get the set. I'll throw in the DVD. 2231 01:42:56,774 --> 01:42:57,858 I'll take it. 2232 01:42:57,900 --> 01:42:59,693 Really? Yeah. 2233 01:43:00,736 --> 01:43:02,905 Y'all want to see something beautiful? Come here. 2234 01:43:02,988 --> 01:43:06,158 You want to see the most beautiful thing in the world? Check this out. 2235 01:43:06,241 --> 01:43:09,953 This is my baby right here. That's my baby's dick right there. 2236 01:43:10,579 --> 01:43:12,331 Looks like a poltergeist. 2237 01:43:12,623 --> 01:43:13,916 That is his foot. 2238 01:43:13,999 --> 01:43:16,335 Look at his dick. That's not even four months. 2239 01:43:16,377 --> 01:43:17,711 Extrapolate that. 2240 01:43:17,795 --> 01:43:20,172 By the time he's 30, what's gonna happen? 2241 01:43:20,214 --> 01:43:22,549 Yo, Andy! Come check this out, dawg. 2242 01:43:22,591 --> 01:43:25,177 Is this the movie about babies that are geniuses? 2243 01:43:25,219 --> 01:43:27,721 No, this is my child, dude. Jill is pregnant. 2244 01:43:27,805 --> 01:43:28,931 That's yours? (Jay) Yeah. 2245 01:43:29,014 --> 01:43:31,016 That's why she broke up with me in the first place... 2246 01:43:31,100 --> 01:43:33,352 'cause she just thought that I wouldn't be a good father... 2247 01:43:33,394 --> 01:43:35,729 in light of the fact that I'd be cheating on her all the time. 2248 01:43:35,813 --> 01:43:37,523 But she got over all that. It's cool now. 2249 01:43:37,564 --> 01:43:39,525 Congratulations, man. That is great. 2250 01:43:39,775 --> 01:43:41,360 We having a party tonight, Andy... 2251 01:43:41,402 --> 01:43:42,987 and I really want you to be there, man. 2252 01:43:43,070 --> 01:43:45,531 We celebrating and I really, really want you to be there. 2253 01:43:45,614 --> 01:43:48,117 It looks like the Doppler radar. 2254 01:43:48,200 --> 01:43:49,243 Can you believe that? 2255 01:43:49,326 --> 01:43:50,953 This child ain't even four months old. 2256 01:43:51,036 --> 01:43:53,288 He ain't four months old yet. Look at what he's packing. 2257 01:43:53,372 --> 01:43:55,874 Everybody dick looks big on 60-inch TV. 2258 01:43:55,958 --> 01:43:58,544 My sister's dick looks big on TV, okay? 2259 01:43:59,503 --> 01:44:02,172 Oh, my God, this guy, Eric Gilliland... 2260 01:44:02,631 --> 01:44:05,217 he has bought, like, 15 of these. Really? 2261 01:44:05,301 --> 01:44:08,262 Yeah, I think he likes action figures even more than you. 2262 01:44:08,345 --> 01:44:10,848 That is impossible. I think so. 2263 01:44:11,765 --> 01:44:15,060 Andy, the way these things are flying off your shelf... 2264 01:44:15,102 --> 01:44:18,105 you know, I think you could actually make like... 2265 01:44:18,605 --> 01:44:20,149 maybe like $100,000. 2266 01:44:20,232 --> 01:44:22,401 Really? Yeah, you could open your store. 2267 01:44:22,443 --> 01:44:23,861 Wow. Honey... 2268 01:44:23,986 --> 01:44:26,155 That's a lot of money. I know. 2269 01:44:26,238 --> 01:44:28,907 That's incredible. I wouldn't have done it without you. 2270 01:44:28,949 --> 01:44:30,159 Thanks. 2271 01:44:30,826 --> 01:44:33,620 And that's not the only good news. What? 2272 01:44:34,079 --> 01:44:37,041 You know what tonight is? Survivor is on? 2273 01:44:38,334 --> 01:44:39,877 No. I know. 2274 01:44:40,461 --> 01:44:43,047 Is it The Apprentice? 2275 01:44:43,964 --> 01:44:44,965 No. 2276 01:44:45,758 --> 01:44:46,842 What? 2277 01:44:49,553 --> 01:44:53,891 It's our 20th date. 2278 01:45:00,439 --> 01:45:01,857 Wow. Yeah. 2279 01:45:01,940 --> 01:45:03,275 Really? Uh-huh. 2280 01:45:03,317 --> 01:45:06,612 Seriously? I think we're at 18. 2281 01:45:06,695 --> 01:45:08,405 'Cause there were a couple of dates there... 2282 01:45:08,489 --> 01:45:10,366 that don't really count as dates. No. 2283 01:45:10,449 --> 01:45:13,077 I'll give you a free pass on those other ones. 2284 01:45:14,119 --> 01:45:15,287 Thank you. 2285 01:45:15,371 --> 01:45:16,497 Listen. What? 2286 01:45:16,580 --> 01:45:17,790 Listen. Mmm-hmm. 2287 01:45:19,291 --> 01:45:20,918 I really like you. 2288 01:45:26,924 --> 01:45:28,717 I think I'm falling for you. 2289 01:45:29,551 --> 01:45:33,305 I don't know. I kind of see this going somewhere. 2290 01:45:33,639 --> 01:45:34,848 I do, too. 2291 01:45:34,974 --> 01:45:38,143 I just think we should just go crazy on each other. 2292 01:45:39,395 --> 01:45:41,397 Okay. Okay? 2293 01:45:42,272 --> 01:45:43,524 Oh, thank God! 2294 01:45:46,318 --> 01:45:47,319 Oh! 2295 01:45:47,987 --> 01:45:50,447 Okay, I should... I gotta pick those up. 2296 01:45:50,489 --> 01:45:51,615 Don't pick them up now. 2297 01:45:51,699 --> 01:45:53,033 No, I have to pick those up right now. 2298 01:45:53,117 --> 01:45:55,202 Wait, we'll get them later. Listen, no, I can't, no. 2299 01:45:55,285 --> 01:45:56,912 Listen, it's really important because... 2300 01:45:56,954 --> 01:45:59,248 once the integrity of the box gets compromised... 2301 01:45:59,290 --> 01:46:01,625 This is original packaging and that's why these things... 2302 01:46:01,667 --> 01:46:03,836 are so valuable. So you don't screw with that. 2303 01:46:03,919 --> 01:46:05,921 You really don't screw with that. All right. 2304 01:46:05,963 --> 01:46:08,048 We can wrap them again later, you know. 2305 01:46:08,132 --> 01:46:09,466 Yeah, I know. But you know what... 2306 01:46:09,550 --> 01:46:11,677 this is very important that we don't lose the value... 2307 01:46:11,760 --> 01:46:13,095 and compromise the integrity of it. 2308 01:46:13,137 --> 01:46:15,389 Andy, I'm throwing myself at you and... 2309 01:46:15,472 --> 01:46:17,474 all you can think about is a fucking toy. 2310 01:46:17,558 --> 01:46:20,644 They're not fucking toys! This is Iron Man, okay? 2311 01:46:20,728 --> 01:46:23,147 I got this when I was in second grade. 2312 01:46:23,355 --> 01:46:26,066 Do you know how hard it is for a kid to not open that? 2313 01:46:26,150 --> 01:46:27,359 This is important. 2314 01:46:27,443 --> 01:46:28,736 These are my things... 2315 01:46:28,819 --> 01:46:32,114 and you are trying to make me sell them and I don't want to. 2316 01:46:32,156 --> 01:46:33,490 No. And you're making me. 2317 01:46:33,574 --> 01:46:35,701 I'm not making... You are encouraging me... 2318 01:46:35,784 --> 01:46:37,911 to quit my job. I'm not! I'm not trying to... 2319 01:46:37,995 --> 01:46:40,706 You want me to open a store. You want me to sell everything. 2320 01:46:40,789 --> 01:46:42,541 You know what, I'm gonna tell you something. 2321 01:46:42,625 --> 01:46:45,753 I don't just change like that. I can't just change for you. 2322 01:46:45,836 --> 01:46:48,714 I don't... I'm not trying to change you. I like you. 2323 01:46:48,797 --> 01:46:50,924 I'm just... I'm trying to help you grow up, Andy. 2324 01:46:51,008 --> 01:46:52,635 Well, thanks a lot. 2325 01:46:52,718 --> 01:46:56,764 I mean, my God, you ride a bicycle to work in a stockroom. 2326 01:46:56,847 --> 01:46:59,141 You know what, I'm not in the stockroom anymore. 2327 01:46:59,224 --> 01:47:00,726 I'm a floor manager. Okay. 2328 01:47:00,809 --> 01:47:03,812 And I ride a bike because I like to. Einstein rode a bike. 2329 01:47:03,896 --> 01:47:06,607 He had a wife who he fucked, by the way. 2330 01:47:07,274 --> 01:47:09,568 What do I have to do for you to have sex with me? 2331 01:47:09,652 --> 01:47:12,112 Do you want me to dress up like Thor? I'll dress up like Thor. 2332 01:47:12,196 --> 01:47:13,781 I'll dress up like Iron Man. 2333 01:47:13,864 --> 01:47:15,616 What do they do? I'll do it. 2334 01:47:15,658 --> 01:47:17,534 What? Everything's always about sex. 2335 01:47:17,618 --> 01:47:19,203 Why don't you want to have sex with me? 2336 01:47:19,286 --> 01:47:21,747 Why not? Tell me. You tell me the truth. 2337 01:47:21,830 --> 01:47:23,999 Is it because I have a kid who has a kid? Is that why? 2338 01:47:24,083 --> 01:47:25,626 No, it's cool that you're a grandmother. 2339 01:47:25,668 --> 01:47:27,294 I love the fact that you're a grandmother. 2340 01:47:27,378 --> 01:47:29,964 Oh, God! You are. You're a hot grandma. 2341 01:47:30,005 --> 01:47:31,173 Oh, my God! 2342 01:47:31,256 --> 01:47:33,342 You are so mean! Get out! 2343 01:47:33,425 --> 01:47:36,136 Okay, fine. Good! Good, fine. You're gonna go. 2344 01:47:36,220 --> 01:47:39,598 I didn't ask for any of this. You asked for all of it, Andy. 2345 01:47:40,015 --> 01:47:41,392 Okay. Great. 2346 01:47:43,060 --> 01:47:44,269 [Door slamming] 2347 01:47:44,478 --> 01:47:45,437 Okay. 2348 01:47:45,854 --> 01:47:47,439 That's the way you want it... 2349 01:47:47,523 --> 01:47:50,442 that's the way homie's gonna play it. 2350 01:47:51,527 --> 01:47:53,195 Yeah. Truth be told. 2351 01:48:02,746 --> 01:48:04,415 [Car horn blaring] 2352 01:48:07,293 --> 01:48:09,628 ##[Hip-hop music playing] 2353 01:48:10,671 --> 01:48:12,798 Baby, you better enjoy yourself tonight... 2354 01:48:12,881 --> 01:48:15,217 'cause once this baby's born, you ain't going out again... 2355 01:48:15,301 --> 01:48:16,302 till that baby is in college. 2356 01:48:16,385 --> 01:48:17,636 Me? Yeah. 2357 01:48:17,678 --> 01:48:20,055 You the club rat. I'm not the one that be going out. 2358 01:48:20,139 --> 01:48:21,890 I'm not a club rat. 2359 01:48:21,974 --> 01:48:24,685 You're gonna get up, you march over there... 2360 01:48:24,768 --> 01:48:27,313 and I want you to hit on Bernadette now. 2361 01:48:27,521 --> 01:48:29,565 Dude, I'm not gonna hit on Bernadette. 2362 01:48:29,648 --> 01:48:30,774 Yes, you are, man... 2363 01:48:30,858 --> 01:48:33,444 'cause your depression is boring me for one thing... 2364 01:48:33,527 --> 01:48:35,487 and it's actually making me a little depressed... 2365 01:48:35,529 --> 01:48:37,531 which is then in turn making me more depressed... 2366 01:48:37,573 --> 01:48:39,325 that you're actually affecting my mood. 2367 01:48:39,408 --> 01:48:42,786 Look, I'm not in any kind of place to talk to a woman, all right? 2368 01:48:42,870 --> 01:48:44,997 I'm just... I'm fragile. 2369 01:48:45,164 --> 01:48:47,041 I hired her for you. 2370 01:48:47,082 --> 01:48:50,669 I hired a 90-pound girl to work in the stockroom at Smart Tech... 2371 01:48:50,753 --> 01:48:52,338 for you, okay? 2372 01:48:52,379 --> 01:48:53,922 I should have hired a 300-pound guy... 2373 01:48:54,006 --> 01:48:55,591 who could lift a 60-inch flat screen. 2374 01:48:55,674 --> 01:48:58,135 But instead I hired a hot girl... 2375 01:48:58,218 --> 01:49:01,597 who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk. 2376 01:49:02,389 --> 01:49:03,932 You hired her for me? Yes. 2377 01:49:04,016 --> 01:49:05,434 So will you go talk to her? 2378 01:49:05,517 --> 01:49:07,311 Yeah, I'm meeting somebody. 2379 01:49:07,478 --> 01:49:08,479 No. 2380 01:49:12,107 --> 01:49:14,234 Did you just flick me in the nuts? No. 2381 01:49:14,318 --> 01:49:17,321 Flicked you in the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be. 2382 01:49:17,446 --> 01:49:18,447 [Groans] 2383 01:49:18,530 --> 01:49:20,324 Quit flicking my balls, man. 2384 01:49:20,407 --> 01:49:22,910 Okay, I'll stop flicking your balls. 2385 01:49:23,035 --> 01:49:25,412 But I'll start punching your nuts. 2386 01:49:26,372 --> 01:49:27,331 Oh! 2387 01:49:28,040 --> 01:49:29,166 Okay. 2388 01:49:32,878 --> 01:49:34,380 Well played, sir. 2389 01:49:34,713 --> 01:49:35,881 Okay. Thank you. 2390 01:49:35,965 --> 01:49:38,092 No problem, man. Go get 'em. 2391 01:49:38,717 --> 01:49:40,427 Mooj, you done see my son... 2392 01:49:40,511 --> 01:49:42,179 you know his foot gonna be bigger than this. 2393 01:49:42,221 --> 01:49:45,474 If that baby looks Pakistani, don't fucking look at me, okay? 2394 01:49:45,557 --> 01:49:49,103 I wouldn't mind. You got good genes. How old are you? What, 138? 2395 01:49:49,186 --> 01:49:52,106 When your son is born, is he already in parole? 2396 01:50:00,447 --> 01:50:03,826 I need some poon. 2397 01:50:04,159 --> 01:50:07,162 You guys were so right, right from the beginning. 2398 01:50:07,454 --> 01:50:12,126 I need genital to genital connection and that's all I need. 2399 01:50:12,584 --> 01:50:16,130 You know, the thing about relationships is that they... 2400 01:50:16,338 --> 01:50:18,048 make one person go... 2401 01:50:18,132 --> 01:50:19,550 [gibbering] 2402 01:50:19,633 --> 01:50:21,885 And the other person go, "What are you talking about?" 2403 01:50:21,927 --> 01:50:23,178 And then one person goes... 2404 01:50:23,220 --> 01:50:24,722 [gibbering] 2405 01:50:24,763 --> 01:50:26,390 How much have you had to drink, man? 2406 01:50:26,473 --> 01:50:29,977 How much have I had to drink? How many pots have you smoken? 2407 01:50:30,060 --> 01:50:31,228 What are you talking about? 2408 01:50:31,270 --> 01:50:34,565 How many times have you gone to the bathroom in your life? 2409 01:50:34,606 --> 01:50:35,816 Let me ask you that. 2410 01:50:35,899 --> 01:50:38,861 You know what, you don't have an answer for that, do you? 2411 01:50:38,944 --> 01:50:40,529 Fuck you, man! I'm sorry. 2412 01:50:40,612 --> 01:50:43,824 No, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you. 2413 01:50:43,907 --> 01:50:45,868 What's up, baby, I didn't know you had came already. 2414 01:50:45,951 --> 01:50:48,120 Hey, motherfucker! 2415 01:50:48,287 --> 01:50:49,747 [Both laughing] 2416 01:50:50,497 --> 01:50:52,583 Man, you know what, tonight is the night. 2417 01:50:52,666 --> 01:50:57,379 You know what, you were totally right and I was wrong. 2418 01:50:57,588 --> 01:51:02,092 You were right all along. You cannot have a relationship... 2419 01:51:02,259 --> 01:51:04,428 with somebody until... 2420 01:51:05,095 --> 01:51:07,514 you have sex and that's the long... 2421 01:51:07,598 --> 01:51:09,350 That's the long and short of it. 2422 01:51:09,433 --> 01:51:12,853 So, thank you. That's good. 2423 01:51:13,228 --> 01:51:16,190 And now I have to go hunt for some hos. 2424 01:51:16,315 --> 01:51:17,691 [Laughing] 2425 01:51:19,068 --> 01:51:22,363 He going to be all right? No, I don't think he is. 2426 01:51:22,488 --> 01:51:24,823 Cal's a good guy. Yeah, he's a great guy. 2427 01:51:24,907 --> 01:51:26,659 It's so funny, because, you know... 2428 01:51:26,742 --> 01:51:29,536 when I first met him and I thought you were cute at the store... 2429 01:51:29,620 --> 01:51:32,581 he told me you were gay. I'm not gay. 2430 01:51:32,957 --> 01:51:35,584 Cal says that I'm gay because he has a real problem... 2431 01:51:35,668 --> 01:51:38,003 with his own gayness. 2432 01:51:38,087 --> 01:51:41,382 But seriously, I'm going to lay it out for you, right now. 2433 01:51:42,007 --> 01:51:44,343 I was a little reticent to come over and talk to you. 2434 01:51:44,426 --> 01:51:47,262 You're very pretty and you seem very nice. The truth is... 2435 01:51:47,304 --> 01:51:50,933 I dated this woman, let me rephrase that, I dated this whore... 2436 01:51:51,517 --> 01:51:53,102 who stomped all over my heart. 2437 01:51:53,185 --> 01:51:56,063 And it's just taking me a little while to kind of... 2438 01:51:56,105 --> 01:51:57,731 you know, get back in the game. 2439 01:51:57,815 --> 01:51:59,233 Oh, my God. Say no more. 2440 01:51:59,274 --> 01:52:01,902 My last boyfriend Sal junior, is a scum bag. 2441 01:52:01,944 --> 01:52:04,196 I would totally pay people to have him killed. 2442 01:52:04,279 --> 01:52:06,407 That's how much I fucking hate that damn scum bag. 2443 01:52:06,490 --> 01:52:08,659 God, you're fucking awesome. You too. 2444 01:52:10,452 --> 01:52:12,413 Hey, you! 2445 01:52:14,456 --> 01:52:16,208 Hey. Hey. 2446 01:52:16,458 --> 01:52:18,002 How you doing? 2447 01:52:18,460 --> 01:52:21,005 Much better, now that I'm talking to you. 2448 01:52:21,255 --> 01:52:23,841 Hey, lookie, I can see through your shirt. 2449 01:52:24,633 --> 01:52:25,884 Nice. 2450 01:52:27,094 --> 01:52:29,763 So, you think we should... 2451 01:52:30,097 --> 01:52:32,683 take this party to my apartment or what? 2452 01:52:33,183 --> 01:52:36,228 I am RSVPing "yes. " 2453 01:52:39,940 --> 01:52:43,110 Hope you have a big trunk because I'm putting my bike in it. 2454 01:52:45,946 --> 01:52:47,448 Yeah, let's go! 2455 01:52:52,620 --> 01:52:55,205 Mom, I left my phone somewhere and I... 2456 01:52:55,956 --> 01:52:57,082 Thank you. 2457 01:52:58,417 --> 01:53:01,670 What's the matter? Where is Andy? 2458 01:53:01,754 --> 01:53:04,715 We had a big fight, just... Oh, Mom. 2459 01:53:05,257 --> 01:53:07,301 He just stormed out of here. 2460 01:53:07,384 --> 01:53:08,469 What happened? 2461 01:53:08,552 --> 01:53:11,221 Well, I just... Wait a minute, I thought you hated him. 2462 01:53:11,305 --> 01:53:14,808 I don't hate him. I mean, he does do magic, but... 2463 01:53:14,933 --> 01:53:17,311 you know, he's a big dork... 2464 01:53:17,686 --> 01:53:19,980 and I like seeing you happy. 2465 01:53:21,732 --> 01:53:22,858 I do. 2466 01:53:24,818 --> 01:53:27,279 That's sweet, that's really sweet. Mom. 2467 01:53:27,988 --> 01:53:30,949 Why don't you just go talk to him, work it out. 2468 01:53:30,991 --> 01:53:33,827 'Cause if the thing is that important, you can't just stop. 2469 01:53:34,620 --> 01:53:36,789 Let me dance for you. I would love it. 2470 01:53:36,872 --> 01:53:37,957 ##[music playing on stereo] 2471 01:53:38,040 --> 01:53:41,877 Look at your bra and your breasts and everything. That's so great. 2472 01:53:42,878 --> 01:53:46,382 Wow! You know what? You're so hot. You're so hot. 2473 01:53:46,674 --> 01:53:48,300 I'm smoking hot. 2474 01:53:48,384 --> 01:53:51,261 You know what? I'm just going to have sex with you. 2475 01:53:51,345 --> 01:53:53,430 Yes! Let's have sex. 2476 01:53:53,514 --> 01:53:55,724 It's going to happen. That's why we are here. 2477 01:53:55,808 --> 01:53:58,143 That's totally what's going to happen. 2478 01:53:58,394 --> 01:54:00,521 We could do it in the... 2479 01:54:01,522 --> 01:54:03,232 Butt, if you want to. 2480 01:54:03,315 --> 01:54:04,483 [Both laughing] 2481 01:54:04,900 --> 01:54:06,819 But, if I want to what? 2482 01:54:07,319 --> 01:54:10,322 Butt. But what? What? 2483 01:54:10,447 --> 01:54:12,449 Do it. Do it? 2484 01:54:12,658 --> 01:54:13,617 What? 2485 01:54:14,159 --> 01:54:16,996 I don't know what you're talking about. 2486 01:54:17,079 --> 01:54:19,123 Butt. But... 2487 01:54:19,373 --> 01:54:20,708 What? ... what? 2488 01:54:23,711 --> 01:54:26,005 But, it still feels so right. 2489 01:54:34,888 --> 01:54:38,017 ##[Scatting] 2490 01:54:38,851 --> 01:54:39,935 Yeah! 2491 01:54:41,061 --> 01:54:42,062 [Gasping] 2492 01:54:42,438 --> 01:54:46,275 Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah. 2493 01:54:47,693 --> 01:54:49,445 That was a fun day. 2494 01:54:50,988 --> 01:54:54,074 You are so kinky. 2495 01:54:54,783 --> 01:54:56,493 Yeah, I'm so kinky. 2496 01:54:57,036 --> 01:55:00,289 That's why I did this because I thought it looks... 2497 01:55:00,372 --> 01:55:02,833 You like to shave, don't you? 2498 01:55:02,916 --> 01:55:05,711 Let's shave each other. I don't think you have any hair. 2499 01:55:05,794 --> 01:55:07,630 You know where to shave me. 2500 01:55:07,713 --> 01:55:09,757 Yeah. Because I want to shave you. 2501 01:55:09,840 --> 01:55:11,508 I want to shave your head. 2502 01:55:12,760 --> 01:55:14,637 I wanna give you a buzz cut. 2503 01:55:15,638 --> 01:55:17,348 Let's get in the bath. 2504 01:55:17,681 --> 01:55:19,183 In the bath? 2505 01:55:19,266 --> 01:55:23,646 Yes. We're gonna get dirty. Dirty, dirty. Sudsy. 2506 01:55:23,729 --> 01:55:25,773 It's just about time I got really dirty. 2507 01:55:25,856 --> 01:55:26,899 Yeah. 2508 01:55:29,693 --> 01:55:34,490 Hey. Hi, it's me, and I'm on my way to your house. 2509 01:55:34,531 --> 01:55:36,867 I want to do whatever you want to do, okay? 2510 01:55:37,034 --> 01:55:40,913 Fifty dates. 100. I hope not, but whatever. 2511 01:55:41,538 --> 01:55:44,291 I'm gonna see you soon, okay? Bye. 2512 01:55:45,709 --> 01:55:47,002 [Laughing] 2513 01:55:48,337 --> 01:55:51,256 Wow. Okay, well, that was fast. Okay. 2514 01:55:52,675 --> 01:55:53,634 [Groans] 2515 01:55:53,717 --> 01:55:56,679 Wow! Holy shit! 2516 01:55:56,929 --> 01:55:59,515 Wow. This is just the right thing to happen. 2517 01:56:00,015 --> 01:56:03,394 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow! Almost got my penis. 2518 01:56:03,477 --> 01:56:04,895 Come to mama. 2519 01:56:06,480 --> 01:56:09,274 I'm gonna really take care of you tonight. 2520 01:56:09,525 --> 01:56:12,027 You're never gonna forget Beth. 2521 01:56:22,204 --> 01:56:24,206 I just want to please you. 2522 01:56:25,082 --> 01:56:26,667 What do you like? 2523 01:56:27,501 --> 01:56:30,587 I don't know. What do you like? 2524 01:56:31,130 --> 01:56:33,215 Can I show you what I like? 2525 01:56:33,716 --> 01:56:34,842 Okay. 2526 01:56:48,480 --> 01:56:51,275 (Beth) It's so hot in here. 2527 01:56:52,026 --> 01:56:54,403 I wanna introduce you to my friend. 2528 01:56:58,741 --> 01:57:00,784 Your friend is so shiny. 2529 01:57:01,744 --> 01:57:04,747 This guy knows exactly what I like. 2530 01:57:10,085 --> 01:57:11,837 Where's you friend going? 2531 01:57:13,672 --> 01:57:16,300 This is how I'm gonna warm up for you. 2532 01:57:17,593 --> 01:57:21,388 That's always good to warm up. You don't wanna pull something. 2533 01:57:21,930 --> 01:57:23,223 [Moaning] 2534 01:57:33,734 --> 01:57:34,943 [Exclaims] 2535 01:57:39,073 --> 01:57:41,408 Wow, this is graphic. 2536 01:57:43,160 --> 01:57:44,954 [Laughing] 2537 01:57:55,255 --> 01:57:56,757 I can't do it. 2538 01:57:58,384 --> 01:58:01,053 God, what are you doing here? 2539 01:58:01,095 --> 01:58:03,764 We came here because we were concerned about you and Trish... 2540 01:58:03,847 --> 01:58:05,975 and now I could not give a fuck. 2541 01:58:06,058 --> 01:58:08,644 How did you even know where she lives? 2542 01:58:08,769 --> 01:58:11,105 I hit it like eight months back. What? 2543 01:58:11,188 --> 01:58:13,899 Never gave her back the key, man. You have no idea... 2544 01:58:13,983 --> 01:58:16,068 where this is going, all right? That girl is a freak. 2545 01:58:16,110 --> 01:58:19,571 (Beth) Oh, it's happening! It's happening! Andy! 2546 01:58:20,030 --> 01:58:21,240 You think? 2547 01:58:21,532 --> 01:58:23,742 We've been talking, and look... 2548 01:58:24,201 --> 01:58:26,495 if you love Trish, you can't do this. 2549 01:58:26,578 --> 01:58:29,581 Look, you guys, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 2550 01:58:29,665 --> 01:58:32,251 I don't even know who I am. All I know is... 2551 01:58:32,334 --> 01:58:35,879 that woman scares the shit out of me... 2552 01:58:36,005 --> 01:58:38,257 and I just wanna go home, okay? 2553 01:58:38,465 --> 01:58:40,759 Let's go. We should all get out of here. 2554 01:58:40,801 --> 01:58:42,553 Okay. We should all go. 2555 01:58:42,636 --> 01:58:44,013 It wasn't that good for me. 2556 01:58:44,096 --> 01:58:45,973 We should totally get out of here. 2557 01:58:46,056 --> 01:58:48,225 We should run away from here. 2558 01:58:51,312 --> 01:58:53,105 [Beth moaning] 2559 01:58:54,732 --> 01:58:55,733 Hey. 2560 01:58:55,816 --> 01:58:57,067 [Beth laughing] 2561 01:58:57,276 --> 01:58:58,319 Cal. 2562 01:59:00,195 --> 01:59:01,030 [Car horns blaring] 2563 01:59:01,113 --> 01:59:02,781 Go around! 2564 01:59:03,699 --> 01:59:05,784 Come on, just go around me! 2565 01:59:08,996 --> 01:59:10,664 Can't you hear me? 2566 01:59:18,172 --> 01:59:21,258 Hey, there. Hi, Trish. 2567 01:59:22,843 --> 01:59:25,387 Man, I'm really sorry about tonight. 2568 01:59:25,471 --> 01:59:26,847 What's this? 2569 01:59:27,931 --> 01:59:29,600 Those are David's. 2570 01:59:31,644 --> 01:59:33,479 I think he has a problem. 2571 01:59:33,562 --> 01:59:36,065 These are David's? He's into that. 2572 01:59:36,190 --> 01:59:39,652 David's Boner Jams '03? 2573 01:59:40,277 --> 01:59:42,279 Yeah, it's so sad. 2574 01:59:42,821 --> 01:59:45,783 He compiled all the best boner scenes, I guess. 2575 01:59:46,742 --> 01:59:49,078 This isn't what it looks like, okay? 2576 01:59:49,536 --> 01:59:52,623 What does this look like? A vagina. 2577 01:59:53,666 --> 01:59:55,250 And what do you do with this vagina? 2578 01:59:55,292 --> 01:59:58,295 To learn. It's for medicinal purposes. 2579 01:59:58,379 --> 01:59:59,380 Ugh. 2580 01:59:59,463 --> 02:00:01,799 Hey, I'm sorry. God... What's this? 2581 02:00:02,466 --> 02:00:05,427 This your date drug? Your roofie? 2582 02:00:05,761 --> 02:00:07,262 It's a Mentos. 2583 02:00:07,972 --> 02:00:09,932 They're "The Freshmaker. " 2584 02:00:09,974 --> 02:00:11,392 Yeah, right. 2585 02:00:11,642 --> 02:00:13,602 What are you, some kind of sex pervert? 2586 02:00:13,644 --> 02:00:15,020 Are you a deviant or something? 2587 02:00:15,104 --> 02:00:17,773 No, I'm not a sexual deviant! What is all this? 2588 02:00:17,856 --> 02:00:20,317 I haven't even tried to have sex with you, so... 2589 02:00:20,401 --> 02:00:23,320 What are you trying to do? What are you buttering me up for? 2590 02:00:23,362 --> 02:00:24,488 Come on. 2591 02:00:24,571 --> 02:00:26,323 You're not gonna try and kill me, are you? 2592 02:00:26,407 --> 02:00:29,076 Look, Trish. You didn't get a new carpet. 2593 02:00:29,326 --> 02:00:32,663 I'm not trying to kill you. I love you. 2594 02:00:33,038 --> 02:00:35,499 I love you. Oh, God! 2595 02:00:35,749 --> 02:00:36,917 Trish. 2596 02:00:38,961 --> 02:00:43,173 ##[Heat Of The Moment playing] 2597 02:00:45,509 --> 02:00:47,678 Trish. No! 2598 02:00:48,595 --> 02:00:51,098 No. Trish, stop. 2599 02:00:55,644 --> 02:00:56,937 Come on, Trish! 2600 02:01:00,357 --> 02:01:02,318 I need to talk to you! 2601 02:01:02,359 --> 02:01:03,444 No! 2602 02:01:05,612 --> 02:01:06,613 Damn it. 2603 02:01:32,723 --> 02:01:34,183 [Exclaiming] 2604 02:01:36,393 --> 02:01:37,394 [Groans] 2605 02:01:38,437 --> 02:01:39,813 Oh, my God! 2606 02:01:40,356 --> 02:01:41,649 [Car horn blaring] 2607 02:01:42,816 --> 02:01:45,694 Andy! Oh, my God! 2608 02:01:45,736 --> 02:01:47,112 Call 911. 2609 02:01:47,279 --> 02:01:49,198 Oh, my... Andy. 2610 02:01:50,032 --> 02:01:51,700 Oh, my God! 2611 02:01:51,784 --> 02:01:54,620 I'm gonna need a minute. I'm in a lot of pain right now. 2612 02:01:54,703 --> 02:01:56,330 Oh, my God. Are you okay? 2613 02:01:56,413 --> 02:01:57,581 Not bad. 2614 02:01:57,665 --> 02:02:00,000 There were two sides to that billboard. 2615 02:02:00,084 --> 02:02:02,002 And they both hurt equally. 2616 02:02:02,252 --> 02:02:04,880 Andy. Andy. 2617 02:02:05,422 --> 02:02:06,674 [Exhaling] 2618 02:02:07,007 --> 02:02:09,176 Are you okay? I'm okay. 2619 02:02:09,635 --> 02:02:11,303 No, I'm not okay. 2620 02:02:12,596 --> 02:02:14,014 I'm a virgin. 2621 02:02:16,183 --> 02:02:17,351 A what? 2622 02:02:18,268 --> 02:02:20,646 I'm a virgin. I always have been. 2623 02:02:22,022 --> 02:02:25,359 Andy, is that what all this was about? 2624 02:02:26,360 --> 02:02:27,653 I'm sorry. 2625 02:02:27,736 --> 02:02:30,114 You're just a virgin, that's all? 2626 02:02:30,239 --> 02:02:32,908 Yeah. That's good. That's a good thing. 2627 02:02:34,702 --> 02:02:36,537 I feel stupid. 2628 02:02:38,205 --> 02:02:40,916 It's okay. I thought you were trying to kill me. 2629 02:02:42,668 --> 02:02:43,669 No. 2630 02:02:44,545 --> 02:02:45,838 Oh, my God. 2631 02:02:46,922 --> 02:02:49,508 No, I'm not trying to kill you. 2632 02:02:53,387 --> 02:02:56,015 That's why I never tried to have sex with you. 2633 02:02:56,432 --> 02:02:58,892 I was scared, okay? I just... 2634 02:02:59,601 --> 02:03:01,437 'Cause I didn't know what I was doing. 2635 02:03:01,520 --> 02:03:03,355 I just didn't think it would be good. 2636 02:03:03,439 --> 02:03:06,400 Of course it'll be good. We love each other. 2637 02:03:08,027 --> 02:03:09,194 Really? 2638 02:03:10,863 --> 02:03:12,197 I love you. 2639 02:03:13,741 --> 02:03:14,867 Yeah. 2640 02:03:17,911 --> 02:03:19,496 [Car horn honking] 2641 02:03:19,580 --> 02:03:22,082 Get the fuck out of the road, virgin! 2642 02:03:23,917 --> 02:03:25,377 Shut up, you fucking jerk! 2643 02:03:25,461 --> 02:03:28,380 No, that's okay. That's all right. Sorry. 2644 02:03:30,007 --> 02:03:31,091 You know what... 2645 02:03:31,175 --> 02:03:33,969 for so long I thought that there was something wrong with me... 2646 02:03:34,053 --> 02:03:36,889 because it had never happened, but... 2647 02:03:39,350 --> 02:03:43,145 I realize now that it was just because I was waiting for you. 2648 02:04:08,170 --> 02:04:10,923 This was some wedding. How could they afford it? 2649 02:04:11,006 --> 02:04:14,301 Dude sells his toys and makes like a half a million dollars. 2650 02:04:14,426 --> 02:04:16,595 It's crazy, right? That's fucking crazy. 2651 02:04:16,679 --> 02:04:18,639 We're gonna get some fucking toys. 2652 02:04:18,722 --> 02:04:20,891 We are all so happy for you. 2653 02:04:21,100 --> 02:04:23,894 I am delighted to say these words. 2654 02:04:24,770 --> 02:04:25,896 Andy... 2655 02:04:26,522 --> 02:04:28,399 you may kiss the bride. 2656 02:04:32,778 --> 02:04:34,488 [People exclaiming] 2657 02:04:39,535 --> 02:04:40,869 [Cheering] 2658 02:04:41,620 --> 02:04:44,748 And for God's sake, consummate the thing. 2659 02:04:49,753 --> 02:04:52,631 No! Stop it. I have the key. 2660 02:04:56,176 --> 02:04:57,177 [Exclaims] 2661 02:04:59,513 --> 02:05:01,807 I'm not gonna be done buffing the marble... 2662 02:05:01,890 --> 02:05:03,559 for about a half an hour, but... 2663 02:05:03,642 --> 02:05:06,186 you can come in and sit down if you want... 2664 02:05:06,270 --> 02:05:08,439 or wait in the lobby. It's okay. 2665 02:05:08,522 --> 02:05:10,065 It's up to you. 2666 02:05:13,277 --> 02:05:15,821 ##[Humming] 2667 02:05:17,239 --> 02:05:19,533 Dude, get the fuck out of here. 2668 02:05:30,544 --> 02:05:32,046 Ready? Yeah. 2669 02:05:38,177 --> 02:05:39,595 Yes. Yeah. 2670 02:05:42,640 --> 02:05:43,849 [Moans] 2671 02:05:46,268 --> 02:05:47,227 Whoa. 2672 02:05:47,811 --> 02:05:50,105 You're officially not a virgin. 2673 02:05:50,898 --> 02:05:51,982 Cool. 2674 02:06:00,074 --> 02:06:01,450 Wow. 2675 02:06:08,874 --> 02:06:10,501 Wanna do it again? 2676 02:06:11,627 --> 02:06:13,128 Yeah. Good. Okay. 2677 02:06:13,212 --> 02:06:14,421 Sure. 2678 02:06:15,047 --> 02:06:17,257 That was good. That was okay. 2679 02:06:20,636 --> 02:06:21,679 Okay. 2680 02:06:21,804 --> 02:06:22,888 You ready? Yeah. 2681 02:06:22,972 --> 02:06:25,557 Are you ready? Yeah, I'm fine, yeah. 2682 02:06:34,650 --> 02:06:35,985 [Panting] 2683 02:06:38,320 --> 02:06:40,322 So, how was that for you? 2684 02:06:45,202 --> 02:06:47,746 # When the moon # 2685 02:06:47,830 --> 02:06:51,041 # Is in the Seventh House # 2686 02:06:51,292 --> 02:06:55,754 # And Jupiter aligns with Mars # 2687 02:06:56,797 --> 02:07:01,677 # Then peace will guide the planets # 2688 02:07:02,136 --> 02:07:05,389 # And love will steer the stars # 2689 02:07:05,472 --> 02:07:09,935 # This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius # 2690 02:07:10,144 --> 02:07:14,440 # Age of Aquarius # 2691 02:07:15,024 --> 02:07:19,486 # Aquarius # 2692 02:07:20,154 --> 02:07:24,617 # Aquarius # 2693 02:07:25,284 --> 02:07:27,369 # Harmony and understanding # 2694 02:07:27,703 --> 02:07:30,289 # Sympathy and trust abounding # 2695 02:07:30,331 --> 02:07:32,207 # No more falsehoods or derisions # 2696 02:07:32,291 --> 02:07:35,294 # Golden living dreams of visions # 2697 02:07:35,336 --> 02:07:37,630 # Mystic crystal revelations # 2698 02:07:37,671 --> 02:07:40,674 # And the mind's true liberation # 2699 02:07:40,758 --> 02:07:45,429 # Aquarius # 2700 02:07:45,679 --> 02:07:50,351 # Aquarius # 2701 02:07:50,768 --> 02:07:55,022 # When the moon is in the Seventh House # 2702 02:07:55,814 --> 02:08:00,110 # And Jupiter aligns with Mars # 2703 02:08:01,362 --> 02:08:06,158 # Then peace will guide the planets # 2704 02:08:06,408 --> 02:08:09,662 # And love will steer the star # 2705 02:08:09,745 --> 02:08:13,999 # This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius # 2706 02:08:14,249 --> 02:08:18,879 # The age of Aquarius # 2707 02:08:19,171 --> 02:08:23,801 # Aquarius # 2708 02:08:24,218 --> 02:08:26,387 # Aquarius # 2709 02:08:26,470 --> 02:08:28,347 # It's Aquarius, baby # 2710 02:08:28,430 --> 02:08:31,016 # We ain't talking about no Scorpio # 2711 02:08:31,100 --> 02:08:32,601 # We ain't talking about no # 2712 02:08:32,685 --> 02:08:35,646 # No, we ain't talking about no Scorpio # 2713 02:08:39,858 --> 02:08:41,568 # Aquarius # 2714 02:08:42,111 --> 02:08:44,947 # Aquarius # 2715 02:08:47,324 --> 02:08:49,702 # Aquarius ## 2716 02:08:55,708 --> 02:08:59,086 # Let the sunshine # 2717 02:08:59,378 --> 02:09:02,840 # Let the sunshine in # 2718 02:09:02,881 --> 02:09:06,302 # The sunshine in # 2719 02:09:07,303 --> 02:09:10,639 # Let the sunshine # 2720 02:09:11,223 --> 02:09:14,601 # Let the sunshine in # 2721 02:09:14,685 --> 02:09:18,188 # The sunshine in # 2722 02:09:19,106 --> 02:09:22,776 # Let the sunshine # 2723 02:09:22,860 --> 02:09:26,322 # Let the sunshine in # 2724 02:09:26,405 --> 02:09:30,534 # The sunshine in # # Let it shine, let it shine # 2725 02:09:30,826 --> 02:09:34,163 # Let the sunshine # 2726 02:09:34,204 --> 02:09:36,081 # Let it shine # 2727 02:09:36,165 --> 02:09:38,167 # Let it shine, yeah # 2728 02:09:38,208 --> 02:09:42,046 # The sunshine in # 2729 02:09:42,546 --> 02:09:46,008 # Let the sunshine # 2730 02:09:46,383 --> 02:09:49,803 # Let the sunshine in # 2731 02:09:49,887 --> 02:09:52,848 # The sunshine in ## 2732 02:10:24,338 --> 02:10:26,215 ##[Just Got Lucky playing] 2733 02:10:43,225 --> 02:12:22,019 Subtitles by ARAVIND B [by_agentsmith@yahoo.com] 204520