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1
00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:08,382
And that's why,
no matter what Mommy says...
2
00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:12,511
...we really were on a break.
Yes, we were.
3
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:16,974
Yes, we were. Heh.
Come here, gorgeous.
4
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,183
[ROSS SIGHS]
5
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,437
Look at you.
You are the cutest little baby ever.
6
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:25,441
You're just a little-bitty baby,
you know that? But you've got...
7
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,609
You've got big, beautiful eyes.
8
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:31,905
Yes, you do. And a...
And a big, round belly.
9
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:35,576
Big baby butt.
10
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,952
[CHUCKLES]
11
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,663
I like big butts.
12
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:43,375
[RAPPING]
I like big butts and I cannot lie
13
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,294
You other brothers can't deny
14
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,421
When a girl walks in
With an itty-bitty waist
15
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,465
And a round thing in your face
You get...
16
00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:51,383
[EMMA LAUGHING]
17
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:52,926
[ROSS CHUCKLING]
18
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:57,431
Oh, my God, Emma.
You're laughing.
19
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,517
Oh, my God. You've never
done that before, have you?
20
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:04,271
You've never done that before.
Daddy made you laugh, huh?
21
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,232
Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot.
22
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,525
[CHUCKLES]
23
00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:11,361
What? What?
You wanna hear some more? Um...
24
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:16,325
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you got buns, hun
25
00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:18,660
[EMMA GIGGLES]
26
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:21,997
I'm a terrible father. Oh.
27
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,090
- Hey.
- Hey, listen.
28
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:16,135
- What do you know about investments?
- How come?
29
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:20,222
I'm starting to make good money on the
show, and I should do something with it.
30
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:24,560
- What do you do with your money now?
- It's taped to the back of my toilet tank.
31
00:02:24,769 --> 00:02:28,772
I didn't say that.
It's in a bank guarded by robots.
32
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,235
- Do you have any ideas?
- Uh, this guy at work got me excited...
33
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:36,613
...about going in on an emu farm.
That'd be kind of cool, huh?
34
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:40,450
Pitching in on the weekends,
helping to plant the emus.
35
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,706
Joe, emus are birds.
You raise them for meat.
36
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,207
Yeah. Right!
37
00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:48,542
[JOEY CHUCKLES]
38
00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,920
People eat birds. Bird meat.
39
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:55,591
Do they just fly into your mouth?
Or you go in a restaurant and say:
40
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,886
"Excuse me, I'll have
a bucket of fried bird." Ha-ha-ha.
41
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:02,264
Or maybe just a wing. Or a...
42
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,184
MONICA: Mm-hm.
JOEY: Ahem.
43
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,811
You should consider something
a little less risky.
44
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,397
I think real estate is
your best investment.
45
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:14,735
The Fed just lowered the rates, and the
interest on your mortgage is deductible.
46
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:18,488
That's right. I know some stuff.
47
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,282
Real estate, huh? Hmm.
48
00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:23,118
Oh! And you know who's selling
a great apartment? Richard!
49
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:27,206
Oh, and you know whose knowledge of
her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica!
50
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,750
My dad told me.
They play golf together.
51
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:32,085
Oh! Well, maybe
I'll join them sometime.
52
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,755
I just hope the club doesn't
slip out of my hand...
53
00:03:34,964 --> 00:03:37,382
...and beat the mustache
off his face.
54
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:44,514
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
55
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:48,727
Hi! You have to help me pick a dress.
I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight.
56
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:49,978
[RACHEL GASPS]
57
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,855
Wow, the boyfriend's parents.
Big step.
58
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:56,860
- Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
- They'll love you. Just be yourself.
59
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,738
They live on the Upper East Side
on Park Avenue.
60
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,449
- Oh, yeah, she can't be herself.
PHOEBE: Ugh.
61
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,702
Okay, so, all right, which dress?
62
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:13,752
- You can say neither.
RACHEL & MONICA: Oh, God. Neither.
63
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,755
I'm sorry. We'll take you shopping.
It'll be fine.
64
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:20,509
You are in such good hands,
and I am so good with meeting parents.
65
00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,720
With the father, you wanna flirt a little,
but not in a gross way.
66
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:24,930
PHOEBE:
Uh-huh.
67
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,558
Just kind of like, "Mr. Pinzer, I can
see where Wallace gets his good looks."
68
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:33,146
- You went out with Wallace Pinzer?
- Oh, he took the SATs for me.
69
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:39,111
- I knew you didn't get a 1400!
- Yeah, well, duh! I mean...
70
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,780
So now, what about with Mike's mom?
71
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,490
Oh! Well, with the mother...
72
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,410
...just constantly
tell her how amazing her son is.
73
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:50,122
Take it from me. Moms love me.
Ross' mom one time actually said...
74
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,499
...I am like the daughter
that she never had.
75
00:04:56,254 --> 00:05:01,633
- She said what?
- She's like the daughter she never had.
76
00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:03,010
Listen.
77
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,021
- Hi.
- Hi.
78
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,815
I just got Phoebe all dressed
to meet Mike's parents.
79
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,401
She's so nervous. It's so sweet.
80
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,737
Guess what. I made Emma laugh today.
81
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,531
You what? And I missed it...
82
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:28,493
...because I was giving a makeover
to that stupid hippie?
83
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,831
Yeah, and it was, uh, like, uh,
a real little person laugh too.
84
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,375
- Oh!
- It was like, um:
85
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,378
[GIGGLING IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
86
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:44,009
Only not creepy.
87
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,385
Yeah.
88
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:48,805
- What did you do to make her laugh?
- I, um...
89
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,641
Well, I sang. Actually...
90
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:54,394
...I rapped, um, heh...
91
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,063
..."Baby Got Back."
92
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,900
You what?
93
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:03,362
You sang to our baby daughter...
94
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,031
...a song about a guy
who likes to have sex...
95
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,283
...with women with giant asses?
96
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,203
You know what,
if you think about it...
97
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:15,957
...it actually promotes
a healthy, uh, body image...
98
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,502
...because even big butts...
99
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:22,089
...or, uh, "juicy doubles" are...
- Oh.
100
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:29,221
Please don't take her away from me.
101
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,225
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
102
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:38,188
Oh, hi, come on in.
I'm Catherine, the listing agent.
103
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,898
Hi, I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
104
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:43,819
So how come Richard's selling
the place? Went bankrupt?
105
00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:47,781
Medical malpractice?
Choked on his own mustache?
106
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:52,411
He's buying a much bigger place.
It's got a great view of Central Park...
107
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,704
That's enough out of you.
108
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,624
Uh, is there anything we should know
about the place?
109
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:02,295
All the appliances are included.
There's a lot of light, a new kitchen.
110
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:05,465
I think you guys would be
very happy here.
111
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,179
CHANDLER: Ha. No, no, no.
- Ha-ha-ha.
112
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,475
No, we're not together.
We're definitely not a couple.
113
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,687
- Oh, okay. Sorry.
JOEY: That's all right.
114
00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:21,982
Wow, you, uh, seemed
pretty insulted by that.
115
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,818
What, I'm not good enough for you?
116
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,946
We are not gonna have
this conversation again.
117
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:33,076
Look at this place.
Why am I so intimidated by this guy?
118
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,872
Pretentious art.
This huge, macho couch.
119
00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:39,040
When we know
all he does is sit around...
120
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:43,003
...crying about losing Monica
to a real man. Ha, ha.
121
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:46,339
- You don't think he's here, do you?
- I don't know.
122
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:51,303
It's a nice place, but I gotta say,
I don't know if I see myself living here.
123
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:52,888
Well, let me see.
124
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,723
[JOEY CLEARS THROAT]
125
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,267
[GRUNTING]
126
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,023
Yeah, I can see it.
127
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:07,235
Look at these videos.
I mean, who does he think he is?
128
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,947
Magnum Force, Dirty Harry,
Cool Hand Luke.
129
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,908
- Oh, my God.
- What?
130
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,869
There's a tape here
with Monica's name on it.
131
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:19,748
Ooh. A tape with a girl's name on it.
It's probably a sex tape.
132
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,210
Wait a minute.
133
00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:25,754
This says "Monica."
134
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:30,258
And this is Richard's apartment.
135
00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:33,553
Get there faster!
136
00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:35,430
[JOEY SCREAMS]
137
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:40,977
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]
138
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,943
[DOORBELL RINGS]
139
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,948
Wow. You look...
140
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:54,991
...like my mom.
141
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:56,701
[CHUCKLES]
142
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,246
I'm wearing pantyhose.
143
00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,582
- Great! Come on in.
- Okay.
144
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:05,085
- Ha-ha-ha. Hi.
- Hi.
145
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,128
Oh. Thank you.
146
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:08,547
Oh. Heh.
147
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,925
- Oh, my God. You're rich.
- No, my parents are rich.
148
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:15,595
So? They gotta die someday. Hello!
149
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,389
Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe.
150
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:20,267
Phoebe, these are my parents,
Theodore and Bitsy.
151
00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:22,978
[AS KATHARINE HEPBURN]
Theodore, Bitsy...
152
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,356
...what a delight.
THEODORE: Ha-ha-ha.
153
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:30,652
- It's so nice to finally meet you.
- And you.
154
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,238
Your home is lovely.
155
00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:37,242
Thank you. I'll give you a tour later.
It's actually three floors.
156
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,327
Holy crap!
157
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:43,915
Oh. Why don't you come
meet our friends?
158
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,542
Try and stop me.
159
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,044
Hey. What are you doing?
160
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,088
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Getting your parents to like me.
161
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,716
I'm sure they will,
but you don't have to do this.
162
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,509
I want them
to get to know Phoebe, not:
163
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,885
[IN POSH ACCENT]
"Phoebe."
164
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:58,847
- [AS KATHARINE HEPBURN] You've got it.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] All right.
165
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,849
- It's hard to stop.
- Mm.
166
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:03,476
Well, come on.
167
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:07,147
Phoebe, these are our friends
Tom and Sue Engel.
168
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:10,317
Phoebe, come sit.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
169
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:11,526
Mm-hm.
170
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,862
- So where are you from?
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Um, okay.
171
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,532
Well, all right.
Um, originally, I'm from upstate...
172
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,994
...but, um, then my mom killed herself,
and my stepdad went to prison.
173
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,622
So I moved to the city...
174
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,833
...where, um, I lived in a burned-out
Buick LeSabre for a while.
175
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,543
Which was okay. That was okay.
176
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,712
Until, um, I got hepatitis, you know...
177
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:34,841
...because this pimp spit
in my mouth and...
178
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,636
But I got over it.
179
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:42,265
And, um, anyway, now I'm a, um,
freelance massage therapist...
180
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:47,395
...um, which isn't always steady money,
but at least I don't pay taxes.
181
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,072
[AS KATHARINE HEPBURN]
So where does everyone summer?
182
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:08,500
- Oh, God, this is not going well.
- No, you're doing fine. Really.
183
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:12,212
- Why don't you go talk to my dad?
- Okay, okay, okay.
184
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:15,006
- Still sure about me being myself?
- Absolutely.
185
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,634
Though maybe just
a little less "pimp spit."
186
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:19,010
[MOUTHS]
Okay.
187
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:27,519
So, Theodore, I, uh, can see
where Mike gets his good looks from.
188
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,938
Oh. Well...
189
00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:34,859
- You must work out all the time.
- Oh, not all the time. I do the best I can.
190
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:37,862
- Yeah, I bet. Look out!
- Oh! Ow.
191
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:41,408
- Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- Unh! I recently had surgery.
192
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,660
- I'm so sorry.
- No, I'll be fine.
193
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:47,288
- I just should check the stitches.
- I really am sorry.
194
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:50,417
How could you know? Why wouldn't
you punch me in the stomach?
195
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,045
Um...
196
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:55,922
Did you just hit my dad?
197
00:11:57,049 --> 00:12:01,094
Yes. I'm sorry. I've never met
a boyfriend's parents before.
198
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,930
But, I mean, you have met
humans before, right?
199
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,349
Why don't you go talk to my mom?
200
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,936
Okay, yeah, your mom.
She looks nice. I can talk to her.
201
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:14,399
You do that, and I'm gonna go check
my dad for signs of internal bleeding.
202
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:19,696
Oh, Bitsy? Um, uh, listen,
I wanted to thank you again...
203
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,114
...for having me here tonight.
204
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,532
Well, not at all.
205
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,286
Also, um, I just want you to know
what a wonderful man your son is.
206
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:30,957
- Thank you. I think so too.
- It's a testament to how he was raised.
207
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,210
Especially to you,
because he's very respectful of women.
208
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:38,840
- Is he really?
- He is so considerate of my feelings.
209
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:43,428
You know, I think you'd also like
to know that he is a very gentle lover.
210
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,142
Excuse me?
211
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:52,896
No, don't get me wrong.
No, not in like a sissy way.
212
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:54,731
When he gets going...
213
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:59,277
...he can rattle a headboard
like a sailor on leave.
214
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:04,407
That's... my boy.
215
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,415
Awesome.
216
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:19,923
I'm not gonna watch it.
I don't need to watch it.
217
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:23,134
I mean, what good could
possibly come from watching it?
218
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,469
[SIGHS]
219
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,721
Well, we know I'm gonna watch it.
220
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,601
- Hey, dude, what's up?
- Don't judge me! I'm only human!
221
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,895
Did you take that tape?
222
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:37,607
I had to! Imagine you were married
and you found a tape of your wife...
223
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,361
...in another guy's apartment. Wouldn't
you need to know what was on it?
224
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:44,113
I don't know. Who am I married to?
225
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,367
Some girl.
226
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:48,910
She hot?
227
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,997
- Yeah.
- How did she get me to settle down?
228
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:55,959
All right, I'm gonna watch it.
229
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:57,168
[SIGHS]
230
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,420
I mean, it's probably
not even what I think it is.
231
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:03,216
Even if it is, it can't possibly be as
bad as what I'm picturing in my head.
232
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,218
Ha, ha. Can it?
233
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:10,265
See, in my experience,
if a girl says yes to being taped...
234
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:13,017
...she doesn't say no to much else,
I'll tell you.
235
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,647
- Then you have to watch it for me.
- Whoa! What?
236
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,525
Just for a few seconds
so I can know what it is. Please?
237
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:25,196
All right, fine. But if I enjoy this,
you have only yourself to blame!
238
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:29,826
[CROWD CHEERING ON TV]
239
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:31,286
[REFEREE WHISTLES ON TV]
240
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:34,998
- Why am I hearing cheering?
- It's okay. It's just a football game.
241
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:39,502
- It's just football?
- You were all worried for nothing.
242
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,379
It's football! It's just football!
243
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:44,924
This is great! This is the first time
I've ever enjoyed football!
244
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,510
I think it may be customary
to get a beer!
245
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,262
[WOMAN MOANING ON TV]
246
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,055
What the?
247
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:56,144
- What are you doing?
- You don't wanna see what I just saw!
248
00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,606
What are you guys doing?
249
00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:02,775
Oh, my God! Is that Richard?
250
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:10,366
Okay, uh, please laugh for Mommy.
Please?
251
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,826
Please laugh for Mommy.
252
00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:14,662
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
253
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,666
Not funny, huh?
254
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,752
Well, so is it...
255
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:25,173
...only offensive novelty rap?
256
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:29,010
Or maybe just, you know, rap in general.
Because Mommy can rap.
257
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,472
[RAPPING]
My name is Mommy
258
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,265
And I'm here to say
259
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,516
That all the babies are...
260
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,393
Oh, I can't rap.
261
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:44,901
All right, sweetheart. This is
only because I love you so much.
262
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:49,697
And I know that you're
not gonna tell anybody.
263
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,661
[SIGHS]
264
00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:58,998
[RAPPING]
I like
265
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,752
Big butts and I cannot lie
266
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,465
You other brothers can't deny
267
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,052
When a girl walks in
With an itty-bitty waist
268
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,804
And a round thing in your face
269
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:13,972
[LAUGHING]
270
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,391
Yes, yes, yes. Yes! Ha!
271
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:17,642
Oh.
272
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,269
I like big butts and I cannot lie
273
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,522
You other brothers can't deny
274
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,274
Oh, Emma, you're laughing!
Oh, you are!
275
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,653
You really do like big butts, don't you?
276
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:33,700
Oh, you beautiful little weirdo.
277
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,118
Oh.
278
00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:38,204
- Hey.
- Oh, you missed it! She was laughing!
279
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,706
- Oh, it was amazing.
- Oh.
280
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:43,501
It was amazing. It was the most
beautiful, beautiful sound.
281
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,336
Oh, I know, isn't it?
282
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,546
[RACHEL SIGHS]
283
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,631
Oh, what did you do
to get her to laugh?
284
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:52,844
Oh, you know, I just...
A couple of things I tried. Different...
285
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,722
Just sang a little
"The ltsy-Bitsy Spider."
286
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:59,600
You sang "Baby Got Back,"
didn't you?
287
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:04,272
Nothing else worked!
That girl is all about the ass!
288
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,191
And then it goes back to the chorus.
289
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,360
[SINGING]
Smelly cat, smelly cat
290
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:12,030
It's not your fault
291
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,866
Resolve.
And that's the end of the song.
292
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,745
I realize you hadn't asked
to hear it...
293
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:22,707
...but, um, no one had spoken
in 17 minutes.
294
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:28,796
Uh, Phoebe writes lots of songs. What
was that one you sang the other night?
295
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,673
Oh, "Pervert Parade"?
296
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,800
No.
297
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:36,679
- Oh! "Ode to a Pubic Hair"?
- Stop.
298
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:42,769
Oh, God. Is that veal?
299
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:45,188
Mom, I thought I told you,
Phoebe's a vegetarian.
300
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,522
Oh.
301
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:50,568
No, that's okay. That's okay.
I mean, I am a vegetarian...
302
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:54,405
...except for veal.
Yeah. No. Veal I love. Heh.
303
00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:59,243
- Phoebe, you don't have to eat that.
- Any baby animals. Kittens, fish babies.
304
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,038
But, you know, especially veal.
305
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:06,334
You know, and this nice vein of fat
running through it.
306
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:09,253
[CHUCKLES]
307
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:23,726
- Mm. Yummy.
THEODORE: Ha-ha-ha.
308
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,023
[GAGS]
309
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,447
So...
310
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,990
What do you think?
311
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,455
So you stole that tape
from Richard's apartment?
312
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:45,665
[SCOFFS]
313
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,459
Listen to the judgment
from the porn star!
314
00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:53,172
That tape was never meant
to be seen by...
315
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,592
Joey, I would feel more comfortable
if this conversation were in private.
316
00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,179
Ha, ha, Monica, look, I don't think
you and I have any secrets anymore.
317
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:01,764
[CHUCKLES]
318
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,144
Not ready to joke about it yet?
See you later.
319
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:10,439
Why in the world would you take
this tape? And why would you watch it?
320
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,942
Because that's who I am. Okay?
321
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:17,196
I'm sure a man like Richard could see
a tape like that and not be bothered.
322
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,240
It'd just be another saucy anecdote...
323
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:23,828
...for him to share at his men's club
over brandy and mustaches.
324
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:28,249
Is all of this about you not being able
to grow a mustache?
325
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:32,253
This is about you and Richard.
He's clearly not over you.
326
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:35,173
He keeps a tape so he can
look at it whenever he wants.
327
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:39,093
Isn't that sad?
Can't you see how pathetic that is?
328
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,762
Don't be jealous.
You should feel bad for him.
329
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:44,807
Oh, yeah, well, poor Richard, he...
330
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,185
I can grow a mustache.
331
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:53,316
This is not our problem. We have
each other. That's all that matters.
332
00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:58,613
But I just keep picturing you rolling
around with him, with your...
333
00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:00,656
...cowboy boots in the air.
334
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:06,537
Cowboy boots? I've never worn
cowboy boots in my whole life.
335
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,081
Oh, good, good. Play more
because I wanna see how it ends.
336
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:10,875
[WOMAN MOANING ON TV]
337
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,961
- That's not me!
- What?
338
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,758
That's not you! Life is good again!
339
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:22,220
Ride 'em, cowgirl!
340
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:26,224
That bastard taped over me!
341
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:30,311
Is that a problem?
342
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:35,024
It's just so insulting.
Spring for a new blank tape, doctor!
343
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:36,234
[GRUNTS]
344
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:39,362
I can't imagine what he sees in her.
345
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:42,490
She actually makes me miss
that pill-popping ex-wife of his.
346
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,200
[THEODORE CHUCKLES]
347
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,370
- Hello, dear.
- Hey.
348
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:50,248
- What's going on?
- We were just chitchatting.
349
00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:53,417
- How's your friend?
- A little better.
350
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:58,214
Do you know who's moving back into
town? Tom and Sue's daughter, Jen.
351
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:02,969
You remember her, Michael.
She's lovely, well-behaved and single.
352
00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:07,223
- I'm not interested.
- Oh, please, darling, let's be honest.
353
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:10,559
You can have all the sailor fun
you want with that one.
354
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:13,688
- But let's be real.
- All right, stop.
355
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:18,359
All Phoebe has done is try and get you
to like her. Maybe it's not clear...
356
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:19,735
...but she did her best.
357
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:25,241
- She's a little different than you are.
- Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth.
358
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:30,371
MIKE: So what? If I can
get past that, it shouldn't bother you.
359
00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:33,833
You don't have to like her.
Just accept the fact that I do.
360
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,335
If you can't even be civil
to the woman I love...
361
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:39,755
- The woman you what?
- Yeah, the woman you what?
362
00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:44,468
The woman I love.
363
00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,349
I love you.
364
00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:56,731
Something I shouldn't say for
the first time, in front of my parents...
365
00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:59,317
...and Tom and Sue.
366
00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:03,321
Who are, by the way, the most sinfully
boring people I've ever met in my life.
367
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,452
- I love you too.
- You do?
368
00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:11,329
Yeah. Ha, ha.
369
00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:13,080
How great is this?
370
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,377
- Wanna get out of here?
- Okay.
371
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:23,049
- Mom, Dad. Thanks for dinner.
- I had a great time.
372
00:22:23,258 --> 00:22:25,718
[AS KATHARINE HEPBURN]
It was really top-drawer.
373
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,428
And here's something rich.
374
00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:31,015
Thirteen bathrooms in this place,
I threw up in the coat closet.
375
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,434
Ta-ta!
376
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,649
[RAPPING]
She's sweat, wet
377
00:22:40,817 --> 00:22:42,318
Got it going like a turbo 'Vette
378
00:22:42,486 --> 00:22:43,819
- So, fellas!
- Yeah?
379
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:45,112
- Fellas!
- Yeah?
380
00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,406
- Has your girlfriend got the butt?
- Hell, yeah
381
00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:48,574
- So shake it
- Shake it
382
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:49,909
- Shake it
- Shake it
383
00:22:50,118 --> 00:22:51,619
Shake that nasty butt
384
00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:52,995
Baby got back
385
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:55,122
One more time from the top!
386
00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:58,417
I like big butts
And I cannot lie
387
00:22:58,585 --> 00:22:59,794
You other brothers...
388
00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:05,633
Rachel, please!
That is so inappropriate!
389
00:23:09,846 --> 00:23:11,847
[English - US - SDH]
30739
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