All language subtitles for Episode 620 The Sam In The Gray Flannel Suit

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Payday, payday.

Sam, Carla, Woody.

Oh, come to Papa, baby.

Boy, have I got
plans for you.

CLIFF:
Yeah, no
kidding, Woody?

What are you going
to do with it?

Put it in the bank.

Whoo, don't get
arrested, buddy.

Hey, Shoulder Pads, freeze.

Yes, Carla?

I seem to be a little short.

Yes, but you have
a warm personality.

When you added up my paycheck,

I think you forgot to count
a couple of fingers and toes.

Oh, I'm afraid I had to dock you

a total of two and
three quarters hours

for being late
last week.

I had good excuses.

Three deaths in the
family since Monday?

It's been a bad week.

Carla, Carla, here's a
little time management
trick that I use.

I set my watch ahead

a half an hour.

That way, when I think I'm
getting someplace on time,

I'm actually
fooling myself

into getting there early.

Hey, you know, that makes
good business sense, boss.

I guess if I set my watch
an hour ahead,

it'd be twice as good, huh?

Right.

Hey, what do you know?

It's lunch time.

No wonder I'm so hungry.

( piano intro playing )

� Making your way
in the world today �

� Takes everything you've got

� Taking a break
from all your worries �

� Sure would help a lot

� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �

� Sometimes you want to go

� Where everybody
knows your name �

� And they're always glad
you came �

� You want to be
where you can see �

� Our troubles
are all the same �

� You want to be where
everybody knows your name �

� You want to go
where people know �

� People are all the same

� You want to go where
everybody knows your name. �

What you reading,
Cliffie?

Oh, the, uh, Massachusetts
Scientific Journal.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Yeah, you know,
this, uh, magazine

is sent to some
of the most prestigious

and high-minded
intellectuals

in the greater
metropolitan area.

How come you have it?

Some guy on my route
left town

and uh, didn't leave
a forwarding address.

Oh, hey, Carla,
looky here.

It says the Britain Institute's
doing research on twins.

Maybe you can get

your gruesome twosome
in there, eh?

Yeah, right, like I got
nothing better to do

than schlep Little Elvis
and Jesse around.

Especially
so some pointy-heads

can plug electrodes
into their skulls

to see what makes them slobber.

That's too bad;
they're offering,

uh, 50 bucks apiece.

I always wondered
what makes them slobber.

Sorry I'm late.

Where's Sam?

He's upstairs having
lunch with Evan Dreck.

Oh, God, Mr. Drake shows up
on a day that I'm late?

Well, don't worry.
I've covered for you.

Told him you were drunk.

What does this mean?

When did Evan
start taking Sam to lunch?

When did the two of them
become good friends?

When did I
start talking to myself?

Hey, maybe he's going
to put Sam

in charge of the bar again.

What? Don't make me laugh.

Sam, I'm serious
about that offer.

Now, I want to move you up.
What do you say?

Oh, sounds tempting.

DRAKE:
When I see you
behind that bar,

the more convinced I am
your talents are being wasted.

Yeah, I know, I know,

but they won't let me
bring a bed in here.

( both chuckling )

Yes, yes, boy,

thank you; of
course I will.

I, uh, I'll get
the ball rolling.

Hello, Mr. Drake.

It's so wonderful
to see you again.

Yeah, I'm going
to use your phone.

You scum-sucking,
power-hungry,
backbiting creep.

You stole my job.

Ah, come on.
That's not true.

But I will bite your back
for you if you want.

Oh, well, then,
what were you talking

to Evan about?

He just offered me

an executive position
down at headquarters.

You scum-sucking,
power-hungry,
backbiting creep!

Hi, Mr. Drake.

I was just
congratulating Sam.

Great.

Uh, it's all set, Sam.

Hey, uh, listen.

Uh, I'm really
excited about this,

but are you sure
that I'm qualified?

I mean, you know, I never
even finished college.

How far did you get?

Halfway through
the application.

I still have
it here if you...

Nah, that's okay.
You're qualified.

See you tomorrow.

All right. Whoo.

Something funny
is going on here.

Why did he hire Sam?

Why is he making him
an executive?

What's the matter with me?

Well, for one
thing, Miss Howe,

you talk to yourself
an awful lot.

Hmm.

Mr. Malone, I
hate to rush you,

but people are waiting.

Have you made a decision yet?

Yes, Mimi, I have.

I'll take the tuna on toast
with iced tea.

Done.

Oh, and, uh,
after lunch,

we'll, uh, finish
the memo I was drafting.

Where did we leave off?
"To whom it may concern."

Boy, I like the way that sounds.

( door shuts )

( chuckling )

( grinding )

( buzzer )

MIMI:
Mr. Malone, some gentlemen
are here to see you

from the firm
of Peterson, Clavin and Boyd.

Peterson, Clavin and Boyd,
Peterson, Clavin and Boyd.

Uh, Mimi, tell them
I'm in an important meeting

and can't see them, please.

( guys complaining )

Hey, get in here, you mugs!

( laughing and exclaiming )

Uh, Sam, don't
be nice, now.

If you really
have a meeting,

we don't want
to bother you.

No, no, oh, come on.

Get in here.
Get in here.

Well, major corporate digs,
buddy, eh?

Talk about your office
in the sky.

Hey, oh, hey,
lookit down here.

There's a guy
washing windows.

Ooh.

That's one job
you wouldn't catch me doing

for all the bridges
in Bridgeport.

( chuckling )

Standing on a
platform there,

suspended hundreds of feet
over certain death.

You said it.

Hey, let's throw
something at him
and scare him, eh?

( Sam laughing )

Hey, you know,

actually, uh,

these, uh, windows don't open.

You're in a
what's called

a climate-
controlled office.

( chuckling )

Very impressed, Sam, eh?

Oh, hey, Sammy, you
do look every inch

the corporate
muckety-muck there,

doesn't he?

Well, you know,
I don't want to brag.

Mimi, get in here
and brag for me, will you?

( laughter )

Just kidding, Mimi.

While I have you,
Mr. Drake is on his way over.

Oh, guys,

I'm sorry,
men, uh...

( blows softly )

Oh, yeah, sure.

That's okay.
That's all right.

Uh, we're running late

for our next appointment
anyway, boys.

Where is that?

It's at the bottom
of the lobby escalator

watching the secretaries
go up to the lunchroom.

( guys chortling )

All aboard for the
Underalls Express,

now leaving Track 29.

( guys imitating train whistle )

( laughing ):
You mugs!

( knocking )

Ah, Sam.

Oh, hey, Evan.

I'm sorry.
I was engrossed in my work here.

Just came to
check on you.

How you doing?

Looks like you're making
yourself at home here.

Desk. Supplies, huh?

And the requisite
picture of your, uh...

self.

It's not really
a great one,

but it's
the only big one I had.

Yeah, well...

You're all set then, huh?
Yeah, oh, yeah.

Full steam ahead.
Take no prisoners.

Excellent. All right.

You know, I, uh...

I do have, uh,
one little question, though.

Shoot.

W-What do I do?

Ah, yes,

well, now, yours being
a newly created position,

your responsibilities as
yet are not clearly defined.

Well, uh, that helps,
that helps.

But we're looking
for your input.

Input-- got you;
all right, input.

Yeah, well, listen,

I'm going to be
late for lunch,

so, uh, we'll talk later
at softball practice, huh?

Oh, hey, you got
a softball team, huh?

Oh, yeah, all the
corporations do.

It's a lot of
fun, very casual.

Wear cleats.

Hey, I'll have lots of input
for you then, sir.

Okay, all right.

Input, input.

Let's see, here.

( sighing )

( exhaling )

( grinding )

( grinding continues )

Mimi, call Maintenance.

( muttering )
Ridiculous.

Stupid Sam.

Executive?

( muttering continues )

I'm sorry. Are
you talking to me?

No, I was talking to my...

Yes, I was.

So, you say that they did
make Sam an executive?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Giving him the red carpet
treatment over there.

He's a regular Armand Hammer.

Oh, that reminds me.

I got to change the baking soda
in my refrigerator.

Hi, everybody.

I just got back
from twin testing,

and I would like to announce
that I now like science

100 bucks more
than I used to.

Hey, all right.

I found out
that Little Elvis

is a lot more aggressive

in certain situations
than Jesse.

Or is it vice versa?

Ah, who cares?

Not these twins.

( chortling )

Whoa.

( whooping and laughing )

People, I have an announcement!

Mr. Sam Malone,
the newest member

of the corporate
softball team,

just pitched a shutout
against General Electric!

( whooping and yelling )

I'd say I loved
pinning back the ears

of a Fortune 500
company.

Kind of makes you
feel proud

to be part of the corporation,
doesn't it?

Rah-rah-rah.

Hey, you know,
I never knew

that you were
a cheerleader.

Although I have always admired
your pom-poms.

Sam, uh,
why does your jersey

say "Heppel" on the back?

Oh, that was some guy

who used to work
for the company.

They haven't had time
to order mine yet.

Supply problems.

"Supply problems."
Yeah.

Yes, that happens a lot
in large corporations.

You know, Sam, they
were really lucky

to get you on the team.

You want to know
how lucky?

They just made the playoffs
the day before they hired me.

( chuckling )

Oh, my...!

I finally figured it out.

Life makes sense,
and I am not crazy.

Well, that's only
a layman's opinion.

Sam is a ringer.

Evan just hired him
to win the championship.

In two weeks, he'll
be out of there.

Now, Rebecca,
you can't tell him that.

At least
let the man enjoy

his day
in the sun.

( laughing and chatting )

All right.

Sam has taken enough
hard knocks this year.

No, it's pleasure enough
for me to just know.

I won't break his heart.

Oh, hey, uh, Rebecca,

the guys decided

that you could be
our cheerleader

on one condition.

Lose the bra.

( raucous laughter )

I won't break his heart.

I will rip it
from his chest.

( laughs )

Here are those

copies of your report,
Mr. Malone.

Oh, great.

You got colored paper.

Oh.

Hey, hey.

Look at that.

Lots of input.

Am I interrupting anything?

Oh, hey, Rebecca.
No, come on in.

Thank you, Mimi.

Well, Rebecca...

welcome to the, uh,
executive office.

Would you like to have a seat
in the executive chair there?

Or maybe on the executive sofa?

Or how 'bout the executive lap?

( cackling )

( cackling )

( cackling stops )

No, but, uh, seriously,

uh, what-what brings you
down to corporate?

Oh, I have a
little information

about your promotion

that I'm going to really
enjoy sharing with you.

Oh, yeah. Listen.

Before you do,
there's something

I want to talk
to you about, too.

Uh, sit down,
please, sit down.
( sighs )

Uh...

I just want to say

tha-that I'm sorry, you know,

for teasing you the way I did
and everything.

I know we both
had a lot of fun with it,

but i-it wasn't right.

That's okay.
I just wanted...

No, no, no.

See, it, it wasn't okay.

I mean, absolutely not.

I...

I think I was just
trying to, you know,

show off in front of the guys.

Truth is...

this is all kind of new to me.

I keep expecting somebody to
come through the door and say,

"Malone, job's over.
You're through.

"Get out of here,"
and it's a big joke.

Good. Is it my turn now?

No, in a second, in a second.

You know, the, uh...

first thing that I did--

when I was alone
in the office here--

I, uh, called my father,

who I hadn't talked to

for over three years.

And when I told him
where I was sitting,

you know,
what I was looking out at,

and, uh, what,
what my title is...

( sighs )
for the first time ever,

he told me
how proud he was of me.

( chuckling ):
Anyway. Whoa!

Uh, what-what are you
dying to tell me here?

( clears throat )

Just that we

are darn proud of you, too.

Oh, thank you!

God, that's great. Thank you.

Hey, hey, get a load of this.

My folks, uh--

their wedding anniversary
is next month.

I'm gonna fly them in here,

and I'm gonna give them
the grand tour.

I just can't wait
to see their faces.
Stop.

What?

Sam... I didn't want

to have to tell you this,
but now I have to.

All right, all right,

What do you got?
No, I actually
did want

to have to tell you this,
but I wanted to enjoy it,

and now you've ruined that,
and I have to tell you anyway.

You're not gonna
be here next month.

What do you mean?

Malone, you're a ringer.

( gasps )
Ooh, I did like
doing it a little bit.

Wh-What do you mean, ringer?

I mean that Evan just hired you
to win the championship.

And when that's over,
you're history.

Oh, boy.

I should have expected this.

Sam, it's just the way
of the business world.

No, no, no, no.
I mean, that you are jealous.

How petty of you.

I can't believe this.

You know, the fact

that I played baseball
has nothing to do with this job.

I am a good executive.

And, you know,
you are way off base,

and I'm gonna prove it to you.

Mimi, get-get Mr. Drake
on the phone right away.

Right away, Mr. Malone.

Sam, you don't have to do this.

You know, I was hired
for a lot of reasons.

Like what?

Yeah, I'll tell you,
"like what,"

like this report, for example.

This sucker is loaded
with input.

Sam, as one friend to another,

I really am just trying
to do you a favor.

( buzzing )

Mr. Drake is still
in a sales meeting.

What do you mean,
a sales meeting?

Why aren't I there?

I-I'm the Eastern...
the Western...

I-I'm the Southwest...

I'm the "Eastern Regional
Sales Manager."

I don't know,
but he said to rest up your arm

because you're starting tonight.

Well, there's just probably

some mix-up.

You know, maybe I missed
a memo or something.

I'm gonna go, uh, straighten
this out right now.

( clears throat )

Don't you have a job
to go to or something?

( sighs )

( cackling )

( cackling continues )

Mimi, call Maintenance.

All right,
have your people

coordinate with Marketing.

We'll get this campaign
on the boards.

Will do.

Sorry I'm late.

I guess that
about wraps it up.

Uh, say,
before you go,

I just want to say

that I'm really backed up
with paperwork,

and I won't be able
to make the game tonight.

What?
What?

Can't make the game?

Hey, wait a minute, Evan.

I-I didn't give up my office
two weeks

to let this guy do paperwork.

Easy, Heppel.

Heppel?

What? You're Heppel?

But... I thought
that you were supposed...

( murmuring )

Oh, boy.

I-I am a ringer.

That's right.
I'm right, aren't I,

that I'm a ringer?

Well, I'll be straight
with you, Sam.

Sure, we originally hired you

to pitch for the
softball team, but, uh,

actually, you've turned out
to be somewhat of a surprise.

Oh?

Yeah, yeah, you're a much better
hitter than we anticipated.

( all agreeing )

( indistinct praises )

Come on.

Man, this really bites it.

I mean, here I thought
you wanted me for my mind,

and it turns out
you just wanted me for my body.

Where have I heard that before?

( clears throat )

Is it really that bad, Sam?

I mean, you make good money.

Everyone around here likes you.

What's the problem?

The problem is that, you know,

as soon as
softball season's over,

I'm out of here.

You don't have to be.

We'll find a place for you.

I mean, uh,
softball season next year.

No, no, no.

You know,
if I'm gonna stay here,

I want it to be
for legitimate reasons.

I mean, come on, Evan,

at least look at my report.

Now, if you think
that I have what it takes,

you know,
after looking at that,

to be an executive right here,
right now, the way I am,

then, you know, then fine.

But otherwise, I think

you know, we should just

shake hands like gentlemen
and part company.

Ho! Lock up your women!

Sammy's back.

( all greeting )

Sam, you know,
I'm sorry

to hear about
the termination there, buddy.

Yeah, tough luck, pal.

Yeah.
Hey, easy come, easy go.

No, truth is, it was a shock,

but then I, uh...
( clears throat )

I went into
the executive washroom,

and I splashed
some water on my face,

and I looked in the mirror,

and the mirror
looked back and said,

"You're not an executive, man.

Get back to where you belong."

All right.

Yeah.
Smart there.

I thought they only had mirrors
like that in the movies.

It's good to be back.

Oh, Miss Howe
will sure be relieved.
Yeah?

She said that you'd be shattered

and we should all
be really nice to you.

She did, huh?
Mm-hmm.

Well... maybe I ought
to go set her mind at ease.

Ooh.

( knocking )

Hi, Rebecca.

Oh.

How are you, Sam?

Well, I'm kind of... shattered.

I was afraid you might be.

( groans )
Do you mind

if I stand here
for just a little while?

It's kind of hard for me
to go back out there

after what happened.
( clears throat )

I feel so humiliated.

You just take
as long as you need.

Would you like
to talk about it?

You mean about how bad I feel?

Yeah, you know,
sometimes that helps.

Well, I feel pretty bad.

So... bad.

I know.

And I feel terrible
that I had to tell you.

Oh, well there's no sense
in us both feeling so bad.

Oh, God.

I just hate to
see you like this.
Oh... oh.

You know...
Hmm?

sometimes these
things happen.

But you will always
have your job here.

Oh, it's not just
losing the job.

It's that I was, you know,
taken advantage of.

I know. I know.

You know, that I was used,

that I was just,
you know, manipulated

by somebody who just
cynically wanted to...

get something from me.

Malone, what are you doing?

I-I'm feeling bad.

No, you are
feeling pretty good.

Okay, I admit it.

I'm not a sad guy.

I'm a happy, horny guy.

You know... we need pity, too.

Oh, God, you
are choice, Malone.

You are just really choice.

You will do anything
for a roll in the hay.

If you will play
on my sympathies,

then you will stoop to anything.

God, I am tired of fighting you.

I just don't have

the strength
to do it anymore.

If this is what you really want,

then by all means.

Take me here.
Take me now.

Please, please.

Are you serious?

Oh, yes.

I want it bad.

Well, all right.

Is something wrong?

Oh, nothing.

Oh, baby, oh, baby.

Le-Let me get this straight.

Is this what I can expect

in the way
of full participation?

Until I get tired.

( Sam grunts )

REBECCA:
Was it good for you?