All language subtitles for Crazy.Ex-Girlfriend.S04E01.HDTV.x264-SVA[ettv]

Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...

♪ ... wonderful guy. ♪

This has been the
best summer of my life,

and you're the reason why.

This is a list of all of
the things that I have done.

It's bad.

How did you get in here?

You sent me poop? You
tried to kill my Lolo?

And you manipulated me and lied to me.

Why are you making me
move? I have no apartment,

no relationship, no career goals.

I feel like there's no ground under me.

The last few months
have meant a lot to me.

I'll forget about
everything else for you.

They say love makes you crazy.

No!

He was going to kill Nathaniel.

They're gonna charge you with
attempted second-degree murder.

He was trying to hurt you.

I want you to plead not guilty...

Okay, not guilty.

... by reason of insanity.

You have let me down so many times,

and you are never going
to be any different.

Wow, I'm sorry, I can't do this.

I want to face the consequences
of what happened on that roof.

So I plead responsible.

I mean... guilty.

I plead guilty.

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

I'd like to get started.

The State is here.

Where is your counsel, Miss Bunch?

I'm so sorry. Nathaniel...

Mr.-Mr. Plimpton should
be here any second.

Yeah, I'm not so sure about that, honey.

He stormed out. He seemed really upset.

Nathaniel's gone.

I called him, but he won't answer.

It's okay. It's okay. I expected that.

I-I'll-I'll call him later and
explain why I did what I did

and that I still love him, and
hopefully he'll listen to me.

So I guess I'll be acting
as Rebecca's counsel.

Um, full disclosure,

I specialize in real estate law.

Uh, Judge, can we get this
over with? Because the State

would like to close its case,

- and I have to pee.
- Great.

Mean prosecutor has to pee, I'm guilty,

so let's just scribble
"guilty" on that pizzle pad

and let's get this shizzow on the road.

Okay, just wait just a... sizzecond.

Uh, Your Honor, may-may
I just have a word?

Are you also her lawyer?

Not yet, uh, because I don't graduate

for another couple of months,

and then I will,

like Mr. Whitefeather,

specialize in real estate law,
but please, I'm begging you,

please, please don't accept her plea.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't accept my plea? Paula.

What's wrong with you? I thought
you knew what I was doing here.

I want to finally take
responsibility for my life.

Do you remember the courtroom?

I gave you a knowing smile,

you gave me a knowing smile.

I thought we were on the same page,

but now I guess we were, what,

just two idiots smiling at each other?

Everybody, just calm down.

That's why I brought you
into chambers to tell you

that I can't accept
Miss Bunch's guilty plea.

For starters, it wasn't
even really a plea.

It was more of a speech filled
with, uh, irrelevant details

that you delivered to this lady

with your back to me,
and then I find out that

you're in a romantic relationship

with your actual lawyer, who
I'm guessing is also in...

Real estate.

- Right.
- So, but great. Right?

Y-You're not gonna
accept Rebecca's plea,

which means you-you can release her.

No. Your Honor, respectfully,

give me one second with
my real estate lawyers.

Listen. Hey.

Listen. What are you guys doing?

I really want to plead guilty, okay?

- I want to go to jail.
- No.

This game is over. You
made your statement,

and I dug it... I mean,
hence the smiling...

But you are not gonna go to jail

for trying to defend
someone from being murdered.

Yes, I am. Your Honor, please.

I need to do penance.

If not only for this crime,
then all of my past crimes,

both real and metaphorical.

I need... I want to go to jail.

Oh, well, I'm happy to hear that,

'cause that's exactly
where you're going.

I'm sending you to county jail

for six weeks.

Now, let's see how you like it in there,

and then you can come back
and have another hearing

and decide how you want to plead.

We are done here.

Okay, okay, great.

I can work with this. This isn't so bad.

It's six weeks. That
gives me plenty of time

- to get the charges dropped.
- Nope, nope.

I don't care how many hearings we have.

I'm gonna plead guilty
at every one of them.

And the next hearing after that.

Guilty. And I forget
what happens after that

because I also specialize
in real estate law,

but this I do know:

Jail is what I deserve.

I deserve this.

I deserve this.

I deserve this.

Next. Contraband check.

Lift up your breasts, squat and cough.

I deserve this.

This one's not bad.

Why do you need these again?

I mean, don't get me wrong.
I enjoyed purchasing them.

Nothing like walking
up to a cash register

with just an armful of murder.

Bet I'm not on any watch lists now.

I told you, I need a
machete for my excursion.

Does everyone take a
machete on a camping trip?

It's not a pansy-ass camping trip.

It's an intense outdoor
survivalist excursion.

That's why it's called
Death Wish Adventures.

Love that name. Sounds therapeutic.

Oh, it is, it is.

And for the low, low price of $100,000,

I pay this company

to beat me up,

drive me out to the middle of the woods,

and leave me alone to fend for myself.

I can't wait!

Okay, look.

I know that you're going
through a rough time, you know,

with the woman you love
publicly rejecting you

in favor of incarceration,

but, Nathaniel,

why don't you just go and talk to her?

Stop. Okay?

She chose what she chose. I'm done.

I don't want to talk to her,
I don't want to talk about her.

Look at this place.

I'm eating pizza and Chinese food.

Obviously, I need a complete reset.

Okay, yes, but there's
got to be a better way

to reset than killing yourself.

I'm not killing myself, George, okay?

I'm going on a death wish adventure!

Go buy me another bag.

Machete-proof.

Well, I can't go to the same store.

I just can't believe
Rebecca's in jail for murder.

I don't think it's murder.

It's pretty clear she was
just defending Nathaniel.

Maybe. I don't know.

I don't know what to
think about her anymore.

I used to think Rebecca
was so innocent and sweet.

Well, we all did, right?

Not really.

Look, I like her and she's my friend,

but she's done some crazy things,

pretty much from day one.

So how did I still miss it?
How did I miss it, Hector?

Look, you loved her

and you missed certain
things because of that.

And she has mental health issues.

She has a disorder.

Disorder.

Yeah, maybe I also have a disorder.

- What, dude?
- Yeah, think about it.

Okay, those things about Rebecca,

they're not the only things
I've missed, like, in life.

I-I didn't realize

being a priest would be such a bummer.

I didn't realize I was
dancing at a gay bar

for, like, a month. I didn't realize

your mom doesn't like it
when I whistle in the shower.

Now that you bring it up, it's
weird you live with my mom.

You lived with your mom.

She's my mom.

Oh.

I see what you're saying.
Okay, I get it. Yeah.

So... that's weird.

See? I have a disorder.

Maybe.

Or maybe you're a little
oblivious, self-absorbed,

and need to be more aware
of the world around you.

No. Disorder.

- Or...
- Disorder. I have one.

I wonder which one.

I deserve this. I deserve this.

I deserve this. I deserve
this. I deserve this.

I deserve this. I...

Will you shut the hell up?

You've been chanting that for days.

I'm in here for assault,
and I'm trying to be good,

but God help me,

what you really deserve
is a throat punch.

I'm sorry.

I'm just, I'm... I'm sad and scared.

I came here to do penance,

but I don't know what that looks like,

and... I think I just
gave up the man I love,

and, God, this place is terrible.

It's terrible in jail?

Wow, really insightful analysis

of the criminal justice system, Harvard.

How do you know I went to Harvard?

Well, other than, "I deserve this,"

that's the only thing you've
said since you got here.

Oh, sounds like I
worked it in organically.

What?

Well, sometimes it sounds
like you're bragging.

Like, when people ask
where you went to college,

and you say, "I went
to school in Boston,"

and they say, "Where in Boston?"
and you say, "Cambridge,"

and they say, "Do you mean
Harvard?" and you say, "Yeah,"

and they say, "Well, why
didn't you just say Harvard?"

and you say, "I didn't want
to sound like I was bragging,"

and, oh, my God, I'm in jail!

You can comfort me.

Yeah, I'm good.

Oh, thank God, activities time. Yes!

Activities?

What do they have? Anything good?

Eh, there's a nonprofit
group that comes in

and does theater with us.

I'm sorry...

does what?

- Zip. - Zap.
- Zop.

- Zip. - Zap.
- Zop.

- Zip.
- Zap.

- Zop.
- Zip.

- Zap.
- Zop.

Okay, let's pick up the pace, ladies.

Don't think, just react.

- Zip.
- Zap.

- Zop. - Zip.
- Zap.

- Zop. - Zip.
- Zap.

- Zop. - Zip.
- Zap!

Oh, no, no. Oh, I messed up.

- It was supposed to be z-zap.
- That's okay, Rebecca.

Why don't you start us
off on the next round?

Okay. I have a question.

Um, do you only do
theater games in here?

No, sometimes we do scenes
from plays or films or TV shows.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, um, I actually
have an amazing idea,

and I think it's
something that could take

this theater nonprofit outreach
organization to the next level.

♪ I'm as corny as Kansas in August ♪

♪ High as a flag on the Fourth of July ♪

♪ If you'll excuse an expression I use ♪

♪ I'm in love, I'm
in love, I'm in love ♪

♪ She's in love ♪

♪ I'm in love with a wonderful guy! ♪

Okay, so, I am investigating
everything to do with Trent.

Mm-hmm. We have to prove
that Trent was stalking you,

but then we can show that your actions

were in the defense of others.

Uh-huh. Yeah, cool.
Cool, cool, cool, cool.

Okay, look, I-I-I know
you've committed to this whole

penance thing here, but this
is gonna get old real fast,

and when it does, you're gonna
be grateful that I am here

trying to spring you.

Okay, Paula, I'm sorry,
I know it's frustrating,

but I've told you before,
you're wasting your time.

I'm sorry, I want to be here.
It was the right decision.

And now, I just figured
out what my penance will be.

Making a contribution
to my theater class.

Okay, so I suggested
we do South Pacific,

which everyone loved.

- Uh, sure.
- And the thing

I'm marinating on is:
what do we do next?

And I'm thinking Pippin.

Scottie Pippen from the Bulls?

- I can't...
- Oh, my God.

Wow, how are we friends?
No, Pippin. It's a musical.

Uh-huh. So...

Okay, it's a musical.
Look, honey, I'm-I'm

- glad that you found a pastime...
- A penance.

Okay, I am going to get you out of here.

And the good news is, is that

I'll probably be able to
do it before you do Cats.

Oh, I would never do Cats.

Come on. I'm not that much of a dork.

Enjoy your campsite!

Great beating, guys, thank you!

Suck it, maggot!

Yeah. Oh. Ooh.

Okay.

Yes.

Ah, that's why they said "maggot."

Okay, that's funny. Funny.

That's gonna miss the spot.

These guys are good. They're good.

All right, let's go!
Big stick here, big stick!

_

- No. No.
- _

Oh, a quiz. Ha.

All right, Quimblepop.com,

thank you for that quiche recipe.

Now tell me what disorder I have.

Okay, so there's
Pippin, there's Godspell.

An unknown gem is Triumph of Love.

It's not perfect. It's
not perfect, Cybil.

Okay, Jasmine, may I
have the talking balloon?

Rebecca? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Of course. I would love
to hear your thoughts.

Okay.

Nicky, you have the
balloon on the wrong face.

No, it's on the right
face. The sad face.

I did not like the
dumb South Pacific song.

None of us liked it.

Oh, I thought you guys did.

No.

Oh, I'm... God, I'm so sorry.

It's dumb and it's old-fashioned.

Right, right, of course, I see.

We all appreciate your enthusiasm.

I don't.

Yeah, um, no, you're right.

Guys, I am so sorry.

I mean, look,

the song's relevant to me.

It symbolizes a time in
my life when I was, like,

truly happy and I maybe
thought, cosmically,

that's why I'm in jail... to,
like, reenact that song somehow,

but that's... that's not relevant

to what's actually happening, right?

I mean, I've never been
to Polynesia. Have you?

Who's been to Polynesia?

- I have.
- Okay.

So what we need to do...

Maybe we need to do
something more relevant.

Right? Yeah.

Something that's more
relevant to the here and now,

to all your lives, to our lives.

I like the class the way it was.

Me, too. Let's play Zip Zap Zop.

Zip zap stop, hear me out.

What we do is an original piece.

Yes.

Put up an original piece.

Uh, yes! Oh, man, this
is what I can contribute.

This is my penance.

Okay, we put that piece up.

I mean, I'm sure that all of
you have the most amazing stories

filled with drama and
romance and-and meaning.

- I have the talking balloon.
- R-Rebecca.

Okay, and we put those
stories on their feet,

and then NPR comes to the jail,

and then Lin-Manuel
Miranda tweets about it...

- What?
- I'll show you what I mean.

The hell?

♪ Story, story ♪

♪ What's your story? ♪

♪ Story, story ♪

♪ What's your crime? ♪

♪ What got you here? ♪

♪ Rage, lust or fear? ♪

♪ We all got a story
'cause we're doing time ♪

♪Ra-ta-ta ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta,
Ra-ta-ta! ♪

- ♪- Ra-ta-ta ♪

Tell-tell your story.

- ♪ Ra-ta-ta, Ra-ta-ta ♪
- Um, okay, fine.

My boyfriend had meth in the
glove compartment of our car.

- ♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪ - And I got pulled
over for something else...

- ♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪
- ... and a cop found it.

Ooh! Well, did you dump
that good-for-nothing

drug-planting boyfriend?

No, we're still together. I love him.

Oh! Well, did you at least tell the cops

that it was his meth?

I mean, I could have turned him in,

but my boyfriend and I have a son.

I can't risk our child
having both parents in jail.

That's true. That's a
good, that's a good point.

♪ Story, story ♪

♪ Let's hear another story ♪

♪ Story, story ♪

♪ That one was just sad ♪

♪ What does your story
say about the patriarchy? ♪

♪ We have all got stories ♪

♪ 'Cause we did bad ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta,
Ra-ta-ta ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta
♪ Story, go.

- ♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪
- Okay, I stole a sweater from the mall.

Ooh! Have you been
stealing all your life?

Was this the culmination of
a lifetime of kleptomania?

Or were you doing it to stick it

to the problematic fashion industry?

No. The heat went out in my apartment

and I couldn't afford a
sweater, so I stole one.

Oh, hey, I stole a sweater, too.

I got two months. How
long are you in for?

Three years.

- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Mm.

♪ Story, story ♪

♪ These are barely stories ♪

♪ They're just bleak anecdotes ♪

♪ With no start or end ♪

Go, tell-tell your story.

Tell your story.

Okay, sure, I have a story.
I'm in here for murder.

Ooh! Murder? Juicy! ♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪

While I was driving,
my daughter texted me

that she was in the hospital
and I got so distracted that...

I hit a teenager who was
crossing the street and he died.

♪ Story, story ♪

♪ Oh, my God, with that story ♪

♪ Story, story ♪

♪ Take away her chair ♪

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Please. I'm so sorry. What can I do?

Ugh, sorry. Sorry.

Okay, you know what?

I'm-I'm just gonna share my story.

Because you guys aren't really versed

with a sense of story structure.

So I'm gonna, I'm gonna
show you how it's done.

I was a no-good,
manipulative love addict

with undiagnosed borderline
personality disorder.

I swindled. Drum. I cheated. Drum!

I called out a hit on my
ex-boyfriend's girlfriend.

Drum, drum.

Then, one day, this guy
Trent came into my life.

He was ironically just like me.

He tried to kill the man I loved,

so I pushed him off a building!

And then, when I pled guilty

just for, like, metaphorical symbolism,

the judge knew I was innocent
so she didn't accept my plea,

but I wanted to go to jail anyway.

Wait, what?

You don't have to be here?

You chose to be here?

Yeah!

♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪

Wait. ♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta, Ra-ta-ta ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta, Ra-ta-ta ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta, Ra-ta-ta ♪

♪ Ra-ta-ta. ♪

So, surf sponsors.

Who are the surf sponsors?

So, according to these quizzes,

I have ADHD, OCD and synesthesia.

Oh. When I think about the number five,

I see the color blue
and I smell daisies.

Daisies have no scent.

They do if you have
synesthesia.

Yeah, Josh, you don't
have any of those things.

- You really don't.
- Yes, I do.

Okay, for example, my
OCD is why I list things.

Watch. Here are the beers you have here:

pilsner, pale ale, lager,
hard cider, IPA, porter,

stout and Hefeweizen. Explain that.

Mm. Yeah, you worked here.
That's why you know those.

I thought listing was
an autism spectrum thing.

Exactly. I have that,
too. Look right here.

Uh-huh. Josh, where did
you get these quizzes again?

Quimblepop.

- Quimblepop?
- Also,

they're doing original programming now.

Have you seen Terrier Chef? Aw...

Josh, online quizzes are just
click-bait; they're not real.

I once took a quiz,

it told me I was Miranda
from Sex and the City.

When you're clearly a Charlotte.

Oh, I thought I was Carrie.

No, no, baby, no. I'm Carrie.

Look, Josh, I really
respect your search for self,

but these are actual
disorders people suffer from,

and you're treating it like you're just,

like, identity shopping.
Yeah, it's kind of gross.

What, Rebecca wants to be in jail,

you want to have a disorder?

This is, like, a really
messed up episode

of Sex and the City.

Wow, you guys don't
want to accept who I am.

That is cruel and unfair,
but it's your issue, not mine.

This is the kind of prejudices

we've been dealing with for centuries.

Who is "we"? You just
named eight communities.

Yeah, Josh, if you think you
actually, like, have something,

you should get some help,
like, professional help.

I'm just a regional manager.

I don't need that. The quizzes point you

to some really helpful
articles, which are free.

No, I think you guys should
get on Quimblepop and figure out

what disorder you have that
makes you such crappy friends.

Hey, buddy. It's okay.

I'm your friend.

That's okay.

It's protein.

You need protein.

Now time for some dew.

Okay.

Who's there?

Hey, pal.

Damn it.

How did you find me?

The company said that my
location was confidential.

Yeah, I threatened them
legally, and it turns out

they cannot afford another lawsuit.

Did you know some people have died

while using Death Wish Adventures?

What are you even doing here?

Okay, so, long story,

my old camp counselor is the
real-life guy from 127 Hours.

I wasn't there for him that day

on that slot canyon,

and now he has no arm.

So I'm not leaving your side.

But don't worry about me,

I'll just be roughing it alongside you.

And let me know if you
want some juicy bratwurst,

'cause I brought a whole
bunch of tasty meats.

♪ ♪

Could you... turn off... the ska?

♪ Now let me tell you
something that... ♪

Can I ask you a question?

- Nope.
- Cool. I'm gonna keep going, then.

Is this whole thing helping you

in some way?

Is this helping you get over Rebecca?

I'm not gonna talk, so...

Great, well, you know what? I'll talk.

All right? 'Cause I'm not going away.

Just like the ska band Less
Than Jake didn't go away

after their major label release flopped.

And don't think The Hippos

didn't take notice of that.

That's another ska band.
So are the Impossibles.

There's a lot of s...

Okay, shut up, I'll talk.

Just stop talking about ska.

No. I don't feel better. Yet.
But I will.

I was pushing myself to the extreme.
It's how I work through setbacks.

Gets me out of my head.

When I got a 1400 on the
PSAT, I climbed Mount Whitney.

Went Stanford water polo
placed third at Nationals,

I ran the Death Valley Marathon.

And when my best friend Trip

joined a cult, I just straight
up jumped into a frozen lake.

Almost lost a toe.

Wow. Hot take:

is it possible that this
pain is not therapeutic?

It's just more emotional cutting?

No. No, you're wrong, okay?

That's not it at all, all right?

Now, I'm done talking to you.

You want to be here? I
can't make you go away.

But leave me alone, all right?

Fine. Then I'll just have
my flank steak and bratwurst

all by myself.

Sh...

It's so good to see
you. What are you eating?

You look so tight. Ugh,
I wish I was in jail.

Yeah, no. Sorry.

Okay, Rebecca?

We have something to
tell you. You know what?

I have something to tell you.
I figured out something huge.

I am privileged.

That just occurred to you
just right now?

Right. It... I know. It's a shock to me, too.

But I am privileged. And I'm myopic.

Okay, Rebecca, stop.
Listen, no, I have some news.

Oh, my God, please don't
spoil Terrier Chef for me.

It's the only thing I
have left. Please. No.

Oh, I haven't seen it,
either. La, la, la, la...

No. What? Girl, stop.

You have a new hearing.

What? Why?

It's a miracle. Trent
woke up from his coma

and confessed to everything.

To stalking you, to
trying to kill Nathaniel.

Yeah. The state has no case anymore.

Yep, you got a new hearing tomorrow.

All the charges are gonna be
dismissed, and you will be out.

I just got you out of jail.

You're gonna be free!

It's great news, right?

Oh, you do not

still want to stay here?

Of course I do.

What did you expect? I
came here to pay penance,

and I have not done that yet.

I did the opposite of that.

I was selfish and I tried
to force my own narrative

on these women, and steal their
stories for my own purposes.

And for what? For what? For
a Lin-Manuel Miranda tweet?

Oh, he is so inspirational.

Did you know he grew that
ponytail just for that show?,

What? Okay, Rebecca,

I hate to break it to you,

but you know, whatever
you do in here, nothing

is gonna change the fact that
you're a rich white lawyer lady

who pled guilty for dramatic effect.

It's kind of gross.

Exactly. Yeah, it's gross.

So now you expect me

just to waltz out of here,

and not even serve my
mandatory six weeks?

My theater friends can't do that.

Uh-uh-uh, honey, you staying
here doesn't help anyone

who's been wronged, just
like your guilty plea

didn't help anyone you'd wronged.

Yeah, and none of that matters anyways,

because Paula got the
charges dropped... Yes.

... so you're getting out of
here whether you like it or not.

Well, I don't like it. I'm sorry.

Honey,

people just don't want to stay in jail.

I don't understand.

I know you don't, Paula.

No one does.

♪ ♪

♪ Do you ever feel so alone ♪

♪ That if you were
to pick up the phone ♪

♪ No one else would
be on the other end? ♪

♪ Have you ever
been far from home? ♪

♪ So scared you had to roam ♪

♪ And now you're beaten and tired ♪

♪ With no one to call a friend? ♪

♪ He doesn't count ♪

♪ You tried your best
to make a change ♪

♪ But people just
think you're strange ♪

♪ And you feel like ♪

♪ No one else is singing my song ♪

♪ No one knows the rhythm ♪

♪ Enough to sing along ♪

♪ If only someone could see ♪

♪ In three-part harmony ♪

♪ How alone, how alone, how alone ♪

♪ Only I am ♪

♪ It's late and getting colder ♪

♪ You're only getting older ♪

♪ And you're next to
someone who is fast asleep ♪

♪ That's so specific ♪

♪ Does anyone understand? ♪

♪ Would anyone understand? ♪

♪ Could anyone understand? ♪

♪ Of course not,
'cause no one else ♪

♪ Is singing my song ♪

♪ No one knows the rhythm
enough to sing along ♪

♪ When the core of
your problem is a ♪

♪ Complicated melisma ♪

♪ No one gets how alone ♪

♪ How alone, how alone ♪

♪ Only I am ♪

♪ But maybe while
I'm singing my song ♪

♪ Someone else is singing along ♪

♪ About a third higher and they
echo at a different moment ♪

♪ Moment ♪

7 How beautiful would it be ♪

♪ If it was the entire company? ♪

♪ But that's impossible ♪

♪ Impossible ♪

♪ Impossible, impossible ♪

♪ Impossible... ♪

Or is it?

♪ Of course not, no one
else is singing my song ♪

♪ We're out of paper bags ♪

♪ I mean, duh, no one knows ♪

♪ The ever-changing rhythm
enough to sing along ♪

♪ If only someone could see ♪

♪ In 11-part harmony ♪

♪ Or maybe just unison ♪

♪ It's logistically impossible ♪

♪ I am super unique ♪

♪ Hold out my lonely hands ♪

♪ Ah... ♪

Oh, hey, guys.

- Oh, hey.
- Hi, guys.

- Why am I here?
- I didn't see you guys there.

Hey, Darryl.

♪ Only I am. ♪

H-Hey.

Do you know any good therapists?

George. Hey.

I'll take one of those meats now.

Okay.

♪ ♪

Hi.

Let's go.

- Mmm.
- Another spicy Italian link?

- Duh.
- All right.

So good, so spicy.

Ah. Ah...

- Let me try some water.
- Water?

- Yeah.
- Here you go.

So much better than dew.

Make you feel better?

No.

Well, now, did the torture
make you feel better?

No, that's why I gave up
on the torture. I don't,

I don't know. I don't
know what it is, George.

Maybe I'm just broken.

That is such a sad thing to say.

Part one. Part two, really
good title for a ska song.

Stay with me.

Two, three, four.

♪ Ting, ting, ting, ting ♪

♪ Ting, ting, ting, ting ♪

♪ Maybe I'm just broken... ♪

Trumpets now.

And then...

That's interesting.

What... no. Don't-don't tell
me what it is, all right?

No news from the real world.
I'm still on a retreat.

Rebecca just got out of jail.

What? Let me see that.

You see? That news made you feel better.

You're right.

Of course it did.

I need to see her, George.

- That's what I need.
- Yes.

I have been saying that
since the beginning.

Yes, you need to go talk to her.

Yep. Yep, this feels right.

This feels good. This feels good.

All right. Let's pack up and go.

So that's about it.

That's my life story.

It really is. You started at conception.

Interesting you know that story.

So, um, like, how do we
treat all these things I have?

Like, which do we do
first, Dr. Man Akopian?

Should we do OCD first? Because
I might get OCD about my OCD.

Josh, I don't know how to tell you this.

Actually, I do.

You don't have any of those disorders.

I really wish people would stop taking

those online quizzes.

They're very inaccurate.

I mean, on Sex and the City quizzes,

I always get Steve, but
I'm clearly an Aidan.

But... so if-if I
don't have a disorder,

what can I do?

Because something is clearly wrong.

You can do exactly

what you're doing sitting here with me.

Look within.

Josh, it's not about

checking a box and getting
a fancy label, or 12,

for what's bothering you.

Instead, you can think
about the choices you make

and why you make them.

That sounds hard.

Yeah, yeah. But don't worry.

It will take a long time.

Okay.

_

_

Nice custom banner, babe.

Yeah, they weirdly had it at the store.

Wait, whose baby is that?

Are you, are you kidding?

It's my baby.

The one you helped me make?

Oh! Right, right, right, right.

Hey, Rebecca, I'm making

- my favorite ceviche.
- Mm. Family recipe?

No, I got it from Quimblepop.

Also, took the quiz again,

and you're looking at a Carrie.

You gamed the quiz to
get that, Charlotte.

Hey.

You okay?

Feeling better?

Honey.

Honey, you're home.
You're with your people.

What do you want to do next? Pie?

Ice cream? Donut?

Wow, we really need to find

some non food-related
activities for us, don't we?

Paula, I don't want to do anything.

Everything I do is wrong, by definition.

Because of my privilege.

Okay, that's it. I've had enough.

Rebecca, if I hear you

say the word "privilege"
one more time...

You have privilege. I'm
glad you acknowledge it.

So now you have a choice.

Do something good for the world
that actually helps people,

or shut up.

But stop whining.

Baller Miranda move.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You're right. You're right.

I need to do something
practical, to counteract my...

my pri... my, uh,

systemic socioeconomic racial
and cis-gender advantages.

Oh, you mean that?

Hi.

Hi.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Good banner.

Um, look, before you
say anything, I-I...

I want to say I'm sorry.

I stormed out of the courthouse,
and I took your plea personally,

and I shouldn't have.

I'm just...

I'm just so glad you're out of jail.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, it feels
so good to hear you say that.

You were so mad at me.

Mm. 'Cause you reall... You have to know

that all the things I
said in that courtroom

truly had nothing to do
with how I feel about you.

I still love you, Nathaniel.

I love you, too.

Oh, I'm so glad all
this drama's behind us.

What happened to your face?

Oh, it was, uh, camping. Long story.

- What?
- Yeah. I'm just so glad we can be

free and clear now.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I
still have some work to do.

A lot of work to do, actually.

Going to jail was totally misguided,

but I meant what I
said in the courtroom.

You know? About being a better person.

I want to do that, somehow.

Right. You want to make some
donations, serve on some boards.

No, more than that. I want to...

I don't know, I want to get
in there and make a difference.

Okay. Sounds vague,

but, um, why don't we talk about that

after dinner, or better
yet, after Hawaii?

- Hawaii?
- Yeah.

I called the Four Seasons
Hualalai, and I got us a room.

I... mm.

Mm.

You know what? I'm so sorry, I just,

I have, I have a lot to
think about right now.

I got to figure a lot of stuff out,

so, yeah, I can't.

Hawaii-Hawaii has to wait.

Rebecca, you are being so silly.

I'm being silly?

And selfish, too. I
mean, I-I, I just want us

to be happy and together.

That's what I want.

Y-You just said you love me, right?

So can you just do that for me?

Can you stop overthinking everything?

Okay, I'm not overthinking things,

I'm just trying to be a good person.

Really? Because from where I'm sitting,

every time we're happy,
you try to ruin it.

- Um...
- I-I...

Yeah, you should go right now.

Okay, fine.

Oh! She's coming. Go, go, go, go.

Mmm.

I'm loving this ceviche.

Darryl, you don't have
anything in your hands.

So...

what happened?

I heard him mention Hawaii,
and then you started whispering.

Which is rude.

Look, I'm in love with him. I am, but...

... we just don't have the
same priorities right now.

Maybe we won't ever, I-I don't know.

I truly don't know.

All I know is I need
to find my own answer,

and it lies somewhere

between jail and Hawaii.

So amazing those are your choices.

You know what? I'll figure it out.

- Hey, Darryl?
- Hmm?

- Hook me up with some of that ceviche.
- Sure.

Oh. Thanks.

This is so confusing.

I actually made ceviche.

So what's next, Cookie?

♪ ♪

- Zip. - Zap.
- Zop.

- Zip.
- Zap.

Zap.

I think they were on zop.

Sorry. Zop.

What is she doing here?

Rebecca would like to volunteer.

But not with, not with
theater. Don't worry.

Um...

_

So when I'm not forcing
my opinions and entitlement

on everybody else...

Sorry for that...

I'm actually a pretty good lawyer.

And I don't know much
about criminal cases,

but I can study up and
with your permission,

I would love to try and help you

and any of the other women in here.

I told her I thought

it was a great idea.

And the warden approved it.

So what do you guys think?

So she's not gonna sing?

Or pick the songs?

No. Again, I'm just, I'm
here to give legal advice.

- And she can't mention Sondheim.
- Duly noted.

I do kind of like the show Cats, though.

- Cats is cool.
- We should do Cats.

Let's do Cats.

Great. Sign me up for front row tickets.

Who doesn't like Cats?

It's delightful. Who
cares if there's no plot?

Trent.

Wake up!

Wake up.

Trent!

I am not buying this for a second.

Coma my ass.

Wake up, you psychotic,

turtlenecked piece of crap.

If you do not wake up right
now and confess to everything,

I am gonna call Princeton

and tell them to take back your degree.

Actually, I went to school in Boston.

Aha!

Damn it.

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --