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1
00:00:01,730 --> 00:00:04,930
ś It seems today
that all you see ś
2
00:00:04,930 --> 00:00:08,330
ś Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ś
3
00:00:08,340 --> 00:00:12,140
ś But where are those
good old-fashioned values ś
4
00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:15,040
ś On which we used to rely? ś
5
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,110
ś Lucky there's a family guy ś
6
00:00:18,110 --> 00:00:22,080
ś Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ś
7
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,010
ś All the things that make us ś
8
00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:25,280
ś Laugh and cry ś
9
00:00:25,290 --> 00:00:31,530
ś He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ś
10
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,700
Ah, it smells
so good out here.
11
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:41,260
You see, Peter?
12
00:00:41,270 --> 00:00:43,270
This is a much better way
to spend a Sunday
13
00:00:43,270 --> 00:00:45,170
than what you
dragged us to last week.
14
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,770
Hey, if I'm starring
in a production
15
00:00:46,770 --> 00:00:49,340
of Starlight Express, I
want my whole family there.
16
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:51,970
Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
17
00:00:51,980 --> 00:00:54,880
Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
18
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,980
Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
19
00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:59,180
Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
20
00:00:59,190 --> 00:01:00,130
Starlight Express!
21
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,150
(angrily):
Starlight Express!
22
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,730
Starlight Express!
23
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:05,650
Starlight Express!
24
00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:08,060
Starlight Express!
25
00:01:08,060 --> 00:01:09,790
Starlight Express!
26
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,140
(muttering):
Starlight Express.
27
00:01:16,670 --> 00:01:18,300
(gasps)
Stewie, look.
28
00:01:18,310 --> 00:01:20,110
A butterfly.
29
00:01:21,110 --> 00:01:22,810
Let's get it!
30
00:01:22,810 --> 00:01:23,570
(laughing)
31
00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:27,120
Uh, Chris, I don't think we
should be leaving the trail.
32
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,110
(with English accent):
I shall put you
in a glass box
33
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,960
to display on
Saint Trimmings Day.
34
00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:32,850
Awww.
35
00:01:32,850 --> 00:01:35,280
British guys always
capture my butterflies.
36
00:01:35,290 --> 00:01:37,390
Yes, and to add
insult to injury,
37
00:01:37,390 --> 00:01:39,620
I shall present
to you my fanny:
38
00:01:39,630 --> 00:01:41,370
Sir Chadwell Heath.
39
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,760
(laughing)
40
00:01:45,030 --> 00:01:45,900
Aw, darn it.
41
00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:49,270
Hey, wait a second.
Where are we?
42
00:01:49,270 --> 00:01:51,030
Oh, no.
43
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:51,970
Hey, Chris,
did you know
44
00:01:51,970 --> 00:01:55,170
your bacne spells
"Citibank" in Braille?
45
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,190
Great. You had
to chase the butterfly.
46
00:02:01,180 --> 00:02:03,850
Yes, I had to chase
the butterfly.
47
00:02:03,850 --> 00:02:05,380
I came out here
to observe nature.
48
00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:06,890
What did you come
out here for?
49
00:02:06,890 --> 00:02:09,900
I came to the woods because
I wished to live deliberately,
50
00:02:09,890 --> 00:02:12,760
and see if I could not learn
what it had to teach,
51
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,690
and not, when I came to die,
52
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:16,640
discover that I had not lived.
53
00:02:16,630 --> 00:02:19,130
Wow, Stewie.
That was beautiful.
54
00:02:19,130 --> 00:02:20,830
Did you write that?
No.
55
00:02:20,830 --> 00:02:23,000
But can you tell me who did?
56
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,170
Log on now.
57
00:02:27,370 --> 00:02:30,310
All right,
let's tally up those responses.
58
00:02:32,850 --> 00:02:33,220
Wow.
59
00:02:33,210 --> 00:02:35,210
You know who that is?
You know who Thornton Mellon--
60
00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:36,590
First of all,
it was Henry David Thoreau.
61
00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:37,850
But do you know
who Thornton Mellon is?
62
00:02:37,850 --> 00:02:41,320
That was Rodney Dangerfield's
character in Back to School.
63
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,750
You feel good about yourselves?
Huh?
64
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,330
This is why the other countries
are beating us, you know!
65
00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:48,230
So you know,
you got only yourself to blame
66
00:02:48,230 --> 00:02:49,990
next time you go
to the vet and complain
67
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,070
that that Indian doctor
is too rough with your cat.
68
00:02:53,070 --> 00:02:55,270
(sobbing)
69
00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:58,930
Stewie,
are we gonna die?
70
00:02:58,940 --> 00:03:00,500
Hey, hey.
71
00:03:00,510 --> 00:03:01,480
Probably.
72
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,520
I-I don't want to die!
73
00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:05,910
You know, Chris,
if by some miracle,
74
00:03:05,910 --> 00:03:07,480
we do manage to get
out of here alive,
75
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,910
I'm gonna finally run
for public office again.
76
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:13,060
I think people have forgotten
my last embarrassment.
77
00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:17,290
Harry Truman.
Stupid jerk.
78
00:03:17,290 --> 00:03:19,390
Freakin' FDR's ass bitch.
79
00:03:19,390 --> 00:03:20,760
If we get back home alive,
80
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:23,990
I'm gonna finally open up
to Ellen from my math class
81
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,330
and tell her
how much I like her.
82
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:28,200
I'd like those things
for us, Chris.
83
00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:31,210
What are you doing?
84
00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:32,810
I'm digging a hole.
85
00:03:32,810 --> 00:03:33,280
Why?
86
00:03:33,270 --> 00:03:36,010
'Cause I like to
sleep on my side.
87
00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:45,110
Our top story: The search
for two local boys
88
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,820
lost in the woods drags
on into its third day.
89
00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:48,780
That's right, Diane.
90
00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:50,950
Still no sign of Chris
and Stewie Griffin.
91
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,820
Here's the update
from the local authorities
92
00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:54,300
who are overseeing
the search party's efforts.
93
00:03:54,290 --> 00:03:57,090
We're still very optimistic that
we're gonna find these kids,
94
00:03:57,100 --> 00:04:00,310
and we just want to urge
everyone not to give up hope.
95
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:01,230
All right, everyone,
96
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,440
we are officially
looking for corpses.
97
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,880
Repeat: this is now
a recovery effort.
98
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:07,940
We are officially
looking for corpses,
99
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:09,100
so let's get
back out there,
100
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:10,970
bring back
those dead bodies.
101
00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:12,270
Oh, God,
this is horrible!
102
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:13,780
I can't watch anymore!
103
00:04:13,780 --> 00:04:16,310
Mom, Daddy, thank you
so much for coming over.
104
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:17,720
Oh, of course, dear.
105
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,180
I don't know
what to do.
106
00:04:19,190 --> 00:04:20,360
They scoured the area,
107
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:21,480
and there's
no sign of them.
108
00:04:21,490 --> 00:04:23,550
I feel like I can't just
sit here doing nothing,
109
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,300
but I don't know
what I can do.
110
00:04:25,290 --> 00:04:27,220
I'll tell you who
could help. Medium.
111
00:04:27,230 --> 00:04:28,930
Daddy, that's not
a real person.
112
00:04:28,930 --> 00:04:30,430
That's a character
on a TV show.
113
00:04:30,430 --> 00:04:32,360
Don't you
disparage Medium.
114
00:04:32,370 --> 00:04:33,210
Medium works
very hard.
115
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,560
You know, Mom, I saw this thing
on the Discovery Channel
116
00:04:35,570 --> 00:04:38,670
about psychics who help
find people who are lost.
117
00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:39,130
Really?
118
00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:40,500
I saw this thing on
the Discovery Channel
119
00:04:40,510 --> 00:04:42,410
about this fat woman
who sat on her dog
120
00:04:42,410 --> 00:04:45,240
and it went up
inside her guts.
121
00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:49,120
It's been three days,
122
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,390
and I just don't know
where else to turn.
123
00:04:51,390 --> 00:04:53,060
Please, can you help me?
124
00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:54,080
Don't worry, Lois.
125
00:04:54,090 --> 00:04:58,420
The spirit world wants
very much to assist you.
126
00:04:58,430 --> 00:05:00,800
Your missing sons will be found.
127
00:05:00,790 --> 00:05:04,360
Oh, oh! Thank you!
Thank you so much!
128
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,060
I can't tell you how
reassuring that is.
129
00:05:07,070 --> 00:05:11,080
Ah. My babies are okay.
130
00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:15,210
Will you answer
one question for me?
131
00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:16,140
Yes.
132
00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:18,470
Thank you so much.
133
00:05:22,620 --> 00:05:25,920
Well, Stewie,
I think we're finished.
134
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,880
It sure looks that way.
135
00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:31,020
It's been a pleasure
serving with you, Chris.
136
00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:33,160
And with you, Stewie.
137
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,360
Jeffrey!
Jeffrey, come back!
138
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,560
It's gonna get dark soon!
139
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,860
All this drama over
a turkey burger?!
140
00:05:39,870 --> 00:05:40,910
(gasps)
141
00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:42,260
Oh, thank God!
142
00:05:42,270 --> 00:05:43,100
Oh, you're
not Jeffrey.
143
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,400
You're that
missing baby and boy.
144
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:46,380
(gasps)
Jeffrey!
145
00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:48,600
I found that
missing baby and boy!
146
00:05:48,610 --> 00:05:51,070
JEFFREY:
I don't care.
147
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,610
(gasps)
148
00:05:52,610 --> 00:05:54,040
CHRIS/STEWIE:
Mommy!
149
00:05:54,050 --> 00:05:55,550
Chris!
Stewie!
150
00:05:55,550 --> 00:05:56,450
My babies!
151
00:05:56,450 --> 00:05:59,350
Oh, I'm so happy
you're safe!
152
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,150
Oh, I knew
they'd find you.
153
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,490
I knew you were okay.
154
00:06:02,490 --> 00:06:03,950
It's just like
the psychic said.
155
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,570
Thank you all
for your help, everybody.
156
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:07,320
Oh, for definite.
157
00:06:07,330 --> 00:06:10,140
It's just like a childhood
game of Hide and Find!
158
00:06:10,130 --> 00:06:11,290
You said it, friend!
159
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:12,430
What do you say
for celebration,
160
00:06:12,430 --> 00:06:14,300
we go dunk our whistles
in the trough?
161
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,600
Ah! We should
totally phone Gaspard!
162
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,300
Ah! He would love
to hear this tale!
163
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:22,310
Oh, but I only have 15 pfenigs
on my phone card.
164
00:06:22,310 --> 00:06:24,910
Happy Gerbitz Day.
165
00:06:24,910 --> 00:06:26,040
Ah!
Ah! Ah!
166
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,590
Ah!
Ah!
167
00:06:31,550 --> 00:06:36,120
Oh, it is so good to have my
boys back home safe and sound.
168
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,120
Thank God for that psychic.
169
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,220
What are you talking about?
The psychic didn't do anything.
170
00:06:39,230 --> 00:06:41,670
Well, she said we were gonna
find them and we did.
171
00:06:41,660 --> 00:06:43,430
I always wondered
about psychics,
172
00:06:43,430 --> 00:06:45,260
but I gotta tell ya,
I'm a believer now.
173
00:06:45,270 --> 00:06:48,910
Yeah, I'm gonna go back and see
what else she has to say.
174
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,970
Hey, check it out.
Chris and Stewie,
175
00:06:50,970 --> 00:06:53,170
you're on the front page
of the paper.
176
00:06:53,170 --> 00:06:55,270
You know, Chris,
that girl from school
177
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:56,480
sees that picture
and you're in.
178
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,520
Look, Stewie, I'm not
really gonna ask her out.
179
00:06:58,510 --> 00:07:01,510
I think that just might have
been cocky forest talk.
180
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,620
No, but you got to
take advantage of this.
181
00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:04,490
Seize your moment.
182
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,050
Like the
Duck Founding Father.
183
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:09,020
Gentlemen, these are all
important fundamental rights,
184
00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:12,350
but I move we strike the right
to bob for small fish
185
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,620
with your butt in the air.
All in favor?
186
00:07:14,630 --> 00:07:15,560
ALL:
Aye.
187
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,590
Opposed?
(duck quacks)
188
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,190
The motion carries.
189
00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:23,580
I don't know about
this, Stewie.
190
00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:25,100
Nonsense.
You're a hero now.
191
00:07:25,110 --> 00:07:25,980
Your picture's
in the paper.
192
00:07:25,970 --> 00:07:29,640
She'll be fawning
all over you.
Now, which one is she?
193
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,040
There.
194
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,110
Hi, Chris!
195
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,160
Wait a minute.
That's the girl?
196
00:07:37,150 --> 00:07:39,110
Yeah. Isn't she special?
197
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,080
That's the way the state
of Rhode Island would put it.
198
00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:44,520
Uh, there's something...
up with her, isn't there?
199
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,490
Yeah. She's got
Down syndrome.
200
00:07:46,490 --> 00:07:47,960
Oh, okay,
well, there we go.
201
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:48,660
She's so sweet.
202
00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:51,760
And doesn't she have
the most beautiful eyes?
203
00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:53,470
Well, the spacing
seems a tad off,
204
00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:55,210
but, yeah, individually,
they're not awful.
205
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,600
All right, I'm on board.
Go talk to her.
206
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,070
Um, hi, Ellen.
207
00:08:01,070 --> 00:08:01,570
Hi, Chris.
208
00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:04,420
Um, this is my
little brother Stewie.
209
00:08:04,410 --> 00:08:06,680
(chuckles)
Your head makes me laugh.
210
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,650
I'm guessing this one owned
a bunny, but not anymore.
211
00:08:10,650 --> 00:08:11,250
(thuds)
212
00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:14,620
Um, listen there's something
I've wanted to tell you
213
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,650
for a really long time.
214
00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:17,830
Oh, yeah? What?
215
00:08:17,820 --> 00:08:20,790
Well, um... I
really like you.
216
00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:21,560
(laughs)
217
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,660
And I was wondering
if maybe, um...
218
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:26,230
you want to go out
on a date with me.
219
00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:29,160
Okay. Pick me up
Saturday at 8:00.
220
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:30,730
Great.
See you then.
221
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:32,840
There you go.
Being confident.
222
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,570
Like an Italian guy in
any given theoretical situation.
223
00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:37,350
If that was me...
224
00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:39,470
I'm, I'm just saying,
if that was me...
225
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,540
They are lucky
that was not me.
226
00:08:41,550 --> 00:08:43,710
Because, if the
circumstances were such,
227
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,720
as you have
described them,
228
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:46,450
but with me in them,
229
00:08:46,450 --> 00:08:49,450
that's a very different
and scary outcome
230
00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:50,800
for those involved.
231
00:08:50,790 --> 00:08:52,590
If.
232
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,630
Oh, my God, Brian.
233
00:08:56,630 --> 00:08:57,630
Oh... my... God.
234
00:08:57,630 --> 00:08:58,560
Whoa. What is it?
What happened?
235
00:08:58,570 --> 00:09:00,210
I just went to see
my psychic Estelle,
236
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,730
and she told me
that Stewie is gonna grow up
237
00:09:02,740 --> 00:09:04,340
to be very successful.
238
00:09:04,340 --> 00:09:05,670
Ah! Isn't that
great news?
239
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,600
You went to see
that psychic again?
240
00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:08,810
That's the third
time this week.
241
00:09:08,810 --> 00:09:10,510
She's a lifesaver, Brian.
242
00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:13,110
She gives me the confidence
to live my life,
243
00:09:13,110 --> 00:09:14,680
knowing I'm making
the right choices.
244
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,480
Wow, and she does
all this for free?
245
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:18,510
No, she charges me.
246
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:20,550
She charges you?!
Well, that's weird.
247
00:09:20,550 --> 00:09:24,120
Why would you pay her to
hear things you want to hear?
248
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,850
I'm not crazy about
your tone, Brian.
249
00:09:25,860 --> 00:09:28,490
Well, I just think you're
being taken for a ride, Lois.
250
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:31,340
Like a snail on the
back of a turtle.
251
00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:33,360
Slow down!
252
00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:37,280
I want to get there,
but I want to get there alive!
253
00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:41,370
Mom, why do I have
to take a bath with Stewie?
254
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:44,780
Because, Meg, Estelle told me
that someone in the family
255
00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:45,810
was in danger of drowning,
256
00:09:45,810 --> 00:09:48,280
and that I should take
some steps to prevent it.
257
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:51,710
So, from now on,
everybody has a bath buddy.
258
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:52,750
Hey, Meg, watch.
259
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:54,250
(farts,
bubbling behind)
260
00:09:54,250 --> 00:09:54,880
(both laugh)
261
00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:57,350
(farts, bubbling behind)
(both laugh)
262
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,800
(bubbling in front)
263
00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:01,760
(screaming)
264
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:05,470
What am I gonna do?
265
00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:08,310
I'm really nervous about
my date with Ellen tonight.
266
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:12,570
I mean, I want to impress her,
but what if I mess things up?
267
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:14,400
Oh, come on, Chris,
it's just a matter
268
00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:15,270
of getting off
on the right foot.
269
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:19,120
First things first.
Let's get you looking sharp.
270
00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:21,840
(show tune intro plays)
271
00:10:21,850 --> 00:10:24,450
ś You've got to look your best
tonight ś
272
00:10:24,450 --> 00:10:25,410
ś You tubby little parasite ś
273
00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:29,450
ś 'Cause there's a lovely lady
and she's waiting for you ś
274
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:31,330
ś And though
her pretty face may seem ś
275
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,890
ś A special person's
wettest dream ś
276
00:10:32,890 --> 00:10:36,660
ś Before you get to see it,
there are things you must do ś
277
00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:39,930
ś We'll try a tie
and boutonničre of yellow ś
278
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:43,930
ś Or a rose that shows
that you're a classy fellow ś
279
00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:48,410
ś With the posh panache
of Jefferson at Monticello ś
280
00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:51,470
ś Busting out a mile
with style ś
281
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,580
ś I know you just
can't wait to stare ś
282
00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:55,410
ś At all that luscious
orange hair ś
283
00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:58,560
ś But, boy,
before you touch a single curl ś
284
00:10:58,550 --> 00:11:01,920
ś You must impress that
ultra-boomin', all-consumin' ś
285
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,290
ś Poorly groomin' ś
286
00:11:03,290 --> 00:11:07,720
ś Down syndrome girl ś
287
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,360
ś On any normal day you reek ś
288
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:11,590
ś As if you're
on a farting streak ś
289
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:15,730
ś Your finger's up your nose and
you are dripping with drool ś
290
00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:17,610
ś But if you want
a lady's love ś
291
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,200
ś You're better off
by smelling of ś
292
00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:23,320
ś A gentleman's cologne
instead of sneakers and stool ś
293
00:11:23,310 --> 00:11:24,870
ś A squirt, a spurt ś
294
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,410
ś Of somethin' just for Ellen ś
295
00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:30,650
ś And you'll see that she
will find you so compellin' ś
296
00:11:30,650 --> 00:11:31,780
ś And she does because ś
297
00:11:31,790 --> 00:11:34,560
ś The only smell
that she'll be smellin' ś
298
00:11:34,550 --> 00:11:37,390
ś Won't be coming
from your bum ś
299
00:11:37,390 --> 00:11:37,820
(farts)
300
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:39,690
ś You wanna take
that little whore ś
301
00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:41,590
ś And spin her
on the dancing floor ś
302
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:45,340
ś But boy,
before you do a single twirl ś
303
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,430
ś You must impress
that effervescing ś
304
00:11:47,430 --> 00:11:49,430
ś Self-possessing, no BS-ing ś
305
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,750
ś Down syndrome girl ś
306
00:11:58,780 --> 00:12:02,840
ś Her eyes are emerald portals ś
307
00:12:02,850 --> 00:12:04,780
ś To a secret land of love ś
308
00:12:04,780 --> 00:12:11,750
ś And her smile is like
the sweetest summer flower ś
309
00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:15,890
ś Her kiss is so inviting ś
310
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:20,910
ś And her hugs
are so delighting ś
311
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,460
ś And what makes them
really nice ś
312
00:12:22,470 --> 00:12:23,670
ś Is that they've got
a little spice ś
313
00:12:23,670 --> 00:12:25,400
ś Because they're tighter
than a vice ś
314
00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:29,350
ś And they go on for an hour ś
315
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,780
ś My boy,
between the two of us ś
316
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:06,740
ś We'll get you
on that shorty bus ś
317
00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:10,360
ś And then you're gonna
take it for a whirl ś
318
00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:12,550
ś Now go impress
that super-thrilling ś
319
00:13:12,550 --> 00:13:13,980
ś Wish-fulfilling,
Yoohoo-spilling ś
320
00:13:13,990 --> 00:13:15,830
ś Ultra-swinging,
boner-bringing ś
321
00:13:15,820 --> 00:13:17,390
ś Gaily singing,
dingalinging ś
322
00:13:17,390 --> 00:13:19,350
ś Stupefying, fortifying ś
323
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,620
ś As of Monday, shoelace-tying ś
324
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:22,030
ś Stimulating, titillating ś
325
00:13:22,030 --> 00:13:23,460
ś Kitty cat-impersonating ś
326
00:13:23,460 --> 00:13:24,930
ś Mega-rocking, pillow-talking ś
327
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:26,030
ś Just a little
crooked-walking ś
328
00:13:26,030 --> 00:13:27,160
ś Coyly pouting,
booby-sprouting ś
329
00:13:27,170 --> 00:13:28,610
ś For some reason
always shouting ś
330
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,700
ś Fascinating, captivating ś
331
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:33,740
ś Happiness and joy-creating ś
332
00:13:33,740 --> 00:13:34,670
(glass shattering)
333
00:13:34,670 --> 00:13:38,940
ś Down syndrome girl! ś
334
00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:44,390
Okay, Brian,
I'm here.
335
00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:45,080
Now, what is it
you want?
336
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:46,730
All right, look, Lois,
this psychic nonsense
337
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,880
has gone too far, so I'm
going to prove to you
338
00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:51,850
that there is no such thing
as someone who is psychic,
339
00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:53,760
and that with the
most minimal training
340
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,020
and the right set
of buzzwords,
341
00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:56,690
anyone can appear
to be psychic.
342
00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:59,040
Even a complete boob
like Peter. Watch this.
343
00:13:59,030 --> 00:14:00,760
Excuse me, ma'am.
I'm psychic,
344
00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:02,810
and I'm getting
a strong feeling from you.
345
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,930
Do you have a watch or clock
that no longer works?
346
00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:08,800
W-Wow. I used to have
a watch that broke.
347
00:14:08,810 --> 00:14:11,470
You see, just by asking
very general questions
348
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:12,610
that would apply
to most people,
349
00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:15,610
a person can appear to have
inside knowledge about you.
350
00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:18,120
I'm also sensing
that you have a dead relative.
351
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,580
My husband died of
cancer last year.
352
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:21,430
Oh, my God. Awesome.
353
00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:23,350
Okay, uh, I'm sensing
some other bad stuff.
354
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,560
My daughter was just
in an accident.
355
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,920
Sweet! High five!
(gasps)
You're awful.
356
00:14:27,930 --> 00:14:29,030
Hey, you don't want
to hear the truth,
357
00:14:29,030 --> 00:14:31,790
don't come to the park.
(sighs) Okay.
358
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:32,890
Okay, you made your point.
359
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:35,800
I get it.
Maybe I went
a little overboard
360
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,070
with the things
Estelle told me.
361
00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:39,500
All right, look,
can we just go home now?
362
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:40,880
Come on, Peter.
Let's go.
363
00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:42,600
Brian, I felt
something.
364
00:14:42,610 --> 00:14:45,410
Just now, talking to
that bitch cancer widow.
365
00:14:45,410 --> 00:14:47,180
I think I may
have a gift.
366
00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:49,540
Peter, we were just doing
a demonstration.
367
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:51,150
No, Brian.
This is real.
368
00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:53,580
I believe
I am psychic.
369
00:14:53,590 --> 00:14:54,560
My first prediction:
370
00:14:54,550 --> 00:14:58,990
I am either going to fly
or ruin that family's picnic.
371
00:14:58,990 --> 00:15:01,620
Hey! You've ruined
our picnic!
372
00:15:01,630 --> 00:15:03,760
Psychic.
373
00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:12,080
Peter, what are
you doing?
Quiet, Brian.
374
00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:13,740
I'm performing
a psychic reading.
375
00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:16,600
Peter, for the last time,
you're not psychic.
376
00:15:16,610 --> 00:15:17,870
I most certainly am.
377
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:19,980
All right, Quagmire,
clear your mi...
378
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:21,110
Ooh, soft hands.
379
00:15:21,110 --> 00:15:21,780
Clear your mind,
380
00:15:21,780 --> 00:15:24,050
remove all traces
of unease and doubt,
381
00:15:24,050 --> 00:15:27,480
and I will tell you
your future.
382
00:15:27,490 --> 00:15:28,460
What is it, Peter?
383
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:29,930
You will die
in a plane crash
384
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,990
and be reincarnated
as a prophylactic.
385
00:15:34,830 --> 00:15:35,920
All right!
386
00:15:35,930 --> 00:15:38,090
No, no,
not all right!
387
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,830
Well, I'm glad we're
finally going out, Ellen.
388
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,010
I've really liked you
for a long time.
389
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,670
Hey, what the hell
you think you're doing?
390
00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:48,740
Sitting down.
391
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,910
Get up and pull my
chair out for me.
392
00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:52,540
Oh, goodness, I'm sorry.
393
00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:54,550
(chuckling):
I'm so sorry.
394
00:15:54,550 --> 00:15:56,120
That's better.
395
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:58,880
You going to be this
rude all evening?
396
00:15:58,890 --> 00:16:02,160
You haven't asked me
anything about myself.
397
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:03,700
Oh. Um, sorry.
398
00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:06,190
Um, uh, so... so,
what do your parents do?
399
00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:07,120
That's better.
400
00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:08,100
My dad's an accountant,
401
00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:11,690
and my mom is the former
governor of Alaska.
402
00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:13,090
Oh, that's cool.
403
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:13,930
It's real cool.
404
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:15,860
Now, get up,
come over here,
405
00:16:15,870 --> 00:16:18,400
and give me a
shoulder massage.
406
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:19,080
Okay.
407
00:16:19,070 --> 00:16:22,070
Boy, you're tougher
than a doggy dominatrix.
408
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,950
Do it, do it.
Come on, do it.
409
00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:25,510
Do it, do it.
410
00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:27,640
Aah, yes!
411
00:16:27,650 --> 00:16:29,950
Yes! Aah, you bitch!
412
00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:31,580
Aah!
413
00:16:36,190 --> 00:16:37,820
Oh, my God, this is awful.
414
00:16:37,820 --> 00:16:39,990
There's got to be
200 people here.
415
00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:46,570
Thank you.
416
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:48,070
Thank you so much for coming.
417
00:16:48,070 --> 00:16:49,310
Thank... (gasps) Hold on.
418
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,830
I'm sensing something psychic.
419
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,510
Ma'am, did you have
a female relative
420
00:16:53,510 --> 00:16:55,750
who's passed on
to the other side
421
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:57,910
named, um, um...
422
00:16:57,910 --> 00:16:59,870
Polly?
Polly!
I said it first.
423
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,680
That was amazing.
424
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,340
I've never seen a bad show
at the Marriott.
425
00:17:03,350 --> 00:17:06,880
Oh, my God, they're all
falling for this insanity.
426
00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:08,660
I'm sensing a black guy
over here.
427
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:09,760
Is there a black guy?
428
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,260
Me! I'm a black guy.
429
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:13,130
(crowd oohing and aahing)
430
00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:13,800
Yes, good, good.
431
00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:16,860
I'm sensing your infant daughter
has earrings.
432
00:17:16,860 --> 00:17:18,690
He's right. She does.
433
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:19,890
(applause)
434
00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:22,460
Peter, you got to
stop this right now.
435
00:17:22,470 --> 00:17:23,100
Shut up, Lois.
436
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,200
Don't mess up
my psychic-ness.
437
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,200
I'm sensing a doctor
in the audience.
438
00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:27,650
Where is the doctor?
439
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:28,570
I'm a doctor.
440
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:29,710
Okay. Your great grandmother
441
00:17:29,710 --> 00:17:31,610
is contacting me right now,
and she wants to know
442
00:17:31,610 --> 00:17:34,410
if this rash looks like
it's going to go away.
443
00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:36,010
Well, I-I-I guess
444
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:37,560
I'd tell her to use Bactine.
445
00:17:37,550 --> 00:17:39,280
No! She says Bactine hurts.
446
00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:41,790
She wants something
more soothing.
447
00:17:41,790 --> 00:17:42,920
(audience gasps)
448
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,690
Peter, we need your help.
449
00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:46,190
We just got word
of a kidnap victim
450
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,960
buried alive with a bomb
strapped to his chest.
451
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,190
We need your psychic powers
452
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,170
to lead us to him
before the bomb goes off.
453
00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:54,010
Well, well.
454
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,260
Finally, a true test
of my abilities.
455
00:17:56,270 --> 00:17:57,900
You came
to the right place, Joe.
456
00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:59,670
I'll psych
that guy out for you.
457
00:17:59,670 --> 00:18:00,870
Peter,
you can't do this.
458
00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:02,140
All right, I mean,
it-it's one thing
459
00:18:02,140 --> 00:18:04,240
to take money
from a bunch of suckers,
460
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:05,110
but this is serious.
461
00:18:05,110 --> 00:18:06,410
You're a fraud.
I am not.
462
00:18:06,410 --> 00:18:08,340
I'll tell you who's
a fraud: Mr. Spock.
463
00:18:08,350 --> 00:18:10,910
Mr. Sulu, set a course for...
One moment,
Captain.
464
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,220
They're about to announce
the winning numbers
465
00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:14,420
for the Intergalactic
Lottery.
466
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:16,820
FEMALE VOICE:
Today's winning numbers are:
467
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:23,020
Ah, yes!
468
00:18:23,030 --> 00:18:24,290
You're damn right!
469
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:25,300
Hell, yeah!
470
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:26,230
You can suck it.
471
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,260
You can suck it.
You can suck it.
472
00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:29,930
You can all suck it!
473
00:18:29,940 --> 00:18:32,010
Live long and suck it!
474
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:34,870
Well, Ellen, I had
475
00:18:34,870 --> 00:18:37,070
a really interesting time
with you tonight.
476
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,220
I guess I'll talk
to you soon.
477
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:40,210
You're not leaving yet.
478
00:18:40,210 --> 00:18:44,150
I need somebody to make
me an ice cream sundae,
479
00:18:44,150 --> 00:18:45,880
so get in the house.
480
00:18:45,890 --> 00:18:47,890
Okay, okay.
481
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,160
Uh, unless you're going
to pull a sundae
482
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,190
out of your belly button,
483
00:18:54,190 --> 00:18:57,830
I'd get your ass
in the (bleep) kitchen.
484
00:18:57,830 --> 00:18:58,790
Oh, boy.
485
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,730
My dogs are mooing today.
486
00:19:02,070 --> 00:19:04,300
No, no, no,
no, no, no.
487
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:05,100
What's the matter?
488
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,040
Did I say put
chocolate sauce on there?
489
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,340
Did you hear me say
put chocolate sauce on there?
490
00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:12,240
Well, I... I just
thought that...
491
00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:12,950
You thought what?
492
00:19:12,950 --> 00:19:15,690
You know, if you want
access to this temple,
493
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,180
you'd better pay
the proper tribute.
494
00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:19,880
All right, that is it!
495
00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:21,560
I don't care
how hot you are.
496
00:19:21,550 --> 00:19:24,120
I don't much like being
treated this way.
497
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:26,820
You know, I used to hear
that people with Down syndrome
498
00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:29,270
were different than the
rest of us, but you're not.
499
00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:30,730
You're not different at all.
500
00:19:30,730 --> 00:19:34,100
You're just a bunch of (bleep)
like everyone else!
501
00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,760
I got bad news for you, buddy.
502
00:19:36,770 --> 00:19:38,170
You just blew it.
503
00:19:38,170 --> 00:19:40,770
Get out of my house now!
504
00:19:45,710 --> 00:19:46,370
How'd it go?
505
00:19:46,380 --> 00:19:48,410
Looks like I totally
screwed that up.
506
00:19:48,410 --> 00:19:49,840
No, you didn't. You made a vow
507
00:19:49,850 --> 00:19:52,310
that you were going to ask
Ellen out, and you did.
508
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,680
That took courage, my friend.
509
00:19:53,690 --> 00:19:55,860
Especially for a poor,
timid sap like you.
510
00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:58,100
I'm proud of you.
Thanks, Stewie.
511
00:19:58,090 --> 00:20:00,290
I'm just sorry I never got
to make out with her.
512
00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:03,120
Oh, she would have crushed
your scrote into a diamond
513
00:20:03,130 --> 00:20:04,130
with her
robot-strength hand.
514
00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:07,060
Come on, let's get
out of here.
515
00:20:08,070 --> 00:20:09,840
All right, Peter,
we know the victim
516
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,010
is somewhere
in this area.
517
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,170
We don't have much time
before the bomb...
518
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,170
Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh.
519
00:20:14,170 --> 00:20:15,470
Okay, Joe, when I'm
tracking someone,
520
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,150
it often helps
to touch something
521
00:20:17,140 --> 00:20:18,370
that belongs
to the victim.
522
00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:19,840
Does he have a wife?
523
00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:21,720
Yea-Yeah.
524
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,810
Yeah, uh-huh.
525
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:27,090
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
526
00:20:27,090 --> 00:20:28,190
It's still
very fuzzy.
527
00:20:28,190 --> 00:20:30,860
Does he have
a daughter?
528
00:20:30,860 --> 00:20:31,530
Yeah, I see.
529
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,720
Does he have maybe, like,
a thinner, hotter daughter?
530
00:20:33,730 --> 00:20:35,230
Well, yes,
but she's only 12.
531
00:20:35,230 --> 00:20:36,790
Okay. Like-like a...
like a young 12
532
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,100
or, like, a "she eats a
lot of milk products
533
00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:40,260
so she got her
boobs early" 12?
534
00:20:40,270 --> 00:20:41,710
Which is a real
thing, by the way.
535
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:42,960
Peter, we're running
out of time!
536
00:20:42,970 --> 00:20:44,100
All right, all right,
we'll try something else.
537
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:48,440
I will now use my psychic powers
to seek help from beyond.
538
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,510
I shall now channel the ghost
of Lou Costello,
539
00:20:51,510 --> 00:20:54,740
who will guide us
to this soul in distress.
540
00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:56,510
Hi, everybody.
It's me, Lou Costello.
541
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,190
All right, what's the name
of the guy we're looking for?
542
00:20:59,190 --> 00:21:01,260
Well, he's an Asian fella--
Melvin Hu.
543
00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:03,020
That's what I want
to find out.
What?
544
00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:04,250
The name of the guy.
Melvin Hu.
545
00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:05,160
Are you a cop?
Yeah.
546
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:06,190
You handling this case?
Yeah.
547
00:21:06,190 --> 00:21:07,520
Then what's the
name of the guy?
Hu.
548
00:21:07,530 --> 00:21:08,700
The guy we're
looking for.
Hu.
549
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:09,870
The guy who's buried.
Hu.
550
00:21:09,860 --> 00:21:10,660
The guy with the bomb.
Hu.
551
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:12,230
What street's
he live on?
First.
552
00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:14,460
(bomb exploding)
553
00:21:14,470 --> 00:21:16,440
Yeah, I'm
not psychic.46629
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