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1
00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,405
It seems today
that all you see.
2
00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:07,975
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV.
3
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:11,512
But where are those
good old-fashioned values.
4
00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:14,382
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:17,618
Lucky there's a family guy.
6
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:21,389
Lucky there's a man who
positively can do.
7
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,057
All the things that make us.
8
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,792
Laugh and cry.
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:30,098
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,871
Hey, what are you doing
with my laptop?
11
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,240
Going through
your stuff.
12
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:41,209
Why were you getting
MapQuest directions
13
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,510
to Abigail
Breslin's house?
14
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,245
I just think she's
a one-of-a-kind spirit,
15
00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:45,889
and I don't want to see
her go down the wrong...
16
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,757
What the hell are you doing
going through my personal stuff?
17
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,450
You should really
clear your history.
18
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:52,019
I noticed you Googled yourself,
you egomaniac.
19
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,454
Th-that wasn't me.
20
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:55,589
Maybe Lois got on
there. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
21
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:58,268
She's fascinated by things that
are going in my life, Oh. Oh, yeah.
22
00:00:58,292 --> 00:00:59,603
And... Fine, I
Googled myself, okay?
23
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,395
You got me.
But check this out.
24
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,564
I found a Web site
for a group called
25
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:06,300
the Rhode Island Society
for Special Literary Excellence,
26
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:09,237
and they happen to have chosen
to read and discuss my book,
27
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:10,638
Faster Than
the Speed of Love.
28
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:13,174
See? I knew it was
just a matter of time
29
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:14,881
before somebody would
recognize my genius.
30
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,610
Whoa, take it easy.
31
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,597
You're getting a bigger
head than Chris Matthews.
32
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,081
The economy's in the news today,
and Congress is considering
33
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,450
a minimum wage increase.
34
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,418
Live by satellite
to talk about it,
35
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,320
Senator Harry Reid
in Washington.
36
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,656
How about it, Senator Reid...
Is this the right move
37
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,491
during the worst recession
since the 1930s?
38
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:32,598
Look, if we're gonna get
this economy back on track,
39
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:35,095
we have to get more money
in the pockets of hardworking.
40
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:37,307
Republicans are saying this increase is
gonna, in fact, Americans who are the backbone
41
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,709
put more people out of work and
make it harder of the American economy,
42
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:42,213
for American employers to
compete instead of lining the pockets
43
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:44,581
in the global marketplace. Of the ultra-rich
who are the people who caused this collapse.
44
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,616
Wouldn't it? Senator, wouldn't it...
Senator... Chris, if-if I could just...
45
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,852
Senator, let me finish.
Chris? If I could j... Chris, if I...
46
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,344
My forehead, my rules.
47
00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:52,079
Let's go to Los Angeles.
48
00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,047
Big actor, played the father
in That 70's Show,
49
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,249
Kurtwood Smith.
50
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:56,784
How's it going, Kurtwood?
51
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,452
Good. Thanks for having me.
52
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,666
Quagmire, it's so awesome
that you
53
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,258
could come over
after work today.
54
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,493
I know.
I'm so psyched.
55
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:06,603
Hey, let's make
some Kool Aid!
56
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,696
No, we got to wait
for Lois to do it.
57
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,698
No, we don't... I know
how to make Kool Aid.
58
00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,500
No, Quagmire!
We're not a'sposed to...
59
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:16,003
I'm home, Peter!
60
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,406
Oh, hi, Glenn...
61
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,808
Peter, can you
help me with the...
62
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,776
Oh, Peter Griffin!
63
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,579
Peter, you come out here right
now and clean up this mess!
64
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,748
No! You said I could
have two friends over,
65
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,517
and I didn't...
Joe couldn't come!
66
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,319
So I only had
one friend over,
67
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,153
and it was just
me and Quagmire,
68
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:35,155
and I said we could
make Kool Aid
69
00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:36,390
instead of the
other friend!
70
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,125
You come out here right now!
71
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,593
Bonnie's way
cooler than you!
72
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,395
Joe has
computer games!
73
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,434
Peter, it took me
a half hour
74
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,369
to clean up
all that Kool Aid.
75
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,638
I am sick as hell of you
constantly making a mess
76
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,806
of this house and having
to clean up after you.
77
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,608
So I hired a maid.
78
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,486
What, are you nuts? We don't
have the money for that.
79
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,446
Oh, really? And what about
the Peter Copter?
80
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,748
Did we not have money
for the Peter Copter?
81
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,816
Hey, did I say anything
when you bought that iron?
82
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:05,185
Whatever. I want you
to meet Consuela.
83
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,622
Consuela, this is
my husband, Peter,
84
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,491
and these are
our children.
85
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,760
Oh. Hello,
Mr. Peter.
86
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,662
Hello,
Mr. Children.
87
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,431
Consuela's gonna be
our new housekeeper.
88
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,533
Why is she wearing makeup
like she's going out?
89
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,635
Is this "going out" for them?
90
00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:27,241
Hey, where you going
all dressed up?
91
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:28,509
Oh, nowhere important.
92
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,411
Just this special dinner
in my honor.
93
00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:32,513
It's being thrown
by the Rhode Island Society
94
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,315
for Special Literary Excellence.
95
00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,484
What's that?
96
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,319
Nobody said
anything, Brian.
97
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,688
Oh, I thought someone just
asked why they're honoring me.
98
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,956
No. Nobody asked that. Oh, okay.
99
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,625
I-It's no big deal...
It's actually,
100
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,427
it's just you remember
the book I wrote,
101
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:47,654
Faster Than the
Speed of Love?
102
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,463
They loved the
book so much,
103
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,699
they want to give me their
most prestigious award.
104
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,568
Look, this is a
really big deal.
105
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,737
It'd be nice to get some
support around here!
106
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,106
Oh, I'm sorry, Brian.
That's great news!
107
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,975
Yeah, what channel
will the awards ceremony be on?
108
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:03,677
Oh, are they having
an awards ceremony
109
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,679
for how well you did
the dishes last night?
110
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,749
Ha! You got nothing
going on.
111
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,688
Hi, Brian.
112
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,490
I'm Kathy from
the book society.
113
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,691
So glad you could come.
114
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,427
Hi there.
Uh, you know,
115
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,362
I wasn't sure I had
the right address.
116
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,730
Pizza parlor, huh?
117
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,632
Yeah. The group
loves this place.
118
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,867
Oh, hey, this is fine.
I-I like this place.
119
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,502
It's... I'm a...
120
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,638
I'm a pizza dawg.
121
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:33,874
So, how long have
you been a member
122
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,085
of the Rhode Island Society
for Special Literary Excellence?
123
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,412
Oh, no, I'm not a member;
I'm their chaperone.
124
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,548
Chaperone?
Yeah, uh-huh.
125
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,750
We're in that section
right over there.
126
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:45,553
Hey! There he is!
127
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,220
It's Brian Griffin!
128
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,456
Damn it, Randy!
129
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,491
You just spilled
my juice box!
130
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,731
They absolutely
loveyour book.
131
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:01,402
The simplistic writing style
is very graspable to them.
132
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:04,372
Here's your award...
I made it all by myself.
133
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,806
Thanks.
134
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:08,409
Hey, Brian!
Smell my finger!
135
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,911
I-I... I... I already can.
136
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:19,553
Lois was right...
I'm not a writer, I'm a joke.
137
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:22,756
I'm one big, fat,
ridiculous joke.
138
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,493
Well, maybe you just didn't
try hard enough, Brian.
139
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,628
You know what, father
from Family Circus?
140
00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:29,430
All you do is
judge other people.
141
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,732
Every day in the funnies,
all you do is judge.
142
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,734
Why don't you shut your
mouth for once
143
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,236
and go home and
your wife in the face!
144
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:37,871
You know what?
145
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:41,575
That's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
146
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,227
Almost home. Oh, my God!
147
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:05,533
Oh, please be okay,
please be okay, please be okay.
148
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,267
Oh, thank God!
149
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,214
Okay, you're gonna be okay,
you're gonna be o...
150
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,871
Oh, my God!
151
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,656
Oh, my God, yes!
152
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,458
Brian killed a dog!
153
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,325
This is fantastic!
154
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,962
Oh, Mr. Swanson
is sleep-dragging again.
155
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:36,396
I'm flying.
156
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,566
I'm flying!
157
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,173
I clean in here?
158
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,675
Uh, yeah, that's fine.
159
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,478
I'm just reading the funnies,
so keep it down.
160
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:55,516
This is a very shocking
Family Circus.
161
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:58,819
Es el tiempo
para muchos hornos!
162
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,621
Muchos hornos!
163
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:02,422
Muchos hornos.
164
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,026
Muchos hornos.
165
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,429
Muchos hornos.
166
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,766
Muchos hornos.
167
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,368
Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai.
168
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,706
Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai,
ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai...
169
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:34,888
There you are!
170
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,757
Uh, what?!
Well, you're jumpy.
171
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,859
So, did you hear
all that noise last night?
172
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,628
I swear to God,
it sounded like
173
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,996
somebody had an accident
and maybe somebody got hurt.
174
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,065
What? Wh-What are
you talking about?
175
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,600
Yeah, something
must've gone down.
176
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:47,835
The cops were
poking around.
177
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,570
What do you mean,
like-like Joe?
178
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,772
No. Staties, man,
Staties.
179
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,106
I wouldn't be surprised
180
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,709
if there's something
in the paper about it.
181
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,816
Oh, my God.
182
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:07,888
Yeah?
Uh, yes, I'm calling
183
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,657
about the ad in the paper?
184
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,792
You seen my dog?
You callin' about my dog?
185
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,894
He's all I got,
'cause I'm a young street tough,
186
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,629
and my parents
ain't so good to me.
187
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,798
So, have you heard anything?
188
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:20,701
Did anybody see anything?
Or anybody?
189
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,703
I can see ol' Reggie now,
190
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,605
sittin' there
with a smile on his face,
191
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:27,575
listenin' to me talk about how
Daddy beats me somethin' fierce.
192
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:30,310
Okay, so sounds like
no leads, then, right?
193
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:31,478
Oh, no, no.
194
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:32,846
Doggy out.
What?
195
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,648
Out. Afuera.
I live here.
196
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,049
No, no. Afuera.
197
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,484
But, look,
I'm trying...
198
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,220
ВїHola?
199
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,656
Yes, could you please
put Brian back on?
200
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,992
No, no. Do... Doggy afuera.
201
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,502
You're the new housekeeper,
aren't you?
202
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,895
SГ.
203
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,438
Listen, I don't want
to point fingers,
204
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,498
but I'm missing about $1,000
in play money.
205
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:52,733
I take.
206
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,034
Wha-What... You-You took it?
207
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,235
SГ.
208
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,536
Well, give it back!
209
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,538
Come get, bitch.
210
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,274
Hey, Brian,
you want to see
211
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,610
what I drew
in arts and crafts
212
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:03,911
at day care?
213
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,979
This is called
"Happy Sun."
214
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,716
This one's called
"Silly Space Man."
215
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,651
See? 'Cause he's
in the forest.
216
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:15,122
And this one I call
"Alive Dog Burying Dead Dog."
217
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,423
This is a photograph!
218
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,191
Oh, is it?
Wait a minute.
219
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,293
You saw the whole
thing? Yes, indeed.
220
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,629
Oh, boy.
221
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,796
Have I been
having some fun
222
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,632
at your expense,
old man!
223
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,066
How could you
do that to me?
224
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,969
Do you have any idea how
upset I am about all this?
225
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,904
I killed one of my
own kind, Stewie.
226
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,873
How would you feel if
you killed a baby?
227
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,041
Well, I've killed seven,
228
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,943
but the point is,
you might feel better
229
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,878
if you just confess
to what you've done.
230
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:40,914
Maybe you're right.
231
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:49,757
Everyone, I have something
very important to tell you.
232
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,625
Is this about Meg's
cervical cancer?
233
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:52,893
What?!
234
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,128
You always
fall for that!
235
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,564
You can't always
fall for that!
236
00:09:57,631 --> 00:09:59,266
You-you just can't!
237
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,701
Go ahead, Brian.
238
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,939
Hi, Joe.
Thanks for coming.
239
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,909
Okay, now
that Joe's here,
240
00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,544
I can say this
in front of all of you.
241
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,714
Everyone...
242
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:15,749
I am a criminal.
243
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,851
A few nights ago,
I committed a murder.
244
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,754
Then I buried the body
and even went out of my way
245
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,255
to cover up the evidence.
246
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,590
Oh, my God!
247
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,826
These are very serious
charges, Brian.
248
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:27,560
I know, and that's
why I'm prepared
249
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,062
for you to arrest me
250
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,964
and take me to jail
where I belong.
251
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,632
I just couldn't take
the stress anymore.
252
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,067
I had to come clean.
253
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,036
I mean, the truth is,
I didn't even stop
254
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,871
to find out if
he had an owner.
255
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,639
I just completely...
Wait, wait, owner?
256
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,709
What are you talking
about? I just told you.
257
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:44,011
I hit and killed a
dog with my car!
258
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:48,916
What?
259
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,951
Brian...
it's a dog!
260
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:52,285
That's not
a crime!
261
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,653
What do you mean?
262
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:55,055
Well... I mean,
263
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:57,257
it's not like
you killed a person.
264
00:10:57,324 --> 00:11:00,027
Or-or even ran over
somebody's mailbox.
265
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,962
Killing a dog
is not a crime?
266
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,732
Of course not!
267
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,033
Yeah, especially
for you.
268
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,835
An animal killing
another animal?
269
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,402
That happens
all the time.
270
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:14,541
Hey, sweet ass,
last night was fantastic.
271
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,044
Hello? Where'd you go?
272
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:29,256
Oh. Well, then I guess I
worried for nothing.
273
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,792
Yeah, nobody cares
if a dog gets killed.
274
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,495
I could do it, Brian!
I could do it right now!
275
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,164
Nobody would say a thing!
276
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,175
I could blow your brains out
and they'd throw me a parade!
277
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,201
What? I'm just
screwing around, Brian.
278
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,435
Nobody cares.
279
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,478
Peter, what are you doing?
280
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,113
She's still here, Lois.
281
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:55,115
Wasn't she supposed to leave
like two hours ago?
282
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,885
I thought so. Go ask
her what she's doing.
283
00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,452
I'm not asking her.
You go ask her.
284
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:02,890
Uh, Consuela?
285
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:05,025
I thought you
finished cleaning hours ago.
286
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,794
Yeah, what are
you still doing here?
287
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,528
I wait for
rain to stop.
288
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,163
It's time for
you to go home.
289
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,565
Is too much rain.
I stay.
290
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,934
But it's gonna
rain all night.
291
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,803
I sleep here.
292
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,270
Uh, I don't know
about that.
293
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,806
I sleep here.
294
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,910
Can I get some
covers over here?
295
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:27,180
No. No. You fat
keep you warm.
296
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:36,023
No, no...
297
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,968
You know, Brian, I love it
here at the ice cream shop.
298
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:49,937
In fact, this is gonna
be my happy place.
299
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,172
If I ever get molested or
raped, this is the place
300
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,983
I'm gonna think of to make
everything all right.
301
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,675
That's great, Stewie.
302
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,386
Hey, what's up your fanny?
Nothing. I'm just...
303
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,646
I'm a little bummed out
from the other day.
304
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:02,816
I just can't believe
our society actually values
305
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,919
the life of a dog less than that
of a human. It's infuriating.
306
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,021
That is infuriating.
Maybe you should go bark
307
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,657
at a tree and chew on
your balls for an hour.
308
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,926
You know, that's the problem.
That's usually the way I'd
309
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,794
handle this kind of thing,
but not this time.
310
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:16,239
I mean, look at
that dog over there.
311
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,231
You think he wants to be tied
to that chair,
312
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,667
waiting in the hot sun while his
owner gets ice cream?
313
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,136
Hell, no! I am gonna
make people see
314
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:26,239
that an animal's life is just
as important as a human's!
315
00:13:28,075 --> 00:13:31,144
Go, fellow canine,
be free and enjoy life!
316
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,114
Oh, my God!
Help! Help!
317
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:37,017
It's killing my dog!
318
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,452
He's got my neck!
319
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:50,063
Oh, my God!
My dog is dead!
320
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:53,100
Maybe that's why
he was tied up.
321
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,908
Meg, will you take one of these
and pass it down, please?
322
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:03,310
What's this? I'm starting
a new advocacy group.
323
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,412
The Quahog Animal
Equal Rights League.
324
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,114
Our first meeting
is tomorrow night,
325
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,916
and I'd really
appreciate it if you guys
326
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,483
would come and
show your support.
327
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,420
Well, of course we will, Brian.
We'd be happy to come.
328
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,288
Terrific. See, I thought I'd
start locally,
329
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,824
and then maybe try to merge
with one of the larger groups.
330
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:21,094
Oh, that's a great idea, Brian.
Maybe you could join PETA.
331
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,262
Join me for what?
332
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:23,863
No, PETA.
The organization.
333
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,032
What organization?
334
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:26,433
PETA.
What?
335
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:27,901
PETA is an acronym, Peter.
336
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,036
No, I'm not!
I'm Catholic!
337
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,837
Are we really
doing this?
338
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:33,840
No, Peter, I'm just saying,
maybe if this meeting goes well,
339
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,475
Brian could be part
of a PETA rally.
340
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,244
Somebody's having
a rally for me now?
341
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,913
No, for PETA.
That's me! I'm Peter!
342
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:42,950
I'm not talking about you,
Peter! I'm talking about PETA!
343
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:45,718
Somebody better have something
to say to me pretty damn soon,
344
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,554
or I'm gonna have something
to say to them!
345
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,422
I am very busy!
346
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,224
I think Betty White
is in PETA.
347
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,393
That doesn't even
make any sense!
348
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,801
Oh. Hi, Consuela.
349
00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:03,370
Hello, Mr. Peter.
350
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:08,075
No school today, so I
bring my nephew, Mikey.
351
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,943
You want to buy
light-up yo-yo?
352
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,279
Well... kinda.
353
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,683
That's it. Peter, we have
got to get rid of her.
354
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,885
I couldn't agree more.
Just let me see if Mikey sells
355
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,989
those things with batteries
or what the situation is there.
356
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,960
Consuela, I'm sorry,
but this is not working out.
357
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,861
We're asking you to go.
358
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,464
No, I stay. I clean.
359
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:32,932
You don't understand.
You're fired.
360
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,667
No, I keep job.
361
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:37,770
Here. Here's $40
if you leave right now.
362
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,206
No. I stay.
363
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,076
God, she's more stubborn
than you are.
364
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,278
Daddy, I want a turn
on the swing set.
365
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,379
No.
366
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,847
But you've gone
for two turns.
367
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,149
Get lost.
368
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:51,218
It looks like fun,
and I want to do it.
369
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:54,021
No, I'm doing it.
I'm gonna do a big jump-off.
370
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:57,057
Aah! Get Mom!
371
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,459
Mom! Mom! Mom!
372
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,365
Good evening, everyone.
I want to thank you all
373
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:07,400
for joining me at this
very important event.
374
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,237
Animals are treated
as second-class citizens
375
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,172
everywhere throughout
this nation.
376
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:15,608
We kill them for food,
we humiliate them as pets,
377
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,977
and we use them for
medical and cosmetic research.
378
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,412
Take a look.
379
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,718
Ladies and gentlemen, your
animal brethren need your help.
380
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,354
Everywhere, they are crying out
381
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,422
in the hopes
that someone will hear.
382
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,424
In cosmetic research labs...
383
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,694
Well, the lipstick
is not bulletproof.
384
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,996
We know that now! For humans!
385
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,531
On veal farms...
386
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,144
And in simple American
households...
387
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,113
Okay, Barney, I'm
going to work now,
388
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:56,349
but I'm gonna leave
NPR on for you.
389
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,118
Good day to you,
390
00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,528
and welcome to
All Things Considered,
391
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:03,022
a show where we talk very softly
and right into the mic.
392
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:04,491
Do you hear that?
393
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,726
I'm whispering
right in your ear.
394
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,428
I'm right in your ear.
395
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:10,397
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.
396
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:16,069
Won't you please do
your part to help? Thank you.
397
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:18,471
Wow. Inspiring stuff.
398
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,474
Now, underneath each one of your
chairs, you'll find a pamphlet
399
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:25,412
with a simple list of animal
rights do's and don't's.
400
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,447
Wait a minute, I'm not allowed
to have steak?
401
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,882
Well, no. Steak is made
by killing cattle.
402
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,618
No medical research?
403
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,421
But how are we supposed
to find cures for disease?
404
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,589
Well, there are many more
promising research methods
405
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,591
for curing disease
than animal testing.
406
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,360
Name one.
I want a hamburger.
407
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,195
I have a sudden craving
for quail.
408
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,596
No, no,
you're missing the point.
409
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,932
We've got to change our way
of thinking.
410
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,535
Animals are miracles
of nature, just like humans,
411
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,537
but our society
hasn't figured that out.
412
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,039
Do you know that
in some Asian countries
413
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,707
they actually cook and eat dogs?
414
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:57,177
What?! Oh, no.
415
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,346
Are they... are they good?
416
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,813
Yeah, I wonder
what they taste like.
417
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,583
I would try it...
I mean, if everybody else was.
418
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,518
I'm adventurous.
419
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,263
You know what, you know what?
This is driving me crazy.
420
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,755
I want to eat a dog now.
421
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,257
I say we eat that one!
422
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,091
What?!
Get him!
423
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:24,237
What the hell is this?
424
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:26,706
Nobody gives a damn
about animals!
425
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:30,343
I just never realized how
little meaning my life had!
426
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:33,045
Stewie, my life
isn't worth anything!
427
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,115
Oh, come on... Hey...
428
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:48,428
Don't worry, Rupert. I know how
to get him out of his funk.
429
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:51,097
Poor bastard's more upset
than I was when I read.
430
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,700
Curious George Goes
to His Gym Coach's Apartment.
431
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:57,136
Monkeys aren't supposed to drink
Chardonnay! He's tricking you!
432
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,671
Get out of there!
433
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:02,509
Abogados!
434
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:05,077
Cinco cinco cinco,
cinco cinco cinco cinco!
435
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,046
ВїAccidente? Abogados!
436
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:11,017
Cinco cinco cinco,
cinco cinco cinco cinco!
437
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:14,254
Uh, Consuela, does this rag
smell like chloroform?
438
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:17,624
No, no, is no...
439
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,132
I need more Lemon Pledge.
440
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:27,634
Okay.
441
00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:34,441
Is this the Griffin household?
442
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,775
Yes.
443
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,810
There was a fire
at Quahog Liquor last night.
444
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,412
No people were killed,
445
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,581
but the burned body of a dog
was found inside.
446
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,683
The tag on the collar
says he lived here.
447
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,084
I'm sorry.
448
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:48,120
Oh, my God! Brian!
449
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,223
What the hell happened?
450
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,958
Brian's dead!
451
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,362
Hey, come here.
452
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,297
Got something
you'll want to see.
453
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:05,338
I can't believe
Brian's dead.
454
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:08,207
My best friend
in the whole world...
455
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:10,343
and he's gone.
456
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:16,416
You know, Peter, I think
he was also my best friend.
457
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,618
He was the smartest
person I knew.
458
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:21,688
Nothing will ever
be the same again.
459
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,661
Wow. I guess my life
does have meaning.
460
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:32,599
I never realized how important
I was to this family.
461
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,834
Wait a second.
Just to prove a point to me,
462
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,770
you burned down a liquor store
and murdered a dog?!
463
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,306
Well, a stray.
464
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,740
Thank you.
465
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:42,909
Well, I guess we should tell
them the truth now.
466
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,677
Well, hold...
hold on a sec.
467
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,747
We could... probably let 'em go
for just a few more minutes.
468
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:58,257
Hi. We here at Family Guy
want you to know that we respect
469
00:20:58,325 --> 00:21:00,560
all living beings and assure you
that no animals
470
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,662
were harmed in the making
of this episode.
471
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:04,664
But we're about to hurt
the feelings
472
00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:06,466
of this Italian opera singer
473
00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:09,001
by prematurely dropping
the curtain on his performance.
474
00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:11,338
Figaro li, Figaro la,
Figaro mi, Figaro...35054
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