Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,121 --> 00:00:06,130
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,342
Okay. Ready for
the next one.
Okay.
3
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:22,763
Who did President
John F. Kennedy appoint
as Secretary of Defense?
4
00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:25,098
Um, one of
his brothers?
5
00:00:25,175 --> 00:00:27,601
No, that was
Attorney General.
I'll give you a hint.
6
00:00:27,677 --> 00:00:29,945
The beginning of his last name
sounds like your uncle's.
7
00:00:30,022 --> 00:00:32,898
Mac...
MacNamara.
8
00:00:32,974 --> 00:00:34,324
Robert MacNamara.
9
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,578
You see that girl, America?
10
00:00:37,654 --> 00:00:39,946
Hard working, studious.
11
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:42,449
Terry's daddy
sure is a lucky man.
12
00:00:42,526 --> 00:00:44,534
All the qualities you want
in a daughter,
13
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,787
so that's why I like Nessa
being her friend.
14
00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:49,081
I'm hoping some of that goodness
will rub off on her,
15
00:00:49,157 --> 00:00:52,417
help Nessa stay
on the straight and narrow.
16
00:00:52,494 --> 00:00:53,660
She good people.
17
00:00:53,737 --> 00:00:55,295
That Terry--
she going to be something.
18
00:00:55,372 --> 00:00:57,923
TERRY: After this,
want to go smoke?
I've got some cloves.
19
00:00:57,999 --> 00:00:59,966
VANESSA:
No, thanks--
last time I tried,
20
00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:02,803
I got sick for
six hours straight.
21
00:01:02,879 --> 00:01:04,304
I remember that!
22
00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:07,099
Said she had food poisoning!
23
00:01:07,175 --> 00:01:10,069
Even blamed my fish sticks!
24
00:01:10,145 --> 00:01:12,738
Can't believe
that doggone Terry.
25
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,857
Smoking!
26
00:01:15,934 --> 00:01:18,902
If a kid like that
up to no good,
27
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,537
I'm in deep...
28
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,116
You know.
29
00:01:24,192 --> 00:01:26,210
Vanessa's a good kid.
30
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:28,036
Yeah, we thought
Terry was, too.
31
00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:30,747
Vanessa's not Terry.
32
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,999
Wanda, what we know
about Nessa, seriously?
33
00:01:33,076 --> 00:01:36,220
She's so secretive, always
hanging out in her room
and everything.
34
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:37,921
As far as we know,
she could be getting
35
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:41,383
some piercing
or having relations.
36
00:01:41,459 --> 00:01:43,677
Vanessa's not getting
anything pierced.
37
00:01:43,753 --> 00:01:47,347
I didn't ask you that.
What'd you ask me?
38
00:01:47,424 --> 00:01:48,890
I said maybe she could be
doing that.
39
00:01:48,967 --> 00:01:50,100
Do you think
she's having relations?
40
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:52,269
No, I don't.
Okay, look at you.
41
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:54,146
Instead of getting
yourself all worked up,
42
00:01:54,222 --> 00:01:55,355
why don't you spend
some time with her,
43
00:01:55,432 --> 00:01:58,033
see what's going
on in her life?
44
00:01:58,110 --> 00:02:00,944
Yeah. You know, I know
how to find things out.
45
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:04,072
You know, I've got a way
of making people talk.
No, not like that.
46
00:02:04,149 --> 00:02:06,032
See, you can't go
charging at her, okay?
47
00:02:06,109 --> 00:02:07,951
All she's going to
do is just clam up.
48
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,796
Come on, honey,
be gentle.
49
00:02:14,075 --> 00:02:17,919
(laughter)
And then Jacob threw up
and got a time out.
50
00:02:17,996 --> 00:02:19,555
That's a brilliant story,
baby girl.
51
00:02:19,631 --> 00:02:21,756
Nessa, what's going on with you?
Anything you want to talk about?
52
00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:24,560
Today in school, we got letters
from our Russian pen pals.
53
00:02:24,636 --> 00:02:25,561
Your name Nessa?
54
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:29,565
Like I was saying, Nessa,
anything going on, anything?
55
00:02:29,641 --> 00:02:32,142
No.
Come on, you mean to tell me
you're in school all day,
56
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,810
and there ain't nothing
going on?
57
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,687
When I was your age, girl,
when I was in school, man,
58
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:37,480
all the drama. Am I right, baby?
Mm-hm.
59
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,441
Aunt Wanda, can you give me
a picture of you?
60
00:02:39,517 --> 00:02:41,151
Boris sent a picture of his mom.
61
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,820
Sure, sweetie.
How's Terry, Nessa?
62
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,947
Oh, she's fine.
BERNIE: Is she?
63
00:02:46,024 --> 00:02:47,991
Uh...
64
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,993
Why is she in her underwear?
65
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,244
Because she's Russian, stupid.
66
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,914
I'll take that. Ooh.
67
00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:55,707
Um, may I be excused?
68
00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,334
W-Why so soon, Nessa?
69
00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,252
Come on, I thought maybe
we'd talk and have sundaes.
70
00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:02,222
I have a test tomorrow.
71
00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:04,507
JORDAN: So Aunt Wanda,
do you know
72
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,176
any good men--
Boris writes that his mom
73
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:07,802
is single
and willing to relocate.
74
00:03:07,879 --> 00:03:09,897
I'll ask around.
75
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,933
Can I see that letter?
76
00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:14,684
(circkets chirping)
77
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,228
Honey, I thought
you might...
Shh, shh!
78
00:03:16,304 --> 00:03:17,562
What you doing?
79
00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,323
Listening to Nessa's
conversation.
80
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,691
Baby, they are cruel.
81
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,194
Mr. Conner can't help
he got a bad toupee.
82
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,070
NESSA:
I'm on the phone!
83
00:03:25,146 --> 00:03:27,030
Oh, I'm sorry!
84
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,958
Dang, girl,
you almost got me caught.
85
00:03:32,737 --> 00:03:33,703
What?
86
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,205
You told me to try
to get to know her.
87
00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,790
I didn't tell you
to spy on her.
88
00:03:36,866 --> 00:03:39,042
Well, I tried the normal way,
and she stonewalled me.
89
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,285
She gave me
absolutely nothing.
90
00:03:40,362 --> 00:03:42,420
What do you expect?
She's 15.
91
00:03:42,497 --> 00:03:43,546
Well, she can articulate
better than that.
92
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,131
Come on,
quit cosigning for her.
93
00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:47,175
Honey, don't do
it like this.
94
00:03:47,252 --> 00:03:49,970
Okay? Just be gentle.
95
00:03:50,046 --> 00:03:52,430
Sip your wine.
Yeah.
96
00:03:52,507 --> 00:03:56,101
I just want to know she ain't
up to no good, America.
97
00:03:56,177 --> 00:03:58,362
She ain't say anything to you,
did she?
98
00:03:58,805 --> 00:03:59,729
Huh?
99
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,107
(class bell ringing)
100
00:04:02,183 --> 00:04:03,733
Any of you guys
want to hit up City Walk?
101
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,735
My cousin works the counter
at Johnny Rockets.
102
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:09,331
Vanessa?
Uh, I would,
but I don't have a ride home.
103
00:04:09,408 --> 00:04:10,865
I'll take you home.
104
00:04:10,942 --> 00:04:13,285
How? You only have
your learner's permit.
105
00:04:13,361 --> 00:04:15,245
What, you don't think
I'll get you home safely?
106
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,414
BERNIE: I bet you I can
get her home safely.
107
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,708
I bet you that, boy.
108
00:04:19,784 --> 00:04:21,501
Why are you here?
109
00:04:21,578 --> 00:04:25,514
Baby, I thought me and you could
do something together... alone.
110
00:04:26,916 --> 00:04:28,850
Hey, Bernie Mac,
what's up?
111
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,728
Come on, Nessa, let's go.
112
00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:37,734
Oh, you going to look
real pretty later on
113
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,395
when you start smoking
through your throat
with that big ol' hole.
114
00:04:40,472 --> 00:04:43,064
When you try to talk,
you got that microphone
up in there.
115
00:04:43,141 --> 00:04:44,566
You'll see.
116
00:04:44,642 --> 00:04:46,609
What's happening
with our kids, America?
117
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:49,154
Look at that ratty-looking boy
with the matted hair.
118
00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:50,864
And look at that girl
wearing those jeans,
119
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,198
showing off all her assets.
120
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,534
And who's that thug
pawing on Nessa?
121
00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:57,370
These are the kids she hang out
with, I'm telling you.
122
00:04:57,447 --> 00:04:59,831
I'm not liking
what I'm finding out, America.
123
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:01,800
I'm not liking it at all.
124
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,129
(drops bag)
125
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:09,016
(down-tempo music playing)
126
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,061
No way!
127
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:18,859
Hey, what you doing in my desk?
128
00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:20,610
What were you doing
under my mattress?
129
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:22,520
You watch your tone
with me, Nessa.
130
00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:23,855
I can't believe you.
131
00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:25,607
Hey, hey, hey, what's
all the fussing about?
132
00:05:25,683 --> 00:05:29,235
He read my diary.
You did that?
133
00:05:29,312 --> 00:05:33,281
Well, if she won't talk to me,
I'll find out what she's talking
about to herself.
134
00:05:33,358 --> 00:05:35,158
Besides, I'm the one
that should be upset.
135
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,243
Look at what you're
making me do in order
to be a good parent.
136
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,579
But you're invading my privacy
like it's nothing.
137
00:05:39,656 --> 00:05:42,382
You're 15 years old.
You ain't got no privacy.
138
00:05:42,459 --> 00:05:44,167
This is so unfair.
139
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,877
Write it down
in your diary
140
00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:47,971
with all your other
thoughts so I can
read about it later.
141
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:50,215
Sorry, Nessa.
Ain't no sorry.
142
00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:53,810
I don't care.
If you ain't with me,
baby, you against me.
143
00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:56,897
Ooh.
144
00:06:00,635 --> 00:06:03,061
(door slams)
Slam the door again,
see what happen to you!
145
00:06:03,138 --> 00:06:05,614
Just go on and slam it!
146
00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,116
She be lucky I care.
147
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,943
Hey, I don't know, man.
148
00:06:10,019 --> 00:06:11,820
Come on,
you-you read her diary.
149
00:06:11,896 --> 00:06:14,197
She's 15, man-- how you...
how you expect her to act?
150
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,875
Mute and obedient,
that's what I expect.
151
00:06:16,952 --> 00:06:18,243
Besides, I'm a parent.
152
00:06:18,319 --> 00:06:19,661
I got the right to
know what's going on
153
00:06:19,737 --> 00:06:22,580
with my kids in my house.
That's my right.
154
00:06:22,657 --> 00:06:24,508
If most parents spent the time
and the interest
155
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,760
in their kids,
world'd be a better place.
156
00:06:26,837 --> 00:06:28,211
Yeah, Bernie Mac don't lie.
157
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,046
Look, if Vanessa wasn't doing
nothing wrong,
158
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,890
then that diary
wouldn't need no lock.
159
00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:35,093
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no,
hold up, you broke the lock?
Yeah, you right.
160
00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:36,678
(laughing)
What?!
161
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:40,181
No, no, I didn't.
It popped right off.
Come on.
162
00:06:40,258 --> 00:06:42,434
It popped...
it popped right off.
Come on, man, now,
163
00:06:42,510 --> 00:06:45,520
you should do what we did, man.
Get yourself a nanny cam.
164
00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:48,273
You got a nanny cam?
Yeah, man. Well,
you know, the kids
165
00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:49,941
were always complaining
about the baby-sitter,
166
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,609
and the baby- sitter was always
complaining about the kids,
167
00:06:51,686 --> 00:06:53,903
and Rosie worried, so,
you know, we thought we'd see.
168
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,947
What did you find out?
Yeah?
169
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:58,992
That my kids are animals, man.
170
00:06:59,068 --> 00:07:00,544
Oh, man, I could've
told you that.
171
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,287
Yeah, you don't need
no nanny cam for that.
172
00:07:02,363 --> 00:07:04,071
They wild, right?
They wild.
173
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,957
Come on, get wild
on this right here.
Yeah, they're my kids.
174
00:07:06,034 --> 00:07:07,959
(giggling)
175
00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:11,629
Oh, he just walked in.
I'll call you back.
176
00:07:11,706 --> 00:07:13,006
Who was that?
No one.
177
00:07:13,082 --> 00:07:16,226
No one got a name?
It was Terry, all right?
178
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,183
(phone keys beeping)
179
00:07:23,259 --> 00:07:24,818
(line ringing)
180
00:07:26,721 --> 00:07:27,812
BOY (on phone):What's up, Boo,? He gone?
181
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:28,938
No, he's on the phone.
182
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,315
What's your name, Boo?
183
00:07:30,391 --> 00:07:32,659
(phone clicks, dial tone)
184
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:37,322
That girl lied to me
right to my face!
185
00:07:37,398 --> 00:07:40,200
Of course, unless Terry's
up to a carton a day,
186
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,618
that wasn't her.
187
00:07:41,694 --> 00:07:43,912
If she's lying to me
about this, America,
188
00:07:43,988 --> 00:07:45,955
what else she lying to me about?
189
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:49,000
Trying to play me, the Mac man.
190
00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:52,045
Well, I guess I got
no choice, America.
191
00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:55,182
It's time for me
to get my sneak on.
192
00:07:56,251 --> 00:07:57,717
(music playing)
193
00:07:57,794 --> 00:07:59,895
Wow, look at this here.
194
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,848
Man, this place is a trip.
195
00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:07,101
Shoot, I didn't know half
this stuff here existed, man.
196
00:08:07,178 --> 00:08:08,987
I know. If you did,
I'd be out of business.
197
00:08:09,064 --> 00:08:13,024
Wow. Well, you
know, right here,
this some bull here.
198
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:15,193
$30 for a pop?
199
00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:18,112
(scoffs)
Looks can be deceiving.
200
00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,656
Actually, you put
your jewelry in there.
201
00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:22,492
Man, that's nice.
That's real nice.
202
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,118
Next level.
203
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,496
And this here?
What's this?
204
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:27,997
Oh, that's
a recording device.
205
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,674
You're kidding.
Mm-hm.
206
00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:31,709
And this?
207
00:08:31,786 --> 00:08:32,594
That's a mug.
208
00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:35,046
What you bumping, man?
209
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,423
Gin and juice.
You know it.
210
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,134
Wow, man, this is...
what kind of customers
211
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,053
you be dealing with, man,
Inspector Gadget?
212
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,222
Wha-What's this here?
No, actually I got
customers like yourself,
213
00:08:44,299 --> 00:08:45,598
you know, thinking
that their partners
214
00:08:45,675 --> 00:08:47,225
be skimming a
little off the top,
215
00:08:47,302 --> 00:08:49,002
or perhaps they wives
be cheating on 'em,
216
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:51,771
or maybe the feds be
bugging their pad,
you know what I mean?
217
00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:54,274
Look here, I don't want
to sound like no L-7,
or nothing like that,
218
00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:56,434
but you carry a nanny cam?
219
00:08:56,511 --> 00:08:58,611
Look, ain't nothing wrong
with protecting our youth,
you know what I'm saying?
220
00:08:58,688 --> 00:09:00,163
There's a lot of
crazies out there.
221
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,782
But actually, man,
the crazies I want to spy on
222
00:09:02,859 --> 00:09:04,701
are my kids.
223
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,244
Oh, I can dig that.
224
00:09:06,321 --> 00:09:07,704
I've got some
crazies of my own.
225
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,414
Check this out
over here.
What's that, man?
226
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,249
I got this little
teddy bear.
227
00:09:11,326 --> 00:09:15,420
We call it Tattle
Tale Teddy Bear,
you know what I'm saying?
228
00:09:15,496 --> 00:09:18,923
He even come with a squealing
seal, and he's rigged for sound.
229
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,049
What?
230
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,010
Peekaboo.
(chuckling)
231
00:09:22,086 --> 00:09:24,771
(music playing)
232
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:27,765
Okay. Phew.
233
00:09:27,842 --> 00:09:29,267
Okay.
234
00:09:29,344 --> 00:09:31,603
All right, let's
see what you got,
235
00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:33,813
'cause Bernie Mac is bringing
his A-game, baby.
236
00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:36,408
Shoot, you don't know
who you're messing with.
237
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,198
What the...?
238
00:09:44,275 --> 00:09:46,376
Something wrong with that boy.
239
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:50,714
(music playing)
240
00:09:56,704 --> 00:09:58,054
WANDA: Bernie?
241
00:09:59,874 --> 00:10:01,883
I ain't doing nothing.
Watching TV.
242
00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:04,969
I fell asleep
a little bit, though.
(clears throat)
243
00:10:05,046 --> 00:10:06,387
You-you here
kind of early, baby.
244
00:10:06,464 --> 00:10:08,139
I've been here for
a while, actually.
245
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,807
I was talking to Vanessa.
246
00:10:09,884 --> 00:10:12,101
Really? What's wrong?
247
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:15,739
You know, she is really upset
that you read her diary.
248
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,649
Baby, I don't care nothing
about that.
249
00:10:17,725 --> 00:10:20,818
Nessa's a child, and as long
as she's living under our roof,
250
00:10:20,895 --> 00:10:22,654
we got the right
to know what's going on.
251
00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:24,614
Then you need to find
another way to reach her.
252
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,532
Well, you know what?
You're absolutely right.
253
00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:29,786
And I'm working on that
as we speak.
254
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:31,245
Really?
255
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,497
Really.
256
00:10:32,573 --> 00:10:34,957
Hmm. Well, that was easy.
257
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,210
I had a whole speech
planned and everything.
258
00:10:37,286 --> 00:10:39,837
Well, no speech
necessary, baby.
259
00:10:39,914 --> 00:10:41,848
Fine. Well, carry on.
260
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:49,514
Oh, no.
261
00:10:49,590 --> 00:10:51,099
It's bear season!
262
00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:53,351
Don't you do it!
Don't do it, boy!
263
00:10:53,428 --> 00:10:54,694
Don't you--!
264
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,947
Teddy.
265
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:08,658
Hey, baby, where's Nessa?
266
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,368
Oh, her friends came
by to go to the mall.
267
00:11:10,445 --> 00:11:11,869
Her friends were over here?
268
00:11:11,946 --> 00:11:13,204
Yeah.
In my house?
269
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,455
Mm-hm.
270
00:11:14,532 --> 00:11:16,207
(up-tempo music playing)
271
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:18,543
Let me ask you something,
America.
272
00:11:18,619 --> 00:11:20,962
How in the hell am I supposed
to keep tabs on that girl
273
00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:23,297
and she won't stand still
for the camera?
274
00:11:23,374 --> 00:11:26,968
I mean, sneaking off to the mall
while I'm looking the other way?
275
00:11:27,044 --> 00:11:31,222
See, kids today are devious,
crafty, insidious.
276
00:11:31,299 --> 00:11:33,182
Well, guess what, America?
277
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,609
So is Bernie Mac.
278
00:11:34,686 --> 00:11:38,780
This ain't over.
This is far from over, baby.
279
00:11:38,857 --> 00:11:42,150
You want to play rough?
Well, I'll show you
how rough I am.
280
00:11:42,226 --> 00:11:43,493
Yeah.
281
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:50,291
Did anybody see you?
282
00:11:50,368 --> 00:11:51,701
Look, man, just throw it
in the water.
283
00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,461
I got another customer.
284
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,455
Look, I need another
nanny cam, quick.
285
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,290
Man, whatever happened
to Tattle Tale Teddy?
286
00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:59,067
He got shot.
What?!
287
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:02,003
Man, listen, I need something
a little bit more inconspicuous.
288
00:12:02,079 --> 00:12:03,546
Hmm.
289
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:06,090
Oh, okay, try this on.
290
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:07,726
A smoke detector?
291
00:12:07,802 --> 00:12:10,186
Nah, that's the eye
in the sky, baby.
292
00:12:12,223 --> 00:12:15,183
Oh, man, that's nice.
293
00:12:15,259 --> 00:12:17,861
But what if they go
in another room, though?
294
00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:22,857
(laughs)
295
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,075
Give me seven.
296
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:27,162
(upbeat music playing)
297
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,474
Look-look at her.
298
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,376
That's why she's
getting so doggone fat.
299
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,211
Look at her eating.
300
00:12:41,118 --> 00:12:43,419
Yeah, right.
301
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,838
Wanda, trying to play
she's busy.
302
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,724
(sighs)
303
00:12:50,711 --> 00:12:52,970
Must be some kind of syndrome
or something.
304
00:12:53,047 --> 00:12:55,181
Tourette's maybe.
305
00:12:55,258 --> 00:12:57,016
(Jordan grunts)
306
00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:59,769
I'm thinking I'm letting my
worries get the best of me.
307
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:01,854
I'm putting cameras
in all the doggone rooms
308
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,648
and spying on my own kids.
309
00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:05,817
I feel like Nixon.
310
00:13:05,893 --> 00:13:08,069
I saw my boy change
this morning.
311
00:13:08,145 --> 00:13:10,238
I got to feed him.
312
00:13:10,314 --> 00:13:12,665
He look like one
of them Ethiopian babies.
313
00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:16,911
Oh, hell, no!
314
00:13:16,988 --> 00:13:18,922
Now hold up.
I know you ain't wearing that.
315
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:20,423
Who the hell you think you are?
316
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,083
You ain't no Lil' Kim.
317
00:13:22,159 --> 00:13:24,252
Oh, okay.
318
00:13:24,328 --> 00:13:26,170
It's like that.
319
00:13:26,247 --> 00:13:28,089
Okay, yeah, diabolical.
320
00:13:28,165 --> 00:13:31,092
Yeah, and I'm sitting up here
almost feeling bad for nothing.
321
00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:33,728
Okay. Okay. Yeah.
322
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,557
Hey, hey, hey,
where you all going?
323
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,433
I'm gonna drop Vanessa
off at the mall.
324
00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:40,935
Would you like me
to get you something
while I'm out?
325
00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,520
No, I don't...
I don't need anything.
326
00:13:42,597 --> 00:13:43,896
Hey, hey, hold on.
327
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,606
Girl, you going
to burn up in that.
328
00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:47,608
You need to take that off.
Oh, I get cold.
329
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,694
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Why don't you take that off?
330
00:13:49,770 --> 00:13:50,945
Why don't you
take it off?
Why?
331
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,781
Because I said take it off.
Bernie.
332
00:13:53,858 --> 00:13:55,616
I told her to take it off, baby.
333
00:13:55,693 --> 00:13:57,126
Now I want it off.
Take it off.
334
00:13:59,697 --> 00:14:01,923
Ooh. What the...?
335
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:07,461
Were you going to have me
drop you off at the mall
dressed like that?
336
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,223
Yeah.
I don't think so. Room.
337
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:12,851
(music playing)
338
00:14:15,504 --> 00:14:16,637
(music playing)
339
00:14:16,714 --> 00:14:19,140
It's a brave new world, America.
340
00:14:19,216 --> 00:14:21,767
A brave new world.
341
00:14:21,844 --> 00:14:23,519
I highly recommend it.
342
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:26,364
(The Dramatics:
"Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get")
343
00:14:28,351 --> 00:14:31,569
♪ You know some people ♪
344
00:14:31,646 --> 00:14:33,872
♪ Are made of lies ♪
345
00:14:35,524 --> 00:14:37,825
♪ To bring you down ♪
346
00:14:37,902 --> 00:14:39,961
♪ And shame your name ♪
347
00:14:41,822 --> 00:14:43,706
♪ But baby ♪
348
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:46,676
♪ I have good intentions ♪
349
00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:50,421
♪ 'Cause breaking hearts ♪
350
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,131
♪ Just ain't my game ♪
351
00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:54,926
♪ Breakin' heartsain't my game ♪
352
00:14:55,002 --> 00:14:59,063
♪ All I want to dois love you ♪
353
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,685
♪ And sugar I won't pinyou with regret... ♪
354
00:15:04,762 --> 00:15:06,062
Thank you, baby.
355
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,897
That was an
excellent dinner.
356
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,148
Don't you want
to tell Aunt Wanda
357
00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:10,909
how excellent
that dinner was?
358
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,486
But guess what?
359
00:15:13,562 --> 00:15:17,114
We're going to cap it off
with some delicious
chocolate fudge cake.
360
00:15:17,191 --> 00:15:18,866
I want some chocolate
fudge cake.
361
00:15:18,943 --> 00:15:21,118
You do?
You're not getting any.
362
00:15:21,195 --> 00:15:22,620
Why not?
363
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,205
'Cause you're going
to spend the rest of your time
364
00:15:24,281 --> 00:15:25,873
in your room thinking about
how much you miss these.
365
00:15:25,950 --> 00:15:28,250
My nunchucks!
Look at them and say it again.
366
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:31,754
Oh, my nunchucks.
Yeah. How many times
367
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,547
I told you about ordering
from that ninja catalog?
368
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:35,549
But you confiscated
half my arsenal.
369
00:15:35,626 --> 00:15:38,177
And guess what else?
I found your little
hiding space.
370
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:42,056
Yeah. Yeah, and I confiscated
all the rest of your fireworks.
371
00:15:42,133 --> 00:15:44,225
I even gave a call
to Christopher's daddy
372
00:15:44,301 --> 00:15:46,727
and let him know
where he's getting
his fair share.
373
00:15:46,804 --> 00:15:48,229
Yeah.
Oh, I'm a dead man.
374
00:15:48,305 --> 00:15:51,065
Yeah. (chuckling)
No, no, hold on, baby.
375
00:15:51,142 --> 00:15:53,234
Here, why don't you take
a piece of these?
376
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:54,827
Yum-yum.
377
00:15:54,904 --> 00:15:56,746
Who else want cake?
378
00:15:58,733 --> 00:16:00,041
Yeah.
379
00:16:00,118 --> 00:16:02,576
Can I have a cookie
with my cake?
380
00:16:02,653 --> 00:16:03,953
No, you ain't having no cookies.
381
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,122
How many times do I have
to tell you, Baby Girl?
382
00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:07,289
You ain't getting
no more cookies.
383
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:08,174
You got a habit.
384
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,253
Yeah.
385
00:16:12,329 --> 00:16:13,721
How do you
know this?
386
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,381
'Cause I keep a close eye
on all of them.
387
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:18,759
That's right.
Peekaboo.
388
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,436
Yeah.
(door slams)
389
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,016
(laughs) Yeah.
390
00:16:25,092 --> 00:16:28,853
Yes, sir. Bernie Mac's putting
the brother in Big Brother.
391
00:16:28,929 --> 00:16:31,939
I should have done this
from the moment the kids
stepped into our house.
392
00:16:32,016 --> 00:16:35,118
That's what
I should have did, ya'll.
393
00:16:35,194 --> 00:16:38,320
(muttering)
Look at them. Look.
394
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:39,622
Look at her.
395
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,657
If you cut her,
she'll bleed batter.
396
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:42,992
He took everything.
397
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:45,119
All he left
was this stupid rope.
398
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,954
You know, I-I can't stand it.
399
00:16:47,031 --> 00:16:49,123
He's always dipping
into my business,
400
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,043
and he won't even let me go out
with my friends on Saturday.
401
00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:54,045
He's going to take us bowling.
402
00:16:54,121 --> 00:16:55,963
VANESSA: Oh, great,so we can watch him bowl
403
00:16:56,040 --> 00:17:00,092
in those stupid alligator shoesand that stupid silk shirt
404
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:03,471
and the tricked-out ballthat says "Bernie Mac" on it?
405
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:06,599
You know, last timehe only bowled an 82.
406
00:17:06,675 --> 00:17:09,027
(all laughing)
407
00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:13,856
America, I'm just a beginner.
408
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:16,984
A beginner!
What's wrong with my gators?
409
00:17:17,061 --> 00:17:19,871
You believe them?
Disrespecting me
in my own house?
410
00:17:19,947 --> 00:17:22,073
They're lucky
I can't say anything,
411
00:17:22,149 --> 00:17:24,241
but the next time
they do something wrong,
412
00:17:24,318 --> 00:17:26,702
this gets factored in,
I'm telling you.
413
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:27,895
Look at... listen to them,
look at that.
414
00:17:27,972 --> 00:17:30,414
(kids laughing)
Hee-hee.
415
00:17:30,491 --> 00:17:32,717
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
416
00:17:32,794 --> 00:17:35,127
Hey, I broke 100 today.
417
00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:37,180
Oh, is that good?
Yeah, for me.
418
00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:40,299
Oh, hey, Cheryl.
Hi, Bernie.
419
00:17:40,376 --> 00:17:41,759
So, you went
bowling?
420
00:17:41,836 --> 00:17:43,135
No, I've been bungee-jumping.
421
00:17:43,212 --> 00:17:44,845
So, how are the kids?
Where everybody at?
422
00:17:44,922 --> 00:17:46,689
Uh, I don't know.
I've been in here with Cheryl.
423
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,484
Hmm. (exhales)
424
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,726
Okay, honey.
425
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,561
Okay, honey.
Okay.
426
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:56,032
(music playing)
427
00:17:58,402 --> 00:17:59,535
Okay.
428
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:05,875
There he is.
429
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:11,872
Where did that boy go?
430
00:18:11,949 --> 00:18:13,382
Where...?
431
00:18:16,453 --> 00:18:17,970
Where did he go?
432
00:18:18,622 --> 00:18:19,722
Okay.
433
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,966
(laughter)
Got you.
434
00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:23,926
Aunt Wanda,is Drano flammable?
435
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:26,512
Uh, I don't know, but, hey,you're not gonna find out.
436
00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:27,897
Let him find out.
437
00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:31,225
Oh, that braceletis gorgeous.
438
00:18:31,302 --> 00:18:32,768
Oh, isn't it?
439
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,228
Bernie's so thoughtful.
440
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:35,896
CHERYL: And he hasterrific taste.
441
00:18:35,973 --> 00:18:38,199
Actually, I've
got terrific taste.
442
00:18:38,276 --> 00:18:41,152
You won't believe
what he really bought me.
443
00:18:41,228 --> 00:18:42,903
(laughter)
444
00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:45,197
I thought itwould grow on me,
445
00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:48,376
but a day later,
it didn't, so voila!
446
00:18:48,452 --> 00:18:49,535
He's not gonna know?
447
00:18:49,612 --> 00:18:50,911
No, he never knows.
448
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:53,381
I just wanted to spy on my kids
449
00:18:53,457 --> 00:18:55,466
without getting
my feelings hurt.
450
00:18:57,661 --> 00:18:59,712
Is that too much to ask?
451
00:18:59,788 --> 00:19:00,880
Good morning.
452
00:19:00,956 --> 00:19:02,265
Good morning...
453
00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:04,675
Mmm, honey, those
eggs smell delicious.
454
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,760
Oh, you're just saying that.
455
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:07,970
Uncle Bernie, are
you still going
456
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,513
to take us bowling
on Saturday?
457
00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,524
Don't sass me, Jordan.
Honey, he didn't sass you.
458
00:19:11,601 --> 00:19:13,276
He just asked
if you would take him bowling.
459
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:16,395
Yeah, and maybe I could use
your really cool ball.
460
00:19:16,472 --> 00:19:18,814
And maybe when he gets
as good as you,
461
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,441
he can get a ball
with his name on it.
462
00:19:20,517 --> 00:19:22,109
Oh, that's
so cute.
463
00:19:22,186 --> 00:19:24,328
They want to be
just like their
Uncle Bernie.
464
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,790
Oh, hell, no!
I'll be damned
465
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,783
if I'm gonna
let them mock me
in my own house.
466
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:32,295
My own table!
My own face!
467
00:19:33,489 --> 00:19:36,424
(music playing)
468
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,671
You did what?
469
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,965
In every doggone room.
470
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,508
You little ingrates
don't try to play
471
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,311
like you're so innocent
because I know everything.
472
00:19:49,713 --> 00:19:51,564
You've been
watching me undress?
473
00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:53,090
Of course not.
474
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:56,393
Watching old tiny dancer
over there, though.
475
00:19:56,470 --> 00:19:59,188
Bernie, that's awful.
Yeah, just like the bracelet,
right, baby?
476
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:01,607
You spied on me, too?
Not intentionally,
but if you think
477
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:04,744
I'm going to buy
you any more jewelry,
you must be cwazy.
478
00:20:11,235 --> 00:20:13,494
Nobody's talking to me, America,
479
00:20:13,570 --> 00:20:16,830
but they're sure talking
about me.
480
00:20:16,907 --> 00:20:18,582
I love my family.
481
00:20:18,659 --> 00:20:21,252
I'm just trying to protect them
from themselves.
482
00:20:21,328 --> 00:20:23,003
But I don't want
to know everything
483
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,013
that goes on
in our house no more.
484
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:28,092
'Cause words hurt Bernie Mac
just like they do you, America.
485
00:20:28,168 --> 00:20:29,718
Just like they do you.
486
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:33,773
(music playing)
487
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,727
Can't be no big brother no more.
488
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,522
(quiet chatter on monitor)
489
00:20:41,598 --> 00:20:43,157
I don't want to, either.
490
00:20:44,768 --> 00:20:47,236
♪ What you see see ♪♪ What you see see ♪
491
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:50,698
♪ Is What you get ♪♪ Is what you get ♪
492
00:20:50,774 --> 00:20:53,492
♪ What you see see ♪♪ What you see see ♪
493
00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:56,203
♪ Is what you get ♪♪ Is what you get ♪
494
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,873
♪ I said what you see ♪♪ What you see ♪
495
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:01,676
♪ Is what you get, now baby ♪
496
00:21:01,752 --> 00:21:03,502
♪ Is what you get... ♪
497
00:21:03,579 --> 00:21:05,504
(laughs)
498
00:21:05,581 --> 00:21:08,132
I didn't say I wasn't going
to be a parent.
499
00:21:08,208 --> 00:21:09,591
The fact is,
500
00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:12,052
I trust them a whole lot more
with me in there.
501
00:21:12,129 --> 00:21:15,231
(music playing)
502
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,650
Yeah.
503
00:21:22,431 --> 00:21:24,857
This is it.
Let it be yours.
504
00:21:24,933 --> 00:21:26,233
Thanks, man.
505
00:21:26,310 --> 00:21:27,526
You're cool.
I like you, man.
506
00:21:27,603 --> 00:21:29,445
You look like Snoop.
You think so?
507
00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,739
You look better-looking, though.
I get that all the time.
508
00:21:31,815 --> 00:21:33,165
That's yours, on the house.
Go on and have that.
509
00:21:33,242 --> 00:21:34,867
Come on.
Yes, sir.
510
00:21:34,943 --> 00:21:36,744
Then bum me up.
Oh, you want a hit
some of that?
511
00:21:36,820 --> 00:21:38,537
Yeah, squeeze play.
Mmm.
512
00:21:38,614 --> 00:21:40,464
Man, you cheap with it,
though.
513
00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:47,763
Nice... real nice.
Yes, sir.
514
00:21:49,083 --> 00:21:50,808
(crew laughing)
515
00:21:55,839 --> 00:21:56,772
Captioned by Visual Data
38116
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof