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1
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[opening theme music playing]
2
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Saturday. America,
my favorite day of the week.
3
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:23,231
Always has been.
4
00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:25,400
Remember how much fun we had as kids?
5
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[chuckling] Oh, man, we played baseball,
broom ball, stickball,
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00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:34,034
stoop ball, punch ball, kick the can,
anything and everything.
7
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You know, we got married on Saturday.
8
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There's so many good things
to do on Saturday.
9
00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:42,751
By the way,
I was born on a Saturday. [chuckles]
10
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There's always something to do,
America, on Saturdays.
11
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,923
♪ It's a beautiful morning ♪
12
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Bernie Mac log, 7:00 a.m.
13
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On my way to play golf, that's right.
14
00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:57,682
I mean, I'm starting
my Saturday off right.
15
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You know this is the best part of the day.
16
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,772
-And look at Wanda, still sleeping.
-[snoring]
17
00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:06,066
So peaceful, though.
18
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,318
How could such a beautiful woman
19
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:10,820
look so damn bad in the morning?
20
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♪ You've got the time ♪
21
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♪ It's your chance to wake up and plan ♪
22
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-Hey, Jordan.
-[snoring]
23
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,829
Jordan.
24
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Come hit some golf balls
with your uncle, man, come on.
25
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,001
I'll let you aim at
the tractor guy in the cage.
26
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:27,045
-[snoring]
-Lazy…
27
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♪ So long ♪
28
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♪ I've got to be on my way now ♪
29
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Figures.
30
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♪ Ain't no fun just hanging around ♪
31
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[cartoon character on TV]
Mm-hmm. What've we got here?
32
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♪ I've got to cover ground ♪
33
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Good morning, baby girl.
34
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I said, "Good morning, baby girl."
35
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,400
Shh. I can't hear, Uncle Bernie.
36
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Wasting a beautiful morning.
37
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Mac Man's log, 10:45 a.m.
38
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Still no sign of life.
39
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,547
Good morning, Jordan.
40
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Uncle Bernie, you want to see my eye snot?
It's huge.
41
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,759
Boy, it's 10:45 in the morning.
42
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,636
You just been picking your eye snot?
43
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:18,847
-Ow!
-Boy, you nasty.
44
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Hey, baby girl, you still watching TV?
45
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[cartoon character on TV]
Hey, it's the coppers!
46
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,271
[Bernie] Baby girl…
47
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Don't you want to go
outside and play today?
48
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,359
[cartoon music playing and gunfire]
49
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,283
What the hell you watching anyway?
50
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,493
Shh! Uncle Bernie, I can't hear!
51
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,747
Can you believe this, America?
52
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,083
What's wrong with these doggone kids?
53
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Don't they know today is Saturday?
54
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:52,130
Where is their drive? Their lust for life?
55
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They've done absolutely nothing.
56
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Now, I'm going to ask you, America,
57
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,886
how long can this go on?
58
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,763
A person asleep can't catch
nothing but a dream.
59
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,056
When I was…
60
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,600
[singer whistles]
61
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♪ Yeah, I'm back ♪
62
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-♪ I'm back ♪
-♪ Yes we are ♪
63
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,481
♪ I'm back ♪
64
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♪ I'm back ♪
65
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♪ I'm back ♪
66
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♪ Get up off of that thing ♪
67
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♪ And dance until you feel better ♪
68
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♪ Get up off of that thing ♪
69
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,827
♪ And dance till you
Sing it now ♪
70
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,954
♪ Get up off of that thing ♪
71
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,081
♪ And dance till you feel better ♪
72
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,125
♪ Get up off of that thing ♪
73
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♪ Try to release that pressure ♪
74
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,921
♪ Get up off of that thing ♪
75
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:35,089
♪ And shake till you feel better ♪
76
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,716
♪ Get up off of that thing ♪
77
00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:38,426
♪ And shake till you
Sing it now ♪
78
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:41,304
[cartoon character] Now get up there!
79
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:42,931
♪ Shake till you feel better ♪
80
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[groans]
81
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:48,728
We're having a family meeting.
82
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Get up!
83
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,565
I know that's right.
84
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,318
Put some clothes on, Smallville.
85
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Their lazy days are over.
86
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Baby girl, come on, let's go.
87
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:01,574
Hey!
88
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,826
Don't make no sense. Y'all lazy.
89
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,704
Ain't no way I can sit
around the house… [mutters]
90
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,748
Look at this. You see this?
91
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:10,124
This is outdoors.
92
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,543
And look at that. That's the sky.
93
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,754
What's that there? Grass.
94
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,049
That's right, kneel down and rub it.
95
00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:20,218
Rub it. Get back over there.
96
00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:21,594
[inhales] Ah.
97
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:22,845
Smell this fresh air.
98
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:24,597
-Smell it!
-[coughs]
99
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,808
Yeah, hurt your chest.
You ain't used to it.
100
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,726
That's right. That's right, smell it.
101
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,603
Look at the sun.
102
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,439
Don't look right at the sun, boy,
it's just a figure of speech.
103
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,941
With your coke-bottle glasses,
104
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,776
man, it'd blow your head right off.
105
00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:38,444
See, you kids got it too easy.
106
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,571
You all been lazing
around here on Saturday.
107
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,991
Some things gonna change.
'Cause let me tell you something,
108
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,701
you keep this kind of nonsense up,
109
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you're going to be weighing 300 pounds.
110
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,954
And, baby girl, believe me,
111
00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:50,123
you won't be lovable at 300 pounds.
112
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:53,334
But from now on, it's going to change.
113
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Each and every one of you all
gonna takin' an activity on Saturday.
114
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That's right, you can
look sour all you want.
115
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From now on, you all are going
to learn how to seize the day
116
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,845
and suck the marrow out the bones of life.
117
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,764
-Can I put on my underwear?
-No, you can't do nothing…
118
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:10,393
but dig the fresh air, nature. Nature!
119
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All right, listen up, family.
120
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I got some things I want
you all to look through.
121
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Baby girl… soccer.
122
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That's going to be for you.
123
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Every Saturday morning,
124
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you're going to be outside
playing with girls
125
00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,866
and kids your size,
doing something that you love.
126
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:25,992
What you think about that?
127
00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,827
Good. Am I going to wear a uniform?
128
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,662
You sure do, sweetheart. Yes, you do.
129
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,539
Jordan, you find something
in there you like?
130
00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:33,166
Jazz dance.
131
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:35,293
Give me that. Give… Give it here.
132
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,919
Junior Scouts is going to be for you.
133
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,254
Scouts? What for?
134
00:05:38,337 --> 00:05:40,465
Because it'll take the jazz dance
out of you
135
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:41,758
and put a man inside you.
136
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,468
Do you think you
might be overdoing it?
137
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:46,637
I mean, you know, parents are always
overscheduling their kids.
138
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,682
Sweetheart, why don't you build
a suggestion box and put that in there?
139
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,893
Let that be your activity, okay?
I got this.
140
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,104
Vanessa, you see something
in there you like?
141
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,439
No, these are kind of wack.
142
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:59,317
If you don't pick something
I'm going to whack you upside your head.
143
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,028
You either pick something out of here
or you find yourself a job.
144
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:03,112
I know one thing.
145
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,031
Every Saturday morning,
146
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:08,743
we're going to be up
bright and early having fun.
147
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,119
Can you dig it?
148
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,623
This'll be great for them, America.
149
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:14,749
They're going to discover
150
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,918
the joys of getting out of the house.
151
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,337
Getting out of the house.
152
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:23,091
America, I just thought of something.
153
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,468
The more I give them to do on their own,
154
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the less I have to do with them.
155
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,514
Even when I go to baby girl's soccer,
156
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:32,266
it's not like I'm playing or coaching.
I'm just a fan.
157
00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:34,310
I get to lounge in the sun.
158
00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:36,104
Maybe I should become a Raider fan
159
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,189
and start a fight with another parent.
160
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:41,109
Excuse me, America.
161
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,861
I got to go practice
my long-range spitting.
162
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,364
[spit pings in metal]
163
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:48,825
That's about five, five and a half feet.
164
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♪ Saturday ♪
165
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:53,246
♪ In the park ♪
166
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:56,791
♪ I think it was the Fourth of July ♪
167
00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,919
♪ People dancing ♪
168
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:02,004
Good, baby girl, good, that's it!
169
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,756
This is the life, huh?
170
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,424
Yep. Everybody wins.
171
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:06,676
[whistle blows]
172
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,011
All right, all right,
parents, on your feet.
173
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,222
-Come on, let's go, let's go.
-What the…
174
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:14,267
Now, Little People Soccer
175
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,394
takes a lot of big people to make it work.
176
00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,855
If you're going to be here,
you're going to be busy.
177
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,398
Now I'm sending around a sheet.
178
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:21,774
If you don't sign up,
179
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,526
I'll sign up for you.
180
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:26,529
And trust me, you don't
want me to sign you up.
181
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,614
All right, now we have
halftime refreshments,
182
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,950
post-game refreshments, first aid,
183
00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,119
refereeing, practice coach,
ball retriever,
184
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,954
dog and goose crap cleanup.
185
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:36,539
Ooh!
186
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,082
Nice kick, Montana.
187
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,085
[spits]
188
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,505
[spits] I should've let those kids sleep.
189
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,049
[spits]
190
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,477
Hey.
191
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,438
I got to do this for, you know,
the doggone soccer team.
192
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:02,940
You know, cutting oranges
for all the little girls.
193
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,650
You know, what did I get into, America?
194
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,152
Let me tell you something.
195
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:08,321
Before, my Saturdays were for me.
196
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:10,615
Now, I ain't got nothing against
supporting baby girl,
197
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:13,284
but Bernie Mac didn't want
to become some doggone
198
00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:15,620
refreshment-bringing, crap-cleaning,
199
00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:18,039
net-hanging, soccer mom flunky.
200
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,790
This don't make no doggone sense.
201
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:22,168
Baby girl, quit scuffing
my floor with your cleats.
202
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:23,503
What are those?
203
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,713
Shin guards. They protect my shins.
204
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,298
-Really?
-Ow! Ow!
205
00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:29,717
-Uncle Bernie!
-Quit fooling around, get in the car.
206
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,511
I got to take you to soccer. Come on now.
207
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,763
-What about my Scout meet?
-You went last night.
208
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,181
That was just orientation.
209
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:36,516
For six hours?
210
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,518
You want to hang in
your cape and drawers today?
211
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,728
-Really?
-No, no, no, no, hold on, hold on.
212
00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:42,438
Baby girl, I'll be right back. No.
213
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,692
Hey, Nessa, you find an activity yet?
214
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,653
No, but I'm working on a couple of leads.
215
00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,530
Working on a couple of leads?
216
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,490
Yeah, a couple of strong leads.
217
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,116
Nessa…
218
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:55,868
Wanda!
219
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:57,912
Oh.
220
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:00,665
-Hey, baby.
-Ooh.
221
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,375
Come here, I need you to do me a favor.
222
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:04,210
Take care of Jordan and the Scouts for me?
223
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:07,213
Oh, you gave up your Saturday, Bernie.
This is my Saturday.
224
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,131
Come on, now,
I ain't got no time for debate.
225
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,550
I gotta take baby girl to soccer.
226
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,552
I warned you about
overscheduling those kids.
227
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:14,345
The clock's ticking. Just do this for me.
228
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,596
We're supposed to be a team.
229
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,848
Should I put that in my suggestion box?
230
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,684
Come on, baby, I ain't got no doggone time
231
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,852
for an "I told you so." I'm on goose duty.
232
00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:24,730
Well, then maybe you should ask me
a little bit better than that.
233
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,983
[softer] Come on, please?
234
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,609
All right, where I got to take them?
235
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,152
You ain't got to take them nowhere.
236
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,946
Somebody signed me up for "den mama."
237
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:33,864
-Thank you, baby. Yeah.
-Den mama?
238
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,501
Okay.
239
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:48,170
The first thing we'll do
is learn first aid.
240
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,380
Why?
241
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:51,382
In case anything happens.
242
00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,551
Shouldn't we first learn how to gut a man
243
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,386
and then learn how to fix it?
244
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:56,554
-Yeah!
-[shouting agreement]
245
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:57,555
No.
246
00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,390
No. No!
247
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,976
Okay, come on, this'll be fun.
248
00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:05,688
We'll start by talking about poison ivy.
249
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,857
What about poisonous snake bites?
250
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,525
-Yeah! Snakebites…
-[shouting agreement]
251
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,527
We'll get into snakebites later.
252
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,821
How many snakebites
does it take to kill a man?
253
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:15,406
I'm not sure.
254
00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:17,325
-It depends on the snake.
-[Wanda] Hey.
255
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,577
[curt chuckle]
We're not talking about snakebites.
256
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:20,786
[groans]
257
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,956
-Hey, can you fix--
-Is this about snakes?
258
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,125
No.
259
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,169
Okay.
260
00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,921
Can you use maggots to fix a snakebite?
261
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,089
[boys] Yeah!
262
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:34,925
[all talking animatedly]
263
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:39,513
-[all] Mmm.
-Thank you.
264
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:40,681
Bernie.
265
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,475
-Hey.
-Am I glad you're here.
266
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:44,560
The dad who was supposed
to assistant coach
267
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,228
-didn't show up today.
-Dirty.
268
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,190
Some parents actually just
drop their kids off. You believe that?
269
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:51,025
[man] Go!
Have fun! I'll be back in an hour.
270
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:53,444
[woman] Get in the car! Get in the car!
271
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:55,655
Hey, hey! Hey, hey! No, no.
272
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,865
Let them go, Bernie.
We don't want their kind here.
273
00:10:57,948 --> 00:10:59,408
-Yes, we do.
-All right…
274
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,495
First thing I need for you to do
is practice our kicks on goal.
275
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,497
What? I'm doing oranges.
276
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:13,297
-[whistle blows]
-[woman] Water!
277
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:16,967
You better go get your daddy.
278
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,970
Come on, get-get some! [laughs]
279
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,722
[woman] Just stay here with the car!
280
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:22,765
Better come on with it.
281
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,100
-Best get your daddy.
-[whistle]
282
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,143
You might want to let the girls
get one or two in.
283
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,686
I'm not going to let them a dog…
284
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:30,606
-[girls laughing]
-They got two.
285
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:32,900
[clears throat]
286
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:35,820
Oh! If we're stuck in the wilderness
287
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:37,696
and we have to eat each other,
288
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,615
do we have to eat the butt?
289
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:40,616
Ugh!
290
00:11:40,699 --> 00:11:43,828
[all talking animatedly]
291
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:44,954
Ugh!
292
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:49,583
-Shut up!
-[talking stops]
293
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,760
Wouldn't it suck if we did eat the butt,
294
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,054
and then we were found,
like, a hour later?
295
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:03,264
Oh!
296
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,640
[talking starts]
297
00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:06,684
I mean, he's got a point.
298
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:09,437
Yeah… that would suck.
299
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,523
Oh. Ooh.
300
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:13,899
[grunts]
301
00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:15,985
Look here, Mr. Coach Man,
I can't do it no more.
302
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:17,153
You saw what happened, man.
303
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:19,822
One of those urchins hit me again,
I declare before the Lord--
304
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,240
Not a problem, Bernie.
305
00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,409
Why don't you take a break
from coaching, huh?
306
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,536
Thank you, Coach, I appreciate that.
307
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:29,039
Huh! You could help us out by refereeing
the rest of the scrimmage.
308
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:30,624
-Refereeing?
-Yeah.
309
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,834
But I don't know the rules.
310
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,252
Just keep 'em from bunching.
311
00:12:33,335 --> 00:12:34,712
What's bunching?
312
00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,005
When they run after the ball
313
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,715
-at the same time in a bunch…
-Uh-huh?
314
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,133
…it's called bunching.
315
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,635
-[blows whistle]
-Bunching.
316
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:42,928
What kind of bull…
317
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,473
Look, America, I didn't
sign up for this crap.
318
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:46,724
Look at me.
319
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,934
Look like I should be
working at Foot Locker.
320
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,686
Bunching. [sighs]
321
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:51,729
[blows whistle]
322
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:53,564
[Bernie] Good, come on. No bunching.
323
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,149
No bunching. Spread out!
324
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:57,276
Get off… get off her…
325
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:59,445
Wait, wait… [blows whistle]
You're bunching.
326
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,655
I don't want you to bunch. Spread out.
327
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,199
Get off… get off her…
328
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,950
Wait, wait… [blows whistle]
329
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,661
[sighs] Listen, ladies,
let… let me explain something to you.
330
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,747
I truly don't believe you all understand
331
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,332
the concept of bunching.
332
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:13,250
See, right now you're in a bunch.
333
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,544
Out there, you're not
supposed to be in a bunch.
334
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,297
I want you to stay where
you're supposed to be
335
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,257
until the ball comes to you.
336
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:22,718
For example, you, you're my goalie.
337
00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:24,470
I want you to stay by the goal.
338
00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:25,804
You're my forward.
339
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,515
I want you to stay forward.
340
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,517
Twins, you're my halfbacks.
341
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,727
So I want you to stay half back.
342
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:33,312
I don't want you to move.
343
00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:36,690
I don't care if a butterfly
flies past your head…
344
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,108
don't move.
345
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:40,027
I don't care if Barbie drives up
346
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,571
in her pink convertible. Do not move.
347
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,365
Stay where you're supposed to be.
348
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:45,824
Do you understand me?
349
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,743
[ice cream truck music playing]
350
00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:49,870
[all shouting] Ice cream!
351
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,497
[shouting continues]
352
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,501
Bunch of dummies.
353
00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:01,966
Okay, all right, run, you little…
354
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,259
[high-pitched] "Ice cream!"
355
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:05,719
[in normal voice]
Yeah, yeah, I hope you choke on the stick.
356
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:08,556
[sighs weakly]
357
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,600
All right, one more time,
358
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,395
the rabbit comes out of the hole…
359
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:15,771
Wait, where's Mark?
360
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:17,940
-[laughing]
-Oh…
361
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:19,942
-Oh, my!
-[muffled grunting]
362
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,778
Oh, you boys are so bad!
363
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:25,573
-You are so freakin' hot.
-[all laugh]
364
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:26,824
Why you little…
365
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,243
"Freakin' hot"? Bernie, "freakin' hot."
366
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:30,494
Um, baby, come on, now.
367
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,413
No, I did not give up
my leisurely Saturdays
368
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:34,248
so I could hear some little monster…
369
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,500
-This ain't the right time.
-…tell me I'm freakin' hot.
370
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,836
Baby, Am… America. America.
371
00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:40,296
Oh, oops.
372
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,714
Sorry.
373
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,007
We'll talk.
374
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,720
She is freakin' hot.
375
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,014
I'm freakin' tired.
376
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,227
-Mmm…
-[dog barking]
377
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,062
Uncle Bernie, guess what?
378
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,939
I just got a job walking
neighborhood dogs.
379
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,190
Isn't that great?
380
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:01,609
[loud barking]
381
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,444
Oh, don't worry. He won't bite.
382
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:05,237
[barking]
383
00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:14,330
You know what, America? See, my Saturday
has gone to the dogs, as you can see.
384
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,707
America, I want to let you know something.
385
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:19,835
They're stinky, they're messy
and they're nasty.
386
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,921
And I'm talking about the little girls.
387
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,048
That's right, I said it.
388
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,050
See, they say little girls should be made
389
00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:28,177
of sugar and spice and everything nice.
390
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,929
Smokey said that.
391
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,639
He's a damned liar.
392
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:34,266
'Cause I'd rather be around these dogs.
393
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,895
It's like they were there to torture me.
394
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,606
Bernie, I can't do it again.
395
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,067
Baby, I know, I know.
396
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,736
I got to try to trick baby girl
397
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:47,112
into quitting, you know?
398
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,782
Maybe I'll tell her
she's allergic to grass.
399
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,784
You know, she's cute,
but she ain't that bright.
400
00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:52,952
-That's wrong.
-[chuckling]
401
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:53,953
[knocking]
402
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:57,873
Uncle Bernie, can I quit soccer?
403
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,041
Yes!
404
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,669
♪ It'll bubble you clean
It'll bubble you up… ♪
405
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:04,421
Yeah… yeah, baby girl.
406
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,715
You don't have to play soccer
if you don't like it.
407
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,677
I like it, but I just think we stink.
408
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,388
What? You don't stink.
409
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,515
But all we do is bunch.
410
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,143
Oh…
411
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:21,480
Are you going to let her quit?
412
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,986
No, I can't let her quit.
413
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:30,030
[sighs] You can't either.
414
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,620
-[whistle blows]
-Look here, girls.
415
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,122
I don't want to see you in a bunch.
416
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:40,040
I don't want to hear you in a bunch.
417
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,834
I want you all to play
like 7-year-olds.
418
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,211
Now, I know what you're thinking:
How come we can't bunch?
419
00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:46,338
Next time you're in a bunch, Megan,
what do you do?
420
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:47,798
-Not bunch.
-There you go.
421
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,341
Next time you want to bunch, Julia?
422
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:50,551
Go to the open space!
423
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,928
Good girl, Julia, good girl.
Twins, if you see the ball
424
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,555
in front of the goal, what do you do?
425
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:55,639
-Not bunch!
-Not bunch!
426
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,307
No, you kick the ball in the goal!
427
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,059
Trick question. A little advanced.
428
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:00,728
All right. What we going to do?
429
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:01,770
[all] Win!
430
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:02,813
How we going to do it?
431
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,898
Find the open spaces!
432
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,275
Which means what's what?
433
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,776
[all] No bunching!
434
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,237
There you go, girls.
Everybody huddle up in here. Huddle up!
435
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,405
No more bunching!
436
00:17:11,488 --> 00:17:13,532
Good, Number Six. Put your hand here!
437
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,325
Let me here you say, "bump and grind."
438
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,285
[all] Bump and grind!
439
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,203
Now go get them! Let's get them! Let's go!
440
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,122
-[girls screaming]
-Let's go.
441
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,915
He's into it.
442
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,500
I hear he's just an uncle.
443
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:24,710
Oh, figures.
444
00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,503
We ought to get him to coach basketball.
445
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:27,588
-Yeah.
-Mmm…
446
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:28,797
[grunting]
447
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,632
[boy] Give me the bandana!
448
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,717
-[boys screaming]
-[sighs]
449
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,677
I'm… Give me the bandana!
450
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,679
-You understand me? Give it…
-[Wanda] All right.
451
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:38,265
I guess you guys don't
want to learn to make fire.
452
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:39,224
Fire?
453
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:40,517
-Fire.
-Fire.
454
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:41,643
Fire?
455
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:44,980
What we have here is kindling,
456
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:47,316
and these two are my fire sticks.
457
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,986
Shall I go on, or would you guys
like to keep playing?
458
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,739
Anyone says another word, no fire.
459
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,991
Anyone asks another silly question,
460
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,367
no fire.
461
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:58,494
And trust me,
462
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:00,287
if you're ever trapped in the wilderness
463
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,915
and you have to eat somebody's butt,
464
00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:06,043
then you're going
want to know how to start a fire.
465
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,337
So listen up.
466
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,672
If you guys are good,
once we make the fire,
467
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:13,092
then we can cook up
some hot dogs and some burgers
468
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,094
on your homemade fire.
469
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,847
-Can we use--
-Ah! I hope that's not a question.
470
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:20,307
Shut up.
471
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:24,520
[panting and growling]
472
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,064
Okay, let's see.
473
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:30,275
25, 50, um, and then,
474
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,902
the big one's Lulu, that's 200.
475
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,363
[dogs whining]
476
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,657
Don't bunch! Come over here.
477
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,408
Look all this space, baby girl.
478
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,785
Get…
479
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,620
Right here. Look, look, look.
480
00:18:41,703 --> 00:18:44,123
Girls, girls, come over here.
481
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,040
Girls!
482
00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:46,542
[sighs]
483
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,919
[blowing]
484
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:51,046
Come on… [blowing]
485
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,759
[sighs] Why don't
you guys start preparing the burgers.
486
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,010
It'll be any second now.
487
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,720
Yeah, yeah.
488
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:02,432
Yeah…
489
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,102
[dogs whimpering, barking]
490
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:06,311
No!
491
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,197
Come on, baby girl!
Come on, come on, girl!
492
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:19,992
[barking continues]
493
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:21,785
♪ Let's leave today ♪
494
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:26,748
♪ Let's get away ♪
495
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,584
They're coming for the burgers!
496
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,252
[boys shouting]
497
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:34,089
[dogs barking]
498
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,049
-[gasps]
-A spark!
499
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:37,426
Did you see?
500
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:38,427
-I made fire!
-[laughs]
501
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:39,970
♪ So you say you tried ♪
502
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:42,639
♪ But you just can't find the pleasure ♪
503
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:43,765
♪ People around you ♪
504
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:44,725
Ew!
505
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,101
♪ Givin' you pressure ♪
506
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:50,522
♪ Tryin' to resist all the hurt
That's all around ya ♪
507
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,608
Thatta girl! Go!
508
00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:57,112
Don't stop. What you stopping for?
509
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,781
-[screaming]
-[dogs barking]
510
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,283
You can't…
511
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:03,744
[dogs barking, boys shouting]
512
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,329
Oh, my God!
513
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,754
[growling]
514
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,969
♪ Get away ♪
515
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,056
[children clamoring]
516
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:32,481
Uncle Bernie, the beef!
517
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,107
Oh! Jordan, what're you doing?
518
00:20:34,983 --> 00:20:36,401
Get this meat on the front of my…
519
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:39,071
[growling]
520
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,697
-[barking, crunching]
-[Bernie screams]
521
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,783
[growling]
522
00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:43,700
[whimpers]
523
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,285
[high-pitched] Yeah…
524
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:48,038
my Saturdays are all gone, America.
525
00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:50,165
My Saturday nights, too.
526
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,460
Be careful what you get into.
527
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,921
Laziness is underrated.
528
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,131
If you're lucky enough to have kids
529
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:02,135
who like to stare at holes
in the ceiling, let 'em stare.
530
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:06,306
Lazy kids make a very lazy Saturday,
531
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:10,227
and there ain't nothing wrong
with that. Nothing!
532
00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:12,437
[sighs]
533
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,439
I'm a big man.
534
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:22,489
[high-pitched] I'm a lot of man.
535
00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:26,868
-I'm a lot of… [laughing]
-[crew laughing]
536
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,501
[in normal voice] I messed up, dawg.
537
00:21:35,669 --> 00:21:36,503
-No, you got it.
-Oh…
538
00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:37,421
That was it.
539
00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:38,714
-You got the whole thing.
-Aw…
540
00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:40,424
Let me do it again, let me do it again.
541
00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:42,467
[laughter]
542
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,762
Oh…
543
00:21:45,846 --> 00:21:47,180
[man] That was it, wasn't it?
544
00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:49,182
Let me do it one more time, man.
545
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,684
-[man] All right.
-For safety.
38546
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