All language subtitles for American Housewife - 2x06 - The Pig Whisperer.HDTV.KILLERS.en

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,648 --> 00:00:04,695 The Egyptian plover and the Nile crocodile 2 00:00:04,742 --> 00:00:08,878 are an example of a symbiotic relationship at its finest. 3 00:00:10,381 --> 00:00:12,741 So... we're just watching TV with the pig now. 4 00:00:12,796 --> 00:00:15,196 Is that it? Is this my life? 5 00:00:15,258 --> 00:00:16,958 Hans Gruber has a name, Mama. 6 00:00:17,026 --> 00:00:18,392 We don't name food in this house. 7 00:00:18,461 --> 00:00:19,627 We eat it. 8 00:00:19,696 --> 00:00:22,263 Mama, he doesn't understand that you're joking. 9 00:00:22,332 --> 00:00:24,365 - I'm not. - I promise you, sweetie. 10 00:00:24,434 --> 00:00:25,933 No one is ever going to eat Hans Gruber. 11 00:00:26,002 --> 00:00:27,201 He's a member of our family now. 12 00:00:27,270 --> 00:00:28,736 Uh, Greg, honey. 13 00:00:28,805 --> 00:00:30,004 Can you come join me at the window? 14 00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:31,072 Why? 15 00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:33,307 So we can look out. 16 00:00:33,376 --> 00:00:35,376 - Oh, at what? - I want to have a private conversation. 17 00:00:35,445 --> 00:00:36,777 Why are you so bad at this? 18 00:00:38,881 --> 00:00:41,315 Okay, you stay. 19 00:00:41,384 --> 00:00:43,384 You know that reoccurring fantasy I have 20 00:00:43,453 --> 00:00:44,685 where I accidentally get locked up 21 00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,887 in a mental hospital, and I get to spend three weeks 22 00:00:46,956 --> 00:00:48,556 alone in bed with no one bugging me? 23 00:00:48,624 --> 00:00:50,624 I'm familiar with your psych-ward vacation plan, yes. 24 00:00:50,693 --> 00:00:52,493 Well, I'm this close to doing it. 25 00:00:52,562 --> 00:00:54,495 How is it that we both said "no" to a puppy, 26 00:00:54,564 --> 00:00:57,031 yet you took it upon yourself to bring home a pig? 27 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,499 Mama, guess what. 28 00:00:58,568 --> 00:01:01,302 Hans Gruber and I have a symbiotic relationship. 29 00:01:01,371 --> 00:01:03,437 I give him food, and he gives me love. 30 00:01:03,506 --> 00:01:04,705 Amazing. 31 00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:06,107 The pig has to go. 32 00:01:06,175 --> 00:01:07,975 But we've gotten used to having Hans Gruber around. 33 00:01:08,044 --> 00:01:10,378 This has gone on long enough. Just fold already. 34 00:01:10,446 --> 00:01:12,113 It's only a matter of time before he does. 35 00:01:12,181 --> 00:01:13,614 What's that supposed to mean? 36 00:01:13,683 --> 00:01:15,583 Well, you always give in eventually. 37 00:01:15,651 --> 00:01:18,152 Is that what everyone in this house thinks of me... 38 00:01:18,221 --> 00:01:19,754 that I always give in? 39 00:01:19,822 --> 00:01:22,089 Well, guess what... I'm not giving in on this one. 40 00:01:22,158 --> 00:01:23,224 - Ever. - Oh, "ever." 41 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:24,859 So, then, tomorrow? 42 00:01:24,927 --> 00:01:27,528 What the hell? I can't get that pillow again. 43 00:01:27,597 --> 00:01:29,797 That's a one of a kind from T.J.Maxx. 44 00:01:32,235 --> 00:01:36,103 This is me... forced to eat my anger. 45 00:01:40,076 --> 00:01:41,142 Just give him the M&M'S. 46 00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:42,276 Never! 47 00:01:42,345 --> 00:01:45,212 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 48 00:01:55,558 --> 00:01:57,491 Why are you sending slutty emojis to someone 49 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,775 who isn't your nice, sweet boyfriend, Eyo? 50 00:02:01,697 --> 00:02:03,864 - Who is he? - I'm not telling you anything. 51 00:02:03,933 --> 00:02:05,566 Not a problem. I'll just FaceTime him. 52 00:02:05,635 --> 00:02:06,834 - Mom, give it back! - Mnh-mnh! 53 00:02:06,903 --> 00:02:08,335 Mom, give me back my phone! 54 00:02:08,404 --> 00:02:09,403 You know what? Fine. 55 00:02:09,472 --> 00:02:11,605 His name is John Reese, and he's a senior. 56 00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:13,441 A senior? 57 00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,142 If that's the best thing that you have to say about him... 58 00:02:15,211 --> 00:02:17,411 Ah, the McRib is back. 59 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,380 I'm gonna stay on you forever 60 00:02:19,449 --> 00:02:21,148 about this, Taylor! I'm like herpes! 61 00:02:21,217 --> 00:02:23,517 What the hell comes out of your mouth sometimes, Katie? 62 00:02:23,586 --> 00:02:25,719 See, Mama? He's not expensive. 63 00:02:25,788 --> 00:02:27,088 He eats garbage. 64 00:02:27,156 --> 00:02:29,290 It's every mother's dream to have a farm animal 65 00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:30,825 consuming trash in her kitchen. 66 00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,664 You'll change your mind once I've trained him. 67 00:02:36,732 --> 00:02:38,232 So, that's it? 68 00:02:38,301 --> 00:02:40,101 That's your plan... train the hog? 69 00:02:40,169 --> 00:02:41,202 Yes. Hans Gruber 70 00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:42,803 is an unconventional pet, 71 00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:44,071 but Anna-Kat has really bonded 72 00:02:44,140 --> 00:02:45,372 with him, and you know what? 73 00:02:45,441 --> 00:02:46,774 - So have I. - Oh. 74 00:02:46,843 --> 00:02:49,443 Yeah, I don't like the, uh, hillbilly factor, obviously, 75 00:02:49,512 --> 00:02:51,612 but I'm impressed that you're not folding. 76 00:02:51,681 --> 00:02:53,447 I've never seen this side of you before. 77 00:02:53,516 --> 00:02:54,982 Thank you, Oliver. 78 00:02:55,051 --> 00:02:56,684 But Mom's not gonna put up with it much longer. 79 00:02:56,752 --> 00:02:58,953 If you two decide to get divorced, 80 00:02:59,021 --> 00:03:01,722 I'll go with whoever doesn't get the minivan. 81 00:03:01,791 --> 00:03:04,558 Katie? You're thinking about divorce? 82 00:03:04,627 --> 00:03:07,194 Just walk right in, Viv. Don't worry about social norms. 83 00:03:07,263 --> 00:03:08,696 We are not getting divorced. 84 00:03:08,764 --> 00:03:10,331 Oh, thank God, because, Katie, 85 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,433 divorce is not as good as you think it will be. 86 00:03:12,502 --> 00:03:14,435 Even Greg might be better than no husband. 87 00:03:14,504 --> 00:03:15,903 - Thank you, Viv. - You're welcome. 88 00:03:15,972 --> 00:03:16,971 Hey. These are for you. 89 00:03:17,039 --> 00:03:18,672 You bought me things? 90 00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:21,108 I wish I could buy things. I have very little money. 91 00:03:21,177 --> 00:03:23,344 It turns out prenups are legally binding, 92 00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:26,280 even if you dramatically rip it up during mediation. 93 00:03:26,349 --> 00:03:29,083 Apparently, they make copies. 94 00:03:29,152 --> 00:03:30,351 You and Alan had a prenup? 95 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:31,452 We did. 96 00:03:31,521 --> 00:03:33,487 I'm momentarily not as rich as I look. 97 00:03:33,556 --> 00:03:36,323 I got the house but not a lot of actual money. 98 00:03:36,392 --> 00:03:37,424 So, I was hoping you could teach me 99 00:03:37,493 --> 00:03:39,293 how to do laundry like poor people do. 100 00:03:40,863 --> 00:03:43,097 Viv, I'm not gonna teach you remedial housekeeping. 101 00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:44,498 Yay! 102 00:03:44,567 --> 00:03:45,799 Oh! 103 00:03:45,868 --> 00:03:48,002 You're doing it for me! Love it. 104 00:03:48,070 --> 00:03:49,837 Oh, do I need a ticket or anything? 105 00:03:49,906 --> 00:03:51,205 No. 106 00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:53,073 Okay. Bye! 107 00:03:54,477 --> 00:03:56,477 This is why having money is important. 108 00:03:56,546 --> 00:03:58,812 Spencer Blitz doesn't do his own laundry. 109 00:03:58,881 --> 00:03:59,947 D.C.O.B. 110 00:04:00,983 --> 00:04:02,716 "Dry clean only, baby." 111 00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:05,352 Spencer is the type of greedy, self-centered person 112 00:04:05,421 --> 00:04:07,421 we don't want Oliver becoming. 113 00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:10,057 I can't believe you're still letting him work for that ex-con. 114 00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:13,060 She wants you to fold on this, too, but don't do it, Dad. 115 00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:14,161 Stay strong. 116 00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:15,696 Hey, puberty boy. 117 00:04:15,765 --> 00:04:16,764 Nobody asked you. 118 00:04:18,401 --> 00:04:20,434 Come on. Come on. 119 00:04:20,503 --> 00:04:22,269 Drop it. 120 00:04:22,338 --> 00:04:23,704 Hans Gruber, you're a genius! 121 00:04:23,773 --> 00:04:25,039 Ja, schwein! 122 00:04:25,107 --> 00:04:26,707 Where you off to? 123 00:04:26,776 --> 00:04:28,175 Uh, I'm picking up dinner 124 00:04:28,244 --> 00:04:30,144 for me and Spencer from Tavern On Main. 125 00:04:30,213 --> 00:04:31,412 I'm really excited. 126 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,147 I've never had a red lobster from a restaurant 127 00:04:33,216 --> 00:04:34,682 that wasn't named "Red Lobster." 128 00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:36,684 You seem to be developing a real friendship with Spencer. 129 00:04:36,752 --> 00:04:39,386 Seems like that? Good, then it's working. 130 00:04:39,455 --> 00:04:41,422 Soon, he'll think of me as the son he never had, 131 00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,490 and I'll become the sole heir to a huge fortune 132 00:04:43,559 --> 00:04:45,793 that he does have. 133 00:04:45,861 --> 00:04:47,494 All that smile's missing is this. 134 00:04:49,065 --> 00:04:50,431 Ooh, I like that. I'm gonna use it. 135 00:04:52,735 --> 00:04:55,436 Mama. Watch this. 136 00:04:58,808 --> 00:05:00,908 Sit. 137 00:05:00,977 --> 00:05:02,843 Now, stay. 138 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,415 Wow! I'm impressed. 139 00:05:08,484 --> 00:05:09,683 Good work. 140 00:05:11,187 --> 00:05:12,987 Here. Go ahead. 141 00:05:13,055 --> 00:05:14,788 - Open them. - Are you sure? 142 00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:16,690 Yeah, Hans Gruber's got this down. 143 00:05:23,065 --> 00:05:24,265 Just drop the M&M'S! 144 00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:25,766 Never! 145 00:05:27,303 --> 00:05:28,802 Table looks beautiful, Oli-boy. 146 00:05:28,871 --> 00:05:30,404 Go ahead and light the candles, will ya? 147 00:05:30,473 --> 00:05:31,939 Ooh, candlelight. 148 00:05:32,008 --> 00:05:33,774 Hi, guys! 149 00:05:33,843 --> 00:05:35,075 What are you doing here? 150 00:05:35,144 --> 00:05:36,677 Oh, I pulled my hamstring 151 00:05:36,746 --> 00:05:39,179 while I was out running, and I had to stop to stretch. 152 00:05:39,248 --> 00:05:41,715 I looked out the window, and there she was... 153 00:05:41,784 --> 00:05:44,585 bent clear over, wearing the tightest pants 154 00:05:44,654 --> 00:05:47,254 I have ever had the pleasure of seeing a woman wear. 155 00:05:47,323 --> 00:05:48,889 They're called yoga pants. 156 00:05:48,958 --> 00:05:50,024 Yoga pants? 157 00:05:50,092 --> 00:05:51,058 They're very stretchy. 158 00:05:51,127 --> 00:05:52,660 Oh, you're very stretchy. 159 00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,531 Viv, sweetheart, don't you have some place you need to be? 160 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,134 Oliver, sweetheart, I'm supposed to be here. 161 00:06:00,202 --> 00:06:01,802 Spencer invited me to dinner. 162 00:06:01,871 --> 00:06:03,337 That's my seat. 163 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,872 I'll just go get the Cristal. 164 00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:07,641 Ooh, I love it! 165 00:06:09,111 --> 00:06:11,078 Viv. 166 00:06:11,147 --> 00:06:12,613 Oliver. 167 00:06:12,682 --> 00:06:14,148 I know exactly what you're doing. 168 00:06:14,216 --> 00:06:15,349 You need a new rich guy, 169 00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:16,717 and you think you're gonna take mine. 170 00:06:16,786 --> 00:06:18,986 Oh, I don't think it. I know it. 171 00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:20,054 Oh, yeah? 172 00:06:20,122 --> 00:06:21,689 What makes you so sure of that? 173 00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,957 Because only one of us has boobs. 174 00:06:28,297 --> 00:06:30,331 Say goodbye to Oliver! 175 00:06:30,399 --> 00:06:32,032 Bye, Oliver! 176 00:06:34,537 --> 00:06:36,070 I have to be honest, Katie. 177 00:06:36,138 --> 00:06:38,305 I thought it would be hard to be physically attracted 178 00:06:38,374 --> 00:06:41,275 to a 78-year-old man, but Spencer's so wealthy. 179 00:06:41,344 --> 00:06:43,377 - I mean, I'm not a gold digger. - No, you are not! 180 00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:46,246 But this gold is like right there, 181 00:06:46,315 --> 00:06:48,615 heaped up in a huge pile. 182 00:06:48,684 --> 00:06:50,217 You'd be crazy not to pick it up. 183 00:06:50,286 --> 00:06:51,385 I know! 184 00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,387 Did you do the yoga-pants stretch I suggested? 185 00:06:54,824 --> 00:06:56,323 That would've done it. 186 00:06:56,392 --> 00:06:57,725 Almost doing it for me. 187 00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,393 - Right?! - Mm-hmm. 188 00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:00,694 It was you. 189 00:07:00,763 --> 00:07:02,596 What's that now? 190 00:07:02,665 --> 00:07:04,231 You sent Viv over to Spencer's 191 00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,966 so she could squeeze me out of the picture. 192 00:07:06,035 --> 00:07:08,602 I was his only friend in the world until this came along. 193 00:07:08,671 --> 00:07:10,537 - Hi. - It's not gonna work. 194 00:07:10,606 --> 00:07:12,506 Spencer and I have something special together, 195 00:07:12,575 --> 00:07:14,675 and I'm not gonna let you two get between us. 196 00:07:22,385 --> 00:07:25,018 Oliver. 197 00:07:25,087 --> 00:07:26,420 Viv. 198 00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:27,888 That car is gonna shine. 199 00:07:27,957 --> 00:07:30,111 This kid knows how to take care of me. 200 00:07:31,594 --> 00:07:33,794 Keep walking, blondie. 201 00:08:06,796 --> 00:08:09,196 I'm soaking. 202 00:08:09,265 --> 00:08:11,765 Would you be a sweetheart and go get me a towel? 203 00:08:11,834 --> 00:08:13,600 Anything for you. 204 00:08:13,669 --> 00:08:15,760 We're done here, Oliver. 205 00:08:29,215 --> 00:08:32,457 Does anyone know what's inside this container of cream cheese? 206 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,003 Someone wrote "This is not cream cheese" on it. 207 00:08:35,058 --> 00:08:37,859 Mom, you've dated two guys at the same time before, right? 208 00:08:37,928 --> 00:08:39,761 Yeah, of course. Wait. 209 00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:41,630 No. 210 00:08:43,066 --> 00:08:45,534 Ugh. This is not cream cheese. 211 00:08:45,602 --> 00:08:47,235 Hold that thought. What are you doing? 212 00:08:47,304 --> 00:08:50,038 Fighting for my man. 213 00:08:50,107 --> 00:08:52,007 I'm gonna introduce Spencer to the 21st century 214 00:08:52,075 --> 00:08:53,875 using the very Xbox Viv gave me. 215 00:08:53,944 --> 00:08:55,210 Stay out of Viv's way. 216 00:08:55,279 --> 00:08:56,578 She needs Spencer more than you do. 217 00:08:56,647 --> 00:08:57,813 How do you figure? 218 00:08:57,881 --> 00:08:59,681 A woman like Viv, when she sees an opportunity 219 00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:01,917 to better her situation, she has to grab it. 220 00:09:01,985 --> 00:09:03,685 She's only after his money, 221 00:09:03,754 --> 00:09:05,720 which is gonna be my money... mine. 222 00:09:05,789 --> 00:09:07,556 Oliver, for the last time... 223 00:09:08,659 --> 00:09:09,925 There aren't even M&M'S! 224 00:09:09,993 --> 00:09:11,660 - Hans Gruber! - It's not easy for me 225 00:09:11,728 --> 00:09:12,794 to jump up on this counter, Greg! 226 00:09:12,863 --> 00:09:14,095 You know I have a thing against jumping! 227 00:09:15,732 --> 00:09:18,033 I realize the dog-training-book approach isn't working, 228 00:09:18,101 --> 00:09:19,835 but I've tracked down someone who can help. 229 00:09:19,903 --> 00:09:21,102 Do you remember The Critter Man? 230 00:09:21,171 --> 00:09:22,938 You mean that weird guy who got those baby raccoons 231 00:09:23,006 --> 00:09:24,072 out of the basement? 232 00:09:24,141 --> 00:09:25,607 And drove them all the way to Maine 233 00:09:25,676 --> 00:09:27,609 and set them free by that beautiful lake? 234 00:09:27,678 --> 00:09:30,445 Uh... yeah. That's what that guy did. 235 00:09:30,514 --> 00:09:32,747 The Critter Man is gonna drive Hans Gruber 236 00:09:32,816 --> 00:09:34,950 to Maine to live with the baby raccoons by the lake? 237 00:09:35,018 --> 00:09:37,018 No. He hooked me up with a pig whisperer. 238 00:09:37,087 --> 00:09:38,253 If you're serious, I'm gonna drive you 239 00:09:38,322 --> 00:09:39,955 up to Maine to live by the lake. 240 00:09:40,023 --> 00:09:41,556 We're not getting a pig whisperer! 241 00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:43,625 First of all, I don't even need a "first of all." 242 00:09:43,694 --> 00:09:44,726 We're not doing it. 243 00:09:44,795 --> 00:09:46,661 I'm doubling down on training Hans Gruber. 244 00:09:46,730 --> 00:09:49,264 Everyone expects me to fold. This is me not folding! 245 00:09:51,401 --> 00:09:53,635 And you need to get used to me and Spencer being together. 246 00:09:53,704 --> 00:09:55,370 You will not break us apart. 247 00:09:55,439 --> 00:09:56,905 And I know how that sounds. 248 00:10:00,377 --> 00:10:01,676 Now head into the jungle village 249 00:10:01,745 --> 00:10:04,112 and don't shoot anyone who isn't holding a gun. 250 00:10:04,181 --> 00:10:07,482 This new technology's unbelievable. 251 00:10:07,551 --> 00:10:10,418 That little girl hiding behind the well looks so realistic. 252 00:10:10,487 --> 00:10:11,653 She's got a machete. 253 00:10:11,722 --> 00:10:12,954 She looks so sweet. 254 00:10:13,023 --> 00:10:14,489 I'll just shoot her in the arm. 255 00:10:14,558 --> 00:10:15,891 Ooh, right in the forehead. 256 00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:17,325 Hey, Spence. 257 00:10:17,394 --> 00:10:18,760 You want to go play tennis with me out back? 258 00:10:18,829 --> 00:10:20,695 I never want to do anything else except 259 00:10:20,764 --> 00:10:23,064 play these new, high-tech video games. 260 00:10:25,168 --> 00:10:26,501 Did you hear that, Viv? 261 00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:28,703 Who has the boobs now? 262 00:10:31,708 --> 00:10:33,074 Hey, Spence. 263 00:10:33,143 --> 00:10:34,576 Do you want to go take a bath? 264 00:10:36,213 --> 00:10:37,679 Get out, Oliver. 265 00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:42,951 Okay, first, you need to learn how to assert dominance. 266 00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:44,419 Let him know who's in charge. 267 00:10:44,488 --> 00:10:46,154 Never be the one to break eye contact. 268 00:10:46,223 --> 00:10:47,522 Like this? 269 00:10:47,591 --> 00:10:48,990 Exactly like this. 270 00:10:49,059 --> 00:10:50,392 Do not look away. 271 00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:52,093 Do not show weakness. 272 00:10:52,162 --> 00:10:54,062 You are in charge. 273 00:11:01,572 --> 00:11:03,204 Are you guys about to kiss? 274 00:11:03,273 --> 00:11:05,507 I don't know. 275 00:11:05,576 --> 00:11:07,542 I've solved my Oliver problem 276 00:11:07,611 --> 00:11:08,910 by getting him away from Spencer 277 00:11:08,979 --> 00:11:11,012 and Viv's problem by getting her involved with Spencer. 278 00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:12,847 I've only got one problem left, 279 00:11:12,916 --> 00:11:14,883 and that problem tastes really good 280 00:11:14,952 --> 00:11:18,353 with barbecue sauce and potato salad. 281 00:11:18,422 --> 00:11:19,721 Can't eat the pig, Katie. 282 00:11:19,790 --> 00:11:21,222 We can't keep it, either. 283 00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:22,390 It's getting bigger every day. 284 00:11:22,459 --> 00:11:23,992 Seriously, Greg, just fold already. 285 00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:28,863 What are you doing? 286 00:11:28,932 --> 00:11:30,532 Nothing. 287 00:11:32,736 --> 00:11:34,135 Kind of feels like you're doing something. 288 00:11:34,204 --> 00:11:35,704 Nope. 289 00:11:37,908 --> 00:11:39,708 Are you trying to pig-train me, Greg? 290 00:11:39,776 --> 00:11:40,775 Is that what this is? 291 00:11:40,844 --> 00:11:42,877 Shh. 292 00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:49,851 Whatever this is, 293 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,519 you shouldn't be doing it with the door open. 294 00:11:51,588 --> 00:11:52,687 What do you want, Taylor? 295 00:11:52,756 --> 00:11:54,222 - Can I go to a party? - With who? 296 00:11:54,291 --> 00:11:55,657 - John Reese. - Who's that? 297 00:11:55,726 --> 00:11:58,026 - He's a senior. - You're dating Eyo! 298 00:11:58,095 --> 00:11:59,494 Yeah, I know, but I took Mom's advice. 299 00:11:59,563 --> 00:12:01,062 What are you talking about? 300 00:12:01,131 --> 00:12:03,999 You told Viv to go for a senior. I'm going for a senior, too. 301 00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:06,368 Better parties, better social status. 302 00:12:06,436 --> 00:12:07,936 I'm grabbing a better opportunity. 303 00:12:09,806 --> 00:12:11,973 What did you say to her? I like Eyo. 304 00:12:12,042 --> 00:12:13,274 He's a good kid, and we don't know 305 00:12:13,343 --> 00:12:14,743 the first thing about this senior. 306 00:12:14,811 --> 00:12:16,578 You brought home a live pig! 307 00:12:16,647 --> 00:12:17,679 You can't keep playing the pig card. 308 00:12:17,748 --> 00:12:19,514 Oh, I can. And do you want to know why? 309 00:12:19,583 --> 00:12:21,049 Because it's a pig card! 310 00:12:21,118 --> 00:12:22,951 Ah! You're driving me crazy. 311 00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:24,853 I must say, this is a refreshing change of pace. 312 00:12:24,921 --> 00:12:25,920 What does that mean? 313 00:12:25,989 --> 00:12:27,088 Just that usually you're the one 314 00:12:27,157 --> 00:12:28,223 who does exactly what she wants, 315 00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:29,290 and I'm forced to deal with it. 316 00:12:29,359 --> 00:12:31,259 - Is that so? - Yeah, it is so. 317 00:12:31,328 --> 00:12:32,494 It is so, so. 318 00:12:32,562 --> 00:12:34,262 It is so, so, so! 319 00:12:34,331 --> 00:12:35,597 We're doing a pillow wall tonight. 320 00:12:35,666 --> 00:12:37,666 No. My anger's too big for a pillow wall. 321 00:12:37,734 --> 00:12:39,367 We're going toes to nose. 322 00:12:44,808 --> 00:12:46,675 Greg, why do your feet look so good? 323 00:12:46,743 --> 00:12:48,543 Are you wasting our money on pedicures again? 324 00:12:48,612 --> 00:12:50,378 Katie, do you want to have the pedicure fight 325 00:12:50,447 --> 00:12:51,680 or stick with this pig fight? 326 00:12:51,748 --> 00:12:53,120 'Cause I'm not folding on anything, 327 00:12:53,175 --> 00:12:55,917 and it's not a waste of money if it makes me feel better about myself. 328 00:13:00,025 --> 00:13:01,439 I feel kind of bad. 329 00:13:01,478 --> 00:13:03,179 I helped Viv get out of a loveless marriage, 330 00:13:03,220 --> 00:13:04,830 but then encouraged her to go for Spencer 331 00:13:04,877 --> 00:13:06,370 for no reason other than money. 332 00:13:06,432 --> 00:13:08,289 If you break up Viv and Spencer, 333 00:13:08,359 --> 00:13:10,458 Oliver will run right back to Spencer. 334 00:13:10,525 --> 00:13:12,958 But if you don't do anything, then you're teaching Taylor 335 00:13:13,021 --> 00:13:14,821 that love is just about status and money. 336 00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:17,275 Ooh, you have to pick one child to save. 337 00:13:17,344 --> 00:13:18,642 This is a real Katie's Choice. 338 00:13:18,705 --> 00:13:21,105 So... which kid are you gonna save? 339 00:13:23,376 --> 00:13:25,877 - I choose to save Taylor. - Mm-hmm. 340 00:13:25,945 --> 00:13:29,146 Because if I let Oliver go down the Spencer path when he's rich, 341 00:13:29,215 --> 00:13:32,283 he'll put us in one of those nice, retirement communities. 342 00:13:32,352 --> 00:13:34,619 Not like that rat trap we'll have to put my mom in. 343 00:13:35,321 --> 00:13:37,822 You guys have to help me break up Viv and Spencer. 344 00:13:37,891 --> 00:13:39,824 Ooh. Let's take Viv out tonight. 345 00:13:39,893 --> 00:13:42,660 We can help her find someone else so she forgets him. 346 00:13:42,729 --> 00:13:43,761 Are you guys in a rush? 347 00:13:43,830 --> 00:13:44,962 - No. - Not really. 348 00:13:45,031 --> 00:13:46,397 Good, because I need at least 20 minutes 349 00:13:46,466 --> 00:13:48,733 to complain about Greg and his stupid pig. 350 00:13:48,801 --> 00:13:51,969 It makes so much noise, and it eats the garb... 351 00:13:52,038 --> 00:13:54,372 This is a time where you can just zone out and let me talk. 352 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:55,740 - Cool. - Cool. 353 00:13:55,808 --> 00:13:58,175 Its snout is just the grossest thing in the world. 354 00:13:58,244 --> 00:13:59,510 It's wet... 355 00:14:02,248 --> 00:14:04,582 Viv, we are taking you out tonight, okay? 356 00:14:04,651 --> 00:14:06,784 We are going to meet some nice, eligible men. 357 00:14:06,853 --> 00:14:08,496 Or maybe a woman. 358 00:14:08,569 --> 00:14:09,968 Ooh, I tried that in college eight times. 359 00:14:10,022 --> 00:14:11,221 It just wasn't for me. 360 00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,285 It took you eight times to figure that out? 361 00:14:13,354 --> 00:14:15,821 - Okay. - You guys, I'm fine! 362 00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:17,690 Spencer checks all the boxes. 363 00:14:17,758 --> 00:14:20,225 He's rich. There's really just one box. 364 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:21,694 - You need to find a good guy. - Yeah. 365 00:14:21,762 --> 00:14:23,595 Someone nice who you can fall in love with. 366 00:14:23,664 --> 00:14:25,197 - Like Greg. - Well, thanks, Doris. 367 00:14:25,266 --> 00:14:26,865 But not Greg. Not ever Greg. 368 00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:28,767 If Katie dies, I call dibs. 369 00:14:28,836 --> 00:14:31,170 Not my bra, you stupid pig! Drop it! 370 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,839 Katie, relax. You're not supposed to yell. 371 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,475 Use a low, calm voice. 372 00:14:36,544 --> 00:14:38,877 In case you haven't noticed, I don't have one of those. 373 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,746 The pig has got to go! 374 00:14:40,815 --> 00:14:42,114 - No! - Yes! 375 00:14:42,183 --> 00:14:44,650 Ladies, I'm sorry you had to see this side of my marriage. 376 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,619 Excuse me while I storm off with my pig. 377 00:14:52,593 --> 00:14:54,393 I think I'm just gonna stick with Spencer. 378 00:14:54,462 --> 00:14:57,029 Ah. Doris, maybe you and I should go get some wine. 379 00:14:57,098 --> 00:14:58,997 - And not come back. - Yeah. 380 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,671 Are you and Daddy okay? 381 00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:08,140 Honey, if two unplanned pregnancies, 382 00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:09,808 a houseful of lice, and a move to Westport 383 00:15:09,877 --> 00:15:12,077 can't break us up, nothing will. 384 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:19,151 John Reese. Okay, I need to talk to my girls. 385 00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:20,319 That includes you, too, Viv. 386 00:15:24,859 --> 00:15:27,259 In a relationship... like in that nature show... 387 00:15:27,328 --> 00:15:30,462 sometimes it's symbiotic and everything's perfect. 388 00:15:30,531 --> 00:15:32,498 And sometimes it's parasitic 389 00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:34,433 and you want to throttle each other. 390 00:15:34,502 --> 00:15:36,034 But the important part is 391 00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:39,171 the core of the relationship never changes. 392 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,140 I have been working on my core like crazy. 393 00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:44,076 Different core, Viv. Pay attention. 394 00:15:44,145 --> 00:15:47,412 When I met your daddy, I knew he was the one for me. 395 00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:50,182 I had dated a lot of bad boys, 396 00:15:50,251 --> 00:15:53,519 but he was so kind and so smart... 397 00:15:53,587 --> 00:15:56,021 that I couldn't help but fall in love with him. 398 00:15:56,090 --> 00:15:57,923 Half the time I didn't know what he was talking about, 399 00:15:57,992 --> 00:16:01,493 but I got this special feeling in my stomach, 400 00:16:01,562 --> 00:16:05,130 and that part never goes away 401 00:16:05,199 --> 00:16:07,166 no matter how many pigs he brings home. 402 00:16:12,273 --> 00:16:13,972 Oh, thanks for coming on such short notice. 403 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,507 Oh, not a problem. 404 00:16:15,576 --> 00:16:17,910 I was just in Wilton dealing with a depressed pig, and I was like, 405 00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:20,112 "You're just gonna be such a good pig. 406 00:16:20,181 --> 00:16:21,513 No one's ever gonna eat that pig." 407 00:16:21,582 --> 00:16:22,781 - And that did the trick. - Mm. 408 00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:25,217 Greg, why is the Pig Whisperer here? 409 00:16:25,286 --> 00:16:27,252 'Cause I'm not giving up on Hans Gruber. 410 00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:29,788 Uh... Greg, can you join me in your office? 411 00:16:29,857 --> 00:16:30,856 Why? 412 00:16:30,925 --> 00:16:32,958 - To look over some papers. - What papers? 413 00:16:33,027 --> 00:16:34,026 I want to yell at you in private. 414 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,594 You're the worst at this! 415 00:16:40,568 --> 00:16:41,900 If this pig is just about you 416 00:16:41,969 --> 00:16:43,769 proving to everyone that you don't fold, 417 00:16:43,838 --> 00:16:45,370 then it's time to pick something else. 418 00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:47,280 Something like you say you want Mexican, 419 00:16:47,327 --> 00:16:48,707 and I say, "No, I want Italian," 420 00:16:48,776 --> 00:16:50,976 and then you say, "I want Mexican," and then we have Mexican. 421 00:16:51,045 --> 00:16:53,278 It's not that simple. 422 00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,715 When I was five years old, we had a dog that I loved 423 00:16:56,784 --> 00:16:58,750 more than anything in the world, 424 00:16:58,819 --> 00:17:00,552 and my very first day of kindergarten, 425 00:17:00,621 --> 00:17:01,820 I kissed him goodbye 426 00:17:01,889 --> 00:17:03,856 and when I got back home, he was gone. 427 00:17:03,924 --> 00:17:06,625 My dad had given him away. I was crushed. 428 00:17:06,694 --> 00:17:09,161 And I can't do that to Anna-Kat. 429 00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:10,863 I'm sorry. I just can't. 430 00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:16,301 I've never heard this story before. 431 00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:18,871 Well, it's not something I like to talk about. 432 00:17:18,939 --> 00:17:22,507 Just out of curiosity, what was the dog's name? 433 00:17:22,576 --> 00:17:23,709 - Winston. - Winston. 434 00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:25,010 Yeah, 'cause he looked like Winston Churchill. 435 00:17:25,079 --> 00:17:26,445 Mm-hmm. 436 00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:27,880 I see. 437 00:17:27,948 --> 00:17:28,914 Go ahead and call my mom and ask. 438 00:17:28,983 --> 00:17:30,515 I'm not calling your mom. 439 00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:31,950 Okay. 440 00:17:32,019 --> 00:17:33,185 I guess the pig can stay... 441 00:17:34,655 --> 00:17:37,055 ...because of this important story in your life... 442 00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,690 that I just heard... 443 00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:41,593 for the first time ever just now. 444 00:17:41,662 --> 00:17:43,762 Right. 445 00:17:43,831 --> 00:17:46,031 Mm. 446 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,606 I know! I know! I know! 447 00:17:54,675 --> 00:17:57,342 You are so funny. 448 00:17:57,411 --> 00:17:59,478 You're so cute and handsome, 449 00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:02,080 and you don't have that weird, old-man smell. 450 00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:06,551 I'll be right back. 451 00:18:08,756 --> 00:18:11,890 Oh, my God. 452 00:18:11,959 --> 00:18:14,092 I think I know what you were talking about. 453 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:17,729 I have that special feeling, and he asked me out. 454 00:18:17,798 --> 00:18:20,198 You know he's our pig trainer, and he's 27. 455 00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:22,668 We're the same age! 456 00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:28,974 I got bad news for you. 457 00:18:29,043 --> 00:18:30,842 Oh, yeah? 458 00:18:30,911 --> 00:18:32,411 Viv met another guy. 459 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,547 Eh, she wasn't the first, and she won't be the last. 460 00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:37,649 She might be pretty close to the last. 461 00:18:37,718 --> 00:18:40,340 Next time, you have to be careful. 462 00:18:40,434 --> 00:18:41,637 There's a lot of people out there 463 00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,388 who just want to be with you for your money. 464 00:18:43,457 --> 00:18:45,390 Thank you, kid. 465 00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:48,060 So, uh, what do you want me to pick up for dinner tonight? 466 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,228 Mm... lobster. 467 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,430 For two. 468 00:18:53,267 --> 00:18:55,033 I'll just get my wallet. 469 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,813 - What's going on? - Oh. 470 00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:09,915 Taylor was just telling me she's gonna stop texting John Reese. 471 00:19:09,984 --> 00:19:11,149 Yeah, it's not fair to Eyo. 472 00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,451 Good for you, honey. 473 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:13,552 Yeah, well done. 474 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:17,089 Maybe I should text John and give him some closure. 475 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,557 Nah, I'm just gonna go dark. 476 00:19:21,061 --> 00:19:23,528 By the way, just got off the phone with your mom. 477 00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:25,063 You picked up when my mom called? 478 00:19:25,132 --> 00:19:26,264 Were you buried under rubble? 479 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,100 I called her to confirm 480 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,369 your dog sob story, which she did. 481 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:31,770 - Katie. - Don't be mad. 482 00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:33,238 I feel like I was already punished. 483 00:19:33,307 --> 00:19:36,541 She droned on for 45 minutes about her latest food allergy. 484 00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:37,976 Lots of bowel talk. 485 00:19:38,045 --> 00:19:39,544 Ah. Dairy. 486 00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:43,081 I'm sorry for doubting your story about Winston. 487 00:19:43,150 --> 00:19:46,485 And we can keep Hans Gruber for as long as you want. 488 00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:48,820 Thanks, sweetie. 489 00:19:48,889 --> 00:19:50,622 Well... 490 00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:52,624 I'm gonna go feed our pig some garbage. 491 00:19:57,698 --> 00:20:00,599 Mom, thanks for covering for me. She totally bought it! 492 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,768 I know! I know! For once, I didn't fold. 493 00:20:06,571 --> 00:20:09,156 You want the last M&M? I know you like the greens. 494 00:20:10,904 --> 00:20:13,472 Greg, we're all out of M&M'S. Can you go get us some more? 495 00:20:13,535 --> 00:20:14,634 You're the ones that ate them. 496 00:20:18,073 --> 00:20:20,173 The pig stare is not going to work, Katie. 497 00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:21,140 Don't even try. 498 00:20:23,878 --> 00:20:26,679 I'm not moving. 499 00:20:35,055 --> 00:20:36,281 Okay, but for the record, 500 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,868 I'm doing this because I want to. 501 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,640 Who's my good, little Greg Whisperer? 502 00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:45,209 You are. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 36643

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