Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,648 --> 00:00:04,695
The Egyptian plover
and the Nile crocodile
2
00:00:04,742 --> 00:00:08,878
are an example of a symbiotic
relationship at its finest.
3
00:00:10,381 --> 00:00:12,741
So... we're just watching TV
with the pig now.
4
00:00:12,796 --> 00:00:15,196
Is that it? Is this my life?
5
00:00:15,258 --> 00:00:16,958
Hans Gruber has a name, Mama.
6
00:00:17,026 --> 00:00:18,392
We don't name food in this house.
7
00:00:18,461 --> 00:00:19,627
We eat it.
8
00:00:19,696 --> 00:00:22,263
Mama, he doesn't understand
that you're joking.
9
00:00:22,332 --> 00:00:24,365
- I'm not.
- I promise you, sweetie.
10
00:00:24,434 --> 00:00:25,933
No one is ever going to eat Hans Gruber.
11
00:00:26,002 --> 00:00:27,201
He's a member of our family now.
12
00:00:27,270 --> 00:00:28,736
Uh, Greg, honey.
13
00:00:28,805 --> 00:00:30,004
Can you come join me at the window?
14
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:31,072
Why?
15
00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:33,307
So we can look out.
16
00:00:33,376 --> 00:00:35,376
- Oh, at what?
- I want to have a private conversation.
17
00:00:35,445 --> 00:00:36,777
Why are you so bad at this?
18
00:00:38,881 --> 00:00:41,315
Okay, you stay.
19
00:00:41,384 --> 00:00:43,384
You know that reoccurring fantasy I have
20
00:00:43,453 --> 00:00:44,685
where I accidentally get locked up
21
00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,887
in a mental hospital,
and I get to spend three weeks
22
00:00:46,956 --> 00:00:48,556
alone in bed with no one bugging me?
23
00:00:48,624 --> 00:00:50,624
I'm familiar with your
psych-ward vacation plan, yes.
24
00:00:50,693 --> 00:00:52,493
Well, I'm this close to doing it.
25
00:00:52,562 --> 00:00:54,495
How is it that we both
said "no" to a puppy,
26
00:00:54,564 --> 00:00:57,031
yet you took it upon yourself
to bring home a pig?
27
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,499
Mama, guess what.
28
00:00:58,568 --> 00:01:01,302
Hans Gruber and I
have a symbiotic relationship.
29
00:01:01,371 --> 00:01:03,437
I give him food, and he gives me love.
30
00:01:03,506 --> 00:01:04,705
Amazing.
31
00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:06,107
The pig has to go.
32
00:01:06,175 --> 00:01:07,975
But we've gotten used to having
Hans Gruber around.
33
00:01:08,044 --> 00:01:10,378
This has gone on long enough.
Just fold already.
34
00:01:10,446 --> 00:01:12,113
It's only a matter of time
before he does.
35
00:01:12,181 --> 00:01:13,614
What's that supposed to mean?
36
00:01:13,683 --> 00:01:15,583
Well, you always give in eventually.
37
00:01:15,651 --> 00:01:18,152
Is that what everyone
in this house thinks of me...
38
00:01:18,221 --> 00:01:19,754
that I always give in?
39
00:01:19,822 --> 00:01:22,089
Well, guess what...
I'm not giving in on this one.
40
00:01:22,158 --> 00:01:23,224
- Ever.
- Oh, "ever."
41
00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:24,859
So, then, tomorrow?
42
00:01:24,927 --> 00:01:27,528
What the hell?
I can't get that pillow again.
43
00:01:27,597 --> 00:01:29,797
That's a one of a kind from T.J.Maxx.
44
00:01:32,235 --> 00:01:36,103
This is me... forced to eat my anger.
45
00:01:40,076 --> 00:01:41,142
Just give him the M&M'S.
46
00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:42,276
Never!
47
00:01:42,345 --> 00:01:45,212
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
48
00:01:55,558 --> 00:01:57,491
Why are you sending
slutty emojis to someone
49
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,775
who isn't your nice,
sweet boyfriend, Eyo?
50
00:02:01,697 --> 00:02:03,864
- Who is he?
- I'm not telling you anything.
51
00:02:03,933 --> 00:02:05,566
Not a problem. I'll just FaceTime him.
52
00:02:05,635 --> 00:02:06,834
- Mom, give it back!
- Mnh-mnh!
53
00:02:06,903 --> 00:02:08,335
Mom, give me back my phone!
54
00:02:08,404 --> 00:02:09,403
You know what? Fine.
55
00:02:09,472 --> 00:02:11,605
His name is John Reese,
and he's a senior.
56
00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:13,441
A senior?
57
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,142
If that's the best thing that
you have to say about him...
58
00:02:15,211 --> 00:02:17,411
Ah, the McRib is back.
59
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,380
I'm gonna stay on you forever
60
00:02:19,449 --> 00:02:21,148
about this, Taylor! I'm like herpes!
61
00:02:21,217 --> 00:02:23,517
What the hell comes out
of your mouth sometimes, Katie?
62
00:02:23,586 --> 00:02:25,719
See, Mama? He's not expensive.
63
00:02:25,788 --> 00:02:27,088
He eats garbage.
64
00:02:27,156 --> 00:02:29,290
It's every mother's dream
to have a farm animal
65
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:30,825
consuming trash in her kitchen.
66
00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,664
You'll change your mind
once I've trained him.
67
00:02:36,732 --> 00:02:38,232
So, that's it?
68
00:02:38,301 --> 00:02:40,101
That's your plan... train the hog?
69
00:02:40,169 --> 00:02:41,202
Yes. Hans Gruber
70
00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:42,803
is an unconventional pet,
71
00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:44,071
but Anna-Kat has really bonded
72
00:02:44,140 --> 00:02:45,372
with him, and you know what?
73
00:02:45,441 --> 00:02:46,774
- So have I.
- Oh.
74
00:02:46,843 --> 00:02:49,443
Yeah, I don't like the,
uh, hillbilly factor, obviously,
75
00:02:49,512 --> 00:02:51,612
but I'm impressed
that you're not folding.
76
00:02:51,681 --> 00:02:53,447
I've never seen this side of you before.
77
00:02:53,516 --> 00:02:54,982
Thank you, Oliver.
78
00:02:55,051 --> 00:02:56,684
But Mom's not gonna put up
with it much longer.
79
00:02:56,752 --> 00:02:58,953
If you two decide to get divorced,
80
00:02:59,021 --> 00:03:01,722
I'll go with whoever
doesn't get the minivan.
81
00:03:01,791 --> 00:03:04,558
Katie? You're thinking about divorce?
82
00:03:04,627 --> 00:03:07,194
Just walk right in, Viv.
Don't worry about social norms.
83
00:03:07,263 --> 00:03:08,696
We are not getting divorced.
84
00:03:08,764 --> 00:03:10,331
Oh, thank God, because, Katie,
85
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,433
divorce is not as good
as you think it will be.
86
00:03:12,502 --> 00:03:14,435
Even Greg might be better
than no husband.
87
00:03:14,504 --> 00:03:15,903
- Thank you, Viv.
- You're welcome.
88
00:03:15,972 --> 00:03:16,971
Hey. These are for you.
89
00:03:17,039 --> 00:03:18,672
You bought me things?
90
00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:21,108
I wish I could buy things.
I have very little money.
91
00:03:21,177 --> 00:03:23,344
It turns out prenups
are legally binding,
92
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:26,280
even if you dramatically
rip it up during mediation.
93
00:03:26,349 --> 00:03:29,083
Apparently, they make copies.
94
00:03:29,152 --> 00:03:30,351
You and Alan had a prenup?
95
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:31,452
We did.
96
00:03:31,521 --> 00:03:33,487
I'm momentarily not as rich as I look.
97
00:03:33,556 --> 00:03:36,323
I got the house
but not a lot of actual money.
98
00:03:36,392 --> 00:03:37,424
So, I was hoping you could teach me
99
00:03:37,493 --> 00:03:39,293
how to do laundry like poor people do.
100
00:03:40,863 --> 00:03:43,097
Viv, I'm not gonna teach you
remedial housekeeping.
101
00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:44,498
Yay!
102
00:03:44,567 --> 00:03:45,799
Oh!
103
00:03:45,868 --> 00:03:48,002
You're doing it for me! Love it.
104
00:03:48,070 --> 00:03:49,837
Oh, do I need a ticket or anything?
105
00:03:49,906 --> 00:03:51,205
No.
106
00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:53,073
Okay. Bye!
107
00:03:54,477 --> 00:03:56,477
This is why having money is important.
108
00:03:56,546 --> 00:03:58,812
Spencer Blitz
doesn't do his own laundry.
109
00:03:58,881 --> 00:03:59,947
D.C.O.B.
110
00:04:00,983 --> 00:04:02,716
"Dry clean only, baby."
111
00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:05,352
Spencer is the type of greedy,
self-centered person
112
00:04:05,421 --> 00:04:07,421
we don't want Oliver becoming.
113
00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:10,057
I can't believe you're still
letting him work for that ex-con.
114
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:13,060
She wants you to fold on this,
too, but don't do it, Dad.
115
00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:14,161
Stay strong.
116
00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:15,696
Hey, puberty boy.
117
00:04:15,765 --> 00:04:16,764
Nobody asked you.
118
00:04:18,401 --> 00:04:20,434
Come on. Come on.
119
00:04:20,503 --> 00:04:22,269
Drop it.
120
00:04:22,338 --> 00:04:23,704
Hans Gruber, you're a genius!
121
00:04:23,773 --> 00:04:25,039
Ja, schwein!
122
00:04:25,107 --> 00:04:26,707
Where you off to?
123
00:04:26,776 --> 00:04:28,175
Uh, I'm picking up dinner
124
00:04:28,244 --> 00:04:30,144
for me and Spencer from Tavern On Main.
125
00:04:30,213 --> 00:04:31,412
I'm really excited.
126
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,147
I've never had a red lobster
from a restaurant
127
00:04:33,216 --> 00:04:34,682
that wasn't named "Red Lobster."
128
00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:36,684
You seem to be developing
a real friendship with Spencer.
129
00:04:36,752 --> 00:04:39,386
Seems like that?
Good, then it's working.
130
00:04:39,455 --> 00:04:41,422
Soon, he'll think of me
as the son he never had,
131
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,490
and I'll become the sole heir
to a huge fortune
132
00:04:43,559 --> 00:04:45,793
that he does have.
133
00:04:45,861 --> 00:04:47,494
All that smile's missing is this.
134
00:04:49,065 --> 00:04:50,431
Ooh, I like that. I'm gonna use it.
135
00:04:52,735 --> 00:04:55,436
Mama. Watch this.
136
00:04:58,808 --> 00:05:00,908
Sit.
137
00:05:00,977 --> 00:05:02,843
Now, stay.
138
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,415
Wow! I'm impressed.
139
00:05:08,484 --> 00:05:09,683
Good work.
140
00:05:11,187 --> 00:05:12,987
Here. Go ahead.
141
00:05:13,055 --> 00:05:14,788
- Open them.
- Are you sure?
142
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:16,690
Yeah, Hans Gruber's got this down.
143
00:05:23,065 --> 00:05:24,265
Just drop the M&M'S!
144
00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:25,766
Never!
145
00:05:27,303 --> 00:05:28,802
Table looks beautiful, Oli-boy.
146
00:05:28,871 --> 00:05:30,404
Go ahead and light the candles, will ya?
147
00:05:30,473 --> 00:05:31,939
Ooh, candlelight.
148
00:05:32,008 --> 00:05:33,774
Hi, guys!
149
00:05:33,843 --> 00:05:35,075
What are you doing here?
150
00:05:35,144 --> 00:05:36,677
Oh, I pulled my hamstring
151
00:05:36,746 --> 00:05:39,179
while I was out running,
and I had to stop to stretch.
152
00:05:39,248 --> 00:05:41,715
I looked out the window,
and there she was...
153
00:05:41,784 --> 00:05:44,585
bent clear over,
wearing the tightest pants
154
00:05:44,654 --> 00:05:47,254
I have ever had the pleasure
of seeing a woman wear.
155
00:05:47,323 --> 00:05:48,889
They're called yoga pants.
156
00:05:48,958 --> 00:05:50,024
Yoga pants?
157
00:05:50,092 --> 00:05:51,058
They're very stretchy.
158
00:05:51,127 --> 00:05:52,660
Oh, you're very stretchy.
159
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,531
Viv, sweetheart, don't you have
some place you need to be?
160
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,134
Oliver, sweetheart,
I'm supposed to be here.
161
00:06:00,202 --> 00:06:01,802
Spencer invited me to dinner.
162
00:06:01,871 --> 00:06:03,337
That's my seat.
163
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,872
I'll just go get the Cristal.
164
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:07,641
Ooh, I love it!
165
00:06:09,111 --> 00:06:11,078
Viv.
166
00:06:11,147 --> 00:06:12,613
Oliver.
167
00:06:12,682 --> 00:06:14,148
I know exactly what you're doing.
168
00:06:14,216 --> 00:06:15,349
You need a new rich guy,
169
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:16,717
and you think you're gonna take mine.
170
00:06:16,786 --> 00:06:18,986
Oh, I don't think it. I know it.
171
00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:20,054
Oh, yeah?
172
00:06:20,122 --> 00:06:21,689
What makes you so sure of that?
173
00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,957
Because only one of us has boobs.
174
00:06:28,297 --> 00:06:30,331
Say goodbye to Oliver!
175
00:06:30,399 --> 00:06:32,032
Bye, Oliver!
176
00:06:34,537 --> 00:06:36,070
I have to be honest, Katie.
177
00:06:36,138 --> 00:06:38,305
I thought it would be hard
to be physically attracted
178
00:06:38,374 --> 00:06:41,275
to a 78-year-old man,
but Spencer's so wealthy.
179
00:06:41,344 --> 00:06:43,377
- I mean, I'm not a gold digger.
- No, you are not!
180
00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:46,246
But this gold is like right there,
181
00:06:46,315 --> 00:06:48,615
heaped up in a huge pile.
182
00:06:48,684 --> 00:06:50,217
You'd be crazy not to pick it up.
183
00:06:50,286 --> 00:06:51,385
I know!
184
00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,387
Did you do the yoga-pants
stretch I suggested?
185
00:06:54,824 --> 00:06:56,323
That would've done it.
186
00:06:56,392 --> 00:06:57,725
Almost doing it for me.
187
00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,393
- Right?!
- Mm-hmm.
188
00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:00,694
It was you.
189
00:07:00,763 --> 00:07:02,596
What's that now?
190
00:07:02,665 --> 00:07:04,231
You sent Viv over to Spencer's
191
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,966
so she could squeeze me
out of the picture.
192
00:07:06,035 --> 00:07:08,602
I was his only friend in the
world until this came along.
193
00:07:08,671 --> 00:07:10,537
- Hi.
- It's not gonna work.
194
00:07:10,606 --> 00:07:12,506
Spencer and I have something
special together,
195
00:07:12,575 --> 00:07:14,675
and I'm not gonna let you two
get between us.
196
00:07:22,385 --> 00:07:25,018
Oliver.
197
00:07:25,087 --> 00:07:26,420
Viv.
198
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:27,888
That car is gonna shine.
199
00:07:27,957 --> 00:07:30,111
This kid knows how to take care of me.
200
00:07:31,594 --> 00:07:33,794
Keep walking, blondie.
201
00:08:06,796 --> 00:08:09,196
I'm soaking.
202
00:08:09,265 --> 00:08:11,765
Would you be a sweetheart
and go get me a towel?
203
00:08:11,834 --> 00:08:13,600
Anything for you.
204
00:08:13,669 --> 00:08:15,760
We're done here, Oliver.
205
00:08:29,215 --> 00:08:32,457
Does anyone know what's inside
this container of cream cheese?
206
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,003
Someone wrote "This is not
cream cheese" on it.
207
00:08:35,058 --> 00:08:37,859
Mom, you've dated two guys at
the same time before, right?
208
00:08:37,928 --> 00:08:39,761
Yeah, of course. Wait.
209
00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:41,630
No.
210
00:08:43,066 --> 00:08:45,534
Ugh. This is not cream cheese.
211
00:08:45,602 --> 00:08:47,235
Hold that thought. What are you doing?
212
00:08:47,304 --> 00:08:50,038
Fighting for my man.
213
00:08:50,107 --> 00:08:52,007
I'm gonna introduce Spencer
to the 21st century
214
00:08:52,075 --> 00:08:53,875
using the very Xbox Viv gave me.
215
00:08:53,944 --> 00:08:55,210
Stay out of Viv's way.
216
00:08:55,279 --> 00:08:56,578
She needs Spencer more than you do.
217
00:08:56,647 --> 00:08:57,813
How do you figure?
218
00:08:57,881 --> 00:08:59,681
A woman like Viv,
when she sees an opportunity
219
00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:01,917
to better her situation,
she has to grab it.
220
00:09:01,985 --> 00:09:03,685
She's only after his money,
221
00:09:03,754 --> 00:09:05,720
which is gonna be my money... mine.
222
00:09:05,789 --> 00:09:07,556
Oliver, for the last time...
223
00:09:08,659 --> 00:09:09,925
There aren't even M&M'S!
224
00:09:09,993 --> 00:09:11,660
- Hans Gruber!
- It's not easy for me
225
00:09:11,728 --> 00:09:12,794
to jump up on this counter, Greg!
226
00:09:12,863 --> 00:09:14,095
You know I have a thing against jumping!
227
00:09:15,732 --> 00:09:18,033
I realize the dog-training-book
approach isn't working,
228
00:09:18,101 --> 00:09:19,835
but I've tracked down someone
who can help.
229
00:09:19,903 --> 00:09:21,102
Do you remember The Critter Man?
230
00:09:21,171 --> 00:09:22,938
You mean that weird guy
who got those baby raccoons
231
00:09:23,006 --> 00:09:24,072
out of the basement?
232
00:09:24,141 --> 00:09:25,607
And drove them all the way to Maine
233
00:09:25,676 --> 00:09:27,609
and set them free
by that beautiful lake?
234
00:09:27,678 --> 00:09:30,445
Uh... yeah. That's what that guy did.
235
00:09:30,514 --> 00:09:32,747
The Critter Man
is gonna drive Hans Gruber
236
00:09:32,816 --> 00:09:34,950
to Maine to live with
the baby raccoons by the lake?
237
00:09:35,018 --> 00:09:37,018
No. He hooked me up
with a pig whisperer.
238
00:09:37,087 --> 00:09:38,253
If you're serious, I'm gonna drive you
239
00:09:38,322 --> 00:09:39,955
up to Maine to live by the lake.
240
00:09:40,023 --> 00:09:41,556
We're not getting a pig whisperer!
241
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:43,625
First of all, I don't even need
a "first of all."
242
00:09:43,694 --> 00:09:44,726
We're not doing it.
243
00:09:44,795 --> 00:09:46,661
I'm doubling down
on training Hans Gruber.
244
00:09:46,730 --> 00:09:49,264
Everyone expects me to fold.
This is me not folding!
245
00:09:51,401 --> 00:09:53,635
And you need to get used to me
and Spencer being together.
246
00:09:53,704 --> 00:09:55,370
You will not break us apart.
247
00:09:55,439 --> 00:09:56,905
And I know how that sounds.
248
00:10:00,377 --> 00:10:01,676
Now head into the jungle village
249
00:10:01,745 --> 00:10:04,112
and don't shoot anyone
who isn't holding a gun.
250
00:10:04,181 --> 00:10:07,482
This new technology's unbelievable.
251
00:10:07,551 --> 00:10:10,418
That little girl hiding behind
the well looks so realistic.
252
00:10:10,487 --> 00:10:11,653
She's got a machete.
253
00:10:11,722 --> 00:10:12,954
She looks so sweet.
254
00:10:13,023 --> 00:10:14,489
I'll just shoot her in the arm.
255
00:10:14,558 --> 00:10:15,891
Ooh, right in the forehead.
256
00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:17,325
Hey, Spence.
257
00:10:17,394 --> 00:10:18,760
You want to go play tennis
with me out back?
258
00:10:18,829 --> 00:10:20,695
I never want to do anything else except
259
00:10:20,764 --> 00:10:23,064
play these new, high-tech video games.
260
00:10:25,168 --> 00:10:26,501
Did you hear that, Viv?
261
00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:28,703
Who has the boobs now?
262
00:10:31,708 --> 00:10:33,074
Hey, Spence.
263
00:10:33,143 --> 00:10:34,576
Do you want to go take a bath?
264
00:10:36,213 --> 00:10:37,679
Get out, Oliver.
265
00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:42,951
Okay, first, you need to learn
how to assert dominance.
266
00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:44,419
Let him know who's in charge.
267
00:10:44,488 --> 00:10:46,154
Never be the one to break eye contact.
268
00:10:46,223 --> 00:10:47,522
Like this?
269
00:10:47,591 --> 00:10:48,990
Exactly like this.
270
00:10:49,059 --> 00:10:50,392
Do not look away.
271
00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:52,093
Do not show weakness.
272
00:10:52,162 --> 00:10:54,062
You are in charge.
273
00:11:01,572 --> 00:11:03,204
Are you guys about to kiss?
274
00:11:03,273 --> 00:11:05,507
I don't know.
275
00:11:05,576 --> 00:11:07,542
I've solved my Oliver problem
276
00:11:07,611 --> 00:11:08,910
by getting him away from Spencer
277
00:11:08,979 --> 00:11:11,012
and Viv's problem by getting her
involved with Spencer.
278
00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:12,847
I've only got one problem left,
279
00:11:12,916 --> 00:11:14,883
and that problem tastes really good
280
00:11:14,952 --> 00:11:18,353
with barbecue sauce and potato salad.
281
00:11:18,422 --> 00:11:19,721
Can't eat the pig, Katie.
282
00:11:19,790 --> 00:11:21,222
We can't keep it, either.
283
00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:22,390
It's getting bigger every day.
284
00:11:22,459 --> 00:11:23,992
Seriously, Greg, just fold already.
285
00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:28,863
What are you doing?
286
00:11:28,932 --> 00:11:30,532
Nothing.
287
00:11:32,736 --> 00:11:34,135
Kind of feels like
you're doing something.
288
00:11:34,204 --> 00:11:35,704
Nope.
289
00:11:37,908 --> 00:11:39,708
Are you trying to pig-train me, Greg?
290
00:11:39,776 --> 00:11:40,775
Is that what this is?
291
00:11:40,844 --> 00:11:42,877
Shh.
292
00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:49,851
Whatever this is,
293
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,519
you shouldn't be doing it
with the door open.
294
00:11:51,588 --> 00:11:52,687
What do you want, Taylor?
295
00:11:52,756 --> 00:11:54,222
- Can I go to a party?
- With who?
296
00:11:54,291 --> 00:11:55,657
- John Reese.
- Who's that?
297
00:11:55,726 --> 00:11:58,026
- He's a senior.
- You're dating Eyo!
298
00:11:58,095 --> 00:11:59,494
Yeah, I know, but I took Mom's advice.
299
00:11:59,563 --> 00:12:01,062
What are you talking about?
300
00:12:01,131 --> 00:12:03,999
You told Viv to go for a senior.
I'm going for a senior, too.
301
00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:06,368
Better parties, better social status.
302
00:12:06,436 --> 00:12:07,936
I'm grabbing a better opportunity.
303
00:12:09,806 --> 00:12:11,973
What did you say to her? I like Eyo.
304
00:12:12,042 --> 00:12:13,274
He's a good kid, and we don't know
305
00:12:13,343 --> 00:12:14,743
the first thing about this senior.
306
00:12:14,811 --> 00:12:16,578
You brought home a live pig!
307
00:12:16,647 --> 00:12:17,679
You can't keep playing the pig card.
308
00:12:17,748 --> 00:12:19,514
Oh, I can. And do you want to know why?
309
00:12:19,583 --> 00:12:21,049
Because it's a pig card!
310
00:12:21,118 --> 00:12:22,951
Ah! You're driving me crazy.
311
00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:24,853
I must say, this is
a refreshing change of pace.
312
00:12:24,921 --> 00:12:25,920
What does that mean?
313
00:12:25,989 --> 00:12:27,088
Just that usually you're the one
314
00:12:27,157 --> 00:12:28,223
who does exactly what she wants,
315
00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:29,290
and I'm forced to deal with it.
316
00:12:29,359 --> 00:12:31,259
- Is that so?
- Yeah, it is so.
317
00:12:31,328 --> 00:12:32,494
It is so, so.
318
00:12:32,562 --> 00:12:34,262
It is so, so, so!
319
00:12:34,331 --> 00:12:35,597
We're doing a pillow wall tonight.
320
00:12:35,666 --> 00:12:37,666
No. My anger's too big
for a pillow wall.
321
00:12:37,734 --> 00:12:39,367
We're going toes to nose.
322
00:12:44,808 --> 00:12:46,675
Greg, why do your feet look so good?
323
00:12:46,743 --> 00:12:48,543
Are you wasting our money
on pedicures again?
324
00:12:48,612 --> 00:12:50,378
Katie, do you want to have
the pedicure fight
325
00:12:50,447 --> 00:12:51,680
or stick with this pig fight?
326
00:12:51,748 --> 00:12:53,120
'Cause I'm not folding on anything,
327
00:12:53,175 --> 00:12:55,917
and it's not a waste of money if it
makes me feel better about myself.
328
00:13:00,025 --> 00:13:01,439
I feel kind of bad.
329
00:13:01,478 --> 00:13:03,179
I helped Viv get out
of a loveless marriage,
330
00:13:03,220 --> 00:13:04,830
but then encouraged her
to go for Spencer
331
00:13:04,877 --> 00:13:06,370
for no reason other than money.
332
00:13:06,432 --> 00:13:08,289
If you break up Viv and Spencer,
333
00:13:08,359 --> 00:13:10,458
Oliver will run right back to Spencer.
334
00:13:10,525 --> 00:13:12,958
But if you don't do anything,
then you're teaching Taylor
335
00:13:13,021 --> 00:13:14,821
that love is just about
status and money.
336
00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:17,275
Ooh, you have to pick one child to save.
337
00:13:17,344 --> 00:13:18,642
This is a real Katie's Choice.
338
00:13:18,705 --> 00:13:21,105
So... which kid are you gonna save?
339
00:13:23,376 --> 00:13:25,877
- I choose to save Taylor.
- Mm-hmm.
340
00:13:25,945 --> 00:13:29,146
Because if I let Oliver go down
the Spencer path when he's rich,
341
00:13:29,215 --> 00:13:32,283
he'll put us in one of those
nice, retirement communities.
342
00:13:32,352 --> 00:13:34,619
Not like that rat trap
we'll have to put my mom in.
343
00:13:35,321 --> 00:13:37,822
You guys have to help me
break up Viv and Spencer.
344
00:13:37,891 --> 00:13:39,824
Ooh. Let's take Viv out tonight.
345
00:13:39,893 --> 00:13:42,660
We can help her find someone
else so she forgets him.
346
00:13:42,729 --> 00:13:43,761
Are you guys in a rush?
347
00:13:43,830 --> 00:13:44,962
- No.
- Not really.
348
00:13:45,031 --> 00:13:46,397
Good, because I need at least 20 minutes
349
00:13:46,466 --> 00:13:48,733
to complain about Greg
and his stupid pig.
350
00:13:48,801 --> 00:13:51,969
It makes so much noise,
and it eats the garb...
351
00:13:52,038 --> 00:13:54,372
This is a time where you can
just zone out and let me talk.
352
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:55,740
- Cool.
- Cool.
353
00:13:55,808 --> 00:13:58,175
Its snout is just the grossest
thing in the world.
354
00:13:58,244 --> 00:13:59,510
It's wet...
355
00:14:02,248 --> 00:14:04,582
Viv, we are taking you
out tonight, okay?
356
00:14:04,651 --> 00:14:06,784
We are going to meet some nice,
eligible men.
357
00:14:06,853 --> 00:14:08,496
Or maybe a woman.
358
00:14:08,569 --> 00:14:09,968
Ooh, I tried that in college
eight times.
359
00:14:10,022 --> 00:14:11,221
It just wasn't for me.
360
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,285
It took you eight times
to figure that out?
361
00:14:13,354 --> 00:14:15,821
- Okay.
- You guys, I'm fine!
362
00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:17,690
Spencer checks all the boxes.
363
00:14:17,758 --> 00:14:20,225
He's rich. There's really just one box.
364
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:21,694
- You need to find a good guy.
- Yeah.
365
00:14:21,762 --> 00:14:23,595
Someone nice who you can
fall in love with.
366
00:14:23,664 --> 00:14:25,197
- Like Greg.
- Well, thanks, Doris.
367
00:14:25,266 --> 00:14:26,865
But not Greg. Not ever Greg.
368
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:28,767
If Katie dies, I call dibs.
369
00:14:28,836 --> 00:14:31,170
Not my bra, you stupid pig! Drop it!
370
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,839
Katie, relax.
You're not supposed to yell.
371
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,475
Use a low, calm voice.
372
00:14:36,544 --> 00:14:38,877
In case you haven't noticed,
I don't have one of those.
373
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,746
The pig has got to go!
374
00:14:40,815 --> 00:14:42,114
- No!
- Yes!
375
00:14:42,183 --> 00:14:44,650
Ladies, I'm sorry you had to see
this side of my marriage.
376
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,619
Excuse me while I storm off with my pig.
377
00:14:52,593 --> 00:14:54,393
I think I'm just gonna
stick with Spencer.
378
00:14:54,462 --> 00:14:57,029
Ah. Doris, maybe you and I
should go get some wine.
379
00:14:57,098 --> 00:14:58,997
- And not come back.
- Yeah.
380
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,671
Are you and Daddy okay?
381
00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:08,140
Honey, if two unplanned pregnancies,
382
00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:09,808
a houseful of lice,
and a move to Westport
383
00:15:09,877 --> 00:15:12,077
can't break us up, nothing will.
384
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:19,151
John Reese. Okay, I need
to talk to my girls.
385
00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:20,319
That includes you, too, Viv.
386
00:15:24,859 --> 00:15:27,259
In a relationship...
like in that nature show...
387
00:15:27,328 --> 00:15:30,462
sometimes it's symbiotic
and everything's perfect.
388
00:15:30,531 --> 00:15:32,498
And sometimes it's parasitic
389
00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:34,433
and you want to throttle each other.
390
00:15:34,502 --> 00:15:36,034
But the important part is
391
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:39,171
the core of the relationship
never changes.
392
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,140
I have been working
on my core like crazy.
393
00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:44,076
Different core, Viv. Pay attention.
394
00:15:44,145 --> 00:15:47,412
When I met your daddy,
I knew he was the one for me.
395
00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:50,182
I had dated a lot of bad boys,
396
00:15:50,251 --> 00:15:53,519
but he was so kind and so smart...
397
00:15:53,587 --> 00:15:56,021
that I couldn't help
but fall in love with him.
398
00:15:56,090 --> 00:15:57,923
Half the time I didn't know
what he was talking about,
399
00:15:57,992 --> 00:16:01,493
but I got this special feeling
in my stomach,
400
00:16:01,562 --> 00:16:05,130
and that part never goes away
401
00:16:05,199 --> 00:16:07,166
no matter how many pigs he brings home.
402
00:16:12,273 --> 00:16:13,972
Oh, thanks for coming
on such short notice.
403
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,507
Oh, not a problem.
404
00:16:15,576 --> 00:16:17,910
I was just in Wilton dealing with
a depressed pig, and I was like,
405
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:20,112
"You're just gonna be such a good pig.
406
00:16:20,181 --> 00:16:21,513
No one's ever gonna eat that pig."
407
00:16:21,582 --> 00:16:22,781
- And that did the trick.
- Mm.
408
00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:25,217
Greg, why is the Pig Whisperer here?
409
00:16:25,286 --> 00:16:27,252
'Cause I'm not giving up on Hans Gruber.
410
00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:29,788
Uh... Greg, can you join me
in your office?
411
00:16:29,857 --> 00:16:30,856
Why?
412
00:16:30,925 --> 00:16:32,958
- To look over some papers.
- What papers?
413
00:16:33,027 --> 00:16:34,026
I want to yell at you in private.
414
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,594
You're the worst at this!
415
00:16:40,568 --> 00:16:41,900
If this pig is just about you
416
00:16:41,969 --> 00:16:43,769
proving to everyone that you don't fold,
417
00:16:43,838 --> 00:16:45,370
then it's time to pick something else.
418
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:47,280
Something like you say you want Mexican,
419
00:16:47,327 --> 00:16:48,707
and I say, "No, I want Italian,"
420
00:16:48,776 --> 00:16:50,976
and then you say, "I want Mexican,"
and then we have Mexican.
421
00:16:51,045 --> 00:16:53,278
It's not that simple.
422
00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,715
When I was five years old,
we had a dog that I loved
423
00:16:56,784 --> 00:16:58,750
more than anything in the world,
424
00:16:58,819 --> 00:17:00,552
and my very first day of kindergarten,
425
00:17:00,621 --> 00:17:01,820
I kissed him goodbye
426
00:17:01,889 --> 00:17:03,856
and when I got back home, he was gone.
427
00:17:03,924 --> 00:17:06,625
My dad had given him away.
I was crushed.
428
00:17:06,694 --> 00:17:09,161
And I can't do that to Anna-Kat.
429
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:10,863
I'm sorry. I just can't.
430
00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:16,301
I've never heard this story before.
431
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:18,871
Well, it's not something
I like to talk about.
432
00:17:18,939 --> 00:17:22,507
Just out of curiosity,
what was the dog's name?
433
00:17:22,576 --> 00:17:23,709
- Winston.
- Winston.
434
00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:25,010
Yeah, 'cause he looked like
Winston Churchill.
435
00:17:25,079 --> 00:17:26,445
Mm-hmm.
436
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:27,880
I see.
437
00:17:27,948 --> 00:17:28,914
Go ahead and call my mom and ask.
438
00:17:28,983 --> 00:17:30,515
I'm not calling your mom.
439
00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:31,950
Okay.
440
00:17:32,019 --> 00:17:33,185
I guess the pig can stay...
441
00:17:34,655 --> 00:17:37,055
...because of this important
story in your life...
442
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,690
that I just heard...
443
00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:41,593
for the first time ever just now.
444
00:17:41,662 --> 00:17:43,762
Right.
445
00:17:43,831 --> 00:17:46,031
Mm.
446
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,606
I know! I know! I know!
447
00:17:54,675 --> 00:17:57,342
You are so funny.
448
00:17:57,411 --> 00:17:59,478
You're so cute and handsome,
449
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:02,080
and you don't have that weird,
old-man smell.
450
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:06,551
I'll be right back.
451
00:18:08,756 --> 00:18:11,890
Oh, my God.
452
00:18:11,959 --> 00:18:14,092
I think I know what you
were talking about.
453
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:17,729
I have that special feeling,
and he asked me out.
454
00:18:17,798 --> 00:18:20,198
You know he's our pig trainer,
and he's 27.
455
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:22,668
We're the same age!
456
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:28,974
I got bad news for you.
457
00:18:29,043 --> 00:18:30,842
Oh, yeah?
458
00:18:30,911 --> 00:18:32,411
Viv met another guy.
459
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,547
Eh, she wasn't the first,
and she won't be the last.
460
00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:37,649
She might be pretty close to the last.
461
00:18:37,718 --> 00:18:40,340
Next time, you have to be careful.
462
00:18:40,434 --> 00:18:41,637
There's a lot of people out there
463
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,388
who just want to be with you
for your money.
464
00:18:43,457 --> 00:18:45,390
Thank you, kid.
465
00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:48,060
So, uh, what do you want me
to pick up for dinner tonight?
466
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,228
Mm... lobster.
467
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:51,430
For two.
468
00:18:53,267 --> 00:18:55,033
I'll just get my wallet.
469
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,813
- What's going on?
- Oh.
470
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:09,915
Taylor was just telling me she's
gonna stop texting John Reese.
471
00:19:09,984 --> 00:19:11,149
Yeah, it's not fair to Eyo.
472
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,451
Good for you, honey.
473
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:13,552
Yeah, well done.
474
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:17,089
Maybe I should text John
and give him some closure.
475
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,557
Nah, I'm just gonna go dark.
476
00:19:21,061 --> 00:19:23,528
By the way, just got off
the phone with your mom.
477
00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:25,063
You picked up when my mom called?
478
00:19:25,132 --> 00:19:26,264
Were you buried under rubble?
479
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,100
I called her to confirm
480
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,369
your dog sob story, which she did.
481
00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:31,770
- Katie.
- Don't be mad.
482
00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:33,238
I feel like I was already punished.
483
00:19:33,307 --> 00:19:36,541
She droned on for 45 minutes
about her latest food allergy.
484
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:37,976
Lots of bowel talk.
485
00:19:38,045 --> 00:19:39,544
Ah. Dairy.
486
00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:43,081
I'm sorry for doubting
your story about Winston.
487
00:19:43,150 --> 00:19:46,485
And we can keep Hans Gruber
for as long as you want.
488
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:48,820
Thanks, sweetie.
489
00:19:48,889 --> 00:19:50,622
Well...
490
00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:52,624
I'm gonna go feed our pig some garbage.
491
00:19:57,698 --> 00:20:00,599
Mom, thanks for covering for me.
She totally bought it!
492
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,768
I know! I know! For once, I didn't fold.
493
00:20:06,571 --> 00:20:09,156
You want the last M&M?
I know you like the greens.
494
00:20:10,904 --> 00:20:13,472
Greg, we're all out of M&M'S.
Can you go get us some more?
495
00:20:13,535 --> 00:20:14,634
You're the ones that ate them.
496
00:20:18,073 --> 00:20:20,173
The pig stare
is not going to work, Katie.
497
00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:21,140
Don't even try.
498
00:20:23,878 --> 00:20:26,679
I'm not moving.
499
00:20:35,055 --> 00:20:36,281
Okay, but for the record,
500
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,868
I'm doing this because I want to.
501
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,640
Who's my good, little Greg Whisperer?
502
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:45,209
You are.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
36643
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.