All language subtitles for 3rd_Rock_from_the_Sun-1x09

Aliens are all around us.

This is the story of a band
of four such explorers.

In order to blend in they
have assumed human form.

This is the high commander.

He has assembled an elite team of experts.

A decorated military officer.

A seasoned intelligent specialist.

And...well, they had an extra seat.

Earth is a place
where backing down,

causes equal problems.

Backing up causes
severe tyre damage.

What are you doing?
- I'm waxing the floor.

You know, it's nice to know that every
time I take some responsibility,

I move a step closer
to my promotion.

You're on the road
to the top.

And I don't care who
I step on to get there.

Well, nice job, Harry.

Ha! Floor's so shiny,
I can see up my own dress.

That's enough.

Sally..

you touched my radio.
- No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

I always leave it tuned
to big country 902.1.

I turned it on, and out
came mucho salsa 106.

Well, you used my leg razor
to shave your stupid face.

That's because the delicate
handle is easier to grip.

Listen, Mr. Anal,
I am sick..

hey! Am I gonna have
to separate you two?

All we seem to do is argue
ever since we came here.

I don't want to talk about it.
- We studied nine galaxies in perfect harmony.

And we didn't leave
scuff marks.

We seem to be annoyed
with each other.

And as fascinating as that
is, it's irritating as hell.

Sally?
- I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.

I just got a shooting pain in
my head when you began to speak.

You know, August finds us
quite charming

in our naive determination
to stay together.

You tell your little girlfriend
August to mind her own business.

Yeah, and don't drink out of the milk carton.
- Fine.

Look at this. We're
failing here. We're a family.

We're supposed to be getting
along. We've got to work on this.

Could you please take this
argument off my linoleum floor?

Come off it, Harry.
- Harry, you know what?

I'll give you your promotion if you
don't say "really" in the next two minutes.

Really?
- You lose.

Dick, she tricked me.

I don't want
to talk about it!

Well, I guess I just can't have
nice things.

What are you doing under my desk?
- Sleeping.

Why?
- Because the top of your desk is hard and cold.

You do have a bed
at home, don't you?

Yes, but I can't
stand my house.

It's filled with......Family.

If I lived with my brother,
it wouldn't last a week.

You have a brother?

That's great.
Tell me about him.

Well, he hasn't quite
gotten settled yet.

I don't think he's
met the right woman,

not that women are put
off by him. Well, some are.

Most are.

What does he do?

Oh something different
every year.

Right now he's restoring houses.
I have a picture of him somewhere.

Is this him? What a gut.
- No, that's my mother.

That's Roy.
- Why don't you call him? I'd like to meet him.

We don't get together much.
- You don't get along?

No, it's just hard.
- Does he live far away?

From my house?
Three,... four blocks.

So you choose to have nothing to do with him?

That's not true.
- You don't see him.

Not very much.
- But you'd like to see him?

N-not very much.

Then I was right, you don't want to have
anything to do with him.

I didn't say that.
- Well, why don't you call him?

Fine, I'll call him.
- Yes!

We've been meaning to get together.
I'll ask him to drop by.

Wonderful.

And when he gets here,
just act normal.

I'd ask you to do the same,
but I'm afraid that ship has sailed.

Hello. Roy?

Tommy, would you sign
my worksheet?

Sure. What
did you do?

Well, I pre-peeled
all these bananas

for eating ease.

Well, good job, Harry.
- Yeah.

Mangia.
Mangia.

Now I know
why I like you, Tommy.

You're always supportive
and patient with your family.

Well er, just the kind
of guy I am.

You spend a lot of time taking
care of other people's needs,

except mine.
- Yeah, well..

wait, am I in trouble?
How did I get in trouble?

You're not in trouble.
We're in trouble.

I really hope we
don't have to break up.

Break up? We're not..
when did we break up?

I just saying, I think it would be good if
we focused more on each other.

I'll show you focused. Let's
go to a movie Friday night.

I don't know.
- August, please. Please?

You're so needy.
- I'm sorry.

No, I like that
in a man.

No, Sally, I will
not apologise.

And let me
tell you..

hello? Hello..

Sally, I am the high commander, and
you are not allowed to hang up on..

hello?

Sally?

Dr. Solomon, this
is my brother Roy.

Whoa! Your head
is huge.

Oh, thank you.

Enormous!
- It's a pleasure to meet you.

How do you get
any work done

with all these 18-year-old
butts waving in your face?

Oh, I try, I try.

So, tell me all about yourself.
- Well...erm..

It must be
fascinating restoring houses

I don't restore houses.
I sell vinyl siding.

I think you under estimate
the effect vinyl has on houses.

Listen to her. She's always
bragging on me 'cause she loves me,

'cause she's my monkey girl.
- Don't do the monkey girl..

aren't you the monkey girl?
No, you're the monkey girl.

You want to hear the monkey sound?
- Please.

Please, not the monkey sound!
No-- Ow! No, stop.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

This is wonderful.
Playful sibling aggression.

It's fantastic.
Please continue.

no-- ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

You must be Roy.
We've spoken. I'm Nina.

Hey! It's nice to finally meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.

Gosh, you don't sound
black on the phone.

It's just something
I picked up in spy school.

Ooh, he's nice.

I have a great idea.

Why don't the two of you come
over for dinner tonight at 7:00?

No, no, no, no.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think the monkey might want to go.
- Yes, yes, yes!

Oh, wonderful. Roy, you
are the perfect brother.

This is the guy you said
was a pompous ass?

That's me.

Sally, the albrights will
be here any minute now.

This is a special occasion.
Where's the salmon mousse,

the duck terrine,
the smoked chub?

You know, Dick,

I have a cleaver
in my hand.

I have a date with August. Don't wait up.

Oh, no. No!, no.

Dr. Albright
and her brother

are coming to dinner tonight.
- So?

You've got to see
them together, they're just..

adorable.

Their relationship is
everything that our family's isn't.

Well, can you just
take good notes,

because tonight is my chance
to get into Braville.

You can go to Braville
some other time.

hello! Is it safe to come up?

Come on up!
Come on up!

Welcome,
Albright children.

Oh, allow me
to take your coats.

Dick, make a note of it. I am
taking initiative and their coats.

Good for you, Harry.

That's my brother Harry,
and this is Tommy, my son.

Oh hey, partner!
How're you doin'?

Hey, what's that?
A quarter?

Oh, I get it. You're
trying to impress a youngster

with what you think is a
mystifying feat of trickery.

He's a smart one,
this one.

Cut your hair.
You look like a girl.

Here. Sit down.

Everybody just make yourselves
comfortable. Let me have that.

Can I have a glass of that now?
- Harry, take the wine.

Wine taken.

Jordan H. Almonds!

You are one
beautiful woman.

Why does
every man I meet

have to remind me of that
like I'm going to forget?

Sally, as siblings,

Roy and Mary
are fun-loving and playful.

You know, Mary and I are
thick as thieves.

Hey monkey, remember the time

mom found all my "playboys,"
and you said they were yours,

and you had to spend
two years in therapy?

Harry, come on in here.
Let's all, uh...be sociable.

Here..
- I was sitting there.

Just..
just relax.

Interact naturally.

Okay, Roy, I'll tell you what.
Why don't you start things off by

telling us some amusing
family story?

Well, I don't know
how amusing this is,

but this is the most amazing
thing that ever happened to me.

No one wants to hear
your stupid story.

No, I think they do want
to hear my stupid story.

No, they don't.

Yes, they do want
to hear my stupid story.

this is fascinating. Roy, Roy, Roy!

Please continue.

You're going to think
I'm crazy, but...

I was once... abducted
by an alien spacecraft.

Excuse us.

you promised you
wouldn't talk about that.

No, I promised I wouldn't talk
about your chin implant.

No, no, no!
We're not killing anyone.

Spacecraft, you say?

I guess a layman

would call it
an abduction,

but what those space people
did to me that night

was more of
a spiritual kidnapping.

Yeah, right, aliens travelled billions
of light years through space

to ram a probe up
Roy Albright's butt.

Tell us about
the space people, Roy.

I'm driving along the road
one night really late,

and then I pull off
into this cornfield.

And then all of a sudden,

I see this rip
in the atmosphere.

And then hovering
right over my head

is this giant
hovering thing.

It was
a weather balloon.

Except weather balloons don't
poke you in the eyes with needles.

Well, that doesn't sound
like anyone we know.

I mean...."we know".

Go on.

I'm in the spaceship,

and I'm surrounded
by all this...

foam?

Exactly.

Roy, you were never
in a spaceship.

I was in a spaceship and I
have the scars to prove it!

Roy lewis Albright, if you
have one decent bone in your body,

you will not
do this to me.

So, anyway,
you can see where they are.

that's it, no more.
I need some air.

Dr. Albright!
- Let her go, Dick. Go on, Roy.

Well the next thing I know,
I'm being sucked up

inside this big hose.

the big hose?
- the big hose.

Roy, will you excuse us?

Now we have to kill him.
- You are overreacting.

Dick, he could turn us in.

Do you really want
to be the subject of

some alien autopsy show
on the fox network?

You're jumping
to conclusions.

And fox is
not a network.

We don't have
all the facts yet.

Dick I'm in charge of security,
and I say we kill him.

Well I'm the high commander,

and I'm putting
this decision on hold.

I'm going to check on Dr.
Albright. You go entertain Roy!

I'll pull a quarter
out of his ear.

I'll pull his brain
out of his ear.

You all right?
- Yeah.

I'm sorry about Roy. I told
him not to tell that story,

but he never does anything I ask.
- That's Sally all over.

It's hard being the oldest. They
think we're trying to run their lives.

When all we're trying
to do is control them.

Do you think that Roy...

actually was...
abducted by aliens?

No,

but I prayed for it
every night as a kid.

What about you?

Do you think there's
intelligent life up there?

There?

Oh no, not there.
There!

Dick, can I talk to you for a second?
- Can't you see I'm busy?

Okay, let me
rephrase this.

Dick, can I talk
to you for a second?

Excuse me.

This had better be important.

I don't know if it's important or not, but,

you know that cornfield down by the interstate?
- Yes.

Well Sally took Roy there to kill
him. But sorry to interrupt.

Oh, damn!

She's willfully
disobeying my orders.

And in a cornfield?
That's such a clich�.

So, hey, the kids went down to
the cornfield to have a little fun.

Let say we join them.
- I don't want to go to a cornfield.

Maybe the monkey wants
to go to a cornfield.

What?
- Does the monkey want to go to a cornfield?

Don't you dare.

All right, all right, all right!
- Good, let's go!

Hello?

August?
- We had a date tonight.

Cornfield time.

Either you go with him
and live his life,

or you come with me
and live yours.

But he needs me.

Fine.

Maybe next week you can
try and get to first base

with your dad.

Tommy!

bye bye, Dick.

I like the way
you work.

You looked,
and saw, you took.

Now, can you lose
Forrest gump over there?

You're absolutely right.
I'll go talk to him.

I can handle this
myself.

Please, Sally,
let me kill him.

It'll look so good on my r�sum�.
- The answer is no.

Oh, Sally, please.

Please.

All right. You want the job, it's yours,

but we do it my way.

Hey, what's going on
over there?

The action's over here.

Coming!

Okay, take this rock.

When you hear me say the words,
"big dipper" bash him over the head.

Can you do that?
- Prepare to be dazzled.

So you couldn't shake him, huh, babe?
- No.

Uh...

Oh..Roy, look over there.
It's..it's the big dipper.

Roy?
- Oh, yes.

No, that's Orion's belt.

Excuse me.

Give me the rock, rockhead!
Now just stand guard.

Prepare..
- Shut up!

You sure you don't mind
seeing this movie?

Oh, no.
Anne Bancroft,

Olympia dukakis,
and holly hunter?

What teenage boy wouldn't
want to see this movie?

August, do you get along
with your family?

No. My father doesn't
give me any credit.

He still treats me
like a little kid.

He doesn't recognise how old I am on the inside.
- Me, too.

You know, we really have a lot in common.
- Yeah, yeah.

Hey you really want
to see this movie?

There's no one
in my house.

I want to see the movie.
- Me, too!

See how much
we have in common?

Two, please,
for, um...

"They came to talk".

You're a big girl,
aren't you?

You know what
really makes me hot?

Tell me.

The back
of a man's head.

Well, then feast
your eyes on this.

Oh, yeah!
- Whoa! Dick is coming.

Halt operation kilroy.

Dick,
what a pleasant surprise.

You'll know this one.
Now, is that the big dipper..

don't try to kiss up.
Your ass is grass.

I can't believe
you, Roy.

This is where that
Ufo story always ends up..

you and a woman
in a cornfield.

You make me sick.

I did not ask
to be beamed

on board that ship
of unspeakable horror.

Excuse me. Beamed?
You said "sucked".

No, I said "beamed."
- Who heard "sucked"?

Well, yeah.

You're lying. I'm lying.
He's lying.

I have had it
with you.

Name one thing
I did wrong tonight.

You lied, you
embarrassed me, you were yourself.

Well, if you're
going to nitpick,

I'm leaving.
- Thank god.

So, I'll see you
on mom's birthday?

Yeah. You want to go in on a present?
- Nothing over 40 bucks.

You got it.

I need a ride.

Oh, really?
- Sally.

Whatever.

Hey, wait for me.

What just happened here?
- What do you mean?

You're going to see him
at your mom's birthday?

Yeah. It's a birthday.
He's family.

So, no matter
how obnoxious you are,

how much of a burden
you become,

you can still count on the
forgiveness of your family?

Yeah.

Even if they touch your radio
and refuse to make smoked chub,

and disobey your orders
not to kill?

Yeah, even then.

That is so beautiful.

I'm a brother.

All right, Dick,
come on.

I disobeyed orders. I deserve
some punishment. What'll it be?

Well, Sally, ordinarily I'd
send you to some desolate moon,

and make you stand
in a crater

and think about
what you've done.

But I've realized,

that I've got to accept your
flaws and your inadequacies,

because you're
my sister now.

And even though
sometimes you tick me off,

I think I...
I love you.

What?
- You're my little sister,

and I love you.

Now, how does that
make you feel?

Well, um...

I want to blame you for
everything and push you off the roof.

Well, that's great,
because Dr. Albright

loves her brother
and she feels the same way.

Great, 'cause
that's how I feel.

I'm so glad we've got that settled.
- Me, too.

Whoa!

I love you, too.

I'm so happy!