All language subtitles for Very Important People s02e01 Zeke Aaron McKinley.eng

- Hey, I'm Anna Garcia.

I just took a nervous shit
in my trailer. (laughs)

- [Vic] Today we're giving this comedian

a total transformation.

- What the fuck is on my head?

- [Vic] They have no idea who

or what they're about to become.

Once they see themselves in the mirror,

they'll have to make up
a character on the spot

and then sit down with me
for an improvised interview.

- I love having something on my teeth.

- [Vic] This is "Very Important People."

- Whoa, whoa!

I love my slippers. So cozy.

Whatever I'm wearing is
making me feel small and cute.

- [Speaker] Three, two, one, open!

- (laughs) Ah! No, no!

You guys, I'm gonna throw up. (laughs)

No, sorry. Cut the cameras.

It's actually not happening.

It's actually been so fun but I'm out.

I'll see you guys. I'm fucking out.

Oh my fucking god.

Look at my teeth.

Smile for the camera, girls.

Who is this?

Who is that?

What's my ass look like? Good?

I can't really see.

I kind of look like a
fucked up action figure,

like an action figure that
didn't quite make it to shelf.

Rock Guy.

I'm Rocks and I'm here to save the day.

It's me. Rock Man.

And I'm here to knock you unconscious.

Nature Dude.

I want to be one with nature,
so I put all this shit on me.

Well, hey girl!

We're all gossiping by the creek.

I'm Mother Earth, girl. Woo!

I am your mother.

Hi, it's me, Princess Emily.

I've turned into rocks. Oops.

I'm rock now.

Hey man, I got cursed.

Ugh, too bad. My family doesn't
recognize me anymore, frick.

I love rocks. They're the best.

But being rocks, that's tough.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

- We all have a story to tell

and sometimes that story needs
to be shared with the world.

Good evening, I'm Vic Michaelis,

back with another edition
of "Very Important People."

Please introduce yourself.

Do we get talent from the trailer?

- I bet you didn't see me back here, huh?

- Oh! (laughs)

No, I didn't. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.
- I bet you didn't see me

back here, huh?
- Nope, I didn't. Ope!

That's fine.
- I got my skateboard.

- And somebody's gonna
come and clean that.

- Hey!
- Hey. Hi.

I did not see you back there.

You blended in with the wall. Oh, nice.

- No, I got it.

- Oh, okay. (laughs)

What an entrance. Please
introduce yourself.

Hi, I'm Zeke Aaron McKinley. Fourth grade.

(upbeat music)

- Zeke, it is so lovely to meet you.

- Yeah. I love your show.

- You watch my show?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, not really a kid
show, but maybe we talk

to your parents about that afterwards,

but that is wonderful.
- Did you see me back there?

- Once again, no.

I didn't notice.
- Totally camouflaged.

No one even knew.
- Yeah.

Well, I'm assuming
somebody maybe caught that

or if they didn't catch that,

maybe we should be looking
out for that next time.

- Cool.
- Zeke,

you are the fourth grade
student of the year.

- Yes!
- Yes. Yeah.

You're looking a little different

than the photo that we were given here.

- [Zeke] Yeah. Something has
happened to me ultimately, yes.

- Yeah.
- I was so nervous

for that photo. (laughs)
- Yeah, yeah.

- And now I would be
mortified because I'm rocks.

- Yeah, we got braces in that photo

and sort of rocks for teeth-

- Yeah.
- In person.

- So I have a bit of a
creek in my backyard-

- Oh, sure.
- Where I live

and in the creek, I was
splashing in the water,

which my dad told me I
could get Giardia by doing,

but I did it anyway.
- Oh, I see.

- This isn't from Giardia. I found a lamp!

- Incredible and I'm assuming we . . .

- Wished on it!
- Wished on the lamp.

- A little guy came out.

- And what did this little guy look like?

- He was red! Isn't that crazy?

- What happens from there?
Are we feeling frightened?

- No, I was.
- Oh.

- Did I lose a rock?
- We got a rock right here.

- You can hold onto that.
- Are you serious?

- They grow back every night. So painful.

- You shed your rocks and they grow back

every night?
- There's human skin

under here, but the rocks push through.

- That's horrifying.
- Hurts a lot.

Worse than braces.

- Well, you had braces-
- Anyway,

I found this guy and he was red.

- So you found this guy-
- This big in a genie lamp.

- Very small, I think normally
when we see genies in media,

they're sort of large.

- Genies in media?

What are you fucking talking about?

- I feel like that's maybe language.

- Sorry, sorry. My mom.
- And your parents.

- Please don't show that
to my mom. Oh my God.

- Well, she had to come with you today,

so she's standing back there,

and I'm noticing your mom is not rocks.

- No, she hates me 'cause I'm rocks now.

- No, I'm sure your mother

doesn't hate you.
- No, it's not good,

It's not good and I know it.

- Well, hey, if it makes you feel better,

sometimes your mother hates
you when you're not rocks.

- Excuse me?
- So.

Well, I'm just saying,
sometimes, you're saying

your mother hates you-
- Watch your tongue.

My mom hates me?
- No, I'm saying,

you said your mom hates
you because your rocks,

and I'm saying sometimes
your mom hates you

and you're not rocks.

- Don't talk about my mom.

- I'm not talking about your mom,

I'm talking about just a mom,

not any other mom.
- Chelsa, ignore her.

- Okay, well, I'm not,
that's not what I said

and I didn't say that.
- Do you wanna hear about

the little red guy or not?

- I've been begging you to tell
me about the little red guy.

- He's this big, red, crazy.

- So he pops out of the
lamp and then what happens?

- He sort of popped out like
this, if this is the lamp.

- So sort of does a backend,
- He was flexible.

Ow. Oh.
- Oh yeah.

Careful, hey. Okay.

So why don't we just-
- Sorry,

it's hard being rocks sometimes.

- You're okay. Hey, can
I help you to your seat?

No. Hey, you're fine.

- It's hurts more than the human head

'cause of the rocks.
- Right. Of course.

And that would make sense,

and as you mentioned,
there's skin under there.

- Thanks, Vic.

- Okay. The seat is soiled.
- Whoops.

- So maybe we get a towel.
- That's not soil,

that's granite.
- Granite. Of course.

So please continue.

You see this little guy
pop out of the lamp.

- Yes.
- Does a backend.

- Yeah and he's like,
"Howdy hee, I wishes three,

for you, for you, and none for me."

- He's Irish.
- Yeah and red.

- Well, why would he mention
not getting a wish for himself?

- He seemed bitter.
- I see.

- He was mad that he
wasn't getting a wish.

And I was like, "Sorry, I
can't give you any dude.

I'm just a kid."
- Yeah. Hey, fair enough.

That's not your responsibility.

- Mm-mm, I'm like, "I got homework to do."

- Okay.
- We're in the nine section

of multiplication, that shit's hard.

- Yeah. Again, Mom is sort of going.

- Chelsa, fuck off.

- Hey, at least your mom showed up today.

Some moms don't show up, you know?

- Are you making it about you?

- No.
- Feels like maybe

you're freaking making it about you.

- Okay. So we're gonna continue here.

- Okay, I would love that.
- So you have three wishes.

- Three wishes.
- First wish?

- Candy bar. Biggest candy bar.

- Biggest candy bar.
- Yeah. A Butterfinger.

I was only able to eat like (laughs)

like two bites of it.
- Yeah.

- And then it started
to melt! It was crazy!

- You got a second wish.
- Yeah.

Second wish, I wished for
my brother to come back

from the Army.

(crew laughs)

(Vic laughs)

- I'm a professional.

(beep)

Your second wish is for your brother

to come back from the Army.

- Yeah, I miss him.

- And has he been in the
Army for a long time?

- Four years overseas.

- And did that wish come true?

- I don't know 'cause the
third wish happened really fast

and that sort of took precedent.

- Then the third wish was of course.

- To become rocks. Yeah.

Ta-da.
- Yeah.

- He was like, "Rocks?
What do you mean rocks?"

- I feel like you don't
need to do his accent.

- "You wish to be the rocks?"

And I looked down in the
river and I was like,

"These rocks look awesome.

Yeah, dude, make me rocks."

- Because, and I mean, I
don't mean to sound offensive,

as a fourth grader, I'm
sure you're taking some sort

of an earth science course.

What rock are we looking like, ideally?

- I was thinking slate would be cool.

Or like a shiny rock or, um.

Uh, um. Uh.

- And that's wonderful.
- I don't remember the names.

- [Vic] You know what? That's okay.

Don't worry about it.
- I'm not even in sixth grade.

- That's all right.

It's not your responsibility
at the end of the day.

This seems like a failure
sort of from up top.

- Thank you, anyway, I
became, I wish to become rocks

and then it happened.

Oops. (laughs) Big mistake apparently.

You run outta wishes after three.

- And the genie just
disappeared? What happened?

- He killed himself in front of me.

- He killed himself in front of you?

- With a rope.

- So the reason that we brought
you here today was actually

not rock or wish related at all.

- Really?
- Well we booked you

on the show initially because you were

an exemplary fourth grader.

We were just here to talk to you sort

of about a day in the
life of a fourth grader.

- Totally. Before or after rocks?

- It's sort of your experience,

but I guess we're gonna be
going through this experience

with you as rock seeing as
that's sort of where you're at.

- Right? I am rocks now.
- That must be hard.

- It's hard when you become rocks

'cause everyone just sees you as rocks.

It's like, "Hey, Zeke's under here too.

I've got flesh underneath this rocky body.

It's bloody and mutilated, but it's here."

- I sort of understand how you feel.

- Mm-hmm.
- I had a suit

that was a little bit itchy

and I said, "Get this off my body."

And they sort of tailored-

- I'm sorry, I'm so bored.
Please wrap it up about the suit.

- It's not boring, there's a lot of people

that type in with questions
about that actually.

So I'm answering-
- God, I wish I had

a fourth wish, stop
talking about this suit.

- We're gonna move on. We're
gonna go ahead and move on.

So Zeke, as an exemplary fourth grader,

do you have a favorite subject

in school?
- I do!

Thank you so much for asking.

- What is it?
- Recess.

- Oh, recess, wouldn't
exactly call that a subject,

but that is something
that you do in school.

So let's go ahead and get a PA,

bring in the whiteboard here.

- Oh, cool.
- We call this segment,

"Are You Smarter Than Vic?" so-

- Are you dumb or something?

- No, I wouldn't think of myself as dumb.

So we're gonna go ahead and bring out

the whiteboard here.
- I'll start.

- So, oh, okay. Okay.

Ooh, strong.
- Can you turn it in my hand?

- Oh, yes.
- And then undo it too.

- [Vic] I will and there we go.

? Are you smarter than ?
? Vic ?

- That's pretty fun.

So let's go ahead and look
at that first question.

Explain the water cycle. Okay.

So my answer for the water cycle is we got

cloud turns to rain, rain
turns to physical water,

water turns to vapor,
back up into a cloud.

And what did you say, Zeke?

- My water cycle's cum!

- And so that is a penis.

So, okay. And I think that-

- Sorry, was I being too crazy?

- No, no, and hey, we said we wanted

a typical fourth grader-
- Sorry.

- And so, oh, okay.
- Oh frick.

- We're fine.
- All right.

- So let's go ahead and
let's get our next question.

- Yeah, I'll do it for real.

Sorry, that was, I'll give be
appropriate because I'm on TV.

- Let's do it for real, and you're a rock,

and so we're trying to give you grace.

- I am rocks.

- Explain the different parts of the cell.

Okay, so we'll do this

and for my answer I have,

we got a bunch of different
parts of the cell.

I know that there's a nucleus

in there somewhere.
- I did nucleus too!

- Oh, okay. Hey, look at that.

I got a little bit of a
barrier and some electrons

and protons-
- Mitochondria.

- Mitochondria. So, okay.

I feel like we got it.
- Other goop.

- Fun fact, I went to a Gwyneth
Paltrow Goop party one time

as a plus one to my husband

and I got a gift bag.

- I don't think I care.

- Okay, so let's get the next question.

- Okay.
- Name all the planets

in the solar system.

- Let's go back and forth!
- Okay. I will go.

Mercury.
- Venus.

- Earth.
- Mars.

- Jupiter.
- Saturn.

- Uranus. No.

No, no.

It's the name of a planet.
It's a scientific term.

It's like if I said
penis, like that's funny.

It's not 'cause it's-
- Oh, that's good!

Sorry. Oh God!

You know what the hardest game to play is?

Rock, paper, scissors.

- Oh, is that true?

- People always know what I'm gonna do.

- Rock.

- Yeah, Vic. Rock.
- Okay.

Thank you. Thank you for this.

- Do you love having fingers?

- Oh, you know, honestly, I
don't think about it that much.

Ow, ouch.
- Sorry.

- You're okay.
- I miss them.

- [Vic] You miss having fingers.

- Yeah. Almost as much as my brother.

- Well, I'm very sorry to hear that.

And as sort of the table's flying back in.

- Yeah, pound it.

(laughs) Oh, that guy's sick!

- We can't ask them to do anything.

Legally, it's-
- That guy's sick.

- Okay, a little birdie
told me you were auditioning

for the fourth grade play.

- (sighs) Did my mom tell you that?

- She did, your mom had mentioned
that you were auditioning

for the fourth grade play,
which of course this year is

"Legally Blonde Jr."

- Yeah.
- And you were auditioning

for the part of?
- Elle.

- That's huge, it's
wonderful to put yourself out

for a lead, Zeke.
- Thanks.

It's my first time auditioning
for anything like that.

- Well, and we knew that.
- I'm used to skateboarding.

- Are you?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, well, hey Zeke, you know,

we heard you're maybe a little
nervous for this audition.

- Yeah.
- So we thought

maybe it would be fun to have
you practice your audition.

- Oh, really?
- Yes.

Can we get a PA to move
the furniture, please?

- I can do it.

- Nope, nope, nope.
- Okay.

- I'm gonna be pulling out the sheet

and I look at it and I go, Zeke,

it is your turn to come in and audition.

Hi Zeke. Do you need a chair?
- Mm-mm.

- Okay.

- So Ms. Shellpepper,

I recently became rock.

It's, sorry.

I know that I'm rock and stuff now,

but I really think that you
should give me a chance at being

your next Elle Woods.

- We'll see, I had
somebody in mind already,

but I'd love to give you the opportunity.

- Which song?
- Let's do it

when Elle is sort of
getting her groove back

and she sees her name on the list,

but obviously we can't do that song,

so our version of that one.
- Okay.

Oh man, I freaking hope so
bad that Callahan invites me

to be in his colleague

and I hope he doesn't sexually assault me

once I get the part.

Whoa.

? I wanna rock all night ?

- So that's in a song that exists already.

A very famous song-
- No!

I made that up.
- And expensive song.

You made that song up?

- Yeah. The other part has
"and roll" and I'm all rock.

I think that it's weird
if I don't draw attention

to the fact that I'm rock.

- And I hear ya, and I hear you on that.

But here's my thought process, right?

- Hit me with it, Vic.

- Being an actor means that
you disappear into a character

- Like you do when you do this show.

- (laughs) What?

- Like you're smiling and stuff now.

- Right, no, that's how I am.

- Sure.

- But again, you just sort of.

- Okay, I'll do one without.
I'll do one without.

- One more shot. What do you think?

- What do you guys think?

(crew applauds)

(laughs) This is awesome.

- And again, don't worry about rocks,

don't mention being a rock.

- Okay. no rocks.
- And instead,

why don't you just do our
version of the end of the show.

Everything worked out
and Elle wins the case.

? Elle wins the case ?

? Look at my face ?

? Not made of rock ?

? I am a star ?

? I never lose ?

? My rocks are shoes ?

(crew applauds)

- I didn't even say rock, did I?

You did a few times
actually. But you know what?

I think that that is enough of that.

- You crazy know what's
crazy about being a rock?

- Tell me.
- Is that sometimes, I'm like,

I'm not even thinking about being a rock,

but because I'm, it just
comes out of my mouth.

- Like an intrusive thought.
- Exactly.

And I have those all the
time about your boobs.

- What?
- What?

What?
- And mom,

maybe we could get you
on set here for a second.

She's on her phone and
she's shaking her head

from the back of it.
- There's my mom.

- Hey, okay. No, hey, back.

- Mom!
- Back on set.

- Am I doing bad?
- Okay, so.

- [Zeke] Are you mad at me?

- [Vic] We're gonna steal him back on set.

Like a little professional.
- Mom.

- Let's go back.
- Sorry.

- Here we go. And set is this way.

So let's hop on over. Yeah.

And so that is a camera

and it's very expensive
and we rent it by the hour.

- I won't touch it 'cause
of the rocks of me.

- And that's an ideal situation.

So we're gonna go ahead and
yeah, I'll do it myself.

I'll move the set back myself.

- I got it.
- Or maybe I can get

a PA here, nope, no, no, no, no, no.

- [Zeke] If you're gonna
complain, let someone help you!

- So thank you for, okay,
for that. All right.

Hey, Rocks. Zeke, Zeke.
- My name is Zeke.

- Zeke.
- Please don't call me rocks.

- And I wouldn't.
- It's dehumanizing.

- So we're gonna get out here.

A little birdie told me

that your favorite treat is lemonade.

- I love lemonade!
- So as sort of our

midday snack, I got us two
cold glasses of lemonade.

- Woo!
- Yes.

- That's definitely not lemonade.

- It is lemonade.

- There's not even a skosh of lemon.

- Hey, cheers.

No?

- I can't reach it.

- Do you need my help? Yeah, okay.

So here we. So.

Delicious, delicious, and good television.

- Can you pour a little more?

You're not even really.
- Oops, sorry.

Okay. Sort of all my lemonade. (laughs)

All my lemonade is gone.

- I'm still thirsty.

- Okay. Let's just sort of, oops, okay.

Ope, okay.
- All done.

Thanks for your help, Vic.
That was really nice of you.

- Hey, no problem.
- Is that a broach?

- This? Yes it is.
- What is that?

- It's a-
- Sea anemone, huh?

Learned about that in third grade.

- Actually this was
based off of sea anemone.

- (laughs) Who's smarter than a Vic?

- Okay. No, that wasn't really a question.

I agreed with you. I
wouldn't say that's smarter.

Okay, again, I'm a little bit worried

about how that's gonna-
- Zeke.

Zeke attack
- Your name. (laughs)

That is your name, Zeke.

So these glasses actually.
- These?

- Yep, so I actually, my
grandmother was on a cruise

and she brought-
(Zeke burps)

She brought them back

and when I was in your
grade, fourth grade,

I painted all these little designs.

So these are actually-
- No way!

- Yep, so it's actually kind
of a precious family heirloom

for us and so again,

now we're gonna be
really careful with that.

- I don't even know where it went.

- I'm just gonna go ahead

and grab that 'cause it's right

in the cavity.
- Stuck in my rocks.

- Stuck in your rocks.
(Zeke laughs)

You know what, I'm just
gonna move these back here

and we're gonna forget about them

and we're not gonna worry about it.

- Okay.
- Wonderful.

Wonderful, wonderful.

Okay, so those are Gucci.

So we're gonna be so careful with those.

- Put 'em on me.
- Okay. I won't.

So these are mine

and actually I'm gonna use
these to ask you a couple

of rapid fire questions.

- Ugh!
- You feel that?

And you are just rocking
all over the place here.

- I can't help it!
They're gonna grow back.

- I know.
- It's gonna be awful.

- And I'm very sorry to hear that.

And so maybe we be more
careful with our body, right?

- Excuse me? I'm made of rocks!

- I know.
- You ever seen

anyone like this?
- Me?

- Never! Say it.
- Well,

have you seen the "Fantastic Four"?

- I'm gonna fuck you up. Don't lie.

I don't look like that guy. Say it.

- Groot.
- You're fucking,

he's just, like Groot's a tree,

what are you even talking?

- I will say this. You look very unique.

- I am unique and I'm rocks

and it's not easy keeping it together.

I'm also going through puberty.

- Already?

- Early onset puberty. Yes.
- How does that work

with the rocks?

- It sucks.

- Can I ask?
- About my boners?

- I don't wanna ask about your boners,

actually.
- You would get in trouble.

- I don't want to and I'm not going to.

Here's a couple of rapid
fire questions, Zeke.

What is your favorite dessert?

- Dirt in a cup.

- What is a personal item
you can't live without?

- My rocks.
- Do you have other rocks

or just these rocks?
- Just these.

- Oh, okay.
- The thing is,

if you were to take away all my rocks,

I would be an exposed, mangled flesh suit.

- Kind of like me before
I put on my makeup up.

- What is wrong with you?

- I'm sorry, okay. So we're gonna move on.

What fictional character
do you most identify with?

- Uh.
- This should be easy.

- Um. Em.
- No wrong answers.

- Fictional character.

There's so many of those.
- How about any character

from media, what about that?

- Um.
- How about any person?

- Um.
- Any rock.

- What did you just say?

- Because you know, you, and
you're rocks. So any rock.

- I know that I'm rocks, Vic.

- I'm just trying to help.
- Fine.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
Are you freaking happy?

Sorry.

- What happens after we die?

- After we die, our body
becomes one with the earth

and we're reborn.

- Now this is interesting

because technically your body
is one with the earth now.

- That is true.

- So what do you think
that that means cosmically?

- I don't know if I'll ever die.

- And what would that mean
for you, to live forever?

You know, lots of people
search their entire lives

for the Fountain of Youth.

- Yeah, I wouldn't say this
is what I would've wanted out

of the Fountain of Youth,

but I haven't aged since I became rock.

- I see, except for the fact

that you sprout rocks every night.

- Yeah. And did I already
tell you that it hurts so bad?

Literally picture me sleeping.

(Zeke screams)

- All right, last but not least,

and something that I ask each
and every one of my guests,

what is the meaning of life?

- I think the meaning of life

is about skating,

kissing, and boobs too.

- Well I love that and I think
that that's given us a lot

to think about here.

Skateboarding and . . .

- Boobs.
- Boobs.

Wow, so.
- Yeah.

- A little birdie told
us that you had a plan

to ask somebody to the fourth grade dance.

Don't hide in your rocks.
Come on, is that true?

- Yes, it's true.

- We have one of your outtakes

of your dance-posal that you made.

- You're gonna show that on air?

It's an outtake.
- I have the video

and your mom gave it to us.
(Zeke groans)

- Why'd you give them that? Ugh.

- Okay.
- All right. Show it.

Hey Mrs. Shellpepper. It's Zeke.

I'm just wondering if you wanna go

to the school dance with me.

Do you get the reference that I'm making?

My mom told me to do it.

Anyway, I know that I'm rocks now

and don't look like how Zeke used to look,

but I'd really love to go
with you and your boobs.

So if you wanna go with me,

just keep being my teacher

and I'll know that that's yes and stuff.

I will. All right.

Thanks. Mom, cut. (groans)

- You know it's so interesting,

you're so effervescent in
person and you seemed so shy

and ashamed of yourself in that video.

- It's, I don't know,

I never really felt
comfortable in my skin.

- I have an idea.
- Hmm?

- All right, here's what I'd like to do.

- What?

- I'd like you to ask
(Zeke groans)

this person
(Zeke groans)

to the dance.

How about that?

Why don't we say something-
- So you're pointing it

at my shoulder.

- Why don't we say something
nice about this person?

- That's on the table.

- Why don't we say something
nice about this person?

- Do you want me to say something nice

about the crew member I can see?

- What about this person?
- Oh.

There I am.
- Why don't we say something

really nice about this person?

- Uh, so.

- What are three things that
you like about this person?

- I like that you ate
so much big candy bar.

I like that your brother's
coming home soon.

- So sort of two your wishes.
- And I like,

I like that I'm rocks.

- You do like that you're rocks.

- I don't know, I just,

I feel really strong

and no one used to look at me at school

and now people look at me.

- Hey, look at that.
- I mean, granted, I'm rocks,

but it's better than nothing.

- It is better than nothing.

Hey, maybe one day you'll
grow up to live out your dream

and maybe you'll even be-

- Are you making it about

yourself again?
- I'm not, and I wouldn't,

'cause this is your moment.

- Feels like you have something
you need to work through.

- I don't.
- So you think I'm what?

Hot or?
- I'm sorry?

- You showed me the mirror.

You wanted me to tell me that I look hot.

- No, I think you're rocks.
- So maybe-

- But that's a good thing.

I'm saying you're rocks and I
think that that's excellent.

- When I look in the mirror, I see Zeke.

- Same.
- You didn't answer

if I'm hot or not.
- And I won't,

legally, answer that.
- I think Vic is hot.

- We can't say, and we're gonna cut that.

We gotta cut that.

- You look like Mrs. Shellpepper.

- What do you like about Mrs. Shellpepper?

- Boobs.
- Okay.

- Talk about getting rock hard.

- Now, may I ask, you know,

this is your first time on television,

hopefully not your last
time on television.

Is there anything you
wanna say to your class?

- Yeah.
- Oh, standing

- Southfield Elementary, class of

2026?
- '26.

- Math isn't my strong suit.
- No, that's all right.

Me either, I made them scrub
the math questions earlier.

- Hey guys, it's Zeke.
- Okay. (laughs)

- It's been really hard
becoming rocks. I killed a kid.

I break stuff. I break hearts. (laughs)

I haven't done that yet.

But I'm still me.

I'm still Zeke underneath it all

and I think next week I'm
gonna try to come back

to class-
- Zeke.

- To see Ms. Shellpepper.
- Zeke.

- What?
- You pooped a rock.

(Zeke cries)

Oh, Zeke, I'm so sorry.

- I shat that out just now.

You're telling me I just shat that.

- It looked like you pooped a rock.

- And you're fucking recording.

All my classmates are live streaming this

and I shat a fucking rock,
I'm gonna kill myself.

You fucking kidding me?

I wish I was a little red

genie.
- And we're gonna take

a deep breath and don't
even worry about it

'cause this set is pretty-
- Is Ms. Shellpepper watching?

Is Ms. Shellpepper watching?

I just shat a rock.

- We don't normally go
live, but your class asked

to live stream.
- And they saw me shit a rock?

You're laughing. I shit a
rock and you're laughing.

- It's just, I've never seen

that happen before.
- Are you kidding me?

- And it didn't occur to me
that you weren't wearing-

- No!
- Hey. No, okay.

Hey.
- I'm already

the laughing stock.
- Okay. Oh.

(glass shattering)

- Oh no, I'm sorry! I'm sorry Vic!

- It's okay. It's okay.
- I'm sorry!

- Ow, ow, ow.
- It's just so hard.

- It's so porous.
- When I'm a rock.

Guys, I'm still me! I'm
Zeke underneath it all!

- This one's okay, so we got one of 'em.

One of them survived.

So that's the good news here.
- Which one?

- This one. So we got that one.

(glass shattering)
- Ugh!

Fuck!

- Well, Zeke, that's-

- You cut before all that though.

- I had some news for you,

which was your class actually
sent a little gift, so.

- Oh. Did they see the
freak out I just had, or?

- I don't know if they would've noticed.

So if we can maybe fly in the gift.

If we could fly in the gift, I think.

- It's the rocks.

I can't help it.
- The rocks are

making you like this?
- I get so angry.

I like totally get what
the Hulk was going through.

- Okay, so maybe that's a
character you can resonate with.

- I'm so embarrassed.
- Don't be embarrassed.

Why don't you take a seat 'cause actually,

your class sent along a gift.

- I can pick these up.
- Don't worry about it.

Okay, so we got this.
- What, what?

- Little things for you.
- What is this?

- So they-
- What is this?

Mom, look!

No way! No way!

No way, it says rocks are cool.

- It does and there's a card

and if you'd like me to read this.

- Can you read it to me?
- Zeke, it says,

"Rocks rock."

- You guys think rocks are cool?

That's like the greatest.

- Okay. So.

- Sorry.

- That's all the time we have.

My name is Vic Michaelis, and
remember, be true to yourself

unless you'd rather be-

- A rock.
- Somebody else.

- Sorry.
- Goodnight.

- Night.
- So I finish that up.

- Right.
- Maybe when you're

a little older, you can
have a show like this,

and then you can say whatever you want.

But we're so quiet during my takes.

- Sorry.

Ms. Shellpepper signed it.

Ms. Shellpepper.
- Yeah, I see that. So.

- Am I done?
- I think you're done in here.

- Gimme a hug, Vic.
- Nope.

Ow.
- Boobs.

- Ow.

So we're just gonna
stay way away from this

'cause this is sort of an important, okay.

Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

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