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1
00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:03,936
[lighter clicks] Yo, Mark.
2
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:05,438
[fire woosh]
Just got my UBI check.
3
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,142
Bet we can get some
sweet tickets for the
4
00:00:07,143 --> 00:00:08,278
Phillies game on Thursday.
5
00:00:08,279 --> 00:00:09,147
Nah, Hank.
6
00:00:09,148 --> 00:00:10,182
We got better plans.
7
00:00:10,183 --> 00:00:12,187
What's better than
Dollar Dog Night?
8
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:13,322
Bow hunting.
9
00:00:13,455 --> 00:00:14,925
Hell yeah. Bow hunting.
10
00:00:15,192 --> 00:00:16,996
So, uh, what's bow hunting?
11
00:00:16,997 --> 00:00:19,166
It's hunting but
with a bow and arrow.
12
00:00:19,167 --> 00:00:20,369
Way more hardcore.
13
00:00:20,469 --> 00:00:21,138
Woah.
14
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,205
Let me tell you, there's
something beautiful
15
00:00:22,206 --> 00:00:24,477
and ancient about
the bow and arrow.
16
00:00:24,478 --> 00:00:26,480
One of man's most
primitive tools.
17
00:00:26,481 --> 00:00:27,216
Check it out.
18
00:00:27,383 --> 00:00:27,717
Woah.
19
00:00:28,085 --> 00:00:30,021
The Falcon NX5, Buckshredder.
20
00:00:30,022 --> 00:00:33,127
This bad boy fires a
hundred heat seeking arrows
21
00:00:33,128 --> 00:00:34,330
in under six seconds.
22
00:00:34,464 --> 00:00:36,567
Damn, just like
the caveman used.
23
00:00:36,568 --> 00:00:38,906
Yup, they were having a sale
at Hardcore Hunting.
24
00:00:39,007 --> 00:00:41,912
Spend over twenty five hundred
dollars and get a free grenade.
25
00:00:42,279 --> 00:00:45,218
Nice. You never know when
you might need a grenade.
26
00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:45,921
Exactly.
27
00:00:46,188 --> 00:00:48,324
So, uh, you know how
to use this thing or?
28
00:00:48,325 --> 00:00:50,095
Oh yeah, I've been
listening to Rogan talk
29
00:00:50,096 --> 00:00:51,531
about elk hunting for years.
30
00:00:51,765 --> 00:00:53,635
Maybe I should practice
a little with the bow?
31
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:55,205
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
you don't use the bow.
32
00:00:55,406 --> 00:00:55,773
I don't?
33
00:00:56,107 --> 00:00:57,108
Nah, nah, you got a much more
34
00:00:57,109 --> 00:00:57,979
important role.
35
00:00:58,112 --> 00:00:58,679
Oh, okay.
36
00:00:58,813 --> 00:01:00,951
Every hunter needs a gatherer.
37
00:01:01,084 --> 00:01:02,620
You are the gatherer.
38
00:01:02,753 --> 00:01:03,422
Nice.
39
00:01:03,556 --> 00:01:05,392
So, uh, what does a gatherer do?
40
00:01:05,393 --> 00:01:06,963
After I shoot the arrows,
41
00:01:07,097 --> 00:01:08,566
you gather 'em.
42
00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:09,368
Awesome.
43
00:01:09,701 --> 00:01:10,971
Oh baby, look at that,
look at that.
44
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:11,772
Okay. We got movement
45
00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:13,374
at 12 o'clock
right there, Hank.
46
00:01:13,375 --> 00:01:15,113
Okay, you wanna see
this bad boy in action?
47
00:01:15,246 --> 00:01:15,846
Hell yeah.
48
00:01:16,248 --> 00:01:17,116
[shooting]
49
00:01:17,117 --> 00:01:18,018
[screech!]
50
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:18,986
[beep, beep, beep]
51
00:01:19,488 --> 00:01:20,556
Uh, Mark?
52
00:01:20,857 --> 00:01:21,258
Oh crap.
53
00:01:21,558 --> 00:01:22,359
I forgot they're heat seeking.
54
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:23,262
Hank, hit the deck!
55
00:01:23,529 --> 00:01:25,232
[loud explosion]
56
00:01:26,034 --> 00:01:26,902
[ting]
57
00:01:29,707 --> 00:01:31,144
Well don't you
stand there, Hank?
58
00:01:31,245 --> 00:01:32,246
Gather the arrows!
59
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:34,952
[?]
60
00:01:35,186 --> 00:01:37,790
Well, I used to work
at a hot dog factory.
61
00:01:37,791 --> 00:01:39,827
Until them
robots came along.
62
00:01:39,928 --> 00:01:41,565
And now
there is no job for me
63
00:01:41,665 --> 00:01:44,102
But I get 3,000
bucks a month
64
00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:48,312
Thanks to UBI
65
00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:52,285
Now we're
Universal Basic Guys.
66
00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:54,156
It may not
sound like much.
67
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:57,295
But we're
still gonna try
68
00:01:57,296 --> 00:02:02,173
We're just
Universal Basic Guys
69
00:02:06,214 --> 00:02:06,881
No, no, no, no.
70
00:02:06,882 --> 00:02:08,617
UBI is not freedom, okay?
71
00:02:08,618 --> 00:02:09,821
It's socialism.
72
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,424
Giving people handouts.
73
00:02:11,625 --> 00:02:13,295
That's the end of
America right there.
74
00:02:13,462 --> 00:02:14,966
Wait, aren't you on disability?
75
00:02:15,099 --> 00:02:18,003
Okay, well, that's due to a
serious medical issue, okay?
76
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:18,739
Chronic Edema.
77
00:02:18,941 --> 00:02:20,842
Swollen ankles due
to salt retention.
78
00:02:20,843 --> 00:02:22,915
You can't work with
a handicap like that.
79
00:02:23,049 --> 00:02:23,615
[slurps]
80
00:02:23,616 --> 00:02:24,417
Oh hey, hun.
81
00:02:24,618 --> 00:02:27,288
Hey, did you guys
know a Doug Davidson?
82
00:02:27,289 --> 00:02:27,991
Oh, Dougie D?
83
00:02:28,225 --> 00:02:30,295
Yeah, he uh worked
at the hot dog factory.
84
00:02:30,296 --> 00:02:30,998
Good guy.
85
00:02:31,198 --> 00:02:31,798
Oh, yeah?
86
00:02:31,799 --> 00:02:32,967
Well, apparently his wife
87
00:02:32,968 --> 00:02:34,669
Janine's been reported missing,
88
00:02:34,670 --> 00:02:36,207
and now they can't find Doug.
89
00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:38,913
Ya know, I think he had
something to do with it.
90
00:02:39,314 --> 00:02:40,214
Oh, get out of here.
91
00:02:40,215 --> 00:02:41,752
You watch way too much Dateline.
92
00:02:41,885 --> 00:02:43,556
Uh, where's the grill?
93
00:02:43,723 --> 00:02:44,423
- Oh, it blew up.
94
00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:45,191
Hank.
95
00:02:45,192 --> 00:02:46,227
It blew up?
96
00:02:46,228 --> 00:02:47,764
It was an accident, okay?
97
00:02:47,898 --> 00:02:48,432
Oh, yeah?
98
00:02:48,532 --> 00:02:49,566
An accident?
99
00:02:49,567 --> 00:02:50,835
Hey, you should be
happy to know
100
00:02:50,836 --> 00:02:51,870
that the arrows I purchased
101
00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:54,576
are of high enough quality
to pierce a propane tank.
102
00:02:54,577 --> 00:02:55,846
Oh, great. I'm thrilled.
103
00:02:55,947 --> 00:02:57,849
You really know my
love language, Mark.
104
00:02:57,850 --> 00:03:01,089
I'm telling you, Tam, this is a
really smart investment, okay?
105
00:03:01,090 --> 00:03:03,328
This thing's gonna provide
us with infinite meat.
106
00:03:03,495 --> 00:03:05,165
You want to provide
food for the family?
107
00:03:05,266 --> 00:03:08,070
Why don't you just try growing
a garden like David over there?
108
00:03:08,071 --> 00:03:08,605
[camera clicks]
109
00:03:08,973 --> 00:03:10,509
Oh, come on,
that whole garden is like
110
00:03:10,510 --> 00:03:11,677
one freakin' salad, okay?
111
00:03:11,678 --> 00:03:15,119
A single deer would provide our
family with meat for months.
112
00:03:15,219 --> 00:03:15,920
[rustling]
113
00:03:16,054 --> 00:03:17,624
Ooh, ooh, Hank, check it out.
114
00:03:17,891 --> 00:03:19,360
Looks like dinner has arrived.
115
00:03:19,962 --> 00:03:20,362
Let's go.
116
00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:22,233
[crossbow loading]
117
00:03:23,568 --> 00:03:24,570
Oh, okay, great.
118
00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:27,409
In the off chance he actually
killed a poor thing, we can
119
00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:30,782
sous vide it in the hot tub,
since we no longer have a grill.
120
00:03:30,783 --> 00:03:33,121
You know, you can actually
do that Tam, okay?
121
00:03:33,122 --> 00:03:35,892
I know a guy who can disable
the high limit sensor
122
00:03:35,893 --> 00:03:37,630
and get this puppy up to 130.
123
00:03:37,797 --> 00:03:39,000
Uh, we're good.
124
00:03:39,501 --> 00:03:40,536
Okay, lay it on me.
125
00:03:40,904 --> 00:03:42,640
- Well, good news and bad news.
126
00:03:42,740 --> 00:03:43,409
Hah, really?
127
00:03:43,776 --> 00:03:44,778
Okay, let's start with the bad.
128
00:03:44,912 --> 00:03:46,014
What's this bad news?
129
00:03:46,181 --> 00:03:48,419
- So, all the major
cable networks passed.
130
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:49,956
Ughhh, dammit!
131
00:03:50,289 --> 00:03:51,291
Oh, come on!
132
00:03:51,525 --> 00:03:53,295
You know, this is
why cable is dying.
133
00:03:53,562 --> 00:03:54,596
What about the podcasts?
134
00:03:54,597 --> 00:03:55,732
I gave you a list of podcasts.
135
00:03:55,733 --> 00:03:56,301
Let's go through those.
136
00:03:56,635 --> 00:03:59,240
- Yeah, uh... Terry Gross?
Sam Harris?
137
00:03:59,474 --> 00:04:00,910
Those are huge podcasts, David.
138
00:04:00,911 --> 00:04:02,512
I mean, in what world
do you think they would
139
00:04:02,513 --> 00:04:04,283
want to interview a guy
who self-published
140
00:04:04,284 --> 00:04:05,252
a book about gardening?
141
00:04:05,253 --> 00:04:06,921
Uh, sustainable gardening,
142
00:04:06,922 --> 00:04:08,792
and it's about my journey, okay?
143
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,497
Ugh. What's the point of having
a book publicist if you
144
00:04:11,498 --> 00:04:12,700
can't get me any interviews?
145
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,669
- Uh, I am not your publicist.
146
00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:15,573
I'm your cousin.
147
00:04:15,941 --> 00:04:17,576
I'm doing this as
a favor, David.
148
00:04:17,710 --> 00:04:18,545
So am I.
149
00:04:18,712 --> 00:04:19,847
I got a lot of cousins, Chuck.
150
00:04:19,848 --> 00:04:21,150
I could have gone
with any of 'em.
151
00:04:22,119 --> 00:04:22,786
- Okay, David.
152
00:04:23,021 --> 00:04:23,421
Ugh.
153
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,059
Okay, so what's the good news?
154
00:04:25,359 --> 00:04:27,863
- I booked you on
Sunrise Philadelphia.
155
00:04:28,298 --> 00:04:29,534
Oh... okay.
156
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:30,436
Okay, that's not bad.
157
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,073
That's like a pretty
big deal down here.
158
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,443
- Great, because they also
would love for you to show
159
00:04:34,444 --> 00:04:37,516
them your garden and give
some organic gardening tips.
160
00:04:37,517 --> 00:04:38,817
Oh, wow! That's exciting.
161
00:04:38,818 --> 00:04:39,787
So they're coming to my house?
162
00:04:39,921 --> 00:04:42,359
Am I doing my own makeup
or are they sending someone?
163
00:04:42,493 --> 00:04:46,201
- Uh... is there someone in your
backyard with a crossbow?
164
00:04:46,334 --> 00:04:47,302
Wait, what?
165
00:04:47,303 --> 00:04:47,904
[GASP]
166
00:04:50,208 --> 00:04:51,710
Hey! Uh, no! No!
167
00:04:51,711 --> 00:04:52,079
Shh!!
168
00:04:52,246 --> 00:04:53,315
[crossbow firing]
169
00:04:54,717 --> 00:04:55,186
[thud]
170
00:04:55,453 --> 00:04:56,121
Dammit, David!
171
00:04:56,288 --> 00:04:58,157
I was about to light
that bad boy up!
172
00:04:58,158 --> 00:04:58,625
Mark!
173
00:04:58,993 --> 00:05:00,896
Please do not hunt
in my backyard!
174
00:05:00,897 --> 00:05:02,198
I'm protecting your crops.
175
00:05:02,199 --> 00:05:04,470
That deer was eating
your penis emojis.
176
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,473
Those are eggplants.
177
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,744
Oh, that's an eggplant.
178
00:05:07,945 --> 00:05:09,714
What did you think
an eggplant was?
179
00:05:09,949 --> 00:05:10,849
I don't know. I always thought
180
00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:11,851
it was like a tree that
181
00:05:11,852 --> 00:05:13,155
grows eggs or something.
182
00:05:13,990 --> 00:05:17,029
Ok. Well listen, I don't need
your help defending my garden.
183
00:05:17,163 --> 00:05:19,566
I'm perfectly capable
of keeping deer away
184
00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:20,736
without murdering them.
185
00:05:20,837 --> 00:05:22,172
I don't know about
that, David, okay?
186
00:05:22,173 --> 00:05:24,076
Deer aren't afraid
of guys like you.
187
00:05:24,077 --> 00:05:24,444
Oh, yeah?
188
00:05:24,711 --> 00:05:25,246
Yeah, they can sense that
189
00:05:25,346 --> 00:05:26,047
I'm a decent human being?
190
00:05:26,381 --> 00:05:29,922
Nature's only got one rule:
kill or be killed.
191
00:05:30,055 --> 00:05:32,459
When the animals sense
you're a vegetarian, they're
192
00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:33,494
not afraid of you no more.
193
00:05:33,495 --> 00:05:35,198
They will walk all over you.
194
00:05:35,199 --> 00:05:36,000
Okay. Fine.
195
00:05:36,001 --> 00:05:37,869
If that's the cost of being
ethical,
196
00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:38,906
then the animals
197
00:05:38,907 --> 00:05:40,174
don't have to respect me.
198
00:05:40,175 --> 00:05:41,009
Whoa, David, okay?
199
00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:43,147
Bow hunting is highly
ethical, okay?
200
00:05:43,148 --> 00:05:45,286
More ethical than being
vegetarian, actually.
201
00:05:45,419 --> 00:05:47,990
I mean, I feel like NOT
killing a conscious creature
202
00:05:47,991 --> 00:05:50,897
at all... probably the
most ethical thing, no?
203
00:05:51,030 --> 00:05:53,034
David, what do you think
is going happen to that
204
00:05:53,035 --> 00:05:53,668
deer you just spooked?
205
00:05:53,669 --> 00:05:54,770
Do you think he's gonna go on
206
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:55,439
and live forever?
207
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,643
Go become the first
deer astronaut?
208
00:05:57,777 --> 00:05:58,746
I got news for you.
209
00:05:58,914 --> 00:06:00,616
Nature is brutal.
210
00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:03,087
That deer is gonna get
eaten by a bear, or hit
211
00:06:03,088 --> 00:06:05,959
by a car, or die of one of
those parasites where a worm
212
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,163
takes control of its brain
and makes it walk around all
213
00:06:08,164 --> 00:06:09,567
weird and fall over the field.
214
00:06:09,701 --> 00:06:13,073
Okay, bow hunting gives that
deer a dignified, noble death.
215
00:06:13,074 --> 00:06:16,280
In fact, the best possible
outcome for that deer is to
216
00:06:16,281 --> 00:06:18,618
take an arrow through the
heart from yours truly, okay?
217
00:06:18,619 --> 00:06:21,491
Okay, listen, if you wanna go
shoot defenseless animals,
218
00:06:21,591 --> 00:06:24,263
that's your choice, but
maybe do it in the woods?
219
00:06:24,363 --> 00:06:25,132
Okay, David.
220
00:06:25,232 --> 00:06:25,566
Pfft!
221
00:06:25,666 --> 00:06:26,201
Let's go, Hank!
222
00:06:26,535 --> 00:06:28,804
You know ah, Hank,
I-- I'm surprised.
223
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,409
You don't seem like
the hunting type.
224
00:06:30,576 --> 00:06:32,112
Oh, I'm actually just gathering.
225
00:06:33,448 --> 00:06:34,884
Hey, don't forget your arrows!
226
00:06:35,419 --> 00:06:36,154
Dammit, Hank!
227
00:06:36,555 --> 00:06:37,689
[?]
228
00:06:37,924 --> 00:06:40,963
Okay... Any minute now...
229
00:06:40,964 --> 00:06:44,270
Our little four legged friend
is gonna to come stumbling
230
00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:47,009
right into the line of fire.
231
00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:48,545
[squirt!]
232
00:06:48,778 --> 00:06:49,815
Hank, what the
hell are you doing?
233
00:06:49,982 --> 00:06:51,384
I'm taking a hot dog break.
234
00:06:51,518 --> 00:06:52,319
What do you mean hot dog break?
235
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,056
We've been out here
for 20 minutes.
236
00:06:54,657 --> 00:06:55,659
The hell's wrong with you?
237
00:06:55,994 --> 00:06:57,330
We're catching our own meat now.
238
00:06:57,530 --> 00:06:59,434
Yeah, I just don't know
how I feel about, like,
239
00:06:59,534 --> 00:07:00,535
killing animals and stuff.
240
00:07:00,702 --> 00:07:00,970
Hank!
241
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,271
What do you think hot dogs
242
00:07:02,272 --> 00:07:02,941
are made from?
243
00:07:03,274 --> 00:07:04,210
Uh, sludge?
244
00:07:04,410 --> 00:07:07,115
Listen, I'm telling you.
This is way more ethical
245
00:07:07,116 --> 00:07:08,217
than eating hot dogs.
246
00:07:08,218 --> 00:07:10,287
We bow hunters
follow a strict code.
247
00:07:10,288 --> 00:07:10,856
[twigs snapping]
248
00:07:11,124 --> 00:07:12,860
Hey, oh-- shh,
shh, shh, shh, shh.
249
00:07:12,961 --> 00:07:14,463
Hank, check it out.
250
00:07:14,563 --> 00:07:15,265
[lens focus]
251
00:07:16,134 --> 00:07:17,803
Wouldn't it be against
bow hunting rules
252
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:18,805
to kill a baby deer?
253
00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:20,176
Might not be a baby.
254
00:07:20,610 --> 00:07:21,444
Could be a midget.
255
00:07:22,579 --> 00:07:23,481
[crossbow fire]
256
00:07:23,482 --> 00:07:24,216
[lens focus]
257
00:07:24,217 --> 00:07:24,683
Whoa!
258
00:07:24,684 --> 00:07:25,552
[zipper]
259
00:07:25,719 --> 00:07:27,222
What the hell was that?
260
00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:28,458
Dougie D?
261
00:07:29,094 --> 00:07:29,694
Yo!
262
00:07:29,861 --> 00:07:31,030
You gotta be more careful, man.
263
00:07:31,031 --> 00:07:32,233
What are you doing out here?
264
00:07:32,366 --> 00:07:32,934
Mark?
265
00:07:33,468 --> 00:07:34,003
Hank?
266
00:07:34,637 --> 00:07:38,311
Hey-- Well... since getting
laid off from the factory,
267
00:07:38,478 --> 00:07:39,247
I uh...
268
00:07:39,347 --> 00:07:40,782
I finally decided
to live my dream of
269
00:07:40,783 --> 00:07:42,352
being a survivalist.
270
00:07:42,787 --> 00:07:43,021
Yeah.
271
00:07:43,022 --> 00:07:43,589
No way,
272
00:07:43,789 --> 00:07:44,491
that's freaking awesome, man.
273
00:07:44,992 --> 00:07:47,329
Yeah, see Hank, I told you
this guy didn't kill his wife.
274
00:07:47,330 --> 00:07:48,198
What?
275
00:07:48,498 --> 00:07:49,968
No, no, no, that's crazy.
276
00:07:50,135 --> 00:07:51,004
Of course I didn't.
277
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:51,771
I had nothing to do with it.
278
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:53,507
Ah, I wouldn't worry too much.
279
00:07:53,508 --> 00:07:54,744
Right now, she's just missing.
280
00:07:54,877 --> 00:07:56,481
Oh, yeah, right,
right, right, yeah.
281
00:07:57,016 --> 00:07:59,020
So, like, nobody knows
I'm out here, right?
282
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,489
I mean, I don't think so.
283
00:08:00,656 --> 00:08:02,259
Except us now, obviously.
284
00:08:02,626 --> 00:08:03,527
Yeah.
285
00:08:03,528 --> 00:08:04,196
[tense music]
286
00:08:04,197 --> 00:08:05,164
Well, listen, if you want
287
00:08:05,165 --> 00:08:06,000
a break from solitude,
288
00:08:06,134 --> 00:08:08,238
you're welcome to come
bow hunting with us.
289
00:08:08,605 --> 00:08:09,273
You know,
290
00:08:09,607 --> 00:08:11,144
that sounds like a great idea.
291
00:08:11,511 --> 00:08:13,248
[dramatic music]
292
00:08:16,254 --> 00:08:17,156
[snap]
293
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:16,567
Uh, excuse me.
294
00:08:16,568 --> 00:08:17,103
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
295
00:08:17,203 --> 00:08:17,837
What are you doing, babe?
296
00:08:18,138 --> 00:08:19,841
Grabbing a couple tomatoes?
297
00:08:19,975 --> 00:08:21,646
Okay, why do you need tomatoes?
298
00:08:21,946 --> 00:08:23,182
To... eat?
299
00:08:23,315 --> 00:08:25,185
Yeah, this garden
is not for eating.
300
00:08:25,186 --> 00:08:26,788
This garden is going
to be featured on TV.
301
00:08:26,789 --> 00:08:28,825
This would be like you going
on the full house set and
302
00:08:28,826 --> 00:08:29,661
eating the Olsen Twins.
303
00:08:29,961 --> 00:08:33,701
Uh, I don't think I'm the
one you need to worry about.
304
00:08:33,702 --> 00:08:34,538
What do you mean?
305
00:08:34,872 --> 00:08:35,707
[dramatic music]
306
00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:36,709
Damnit!
307
00:08:36,842 --> 00:08:38,979
Oh, come on, jeez.
308
00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:41,118
Oh, they ate ah-- they
ate everything!
309
00:08:41,285 --> 00:08:42,620
They even ate
the frickin' herbs!
310
00:08:42,621 --> 00:08:44,825
Are you alright over
there, Jinglebells?
311
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:45,560
- No.
312
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,798
The damn deer keep
eating my crops.
313
00:08:48,099 --> 00:08:51,004
You know, I got a guy who can
install a spiked fence for you.
314
00:08:51,272 --> 00:08:52,306
A spiked fence?
315
00:08:52,507 --> 00:08:54,977
Uh, sounds a little extreme.
Does it work?
316
00:08:54,978 --> 00:08:56,247
Oh yeah, big time, okay?
317
00:08:56,248 --> 00:08:57,150
That's why they're illegal.
318
00:08:57,251 --> 00:08:58,086
- They're illegal?
319
00:08:58,219 --> 00:09:00,723
Well, only because the
snowflakes you elect
320
00:09:00,823 --> 00:09:02,260
claim they're "inhumane."
321
00:09:02,493 --> 00:09:05,565
Okay, well anything that'll harm
animals is out of the question.
322
00:09:05,566 --> 00:09:06,167
Nah, nah, nah.
323
00:09:06,168 --> 00:09:06,802
It's just a deterrent.
324
00:09:07,002 --> 00:09:09,274
Like a, uh, spiky
metal scarecrow.
325
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,575
Yeah, thanks but no thanks.
326
00:09:10,576 --> 00:09:12,581
I'll just stick with,
uh, peppermint oil.
327
00:09:12,781 --> 00:09:14,016
Pfft. Wasting your money.
328
00:09:14,151 --> 00:09:14,784
What do you mean?
329
00:09:15,153 --> 00:09:17,290
Doesn't work on a deer
in South Jersey, okay?
330
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:19,427
The animals here are
stubborn bastards.
331
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:20,896
No respect for property.
332
00:09:21,131 --> 00:09:21,665
Excuse me.
333
00:09:21,832 --> 00:09:23,502
Get the hell out of my hot tub.
334
00:09:24,137 --> 00:09:26,608
[?]
335
00:09:27,878 --> 00:09:29,013
Pfft. Unbelievable.
336
00:09:29,314 --> 00:09:31,885
Fricken deer all over the
roads and none in the forest.
337
00:09:32,287 --> 00:09:32,787
You know what?
338
00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:35,659
I know a perfect spot where
a ton of deer hang out.
339
00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:38,866
But we gotta go a little
deeper in the woods.
340
00:09:39,201 --> 00:09:39,734
Eh, I don't know.
341
00:09:39,901 --> 00:09:41,304
I feel like we should head back.
342
00:09:41,305 --> 00:09:41,972
You know, it's
getting kind of late.
343
00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:43,475
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You can't leave!
344
00:09:44,077 --> 00:09:47,049
I-- I mean... we should
camp out, right?
345
00:09:47,417 --> 00:09:49,088
Look, I got a tent,
I got a whole set up.
346
00:09:49,288 --> 00:09:49,955
It'll be great.
347
00:09:50,055 --> 00:09:50,623
Aw, hell yeah.
348
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:51,924
A little overnight hunting trip
349
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:52,828
with the boys.
350
00:09:52,961 --> 00:09:53,963
What do you say, Hank?
351
00:09:54,197 --> 00:09:55,266
Uh... I'm pretty hungry.
352
00:09:55,466 --> 00:09:58,472
Hank, what do you say you and
me do a little foraging, yeah?
353
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:01,177
You know, a lot of people
say that mushrooms are the
354
00:10:01,178 --> 00:10:02,814
hot dogs of the forest.
355
00:10:02,914 --> 00:10:03,649
Oh yeah?
356
00:10:04,016 --> 00:10:04,317
Okay.
357
00:10:04,451 --> 00:10:05,686
Yo, there we go!
358
00:10:05,687 --> 00:10:07,156
There we go, Hanky Hank!
359
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:09,360
Yeah, alright, Doug, Doug,
just let me call the wife.
360
00:10:09,361 --> 00:10:11,030
Uh, I gotta let her know
we're sleeping out tonight.
361
00:10:11,031 --> 00:10:12,433
No, no, no, no, you can't!
362
00:10:14,604 --> 00:10:18,278
Well, I mean... who
needs to call their wife?
363
00:10:18,946 --> 00:10:20,116
We're just hanging out.
364
00:10:20,216 --> 00:10:22,453
Pfft, oka-- Doug, I got news
for you, okay?
365
00:10:22,454 --> 00:10:24,757
If I camp out here with
you and don't tell her,
366
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:25,827
I'm literally gonna
get murdered.
367
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:30,135
Okay, uh... just maybe don't
mention you're with me, please?
368
00:10:30,136 --> 00:10:31,338
Don't worry, I got you.
369
00:10:35,045 --> 00:10:36,315
[TV] -She was the life
of the party.
370
00:10:36,615 --> 00:10:40,190
Her smile would light up a
room, but little did she know.
371
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,726
Oh yeah, she's dead.
372
00:10:41,926 --> 00:10:43,195
She's freakin' dead.
373
00:10:43,362 --> 00:10:44,831
[phone buzzing]
374
00:10:44,931 --> 00:10:45,867
Hey hun... What's up?
375
00:10:46,134 --> 00:10:48,504
Hey uh, just wanna let you
know I'm gonna be camping out
376
00:10:48,505 --> 00:10:49,975
tonight with uh, Hank and Doug.
377
00:10:50,109 --> 00:10:50,944
Ah, crap.
378
00:10:51,078 --> 00:10:51,745
Doug?
379
00:10:51,845 --> 00:10:53,080
As in Doug Davidson?
380
00:10:53,081 --> 00:10:55,853
No, no, uh, Doug,
uh, Doug Peterson.
381
00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:57,423
The old Eagles coach?
382
00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,395
Uh, yeah, yeah, that's whom.
Agh, alright listen.
383
00:11:00,396 --> 00:11:02,166
Okay, Tam, I'm with Doug, okay?
384
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,402
But just keep it
on the DL, okay?
385
00:11:03,403 --> 00:11:04,872
He doesn't want anyone
to know he's out here.
386
00:11:05,005 --> 00:11:06,375
Uh, yeah, you know why?
387
00:11:06,475 --> 00:11:08,212
Because he's a
MURDERER, you idiot!
388
00:11:08,379 --> 00:11:09,847
Okay, calm down.
389
00:11:09,848 --> 00:11:10,815
He's not a murderer.
390
00:11:10,816 --> 00:11:13,254
He's a good guy and he
needs friends right now.
391
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:13,889
Mark!
392
00:11:14,124 --> 00:11:14,691
I'm telling ya,
393
00:11:14,991 --> 00:11:16,361
I've been checking out
his Facebook.
394
00:11:16,562 --> 00:11:18,098
Look at some of
the pages he likes.
395
00:11:18,365 --> 00:11:22,006
O.J. Simpson, Chris Benoit,
Oscar Pistorius.
396
00:11:22,274 --> 00:11:23,875
Okay, so the guy likes sports.
397
00:11:23,876 --> 00:11:24,778
I mean No, Mark.
398
00:11:25,012 --> 00:11:27,650
He likes athletes who
killed their FRICKIN' wives!
399
00:11:27,884 --> 00:11:28,585
Oh, please, okay?
400
00:11:28,852 --> 00:11:30,422
You like Michael Jackson
doesn't mean you go
401
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:31,424
around boinking kids.
402
00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:32,459
Mark, listen to me.
403
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:34,563
You and your brother need
to get your asses outta
404
00:11:34,564 --> 00:11:35,900
there and call the cops!
405
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,035
Okay, I hear you.
I got you.
406
00:11:37,170 --> 00:11:38,306
Okay, let me talk to the guys.
407
00:11:38,673 --> 00:11:40,609
No! Do not talk to
the guys about it!
408
00:11:41,512 --> 00:11:42,346
[sigh]
409
00:11:43,014 --> 00:11:45,886
[eerie music]
410
00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:47,290
Oh! What about that one?
411
00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:49,260
Ooh, that's a beauty, Hank.
412
00:11:49,261 --> 00:11:50,061
Good pick.
413
00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:52,633
You sure it's not
like, uh, poison?
414
00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:53,803
Not at all.
415
00:11:54,070 --> 00:11:55,640
In fact, those are my favorite.
416
00:11:55,940 --> 00:11:56,942
I eat them all the time.
417
00:11:57,310 --> 00:11:59,046
Hmm...
418
00:11:59,948 --> 00:12:00,916
[grunt, thud]
419
00:12:02,687 --> 00:12:03,456
Oh.
420
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:06,161
Someone left a perfectly
good knife in that tree.
421
00:12:06,461 --> 00:12:09,367
Oh... uh... yeah. Nice.
422
00:12:09,868 --> 00:12:11,738
Yeah, I don't know
if I can eat this.
423
00:12:11,838 --> 00:12:13,676
Looks just like the
guy from Mario Kart.
424
00:12:13,943 --> 00:12:15,480
But, uh, you know,
you should have it.
425
00:12:15,580 --> 00:12:17,450
Oh, no, no, I'm good, thanks.
426
00:12:17,583 --> 00:12:18,819
Oh, come on, I insist.
427
00:12:19,121 --> 00:12:21,223
You said you eat these
mushrooms all the time and
428
00:12:21,224 --> 00:12:22,560
that these are your favorite.
429
00:12:23,429 --> 00:12:27,537
Right. I... um...
fine, yeah. Sure.
430
00:12:28,305 --> 00:12:29,240
[crunch]
431
00:12:29,241 --> 00:12:30,109
Mmm.
432
00:12:30,777 --> 00:12:31,545
Yummy.
433
00:12:31,778 --> 00:12:32,480
[groan]
434
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,117
Would you excuse me
for just a second?
435
00:12:34,317 --> 00:12:35,318
[vomit]
436
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:36,187
Good news guys.
437
00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:36,988
Talked to the wife.
438
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,692
We are all clear for camping.
439
00:12:39,461 --> 00:12:40,129
Hey, what's up with him?
440
00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:43,835
Hey Mark, can I uh, talk
to you for a second?
441
00:12:44,338 --> 00:12:44,671
What's up?
442
00:12:45,038 --> 00:12:47,042
I have some concerns about Doug.
443
00:12:49,181 --> 00:12:50,082
I think he's bulimic.
444
00:12:51,685 --> 00:12:52,587
[vomit]
445
00:12:53,256 --> 00:12:54,257
[crickets]
446
00:12:54,390 --> 00:12:55,593
[crunching]
447
00:12:55,726 --> 00:12:56,562
Oh, come on.
448
00:12:56,695 --> 00:12:57,096
Shoo!
449
00:12:57,263 --> 00:12:57,929
Go!
450
00:12:57,930 --> 00:12:58,799
Get out of here!
451
00:12:59,968 --> 00:13:00,736
Swear to god, buddy.
452
00:13:00,936 --> 00:13:02,507
Don't make me use
the peppermint spray.
453
00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:04,811
You'll be smelling like
Christmas for weeks.
454
00:13:05,813 --> 00:13:06,815
[squirt]
455
00:13:08,485 --> 00:13:15,866
[dramatic music]
456
00:13:16,402 --> 00:13:17,737
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
457
00:13:18,372 --> 00:13:19,373
[clang]
458
00:13:19,374 --> 00:13:20,576
[hooves]
459
00:13:22,747 --> 00:13:23,749
[ding]
460
00:13:23,983 --> 00:13:24,984
[door unlocks]
461
00:13:26,354 --> 00:13:27,724
Mr Jinglebells.
462
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:28,258
Hi.
463
00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:29,427
Yeah, so, uh,
464
00:13:29,428 --> 00:13:31,131
about that spiky fence.
465
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,703
So she really thinks
Doug did it, eh?
466
00:13:36,870 --> 00:13:38,239
Yo no, she's nuts, okay?
467
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,611
She saw one thing on his
Facebook page and now
468
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:41,547
she's fricken Columbo.
469
00:13:41,747 --> 00:13:43,950
I don't know, Mark didn't
like his, uh, first wife die
470
00:13:43,951 --> 00:13:44,986
in a weird way or something?
471
00:13:44,987 --> 00:13:45,922
No, not at all, okay?
472
00:13:46,189 --> 00:13:48,628
She, uh, I think she fell
down the stairs or something.
473
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,731
Poor guy, if anyone
appreciates
474
00:13:50,732 --> 00:13:52,267
having a wife,
it's gotta be Doug.
475
00:13:52,569 --> 00:13:53,136
[twigs snapping]
476
00:13:53,403 --> 00:13:54,471
Did you hear that?
Shh, shh, shh...
477
00:13:57,945 --> 00:13:58,914
[crossbow fires]
478
00:13:59,348 --> 00:14:00,184
[whoosh]
479
00:14:00,451 --> 00:14:01,218
[beep, beep, beep]
480
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:01,986
[thud, thud, thud]
481
00:14:01,987 --> 00:14:03,323
Ugggh!
482
00:14:03,558 --> 00:14:04,491
[yells and groans]
483
00:14:04,592 --> 00:14:05,460
Oh boy.
484
00:14:07,431 --> 00:14:08,233
Uh, is he dead?
485
00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:09,235
Hank, would you relax?
486
00:14:09,402 --> 00:14:10,871
Okay, this is just a
little hunting accident.
487
00:14:10,872 --> 00:14:11,774
It happens all the time.
488
00:14:11,907 --> 00:14:12,441
Hey, Doug.
489
00:14:12,909 --> 00:14:13,743
Doug, you good?
490
00:14:13,744 --> 00:14:15,313
Arrrgh!
491
00:14:15,748 --> 00:14:16,416
Okay, don't worry, pal.
492
00:14:16,817 --> 00:14:18,887
Just got uh, the wind
knocked out of you, okay?
493
00:14:18,888 --> 00:14:19,455
No big deal.
494
00:14:20,124 --> 00:14:22,094
Uh, should we call
9-1-1 or?
495
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:24,633
[groans]
496
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,171
Ehhh. Yeah, probably.
497
00:14:27,639 --> 00:14:28,975
Ah, crap. Phone's dead.
498
00:14:29,275 --> 00:14:30,979
Yo, Hank, what uh...
percentage you at?
499
00:14:31,145 --> 00:14:32,616
I don't know. Won't turn on.
500
00:14:33,116 --> 00:14:34,852
Hmm. Looks like we're
gonna have to do this
501
00:14:34,853 --> 00:14:35,889
the old fashioned way.
502
00:14:36,022 --> 00:14:38,092
Like a surgery with
sticks or something?
503
00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:39,394
Hm...
504
00:14:39,896 --> 00:14:41,065
[groans]
505
00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:42,167
You know what, nah.
506
00:14:42,434 --> 00:14:43,971
I think we gotta,
we gotta go get help.
507
00:14:44,271 --> 00:14:45,040
[ting]
508
00:14:45,173 --> 00:14:46,910
What the hell kind
of fence is this?
509
00:14:46,911 --> 00:14:49,380
Eh, it's just a deterrent
to keep deer out.
510
00:14:49,381 --> 00:14:50,183
It's hideous.
511
00:14:50,317 --> 00:14:51,085
I don't know, I kind of like it.
512
00:14:51,252 --> 00:14:54,124
It's got kind of a
Game of Thrones vibe.
513
00:14:54,291 --> 00:14:54,626
Ugh.
514
00:14:54,926 --> 00:14:55,861
Listen, I have no choice.
515
00:14:56,028 --> 00:14:57,764
The Sunrise Philadelphia
people are coming and the
516
00:14:57,765 --> 00:15:00,304
entire tri-state area is
going to see my garden, okay?
517
00:15:00,471 --> 00:15:02,775
No one's going to buy a
gardening book from a man
518
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,011
with nibbled eggplants.
519
00:15:04,144 --> 00:15:05,447
How much is this
thing going to cost?
520
00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:08,152
Oh, it's Mernft Man's friend.
He's doing it as a favor.
521
00:15:08,153 --> 00:15:10,023
Eight thousand dollars.
522
00:15:10,157 --> 00:15:12,696
Eight thou--
You mean eight thousand rubles?
523
00:15:12,796 --> 00:15:13,230
No.
524
00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:14,364
You know. Okay well look,
525
00:15:14,365 --> 00:15:16,669
our fence budget is only
two thousand dollars.
526
00:15:16,670 --> 00:15:18,239
Eight thousand dollars!
527
00:15:18,339 --> 00:15:20,544
Okay yes, sure.
Sorry, no problem.
528
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:21,211
Uh,...you know what?
529
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,548
I'm gonna go get my checkbook.
530
00:15:22,549 --> 00:15:23,116
Cash.
531
00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:25,821
I don't have eight thousand
dollars in cash on me!
532
00:15:26,255 --> 00:15:27,124
Okay listen, David, okay?
533
00:15:27,290 --> 00:15:29,327
I know your people love
a bargain, but you can't
534
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:30,830
negotiate with these guys, okay?
535
00:15:30,831 --> 00:15:32,634
He's like full-on
Russian mob.
536
00:15:32,635 --> 00:15:33,637
- Oh my god.
537
00:15:33,737 --> 00:15:35,841
- You know what, I'm gonna
run to the bank. Alright?
538
00:15:35,842 --> 00:15:37,309
Eight thousand?
Great, no problem.
539
00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:38,981
- David, I have to go to work.
540
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:40,818
Just... I'll be right back.
541
00:15:41,620 --> 00:15:45,829
So... uh, should we be worried
about rust or anything?
542
00:15:45,962 --> 00:15:46,864
Rust good.
543
00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:49,168
Give enemies tetanus.
544
00:15:51,305 --> 00:15:52,274
[footsteps]
545
00:15:52,509 --> 00:15:54,278
Eh, you sure we're going
the right way, Mark?
546
00:15:54,612 --> 00:15:56,816
We've been walking
for like sixteen hours.
547
00:15:56,817 --> 00:15:57,652
Yes, Hank, you see this?
548
00:15:57,786 --> 00:16:00,156
Moss only grows on the
north side of trees.
549
00:16:00,256 --> 00:16:02,527
So what you do is you just
follow the moss, and it'll
550
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:05,467
take you to-- takes you
in a straight line. Okay?
551
00:16:05,935 --> 00:16:07,705
Yeah, but that tree
has moss all around it.
552
00:16:08,439 --> 00:16:10,109
Holy crap, Hank.
553
00:16:10,343 --> 00:16:11,679
It's a freakin' deer city!
554
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:12,815
[angelic music]
555
00:16:12,982 --> 00:16:13,382
Oh, yeah.
556
00:16:13,784 --> 00:16:15,353
Too bad we gotta
get help for Doug.
557
00:16:15,487 --> 00:16:17,391
He's fine, Hank, okay?
He's a survivalist.
558
00:16:17,692 --> 00:16:20,230
Not dying is like, that's
like their one rule.
559
00:16:20,565 --> 00:16:22,769
This might be our only
chance to bag a buck.
560
00:16:23,036 --> 00:16:24,805
If I come back from an
overnight hunting trip with
561
00:16:24,806 --> 00:16:27,612
no frickin' meat, pfft, I'm
never gonna hear end of it.
562
00:16:28,647 --> 00:16:29,181
[click]
563
00:16:29,649 --> 00:16:30,483
[click, click]
564
00:16:31,018 --> 00:16:31,620
Damnit!
565
00:16:31,887 --> 00:16:32,988
Hank, it's freakin' empty!
566
00:16:32,989 --> 00:16:33,657
Where are the arrows?
567
00:16:33,924 --> 00:16:36,630
Oh crap, I think they're
uh, still in Doug.
568
00:16:36,797 --> 00:16:37,665
[sigh] Damn, alright,
569
00:16:37,666 --> 00:16:39,768
well I didn't want to
have to do this,
570
00:16:39,769 --> 00:16:41,673
but you left me no choice Hank,
okay? This is on you.
571
00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:45,514
Woah, you sure it's ethical
to use a grenade on a deer?
572
00:16:45,515 --> 00:16:47,050
Oh yeah, VERY ethical.
573
00:16:47,183 --> 00:16:50,322
Instant death, no suffering.
Plus they die together,
574
00:16:50,323 --> 00:16:51,593
so they go to heaven together.
575
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:52,394
- True.
576
00:16:52,829 --> 00:16:55,601
Alright, this is it.
For all the money.
577
00:16:56,737 --> 00:16:57,404
[click]
578
00:16:57,939 --> 00:16:58,608
[thud]
579
00:16:59,075 --> 00:17:00,075
Oh crap!
Fire in the hole!
580
00:17:00,076 --> 00:17:01,279
Let's go go go go!
581
00:17:01,513 --> 00:17:02,046
[boom!]
582
00:17:02,047 --> 00:17:03,282
[wings flapping]
583
00:17:05,821 --> 00:17:07,390
[dramatic music]
584
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,669
[dramatic music]
585
00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:15,807
Welcome back to
Sunrise Philadelphia.
586
00:17:15,808 --> 00:17:17,812
Denise, are you into gardening?
587
00:17:18,046 --> 00:17:19,348
Oh, no, Howard,
588
00:17:19,482 --> 00:17:22,053
the only time my thumb is
green is when I'm using
589
00:17:22,054 --> 00:17:23,690
it to call my landscaper!
590
00:17:23,691 --> 00:17:24,858
[laughter]
591
00:17:24,859 --> 00:17:28,566
Well, our own Tracy Mummers
is live in Glantontown to
592
00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:32,174
show us why they call
New Jersey the Garden State.
593
00:17:32,542 --> 00:17:33,209
Thanks, Howard!
594
00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:35,747
I'm here with David Jinglebells,
author of
595
00:17:35,748 --> 00:17:38,955
A New Leaf: My Journey
into Sustainable Gardening.
596
00:17:39,088 --> 00:17:41,224
David, can we start with
a little tour of your
597
00:17:41,225 --> 00:17:42,527
beautiful garden here?
598
00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:43,462
Great, sure, yeah!
599
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,535
So first up we have
a local staple.
600
00:17:45,935 --> 00:17:47,303
This is the Jersey tomato.
601
00:17:47,304 --> 00:17:50,511
- Oh yes. Love those
in a Caprese salad.
602
00:17:50,711 --> 00:17:52,380
And look at these eggplants.
603
00:17:52,581 --> 00:17:53,315
Impressive.
604
00:17:53,316 --> 00:17:54,418
Oh well thank you very much!
605
00:17:54,552 --> 00:17:57,190
Yeah, these are actually
Japanese eggplants, which are
606
00:17:57,390 --> 00:17:59,194
a fantastic meat substitute.
607
00:17:59,394 --> 00:18:01,732
You get the texture of meat,
but without the murder.
608
00:18:01,733 --> 00:18:02,467
[thud, groan]
609
00:18:02,468 --> 00:18:03,068
Oh!
610
00:18:03,069 --> 00:18:03,838
[gasp]
611
00:18:03,938 --> 00:18:04,371
Oh, wow.
612
00:18:04,906 --> 00:18:07,712
I think a deer just got
stuck on your fence.
613
00:18:07,979 --> 00:18:08,714
[thud, groan]
614
00:18:09,816 --> 00:18:10,684
Oh, god!
615
00:18:10,685 --> 00:18:11,351
[thud, thud]
616
00:18:11,352 --> 00:18:11,819
Oh, no!
617
00:18:11,820 --> 00:18:12,588
[thud, groans]
618
00:18:12,589 --> 00:18:13,021
[screams]
619
00:18:13,022 --> 00:18:13,389
[splat]
620
00:18:13,523 --> 00:18:15,492
Oh, god! Please--
621
00:18:15,493 --> 00:18:15,827
[groans]
622
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:16,161
[screams]
623
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:17,197
[tv static]
624
00:18:18,433 --> 00:18:19,535
Oh, deer.
625
00:18:20,203 --> 00:18:21,405
That's not good.
626
00:18:25,113 --> 00:18:27,384
Ah, fricken A. I think
we're back at the campsite.
627
00:18:27,652 --> 00:18:29,989
Wait, did we just walk all
the way around the Earth?
628
00:18:30,123 --> 00:18:31,560
[siren wailing]
629
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,129
Look, Doug's getting help!
630
00:18:33,229 --> 00:18:34,096
[siren wailing]
631
00:18:34,097 --> 00:18:35,199
[camera flash]
632
00:18:37,103 --> 00:18:37,772
[camera flash]
633
00:18:37,939 --> 00:18:39,877
Yeah, uh. I think
he's dead, Hank.
634
00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:41,145
Oh, jeez.
635
00:18:41,278 --> 00:18:42,147
Hank, I killed the guy.
636
00:18:42,281 --> 00:18:43,649
I freaking killed the guy, okay?
637
00:18:43,650 --> 00:18:44,484
I'm going to jail.
638
00:18:44,852 --> 00:18:46,022
Maybe Tammy was right.
639
00:18:46,122 --> 00:18:47,726
Yeah, about Doug killing Janine?
640
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:50,764
No, about bo hu-- wait a minute-
YEAH.
641
00:18:50,998 --> 00:18:52,835
Yeah! About Doug killing Janine!
642
00:18:53,402 --> 00:18:56,743
Cause if Doug did it, then I
didn't just kill some guy...
643
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,146
I killed a murderer!
644
00:18:58,313 --> 00:19:00,148
Doug is obviously a
fricken murderer!
645
00:19:00,149 --> 00:19:01,418
Okay, how's that for ethical?
646
00:19:01,553 --> 00:19:04,726
Forget bow hunter,
I'm a BOUNTY hunter.
647
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:05,528
Wait, where you going?
648
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,932
Where you think I'm going?
To get my reward!
649
00:19:11,305 --> 00:19:13,276
Yo, clean up on
aisle five, right?
650
00:19:13,409 --> 00:19:14,811
Who the hell are you?
651
00:19:14,812 --> 00:19:16,816
How you doin', uh Mark Hoagies.
Bounty hunter.
652
00:19:16,817 --> 00:19:19,153
Okay buddy well this
is an active crime scene.
653
00:19:19,154 --> 00:19:20,156
Are you authorized to be here?
654
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,827
I mean considering this is my
handiwork, yeah I'd say so.
655
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,568
Hold on. Are you confessing
to killing this guy?
656
00:19:25,702 --> 00:19:28,038
I prefer to call it
neutralizing a murderer.
657
00:19:28,039 --> 00:19:29,407
But yes, that is correct.
658
00:19:29,408 --> 00:19:30,645
[gulp]
659
00:19:31,012 --> 00:19:32,380
[handcuffs rustling]
660
00:19:33,449 --> 00:19:35,353
Well, Hoagies, uh your
little brother over
661
00:19:35,354 --> 00:19:36,622
there told us everything.
662
00:19:36,623 --> 00:19:37,057
[sigh]
663
00:19:37,157 --> 00:19:37,924
Bastard sold me out
664
00:19:37,925 --> 00:19:38,794
for a hot dog!
665
00:19:38,961 --> 00:19:39,562
Unbelievable.
666
00:19:39,796 --> 00:19:42,101
He says you
accidentally shot Doug,
667
00:19:42,234 --> 00:19:45,206
which by the way,
is still a serious crime.
668
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:46,108
Dammit, Hank.
669
00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:47,476
But, he also gathered the
670
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:49,114
smoking gun evidence we
671
00:19:49,115 --> 00:19:50,450
needed to close this case.
672
00:19:50,651 --> 00:19:52,354
Or should I say, smoking knife?
673
00:19:52,889 --> 00:19:55,327
He found a knife in a
tree with Janine's blood.
674
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,998
So how about we agree
this was self defense
675
00:19:57,999 --> 00:19:59,569
and call it a day, eh?
676
00:19:59,936 --> 00:20:01,540
Hmmm. Self defense?
677
00:20:01,673 --> 00:20:02,341
Interesting.
678
00:20:02,842 --> 00:20:04,378
How would that affect
the reward money?
679
00:20:04,613 --> 00:20:06,616
Your reward is
not going to jail.
680
00:20:06,617 --> 00:20:08,954
Now get the hell out of here
before I change my mind.
681
00:20:10,056 --> 00:20:10,558
Deal.
682
00:20:11,392 --> 00:20:13,262
Hey, Mernft, uh, you think
your Russian friend could
683
00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:14,566
throw me up there too?
684
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:15,367
[squeak]
685
00:20:15,501 --> 00:20:16,769
Come on, David it's fine, okay?
686
00:20:16,770 --> 00:20:18,506
The world's a better
place with, uh,
687
00:20:18,507 --> 00:20:20,276
a fifteen or
so less deer in it.
688
00:20:20,945 --> 00:20:23,016
Well, at least your
eggplants are intact.
689
00:20:23,149 --> 00:20:24,117
[creaking]
690
00:20:24,251 --> 00:20:25,721
[crash!]
691
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:31,307
Andrea, this Caprese
salad is wonderful.
692
00:20:31,407 --> 00:20:32,809
Thank you.
Better be.
693
00:20:32,943 --> 00:20:34,947
Those are eight thousand
dollar tomatoes.
694
00:20:35,248 --> 00:20:38,186
And this deer kebab is hot
dog quality let me tell you.
695
00:20:38,453 --> 00:20:39,522
Uh, thanks?
696
00:20:39,523 --> 00:20:41,125
Yeah David. You killed it.
697
00:20:41,126 --> 00:20:42,829
Believe me, I am aware Mark.
698
00:20:42,962 --> 00:20:44,332
You gotta try it
David, come on.
699
00:20:44,966 --> 00:20:46,035
Sure, why not.
700
00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:49,208
Hmm. Not bad, actually.
701
00:20:49,543 --> 00:20:49,976
Wow.
702
00:20:50,111 --> 00:20:51,545
And thus ends David's
703
00:20:51,546 --> 00:20:53,116
four month vegetarian adventure.
704
00:20:53,350 --> 00:20:55,987
I mean, it feels like it
would be unethical NOT
705
00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:57,225
to eat it at this point.
706
00:20:57,425 --> 00:20:57,859
Right, Mark?
707
00:20:58,127 --> 00:20:59,428
Actually David, you'll be happy
708
00:20:59,429 --> 00:21:00,631
to know that I no longer
709
00:21:00,632 --> 00:21:02,000
hunt innocent creatures...
710
00:21:02,134 --> 00:21:04,272
only obviously guilty ones.
711
00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,576
I am a bounty hunter now.
712
00:21:06,710 --> 00:21:08,046
Oh give me a break.
713
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:08,846
No he's not.
714
00:21:08,847 --> 00:21:09,816
Yes I am Tam.
715
00:21:09,949 --> 00:21:10,885
I think this is my calling.
716
00:21:11,219 --> 00:21:14,291
Okay, Mark. For legal reasons,
why don't we discuss this later.
717
00:21:14,292 --> 00:21:17,399
So uh, what happened
to the rest of the deer?
718
00:21:17,499 --> 00:21:20,070
Oh uh... Mernft Man
actually took 'em. Heh.
719
00:21:20,571 --> 00:21:21,573
Oh my god.
720
00:21:22,006 --> 00:21:23,344
Are you fricken kidding me?
721
00:21:23,511 --> 00:21:24,479
[splash]
722
00:21:24,529 --> 00:21:29,079
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