All language subtitles for The Simpsons s36e13 Bottle.eng

?

[sighs]

? I want to break free ?

? I want to break free ?

? I want to ?

? Break free from your lies ?

? You're so self-satisfied ?

? I don't need you ?

? I've got to break free ?

? God knows ?

? God knows
I want to break free ?

? I want to break free. ?

[Smithers sighs]

Ah, the joy
of a completed to-do list.

Shall we celebrate
by cracking open an amontillado?

Uh, sir, you had
that cask of amontillado

walled off two days ago.

-Along with the salesman.
-[knocking]

[salesman]
Are you still considering

the Cask of the Month Club?

After three months,
it pays for itself.

I'm thinking about it.

Anyway, Smithers, a tasting.

What about this 1945 Bordeaux?

Yes, that could give
my palate a little party.

Palate, have at it.

Oh.

How I miss extra-venous fluids.

Mm, you're getting notes
of cigar smoke,

saffron- Ooh, sandalwood.

Yes, yes, all of those.

And cupcake frosting
from a child's birthday party

with notes of petting zoo
on the finish.

Oh, I'm getting a little tipsy.

Make sure you take two aspirin

and drink plenty of water
before I go to bed.

[whimpering]

What is it?
what do you hear, boy?

Dress shoes on linoleum.

It's Smithers.

Whenever he comes down here,
he wants

someone to stay late
and do extra work.

[whimpering]

Homer, it's one taquito.

It's not worth it.

No snack left behind.

I'll tell your story.

[microwave dings]

Simpson, come with me.

[groans]
Can I bring my taquito?

No.

Mr. Burns wants
to impress his wine club,

so he paid a million dollars

for a very special bottle
of Gevrey-Chambertin

once owned by Napoleon.

Whoa, just like the laundry pods

they lock up
at the Kwik-E-Mart.

Wow.

Turns out Napoleon fought
the Battle of Austerlitz

just because he'd heard
there was

an extraordinary
bottle of red there.

And you need my expert skills
to keep watch over it.

No, I need you to ride in the
back with it as a human airbag.

Ooh, human.

[phone rings]

Smithers, I coughed up
my Adam's apple.

Not again.

I'm on my way, sir.

Simpson, I need you
to bring the Napoleon wine

directly to Mr. Burns' mansion.

This is the most important job

you've ever done
in your entire life.

I'm glad to have
earned your trust.

If there were anyone else
on Earth I could ask, I would.

Thank you.

[Burns]
Hurry, Smithers.

Now ants are circling it.

Okay, just get the bottle
back to Mr. Burns.

First, select
the least bumpy route.

Aah!
Where'd it go?!

And now it is my great honor

to christen this ship-

-[grunts]
-Well, I never.

No, wait, this did happen
once before.

[all] Mazel tov!

[grunts] Ow!

Uh...

[sighs]

Mwah.

[grunts]

[pellet guns firing]

Mm...

[grunting]

Oh, man, I'm so far
from Mr. Burns' mansion.

Where even am I?

I'll give you a hint, dumbass.

You live here.

Give me another hint.

Okay, Homer, you got
a million-dollar bottle of wine.

For once in your life,
don't be stupid.

Put it somewhere safe.

Safe, safe.

Wait, a safe.

[grunts]

Safe. So this is
what being smart feels like.

[chuckles]
I'll reward myself

with a quick garage nap
in the car.

I'll just turn it on
to keep warm and-

No.

Staying smart.

[snoring]

Huh? Wha-
Oh, no!

I need to get to Burns' mansion.

You're exhausted.

At least eat dinner
before you go.

Mmm, this is the best stew ever.

Oh, it's nothing special.

Just beef, carrots, onions,

garlic and bay leaves.

Well, it's delicious.

Oh, and some wine.

What kind of wine?

I didn't want to use
the good nine-dollar bottle,

so I just used this old one.

[screaming]

How? No.

No, I was smart.
I was smart.

So smart.

What?
I don't understand.

It's still locked.

-Huh?
-[Bart] Hey, Homer.

What the hell
kind of safe is this?

Remember?
You punched a hole in the wall

when Major League Baseball
added the pitch clock.

I like my sports slow,
and they knew that.

Marge, you don't understand.

That wine you used in the stew

was Burns' wine.

It cost a million dollars!

Oh, no. No!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

A million dollars?

A million dollars!

I don't want stew.

I want mac and cheese.

-Eat your million-dollar stew.
-[grunts]

[groans]

You used all
of the million-dollar wine?

It's what the recipe calls for.

You should have written
your name on the bottle.

Like I do with that special tea
that makes me regular.

Regular?
You didn't go the whole time

we were in
the Wisconsin Dells.

That's why I got the tea!

That I label.

[Smithers]
Simpson.

Why haven't you delivered the
bottle to Mr. Burns' mansion?

Before I answer that,

try some of this delicious stew.

Mmm, the onions, the garlic,

the red wine
from the 19th century.

[groans]

Aah!

It's not what you think.

Marge cooked the wine into stew.

Stew that we ate.

-[growls]
-Uh,

if you need to
strangle the boy for a minute,

that's what he's here for.

Eh, it's what I bring
to the table.

Oh, God, this is going
to take Mr. Burns

to a horrifying level of fury.

He built this lumber mill
just to kill us.

Oh, that explains it.

Waylon, Homer really did try
to keep it safe.

This is all my fault.

I can't believe I was undone
by Marge Simpson.

[crying]

Mm. Hmm?

Okay, I know things
look kind of bad.

But there is a way out of this.

This isn't "kind of bad."

This is a catastrophe.

If I may- for you,
catastrophe is a new thing.

But for me, it's just
another day at the office.

What the hell are talking about,
you incompetent nitwit?

Oh, Smithers,
Smithers, Smithers.

Let me explain.

Maggie, my note.

? In the course
of my long life ?

-Aah!
-? I've learned a golden rule ?

? To escape the blame
and avoid the shame ?

? When I've been an utter fool ?

? I simply cover it up ?

-? Cover it up? ?
-? Cover it up? ?

? Cover it up, cover it up ?

? Lost her wedding ring
one winter ?

? Cover it up, cover it up ?

? Made one with a 3D printer ?

? Cover it up, cover it up ?

? I cut down Flanders'
cherry tree ?

? And then did tell a lie ?

? I blamed it on some teens ?

? Who were wedgie-ing this guy ?

? Neck high ?

-? Cover it up ?
-? Cover it up ?

? I can't recall the lyrics
to the verse I'm singing now ?

? Who cares?
I'll make some new words up ?

[scatting]

? I love you, "Spingfield" ?

? Trick the red light camera ?

? When you're rushing
to get home ?

? Forgot to bring a doggy bag ?

? Just use a garden gnome ?

? I caused so many meltdowns ?

? So I use my little fix ?

? We know you caused
those meltdowns ?

? No, you only knew of six ?

? Let's fix my wife's-
not my- mistake ?

-? Cover it up ?
-? And fill this fancy jug ?

-? With fake ?
-? Cover it up ?

-? Make a woo-hoo
out of a d'oh ? -? Just cover it up ?

? Cover it up
and they'll never ?

? Even know ?

? Cover it up! ?

Mm, I can't resist

a musical number
that advances the plot.

-I'm in.
-But how do we cover this up?

It's not gonna be easy.

Mr. Burns is planning
to pour the Napoleon wine

for some of the most discerning
wine connoisseurs in the world.

You know, wine is
basically just chemistry.

Maybe you need someone
who knows all about

the chemistry of alcohol.

Wine is the red one, right?

Well, I understand your dilemma,

but I am right
in the middle of an experiment

to develop the proverbial
six-pack abdominals.

-[both groan]
-I know, but it's what the ladies want.

I think they just want
someone who listens.

Well, I don't have
a contraption for that.

Professor, maybe if I

-rephrase it like this.
-?

-? Cover it up! ?
-? Flavin! ?

Uh, well, based on my analysis

of the last drops
of the stewified Napoleon wine,

I've created a replica
out of diammonium phosphate,

calcium carbonate and 14 CCs

of Manischewitz.

[sniffs]

Mmm.
That's, uh, that's amazing.

-So we did it?
-We did it.

Uh, I, uh, did it, yes.

And now, just
to ensure I've removed

the radioactive isotope
found in all wines

made after the dawn
of the nuclear age...

Perfect.

[detector clicking]

Uh, should I be worried
about that?

Are you planning
on having children?

I never planned
any of my children.

Uh, well, it is what it is.

I call to order this meeting
with our credo,

"Never drink something younger

or date something older
than you."

[all]
To pointless excess.

And now, the main event:

a bottle of wine once held
by Napoleon himself.

So, raise a glass
and bend an "Elba."

[laughing]

Smithers, release the cork.

Moment of truth.

You know, our marriage
really could use

fewer moments of truth.

Now that's million-buck chuck!

Complex with a hint of

doy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoing!

Mm.

The cover-up worked!

And tonight,
we'll have cover-up sex.

Ooh, it'll be my first.

[laughing] No, it won't.

I can't believe
we pulled that off.

I feel a little guilty
and a little scared.

Like the first time
I fast-forwarded

through a commercial.

Don't feel bad.

With the money
those billionaires

spend on one bottle,

it could buy every poor person
in the world

an inexpensive
but very drinkable ros�.

Those monsters.

They are.
And I do their bidding.

[crying]

I'm just as bad, if not worse,
because I know better.

I'm even starting
to look like Mr. Burns.

Hump!

Sometimes I feel like I've
only got this much soul left.

Don't worry, Waylon.

There's plenty of soul
where that came from.

You know, we've still got

a lot of this Frinky drinky.

Think how many wrongs
we could right

if we sold just one more
million-dollar bottle.

Are you slurring
what I think you're slurring?

Yes.
What if we sell fake wine

to the rich to give to the poor?

Like Robin Hood.

?

[grunting, exclaiming]

[grunts]

I'm cleansing my soul.

And I'm getting out
of the house.

[gavel bangs]

[quiet chatter]

We're doing this.

We're actually
going to Robin Hood

a bottle of fake wine.

Look at all these mega-rich
wine connoisseurs.

I've never seen so many people
not wearing baseball caps.

And that's Jim Sprawldon
from the Sprawl-Mart fortune.

And from Sam's Club,
there's Marcus Club himself.

Oh... I can ask him
to bring back

Marcus's Choice
cinnamon apple dryer sheets.

[Smithers] There's Francis Ford
Coppola and Andrew Lloyd Webber,

the most surprisingly straight
wine collector in the world.

And he's next to Robert Parker,

who invented the 100-point
wine ranking scale.

I will buy this Napoleon wine

with the money
from the music that I write.

The money from the music
of the night.

I rate this conversation a 36.

Next up is the last known wine
owned by Napoleon.

Offered for sale
by an anonymous owner.

I open the bidding at-

$1 million!

-$1.5 million.
-[phone rings]

Wh- I'm sorry. I have a call
from my accountant.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I bid nothing.

Uh, $1.5 million.

$2 million.

$2 million?
That's, like, 20,000 100s.

Going once. Going twice.
Sold!

[both exclaim]

Slowly, deftly,
losing shall caress you.

Hear it, feel it.

Secretly depress you.

You did Cats, right?

What the hell was that?!

And why do I love it?

We did it!

This money is going to right
so many wrongs.

Thank you, Marge.
For the first time in my life,

I feel free.

You are under arrest
for the high crime

of wine forgery.

?

Here's your cell.

Does the gentleman
find it suitable?

Why do they always ask the man?

Oh, Homie, Homie, I don't know
how to tell you this,

but I'm in jail.

[chuckles]
Marge in jail? Puh-lease.

This is like that phone scam
I almost fell for last month.

That was really me.

I had to walk home
from the airport

because you wouldn't believe me.

Then this is Marge!
You're in jail?

[crying] Yes.

Waylon and I faked and sold
another Napoleon wine.

Well, this is crazy.

You're in jail for booze,
and I'm...

at home watching the kids.

-Time's up.
-[whimpers]

I've got to go.
I miss you all so much.

-I love you.
-[burps]

Oh, Mommy loves you, too,
Maggie.

?

Wine court is modeled after
the quirky French legal system.

It's based on every defendant's
right to a certain,

mm... je ne sais quoi.

How do you know about all this?

Oh, Wine Court TV plays all day
in most gay bars.

Your Honor, this is a case
of shocking fraud

perpetrated by the worst kind
of scammers.

Do we seriously believe
that a wine

owned by Napoleon was found

by an executive assistant
and a homemaker?

They're simple,
ignorant Philistines.

Mrs. Simpson,
please tell the court

your recipe for sangria.

Two parts Duff wine cooler

to one part grape popsicle.

-[all gasp]
-Oh, no, Marge.

You stupid lady.

Homie, I might be
going to jail for years.

Promise me you'll take
good care of the kids.

Honey, you know
I can't make that promise.

I wonder if Homer
is looking at the same moon.

[shatters]

Marge was always here...

[crying] to dry and put away.

-[shatters]
-This is all my fault.

? They covered it up,
they covered it up ?

? And I lost my sweet
and loving wife ?

-Wait, what?
-? I can't cover it up ?

? Can't cover it up ?

? She might do 20 years ?

? To life. ?

You said Mom was in
Santa Barbara with friends.

Kids, your mom's
not in Santa Barbara.

She's in wine jail.

There's no such thing
as Santa Barbara.

Dad, you got to find a way
to get Mom out of jail.

You got to cover this up.

It's the only thing
you're good at.

No, the only thing
I'm good at is nothing.

I will never cover up again.

Ladies, gentlemen,

and bored looking cat
in a turtleneck.

[purring]

The wine we're accused of faking

tastes exactly like
the real thing,

so if-if no one
can tell the difference,

how is that a crime?

[all murmuring]

Your Honor,
this is a case with legs.

Pun intended on "legs"
but not on "case."

Wine is much more
than a beverage.

For centuries, it has told
the story of civilization.

Whenever something is that rare,
unique, and beautiful,

it is attacked by greed
and fraud at every turn.

Thus, it is our responsibility

to ensure that this
jewel of our society

keeps its integrity intact.

[meows]

I have reached a decision.

[groans]

I declare the fake
wine in question to be...

real.

-Case dismissed.
-[all gasp]

I don't know what just happened.

Oh, allow me to explain.

I bought something more valuable
than any bottle of wine:

the judge.

You bribed her to save us?

[chuckles] I...
I wasn't saving you, Smithers,

and, uh, your wife.

I was protecting the myth
that the possessions

of the obscenely wealthy
are remotely worth it.

If that bottle
was exposed as fake,

skeptical eyes
might look to fine art

such as my Vermeer,

Girl with a Pearl Nose Ring.

Or my Bible signed by Jesus.

And it's all thanks
to this fine fellow

who alerted me
to your predicament.

-Homer, you-
-Covered it up.

But, Dad, you said you were
never gonna cover up again.

I tried not to,
but covering up is all I know.

So, I went to
the king of cover-ups.

Who do you think
hid all that nuclear waste

under Denver's airport?

-This guy.
-[laughing] Oh, you.

Great, we were saved
by an evil deed

from the man whose evil deeds
we were trying to un-evil.

But, Waylon,
our whole drunken plan

was to use bad money
to do good things.

And now we can.

-Robin Hood?
-Robin Hood.

-[bones crack]
-? Don't stop ?

-? Me now ?
-? 'Cause I'm having ?

-? A good time ?
-? Don't stop ?

-? Me now ?
-? Yes, I'm having ?

? A good time,
I don't want to stop ?

? At all ?

? Yeah, I'm a rocket ship ?

? On my way to Mars
on a collision course ?

? I am a satellite ?

? I'm out of control ?

? I'm a sex machine
ready to reload ?

? Like an atom bomb ?

? About to, whoa, oh, oh ?

? Oh, oh, explode ?

? I'm burning through
the sky, yeah. ?

You will be housed
here in wine jail

while you await your trial
in Springfield wine court.

Wine court?

Yes. Wine crimes
are too sophisticated

for the undeveloped
legal palate

of the American system.

She sold a champagne
that was actually a prosecco.

He called his wine
a Beaujolais nouveau

but there was nothing
nouveau about it.

And he's in solitary
for his own protection.

We don't take kindly

to oenophiles here.

And here is where we house
our worst offenders:

wine counterfeiters.

Come back later
to try our toilet wine!

We are trying to recreate
a 1974 San Quentin.

Shh.

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