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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,660 --> 00:00:04,530 Okay, everybody. 2 00:00:01,660 --> 00:00:04,530 Time for the hummingbird 3 00:00:01,660 --> 00:00:04,530 lottery. 4 00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:09,330 Okay. You know how it works. 5 00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:09,330 Write your name down 6 00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:09,330 on a piece of paper. 7 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:10,940 No, they don't 8 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:10,940 win a hummingbird. 9 00:00:11,140 --> 00:00:13,770 I installed 10 00:00:11,140 --> 00:00:13,770 hummingbird feeders 11 00:00:11,140 --> 00:00:13,770 in all the parks, 12 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:17,340 so the winner gets to 13 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:17,340 refill those feeders. 14 00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:20,950 Scientifically, hummingbirds 15 00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:20,950 are the world's 16 00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:20,950 cutest animals. 17 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:24,320 I mean, they're so small. 18 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:24,320 And they have tiny beaks. 19 00:00:24,390 --> 00:00:28,190 And they only eat sugar water. 20 00:00:24,390 --> 00:00:28,190 I mean, what beats that? 21 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:33,720 Come on. 22 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:33,720 Baby monkeys in diapers? 23 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:33,720 Yeah. They do. 24 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,460 Baby monkeys in diapers 25 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,460 are the cutest. 26 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:36,860 Okay. Who's it going to be? 27 00:00:36,930 --> 00:00:37,960 Not me. 28 00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:39,060 Not me. 29 00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:39,060 Not me. Not me. 30 00:00:39,130 --> 00:00:40,860 Jerry. 31 00:00:39,130 --> 00:00:40,860 Yeah! 32 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,030 You can stop by 33 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,030 tomorrow morning 34 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,030 before work. 35 00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:45,130 This is my third time 36 00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:45,130 in a row. 37 00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:46,230 Just a bad luck 38 00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:46,230 streak, buddy. 39 00:00:46,310 --> 00:00:48,280 Next time, I'm sure 40 00:00:46,310 --> 00:00:48,280 it will definitely 41 00:00:46,310 --> 00:00:48,280 be one of us. 42 00:00:48,540 --> 00:00:51,910 But it won't be me. 43 00:00:48,540 --> 00:00:51,910 Because I always write... 44 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,510 Yeah. 45 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:56,740 Yep. 46 00:00:56,820 --> 00:00:59,220 No, I always 47 00:00:56,820 --> 00:00:59,220 write my own name. 48 00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:04,990 But just to be safe, 49 00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:04,990 I do add 20 extra "Jerrys”. 50 00:01:25,850 --> 00:01:29,180 And finally, we are going 51 00:01:25,850 --> 00:01:29,180 to kick off the Children's 52 00:01:25,850 --> 00:01:29,180 Concert Series this weekend 53 00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,720 with a performance 54 00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,720 by Freddy Spaghetti. 55 00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:33,290 I thought Freddy 56 00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:33,290 Spaghetti OD'd. 57 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,520 No. That's Mr. Funny Noodle. 58 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,520 And he didn't OD, 59 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,520 his drummer shot him. 60 00:01:36,590 --> 00:01:37,580 Oh. 61 00:01:37,660 --> 00:01:39,650 Where is Jerry, by the way? 62 00:01:37,660 --> 00:01:39,650 Why isn't he back? 63 00:01:39,730 --> 00:01:41,360 How long does it take 64 00:01:39,730 --> 00:01:41,360 to fill bird feeders? 65 00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:42,990 Maybe he fell 66 00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:42,990 into the toilet. 67 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:44,360 Remember when he 68 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:44,360 fell into the toilet? 69 00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:47,130 "Oh, sorry, guys. 70 00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:47,130 Sorry I'm late. 71 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,640 "I got confused 72 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,640 and took a shower, 73 00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:50,470 "after I got dressed, 74 00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:50,470 because I'm Jerry." 75 00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:55,830 David Meyers, 76 00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:55,830 the Jewish guy who 77 00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:55,830 works at City Hall, 78 00:01:55,910 --> 00:01:57,170 once told me something. 79 00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:02,210 A "schlemiel" is the guy 80 00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:02,210 who spills soup 81 00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:02,210 at a fancy party. 82 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,690 A "schlimazel" is 83 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,690 the guy he spills it on. 84 00:02:05,850 --> 00:02:10,920 Jerry is both the "schlemiel" 85 00:02:05,850 --> 00:02:10,920 and the "schlimazel" 86 00:02:05,850 --> 00:02:10,920 of our office. 87 00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:14,920 "And then I put my 88 00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:14,920 underwear on my head 89 00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:14,920 instead of my butt." 90 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,830 Okay. Okay, guys. 91 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,830 That's enough. 92 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,930 Unless somebody 93 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,930 has another good one. 94 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,630 Oh. 95 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:26,640 Hi, Ann. 96 00:02:27,540 --> 00:02:28,530 Oh, no. 97 00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:31,210 Jerry. Jerry, are you okay? 98 00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:31,210 Ann, is Jerry okay? 99 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,650 What's wrong with your arm? 100 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,650 Ann, tell me 101 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,650 what's wrong with Jerry's arm. 102 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,550 Jerry, talk to me. 103 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,550 Ann, get Jerry 104 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,550 to talk to me. 105 00:02:35,620 --> 00:02:37,050 Okay. He's okay. 106 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,950 He's got a couple 107 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,950 of scrapes and 108 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,950 a dislocated shoulder. 109 00:02:40,020 --> 00:02:41,250 Oh! 110 00:02:40,020 --> 00:02:41,250 What happened? 111 00:02:41,490 --> 00:02:42,980 You guys are just 112 00:02:41,490 --> 00:02:42,980 going to laugh. 113 00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:44,460 Why? Did you throw 114 00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:44,460 out your shoulder 115 00:02:44,530 --> 00:02:46,500 trying to swing 116 00:02:44,530 --> 00:02:46,500 a honey pot off your hand? 117 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,260 I was mugged. 118 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,260 Oh. 119 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,260 Oh, my God. 120 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,260 Oh, I'm so sorry, Jerry. 121 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:53,200 I was on my way 122 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:53,200 to the hummingbird feeders 123 00:02:53,270 --> 00:02:54,760 and I was 124 00:02:53,270 --> 00:02:54,760 walking Lord Sheldon. 125 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:55,860 Ew! 126 00:02:55,940 --> 00:02:58,130 Is that code for some 127 00:02:55,940 --> 00:02:58,130 kind of weird sex act? 128 00:02:58,370 --> 00:03:00,600 Lord Sheldon is my dog. 129 00:02:58,370 --> 00:03:00,600 My wife named him. 130 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,700 Ew! 131 00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:03,300 Anyway, these kids, 132 00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:03,300 they came out of nowhere, 133 00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:05,680 they pinned my arm back, 134 00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:05,680 they grabbed my wallet, 135 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:06,980 and they knocked 136 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:06,980 me to the ground. 137 00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:09,610 How did you counter-attack? 138 00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:09,610 Fist to the throat? 139 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,050 Did you hit him 140 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,050 in the beanbag? 141 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,780 There's no shame 142 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,780 in attacking 143 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,780 a criminal's beanbag. 144 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,150 No, I just curled up 145 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,150 and laid still 146 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,150 until they left. 147 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,590 Well, that's 148 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,590 another way to play it. 149 00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:22,320 Did any of them 150 00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:22,320 have weird tattoos 151 00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:22,320 or scars or anything? 152 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,300 If even one of them 153 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,300 had a unique scar, 154 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,300 we got them. 155 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,030 I didn't get a good look. 156 00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:31,230 Damn it, Jerry. 157 00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:31,230 Sorry. You're the victim. 158 00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:31,230 Sorry. Sorry. 159 00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:34,370 I feel like 160 00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:34,370 we're responsible for this. 161 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,240 Why? We didn't mug Jerry. 162 00:03:36,310 --> 00:03:38,750 Well, why was he in the park 163 00:03:36,310 --> 00:03:38,750 in the first place? 164 00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:40,980 Because we tricked 165 00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:40,980 him into going there. 166 00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:40,980 I don't see the connection. 167 00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:43,680 I don't know. 168 00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:43,680 This is on us. It's karma. 169 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,620 Wouldn't it be karma 170 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,620 if we were the ones 171 00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,620 that got mugged? 172 00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:46,990 Yeah. That's how 173 00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:46,990 pathetic Jerry is. 174 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,280 He can't even 175 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,280 get karma right. 176 00:03:50,090 --> 00:03:51,290 No, that's not funny. 177 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,460 Our friend got 178 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,460 mugged this morning. 179 00:03:56,530 --> 00:03:58,090 And we will not let 180 00:03:56,530 --> 00:03:58,090 that happen in vain. 181 00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,360 He doesn't have 182 00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,360 a black eye. 183 00:03:59,430 --> 00:04:01,960 Well, frankly, 184 00:03:59,430 --> 00:04:01,960 the whole department 185 00:03:59,430 --> 00:04:01,960 has a black eye. 186 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,630 This is our 187 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,630 wake-up call, guys. 188 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,470 Jerry's face 189 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,470 is the symbol of failure. 190 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,110 Our failure to 191 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,110 keep the parks safe. 192 00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:11,900 I have some folders. 193 00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:11,900 Inside are some assignments. 194 00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:14,310 And some homemade taffy. 195 00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:16,180 Mmm. 196 00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:16,180 Mmm-hmm. 197 00:04:16,250 --> 00:04:18,980 April, I want you 198 00:04:16,250 --> 00:04:18,980 to check in 199 00:04:16,250 --> 00:04:18,980 with our police liaison. 200 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,850 Donna, I need you to 201 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,850 go to Ramsett Park. 202 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,850 Tom, you're with me. 203 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,160 So, when you say that 204 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,160 you want me to check in 205 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,160 with the police liaison, 206 00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:26,890 you mean hook up 207 00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:26,890 with him, right? 208 00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:30,120 No. Just check in with him. 209 00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:30,120 Everybody dismissed. 210 00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:31,820 Wait. I want to help. 211 00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:32,990 What? 212 00:04:33,070 --> 00:04:36,800 I'm going to teach 213 00:04:33,070 --> 00:04:36,800 everybody self-defense, 214 00:04:33,070 --> 00:04:36,800 so you can defend yourselves. 215 00:04:36,870 --> 00:04:39,900 We need it. 216 00:04:36,870 --> 00:04:39,900 Because we certainly 217 00:04:36,870 --> 00:04:39,900 are a bunch of weaklings. 218 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,270 Especially Tom. 219 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,270 I am not a weakling. 220 00:04:42,340 --> 00:04:43,510 Arm wrestle me right now. 221 00:04:43,580 --> 00:04:44,670 Okay. 222 00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:48,610 I think I'm more than 223 00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:48,610 holding my own here... 224 00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,710 Three, four, five... 225 00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:52,850 Hey. 226 00:04:55,090 --> 00:04:57,790 Six. Hey! 227 00:04:55,090 --> 00:04:57,790 How you doing? 228 00:04:57,860 --> 00:04:58,920 Not too bad. 229 00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:01,050 I was just dropping off 230 00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:01,050 Jerry from the hospital. 231 00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:02,290 He was mugged in the park. 232 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,360 No. Jerry? 233 00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:07,060 The black guy with 234 00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:07,060 the Looney Tunes ties? 235 00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:07,060 I love him. 236 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,260 No. Jerry who works 237 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,260 with Leslie. 238 00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:11,700 That Jerry? 239 00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:11,700 Yeah. 240 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,640 He got mugged? 241 00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:16,900 Oh. Well, I mean, 242 00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:16,900 that's kind of 243 00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:16,900 a bummer, too. 244 00:05:16,980 --> 00:05:19,570 Hey, while I have you here, 245 00:05:16,980 --> 00:05:19,570 what do you think of this? 246 00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:21,470 Uh... 247 00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:23,140 Scrotation Marks. 248 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:26,150 I don't know what 249 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:26,150 you're talking about, 250 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:26,150 but my gut says no. 251 00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:27,620 New band name. 252 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,420 Because "Mouse Rat," 253 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,420 it's a great name, 254 00:05:30,490 --> 00:05:33,050 but at the same time, 255 00:05:30,490 --> 00:05:33,050 it sucks. 256 00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:35,220 So, I think we have to 257 00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:35,220 change it 258 00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:35,220 just one more time... 259 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,290 Dude, you've got 260 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,290 to stop doing that. 261 00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,800 How are people 262 00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,800 going to become fans 263 00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,800 if they literally don't know 264 00:05:39,870 --> 00:05:41,170 the name of the band 265 00:05:39,870 --> 00:05:41,170 they're listening to? 266 00:05:42,270 --> 00:05:43,260 That is a really good point. 267 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,340 I always had fun with Andy. 268 00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:49,540 The problem is, 269 00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:49,540 when you're his girlfriend, 270 00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:49,540 you're also his mother, 271 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:52,310 and his maid and his nurse. 272 00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:56,480 He's completely helpless. 273 00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:56,480 He's like a baby 274 00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:56,480 in a straightjacket. 275 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:59,250 Ooh! 276 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:59,250 "Baby in a Straightjacket." 277 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:59,250 That's a good band name. 278 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,880 I should tell him that. 279 00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:04,120 Ha-ha, guys. Really funny. 280 00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:04,120 Where's the real banner? 281 00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:05,250 We only had an hour. 282 00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:07,290 So did I. Look what I did. 283 00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:09,250 Hey, guys. 284 00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:10,360 Jerry! 285 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,930 Welcome back. 286 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,400 Really. My gosh, 287 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,400 you should not have 288 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,400 gone to all this trouble. 289 00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:18,670 Oh. It's no trouble 290 00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:18,670 for our buddy. 291 00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:18,670 Here you go. 292 00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:21,710 Listen. Today is Jerry Day. 293 00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:21,710 We'll do 294 00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:21,710 whatever you want to do. 295 00:06:21,780 --> 00:06:22,770 Anything at all. 296 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,300 Honestly, what I would like 297 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,300 to do is just have 298 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:26,300 everything go back to normal. 299 00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:27,850 That sounds good to me. 300 00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:27,850 Okay. 301 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,220 I believe you 302 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,220 were going to do 303 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,220 a presentation. 304 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,780 Yes, sir, I was. 305 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,780 I will go set up. 306 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:32,950 Okay. 307 00:06:34,490 --> 00:06:38,820 Remember, you guys. 308 00:06:34,490 --> 00:06:38,820 No jokes. No comments. 309 00:06:34,490 --> 00:06:38,820 Nothing but support. 310 00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:40,330 He needs a lot 311 00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:40,330 of support. 312 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,450 Tom. 313 00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:43,020 Talking about 314 00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:43,020 a bra for a man. 315 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:47,630 Okay, seriously. 316 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:47,630 That was the last one. 317 00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:50,860 So, as we know, 318 00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:50,860 Spring Hunting 319 00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:50,860 Season is upon us. 320 00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:56,970 Uh, anyway, 321 00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:56,970 here's the info about 322 00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:56,970 the new licensing system. 323 00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,370 Um... 324 00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:01,710 Jerry? I don't... 325 00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:01,710 I don't think your 326 00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:01,710 computer is plugged in. 327 00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:04,350 I'm sorry, guys. 328 00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:04,350 Just got to power up. 329 00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:09,050 First thing we should 330 00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:09,050 have is my graph 331 00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:09,050 about the season. What? 332 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,420 Wait a minute. No. 333 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,420 That is not the graph. 334 00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:13,760 That's a picture from 335 00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:13,760 my vacation to Muncie. 336 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,960 You went on a vacation 337 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,960 and you chose Muncie, 338 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,960 Indiana? 339 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,830 Yeah. My wife and I 340 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,830 have a time-share. 341 00:07:19,670 --> 00:07:20,830 In Muncie? 342 00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:23,000 Tom, Muncie 343 00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:23,000 is a lovely city. 344 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,230 Anyway, 345 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,230 Hunting and Fishing Season 346 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,230 is winding down. Okay? 347 00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:31,010 And we all know that 348 00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:31,010 it's already closed 349 00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:31,010 season on "twout." So, now... 350 00:07:32,150 --> 00:07:34,580 I said "twout" 351 00:07:32,150 --> 00:07:34,580 instead of "trout." 352 00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:36,180 It happens to everyone. 353 00:07:36,420 --> 00:07:38,390 My marbles are 354 00:07:36,420 --> 00:07:38,390 full of mouth today. 355 00:07:39,150 --> 00:07:41,560 You know what? 356 00:07:39,150 --> 00:07:41,560 Has anybody 357 00:07:39,150 --> 00:07:41,560 seen my glasses? 358 00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,390 I don't even think I can... 359 00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:54,260 It says here 360 00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:54,260 "1:00 meeting." 361 00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:54,260 And who are we meeting with? 362 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,430 Don't worry about it. 363 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:56,730 Oh, no. Please, no. 364 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,140 Tom, it's important to meet 365 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,140 with the Park Rangers. 366 00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:01,110 They are the first 367 00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:01,110 line of defense. 368 00:08:01,710 --> 00:08:03,240 Leslie Knope! 369 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,880 Hey, Carl. 370 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,880 What's up, pencil pushers? 371 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,950 Haverford. 372 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,950 Good to see you, man. 373 00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:13,150 Is it hot in here? 374 00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:13,150 I feel hot. 375 00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:13,150 Are you guys hot? 376 00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:16,160 How you guys doing? 377 00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:16,160 I'm good. 378 00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:16,160 You guys got any snacks? 379 00:08:16,890 --> 00:08:19,420 Carl is the head 380 00:08:16,890 --> 00:08:19,420 of all outdoor security. 381 00:08:19,490 --> 00:08:22,230 Why was he transferred 382 00:08:19,490 --> 00:08:22,230 from his indoor 383 00:08:19,490 --> 00:08:22,230 desk job, you ask. 384 00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:23,530 Listen. 385 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,540 Hey, Leslie. Have you seen 386 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,540 Avatar? I never saw Avatar. 387 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,500 I wanted to read 388 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,500 the book first, 389 00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:32,470 but then I realized 390 00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:32,470 there's no book 391 00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:32,470 version of Avatar. 392 00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:35,040 What did you guys do 393 00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:35,040 for St. Patty's Day? 394 00:08:35,110 --> 00:08:38,080 I was wearing this 395 00:08:35,110 --> 00:08:38,080 t-shirt that said 396 00:08:35,110 --> 00:08:38,080 "Kiss me, I'm Irish." 397 00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,710 But no one would kiss me. 398 00:08:42,150 --> 00:08:47,110 So. You're too important 399 00:08:42,150 --> 00:08:47,110 for me until one of your 400 00:08:42,150 --> 00:08:47,110 own gets attacked. 401 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,520 I just feel like 402 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,520 there's more we can do 403 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,520 to keep the parks safe. 404 00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:53,860 Oh, you think you know 405 00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:53,860 how to do my job? 406 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,730 Well, you might not be so 407 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,730 confident once you've walked 408 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,730 a mile in my size sevens. 409 00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:00,430 Kind of small feet. 410 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,270 Actually, seven is 411 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,270 the worldwide average. 412 00:09:02,340 --> 00:09:03,430 Boom! 413 00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:08,640 Welcome to the emergency 414 00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:08,640 self-defense class. 415 00:09:08,710 --> 00:09:12,270 I'll be showing 416 00:09:08,710 --> 00:09:12,270 you how to escape 417 00:09:08,710 --> 00:09:12,270 from a variety of situations, 418 00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:15,410 while inflicting maximum 419 00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:15,410 damage on your attackers. 420 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,410 Ron, do you think that 421 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,410 maybe I should put 422 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,410 Mark in a headlock? 423 00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:21,390 That way, I can show everyone 424 00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:21,390 how to escape a pervert? 425 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,120 In the scenario 426 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,120 you just laid out, 427 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:25,120 you're the pervert. 428 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,490 You understand that, 429 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,490 right? 430 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,000 You wish. 431 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,000 Enough. 432 00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:31,190 I'm going to start off 433 00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:31,190 simple, and demonstrate 434 00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:34,790 how to extract oneself 435 00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:34,790 from a wrist grab. 436 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:37,800 Andy. Ann. Step up here. 437 00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:40,640 I watch a lot 438 00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:40,640 of Lifetime movies. 439 00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:40,640 There was this one, 440 00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:44,540 How Far is Too Far Enough: 441 00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:44,540 The Teri Palliber 442 00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:44,540 Lonergan Story. 443 00:09:44,610 --> 00:09:47,550 This woman had agoraphobia 444 00:09:44,610 --> 00:09:47,550 and her therapist 445 00:09:44,610 --> 00:09:47,550 was obsessed with her, 446 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:48,780 and he hid in her house. 447 00:09:48,850 --> 00:09:51,820 And then he attacked her 448 00:09:48,850 --> 00:09:51,820 and tried to eat her toes. 449 00:09:51,890 --> 00:09:54,080 Also, her daughter was 450 00:09:51,890 --> 00:09:54,080 having sex way too young. 451 00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:58,290 So, yeah. 452 00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:58,290 Free self-defense class? 453 00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:58,290 I'm there. 454 00:09:59,690 --> 00:10:01,860 And then just twist away. 455 00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:03,870 Very good. 456 00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:03,870 Very good. Well done. 457 00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:05,900 Oh! What's up now, mugger? 458 00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:08,870 Ann, that was awesome. 459 00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:08,870 That was really good. 460 00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:12,960 I don't know, Leslie. 461 00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:12,960 I'd rather be 462 00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:12,960 back at the office. 463 00:10:13,210 --> 00:10:16,740 I know this is 464 00:10:13,210 --> 00:10:16,740 painful for you, Jerry, 465 00:10:13,210 --> 00:10:16,740 but you have to be strong. 466 00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:19,510 You guys ready? 467 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,850 Oh, boy. Yeah, okay. 468 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,850 We're ready. 469 00:10:23,550 --> 00:10:26,350 I'm going to show you 470 00:10:23,550 --> 00:10:26,350 guys all the problems 471 00:10:23,550 --> 00:10:26,350 we've been facing. 472 00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:28,550 I'm going to show 473 00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:28,550 you that we've been 474 00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:28,550 doing everything we can. 475 00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,560 Well, I'm looking forward 476 00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,560 to working together, Carl. 477 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,560 And after that, 478 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,560 I'm going to show you 479 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,560 this log I found. 480 00:10:33,630 --> 00:10:37,960 It's got, 481 00:10:33,630 --> 00:10:37,960 like, fifty worms on it. 482 00:10:33,630 --> 00:10:37,960 I call it "worm log." 483 00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:42,370 Yeah, I've always been 484 00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:42,370 a bit of an outdoorsman. 485 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:43,700 When I was a kid, 486 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:43,700 my parents used to 487 00:10:43,770 --> 00:10:45,500 make me hang out in 488 00:10:43,770 --> 00:10:45,500 the backyard a lot 489 00:10:45,570 --> 00:10:48,070 and just run around 490 00:10:45,570 --> 00:10:48,070 until I got tired. 491 00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:52,770 But if there's any 492 00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:52,770 criminals out there 493 00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:52,770 watching, I never get tired. 494 00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:54,940 And ladies, too. 495 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,380 This thing is a mess. 496 00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:00,320 We used to have 497 00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:00,320 three carts, actually. 498 00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:03,480 The first one got 499 00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:03,480 pushed into the creek 500 00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:03,480 by some kids. 501 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:07,590 The second one, 502 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:07,590 raccoons got onto. 503 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:07,590 There was urine everywhere. 504 00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,630 And the third one 505 00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,630 was recently stolen. 506 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,830 What's this one? 507 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,830 This is the second one. 508 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,500 The raccoon piss one. 509 00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:17,200 All right. So we're 510 00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:17,200 going to just head out. 511 00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:23,440 Oh, no. You know what? 512 00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:23,440 I think we've got 513 00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:23,440 too much weight. 514 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:25,500 Oh. 515 00:11:25,580 --> 00:11:26,840 That's Tom, probably. 516 00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:28,410 Are you serious? 517 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,150 Tom, can you 518 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,150 get off, please? 519 00:11:30,420 --> 00:11:32,890 Just run alongside 520 00:11:30,420 --> 00:11:32,890 the cart, okay? 521 00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:34,390 Okay. Here we go. 522 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:35,510 Whoa! 523 00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:38,690 So, I want to tell 524 00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:38,690 you a little bit 525 00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:38,690 about the park. 526 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:43,360 Up here on the left 527 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:43,360 is one of our most 528 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:43,360 beautiful grass fields. 529 00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:46,960 It's primarily grass. 530 00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:46,960 All right, I'm going to 531 00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:46,960 make a hard left here. 532 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,800 Stick with us, Tom. 533 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:53,200 Okay. Lesson learned. 534 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:53,200 Thank you. Next. Andy. 535 00:11:56,310 --> 00:12:00,080 Impressive. 536 00:11:56,310 --> 00:12:00,080 I'm going to engage 537 00:11:56,310 --> 00:12:00,080 Andy in an attack hold, 538 00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:01,280 and he's going to 539 00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:01,280 try and break free. 540 00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:04,140 Cool. Now, I don't 541 00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:04,140 want to hurt you, Ron. 542 00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:06,650 Don't worry about that. 543 00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:06,650 Just try to escape my attack. 544 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,210 Now, when I get out, 545 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,210 am I allowed to 546 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,210 counter-strike? 547 00:12:10,790 --> 00:12:15,230 Sure. 548 00:12:10,790 --> 00:12:15,230 When you get out, 549 00:12:10,790 --> 00:12:15,230 you may counter-attack. 550 00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,390 But just promise 551 00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,390 me you'll be ready, 552 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,260 because, I mean, 553 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,260 I don't want 554 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,260 to destroy you. 555 00:12:21,070 --> 00:12:24,060 Okay. I see where 556 00:12:21,070 --> 00:12:24,060 we're going with this... 557 00:12:26,510 --> 00:12:30,410 Now, when your arms 558 00:12:26,510 --> 00:12:30,410 are pinned to your sides, 559 00:12:26,510 --> 00:12:30,410 use your legs to break free, 560 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,810 instead of your neck, 561 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,810 which is what Andy 562 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,810 is trying to do. 563 00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:37,380 Okay, hold up. 564 00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:37,380 Get off! 565 00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:38,810 Let him go. 566 00:12:42,990 --> 00:12:43,980 Andy. 567 00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:47,960 Oh, God. 568 00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:47,960 Oops. 569 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,360 Any of this 570 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,360 looking familiar? 571 00:12:50,430 --> 00:12:52,490 Yeah. It happened 572 00:12:50,430 --> 00:12:52,490 right over there. 573 00:12:52,570 --> 00:12:57,100 Oh, yeah. I'm not surprised. 574 00:12:52,570 --> 00:12:57,100 Take a look at this path. 575 00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:00,440 With budget cuts, 576 00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:00,440 we can't afford 577 00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:00,440 a single safety light. 578 00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:02,410 There's been 10 assaults 579 00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:02,410 already this year. 580 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:03,710 Wow. Really? 581 00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:05,610 Can't you station 582 00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:05,610 a Park Ranger out here? 583 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,410 We have! 584 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,410 Who do you think 585 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:08,410 they're assaulting? 586 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,210 I'm sorry. 587 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,210 I didn't mean to yell. 588 00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:14,050 One way or another, 589 00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:14,050 I'm going to get money 590 00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:14,050 so you can protect Jerry, 591 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,990 and all the other helpless, 592 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,990 pathetic people in this town. 593 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,530 You guys have 594 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,530 got to slow down. 595 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:22,890 Can I just take 596 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:22,890 a rest for a minute? 597 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,360 No, Tom. Sorry. 598 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,360 No can do. 599 00:13:24,430 --> 00:13:26,090 Sun's going down 600 00:13:24,430 --> 00:13:26,090 and it's real 601 00:13:24,430 --> 00:13:26,090 dangerous out here. 602 00:13:26,170 --> 00:13:28,100 Let's roll, Carl. 603 00:13:26,170 --> 00:13:28,100 Okay. Going fast. 604 00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:34,340 Okay, what day 605 00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:34,340 is it today? 606 00:13:34,410 --> 00:13:35,470 I don't know. 607 00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:37,500 Okay, but to be fair, 608 00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:37,500 you never know. 609 00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:38,840 That's kind of true. 610 00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:43,780 I'm super bad at days. 611 00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:43,780 But honestly, I'm fine. 612 00:13:44,650 --> 00:13:46,880 Sorry I squeezed your 613 00:13:44,650 --> 00:13:46,880 lights out there, son. 614 00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:49,690 No worries. 615 00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:49,690 Will you show me how 616 00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:49,690 to do that move, though? 617 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:50,780 Sure. I can teach 618 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:50,780 you right now... 619 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:53,920 No, no, no. 620 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:53,920 Andy, you should really 621 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:53,920 just take it easy, I think. 622 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,300 Do you want some more water? 623 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,300 Or maybe some pancakes? 624 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,770 No. No, I'm fine. 625 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,770 Thank you. 626 00:14:00,270 --> 00:14:01,740 What is the first 627 00:14:00,270 --> 00:14:01,740 move in any fight? 628 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,030 Punch to the balls. 629 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,200 We've all heard 630 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,200 the old saying. 631 00:14:06,270 --> 00:14:08,440 "Parks are 632 00:14:06,270 --> 00:14:08,440 supposed to be fun." 633 00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:11,000 But sometimes, 634 00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:11,000 muggers have 635 00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:11,000 their own ideas. 636 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:15,070 Leslie Knope is with us again 637 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:15,070 from the Parks Department. 638 00:14:15,150 --> 00:14:17,350 Leslie, tell us your story. 639 00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:19,940 This is my co-worker, 640 00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:19,940 Jerry Gergich. 641 00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:24,890 Diabetic. Sloppily 642 00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:24,890 out of shape. Friend. 643 00:14:25,430 --> 00:14:28,520 He was mugged 644 00:14:25,430 --> 00:14:28,520 this morning 645 00:14:25,430 --> 00:14:28,520 in Ramsett Park. 646 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:33,700 Who's next? 647 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:33,700 Your frumpy uncle? 648 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:33,700 Your simple neighbor? 649 00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:36,700 Your unpopular co-worker? 650 00:14:36,770 --> 00:14:38,260 Head of security, 651 00:14:36,770 --> 00:14:38,260 Carl Lorthner, 652 00:14:38,340 --> 00:14:40,430 is doing his best 653 00:14:38,340 --> 00:14:40,430 to keep the parks safe, 654 00:14:40,510 --> 00:14:41,530 but he's failing. 655 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,110 So, what is the solution 656 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,110 to fix this? 657 00:14:44,180 --> 00:14:47,950 To make it right. 658 00:14:44,180 --> 00:14:47,950 And not bad. 659 00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:52,520 We need money from City Hall. 660 00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:52,520 And it's not coming through. 661 00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:54,780 And Pawnee, 662 00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:54,780 I am sorry to say this, 663 00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:57,020 but your government 664 00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:57,020 is failing you. 665 00:14:57,130 --> 00:15:01,260 Up next, 10 objects 666 00:14:57,130 --> 00:15:01,260 you didn't know you can eat. 667 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:04,800 What possessed 668 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:04,800 you to do that? 669 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:07,890 I'm sorry, Paul, 670 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:07,890 but one of my guys 671 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:07,890 got mugged in the park. 672 00:15:07,970 --> 00:15:10,400 I don't care 673 00:15:07,970 --> 00:15:10,400 how upset you are. 674 00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:13,740 You do not badmouth 675 00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:13,740 your own government on TV. 676 00:15:14,910 --> 00:15:17,810 I'm sure you'll be happy 677 00:15:14,910 --> 00:15:17,810 to know your little stunt 678 00:15:14,910 --> 00:15:17,810 worked. 679 00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:23,880 The Mayor is going to divert 680 00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:23,880 $2500 to the Parks 681 00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:23,880 for security upgrades. 682 00:15:23,950 --> 00:15:25,010 There's going to 683 00:15:23,950 --> 00:15:25,010 be an announcement 684 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,450 tomorrow at 10:00 685 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,450 in the press room. 686 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:30,750 So... Make sure 687 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:30,750 you bring the doofus 688 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:30,750 who got his ass kicked. 689 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,160 I don't know who 690 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,160 you're referring to. 691 00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:33,790 We treat everyone 692 00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:33,790 with respect around here. 693 00:15:35,730 --> 00:15:36,750 Okay. 694 00:15:37,930 --> 00:15:40,460 Good morning. 695 00:15:37,930 --> 00:15:40,460 As many of you know, 696 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:46,630 there was an incident 697 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:46,630 involving a government 698 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:46,630 employee in Ramsett Park. 699 00:15:46,740 --> 00:15:47,940 Jerry, are you nervous? 700 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,700 Just talk about how 701 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,700 hard it was for you. 702 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,700 Speak from the heart. 703 00:15:51,780 --> 00:15:53,270 You'll be fine. 704 00:15:53,510 --> 00:15:55,810 Leslie? I wasn't mugged. 705 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,280 ...safety of 706 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,280 our citizens. 707 00:15:57,350 --> 00:15:59,180 That's why we're here today 708 00:15:57,350 --> 00:15:59,180 to give Pawnee... 709 00:16:01,590 --> 00:16:02,850 Jerry? Why don't 710 00:16:01,590 --> 00:16:02,850 you step on up here? 711 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,550 No, I will. 712 00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:09,590 Get up here. 713 00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:09,590 I'm going to speak 714 00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:09,590 for Jerry. 715 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:15,130 He can't talk right now 716 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:15,130 because he has hysterical 717 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:15,130 muteness from trauma. 718 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,190 Correct. 719 00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:17,260 Jerry. 720 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,940 What about this? 721 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,940 Is this fake? Huh? 722 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,940 Is this fake? 723 00:16:21,010 --> 00:16:23,380 This is real. I really 724 00:16:21,010 --> 00:16:23,380 dislocated my shoulder. 725 00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:25,140 Were you even in 726 00:16:23,580 --> 00:16:25,140 the park yesterday? 727 00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:27,610 Look, I was on my way 728 00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:27,610 to feed the hummingbirds, 729 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,450 and I stopped 730 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,450 for a breakfast burrito. 731 00:16:30,350 --> 00:16:31,790 The farting. 732 00:16:30,350 --> 00:16:31,790 Yeah. 733 00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:35,050 And Lord Sheldon... 734 00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:35,050 He lunged at a bird, 735 00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:35,050 I dropped the burrito, 736 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,820 and it landed on 737 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,820 a log in the creek. 738 00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:38,760 So, I go to reach for it, 739 00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:38,760 I lose my balance, 740 00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,620 and I fall on my shoulder 741 00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,620 really weird. 742 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,890 Well, why didn't you 743 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,890 just tell everybody 744 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,890 the truth? 745 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,230 Are you kidding me? 746 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,230 Imagine what Tom 747 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,230 would have said. 748 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,360 Damn, Jerry! 749 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,360 You jumped in a creek 750 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,360 for a burrito? 751 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,410 What would you do 752 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,410 for a Klondike Bar? 753 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,410 Kill your wife? 754 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,740 Block the opponent's punch 755 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,740 and counter-punch to the jaw. 756 00:16:58,210 --> 00:16:59,480 Shoeshine? 757 00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:00,640 Hey. 758 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,310 Oh! Hey! Ann Perkins, 759 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,310 in the "shoe-shouse." 760 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:07,390 I wanted to check in. 761 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:07,390 I brought some 762 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:07,390 stuff from the hospital. 763 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:11,590 Water, a compress, 764 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:11,590 aspirin, some lollipops, 765 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:11,590 I know you love those. 766 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:14,220 Ann, you know, thank you. 767 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:14,220 But really, 768 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:14,220 I'm feeling great. 769 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,660 I took a couple of aspirin 770 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,660 and slept right 771 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,660 through the night. 772 00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:20,830 And... Hold on a second. 773 00:17:16,730 --> 00:17:20,830 Ludgate. What the hell? 774 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,170 I got you one of those 775 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,170 veggie muffins 776 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,170 that you're always eating. 777 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,360 Score. 778 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,530 Yeah. It tastes like a rug. 779 00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:27,840 Shut up. 780 00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:27,840 Don't hit me. 781 00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:30,740 Good. Well, I'm glad 782 00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:30,740 you're feeling better. 783 00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:32,280 I am. 784 00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:32,280 Thank you for that. 785 00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:34,450 That's so cool. 786 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,380 Since when did he start 787 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,380 doing stuff for other people? 788 00:17:37,450 --> 00:17:41,820 Now, I actually am worried 789 00:17:37,450 --> 00:17:41,820 that something 790 00:17:37,450 --> 00:17:41,820 happened to his brain. 791 00:17:41,890 --> 00:17:43,920 People change, I guess... 792 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:47,390 Wouldn't you rather 793 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:47,390 the money go to keeping 794 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:47,390 the parks safe? 795 00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:49,930 Yes, but now, 796 00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:49,930 we have the money 797 00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:49,930 under false pretenses. 798 00:17:50,130 --> 00:17:52,460 I actually think that 799 00:17:50,130 --> 00:17:52,460 you have a bigger problem 800 00:17:50,130 --> 00:17:52,460 than the money. 801 00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:53,790 What? 802 00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:55,340 There is someone 803 00:17:53,870 --> 00:17:55,340 in your department 804 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,000 who is willing to lie 805 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,000 about being mugged, 806 00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,840 because he's afraid 807 00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,840 of his co-workers. 808 00:18:00,910 --> 00:18:04,850 Knope. Yep. No. 809 00:18:07,150 --> 00:18:09,010 Carl. What are you doing? 810 00:18:09,450 --> 00:18:11,110 Oh, Leslie. 811 00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:13,920 Well, since you decided 812 00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:13,920 to drag my name 813 00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:13,920 through the mud on TV, 814 00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:15,510 I figured why not 815 00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:15,510 return the favor. 816 00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:18,220 Carl, could you quietly 817 00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:18,220 quiet down for a second, 818 00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:22,990 and please tell me 819 00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:22,990 what is going on, quietly? 820 00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:22,990 Okay? In a quiet voice. 821 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,990 A citizen 822 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,990 handed in a very 823 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,990 interesting home video 824 00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:31,030 that I think the people 825 00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:31,030 of Pawnee will find 826 00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:31,030 very interesting. 827 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,570 Take a peek at this. 828 00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:37,780 Keep your eyes on the creek. 829 00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:43,210 There he is. 830 00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:43,210 This is my favorite part. 831 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,910 Not willing to 832 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,910 share with a dog. 833 00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:49,950 So, it would appear 834 00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:49,950 that Park Security 835 00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:49,950 was not to blame after all. 836 00:18:50,590 --> 00:18:53,150 Okay, look. I have 837 00:18:50,590 --> 00:18:53,150 a proposition for you. 838 00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:55,530 Fine. I'll have sex 839 00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:55,530 with you in exchange 840 00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:55,530 for the tape. 841 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:59,000 That's not what 842 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:59,000 I am saying. Okay? 843 00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:01,930 Just listen to 844 00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:01,930 what I have to say. 845 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:08,340 The Ramsett Park mugging 846 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:08,340 story continues 847 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:08,340 with a shiny new twist. 848 00:19:09,710 --> 00:19:12,940 Ranger Carl Lorthner 849 00:19:09,710 --> 00:19:12,940 is here today. 850 00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:14,780 Now, I understand 851 00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:19,580 that you have a bombshell 852 00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:19,580 to drop that you 853 00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:19,580 are just sitting on. 854 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,250 Yes, that's correct. 855 00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:24,250 I came on today 856 00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:24,250 because I have some 857 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,350 very important 858 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,350 information to share. 859 00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:30,590 I finally saw Avatar 860 00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:30,590 and I thought it 861 00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:30,590 lived up to the hype. 862 00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:36,200 Well, I'm not sure 863 00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:36,200 what that has to do 864 00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:36,200 with the mugging. 865 00:19:36,270 --> 00:19:38,540 Uh... Leslie. 866 00:19:36,270 --> 00:19:38,540 Counterpoint. 867 00:19:38,940 --> 00:19:40,870 I disagree with Carl. 868 00:19:38,940 --> 00:19:40,870 Okay. 869 00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:45,380 I have seen Avatar as well, 870 00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:45,380 and I think it 871 00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:45,380 exceeded the hype. 872 00:19:45,710 --> 00:19:46,700 What? 873 00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:49,680 Oh boy, we... 874 00:19:49,750 --> 00:19:51,010 Disagreement. 875 00:19:51,850 --> 00:19:54,790 Well, things are really 876 00:19:51,850 --> 00:19:54,790 heating up in here, 877 00:19:51,850 --> 00:19:54,790 aren't they? 878 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,620 We should probably 879 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,620 take some calls. 880 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:02,000 That segment was a disaster. 881 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:02,000 Don't you ever me 882 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:02,000 like that again. 883 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,190 This is Pawnee Today. 884 00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:05,700 Do you know 885 00:20:04,430 --> 00:20:05,700 that I bumped a cat 886 00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:08,240 that can stand up on 887 00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:08,240 its hinders for you? 888 00:20:08,370 --> 00:20:10,740 You disgust me, Knope. 889 00:20:08,370 --> 00:20:10,740 Get out of my sight. 890 00:20:10,870 --> 00:20:12,360 Yes, ma'am. 891 00:20:10,870 --> 00:20:12,360 Go. 892 00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:16,840 Go on. Oh, no, no, no. 893 00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:16,840 Don't make me chase you. 894 00:20:16,910 --> 00:20:18,540 You want to 895 00:20:16,910 --> 00:20:18,540 go eat something? 896 00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:19,640 Okay. 897 00:20:20,050 --> 00:20:21,410 I am part of a great team. 898 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,910 And sometimes, 899 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,910 the best way to maintain 900 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,910 a strong team 901 00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,680 is just by 902 00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,680 letting someone know 903 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,420 that he is 904 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,420 still a part of it. 905 00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:32,750 This is the only copy, 906 00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:32,750 and I am going to destroy it. 907 00:20:33,990 --> 00:20:36,790 Right after I watch it 908 00:20:33,990 --> 00:20:36,790 one more time. 909 00:20:37,730 --> 00:20:40,290 I'm sorry, 910 00:20:37,730 --> 00:20:40,290 but it is so good. 911 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:44,770 Hey, Jerry. 912 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:44,770 Hmm. 913 00:20:44,970 --> 00:20:46,840 I got you a peppermint latte. 914 00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:50,340 Seriously? My goodness. 915 00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:50,340 I love a peppermint... 916 00:20:50,410 --> 00:20:52,000 I know. 917 00:20:53,150 --> 00:20:55,980 Oh, geez. Go ahead. 918 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,410 We should just directly 919 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,410 apply the food 920 00:20:56,380 --> 00:20:58,410 to your clothes. 921 00:20:59,590 --> 00:21:02,790 Making fun 922 00:20:59,590 --> 00:21:02,790 of Jerry is back! 923 00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:05,260 They can laugh 924 00:21:03,890 --> 00:21:05,260 at me all they want. 925 00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:09,660 Because two more years 926 00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:09,660 until I retire with 927 00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:09,660 full benefits and pension. 928 00:21:09,730 --> 00:21:12,430 And the wife and I, 929 00:21:09,730 --> 00:21:12,430 we have bought 930 00:21:09,730 --> 00:21:12,430 a little cottage on a lake. 931 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:15,200 And I am going to get myself 932 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:15,200 a stack of mystery novels, 933 00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:20,170 a box of cigars, 934 00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:20,170 and I am going to sit back 935 00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:20,170 and enjoy my life. 936 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,370 Hey, Jerry? 937 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,210 April was just 938 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,210 double-checking 939 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,210 the lunch order. 940 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,440 Do you want 941 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,440 the salmon 942 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,440 or the "twout"? 943 00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:28,210 Twout! Twout! 50918

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