All language subtitles for The.Billion.Dollar.Hobo.1977.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Well, it's
a little loose now

but after
a few months here,
it'll fit right in.

Fine. Oh, don't
worry about me.
This is fine.

Yeah, this is great.

All right, we got
a limited menu here,

so you should be
able to handle it.

This is the grill,
this is the hot table.

Here's the eggs.Eggs.

Home fries.Right.

Deep fry,
toaster, counter.

Right.

Ordering eggs up,
toast, and coffee.

Right.
Just watch this one.

What did you
do before this, kid?

Ah, I... I do
a lot of things.
I keep moving.

I just finished working
at Wilton State Park.

I was a grounds
keeper there.

Hey... Did you read about
that guy who cut down

that red Japanese pine
dwarf tree by mistake?

Must be over 300-years-old,
and this guy takes an ax
and cuts it down.

Yeah, it wasn't an ax,
it was a saw.

What a boob.

Simple?Right, yeah...

It's, uh, appetizing
looking, too.

Yes.

[BELL DINGING]

I gotta hit the bank.

Now, I won't be back
for the mid-morning rush.
Can you handle it?

Oh, right, I got it.
Grill, toaster...

If you can't
find something,
just ask Gail.

Gail. I got it.

Ordering two eggs
over, hash browns,
toast and coffee.

Two eggs... Two eggs,
hash browns, toast and...

Two eggs.

Ordering two eggs,
soft-boiled,

bacon with toast,
coffee.

Two eggs.

Ordering scrambled,
two eggs, ham well done,
tomatoes, toast, coffee.

How're those eggs
over coming?

Soft-boiled...

Soft-boiled.

[EXCLAIMING]

Bacon, two eggs.

Ordering a breakfast steak,
medium well,

hash brown,
white toast and coffee.

Eggs, bacon.

You say a soft-boiled,
two bacon.

GAIL: Ordering eggs up,
hash brown,
toast and coffee.

Ordering a cheese omelet,
bacon, and a peach half.

Can't find those peach halves.
I just had one half, so,
wish I had a whole peach.

Ordering cream o' wheat
with brown sugar.

I want some wheat
toast, a glass of milk.

How're those eggs
over coming?

They look real good.
They're right here,
all piled up.

Ordering sliced bananas
with cream, French toast,
sausage, and coffee.

Where're am I gonna get
a banana and sausage?

Ordering a short stack,
bacon, and coffee.

How're those
eggs over?

Ordering two corn flakes
with cream on one,

four sweet rolls,
raspberry jam on the side,
and heat this bottle.

Ordering one prune juice.
What's the word
on those eggs over?

Ah, pea soup.

Ordering BLT on toast,
hold the mayo,

side order of slaw,
and coffee.

How're those eggs
over coming?

[EXCLAIMING]

Water.

Get the water.

[EXPLOSION]

MAN: Fire!

[ALARM BLARING]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

Hey, Vernon,
you wanna toss a few?

Oh, not now.

Hey, how does it look for
the River Rats this year?

Looks like we're
goin' all the way.

Hey, great.

Hi, Mike.

We don't have school today,
so you don't have to
bug me about it.

I'm not buggin' you
about it.

I'm just tellin' you,
if you ever wanna
get anywhere in school,

you gotta hit the books.

Hey, don't sit there.

Why not?
Public bench, isn't it?

You're sitting on gum.

What?You know,
you're sitting on gum.

[IMITATES CHEWING]

Gum.

[GROANS]

[EXCLAIMS]

Well, why didn't you tell me
before I sat down?

You didn't give me a chance.

Ah, nuts.

MAN ON RADIO:
And the fire department
was able to contain the blaze

at McGowan's Diner
before it spread to
adjoining buildings.

Although the diner was full,
there were no injuries
reported.

MIKE: Gee, McGowan's
caught on fire!

Yeah, I know. You wanna
turn that thing off?
I'm trying to eat.

[TURNS OFF RADIO]

What's that thing?

It's a fried egg sandwich.

No bread?

Where do you buy
a sandwich like that?

Uh, I got it
at a fire sale.

Tough day, huh?

Yeah, I'll get 'em
tomorrow.

You know what?

I told my old man
when I grew up I wanted
to be just like you.

You did?

Gee, what'd he say?

He hit me.

Oh, well, it figures.

Says you'll never amount
to a hill of beans.

You wanna turn the radio on?
I'd rather listen to that.

MAN ON RADIO:
...prizes! 50,000 dollars.

So, send in
those coupons to Kent Bronson
at the Kent Bronson Show.

VERNON: 50,000 dollars?

You know somethin',
if I had that kind of money,
believe me,

you guys wouldn't be
throwin' a ratty ball
around a dump like this.

And I'd have you some uniforms
and a ball diamond that'd
knock your eyes out.

You mean that?Yeah.

You ain't gonna do that.

I am, too.

Of course with some people,
it takes 'em a little
longer than others.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

You Vernon Praiseworthy?

Uh, right.

The fireman told me
that he saw you
come down this way.

You free to come with me?

Well, take me to jail.

It was that last order.
The BLT, hold the mayo,
slaw on the side.

That's the one
that did it.Did what?

That's when the grease
hit the grill.

What's up, Vernon?

This fuzz over here's
gonna toss Vernon
in the cooler.

What'd he do?

What'd you do, Vernon?

Well, I made a mistake.
I, uh, I got up this morning.

Come on.

Think you'll get out in time
to get us that ball diamond?

Well, sure I will.
Gosh, uh...

You guys just
stay warmed up
till I get back.

KOTCH: See that gate
over there?VERNON: Yeah.

KOTCH: Just go over
and knock on it.

VERNON: Don't you
have to check me in?

KOTCH: Just knock
on the gate.

Strange prison.

So long.

Just knock
on the gate.

All right, now, remember,
nobody gets through
the gate

to the house without
proper identification.

All right.You got that?

That sounds simple.All right.

All right.I'm gonna be gone, now.

Now wait...You're going
on vacation?

I'm going on vacation
and I want you
to take this.

See what you can
do with this.

[KNOCKING ON GATE]Okay, let him in.
I'll handle it...

Halt!

No one gets
through the gate
without a pass.

I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to...Proper identification.

There was this man,
Mr. Kotch, down there

who, uh, said for me
to come in here and go...

No, no, no, no,
this man's okay.

Yeah, yeah.

You go down the path,
okay, to the house.
You'll be all right.

Thank you.

[DOOR OPENS]

May I help you?Uh, yes.

Um, two guards
down at the gate told me
to come up here, and...

Actually the one guard
told me the one
with the gun, confused.

He, uh, gave me this
card to come up here...

I'm V. Praiseworthy.
He left an "E" outta there,
but it's Praiseworthy.

Yes, we've been
expecting you.

Just step through there,
please.

I'm gonna give him
this back, he was kind.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]

[SWITCHES OFF TRAIN]

Um, sorry,
hope you didn't mind.

Just runnin'
the trains here.

It's quite an exhibit
you have here.

TRAYNE: One of the finest
in the country.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh.

Took me 25 years
to get together.

There's a model
of anything that's
ever rolled on wheels.

I wouldn't sell it
for a million dollars.

Surprised to see
a dog sitting' here,
weren't you?

I never talk to anybody
until Bo looks 'em over.

If he don't pass 'em,
I don't waste my time
with 'em.

Can't beat an animal for
judging human character,

and Bo's the best
that ever was.

So, you're
Vernon Praiseworthy?
Come closer.

Uh-uh,
that's close enough.

You look better
at a distance.

Anybody tell you
who I am?

Uh, well, the warden.

Warden?

Well, uh, you see
there was this guy,
Kotch,

and he has this little car
and he had a badge

and he came up
and arrested me,
so I just assumed that...

He didn't arrest you.
He's a private detective.

Oh.

Bo, get Mitchell
in here.

[TOLLING]

Mitchell, this is
Vernon Praiseworthy.

Oh, oh, yes.

Tell him who I am.

This is Mr. R. R. Trayne,

founder and Chairman of the
Board of Trayne Industries.

Uh, Choo-Choo Trayne?

Yeah. You heard of me, huh?

Oh, gee, who hasn't?
I mean, a guy who
started out as a hobo

and then became
a billionaire.
I mean...

Billion and three-quarters.

Now, tell him who he is.

Well, I'm
Vernon Praiseworthy
of the...

No, no, no, tell him.

You, sir, are Mr. Trayne's
last living relative.

Well...
I beg your pardon?

I said,

you are Mr. Trayne's
last living relative.

You mean that I,
that he, that we
that that this place,

that I...

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Kinda give you a choke,
didn't I?

Well, it doesn't
seem possible.

I mean you sure
there isn't some mistake?

No, no, it's been
checked, double-checked,
cross-checked,

rechecked
and it all checks.

Your mother was my sister.

And you are the caboose
on the family train.

[BO WHIMPERING]

[BARKING]

Ah, you're right, Bo,
it's nothin' to joke about.

Boy, it's like a dream.
I mean, uh...

Gosh, uh...
Choo-Choo Trayne,
my uncle.

Come over here, son.

Come over here
and take a look.

This is me
ridin' the rails.

This is me
ridin' the rails
at the age of 16.

Skinny little runt,
wasn't I?

Uh-huh.

This is me
ridin' the rails
with some of my buddies.

That's Butz Collins,
Stumpy Walder,
and Ray Turner.

You know what this
is a picture of?

Uh, that...
That's a picture of,
uh, a roundhouse.

No.

That is a picture
of nothing.

All of these pictures
are nothing.

I thought so.

No, I couldn't afford
a camera or a film
when I was bumming,

so, I took
all these pictures
all here in my head.

Now, I can buy
any of the
camera companies.

I like my pictures better.
Don't you?

Yes, now that
you mention it, yeah.

You know what this is
a picture of?

Sure.
That's a picture
of nothing.

No.No.

This is a picture of
you as the head of
Trayne Enterprises.

Maybe.Right.

Takes a big man
to run a big organization

and on account of
you being family,

we hoped you'd
be the man
when I step down.

Right, Bo?

[BARKS]

When I look at
your record, here,

it doesn't even
give a promise.

Says here, 39 jobs,

in 34 cities.

What is your hang-up?

I'm lookin' for a job
where I can be happy

and make a lot of
money for the kids.

Kids? Don't see
anything here about
you havin' kids.

I don't, I don't...
It's just that, uh,

I mean, kids that
don't have anything.

I'd like to do
something for 'em.

Good, I like that.
Come around here.

Sit down.
Go ahead, sit down.

Relax, make yourself
comfortable.

Think you could be
happy in this niche
when I give it up?

Yeah, I guess so,
but, well, see,
you just said...

I just said you had
nothin' to offer right now,
but I've got a prescription

that could change all that
if you work at it.

Well, uh, I'm willin'
to work, all right,

it's um, it's just
workin' steady
that's a little shaky.

This'll be different than
anything you've ever
tried before.

Well, where do we start?

Where I did.
On the road.

Oh, you mean a salesman?
I think I can handle that.

Hobo.

A hobo?

TRAYNE: Mmm-hmm.

Taught me everything
I needed to put me
in this chair.

Self-reliance,
self-confidence,

resourcefulness, ingenuity,
the whole bundle,

and it could do
the same for you.

Gosh, a hobo.

From now on you better
forget that name,
Vernon Praiseworthy.

No use adding to
your troubles.

You need a nice, short,
snappy name,

like Tom, Dick,
Harry, Frank, Joe.

Joe, Bo, Joe,
Bo, Joe.

Sounds good either way.
How about that, Bo?

[WHIMPERING]

Good. Joe it is.

We'll tack a "Smith"
on the end
when we write you.

Hobo?Mmm-hmm.

You follow my footsteps
and you can step into
my shoes.

Yeah, uh, not bad.

Well, how long
is this gonna take?

Depends upon you.

Yeah, well,

okay, I'll give it a try,
I mean, for the kids.

[BARKS]

Your first destination
will be Seattle.

That's about
a four-day run.

Seein' as how
you're a beginner,
I'll give you six.

If it takes any longer,
that's one strike against
you, just like baseball.

Oh, you mean,
three strikes
and you're out?

That's right.

Now there's a freight
leavin' the yard at,
uh, 2:45.

I'll give you three hours
and ten minutes to hop it.

You mean, you want me
to start today?

Sooner you start,
the quicker you finish.

Well, you, but three hours
and ten minutes,

I need more time
than that.

Average person always
needs more tire,

that's why
they're average.

One thing that'll
make it easier for you

is that you'll
have somebody to
travel with you.

Oh, you're gonna send
Mitchell with me.

Mitchell? Wouldn't
that be something.

[LAUGHING]
You and Mitchell
hoboing together.

No, I'm gonna have
somebody to help you
rather than hinder you.

Just like his great, great,
great, great, great, great,
great, great granddaddy

helped me with mine.

You mean,
you're gonna send
Bo with me?

That's right.
He's a real chip
off the old block,

loyal and a lot smarter
than most people
you run across.

But Bo's your dog, see,
he wouldn't wanna go
with me.

Ask him.

Bo, you wanna go with me?

For my sake, Bo?

[WHIMPERS]

Good.

I had an agreement
drawn up to
cover the deal.

Mitchell,
explain it to him.

There are several
major provisions.

You must never reveal
your relationship
to Mr. Trayne.

You must never disclose
the reasons for what
you're doing.

You must never
contact this office
or Mr. Trayne

unless you are
instructed to do so.

Stealing, cheating,
or other dishonest acts

are strictly forbidden.

You will follow
a prescribed route

which will be given to you
one destination at a time.

Upon arrival
at a designated city,

a letter at the
main post office,
general delivery,

will give you
your next destination.

[HORN BLOWING]

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

Hurry up, Bo, come on,
that's our train.

Get away!
Go away!

[BO BARKING]Hey, Bo! Bo!

Hey, Bo!

[EXCLAIMING]

[SCREAMING]

TRAYNE: Oh, forget it.

I'll never make
a train man outta you.

Yes, sir, but I am
trying, sir, I really
am, I'm trying.

[PHONE RINGING]Try harder.
Answer the phone.

Yes?
Yes, put him on.

What is that? Joe? Bo?

Yes, sir.
Mitchell speaking.

Good.

They did?

They didn't.

They are?

What do know...

Thank you.

Well?

That was the division
superintendent.

Yes, I know that.
What is all they did,
they didn't, they are?

Did they catch
the freight train
or didn't they?

Well, yes sir,
they did, sir, but...

They didn't catch
the one going to Seattle.

They're heading in
the opposite direction.

Where?

El Paso.

Now, what do you know?

Yes sir, that's what
I said, sir.

[LAUGHING]

He's followin' in
my footsteps all right.

The first train
I ever hopped

I went in the wrong
direction, too.

Hey, watch the bridge.

I will, I will,
I'll watch the bridge now.

[LAUGHING UPROARIOUSLY]

How come we're stoppin'?

[BARKS]Huh?

Hey, come on,
somebody's comin'.
Let's get outta sight.

No need to hide.
I know you're in there.

Uh, you gonna
put us off?

No need to, once you hear
where you're headin'.

Well, we're goin'
to Seattle.

No. Seattle is that-a-way.
You're going to El Paso.

Wait a minute.
El Paso! What...

Now, wait a minute,
that's impossible.

You see, I heard
personally from two...

I mean, uh,
from a very
high authority

that the train
leaving for Seattle
left precisely at 2:45

and that's what time
we were on this.

The freight for El Paso
also leaves at 2:45.

You mean, you got two trains
going in opposite directions
leaving at the same time?

Opposite directions,
same time.

You don't have
another train leaving
the other way, do you?

Yeah, 1:17 tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning?

Oh, we'd lose
a whole day.

Yeah, see,
we've only got six days
to get to Seattle...

We're under
a lot of pressure...
I know, I know...

You know,
in a case like this,

I think it'd be okay
to go out on the highway

and catch a ride
that way, don't you?

What?

I'm sorry, I was
talking to the dog.

[BARKS]

He said it's okay.

Excuse me.
Well, thanks a lot,
you've been very helpful.

My pleasure.

[BARKING]

Have a nice day yourself.

Stacy, can you hear me?

STACY: Yeah, I hear you.

Tell 'em
they got off here.

Will do.

Did you find out
why the top brass
is keeping track of 'em?

No, but I did find out
one thing though.

What's that?

That the dog is
the smarter of the two.

Now, that's 41 cars
that have gone by

and haven't even
looked at us.

[BARKING]

Hi, there's plenty of room
in there for us.

[SIGHS]

Well, you know,
it's so hot out here.
We're gonna melt.

I wonder what you have
to do to get anybody
to stop around here.

[WHIMPERING]

Bo, what happened?

Bo, come on,
speak to me.

Hey, Bo, hey,
what's wrong, guy?

Help!

Help! Help!

Bo, what's wrong?

I'll give you
mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation.

Well, just...

Forget it.

Oh, come on, get up.

We gotta keep goin'
for the kids.

[BUS APPROACHING]

What happened?
Car hit him?

Well, I don't know.
He just keeled over.
Must be the heat.

Well, pour some
of this on him.

Oh, right. Thanks.

This'll work, here,
here you go. Here.

[WHIMPERING]

Aw, that's great.
Yeah, that works.

Thanks a million.
You just saved
me a billion.

Uh, where you going?

L.A.

Pile in.Huh?

Come on, Bo,
we got a ride.

Bo! Hey, come on,
let's go. Bo, got a ride.

Come on,
come on, Bo, let's go.

Well, come on.

Oh, no, come on.

TRAYNE: You can't beat
an animal for judging
human character,

and Bo is the best
that there is.

You're supposed to be
taking care of me.

TRAYNE: Now, he's gonna need
a lot of lookin' after,

but don't be
too easy on him,

or he'll never
learn anything.

That's better.

My name is, uh, Steve.
This is Ernie.

ERNIE: Hi.

Hi, mine is Vern...
I mean, uh, Joe.

Bo, Joe, Bo, Joe.

[BO BARKS]Hey, Bo!

[GROWLS]Hey, now easy.

Not very friendly, is he?

Yeah, I don't
understand that.
It must be the heat.

Hey, what's with you,
anyway?

He's a real nice guy.

[SNARLING]

Yeah, all right, okay.

He's, uh,
just apologizing
for growling.

That's okay,
your apology
is accepted.

Where you coming from, Joe?

L.A. You see,
I was going to Seattle,

but I didn't catch
the right freight, so...

So I'm goin' back to
Los Angeles to hop
a freight to Seattle, so,

I guess I'm really
coming from Los Angeles,
if you look at it that way.

Hot, isn't it?

Our security department
is the very finest.

Your little Johnny will be
in the best of hands.

[PHONE RINGING]

Trayne World Airways
Security.

Hey, am I glad
to hear from you.

No, we're just
coming into town.

When will you be
at the house?

Yeah, we'll be in,
in about 45 minutes.

Yeah, we gotta take this guy
over to the freight yards.

JEN: Freight yards?

Dave get there yet?

Two days ago. Good.

Where is he?

A liquor store?

What is it? What is it?

All right, we'll see you
at the place. Stupid idiot.

Come on, man,
lay it on me.
What's happenin'?

He tried to knock off
a liquor r store.

They picked him off instead.

He's in the County Hospital
with a slug in his leg.

Oh, that's beautiful,
that's really beautiful.

The guy plays penny ante
and we lose the whole
jackpot, that's great.

We haven't blown it yet.
We'll get somebody else.

What, by tomorrow morning?
You gotta be kidding.

STEVE: So, how did
you happen to
take up hoboing, Joe?

Well, I was told
there was a lot
of money in it.

All ready for you
to jump into, Joe.

Better than
a bed roll,
huh, Joe?

Well, any bed's better
than a bed roll.

Boy, you guys sure
have been good to me.

Well, we just
wanna show our
appreciation, Joe,

for you driving the van
for us tomorrow.

Yeah, well, listen,
anything as long as
I'm through in time

to catch that freight
to Seattle.

ERNIE: Oh, man,
we'll be through
in plenty of time.

I mean, it won't
take us more
than an hour.

Unless there's a snafu.
Then all of us might be
hopping the freight.

Huh?

Well, I mean,
we might get
a flat tire

on the freeway
or somethin'.

Yeah, yeah, we know
what you mean, Ernie.

I think you better
hit the sack, too. Okay?

Your mouth is flapping
but your brains
are sleeping. Okay.

JEN: Good night, Joe.

Ow!

Geez!

I'm gonna get a new tube.

Turn that off.

[SIGHS]

Oh.

[HUMMING]

More coffee, Joe?

Uh, no,
I have to drive.

Hey, how about
this last egg, Joe?

Uh, no, no,
I've, uh, I've had
a lot of eggs this week.

How 'bout you, Bo?

[WHIMPERING]

You about ready
to shove off, Joe boy?

Yeah, right,
I'm ready, right.

I'm sorry, here you go.
I'll help you.

Here's your
butter, butter.

You need any help?

No, thank you.Good. Right.

Boy, you know it's
hard to believe you guys
work for Trayne.

Yeah? Why?

Well, I mean,
of all the companies
that you could work for.

Of course,
he does own a lot of
companies, doesn't he?

So, doesn't that make
a coincidence, huh?

I don't know
why he'd bring it up.

That's strange.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

He's funny.

I see.
Mmm-hmm,
thank you.

Well?

Nothing, sir.

They've dropped
out of sight

since they left that
siding to catch a ride
back to Los Angeles.

Their first night out
on the road.

Wonder where
they're spending it?

Well, they oughta be
showin' up at the
freight yard before long.

All right, the plane's
coming in pretty quick.

They're gonna park it

just on the other side
of that fence over there.

ERNIE: Okay.Okay?

All right, now,
here are the keys.

Now, you know where
you're gonna meet us now.

Well, yeah,
you told me three times.

Well, I just
wanna make sure
everything's okay

because I don't want
no bad mark on our record,
know what I mean?

Right, okay, I got it.

You know,
you worry too much, see?

Where was it?Over there.

I got it,
see, I got it.

You got it.

This is Barbara Henderson
of KGHG

bringing you an
on-the-spot picture of
the arrival of Li Chien Wu,

a very rare species
of Chinese dog
know as a Shar-Pei,

which is being flown
to this country

on a special plane
furnished by
Trayne World Industries,

as a gift from the
People's Republic of China

to the people of
the United States.

Li Chien Wu is
no ordinary gift,
I assure you,

for he is the Republic's
Number One Shar-pei

and is valued and
insured for 100,000 dollars.

How's it look?

Okay. How about mine?

Outta sight.

Yeah?Yeah. Good, good.

All right.

Hey.

Hi.

Hey, you fellas here
to pick up the pooch?

Yeah.

Hey, uh,
is that the plane?

GUARD: It better be.

When did they put
you fellas on?

A while ago.
One shot deal.

They figured a little
extra security might be
a smart idea, you know?

Their dough.

Where's your station?

They told us to
stick right with you.

Hey, uh, we can
hold up our end
over here, you know?

Well, that's a matter
of opinion.

Oh, I had a hunch
there was something
funny about you guys.

Give me the irons.
Right now.

Move it!

All right,
hold it right there.

Tape his kisser.
Move!

Get in.

Let me repeat,
that the ceremony
will not take place today.

Li Chien Wu has
traveled a long way

and will be taken
from here to a kennel
for a check-up,

after which
the President himself

will receive the gift
from the People's Republic

in a special ceremony
two days from now.

Oh, oh, oh, yes.

Representing our government
on this occasion today

is Mr. Leonard Cox
of the State Department.

Oh, they're moving
the ladder...

How do you do,
ladies and gentlemen?

This is Leonard Cox speaking,
your State Department
representative.

I'm very happy
to be here today to
welcome Li Win Chu...

Oh, Mr. Cox is
a little excited.

He meant to say
Li Chien Wu.

Yes, yes, yes.
I mean to say
Li Chien Wu.

In the name of
the government...

Okay, Mr. Cox,
thank you, thank you.

Hey, look, Bo,
there's Rita and Jen.

[BARKING]

Bo! Bo,
be quiet.

For cryin' out loud,
they're gonna
throw us outta here.

Can't you see,
they're trying
to broadcast?

Here comes trouble.

Keep that dog quiet
or take him out of here.

Yes sir, uh, I'm sorry,
I don't know
what got into him.

COX: Well, see that
it doesn't get
into him again.

We're having
a brief interruption

caused by a dog
belonging to a spectator.

I'm sure it's
nothing serious.

Mr. Cox himself has
gone over to remedy
the situation.

COX: I'm here on
government business,

and I will not
tolerate interruption.

Is that clear?
Keep quiet!

Come, Bo, you hear
what he said?

COX: Let's get on with
the reception, Stevens.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

[BARKS]

Hey, Bo, look,
that must be the Shar-Pei
they're talking about.

[WHIMPERING]

Boy, I hope he gets
big enough to fill out
those wrinkles.

Welcome to
the United States,
Madame Wong.

Thank you.

I am Leonard Cox of
the State Department,
Madame Wong.

I'm here to welcome you
to our country

on behalf of
the United States
Government.

Thank you.
I bring you greetings

from the People's
Republic of China.

Ah, yes, yes, yes.

Madame Wong,
how was your flight?

My flight...

But, most importantly,
how is Li Chien Wu?

My flight was
very pleasant and
Li Chien Wu is very happy.

But I'm sure he's tired
after his long trip,

so we'll just
rush him to the kennel

where he can relax
and get over his jetlag.

All right,
be cool now, Ernie.

I got it.

Be cool.

[BO BARKING]

Bo!

[BARKING]

Sit down.
He's okay.

Hey, come back here.

Oh, no! Now
look what you did.
Here comes wrinkles.

[LI CHIEN WU BARKING] Go back! Go.

That's Bo and Joe.

COX: Now, look
what you've done.

Oh, you, you, oh,
come here, poor little
Li Chien Chu! Oh...

Will you get out of here?

Yes sir, right, sir.
Ah, you see,
I read about Li Chien Wu

in the paper and when
my friends told me

he was comin'
down here this morning
well, I figured I'd...

We're on our way,
right now.

Come on, Bo. Bo!

Let go of
the man's leash, Bo.

Bo, let go of
the man's leash.

You party pooper!

You shouldn't
have done that.

Now look,
you got him
all excited.

Uh, sir, we're sorry,
sir, just, uh...

Will you get out of here?

Come on, Bo.
Uh, I'm sorry, sir.

We broke your leash.

Here you go, just...

Just...

[CROWD LAUGHING]

What is the matter with you?
You bumbling idiot,

what're you doing?
Get your hands off me.

What's the matter
with you, Bo?

You're supposed to
keep me out of trouble,
not get me into it.

Come on.

Now, that the confusion
and excitement is over,

we're going to pause
for station identification.

Excitement is right.

Bo certainly had them
spinning their wheels,
didn't he?

He must've taken a shine
to that Li Chien Wu.

What the devil
are they doing
at the airport?

They're supposed
to be hopping
a freight to Seattle.

[BO GROWLING]

[BARKING]

Take it easy.
All right.
To the side.

Let's go.
Easy now.

Will you stop
being so restless,
for cryin' out loud.

They'll be here.

[BARKING]

Bo, will you quiet down,
for cryin' out loud?

Get in.

How do you like that?

They don't even have
freight trains on
their schedule.

Now that's another thing
I'm gonna change
when I get in that chair.

[BARKING]

[WHIMPERING]

Bo, will you settle down?

[BO GROWLING]

What is it, Bo? What, huh?

Bo! Bo!
Hey, will you come on,
hey, come on, sit down.

Sit down.

I'm sorry.
Now, lay down there.
Okay, come on.

I don't know what's
gotten into Bo today.

You shoulda seen
the fuss he made

over that Li Chien Wu
at the terminal. Boy!

STEVE: Yeah,
we heard all about it.
Let's get going, huh?

Yeah, yeah, sure,
yeah, okay.

[ENGINE STARTING]

[WHIMPERING]

[LI CHIEN WU BARKING]

Now see, you been
barkin' so much
you're getting laryngitis.

[BARKING CONTINUES]

Hey, that sounds
like Li Chien Wu!

[WHIMPERING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Li Chien Wu!

What's he doin' here?

Well, uh...

Well, we were going to
deliver him after we

dropped you off
at the freight yard.

Oh, all right.

[BARKING]

Huh?

Huh, huh? Oh.

Hey, one of you guys
dropped your mustache here.

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, hey, you were the guys
with the dog kennel
down at the airport.

So, that's what you were
tryin' to tell me, huh, Bo?

Hey, you guys aren't
security guards,
you're phonies.

And you kidnapped
Li Chien Wu.

And you just missed
that freight to
Seattle, Joe.

[BO GROWLING]

Bo, stay.
Or I'll blow you away.

Turn off at the street.

Oh, no, you're not makin'
a dognapper outta me.

I'm not goin' anywhere
unless it's to take

Li Chien Wu
to the dog kennel.

You wanna bet?

Turn left?
I'll get right to that.

[ENGINE STARTING]

And I'm happy to report
that Li Wien Chu

is in the Metropolitan Kennel
now for a two-day check up.

Li Chien Wu,
Mr. Cox.

Li Chien Wu.

I'm also happy
to report that...

Mr. Cox...In a minute, Stevens.

This is urgent.So, is this teletype.

Where was I,
let's see...

Li Chien Wu's in the
Metropolitan Kennel,
uh, yes, yes.

And I'm happy
to say that, uh...

But, he's, he's not.Not what?

He's not at
the Metropolitan Kennel.

Of course he is.
That's where
they took him.

But they didn't.They didn't?

No.

Then where is he?

I don't know.

Well, if you don't know
where he is,

how do you know
he's not at the
Metropolitan Kennel?

He's been stolen.

Stolen?
What do you mean, stolen?

Grabbed! Snatched!
Purloined! Dognapped!

Oh, stolen. Oh, no.

The kennel just called
a few minutes ago.

The truck
was left in
a city park

with the driver and
two guards locked inside.

They managed to get loose
just a few minutes ago.

Stolen? This is awful.

Why, the presentation
ceremony's set in
a couple of days.

Do you know
what this means if we
don't get that dog back?

[CHATTERING ON TV]

[WHIMPERING]

Well, that was
pretty good. I think
I'll have another one.

You want a coke, Joe?

The only thing Joe wants
is to go to Seattle.

I'll tell you somethin',
if I don't get to Seattle
in six days,

I'm gonna have
one strike against me.

This is Barbara Henderson of
KGHG with a late news flash.

This morning I covered
the arrival of Li Chien Wu,

a very rare and
valuable Chinese dog

that was flown here
from China

as gift from the People's
Republic to the people
of this country.

Well, there may not
be any ceremony,

for I have just learned
that Li Chien Wu
has been stolen.

No!

That's right, stolen.

The daring dognapping was
carried out within minutes of
Li Chien Wu's arrival

by two men posing as
security guards

while a third member
of the gang waited
in a getaway car.

Wait a minute.
I'm not a member
of the gang.

Stay tuned to this station
for continuing developments.

With all the security
we've got at the airport,

they couldn't even
secure a dog.

Well, you'll have to admit
that it was an unusual
and daring plot.

It's the unusual
you have to anticipate.

Any fool can plan
for the usual.

I'll bet that's why Bo
raised all that ruckus
at the fence.

He smelled out them crooks
and he was going to
save Li Chien Wu.

It's too bad that
somebody else
at the airport

didn't have
as much brains
as he has.

[SIGHS]

Any word from 'em
at the freight yard?

No, sir.

Well, they missed
the mornin' freight.

Now, they missed
the afternoon freight.

I wonder what the devil
they're up to now?

[WHIMPERING]

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Hi.Well, we did it.

Boy, you should've
seen that airport.

They're runnin'
around there like
a bunch of bananas.

Hey, what do you think
of all this, Chow Mein?

Betcha you didn't think
you'd end up here, right?

ERNIE: Hi.Hi.

Hey...

What's he doin' here?

Yeah, what's this?

Well, he decided
to join up with us.

I did not.

He got wise.

Where's Bo?

STEVE: Locked in the shed.
He won't give us any trouble.

Yeah, I'll tell you
somethin', if anything
happens to Bo,

you guys are
answering to me.

[STEVE LAUGHING]

This is Barbara Henderson in
the office of Leonard Cox
of the State Department

as he anxiously awaits
word from the dognappers
of Li Chien Wu.

What was the motivation
for this dognapping?

Will you please stop that
infernal whispering?

Please, Mr. Cox,
we're or the air, live.

I must have been crazy
to let you people in here.

COX: Oh, aspirin, aspirin.

I need more aspirin.

HENDERSON: And that man
you hear in the background
is Mr. Cox himself.

As you can tell,
the tension here
in his office

is mounting by
by the minute.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

It's them.

Yes. What?

100,000 dollars?

Yes, yes, I'll pay
that. I mean,
the government will.

Would you repeat that?

This looks
like it, folks.

The dognappers have
just demanded

100,000 dollar
ransom for the
return of Li Chien Wu.

Oh, wait a minute.
How can I be sure
that you have Ching Li Ku?

What?

Okay, Li Chien Wu.

How many wrinkles
did he have?

Was he wearing a harness
or a collar?

All right, I believe you.

[FINGER SNAPPING]

I'll call you later
with the details.

[RINGS OFF]

Wait a minute.
Hello? Hello?

Ah, they hung up.

Is that what they
asked for, Mr. Cox?
100,000 dollars?

Uh, that is correct.

Frankly, I would've
paid them twice that much.

[SHUSHING]
We're on the air.

What do you mean,
we're still on the air?

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello? What?

Oh, wonderful!

Well, we're up to
200,000 now.

Care to try for four?

Oh, shut up.

I'll tell you what.
Uh, if you let me
and Bo go,

I'll give you
300,000 dollars.

We'll take it,
let's see the dough.

Well, I'm a little
short right now.

But, I'll tell you what,
I'll give you a note
and six percent interest.

Payable when?

Uh, when I own a bank.
I'm gonna be a billionaire.

How about eight percent
and I'll let you join
the Christmas club?

I told you
he was a ding-a-ling.

STEVE: Gather around,
I'll lay out the
pick-up plans for you.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

All right.

Now this is the Barclay
Department Store, okay?

And the plaza
shopping area.

Okay, this is
the parking lot
on the...

Foothill Boulevard side.

Okay? All right,
now the front is...

Steve.

Let the dummy listen.

He won't do anything
about it after we
get through with him.

[JEN CHUCKLING]

Okay, then we
pick up the dough,

wheel to the airport,

hop into our
chartered plane,

and fly on
down to South America.

[EXCLAIMING IN SPANISH]

How about that, huh?

ERNIE: That's
beautiful, man,
that's great.

STEVE: All right,
I always like to start
on a full stomach.

Now, how about
you girls makin' it
with a can opener?

JEN: Back in a flash
with some hash.

Hey, give me a cigarette,
will you?

Get out of here.
Wanna get us in trouble?

[WHIMPERING]

Go on, go on,
get away.

[BARKING]

Not you.

All right,
what's bugging him?

[STUTTERING]
I don't...

[WHIMPERING]

What'd you see
down there,
Li Chien Wu?

Oh, it was
just a mouse,
just a mouse.

A mouse? Ew!

[EXCLAIMING]
I saw one in the
kitchen a while ago.

Now stay there.
You fool with
these American mice

and you're liable
to get mugged.

You girls have
any coffee there?

[MAN CHATTERING ON TV]

[SWITCHING CHANNELS]

Put that back,
will you? These guys
are gonna get mad.

Hey! Give me that.

[GROWLING]Ah! All right.
Hold it right there.

Put your hands up.
Put your hands up.

Geez!

Ouch!

RITA: Oh, wow!

What happened,
Steve?

Never mind. Easy...

All right! Now, uh,
just gimme that gun.

Take it out
with two fingers,
and hand it to Bo.

Go get it, Bo.

Okay, here,
give me that.

Ah-ha!

So, you guys thought...

[GROWLING]

Hold it right there.

Thought you're dealin'
with some kind of dumb...

Dummy, huh?
All right, okay.

Okay, you wise guys,
it looks like you're
outta business, huh?

Okay, come on, Bo.

Get Li Chien Wu
and let's get outta here.
Come on.

You guys are goin' to jail
where you belong.

I'm gonna fire a couple of
blasts outside