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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:52,698 --> 00:00:53,845 All right, Chevy. 2 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,805 Chevy, you're very handsome. 3 00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,558 - Stop it. - How did you become so funny? 4 00:00:58,559 --> 00:00:59,684 What was the first part? 5 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:03,229 Lorne said if I just stared into the camera, 6 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,898 that'd take a lot of guts. 7 00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:11,738 "There were bells on the hill, but I never heard them ringing." 8 00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:14,783 Action, Laraine. 9 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,332 Hi. 10 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,211 Did I spell your name right? 11 00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:31,341 I'm Garrett Morris talking to all you white Americans... 12 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:34,010 about the way Black people have been treated in America. 13 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:37,555 Now, I know a lot of you feel guilty, and you should. 14 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,852 You see, um, having a catheter... 15 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,938 a lot of people think it's funny. 16 00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:47,732 And they like to see me dance. 17 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:53,238 Now, I look up, and I see it coming down now, real quick... 18 00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:54,697 and I see discs. 19 00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,074 Whirlin' discs! 20 00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,034 - Really? - All right. 21 00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,494 Radney? 22 00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,538 I'm not gonna talk about... No. 23 00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:03,997 Whirlin'. Whirlin' around, whirlin' around. 24 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:05,476 I see all kinds of lights. Then they just drop me. 25 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,961 In order to get that much iron, you probably have to overeat. 26 00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:11,840 Send your check or money order to White Guilt Relief Fund. 27 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:14,008 We're ready? Should we go? 28 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,596 {\an8}Free show! 29 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,268 Plenty of tickets left, guys! Free show! 30 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:24,811 No? 31 00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:27,272 Hey, free show, man. 32 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,441 Hey, sir, free comedy show? Plenty of seats. 33 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:32,360 Perfect for date night! 34 00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:34,069 Um... 35 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:37,365 "You are invited to a new variety spectacular..." 36 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:40,076 "Featuring a parade of comedy..." 37 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,883 "And musical acts ripped from the charts." 38 00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:44,163 Jesus Christ. 39 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:46,370 "Where did they unearth such a cavalcade of talent?" 40 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,669 Hey, man! You okay? 41 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,423 Maybe ask me again in 90 minutes. 42 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,530 Why? What happens in 90 minutes? 43 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,093 Uh, we go live. 44 00:02:57,427 --> 00:03:00,054 Oh, wow. Far out, man. Congrats. Miss? 45 00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:01,973 - Thank you. - Hey, wait. If it's live, 46 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,683 then why the hell are you down here? 47 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,643 - Free show. For fuck's sake. - I'm... 48 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,371 - Mr. Michaels? - Waiting for... 49 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:08,395 Ah! 50 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,773 It's 10 o'clock, Andy. Here. Come on. 51 00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:12,817 Where do I park? 52 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,320 "You are invited to a new variety spectacular..." 53 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:16,863 Just pick him up at 1:00, Mrs. Kaufman. 54 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:17,947 Do you like my suit? 55 00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:19,300 - Very elegant, Andy. - Take care of my Andy! 56 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,867 This is my favorite suit. 57 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,074 "Where did they unearth such a cavalcade of talent?" 58 00:03:24,016 --> 00:03:25,079 Bye. Bye, Mommy. 59 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,079 Bye, honey. 60 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,520 - I love you! - Andy, come on. 61 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:34,631 Andy, please, come on. 62 00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:36,382 This is beautiful. 63 00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:37,550 Yeah. 64 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,800 You know, actually, down there 65 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,029 is where Diego Rivera was hired... 66 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,263 to paint a fresco for the American worker. 67 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:43,473 I cannot see this. 68 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,558 Well, no one can because Diego was a commie... 69 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,226 and added Vladimir Lenin in the middle of the night... 70 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,603 so the Rockefellers had it plastered over. 71 00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:49,686 Deliveries use the back. 72 00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:50,980 - I'm producer of the show. - Where's your badge? 73 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,169 - My... - Where's his badge? 74 00:03:52,170 --> 00:03:53,357 Look, my name is Lorne Michaels. 75 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,441 I'm the producer of Saturday Night. 76 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:55,609 - The whole night? - Hey! Hey! He's good. 77 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,320 - Yeah, I'm producing every show. - He's good. He's good. 78 00:03:57,321 --> 00:03:58,550 - I'm good, you see? - Let him in. Let him in. 79 00:03:58,551 --> 00:03:59,781 Live on a Saturday night? Must be some show. 80 00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:00,864 I'm good. Andy, please. 81 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,220 Hey, you're doing a great job. Really. Great stuff. 82 00:04:02,221 --> 00:04:04,066 What kind of name is "Saturday Night"? 83 00:04:04,067 --> 00:04:05,912 - Andy, come on. Please. - Okay. We rushing. 84 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,372 Eighth floor, and book it. 85 00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:09,123 Put on your seat belts. 86 00:04:11,438 --> 00:04:13,293 So, big night. 87 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,754 Oh, Andy, have you had dinner? 88 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,547 Huh. Yes, I had spaghetti. 89 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,341 Oh, that sounds delicious. 90 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,218 Hey, Lorne, I'm getting calls from upstairs. 91 00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:21,344 You ordered a llama? 92 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:22,512 A llama? 93 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,973 Yeah. We all decided it was much funnier than a donkey. 94 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:26,391 Right. Just the guys down at the loading dock 95 00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:28,017 weren't expecting, you know, livestock. 96 00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,395 Well, NBC did ask for something fresh and unexpected. 97 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:31,854 That is true. That's true. 98 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,147 Uh, just, you know, they also weren't 99 00:04:33,148 --> 00:04:34,232 expecting you to demand... 100 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,651 an overhaul in the entire lighting and sound package. 101 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,571 Did anyone ask Edison what a light bulb was 102 00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,198 before he harnessed electricity? 103 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,368 Who are you in the metaphor? 104 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,578 The light bulb? 105 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,539 We can't expect people to recognize 106 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:50,975 something they've never seen before. 107 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,375 Right. Okay. Yes. You're correct. 108 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,902 But just, how about a final script? 109 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,040 It's not that kind of show. 110 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,647 Okay. Well, what kind of show is it, Lorne? 111 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:57,982 Do you even know what the show is? 112 00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,007 Of course. 113 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,193 Are you gonna share it with the rest of us? 114 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,011 Yes. 115 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,554 In 88 minutes. 116 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,389 Oh, my God. 117 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,325 Uh, have you tested the quality of the sound system? 118 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,576 - No, I haven't. - 'Cause the speakers... 119 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,394 look leftover from Arturo Toscanini. 120 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,830 I mean, that's not really my job. 121 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,134 Lorne, did you order more lights? 122 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,231 Of course. 123 00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:16,982 Is this your card? 124 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,066 How'd he do that? 125 00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,485 He's a fuckin' magician, numb nuts. 126 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:21,195 - Hey, Neil? - Oh, hey. 127 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,134 You got to be right by my side, man. Locked to my hip. 128 00:05:23,135 --> 00:05:24,667 Remember, when you're here, you're not my cousin... 129 00:05:24,668 --> 00:05:26,017 you're my executive assistant. You're important. 130 00:05:26,018 --> 00:05:27,368 Really? Like in the credits it will say that? 131 00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:28,577 Well, no, but you and I will know. 132 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,058 They're looking for you in the control room. 133 00:05:30,059 --> 00:05:31,538 Also, Belushi hasn't signed his contract yet? 134 00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:33,686 - Oh, and the llama has arrived. - Oh, great. Thanks, Barbara. 135 00:05:33,687 --> 00:05:35,835 Neil, memo. We need to reeducate the NBC Pages on the show. 136 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:36,919 You should've heard the guy outside. 137 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,003 What the hell is this? 138 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,297 Saturday Night, it's a new kind of entertainment. 139 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:43,509 It's abstract and defiant. Avant-garde yet blue collar... 140 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,480 Gilda, come on. We need you for rehearsal. 141 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,229 Oh, be careful. They're still drying. 142 00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:56,981 This is monumental work, Edie. 143 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,567 Mr. Gresner, would you please tell our studio audience... 144 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,277 Jane, you're still attached. 145 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,280 Just how you became a victim of a shark bite? 146 00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,741 You are so fluffy. 147 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,034 Hey, come on, Andy. 148 00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:10,369 You cut my Nazi Doctor Dolittle? 149 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,663 He has ways of making the animals talk? 150 00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:14,183 I'll check with the run-of-show board. 151 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,209 Package was addressed to Al Franken and Tom Davis. 152 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:17,763 I don't know what to tell you, fellas. 153 00:06:17,764 --> 00:06:19,164 How do you lose 28 gallons of blood? 154 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,757 85 minutes till showtime. 155 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,802 Come on, guys. These transitions need to be crisp. 156 00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:28,179 Pretend like there's a hooker holding a sandwich 157 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,430 waiting for you stage right. 158 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,224 We still need to rehearse five sketches. 159 00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,267 Are we any closer on lighting cues? 160 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,144 Hey, Schiller. What are you up to? 161 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,688 I'm burning sage. Removing demons. 162 00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:39,107 Garrett don't do voodoo. 163 00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:41,073 Peter packed a peck of pickled peckers. 164 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,486 Andy, this is Billy Crystal and Valri Bromfield. 165 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:44,963 - They're both in the show. - Andy! 166 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,174 They're both very nice. Please stay with them, okay? 167 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,075 Listen, Andy is a certifiable comedic genius. 168 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,385 - He is redefining the form. - Nice to meet you, Andy. 169 00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:52,411 I mean, we are in the presence of greatness. 170 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:55,122 Where is the bathroom? 171 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,498 Neil, can you show Andy to the washroom? 172 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,125 - Yeah. Yeah. - There you are. Lorne. I can't 173 00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,752 - authorize the purchase... - Dick. Dick. 174 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,169 Of an antique chandelier. 175 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,254 Jim has a question about something. 176 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,548 - Here. Let's step over here. - He's out of control. 177 00:07:03,549 --> 00:07:05,299 - Okay. I understand. - This isn't a budget. 178 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,383 It's a ransom note. 179 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,510 Someone asked for last Friday's Johnny Carson? 180 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:08,678 Where the fuck you been, Charlie? 181 00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:09,761 Sorry, I've been busy. 182 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:10,846 I'll be back in a little bit, okay? 183 00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,306 Hope I still have a job when he's gone next week. 184 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,016 Okey-dokes. So, as it stands... 185 00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:16,435 we have four host monologues, two stand-ups... 186 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,522 two musical guests, each with two performances... 187 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:19,981 a solo piece for Andy Kaufman... 188 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,275 five parody commercials, Weekend Update... 189 00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:23,484 a film by Albert Brooks... 190 00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:26,070 Jim Henson's Muppet... thing. 191 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,239 Not to mention seven sketches. 192 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,925 - Something for everybody. - Yeah, it's a lot of show. 193 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,389 - It won't fit. - We don't know that. 194 00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:33,953 I know that. The dress rehearsal was three hours. 195 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,160 Audrey thinks we're tight. 196 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,599 Audrey thinks it's time to make some tough decisions, actually. 197 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:38,743 Lorne, just cut some things. 198 00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:40,911 - No. We will, but... - Am I still in the show? 199 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,839 Jesus Christ. 200 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,276 - Sorry. Tripped over my penis. - Still on the show, Chev. 201 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,801 Oh, I know. Hey, you remember Jackie. 202 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,178 - My girlfriend. - Fiancée. 203 00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:51,387 It looks expensive. 204 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:52,471 She is. 205 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,555 It is. 206 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,724 I never know when you're kidding. 207 00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:55,808 Hey, Chev, can I... 208 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,536 Can you show a little goodwill to your co-star? 209 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,895 - Who? Belushi? - Mmm-hmm. 210 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,397 God! God! What the fuck's the matter now? 211 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,065 I think it's just a new dynamic and... 212 00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:04,442 there are a lot of expectations for every... 213 00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:05,669 I'll tell you what the issue is. 214 00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:07,360 We're not doing a radio hour anymore 215 00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:08,922 and he's built like an Albanian cheeseburger. 216 00:08:08,946 --> 00:08:11,199 Chevy can't help if people are responding to his face. 217 00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:12,525 I mean, I could, but I won't. 218 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,138 Right. Well, no one's asking you 219 00:08:14,139 --> 00:08:15,620 to deny your own magnetism, Chevy. 220 00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:17,466 Maybe there's other roles for John to play. 221 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,415 Like a hobo. Or a troll. 222 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,918 Or a fire hydrant. Or a Volkswagen. 223 00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,086 Or a hemorrhoid. 224 00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:26,797 - You're looking sharp, Patches. - What? 225 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:28,424 You have to cut something. 226 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,343 Yeah. Yeah. 227 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,388 - Neil? - Oh. Yeah! 228 00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:36,641 Get me a key to this door. In fact... 229 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,476 I want keys to all the doors. 230 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:39,977 In the building? 231 00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,854 - If you can. - Yeah. 232 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,692 Frame up on the shot, okay, Cameron? 233 00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:48,152 That's good. 234 00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,947 Ready camera 2. That looks okay. 235 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:52,031 Hey, guys. 236 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,741 Hey, Lorne. Can you get down or around? 237 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,368 Down in front. 238 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:57,202 Dave, how're we looking? 239 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,483 Oh. Good, good, good. Good, good. 240 00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:01,040 Still working on the 47 notes you gave me on your last visit. 241 00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:03,709 Okay. How's the morale looking out there? 242 00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,210 - "Morale"? - Mm-hmm. 243 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:08,339 Oh, I think I can speak for the entire crew... 244 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:12,760 when I say this is exactly where we want to be on Saturday night. 245 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,930 - Okay. Great. - Yeah. Yeah. 246 00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,766 Rocky! Wake up, will you? 247 00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:22,436 Give me lights 25B, 25C! 248 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,440 Half down on 31! That's 32! 249 00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,276 You've done this before, right? 250 00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:29,586 Man, that's a lot of lights. 251 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,338 Charlie, you're gonna drop a testicle lifting that thing. 252 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:32,506 Good job, Charlie. 253 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:33,674 All right. Quiet, please! 254 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:36,409 Here we go. Rehearsal's up. Actors on their marks. 255 00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:37,868 All right. Hey, guys. 256 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:40,288 We only have two minutes of commercials... 257 00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:42,832 to make it from stage right to stage left. 258 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,726 Anybody know the load bearing on the booms? 259 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,669 - Hello, fellas. - What's up, Joe? 260 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,462 Can I get you anything? Refreshment? 261 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,065 - Mai Tai? - I'll take a Schaefer. 262 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,067 Try and at least act like you're fucking working, please. 263 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,384 John, thank you for your patience. 264 00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:54,468 Moments away, okay? 265 00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:58,597 All right. Next card. "Al 'Bud' Franken." 266 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,558 Next card. "Tom 'Bud' Davis." 267 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,685 Okay. So, this is a bit? 268 00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,895 Look, I don't get half the shit that they do. 269 00:10:05,062 --> 00:10:07,023 Next card, "Rosie 'Bud'..." Uh... 270 00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:10,276 Lorne, is Rosie going with Michaels or Shuster? 271 00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,571 - That's a good question. - Should I ask Rosie? 272 00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,239 No, no, no. I'll take care of it. 273 00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,286 - All right. - Stew, that's good. 274 00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,617 That's actually looking good. 275 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,578 A little more over. 276 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,266 She's been at it for hours. 277 00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:23,538 She's simply doing her job. 278 00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:24,874 We have to comply with NBC standards. 279 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,166 Well, I refuse to comply. 280 00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,002 - Uh, Mr. O'Donoghue. - Mmm-hmm? 281 00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:32,214 On page 12, what is clam diving? 282 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:37,011 I believe the act of harvesting mollusks. 283 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,803 Stew! You're killing me here. 284 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,365 I just need the lights for Home Invasion. 285 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:42,015 Talk to the wonder kid! He's trying to light 286 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,934 - Jesus Christ Superstar! - Those are excuses. 287 00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:45,603 Four people up there, get them lit. 288 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,564 I'm glad you're having fun, but this isn't helpful. 289 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,900 If that piglet disfigures my work... 290 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,694 I'm gonna turn her uterus into a sock puppet. 291 00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,988 What is "Zipper Dinner"? 292 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:03,079 How many of these did you hide in the script? 293 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:05,956 Maybe a dozen. It's like a scavenger hunt. 294 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:07,416 I know what blue balls are. 295 00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:08,584 You don't say. 296 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,587 Come on, people, move with purpose. Let's do this. 297 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,006 Al, is that your one? Come on, give it. 298 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,884 All right. Quiet, please! Rehearsal is up. 299 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,259 Assault and burglary. 300 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,137 Okay. Actors on your marks, please. 301 00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:21,388 Cameras on their marks. 302 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,473 - Here we go. - Hey. 303 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,539 Okay! Let's see if we can get through one of these skits. 304 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:31,064 Sketches! Davy, please. 305 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,148 And action on rehearsals. 306 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,989 Okay. Ready, Camera One? Take Camera One. 307 00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:38,322 Look, honey. Boeing Boeing with Jerry Lewis is on in 10 minutes. 308 00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,615 Ready, Camera Two? Take Camera Two. 309 00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:43,035 Uh, sweetheart, I'm tired. I think I'm just gonna... 310 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,287 have another glass of diet root beer 311 00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:46,956 and go to bed, okay? 312 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,626 - Aykroyd! - Cue, Danny. 313 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:56,215 What's the problem? 314 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,591 What's going on, Dan? 315 00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,385 It's a little lodged. 316 00:12:00,740 --> 00:12:01,740 Hi, there! 317 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:02,972 Please do not be alarmed. 318 00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,939 This is only a simulated assault and burglary. 319 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,309 Repeat. This is a simulated assault and burglary. 320 00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,102 This could happen to you at any time. In fact... 321 00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,229 - it just has. - Call the police! 322 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,313 No, no! 323 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,399 Don't call the police. I am the police. 324 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,566 Well, I might be, anyway. 325 00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:17,570 - Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Kromer... - Hold! 326 00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:19,864 Aykroyd, one giant step to the right, please. 327 00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,197 Yeah. My right? 328 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:22,240 - Yes. - Sure. 329 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,243 Uh, say, man, you want me to say anything in this? 330 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,204 Or am I the silent robber type? 331 00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:29,373 I think we're gonna stick to the script this time. 332 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:30,976 - What script? - Thanks, Garrett. 333 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,252 Okay. Here we go. And action on rehearsal. 334 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,629 Hi. Mr. and Mrs. Kromer. 335 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:36,956 My name is Kenny Vorstrather. 336 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:39,467 I'm president of Trojan Horse Home Security. 337 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,987 I have broken into your home tonight to illustrate to you... 338 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,012 and your family just how... 339 00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,555 Watch out! 340 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:46,806 Shit! 341 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,057 Have your girders been checked? 342 00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:49,393 Piece of shit! You fucking piece of shit! 343 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,520 I'll fucking break your fucking jaw! 344 00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,815 Play the cameras back. Play the cameras back. Let's go. 345 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,368 John, are you hurt? 346 00:12:57,369 --> 00:12:59,004 Jesus Christ! 347 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,069 You okay? 348 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:02,156 Need a new gun. Where's props for me, please? 349 00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,449 Can somebody clear the children, please? 350 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,610 Excuse me. Watch out, please. 351 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,410 Why? You got any more fucking lights 352 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,661 you want to drop on us? 353 00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:09,704 Yeah, maybe. Maybe, motherfucker! 354 00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,499 Want me to break your fucking jaw for you? 355 00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:12,624 Fucking amateur hour! 356 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,710 I'll bust your fucking jaw for you, motherfucker! 357 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:17,171 Hey! Hey! How dare you endanger my actors? 358 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,255 Lorne. Lorne, it's not worth it. 359 00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:19,339 Really? Yeah. 360 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,529 You're the one asking for 100 fucking light cues, pal! 361 00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:23,719 Well, feel free to let me know when my expectations 362 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,802 surpass your abilities. 363 00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:26,198 There's a shit-ton of lights. It's not worth it. 364 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,158 You know, I don't know, guys. It was kind of exciting. 365 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,517 Like, it's probably good luck. 366 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:31,602 Wallie. 367 00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:35,397 Uh. This thing's not gonna work. I need... 368 00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:36,481 Something with a little more heft. 369 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,317 It's got no stopping power. You know what I mean? 370 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,777 The script said pistol. 371 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:41,922 Well, the script specifically called for... 372 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:44,615 a Smith and Wesson K-Frame Model 19 Combat Magnum. 373 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:45,823 Do we go again? 374 00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:47,743 Uh, in this deathtrap? 375 00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,054 Well, we've worked out the kinks. 376 00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,330 You know, I still think it was kind of funny. 377 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,249 How high will this thing go, Al? 378 00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:55,143 - Gilda. Gilda. - Say hello to the cameras, boys. 379 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,378 There's home base... 380 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,753 Kid, this ain't an armory. 381 00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:00,589 No one's gonna notice the difference. 382 00:14:00,756 --> 00:14:01,756 I'll tell you who'll notice. 383 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:02,924 A few of the fine folks at home... 384 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,760 who lugged M16s through four feet of swamp juice 385 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,032 in Quang Nam. 386 00:14:06,033 --> 00:14:07,304 Hey, boys! 387 00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:09,306 Guess I picked the wrong day to not wear underwear. 388 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:10,390 Don't look too hard. 389 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:11,474 Proud of yourself? 390 00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:13,328 I'll give you and this circus till the end of the week. 391 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,552 That's funny. 'Cause I give you till the end of the day. 392 00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,524 All right, everyone. Let's get this thing cleaned up. 393 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,440 Ah, ah, ah, ah... 394 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:22,403 Grab a light, broom, dustpan. We'll get all this glass. 395 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:23,529 Mmm-mmm. 396 00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:26,532 Thank you, hermano. 397 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,157 All right, Neil, not with the keys right now. 398 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,085 Pow, pow! Pow, pow! 399 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:40,087 Hey, come on, man. 400 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,755 Violence? Really? 401 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:45,009 Ha-ha! My main man, Jim! 402 00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:49,221 Say, sorry for shooting your Muppets, man. 403 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,931 They're not just... 404 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,891 They're your co-stars. 405 00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:57,313 Is that you? You all right there, Jim? 406 00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,231 Yes. 407 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:01,609 No. 408 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:06,322 I don't think the writers on the 17th floor speak Muppet. 409 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,657 They tied a belt around Big Bird's neck... 410 00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,619 and hung him from my dressing room door. 411 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,163 Hey, I heard about Big Bird. I'm so sorry. 412 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,414 Autoerotic asphyxiation. Who knew? 413 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,751 You're full of baloney. 414 00:15:18,917 --> 00:15:20,477 - Uh-oh. Cursing. - Consider me... 415 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,588 the first rat off this sinkin' ship! 416 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,380 - Oh, really? - Don't jump to... 417 00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:27,426 Oh, wow, that's mature. Well, what can I say? Bon voyage. 418 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,595 Lorne, he was our lighting director. We need lights. 419 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:30,989 I'm sure there's someone else in the building... 420 00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,574 - who can push a button, Dick. - Hey, he's the only one 421 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,758 who knows the location of the 200 lights you asked for. 422 00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:36,852 What is this? 423 00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:39,897 What's the meaning of this? Who did this? 424 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,025 Hey, I thought we were making a comedy! 425 00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:01,271 Mmm... 426 00:16:01,272 --> 00:16:03,712 Sounding good, guys. 427 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,049 Yeah. Okay. 428 00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,551 - All right. - Say, uh... 429 00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:11,303 we actually worked together before. 430 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,889 I sang backup for Belafonte. 431 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,184 Catch that? 432 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,854 ♪ Drink the coconut water ♪ 433 00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:22,021 ♪ Four to five! ♪ 434 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,941 ♪ Man, it's good For you daughter... ♪ 435 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:25,192 ♪ Four to five! ♪ 436 00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:27,653 ♪ Coco got a lotta iron ♪ 437 00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,368 The guy is singing, too. 438 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,121 How many people do they have playin' tonight? 439 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:40,749 No. No, no. See, I am one of the comedic performers, man. 440 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,418 - Yeah, I'm in the cast. - Uh-huh. 441 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:45,546 You are a professional comedian? 442 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,382 Uh... Well, uh... No, not... Not... Not... 443 00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:49,966 - Not by trade. - Okay. 444 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,567 Uh... You see, I'm actually a playwright. 445 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,345 - All right. - Perhaps you saw my work... 446 00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:56,432 at the Black Arts Repertory Theatre in Harlem. 447 00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,100 Yeah, I must have missed that. 448 00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:02,396 Yeah. I actually don't know why they hired me, man. 449 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,066 Yeah, you seem a little tight. 450 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,359 - A little... - Do I? 451 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,695 Yeah, you gotta kinda loosen it up for the show. 452 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,029 Say, Alvin... 453 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,573 Hook Mr... 454 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,575 - What's your name? - Garrett Morris. 455 00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,869 Garrett Morris, y'all, the comedian. 456 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:18,562 Yeah, hook Mr. Garrett Morris up... 457 00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:21,707 with a little bit of confidence. You know what I'm saying? 458 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:24,418 - Yeah, come... - Okay. 459 00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:25,794 Go ahead and get it. 460 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:26,962 Medical grade. 461 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,465 Shit so light, air at the bottom of the bottle. 462 00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:30,632 You're gonna float. 463 00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:32,593 Float? 464 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,810 - I'm gonna put this away. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 465 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,930 This is illegal. 466 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:40,768 Yeah, well, you're gonna need it. For your comedy. 467 00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:42,603 - Right. Right. - Yeah. 468 00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:44,938 - Yeah. Yeah. - All right. 469 00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:47,375 - All right, y'all, let's get it. - Scotty, sound check. 470 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,079 All right, everyone, quiet for sound check. 471 00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,944 Sound check! 472 00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,487 This should be fun. 473 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,332 Is this full volume? 474 00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:04,832 The whole enchilada. 475 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,313 Sounds pretty adequate to me. 476 00:18:06,314 --> 00:18:07,794 Well, this isn't Wimbledon. 477 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,130 It needs to feel like a rock concert for everyone at home. 478 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,257 Lorne has such a deep appreciation for music. 479 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,675 Shouldn't we have more mics? 480 00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:15,052 One band, one mic. 481 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,030 Dick, this needs to be fixed for tonight. 482 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:21,659 That's what I've been talking about. 483 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,018 Three, four. 484 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,486 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is this for John? 485 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,813 Yeah, I heard he's in makeup. 486 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,572 Do you like being yelled at or something? 487 00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:36,782 Here, I've got you. 488 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,201 Where are you going? 489 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,590 Jimmy, do not bet on that hand, please. 490 00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,805 Can you hold the door? 491 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:02,474 Yeah, I think so. 492 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:03,641 Ooh. 493 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,769 - Easy on the macaroni, Carmine. - All right. 494 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,604 You don't want to hurt your stomach. 495 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:08,689 All right, Rosie. 496 00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:15,612 There he is... 497 00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:18,198 the star of the show. 498 00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,993 Come on, Rosie. Not the fucking bees! 499 00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:24,913 I'm not a dashboard ornament. 500 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,542 No, you're adorable, is what you are... 501 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,754 and all that fur, every girl's gonna want to squeeze you. 502 00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:36,341 I am a trained professional. 503 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,136 Well, you better watch where you point that stinger. 504 00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:42,472 Come on. You want a little cig? 505 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:47,394 What happened to my reporter costume? Blaine Hotel? 506 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:48,686 It's a five-second changeover 507 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:50,327 from the reporter to ancient Greece, okay? 508 00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,595 Lorne didn't think you'd have time to get into your toga. 509 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,318 Okay. 510 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:01,533 Excuse me, ma'am. 511 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,743 Don't be alarmed. 512 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:06,288 You're dealing with a fully-qualified male strumpet. 513 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,832 Hey, Rosie, I got the latest version of New Dad. 514 00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:10,000 Okay. 515 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:11,668 Behave. 516 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:13,420 Bee-have. 517 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:17,466 I can assure you professional hygiene... 518 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,344 discretion, animal gratification... 519 00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:21,511 Listen, strumpet... 520 00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:23,639 It's Fred Garvin. Male prostitute. 521 00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:25,140 How much is this gonna cost me? 522 00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,975 Hey, need you in costumes. 523 00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:29,394 I told them to make those hot pants extra hot. 524 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:30,604 Yummy. 525 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,940 Lorne, we're gonna go check out the cut on New Dad, 526 00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,024 you want to see? 527 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,321 Holy shit, holy shit. Sorry, Lorne. Jesus. 528 00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:40,864 Hey, I heard John doesn't like the bee costume. 529 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,025 You know anything about this? 530 00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:44,075 It's not a costume problem. He thinks he's Brando. 531 00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:45,202 - He's better than Brando. - Lorne, Lorne. 532 00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,410 I'm working on it, Dick. 533 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,433 He's better than Brando. He's more important even. 534 00:20:48,434 --> 00:20:50,457 - He'll be studied. - They will study his liver. 535 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,458 John is better when he's angry. 536 00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:54,044 Rose, you understand that in an hour, 537 00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:55,169 I owe a television program? 538 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,275 I made a covenant with the National... 539 00:20:56,276 --> 00:20:57,380 - Broadcasting Company. - A covenant, huh? 540 00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:59,549 Yeah, a covenant, and I'm on the hook for 90 minutes... 541 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,551 - of live television. - Okay, Abraham. 542 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:06,556 Rose, must you turn him into a bee? 543 00:21:06,723 --> 00:21:07,933 I am not turning him into a bee. 544 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,016 Thanks, Tom. 545 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,228 He is a man in a bee costume. 546 00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,688 - There is a difference. - Hmm. 547 00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,691 It's an image you can't get out of your head. 548 00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:19,611 It's postmodern, it's Warhol, it's iconic. 549 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,861 Mmm-hmm. 550 00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:22,262 Where do these ideas even come from? 551 00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:24,992 I just send an imaginary dog to fetch an imaginary stick. 552 00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:26,493 Yeah? Must be some dog. 553 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,370 He's very well trained. 554 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:29,955 Honey, I'm home. 555 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,206 Hey, pal. 556 00:21:31,915 --> 00:21:33,541 Hey. 557 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:34,625 How are ya? 558 00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:36,545 Looks like Chevy's fiancée slipped and fell 559 00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:37,795 into another segment. 560 00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:40,196 Jacqueline's gonna be hosting the show if you're not careful. 561 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:41,299 Jesus Christ. 562 00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:43,301 A wonderful family. 563 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:44,635 Everything you need... 564 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:46,076 for the future. 565 00:21:46,179 --> 00:21:47,659 - Danny's good in this. - Yeah, he is. 566 00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:50,726 What if you were suddenly out of the picture? 567 00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:52,686 Can we add sound there over the X? 568 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:55,188 - Like a buzzer? - No, funny, like a bell. 569 00:21:55,355 --> 00:21:56,440 Good call. 570 00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:58,358 And if we could hold on the photo 571 00:21:58,359 --> 00:21:59,672 for another eight frames. 572 00:21:59,673 --> 00:22:00,986 Um, 16 frames. 573 00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:04,781 Were you... 574 00:22:06,074 --> 00:22:08,201 thinking of going home with him tonight? 575 00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:10,037 With Danny? Tonight? 576 00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:11,621 Yeah. I mean, I'm not suggesting that you weren't gonna tell me. 577 00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:12,705 If you need alone time, I can, I just... 578 00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:14,290 No, no, no. I just didn't know, like, if you were... 579 00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:15,876 It's opening night. So, I figured that it wasn't 580 00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:17,517 - the right time. - I mean, neither did I. 581 00:22:17,544 --> 00:22:18,744 Well, then why are you asking? 582 00:22:18,879 --> 00:22:20,797 Just avoiding surprises, Rose. 583 00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:22,799 - But you love surprises. - I love surprises. 584 00:22:22,966 --> 00:22:25,134 Like Anne Frank loved her drum set. 585 00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:27,262 Don't encourage her. 586 00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:29,138 Can you hold on the photo 587 00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:30,459 for another eight frames, please? 588 00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:31,516 It's always eight frames. 589 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:33,685 Eight frames is a beat. So... 590 00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:37,707 Can you believe I need to cut an hour of the show? 591 00:22:37,731 --> 00:22:40,067 NBC doesn't want a three-hour sketch comedy review? 592 00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:41,943 Jesus, Rose, don't call it that, please. 593 00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:43,612 Well, what is it, then? 594 00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:45,030 Honey, I'm home. 595 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,199 Yes, it's New Dad. 596 00:22:47,365 --> 00:22:48,825 I spent years collecting orphaned comedians 597 00:22:48,826 --> 00:22:49,910 off the street. 598 00:22:50,077 --> 00:22:51,203 I know. 599 00:22:51,369 --> 00:22:53,389 They sleep on our dinette and they whiz in our sink. 600 00:22:53,413 --> 00:22:54,613 By some miraculous accident... 601 00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:56,165 I found a place to call home 602 00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:57,667 for our little circus of rejects, 603 00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:59,086 on national television. 604 00:22:59,252 --> 00:23:00,712 Rose, this is our shot. 605 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,339 It's a shot. 606 00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:03,507 Rose... 607 00:23:06,009 --> 00:23:07,219 You're actually nervous. 608 00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:12,974 Oh, uh... 609 00:23:13,683 --> 00:23:15,519 Barbara was asking about, um... 610 00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:19,314 your credit... on the show. 611 00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:21,316 I figured you'd go with Michaels. 612 00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:22,692 Is that what you want? 613 00:23:25,028 --> 00:23:27,864 I mean, you know, we're married and you're my wife. 614 00:23:28,031 --> 00:23:30,367 I figured it's the straightest line. 615 00:23:30,534 --> 00:23:32,452 Lorne, we're married, but I'm not your wife. 616 00:23:32,619 --> 00:23:34,704 Yeah, I don't think that'll fit on a crawl. 617 00:23:34,871 --> 00:23:36,373 Well, what would you prefer? 618 00:23:40,043 --> 00:23:41,377 Lorne, Lorne, NBC execs 619 00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:42,858 are waiting in the green room for you. 620 00:23:43,004 --> 00:23:44,881 - Fuck. - VTR needed this yesterday. 621 00:23:45,048 --> 00:23:46,216 Well, it looks great. 622 00:23:48,426 --> 00:23:51,012 - Tom, Al, what's this about? - Hey, Lorne. 623 00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:53,140 - A last-minute piece. - Just in case you need it. 624 00:23:53,306 --> 00:23:54,432 I don't. What's the gag? 625 00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:56,893 We're gonna dress Aykroyd up as Julia Childs. 626 00:23:57,060 --> 00:23:58,520 - America's favorite chef. - Okay. 627 00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:00,790 And right as she's carvin' up a turkey on live television... 628 00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:02,858 She slices open an artery. Blood everywhere. 629 00:24:03,024 --> 00:24:04,192 Everywhere. 630 00:24:05,944 --> 00:24:06,945 That's the whole pitch? 631 00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,154 Yeah, just America's favorite chef 632 00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:09,197 painting the walls with her insides. 633 00:24:09,198 --> 00:24:10,281 Total gore fest. 634 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,658 It's gonna be utter carnage, boss. 635 00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:13,659 Oh, no, I'm Julia Childs 636 00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:15,390 and I've cut the dickens out of my finger. 637 00:24:15,391 --> 00:24:16,819 - Sounds promising. - Wait, wait, boss. 638 00:24:16,820 --> 00:24:18,248 I didn't even get to the good part yet. 639 00:24:18,249 --> 00:24:19,331 Just put down a tarp. 640 00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:20,876 Yeah, he doesn't like the Julia Childs bit. 641 00:24:20,877 --> 00:24:22,565 Uh, George... 642 00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:26,380 - How's Carlin? - Warming up the pipes. 643 00:24:26,381 --> 00:24:29,134 Okay, well, heard Belushi hasn't signed his contract yet. 644 00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,426 Eh. Formality. 645 00:24:30,427 --> 00:24:32,678 Uh, yeah, well, they're pretty formal here. 646 00:24:32,679 --> 00:24:35,056 Uh, speaking of, the folks in standards are a little uneasy... 647 00:24:35,057 --> 00:24:36,182 about the parody commercial 648 00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:37,683 playing right before the regular ads. 649 00:24:37,684 --> 00:24:39,519 I think they think the viewers might be a little confused. 650 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,521 One might argue that's what makes it humorous, Dick. 651 00:24:41,522 --> 00:24:42,898 Yeah, but, Lorne, at what point are we 652 00:24:42,899 --> 00:24:44,231 not just making fun of the audience? 653 00:24:44,232 --> 00:24:46,066 Hardly. It's com media dell'arte. If anything, 654 00:24:46,067 --> 00:24:48,296 it'll make the other commercials feel all the more real... 655 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,071 and the sponsors will probably thank you. 656 00:24:50,614 --> 00:24:51,883 Who's in there? Should I be concerned? 657 00:24:51,907 --> 00:24:53,532 No. Just try not to use words 658 00:24:53,533 --> 00:24:55,243 like "underground" or "revolutionary." 659 00:24:55,410 --> 00:24:56,530 I'm not exactly Che Guevara. 660 00:24:56,661 --> 00:24:57,661 Yeah. 661 00:24:59,414 --> 00:25:01,017 What the fuck? There's like a thousand people in there. 662 00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:03,293 Fifty. The affiliates, from across the country. 663 00:25:03,460 --> 00:25:04,687 Lorne, they're excited to see the show. 664 00:25:04,711 --> 00:25:05,938 I don't have time for this, Dick. 665 00:25:05,962 --> 00:25:07,631 Lorne, these are the people that will decide 666 00:25:07,632 --> 00:25:09,174 whether or not we have a hit. 667 00:25:09,341 --> 00:25:12,135 They choose whether we go on the air. We need them. 668 00:25:14,804 --> 00:25:16,389 - Three minutes? - Tops. 669 00:25:18,308 --> 00:25:20,185 Gentlemen. Hello. Lorne Michaels. 670 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:21,686 Hi. Lorne Michaels. 671 00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:24,147 Hi. Lorne Michaels. Nice to meet you. Pleasure. 672 00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:26,066 Lorne Michaels. This is my show. 673 00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:28,610 Hi, where are we flying in from, gentlemen? Chicago and... 674 00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:30,737 - New Orleans. - New Orleans? Wow. Fantastic. 675 00:25:30,904 --> 00:25:33,365 Well, we're very lucky to have some Southerners here. 676 00:25:33,531 --> 00:25:34,783 Hi. Nice to meet you. 677 00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:37,827 Hi, gentlemen. Lorne Michaels. I'm the creator of the show. 678 00:25:37,994 --> 00:25:40,038 Hi. Wow. Firm handshake. Hi. 679 00:25:40,205 --> 00:25:42,624 I appreciate your support, gentlemen. Thank you. Hello. Hi. 680 00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:44,542 - Tallahassee. - Tallahassee? Wow. 681 00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:46,378 - Ladies and gentlemen. - Hi. 682 00:25:47,879 --> 00:25:49,079 Who am I kidding? Gentlemen... 683 00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:52,801 Can I see that? 684 00:25:53,510 --> 00:25:54,511 Thank you. 685 00:25:55,679 --> 00:25:56,845 Hope this isn't the only thing 686 00:25:56,846 --> 00:25:58,515 getting sucked on this weekend, boys. 687 00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:01,893 Jesus, you guys look like the cast of Godfather 688 00:26:01,894 --> 00:26:03,603 if it was shot in Alabama. 689 00:26:05,438 --> 00:26:07,315 I see some cowboys here. 690 00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:09,234 That's a hell of a 10-gallon hat. 691 00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,561 You look like you're ready for a date with a livestock. 692 00:26:13,947 --> 00:26:15,407 Welcome to New York. 693 00:26:15,573 --> 00:26:16,741 It's quite diverse. 694 00:26:17,075 --> 00:26:18,594 If you want to meet Black people, go to Harlem. 695 00:26:18,618 --> 00:26:20,662 If you want to meet Jews, come to our writer's room. 696 00:26:22,497 --> 00:26:24,499 Sir, you look like you're from Ohio. 697 00:26:24,666 --> 00:26:27,335 My favorite thing about Ohio... 698 00:26:30,046 --> 00:26:31,686 Let me introduce you to our head writer... 699 00:26:32,382 --> 00:26:35,218 our prince of darkness, Michael O'Donoghue. 700 00:26:36,011 --> 00:26:38,053 Thank you. Thank you, Chevy. 701 00:26:38,054 --> 00:26:40,807 Um, I'm certain you all know Mr. Rogers. 702 00:26:40,974 --> 00:26:43,184 Perhaps the most kind and gentle man 703 00:26:43,185 --> 00:26:44,394 in all of television. 704 00:26:44,561 --> 00:26:48,064 This is my impression of Mr. Rogers... 705 00:26:48,231 --> 00:26:51,401 plunging 18-inch steel sewing needles... 706 00:26:51,568 --> 00:26:52,569 into his eyes. 707 00:27:05,623 --> 00:27:07,792 Okay. Okay. Thank you, Michael. 708 00:27:07,793 --> 00:27:08,835 Um... 709 00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:11,296 Well, now you know why they put us on at midnight. 710 00:27:11,297 --> 00:27:12,339 Um... 711 00:27:14,883 --> 00:27:16,763 Uh, hello, everybody, my name is Lorne Michaels. 712 00:27:16,926 --> 00:27:20,722 I'm the producer and creator of Saturday Night. 713 00:27:22,682 --> 00:27:24,482 We have a wonderful show for you this evening. 714 00:27:24,559 --> 00:27:27,645 George Carlin, the great Billy Preston... 715 00:27:28,772 --> 00:27:29,898 a film by Albert Brooks. 716 00:27:30,357 --> 00:27:32,525 Jim Henson's Muppets. 717 00:27:33,526 --> 00:27:36,154 We're, uh, excited for tonight. 718 00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:37,946 Uh... 719 00:27:37,947 --> 00:27:40,325 Because there's never been a television show... 720 00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:43,703 made for or by the generation... 721 00:27:43,870 --> 00:27:46,664 that grew up watching television. So... 722 00:27:49,834 --> 00:27:53,588 In the words of my dear friend Che Guevara... 723 00:27:54,089 --> 00:27:55,965 this is the revolution. 724 00:27:55,966 --> 00:27:57,279 Yes. Yes. 725 00:27:58,593 --> 00:27:59,803 Who's with us? 726 00:27:59,969 --> 00:28:01,304 Heads on pikes! 727 00:28:01,971 --> 00:28:04,557 Blood will run in the streets! 728 00:28:06,059 --> 00:28:07,352 Gentlemen, behold... 729 00:28:07,977 --> 00:28:09,288 if you listen closely, you can hear... 730 00:28:09,312 --> 00:28:11,689 Buffalo Bob shuckin' the cob with Howdy Doody. 731 00:28:11,856 --> 00:28:12,941 Lorne can get a little passionate. 732 00:28:12,942 --> 00:28:14,401 And so can Chevy. 733 00:28:14,776 --> 00:28:15,976 - Blood in the streets? - Yeah. 734 00:28:16,069 --> 00:28:17,737 - Well, that sounds delightful. - Mmm-hmm 735 00:28:17,904 --> 00:28:20,240 How much are we spending on this insurrection? 736 00:28:20,241 --> 00:28:22,492 Uh, about 250 an episode. 737 00:28:22,659 --> 00:28:24,702 Well, I guess revolutions aren't cheap. 738 00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:25,787 Right. 739 00:28:25,954 --> 00:28:28,373 What is this? Absolutely not. 740 00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:30,542 No. No, no, no. We're not gonna beg for their approval. 741 00:28:30,543 --> 00:28:31,668 No, take it down, we don't need this. 742 00:28:31,669 --> 00:28:32,751 Well, you know... 743 00:28:32,752 --> 00:28:34,295 Lorne Michaels is a special bird, you know. 744 00:28:34,296 --> 00:28:35,380 He believes in his vision. 745 00:28:36,214 --> 00:28:37,799 Well, that's nice. 746 00:28:38,716 --> 00:28:39,716 Mmm... 747 00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:42,387 And he doesn't really bend. 748 00:28:44,180 --> 00:28:46,349 We know how that story goes. 749 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,352 Mmm-hmm. 750 00:28:50,645 --> 00:28:52,772 Des Moines. How'd you escape? 751 00:28:52,939 --> 00:28:54,691 Well, I appreciate you saying that. 752 00:28:55,275 --> 00:28:57,694 My father had good taste and my mom was an alcoholic. 753 00:28:57,861 --> 00:29:01,448 Excuse me, gentlemen. Can I borrow him for a moment? 754 00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:03,324 Enjoy the show, gentlemen. 755 00:29:04,451 --> 00:29:06,034 You held that room like a pro. 756 00:29:06,035 --> 00:29:08,079 - Thank you. - I mean it. 757 00:29:08,496 --> 00:29:10,540 I'm Dave Tebet, head of talent. 758 00:29:10,707 --> 00:29:12,750 You know, I handle The Tonight Show. 759 00:29:13,084 --> 00:29:14,335 I didn't know that. 760 00:29:15,295 --> 00:29:16,296 Between us... 761 00:29:16,463 --> 00:29:18,756 Johnny Carson isn't gonna be around forever. 762 00:29:20,341 --> 00:29:21,509 Think about it. 763 00:29:23,303 --> 00:29:25,472 You're a handsome, funny gentile. 764 00:29:27,557 --> 00:29:28,892 That means something. 765 00:29:41,070 --> 00:29:43,323 Uh, Lorne, you remember Dave Tebet. 766 00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:45,116 Oh, of course. 767 00:29:45,283 --> 00:29:46,594 I remember everyone who gives me a job, Dick. 768 00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:47,785 Smart kid. 769 00:29:47,952 --> 00:29:49,496 Quite a lineup this evening. 770 00:29:49,662 --> 00:29:51,213 You know, while I have you, I do understand 771 00:29:51,214 --> 00:29:52,766 that we are bending some of the rules... 772 00:29:52,790 --> 00:29:55,084 Lorne, this is NBC. There is a way things are done. 773 00:29:55,251 --> 00:29:56,628 - The Peacock way. - Right. 774 00:29:56,794 --> 00:29:57,837 Well, we are thinking a little differently. 775 00:29:57,838 --> 00:29:59,046 We just, you know... 776 00:29:59,047 --> 00:30:00,255 You know, maybe an emu. 777 00:30:00,256 --> 00:30:01,525 Hey, that's... Well, I just... 778 00:30:01,549 --> 00:30:02,592 Dick, shut the fuck up. 779 00:30:04,385 --> 00:30:07,722 Can't you see talent when it's standing inches from your face? 780 00:30:07,723 --> 00:30:09,492 - Mmm-hmm. - What do you think he's gonna do? 781 00:30:09,516 --> 00:30:11,768 Embarrass us with some half-assed, 782 00:30:11,769 --> 00:30:13,269 rat-fuck donkey show? 783 00:30:13,436 --> 00:30:15,164 Frankly, that's exactly what I signed up for. 784 00:30:15,188 --> 00:30:16,898 - Michael. - I expect you... 785 00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:20,610 to be an unbending force of seismic disturbance. 786 00:30:20,985 --> 00:30:24,696 Light up that NBC switchboard like a bomb went off. 787 00:30:24,697 --> 00:30:27,595 Well, I promise not to play the music too loud. 788 00:30:27,596 --> 00:30:30,495 Oh, fuck that. This isn't the Moose Jaw Jazz Festival. 789 00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:31,829 It's Saturday fucking Night. 790 00:30:31,996 --> 00:30:33,998 I want you to be thunderous and deafening. 791 00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:36,960 If my ears don't bleed, I'll be asking for a refund. 792 00:30:37,126 --> 00:30:38,920 Great. I mean, I've always seen this 793 00:30:38,921 --> 00:30:40,081 as a collision that erupts... 794 00:30:40,213 --> 00:30:41,857 - from every screen in America. - Yes. Yes. 795 00:30:41,881 --> 00:30:44,217 A prism that captures the light of an emerging generation. 796 00:30:44,384 --> 00:30:46,511 Stop! Don't say another word. 797 00:30:46,678 --> 00:30:50,139 Don't question another instinct. 798 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:51,975 - Ebersol? - Yes? 799 00:30:52,850 --> 00:30:55,311 We're standing in the presence of a prophet. 800 00:30:55,478 --> 00:30:56,622 Yeah, he certainly talks like a... 801 00:30:56,646 --> 00:30:59,732 A man with a vision. 802 00:31:00,149 --> 00:31:02,318 And I want you to take that vision... 803 00:31:02,819 --> 00:31:04,445 like a Sherman Tank... 804 00:31:04,612 --> 00:31:08,032 and plow through any fuck that gets in your way. 805 00:31:08,199 --> 00:31:09,576 Even me. 806 00:31:10,910 --> 00:31:13,621 "Use emotion for the many and reserve reason for the few." 807 00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:15,123 I like that. 808 00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:17,417 I'm putting it on my wall. 809 00:31:20,503 --> 00:31:22,004 Was that a Hitler quote? 810 00:31:22,005 --> 00:31:23,673 Atrocities aside, the man was a wordsmith. 811 00:31:23,674 --> 00:31:25,173 You missed a call from Johnny Carson. 812 00:31:25,174 --> 00:31:26,426 I picked up the phone 'cause it was ringing. 813 00:31:26,427 --> 00:31:27,509 What did you tell him? 814 00:31:27,510 --> 00:31:29,262 I told... I don't remember. He hung up on me. 815 00:31:29,263 --> 00:31:30,679 Lorne, Lorne. Is that a bunk bed? 816 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:32,324 I did have a UFO encounter experience once. 817 00:31:32,348 --> 00:31:33,492 Danny ordered it for his office. 818 00:31:33,516 --> 00:31:35,685 That's confidence. Can you find me something to eat? 819 00:31:35,852 --> 00:31:37,937 Neil, why would he order a bunk bed? 820 00:31:39,522 --> 00:31:40,898 Could you get that hippie shit out of my face? 821 00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:42,441 And I am actually very strong. 822 00:31:42,442 --> 00:31:43,525 Thinking that he can do the voice? 823 00:31:43,526 --> 00:31:45,278 - It's Aykroyd. Of course he can. - It's Aykroyd. 824 00:31:45,279 --> 00:31:46,547 But that doesn't necessarily mean anything. 825 00:31:46,571 --> 00:31:47,572 Hello, boys. 826 00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:49,379 - Hey, Mike. Are you nervous? - Hey, Mike. 827 00:31:49,532 --> 00:31:51,332 - Nervous about what? - Performing on live TV. 828 00:31:51,451 --> 00:31:52,660 I'd be shitting bricks. 829 00:31:52,827 --> 00:31:56,456 Television is merely a lava lamp with slightly better audio. 830 00:31:57,123 --> 00:31:59,167 Colored beads to fascinate the animal. 831 00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:00,960 I could do it in a narcoleptic coma. 832 00:32:01,127 --> 00:32:03,129 Hello, Herb. How's Update coming? 833 00:32:03,296 --> 00:32:05,631 South Vietnam has seized and burned 834 00:32:05,632 --> 00:32:07,967 100,000 Playboy magazines. 835 00:32:08,134 --> 00:32:09,534 I'm still working on the punch line. 836 00:32:10,845 --> 00:32:13,723 For miles, all anyone could smell was roast bunny. 837 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,686 That's the one. Grab it, boys. We need that couch. 838 00:32:19,604 --> 00:32:21,022 - Rise and shine. - Oh, God. 839 00:32:21,648 --> 00:32:23,488 - Coming through, coming through. - Whoo! Okay. 840 00:32:24,464 --> 00:32:25,734 Oh, pages. 841 00:32:25,735 --> 00:32:26,819 - Watch your back. - Coming through. 842 00:32:26,820 --> 00:32:28,821 Oh. Here we are. 843 00:32:30,865 --> 00:32:31,991 You all right there, Chev? 844 00:32:33,493 --> 00:32:34,702 Things are... 845 00:32:35,495 --> 00:32:36,829 kooper kippy, Herb. 846 00:32:37,497 --> 00:32:38,790 I think it just happened. 847 00:32:38,956 --> 00:32:41,125 Think I got the old shoulder tap. 848 00:32:42,210 --> 00:32:43,419 - The what? - You know... 849 00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:45,588 from the guys upstairs. 850 00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:49,258 What's gonna happen to me? I mean, Herb... 851 00:32:50,510 --> 00:32:53,596 you've been around the block. Where am I going from here? 852 00:32:53,763 --> 00:32:54,847 Well, I don't know, Chevy. 853 00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:56,891 I never got a shoulder tap. 854 00:32:57,642 --> 00:32:59,185 I just made a fortune... 855 00:32:59,352 --> 00:33:01,187 and won a few Emmys... 856 00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:02,554 and slept with Gloria Steinem. 857 00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:04,060 Two out of three ain't bad. 858 00:33:04,315 --> 00:33:05,316 Here we are. 859 00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:07,580 Oh, wow, you're in so many scenes. 860 00:33:07,652 --> 00:33:11,197 Well... Yeah, but I'm always everyone's kid sister. 861 00:33:11,364 --> 00:33:12,365 You're the hot one. 862 00:33:12,532 --> 00:33:14,117 I think Jane's the hot one. 863 00:33:14,283 --> 00:33:17,453 No, I'm the mom. The still-fuckable mom. 864 00:33:19,205 --> 00:33:21,124 My instinct is that the American people 865 00:33:21,125 --> 00:33:23,084 are gonna fall in love with you. 866 00:33:23,751 --> 00:33:27,338 You'll be obscenely overpaid for pratfalls and cute jokes. 867 00:33:27,505 --> 00:33:29,549 You'll waste away most of your life... 868 00:33:30,216 --> 00:33:32,009 with purchased company. 869 00:33:32,635 --> 00:33:34,315 And then eventually you'll self-medicate... 870 00:33:34,387 --> 00:33:37,223 with booze and hookers and heroin. 871 00:33:38,015 --> 00:33:39,809 I imagine you'll die alone. 872 00:33:40,810 --> 00:33:42,979 Falling out of a hotel room window in Stockholm. 873 00:33:43,146 --> 00:33:44,147 Jesus. 874 00:33:45,022 --> 00:33:46,023 I can't wait. 875 00:33:46,524 --> 00:33:48,151 Well, you're everyone's favorite, Gilda. 876 00:33:48,443 --> 00:33:50,653 I'm just a bagel looking for lox. 877 00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:53,740 I'm a parrot with nothing to squawk. 878 00:33:53,906 --> 00:33:55,116 Well, I keep feeling like any minute, 879 00:33:55,117 --> 00:33:57,075 Lorne's just gonna ship me back. 880 00:33:57,076 --> 00:33:59,912 Oh. No. On this budget, we can't afford the postage. 881 00:34:00,079 --> 00:34:01,371 There's a reason you're here. 882 00:34:01,372 --> 00:34:02,831 You may not know it, but Lorne does. 883 00:34:02,832 --> 00:34:04,292 - Oh, God! - You're dealing here with... 884 00:34:04,293 --> 00:34:05,793 a fully-qualified male strumpet. 885 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,503 I'm not a prop, mister. 886 00:34:07,670 --> 00:34:09,839 You know, I can assure you professional hygiene... 887 00:34:10,339 --> 00:34:13,092 discretion, animal gratification. 888 00:34:13,259 --> 00:34:15,511 Why don't you assure me a little peace and quiet? 889 00:34:15,678 --> 00:34:16,679 You rang? 890 00:34:16,846 --> 00:34:18,473 Yeah. I need the Muppet pages. 891 00:34:18,639 --> 00:34:20,033 I already turned in that one script. 892 00:34:20,057 --> 00:34:21,266 Was Henson uncomfortable 893 00:34:21,267 --> 00:34:23,019 with the Muppets on a plantation? 894 00:34:23,020 --> 00:34:24,102 It was a musical number. 895 00:34:24,103 --> 00:34:25,480 I don't think that's the problem. 896 00:34:26,272 --> 00:34:28,649 I just can't write for those little hairy facecloths. 897 00:34:28,816 --> 00:34:29,817 Well, I need something for Henson. 898 00:34:29,818 --> 00:34:30,985 We go live in an hour. 899 00:34:31,569 --> 00:34:34,572 You cannot say "horny" on NBC. 900 00:34:35,114 --> 00:34:36,824 Did you see what that evangelical cunt 901 00:34:36,825 --> 00:34:38,117 did to our pages? 902 00:34:41,662 --> 00:34:42,955 I'll be right back. 903 00:34:43,122 --> 00:34:45,124 So you want us to say sexy instead of horny? 904 00:34:45,291 --> 00:34:46,727 And sexy and horny just don't mean the same thing. 905 00:34:46,751 --> 00:34:48,669 I struggle to see the difference. 906 00:34:48,836 --> 00:34:51,047 Well, if a dog is humping your leg, it's horny. 907 00:34:51,214 --> 00:34:52,340 It's certainly not sexy. 908 00:34:52,507 --> 00:34:54,091 What on earth are you doing? 909 00:34:55,718 --> 00:34:58,846 I'd rather butt-fuck cancer than make these changes. 910 00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:10,107 Your words don't scare me, Mr. O'Donoghue. 911 00:35:10,274 --> 00:35:12,401 I am a woman of God. 912 00:35:12,568 --> 00:35:15,363 I'd heard that God's love is blind. Now I know why. 913 00:35:15,364 --> 00:35:17,031 You see this? 914 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:18,241 I do. 915 00:35:18,407 --> 00:35:21,244 I know it looks like an ordinary red marker... 916 00:35:21,410 --> 00:35:23,204 but this one is special. 917 00:35:23,371 --> 00:35:26,499 It has kept America safe for the better part of a decade. 918 00:35:26,666 --> 00:35:27,667 It is a weapon... 919 00:35:27,834 --> 00:35:30,670 against vulgarity, sex... 920 00:35:30,837 --> 00:35:34,131 communism, and hedonism. 921 00:35:34,340 --> 00:35:38,594 Oh. What about violence? Does it protect America from violence? 922 00:35:38,761 --> 00:35:39,804 Yes, that too. 923 00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:41,514 How about infanticide? 924 00:35:42,139 --> 00:35:43,140 Excuse me? 925 00:35:43,307 --> 00:35:44,725 Apologies. Just a... 926 00:35:45,142 --> 00:35:47,770 $2 word for a parent who kills their own child. 927 00:35:49,772 --> 00:35:51,544 The mere thought makes me nauseous. 928 00:35:51,545 --> 00:35:53,181 Oh, understandably. Me too, by the way. 929 00:35:53,182 --> 00:35:54,819 It's just I had this idea for a sketch, 930 00:35:54,820 --> 00:35:55,945 and I'm not sure if it's funny. 931 00:35:55,946 --> 00:35:57,029 You can be the judge. 932 00:35:57,196 --> 00:35:58,322 It's about this... 933 00:35:58,865 --> 00:36:00,073 powerful, temperamental guy 934 00:36:00,074 --> 00:36:01,951 who rapes this virgin in the middle of the night. 935 00:36:01,952 --> 00:36:03,119 I know, awful. 936 00:36:03,286 --> 00:36:05,329 Knocks her up without ever saying "Hello..." 937 00:36:05,496 --> 00:36:06,873 Buying her flowers, whatever. 938 00:36:06,874 --> 00:36:08,416 And then... 939 00:36:08,583 --> 00:36:09,750 here's the funny part. 940 00:36:10,251 --> 00:36:11,836 He has their bastard son... 941 00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:14,797 publicly mutilated and tortured to death on a cross. 942 00:36:17,008 --> 00:36:19,218 You are a vile human. 943 00:36:19,927 --> 00:36:21,429 Ah, fuck. You've heard this before. 944 00:36:23,639 --> 00:36:24,640 Mr. O'Donoghue. 945 00:36:24,807 --> 00:36:27,476 Are we still being formal? Please, just call me Satan. 946 00:36:27,477 --> 00:36:28,561 No, I am Satan. 947 00:36:29,103 --> 00:36:30,521 - I am Satan. - I am Satan. 948 00:36:30,688 --> 00:36:31,898 - I am Satan. - I'm Satan. 949 00:36:32,064 --> 00:36:33,584 - No. I am Satan. - We're Satan. 950 00:36:33,608 --> 00:36:37,904 You will be forgotten. I am gonna make sure of it. 951 00:36:38,529 --> 00:36:39,822 Bye. 952 00:36:42,450 --> 00:36:43,658 Are you out of your mind? 953 00:36:43,659 --> 00:36:45,161 Look, for better or worse, I call it like I see it. 954 00:36:45,162 --> 00:36:46,286 Well, that was worse. 955 00:36:46,287 --> 00:36:47,454 Lorne, they need you at the loading dock. 956 00:36:47,455 --> 00:36:48,623 I'm sure someone can sign for whatever. 957 00:36:48,624 --> 00:36:49,706 You're back on the Muppets. 958 00:36:49,707 --> 00:36:51,208 - Fuck you, I'll quit. - Yeah, I doubt that. 959 00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:52,375 It's Leo. He's been fighting 960 00:36:52,376 --> 00:36:53,669 with security, and there's blood. 961 00:36:54,211 --> 00:36:55,630 Oh, my God. Dick. 962 00:36:56,047 --> 00:36:57,048 Oh, shit. 963 00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:01,885 Ah! 964 00:37:01,886 --> 00:37:04,095 - Hey! - Hey, Dick. Is this turkey? 965 00:37:04,096 --> 00:37:05,723 - While I have... - There wasn't a sign, so I... 966 00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:06,807 - Great. - Lorne, Lorne. 967 00:37:06,808 --> 00:37:07,849 While I have you... 968 00:37:07,850 --> 00:37:10,102 Uh, I know you always want to be on the cutting edge. 969 00:37:10,603 --> 00:37:11,604 Check this out. 970 00:37:12,188 --> 00:37:13,356 Polaroid. 971 00:37:15,524 --> 00:37:16,525 Okay. 972 00:37:17,693 --> 00:37:19,862 Uh, we can have the actors demo it live. 973 00:37:20,029 --> 00:37:22,448 Write it into sketches, do live commercials. 974 00:37:22,615 --> 00:37:24,033 Funny ones. The payout is bonkers. 975 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,178 Dick, the cast didn't sign up to do live commercials. 976 00:37:26,202 --> 00:37:27,203 Neither did I. 977 00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:29,330 Some of the cast might find that very unseemly. 978 00:37:29,331 --> 00:37:30,789 I completely understand. 979 00:37:30,790 --> 00:37:32,792 But television's driven by advertising. 980 00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,250 It's what makes the motor run. 981 00:37:34,251 --> 00:37:35,585 It's really not a big deal at all. 982 00:37:35,586 --> 00:37:37,254 Just please don't show this to the talent. 983 00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:38,630 I don't want them thinking 984 00:37:38,631 --> 00:37:40,191 they're back on the Kraft Macaroni Hour. 985 00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:42,715 You know, what, are we going kayaking? What is this? 986 00:37:43,302 --> 00:37:44,595 Lorne, we're over budget. 987 00:37:45,221 --> 00:37:46,406 Dick, you don't need to tell me that. 988 00:37:46,430 --> 00:37:47,681 Someone needs to tell you that. 989 00:37:47,682 --> 00:37:49,120 We don't even know what the show is yet. 990 00:37:49,121 --> 00:37:50,382 How could we possibly know the budget? 991 00:37:50,383 --> 00:37:51,644 That's true. That's a good point. 992 00:37:51,645 --> 00:37:52,769 Neil, please. 993 00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:54,270 If we don't know what the show is, 994 00:37:54,271 --> 00:37:55,815 Lorne, what the fuck are we doing here? 995 00:37:55,982 --> 00:37:57,608 I know the ingredients. 996 00:37:58,401 --> 00:37:59,442 Just not the amounts. 997 00:37:59,443 --> 00:38:00,528 Lorne, what does that mean? 998 00:38:00,695 --> 00:38:02,405 We just have to make it to 11:30. 999 00:38:02,406 --> 00:38:04,073 Hey! 1000 00:38:04,074 --> 00:38:05,532 Ah! 1001 00:38:05,533 --> 00:38:06,784 Fuck! You fascist. 1002 00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:08,953 - You want to lose your job? - You want to lose your teeth? 1003 00:38:08,954 --> 00:38:10,663 I'm the producer of NBC'S Saturday Night 1004 00:38:10,664 --> 00:38:12,247 and you just hit a man with a Tony. 1005 00:38:12,248 --> 00:38:14,648 - I've hit plenty of Tony's. - All right. Hey, that's enough. 1006 00:38:14,750 --> 00:38:17,169 Tell your friends, no deliveries after 6:00 p.m. 1007 00:38:17,420 --> 00:38:19,067 - Shove it up your ass. - Fuck you. 1008 00:38:19,068 --> 00:38:20,715 All right. Keep going with the bricks. 1009 00:38:20,716 --> 00:38:22,279 You took that punch like a champ. 1010 00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:23,842 I'm actually not sure you're supposed 1011 00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:25,344 to be pinching the bottom of the nostrils. 1012 00:38:25,345 --> 00:38:26,428 If you pinch a little higher... 1013 00:38:26,429 --> 00:38:29,515 Hey, guys, I'm so sorry. Am I missing something? 1014 00:38:29,682 --> 00:38:32,082 Why are we using real brick? Can't we just roll out linoleum? 1015 00:38:32,143 --> 00:38:34,853 - Hey! Fuck you! - Okay. Jesus. Just relax. 1016 00:38:34,854 --> 00:38:36,772 Dick, our vision for home base is a street corner... 1017 00:38:36,773 --> 00:38:38,732 with all the grit and texture of New York City. 1018 00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:40,901 Yeah, okay. I mean, are we gonna use real blood and vomit, too? 1019 00:38:40,902 --> 00:38:42,028 I'll give you some real fucking blood. 1020 00:38:42,029 --> 00:38:43,237 Hey, hey, whoa, no more fighting. 1021 00:38:43,238 --> 00:38:44,447 No more fighting. He doesn't know. 1022 00:38:44,448 --> 00:38:45,656 He doesn't know. It's okay. 1023 00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:49,660 Why are we stopping? 1024 00:38:55,499 --> 00:38:57,250 - Hello, everybody. - Andy. 1025 00:38:57,251 --> 00:38:59,170 What are you... You can't keep wandering off like that. 1026 00:38:59,171 --> 00:39:00,712 I had to go to the bathroom. 1027 00:39:00,713 --> 00:39:01,964 That's very good. That's very good. 1028 00:39:01,965 --> 00:39:03,048 Lorne... 1029 00:39:03,049 --> 00:39:04,050 Barbara, what time do you have? 1030 00:39:04,051 --> 00:39:05,634 Uh, 10:39. 1031 00:39:05,801 --> 00:39:07,178 - Lorne. - Hmm? 1032 00:39:08,220 --> 00:39:09,221 The brick. 1033 00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:10,681 It's... 1034 00:39:15,519 --> 00:39:17,521 It's got its pockets out. It's workmanlike. 1035 00:39:17,688 --> 00:39:19,065 It's honest. 1036 00:39:19,231 --> 00:39:21,043 Dick, it's critical for the success of the show. 1037 00:39:21,067 --> 00:39:23,110 Okay, but what is the show? 1038 00:39:28,783 --> 00:39:30,785 I mean, honestly, Dick, if you don't know by now... 1039 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:34,622 Chevy Chase. 1040 00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:36,874 Gilda Radner. 1041 00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:38,918 Dan Ayk-a... 1042 00:39:39,085 --> 00:39:41,087 How the fuck do you pronounce this? 1043 00:39:41,253 --> 00:39:42,254 Aykroyd. 1044 00:39:42,588 --> 00:39:43,672 Dan Aykroyd. 1045 00:39:43,839 --> 00:39:45,216 50 minutes, everybody! 1046 00:39:45,382 --> 00:39:47,093 Laraine Newman. 1047 00:39:47,426 --> 00:39:48,677 You nervous? 1048 00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:51,138 Uh, no. No, not really. 1049 00:39:51,305 --> 00:39:52,973 I mean, I've only got a couple bits. 1050 00:39:53,140 --> 00:39:55,142 The jury thing and a TV host. 1051 00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:57,645 Uh-huh... 1052 00:39:59,021 --> 00:40:03,025 Say, you ever wonder exactly what it is you are doing here? 1053 00:40:03,901 --> 00:40:05,778 Yeah, and I think I've got a pretty good idea. 1054 00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:07,321 And what is that? 1055 00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:09,364 Well, Garrett, I'll tell ya, 1056 00:40:09,365 --> 00:40:11,992 I like to give 100% in everything I do. 1057 00:40:13,077 --> 00:40:15,579 And I like a dish soap that does that too. 1058 00:40:16,831 --> 00:40:19,834 So alive, so young, so alluring... 1059 00:40:20,376 --> 00:40:23,003 so exotic, so hypnotic... 1060 00:40:23,462 --> 00:40:24,713 so manipulative... 1061 00:40:25,047 --> 00:40:28,342 so sadistically abusive... 1062 00:40:28,509 --> 00:40:30,594 so cartoonishly abhorrent... 1063 00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:32,555 You see, when it comes to my skin 1064 00:40:32,556 --> 00:40:34,014 and my sensitive parts... 1065 00:40:34,223 --> 00:40:36,850 I only trust 100% American-made steel wool. 1066 00:40:36,851 --> 00:40:39,478 Strong enough for a man... 1067 00:40:39,645 --> 00:40:42,523 but whimsical and helpless enough for a woman. 1068 00:40:43,023 --> 00:40:44,900 And don't wait. Act now. 1069 00:40:45,317 --> 00:40:47,319 Act like your very life depends on it. 1070 00:40:47,486 --> 00:40:49,206 Act like your children's lives depend on it. 1071 00:40:49,363 --> 00:40:53,659 Act like the children in Africa's lives depend on it. 1072 00:40:55,619 --> 00:40:57,537 Man, what the fuck 1073 00:40:57,538 --> 00:40:59,456 - was all of that? - That was my 20s, Garrett. 1074 00:40:59,623 --> 00:41:01,584 And that is exactly what I'm doing here. 1075 00:41:02,001 --> 00:41:03,002 Well, shit... 1076 00:41:03,169 --> 00:41:06,255 I'm just here to play the butler... 1077 00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:09,592 the shoeshine guy, and the pimp. 1078 00:41:10,634 --> 00:41:12,303 Think you seem a little nice for a pimp. 1079 00:41:13,012 --> 00:41:15,055 You're a little pretty for a comedienne. 1080 00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:17,099 Well, cheers to staying out of the spotlight. 1081 00:41:17,100 --> 00:41:18,057 Hmm. 1082 00:41:18,058 --> 00:41:22,479 Ladies and gentlemen, your host, George Carlin! 1083 00:41:22,646 --> 00:41:25,046 You can't just let me come out from behind a goddamn curtain? 1084 00:41:25,107 --> 00:41:27,193 I have to descend like Norma fuckin' Desmond. 1085 00:41:27,359 --> 00:41:29,486 All right. Fuck you, everyone. 1086 00:41:29,653 --> 00:41:31,655 Fuck you, fuck you. 1087 00:41:31,822 --> 00:41:33,115 I've definitely fucked you. 1088 00:41:33,282 --> 00:41:34,742 - Fuck you. - Yeah. 1089 00:41:34,909 --> 00:41:36,827 - Fuck you. - Fuck all of you. 1090 00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,078 You have to distract her. 1091 00:41:38,245 --> 00:41:39,371 How? 1092 00:41:39,538 --> 00:41:40,873 With your sparkling wit. 1093 00:41:43,250 --> 00:41:44,334 Excuse me, miss. 1094 00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:46,354 Could you confirm that this is a normal deck of cards? 1095 00:41:46,378 --> 00:41:47,838 No marks, no folds, no blemishes? 1096 00:41:48,005 --> 00:41:50,569 - George! - Yeah. All right. 1097 00:41:50,570 --> 00:41:53,135 Welcome to the show. I have some musics and laughs. 1098 00:41:53,302 --> 00:41:55,553 I plug the record, blah-blah-blah. 1099 00:41:55,554 --> 00:41:58,514 Regular old deck, 52 cards. I am going to make... 1100 00:41:58,515 --> 00:42:00,309 - George, keep going, please. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1101 00:42:00,310 --> 00:42:01,769 You ever look at the crowds in old movies 1102 00:42:01,770 --> 00:42:03,145 and wonder if they're dead yet? 1103 00:42:03,312 --> 00:42:04,438 Slow, slow, slow! 1104 00:42:06,398 --> 00:42:08,525 Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? 1105 00:42:08,943 --> 00:42:10,402 And throw to Janis. 1106 00:42:10,819 --> 00:42:11,820 What? 1107 00:42:11,987 --> 00:42:14,323 Yeah, throw it to Janis. Introduce her, please. 1108 00:42:14,949 --> 00:42:16,992 - Keep going. - Ladies and gentlemen... 1109 00:42:17,159 --> 00:42:18,452 Janis Ian. 1110 00:42:18,994 --> 00:42:22,915 ♪ I learned the truth at 17 ♪ 1111 00:42:23,082 --> 00:42:27,044 ♪ That love was meant For beauty queens ♪ 1112 00:42:28,128 --> 00:42:30,589 ♪ And high school girls With clear-skinned smiles ♪ 1113 00:42:31,423 --> 00:42:34,551 ♪ Who married young And then retired ♪ 1114 00:42:36,303 --> 00:42:37,388 - Mr. Carlin? - Yeah? 1115 00:42:37,554 --> 00:42:39,890 I am Joan Carbunkle, NBC standards. 1116 00:42:40,057 --> 00:42:41,868 - Oh, I didn't know they had any. - Joan, he's very busy. 1117 00:42:41,892 --> 00:42:43,411 Just please share your concerns with me, all right? 1118 00:42:43,435 --> 00:42:45,646 No, no, no. I'd like to hear her concerns personally, 1119 00:42:45,647 --> 00:42:46,730 if you don't mind. 1120 00:42:46,897 --> 00:42:48,708 I know you have a propensity for the obscene... 1121 00:42:48,732 --> 00:42:51,402 and a lurid interest in colorful language. 1122 00:42:51,568 --> 00:42:53,046 - Thank you very much. - Mr. Carlin... 1123 00:42:53,070 --> 00:42:54,630 you'll be happy to know that there is... 1124 00:42:55,489 --> 00:42:57,283 one delay button... 1125 00:42:57,449 --> 00:42:59,868 and my finger is on it. 1126 00:43:02,579 --> 00:43:04,581 I'm surprised you even found the button... 1127 00:43:04,748 --> 00:43:06,208 let alone touched it. 1128 00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:10,045 Is this your eight of diamonds? 1129 00:43:11,547 --> 00:43:14,758 ♪ Who called to say come dance with me ♪ 1130 00:43:16,510 --> 00:43:17,511 Are you gonna help? 1131 00:43:17,678 --> 00:43:20,848 I really wish we could, but, uh, we don't do bricks. 1132 00:43:21,015 --> 00:43:22,495 What guild is it that does the bricks? 1133 00:43:22,641 --> 00:43:23,934 Is that 422? 1134 00:43:24,101 --> 00:43:26,020 No, that's carpenters. How about 303? 1135 00:43:26,186 --> 00:43:28,564 Nah, that's the pipefitters. 1136 00:43:29,565 --> 00:43:31,191 I don't know why you're laying brick. 1137 00:43:31,358 --> 00:43:32,943 You're gonna be gone in two weeks. 1138 00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:36,488 ♪ A brown-eyed girl in hand-me-downs ♪ 1139 00:43:36,655 --> 00:43:38,949 So, it's gonna be like one of those 1950s safari flicks. 1140 00:43:39,116 --> 00:43:40,885 You know, the ones with Rhonda Fleming, Susan Hayward. 1141 00:43:40,909 --> 00:43:42,494 That's a prop. 1142 00:43:45,164 --> 00:43:47,291 So, I want you to take this bowl of potato chips here. 1143 00:43:47,292 --> 00:43:48,458 - Me? - Yes, you. 1144 00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:49,659 I want you to reach into them. 1145 00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:50,752 Every time I take a step, 1146 00:43:50,753 --> 00:43:52,254 give 'em a little crunch, all right? 1147 00:43:52,255 --> 00:43:53,756 It's like we're in the safari. Ready? 1148 00:43:54,131 --> 00:43:55,215 Give it a try. 1149 00:43:59,178 --> 00:44:01,055 Early. 1150 00:44:01,221 --> 00:44:03,015 I just got this job. 1151 00:44:03,349 --> 00:44:05,142 Now we're getting it. 1152 00:44:06,602 --> 00:44:09,188 You piece of shit. 1153 00:44:09,189 --> 00:44:11,315 That was nice. Not bad. 1154 00:44:17,258 --> 00:44:18,697 Caw! Caw! 1155 00:44:18,989 --> 00:44:20,240 Don't shoot me. 1156 00:44:23,827 --> 00:44:24,932 I know that noise. 1157 00:44:26,038 --> 00:44:28,040 That's a monkey being run over by the C-train. 1158 00:44:29,708 --> 00:44:31,085 My archnemesis. 1159 00:44:31,377 --> 00:44:32,503 Here he comes. 1160 00:44:39,385 --> 00:44:41,225 There's no way they're gonna fit all that show. 1161 00:44:42,638 --> 00:44:43,639 You think? 1162 00:44:44,848 --> 00:44:46,993 Yeah, something's got to go. Hey, Lorne, can we talk minutes? 1163 00:44:47,017 --> 00:44:48,203 You're doing great, Billy. 1164 00:44:48,227 --> 00:44:49,987 - That was weird. - Yep. We're fucked. 1165 00:45:01,156 --> 00:45:03,992 Excuse me, "ociffer," have I done somethin' wrong? 1166 00:45:04,952 --> 00:45:06,787 What do we have here? 1167 00:45:06,954 --> 00:45:09,373 Why, that would be my ass. 1168 00:45:11,917 --> 00:45:14,753 Mmm-hmm. Billy Preston's band hooked it up. 1169 00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,505 Medical grade, baby. 1170 00:45:16,672 --> 00:45:18,799 Floats in the bottle and then you... 1171 00:45:22,344 --> 00:45:23,345 Checks out. 1172 00:45:23,971 --> 00:45:25,139 Medical grade. 1173 00:45:26,014 --> 00:45:26,848 Uh... 1174 00:45:26,849 --> 00:45:28,642 So, tell me how you fit into this ensemble. 1175 00:45:28,976 --> 00:45:30,435 Is this an ensemble? 1176 00:45:30,436 --> 00:45:33,856 Uh, no, we have many talented, talented improvisers... 1177 00:45:34,022 --> 00:45:35,899 from Chicago and Toronto and... 1178 00:45:36,066 --> 00:45:37,067 And Boston. 1179 00:45:37,234 --> 00:45:39,403 And Boston. Yes, Jane Curtin is from Boston. 1180 00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:40,930 You've met my fiancée? 1181 00:45:41,196 --> 00:45:42,197 Missed a little there. 1182 00:45:43,365 --> 00:45:44,565 But to answer your question... 1183 00:45:44,658 --> 00:45:45,617 While I've got you captive. 1184 00:45:45,618 --> 00:45:46,702 They want to shave me. 1185 00:45:46,869 --> 00:45:48,704 Careful. There's no jaw under that beard, 1186 00:45:48,871 --> 00:45:49,955 just 10 pounds of neck. 1187 00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:51,539 Chevy. 1188 00:45:52,958 --> 00:45:56,003 Jesus Christ, you psycho, you son of a bitch! 1189 00:45:56,378 --> 00:45:58,088 Shove it up your fucking ass! 1190 00:45:59,506 --> 00:46:01,758 Hey, hey, hey, stop right now! 1191 00:46:02,634 --> 00:46:05,846 Guys! Goddamn it! Stop! Stop! Chevy, out! 1192 00:46:06,013 --> 00:46:08,093 - Don't feed coke to the animals! - Out! Chev! 1193 00:46:09,308 --> 00:46:11,185 Take a seat. 1194 00:46:12,769 --> 00:46:13,770 Yeah. 1195 00:46:13,937 --> 00:46:15,314 You okay, John? 1196 00:46:15,481 --> 00:46:16,666 So, we're throwing things now? 1197 00:46:16,690 --> 00:46:17,858 He started it. 1198 00:46:18,317 --> 00:46:19,557 It's just a shave, John. 1199 00:46:19,693 --> 00:46:21,195 So, NBC owns my fucking face? 1200 00:46:21,361 --> 00:46:22,404 - No. - Yeah, a little bit. 1201 00:46:22,571 --> 00:46:24,281 But would Jimi Hendrix play in mittens? 1202 00:46:24,448 --> 00:46:25,616 That's a good point. 1203 00:46:26,825 --> 00:46:29,077 John, you're going to go down as one of the giants 1204 00:46:29,078 --> 00:46:30,245 of character expressionism... 1205 00:46:30,246 --> 00:46:31,788 from Chaplin to Brando. 1206 00:46:31,955 --> 00:46:32,956 Belushi... 1207 00:46:33,373 --> 00:46:34,374 Why hide your gift? 1208 00:46:34,541 --> 00:46:36,001 Beards are for pussies. 1209 00:46:37,419 --> 00:46:38,629 And the bees are bullshit. 1210 00:46:38,795 --> 00:46:40,106 You think I don't know that? Of course, they are. 1211 00:46:40,130 --> 00:46:41,798 They're stupid, they're postmodern... 1212 00:46:41,965 --> 00:46:44,301 they're Warhol, they're iconic, they're Sergeant Pepper. 1213 00:46:44,468 --> 00:46:46,508 - So well said. - I'm glad you get it. 1214 00:46:47,304 --> 00:46:48,305 John... 1215 00:46:48,472 --> 00:46:49,752 we go live in less than an hour. 1216 00:46:49,890 --> 00:46:51,099 45 minutes. 1217 00:46:55,020 --> 00:46:56,939 I need you to sign your contract. 1218 00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:06,469 Oh, yeah. 1219 00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:08,784 What? 1220 00:47:08,951 --> 00:47:09,952 What's happening? 1221 00:47:10,369 --> 00:47:11,620 What happened to the music? 1222 00:47:12,829 --> 00:47:14,581 Hey! Why did you stop playing? 1223 00:47:14,748 --> 00:47:16,083 The speakers went out. 1224 00:47:16,458 --> 00:47:17,578 - All of them? - All of them. 1225 00:47:17,626 --> 00:47:19,294 What the hell is happening? What... Dick? 1226 00:47:19,461 --> 00:47:21,461 I'm on with the outfit that supplied speakers at... 1227 00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:22,649 - Yeah, Rockefeller Plaza. - Toscanini! 1228 00:47:22,673 --> 00:47:24,841 Height of audio fidelity! What can we be doing? 1229 00:47:25,008 --> 00:47:26,343 Yeah, what can we be doing? 1230 00:47:26,510 --> 00:47:27,719 We got no sound. 1231 00:47:27,886 --> 00:47:30,722 Idiot on the light board, and we go live in 45. 1232 00:47:31,139 --> 00:47:32,432 What do you want to rehearse? 1233 00:47:33,559 --> 00:47:34,559 Uh... 1234 00:47:35,477 --> 00:47:36,561 We could pull up... 1235 00:47:36,562 --> 00:47:37,645 Weekend Update? 1236 00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:39,313 Do you want to do Weekend Update? Yeah. 1237 00:47:39,314 --> 00:47:41,292 All right, everyone, we're moving to Weekend Update. 1238 00:47:41,316 --> 00:47:43,652 - Okay, great, great. - Don, stand by for your intro. 1239 00:47:45,237 --> 00:47:46,988 Here we go. Move it, people. 1240 00:47:57,874 --> 00:47:59,001 Let's go. Let's go. 1241 00:47:59,501 --> 00:48:00,564 I'm good. Fine. 1242 00:48:04,006 --> 00:48:07,259 From Saturday Night News headquarters. 1243 00:48:07,426 --> 00:48:09,344 This is Weekend Update... 1244 00:48:09,511 --> 00:48:11,470 with Lorne Michaels. 1245 00:48:19,479 --> 00:48:20,981 Our top story tonight... 1246 00:48:21,148 --> 00:48:22,190 some world news. 1247 00:48:22,357 --> 00:48:24,568 Japanese Emperor Hirohito met Mickey Mouse 1248 00:48:24,569 --> 00:48:25,986 at Disneyland this week. 1249 00:48:26,153 --> 00:48:29,239 The emperor presented Mickey with a Hirohito wristwatch. 1250 00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:35,078 How was that? 1251 00:48:35,245 --> 00:48:36,330 It was horrible. 1252 00:48:37,289 --> 00:48:38,832 Right. Um... 1253 00:48:40,542 --> 00:48:43,587 And now with a weather report... 1254 00:48:43,754 --> 00:48:46,965 we turn it over to meteorologist John Belushi. 1255 00:48:47,132 --> 00:48:48,759 What's it looking like out there, John? 1256 00:48:48,925 --> 00:48:50,197 Thank you, Lorne. 1257 00:48:50,198 --> 00:48:51,469 It's often said, 1258 00:48:51,470 --> 00:48:54,681 "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb." 1259 00:48:54,890 --> 00:48:57,434 But did you know March behaves differently in other countries? 1260 00:48:58,018 --> 00:48:59,310 In Norway, for example, 1261 00:48:59,311 --> 00:49:02,230 March comes in like a polar bear and goes out like a walrus. 1262 00:49:02,648 --> 00:49:04,608 Or consider the Republic of South Africa... 1263 00:49:04,775 --> 00:49:06,233 where March comes in like a lion 1264 00:49:06,234 --> 00:49:07,594 and goes out like a different lion. 1265 00:49:07,736 --> 00:49:09,154 Like one has a mane 1266 00:49:09,155 --> 00:49:11,281 and the other doesn't have a mane. 1267 00:49:11,448 --> 00:49:14,242 And there's a country where March hops in like a kangaroo... 1268 00:49:14,409 --> 00:49:15,911 and stays a kangaroo for a while. 1269 00:49:16,078 --> 00:49:17,120 Australia. 1270 00:49:17,287 --> 00:49:19,265 Then for a couple of days, it's sort of a cross between... 1271 00:49:19,289 --> 00:49:21,375 a frilled lizard and a common house cat. 1272 00:49:21,792 --> 00:49:24,211 Then it changes back into a smaller kangaroo... 1273 00:49:24,378 --> 00:49:26,505 and then it goes out like a wild dingo! 1274 00:49:26,755 --> 00:49:28,298 No, no, and it's not Australia! 1275 00:49:28,632 --> 00:49:30,634 You'd think it'd be Australia, but it's not! 1276 00:49:30,801 --> 00:49:31,926 Oh! 1277 00:49:31,927 --> 00:49:33,845 And there are nine different countries... 1278 00:49:33,846 --> 00:49:35,471 where March comes in like a frog 1279 00:49:35,472 --> 00:49:37,348 and goes out like a golden retriever. 1280 00:49:37,349 --> 00:49:39,142 But that's not the weird part. No, no, no. 1281 00:49:39,309 --> 00:49:41,478 The weird part is the frog. The frog. 1282 00:49:41,645 --> 00:49:42,979 The weird part is the... 1283 00:49:44,315 --> 00:49:46,545 Okay. 1284 00:49:48,204 --> 00:49:49,720 John. 1285 00:49:51,238 --> 00:49:52,948 Are you all right? Are you okay? 1286 00:49:53,365 --> 00:49:54,366 I give in. 1287 00:49:54,866 --> 00:49:55,867 That was brilliant. 1288 00:49:56,034 --> 00:49:58,078 Now I need you to sign your contract. 1289 00:50:01,623 --> 00:50:02,983 - Was that a yes? - That was a yes. 1290 00:50:03,125 --> 00:50:04,725 - Was that a yes? Okay. - That was a yes. 1291 00:50:04,835 --> 00:50:06,595 - Neil, can I get the contract? - Yeah. 1292 00:50:07,003 --> 00:50:09,047 - Okay. Do you have a pen? - Uh... 1293 00:50:09,048 --> 00:50:10,172 Lorne, Lorne, Lorne, 1294 00:50:10,173 --> 00:50:12,175 there's a call from Burbank waiting in your office. 1295 00:50:13,009 --> 00:50:14,219 Burbank? 1296 00:50:14,386 --> 00:50:15,387 Carson. 1297 00:50:15,721 --> 00:50:17,597 Uh, okay. Um, Someone get him a pen. 1298 00:50:17,764 --> 00:50:19,953 Don't let him use it as a straw. 1299 00:50:19,954 --> 00:50:22,144 Uh, rehearse something. Anything. 1300 00:50:22,310 --> 00:50:24,438 All right, Bee Hospital stage left. 1301 00:50:24,604 --> 00:50:26,148 Let's go. We're moving. Here we go. 1302 00:50:27,232 --> 00:50:28,859 - Great work, guys. - Excuse me. 1303 00:50:29,025 --> 00:50:30,985 Hey, Mr. Michaels. 1304 00:50:30,986 --> 00:50:32,236 - Oh, Mr. Henson. - Hey. 1305 00:50:32,237 --> 00:50:34,531 I'm excited to see what you and your merry band of creatures 1306 00:50:34,532 --> 00:50:35,948 have in store for us tonight. 1307 00:50:35,949 --> 00:50:38,452 Well, Lorne, we don't have any script pages yet... 1308 00:50:38,453 --> 00:50:40,558 so, the Muppets are flyin' blind here. 1309 00:50:40,559 --> 00:50:42,664 Well, this is the first I'm hearing of it. 1310 00:50:42,665 --> 00:50:43,956 Neil, Jim needs his pages. 1311 00:50:43,957 --> 00:50:46,084 Thank you. Thank you. And please, sorry, Lorne... 1312 00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:49,045 can you please remind your crew... 1313 00:50:49,212 --> 00:50:52,841 not to leave the Muppets in compromising positions? 1314 00:50:54,301 --> 00:50:55,802 That doesn't sound like them. 1315 00:50:56,178 --> 00:50:58,263 Well, they left a note. 1316 00:50:59,014 --> 00:51:00,015 They didn't. 1317 00:51:00,182 --> 00:51:01,183 They did. 1318 00:51:01,767 --> 00:51:02,768 It said... 1319 00:51:05,479 --> 00:51:07,647 "Fuck-Rags for rent." 1320 00:51:08,690 --> 00:51:10,066 - Mmm... - Okay? 1321 00:51:10,233 --> 00:51:11,902 I know what that means, so... 1322 00:51:12,944 --> 00:51:14,613 I'll talk to Michael. Immediately. 1323 00:51:14,780 --> 00:51:15,864 Thank you. 1324 00:51:18,617 --> 00:51:19,618 All right. Thank you. 1325 00:51:20,535 --> 00:51:21,848 Oh. Hey, Bernie. 1326 00:51:21,849 --> 00:51:23,163 Oh, no, you're good. 1327 00:51:29,044 --> 00:51:30,295 Hello, this is Lorne. 1328 00:51:30,587 --> 00:51:32,923 I was beginning to think you didn't like me. 1329 00:51:33,089 --> 00:51:34,340 Of course not, Mr. Carson. 1330 00:51:34,341 --> 00:51:36,134 You're the voice of a generation. 1331 00:51:36,301 --> 00:51:38,428 I just wanted to reach out and say, 1332 00:51:38,429 --> 00:51:39,638 "Good luck tonight." 1333 00:51:39,805 --> 00:51:41,014 Oh, that's very kind. 1334 00:51:41,181 --> 00:51:42,992 And also, I suppose I wanted to make sure... 1335 00:51:43,016 --> 00:51:45,852 we don't end up stepping on each other's dicks. 1336 00:51:46,019 --> 00:51:47,019 Right. 1337 00:51:47,020 --> 00:51:48,271 You know how this all started, don't you? 1338 00:51:48,272 --> 00:51:49,356 Just sign it, John. 1339 00:51:50,232 --> 00:51:51,441 Just sign it, John. 1340 00:51:51,608 --> 00:51:53,151 With a kite and a key, I'm sure. 1341 00:51:53,318 --> 00:51:55,078 Don't be a dipshit for a second, kid. 1342 00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:56,529 I'm sure you've heard by now 1343 00:51:56,530 --> 00:51:58,532 that Mommy and Daddy are fighting... 1344 00:51:58,698 --> 00:52:01,451 and that's why you got the house to yourself tonight. 1345 00:52:01,452 --> 00:52:02,910 Frankly, it's the only reason 1346 00:52:02,911 --> 00:52:05,664 they ever green light your little talent show. 1347 00:52:06,373 --> 00:52:08,333 Look, these things always go the same way. 1348 00:52:08,667 --> 00:52:10,948 First, they try to fuck you, and then they buy you dinner. 1349 00:52:11,461 --> 00:52:13,066 I'm not opposed to Saturday Night... 1350 00:52:13,067 --> 00:52:14,673 even if it is a dumping ground... 1351 00:52:14,674 --> 00:52:15,756 No. No. 1352 00:52:15,757 --> 00:52:17,551 For the deadbeats and bag heads. 1353 00:52:17,552 --> 00:52:18,467 Dick, no. 1354 00:52:18,468 --> 00:52:19,385 In the meantime, you get to... 1355 00:52:19,386 --> 00:52:20,616 play dress-up on national television. 1356 00:52:20,617 --> 00:52:21,847 Don't let him hold the camera. 1357 00:52:21,848 --> 00:52:22,931 Good for you. 1358 00:52:23,348 --> 00:52:25,058 So, here's some friendly advice. 1359 00:52:25,892 --> 00:52:27,185 Enjoy your little show... 1360 00:52:27,352 --> 00:52:28,895 but don't get too comfortable. 1361 00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:31,731 You're a bench warmer, a stalking horse. 1362 00:52:31,898 --> 00:52:34,651 It's my fucking network. It's my fucking night. 1363 00:52:35,569 --> 00:52:37,009 No hard feelings, though. 1364 00:52:37,112 --> 00:52:39,114 Fuck the bees and fuck this show! 1365 00:52:39,281 --> 00:52:40,866 John. Hey, where are you going? 1366 00:52:41,032 --> 00:52:42,409 I go where I'm kicked! 1367 00:52:42,784 --> 00:52:44,744 Heard you are a halfway decent writer. 1368 00:52:45,662 --> 00:52:47,163 Send me some samples sometime. 1369 00:52:47,330 --> 00:52:48,890 We're always looking for a bunch of 'em. 1370 00:52:50,792 --> 00:52:51,918 How'd the call go? 1371 00:52:52,085 --> 00:52:53,420 Tremendous. Thank you for asking. 1372 00:52:53,587 --> 00:52:55,422 - Great. - Belushi walked. 1373 00:52:55,589 --> 00:52:57,465 - What? He quit? - No, well, technically... 1374 00:52:57,632 --> 00:52:59,569 he would need a fucking job to quit! But, yes, he walked. 1375 00:52:59,593 --> 00:53:01,195 We need to find him. I'll take the eighth floor. 1376 00:53:01,219 --> 00:53:02,739 - You take the ninth, okay? - Uh. Oh... 1377 00:53:03,013 --> 00:53:04,014 Okay. 1378 00:53:04,681 --> 00:53:06,683 Uh, hey, have you seen John Belushi? 1379 00:53:06,684 --> 00:53:07,767 No. 1380 00:53:09,352 --> 00:53:10,746 There's a reason they call it master control. 1381 00:53:10,770 --> 00:53:11,914 Sorry, Jim, have you seen John Belushi? 1382 00:53:11,938 --> 00:53:14,232 You want to hand the airwaves over to that maniac? 1383 00:53:14,399 --> 00:53:16,818 - Have you seen Belushi? - I'm not an animal wrangler. 1384 00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:18,361 Belushi? Belushi? 1385 00:53:18,528 --> 00:53:19,696 - Belushi? - Belushi? 1386 00:53:19,863 --> 00:53:21,197 - Belushi? - Belushi? 1387 00:53:21,364 --> 00:53:24,075 Hey, have you guys seen John Belushi? John? 1388 00:53:29,331 --> 00:53:30,581 Hey, guys, sorry to bother you. 1389 00:53:30,582 --> 00:53:32,417 Have you seen John Belushi anywhere? 1390 00:53:32,584 --> 00:53:35,086 Oh. Yeah, sure. He was hangin' out with us yesterday. 1391 00:53:35,087 --> 00:53:36,254 Right, Howard? 1392 00:53:36,421 --> 00:53:38,065 No, sorry. I meant in the last few minutes. 1393 00:53:38,089 --> 00:53:39,257 - Did he... - Oh, no. 1394 00:53:40,467 --> 00:53:42,177 Well, you seem stressed. You okay, buddy? 1395 00:53:42,344 --> 00:53:44,262 - Yeah, I'm okay. - You need a hit? 1396 00:53:44,971 --> 00:53:47,974 Uh, oh! No, no, no, that's fine. That's okay. 1397 00:53:47,975 --> 00:53:49,016 Oh. 1398 00:53:49,017 --> 00:53:50,185 I think it'd help. 1399 00:53:51,561 --> 00:53:52,562 That makes sense. 1400 00:53:55,273 --> 00:53:56,274 There we go. 1401 00:53:59,110 --> 00:54:00,820 Oh, look at him. 1402 00:54:00,987 --> 00:54:02,864 Attaboy. 1403 00:54:03,031 --> 00:54:04,824 Good luck on your quest, amigo. 1404 00:54:08,203 --> 00:54:10,080 Have you seen John Belushi? 1405 00:54:10,789 --> 00:54:11,957 Have you guys seen John? 1406 00:54:12,123 --> 00:54:14,626 Neil, who do you think I am? 1407 00:54:15,335 --> 00:54:16,628 Human bumblebee. 1408 00:54:16,795 --> 00:54:18,171 No, man. I am talking about... 1409 00:54:18,338 --> 00:54:21,341 what is my identity on the show? 1410 00:54:21,508 --> 00:54:22,926 Don't ask me that right now. 1411 00:54:23,843 --> 00:54:26,221 I can't answer that right now. Oh. 1412 00:54:29,975 --> 00:54:32,227 - Oh. - What the hell are you doing? 1413 00:54:35,313 --> 00:54:37,232 Thank you. 1414 00:54:40,860 --> 00:54:42,112 Has anybody seen John? 1415 00:54:42,278 --> 00:54:44,280 - I'm John. - I'm John. 1416 00:54:44,447 --> 00:54:45,567 - No. No. - I'm John. 1417 00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:47,283 - I'm John. - No. No. 1418 00:54:47,450 --> 00:54:49,202 - I'm John. - I'm John. 1419 00:54:49,369 --> 00:54:50,370 Hold this, please. 1420 00:54:53,185 --> 00:54:55,040 One of them is mine. 1421 00:54:55,041 --> 00:54:56,208 Hey, have you guys seen John Belushi? 1422 00:54:56,209 --> 00:54:57,919 Hey, you're... Kid, why are you holding your face like that? 1423 00:54:57,920 --> 00:54:59,504 - Why are you shouting? - Sweetie, are you okay? 1424 00:54:59,505 --> 00:55:02,632 I don't know. I can hear my own blood. 1425 00:55:03,550 --> 00:55:04,551 Am I gonna be okay? 1426 00:55:04,718 --> 00:55:06,720 Don't ask her. She's a nymph, not a nurse, kid. 1427 00:55:06,886 --> 00:55:08,346 I know that! 1428 00:55:08,847 --> 00:55:10,640 - Look, should I be worried? - About Neil? 1429 00:55:10,807 --> 00:55:12,142 No. Fuck Neil. About my act. 1430 00:55:12,308 --> 00:55:14,352 I can't get a straight answer out of Lorne. 1431 00:55:14,519 --> 00:55:16,855 Billy, you're family. 1432 00:55:18,189 --> 00:55:19,274 - Neil... - Neil... 1433 00:55:22,944 --> 00:55:24,571 This week on The Rumpus Hour. 1434 00:55:24,738 --> 00:55:26,113 Tony Orlando and Dawn, 1435 00:55:26,114 --> 00:55:28,240 Shields and Yarnell, the Domingo Brothers... 1436 00:55:28,241 --> 00:55:30,869 and your favorite juggling barbershop quartet, 1437 00:55:30,870 --> 00:55:32,202 Macho Quatro. 1438 00:55:32,203 --> 00:55:34,748 {\an8}Lorne. You know Milton Berle? 1439 00:55:34,914 --> 00:55:37,625 Absolutely. Big fan. I grew up on your work. 1440 00:55:37,792 --> 00:55:39,335 Who didn't? Hear it's your big night. 1441 00:55:39,502 --> 00:55:41,588 Planning on it. How's it all coming? 1442 00:55:42,297 --> 00:55:43,757 Just perfect. 1443 00:55:43,923 --> 00:55:45,683 - You never hear that. - You certainly don't. 1444 00:55:46,885 --> 00:55:49,596 Yep. Being here must bring back all kinds of memories, I'm sure. 1445 00:55:49,763 --> 00:55:50,930 Sure, sure. Yeah. 1446 00:55:51,097 --> 00:55:53,141 Used to call this the RCA Radio Tower. 1447 00:55:53,308 --> 00:55:54,933 Radio, that wonderful invention 1448 00:55:54,934 --> 00:55:56,603 by which I could reach a million people. 1449 00:55:56,770 --> 00:55:58,521 Who fortunately couldn't reach me. 1450 00:55:58,688 --> 00:56:02,859 You know, Milt's TV show once pulled a 97 share. 1451 00:56:03,026 --> 00:56:07,322 97% of the American audience was watching Uncle Miltie. 1452 00:56:07,489 --> 00:56:09,491 Do you ever miss being Mr. Television? 1453 00:56:10,825 --> 00:56:12,243 What is he talking about? 1454 00:56:12,410 --> 00:56:13,411 Lorne... 1455 00:56:13,578 --> 00:56:15,955 Milton remains one of the Peacock's 1456 00:56:15,956 --> 00:56:17,582 most colorful feathers. 1457 00:56:17,749 --> 00:56:19,518 - It's quite a feather. - Of course, of course. 1458 00:56:19,542 --> 00:56:21,586 And I'm looking forward to hosting your show. 1459 00:56:22,295 --> 00:56:24,089 Well, we'd be honored. 1460 00:56:24,380 --> 00:56:26,233 I think there's still so many decisions we'd have to make. 1461 00:56:26,257 --> 00:56:27,526 I'm hearing episode five. 1462 00:56:27,550 --> 00:56:30,637 The boys upstairs love it and the affiliates ate it up. 1463 00:56:30,804 --> 00:56:32,114 Well, they're the real boss. 1464 00:56:32,138 --> 00:56:33,932 Right. Well, it is a late show. 1465 00:56:33,933 --> 00:56:35,350 Are you suited for midnight? 1466 00:56:35,809 --> 00:56:39,312 At 67, I still feel like a 20-year-old. 1467 00:56:39,479 --> 00:56:41,272 Unfortunately, there's never one around. 1468 00:56:41,273 --> 00:56:43,066 Your reputation precedes you. 1469 00:56:43,233 --> 00:56:45,944 Yeah, by about 11 inches. Excuse me a second. 1470 00:56:48,488 --> 00:56:50,156 Any sign of Belushi? 1471 00:56:50,782 --> 00:56:51,825 John? 1472 00:56:51,991 --> 00:56:53,409 I believe he's in wardrobe. Why? 1473 00:56:53,576 --> 00:56:55,620 Legal is frantic for his paperwork. 1474 00:56:55,787 --> 00:56:57,056 That's strange. I'll look into it. 1475 00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:58,540 Lorne, I can only imagine... 1476 00:56:58,706 --> 00:57:00,291 what must be running through your mind. 1477 00:57:00,458 --> 00:57:02,794 The thought, no matter how improbable... 1478 00:57:02,961 --> 00:57:04,629 that you might not make it to air. 1479 00:57:04,796 --> 00:57:06,631 - Hadn't even occurred to me. - Really? 1480 00:57:06,798 --> 00:57:09,843 I heard that you were having some technical difficulties. 1481 00:57:10,009 --> 00:57:11,010 None that I know of. 1482 00:57:11,511 --> 00:57:12,512 What the fuck? 1483 00:57:12,679 --> 00:57:13,763 I just heard that... 1484 00:57:13,930 --> 00:57:15,515 your writers were stoned... 1485 00:57:15,682 --> 00:57:17,684 your actors were physically assaulting each other. 1486 00:57:18,685 --> 00:57:19,769 The sound system was down. 1487 00:57:19,936 --> 00:57:21,205 What the hell is happening? What... 1488 00:57:21,229 --> 00:57:22,563 And a fire broke out earlier. 1489 00:57:25,900 --> 00:57:28,611 I've been doing this job a long time. I've seen it all. 1490 00:57:30,572 --> 00:57:32,782 I'm sure you have it all under control. 1491 00:57:34,367 --> 00:57:36,161 Minor issues, already addressed. 1492 00:57:36,703 --> 00:57:37,704 That's reassuring. 1493 00:57:37,871 --> 00:57:40,165 This whole conversation is a soothing shower of relief. 1494 00:57:40,331 --> 00:57:42,000 Hey, good, good. Look. 1495 00:57:42,167 --> 00:57:44,586 If for some reason you can't lock your script... 1496 00:57:45,587 --> 00:57:48,423 or commit your cast to legally binding contracts... 1497 00:57:48,590 --> 00:57:49,841 rest assured... 1498 00:57:50,341 --> 00:57:53,178 the country will be happy to watch Johnny Carson. 1499 00:57:54,554 --> 00:57:57,056 Well, we could always play the tape of dress rehearsal. 1500 00:57:57,223 --> 00:57:58,892 Worst-case scenario. 1501 00:58:00,143 --> 00:58:01,561 That's not the worst case. 1502 00:58:18,119 --> 00:58:20,163 Fuck me. That's a lot of cards. 1503 00:58:20,747 --> 00:58:23,017 Yeah. What's the fastest you can do your set? Top to bottom. 1504 00:58:23,041 --> 00:58:24,241 - Five minutes. - Yeah, me too. 1505 00:58:24,375 --> 00:58:25,855 - Could you do it in four? - Probably. 1506 00:58:26,002 --> 00:58:27,003 Yeah, me too. 1507 00:58:28,796 --> 00:58:30,548 So, look, they're gonna offer us three... 1508 00:58:31,132 --> 00:58:32,972 but we got to draw the line at four. All right? 1509 00:58:33,468 --> 00:58:35,595 Okay. I want to do the show. 1510 00:58:35,762 --> 00:58:37,698 Yeah, we're doing the show. We just can't get jerked around. 1511 00:58:37,722 --> 00:58:38,866 - That's all. - But we're doing the show? 1512 00:58:38,890 --> 00:58:40,350 Of course, we're doing the show. We just got to be 1513 00:58:40,351 --> 00:58:41,976 - in this together. - Okay. 1514 00:58:43,645 --> 00:58:44,771 Neil, sweetie. 1515 00:58:44,938 --> 00:58:46,707 - Is everything okay in there? - Hello? 1516 00:58:46,731 --> 00:58:48,983 Special delivery for Neil Levy. Flowers. 1517 00:58:49,150 --> 00:58:50,544 - Candygram. - What's with the convention? 1518 00:58:50,568 --> 00:58:52,153 Neil, it's your mother. Open the door! 1519 00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,760 Don't say that. He's gonna believe you if you say that. 1520 00:58:54,864 --> 00:58:57,242 Hey, Neil. Buddy. You freaking out in there? 1521 00:58:57,408 --> 00:58:59,452 I took a hit in the departure lounge. 1522 00:58:59,619 --> 00:59:01,246 All right. Whose grass was it? 1523 00:59:01,412 --> 00:59:02,830 One of the horn players. 1524 00:59:02,997 --> 00:59:04,082 Oh, degenerates. 1525 00:59:04,249 --> 00:59:05,917 That's a potent dragon you're riding there, kid. 1526 00:59:05,918 --> 00:59:07,522 What you smoked was a sacred strain from... 1527 00:59:07,523 --> 00:59:09,128 the Isaan plateau in Thailand, I believe. 1528 00:59:09,129 --> 00:59:10,212 The best plateau. 1529 00:59:10,213 --> 00:59:11,296 Make no mistake about it, 1530 00:59:11,297 --> 00:59:13,382 that stick's probably stronger than a bull elephant. 1531 00:59:13,383 --> 00:59:14,988 But, listen, we're all a little freaked out so... 1532 00:59:14,989 --> 00:59:16,594 - I'm freaked out. - Why don't you come out... 1533 00:59:16,595 --> 00:59:18,053 and we can check on your face... 1534 00:59:18,054 --> 00:59:19,304 make sure it's not inside out, okay? 1535 00:59:19,305 --> 00:59:20,932 - Come on, Neil. - Show us your face, Neil! 1536 00:59:20,933 --> 00:59:22,308 Come on, there's nothing to be afraid of. 1537 00:59:22,309 --> 00:59:24,185 - Come on. - Come on out, Neil. 1538 00:59:25,478 --> 00:59:27,230 Oh, God! 1539 00:59:27,897 --> 00:59:29,774 No. I'm just kidding. Look. You're gonna be fine. 1540 00:59:29,775 --> 00:59:31,109 We'll fix you up with some amphetamines. 1541 00:59:31,110 --> 00:59:32,192 You'll be fit as a flea. 1542 00:59:32,193 --> 00:59:33,798 You might even like the stuff. Cocaine. 1543 00:59:33,799 --> 00:59:35,404 Robert Louis Stevenson actually did 1544 00:59:35,405 --> 00:59:36,906 some of his best writing on the nose candy. 1545 00:59:36,907 --> 00:59:38,550 - Oh, Bobby. - Not a lot of people know that. 1546 00:59:38,574 --> 00:59:39,741 Yeah, he was a big freak... 1547 00:59:39,742 --> 00:59:40,827 - for the Peruvian Lady. - Hey! 1548 00:59:40,828 --> 00:59:41,910 We need everyone in togas! 1549 00:59:41,911 --> 00:59:43,788 Everyone down to the eighth floor now! 1550 00:59:48,001 --> 00:59:49,585 I'm not in a toga! 1551 01:00:03,474 --> 01:00:06,144 Okay, okay. But why are we yelling? 1552 01:00:08,730 --> 01:00:11,250 Rocky, there's no way these kids are gonna hit their marks. 1553 01:00:11,274 --> 01:00:13,943 So you better be wide enough to catch 'em all. We got that? 1554 01:00:14,110 --> 01:00:16,230 Hey, did Rosie tell you what she wants for her credit? 1555 01:00:16,779 --> 01:00:18,488 Oh. Uh... 1556 01:00:18,489 --> 01:00:20,700 She was of two minds... 1557 01:00:24,203 --> 01:00:26,403 What is this? Why are you cueing up Carson? Who is that? 1558 01:00:26,581 --> 01:00:27,915 I think that's Tony Curtis. 1559 01:00:28,082 --> 01:00:30,402 That's pretty normal right before a live show, right, Dave? 1560 01:00:30,501 --> 01:00:32,462 Yeah. If anything goes wrong, we bump to tape. 1561 01:00:32,628 --> 01:00:33,755 - See? - Right. 1562 01:00:33,921 --> 01:00:35,601 Lorne! Lorne. We found a lighting director. 1563 01:00:35,923 --> 01:00:36,924 Great. Go get him. 1564 01:00:37,091 --> 01:00:38,634 No, he's lighting a show right now. 1565 01:00:38,635 --> 01:00:40,011 This will take some massaging. 1566 01:00:40,178 --> 01:00:41,179 We don't have... 1567 01:00:43,097 --> 01:00:44,098 What floor? 1568 01:00:45,016 --> 01:00:47,518 It's down on the sixth floor. Some variety show. 1569 01:00:47,685 --> 01:00:49,562 - And he knows I'm coming? - Uh... 1570 01:00:50,855 --> 01:00:53,295 - Say, Lorne. This a bad time? - Perfect time, Garrett. 1571 01:00:53,399 --> 01:00:54,901 Okay, I've been thinkin'. 1572 01:00:55,068 --> 01:00:57,111 Why did you hire me? 1573 01:00:57,278 --> 01:00:58,341 You were cheap. 1574 01:00:58,342 --> 01:00:59,405 Really? 1575 01:00:59,572 --> 01:01:01,115 I'm being ironical, Garrett. 1576 01:01:01,949 --> 01:01:02,950 The fuck? 1577 01:01:07,205 --> 01:01:08,206 Hey, Garrett. 1578 01:01:08,831 --> 01:01:09,832 What's wrong? 1579 01:01:10,124 --> 01:01:12,293 Nothin'. I'm just... 1580 01:01:13,252 --> 01:01:15,338 Just trying to figure out exactly what it is 1581 01:01:15,339 --> 01:01:16,547 I am doing here. 1582 01:01:16,714 --> 01:01:17,965 Aw, what do you mean? 1583 01:01:18,383 --> 01:01:19,634 You know... 1584 01:01:19,801 --> 01:01:22,512 I just can't help but feeling a little bit like an outsider. 1585 01:01:22,678 --> 01:01:24,097 Because you're so much older? 1586 01:01:24,263 --> 01:01:25,264 What? 1587 01:01:26,099 --> 01:01:28,267 I went to Juilliard. 1588 01:01:28,684 --> 01:01:30,645 I've been on Broadway. I'm a published playwright. 1589 01:01:30,812 --> 01:01:34,399 Man, they got me buzzin' around here in a goddamn bee suit... 1590 01:01:34,565 --> 01:01:36,585 and wavin' a gun around like I'm some kind of hoodlum. 1591 01:01:36,609 --> 01:01:38,653 These are not my strengths, man. 1592 01:01:38,820 --> 01:01:40,780 I am being under-utilized... 1593 01:01:40,947 --> 01:01:42,073 which makes me ponder... 1594 01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:44,242 what am I doing here? 1595 01:01:44,992 --> 01:01:46,352 You know how many operas I've done? 1596 01:01:46,619 --> 01:01:48,079 - I have no idea, Garrett. - Shit... 1597 01:01:48,246 --> 01:01:49,890 while Danny and Laraine were eatin' Froot Loops... 1598 01:01:49,914 --> 01:01:54,627 I was performing La Traviata in Italian. 1599 01:01:54,794 --> 01:01:55,795 Ya dig? 1600 01:01:55,962 --> 01:01:58,172 Of course, I dig, Garrett. 1601 01:01:58,923 --> 01:01:59,923 But, uh... 1602 01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:03,219 no one is saying you can't sing on the show. 1603 01:02:03,386 --> 01:02:04,387 Right? 1604 01:02:11,144 --> 01:02:12,186 Where's the Rumpus room? 1605 01:02:12,353 --> 01:02:14,897 ♪ Down on the right ♪ 1606 01:02:17,692 --> 01:02:19,277 Oh. Whoa. Pardon me. 1607 01:02:27,118 --> 01:02:29,454 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - And three, two... 1608 01:02:37,628 --> 01:02:41,215 And we... Seven, eight, and blocking! 1609 01:02:42,592 --> 01:02:45,678 Five, six... Uh-oh! 1610 01:02:46,262 --> 01:02:47,263 Smile! 1611 01:03:32,767 --> 01:03:34,977 Hey! You little fucker. 1612 01:03:35,561 --> 01:03:37,104 Get your head out of your ass. 1613 01:03:37,271 --> 01:03:40,191 Prep the cupcake lights and bring up the glitter, Carl. 1614 01:03:41,108 --> 01:03:42,109 Carl? 1615 01:03:42,777 --> 01:03:43,903 I have a job offer. 1616 01:03:44,487 --> 01:03:46,989 Comes with no guarantees, no perks, and no weekends. 1617 01:03:48,533 --> 01:03:49,534 How's the pay? 1618 01:03:51,285 --> 01:03:52,537 That's the worst part. 1619 01:03:57,083 --> 01:03:58,084 What the fuck? 1620 01:03:58,251 --> 01:03:59,436 - When do you start? - Right now. 1621 01:03:59,460 --> 01:04:02,380 Send me a postcard from the gutter, you little shit. 1622 01:04:14,225 --> 01:04:15,309 Rosie, you seen Jackie? 1623 01:04:15,476 --> 01:04:16,852 No. Sorry. 1624 01:04:17,019 --> 01:04:18,563 Knock, knock. 1625 01:04:19,105 --> 01:04:21,232 - Hi. - Hi, stud. Can I see? 1626 01:04:21,399 --> 01:04:22,775 Can you get Chevy to do this one? 1627 01:04:22,942 --> 01:04:24,986 No way. You look so sexy. 1628 01:04:25,152 --> 01:04:27,446 Hey. These can't be the right size. 1629 01:04:27,613 --> 01:04:29,813 Yeah, you're right. They should be a little bit smaller. 1630 01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:32,220 This feels like it's a lot of leg. 1631 01:04:32,285 --> 01:04:33,578 You kidding, hot stuff? 1632 01:04:33,744 --> 01:04:34,912 You're gonna melt every TV in America. 1633 01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:36,330 - Oh, yeah? - Uh, yeah. 1634 01:04:36,331 --> 01:04:37,747 You know, ma'am, you are dealing 1635 01:04:37,748 --> 01:04:39,083 with a fully-qualified male strumpet here. 1636 01:04:39,084 --> 01:04:40,166 Oh. Male? 1637 01:04:40,167 --> 01:04:41,418 I've actually got a work order... 1638 01:04:41,419 --> 01:04:45,006 stating I should be rogering you roundly right now! 1639 01:04:45,172 --> 01:04:46,591 Hey, have you guys seen John? 1640 01:04:47,425 --> 01:04:49,885 No, I haven't seen him. Danny? 1641 01:04:50,052 --> 01:04:51,512 - Have you seen John? - Yeah? John. 1642 01:04:51,679 --> 01:04:54,599 Well, John's an anarchist and an Illinois alpha male. 1643 01:04:55,266 --> 01:04:56,350 What does that mean? 1644 01:04:56,767 --> 01:04:58,497 Oh. Uh, well, see, boss, you and I, 1645 01:04:58,498 --> 01:05:00,229 if we were to enter this space... 1646 01:05:00,396 --> 01:05:02,231 we'd be like 15th century peasants 1647 01:05:02,232 --> 01:05:03,356 walking into the Vatican... 1648 01:05:03,357 --> 01:05:05,067 but Belushi's a whole other animal. 1649 01:05:05,234 --> 01:05:06,986 He's a skeptic and a sinner. 1650 01:05:07,153 --> 01:05:08,613 I'd give O'Houlihans a recce. 1651 01:05:08,988 --> 01:05:10,615 - He's at the bar next door. - Ah. 1652 01:05:10,948 --> 01:05:13,909 Um, Barbara's still asking about your credit on the show. 1653 01:05:14,076 --> 01:05:15,119 Whatever you think. 1654 01:05:15,286 --> 01:05:16,495 It's your name, Rose. 1655 01:05:18,539 --> 01:05:19,665 Has he only gotten that far? 1656 01:05:20,082 --> 01:05:22,418 We'd like to help, but we're rootin' for the guy. 1657 01:05:22,585 --> 01:05:24,211 Well, at least your heart's in it. 1658 01:05:24,378 --> 01:05:26,047 Hey, you seen Jacqueline, my fiancée? 1659 01:05:26,213 --> 01:05:27,882 No, I haven't seen shit! 1660 01:05:28,633 --> 01:05:30,551 Ladies, have you seen Jackie? 1661 01:05:30,718 --> 01:05:31,862 - No. Sorry. - All right, change of plans. 1662 01:05:31,886 --> 01:05:33,178 We're skippin' Ancient Greece 1663 01:05:33,179 --> 01:05:34,972 and we're movin' into the break room. 1664 01:05:35,139 --> 01:05:36,408 Ladies, I need you in your hard hats. 1665 01:05:36,432 --> 01:05:37,909 Okay? Right now. Come on. 1666 01:05:37,933 --> 01:05:40,061 I don't want to change. 1667 01:05:40,227 --> 01:05:41,812 Are we good? Is he all right? 1668 01:05:41,979 --> 01:05:43,688 Yeah. Yeah. Danny, I mean... 1669 01:05:43,689 --> 01:05:45,252 whatever's going on between you and me 1670 01:05:45,253 --> 01:05:46,817 is the last thing on his mind right now. 1671 01:05:46,984 --> 01:05:49,144 So the man doesn't wrestle with the green-eyed monster? 1672 01:05:49,195 --> 01:05:51,113 Hardly. I mean, look, I've known Lorne 1673 01:05:51,114 --> 01:05:52,782 since I had toilet paper tits. 1674 01:05:53,616 --> 01:05:55,242 One day, he just followed me home from school 1675 01:05:55,243 --> 01:05:57,035 - and I never shook him. - Pretty sure 1676 01:05:57,036 --> 01:05:58,746 - you can be arrested for that. - Look out, Rosie! 1677 01:05:58,747 --> 01:06:00,081 Sorry, Moose. 1678 01:06:00,956 --> 01:06:02,207 Anyways, I don't know, 1679 01:06:02,208 --> 01:06:04,877 Lorne lost his dad when he was 14... 1680 01:06:05,044 --> 01:06:06,629 and his mom sold everything... 1681 01:06:06,796 --> 01:06:09,215 and so he spent a whole year without furniture. 1682 01:06:09,382 --> 01:06:10,966 So when I first met him, I thought... 1683 01:06:11,133 --> 01:06:14,804 he's just a stray looking for a spare piece of carpet... 1684 01:06:15,513 --> 01:06:17,223 like, he wants to be a part of my family... 1685 01:06:17,390 --> 01:06:19,892 and I'm the kid sister or something. 1686 01:06:20,643 --> 01:06:22,645 But then, hormones. 1687 01:06:22,812 --> 01:06:24,772 Turns out, I'm not the kid sister... 1688 01:06:25,272 --> 01:06:28,442 and so we start dating and I think... 1689 01:06:29,151 --> 01:06:31,987 "Okay, he wants to build a family with me." 1690 01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:34,699 And we get married, we buy a house. 1691 01:06:34,865 --> 01:06:36,785 I mean, no ring. I think those are pretty stupid. 1692 01:06:36,909 --> 01:06:39,245 But linens and china. 1693 01:06:40,621 --> 01:06:43,124 And then it turns out... 1694 01:06:43,290 --> 01:06:45,626 I'm not the kid sister or the wife. 1695 01:06:46,252 --> 01:06:47,253 So who are ya? 1696 01:06:47,712 --> 01:06:49,004 I'm the writer. 1697 01:06:49,171 --> 01:06:51,215 All right, rehearsal's moments away. 1698 01:06:51,382 --> 01:06:52,717 And who's he? 1699 01:06:52,883 --> 01:06:55,510 We take you now to Ancient Greece. 1700 01:06:55,511 --> 01:06:57,012 Not yet, Don. It's the wrong sketch, buddy. 1701 01:06:57,013 --> 01:06:58,472 Can I get you behind the lockers? 1702 01:06:58,639 --> 01:06:59,974 Yeah. 1703 01:07:01,434 --> 01:07:02,977 And try sitting like men. 1704 01:07:03,477 --> 01:07:04,597 - Oh, yeah. - Perfect. 1705 01:07:04,645 --> 01:07:06,856 Okay. Hair and makeup, clear. 1706 01:07:07,148 --> 01:07:08,274 Clearing. 1707 01:07:08,441 --> 01:07:10,109 Please get the fuck out. Thank you. 1708 01:07:10,276 --> 01:07:11,860 Okay, and action! 1709 01:07:14,238 --> 01:07:17,241 Now that you've mastered all the technical know-how... 1710 01:07:17,408 --> 01:07:20,578 I think it's time we work on your sidewalk skills. 1711 01:07:20,745 --> 01:07:21,871 All right. 1712 01:07:22,371 --> 01:07:24,665 Daniel over here has kindly offered... 1713 01:07:24,832 --> 01:07:27,918 to aid us in a live demonstration. 1714 01:07:28,085 --> 01:07:29,754 Come on out, Danny. 1715 01:07:30,921 --> 01:07:32,381 Danny, enter. 1716 01:07:36,427 --> 01:07:38,428 No, you got to take off the robe. 1717 01:07:38,429 --> 01:07:40,222 I can lose it on the day. I figured I'd rehearse with... 1718 01:07:40,223 --> 01:07:42,141 No. You can lose the robe right now. 1719 01:07:48,355 --> 01:07:49,857 The shorts are too short. 1720 01:07:51,484 --> 01:07:53,923 Now, when a little piece-a heaven 1721 01:07:53,924 --> 01:07:56,363 - like Danny walks by... - Now strut. 1722 01:07:57,615 --> 01:07:59,074 - Here's how you make him feel... - Right. 1723 01:07:59,075 --> 01:08:00,284 Right at home. 1724 01:08:01,243 --> 01:08:04,163 Voom, va-va voom! Va-va voom! 1725 01:08:04,330 --> 01:08:05,915 Show him how to do it, Gilda! 1726 01:08:06,165 --> 01:08:07,365 - Yeah! - Come on, Jane. 1727 01:08:07,458 --> 01:08:09,210 - Give it to him. - All right. 1728 01:08:10,377 --> 01:08:11,587 Hey, dreamboat. 1729 01:08:12,129 --> 01:08:14,965 What's the matter? Why don't you give me a little twirl? 1730 01:08:15,132 --> 01:08:18,135 Show me what you're workin' with. 1731 01:08:21,597 --> 01:08:23,037 Okay, give it to him, Laraine. 1732 01:08:27,228 --> 01:08:29,855 Hey, stud muffins, want to make bouncy bouncy? 1733 01:08:31,273 --> 01:08:32,399 Are we still doing the scene? Or... 1734 01:08:32,400 --> 01:08:33,609 What are ya talkin' to her for? 1735 01:08:33,610 --> 01:08:34,881 You're talkin' to me, joy chunks. 1736 01:08:34,882 --> 01:08:36,153 Stay in character, please. 1737 01:08:36,320 --> 01:08:38,072 - Hey. - Come on, baby. 1738 01:08:38,239 --> 01:08:40,032 Ya dropped somethin'. 1739 01:08:40,033 --> 01:08:41,659 Whoa! 1740 01:08:42,660 --> 01:08:44,260 Well, I guess I should just pick this up. 1741 01:08:50,125 --> 01:08:51,836 All right, all right. All right. 1742 01:08:52,002 --> 01:08:53,002 They are so cute 1743 01:08:53,003 --> 01:08:54,547 - when they're mad! - All right, thank you. 1744 01:08:54,548 --> 01:08:55,965 Okay, cut. 1745 01:08:58,384 --> 01:09:00,010 The shorts are too short. I told ya. 1746 01:09:00,761 --> 01:09:03,556 Here you go. It was a great scene. 1747 01:09:04,056 --> 01:09:05,096 - Yeah, strumpet. - Thanks. 1748 01:09:05,224 --> 01:09:06,892 All right, and we're movin' on. 1749 01:09:06,893 --> 01:09:08,060 Great rehearsal. Here we go. 1750 01:09:08,227 --> 01:09:10,896 We take you now to Ancient Greece... 1751 01:09:11,063 --> 01:09:12,439 as Alexander the Great... 1752 01:09:12,606 --> 01:09:15,025 attends his ten-year high school reunion. 1753 01:09:15,192 --> 01:09:16,777 Hey, boys, have you seen Jackie? 1754 01:09:18,362 --> 01:09:19,442 Gentlemen, you seen Jackie? 1755 01:09:22,616 --> 01:09:24,201 Look at that. My goodness. 1756 01:09:24,368 --> 01:09:25,786 Hey, hon. They need us in Athens. 1757 01:09:25,953 --> 01:09:27,153 Jesus, who's this guy? 1758 01:09:27,204 --> 01:09:28,706 Chevy, Milton taped a show here... 1759 01:09:28,873 --> 01:09:31,208 - back in 1956, isn't that neat? - Ooh! 1760 01:09:31,375 --> 01:09:32,418 She's taken. 1761 01:09:32,585 --> 01:09:34,461 What hours? I'll take the rest of the evening. 1762 01:09:34,628 --> 01:09:35,981 - Excuse me? - He's kidding. 1763 01:09:36,005 --> 01:09:37,089 Yeah, buddy, I'm kidding. 1764 01:09:37,256 --> 01:09:38,257 Oh, that's cute. 1765 01:09:38,424 --> 01:09:39,967 I remember when you used to do comedy. 1766 01:09:40,134 --> 01:09:41,552 Funny, 'cause I never heard of you. 1767 01:09:41,719 --> 01:09:43,345 That's probably the Alzheimer's. 1768 01:09:44,179 --> 01:09:46,076 What's the matter, did you wander off 1769 01:09:46,077 --> 01:09:47,975 onto an actual TV set? 1770 01:09:48,434 --> 01:09:49,559 Hey, darling, you're sitting 1771 01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:51,353 in front of the Ghost of Television Past. 1772 01:09:51,520 --> 01:09:52,521 This old man... 1773 01:09:52,688 --> 01:09:54,528 he used to be an institution. Now he needs one. 1774 01:09:56,358 --> 01:09:58,235 If you want my comeback, you're gonna have to scrape it 1775 01:09:58,236 --> 01:10:00,070 off the back of your mom's teeth. 1776 01:10:00,237 --> 01:10:01,405 Jesus. 1777 01:10:03,198 --> 01:10:04,303 You're gonna laugh at that? 1778 01:10:04,304 --> 01:10:05,409 Listen, sweetheart. 1779 01:10:05,576 --> 01:10:07,369 There's plenty more where that came from. 1780 01:10:08,829 --> 01:10:09,830 God. 1781 01:10:11,457 --> 01:10:12,457 Oh. 1782 01:10:12,875 --> 01:10:14,293 Do I have your attention? 1783 01:10:20,215 --> 01:10:21,987 I have two stars on the Walk of Fame. 1784 01:10:21,988 --> 01:10:23,761 - Oh. - Oh, yeah. Who gives a shit? 1785 01:10:23,762 --> 01:10:24,802 Hmm. 1786 01:10:24,803 --> 01:10:26,013 I once held 97%... 1787 01:10:26,180 --> 01:10:28,599 of America's television viewing audience. 1788 01:10:30,893 --> 01:10:32,478 That's not what they're gonna remember. 1789 01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:35,689 They're gonna remember Mr. Television. 1790 01:10:36,649 --> 01:10:38,108 Their Uncle Miltie. 1791 01:10:40,069 --> 01:10:41,362 Who the fuck are you, kid? 1792 01:10:43,113 --> 01:10:44,198 You're not a star. 1793 01:10:46,075 --> 01:10:48,077 You're barely in the fucking building. 1794 01:10:51,580 --> 01:10:53,165 You're not even a swingin' dick. 1795 01:10:56,210 --> 01:10:57,795 Call me after he's done crying. 1796 01:10:57,962 --> 01:11:00,339 Are you shitting me? 1797 01:11:00,506 --> 01:11:02,091 Are you shitting me with this costume? 1798 01:11:02,257 --> 01:11:03,257 Can you make a path? 1799 01:11:03,258 --> 01:11:04,969 There's an actual comedian coming through. 1800 01:11:05,135 --> 01:11:06,595 Wow. Look at these columns. 1801 01:11:06,762 --> 01:11:08,347 I feel transported. Oh! 1802 01:11:08,931 --> 01:11:10,641 Hey, George. How can I help? 1803 01:11:11,225 --> 01:11:13,185 So, what is this? 1804 01:11:13,352 --> 01:11:15,896 Why am I dressed like a fuckin' towel boy from Caesar's? 1805 01:11:16,063 --> 01:11:18,399 Well, I believe you're Alexander the Great at his... 1806 01:11:18,565 --> 01:11:20,025 Ten-year high school reunion. 1807 01:11:20,192 --> 01:11:21,272 - Thank you, Don. - Exactly. 1808 01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:22,671 So, when Chevy asks what you've been up to... 1809 01:11:22,695 --> 01:11:23,946 your response is, "You know..." 1810 01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:26,615 "Mostly conquering the known universe." 1811 01:11:27,741 --> 01:11:29,492 Right. And this is for television. 1812 01:11:29,493 --> 01:11:31,013 - Right. - What's your concern, George? 1813 01:11:31,161 --> 01:11:32,287 My real concern is why I let my agent 1814 01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:33,371 convince me to do your show. 1815 01:11:33,372 --> 01:11:34,599 Do you need some help with the script? 1816 01:11:34,623 --> 01:11:36,291 I'd just love to know where the humor is. 1817 01:11:36,458 --> 01:11:38,419 It's like a Spruce Goose. It's a lot of wood, no lift off. 1818 01:11:38,420 --> 01:11:39,545 Well, we can rewrite. I mean, we have... 1819 01:11:39,546 --> 01:11:40,628 Is that right? 1820 01:11:40,629 --> 01:11:41,797 - Jesus Christ. - Great. 1821 01:11:41,964 --> 01:11:43,527 - We could find... - No, no, no. George, I hear you. 1822 01:11:43,528 --> 01:11:45,092 - We want to make it work. - I think I understand 1823 01:11:45,093 --> 01:11:46,927 the reason you might be struggling. 1824 01:11:47,636 --> 01:11:49,013 You see, these are scenes. 1825 01:11:49,179 --> 01:11:50,179 Well, sketches. 1826 01:11:50,180 --> 01:11:52,057 - They revolve around acting. - Michael... 1827 01:11:52,224 --> 01:11:53,224 And that must feel foreign 1828 01:11:53,225 --> 01:11:54,684 when you're a ponytailed vulture... 1829 01:11:54,685 --> 01:11:56,165 feeding off the corpse of Lenny Bruce. 1830 01:12:01,984 --> 01:12:03,736 It's okay. He's right. You're right. 1831 01:12:07,448 --> 01:12:09,074 Because I wouldn't want to make these skits 1832 01:12:09,075 --> 01:12:10,993 any worse than they actually are. 1833 01:12:11,452 --> 01:12:14,496 It's a great thing no one will be watching. 1834 01:12:14,663 --> 01:12:16,832 Enjoy your fucking little circle jerk. 1835 01:12:16,999 --> 01:12:18,959 - We already are. - Oh, your mom's here? 1836 01:12:23,047 --> 01:12:24,298 Well, he's in character. 1837 01:12:47,529 --> 01:12:48,530 It's shit. 1838 01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:07,132 Lorne, Lorne. 1839 01:13:07,966 --> 01:13:08,967 Lorne. 1840 01:13:09,635 --> 01:13:10,719 Lorne, great news. 1841 01:13:10,886 --> 01:13:12,888 We figured it out. Ready? 1842 01:13:18,477 --> 01:13:19,478 Ta-da. 1843 01:13:20,187 --> 01:13:22,231 - We cut the toga sketch. - Oh. 1844 01:13:22,898 --> 01:13:24,618 Even without Alexander, we're still 30 over. 1845 01:13:24,691 --> 01:13:26,777 Maybe we don't need four musical performances? 1846 01:13:26,944 --> 01:13:28,963 Or maybe we could trim one of the Carlin monologues. 1847 01:13:28,987 --> 01:13:29,988 Okay. 1848 01:13:37,371 --> 01:13:38,956 What about now? Are we under now? 1849 01:13:40,124 --> 01:13:41,562 We can make it work. 1850 01:13:46,880 --> 01:13:48,090 Hey, hey, Lorne, Lorne. 1851 01:13:48,257 --> 01:13:51,510 Look, I know it's probably a bad time and all, but, um... 1852 01:13:52,469 --> 01:13:53,470 but Valri and I have been talking... 1853 01:13:53,471 --> 01:13:54,554 Yeah. 1854 01:13:54,555 --> 01:13:56,640 And we can't accept anything less than four minutes a piece. 1855 01:13:56,641 --> 01:13:58,493 So, that's four minutes for me, four minutes for Valri. 1856 01:13:58,517 --> 01:13:59,726 Look, we've just been... 1857 01:14:00,144 --> 01:14:01,686 working too hard on our material 1858 01:14:01,687 --> 01:14:03,230 to accept anything less so it's... 1859 01:14:03,939 --> 01:14:05,065 four minutes or nothin'. 1860 01:14:05,315 --> 01:14:06,733 Well, I need two minutes. 1861 01:14:07,109 --> 01:14:08,485 You need me to cut two minutes of my sketch? 1862 01:14:08,486 --> 01:14:09,569 I could do that, Lorne. 1863 01:14:09,570 --> 01:14:11,256 I mean, that's six minutes only, you know. I can make that... 1864 01:14:11,280 --> 01:14:12,640 No, I need two minutes of material. 1865 01:14:13,323 --> 01:14:14,443 It's two minutes or nothing. 1866 01:14:14,825 --> 01:14:16,076 Is this for real? 'Cause... 1867 01:14:16,827 --> 01:14:18,578 Okay, I killed at dress, right? 1868 01:14:18,579 --> 01:14:19,997 I'm the only good act that killed at dress. 1869 01:14:19,998 --> 01:14:21,080 I can do the show, so... 1870 01:14:21,081 --> 01:14:22,517 Billy, can you make it work in two minutes? 1871 01:14:22,541 --> 01:14:24,894 - I can't even set it up in two. - Then I don't know what to say. 1872 01:14:24,918 --> 01:14:26,086 I'm sorry it didn't work out. 1873 01:14:26,545 --> 01:14:27,546 Can you make it in two? 1874 01:14:28,547 --> 01:14:29,882 - Yes. - Great. 1875 01:14:37,598 --> 01:14:39,016 Lorne, Lorne. 1876 01:14:39,933 --> 01:14:40,933 Uh... 1877 01:14:42,227 --> 01:14:43,228 I was thinking... 1878 01:14:43,937 --> 01:14:45,147 why don't we punt? 1879 01:14:47,149 --> 01:14:49,860 Come back stronger next week, debut with Paul Simon. 1880 01:14:50,277 --> 01:14:51,504 That's what you've been thinking? 1881 01:14:51,528 --> 01:14:54,072 Listen, no one wants this show to succeed more than I do. 1882 01:14:54,239 --> 01:14:55,240 Is that so? 1883 01:14:55,949 --> 01:14:57,993 I mean, yeah, I hired you, Lorne. 1884 01:14:58,493 --> 01:15:00,054 I take it up the ass from this network every day... 1885 01:15:00,078 --> 01:15:01,496 because I believe in this show. 1886 01:15:01,663 --> 01:15:03,808 And I'm telling you, we should run the dress rehearsal... 1887 01:15:03,832 --> 01:15:05,417 and claw back a win next Saturday. 1888 01:15:05,584 --> 01:15:06,960 It's in everyone's best interest. 1889 01:15:06,961 --> 01:15:08,211 Mainly yours. 1890 01:15:08,212 --> 01:15:09,588 Sorry. Was that a threat? 1891 01:15:09,755 --> 01:15:11,590 No. What? No. 1892 01:15:11,965 --> 01:15:14,218 Lorne, all I'm trying to do is give you advice. 1893 01:15:14,384 --> 01:15:15,552 25 minutes! 1894 01:15:16,887 --> 01:15:18,555 Thanks for the advice, but we can't, Dick. 1895 01:15:18,556 --> 01:15:19,639 It's a live show. 1896 01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:20,723 No one's gonna know the difference. 1897 01:15:20,724 --> 01:15:22,308 - We just can't. - Lorne, you need to start 1898 01:15:22,309 --> 01:15:24,311 adjusting your concept of what you can and cannot do. 1899 01:15:24,312 --> 01:15:25,896 We can't because there is no tape. 1900 01:15:26,063 --> 01:15:27,773 I didn't record the dress rehearsal. 1901 01:15:28,440 --> 01:15:30,150 So, we don't have to argue about it. 1902 01:15:31,526 --> 01:15:32,527 You didn't what? 1903 01:15:33,028 --> 01:15:34,172 We just have to make it to air. 1904 01:15:34,196 --> 01:15:36,031 Lorne, I'm not gonna be able to protect you. 1905 01:15:36,198 --> 01:15:38,659 - I'm used to that. - Oh, screw you. 1906 01:15:38,825 --> 01:15:41,203 Do you know how much bullshit never makes it to your ears? 1907 01:15:41,370 --> 01:15:42,704 Because I'm the wall they hit. 1908 01:15:42,871 --> 01:15:44,665 Tell that to your Polaroid rep. She's cute. 1909 01:15:44,831 --> 01:15:46,832 I'm sorry you need a sponsor for a show 1910 01:15:46,833 --> 01:15:48,835 that can't pull a single advertiser. 1911 01:15:49,002 --> 01:15:50,762 You know they're giving out the ads for free? 1912 01:15:50,921 --> 01:15:54,258 NBC is lucky to have something as relevant as this show. 1913 01:15:54,259 --> 01:15:55,467 Lorne, they don't even want it. 1914 01:15:55,468 --> 01:15:56,676 That's logical, Dick. That's why 1915 01:15:56,677 --> 01:15:57,957 they're paying us all to be here. 1916 01:16:01,682 --> 01:16:03,183 They want you to fail. 1917 01:16:03,600 --> 01:16:04,643 They're betting on it. 1918 01:16:04,644 --> 01:16:05,768 Really? 1919 01:16:05,769 --> 01:16:07,019 NBC makes more money 1920 01:16:07,020 --> 01:16:08,981 playing reruns of The Tonight Show. 1921 01:16:09,147 --> 01:16:11,316 - So, why don't they? - It's a contract dispute, Lorne. 1922 01:16:11,483 --> 01:16:13,235 I mean, they're trying to prove to Johnny Carson 1923 01:16:13,236 --> 01:16:14,820 that the reruns are inevitable. 1924 01:16:14,987 --> 01:16:18,031 So, they built a show that was guaranteed to fail. 1925 01:16:18,198 --> 01:16:20,242 I mean, Lorne, 90 minutes of live television 1926 01:16:20,243 --> 01:16:21,576 by a group of 20-year-olds... 1927 01:16:21,743 --> 01:16:22,911 who've never made anything. 1928 01:16:23,161 --> 01:16:25,539 Do you ever stop and wonder why they said yes? 1929 01:16:25,706 --> 01:16:28,625 A counterculture show starring total unknowns... 1930 01:16:28,792 --> 01:16:31,253 with zero narrative and even less structure? 1931 01:16:31,420 --> 01:16:33,547 Are you that fucking arrogant... 1932 01:16:34,006 --> 01:16:36,091 that you never even questioned this? 1933 01:16:39,011 --> 01:16:40,554 Now, look, you want to know what's gonna happen 1934 01:16:40,555 --> 01:16:42,431 at 11:30 tonight? Okay. 1935 01:16:43,015 --> 01:16:44,375 Your actors will be on their marks. 1936 01:16:44,474 --> 01:16:46,226 Band's tuned up, all ready to go. 1937 01:16:46,393 --> 01:16:47,996 Joe will be hollering out the countdown... 1938 01:16:48,020 --> 01:16:49,372 and you'll be in the control room... 1939 01:16:49,396 --> 01:16:51,716 and Dave Tebet will be standing probably right next to you. 1940 01:16:51,857 --> 01:16:53,317 And when those screens go black... 1941 01:16:53,483 --> 01:16:54,859 he will raise his big-ass, 1942 01:16:54,860 --> 01:16:56,486 jeweled-up index finger and say... 1943 01:16:56,653 --> 01:16:57,696 "Go to Carson." 1944 01:16:58,071 --> 01:16:59,406 And that will be that. 1945 01:17:00,782 --> 01:17:01,825 You blew it. 1946 01:17:06,288 --> 01:17:08,749 And listen, I know you all make fun of me... 1947 01:17:08,915 --> 01:17:10,292 and my clothes behind my back. 1948 01:17:11,168 --> 01:17:13,170 But, Lorne, I'm killing myself for this show. 1949 01:17:15,505 --> 01:17:17,007 Also, Polaroid is cool. 1950 01:17:37,527 --> 01:17:39,654 - Oh, shit! Lorne. - It worked! 1951 01:17:45,160 --> 01:17:46,453 Nice work, fellas. 1952 01:17:47,704 --> 01:17:49,384 A little heavy on the flow, but very funny. 1953 01:17:50,332 --> 01:17:51,333 Sorry about the clothes. 1954 01:17:51,500 --> 01:17:52,793 And your face. 1955 01:17:54,711 --> 01:17:59,132 Art is but a measure of sacrifice and tears. 1956 01:18:00,634 --> 01:18:01,675 Not quite ready for tonight, 1957 01:18:01,676 --> 01:18:03,512 but I'll keep it on a special list. 1958 01:18:05,305 --> 01:18:07,015 "Special list"? 1959 01:18:20,904 --> 01:18:21,905 Lobby. 1960 01:18:26,326 --> 01:18:27,994 This an okay time? 1961 01:18:29,037 --> 01:18:30,038 Ideal. 1962 01:18:30,372 --> 01:18:31,373 Look... 1963 01:18:33,125 --> 01:18:34,584 I know what people say... 1964 01:18:34,751 --> 01:18:37,629 when they see a man with his arm up a Muppet. 1965 01:18:38,839 --> 01:18:39,839 But... 1966 01:18:40,173 --> 01:18:42,509 this isn't just kid's stuff. 1967 01:18:43,343 --> 01:18:45,220 I believe, deep in my heart... 1968 01:18:45,387 --> 01:18:48,598 that there is room for high-stakes puppetry... 1969 01:18:48,765 --> 01:18:50,392 on grown-up TV. 1970 01:18:50,642 --> 01:18:53,645 And... I get the sense that... 1971 01:18:53,812 --> 01:18:55,981 some of the writers on the 17th floor 1972 01:18:55,982 --> 01:18:57,941 don't share that dream. 1973 01:19:00,277 --> 01:19:02,028 You didn't like the pages? 1974 01:19:05,198 --> 01:19:06,616 There were no pages. 1975 01:19:07,451 --> 01:19:09,870 That's fair criticism. 1976 01:19:12,080 --> 01:19:13,290 Free show! 1977 01:19:13,874 --> 01:19:15,000 Free show, sir? 1978 01:19:15,792 --> 01:19:16,793 Free show. 1979 01:19:18,628 --> 01:19:20,714 Plenty of tickets left, guys. Free show. 1980 01:19:21,131 --> 01:19:22,466 The night's still young. 1981 01:19:23,258 --> 01:19:24,342 Hey, man! How's it going? 1982 01:19:30,098 --> 01:19:32,142 Thank you. Long Island. 1983 01:19:32,601 --> 01:19:33,810 Massapequa Park. 1984 01:19:34,269 --> 01:19:35,270 Hello? 1985 01:20:05,967 --> 01:20:07,511 My family had trouble fittin' in 1986 01:20:07,512 --> 01:20:09,095 when they got to America. 1987 01:20:09,262 --> 01:20:10,721 Even though my great-grandfather 1988 01:20:10,722 --> 01:20:12,974 actually fought in the Civil War... 1989 01:20:13,308 --> 01:20:15,226 he fought for the West. 1990 01:20:15,227 --> 01:20:17,479 - Jesus Christ. - Okay. 1991 01:20:17,646 --> 01:20:19,564 This drunk, he's in front of the bench. 1992 01:20:19,731 --> 01:20:22,025 The judge says, "Hey, we brought you in for drinking." 1993 01:20:22,192 --> 01:20:24,236 And the drunk goes, "Great. What are we havin'?" 1994 01:20:25,946 --> 01:20:29,366 That's not the punch line. Jesus, fucking bullshit! 1995 01:20:29,533 --> 01:20:30,784 What's happening here? 1996 01:20:31,535 --> 01:20:34,955 I get paid seven bucks a joke, if it gets a laugh. Which... 1997 01:20:35,330 --> 01:20:36,998 This putz is taking bulletproof material 1998 01:20:36,999 --> 01:20:38,083 and filling it with lead. 1999 01:20:38,084 --> 01:20:39,291 You wrote his jokes? 2000 01:20:39,292 --> 01:20:41,419 Yeah. I wrote things that vaguely resemble 2001 01:20:41,420 --> 01:20:42,754 the things that he's saying. 2002 01:20:43,463 --> 01:20:45,715 Why don't you just perform them yourself? 2003 01:20:46,383 --> 01:20:48,426 Look at me. This is how much I sweat off-stage. 2004 01:20:48,802 --> 01:20:50,595 I get home from work the other night... 2005 01:20:50,971 --> 01:20:53,557 I see my wife in bed with my best friend. 2006 01:20:53,723 --> 01:20:56,560 I say to him, I go, "I have to, but you?" 2007 01:20:56,726 --> 01:20:58,486 - Oh, my God. - How many do you have in here? 2008 01:20:58,603 --> 01:21:01,106 About 1,100. They're single-spaced. 2009 01:21:01,523 --> 01:21:03,000 Sorry, do you mind if I go through them? 2010 01:21:03,024 --> 01:21:05,193 - Bring up the next comedian! - Yeah. Go for it. 2011 01:21:05,360 --> 01:21:06,560 I'm sure you'll hate him, too. 2012 01:21:10,323 --> 01:21:11,324 Move. 2013 01:21:15,036 --> 01:21:17,372 God. That was fuckin' rough. Shit crowd. 2014 01:21:17,539 --> 01:21:18,873 Yeah, that was it. 2015 01:21:20,542 --> 01:21:21,686 Hey, come on. What's with the quarters? 2016 01:21:21,710 --> 01:21:24,796 Well, I changed the punch line from 46 to 49... 2017 01:21:24,963 --> 01:21:26,798 for the line about the Buick. 2018 01:21:26,965 --> 01:21:28,165 Much bigger laugh, by the way. 2019 01:21:28,258 --> 01:21:30,510 So, that means I only owe you $3.50. 2020 01:21:30,677 --> 01:21:31,678 You want a job? 2021 01:21:31,845 --> 01:21:32,971 That would be great. 2022 01:21:33,138 --> 01:21:34,778 I want a length of rope and a sturdy beam. 2023 01:21:34,848 --> 01:21:36,766 How much do you need to live? 2024 01:21:36,933 --> 01:21:39,144 I make three bucks an hour at my day job. Match it. 2025 01:21:39,311 --> 01:21:41,021 Tell him what you really do. Tell him. 2026 01:21:41,187 --> 01:21:42,439 He's a deli boy. 2027 01:21:42,606 --> 01:21:45,233 Okay? He's a schmuck in a little paper hat... 2028 01:21:45,234 --> 01:21:47,861 who slices the pastrami behind the counter. 2029 01:21:47,862 --> 01:21:49,352 And he can barely do that. 2030 01:21:49,353 --> 01:21:50,844 Tell him what you did to your finger. 2031 01:21:50,947 --> 01:21:52,532 You're hired. Lorne Michaels. 2032 01:21:52,699 --> 01:21:55,493 - Alan. Zweibel. - Are you fucking kidding me? 2033 01:21:55,660 --> 01:21:57,179 You'd be better off buying the pastrami. 2034 01:21:57,203 --> 01:21:58,204 Let's go. 2035 01:21:58,371 --> 01:21:59,581 Wait, what? When do we start? 2036 01:21:59,582 --> 01:22:01,916 Um... Jesus Christ. 2037 01:22:03,418 --> 01:22:05,503 You can't... You better not leave. 2038 01:22:06,004 --> 01:22:07,547 This is not gonna be good for you. 2039 01:22:07,548 --> 01:22:09,633 I was gonna take you to Reno. 2040 01:22:17,641 --> 01:22:19,017 Look at that form. 2041 01:22:19,684 --> 01:22:20,894 Beautiful. 2042 01:22:32,030 --> 01:22:33,823 You ever have nostalgia for a moment 2043 01:22:33,824 --> 01:22:35,116 while you're still in it? 2044 01:22:37,494 --> 01:22:39,245 I mean, like... 2045 01:22:40,205 --> 01:22:42,248 You're in the moment, but you're also... 2046 01:22:42,707 --> 01:22:44,709 looking back on it. Like... 2047 01:22:45,794 --> 01:22:48,463 Right now, I'm here, but I'm also... 2048 01:22:48,963 --> 01:22:51,675 thinking about this moment 20 years from now. 2049 01:22:51,841 --> 01:22:53,426 We're walking by this ice rink. 2050 01:22:54,511 --> 01:22:55,762 Maybe it's Christmas... 2051 01:22:55,929 --> 01:22:58,973 and our kids are draggin' us by our pinkies... 2052 01:22:59,432 --> 01:23:02,769 and we got presents loaded on our shoulders... 2053 01:23:03,687 --> 01:23:05,605 and all we can think about is this moment, 2054 01:23:05,606 --> 01:23:07,691 right before we went on TV. 2055 01:23:15,031 --> 01:23:16,408 You know, the NBC liability act 2056 01:23:16,409 --> 01:23:17,951 forbids you from ice skating. 2057 01:23:19,285 --> 01:23:20,286 I found John. 2058 01:23:20,453 --> 01:23:21,597 Oh, excellent work, Gilda. 2059 01:23:21,621 --> 01:23:23,665 Good thing I didn't sign my contract. 2060 01:23:26,918 --> 01:23:28,128 What's the deal, John? 2061 01:23:30,046 --> 01:23:31,297 You on the show or not? 2062 01:23:36,219 --> 01:23:39,264 The one where I get to dress up like a giant, grotesque bee? 2063 01:23:40,140 --> 01:23:42,267 I don't know. Let me ask my childhood dreams. 2064 01:23:47,230 --> 01:23:49,023 I want to try a triple Axel. 2065 01:23:49,566 --> 01:23:51,192 Now we're talkin'. 2066 01:23:51,359 --> 01:23:52,819 How about a single Axel? 2067 01:23:53,236 --> 01:23:54,237 Nah. 2068 01:23:55,113 --> 01:23:57,407 I figure I can either pull off the triple... 2069 01:23:58,825 --> 01:23:59,909 or die trying. 2070 01:24:01,035 --> 01:24:02,245 Those are the options? 2071 01:24:11,129 --> 01:24:13,757 Okay, John. I... I... 2072 01:24:13,758 --> 01:24:15,300 I support it. 2073 01:24:22,682 --> 01:24:23,683 Oh, God. 2074 01:24:35,862 --> 01:24:37,697 - He's gonna break something. - Oh, God. 2075 01:24:40,992 --> 01:24:42,076 - Oh, fuck! - Shit. John! 2076 01:24:42,077 --> 01:24:43,161 John? 2077 01:24:43,578 --> 01:24:44,954 - John! - Fuck! 2078 01:24:45,121 --> 01:24:46,122 Are you okay? 2079 01:24:50,710 --> 01:24:52,253 You all right? I yield. 2080 01:24:53,588 --> 01:24:55,131 I accept your surrender. 2081 01:24:55,298 --> 01:24:57,675 Do you want me to help you up? 2082 01:24:57,842 --> 01:24:58,843 No. 2083 01:24:59,928 --> 01:25:01,763 I'm just gonna lie here for a minute. 2084 01:25:03,431 --> 01:25:05,350 Okay, sure. Yeah. 2085 01:25:06,142 --> 01:25:07,769 We have all the time in the world. 2086 01:25:13,024 --> 01:25:15,068 Who is that asshole, anyway? 2087 01:25:16,319 --> 01:25:17,695 It's Prometheus. 2088 01:25:18,780 --> 01:25:20,549 He stole fire from the cauldron of the gods... 2089 01:25:20,573 --> 01:25:23,535 gave it to man, so we could have science and the arts. 2090 01:25:27,455 --> 01:25:29,040 All right. I'm gonna head back up. 2091 01:25:30,250 --> 01:25:31,960 We have a show to put on... 2092 01:25:32,126 --> 01:25:34,087 and I'd like to be there when I get fired. 2093 01:25:35,880 --> 01:25:37,320 I'd hope to see you there, too, John. 2094 01:25:58,695 --> 01:25:59,737 - Hey! - Hey. 2095 01:25:59,904 --> 01:26:01,824 Heard you needed a quick change for the last act? 2096 01:26:01,906 --> 01:26:02,907 Thank you. 2097 01:26:10,582 --> 01:26:12,059 What should I say when I get up there? 2098 01:26:12,083 --> 01:26:13,683 - How should I know? - You're the writer. 2099 01:26:13,793 --> 01:26:15,273 - You're the talker. - I'm the talker? 2100 01:26:15,378 --> 01:26:17,422 Yeah, you talk the peel off a grape. 2101 01:26:18,506 --> 01:26:19,507 That was funny. 2102 01:26:27,515 --> 01:26:28,557 Rose, I won't be offended 2103 01:26:28,558 --> 01:26:30,184 if you don't want to use my last name. 2104 01:26:30,935 --> 01:26:32,979 It's not your last name, Lipowitz. 2105 01:26:37,233 --> 01:26:38,275 Whoa! 2106 01:26:38,276 --> 01:26:39,652 Check it out! Full house, right? 2107 01:26:39,819 --> 01:26:40,820 What did you tell them? 2108 01:26:40,987 --> 01:26:42,196 Well, I kind of had to lie a little bit, 2109 01:26:42,197 --> 01:26:43,397 but the vibes are really good. 2110 01:26:43,448 --> 01:26:45,032 Can we start to let them in? 2111 01:26:45,033 --> 01:26:46,618 - Uh... Almost. - All right. 2112 01:26:46,784 --> 01:26:48,369 Five minutes, guys. 10 minutes tops. 2113 01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:49,829 Let's keep these vibes going! 2114 01:26:56,169 --> 01:26:57,670 - Adequate? - Adequate. 2115 01:27:01,674 --> 01:27:04,074 - Can you imagine being first up? - Opening the show and all. 2116 01:27:04,218 --> 01:27:05,362 Millions of people trying to decide... 2117 01:27:05,386 --> 01:27:07,555 How they want to spend their Saturday night. 2118 01:27:07,722 --> 01:27:09,807 What's the first thing they see? No logo, no intro. 2119 01:27:09,808 --> 01:27:11,225 Nope. Just a close up of your pretty face. 2120 01:27:11,226 --> 01:27:12,476 - Nah. - Nah. Who gives a fuck, right? 2121 01:27:12,477 --> 01:27:13,728 Yeah. It's just a bunch of animals 2122 01:27:13,729 --> 01:27:14,812 watching their lava lamps. 2123 01:27:14,813 --> 01:27:15,896 You're gonna do great. 2124 01:27:15,897 --> 01:27:16,980 - Yeah. - Fuck off. 2125 01:27:16,981 --> 01:27:18,861 - We're pullin' for you. - Break a leg! 2126 01:27:21,152 --> 01:27:23,488 You the writer Lorne found in a bar? 2127 01:27:24,238 --> 01:27:25,698 That's a slightly romantic read of the story, 2128 01:27:25,699 --> 01:27:26,866 but, yeah, I guess so. 2129 01:27:27,033 --> 01:27:29,410 All right. Well, jump on in. Water's warm. 2130 01:27:29,577 --> 01:27:30,578 Okay. 2131 01:27:30,745 --> 01:27:32,288 Okay. Quiet, please! 2132 01:27:32,455 --> 01:27:35,291 Work stops now. We're holding for a sound check. 2133 01:27:35,458 --> 01:27:36,602 Who wants to do the sound check? 2134 01:27:36,626 --> 01:27:38,586 Garrett! Don't you know a song? 2135 01:27:39,712 --> 01:27:40,712 Hmm? 2136 01:27:44,759 --> 01:27:46,511 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2137 01:27:49,222 --> 01:27:54,227 ♪ I'm ♪ 2138 01:27:54,394 --> 01:27:56,646 ♪ Gonna ♪ 2139 01:27:57,230 --> 01:28:00,400 ♪ Get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2140 01:28:00,775 --> 01:28:04,487 ♪ I'm gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2141 01:28:04,654 --> 01:28:06,572 ♪ When I kill All the Whities I see ♪ 2142 01:28:06,739 --> 01:28:10,410 ♪ Then Whitey He won't bother me ♪ 2143 01:28:11,536 --> 01:28:14,914 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2144 01:28:15,081 --> 01:28:18,251 ♪ I'm gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2145 01:28:19,377 --> 01:28:22,880 ♪ I'm gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2146 01:28:22,881 --> 01:28:25,008 ♪ When I kill All the Whities I see ♪ 2147 01:28:25,174 --> 01:28:28,928 ♪ Whitey, he won't bother me ♪ 2148 01:28:29,095 --> 01:28:31,472 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I ♪ 2149 01:28:31,639 --> 01:28:33,575 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I ♪ 2150 01:28:33,599 --> 01:28:36,644 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2151 01:28:39,126 --> 01:28:40,815 Bravo! Garrett! 2152 01:28:41,274 --> 01:28:43,359 - That was fantastic. - Thank you. 2153 01:28:43,985 --> 01:28:44,986 Thank you. 2154 01:28:45,862 --> 01:28:46,862 That was perfect. 2155 01:28:46,863 --> 01:28:48,406 - You have an incredible voice. - You're still not 2156 01:28:48,407 --> 01:28:50,450 - gonna give me no lines. - It was beautiful. 2157 01:28:52,285 --> 01:28:55,163 Uh, gentlemen, how long have you been standing there? 2158 01:28:55,621 --> 01:28:56,748 Long enough. 2159 01:28:56,914 --> 01:28:58,394 Lorne, we need to let the audience in. 2160 01:28:58,499 --> 01:28:59,542 No, you don't. 2161 01:29:02,503 --> 01:29:05,006 Perhaps you kids aren't quite ready for prime time. 2162 01:29:05,173 --> 01:29:06,507 What are you talking about? 2163 01:29:06,841 --> 01:29:08,009 Look around, Lorne. 2164 01:29:08,801 --> 01:29:10,344 You haven't locked a script. 2165 01:29:10,928 --> 01:29:11,929 Your actors are missing. 2166 01:29:12,096 --> 01:29:13,431 Your crew is... 2167 01:29:13,806 --> 01:29:15,308 in open rebellion. 2168 01:29:19,729 --> 01:29:21,647 They'd be laughing at you in Burbank. 2169 01:29:23,107 --> 01:29:25,193 Burbank? Excuse me? This is New York fucking City. 2170 01:29:25,359 --> 01:29:26,360 Who's she? 2171 01:29:26,527 --> 01:29:27,727 - She... It's... - It's... I... 2172 01:29:27,820 --> 01:29:30,364 It's complicated. We have a hell of a show. 2173 01:29:30,531 --> 01:29:31,908 We have two bands. 2174 01:29:32,075 --> 01:29:34,118 We have seven of the brightest comedy minds alive. 2175 01:29:34,285 --> 01:29:35,703 You even know where they are? 2176 01:29:35,870 --> 01:29:37,288 Most of them. Yes. 2177 01:29:37,914 --> 01:29:40,541 Maybe we'll just try again next Saturday. 2178 01:29:40,708 --> 01:29:42,388 No. No, no, no. Don't do that. Come on. No. 2179 01:29:42,418 --> 01:29:44,670 Everybody in this room has been killing themselves... 2180 01:29:44,837 --> 01:29:46,315 - to make something special. - I know. 2181 01:29:46,339 --> 01:29:47,816 To make something innovative and actually good... 2182 01:29:47,840 --> 01:29:49,133 - for a change. - "For a change"? 2183 01:29:49,300 --> 01:29:50,819 Don't tell me that you've been doing this so long... 2184 01:29:50,843 --> 01:29:53,721 that you can't even recognize the potential for greatness... 2185 01:29:53,888 --> 01:29:55,640 when it's right in front of your face. 2186 01:29:57,225 --> 01:30:00,019 Do you even know what this show is? Tell me. 2187 01:30:10,071 --> 01:30:11,572 It's an all-nighter in the city. 2188 01:30:13,157 --> 01:30:16,077 It's catching Richard Pryor at a drop-in... 2189 01:30:16,244 --> 01:30:19,622 or finding Paul Simon strumming in the back of a dive bar. 2190 01:30:19,789 --> 01:30:21,999 It's meeting a girl outside of a bodega... 2191 01:30:22,166 --> 01:30:24,127 and getting lucky in a phone booth. 2192 01:30:25,211 --> 01:30:26,899 It's everything you think is going to happen 2193 01:30:26,900 --> 01:30:28,589 when you move to the city. That's our show. 2194 01:30:29,048 --> 01:30:30,383 That's Saturday Night. 2195 01:30:30,550 --> 01:30:31,551 Show me. 2196 01:30:32,009 --> 01:30:33,010 Show you what? 2197 01:30:33,177 --> 01:30:34,594 Show me Saturday Night. 2198 01:30:34,595 --> 01:30:35,763 We go live in less than 10 minutes. 2199 01:30:35,764 --> 01:30:37,035 10 minutes! 2200 01:30:37,036 --> 01:30:38,307 No, you don't! 2201 01:30:40,810 --> 01:30:41,936 Show me. 2202 01:30:54,157 --> 01:30:58,119 ♪ Mr. Trouble Never hangs around ♪ 2203 01:30:58,286 --> 01:31:02,498 ♪ When he hears This Mighty sound ♪ 2204 01:31:02,665 --> 01:31:05,710 ♪ Here I come to save the day ♪ 2205 01:31:05,877 --> 01:31:09,714 ♪ That means that Mighty Mouse Is on the way ♪ 2206 01:31:10,131 --> 01:31:13,676 ♪ So, though we are In danger, we never despair ♪ 2207 01:31:13,843 --> 01:31:15,563 ♪ 'Cause we know That where there's danger ♪ 2208 01:31:15,720 --> 01:31:17,555 - ♪ He is there ♪ - ♪ He is there ♪ 2209 01:31:17,722 --> 01:31:18,723 ♪ On the land ♪ 2210 01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:21,976 ♪ On the sea, in the air ♪ 2211 01:31:22,143 --> 01:31:25,813 ♪ We're not worrying at all ♪ 2212 01:31:25,980 --> 01:31:29,525 ♪ We're just listening For his call ♪ 2213 01:31:29,942 --> 01:31:33,237 ♪ Here I come to save the day ♪ 2214 01:31:33,696 --> 01:31:36,782 ♪ That means that Mighty Mouse Is on the way ♪ 2215 01:31:43,414 --> 01:31:45,875 Andy, you're a genius. Now save your voice. 2216 01:31:48,211 --> 01:31:49,420 Pull up Weekend Update. 2217 01:31:49,587 --> 01:31:52,006 We're movin' to Weekend Update, let's go! 2218 01:31:52,506 --> 01:31:53,841 - Hey. - You take it. 2219 01:31:54,467 --> 01:31:56,069 - What do you mean? - The show needs a face. 2220 01:31:56,093 --> 01:31:57,094 Are you sure? 2221 01:31:57,470 --> 01:31:59,472 You were born for this. Trust me. 2222 01:32:00,264 --> 01:32:01,909 Should I make up a name for the news anchor? 2223 01:32:01,933 --> 01:32:03,976 Use Chevy Chase. No one will believe it. 2224 01:32:06,812 --> 01:32:08,898 Hey, remember this. When you... 2225 01:32:09,065 --> 01:32:10,441 look into the lens... 2226 01:32:10,608 --> 01:32:12,693 you're making eye contact with America. 2227 01:32:13,986 --> 01:32:15,446 And now... 2228 01:32:15,613 --> 01:32:18,366 Weekend Update with Chevy Chase! 2229 01:32:26,082 --> 01:32:27,083 Hey, doll. 2230 01:32:27,583 --> 01:32:28,813 What are you wearing? 2231 01:32:30,044 --> 01:32:31,671 Is that why I hear purring? 2232 01:32:33,005 --> 01:32:34,382 What do you got for me? 2233 01:32:34,548 --> 01:32:35,549 It's my favorite. 2234 01:32:37,969 --> 01:32:38,970 Okay, great. 2235 01:32:41,055 --> 01:32:42,056 Good... 2236 01:32:42,223 --> 01:32:43,933 Good evening. I'm Chevy Chase. 2237 01:32:44,267 --> 01:32:45,494 The Post Office announced today... 2238 01:32:45,518 --> 01:32:48,062 that it's going to issue a stamp commemorating prostitution... 2239 01:32:48,229 --> 01:32:49,438 in the United States. 2240 01:32:49,605 --> 01:32:50,606 It's a 10-cent stamp... 2241 01:32:50,898 --> 01:32:52,817 but if you want to lick it, it's a quarter. 2242 01:32:57,738 --> 01:32:59,699 All right, everyone. Eight minutes till showtime! 2243 01:33:01,784 --> 01:33:02,785 Open the doors! 2244 01:33:02,952 --> 01:33:03,953 Oh, thank God. 2245 01:33:04,954 --> 01:33:07,206 Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Preston. 2246 01:33:09,709 --> 01:33:12,044 Right this way, folks. You're in for a real treat. 2247 01:33:12,753 --> 01:33:13,754 Yeah! 2248 01:33:17,383 --> 01:33:19,677 ♪ Nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin' ♪ 2249 01:33:21,053 --> 01:33:22,430 ♪ You gotta have somethin' ♪ 2250 01:33:22,722 --> 01:33:23,973 Lorne, remember Carl? 2251 01:33:24,140 --> 01:33:26,600 Carl? Ooh, Carl! Have you ever used one of these before? 2252 01:33:26,767 --> 01:33:27,852 Not-a once. 2253 01:33:28,019 --> 01:33:29,395 You'll pick it up in no time. 2254 01:33:30,229 --> 01:33:31,689 ♪ You gotta have somethin' ♪ 2255 01:33:32,064 --> 01:33:33,316 ♪ If you wanna be with me ♪ 2256 01:33:40,781 --> 01:33:42,450 Come on, guys. Grab a brick! 2257 01:33:42,825 --> 01:33:44,910 ♪ I'm not tryin' To be your hero ♪ 2258 01:33:46,245 --> 01:33:49,790 ♪ 'Cause that zero Is too cold for me, ha ♪ 2259 01:33:52,084 --> 01:33:53,836 ♪ I'm not tryin' To be your highness ♪ 2260 01:33:54,086 --> 01:33:55,296 Heard you needed pages. 2261 01:33:56,047 --> 01:33:57,256 Oh, thanks, Mike. 2262 01:34:02,887 --> 01:34:03,888 Oh, no. 2263 01:34:08,559 --> 01:34:10,728 Dick, question. What is a "golden shower"? 2264 01:34:11,437 --> 01:34:14,190 - Oh. Uh... It's a yoga ritual... - Mmm... 2265 01:34:14,357 --> 01:34:15,477 in which practitioners... 2266 01:34:15,608 --> 01:34:19,320 greet the new day by allowing the golden rays of sun to... 2267 01:34:19,321 --> 01:34:20,737 - Shower. - Over their skin 2268 01:34:20,738 --> 01:34:22,072 - and warm their chakras. - Mmm. 2269 01:34:22,073 --> 01:34:23,657 - It's a California thing. - Mmm. 2270 01:34:23,658 --> 01:34:25,242 I've had at least 50 golden showers. 2271 01:34:25,701 --> 01:34:26,743 You heard him, Joan. 2272 01:34:26,744 --> 01:34:28,344 Sign the damn script. We're going to air. 2273 01:34:33,626 --> 01:34:35,795 ♪ Nothin' from nothin' Leaves nothin' ♪ 2274 01:34:37,463 --> 01:34:40,341 ♪ You gotta have somethin' If you wanna be with me ♪ 2275 01:34:42,885 --> 01:34:45,596 ♪ Don't you remember I told ya ♪ 2276 01:34:46,305 --> 01:34:48,432 ♪ That I'm a soldier On the war on poverty ♪ 2277 01:34:49,100 --> 01:34:51,477 Smith and Wesson K-Frame Model 19 Combat Magnum. 2278 01:34:51,644 --> 01:34:53,646 - Wallie, you son of a bitch! - Hey, you asked. 2279 01:34:53,813 --> 01:34:55,773 Wallie, my man. You got something for me? 2280 01:34:56,690 --> 01:34:57,775 Yes, you do. 2281 01:34:58,275 --> 01:35:00,277 George, I wanted to apologize for how you were treated... 2282 01:35:00,278 --> 01:35:01,362 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 2283 01:35:02,154 --> 01:35:03,239 Are you having a stroke? 2284 01:35:03,240 --> 01:35:04,698 You need more coke? 2285 01:35:06,200 --> 01:35:07,201 Danny! 2286 01:35:15,918 --> 01:35:17,753 Hurry up. Come on, faster. 2287 01:35:18,546 --> 01:35:19,547 Watch your fingers. 2288 01:35:27,680 --> 01:35:29,140 Oh, boy. Lockjaw! 2289 01:35:29,682 --> 01:35:30,807 It's too much cocaine, 2290 01:35:30,808 --> 01:35:32,100 it's seizing up the old mandibulars. 2291 01:35:32,101 --> 01:35:33,936 Let's get some finger love in there, huh? 2292 01:35:34,103 --> 01:35:35,943 Yep. Just a little bit of this, you'll be fine. 2293 01:35:36,105 --> 01:35:37,273 - Okay, great. - There we go. 2294 01:35:39,233 --> 01:35:40,317 Hey! 2295 01:35:47,450 --> 01:35:48,659 Here we go! 2296 01:35:49,410 --> 01:35:50,578 ♪ Nothin' from nothin' ♪ 2297 01:35:52,621 --> 01:35:54,707 ♪ Nothin' from nothin Hey, now ♪ 2298 01:35:56,709 --> 01:35:57,876 ♪ Yeah ♪ 2299 01:35:57,877 --> 01:35:59,586 ♪ Ah, yeah, yeah ♪ 2300 01:35:59,587 --> 01:36:00,879 Can you get in that wig in 30 seconds? 2301 01:36:00,880 --> 01:36:02,548 - You got it, boss. - Has Henson got his pages? 2302 01:36:02,549 --> 01:36:03,631 He loves them. 2303 01:36:03,632 --> 01:36:05,091 - And will that crane get there? - It'll happen. 2304 01:36:05,092 --> 01:36:07,252 - Did you trim the fat on that? - Already on cue cards. 2305 01:36:07,595 --> 01:36:09,635 Laraine, I don't think you can make the change in... 2306 01:36:12,808 --> 01:36:14,018 Whoa. 2307 01:36:14,019 --> 01:36:15,227 I stand corrected. 2308 01:36:15,436 --> 01:36:16,645 Is that our show? 2309 01:36:17,188 --> 01:36:19,190 - That's our show. - Three minutes! 2310 01:36:19,565 --> 01:36:20,566 Yeah. 2311 01:36:23,777 --> 01:36:24,778 Last one. 2312 01:36:24,945 --> 01:36:27,823 - Last one. Get it in. Finally! - Yes! Come on! 2313 01:36:32,286 --> 01:36:35,748 Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Preston! 2314 01:37:01,315 --> 01:37:03,546 Photo! Photo! I want a photo! Come on, family photo! 2315 01:37:03,547 --> 01:37:05,778 No, no, no. We're at two minutes. There's no time! 2316 01:37:05,779 --> 01:37:07,363 No, come on. It'll never be the same 2317 01:37:07,364 --> 01:37:08,947 - after this. Come on. - Fuck! 2318 01:37:08,948 --> 01:37:11,450 I'm not leaving until I get my photo. Come on. 2319 01:37:11,617 --> 01:37:13,327 I guess everybody go ahead then. 2320 01:37:14,537 --> 01:37:15,913 Do we have a camera? 2321 01:37:17,831 --> 01:37:18,975 - I have a camera. - Just quickly. 2322 01:37:18,999 --> 01:37:20,376 Great. Yes! Come here. 2323 01:37:28,926 --> 01:37:31,136 All right. 60 seconds. Come on, everyone. 2324 01:37:31,303 --> 01:37:33,222 - Let's go, please. - After you, after you. 2325 01:37:33,223 --> 01:37:34,542 One minute. Let's go to work. 2326 01:37:40,271 --> 01:37:41,791 What are we using him for again? 2327 01:37:41,939 --> 01:37:43,859 - I don't really remember. - Sorry. 2328 01:37:44,692 --> 01:37:45,693 Thanks. 2329 01:37:45,859 --> 01:37:48,237 - Mmm, mmm, mmm. - Rocky, wake up. 2330 01:37:48,487 --> 01:37:49,655 Hey, hey, name. 2331 01:37:51,657 --> 01:37:53,617 Rosie, we need your last name for the credits. 2332 01:37:54,618 --> 01:37:55,869 - Shuster. - Shuster. 2333 01:38:01,333 --> 01:38:03,043 30 seconds! 2334 01:38:03,210 --> 01:38:05,087 Hey, can we get a mic check, please? 2335 01:38:06,672 --> 01:38:08,424 One, two... 2336 01:38:09,300 --> 01:38:10,301 three. 2337 01:38:10,467 --> 01:38:11,885 Somebody's got the yips. 2338 01:38:12,052 --> 01:38:13,738 - 20 seconds. - Is Carlin in costume? 2339 01:38:13,762 --> 01:38:15,514 Yep, they settled on a T-shirt and jacket. 2340 01:38:15,681 --> 01:38:17,474 Mr. Carlin, may we get a mic check? 2341 01:38:17,641 --> 01:38:18,721 One, two, fuck you. 2342 01:38:18,851 --> 01:38:19,852 Subtle. 2343 01:38:20,019 --> 01:38:21,339 Carson's still cued for dead roll? 2344 01:38:21,395 --> 01:38:22,755 Are we going live or going to tape? 2345 01:38:27,526 --> 01:38:29,320 Pre-roll on VTR-14. 2346 01:38:30,654 --> 01:38:31,655 10 seconds. 2347 01:38:33,741 --> 01:38:34,908 Ready camera two. 2348 01:38:35,367 --> 01:38:36,452 Ready on the fade. 2349 01:38:36,785 --> 01:38:37,953 {\an8}Five, four... 2350 01:38:38,120 --> 01:38:39,705 Are we going live or going to tape? 2351 01:38:39,706 --> 01:38:41,123 Three, two... 2352 01:38:42,708 --> 01:38:43,709 Go live. 2353 01:38:43,876 --> 01:38:45,437 - Okay, go live. - Go live. Live, live. Go live. 2354 01:38:45,461 --> 01:38:48,047 Fade up. And we are live. 2355 01:38:53,510 --> 01:38:55,095 Ready camera one. Take camera one. 2356 01:38:55,262 --> 01:38:56,263 Cue Belushi. 2357 01:38:59,308 --> 01:39:00,351 Cue John. 2358 01:39:00,517 --> 01:39:02,245 - Where's John? - Where the hell is he? 2359 01:39:02,269 --> 01:39:03,520 Cue John. 2360 01:39:38,681 --> 01:39:39,682 Good evening. 2361 01:39:39,848 --> 01:39:40,849 Good evening. 2362 01:39:41,392 --> 01:39:42,726 Hey, get closer. 2363 01:39:45,229 --> 01:39:47,231 Good evening. 2364 01:39:48,607 --> 01:39:50,901 Good evening. 2365 01:39:52,695 --> 01:39:54,592 Good evening. 2366 01:39:56,490 --> 01:39:57,616 Let us begin. 2367 01:39:58,200 --> 01:40:00,244 Repeat after me. 2368 01:40:02,413 --> 01:40:04,415 - "I would like..." - I would like... 2369 01:40:05,416 --> 01:40:06,792 "to feed your fingertips..." 2370 01:40:06,959 --> 01:40:09,044 To feed your fingertips... 2371 01:40:10,379 --> 01:40:11,422 "to the wolverines." 2372 01:40:11,588 --> 01:40:13,048 To the wolverines. 2373 01:40:14,508 --> 01:40:17,636 - Next, "I am afraid..." - I am afraid... 2374 01:40:18,178 --> 01:40:19,179 "we are out..." 2375 01:40:19,346 --> 01:40:20,347 We are out... 2376 01:40:20,931 --> 01:40:22,808 - "...of badgers." - of badgers. 2377 01:40:24,393 --> 01:40:25,553 "Would you accept..." 2378 01:40:26,103 --> 01:40:27,354 Would you accept... 2379 01:40:27,521 --> 01:40:29,441 - "...a wolverine..." - a wolverine... 2380 01:40:30,524 --> 01:40:32,526 - "...in its place?" - in its place? 2381 01:40:34,903 --> 01:40:37,030 Next. "'Hey!' Ned exclaimed." 2382 01:40:37,531 --> 01:40:38,907 "Hey!" Ned exclaimed. 2383 01:40:42,202 --> 01:40:43,245 "Let's boil..." 2384 01:40:43,412 --> 01:40:44,872 Let's boil... 2385 01:40:45,038 --> 01:40:47,499 - "...the wolverines." - the wolverines. 2386 01:40:48,959 --> 01:40:50,502 Next... 2387 01:41:20,574 --> 01:41:23,327 Live from New York. It's Saturday Night! 2388 01:48:56,279 --> 01:48:57,613 {\an8}Ah! 2389 01:48:57,614 --> 01:48:59,050 {\an8}All right, we're going to do it again. 2390 01:48:59,074 --> 01:49:01,576 {\an8}Now we got it. Now we got it. Go back. Go back. 175550