All language subtitles for My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2002_track3_[und]

(Greek music playing)

(rain pattering)

(thunder rumbles)

(yawning)

You-- you better
get married soon.

You-- you’re starting
to look... old.

Narrator:
My dad’s been saying that
to me since I was 15.

’Cause nice Greek girls

are supposed to do
three things in life:

marry Greek boys,
make Greek babies,

and feed everyone.

Until the day
we die.

(engine stops)

Narrator:
When I was growing up,
I knew I was different.

The other girls
were blonde and delicate,

and I was a swarthy
six-year-old with sideburns.

I so badly wanted to
be like the popular girls,

all sitting together,
talking,

eating their
Wonderbread sandwiches.

What’s that?

It’s moussaka.

"Moose caca"?

(laughing)

Narrator:
And while the pretty girls
got to go to Brownies,

I had to go
to Greek school.

O nikos ehee,

ena katsiki.

(children repeating)

Narrator: At Greek school,
I learned valuable lessons,

like, "If Nick has one goat
and Maria has nine,

how soon
will they marry?"

O nikos ehee
ena katsiki.

Narrator: My mom was
always cooking foods

filled with
warmth and wisdom.

And never forgetting
that side dish

of steaming hot guilt.

Nicko...

You don’t play
with the food!

When I was your age,
we didn’t have food.

Ma?

What?

Why do I have to go
to Greek school?

When you get married,

don’t you want
to be able

to write your mother-in-law
a letter?

Nicko,
c’mon, eat!

Narrator: We lived in
a normal, middle-class
Chicago neighborhood

of tasteful,
modest homes.

Our house, however,

was modeled after
the Parthenon,

complete with
Corinthian columns

and guarded
by statues of the gods.

In case the neighbors had
any doubts about our heritage,

they could just
check out

our subtle tribute
to the Greek flag.

♪ ♪

My dad believed
in only two things,

that Greeks should educate
non-Greeks about being Greek,

and that any ailment,
from psoriasis to poison ivy,

could be cured
with Windex.

Six years later,
I was 12,

Athena, my older
perfect sister, was 15.

And my brother Nick
was 11.

Every morning
my dad would lecture us

on "the history of our people,
the great civilization,"

the Greeks.

Okay, now,

name three things
the Greeks did first.

Astronomy, philosophy,
and democracy.

Bravo,
very good.

Now, give me a word,

any word,

and I’ll show you

how the root of
that word is Greek.

(moans)

Gus: Okay?

How about
"arachnophobia"?

"Arachna,"

that comes from
the Greek word for spider,

and "phobia" is "phovia,"
is mean fear,

so, fear of spider,
there you go.

(sighs)

Girl:
Okay, Mr. Portokalos.

How about
the word "kimono"?

Uh-huh, "kimono"?

(whispers)
Good one.

"Kimono,"
"kimono," "kimono."

Ha, of course,
"kimono,"

is come from
the Greek word "himona,"

is mean winter,

so, what do you wear in
the wintertime to stay warm?

A robe.

You see, robe,

"kimono,"
there you go.

(chuckles)

♪ ♪

Bye-bye.

Goodbye,
Mr. Portokalos.

(school bell ringing)

Toula!

You should be
proud to be Greek.

♪ ♪

(Toula narrates)
A couple of more years
went by

and my dad brought his mother
over from Greece

to live with us,

because we weren’t
weird enough.

(speaking Greek)

(chuckles)

(laughing)

Gus: Ah!

Maria: Oh!

Ah, Gusta!

Get her!
Where is she?

Go!

Ma, no, please, the Greeks
and the Turks friends now!

Toula:
We told my grandma
the war was over,

but she still slept with
a knife under her pillow.

Mama! Mama!

Mama! Oh!

(people shouting)

Stop hitting me!

Nicko, be careful.

She has
a very mean punch.

(shouting)

Maria:
Come back!

(kids laughing)

Maria:
Please, come back!

Toula:
Nice Greek girls
who don’t find a husband,

work in
the family restaurant.

So, here I am.

Day after day,
year after year.

30, and way past
my expiration date.

My god.

Woman:
Oh! It’s freezing!

Toula, you closed
last night,

you’re opening
this morning?

I have no life.

Ah, Toula, you talk
to me sometime, eh?

Ma, you’re gonna make me
swallow my tongue.

Ah.

Woman:
Toula!

Is Nikki here?

Uh-uh.

Hmm.

What’s up, Thea?

No, my Nikki.

She was supposed to come over
to curl my hairs.

Nick, did you check the meat
before you signed for it?

Yeah, I checked it.

It better be fresh.

Toula:
My brother has two jobs,

to cook,
and to marry
a Greek virgin.

Voula, have something to eat
before you go to work.

No.

Toula:
If nagging
was an Olympic sport,

my Aunt Voula would
have a gold medal.

Taki!

You couldn’t
wait for me?

Sorry, sorry.

(sighs)

Sorry, sorry,
don’t sorry me.

Ugh, look at this.

A rash, somebody
gave me the mati.

Put some
Windex on it.

Oh, Gus,
please, please!

Voula, this works!

Last night, my toe
was as big as my face.

No!

(scoffs)

So why you not
wait for me?

Because...
he wants to talk.

Anyway, I tell her,

I will send her to Greece
to find somebody.

She-- she not too old.

She’s okay.

In Greece...

don’t tell anyone
how old she is.

Ah!

She won’t go!

She won’t go?

She won’t go?

It’s like... she don’t
want to get married.

(speaks Greek)

C’mon, boys, c’mon in,
go see Uncle Nick.
Go on in.

Toula:
My sister married young

and became a Greek baby
breeding machine.

(boys chattering)

Argh!

(boys scream)

Man:
Hey, you guys,
c’mon, get out!

Just a quick coffee.

I have to drop
the boys off at hockey,

and then I gotta
get to The Jewel.

Pantyhose are
on for 99 cents.

Oh, and then the priest is
coming to bless the new house,

so I have
to make diples.

Can you believe it,
I’m out of honey.

Put that back
for me.

I’ve had it, Angelo.

Get off my back, Nikki.

Angelo!

Nikki!
Shut up, Nikki!

Toula:
My cousins have two volumes,

loud and louder.

Nikki:
...your big-ass girlfriend.
Thanks, Toula.

Toula: Sure.

Angelo: Hey, Toula,
we’re not that late!

Oh, Angelo,
Angelo!

Nikki:
Hi, everybody.

Mwah! Mwah.

Nikki, how come you no come
to curl my hairs this morning?

Ma, I had to drop
Dimos at work,

and now I gotta go
open the travel agency,

because, you know,
some jag-off,

and his big-ass girlfriend
are too busy.

Ma, tell her I open up
the dry-cleaners every day,

and I think it’s about time
she did something for a change.

Excuse me?

Do you know who’s at
the dry-cleaner this morning?

You’re always at
the beauty parlor.

My husband’s at the dry-cleaner.

...your nails and hair
and everything.

Don’t you talk about my hair.
You are so lazy.

You and your
big-ass girlfriend do nothing!

(mocks)

Did somebody
sit on your hair?

I mean, it looks
a little flat there.

Angelo, bite me!

Disgusting.
Be a lady!

Ow.

Ma!

Oh, Angelo, oh!

Okay, c’mon, boys!
Let’s go!

Athena,
when did you come?

Hi, Ma,
bye, Ma.

What, you’re going?

I’m going
to The Jewel.

Listen, I’ll get you
some pantyhose.

No queen size,
they make me look fat.

Nicko:
Outside with you.
No more fun and games.

Boy:
Kosto did it.

Kosto:
I didn’t do it.

No. (laughs)

Who put
the menus there?

(boys shouting)

(sighs)

Toula, what’s this?

Toula,
what is this?

I don’t know.

Boys:
Mama, mama!

Go on.

C’mon.

Now, don’t forget,
I need the diples and--

And the pastitsio
for the papa!

You told me, Athena,
go, my god!

Okay, okay!

(boys all speaking)

Alright, alright,
we’re gonna go.

Bye!

I wanna drive.

You drive,
you drive me crazy.
Let’s go, c’mon!

Watch your step.
Just watch--

don’t run, don’t run!

Get in the car!

(door shuts)

(bell jingles)

To me,
she look okay.

Okay?
What, okay?
No, okay!

She’s not okay.

Look, Athena’s married,
with three children.

And I’ll
get married, Pops.

I promise.

(chuckles)

You have
plenty of time...

Nicko.

Man:
And you’ll always
have Toula

to run
the restaurant.

Oh, it’s true,
Toula will never leave you.

(mutters)

(people chattering)

♪ ♪

(sniffles)

Toula:
I wish I had
a different life.

I wish I was braver
and prettier,

or just happy.

But it’s useless
to dream,

because nothing
ever changes.

♪ ♪

Hey, what’s goin’ on?

Hey, man.
How are you?

Good, you?

Oh, good, mm-mm.

Cool place.

Yeah,
it’s adorable.

(people chattering)

You missed a hell of a party
the other night.

(man scoffs)

Man 2:
Look, look at that.

That could’ve been you
with that arm around her.

You set me up
with her already.

Nancy?

Henson’s picnic.

No, that-- no,
that was, uh, Pamela.

This is Nancy.

They look the same.

Well, maybe.

So, you want me
to set you up?

They’re all
the same, Mike.

Hi.

Hi.

(chuckles)
How are you?

My brain...

stopped,
you know?

You ever have
one of those days,

when you say, "rrr," going along
and then, "rrr," stop.

Yeah, here I am,
just standing here,

your own private
Greek statue.

Ha, ha!

Could I get some
more coffee?

Please?

Sure.

Thank you.

Alright.

Here, give me
some of this.

Ah...
(inhales sharply, claps)

Alright, let’s go.

What do you mean?
I just got here.

I know,
I got a class, though.

Hey, I love the spice
on these potatoes.

What is that?

Like I care,
c’mon, let’s go.

I’m giving a pop quiz,

and I can’t wait
to hear the groans.

Man:
Man, you’re tough.

I’m giving a test on Hamlet,
but I gave fair warning.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Keep the change.

♪ ♪

(door opens)

(door closes)

Nicko:
You like this, Pops?

For the new menu?

Where’d you get that?

(door closes)

I-- I drew it, Dad.

Hmm!

(door opens)

Dad?

(door closes)

Dad?

(muttering)

Dad, I’ve been going through
our inventory and, um...

I’ve noticed that
we’ve been doing

a lot of
unnecessary ordering.

Um, so I’ve
been thinking

that maybe we should
update our system.

Like, we could
get a computer.

Uh, I don’t know
if you remember,

but I got all "A’s"
in computers,

but there’s a lot of
new stuff to learn now,

so, um,
if you want,

I could go to college
and take a few courses.

Why?
(crying)

Why you want
to leave me?

I’m not leaving you.

Don’t you want me
do something with my life?

Ah, yes!

Get married,
make babies!

You look so old!

Ah!

(door opens, closes)

(sighs)

Toula?

Toula?

C’mon, Toula.

(crying)

I know
what you want.

You have, how you say,
have a spirit, huh?

You want to see things,
you want to learn.

I know, you’re from
my side, huh?

C’mon, don’t you worry,
I’m gonna talk to him.

Ma, Dad is
so stubborn.

What he says, goes.

(mimics Gus)
"Ah, the man is
the head of the house."

Let me tell you
something, Toula.

The man
is the head,

but the woman
is the neck,

and she can turn the head
any way she wants, hmm?

Ah, my baby.

(sniffles)

Don’t cry,
don’t cry, c’mon.

And what is wrong with Toula
going to school downtown?

There’s drugs downtown.

Maria:
What are
you saying?

Are you saying that Toula
will get involve with drugs?

No, but somebody
will say to her,

"Ah, take this bag down
to the bus depot,"

and she’ll do it!

She is not stupid,
she’s smart!

I know she’s smart.

So what for she needs
more school?

She’s smart enough
for a girl.

Oh!

You think you’re
smarter than me, huh?

No, I mean, you know,
you know, uh--

What?

What do you mean?

I run the restaurant,
I cook, I clean,

I wash for you,
and I raise three kids,

and I teach
Sunday school!

You know?

It’s lucky for me
I have you to tie my shoes!

Maria, Mar--

♪ ♪

Excuse me,
is this seat taken?

Oh, sure.

Hi.

♪ ♪

Will you relax?
Voula’s right.

(chattering)

That’s what I want
to talk to you about.

I’m not-- what are
you talking about?

What, my butt,
my butt?

I don’t like my butt,
Taki likes it.

Listen, I’m not going to pretend
that the travel business

is something that I’ve
always wanted to do, Ma.

Like, I’m not going
to pretend that,

but what I’m saying
is that it’s different.

Now, you know I’ve been learning
about computers, right?

Well, there’s this course,
it’s a seminar.

It’s all about
computers and tourism,

and they’re all the latest
applications and programs.

And I can apply it
here, Thea.

And your business
would double,

like, it would triple
and you could be with Theo more,

and you can
take a vacation,

like, I can
book it for you.

But Thea,
would you hire me?

Of course.

Oh, my god!

Ah.

Oh, my god,
okay, okay!

What did you think?

I’m sorry.

Oh, my god, Ma,
oh, my god!

We must let Gusta think
this was his idea.

Alright, I know.

That he came up
with it.

Ma, he’s gonna
figure it out.

Don’t you worry.

Okay, I know
what to do.

You don’t know what to do.
You talk, talk, talk,
all the time.

Do you want my help?

Yes, I want
your help.

Tell me what to say,
but don’t tell me what to say.

Perfect.
That’s good.

So, Voula,
how is business?

Oh, woe to me.

Business is bad.

I don’t know what’s the matter,
what’s happening?

You need money?

No, no, no.

What she means is that
with the two businesses,

she suffers.

She suffers?

She suffers.

She has to be at
the travel agency alone all day,

because everybody else
needs to be working

at the big
dry-cleaning store.

That’s right, I make Taki
go to the dry-cleaner store

and now I have
no time with him.

So, send Angelo or Nikki
to the travel agency

and you’ll be with Taki
at the dry cleaner.

That would be good.

That would be
no good!

No good?

No good,
no good.

Because, neither Angelo or Nikki
know how to use the computer.

And that’s why
that no work.

No work,
computer?

Hmm.

Ah, I have your answer!

(laughs)

Yeah?

Toula, will go
to the travel agency.

And you send Nikki here
to work for us.

Oh, I can’t
believe this.

Wonderful.

Oh, wonderful.

Wonderful!

You see, a man.

Yes.

You’re so smart.

Gus, Gus,
oh, Gus, bravo!

♪ ♪

Hello, Mrs. Christakos,
thanks for holding.

Okay, your request
flew up confirmed,

so it is now PNR’d.

Okay, hold again,
please.

Hi, British Airways.

Hi, I’m gonna need
a hard tic on that one.

Yeah, "reading alpha, bravo,
foxtrot, Charley, roger,"

copy that.

Hi, Mrs. Christakos,

Your tickets are now in the mail
under Doreen Christakos.

Okay, thank you,
bye-bye.

(laughs)

(TV playing)

(doorbell ringing)

I got it.

Did you lose this?

Oh, Mrs. White,
you find my mama again.

You know,
she comes from Greece.

The country
I come from, too.

Oh, for godsake,
I know, listen!

Keep your mother
off my lawn,

out of my basement,
and away from my roof!

Mrs. White, c’mon,
give me a word, any word,

and I show you that
the root of that word...

is Greek.

Look, everybody!
Look who’s back again.

Both:
Hi, Yiayia.

Sit down, Yiayia,
very good.

Toula, there are
two kinds of people.

Greeks, and everybody else
who wish they was Greek.

Okay,
yes, we know!

What’s the matter
with her?

♪ ♪

(phone ringing)

Hi, Mt. Olympus Travel Agency,
may I help you?

Well, sure,
that’s what we do.

Man:
Hey, sorry! Hey!

Absolutely.

Ah, right.

Man:
I’m sorry, lady.

Um, sure.

Well, what you can do is,
you can book it now.

(door opens, closes)

I can reserve
the seat for you.

Be with you in a second.
That would be no problem.

Alright, just call me back
when you’re ready to book.

Okay, thank you, bye-bye.

Hi.

Hi.

Did you want to see
some brochures?

Uh! Uh!

Found ’em.

(both laughing)

Oh, honest to god.

Hey, look at this.

No.

And then,
whoosh.

You were gone.
I thought you fainted.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I was like
swept off my feet

by your very cool
opening line of "hi."

Oh, hm.

So, Toula.

Ian.

Ian Miller.

Toula Porloparkas?

Portokalos,
Portokalos.

Okay, Toula.

Alright, then.

Was that a biker fight
or a nose job?

Oh.

Yeah.

No, really.

You don’t want
to know.

Oh, I don’t know
about that,

if I survived
an old lady ass-kicking,

I think
I’d brag about it.

Oh.

Hey, Jesus.

Ouch.

Do you want to
have dinner with me?

Yeah.

♪ ♪

Ian:
Actually, I wasn’t
in education first,

I was pre-law.

My dad’s a lawyer,
and my grandfather’s a lawyer,

and... it just
wasn’t for me,

so, I picked
a new major.

And the parents weren’t
too pleased, you know?

Yeah.

I think it, um...

I think it takes
a pretty strong person
to do that.

Well, you know
everything about me then.

I’m a pretty strong
vegetarian teacher.

Who grew up
in Lincoln Park,

and I don’t know
anything about you,

except you’re Greek.

Hey.

Would you like
to go have Greek food?

Oh, that’s okay.

No, listen, I know
this really great place,

you probably know it.
Zorba, something.

Anyway, I’d like
to take you there,
if you’d like to go?

No, I don’t
wanna go there.

What do you mean,
why not?

Um, that place,
"Dancing Zorba’s."

"Dancing Zorba’s"!

My family owns
that restaurant.

Really?

I remember you.

You’re that waitress.

Seating hostess,
actually.

I remember you.

I was kind of
going through a phase.

Up till now,

and, uh...

I was frump-girl.

I don’t remember frump-girl,
but I remember you.

Okay, no Greek.

Uh, Italian,
tomorrow night?

Okay.

Where you going?

I’m taking
a pottery class.

The Greeks
invented pottery.

Hmph.

♪ ♪

(Ian and Toula
laughing, chatting)

Dad’s crazy,
right?

So, it’s just me
all alone,

up in the mountains
in this cottage

with my parents
all summer.

Well, don’t all
your cousins go up, too?

(chuckles) No!

I only have
two cousins.

They live
in Wisconsin.

You only have
two cousins?

Yeah.

How many
do you have?

(scoffs)
More than two.

Well, who else?

Don’t you have
brothers or sisters?

What are your
parents like?

Ah...

What?

Well...

Okay, Christmas?

What do you do for Christmas
with your family?

Uh, my Mom
makes roast lamb.

Mm, with mint jelly?

No.

And...?

And...

I’m Greek, right?

Right.

So, what happens is
my dad and my uncles,

they fight over who gets
to eat the lamb brain.

And then my Aunt Voula
forks the eyeball

and chases me
around with it,

trying to get me
to eat it,

’cause it’s gonna
make me smart.

See, you have two cousins,
I have 27 first cousins.

Just 27
first cousins alone,

and my whole family
is big and loud,

and everybody’s
in each other’s lives

and business
all the time.

Like you never just have
a minute alone, just to think,

’cause we’re always together,
just eating, eating, eating.

The only other people
we know are Greeks,

’cause Greeks marry Greeks
to breed more Greeks.

To be loud, breeding,
Greek eaters.

Wow.

I’m serious.

No one in my family
has ever gone out

with a non-Greek before,
no one!

And you’re...

You’re just...

you know, wonderful.

But I just don’t see
how this is gonna work out.

So...

Work out? What’s--
what’s to work out?

We’re not
a different species.

Yes, we come from
different backgrounds,

and hey, here’s some news
about my life to this point--

it’s boring.
then I met you,

and you’re interesting.

And you’re
beautiful and fun,

and you got a weird family,
who doesn’t?

You know?

I just want to spend
some time with you.

I just want to spend
a little time with you.

Did you say
I’m beautiful?

♪ ♪

Yes.

Ian:
Which house is yours?

Toula:
Ah, this is good,
actually.

Could you stop?

Sure.

Right here is good,
just stop.

Thanks.

(engine stops)

Goodnight.

♪ ♪

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

♪ ♪

Okay, goodnight.

What?

No, no, no,
don’t go.

Goodnight.

Don’t go.

♪ And I can make
a man out of you ♪

♪ ’Cause
I’m a woman ♪

♪ W-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ I’ll-- ♪

Ah, happy again today,
Toula, huh?

Yeah.

Now, every time I see you,
you have a great big smile.

Nicko:
Hey, Ma.

Hey, Nicko,
where’d you go?

Nowhere.

What did you do?

Nothing.

Who did you see?

No one.

Wait a minute, Nicko,
I put them in your room.

Toula. Your class,
how is your class?

My pottery class?

Uh-huh.

It’s great.

Good, good.

You’ve got to
get out of here.

C’mon, just one more kiss
and I’ll go.

Mmm.

No.

I promise.

What...

is going on?

Mr. Pottery Class,
nice to meet ya.

Ian, this is
my cousin, Nikki.

Oh, hello.

It’s nice to finally meet
a member of Toula’s family.

Yeah, well...

(sighs)

I’m the least
of your worries.

Listen,
the family knows.

Last night, Vicki Pavlopoulos
saw ya suckin’ the lips

off his head in
the Denny’s parking lot.

Well, she told her ma,
who told my ma,

who told your ma.

Let me put it this way,
you’re busted!

Dad:
You sneak around
all over Chicago,

but you never
come here to ask me,

can you date
my daughter?

Well, I’m sorry,

I’d ask you if I can
date your daughter,

but, sir,
she’s 30 years old.

Gus:
I am the head
of this house!

Okay, may I please
date your daughter?

No!

I’ll see you
tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

Okay, oh, boy.

Excuse me.

Didn’t I say,

it’s a mistake
to educate women?

But nobody
listened to me.

Now, we have a boyfriend
in the house.

Is he a nice
Greek boy?

Oh, no, no,
no, Greek!

No Greek,
a xeno!

Xeno with
the big long hairs

on top
of his head!

Gusta.

God!

I’m sorry
I lied to you.

(sighing)

Okay, Toula.

Maybe you are having
a little romance, hmm?

But end it now.

I love him.

Oh, Toula,
eat something.

Please.

Your father has
a friend for dinner.

(Greek music playing)

(loud nose blowing)

(engine stops)

(music stops)

What’s this?
Where are we?

My apartment.
You wanna go up?

♪ ♪

This is it.

(lamp breaking)

♪ ♪

(speaking Greek)

(bell ringing)

Don’t worry,
they’re gonna love you.

♪ ♪

Toula. Now that’s not
a name you hear every day.

Does it mean anything
in your language?

Well, my Greek name,
Fotoula,

means "light of God."

Oh.

Who would like
a coffee?

Hm...

So, you’re Greek,
uh, then, huh?

What’s your
last name?

Portokalos.

In Greek
it means orange.

Like an orange
that you eat.

Like the one
with the peel,

not the color.

Oh...

Yeah, it’s really Greek.

Rodney, didn’t you once
have a Greek receptionist?

No, Harriet,
she was, um...

Just a minute--

Oh, no, no,
she was Armenian.

Is Armenia
close to Greece?

Not exactly.

What was she?

Who?

My secretary,
for heavensake!

Ah, oh, everyone
like cheesecake?

Guatemalan!

Oh, that’s right, dear,
she was Guatemalan.

Yep.

♪ ♪

I love you.

I love you.

(sighs)

I don’t...

I don’t know
how to say this.

What?

Will you marry me?

Yes!

(both laugh)

Yes!

(laughing)

Alright, ’cause now
you can have this!

Come here.

(laughing)

Enough.

Enough!

What? Don’t you
walk away from me!

Sit down!

Gusta,
they love each other.

It’s-- it’s done!

How...

How can she
do this to me?

She didn’t do this
to you or to me.

They fell in love,
it-- it happens.

Is he a good boy?
I don’t know.

Is he from
a good family?

I don’t know.

Does he-- is he respectful?
I don’t know.

I don’t know,
I don’t know,

because nobody talk to me
about nothing no more.

A respectful boy would come here
and ask for my permission.

My daughter
engaged to a xeno.

I always think
she gonna be married

in the Greek
Orthodox church.

Why is she
doing this to me?

Ian:
...and leave space.

Sometimes that
space is so big,

that the roof can’t
support itself, so it collapses.

Uh, excuse me.

Try not to be
too loud.

(kids laughing)

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

What’s--
what’s goin’ on?

Are you okay?

Can we
go to Vegas?

What?

Can we go
to Niagara Falls?

How about Fiji?
Do you want to go to Fiji?

Sure.

Okay, let’s go.

C’mon,
let’s just go.

Hey, hey, come here.

What’s the matter?

♪ ♪

I just feel like
we can’t get married,

not like this.

It’s like,
when I’m with you,

I am so happy,

but my family
is so unhappy.

And our wedding should be
this joyous thing,

but it won’t be
for them,

because it can’t be
at our church.

Mm-hmm.

So, let’s just
go somewhere.

Please, let’s just go,
let’s just go!

Hey, I love you.

Why?

Why do you love me?

Because I came alive
when I met you.

But my family.

You’re a part
of your family...

and I’ll do anything...

whatever it takes
to get them to accept me.

’Cause you’re my life now,
you’re my whole life now.

We’re not gonna skulk off
and get married and--

as if we’re ashamed
of ourselves.

Okay?

Okay.

Did you say
"skulk"?

Shut up.

Let’s just skulk off
somewhere?

C’mon, talk to him,
Toula loves him.

Do it for Toula,
c’mon.

Ah!

C’mon, he wants to
get married in the church.

Go, go!

Alright.

C’mon, c’mon.

So, you’re gonna be
baptized tomorrow, huh?

Yeah.

It’s your lucky day

to be baptized in
the Greek Orthodox church.

Nikki gonna be
your godmother.

You know,
the word "baptism,"

come from the Greek word
"vaptisia."

(man sings in Greek)

That where
we dip the baby

in a beautiful
little silver basin.

(speaking Greek)

(speaking Greek)

(singing and speaking Greek)

That’s not
so bad, huh?

Are you kidding?

Any minute now,
he’s gonna look at me and go,

"Oh, right, you’re
so not worth this."

Yes, you are.

♪ ♪

(laughs)

You’re all oily.

Mm-hmm.

I’m Greek now.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

So, for Happy Easter,
we say, "Christos Anesti."

Then the other person
says back, "Alithos Anesti."

So, if you want to say
Happy Easter you go,

"Christos Anesti,"
so try it.

Chreesto Anasty.

That’s good.

Hey, Dad.

Hmph.

Mr. Portokalos,
Chreesto Anasty.

(groans, speaks Greek)

He likes you.

Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Yianni, I told you
to watch the boys!

Athena, assai mai.

They’ll be fine
with the video games.

You turn their brains
to mush.

Ah, I can’t do
anything right!

Ian, if you’re gonna be
in this family.

I get you some earplugs,
because the Portokalos women,

if they not
nagging somebody,

they die!

Oh, you’re in so much trouble
when I tell my sister.

Tell me what?

Get into
the kitchen!

Ah, Toula,
Christos Anesti.

(shouting)

Alithos anesti, Thea,
alithos anesti.

Toula, Toula,
you’re engaged!

You’re engaged!

We never think it
could happen for you.

Never, never!

Taki, didn’t
we say that?

We never think
this day would come, never!

Never,
and it came!

Is this him?

Yes, sorry,
everyone, this is Ian.

Together:
Ian!

Christ has risen for sure
if Toula found a husband.

Christos Anesti!

Nice to meet you.

(speaking Greek)

(Greek music playing)

Ohpa!

Man:
Hello, Ian!

Ohpa!

I want to
see the rock.

Hey, Ian.

Hey.

Hey, you like
that dance?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, okay.

Jennie has something
she wants to ask.

No.

She does.

Shut up,
go ask her.

Jennie,
just ask me.

Toula, does he
have any brothers?

No, he’s
an only child.

You know,
I gotta tell ya,

I’ve never seen
my sister so happy.

Oh.

If you hurt her,
I’ll kill you,

and make it look
like an accident.

Hey, Ian, Jesus,
look at your face,

it’s just a joke.
It’s just a joke.

Good one.

No, the good one
is I got a gun.

Yeah, I got gun
and I swear

I’ll jam it
right up your--

Ian, I got you again,
I got you again, Ian.

Here, eat some rice.

I don’t want any--
I’m good, Thea, I’m good.

You know
what I could do?

I could snap you
like a chicken!

C’mon, lighten up,
lighten up!

I’ll lighten ya,

I’ll lighten ya,
when I take out your kidneys.

Oh, hey!

One more time, Ian.

Hey, Angelo!

Hey, Ian,
we’re gonna kill ya!

Ohpa!

Ohpa!

(cheering)

Ian, Aunt Voula.

Let me touch
your hair.

Let me.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, Aunt Voula?

Aunt Voula?

Yes?

Okay.

Okay, okay.

When you come to my house,
and I cook for you.

Okay.

Oh, ah, Thea,
that might be a problem.

What problem,
I the best cook in the family,

tell him.

Oh, I did,
didn’t I?

Twice.

Okay, then.

Ah!

Um, it’s just,
uh, Thea...

Ian is a vegetarian.
He doesn’t eat meat.

He don’t eat
no meat?

No, he doesn’t
eat meat.

(loudly)
What do you mean,
he don’t eat no meat?

(music stops abruptly)

Oh, that’s okay,
that’s okay, I’ll make lamb.

Come, come!

(chattering)

♪ ♪

Come dance with me!

Ohpa!

Greek!

You watch Greek!

♪ ♪

(whispers)
Silence.

(chuckles)

Hmm?

It’s delicious.

Oh.

We took a look at my calendar
and, uh-- our calendar.

Set a day
for the big day,

sometime at the end
of October, mid-November.

Sometime
in there, yeah.

Oh, wonderful.

I’ll call the club
and see what’s open.

The club?

The North Shore
Country Club,

for the wedding,
of course.

Oh, we’re gonna get married
in Toula’s church.

’Cause we’re not very religious
and her family is,

really is.

Show ’em
the brochure.

Oh, god, yeah!

My cousin Nikki
made me this.

She tends to,
uh, save things,

this is from her prom,
she makes lamps and, uh...

Well, tell ’em about,
we got this great big hall.

Uh, what’s it called
for the reception?

Aphrodite’s Palace.

It’s not really
a palace.

Here’s a brochure.

That Parthenon backdrop,
that’s optional.

Yes, yes, Maria,
if we invite the Demacopoulos,

we have to invite
the Adamopouloses!

They’re cousins!

Ah, Kosto, xero!

Alright!

(speaks Greek)

Dad, the thing is that we
just want to keep it small.

It’s like you’d
rather go bankrupt

than insult anyone
from the church.

Toula, I come
to this country

with eight dollars
in my pocket.

To make all this
for you,

and... who knows

how long
I’m gonna be alive.

(boys playing outside)

Let me see
the list.

Ah...

Nikko:
Let go of my arm!

Okay, okay!

C’mon, okay,
time out!

Time out!

No more punching
Theo Nicko’s ’nads, okay?

Foti, stop hitting
Theo Nicko!

Foti, look at you,
how big you are!

Too’soo,
too’soo, too’soo!

Too, too, too!

Man:
Boys, c’mon,
soccer practice, let’s go!

Is she
spitting on him?

Woman:
Now, go on, go outside
with your father.

Yeah. It’s for good luck.
It keeps the devil away.

Oh.

Boy:
Bye, wait for me!

Dad?

Where’d you get that?

Well, I drew it, Dad,
for the new menu, remember?

Hmph.

Ma, I’m hungry.

Okay, Nicko.

Ian, are you hungry?

Uh, no,
I already ate.

Okay,
I make you something.

Okay.

Now, Toula, we have
to have Tommy Cassimatis!

Hey, let me help you
with those.

What is wrong with
Tommy Cassimatis?

Hey, I don’t
know them, okay?

Well, who cares?
They’re related to me!

Why are you
being so weird?

I’m not being weird.

Yes, you are, you’re weird
when you’re pregnant.

Ooh, ah,
ah, ah!

Ian, eat!

Eat!

How do you say
"thank you" in Greek?

Oraya visia.

Oraya visia?

That’s it,
you got it.

Oraya visia!

What?

(laughing)

Hey, Toula?

Yeah?

Listen, I got the greatest
connection for your invitations.

Hey.

No, Nick, we’re gonna order
our own invitations, okay?

I don’t want something that
your cash-only connection

gets us that falls off
the back of a truck.

Yeah, but they
come through, right?

For godsake, Toula,
let the man talk.

I mean, why are you
always so stubborn?

Athena, I’m not stubborn,
I’m just saying here...

Look...

Now, girls, I ordered
the invitations two weeks ago.

Ma, I never saw
a wedding invitation.

I go get them.

Oh, Ma!

Wait till you see them.

Oh, bravo!

Um, my parents names
are Rodney and Harriet.

"Rodney and Harry"?

Women:
"Rodney and Harry."

Rodney, Harry!

Hey, Ian, I didn’t notice,
so, I bet they won’t.

Yassas, everybody!

Hi, Yiayia.

Wait, I’ve got
the biggest scoop.

Look at the earrings
I have found

that match
the bridesmaid’s dresses!

Okay, I remembered.

We have a customer
at the dry-cleaners

who’s a custom
jewelry designer.

So, I showed her
the fabric.

Wait, wait,
what do these match?

Not that fabric
you showed me last week?

You said
you liked it.

I said I’d
think about it.

That’s just because...

You couldn’t
visualize it.

Oh!

Nikki!

Oh, you’re so beautiful!

Don’t worry,
you don’t have to do a thing.

Athena:
That’s classy.

Nikko:
I went by the college
and picked this up.

Look.

I’m gonna start slowly,
you know,

do a couple
of night courses.

I just wanted to learn
more about painting

and art and stuff, so...

This is so great.

Yeah, you started it.

You wanted to do
something else, Toula.

And you did it.

Hey, Toula.

Don’t let your past
dictate who you are,

but let it be part
of who you will become.

Nick, that is
so beautiful.

Yeah, that "Dear Abby,"

she really knows
what she’s talking about.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Hi, Ma, it’s me,
tee kanees.

Calla.

Alright, um,
Ian is gonna come pick me up

and then we’re gonna go
and get his parents,

and then we’re gonna
be there in one hour, okay?

Good, good.

Okay. (sighs)

So, is everything okay,
what are you doing?

I peel the potatoes.

What are you
peeling potatoes for?

I peeled some
this morning.

I know,
but we need more.

Well, how much are you
cooking for these people?

It’s a lot of people.

There’s three of them.

And us.

And us makes seven.

And the family.

The family?

You invited the--
the whole family?

Of course.

Ma, I said, "Come
for a quiet dinner

and meet my parents."

They might as well meet
the whole family, right?

Maria!

I gotta go,
Taki’s here, bye!

I’m coming!

Ah!

Look at--
bravo, bravo!

Huh? Huh?

Okay, hurry,
put it on the spit!

♪ ♪

(Greek music playing)

Eerthanai!

They’re here!

Excuse me,
excuse me, excuse me.

Welcome to my home.

Um, over here,
is my brother Ted,

and his wife, Melissa,
and their children,

Anita, Diane and Nick.

Over here,
my brother Tommy.

His wife, Angie,
and their children,

Anita, Diane and Nick.

And here,
my brother George,

his wife Freida
and their children,

Anita, Diane and Nick.

Taki, Sophie,
Carrie, Nick,

Nick, Nick,
Nick, Nick.

And Nick, Nick.

Ah, Nikki.

And I am Gus!

Oh, they’re here!

Well, where?

Excuse me!

Oh, hello!

I am Maria Portokalos
and welcome,

welcome to our home!

Thank you.

What is it?

It’s a bundt.

A bun?

Bundt.

Bung, b-bunk, bunk.

Bundt!

Buneeet?

Bundt!

Bundt!

It’s okay.

(speaks Greek)

It’s a cake,
I know.

Thank you, thank you,
very, very much.

There’s a hole
in this cake.

Toula:
These are some
of my cousins, um...

Hey, Ian!

Nick!

Good to see you, man.

Listen, you know,
I really think you should say...

(speaking Greek)

It means "Everyone,
let’s come in the house."

I think everybody
will really like it.

"Echo trehe arhea"?

Yeah, that’s good,
very good, you got it.

I’m not fallin’
for that again, Nick.

What?

Yeah, what.

Angelo.

How do you say "Everyone,
let’s go in the house"?

(speaking Greek)

Hmm?

Everyone!

(laughing)

Oh, you’re in
so much trouble!

So, this is
from Mykonos,

beautiful island.

See that?
That’s where we from.

Oh.

You like ’em,
I make ’em.

Oh.

Come sit,
go, go!

Sit, sit, come,
go, go, go, now!

Sit down,
sit down!

Thank you.

Now you are family.

Okay, all my life,

I had a lump at the back
of my neck, right here.

Always, a lump.

Then I started menopause
and the lump got bigger,

from the hormonees,
it started to grow.

So, I go to the doctor
and he did the bia-

beeo-- the-- the biosee--
the beop-- the bibopsy.

And inside the lump,

he found teeth
and a spinal column.

Yes, inside the lump,
was my twin.

Ugh!

Spanakopita!

You hungry?

Thea, Thea, ella.

I love it when you
speak in Greek.

Really?

Oh, it’s sexy.

Havin’ a good time?

Alright, c’mon.

Rodney and Harry, ouzo?

Thank you.

Um-um!

That’s licorice!

It’s delicious.

Stin iyia sas!

Stin iyia sas!

Ohpa!

Together:
Ohpa!

Another.

You Greek now,
don’t be shy, don’t!

Y’iasas.

Together:
Y’iasas.

Y’iasas.

Ohpa!

Together:
Ohpa!

Together:
Ohpa!

(distorted)
Don’t worry, I’ll be back.

Turkey!
Sihamainee Turkey!

Gus:
The meat is here,
everybody!

Meat is very good.
Very good, ah!

Would you like some meat,
some Greek meat, very good!

Very good, eh?

You like?

Uh, red meat,
everybody, eh?

Excuse me, coming through,
coming through!

And now,
the bun cake.

Woman:
You fixed it!

Gus:
I tried, you tried!

We all nice to them,
you see it,

and they look at us
like we from the zoo!

Maria:
Gusta, please!

This no work,
this no work, Maria!

They-they--
they different people.

So dry!

That family is like
a piece of toast.

No honeys, no jams,
just dry!

My daughter!

My daughter, going
to marry Ian Miller, a xeno.

I know.

Xeno with
a toast family!

Shh!

I never think
this could happen to us.

I tried to put
little marmalade.

Oh, no, they don’t
like this stuff!

They like themselves
all dry and cracky.

Aah!
(speaks Greek)

And in Toula’s church,

the best man’s actually
part of the ceremony.

He’s got to be
Greek Orthodox, so...

I can’t ask you
to be my best man.

Although,
technically you are.

Whoa, you were gonna ask me
to be your best man?

Well, yeah.

I am touched!

I had no idea you had
so few friends.

Well, you know,
that’s okay.

Just get me a little badge
that says "best man,"

or something like that,
that’ll be fine.

Hey, uh,
no offense, but...

This girl’s family’s got
you by the short ones, huh?

I mean, they say jump
and you pull out the trampoline.

Yeah, okay.

My life
is shit, okay?

Hey, Mike, Toula’s got
a lot of cousins.

Fix you up?

Yeah, that’s gonna happen.

Toula.

What is wrong?

Alright.

Is my marriage
killing Dad?

Toula, your father
is your father.

He just wants you
to be happy.

But I am happy.

Ah...

Listen to me, Toula.

My village
saw many wars.

Turkish, German.

They all made a mess.

♪ ♪

And my mother--
my mother, she said,

"We’re lucky.
We’re lucky to be alive!"

And I thought,
"We’re not lucky to be alive.

"We’re not lucky
when they’re telling us

where we should live,
what we should eat!"

Nobody has that right.

And then...

I see you,

and I see Athena,
and Nicko.

We came here for you.

So you could--
so you could live.

I gave you life,

so that you
could live it.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(phone ringing)

Ma!

The band needs to be
picked up at the airport!

(loud chattering)

Ma?

Ah, the bride
is awake!

Wait, wait!

What is that?

(gasping)

Oh no.

Oh, my god!

(shouting)

Where did
everybody go?

It’s a mosquito bite.

It’s a zit.

I have cover-up.

Hello, ladies,
fresh baklava.

Nicko!

Give me the camera!

Give me the camera!

Toula, Toula!

Help me, c’mon!

No boys allowed!

Oh, nice mustache,
Nikki.

Thank you.

Nicko, let’s go,
let’s go.

Dad, is that my tux?

No, this one.

Nick, go to the airport
and pick up the band.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

Hey, what’s that thing?

It’s a mosquito bite.

Put some Windex.

I’ve got the cover-up!

You’re all nuts!

Why are you here?

You’re supposed to
get changed at my house!

Get out,
get out!

(shouting)

There she is, Toula,
I want to talk to you.

Now?

This is a very
special night for you.

You have your duties.

One more, one more,
one more!

One big one!

Toula, on my wedding night.

My mother,
she said to me,

"Greek women, we may be
lambs in the kitchen,

but we are tigers
in the bedroom."

Ew, please let that be
the end of your speech.

What is
going on here?

Why isn’t anybody ready?
The photographer’s here.

♪ ♪

(screaming)

Do you need sponging?

Toula:
I’m alright.

(loud chattering)

Get some more
on the top!

That’s it.
More hairspray!

She’s ready!

I’m a snowbeast.

Together:
Aww!

You’re not
a snowbeast.

♪ ♪

(organ playing)

(spitting)

Oh, god.

(spitting)

(speaking Greek)

How are we supposed
to know what’s going on?

It’s all Greek to me.

Oh, Rodney.

(singing in Greek)

This is it.

What?

We take our first steps
as husband and wife.

Are you ready?

I’m ready.

(organ playing)

(cheering)

(engine starts)

(Ian shouts)

Where are you?

Are you in there?

Yes.

Don’t dab, wipe.

Wipe off.

Okay.

Is that better?

Yeah.

Hey, who did your makeup,
your aunts?

Mm-hmm.

Drag queens could get
a few tips from those aunts.

My god, it’s like--
look at me,

I’m just covered
and covered.

Like a big
frosted cupcake.

I know, it’s like, ah!

C’mon, help me
with the veil.

Wait.

Yeah, you got it.

Come here.

These, too.

Hm?

Ah.

Do we have to go in?

Too late to elope now.

Let’s go in.

Okay.

Let me
check this out.

Ah, it’s going down,
thank god.

What?

I woke up with this
huge zit this morning.

Where?

Right there.

I had a huge zit
this morning.

You did?

Yeah.

Where is it?

Well, it was right here,
but it’s gone now.

Why?

I put some
Windex on it.

(band playing)

♪ When I close
my eyes ♪

Hi.

♪ You’d be right
by my side ♪

Ohpa!

Ohpa!

Gus:
Hello?

Welcome to
the Portokalos family.

Welcome
the Miller family.

I was thinking,
uh, last night,

the night before my daughter
going to marry, uh,

Ian Miller,
that, um, you know...

the root of the word Miller
is a Greek word.

And Miller comes from
the Greek word "millo,"

which is mean, apple,
so there you go.

As many of you know,
our name, Portokalos,

is come from
the Greek word "portokali,"

which mean orange.

So, okay,
here tonight,

we have, uh,
apple and orange.

We all different,

but in the end,
we all fruit.

(laughing)

Oh, fruit, yes, fruit,
we’re all fruit!

(applause)

Gus:
My wife and me,
we have a gift.

See, that’s what we do.

The parents,
they give a gift.

Oh.

♪ ♪

Here.

(paper rustling)

Oh, my god!

They bought us
a house.

(cheering)

Thank you.

I love you.

I love you too.

I don’t believe it.

(music playing)

Ian:
Let’s go dance.

Okay.

Thea Voula,
we’re gonna dance.

Oh, I know, dear,
let me get Taki.

Okay.

Hey, Athena.

I’m gonna be a painter.

Good, you can start
with our fence.

This is just
a really nice wedding.

Oh, good.

We’re gonna dance now,
c’mon!

Oh, no, no!

I think I’ll need
a little more ouzo

before I do that.

Ah, what do you say?

Ah, y’iasas.

Y’iasas.

Yeah.

Rodney:
Bottoms up!

Alright.

Let’s go, Harry!

C’mon, Gusta!

Alright!

Ohpa!

Right over there,
let’s dance.

Oh, Taki.

He looks Greek.

That’s it.

That’s good,
that’s good!

Everybody dance,
dance, everybody dance!

(speaking Greek)

Ohpa!

Toula:
Sometimes I’m afraid
that it didn’t happen.

I’m scared that
I’ll wake up

and still be
buttering garlic bread,

waiting for
my life to start.

But it did happen,
it did!

And I figured out
some stuff.

My family
is big and loud,

but they’re my family.

We fight
and we laugh,

and yes, we roast lamb
on a spit in the front yard.

And wherever I go,
whatever I do,

they will always
be there.

Maria:
Ohpa!

Toula:
So, Ian and I moved

into the house
my parents bought us.

A minute later
I was pregnant,

and six years later,

it was our daughter’s turn
to go to Greek school.

But, Mom, I want
to go to Brownies.

I know, I know,
but I promise you this.

You can marry
anybody you want.

Ah, thanks, baby.

Greek school,
(speaking Greek)

What’s that mean?

Let’s go.

Let’s go,
alright!

That’s really good.

Looking good, Gus.

Hi, Dad.

Where are you going?

Greek school.

♪ ♪

What’s up?

Hi, Yiayia.

Hey, Yianni!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪