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1
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,405
(snarls)
2
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:15,416
(grunting)
3
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,431
(roars)
4
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:34,068
No! Not the tickles! (laughs)
5
00:00:34,102 --> 00:00:38,005
(gasps)
6
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,908
Come on, honey. Let's go inside.
7
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:45,012
-I have this pretty stick.
-Oh, it's a cool stick. (grunts)
8
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,048
This mud was probably
a little too much, huh?
9
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,023
* I'm gonna leave you anyway *
10
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:59,059
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
11
00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:00,494
* Gonna leave you anyway. *
12
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,269
GRETCHEN:
Holy shit.
13
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,238
Holy shit.
14
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:13,874
Holy shit! All of it?
15
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,710
And with 24 hours to go.
16
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:17,945
(both sigh)
17
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:20,080
-(both scream)
-That was so much work!
18
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:23,151
An incredible amount
of stupid, idiot work.
19
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,885
-I hate work, and that was...
-Of which I did most.
20
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,387
Okay, now that's
really open for debate.
21
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,621
I'm just saying
that I did all of it.
22
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:28,622
And not really the point.
23
00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:29,990
This is really my wedding.
24
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,992
(sighs)
My second marriage, I'm eloping.
25
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,894
-No doubt.
-Why isn't Edgar cooking us
26
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,496
some pre-wedding fritters
or some shit?
27
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:36,897
Oh, he's putting
the finishing touches
28
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,966
on his Best Man Jimmy day.
29
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:41,435
Yuck. Lindser and I got
to run all over town
30
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:44,104
getting this face
and body camera-ready.
31
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:45,306
Do you think I need to...?
32
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,740
(chuckles) No one's gonna
be looking at you.
33
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:47,975
Literally no one.
34
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,810
You're invisible tomorrow.
No one gives a fuck.
35
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,179
You could die.
36
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:55,082
I can't believe
how not freaked out I am.
37
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,651
I thought I would be shitting my
pants the day before my wedding,
38
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,153
but I just feel so good
39
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,021
since I came clean to you
about everything.
40
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:05,993
You have given me a gift
no one has before.
41
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,162
Acceptance. (chuckles)
42
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:10,931
Unconditional acceptance.
43
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,800
Jimmy, it's all I ever wanted.
44
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,203
I finally feel truly safe.
45
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:18,206
God, I'm genuinely touched.
46
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:21,642
So safe, in fact...
47
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,110
What are you doing there?
48
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,978
So safe I feel like
I can do anything
49
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,181
and you'll never leave me,
no matter what I do.
50
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,484
Why would you do that?
51
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:33,120
It's a metaphor for how I can
do anything I want now.
52
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,555
Yeah, a metaphor
I'll be cleaning up.
53
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,857
You know you don't need
to fix my problems, Jimmy.
54
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,125
So you're gonna clean it up?
55
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,160
Cleaning it up
ruins the metaphor.
56
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,697
Paul! Did you get LASIK?
57
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:46,734
Oh, good Lord. Costume changes?
58
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,702
I guess I won't see you until...
59
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:52,540
You're walking down the aisle in
hilariously incongruous white?
60
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,676
BOTH:
Kiss, kiss, kiss,
61
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,578
kiss, kiss,
62
00:02:57,611 --> 00:03:00,881
kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!
63
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:02,149
-EDGAR: Kiss!
-LINDSAY: Have sex, have sex,
64
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,552
-have sex, have sex.
-All right.
65
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:07,187
Let's get this over with.
66
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:08,489
Don't lose him.
67
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,924
I need that piece of shit
to marry me tomorrow.
68
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,360
-I won't.
-(chuckles)
69
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,228
Ugh! I guess
I'll go get dressed.
70
00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,830
Wait! Before you put on
your pants,
71
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,266
where's your favorite place
to go?
72
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,900
-Nowhere.
-That's where we're going.
73
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:23,337
Are you serious?
I don't have to put on pants?
74
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,038
You can Donald Duck that shit
75
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,875
because this is your day.
76
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:30,177
Everything is coming to us.
77
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,780
Manis, pedis, facials,
food, booze.
78
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:36,617
Thank you. I am stupid excited
to hang out with you.
79
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:39,853
-Same! Extra stupid.
-So...
80
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,221
tell me the haps.
81
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:43,591
What was it like
munching Yvette's puss?
82
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:47,094
-(knocking on door)
-Oh. Mani-pedis must be early.
83
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:52,400
Hello... sir?
84
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:56,370
Sorry, wrong... door.
85
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,406
(mouths)
86
00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,207
You have to get rid of her.
87
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,643
I'm serious, whatever it takes.
88
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:04,612
(sighs)
89
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:05,846
(clears throat)
90
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,084
(mouths)
91
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,920
Mommy.
92
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:15,155
Gretchen, why aren't you
wearing pants?
93
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,924
Do you not shave above the knee?
94
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,727
I thought you and Daddy
had plans today.
95
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,595
Your father wanted to go
to the Reagan Library,
96
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,564
but I've already been there
so many times.
97
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:27,335
Hi, Mrs. Cutler. (chuckles)
So nice of you to surprise us.
98
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,069
Gretchen, who is this person?
99
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,338
Is that the right word?
100
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:34,241
I want to be an ally,
but they make it so hard.
101
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,077
-How's your hotel, Mommy?
-Dreadful.
102
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,480
They put us near the elevator,
103
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:40,914
so I made them move us.
104
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:43,283
I had to go out into the hall,
105
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:46,554
then we were near a baby,
so I...
106
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,422
(clears throat)
107
00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:50,090
For your butt.
108
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,560
Sorry! Got to go.
109
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:57,431
You are bailing on me
the day before my wedding?
110
00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,099
I'm sorry.
I love you, I love you.
111
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,968
You're on your own. Sorry!
112
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,305
Is this a built-in couch?
113
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,608
Must be impossible to clean.
114
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,309
And you enjoy walking
on the bare floor?
115
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:18,118
On the eve of this major
turning point in your life,
116
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,721
we embark on three stops.
117
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,656
This first stop
118
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:26,660
represents a dream
from your past.
119
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:29,563
Something you used to talk about
120
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,064
but never got to do.
121
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,669
Sochi 2014.
122
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:38,639
You wouldn't stop talking
about curling.
123
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,974
No sport more misunderstood.
124
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:45,713
No players more understandably
hair-trigger defensive
125
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:49,082
than those of curling.
126
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,488
Fuck yeah.
127
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:56,524
- Ah, ah, ah
- Too cold
128
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,692
Can't move, too cold
129
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,327
Yes, sir
130
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,595
Too cold
131
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:03,731
I-Ice cold, watch your steps
132
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:05,499
- Yeah, yeah
- I'm 'bout to watch my breath
133
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,435
So cold,
ain't got no threats
134
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,837
Stand firm, arms folded
across my chest
135
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,171
So cold
136
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,272
- Ah, ah, ah
- Too cold
137
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:13,874
They drop us below zero
138
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,543
We ain't moving,
we too froze
139
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:18,912
We can't move, we too cold
140
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,914
Can't move, too cold
141
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,550
- Yeah, yeah, yeah
- Can't move
142
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:23,717
Too cold
143
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,085
We can't move, we too cold
144
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,754
Ah, ah, ah
145
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,523
Can't move, too cold
146
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,792
- Can't move
- Too cold
147
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,727
We gon' weather any weather
148
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,796
Won't fall down, no pressure
149
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,065
- Oh, yeah
- Want my ego below zero
150
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,533
When I'm humble, I'm better
151
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:41,702
Boy, they sick,
get stretched
152
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,704
This cold world
will come get you
153
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,573
They'll pull you down
if you let 'em
154
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:48,041
The clique froze,
I don't mean ice on the wrist
155
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,610
Though, I mean
we ain't changing
156
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,278
To get dough
157
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,080
Cold don't mean
we ain't lit, though, yo
158
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,048
You might be trippin'
if you see the vision
159
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,317
You catch
at the clique's shows
160
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,786
Fueled by the risen
who's livin'
161
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,621
While others spit fire,
we spit snow...
162
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,022
(laughing)
163
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,427
(grunting)
164
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,972
- We gon' weather any weather
- Yeah *
165
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,240
Won't fall down, no pressure
166
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,342
Want my ego below zero
167
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,678
When I'm humble, I'm better
168
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,246
We still fly
with no feathers
169
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,315
They'll pull you down
if you let 'em
170
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,183
Oh
171
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,653
Oh...
172
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,522
Too cold.
173
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,960
(horror music playing)
174
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:44,097
Hello?
175
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:47,367
Are you... me?
176
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,803
(screams)
177
00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:52,640
(chuckles):
Oh, thank God.
178
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,975
For a second I thought
I was in a Black Swan.
179
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,945
Becca is being reckless
with her health and, therefore,
180
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,613
with the health of my progeny.
181
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:02,482
She butt-dialed me
from a wine tour.
182
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,618
Gretchen's bitch mom
ruined my day,
183
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,019
so let's sort this sitch out.
184
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,457
Becca? Get over here.
185
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,125
And bring back
all the TP you stole.
186
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,494
Last night I had to wipe
with a sock.
187
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:20,133
Have you ever
considered curtains?
188
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,470
How's Daddy? Is he playing a lot
of golf? How's his knee?
189
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:27,975
He's fine. Oh, before I forget,
I need to see the seating chart.
190
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,877
-Now?
-Thank you.
191
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,248
Can you make it bigger?
192
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:37,851
Go up.
193
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:41,521
You sat Robert next to his son?
You have to change it.
194
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:46,093
Who is this Paul person,
and why doesn't he have a table?
195
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,661
What if you moved him...?
196
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,897
No! Paul throws everything off!
197
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:55,035
I'm sorry.
Uh, the chart took forever.
198
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,037
Do you know
how embarrassing it is
199
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,607
when people ask me about
the menu and the flowers,
200
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,575
and I just have to shrug
201
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:04,211
and say, "I suppose I'll see"?
202
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,513
Other than that phone call
in the middle of the night
203
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,882
to let me know that you
and Boone were getting married,
204
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:12,886
you've haven't told me a thing.
205
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,522
You sure we haven't talked
about the wedding since then?
206
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,391
Positive.
207
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:22,763
That's really funny,
because I just realized now
208
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:25,365
that there might have been
an assumption
209
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,868
that I might have
inadvertently forgotten
210
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,737
to set the record straight,
211
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:33,674
and you might
still think that...
212
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:37,811
Mommy, I'm marrying Jimmy,
not Boone.
213
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,150
-Mommy, I said I'm...
-I know you're marrying Jimmy.
214
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,418
I'm not a complete idiot.
215
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:49,289
Oh. Then why are you here?
216
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,759
Our daughter is getting married.
217
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,130
We've had front row seats
to all your mistakes,
218
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,733
so why stop now?
219
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:03,971
Do you have a saltine?
I'm a bit peckish.
220
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,843
(cheering, clapping)
221
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,845
EDGAR: Okay,
for our second stop, Jimmy,
222
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:14,648
-this one represents...
-Oh, let me guess. My present.
223
00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:17,651
No. Your present is now,
why would you need to visit it?
224
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:20,921
No, it's your past again,
but this one is bad.
225
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:25,358
It's all the anger and stress
and anxiety you've held onto,
226
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:29,496
and it is time to let it out.
227
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:32,933
(crowd whooping, cheering)
228
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,935
It's a smash room.
229
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,871
(screaming)
230
00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:42,910
A safe way to externally fight
the demons within.
231
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,213
I can see how you might
be drawn to this,
232
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,981
but as someone who lives
his life honestly,
233
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:50,450
I have no need for a safe space
234
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:54,888
to vent the impotent rage
I simply do not possess.
235
00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:56,924
("Revolution" by Varg playing)
236
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:01,061
(crowd cheering)
237
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,268
Yeah!
238
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:15,843
(man singing in German)
239
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,345
Aah!
Ah, yeah!
240
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:20,213
(grunts)
241
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:23,550
(cheering)
242
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:36,263
Dial-ins!
243
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,831
Sheila!
244
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,432
Studio system!
245
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,501
Signature cocktails!
246
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,736
Vendors!
247
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,171
Caterers!
248
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:47,474
Depression!
(shouts)
249
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,854
CROWD (chanting):
Do it! Do it!
250
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,222
-(grunts)
-Do it!
251
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:05,025
Do it! Do it! Do it!
252
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,627
Do it!
Do it! Do it!
253
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,662
(chanting stops)
254
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,567
I'm getting married, Papa.
255
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:15,869
Aw...
256
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:19,406
(Jimmy crying)
257
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:23,610
Paul, Becca, please keep in mind
what's important is the welfare
258
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:27,547
of a child that's going
to exist soon,
259
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,950
so let's clear the air
and everyone agree to stop
260
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,986
ruining Paul's baby,
you heinous bitch.
261
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,988
I'm not ruining his baby.
262
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:38,792
I can't help it if the baby
craves unpasteurized cheese.
263
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:40,727
-And sushi?
-I didn't eat sushi.
264
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,830
It was sashimi.
Rice goes straight to my hips.
265
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,131
Chillax, dorkus.
266
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:45,398
It's good to challenge
babies' immune systems.
267
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,167
That's how you make an X-Men.
268
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,002
(sighs)
269
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:51,905
You agreed to follow
a rigorous meal plan,
270
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,274
to do yoga and Pilates,
271
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,743
to play it trans-vaginal Mozart.
272
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,912
My wife's not jacking it
with that dildo speaker
273
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,513
to play your kid nerd music.
274
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,116
-It's all in the contract.
-Since you brought it up,
275
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:07,087
I do have a solid legal basis
for increased parental rights
276
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,490
due to the altered method
of insemination.
277
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,625
You want parental rights?
278
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:16,830
No, I just said I have a legal
basis for parental rights.
279
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,432
Plus, I do have a geriatric womb
280
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,935
and might not ever
get pregnant again.
281
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:24,771
What if I never get
pregnant again?
282
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,174
I'm not gonna lie, I was hoping
we'd get a do-over someday.
283
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:28,608
Tallulah's great, but face it,
284
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,210
we're not turning
that boat around.
285
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:33,513
Vernon, we have
to keep this baby.
286
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,849
I can already feel
how much it loves me.
287
00:13:35,883 --> 00:13:37,951
She's bluffing. When Bec and I
were kids, she would threaten
288
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:41,188
to kill herself if I didn't
give her my Choco Taco.
289
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,690
Please. Just tell me how much.
290
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:46,059
Paul, you can't put a price
on a mother's love.
291
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:48,061
But if you want to put a price
on a mother's love,
292
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:51,131
-low mid-to-mid six figs all in.
-Six?
293
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,665
If you're not willing
to give everything you have
294
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:56,269
for this baby,
maybe you don't really want it.
295
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,341
I think you might be right.
296
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,576
-What?
-I love the idea of a child,
297
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:07,915
but I don't think
I'm ready for the reality.
298
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,616
I think...
299
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,286
I think I'm out.
300
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,156
Thank you, Becca.
301
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:19,259
-Paul, no.
-I'll be okay.
302
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:22,829
Maybe I'll take the hundreds
of thousands of dollars
303
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,497
I already put
into a college fund
304
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,999
and use it towards my travels.
305
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:28,501
Babies are the real trip.
All kinds of new experiences.
306
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,271
The nonstop screaming,
clipping them tiny fingie nails,
307
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:32,940
not being able
to run out right quick
308
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,075
to see the new Minions movie
'cause some
309
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:37,911
little dummy might roll over
onto her face and die.
310
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:39,412
I think it may be best for all
311
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,581
if I begin
my travels immediately.
312
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:45,285
Paul, you can't leave.
It's your baby.
313
00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:58,631
-(laughs softly)
-(door opens)
314
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,603
Wait, Paul! We were bluffing.
315
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,772
I can't do it all over again.
You can't make me.
316
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:08,108
20 grand, all in.
317
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:11,478
30, or I kill myself.
318
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,782
Fifteen.
319
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,584
-Done.
-Done.
320
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,425
And when she refused to stop
parking in front of our house,
321
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:29,429
I simply had Enrique change
the sprinklers to go off
322
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:33,500
right before she had to leave
for work in the morning.
323
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:34,934
You think this marriage
is a mistake,
324
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:36,303
and you weren't gonna
say anything?
325
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:37,504
(groans softly)
326
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,239
Do we have to talk about this?
327
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,741
We were having such a nice day.
328
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,576
Actually, we do have
to talk about it,
329
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,279
and we're not having a nice day.
This is a terrible day.
330
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,281
You are my mother,
and yet you refuse
331
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,817
to ever talk to me
about anything real.
332
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,452
I was just telling you all about
333
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,421
the new Oriental family
next door.
334
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,789
Anything real, Mother.
335
00:15:56,823 --> 00:16:00,360
You're so afraid you might hear
something unpleasant.
336
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,829
(sighs) You always have
to be so provocative.
337
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,364
It's the day
before my fucking wedding,
338
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,133
and you know nothing about me!
339
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,768
-What don't I know about you?
-(chuckles) Seriously?
340
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,603
Let's see, uh,
in high school, I had
341
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,105
more sex in your bed
than you did.
342
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:13,540
Granny's Homer painting
that's been
343
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,542
in the family for decades?
344
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:18,178
Fake. I sold the original
to buy acid.
345
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,813
I said that my piano teacher
"bad-touched me"
346
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:23,216
to get out of a recital.
347
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,885
I'm gonna go have a cigarette.
348
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,056
Congratulations, Gretchen.
349
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,890
You've driven
the help away again.
350
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:34,327
The hamster didn't escape,
I forgot to feed him.
351
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:37,464
Abortions? Yup!
352
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,666
I didn't graduate from college.
353
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,734
I know all of this, Gretchen.
354
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,804
Bullshit.
355
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,307
No way.
You would have tried to stop me.
356
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,641
When could I ever control you?
357
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,977
When did you ever try?
358
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:54,381
Did you ever think
that maybe, just maybe,
359
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:57,084
all the terrible shit I did
was a cry for help?
360
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:59,719
-Your father and I didn't
want to indulge you. -Why not?
361
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,021
You wouldn't have figured out
how to take care of yourself.
362
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:04,424
I can't take care of myself!
363
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:07,260
I have been suffering
in the dark
364
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:10,897
with a severe goddamn mental
illness for my entire life!
365
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,699
Oh, stop it.
366
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,434
Just because you're blue
now and again
367
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,604
does not mean
that you have an illness.
368
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:20,039
You caught me drowning
my American Girl dolls.
369
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,774
Why didn't you do anything?!
370
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,443
This is really too much.
371
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,712
I tried to kill myself, Mommy.
372
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,714
I did.
373
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,117
When I was 17.
374
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:33,686
I really wanted to die.
I really did.
375
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,556
I sometimes still do.
376
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,361
You're right.
377
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,697
Nothing we did
was ever enough for you.
378
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:48,535
Don't you think that
if I had talked to someone
379
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:53,140
(crying):
when I was 13 or 17 or 26,
380
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,408
that I would be better now?
381
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,710
That I wouldn't be this person?
382
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,045
What do you want?
383
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,713
Do you want me to hold you
384
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,615
and tell you
that I'm miserable, too?
385
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,752
That I haven't felt love
for your father,
386
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:08,054
for anyone, in 20 years?
387
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,390
That I would kill
to have an affair
388
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,493
but I'm too scared
of what people might say?
389
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:17,364
Or worse,
that no one would have me?
390
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,767
Yes.
391
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:26,739
Well, I don't.
392
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,641
Everyone's fine.
393
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,076
(exhales)
394
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,845
Life is good, Gretchen.
395
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:35,482
I don't know
why you have to make it
396
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:39,085
so difficult for yourself.
397
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,355
I don't make it difficult.
It i difficult.
398
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,997
To be honest, it feels like...
399
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,499
No one wants
to hear these things.
400
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:54,867
If you insist on sharing them,
401
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,136
you'll just push everyone away.
402
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,184
You're wrong, Mommy.
403
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:14,987
Maybe it'll push you away,
but not Jimmy.
404
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,195
(chuckles)
405
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,197
(inhales sharply)
406
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:28,167
Last stop on the train.
407
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:30,470
(gasps)
408
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:33,306
Is this a private club?
409
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:36,142
Where powerful people talk
about their mistresses
410
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,010
and topple governments?
411
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:40,980
Yup. And you're now a member.
412
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,182
It doesn't actually
unlock anything.
413
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,218
You just show it and you get in.
414
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:49,456
(laughter)
415
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,929
Yep. Enjoy.
416
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,331
No. No, they'll sniff me out.
417
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,501
No, that-that's the point
of this day.
418
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:05,171
You still think of yourself
as lowly, poor,
419
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:09,242
undeserving on the outside,
but, Jimmy...
420
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,214
(chuckles)
421
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:17,450
...you belong now.
422
00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:23,890
Go ahead.
423
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:28,295
(sighs)
424
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:30,196
And it all but seems
425
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,266
My lifetime dreams
have ended
426
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:38,104
And I know some people hope
427
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:40,172
They won't come true
428
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:44,076
On...
429
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:50,283
Lankershim, Lankershim
430
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:58,825
I can't start
to live here anymore
431
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,960
Yeah
432
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,429
Oh
433
00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:06,433
I walk away, I walk away
434
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,244
When someone loves you
435
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,413
But you just can't
figure it out
436
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:23,350
Just walk away,
just walk away
437
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:26,152
Just walk away
438
00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:29,822
Oh
439
00:21:29,856 --> 00:21:32,992
Oh, you walked away,
you walked away.
440
00:21:38,565 --> 00:21:40,500
-(sighs)
-Carve out sauvignon blanc
441
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:42,034
in the third trimester,
442
00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:44,837
and you can do whatever you want
with my placenta.
443
00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:47,474
(sighs)
444
00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,778
Threaten the well-being
of my child again,
445
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,813
and I'll sue the britches
off of you.
446
00:22:03,055 --> 00:22:05,291
You jerk!
447
00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:07,059
-(exhales)
-You were gonna leave.
448
00:22:07,093 --> 00:22:08,661
I wasn't serious.
449
00:22:08,695 --> 00:22:11,798
I was calling Becca's bluff,
like you said.
450
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:15,702
I believed you.
Well done.
451
00:22:15,735 --> 00:22:18,104
Anyway, I'm glad you're staying.
452
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:23,743
So, I guess I'll see you
tomorrow for the big day.
453
00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:25,812
Give me a call
if you need anything,
454
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:28,214
or even if you
just want to talk.
455
00:22:28,247 --> 00:22:30,316
Does anybody talk
on the phone anymore?
456
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,151
(both laugh)
457
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:34,687
"Klondike one nine,
patch me through, Midge."
458
00:22:34,721 --> 00:22:36,188
(both laugh)
459
00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:39,025
I don't know what you're doing,
but okay.
460
00:22:39,058 --> 00:22:40,927
Bye, Paul.
461
00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:45,932
(clears throat)
462
00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:48,535
(door opens, closes)
463
00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:49,569
(chuckles)
464
00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:52,605
(phone ringing and buzzing)
465
00:22:59,412 --> 00:23:01,380
Did I forget something?
466
00:23:01,414 --> 00:23:04,050
No. You said to call.
467
00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:07,720
Oh. Do you want me
to come back in?
468
00:23:09,756 --> 00:23:11,791
No.
469
00:23:11,824 --> 00:23:13,460
This is nice.
470
00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:16,228
Hey, Paul?
471
00:23:16,262 --> 00:23:18,230
Yes?
472
00:23:18,264 --> 00:23:21,067
How do fish sleep?
473
00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:25,404
Oh, golly.
474
00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:27,406
It's weirder than you think.
475
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:31,143
For starters,
fish don't have eyelids.
476
00:23:31,177 --> 00:23:32,912
Wow.
477
00:23:38,317 --> 00:23:41,387
-You're leaving?
-I have to go meet your father at the hotel.
478
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,723
Apparently,
he and the docent got into it
479
00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:45,157
about Reagan's handling of AIDS,
480
00:23:45,191 --> 00:23:47,560
and he's still
a little wound up.
481
00:23:47,594 --> 00:23:49,161
I will see you tomorrow.
482
00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:51,230
-You're still coming?
-You know,
483
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:54,100
I see young people,
daughters of my friends
484
00:23:54,133 --> 00:23:56,268
struggling with the question
of having children,
485
00:23:56,302 --> 00:24:00,139
and I just want to tell them,
"Don't.
486
00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:02,509
It's not worth it."
487
00:24:02,542 --> 00:24:04,511
-Mom.
-I'm serious.
488
00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:07,279
What pleasure is it?
489
00:24:08,314 --> 00:24:11,484
You don't like me.
490
00:24:11,518 --> 00:24:14,521
Your brother's a child.
491
00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:17,857
You wanted real.
492
00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:20,660
Whatever you think of me,
493
00:24:20,693 --> 00:24:25,331
it's my job to want more for you
than you want for yourself.
494
00:24:25,364 --> 00:24:28,434
But if you need someone
who doesn't push you
495
00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:31,437
and embraces your flaws,
496
00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:34,440
I'm glad you found Jimmy.
497
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:38,344
I wish you had that, too, Mommy.
498
00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:45,251
See you tomorrow.
499
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:49,889
(door opens)
500
00:24:49,922 --> 00:24:51,290
(door closes)
501
00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:53,893
(sighs)
502
00:24:54,927 --> 00:24:58,064
What a rush. I was on fire.
503
00:24:58,097 --> 00:25:00,032
They followed my stories.
504
00:25:00,066 --> 00:25:04,370
They understood my obscure
allusions and complex wordplay.
505
00:25:04,403 --> 00:25:06,505
They loved me!
506
00:25:06,539 --> 00:25:08,741
You just found your people,
Jimmy.
507
00:25:08,775 --> 00:25:11,911
You found my people.
508
00:25:11,944 --> 00:25:15,481
You know, it is both
infuriating and humbling
509
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:18,084
how thoughtful
of a friend you are.
510
00:25:18,117 --> 00:25:22,321
You've seen me
at my worst, and yet...
511
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:25,157
you've always seen my worth.
512
00:25:25,191 --> 00:25:28,227
And still, it took me years,
513
00:25:28,260 --> 00:25:29,762
literally, to see yours.
514
00:25:29,796 --> 00:25:32,732
-It's okay, Jimmy.
-No. No, it's not.
515
00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:37,403
You are and have always been
my best man
516
00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:39,438
and my best friend.
517
00:25:39,471 --> 00:25:42,341
Thanks, Jimmy, I, uh...
518
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:44,043
I thought this conversation
would be easier
519
00:25:44,076 --> 00:25:45,544
after everything we did today.
520
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:54,520
I wanted to remind you
how far you've come,
521
00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:57,223
how much you've grown,
522
00:25:57,256 --> 00:25:59,225
so I can say this:
523
00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:01,227
don't marry her.
524
00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,463
You told me not to lie to you,
525
00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:06,232
and the truth is,
you can't do it.
526
00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:07,900
You can't marry Gretchen.
527
00:26:07,934 --> 00:26:12,104
No. No, Edgar, we're...
we're in a good place.
528
00:26:12,138 --> 00:26:15,908
I mean, she came clean with me.
She's stopped lying to me.
529
00:26:15,942 --> 00:26:18,310
-For me.
-I don't think it's enough.
530
00:26:18,344 --> 00:26:20,079
Because even when
you tell each other the truth,
531
00:26:20,112 --> 00:26:21,480
you don't do anything about it
532
00:26:21,513 --> 00:26:23,249
and you just end up
hurting each other.
533
00:26:23,282 --> 00:26:25,384
I'm not gonna hurt Gretchen.
534
00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:27,987
Not in ways that count.
She's a tough girl.
535
00:26:28,020 --> 00:26:30,556
-Beautiful. Are those your vows?
-Fuck you.
536
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:32,158
You guys hold
how you don't judge each other
537
00:26:32,191 --> 00:26:33,893
as this great thing,
but it's really not.
538
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:36,763
It's just a justification
for your guys' selfishness.
539
00:26:36,796 --> 00:26:39,398
You love each other,
but that's not the same thing
540
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:41,100
as being good for each other.
541
00:26:41,133 --> 00:26:42,969
-You stop talking.
-I'm sorry, Jimmy.
542
00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:44,470
I'm right.
You know I'm right.
543
00:26:44,503 --> 00:26:46,605
I don't give a shit
544
00:26:46,639 --> 00:26:49,308
what you think
about our relationship.
545
00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:51,510
I never have.
546
00:26:51,543 --> 00:26:53,780
You're pathetic.
You're nothing!
547
00:26:53,813 --> 00:26:55,414
I talked to the venue
and the caterers.
548
00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:56,783
-Stop it.
-And they are willing
549
00:26:56,816 --> 00:26:59,185
to give you half your deposit
back if you cancel now.
550
00:26:59,218 --> 00:27:01,587
We can get in my car
and drive to the desert.
551
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:03,823
We can drive to San Francisco.
We can just drive wherever,
552
00:27:03,856 --> 00:27:05,024
just as long as you...
553
00:27:05,057 --> 00:27:07,794
-We are done.
-Jimmy.
554
00:27:07,827 --> 00:27:11,163
I don't want to see you
ever again.
555
00:27:15,301 --> 00:27:18,304
(voice breaking):
You'll destroy each other.
556
00:27:20,306 --> 00:27:23,309
There is no way I'd rather go.
557
00:27:27,646 --> 00:27:29,648
(sniffles)
558
00:27:32,752 --> 00:27:35,722
(exhales shakily)
559
00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:49,301
(phone chimes)
560
00:27:49,335 --> 00:27:54,040
Forever and a day
561
00:27:54,073 --> 00:27:58,177
We'll dream our lives away
562
00:27:58,210 --> 00:28:00,847
Our love is here to stay
563
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,515
Marry me
564
00:28:03,549 --> 00:28:06,853
I'll give you every color
of the rainbow
565
00:28:06,886 --> 00:28:08,154
-(glass crunches)
-Aah!
566
00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:09,655
(inhales sharply)
567
00:28:09,688 --> 00:28:11,323
(groaning)
568
00:28:11,357 --> 00:28:14,093
They'll say it can't be done
569
00:28:14,126 --> 00:28:18,164
But what do they know?
570
00:28:18,197 --> 00:28:21,567
You'll never be alone
571
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,871
And I'm a baritone
572
00:28:24,904 --> 00:28:28,875
Marry me
573
00:28:28,908 --> 00:28:31,443
I'll gaze into your eyes
574
00:28:31,477 --> 00:28:35,882
And say I love you
575
00:28:35,915 --> 00:28:41,888
There'll always be a rainbow
right above you
576
00:28:41,921 --> 00:28:45,892
Forever and a day
577
00:28:45,925 --> 00:28:50,930
We'll watch our children play,
I know...
578
00:28:50,963 --> 00:28:53,933
(dog barks)
579
00:28:57,003 --> 00:28:58,938
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
580
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,275
-(faint rock playing)
-(people chattering)
581
00:29:03,325 --> 00:29:07,875
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41108
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