All language subtitles for Fam S01E10 - Dance dance resolution

Oh, my God, I can't believe
the wedding is in ten days!

Oh, my God, the wedding is in ten days.

Babe, please, pick an emotion.

It's just there's so much to do.

Shannon, Ben? Would one of you pick up

the welcome bags for
the out-of-town guests?

Well, sounds to me like
you're gonna need somebody

very dependable for that responsibility,

so... Ben?

I don't want to complain,
Clem, but Shannon is your

maid of honor and I'm
just your bridesboy,

yet I seem to be doing everything.

Come on, that's not true.

Look at this list. Ben, Ben,
Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben.

There is only one place
I like hearing my name

called out that many times,
and to put it politely,

none of y'all would be there.

Oh, Shannon,
there is one thing that you could do.

I need somebody to help me pick
out a cute pair of sneakers

to change into after the ceremony.

Wow, Clem, you're gonna be wearing
those for most of your wedding.

That is a huge thing to trust me with.

Fine. I'll do it.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm just gonna have
to make this fun for myself.

I'll find a store with a hot salesman
who has great taste in shoes.

Which will have to be Bloomie's
'cause I've already

"tried on all the shoes" at Barney's.

So what do you need sneakers for?

I can't dance all night in heels,

even though our first
dance is just gonna be us

swaying back and forth like
a lame eighth grade dance.

Um...

my eighth grade dance was
a straight-up grind fest.

Besides, I thought
you guys were gonna salsa,

like you always dreamed of.
What happened?

Nothing. We just decided, as a couple,

that Nick is uncomfortable
dancing in public.

I'm not uncomfortable.

Look, I just don't like the terror

that it instills in every
part of my body, okay?

I don't know what your issue is.

- You're a great dancer.
- Yes.

Sure, here, with you in the kitchen.

I mean, I can do this... ugh, ugh...

all day long.

You can, but the question is,
should you?

How do we feel about the
sneakers at Nordstrom?

'Cause I just remembered I may have...

tried on all the shoes
at Bloomie's, too.

Hey, Nick.

- Can you do me a favor?
- What's up?

My sody's all the way over there.

Thank you.

Respect.

- Hey, Freddy. How's it going?
- Where's Clem?

I'm great, thank you for asking.

Hey, Shannon. How's work?

I'm in tenth grade.

Hey, Dad.

What do you want?

Every time I show up,
you ask me what do I want,

like you're not happy to see me.

So what do you want?

I sort of need a favor.
There was an incident at work.

We were investigating a
possible homicide out in Queens.

Found a bag of heads, and, uh,

we realized, yup, homicide.

Whoa, you found a bag of heads?

Yeah, what did I just say?

Anyway, Clem...

...the department classifies that as
"on-the-job trauma,"

so they're making me get counseling,

and I figured since your future
mother-in-law is a shrink,

I was hoping you could ask her to...

Uh-uh. No way.
I am not letting you use Rose

- for free counseling.
- I don't need Rose

for free counseling.

I just need her to sign a form
that says I had counseling.

Oh... you just want Rose
to commit fraud.

Why does your generation
have to label everything?

I just want to deal with my
psychological stress in a normal way.

You mean, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug?

No, more like glug, glug, puff, puff,

lady, lady, glug, glug.

Forget it, Dad.

I'm not gonna let you
use Rose like that.

Fine.

Nick, my future son-in-law.

How's it going, buddy?

Don't fall for it, Nick!

Freddy, there's absolutely no way

I'm helping you with my mother.

But I'm fine, thanks for asking.

So I guess the only thing
we haven't finalized

is whether or not your father
will sing at the wedding.

Rose, don't put any pressure on them.

You kids can decide later.

♪ But considering I'm
a Broadway star... ♪

You got to give the
people what they want.

Ooh! You could sing for our first dance.

Do you know any songs
that are slow and boring?

Do I?

I remember our first dance.

People said I couldn't do
The Worm in my gown.

I proved them wrong.

I wish I could've seen that.

- Oh, you will.
- Mm-hmm.

Dad, I need your help.

Clem wants to do a big salsa number,

okay, but I am freaked out about
doing it in front of a crowd.

Son, you're great in front of a crowd.

You're a college professor.

You lecture to hundreds of people a day.

Yes, yes, I do,
but not on my tippy toes.

Well, lucky for you, son,
I know a thing or two

about public humiliation. I was in Cats.

Tell you what,

I'll come over this week
and help you lose your fear.

You really think it'll work?
'Cause I want to surprise Clem.

I know it will. Wear comfortable shoes,

eat a good breakfast,
and stretch beforehand.

♪ 'Cause your thighs
are gonna be on fire! ♪

Thank you so much for picking
up the tablecloths tomorrow.

I would do it myself,

but I kind of sort of can't drive.

Wait, what? You can't drive?

- Mm-mm.
- You know what?

I am not gonna judge you
right before your wedding,

so I am simply gonna say,
"Hey, girl, that's not weird."

I know.

My dad promised that he would teach me,
but he never did.

Something always got in the way,

and that something
usually became my stepmom.

Sweetheart, I am really sorry

Freddy broke all of his promises to you.

Yeah, he's the worst. This morning,

he told me that the police
department wants him to have therapy,

and he asked me if you would
sign some form for him.

Can you believe that?

Send him to me.

What?

You heard me, baby, send him to me.

Rose, no.

Just because he's my father,
you shouldn't feel obligated

to help him with one of his scams.

Oh, I'm gonna help him,
all right, but not in the way

he's expecting,

and I'm not gonna give
him that signature

until I see some actual growth.

Good luck. The man can't even
grow the pot plant in his closet.

Clem, you are gonna thank me.

Don't you want to be in a
better place with your father

before the wedding?

Well, I'm not currently
seething with hatred

every waking moment of the day,

so we're kind of at an all-time high.

But things are gonna be better,
you'll see.

You just happen to be speaking
to the best damn therapist

in the city of New York.

You should put that on your card.

Oh, my God, you did.

Thanks for seeing me, Rose.

Here's that form for you to sign.

And, uh, here's 20 bucks
for your trouble.

That's a five.

But thank you.

Ooh, now let me find my pen.

You know, I get so overwhelmed,
I lose things.

Do you ever get overwhelmed, Freddy?

Nice try, Rose.

Trying to trick me into
talking about my feelings.

Well, it ain't gonna happen.

Right, because real men don't
talk about their feelings.

I understand. Most men
get that from their father.

Not me. I never got
anything from my father,

except for good hair and dyslexia.

There it is.

And it is out of ink. You know what?

Freddy, why don't you have
a seat on the couch

while I search for another one.

So your father was a real jerk, huh?

Eh, the louse was never home anyway.

Chef Boyardee was the
closest thing I had

to a male role model.

Fat chef bastard.

Well, it sounds like you
had to take care of yourself

when you were a kid.

Are you kidding?
I had to do everything for myself.

One time I...
Do you mind if I put my feet up?

Please.

So Rose really thinks
she can fix our dad?

Doesn't she have better ways
to completely waste her time?

Hey, my mom is the best damn
therapist in New York City.

Oh, yeah, I've seen the card.

But trust me, you do not want
to go inside that man's head.

It's just a bunch of lies, scams,

and every line of dialogue from
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.

- Dad, what do you want?
- That was hurtful.

But I do understand why you said it.

So, look, I was thinking,
when you were a kid,

I promised to do some things that
I never got around to doing...

which reminds me,
you should get vaccinated for measles.

Yes, thank you,
I found that out the hard way.

Anyway, I was remembering, you know,

just, uh, going back
through my memories,

on my own, prompted by no one,

that, uh, one of those things was

I never taught you how to drive.

So I was thinking maybe I could
take you out for a lesson.

Wait, you want to take me
out for a driving lesson?

Yeah, why not? Give us a chance to bond.

Who-who is this guy?

It's like the opposite
of a zombie movie.

He got bit and turned into a human.

You know what, Dad,

that's actually a really nice offer.

Let's do it tomorrow.

It'll be interesting
to have you teach me

something legal, for once.

Yeah. I'm glad I stopped by.

It's true what they say.
Good things happen

when you put yourself out there.

Have a nice day, everybody.

Even you.

Okay, now, son,

if you can dance in front
of a teenage girl...

...the most notoriously judgmental
creature on the Earth...

...you can dance at your wedding.

Okay, Shannon, do you swear
to watch this dance rehearsal

and heckle as needed?

Walter, it would be my honor.

Dad, I don't think I can do this.

It's one thing in the kitchen, but here,

under the bright lights
of the living room...

too much pressure.

You can do this, son.

Shannon, are you ready to insult?

Literally always.

And a five, six, seven, eight...

You forgot one through four, genius.

Insult him, not me.

Is this a Mets game? 'Cause you suck!

What is this, Bambi on ice?

Power through, son. Power through.

I'm dying slowly inside.

So am I.

Okay, you got your hands
at ten and two. That's great.

Now, don't be afraid to give
it just a little more gas,

aka, any gas at all.

I'm just a little nervous.

Understood. But we were just
passed by a very plump beagle.

Okay, did you just slow down even more?

- This is a two-ton killing machine.
- Well, so is that beagle,

but he's got some pep in his step.

Okay, I'm sorry, Dad, but this is
as fast as I'm comfortable going.

I get it. Baby steps. Wait.

- Oh, my God, that's the guy.
- What guy?

The guy that cut off all the heads.

Right there in the blue Kia. Follow him!

He's going too fast.

Don't think, just drive.

What happens if we catch him?

We try to apprehend him.

If he swings an axe or anything, duck.

Now step on it!

Finally.

Actual proof that you're a virgin.

All right, all right, all right.
I am done!

No more. No. No.

No!

You can't stop in the middle of a salsa.

That's how Charo tore her ACL.

Nick, there is absolutely no
reason for you to be embarrassed.

Nick, there absolutely is.

Got some sneakers.

Had an awkward run-in with
my ex-lover Sebastian.

We're all good now.

What happened to the furniture?

I swear to God, if you people
threw a party without me...

No, no, no. No, Ben, there was no party.

They're just trying to
help me get over my fear

of dancing at the wedding.

Which is useless.

Okay? Just forget it. I'm-I'm done.

What? No.

No. I may not be that
good of a maid of honor,

but this means a lot to Clem,

so I'm gonna help you get through this.

Even though when you dance,

you look like a goat
in zero gravity, I'm sorry.

Nicky, Nicky, this is so easy to fix.

Watch and learn. Give me a beat, daddy.

How is this supposed to help?

You're even worse than Nick.

I know, but I don't care.

If you're having fun,
you're a great dancer,

even if you're a terrible dancer.

I call it the "Ellen Theory."

Come on, join me, Nicky.

Sure, why the hell not?

Dip me.

That's it, son. You're free!

I don't know if I can keep up
with him, Dad.

He's going too fast.

Of course he's going
fast. The fever's got him.

He needs more heads,
and he needs 'em now.

Oh, God, he's pulling over.

And wait, he's...

an old lady?

What, only a man can be a mass murderer?

You know, it's that kind of attitude
that's holding women back.

She's not the killer, is she?

You were thinking too much.

I had to get you out of your head.

And it worked, didn't it? You drove.

Yeah, I did.

Oh, my God, I drove!

That's a pretty nice
father-daughter moment, huh?

Yeah. It was.

You know, you may want to,
uh, mention that to Rose.

Why would I mention that...

Oh. I get it.

This is just so that
she'll sign your form.

So what if it is? I get what I want.

You get what you want. It's a win-win.

What I want is an actual father.

I can't believe I fell for this...
again.

I'm such an idiot.

Oh, come on, sweetie,
you're not an idiot.

You're just dyslexic.

I need to stop hoping
that you're gonna change.

Come on, Clem, I'm your dad.

Barely. You're just the guy
who had sex with my mom.

And Shannon's mom, and probably
a lot of other people's moms.

Clem!

Clem, at least let me drive you home!

There really is a guy
chopping heads out there!

We tell the public we have leads;
we have no leads!

- Oh. Hey, babe.
- Hey.

How was your driving lesson with Freddy?

Well, it started off with
me thinking I was gonna

get my head chopped off,
and ended with me

wishing that I had my head chopped off.

You okay?

I don't want to talk about it.

The moral of the story
is people don't change.

Well, the moral of this story is,

uh, yeah, they do.

Oh, my God, Nick, what's all this?

Play dance mix.

Calling Dan Minsk.

Damn it.

Stop. Bad phone.

Nick?

Dan. Hey, man, uh,
it's been a long time.

Long time.

Let me guess.
Trying to play a dance mix?

You got it.
All right, got to go, man. Bye.

I'll just do this the old-fashioned way.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Oh. Nick?

Nick, what is going on?

I'm transporting you to Havana, Cuba.

And giving you the wedding dance
that you've always dreamed of.

Are you for real?

May I have this dance...

and every dance,

for the rest of our lives?

Yes!

Oh, baby, look at these dance moves.

Ooh, en fuego.

Are you sure you're
gonna be able to do this

in front of 250 people?

Well, I did it in front of Shannon.

Oh, well, then, you're good.

Yeah.

Shannon, I cannot believe
I'm going to say this,

but thank you so much for
tormenting my fiancé.

Anytime.

Whether he wants it or not.

Clem, sweetheart,

I am so sorry that I
was not able to make

real progress with your father.

I was so sure that if he had a
genuine father-daughter moment,

that he'd be hungry for more.

Rose... I hate to say I told you so,

but, as you know,
I was raised very poorly, so...

I told you so.

I just was so sure that I
could get through to him.

Aw, heck, now I just got
to order new business cards

that say, "One of the best
damn therapists in New York."

Hello, Clem.

Dad. What do you want?

Wow. Does not hurt less with repetition.

Hello, everybody.

- Hey.
- Hi, Dad.

- Hey, Freddy.
- Not you.

Look, Clem,
when you said that thing in the car,

it really made me think.

I don't want to be just a guy
that had sex with your mom.

And your mom.

I want to be a dad...
who had sex with your mom.

Well, it's not exactly a Hallmark card,

but it's not nothing.

I mean it.

In fact, I had
such a nice time with you,

I-I started to think maybe I should be

in my daughters' lives a little more.

Booyah!

Ha ha! I told you so.

Hey, I deserve a little credit.

I laid down the daughter
guilt pretty hard.

Let us not forget about
the guy chopping heads.

I mean, it all started with him.

Yeah, he's the real hero here.

If we ever catch him,
I'm gonna shake that man's hand.

So, is this what families do?

You all hang out and
stare at each other?

How long do we sit here for?

- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com