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1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:04,236
all: 17!
2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,638
18!
3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,407
19!
4
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,676
- Sarika, he's gonna
break the record!
5
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,778
- Okie dokie, everybody.
6
00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:15,147
Sit down and start to shut up.
7
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:16,582
[kids groaning]
8
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:18,017
Uh--oh, hey.
9
00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:20,586
Kudos for you guys acting
like normal teens.
10
00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:21,754
Normally when I walk in here
11
00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:23,689
it's like a freaking
creep show.
12
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,024
[thud]
13
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,358
I just found out today that
14
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,826
I have a mailbox
here at this school.
15
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:28,827
Who knew?
16
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,262
- My family's mailbox
17
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:33,032
is a tiny replica
of our actual house.
18
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:35,667
I like to imagine a tiny Victor
lives in there
19
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:39,605
and that my house is a mailbox
for an even bigger Victor.
20
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,006
- Good to know, Vic.
21
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,508
- All right, Sarika,
I need you to separate out
22
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,343
all the mail order catalogues,
okay?
23
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:46,111
The junk mail's
great research for my book.
24
00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:48,714
I want to examine
why people find happiness
25
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,883
through the consumption
of ridiculous products.
26
00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:54,119
So, uh, who here has parents
that have bought things
27
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,055
off of an infomercial?
28
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:58,023
- My mom swears by
the Ped-Scraper.
29
00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:01,193
It's like this potato peeler
for the dead skin on your feet.
30
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,128
It reveals her glowing,
sexy foot
31
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,797
without the price of a spa.
32
00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:07,733
- Hmm, guys, I can't be
the only one who cuts him off.
33
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,401
All right,
now who else has something?
34
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,403
- Hey, yo, Jackie.
Jackie.
35
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,971
Yeah, man.
Over here, man.
36
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,973
Check this out.
You ready for this?
37
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,642
- I am.
- So, yo, you ready?
38
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,343
- Yes.
39
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,679
- If I told you that you can
cook an egg inside your pocket
40
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,915
while you're in the gym,
would you buy it?
41
00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:24,249
- Is that real?
42
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,185
- These are the A.P. Bio
practice exams!
43
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,820
- Yeah, well, Sarika,
you don't really need
44
00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:30,489
to practice for something
you're never going to do.
45
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,660
[pensive music]
46
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:36,495
[rip]
47
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:40,699
♪ ♪
48
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,734
All right, who else here has
a house filled with,
49
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,169
like, infomercial crap?
50
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:46,705
Marissa! You seem like
you probably got
51
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,340
a couple of hoarders
in your household.
52
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:51,577
- Pappy loves treasure.
- I bet.
53
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:54,446
- You will hand over
the practice tests right now
54
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,950
or I'm gonna show everyone
these.
55
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,785
- What are those?
56
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:02,788
[suspenseful music]
57
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,623
♪ ♪
58
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,526
This is pictures
of me and Lynette.
59
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,795
[chuckles] Wow, these are--
these are great.
60
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,463
Sarika, did you take these?
61
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,765
That's very creepy of you, but
these are really good shots.
62
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,701
Can I keep these?
- Yes.
63
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:18,403
- And just so you know,
I'm a grown-up ass man
64
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:21,373
and I don't get embarrassed
when I like someone.
65
00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:24,176
- Same here.
I like Grace.
66
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,779
No, I--I'm embarrassed.
67
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,214
That was embarrassing.
68
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:30,215
[Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"]
69
00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:31,817
- One, two, three, four!
70
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,653
- ♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪
71
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,890
♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
72
00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:44,763
♪ ♪
73
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,965
- [laughing]
74
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,233
- Mr. Jack Griffin.
75
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:51,003
- You, sir,
are suspected of murder.
76
00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:53,238
- Mur--is this about Tampa?
77
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,240
I can't--I--I--I--
I'm tired of explaining this.
78
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,775
Look, if you call it
a dolphin ride,
79
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:59,077
I'm gonna mount it.
All right, they didn't tell me
80
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,579
that you're supposed
to just ride on its tail.
81
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:03,448
How the hell was
I supposed to know?
82
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,350
- I was just
reminding you about
83
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,186
my murder mystery
party tonight.
84
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:08,420
- Oh, God.
Oh yeah, got it.
85
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:09,588
Yeah. No, thanks.
Thank you.
86
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,623
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
87
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:17,329
- Hey, man,
congrats on the party invite.
88
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:18,964
I bet it never gets old.
89
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,332
- Yeah, respect.
90
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,800
- Yes, respect.
91
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,303
Socializing is important.
- Okay, thanks, guys.
92
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,871
I appreciate the respect.
Yuyao, thank you,
93
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,806
but needless to say,
I won't be attending.
94
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,808
Look, I'm gonna tell you guys
something that's not really
95
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,777
going to register
for probably ten-plus years
96
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:35,814
but alone on your couch is
the ultimate Friday night.
97
00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,283
[school bell rings]
98
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:41,186
♪ ♪
99
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:42,888
- We need
those practice tests.
100
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,790
If we don't get them,
we'll be forced to study
101
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,325
with online knockoffs.
102
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:49,194
We need to sneak in tonight
and take them.
103
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:50,862
- Oh...
- Sorry, Sarika.
104
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:53,298
We already have a plan to meet
up for hot dogs at Target.
105
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,800
Grace is working.
106
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:56,301
- VIP treatment.
107
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:59,204
Trust us, it's fun.
- It's really fun.
108
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:01,340
- Fun is not important.
- Wrong.
109
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:03,242
- Do you wanna nail
the A.P. Bio exam
110
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,643
and go to college or not?
111
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:07,246
- Uh, college is going
to be pretty sick.
112
00:04:07,248 --> 00:04:10,515
Eating ramen
and snatching V-cards.
113
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,483
We're in.
114
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,585
- Meet back here at dark.
115
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,054
- What--what time is dark?
116
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,322
- 8:00.
117
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:18,724
What time does
"Room Raiders" come on?
118
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,826
- It's--it's early.
- It's, like, 7:30.
119
00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:23,161
[all giggling]
120
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,030
- Last year the murderer
kept putting
121
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,531
the kill stickers
on our butts!
122
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:30,202
- Buttholes! Okay,
I'm telling you, she aimed.
123
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:31,570
- [chuckles]
124
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,438
- I would not miss
this party for anything.
125
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,440
Unless my mom wakes up.
126
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,410
Oh, and I just love
the theme this year.
127
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,380
- I know!
Murder at Whitlock High
128
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:44,016
Instead of playing, like,
butlers and aging starlets,
129
00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:45,350
we get to play each other!
130
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:46,618
- Ooh, are you going
to Michelle's
131
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,554
murder mystery party,
Jackie Chan?
132
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,123
- Ah, I can't unfortunately.
133
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,792
I've got firm plans to sort
through my junk mail.
134
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,360
- Jack, you've got to go!
135
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:57,296
I--I can pick you up
in any car you want.
136
00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,697
I have a trick that I use
at Enterprise.
137
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,199
You ask for a 15 passenger van.
138
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:02,734
They never have one
139
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:05,971
and then you drive off in
whatever sweet ride you choose.
140
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,873
[all cheering]
141
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,409
- I can't wait to play one
of you guys this year.
142
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,411
- Oh, you guys talking
murder party?
143
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,812
- Yup. Uh, you're still coming,
right?
144
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,081
- Of course.
I'm the reigning champ.
145
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,984
Last year, I solved
the mystery in 47 minutes.
146
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:22,220
Broke Durbin's record and
he is a brilliant detective.
147
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:23,755
[all chuckling]
148
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,624
- Hey, well, my ex-wife
always called me Sherlock.
149
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,726
Like when I would ask her,
"Hey, are you cheating on me?"
150
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,594
And she would go,
"What do you think, Sherlock?"
151
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:31,496
And I also solved the mystery
152
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,265
of my neighbor's
missing penis.
153
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:36,068
Turns out,
it was inside my wife.
154
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:37,803
Oh!
155
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,906
[laughing]
156
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,276
Feels good to laugh.
- [chuckles awkwardly]
157
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:47,079
- Yeah,
so it took you 47 minutes
158
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:48,914
to solve a silly parlor game?
159
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,816
- Oh, you think
you can do it faster?
160
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,417
- Oh, I know I can.
161
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:54,553
- Game on.
- Okay.
162
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,788
- [chuckles]
- Ooh-la-la.
163
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,491
- Looks like someone
is trying to impress someone.
164
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,693
- Yeah, well,
if that first someone is me
165
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,862
and that second someone
is Lynette
166
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,597
then someone is correct.
167
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,766
- Ooh!
- [chuckles]
168
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,701
I was gesturing to you.
You're that other someone.
169
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,470
[school bell ringing]
- Damn it, Jack.
170
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,672
You used up the rest of our
break time for that nonsense?
171
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,108
- Right.
- And that someone is you.
172
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:18,043
- Boo!
- Come on.
173
00:06:21,016 --> 00:06:23,417
[mysterious music]
174
00:06:23,419 --> 00:06:24,518
♪ ♪
175
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,420
- I can't believe they had one!
176
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:30,991
- [groans]
177
00:06:36,432 --> 00:06:38,165
- [clears throat]
178
00:06:38,167 --> 00:06:40,801
Welcome to hell.
179
00:06:40,803 --> 00:06:42,469
[synthesized dramatic music]
180
00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:44,471
If you find a sticker on you,
181
00:06:44,473 --> 00:06:47,374
you've been murdered.
182
00:06:47,376 --> 00:06:48,976
♪ ♪
183
00:06:48,978 --> 00:06:49,877
- Hmm.
184
00:06:49,879 --> 00:06:51,979
- Keith will be providing
the ambiance.
185
00:06:51,981 --> 00:06:53,447
[synthetic thunder roaring]
186
00:06:53,449 --> 00:06:54,815
I really do love you so much.
187
00:06:54,817 --> 00:06:56,316
- I love you.
I'm--I'm also in love with you.
188
00:06:56,318 --> 00:06:57,951
I remain in love with you.
- You stay perfect.
189
00:06:57,953 --> 00:07:01,321
- Thanks for coming everyone
and welcome to hell.
190
00:07:01,323 --> 00:07:03,991
[woman screaming]
191
00:07:03,993 --> 00:07:06,960
- You're all to remain
in character as each other.
192
00:07:06,962 --> 00:07:08,996
The game ends when someone
catches the murderer
193
00:07:08,998 --> 00:07:12,900
in the act
or the murderer kills us all.
194
00:07:12,902 --> 00:07:15,669
Winner gets this trophy.
195
00:07:15,671 --> 00:07:16,904
- Ooh!
- Sweet.
196
00:07:16,906 --> 00:07:19,339
- Yes, queen. Yes!
197
00:07:19,341 --> 00:07:22,509
- Wow, you know what?
I see you, Coach.
198
00:07:22,511 --> 00:07:24,178
[chuckles]
I see you.
199
00:07:24,180 --> 00:07:25,379
- We begin with--
200
00:07:25,381 --> 00:07:28,082
[gasps]
A murder!
201
00:07:28,084 --> 00:07:30,117
♪ ♪
202
00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:33,520
- It's you, Dave.
- No, it's not!
203
00:07:33,522 --> 00:07:35,155
- If you would lay down,
204
00:07:35,157 --> 00:07:37,191
you're our kickoff
murder victim this year!
205
00:07:37,193 --> 00:07:39,226
- I was the first victim
last year!
206
00:07:39,228 --> 00:07:41,428
I drove all the way
from Morenci for this.
207
00:07:41,430 --> 00:07:42,763
- We know, Dave.
- Down.
208
00:07:42,765 --> 00:07:44,098
- I mean, I just loaded up.
209
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:46,200
I--I, you know,
I haven't taken a bite yet.
210
00:07:46,202 --> 00:07:47,768
- Down.
- We know. We know.
211
00:07:47,770 --> 00:07:49,903
- Dave, come on.
- Really.
212
00:07:49,905 --> 00:07:51,572
You all want that?
all: Yes!
213
00:07:51,574 --> 00:07:53,373
- Well, keep your eyes open.
- It just doesn't seem fair.
214
00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:54,708
I mean, two years in a row.
215
00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:56,243
Uh, but--what would you do
if it was--
216
00:07:56,245 --> 00:07:57,711
it's just not right!
217
00:07:57,713 --> 00:08:00,180
- Down, David.
- I don't wanna do it.
218
00:08:00,182 --> 00:08:04,518
I'm laying down because I
respect the rules of the game.
219
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,987
I live in Morenci.
Ugh!
220
00:08:07,790 --> 00:08:10,357
- And I believe you all have
your assignments.
221
00:08:10,359 --> 00:08:13,794
Let the games begin!
222
00:08:13,796 --> 00:08:15,395
♪ ♪
223
00:08:15,397 --> 00:08:17,731
- Clock's ticking.
224
00:08:17,733 --> 00:08:19,366
- Um, oh, J'accuse!
225
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:21,602
[laughing] J'accuse.
Yeah, Michelle?
226
00:08:21,604 --> 00:08:23,971
Your music-y husband there
with the too-much-equipment.
227
00:08:23,973 --> 00:08:25,706
Yup, I see him touching
Mary's elbow there.
228
00:08:25,708 --> 00:08:28,075
Why don't you check your elbow?
I bet you'll find a sticker.
229
00:08:28,077 --> 00:08:30,711
- Oh, I--I just wanted
to feel the fabric.
230
00:08:30,713 --> 00:08:33,080
I'm kind of a textile head.
231
00:08:33,082 --> 00:08:35,916
- Wait, you're Helen?
232
00:08:35,918 --> 00:08:37,084
I'm Helen!
233
00:08:37,086 --> 00:08:38,452
- Maybe that's a clue!
234
00:08:38,454 --> 00:08:41,922
Or maybe it's a--
235
00:08:41,924 --> 00:08:45,459
[spooky]
Mistake!
236
00:08:45,461 --> 00:08:48,462
[mischievous music]
237
00:08:48,464 --> 00:08:52,733
♪ ♪
238
00:08:52,735 --> 00:08:54,401
- [quietly]
Okay.
239
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,670
- Let's go.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
240
00:08:56,672 --> 00:09:00,741
♪ ♪
241
00:09:00,743 --> 00:09:03,277
- Whoa, the faculty lounge.
242
00:09:03,279 --> 00:09:06,313
This is where the teachers talk
about what pills they use.
243
00:09:06,315 --> 00:09:08,015
- Wait.
- Come on, Sarika.
244
00:09:08,017 --> 00:09:10,751
- No.
No, you guys.
245
00:09:10,753 --> 00:09:12,085
[sighs]
246
00:09:12,087 --> 00:09:13,420
[mellow music playing]
247
00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:17,324
- [gasps]
The murderer has struck again!
248
00:09:17,326 --> 00:09:18,692
- Uh-oh!
249
00:09:18,694 --> 00:09:20,928
- Oh, ooh.
250
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:22,296
- Oh, he snuck
a drink in there, didn't he?
251
00:09:22,298 --> 00:09:24,131
[all chuckling]
- [groans dramatically]
252
00:09:24,133 --> 00:09:26,967
- Who amongst us shall be next?
253
00:09:26,969 --> 00:09:29,136
- Oh, I--I hope it's not me.
254
00:09:29,138 --> 00:09:30,938
I live in Morenci.
255
00:09:30,940 --> 00:09:32,439
[all laughing]
256
00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:33,974
- He's--he's still doing Dave.
- That's good.
257
00:09:33,976 --> 00:09:35,542
That was really good.
- Get him, Durb!
258
00:09:35,544 --> 00:09:37,110
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
259
00:09:37,112 --> 00:09:38,612
Who's--who's over there
near Fred?
260
00:09:38,614 --> 00:09:40,514
Helen, you were over there.
261
00:09:40,516 --> 00:09:41,815
You're the murderer.
262
00:09:41,817 --> 00:09:43,016
- I mean, you seem nervous.
263
00:09:43,018 --> 00:09:44,651
- No, I'm not--I'm not--
I'm not--
264
00:09:44,653 --> 00:09:47,020
- Which, you know, makes sense
because you are 25 minutes in
265
00:09:47,022 --> 00:09:50,290
and it looks like
that record is slipping away.
266
00:09:50,292 --> 00:09:51,992
You only have
two accusations left.
267
00:09:51,994 --> 00:09:53,527
- Look, it doesn't matter
because I'm gonna--
268
00:09:53,529 --> 00:09:55,329
I'm gonna--
- Tick tock, tick tock.
269
00:09:55,331 --> 00:09:56,964
- Well, that's fine
because I'm just gonna--
270
00:09:56,966 --> 00:09:58,332
I'm gonna go ahead
and end this right now.
271
00:09:58,334 --> 00:10:00,167
Michelle,
I have an accusation to make.
272
00:10:00,169 --> 00:10:02,502
I accuse Helen of murder!
J'accuse, j'accuse!
273
00:10:02,504 --> 00:10:03,904
- What?
274
00:10:03,906 --> 00:10:06,740
- Okay, thanks.
Remember, you're playing coach.
275
00:10:06,742 --> 00:10:08,342
He doesn't know French.
276
00:10:08,344 --> 00:10:10,043
- I know enough.
277
00:10:10,646 --> 00:10:14,181
♪ ♪
278
00:10:14,183 --> 00:10:17,017
- Tell me the truth, Mary.
Did you put the sticker on him?
279
00:10:17,019 --> 00:10:18,886
- Hey, no Mary here.
280
00:10:18,888 --> 00:10:21,054
Fake Mary's over there,
laying down,
281
00:10:21,056 --> 00:10:22,856
wear a pair of
boner-killing khakis
282
00:10:22,858 --> 00:10:24,658
that no woman
would ever wear.
283
00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:26,193
- That is not true!
284
00:10:26,195 --> 00:10:28,061
I borrowed these
from my wife!
285
00:10:28,063 --> 00:10:30,697
- "I borrowed these
from my wife!"
286
00:10:30,699 --> 00:10:33,333
[all laughing]
- Get him, Durb!
287
00:10:33,335 --> 00:10:36,003
- What's your favorite type
of brown coffee?
288
00:10:37,106 --> 00:10:39,239
- Folgers.
- Me too.
289
00:10:39,241 --> 00:10:42,209
- There's a lot of
half-eaten salads in here.
290
00:10:42,211 --> 00:10:44,411
I'm just gonna take a Cobb.
291
00:10:44,413 --> 00:10:46,880
My parents paid for it
with their tax dollars.
292
00:10:46,882 --> 00:10:48,215
- Guys.
[both exclaim]
293
00:10:48,217 --> 00:10:50,117
- Stop goofing around.
294
00:10:50,119 --> 00:10:51,885
I got the key.
295
00:10:51,887 --> 00:10:53,754
Let's get these tests.
296
00:10:54,456 --> 00:10:57,391
- Hi, Helen. I'm Jack,
I'm an Ivy Leaguer
297
00:10:57,393 --> 00:11:00,560
and I'm not the murder because
I'm too busy stomping around
298
00:11:00,562 --> 00:11:03,897
and grumping around
and, uh, shopping for sweaters.
299
00:11:03,899 --> 00:11:05,432
- [chuckles]
Yes!
300
00:11:05,434 --> 00:11:08,468
And howdy, I'm Helen
and I'm not the murderer
301
00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:11,605
because I'm too busy
buying sweatshirts.
302
00:11:11,607 --> 00:11:14,708
[cackling]
303
00:11:16,912 --> 00:11:18,779
- Wow.
304
00:11:18,781 --> 00:11:20,414
You bitch.
305
00:11:20,416 --> 00:11:23,417
[upbeat party music playing]
306
00:11:23,419 --> 00:11:24,618
♪ ♪
307
00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:27,087
- Did you just touch my back?
Did you put a sticker on me?
308
00:11:27,089 --> 00:11:28,922
Dude.
- Hey, hey Jack.
309
00:11:28,924 --> 00:11:30,657
- What are you doing?
- Whoa!
310
00:11:30,659 --> 00:11:32,092
Have you solved it yet?
311
00:11:32,094 --> 00:11:33,493
'Cause your time is nearly up.
312
00:11:33,495 --> 00:11:35,329
- Yeah, you know what?
I think I got it.
313
00:11:35,331 --> 00:11:37,164
I'm gonna make a--
I'm gonna j'accuse.
314
00:11:37,166 --> 00:11:39,333
Check this out.
- All right.
315
00:11:39,335 --> 00:11:40,934
- A food drive?
both: Yeah.
316
00:11:40,936 --> 00:11:42,970
- Hey, ladies.
- Oh, Jack. Hi.
317
00:11:42,972 --> 00:11:43,971
- Hi.
- Hi!
318
00:11:43,973 --> 00:11:45,339
- Yeah, save it, lady.
319
00:11:45,341 --> 00:11:47,074
I saw you over by
the snack table earlier.
320
00:11:47,076 --> 00:11:49,676
Yeah, where Ms. Malinowski
got stickered?
321
00:11:49,678 --> 00:11:51,178
- [chuckles]
Oh, no!
322
00:11:51,180 --> 00:11:53,780
- Oh, I'm onto you,
you sneaky son of a bitch.
323
00:11:53,782 --> 00:11:56,016
[chuckles]
- Excuse me?
324
00:11:56,018 --> 00:11:58,418
- Uh, yeah, if I reach into
your pocket right now,
325
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:00,187
what am I gonna find?
I think I'm gonna--
326
00:12:00,189 --> 00:12:01,655
well, I think
I'm just gonna find a--
327
00:12:01,657 --> 00:12:03,957
Ow! Why do you have forks
in your pocket?
328
00:12:03,959 --> 00:12:05,592
- Okay, Jack, Jack,
take it easy.
329
00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:07,527
- Oh, go easy. Let's go--
everybody go easy.
330
00:12:07,529 --> 00:12:09,363
No, no, no, I'm sorry, Ralph,
but I'm trying to play the game.
331
00:12:09,365 --> 00:12:10,964
Isn't that why we're here?
To play the game?
332
00:12:10,966 --> 00:12:12,499
All right, you--you know what?
You guys are just jealous
333
00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:14,267
'cause I'm gonna break
the record.
334
00:12:14,269 --> 00:12:16,136
That's--that's what it is.
'Cause I'm--I'm a winner.
335
00:12:16,138 --> 00:12:17,938
Yeah,
I'm the smartest guy here!
336
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,639
[chuckles] And I'm going to be
at home eating that cookie cake
337
00:12:19,641 --> 00:12:21,208
while you guys are
in your beds
338
00:12:21,210 --> 00:12:22,976
pulling stickers out
of your buttholes!
339
00:12:22,978 --> 00:12:24,277
both: Hmm?
340
00:12:25,681 --> 00:12:27,280
You know what?
I--you know what I'm gonna do?
341
00:12:27,282 --> 00:12:29,349
I'm gonna go to the kitchen.
342
00:12:31,220 --> 00:12:33,620
Mavis, we're gonna
need those forks back, okay?
343
00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:34,988
- Hmm?
344
00:12:34,990 --> 00:12:36,123
[forks clinking]
345
00:12:36,125 --> 00:12:37,491
[upbeat music]
346
00:12:37,493 --> 00:12:39,559
- I don't know
if she heard me or not.
347
00:12:43,495 --> 00:12:45,729
les]
- Oh, God.
348
00:12:46,465 --> 00:12:48,631
That was an awesome meltdown.
349
00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:51,167
- Well, you sure seem like
you enjoyed it.
350
00:12:51,169 --> 00:12:53,970
- "I'm the smartest one here"?
I mean, that was spectacular.
351
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:55,372
- Mm-hmm.
By the way,
352
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,474
why are you carrying
that folder around?
353
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,376
- Durbin always has a folder.
354
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:01,778
- No, he doesn't.
- Yes, he does.
355
00:13:02,481 --> 00:13:03,780
- J'accuse.
- What?
356
00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:05,115
- J'accuse!
Let me see this thing.
357
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:06,349
What's in here?
358
00:13:06,351 --> 00:13:08,852
Oh-ho-ho!
You're the killer!
359
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:10,320
Ho-ho! I win.
I win, what time is it?
360
00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:11,654
Did I--
did I break the record?
361
00:13:11,656 --> 00:13:13,123
- There's just one problem.
- What?
362
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,025
- You died ten seconds ago.
363
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:16,526
[chuckles]
364
00:13:16,528 --> 00:13:18,361
- What did you--oh,
when you came in.
365
00:13:18,363 --> 00:13:20,030
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Yeah, oh, damn it.
366
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,565
- You know,
if we form an alliance,
367
00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:25,935
I think I can win and
end this game in record time.
368
00:13:25,937 --> 00:13:27,203
- What's in it for me?
369
00:13:27,205 --> 00:13:30,273
- 10,000 cookie cake calories.
370
00:13:30,275 --> 00:13:31,775
- Mmm, I love cookie cakes.
I'm in.
371
00:13:31,777 --> 00:13:34,411
- Dial that coach thing up
to, like, an 11.
372
00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:35,912
- [Southern accent]
I can handle that.
373
00:13:35,914 --> 00:13:38,748
- [chuckling] That's good.
Let's go kill our friends.
374
00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:41,918
[Joan Jett & The Blackhearts' "I Love Rock 'N Roll" plays]
375
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,522
♪ ♪
376
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:47,891
- Strong enough for a man,
strong enough for a woman.
377
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:50,527
Who gives a rip?
It's all deodorant.
378
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,295
[gunshot, knife clangs]
- So good.
379
00:13:52,297 --> 00:13:53,897
- [laughs]
- I liked it.
380
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,765
- I thought
I was talking to coach.
381
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:58,068
- Now a mesh short,
that'll let 'em breathe,
382
00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:00,570
but spandex will save you
from the chafe.
383
00:14:00,572 --> 00:14:03,039
- Bingo,
but you still got a talc.
384
00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,641
- Oh, ya got a talc.
385
00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:06,409
- Yeah!
[knife clangs]
386
00:14:06,411 --> 00:14:08,611
- Any dope with a dingus
can be a father,
387
00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:12,115
but it takes a real man
to be a dad.
388
00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:13,817
Get on in here champ!
389
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,919
Huh?
Give us a hug?
390
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:18,421
[gunshots]
391
00:14:18,423 --> 00:14:20,657
- ♪ I love rock and roll ♪
392
00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:23,226
♪ So come and take the time and dance with me ♪
393
00:14:23,228 --> 00:14:24,928
- Oh, heck.
394
00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:28,164
How does a Harvard man die?
395
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:29,833
Uh...
396
00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:31,968
Oh, treachery!
397
00:14:31,970 --> 00:14:34,304
Oh, sweet dagger!
398
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:36,306
Horatio, I'm dying.
399
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:39,442
Oh, my kingdom for a horse!
400
00:14:39,444 --> 00:14:41,578
Ooh, ooh.
401
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,246
[funeral dirge playing]
402
00:14:43,248 --> 00:14:44,848
Ow, I'm Jack!
403
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:46,616
- That is--
that's how you would die.
404
00:14:46,618 --> 00:14:48,518
[chuckling]
Leg work, okay.
405
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,787
- Oh, no!
Your butt got murdered again!
406
00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:52,155
- Oh, no, wait.
Let me see yours.
407
00:14:52,157 --> 00:14:53,523
Let me see.
408
00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:55,358
Oh, it got you too!
- [groans]
409
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:56,826
- Oh, girl, let's go die
at a wine table.
410
00:14:56,828 --> 00:14:58,328
- Come on.
- Man!
411
00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:01,164
- Oh, hell. I'm out.
- Me too.
412
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:02,665
- [grunting]
413
00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:06,136
[dramatic synthesized music]
414
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:09,139
[suspenseful music]
415
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:16,412
♪ ♪
416
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:34,764
all: Whoa!
417
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:36,466
- Not too fast,
not too fast!
418
00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:39,302
[all cheering]
419
00:15:39,304 --> 00:15:42,138
- You guys, I did it! I got the
tests from Mr. Griffin's desk!
420
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:44,707
- We just found the janitors'
mops and we're gonna joust.
421
00:15:44,709 --> 00:15:46,576
- We are not supposed
to be having fun.
422
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:48,478
There's no question
on the Harvard application
423
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,780
about how much fun
I had in high school.
424
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:54,484
[sighs]
Look.
425
00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:56,252
I know I'm a lot.
426
00:15:56,254 --> 00:15:57,754
I know nobody likes me.
427
00:15:57,756 --> 00:16:00,423
- We like you Sarika.
Right, guys?
428
00:16:00,425 --> 00:16:02,392
- Yeah, you're fun.
- You're hardcore.
429
00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:04,494
- You're my best friend.
430
00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:06,029
- Oh.
431
00:16:07,098 --> 00:16:08,498
Thank you.
432
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,334
- So what do you say?
433
00:16:11,336 --> 00:16:14,470
[imitates lances swishing]
434
00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:17,840
[upbeat rock music]
435
00:16:17,842 --> 00:16:19,275
- I guess I could do one joust.
436
00:16:19,277 --> 00:16:20,743
[all cheering]
437
00:16:20,745 --> 00:16:22,545
Just so we can
get out of here.
438
00:16:22,547 --> 00:16:24,514
- Aim for the soft meat!
- Shut up.
439
00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:25,715
♪ ♪
440
00:16:25,717 --> 00:16:27,917
- Three, two, one.
441
00:16:27,919 --> 00:16:29,519
♪ ♪
442
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:32,488
- [yelling, chuckling]
Oh, my God!
443
00:16:33,091 --> 00:16:34,290
- That was amazing.
444
00:16:34,292 --> 00:16:36,092
That was amazing.
- That was good.
445
00:16:36,094 --> 00:16:37,760
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
446
00:16:37,762 --> 00:16:39,262
Are you not gonna tell them
that you're the murderer?
447
00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:42,465
- No, I think I want it
to be a mystery forever.
448
00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:44,133
Kind of like a Zodiac Killer
type of thing.
449
00:16:44,135 --> 00:16:45,602
- Ooh!
450
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:46,903
hey, so, I don't know
if you noticed,
451
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:48,705
but I grabbed your trophy
on the way out.
452
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:50,039
It's a delicious looking
cookie cake.
453
00:16:50,041 --> 00:16:52,642
Are you just gonna eat it
by yourself or...?
454
00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:54,777
I mean, technically,
half this thing's mine,
455
00:16:54,779 --> 00:16:58,214
so if you wanted
to go somewhere and split it.
456
00:16:58,216 --> 00:17:00,683
- You know what
I've always wanted to do?
457
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,420
To kick a field goal.
458
00:17:04,422 --> 00:17:07,190
- Right now?
- What, you busy?
459
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:09,459
- No.
460
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:11,761
[sneaky music]
461
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:13,765
.
462
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:17,836
- [announcer voice]
And here's the kick!
463
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,342
- Going, going, it's gone!
464
00:17:23,344 --> 00:17:25,477
- It's good!
[chuckling]
465
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:26,645
Oh!
466
00:17:26,647 --> 00:17:28,880
You know,
it's true what they say.
467
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,617
I am great at football.
468
00:17:31,619 --> 00:17:32,818
- Yes, you are.
469
00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:33,986
- Okay, who wants to go next?
470
00:17:33,988 --> 00:17:35,387
Heather,
You want some of this?
471
00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:37,356
- Bitch,
I was born to joust you.
472
00:17:37,358 --> 00:17:39,391
- Oh!
[chuckles]
473
00:17:39,393 --> 00:17:40,726
- Hey, can you guys
let me know
474
00:17:40,728 --> 00:17:42,894
if you find, like,
a little screw?
475
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:45,197
- Let's do it!
- Three, two, one, roll!
476
00:17:45,199 --> 00:17:46,398
- [yelling]
477
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,633
- Anthony, watch out!
478
00:17:47,635 --> 00:17:49,234
- [exclaims]
[thudding]
479
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,836
[all chuckling]
480
00:17:50,838 --> 00:17:53,238
- Hey, what are you kids
doing in here?
481
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,673
- Run!
482
00:17:54,675 --> 00:17:55,974
[all kids yelling]
483
00:17:55,976 --> 00:17:58,810
- Really? Come back!
- Go, go! Aah!
484
00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:01,246
- Stop!
Stop right there!
485
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:03,415
Stop!
486
00:18:03,417 --> 00:18:06,385
- [screams]
- Go, go, go!
487
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:10,555
- Sarika, the tests!
- Oh, no.
488
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,658
You know what?
Leave them.
489
00:18:12,660 --> 00:18:13,725
Go, go, go!
Oh, my God!
490
00:18:13,727 --> 00:18:15,260
This is so much fun!
491
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:18,497
- Seriously,
can I tell you something that
492
00:18:18,499 --> 00:18:19,931
might be hard to hear?
493
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,767
- Oh, absolutely.
I can't wait to hear this.
494
00:18:21,769 --> 00:18:23,435
- [clears throat]
495
00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:24,870
You impression
of Coach sucked.
496
00:18:24,872 --> 00:18:26,938
- Oh, no,
- It was bad.
497
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,607
- No, my Coach was excellent.
498
00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:31,276
- I, on the other hand...
- Mm-hmm.
499
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:32,678
- I did a perfect Durbin.
500
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:33,879
- Yeah, it was pretty good.
501
00:18:33,881 --> 00:18:35,847
- In fact,
I'm still doing Durbin.
502
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:37,949
Everything I've said tonight.
Durbin.
503
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,451
- Really.
- Mm-hmm.
504
00:18:39,453 --> 00:18:41,687
- Ev--everything you're saying
and doing right now,
505
00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:43,288
that's not you,
that's you doing Durbin?
506
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:45,424
- Every single thing.
507
00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:50,062
- How about now?
508
00:18:52,766 --> 00:18:55,133
- Yeah.
- Really, still Durbin?
509
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:57,035
- Still Durbin.
510
00:18:57,037 --> 00:18:59,204
- Still Durbin?
- Still Durbin.
511
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:02,274
- How about right now?
- Yep.
512
00:19:02,276 --> 00:19:05,243
[soft music]
513
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:08,313
♪ ♪
514
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,716
- You need to sign
your permission slips!
515
00:19:10,718 --> 00:19:12,484
- Oh, Ralph.
516
00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:15,487
[both chuckling]
517
00:19:15,489 --> 00:19:16,655
♪ ♪
518
00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:18,290
[all yelling]
519
00:19:18,292 --> 00:19:20,325
- Whoa, guys, guys!
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
520
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:21,793
Is that Mr. Griffin?
521
00:19:21,795 --> 00:19:23,995
- Yeah. That's that
payroll lady he lies.
522
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:26,064
- Aww.
- Get some!
523
00:19:26,066 --> 00:19:27,499
[footsteps approaching rapidly]
524
00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:29,601
- Let's go!
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
525
00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,470
Let's go!
526
00:19:31,472 --> 00:19:34,172
[mischievous music]
527
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,907
♪ ♪
528
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:38,343
- Everyone's having fun
but me.
529
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,083
- So what do you think?
530
00:19:45,085 --> 00:19:47,452
You'll sign with the Chargers,
Patriots?
531
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:48,620
- Ooh.
- Me?
532
00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:50,188
I'm probably heading
to Green Bay.
533
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,790
- Yeah, you know what? I--
I think I'd think I'd sign
534
00:19:51,792 --> 00:19:54,593
with any of them
to get out of Toledo.
535
00:19:54,595 --> 00:19:55,927
- You don't like living
in Toledo?
536
00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:57,496
- God, no. No.
[scoffs]
537
00:19:57,498 --> 00:19:59,297
Can't wait to get out of here.
538
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:01,967
I'm thinking probably Tokyo,
maybe Berlin.
539
00:20:01,969 --> 00:20:04,002
You know, London
if a lot goes wrong.
540
00:20:04,805 --> 00:20:06,538
- Okay, well,
I'm here to stay.
541
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:08,707
- [chuckles]
542
00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:11,476
Oh.
Come on, really?
543
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,345
- Yeah.
544
00:20:13,347 --> 00:20:14,813
I love Toledo.
545
00:20:16,150 --> 00:20:17,816
- Okay.
546
00:20:17,818 --> 00:20:20,519
Well, I...
547
00:20:20,521 --> 00:20:22,220
don't like it.
548
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,390
[scoffs]
Yeah.
549
00:20:27,628 --> 00:20:29,895
- [clears throat]
550
00:20:37,471 --> 00:20:39,070
all: Bye!
- Drive safe!
551
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:42,841
- Great party, guys.
- Okay, that's the last one.
552
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,577
[Mayer Hawthorne's "Just Ain't Gonna Work Out" plays]
553
00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:47,445
- ♪ Don't wanna see your tears ♪
554
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:50,015
- Yeah, I have been waiting
for this all night.
555
00:20:50,017 --> 00:20:51,483
- Then get off those jeans.
556
00:20:51,485 --> 00:20:53,652
- My sweater is tucked all
the way into my underwear.
557
00:20:53,654 --> 00:20:54,920
- You got something for me?
558
00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:56,388
You wanna see that?
- Oh, yeah, I do.
559
00:20:56,390 --> 00:20:57,923
- How about this one?
- The other one too.
560
00:20:57,925 --> 00:20:59,257
- Who's the Devil?
- You're the Devil.
561
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,992
- You're the Devil tonight.
I'm more the--
562
00:21:00,994 --> 00:21:02,828
- Um, guys,
I'm still here.
563
00:21:02,830 --> 00:21:04,596
- Oh, my God!
- Dave, get out!
564
00:21:04,598 --> 00:21:05,931
- Right.
- Get out of here!
565
00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:07,098
- Get out! Go!
- Yeah, I'm leaving.
566
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,433
- He saw my shoulder, Keith.
567
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:10,035
- He saw--you saw
my baby's shoulder.
568
00:21:10,037 --> 00:21:12,370
- Go! Idiot!
- I'm leaving!
569
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,940
- Oh, God.
I don't feel like it now.
570
00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:17,209
- [scoffs] Dave!
- I'm gonna...
44878
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