All language subtitles for Star Trek Lower Decks S05E02

Not quiet enough, Green. You
take our ship. We take your lives.

Whoa! We're gonna crush him with
a... Wh-what's that supposed to be?

Sorry, my bad. It's nothing. Just
dropped a snack. Let's try again.

Maybe run a double
broadside protocol?

Ooh, look at you, Miss Starfleet.
Speaking like a true Orion General.

Well, someone has
to do the talking.

You're too busy eating all the
wing-slug rolls. I only had, like, six.

Hey! That's enough battle
strategy for tonight. It's getting late.

Just ten more minutes?
We barely even pillaged.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, are
you okay? Yeah, all good.

Just a little bit of heartburn.

Well, luckily we've got a doctor
in the room. Better safe than sorry.

Get away from me
with that Starfleet crap.

I-I just want to see what's
wrong. Nothing's wrong.

I just had a few too
many slug rolls. Drop it.

Captain's log,
star date 59376.9.

TheCerritos has
arrived at Targalus IX,

a recent addition
to the Federation,

to help dismantle their
capitalist system of wealth.

Having just acquired
post-scarcity technology,

the Targalans are removing their
obsolete financial structures

to make room for museums
and meditation gardens.

Most Targalans have embraced
their new way of life, as evidenced

by the planet-wide celebration.

Oop! I got your back, Ensign.
Remember Boimler's Bointer number three:

Lift with the legs and your
spine will be fine. Yes, sir.

Thank you for the Bointer.
Damn, look at all this stuff.

Dumb old currency sure does
take up a lot of space.

You finish converting the stock
exchange into an animal hospital?

Yeah, smells a lot better in
there now, believe it or not.

Plus, they're using all the
old briefcases as litter boxes.

Wait, Boims. Don't move.

- There's something on your face.
- Is it a bug?

Worse. It is a weird little
mustache. Ha-ha. Very funny.

But also pertinent.
Boimler's Bointer number 16:

Always research flora and
fauna on a new planet.

You never know what might
be trying to kill you.

Great advice, Commander.
Yeah, I was really fearing

for my life over here. Not
sure they love the Bointers.

Where'd that come from?
You've never had pointers before.

Bointers, not pointers.
I read a, biography

where someone had a lot of
confidence in their away teams

and I was just giving it a try.

Hey, hey, don't look at
me, I love a good Bointer.

Love it, truly.
I'm just saying,

you know, maybe let these
guys off the hook for a bit?

Go enjoy the planet-wide party.

I don't know, the Bointers
have kept us ahead of schedule.

Exactly! And that means
we can have some fun, too.

Come on, be the fun boss, Boims.
The fun boss? I could be the fun boss.

Brad Boimler: Fun Boss.
Yeah, I'll do it! I'm in!

Ensigns, why don't you take an hour off?
- You've earned it. - Yeah!

W-Wait, really? I was
just making conversation.

I didn't think you'd
actually say yes.

Hell yeah! I like
this fun Boimler.

Personal log. Those stupid
blue hit us again today...

I just can't believe how
great it is having D'Vana back.

I couldn't ask for
a better sister. Aw!

But there's just too
much on the line.

And now I have to keep
my pregnancy secret.

I'm gonna be an aunt?

Why are you in my office
with the lights off, weirdo?

I was just, looking
for... a dagger.

There are literally daggers in
every room. Right! Totally forgot.

Heh, Starfleet brain. Anyway,
better get back to... cutting stuff.

Wait, wait, wait, while you're here,
I, I have some big news. Really?

Well, you know you
can tell me anything.

We've been summoned before
the Orion pirate queen.

Apparently they aren't too
happy with our pirate war. Okay.

Was there anything else
you need to tell me?

Yeah. If you keep
standing in dark rooms,

people are gonna
think you're a creep.

Right.

Okey nopey! T'Lyn,
wow. You really got me.

I did not intend to "get you." I am
simply in need of a partner to aid

in my senior science
officer training.

Would you mind teaching me
how to repair the shuttle?

Aw, I wish I could
be your study buddy,

but my implant is having a hard
time connecting to this old door.

There is no urgency.
I will wait.

You mean just stand
there right behind my back,

staring off into space and doing
nothing? That is correct. Okey do key.

Sounds good.

Houses Tendi and Azure.
They're going by Azure now?

Better than Big Blue
Losers, I guess.

With each of you
pirating the other,

there's no new booty
flowing into the Syndicate.

We can barely afford
to feed our blazzards.

This war was instigated by House
Tendi. They used un-Orion tactics

to steal our frigate. Bull. You
tried to steal it from us first.

And it's pronounced
"-Ryan"! Enough!

When you pillage each
other, it hurts all Orions.

I order you to settle
this as the ancients did:

with a sails hip race through
the Excellon Nebula. My!

Orions haven't used sailships
in hundreds of years.

Isn't this a bit extreme?
We're gonna crush this.

I did varsity solar
sailing in high school.

Not through a dangerous nebula.
The first to survive the journey

and reach our hidden treasure
wins. Okay. Maybe it'll be fun.

It will not be fun.

The losing house will be
removed from the Syndicate,

and their wealth given to the winner.
- What?! - Hell yeah. It is on!

Hope you ladies like to lose.

Ooh, I'm gonna kick
their "Or eon" asses.

Actually, I was thinking maybe
I should handle this on my own.

Yeah, right. Well, as prime,
you should probably stay far

from any gravitons and chronitons
and any other dangerous 'tons.

Nebulas are full of 'tons.

You can't even solar-sail.
What are you talking about?

B-But you could hurt
the... yourself.

I'm the prime of one of the
biggest houses in the Syndicate.

People try to assassinate
me over brunch.

I think I can handle
a sailing trip.

Okay, well, let's just
make sure we wear helmets

and kneepads and, ooh, maybe
some full body armor. Shut up.

Man, these Targalans love burning
up their trash money. What a party.

I can't believe you
were okay leaving.

Yeah, you're trying
to be a fun boss

and I'm just trying to
be a responsible boss.

Just watch, I'm about to support
and encourage the out of your ensigns.

Who are not here. They
should've been back by now.

Damn, now this is
buffer time. Respect.

Ensigns Mackler and
Gorm, status report.

I'm sure... I'm
sure they're fine,

- Don't freak out.
- No, they could be lost or dead or...

taking advantage of my
relaxed management style.

Ransom to Lieutenant Mariner.
How's it looking down there?

Yeah... yeah, we've
actually run into a bit of a...

- Hey.
- Everything's going great, Commander.

- Should-should be done on time.
- Glad to hear it.

Love that you two are sharing
a com badge. Ransom out.

- What are you doing?
- I'm sure the team is fine.

- You have to trust them.
- Okay, this is too weird.

Lying to your superiors,
growing that thing on your face.

You're not acting like
yourself. What's the deal?

Nothing. I just want to be
"fun boss," not "fired boss."

Okay, fine. But for the record,
I'm taking responsibility

and you chose chaos. Ransom
could've just scanned for them.

Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
But he doesn't need to.

Bointer number 17: I always
set a rendezvous point

in case we get separated.

They should be at the Museum
of Friendship. Come on.

Boims, come on, let's just
scan for 'em. We can still scan!

Fix those lines, get that cargo
secured. We only have one shot at this.

Are your feet cold? Do you
need some warm fuzzy socks?

What? No, I'm fine. The countdown
has begun. May the best Orion win.

- He will.
- Bring it.

- Careful.
- What?

This thing doesn't have
inertial dampeners.

Relax, it's just a
little turbulence.

But y-you're the captain,
you should be sitting down.

Let us handle the manual
labor. I mean, the work.

Just because those
lazy Starfleet captains

sit on the job doesn't mean I
do. B-but imagine how humiliated

the Blue Orions would be if
you beat them sitting down.

Or better yet, lying down,
with your feet elevated.

There we go.

Whoa! Hey, hey. Hey. Hi.
What are you doing up there?

I decided to attempt some
more advanced repairs

on this shuttle's vector control
system. I appreciate it, I really do,

but this is an old shuttle,
you can't just treat it

like it has sarium krellide cells. I
was not under that assumption.

Perhaps you can
show me my error.

It's okay, this thing's basically
held together with spit and string.

Let me take over for a sec.

Wait, why are we waiting in
line? Everything is free now.

Where are they? Boims,
Boims. See that guy?

That's the museum
director. I just shotgunned

some alien beers with him...
that-that's not important.

He said he saw your
team over there.

Go, go, go! Hey!
Stop that hover-van!

Okay, okay, now we clearly
have to tell Ransom.

Commander? Our away team
was just kidnapped. Let me guess,

by some angry,
jewel-encrusted aliens?

That's... yes, that's right? Yeah.
Not everyone on Targalus is happy

about the removal of capitalism.
We have elitist terrorist cells

popping up all
over the continent.

Yeah, okay, so can you
send someone to assist us?

No can do, everyone's
in the field.

You're on your own, but don't
worry. I know you can handle this.

Also, Boimler, do you
have your own com badge?

- Need me to send you one?
- No, no. No, thanks.

- Got it handled.
- You wanted to be fun.

Nothing more fun than
a car chase, my man.

I'm gonna need to commandeer
your hover-cruiser, ma'am.

Official,
post-scarcity business.

Sure, I'll just replicate a new one.
- Good for them. - Let's do this.

Yes, totally, but you are
sitting on it backwards. Damn it.

Keep it up and we've
got this in the bag.

How about a quick break
for some Pyrithian bat milk?

- It's full of healthy vitamins.
- I don't have time for a break.

What the was that?
The Blues are firing on us.

But sailships
don't have weapons.

I knew those bastards
would fight dirty.

- D'Vana, take the helm.
- What? What are you doing?

You're not actually gonna try to
board them. Stand down, sister.

I know you think you're tough,
but I'm the captain here.

D'Erika's out of control.

- She has to be stopped.
- Why? She's doing great.

Because she's, she's
starting fights

when she should be focused on
racing. But we have to defend ourselves.

No, we don't. W-we ha...
we have to win the race,

and that's not going to happen

i-if we let the Blues
drag us into the mud.

Also, I am the goddamn Mistress
of the Winter Constellations,

and you'll do as I say. - Yes, Mistress.
- Are you proposing a mutiny?

Yes, but a gentle, supportive
mutiny. A cute-iny. So, D'Erika, hi.

So, the girls and I, we-we had
a little meeting back there,

and, well,
you're doing great.

We think you should sort
of be relieved of duty?

Are you working with the
ing Blues?! L'Kar? Little help?

Sorry, Cap, but the Mistress has
a plan. Why are you being so nice?

It's a cute-iny.
Either mutiny or don't.

Full sail ahead. Ooh, I'm
gonna feed you to snakes.

Do you hear me? A snake for
snakes! Snakes don't eat snakes!

Stupid rich kidnappers
with their tacky hideout.

These guys aren't
cut out for this.

They strapped weapons to
their household robots, see?

That one's trying to
sweep up with a disruptor.

Filthy. Filthy. Must clean.

Ha, suckers. Easiest
rescue mission of all time.

This is a gardener's arrest.
Hands up or I'll prune you.

You got a Bointer for this? I
do, but now I'm not gonna say it.

Whoa!

- D'Erika, don't.
- Why not?

You don't have a plan,
and I know what I'm doing.

- It's too dangerous.
- Maybe for you.

I know you're pregnant. I don't
know what you're talking about.

Yes, you do. I, I read your
logs. Those are private.

That blue bastard
ripped our sail in half.

Jettison the sprit! Too
late. Brace for impact.

I am programmed
to mow, not kill.

I cannot predict what my jumble
of commands may cause me to do.

I am in distress. Well, that set my
mind at ease. This is all my fault.

I'm trying to be
a better officer,

but that means less time
to hang with my friends,

and telling you to
be a "fun boss" was

just so I could feel
like myself again.

Stop. This isn't
either of our faults.

It is possible to
do everything right

and still get your
away team kidnapped

- by the corporate elite.
- Wow.

That's actually, like,
very evolved of you, Boims.

I like when stuff
isn't our fault.

We have arrived at
the holding cell.

My God, they're ing
dead! I forgot to water them.

I have failed as a
guard and a gardener.

You can't launch a sails hip
on its own. We're stranded.

And here come the Blues.

Damn it, looks like they're
heading back to the finish line.

That means they must
have found the treasure.

Look, I know, I messed up.

But did you really think
a violent space race was

a good idea in your condition?

Mom fought dozens of battles
when she was carrying you.

I was actually born mid-sword
fight during the battle of Thirat.

Stop defending her.
She lied to us.

Actually, I only lied to you.
Everyone else here already knew.

You didn't trust me?
No, of course I do.

My baby is going to
inherit your title.

She's the new Mistress of
the Winter Constellations.

You're having a girl? That's right.
And Orion law would require you,

the current Mistress, to stay and
train her. For the next 14 years.

So the whole time I thought
I was protecting you,

you were actually protecting me.

And now Mom and Dad are going
to lose everything they built.

- Maybe not.
- Everyone up.

Starfleet here finally has a plan.

Everyone, on the rigging. We're
gonna need every sail we've got.

The Blue Orions are still too far
ahead. We'll never catch them.

Not with that attitude.
You're pirating for two now.

Aw, man, I don't know what I'd
do if my mom sent me a dragon.

Good luck, sir.

Aah! What did you do? Vulcans do
not require as much sleep as humans,

so I spent the night fully repairing
the shuttle. Aw, this is terrible.

I am failing to find the
logic in your dissatisfaction.

I was trying to slow-roll
the repairs. Slow-roll?

Tendi and I used to work on
this every day. It was our project.

She'll be so sad it's done.

You are implying that
the act of collaboration

is more important than the
work itself. I know, I know,

- it's silly, but...
- No.

My request for your aid in
studying was an exaggeration.

I was trying to deceive you into
socializing as well. Wait. You were?

Since Lieutenant Junior
Grade Tendi's departure,

I have observed your lack of
purpose. I assumed repairing the shuttle

would make for a pleasant
surprise. Aw, T'Lyn. That's really nice.

- I should not have imposed.
- No, it's okay.

Who knows if Tendi's even
coming back? But if she does,

I'm sure we can find
something else to work on.

Call your stupid bosses.
We need medical help.

Come back, Mackler. Turn
away from the mountain.

Perhaps they need fertilizer.
Aah! What did you do?

Aah! We said "Lock them
up," not "Kill them"!

We need to get in touch with our
ship right the now. Stop ing around.

We didn't mean to hurt anyone.

We just didn't want to
lose the capitalist system

that gave us ultimate power.

Well, now you're gonna get arrested
by Starfleet. You're gonna be poor

and stuck in a prison
by space aliens.

I got it. We got
to get off-grid.

Learn to live off the
land and eat mud. Losers!

I can almost reach
our com badges.

Mackler, Gorm, you-you're
alive! What did they do to you?

Ha, nothing, thanks to
Boimler's Bointer number 16.

- The one about flora and fauna?
- Yup.

In our research we found this
little tie-dyed coma beetle.

Its bite makes you seem dead.
- I - will never again

choose the path of violence.

Glad you had a little story
for yourself today, buddy.

Okay, I'll request emergency
medical to get us out of here.

- Boo, Boimler.
- Aw, man, we want to go back to the party.

- You were clinically dead.
- Man, I thought you were fun.

I never knew a solar
sails hip could go this fast.

- Is this safe?
- No, it's not.

We're coming up on the Blues.

The treasure.

Get your hands
off our booty.

Are you crazy? Now
neither of us wins. It's a tie.

Now both our families will
get to keep their wealth,

and the queen is going to be
happy that we compromised.

You blew it up?! Yeah, so it
was a tie. Pretty smart, right?

No. Everyone loses!

The Syndicate will be taking
both of your houses' wealth.

They cheated!

Shut up. You hardly have
anything to take away.

This isn't fair! Well, the next
time, act like a pirate, not Starfleet.

Chin up, sweetheart.
- It's all right. - No, it's not.

Our family just lost everything.
Money's not everything.

Might be nice to take
a break from the stress

of all the assassination attempts.
Spend more time with our family.

Except for D'Vana. I
don't want her around.

Yeah, well, I guess I can't
blame you. Lighten up.

What I meant was, you need
to return to Starfleet.

I don't want my girl growing up

seeing you do anything other
than what your heart tells you.

Thank you, but I'm gonna come
home, like, all the time.

Ooh, I want to cuddle that baby!

And maybe give her some
swashbuckling tips?

Already worried she's
going to be deadly.

You're going to be
such a good mom.

Aah! Tendi. Tendi?

How was Orion? Just a
bunch of boring pirate stuff.

I can't wait to work on
the shuttle with you.

Ooh, Tendi, wait,
wait, wait, let me explain.

There's not gonna
be much left to do.

Whoa, what the
heck happened here?

T'Lyn! What did you do? You
destroyed the entire shuttle.

No. Whatever shall we do?

Hey, now we can rebuild
the whole thing together.

Aw. You destroyed the shuttle.

Tendi! Get over here, you
beautiful green ball of optimism.

Why don't we move
this party to the bar?

After a long day of
hauling treasure trash

and getting abducted
by robber barons,

- I could use a drink.
- Treasure trash?

You know, post-scarce society
throwing out all their jewels and crap.

How many jewels?

Captain Freeman, your
generosity is deeply appreciated.

It was your sister's idea,

and I'm always happy to improve
our diplomatic relations.

We were just gonna toss it all in
the matter recombinator anyway.

The House of Tendi
is proud to serve

as the wealth disposal
service for Targalus IX.

Now I don't have to feel bad
about Dad getting a pillaging job.

I'll see you soon, Auntie Mistress
of the Winter Constellations.

Boys? - Move it.
- Yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am.

Hurry, you idiot. Don't
drop anything. Hurry up.

I don't want her to
get mad at me again.

Hey, how come you get to carry
the jewels? There are pearls in here.

Get those out of your mouth!

Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Chirp.