All language subtitles for Star Trek Lower Decks S05E01

What an impressive collection.
It cost a fortune or two.

Luckily, I have
several to go around.

- I'm rich, is what I'm saying.
- Wait, is that a Veltan lust idol?

You have a keen eye.
My most valuable piece.

Had to slash the wages of
everyone in my latinum mines

to afford this little guy.

You know, they say the mere
sight of it is an aphrodisiac.

Captain.
Incoming Orion ship.

Merchant vessel, power down
your shields or be put to the sword.

Crawl back to whatever slime
dungeon you were born in, Orion.

I would rather die than return
to my childhood dungeon. Fire!

- They'll kill us all.
- Nonsense.

My defenses are top-of-the-line.
They'll never get past the barriers.

I can control the entire
ship from this room.

That's the first interesting
thing you've said all day.

L'Kar, defenses are
down. Beam...

What is this?
Who the hell are you?

I'm the Mistress of the
Winter Constellations.

Wait, am I supposed
to know what that is?

I told you what would happen
if you didn't surrender.

Stop. What are you doing?

I thought this time we
kill some of these guys.

Do the whole "leave one
alive to spread fear" thing?

Right, but think about how much fear
we spread by keeping them alive.

Well, can I at least chop off
an ear or a finger or something?

No. Now load up the loot
and let's get out of here.

- Astrid!
- Come on. I've always wanted one of these.

- Please?
- Fine. Aah, no! It's prescription!

Almost got it.

- Steady...
- It's here, it's here,

it's here, it's here, it's
here, it's here, it's here.

My issue of Fleet is out. I'm
in the "30 Under 30" feature.

Man, I hope my photo's okay.

Sometimes my nostrils
look aggressively flared.

Starfleet publishes
a periodical?

Yeah, they interviewed Boimler
after he captained the Cerritos,

and now he's peeing
his pants about it.

I'm not in here.
They cut me out.

Look, I am sure you
were the 31st under 30.

There's 15 honorable mentions.
One of them went to Naomi Wildman.

She's like ten years old.
Let's face it. I plateaued.

I feel you, Boims. I... Ransom just
assigned me a new batch of ensigns,

which seems like a bad
idea. I am not a helpful person.

I'm sure these ensigns will
respect that you "tell it like it is."

Aw, thanks, T'Lyn,
but I'm still trying

to not get thrown in
the brig all the time.

How am I supposed to be,
like, a leader? You'll be great!

Geez, Rutherford. Where
did you come from, buddy?

I've been here the whole time.

Just quietly lurking on some
work in that dark corner.

Hey, man, you've been working
yourself to the bone since Tendi left.

- How about a break?
- Nah.

I like the way work makes
it hard for my brain

to focus on the sad stuff. Maybe
we could all use a little hang time.

You want to go stare
at the warp stars?

Lieutenants, report to the bridge.
We're arriving at our destination.

Woo-hoo! More work!

All right, party people,
what's the mish?

Man. Another
quantum fissure?

This-this is like the
third one this month.

Boo, inter dimensional portal.
They have been appearing

with statistically
abnormal regularity.

Someone has to close
the space-time potholes,

or who knows what kind of
parallel universe stuff

could drift into our dimension?
How are the tachyon levels?

Below the reaction threshold.
Warp core will be fine.

Wow. Alternate dimensions. Imagine
meeting, like, a bunch of weirdos

with, like, feet for hands or feet
for eyes or, you know, something

more creative than that.

Captain, the fissure's
losing integrity. Red alert!

- Get us out of here.
- We're caught

- in the gravitational wake.
- All crew, brace for impact.

We're dunking into the
rift like a big old cookie.

Damage report?
All clear, Captain.

Looks like that was more of a
light show than anything else.

We were lucky, but
let's not push it.

- Set a return course through the...
- Captain,

- we're being hailed. - Hailed?
- By who? - It's... It's the Cerritos.

Stupid dimensional rifts. On
screen. What up, Cerritos?

This is Captain Becky Freeman.
Looks like we have a lot to discuss.

♪ We love to kill
and we love to maim ♪

♪ And ripping out hearts is our
favorite game... ♪ Hello, D'Erika.

Hey, sis. Just saw the
inventory from your latest haul.

Very impressive. Impressive
enough to pay off my debt

and let me return to Starfleet?
I gave you an entire warship.

A few lust idols
aren't gonna cut it.

Come on, I've been
at this for months.

My crew won't stop trying
to stab everything.

I get it, you miss
debating the ethics of goop

with your Starfleet nerds.

Well, guess what. I have a
way for you to pay me back...

one warship for
another. Is that Orion?

Yep, from the time of the Great
Plague over 300 years ago.

Bought the location from
a rogue archaeologist,

and nobody else knows it exists.

It'll be a huge symbolic
victory for our house.

So, to be clear, if I retrieve
this thing, we're even?

I can go back to the
Cerritos? That's the deal.

All right, D'Erika.
I'll get you your ship.

Captain's log, supplemental.

The Cerritos is stranded
in a parallel reality.

Until we can determine a
way home, we are stuck here

with uncanny alternate versions
of ourselves. You've got great form.

I learned it from strangling
Cardassians. I did, too.

According to scans, the quantum
signatures of the parallel crews

exhibit a mere .327% variance.

I concur. It would appear
our respective universes

are only negligibly divergent.
- Remarkable. - Fascinating.

You say "remarkable,"
while I say "fascinating."

- Remarkable.
- Fascinating.

It's almost like we
represent each other's lives

if we'd made slightly
dissimilar choices or something.

I wonder what we'll find out is
different about the two of us.

I don't know. We seem
pretty similar to me.

Man, I can't wait till you teach me
how you got all these sweet mods.

My augmentations
are not "sweet."

They allow me to perform
at peak efficiency. Sweet.

- Captain on deck.
- At ease. We have good news.

We found a way to send
the other Cerritos home.

Even though our Cerritos
closed the quantum fissure,

space-time is still turbulent.

King Bill ups is right.
A directed energy surge

should briefly reopen
the fissure and allow us

- to return to the prime universe.
- Hey! This is the prime universe.

We'll need to design
an infrastructure

to transfer energy
between all four nacelles.

Then we'll fire the pulse,
giving the fake Cerritos

the chance to return home.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Fake Cerritos?

We don't have time to
argue about whose universe

is original and which
one is clearly freakish.

We only have ten hours until
the fissure seals permanently.

Well, with twice as many
of us, we should be able

to get this done
in half the time.

Everyone, pair up with
your own counterpart.

Speaking of
which, where am I?

Let's just say it's really
nice to see you again.

- What?

Okay. Check your PADDs for
your assignments. Dismissed.

Temba. When he met himself.

Hey, Becky?
how do you go by that?

Just, I mean, just saying
it once aged me 15 years.

I guess what I should have done
is hide behind my middle name

to distance myself from my
mother... Mariner. Okay, yeah, respect.

You know, I've actually
been having a tough time

with the whole "becoming
a leader" thing.

Seeing myself as a captain is
wild. It wasn't easy to get here.

But, hey, stick with me today.
Maybe you'll pick up some tips. Tips.

Teach me your ways, master.
But seriously, thank you.

I-I do, I really
appreciate it, yeah.

Just think of what we could
pillage with a ship this size.

A starbase. A moon. Every
moon? No, Kita, don't get greedy.

We'll be the most fearsome
pirates in the entire quadr... aah!

Regenerative auxiliary
power systems? Incredible.

It looks like the
bridge is... there.

- Let's get going.
- What's the rush?

We have this whole spooky place
to ourselves. Let's nose around a bit.

Green Orions? Blue Orions?

Okay, nobody pull
their disruptors. Aah!

Goddess damn it, this is why I
said, "Nobody pull disruptors"!

Ooh, feels good to be
piloting a shuttle again.

I usually don't have time,

with all the away missions
I'm on with the bridge crew.

I wish I had
that confidence.

When I wink at people, they
think I'm having a seizure.

Wait! You're not wearing a suit! I
upgraded my internal cybernetics

so that I can
withstand the vacuum.

You got rid of all your guts and
goo? Now that's commitment.

I'm gonna hang back, in case
the cap needs me to take over.

She lets you take over the big
chair? Yeah. Sure, I mean, she's busy

and she knows she
can count on me.

It's not a big deal, I mean,
I'm sure you do it all the time.

Once! And only in like, like an
extremely crazy circumstance.

And I'm sure you nailed
it. Us Bradwards,

- we were born to be captains.
- Wow,

you're a real
engineering machine.

Tendi's gonna think this
is so cool. Who is Tendi?

What? You don't
have a Tendi here?

We did, but she left Starfleet
to be a full-time pirate.

Rutherford was so upset, he
wiped her from his memory banks.

Then there's no choice.

- I'll have to be Otherford's Tendi!
- Otherford?

Ha, yeah, that's what I've
been calling him. Cute, right?

Buddy, that's adorable. So,
Boimler's stuck in the thing's mouth,

totally naked and covered in slime,
and then he shouts... "My bones!"

Yes. Man, that is exactly
how it went down for us, too.

I'd say I miss those
days, but I don't.

I used to be a
real loose cannon.

Yeah, but like a badass loose
cannon. Hey! What the hell?

- Whoa, why's everybody on edge?
- Because I keep them on edge.

A captain has to maintain
discipline above all else.

Ensign, back straight! Stop
slouching. Yes, Captain.

Fear is the best motivator.

Load the crates left to right.
It's more efficient to load them

back to front, dummy.

What in the Kzinti
is going on in here?

There's no interpersonal
conflict allowed on my ship.

- Sorry, ma'am.
- We know, ma'am. Brig this brownnoser now!

Dang it! Blue Orions, what are you
patriarchal do of uses doing here?

Shut up, Green. This is our
ship. We bought its coordinates.

Stupid rogue archaeologist
with no ethical code.

We don't have to fight.
We can work something out!

Working with Greens? I'd
rather die a thousand times.

- How about just once?
- Aah!

The green demon killed
K'Levin! Fall back!

- Let's finish them off!
- No. We're not here for them.

Captain's right. We need
to beat them to the bridge.

I'll be right there. Just want to
make sure this guy is extra dead.

Don't move. You're
gonna be okay.

Healed? What is this trickery?!

All right, Captain
Marin... um, Freeman,

we're prepared to
test out the pulse.

Commander Ransom, initiate
energy transfer. Aye aye, Captain.

Hey! I'm supposed to press
the button, you sexy bastard.

This is my universe, you
steamy hunk! Ransoms, please.

This is my ship. My Ransom
presses the button. I'm sorry.

Tensions between the doubles
are higher than expected.

Eat it, handsome.
Energy transfer initialized.

Output levels are optimal.

Our deflectors are now
linked with the bad Cerritos.

How dare you? Your highness.
Would you two knock it off?

On my mark,
target the rift. Mark.

Dragon's blood! One of our
calculations must've been off.

Let me guess, math is .327%
harder in your universe.

Well, maybe we should
contact my counterpart

and see if she has any ideas.

I mean, what did happen to
her, by the way? Can we talk...?

Gramble, his throat slit by his
mistress. What? Kadir beneath Mo Moteh.

- Remarkable.
- Fascinating. Enough! I have had it.

What the hell? You
can't hit people.

They can be your
crew or your friends.

Weird, 'cause I
don't hit either one.

Your Tamarian started the
fight. Take him to the brig.

- How about I ing don't?
- Then how about

I toss your whole
crew in the brig?

She'll do it. Our Cerritos is
mostly brigs. Kailash, when it rises.

Show's over. Get back to work.

Hey, I have an idea.

Let's do this together, like
identical science besties.

Don't worry, Rutherford. Everyone
in this universe is a little off.

Except the me guy. He
rules. I know. It's just...

when I look at Otherford, I see
what I could become without Tendi.

And I don't want that. No
matter how awesome he is.

I mean, look at him. He's got a
third arm that pops out of his chest!

With all that crap
he's got attached,

that guy's uncomfortably close
to being a Borg. Wait. That's it!

What are you doing?

Just making a small adjustment
to your friendship matrix.

I am not here to make friends.
- There. - I am here to make friends.

Heck yeah. Aw, look at them
go. Heads up, Boimler Buddy.

- Well, scans look good up there.
- Real quick,

can you run me through every
decision you ever made?

Hey, you've got your own path.
Just have to trust yourself.

That's what I did.

Looks like we've got a .08
variance in the stabilizers. I'm on it.

Okay, we're almost to the bridge.
- - Thanks for this. - Hey!

- Stop!
- - He's got the map! Get him.

Damn it. - We were so close.
- You know what's weird?

- I killed that guy.
- I don't know.

Maybe you missed
his vital organs.

Yeah, right. I'm a
very accurate stabber.

As you're about to
find out, traitor.

No sign of Captain head, I see.
God, how can anyone put up with her?

Are you talking trash
with such familiarity

because you are under the impression
that I am from your dimension?

Ew, I-I had you guys flipped.
Sorry, that's on me. Hail the Cerritos.

Captain Freeman. My Bill
ups has resolved the issue.

Well, we're ready
to go, too. Fantastic.

Then let's toss you back
where you belong, shall we?

Alternate Cerritos, it
has not been a pleasure.

I want you off my ship and out
of my dimension immediately.

Mariner, a word.

All right, what do you want?

What, you gonna hit me with
your little riding crop

a couple times for the road?
- Yeah, kinda. - No, no, no.

I was kidding...

Wait, what did you do to my hair?
My God, are you replacing me?

God, do you know how hacky
that is? Yes, and I don't care.

How do I look?
Cute, which sucks.

What's your problem?
We're better than this.

Exactly. Meeting you just reminded
me of how good I used to have it.

I tried to clean up
my act, but over time

it just turned me into
everything I hate.

I want to go back to
being a loose cannon

who tells her
superiors to off again.

You don't have to swap
with me to do that.

You could just, be normal about
it. I don't know why you're so upset.

You're about to be a captain. You
think you know how to do it right,

- now's your chance.
- I don't want to be captain!

Well, tough. And you're welcome.

Don't you give me that
sarcastic Vulcan salute. Beckett!

So that's how that feels.

Sorry, Mistress, but we
can't let you get away

with breaking pirate code.
Okay, fine, I did heal that Orion,

but I am not a traitor.

I have my own code: that we
can pirate without killing anyone.

But then how are we ever
going to stop being pirates?

Wh... What do you mean?

You're the Mistress of
the Winter Constellations.

You were such a pirate badass

that your family let you
leave to follow your passions.

Yeah, we want to kick as much ass
as you so we can follow our dreams.

- I want to bake.
- I want to dance.

And I want to teach ethics
at Orion University.

But not, like, early classes.
More like an evening seminar.

Maybe once or twice a week.
Wow. But I didn't get to leave

because I was a good pirate.

I left on my own because I
didn't want to hurt anyone.

Wish we could do that. I promise
to help you all follow your dreams.

But I need you to do me a
favor, too. Stop with all the killing.

Happily. Cleaning dry blood off
my blade is kind of an ordeal anyway.

Maybe we can distract our
enemies with the powers of dance.

Wow. Holy smokes,
look at these monitors.

This isn't a warship,
it's a medical frigate.

Do we even have medical
vessels? In the old days they did.

This must've been one of the ships
they used to cure the Great Plague.

If I'm reading these right, it has
advanced ventilation systems.

Of course. They'd need
to rapidly clean the air.

Well, Otherford, you've shown
me how dark my life could be

without Tendi around, and
also that it's possible

for a guy covered in gizmos to
live in the vacuum of space.

I'll miss you, pal. Wait, don't... Go
ahead. Erase the memory of me.

I am saving it. Perhaps I have been
too hasty in replacing my humanity.

It is time to make some
memories. Aw, buddy.

Whoa! H-Hey, wait
up, party people.

You weren't going to abandon
your old friendamundo, were you?

"Friendamundo"? Some-Something
new I'm trying. I love it!

All present and
accounted for. Firing pulse.

Have a safe journey, Captain.
It was good to see you.

Don't make too many
mistakes or you'll end up

at Star base 80 just like
our Captain Freeman.

What? That's the worst
station in Starfleet.

Wait. Computer, release binds.
Authorization: Captain Becky Freeman.

Acknowledged, Captain
Freeman. Never get used to that.

Captain on the bridge! Wait,
where's the other Cerritos?

They're about to pass through
the fissure, Captain. Hail them.

- No response, Captain.
- Damn it. Um, man...

Mr. Shaxs, target the
engines on that Cerritos

and open fire... but
don't-don't, like, hurt anyone.

- Captain?
- Come on! You love opening fire!

When we take this ship, finally
no one will scoff at the Blue Orions!

Yeah, they will
fear and respect us

instead of saying we look stupid
in our ridiculous uniforms.

Why is this so funny? It
shouldn't be. I like how we dress.

The gas worked.
Take 'em down, girls.

I'm gonna kill you! This is the
best! I love not killing people! Whoo!

I'm gonna get you!

Okay, okay, these breathers are
definitely not keeping the gas out.

I don't understand. I thought you
wanted them out of our dimension.

Well, not anymore. I am
your harsh and brutal captain.

And you'll all be in the brig
unless you stop that ship.

But they're already almost
gone, there's nothing we can do.

I know this is weird, but I really
need you guys to back me up, please.

You never say please. Yeah,
you said social pleasantries

are a sign of being a little.
- You're not the captain! - No, I'm not.

She did a classic switcheroo
and took my place on my Cerritos.

I know you all respond to
being screamed at all the time,

but that is not my style.
I just want to get home.

Nobody deserves to be swapped
out against their will.

You heard the captain.
- Mr. Shaxs? - Locking phasers.

Did they just gently phaser
my ship? Get me that captain.

Whoops, I-I hailed them,
but there's no response.

I think that captain's lost her mind.
She really sucks, right, Mother?

Mother? No, you
can't make me go back.

I want to stay here and be
charmingly insubordinate.

You alternate reality
people are real pieces of work.

Mom, it's me, it's me, the
real Mariner, I can prove it!

Last week you asked me to look
at a weird mole on your...

I-I already know it's you.

Mr. Lundy, swap these
two Mariners immediately.

Mother, don't. I
order you to let...

Mom!

Let me stay. I've been wanting
to say this for a long time.

You're going to
the brig, Captain.

Hey, at least now you're
a cool rogue again.

Boimler, you're acting
captain. On it. Damn, he's good.

Star base 80? How?

He made the freaking cover?

- Where'd you get that thing?
- I don't know! Nothing!

All right, whatever,
weirdo. Ruthie!

I thought you'd be going to
town un-modifying the nacelles.

Nah, figured I'd take some time
to actually see my friends.

Happy to have you back, pal.

Those are the new ensigns
I'm supposed to be advising.

- Hey, you're gonna be a great mentor.
- Maybe.

But I know I'm not gonna
cover up my insecurity

by becoming a screaming despot.

I'll just... I'll just be the kind of
commander I wish I had had.

Remarkable. Wait, are you...?

I have fooled you.

- Okay, all right.
- You got us.

All right, that was good,
that was good, yeah.

This is a huge victory for us.
Ooh, you really crushed it, D'Vana.

I guess this means you'll be
returning to Starfleet now?

Yeah, but, hey, keep
an eye on this crew.

There's more to them than
just a bunch of pillaging.

Mistress D'Erika! Mistress D'Erika!
The Blue Orions have declared war!

What? Why? They claim the
Mistress used "un-pirate-like conduct"

to claim the ship. Something
about laughing gas?

But I used Orion technology. Don't
worry, D'Vana. Your debt is paid.

You're free to go. No. This is my
mess. I'm gonna stay and clean it up.

All right. If it's a war they
want, they can have it.

Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Chirp.