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>> hello, america.
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I'm carter hawkins, reminding
You to join me, carter hawkins,
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00:00:09,417 --> 00:00:12,208
One week from tonight for the
Haggar slacks presidential
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00:00:12,292 --> 00:00:12,917
Debate.
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00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,125
Nailed it.
6
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>> hawk, I think you slipped in
An extra "Carter hawkins."
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>> [ laughs ]
Who is it that says that?
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00:00:20,167 --> 00:00:22,333
Come on, who always says it?
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>> my whore mom.
10
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>> ha-huga!
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So, what kind of questions am I
Asking these wipes?
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00:00:28,208 --> 00:00:32,083
>> mr. Killface, given china's
Continued undervaluation of the
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U.N., do you support imposing
Tariffs on their imported trade
14
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Goods?
15
00:00:36,125 --> 00:00:39,000
>> killface: um, tariffs --
Wait.
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00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:40,583
>> you have 90 seconds, sir.
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00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:43,042
>> killface: I can hear the
Microwave.
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00:00:46,042 --> 00:00:50,208
Um, and I had -- is it -- is it
Hawley-smoot?
19
00:00:50,292 --> 00:00:51,250
>> well, I don't know.
20
00:00:51,333 --> 00:00:53,125
Is this 1930?
21
00:00:55,792 --> 00:00:57,750
>> killface: it's not teapot
Dome, is it?
22
00:00:57,833 --> 00:00:59,833
>> no, it's not teapot --
>> killface: ah!
23
00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:01,208
Something d.O.O. Economics.
24
00:01:01,292 --> 00:01:03,667
>> are you reading off my
Talking points?
25
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:05,667
>> killface: no, these are
Blank.
26
00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:06,958
I'm winging it.
27
00:01:07,042 --> 00:01:09,667
>> how do you expect to win this
Debate if you're not prepared?
28
00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:12,042
>> killface: well, how do you
Expect me to prepare with you
29
00:01:12,125 --> 00:01:13,958
Sloughing off fuzz like a new
Towel?
30
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>> it's because you're stressing
Me out.
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>> killface: stress doesn't fill
Up two whole vacuum-cleaner
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Bags.
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>> bags, what is this, 1930?
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Get a bagless upright.
35
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Hey, your hole's better.
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>> killface: explain.
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>> so, back when I was at labor,
My partner, cody, who was always
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Kind of a loose cannon, got
Jammed up on a bad shooting.
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>> I need an ambulance.
40
00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:39,417
>> I'll call you a hearse.
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This is for cody.
42
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>> what are you doing?
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>> here hold this.
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You're going down for this,
Cody!
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You're a loose cannon.
46
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>> the defendant is hereby
Sentenced to a term of no less
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Than seven years.
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00:01:53,875 --> 00:01:55,167
>> oh, my god.
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>> psst, cody.
50
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,625
Cody, cody. Cody!
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Cody! Cody! Cody!
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>> damn, cody, answer the man.
53
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>> what?!
54
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,125
>> what are you gonna do
With your jet ski?
55
00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:06,542
>> wendell!
56
00:02:06,625 --> 00:02:08,000
>> oh, and your wife?
57
00:02:08,083 --> 00:02:12,375
Because I could have sex with
Her while you're in prison.
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00:02:12,458 --> 00:02:15,833
>> [ sighs ]
>> how about that?
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00:02:15,917 --> 00:02:19,792
Now he's in the joint, so I'm
Using his contacts for
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00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:20,917
Fund-raising.
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00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,833
>> yeah, there's no record of
You ever working for the
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00:02:22,917 --> 00:02:23,958
Department of labor.
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00:02:24,042 --> 00:02:24,750
>> well, duh.
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00:02:24,833 --> 00:02:26,125
I was on loan from the c.I.A.
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00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:30,250
>> yeah, we contacted them, too,
And they won't confirm or deny
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Your story.
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00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,542
>> that's the beauty of it.
68
00:02:32,625 --> 00:02:34,792
Nobody knows if I worked there
Or not.
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00:02:34,875 --> 00:02:36,458
Worked for steven seagal.
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00:02:36,542 --> 00:02:38,708
And he works for
Osama bin laden.
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>> steven seagal?
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>> that's why the taliban is so
Deadly and effective -- hapkido
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00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:43,750
Training.
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Where'd they learn that?
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From steven seagal's fat ass.
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00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:48,000
>> I don't think you can say
That.
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00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:52,792
>> why do you think
Kelly lebrock left him?
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00:02:52,875 --> 00:02:54,000
'cause he's taliban.
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00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:56,125
So, yeah, this is -- I'm
Undercover.
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00:02:56,208 --> 00:02:58,083
>> killface: undercover for
What?
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00:02:58,167 --> 00:03:00,958
>> all right, wendell's
Volunteered to look into some
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New fund-raising avenues.
83
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:03,000
>> yep.
84
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:05,458
Commence operation meth nazis.
85
00:03:05,542 --> 00:03:08,000
>> killface: operation what?
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00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:09,875
[ crashing ]
Wendell!
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>> bye!
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[ door closes ]
>> killface: I don't have a
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Great feeling about this.
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00:03:15,708 --> 00:03:16,875
>> oh, grow up.
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00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:19,917
Do you know how many american
Politicians are funded by the
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Neo-nazis?
93
00:03:20,958 --> 00:03:22,500
>> killface: shut up.
94
00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:26,875
>> my god, there's congressman
[bleep] And senator [bleep]
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00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:30,292
Oh, not to mention
Vice [bleep] [bleep]
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00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:34,750
>> killface: going to bleep
Those, I hope.
97
00:03:34,833 --> 00:03:37,500
>> but none of that's going to
Matter if crews beats you in
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This debate.
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00:03:38,208 --> 00:03:39,250
>> killface: ppbbtt!
100
00:03:39,333 --> 00:03:41,958
I'm not overly concerned about
The dialectic talents of
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Xander crews.
102
00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:46,167
>> maybe, but you can bet your
Thick, meaty buns he's
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Surrounded by experts.
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00:03:47,625 --> 00:03:49,042
>> xander: guys, no, no!
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Come on, let's talk this out.
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Yah ha ha!
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[ laughter ]
My arm, bitch!
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>> wow, hurtful.
109
00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:58,500
>> xander: my alter ego's got to
Prepare for the debate.
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>> sorry, "X."
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Hooper's orders.
112
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>> xander: well, there is gonna
Be a reckoning, and you and
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Mr. Hooper are gonna rue the day
You crossed awesome "X."
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>> yeah, I'm bummed out a little
Bit.
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Here.
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Got to make it last a week.
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>> xander: gonna rue that
Reckoning!
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[ laughter ]
[ sighs ]
119
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Good thing is, don't see it
Getting any worse.
120
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>> oh, good.
121
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You have ass-wiping t.P.
122
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I'm using already my allotment.
123
00:04:28,917 --> 00:04:32,458
The citizens of crusty town will
Thank you.
124
00:04:32,542 --> 00:04:35,125
>> so, you and ronnie -- a
Little history there?
125
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,333
>> little bit, yeah.
126
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>> xander: what are you --
>> shh, shh, shh.
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>> xander: hey, that's awesome
"X" you're caressing.
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>> shut your mouth.
129
00:04:42,833 --> 00:04:45,917
Now I will glue this to your
Head, and then I make love to
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Your face.
131
00:04:47,042 --> 00:04:50,083
Which, not what I call "Making
Love."
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I would call it...
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00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:54,917
The shame spear of...
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Hurt.
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>> how long you'll stay mad at
Me for that?
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>> xander: for raping me?
137
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Uh, it's gonna be awhile, buddy.
138
00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:05,417
>> well, you framed me for
Murder of jimbo.
139
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>> xander: it's not the same
Thing!
140
00:05:08,750 --> 00:05:10,375
>> oh! Oh!
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Launching the brown october.
142
00:05:12,042 --> 00:05:14,708
>> xander: how has some lucky
Girl not snatched you up?
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>> I think if they --
>> xander: shut up.
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How can they just dump me for
Hooper like that?
145
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>> oh, those guys follow
Anybody.
146
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Like ship.
147
00:05:22,208 --> 00:05:23,958
>> xander: how's that like a
Ship?
148
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>> no, sheep -- baa!
149
00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:28,708
The little slut of the barnyard.
150
00:05:28,792 --> 00:05:31,083
Remember focusing group?
151
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>> so, vote for me, america.
152
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:37,208
Because border security isn't
For the birds, right?
153
00:05:37,042 --> 00:05:40,000
>> [ chirping ]
>> paid for by the committee to
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00:05:40,083 --> 00:05:40,917
Elect killface.
155
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,792
>> now, who liked that version
Of promo 7-b?
156
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[ all talking ]
>> came right out and grabbed my
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Attention.
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>> excellent.
159
00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:50,000
>> why is there penguin in the
Desert?
160
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>> I fought with that imagery!
161
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>> me, too!
162
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>> hold on, now.
163
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:57,083
>> also, this grape soda is
Crap.
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>> what is this, liquid anger?
165
00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:01,125
>> ahh!
166
00:06:01,208 --> 00:06:03,708
>> killface: and there goes the
Security deposit.
167
00:06:03,792 --> 00:06:04,917
>> you whore!
168
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,375
>> killface: oh, wave to dottie.
169
00:06:07,458 --> 00:06:10,000
>> xander: I do not remember
That, no.
170
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>> yah, you weren't there.
171
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All right, now we are wrestling
For top bed bunk.
172
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>> xander: ronnie, I'm not
Gonna --
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Ha!
174
00:06:17,208 --> 00:06:19,583
Ronnie, I don't have time for
This!
175
00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:23,083
>> old-time greeks are doing
This naked.
176
00:06:23,167 --> 00:06:27,083
>> xander: dude, I got to find a
Running mate, stop hooper from
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Assassinating killface and
Destroying the world, and
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00:06:30,625 --> 00:06:33,417
Somewhere in there, prepare for
The debate.
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00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:37,208
>> I could make flash cards, ask
You some practice questions.
180
00:06:37,292 --> 00:06:38,708
>> xander: good, yes.
181
00:06:38,792 --> 00:06:42,042
And let's revisit that, but I
Was thinking about escaping.
182
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:44,167
>> oh, well, then, please to
Following me.
183
00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:51,208
>> xander: [ sighs ]
What the [bleep] Dude?
184
00:06:51,292 --> 00:06:53,333
>> oh, you can see has been
Chopped?
185
00:06:53,417 --> 00:06:55,083
>> xander: it's actually not
Bad.
186
00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:56,125
>> no, no, I'm embarrassed.
187
00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:57,042
Is crap.
188
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,542
>> xander: [ gasps ]
>> is good hole, though.
189
00:06:58,625 --> 00:07:02,708
>> xander: how did you dig
Through space metal?
190
00:07:02,792 --> 00:07:04,000
Yeah, but...
191
00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:07,167
[ imitating johnny carson ] Oh,
I did not know you had those.
192
00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:08,208
Johnny carson.
193
00:07:08,292 --> 00:07:11,208
>> johnny carson is violin man
With slave?
194
00:07:11,042 --> 00:07:13,208
I know this man from television.
195
00:07:13,042 --> 00:07:15,875
>> xander: we don't have time
For this.
196
00:07:15,958 --> 00:07:17,833
We need to go warn killface.
197
00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:21,292
>> but why to help not only
Mortal enemy, but also political
198
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:22,417
Opponent?
199
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:25,167
>> xander: not that it's any of
Your business, but...
200
00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:27,083
I have no plausible explanation.
201
00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:29,333
>> killface: well, how about
This?
202
00:07:29,417 --> 00:07:33,042
"Vote for me, or I'll push this
Dung heap of a planet smack into
203
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:34,250
The sun.
204
00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:37,500
>> look, I worked hard on those,
And since the annihilatrix
205
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:41,375
Couldn't push me to the store,
I'd appreciate it if you'd focus
206
00:07:41,458 --> 00:07:45,042
On the damn talking --
>> killface: [ laughs ]
207
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,375
Oh, that reminds me, I should
Fix the annihilatrix.
208
00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:57,333
>> yeah, this thing's cashed.
209
00:07:57,417 --> 00:07:59,208
>> what do you mean, "Cashed"?
210
00:07:59,292 --> 00:08:00,708
>> see, back in there?
211
00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:01,917
That coupling's melted.
212
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,792
>> [ high-pitched voice ] I
Always pictured the couplings
213
00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:07,000
Being, like, this kind of huge,
Hosey thing, you know, like up
214
00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:08,417
In the main engine area?
215
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:11,292
Do I sound -- I think my thing
Is broken.
216
00:08:11,375 --> 00:08:12,917
>> well, can you fix it?
217
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,583
>> wait, you mean his helmet?
218
00:08:14,667 --> 00:08:16,000
Oh, the annihilatrix.
219
00:08:16,083 --> 00:08:17,083
Yeah, piece of cake.
220
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:17,875
Only...
221
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:18,750
>> only what?
222
00:08:18,833 --> 00:08:20,292
>> ronnie's got the pliers.
223
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,792
>> why does he always get the
Pliers?
224
00:08:22,875 --> 00:08:25,042
>> attention, bay, this is
Hooper.
225
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:27,083
Escort ronnie down with the
Pliers.
226
00:08:27,167 --> 00:08:27,958
>> copy, copy.
227
00:08:28,042 --> 00:08:29,042
Negative on escort.
228
00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:30,667
Prisoner's not on board. Over.
229
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:32,458
>> where the devil did they go?
230
00:08:32,542 --> 00:08:35,083
>> interrogating the witness
Now.
231
00:08:35,167 --> 00:08:36,125
>> witness?
232
00:08:36,208 --> 00:08:39,708
>> oh, no, crash-landed on my
Planet, didn't you?
233
00:08:39,792 --> 00:08:42,583
You're gonna have to pay for
That, lady.
234
00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:44,000
>> detention bay, come in.
235
00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:47,042
>> oh, yeah, you get down there
And you clean it.
236
00:08:47,125 --> 00:08:47,708
>> idiots!
237
00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:48,500
>> hurtful.
238
00:08:48,583 --> 00:08:51,083
>> all right, I'll deal with
Killface.
239
00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:55,542
You, screech, find a hardware
Store, buy some pliers, and fix
240
00:08:55,625 --> 00:08:56,667
This damn thing!
241
00:08:56,750 --> 00:08:59,208
>> am I gonna get reimbursed for
That?
242
00:08:59,292 --> 00:09:01,083
>> ahh!
243
00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:05,583
[ car alarm beeping ]
>> you, pliers.
244
00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:06,208
>> yep.
245
00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:07,250
>> hey, save your receipt, man.
246
00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:08,292
>> don't need a receipt.
247
00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:09,625
Team player.
248
00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:13,208
>> the rest of you, find ronnie
And that ridiculous awesome "X."
249
00:09:13,042 --> 00:09:15,208
>> but what if they split up?
250
00:09:15,292 --> 00:09:17,000
>> I would not worry about that.
251
00:09:17,083 --> 00:09:18,958
>> mmm.
252
00:09:19,042 --> 00:09:21,167
>> xander: quit grinding your
[bleep] Dick on me.
253
00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:22,667
>> I can not find comfort.
254
00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:25,000
>> xander: how about finding
Killface's house?
255
00:09:25,083 --> 00:09:26,708
>> okay, but first, guess what?
256
00:09:26,792 --> 00:09:28,500
>> xander: what?
257
00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:30,125
I feel like hobbit on eagle.
258
00:09:30,208 --> 00:09:32,667
>> xander: well, that's great,
Ronnie.
259
00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:34,792
>> bilbo -- bilbo baggins.
260
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,167
>> xander: because now you guess
What?
261
00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:38,500
Whoa!
262
00:09:38,583 --> 00:09:41,000
>> pull up, eagle!
263
00:09:41,083 --> 00:09:42,417
>> both: ahhhh!
264
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,000
Oof!
265
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:49,167
>> xander: [ coughing ]
>> oh, eagle, we will never make
266
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,125
It to the battle of five armies
Now.
267
00:09:51,208 --> 00:09:53,958
>> xander: yeah, can you do me a
Favor and just never stop
268
00:09:54,042 --> 00:09:54,375
Talking?
269
00:09:54,458 --> 00:09:55,625
>> are you sad, eagle?
270
00:09:55,708 --> 00:09:58,708
>> xander: no, there's just
Usually some nerds around here.
271
00:09:58,792 --> 00:10:02,500
>> this must be the right place
Then, 'cause I am looking at two
272
00:10:02,583 --> 00:10:03,208
Right now.
273
00:10:03,292 --> 00:10:04,083
I'm kidding.
274
00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:05,792
Did you guys bring the stuff?
275
00:10:05,875 --> 00:10:07,083
>> xander: what stuff?
276
00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:08,083
>> wait a minute.
277
00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:09,625
Gary did send you guys, right?
278
00:10:09,708 --> 00:10:10,792
>> xander: oh, gary.
279
00:10:10,875 --> 00:10:11,292
>> gary.
280
00:10:11,375 --> 00:10:12,208
>> xander: gary.
281
00:10:12,042 --> 00:10:13,000
>> you mean g-money.
282
00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:13,708
We know that guy.
283
00:10:13,792 --> 00:10:14,792
Send us here.
284
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,458
>> xander: to you from...
285
00:10:16,542 --> 00:10:17,417
Somewhere else.
286
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:21,083
>> well, then, get on the
Scooter.
20356
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