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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,833 --> 00:00:06,042 >> hello, america. 2 00:00:06,125 --> 00:00:09,333 I'm carter hawkins, reminding You to join me, carter hawkins, 3 00:00:09,417 --> 00:00:12,208 One week from tonight for the Haggar slacks presidential 4 00:00:12,292 --> 00:00:12,917 Debate. 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,125 Nailed it. 6 00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:17,208 >> hawk, I think you slipped in An extra "Carter hawkins." 7 00:00:17,042 --> 00:00:20,083 >> [ laughs ] Who is it that says that? 8 00:00:20,167 --> 00:00:22,333 Come on, who always says it? 9 00:00:22,417 --> 00:00:24,000 >> my whore mom. 10 00:00:24,083 --> 00:00:25,083 >> ha-huga! 11 00:00:25,167 --> 00:00:28,125 So, what kind of questions am I Asking these wipes? 12 00:00:28,208 --> 00:00:32,083 >> mr. Killface, given china's Continued undervaluation of the 13 00:00:32,167 --> 00:00:35,333 U.N., do you support imposing Tariffs on their imported trade 14 00:00:35,417 --> 00:00:36,042 Goods? 15 00:00:36,125 --> 00:00:39,000 >> killface: um, tariffs -- Wait. 16 00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:40,583 >> you have 90 seconds, sir. 17 00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:43,042 >> killface: I can hear the Microwave. 18 00:00:46,042 --> 00:00:50,208 Um, and I had -- is it -- is it Hawley-smoot? 19 00:00:50,292 --> 00:00:51,250 >> well, I don't know. 20 00:00:51,333 --> 00:00:53,125 Is this 1930? 21 00:00:55,792 --> 00:00:57,750 >> killface: it's not teapot Dome, is it? 22 00:00:57,833 --> 00:00:59,833 >> no, it's not teapot -- >> killface: ah! 23 00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:01,208 Something d.O.O. Economics. 24 00:01:01,292 --> 00:01:03,667 >> are you reading off my Talking points? 25 00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:05,667 >> killface: no, these are Blank. 26 00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:06,958 I'm winging it. 27 00:01:07,042 --> 00:01:09,667 >> how do you expect to win this Debate if you're not prepared? 28 00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:12,042 >> killface: well, how do you Expect me to prepare with you 29 00:01:12,125 --> 00:01:13,958 Sloughing off fuzz like a new Towel? 30 00:01:14,042 --> 00:01:16,000 >> it's because you're stressing Me out. 31 00:01:16,083 --> 00:01:19,208 >> killface: stress doesn't fill Up two whole vacuum-cleaner 32 00:01:19,292 --> 00:01:20,083 Bags. 33 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,708 >> bags, what is this, 1930? 34 00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:25,750 Get a bagless upright. 35 00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:27,125 Hey, your hole's better. 36 00:01:27,208 --> 00:01:28,542 >> killface: explain. 37 00:01:28,625 --> 00:01:32,292 >> so, back when I was at labor, My partner, cody, who was always 38 00:01:32,375 --> 00:01:36,083 Kind of a loose cannon, got Jammed up on a bad shooting. 39 00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:37,625 >> I need an ambulance. 40 00:01:37,708 --> 00:01:39,417 >> I'll call you a hearse. 41 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:42,292 This is for cody. 42 00:01:42,375 --> 00:01:43,833 >> what are you doing? 43 00:01:43,917 --> 00:01:44,917 >> here hold this. 44 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,958 You're going down for this, Cody! 45 00:01:47,042 --> 00:01:48,375 You're a loose cannon. 46 00:01:48,458 --> 00:01:52,292 >> the defendant is hereby Sentenced to a term of no less 47 00:01:52,375 --> 00:01:53,792 Than seven years. 48 00:01:53,875 --> 00:01:55,167 >> oh, my god. 49 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,167 >> psst, cody. 50 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,625 Cody, cody. Cody! 51 00:01:58,708 --> 00:02:00,000 Cody! Cody! Cody! 52 00:02:00,083 --> 00:02:02,458 >> damn, cody, answer the man. 53 00:02:02,542 --> 00:02:04,125 >> what?! 54 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,125 >> what are you gonna do With your jet ski? 55 00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:06,542 >> wendell! 56 00:02:06,625 --> 00:02:08,000 >> oh, and your wife? 57 00:02:08,083 --> 00:02:12,375 Because I could have sex with Her while you're in prison. 58 00:02:12,458 --> 00:02:15,833 >> [ sighs ] >> how about that? 59 00:02:15,917 --> 00:02:19,792 Now he's in the joint, so I'm Using his contacts for 60 00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:20,917 Fund-raising. 61 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,833 >> yeah, there's no record of You ever working for the 62 00:02:22,917 --> 00:02:23,958 Department of labor. 63 00:02:24,042 --> 00:02:24,750 >> well, duh. 64 00:02:24,833 --> 00:02:26,125 I was on loan from the c.I.A. 65 00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:30,250 >> yeah, we contacted them, too, And they won't confirm or deny 66 00:02:30,333 --> 00:02:31,167 Your story. 67 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,542 >> that's the beauty of it. 68 00:02:32,625 --> 00:02:34,792 Nobody knows if I worked there Or not. 69 00:02:34,875 --> 00:02:36,458 Worked for steven seagal. 70 00:02:36,542 --> 00:02:38,708 And he works for Osama bin laden. 71 00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,042 >> steven seagal? 72 00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:43,167 >> that's why the taliban is so Deadly and effective -- hapkido 73 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:43,750 Training. 74 00:02:43,833 --> 00:02:45,167 Where'd they learn that? 75 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,208 From steven seagal's fat ass. 76 00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:48,000 >> I don't think you can say That. 77 00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:52,792 >> why do you think Kelly lebrock left him? 78 00:02:52,875 --> 00:02:54,000 'cause he's taliban. 79 00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:56,125 So, yeah, this is -- I'm Undercover. 80 00:02:56,208 --> 00:02:58,083 >> killface: undercover for What? 81 00:02:58,167 --> 00:03:00,958 >> all right, wendell's Volunteered to look into some 82 00:03:01,042 --> 00:03:02,417 New fund-raising avenues. 83 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:03,000 >> yep. 84 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:05,458 Commence operation meth nazis. 85 00:03:05,542 --> 00:03:08,000 >> killface: operation what? 86 00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:09,875 [ crashing ] Wendell! 87 00:03:09,958 --> 00:03:11,458 >> bye! 88 00:03:11,542 --> 00:03:14,083 [ door closes ] >> killface: I don't have a 89 00:03:14,167 --> 00:03:15,625 Great feeling about this. 90 00:03:15,708 --> 00:03:16,875 >> oh, grow up. 91 00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:19,917 Do you know how many american Politicians are funded by the 92 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:20,875 Neo-nazis? 93 00:03:20,958 --> 00:03:22,500 >> killface: shut up. 94 00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:26,875 >> my god, there's congressman [bleep] And senator [bleep] 95 00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:30,292 Oh, not to mention Vice [bleep] [bleep] 96 00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:34,750 >> killface: going to bleep Those, I hope. 97 00:03:34,833 --> 00:03:37,500 >> but none of that's going to Matter if crews beats you in 98 00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:38,125 This debate. 99 00:03:38,208 --> 00:03:39,250 >> killface: ppbbtt! 100 00:03:39,333 --> 00:03:41,958 I'm not overly concerned about The dialectic talents of 101 00:03:42,042 --> 00:03:43,042 Xander crews. 102 00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:46,167 >> maybe, but you can bet your Thick, meaty buns he's 103 00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:47,542 Surrounded by experts. 104 00:03:47,625 --> 00:03:49,042 >> xander: guys, no, no! 105 00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:50,250 Come on, let's talk this out. 106 00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:51,958 Yah ha ha! 107 00:03:52,042 --> 00:03:54,000 [ laughter ] My arm, bitch! 108 00:03:54,083 --> 00:03:55,167 >> wow, hurtful. 109 00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:58,500 >> xander: my alter ego's got to Prepare for the debate. 110 00:03:58,583 --> 00:04:00,875 >> sorry, "X." 111 00:04:00,958 --> 00:04:02,125 Hooper's orders. 112 00:04:02,208 --> 00:04:05,167 >> xander: well, there is gonna Be a reckoning, and you and 113 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:09,375 Mr. Hooper are gonna rue the day You crossed awesome "X." 114 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,375 >> yeah, I'm bummed out a little Bit. 115 00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:12,167 Here. 116 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,000 Got to make it last a week. 117 00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:17,292 >> xander: gonna rue that Reckoning! 118 00:04:17,375 --> 00:04:20,458 [ laughter ] [ sighs ] 119 00:04:20,542 --> 00:04:23,667 Good thing is, don't see it Getting any worse. 120 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:24,625 >> oh, good. 121 00:04:24,708 --> 00:04:26,750 You have ass-wiping t.P. 122 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,833 I'm using already my allotment. 123 00:04:28,917 --> 00:04:32,458 The citizens of crusty town will Thank you. 124 00:04:32,542 --> 00:04:35,125 >> so, you and ronnie -- a Little history there? 125 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,333 >> little bit, yeah. 126 00:04:36,417 --> 00:04:38,792 >> xander: what are you -- >> shh, shh, shh. 127 00:04:38,875 --> 00:04:41,167 >> xander: hey, that's awesome "X" you're caressing. 128 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,750 >> shut your mouth. 129 00:04:42,833 --> 00:04:45,917 Now I will glue this to your Head, and then I make love to 130 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:46,958 Your face. 131 00:04:47,042 --> 00:04:50,083 Which, not what I call "Making Love." 132 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,583 I would call it... 133 00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:54,917 The shame spear of... 134 00:04:56,542 --> 00:04:57,333 Hurt. 135 00:04:57,417 --> 00:05:00,417 >> how long you'll stay mad at Me for that? 136 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,708 >> xander: for raping me? 137 00:05:01,792 --> 00:05:03,000 Uh, it's gonna be awhile, buddy. 138 00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:05,417 >> well, you framed me for Murder of jimbo. 139 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:08,667 >> xander: it's not the same Thing! 140 00:05:08,750 --> 00:05:10,375 >> oh! Oh! 141 00:05:10,458 --> 00:05:11,958 Launching the brown october. 142 00:05:12,042 --> 00:05:14,708 >> xander: how has some lucky Girl not snatched you up? 143 00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:17,000 >> I think if they -- >> xander: shut up. 144 00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:19,333 How can they just dump me for Hooper like that? 145 00:05:19,417 --> 00:05:21,167 >> oh, those guys follow Anybody. 146 00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:22,125 Like ship. 147 00:05:22,208 --> 00:05:23,958 >> xander: how's that like a Ship? 148 00:05:24,042 --> 00:05:26,042 >> no, sheep -- baa! 149 00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:28,708 The little slut of the barnyard. 150 00:05:28,792 --> 00:05:31,083 Remember focusing group? 151 00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:33,125 >> so, vote for me, america. 152 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:37,208 Because border security isn't For the birds, right? 153 00:05:37,042 --> 00:05:40,000 >> [ chirping ] >> paid for by the committee to 154 00:05:40,083 --> 00:05:40,917 Elect killface. 155 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,792 >> now, who liked that version Of promo 7-b? 156 00:05:43,875 --> 00:05:46,250 [ all talking ] >> came right out and grabbed my 157 00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:47,000 Attention. 158 00:05:47,083 --> 00:05:47,792 >> excellent. 159 00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:50,000 >> why is there penguin in the Desert? 160 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,333 >> I fought with that imagery! 161 00:05:52,417 --> 00:05:53,500 >> me, too! 162 00:05:53,583 --> 00:05:54,417 >> hold on, now. 163 00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:57,083 >> also, this grape soda is Crap. 164 00:05:57,167 --> 00:05:59,250 >> what is this, liquid anger? 165 00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:01,125 >> ahh! 166 00:06:01,208 --> 00:06:03,708 >> killface: and there goes the Security deposit. 167 00:06:03,792 --> 00:06:04,917 >> you whore! 168 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,375 >> killface: oh, wave to dottie. 169 00:06:07,458 --> 00:06:10,000 >> xander: I do not remember That, no. 170 00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:11,500 >> yah, you weren't there. 171 00:06:11,583 --> 00:06:14,333 All right, now we are wrestling For top bed bunk. 172 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:16,375 >> xander: ronnie, I'm not Gonna -- 173 00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:17,125 Ha! 174 00:06:17,208 --> 00:06:19,583 Ronnie, I don't have time for This! 175 00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:23,083 >> old-time greeks are doing This naked. 176 00:06:23,167 --> 00:06:27,083 >> xander: dude, I got to find a Running mate, stop hooper from 177 00:06:27,167 --> 00:06:30,542 Assassinating killface and Destroying the world, and 178 00:06:30,625 --> 00:06:33,417 Somewhere in there, prepare for The debate. 179 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:37,208 >> I could make flash cards, ask You some practice questions. 180 00:06:37,292 --> 00:06:38,708 >> xander: good, yes. 181 00:06:38,792 --> 00:06:42,042 And let's revisit that, but I Was thinking about escaping. 182 00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:44,167 >> oh, well, then, please to Following me. 183 00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:51,208 >> xander: [ sighs ] What the [bleep] Dude? 184 00:06:51,292 --> 00:06:53,333 >> oh, you can see has been Chopped? 185 00:06:53,417 --> 00:06:55,083 >> xander: it's actually not Bad. 186 00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:56,125 >> no, no, I'm embarrassed. 187 00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:57,042 Is crap. 188 00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,542 >> xander: [ gasps ] >> is good hole, though. 189 00:06:58,625 --> 00:07:02,708 >> xander: how did you dig Through space metal? 190 00:07:02,792 --> 00:07:04,000 Yeah, but... 191 00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:07,167 [ imitating johnny carson ] Oh, I did not know you had those. 192 00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:08,208 Johnny carson. 193 00:07:08,292 --> 00:07:11,208 >> johnny carson is violin man With slave? 194 00:07:11,042 --> 00:07:13,208 I know this man from television. 195 00:07:13,042 --> 00:07:15,875 >> xander: we don't have time For this. 196 00:07:15,958 --> 00:07:17,833 We need to go warn killface. 197 00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:21,292 >> but why to help not only Mortal enemy, but also political 198 00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:22,417 Opponent? 199 00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:25,167 >> xander: not that it's any of Your business, but... 200 00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:27,083 I have no plausible explanation. 201 00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:29,333 >> killface: well, how about This? 202 00:07:29,417 --> 00:07:33,042 "Vote for me, or I'll push this Dung heap of a planet smack into 203 00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:34,250 The sun. 204 00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:37,500 >> look, I worked hard on those, And since the annihilatrix 205 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:41,375 Couldn't push me to the store, I'd appreciate it if you'd focus 206 00:07:41,458 --> 00:07:45,042 On the damn talking -- >> killface: [ laughs ] 207 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,375 Oh, that reminds me, I should Fix the annihilatrix. 208 00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:57,333 >> yeah, this thing's cashed. 209 00:07:57,417 --> 00:07:59,208 >> what do you mean, "Cashed"? 210 00:07:59,292 --> 00:08:00,708 >> see, back in there? 211 00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:01,917 That coupling's melted. 212 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,792 >> [ high-pitched voice ] I Always pictured the couplings 213 00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:07,000 Being, like, this kind of huge, Hosey thing, you know, like up 214 00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:08,417 In the main engine area? 215 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:11,292 Do I sound -- I think my thing Is broken. 216 00:08:11,375 --> 00:08:12,917 >> well, can you fix it? 217 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,583 >> wait, you mean his helmet? 218 00:08:14,667 --> 00:08:16,000 Oh, the annihilatrix. 219 00:08:16,083 --> 00:08:17,083 Yeah, piece of cake. 220 00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:17,875 Only... 221 00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:18,750 >> only what? 222 00:08:18,833 --> 00:08:20,292 >> ronnie's got the pliers. 223 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,792 >> why does he always get the Pliers? 224 00:08:22,875 --> 00:08:25,042 >> attention, bay, this is Hooper. 225 00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:27,083 Escort ronnie down with the Pliers. 226 00:08:27,167 --> 00:08:27,958 >> copy, copy. 227 00:08:28,042 --> 00:08:29,042 Negative on escort. 228 00:08:29,125 --> 00:08:30,667 Prisoner's not on board. Over. 229 00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:32,458 >> where the devil did they go? 230 00:08:32,542 --> 00:08:35,083 >> interrogating the witness Now. 231 00:08:35,167 --> 00:08:36,125 >> witness? 232 00:08:36,208 --> 00:08:39,708 >> oh, no, crash-landed on my Planet, didn't you? 233 00:08:39,792 --> 00:08:42,583 You're gonna have to pay for That, lady. 234 00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:44,000 >> detention bay, come in. 235 00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:47,042 >> oh, yeah, you get down there And you clean it. 236 00:08:47,125 --> 00:08:47,708 >> idiots! 237 00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:48,500 >> hurtful. 238 00:08:48,583 --> 00:08:51,083 >> all right, I'll deal with Killface. 239 00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:55,542 You, screech, find a hardware Store, buy some pliers, and fix 240 00:08:55,625 --> 00:08:56,667 This damn thing! 241 00:08:56,750 --> 00:08:59,208 >> am I gonna get reimbursed for That? 242 00:08:59,292 --> 00:09:01,083 >> ahh! 243 00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:05,583 [ car alarm beeping ] >> you, pliers. 244 00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:06,208 >> yep. 245 00:09:06,292 --> 00:09:07,250 >> hey, save your receipt, man. 246 00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:08,292 >> don't need a receipt. 247 00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:09,625 Team player. 248 00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:13,208 >> the rest of you, find ronnie And that ridiculous awesome "X." 249 00:09:13,042 --> 00:09:15,208 >> but what if they split up? 250 00:09:15,292 --> 00:09:17,000 >> I would not worry about that. 251 00:09:17,083 --> 00:09:18,958 >> mmm. 252 00:09:19,042 --> 00:09:21,167 >> xander: quit grinding your [bleep] Dick on me. 253 00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:22,667 >> I can not find comfort. 254 00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:25,000 >> xander: how about finding Killface's house? 255 00:09:25,083 --> 00:09:26,708 >> okay, but first, guess what? 256 00:09:26,792 --> 00:09:28,500 >> xander: what? 257 00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:30,125 I feel like hobbit on eagle. 258 00:09:30,208 --> 00:09:32,667 >> xander: well, that's great, Ronnie. 259 00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:34,792 >> bilbo -- bilbo baggins. 260 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,167 >> xander: because now you guess What? 261 00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:38,500 Whoa! 262 00:09:38,583 --> 00:09:41,000 >> pull up, eagle! 263 00:09:41,083 --> 00:09:42,417 >> both: ahhhh! 264 00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,000 Oof! 265 00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:49,167 >> xander: [ coughing ] >> oh, eagle, we will never make 266 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,125 It to the battle of five armies Now. 267 00:09:51,208 --> 00:09:53,958 >> xander: yeah, can you do me a Favor and just never stop 268 00:09:54,042 --> 00:09:54,375 Talking? 269 00:09:54,458 --> 00:09:55,625 >> are you sad, eagle? 270 00:09:55,708 --> 00:09:58,708 >> xander: no, there's just Usually some nerds around here. 271 00:09:58,792 --> 00:10:02,500 >> this must be the right place Then, 'cause I am looking at two 272 00:10:02,583 --> 00:10:03,208 Right now. 273 00:10:03,292 --> 00:10:04,083 I'm kidding. 274 00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:05,792 Did you guys bring the stuff? 275 00:10:05,875 --> 00:10:07,083 >> xander: what stuff? 276 00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:08,083 >> wait a minute. 277 00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:09,625 Gary did send you guys, right? 278 00:10:09,708 --> 00:10:10,792 >> xander: oh, gary. 279 00:10:10,875 --> 00:10:11,292 >> gary. 280 00:10:11,375 --> 00:10:12,208 >> xander: gary. 281 00:10:12,042 --> 00:10:13,000 >> you mean g-money. 282 00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:13,708 We know that guy. 283 00:10:13,792 --> 00:10:14,792 Send us here. 284 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,458 >> xander: to you from... 285 00:10:16,542 --> 00:10:17,417 Somewhere else. 286 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:21,083 >> well, then, get on the Scooter. 20356

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