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1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:04,667
>> so, this is a pretty
Important errand?
2
00:00:04,750 --> 00:00:07,250
>> I wouldn't exactly call it
An errand.
3
00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:10,167
It's more of a mission to affect
The purchase of the campaign
4
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,167
Vehicle for which papa bear gave
Me 9,000 bucks.
5
00:00:13,250 --> 00:00:14,583
Not too [bleep] Shabby.
6
00:00:14,667 --> 00:00:16,750
So, you know, let me do the
Talking.
7
00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:18,583
>> hey, there, welcome to
Rodeo ron's.
8
00:00:18,667 --> 00:00:21,542
>> 'cause with these hicks, you
Got to play hard to get, like
9
00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:22,833
You don't really want it.
10
00:00:22,917 --> 00:00:25,667
Without even driving it, I will
Pay any price you ask for this
11
00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:26,167
Bus.
12
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,000
Name a price.
13
00:00:27,083 --> 00:00:28,458
>> you're a man who knows what
He wants.
14
00:00:28,542 --> 00:00:30,083
I bet you the ladies like that.
15
00:00:30,167 --> 00:00:31,125
>> oh, yeah.
16
00:00:31,208 --> 00:00:33,792
Old wendell's dragged the old
Pineapple through quite a number
17
00:00:33,875 --> 00:00:34,792
Of ladies.
18
00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:38,958
>> is that right?
19
00:00:39,042 --> 00:00:40,042
>> I'm all in.
20
00:00:40,125 --> 00:00:41,583
Flop the river, yahtzee.
21
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,167
There's the whole 9 grand.
22
00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:44,458
>> 9 grand?
23
00:00:44,542 --> 00:00:48,208
Buddy, I wouldn't sell you that
Piece of [bleep] For 9 grand.
24
00:00:48,292 --> 00:00:50,042
>> what? Ahh!
25
00:00:50,125 --> 00:00:54,083
>> yeah, are you feeling it,
Wendell?
26
00:00:54,167 --> 00:00:56,208
>> are you jane's addiction?
27
00:00:56,042 --> 00:00:58,375
>> wendell, look at me.
28
00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:01,167
A new christmas present,
Wendell.
29
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:04,500
>> aah! A new christmas present?
30
00:01:04,583 --> 00:01:07,500
[ screaming ]
>> hey, what the hell's wrong
31
00:01:07,583 --> 00:01:08,167
With you?
32
00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:09,250
>> what's that?
33
00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:10,833
>> this bus is 400 grand.
34
00:01:10,917 --> 00:01:12,125
>> 400?!
35
00:01:12,208 --> 00:01:14,583
That's pretty freaking steep for
A bus with a bent gear shift.
36
00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:15,167
>> what?
37
00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:16,583
>> shift is bent.
38
00:01:17,583 --> 00:01:18,500
>> it's angled.
39
00:01:18,583 --> 00:01:20,125
>> no, down at the bottom.
40
00:01:20,208 --> 00:01:21,000
It's all bent up.
41
00:01:21,083 --> 00:01:23,083
>> ain't nothing bent up down
Here.
42
00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:25,167
>> what, are you trying to bend
It back?
43
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,458
Oh, hey, is that rival
Documentarian michael moore's
44
00:01:27,542 --> 00:01:28,917
Fat ass over there?
45
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:29,917
What's he doing?
46
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,417
Point the camera over there.
47
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,833
>> buddy, you are an idiot.
48
00:01:33,917 --> 00:01:37,208
[ gunshots ]
>> cheese and rice, he shot
49
00:01:37,042 --> 00:01:39,125
Himself -- with my gun somehow.
50
00:01:39,208 --> 00:01:42,000
I got to take him to the
Hospital.
51
00:01:42,083 --> 00:01:43,125
>> wendell!
52
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:46,542
>> I'm coming!
53
00:01:48,125 --> 00:01:51,000
>> [ sighs ]
Fantastic.
54
00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:53,625
[ horn honks ]
>> xander: [bleep] You, buddy.
55
00:01:53,708 --> 00:01:54,417
>> what in the...
56
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:55,167
>> xander: what?
57
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,792
Well, then, keep driving.
58
00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:58,875
>> oh, my god.
59
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:04,417
[ horn honks ]
>> xander: we're
60
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,000
Member-supported, dick!
61
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:07,542
>> excuse me.
62
00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:11,375
>> xander: what?!
63
00:02:11,458 --> 00:02:13,167
>> hi, yeah, I'm making a movie.
64
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:14,625
>> xander: uh, not interested.
65
00:02:14,708 --> 00:02:17,000
Well, either pull over or
[bleep] Off.
66
00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:21,333
Already made a movie last year,
And turns out that wasn't
67
00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:23,083
Even the real howard hessman.
68
00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:26,875
And also a lot less boy-girl
Than the box art would have led
69
00:02:26,958 --> 00:02:30,792
You to believe, so, personal
Disappointment.
70
00:02:30,875 --> 00:02:32,083
>> this is a documentary.
71
00:02:32,167 --> 00:02:34,750
>> xander: uh, already made one
Of those, too, which I didn't
72
00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:36,333
Even get paid for.
73
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,167
Read your release forms, kids.
74
00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:39,500
>> and good advice.
75
00:02:39,583 --> 00:02:40,667
Can we sit down?
76
00:02:40,750 --> 00:02:44,000
>> xander: yeah, these have a
Few more minutes.
77
00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:47,792
>> okay, and we're --
>> xander: happy with this
78
00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:48,708
Backdrop?
79
00:02:48,792 --> 00:02:49,875
>> it's fine.
80
00:02:49,958 --> 00:02:52,833
Here's what we're --
Wow, well, that's kind of
81
00:02:52,917 --> 00:02:53,417
Ironic.
82
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:54,583
>> xander: how's that?
83
00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:57,167
>> 'cause that you used to own
The company that made the
84
00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,083
Refrigerator that came in the
Cardboard box that you live in
85
00:03:00,167 --> 00:03:01,208
Now.
86
00:03:01,042 --> 00:03:04,542
>> xander: I'm not real sure
That's what irony is.
87
00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:06,917
>> it actually kind of exactly
Is.
88
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:07,583
>> xander: no.
89
00:03:07,667 --> 00:03:09,042
>> well, it is.
90
00:03:09,125 --> 00:03:10,208
>> xander: tomato, tomato.
91
00:03:10,292 --> 00:03:12,167
>> that's actually exactly what
It is.
92
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,000
>> xander: look, I got things to
Do here.
93
00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:16,000
>> you cooking a cat you found?
94
00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:17,125
>> xander: needles.
95
00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:20,167
I boil them, sell them back to
The junkies.
96
00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:23,000
All goes to fund the outreach
Center, which is right over
97
00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:24,250
There.
98
00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:26,875
>> I assumed you were doing
Something else here by the road.
99
00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:31,125
>> xander: no, just giving back
To these crack-addled skeletons
100
00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:34,083
That wander the streets of the
Town.
101
00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:38,250
Got the needle program, do a
Little counseling.
102
00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:40,167
Got the loosies over there.
103
00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:41,667
>> loosies, as in?
104
00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:43,417
Um, those are loose condoms.
105
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:44,708
>> xander: I rinse them out.
106
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:47,042
>> you don't sell those to
People?!
107
00:03:47,125 --> 00:03:48,042
>> xander: ew, no.
108
00:03:48,125 --> 00:03:50,542
No, I just rinse these out and
Throw them back where I found
109
00:03:50,625 --> 00:03:51,125
Them.
110
00:03:54,083 --> 00:03:55,042
>> okay.
111
00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:56,625
>> xander: that's not a crime.
112
00:03:56,708 --> 00:03:59,375
>> actually, this is a
Documentary about killface.
113
00:03:59,458 --> 00:04:02,208
>> xander: is it called "Check
Me out, I suck?"
114
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,292
>> no, it is not.
115
00:04:04,375 --> 00:04:06,250
>> xander: good, 'cause I was
Already in that one.
116
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:12,583
And, apparently, there was no
Box art, so, low-budget.
117
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:15,958
But I only got in the porno
Business in the first place
118
00:04:16,042 --> 00:04:18,667
'cause killface, you know,
Totally ruined me
119
00:04:18,750 --> 00:04:19,875
Financially-wise.
120
00:04:19,958 --> 00:04:23,375
>> killface: I've got the check
For your entire fortune of
121
00:04:23,458 --> 00:04:24,167
$20 billion.
122
00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:26,208
>> don't you come over here,
Talon man.
123
00:04:26,292 --> 00:04:28,708
I know your powerful kicking
Tricks.
124
00:04:28,792 --> 00:04:29,583
You throw it.
125
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:30,583
Throw them on three.
126
00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:32,750
>> killface: no, I think it's
Windy for that.
127
00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:34,042
>> one, two, three, throw!
128
00:04:34,125 --> 00:04:35,917
>> killface: ahh!
129
00:04:37,250 --> 00:04:39,708
[ wind howls ]
130
00:04:40,917 --> 00:04:42,417
>> xander: through no fault of
131
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:43,875
My own, by the way.
132
00:04:43,958 --> 00:04:46,375
>> but why live here and not
Your house?
133
00:04:46,458 --> 00:04:49,750
>> xander: well, various
Factors.
134
00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:57,167
>> [ shouting ]
>> xander: all right, already.
135
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,125
I'm going.
136
00:04:58,208 --> 00:04:59,333
God.
137
00:04:59,417 --> 00:05:03,167
>> he is so jealous.
138
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,875
>> [ laughs ]
>> I mean, another guy even
139
00:05:05,958 --> 00:05:09,000
Looks at me, and he just goes
Bananas.
140
00:05:09,083 --> 00:05:13,125
>> I don't care if they look,
But if they touch, sucker m.C.
141
00:05:13,208 --> 00:05:13,917
Gots to pay.
142
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,250
>> yeah.
143
00:05:16,958 --> 00:05:19,292
We're doing really great.
144
00:05:22,958 --> 00:05:25,167
>> xander: [ scoffs ]
>> so, old spice is her pimp?
145
00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:28,333
>> xander: and don't even get me
Started on the whole lack of
146
00:05:28,417 --> 00:05:32,125
Loyalty there, not to mention my
Sheets, which are like a jillion
147
00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:33,000
Thread count.
148
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:36,125
Now they got chinaman [bleep] On
Them.
149
00:05:36,208 --> 00:05:38,458
>> oh! Oh!
150
00:05:38,542 --> 00:05:40,000
Oh, god. Oh, god.
151
00:05:40,083 --> 00:05:43,083
Yeah, come on, you big, black
Son of a bitch.
152
00:05:43,167 --> 00:05:44,708
Oh, yeah.
153
00:05:44,792 --> 00:05:46,125
>> yes.
154
00:05:46,208 --> 00:05:49,125
>> xander: yeah, and he really
Put the spurs to her, and I mean
155
00:05:49,208 --> 00:05:50,042
That literally.
156
00:05:50,125 --> 00:05:51,167
>> wait, what?
157
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,333
>> xander: he used my
Great-granddad's whoring spurs.
158
00:05:53,417 --> 00:05:55,375
>> I did not know they had
Those.
159
00:05:55,458 --> 00:05:58,667
>> xander: apparently, whores
Back then were kind of logey
160
00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:01,250
From all the tuberculosis.
161
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:05,625
[ coughing ]
162
00:06:05,708 --> 00:06:06,667
[ glass breaks ]
163
00:06:12,125 --> 00:06:14,250
I'm hoping that's just a summer
Cold.
164
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:15,750
>> me, too. I'm downwind.
165
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,042
>> xander: oh, man, what are we
Doing?
166
00:06:18,125 --> 00:06:20,667
>> uh, so, why not just go live
With the xtacles?
167
00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:22,375
>> xander: 'cause they're dicks.
168
00:06:22,458 --> 00:06:24,167
And also, why would I do that?
169
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,208
>> 'cause awesome "X" is your
Alter ego.
170
00:06:26,292 --> 00:06:29,042
>> xander: well, I didn't know
You knew that, and also, plus,
171
00:06:29,125 --> 00:06:31,000
'cause they're dicks.
172
00:06:31,083 --> 00:06:32,458
>> hmm, that's mysterious.
173
00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:35,167
>> xander: oh, hooper, you can't
Find your flip-flops, can you?
174
00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:38,042
>> who keeps putting my cubby
Way down here?
175
00:06:38,125 --> 00:06:39,208
>> what's going on?
176
00:06:39,292 --> 00:06:40,458
>> xander: ah! What? Nothing!
177
00:06:40,542 --> 00:06:43,167
>> oh, checking out the new guy,
Hooper, huh?
178
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,083
>> xander: so?
179
00:06:44,167 --> 00:06:45,083
Doesn't make me gay.
180
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:47,208
>> hey, dude, don't ask, don't
Tell.
181
00:06:47,292 --> 00:06:49,583
>> xander: can you even be gay
For a robot?
182
00:06:49,667 --> 00:06:51,333
Bee-boo-boop! I am a gaybot.
183
00:06:51,417 --> 00:06:53,167
>> you think we're robots?
184
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,750
>> xander: may I offer you a
Robot blow job?
185
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,083
>> but...This is just armor.
186
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,042
>> xander: power down, gay
Robot.
187
00:06:59,125 --> 00:07:01,000
That is an earthman order.
188
00:07:01,083 --> 00:07:02,292
>> okay, hang on.
189
00:07:02,375 --> 00:07:05,583
>> xander: [ gasps ]
Oh, my god.
190
00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:06,750
>> that's what I've been saying.
191
00:07:06,833 --> 00:07:09,375
>> xander: you look so...Real.
192
00:07:09,458 --> 00:07:12,750
>> [ sighs ]
>> xander: can I touch you?
193
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:13,833
>> kind of prefer you didn't.
194
00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:15,083
>> xander: just be still.
195
00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:16,667
Feel my touch.
196
00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:17,542
>> ahh!
197
00:07:17,625 --> 00:07:21,125
[ clanking ]
>> oh, so they kicked you off
198
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,208
For hitting jimbo?
199
00:07:22,292 --> 00:07:27,125
>> xander: more for right after
That -- uh, when I tried to take
200
00:07:27,208 --> 00:07:28,208
Him apart.
201
00:07:28,042 --> 00:07:30,208
Power on, robot.
202
00:07:30,042 --> 00:07:33,208
Your earthman commands you.
203
00:07:33,292 --> 00:07:40,833
[ sobbing ] Why won't you power
On?
204
00:07:40,917 --> 00:07:43,917
Yeah, at first I thought it was
Hydraulic fluid.
205
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,542
[laughing] But, man, it sure
Wasn't.
206
00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:51,542
Ahh. [ clears throat ]
Anyway, so then there was the
207
00:07:51,625 --> 00:07:53,625
Cover-up.
208
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,375
>> oh, that's crap.
209
00:07:56,458 --> 00:08:00,000
>> xander: and then I kind of
Just came straight here.
210
00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:01,750
>> that was like a year ago.
211
00:08:01,833 --> 00:08:03,125
>> xander: nuh-unh!
212
00:08:03,208 --> 00:08:04,750
Has it really been a year?
213
00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:05,750
What's today?
214
00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:06,792
>> it's thursday.
215
00:08:06,875 --> 00:08:09,083
>> xander: oh, my god, it has
Been a year.
216
00:08:09,167 --> 00:08:11,500
Yeah, I just lost track of time,
I guess.
217
00:08:11,583 --> 00:08:13,958
>> why not just move in with
Your girlfriend?
218
00:08:14,042 --> 00:08:17,292
[ tchaikovsky's "Romeo & juliet"
Plays ]
219
00:08:17,375 --> 00:08:19,917
>> xander: 'cause if I want to
Be smothered to death, I'll go
220
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,375
Back to the excalibur and fess
Up.
221
00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:23,750
If I ever go back to the
Excalibur and fess up, I'll be
222
00:08:23,833 --> 00:08:25,000
Smothered to death.
223
00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:26,167
That's in our charter.
224
00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:27,708
>> so, you ended up homeless.
225
00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:28,750
>> xander: no, not homeless.
226
00:08:28,833 --> 00:08:30,000
Not homeless.
227
00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:34,542
Because home is where the heart
Is.
228
00:08:34,625 --> 00:08:36,208
>> in these refrigerator boxes?
229
00:08:36,042 --> 00:08:38,292
>> xander: well, you see
Refrigerator boxes.
230
00:08:38,375 --> 00:08:41,250
I see an outreach center that's
Changing lives every day, and
231
00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:43,583
What the [bleep] Are you doing,
Simone?
232
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:44,583
>> you're weird.
233
00:08:44,667 --> 00:08:46,917
>> xander: well, did you see the
Flare?
234
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:51,625
No! So, obviously, the needles
Aren't ready.
235
00:08:51,708 --> 00:08:53,125
I'm doing an interview.
236
00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:55,917
>> you don't need your goddamn
Stick.
237
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,083
>> xander: get out of here.
238
00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:58,292
>> okay, honky.
239
00:08:58,375 --> 00:09:02,042
>> xander: you know, it's --
>> taking a dump in your box.
240
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,333
>> don't you [bleep] Crap there,
Simone!
241
00:09:04,417 --> 00:09:06,333
Oh, that is it!
242
00:09:06,417 --> 00:09:07,542
>> yow!
243
00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:10,167
>> xander: how's that for snack
Time?
244
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,125
That was simone.
245
00:09:11,208 --> 00:09:14,667
She's actually our secretary
Here at the outreach center.
246
00:09:14,750 --> 00:09:17,750
And I thought it was her day
Off, so that's why I was
247
00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:21,792
Surprised that she was even
Here.
248
00:09:23,292 --> 00:09:25,625
[ sniffs ]
So, uh, what's this little movie
249
00:09:25,708 --> 00:09:26,792
Deal about killface?
250
00:09:26,875 --> 00:09:29,083
>> actually, he's running for
President.
251
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:30,125
>> xander: he's what?! How?!
252
00:09:30,208 --> 00:09:33,000
>> 'cause when he turned on the
Annihilatrix, he cured global
253
00:09:33,083 --> 00:09:34,000
Warming.
254
00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:35,333
>> xander: wait, no, I turned it
On!
255
00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:36,500
>> well, he says he did.
256
00:09:36,583 --> 00:09:38,125
>> xander: son of a bitch!
257
00:09:38,208 --> 00:09:38,708
>> yeah.
258
00:09:38,792 --> 00:09:40,000
So, do cabs ever come by here?
259
00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:42,625
>> xander: if he's running for
President, then so am I.
260
00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:45,500
>> well, it takes like tons and
Tons of money to run for
261
00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:46,125
President.
262
00:09:46,208 --> 00:09:47,458
>> xander: well, is that enough?
263
00:09:47,542 --> 00:09:48,083
Ka-kow!
264
00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:50,167
>> when did you find the check?
265
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,667
>> xander: oh, just right after
That whole incident with it
266
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:54,833
Blowing away.
267
00:09:54,917 --> 00:09:57,542
Yeah, have fun getting the
[bleep] Stomped out of you by
268
00:09:57,625 --> 00:10:00,000
The xtacles when I go to my
House and get my awesome "X"
269
00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:06,042
Gear from that hooker who was
Living there the last time I...
270
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:07,000
Checked.
271
00:10:07,083 --> 00:10:12,417
Yeah, apparently I've had it the
Whole time.
272
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,167
Suckers!
19442
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