All language subtitles for Return.To.Mayberry.1986.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Hey.

Hey-- Hey, Gomer!

Well, I'll be. Surprise, surprise.

Hey, Goob, it's Andy Taylor.

- Hey, Andy.
- Well, doggone.

- Ha, ha!
- Double doggone.

You know I was just thinking
about you yesterday.

Double-double doggone. Me too.

Doggone it, me too.

- Listen, my--
- Hey, Andy.

Goober and me is gonna
go fishing tomorrow.

- You wanna go with us?
- Well, I'd like to,

but I might be kind of busy.

Shazam.

That's why I was
thinking about you.

You're about to
become a granddaddy.

Little Opie's gonna be a father.

It seems like just yesterday
he had to stand on the phone book

to eat his graham crackers
over the sink.

Granddaddy, granddaddy,
grandad. Ha, ha.

Hey Andy.
How you like our new garage?

I like it.
Listen, my car's been lurching.

Lurching.

It could be the carburetor, couldn't it?

Could be the carburetor.

Probably the carburetor.

Have you got one?

No.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna try to adjust
the carburetor.

- Oh.
- Helen with you?

She'll be joining me
in a few days.

This is gonna be
like old-home week.

- You know, Thelma Lou's in town.
- She is?

She was here an hour ago

in that jazzed-up two-tone of hers.

You know, that woman has got
the driest differential

I ever laid my eyes on.

That was always like her.
Just gas and go.

Well, I've got it adjusted
the best I can, but...

- I'm still gonna need a carburetor.
- Yeah.

- Will you get me one?
- Yo! I'll order you up one

- right quick, on the double.
- Okay.

Okay. All right.

Oh, Andy.

We forgot to tell you
the biggest news yet.

- Show him, Goober.
- What?

- Show him.
- Oh. Oh, wait.

Ha, ha. See?

Barney's been acting sheriff
since Sheriff Patterson died.

He always wanted to be the real one.

That's the reason he decided to run.

Wasn't nobody running against him
for, oh-- For about a half a day.

Yeah, about that...

Then Ben Woods jumped in.

Oh, he's a bright man too.
Finished twelfth in his class.

Well, we think Barney's gonna win.

He hasn't done nothing stupid
now for, oh...

- about a month.
- Yeah, about that.

Well, that's good.
Good. Now, carburetor.

- Carburetor.
- Bye, Andy.

Okay.

Tell Helen Gomer said hey.

Grandad, grandad, grandad.

Mm, hello?

- Oh. Hello.
- Heh.

Uh, is, uh, Mr. Taylor in?

May I tell him who's calling, please?

- Mr. Taylor.
- Pa!

- Hey, Op!
- Ha-ha-ha.

- Ha, ha. It's good to see you.
- Good to see you.

- Boy, you never gain a pound, do you?
- Well, I have to watch it.

- What about this business?
- Oh, well, you know,

Aunt Bee always said
I had a short lip.

- How's Eunice?
- Oh, she's fine.

She's doing a lot better than I am.

That the baby was supposed to
be here by now, Pa.

The baby's fine. Just lurking.

- Just what?
- Lurking.

First babies like to lurk.

Listen, I gotta talk to you.

Oh, yeah, fine. Over here.

- Hey, Howard.
- Hey, Andy.

Howard's working part-time
for the paper now.

- You never stay still, do you?
- Yeah. I love it.

- How'd it go?
- Oh, fine.

Fine. This morning,
I covered the opening

- of the new solid waste pump station.
- Yeah?

And the ribbon was cut
by a registered nurse.

No kidding.

- Howard's got your papers for you.
- Oh yeah, yeah. Right here.

Let's see, we have your, uh,

intention of local residency

and a copy of your birth certificate,

et cetera, et cetera, and, uh...

As county clerk,
I contest you are hereby

an official candidate
in the election for sheriff.

Just as you requested, Pa.

Why didn't you tell me
Barney was running?

Well, we didn't know
about it until just yesterday.

I couldn't reach you
while you were out on the road.

Well, I can't run against Barney,
and that's all there is to it.

Well, I'm going across the street
and take Ben Woods' picture.

And I'll be back later.

Can I say something?

Go ahead.

Pa, you're making a mistake.

- And I think it's a very big mistake.
- Opie--

Let me finish. You already quit
your job in Cleveland.

You know it's always
been your dream

to come back here to Mayberry,
and Helen's dream too.

And everybody here in town, they--
They remember you and they like you.

And you're far and away
the most qualified man for the job.

Opie,

please understand.

I won't run against Barney.

I should've figured he'd be running.

I don't expect he's had too many
high spots in these last years.

Everybody deserves one.

This may be his big one.

I won't stand in his way.

Now,

while I'm here,

let's tend to more important matters.

Like getting your little baby
to show up,

seeing friends, having barbecues.
Just--

Just enjoying ourselves outlandishly.

What do you say?

- Heh.
- Wanna go see Eunice at the house?

I'll stop by later.

In the meantime,
I'll go over and tell Barney,

we're all on his bandwagon.

I scream, you scream.

We all scream for ice cream.

Hey, sheriff!

Otis, is that you?

It's me.

Oh, boy, is it great
to see you again. I--

Wait, wait.

Otis is--?
Is working and driving?

Oh yeah, he quit drinking.
He's been dry for years.

Here it is. Ha-ha-ha!

White chocolate bubble gum,

flavor of the week.

Ha, ha! It's on the house.

Uh, look, I gotta run,
but I'll talk to you later, okay?

- Thanks, Otis.
- You're welcome.

Will miracles never cease?

- Hi, Opie.
- Oh, hi, Wally.

Uh, you got a minute?

Yeah, sure. Oh,
this is my father, Andy Taylor.

Well, I'm glad to meet you, sir.

- Me, too.
- Wally Butler.

You remember the old
Shanghai Gardens restaurant

- outside of town?
- Yeah.

Wally owns that now.

And he changed the menu
to continental.

And he's put in a new 16-unit motel.

- Turned it around, huh?
- Well, I'm trying to.

It'll be uphill, but I'm gonna
give it a solid shot. Heh.

- I hope I don't lose my shirt.
- You'll be okay.

You seem like the kind of guy
that'll do just fine.

Mayberry's moving right along.

New solid waste pump station,
sober ice cream man,

your motel and restaurant.

Yeah, the next thing you know,

Mayberry's gonna be
the main stopping-off point

between New York and Florida.

- There you go.
- Ha-ha-ha.

Uh, Opie, I'd like to talk to you
about my ad.

Oh, fine. Let's, uh, step inside.

- Very good to have met you, sir.
- Good to meet you.

Dibs on that.

Well, Howard,

- things are changing.
- Yeah, yeah.

How's your love life?

Well,

kind of interested in the librarian
over in Mount Pilot.

Yeah?

- Her name's Rose.
- Oh.

But, uh, ugh.

What's the matter?

Ooh, I don't know, I mean...

Years go by,

and one day you look around,

and everything's different.

Older, you know?

My hair's all gray.

I'm losing my looks.

Well, you're not that old.
You're young yet.

And people all over the world
color their hair.

Women and men.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Heh. Would I have to go
to a beauty parlor?

No.

- You do it yourself at home.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, heh.
- Ha, ha.

Take ten years off your life.

Well, it's a thought.

Howard!

Thank you for the picture.

And tell Barney,
I'm sure he'll join me

in a dignified campaign
that befits true gentlemen.

Howdy, Zeno.

That's Ben Woods.
He's running against Barney.

- I figured.
- Might stand a good chance too.

You know, he finished
twelfth in his class.

I heard.

Clean up the city government.

Get rid of the deadwood
in the sheriff's office.

Get the job done right.

Vote for me.
Vote for Ben Woods for sheriff.

- Nice fella.
- Hmph.

Get rid of the deadwood
in the sheriff's office.

Get the job done right.

- Boys!
- Hey, sheriff.

- How's it going?
- All right.

Good.

Ha-ha! Yeah?

Well, it's the same old thing.

Busy, busy, busy.

Heh. You too, huh?

Well, you never know.
I might get over that way.

Oh, I don't know, uh,

maybe next week.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Well, maybe this week. Heh.

Wha--? Come on.
You don't remember that?

No, come on. Ha-ha-ha.

No. I couldn't-- I can't do that now.

Huh? Ha, ha.

Well, maybe. All right.

Nita

Juanita

Ask thy soul if we should part

Nita

Juanita

Lean thou on my heart

Yes, sir,
I'm right on top of it! 10-4.

- Hi, Andy!
- Hey. Barn.

How you doing, how you doing?

Hey, busy, busy, busy!

- Goes with the territory!
- Ha-ha-ha!

- You scoundrel.
- Ha, ha.

- You look great.
- Yeah, you really think so?

- Yeah, you look just like always.
- I work out.

Living there
at the Y in Raleigh,

you know, I had
all the equipment right there.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- The lats and pecs.
- Yeah?

- Pecs and the lats.
- Yeah?

I got the body of a boy.

- You son of a gun.
- Unh.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Ah, it's okay.

Touch of bursitis there.

- Yeah, a lot of boys get that.
- Uh-huh.

Would you look at this place.
Still the same, huh?

Yeah. Let me get these
out of your way, And.

- Sit down.
- Okay.

Would you get that, And?

Sheriff's office.

Uh. Uh, just a minute.

Juanita.

- Huh?
- Juanita.

What in the world--?

Yeah?

Uh, something came up.
I'll have to call you back.

- Sit down.
- She still around?

Mm-hm. Yeah.

Ahem. She was, uh,

actually calling to report, that, uh,

somebody stole four chickens
from her sister.

You know the one--

Remember her sister that lives
out by Meyer's Lake?

- Uh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, you've got to be nice
to her. She votes too.

- You heard, huh?
- Yeah, congratulations.

- Sheriff Barney Fife! Ha, ha.
- Oh, well...

Well, I hadn't intended to run, And,

but nobody else was running.

- So I thought I'd go for it.
- Yeah.

Now Ben Woods is running.

Did you know that
he was twelfth in his class?

Yeah, I heard.

Yeah, well, I figure with my experience,
you know, I might just

have a little slight chance at it.

We're all 150 percent for you.

You know something, And?

One thing I couldn't figure out
was why you weren't running.

- Well--
- But then it struck me!

I mean, this here is
small potatoes to you.

I mean, you're up there
in the big time.

You're a United States
postal inspector.

- You made it. You're a fed.
- Well...

Yeah. And Helen sure wouldn't
wanna come back here, right?

Not after the bright lights
of Cleveland.

- Never, right?
- All right.

Uh, speaking of, uh--
Of ladyfolk, uh...

I hear Thelma Lou's in town.

That so?

Ahem. You ever think of her?

Oh, yeah.

Well, Andy,
after any intense relationship,

there's just gotta be scars.

But she's long forgotten.

I mean, after all, since then...

- there have been one or two others.
- Ha, ha. I'm sure.

Oh, women, And.

They're like trolley cars.

You miss one, so what?

There's another one
along any minute.

- Any minute.
- Heh-heh.

And, it's the 80's.

And for an upwardly-mobile yuppie,

single and loaded
with their chromosomes,

it's a picnic out there.

I must have missed out on all that.

Ha, ha. Yeah.

Oh, I tell you, And.

You gotta beat them
off with a stick, And.

Heh. Life in the fast lane.

A revolving door.

Hello, I love you, goodbye.

So you just never
kept up with her?

No.

Too bad her marriage to that
contractor didn't work out.

- I hear it lasted only 18 months.
- Sixteen.

And he wasn't a contractor,
just a foreman of a wrecking crew.

Less than 14,500 grand
take-home.

- You gonna see her?
- I thought I'd wait until tonight.

She's staying with her sister.

Give me a chance to shave
and steam my suit.

Go get them, yuppie.

Ha, ha. Oh, jeez, have I gotta run.

I put on a traffic seminar
after school every other week.

- Oh. Uh-huh.
- Teaching materials, you know.

- Visual aids, graphs--
- Charts?

Yeah.

Ernest T. Bass!

Well, that's him, all right.
Hey, Ernest T!

Sheriff Andy's back in town!

Sun goes up, pants fall down.

Hair was brown, now it's gray,

make that monster go away.

Ugh! Ha!

Get rid of him. Make him go away.

Nice to see you again, Ernest T.

- Still the same, huh?
- Yeah. Still bats!

- Ha-ha-ha.
- Thinks you're still sheriff.

Yeah.
Well, you've gotta go to school,

and I wanna pay a visit
to Aunt Bee, so--

- Ow!
- Oh. I'm sorry.

- Catch you later.
- Right.

You had senile Patterson.

You've got incompetent Fife.

Time to vote
for dependable Ben Woods.

Vote for me.
Vote for Ben Woods for sheriff.

You had senile Patterson.

Now you've got incompetent Fife.

Vote for dependable Ben Woods.

That's enough footprints.
Let's get out of here.

Ain't that the biggest big toe
you ever seen in the wide world?

- Ha-ha-ha.
- Come on.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Why don't you go on?
I'll catch up with you.

It's funny.

There you are, baby.

Ah, good old-- Good old boy.

Good boy. Good boy.

Yeah, easy. Easy.

Are you--? Are you sure somebody
didn't see you take those chickens?

Something I wanna tell you,
mister. Come here.

Now, you can be the boss,

you can tell me what to do.

You can even own
that fine dragon there, yeah.

But don't you tell me nothing
about no chicken thief-ting.

My daddy
was a chicken thieve-der.

My granddaddy
was a chicken thieve-der.

They was the best
in this part of the state.

All right, all right. I am sorry. I--

I didn't mean to question
your professionalism.

Question my professionalism?

Oh, that's a fine piece of talk there.

Question my professionalism.

Okay, uh, let her on out.
Let her on out.

Question my professionalism.

Yeah, heh.

Ha, ha! Yes, sir!

The Mayberry Monster.

- That will bring in the tourists.
- Yes.

And remember,

say nothing about this to

anyone.

I thought we wasn't gonna question
my professionalism.

You know, Andy,

all I ever wanted
was for you and Opie

to be good citizens
and to treat people right.

I know you will.

You two boys are the button
on the cap of kindness.

Oh, and remember,
one green vegetable every day,

one hot meal,
six glasses of water.

And to sleep before midnight.
That's important.

Thelma Lou?

Oh. Andy!

- I thought it was you.
- Oh, my goodness!

How long has it been?

Well, I'm 20 years older,
but you don't seem to be.

- Oh.
- You in town for a while?

Maybe. I came mainly
to put this new stone

on Uncle Ephraim's grave.

Gee, it's modern, isn't it?

Well, you know Uncle Ephraim.

He was the first one in town
to have a convertible.

Ha, ha. Yeah.

It's a shame I won't get to see
Barney while I'm here.

Well, you have to see Barney.
I know he wants to see you.

You sure? He hasn't called.

Oh, I'm absolutely positive.
Come on, I'll take you to him.

- Well, I--
- Oh, yeah.

You can follow me in your car.
You shouldn't have any problem

now that your differential's greased.

Oh, Mayberry.

Everybody knows everything.

Danny, Danny.

Come out, Danny.

Danny, Danny,
we'll give you a candy.

I can't!

I've got a stomachache.

What did you have for lunch?

I had a hundred ginger snaps

and a gallon of chocolate milk.

I'm Danny Doodle Nut,

and I'm gonna cross the street.

What do I do first?

Look both ways.

Not me.

I'm gonna cross this here street,

and the first thing I'm gonna do

is step right off the curb.

No, no, no!

Oh, that's right.

Before taking a step,
I'm supposed to look up.

No, no, no!

I'm supposed to look down?

No, no, no!

Well, I'm Danny Doodle Nut.

So I'm not gonna bother
looking any way at all.

Bang!

Recess.

- Bye, Danny.
- See you, Danny.

Bye, Danny.

Danny.

There's a young lady here
to meet you.

Well. Hello there, little lady.

And what's your little n--

Thelma Lou.

Hello.

Hello.

Uh, I was just
teaching a class in, uh, safety.

- I know.
- About crossing the street.

I know.

Heh. I do it bimonthly.

Oh. Well...

I thought you were wonderful.

Oh, thank you.

Parents must really appreciate it.

I think they do.

Barney.

It's been a long time.

You're still the same. Heh.

You look wonderful.

Oh, me? This old thing.

I've had it for years.

You ever--? You ever
think about the old days?

A lot.

Oh, Barney, we had so much fun.

Could you come to dinner
at my sister's tonight?

I'd love to!

Um-- I mean, sure.

- Six-thirty?
- Sharp.

Oh, Barney.

It's so good to see you.

Oh, Papa Taylor.
I thought it was Opie.

Hi, Eunice.

Oh.

- Eunice, are you all right?
- I think it's my time.

- Well, my car--
- Oh, don't worry.

Opie's on his way.

We planned it all out carefully.

Opie's cool.

Eunice, did you call the doctor?

Opie!

Oh, my God.

- Are you okay?
- I'm okay.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.

And I'm okay.
So now that we're all okay,

- let's go to the hospital. My car.
- Okay.

- All right, just-- Just be careful.
- All right.

- Take it easy.
- Go.

- There's no belt in the back.
- I'll be fine.

Oh. Okay.

Oh, Opie, my bag.

Right, the bag. Right.

Come on.

All right, now.

- Let's all relax.
- Yeah.

- Everything's going fine.
- Yeah.

We've got the right suitcase,
the hospital's expecting us,

and the road's clear.

We are A-okay.

- Pa!
- I can't help it.

- It's the carburetor.
- Oh.

Opie.

Can't help it. It's the car--

It's happening.

Oh, my God. Pa.

Good night, nurse.

Gomer!

- Hey, Andy. You come too soon.
- Gomer.

- You see, the part your--
- Gomer. Gomer, Gomer.

Eunice is in the back seat
about to give birth right now.

- Golly.
- I need another car.

But we ain't got no vehicles
here in running order.

Gomer, this is a garage.
Nothing's running?

- Well, that's why they're here.
- Call Barney.

Pa! Her contractions are coming
a whole lot quicker.

Tell him to use the siren.

Yeah, he likes to do that.

Hey, Andy. Hey, Ope. Hey Eunice

Oh, it's really happening.

Call the hospital for an ambulance.

Gomer, get some newspapers,
lots of them.

- Goober, boil some water.
- Wait, you mean you're gonna--

I've done it before. Must be
a half-dozen people in this town

saw me before
they saw their mothers.

Ambulance.

Andy, would some magazines
do just as well?

Yeah, I called you earlier, and--
And now I'm calling again,

because our car broke down,
and we need--

Yeah. Okay.
We're at the G & G Garage.

How's it what?

Well, just G and then another G.

Well,

is Eunice all right?

She's fine. She's a little tired.

But she's fine.

So is the little fella.

Little fella?

Your son.

My son.

My son.

Yeah.

Hon. You all right?

I'm all right.

Hey, Barney.
Talk about excitement.

Well, what happened?

I heard the ambulance call
on the radio.

- Boy, Barn, too bad you missed it.
- Excitement,

- excitement, excitement.
- Andy had the baby.

- Well, actually, Eunice--
- There was an emergency birth here?

Excitement, excitement,
excitement.

Well, why wasn't I called?

- Well, Barney, we tried to call you.
- I'm highly trained

and have a suitably-equipped,
qualified emergency vehicle.

- Well, you ought to be happy.
- Happy? Happy?

What do you know about happy?
You're always happy.

People just got to learn
to follow procedures.

Barney, we were gonna call,
but it happened so fast.

The sheriff here did all the doctoring.

- Sheriff done it.
- I'm not the sheriff.

Andy hasn't even been
in town for 20 years.

But we always call him the sheriff.

That title goes with this badge.

I'm sorry, Barney, but you ought
not get your nose all out of joint.

Just leave the joints
in my nose to me, okay?

Okay?

Welcome sweet springtime

We greet thee in song

Murmurs of gladness

- Hi, Barn.
- Hey, And.

- Nice night.
- Yeah.

The frogs are sure at it.

Ha, ha. Yeah.

- How you doing?
- Fine, Barn. Come on up.

- How's Eunice and the baby?
- Fine, fine, fine.

How are things at the office?

Oh, fine, fine. Yeah.

- I got another call.
- Yeah.

Old Man Sam Burris
is missing some chickens.

- He lives out by the lake, doesn't he?
- Mm-hm.

Must be somebody out that way
really fond of chickens.

Welcome sweet springtime

We greet thee in song

Murmurs of gladness

Good old 14-A.

They still haven't licked it, have they?

Ahem, you know, And,

I'm really, uh, sorry about that
flare-up today at the garage.

Oh, it's all forgotten.

Well, I don't know.
Quick temper, you know.

It's a curse of the Fife.

- I know. Your mother.
- Yeah.

Well, I guess I felt a little left out.

I've been looking forward so
to the baby coming.

I just blew up.

Oh, you don't have to
mention it again.

Then those cousins
kept calling you sheriff.

It's so dumb.

Huh. I mean,
if you wanted to be sheriff,

- you'd be running for it, right?
- Right.

That's what I figured.

Well, I think I'll go home
and get me some Z's.

Yeah, me too. I'm gonna do fishing
tomorrow with Goober and Gomer.

Oh, yeah? Is your car
still being fixed?

- Yeah.
- Can I come by and pick you up?

- Is 7:00 too late?
- Perfect. Thanks.

- Okay.
- Night.

- Good night.
- Ha, ha.

- And?
- Yeah?

Aren't you gonna ask me
about Thelma Lou?

Oh, how'd it go
with you and Thelma Lou?

Well, there really isn't
much to tell.

I got there early.

Thelma Lou hadn't
come home yet, uh,

- so her sister let me in.
- Oh.

Welcome sweet springtime
We greet thee

I sat down on this sofa.

Uh, actually it's not a sofa,
it's a love seat...

Hey, I think I got one.

Easy, now. Don't lose him.

Heh. Hey, Gom.

Take a picture.

For that?

That's such a little bitty old fish.

Well, he put up a big fight. Uh--

The picture would be more
for him than it would be for me.

Looks like they already
caught something.

Hey Goob, Gom!

- Hey, sheriff!
- Andy, I got a big'un!

Aw, this is real nice.

Shame you can't be
back here to see this.

- Take it. I'm tensing up.
- Hold on. Hold on, now.

- Take it.
- Steady. Steady.

Oh-- Oh, my.

What's the matter?

I just took a picture of
the ugliest thing I ever seen.

Well, that's not very nice.

But there was
something in the water.

Well, of course there's
something in the water.

That's why we're here.

But this something
was something horrible.

Goob, there's a monster
in Meyer's Lake.

Sheriff!

Sheriff!

What?

Andy. In the lake, I saw a monster.

- A monster?
- Uh-huh. It was a big-old ugly thing.

Had horns,
and its horns was sticking up.

And its tongue was hanging
out of its mouth.

Gom. Gom.
That don't make a lick of sense.

But I saw it.
Its horns was sticking up.

Now that'll be just enough of that.

You realize what you started
up here?

You got those campers down there
in a state of panic.

I don't have enough
to do around here, huh?

Now you guy's will start a riot.

All right, I'll try to go down
and restore some order.

I looked and I looked, but I didn't see
a monster once out here.

Maybe you ate something
that didn't set right.

I saw a monster.
I saw a monster!

Now, you two
have got to remain calm.

There is no sea monster.

I repeat: no sea monster.

It's simply a case of mass hysteria.

So just return
to your normal activities,

and I thank you
for your kind attention.

Hope I don't catch that monster.
I sure would hate to have to clean him.

All fun aside,
I'd just as soon not stay here.

Well, I'm not a-scared.
Mostly on account of I never seen him.

- Andy.
- Yeah.

Would you step over here, please?

- On the double.
- In a minute.

Ever seen more elegant worms?

What is it, Barn?

Look at that.

It's real. Hm-hm.

That's a monster if I ever saw one.

How does it look to you?

Awful. What did you put on it?

Cuban Sunset.

Well, it's turning this terrible
shade of red.

Well, what am I gonna do?

- Yeah, we'll have to do it again.
- I understand.

Yeah. Well, uh, thanks.

I appreciate your taking my call. Bye.

Well, what did he say?

Well, he was really tickled. He--

He said there's no way there
could be any ancient creature

in Meyer's Lake, because it's a flooded
out old stone quarry. It's too new.

Heh. How long has he been
a zoology professor?

- Fifteen years.
- And he was really tickled, huh?

He was laughing his head off.

Look, you saw a footprint,
I saw a footprint.

And it had great big claws.

Sheriff!

Hey, sheriff, look here.

Sheriff. Lookie, lookie here!
Sheriff. Hey, lookie here.

- Oh, gee, I told you, I told you.
- The monster picture!

See, there he is with
his head sticking up.

And he's looking all around.

- Well, it looks kind of fuzzy, doesn't it?
- Well, it's a terrible picture of me.

I knew it! There's your creature,
all right.

It could be a floating tree fork.

I always take a terrible picture.

I'm sure there's some
logical explanation.

Might make an interesting
little item for the paper, huh?

Oh, I don't think so.

Just another fishing story
from Meyer's Lake.

If you have no use for this,

I'd like to have an enlargement. I mean,
just for a conversation piece. Heh.

Yeah. Sure.

Listen, uh,
before you print anything,

let's be on the safe side.

At least there should be
a warning sign put up.

Barn. That fuzzy picture
doesn't prove anything.

And a warning sign would just
get folks stirred up,

like an article in the paper would.

I gotta get this to the printer.

You people are really something.

Well, it sure is hurtful
when you see a monster,

and your own friends
don't even believe you.

I'm not having my picture
made no more

until I get me a gold tooth.

Hey, you two, get off the lake!

Come out here and read this sign!

Right on time.

Well, I might've known. Heh.

Well, you're a busy man
or you're a punctual man.

Ahem. Got a little surprise

for you inside, but first,

I understand you're holding
an election rally Monday.

Yeah, I am.
And it's gonna be something too.

Permit me to

make a small contribution.

Wow.

Not a word about this.

I don't want any special favors,
but I just had to support

the one man who is the people's

bastion of defense.

Bastion, huh?

A man who will not let
others change his mind.

- Never.
- Boy, I sure like the cut of your jib.

Come on.

All right, let's do a sound check.

Big topic of interest
in Mayberry these days--

The big topic of in-- Okay? Good.

Lloyd Fox.

Channel 10 over in Siler City,
huh? Huh?

Okay, come on. Lloyd.

This is the man of the hour,
Sheriff Barney Fife.

Very nice to meet you, sheriff.
We'll tape the interview right here.

Interview?

Oh, oh, sure. The interview.

Ralph, you guys ready?
Let's do it.

The big topic of interest
around Mayberry these days

is the reported sighting
of a strange creature in Meyer's Lake.

I have with me acting sheriff
Barney Fife,

who has been spearheading
the investigation.

Sheriff, when was the creature
first seen?

Thank you.

The first alleged spotting
of the alleged monster

was at approximately 0700 hours

in the morning of last Thursday last.

And how would you describe it?

- Uh-- Well, Floyd--
- Lloyd.

Lloyd. Uh, we, uh--

We estimate him to be
a large creature of medium slime.

And, uh, amphibian.

Which means he'll eat
just about anything.

Then someone actually did see it?

Well, to answer
your question honestly,

yes and no.

On the "yes" side,
we do have a witness and a photo.

But on the "no" side,
they're both fuzzy.

However, I can tell you one thing.

Public safety
is a paramount objective.

That's very commendable,
sheriff. Let me ask--

Let me, if--
If I just may, take this opportunity

to thank the citizens
who are assisting us.

Uh, particularly Richard Kelly,
who painted our warning sign,

despite painful arthritis
in two knuckles.

Sheriff, let's get
to the bottom line.

Do you really believe
there's a monster in this lake?

Excuse me. Could you stop
the tape for just a minute?

Uh, call for you, sheriff.
He said it was very important.

A Mr. Virgil Prody.

It's right over there on the desk.

Yes, Virgil?

Are you sure?

Big tracks, huh?

Exactly which animals are missing?

I'll be right over.

Holy smokes!

Roll them.

I just had a call from a citizen
reporting huge claw prints in his yard.

Plus which, six chickens

and all of his hunting dogs
are missing.

So, yes, we do have a menace.

And what's more,
he's on a feeding frenzy.

Citizens of Mayberry,

you want a real sheriff in office,

or some clown chasing Godzilla
around Meyer's Lake?

Vote for me.
Vote for Ben Woods for sheriff.

Vote for a real sheriff.
Not some clown chasing Godzilla

around Meyer's Lake. Vote for me.

- Ha-ha-ha.
- Oh. How are you?

- How was the trip?
- Oh, good.

Boy, are you looking good.

- You're the one that looks good.
- Ha, ha.

- How's Eunice and the baby?
- Outstanding.

Oh, I'm dying to ask, how--?

How did everybody react
when you told them

you were running for sheriff?
I bet the whole town went crazy.

Oh. Oh, by the way,
I've got good news.

We got rid of the apartment.

We have to be out in three weeks.

Oh, it's going to be
wonderful living here again.

I scream, you scream.

We all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream.
We all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream.

You're not running for sheriff?

Honey, I just couldn't.

Andy!

I got two more calls
about chickens being eaten,

and now dogs.

- Helen! You look just great.
- Oh.

And monster tracks
all over the place.

Here, let me get your bags.

Barney's gonna take you
to Opie's house,

but not a world to him
about what we planned.

Can you not mention it at all?

Come on.

Later we'll go somewhere,
and I'll explain everything.

The chickens, the sheriff,

the monster.

Everything.

Oh, man.

Oh. Mr. O'Dell.

Might I have this fine garment?

- Uh, yeah, sure. You can have it.
- What is it?

Uh, it's a frock coat.
I used it in a show in college.

- Ohh!
- Now, I want you to--

It is a Wally Butler. Oh,
this is surely the finest ever made.

- That's my name.
- Yeah--

Your name? Oh. You got your name
inside of your clothes?

What a fine idea.

So in case you ever
forget who you are,

you just look in there,
and there you are.

I want-- I want you to work

the monster a couple of more times.

- High noon today and tomorrow.
- Gotcha.

High noon, the monster shows,
the church bell goes.

High noon, the monster shows,
the church bell goes.

- Bong, bong, bong
- Shh, shh, shh!

- You got it now.
- Professionalism.

All I want is a quick up and down,

Just-- Just enough
to keep the excitement going.

Gotcha! Gotcha! Hey!

Up and down,
stirring soaked ground.

Up and down,
stirring soaked ground.

Up and down,
stirring soaked ground.

Up and down,
stirring soaked ground.

Up and down,
stirring soaked ground.

Hey, Pa?

Would you mind taking
a look at that?

Binghamton Post. What's that?

Bigger paper.

A bigger town.

More responsibility. More money.

They really want you.

Where is it?

- New York State.
- Oh.

Now, what shall I do?
Should I leave Mayberry?

You know, I like this job a lot.

It's running smooth.
I can take off fishing when I want.

And I've got all my friends here.

- Real good friends too.
- Yeah.

We have a nice house.

And I can't imagine a better place
to raise a family.

- Mayberry's special.
- Even you want to come back, Pa.

Well, remember, I also left.

Eunice says do whatever
will make me happy,

but I don't know.

What do you think, Pa?

Am I better off just staying put?

Something like that nobody
else can tell you, son.

Big thing like that...

you have to call it.

You know sometimes
I think about things.

Remember those baby songbirds
you raised?

Oh, yeah. You got me that
big-old white cage.

- Yeah.
- Yeah? I remember that.

You remember when
they were no longer babies,

there was a great temptation
to keep them, remember?

- Yeah.
- Remember what you did?

- I turned them loose.
- Yeah.

You decided the time had come
that they were no longer babies.

Time to let them spread their wings.

See how high and how far
they could fly.

- So then you're telling me--
- No, no, no.

Just some idle talk
about some long-ago songbirds.

As for your problem,

sleep on it some.

- Hey, Howard.
- Hey, guys.

- Here's the paper, hot off the press.
- Thank you.

What do you think?

What did you put on there?

Flamenco brown.

You look like a Gypsy.

I'm gonna have to go to a

Beauty parlor.

You printed the monster story?

Well, we had to.
Everybody in town is talking about it.

But as a favor to Barney,
I left his name out of it.

It's terrible.
People are starting to laugh at him.

Vote for Fife is a vote for foolishness.

Elect no-nonsense Ben Woods.

Vote for me. Vote for Ben Woods.

Try to talk to Barney one more time.

Andy, don't you think you should
change your mind and run?

- Now, Howard--
- He's right, Pa.

You may as well go for it.

Because whether you run or not,
Barney is sure to lose.

Let's see.
You've got two peanutty pops,

a sidewalk gobbler,
one Italian sludge,

and an Eskimo cheese whip.

- How much is that?
- Well, that's, uh, 10, 20,

Thirty, fo...

Run!

Run! Oh, run!

We're taking soundings.

Yeah, I got Eddie Peterson
making depth charges. Heh.

Real dynamite.

Sure you can quote me. Huh.

Greensboro Daily Record.

You're not gonna be elected sheriff.

- What are you talking about?
- This.

Oh, great.
Opie finally did a write-up.

As a favor to you,
he didn't mention your name.

Why not? It would have
helped my campaign.

Barney, this monster business
is ruining your chances.

People are laughing at you.

But, uh...

Andy, chickens are missing.

And a pack of hunting dogs.
A whole pack.

That stuff is always happening.

People are really laughing at me?

Well, then, I've gotta put
the kibosh on that.

This election is the big roll
for old Barn.

On the table is my career
and my marriage.

Marriage?

I wouldn't ask Thelma Lou
unless I was somebody.

I just couldn't.
She deserves a winner.

And besides, I don't know
whether I could drop it

after all the radio and TV.

You can drop it,
and you've got to drop it.

Well, maybe you're right, but...

- What if there really is a monster?
- You can catch it after you're elected.

Sheriff! Sheriff!

Sheriff! Sheriff!

Sheriff!

Andy! Andy!

- What?
- Oh, my Lord!

- What?
- I saw it!

- You saw what?
- Out there!

- Out where?
- Oh-- The monster of the lake.

Oh. Great big head,

horns like that, tongue hanging out.

- It was horrible.
- I'd better get...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Otis, have you been drinking?

Absolutely not. I quit.

Now-- Now, now, listen.

It's no time for talk.
It's time for action.

This is no floating log.

This is a menace,
and we're gonna attack it.

- Barn!
- Andy.

What time is Barney
picking us up?

Oh, 6:30, 7.

He's been out on the lake all day
trying to shoot that imaginary monster.

- Who knows?
- I just hope he doesn't shoot himself.

Yeah.

Hm.

No. There they are.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, guess what, And?

We're going on the attack tomorrow.

I got David Stick's rowboat. And--

Barney, you can't.

Boys, can't you
forget about this for one night?

- Helen's right.
- I agree.

Okay.

- Well, that was delicious.
- Yeah.

The best part is us four
being together again.

- Like old times.
- Yeah. Ha, ha.

Oh. Sorry. Your money's
no good here, sailor.

- Barn.
- No problem. El chargero.

I'll write the whole thing off.

- How?
- Business deduction.

I'm entertaining
three vice cops from Miami.

- Ha, ha.
- Barney.

If you'll excuse me.

Oh. I'll go with you.

What?

I've always loved that suit.

Oh, heh. Thanks.

These babies will last forever
if you take care of them.

You know, it's hard to remember

this was
the old Shanghai Gardens.

Remember when we brought those
two girls from Mount Pilot here?

Oh. Ha-ha-ha.

The fun girls?

- The fun girls is right.
- Ha, ha.

Must've been all that hot mustard.

Remember how Barney
used to get frisky

in the back seat of the car,
and I'd slap him?

I had to keep things
under control.

I'll tell you something
about Barney though.

He may not be the handsomest
thing that ever lived,

and his physique's
nothing to write home about...

But Lord knows he make me
lose the use of myself.

Ha-ha-ha. Fun girls.

They sure liked to dance close,
didn't they?

Close? Mine even bent my badge.

I thought Barney
still felt the same way.

Nothing's happening.

I lost my looks.

Am I too old?

Oh, of course not, Thelma Lou.

Then what?

Well, now, don't let on
that I said anything...

but Barney told Andy

the he's definitely going
to ask you to marry him

as soon as he's elected sheriff.

Oh.

I guess I've still got it.

Oh, thank you.

Okay.

Mm.

At least let me leave the tip.

It's all taken care of
right here, And.

She'll be none the poorer
after this night's work.

I always leave 10 percent as a tip.

It's easy arithmetic.

- Oh. Heh.
- Heh.

- Anyway.
- Yeah.

- Card member's copy
- Uh-huh.

Goes to me.

- Ahem.
- Got your carbon number one.

Mm-hm.

Then you got your
carbon number two.

What are you doing?

I'm nipping white-collar
crime in the bud.

A smart con can get
your charge number from these.

Next thing you know,
while you're home sleeping,

he's out skinny-dipping
on that French Riviera.

Barn!

We're all paid up. Let's go.

Barney, I can't thank you enough.

For dinner, the fire. Everything.

Mm-hm.

- Mm.
- Oh, what? What?

- Oh, I missed you, that's all.
- Oh.

- And, you coming?
- Yeah. Come here a minute.

Excuse me.

See? Here's a picture of this place

when it was
the old Shanghai Gardens.

Yeah. Well, let's move on.

Evening's still young. Heh.

Come on, girls.
Ha, ha. Come on, And.

Hey, And, you know,
I thought we might stop by

Ernie's Oasis and hoist
a couple of cold Reunitis.

Well, you better count us out.

Helen's had a long day,
so just drop us off,

and you two kids go ahead
and have a good time.

Sure you can't come along?

Oh, no. Us old folks
gotta be getting home.

I've gotta wash out my support hose,

and Andy has to massage his gums.

- Good night.
- Night.

Well, since I'm so tired, maybe
you'd better carry me into the house.

Honey, I'm sorry, but I gotta
get up to the hills real quick

to the Darling family place.

Whatever for?

That's where Ernest T. Bass
hangs out.

I got a wild hunch
from that old photograph

that Wally Butler's doing this
monster stuff to stir up business,

using the old dragon from when that
was the Shanghai Gardens, see?

But he'd need a stooge to work it.

Ernest T.

He's been hanging around
a lot lately.

When I first got here,

he threw a rock at me.
He said one of his poems.

Something about my--
My hair being gray

and the monster going away.

How did he know
about the monster?

Nobody had seen it yet.

I know it's a long shot,
but I gotta try something,

before Barney goes crazy
with that boat tomorrow.

Hello in there!

Hold your fire.

Briscoe! Boys?

You ain't taking me in!

You got no call to
comprehend that boy, sheriff.

Uh-- Uh-uh--

If it's about them dogs
tied outside,

our dog is having company.

- It's not that.
- Well, if it's about them chickens,

they followed Ernest T.
home one night.

- It's not that.
- It ain't?

Well, then, you have
to be here on the matter

of that fine frock coat
he's wearing.

Well, that weren't no stolen.
That was a gift.

That's the truth on it. Heh.
It was gived to me in my honor

by my employer man.

Oh.

So some fella was smart enough
to hire you. Well, good on him.

I didn't catch the name in there.

And you ain't never ever gonna. Heh.

For me to know, you to find out.

How come we ain't laid eyes
on you lately, sheriff?

I've been out of town 20 years.

Oh. I guess that partly explains it.

Say, do you know who's gonna
be special tickled to see you?

My third born. Charlene!

Sheriff Taylor's here.

No, no, no!
She's pledged to me!

Charlene, you stay in there.
You go on home.

Sheriff. Beloved of old!

- Hello, Charlene.
- Let me hug you around the neck.

Come away from near to him!
Can't you see?

- Can't you see you ain't welcome?
- Ernest T.

Yeah. There ain't no criminality here,
so why don't you just go on home?

Well, you see, I don't like
being down there at night

- with that monster running loose.
- You afraid of him?

Ohh, you hear that, Charlene?

Lawman here is scared silly.

- Everybody is.
- Ah-ah.

Not me, not me. Not Ernest T.

I even petted him.

I-- I-- I touched his horns,

and I put my hand
in his big red mouth.

You'll not catch me
anywhere near him. No, sir.

With your permission, I'd--
I'd like to stay the night.

Oh, thrill!

Oh, it'd be an honor to my dwelling.

You can join the musicality.
As I recall, you used to

pick the twang-box fairly tolerable.

- One there. Help yourself.
- No, no, I say. You cannot stay.

Go out that door and stay away.

Go on home.

Well, I would

if I knew for real sure

that horrible critter wasn't loose.

So you just tell me

when he's gonna show up again,
and...

I can't. No way fair.

I promised to not.

Just jump in where you can,
sheriff, and hang on.

A-one, and two,
and three, and--

Now Dooley was a good ol' man

He lived below the mill

Dooley had two daughters
And a 40-gallon still

One gal watched the boiler
The other watched the spout

Mama corked the bottles
When ol' Dooley fetched them out

Dooley
Slippin' up a holler

Dooley
Tryin' to make a dollar

Dooley
Give me a swaller

And I'll pay you back someday

Now I remember very well
The day ol' Dooley died

Women folk looked sorry

And the men stood around
And cried

Now Dooley's on the mountain

Lies here all alone

Put a jug beside him
And a barrel for a stone

Dooley
Slippin' up a holler

Dooley
Tryin' to make a dollar

Dooley
Give me a swaller

And I'll pay you back someday

And I'll pay you back someday

- Outstanding.
- Ha, ha.

You sure can reckon.

- You sure played purty.
- Ah, ha-ha-ha.

Will you go if I say when?

Cross my heart.

Excuse us, please.

I love mannered men.

You'll go for sure?

You just say, and I'm out that door.

Well, he ain't gonna show tonight.

Neither hide nor hair
until noon tomorrow.

- Noon, huh?
- Yeah. That's it.

Ha-ha-ha!
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

- Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
- Is--? Is--? Is--?

Is that noon, exactly?

Smack on it.
Bong, bong, bong.

- Please don't be leaving.
- Don't you worry.

I'm gonna do my dance for you.
Here. Hold this, sugar heart.

And you'll see me do my dance.

Bye, Sheriff. Nice seeing you.

Uh, give me a little pig on a piano.

A-one, and two, and three, and...

Oh. You want a hug good night.

Oh!

I'm gone!

- Ernest T., no. No!
- Let me go, let me go.

- No! No!
- Gonna get that sheriff.

Now, are these bushes secure?

They're secure.

I don't want them falling off
in the lake, you know.

- They won't fall.
- All right. Hammer them in good.

- I'm hammering them in good.
- All right.

I was gonna use the Albert boy,

but he's got that fungus
on his back.

One, two. One, two.

May I have your attention, please?

Now we are dealing here

with an alleged

prehistoric man-eating monster.

There may--

I repeat, may.

Be an element of danger here.

So, I suggest that you
disband immediately

and return to your respective homes,

or places of business.

There will be no second warnings.

Okay.

If you get eaten up by a monster,
don't come crying to me.

Andy, we drove all the way out here,

and you didn't say
one word about my hair.

It's perfect.
The color, the texture.

Goes with your eyes.
Watch the women now.

- Rose is a goner.
- Heh.

How's it going?

Now, look,
I'm just trying to do my duty.

- If you're out here to try--
- No, no, no, no. Just the opposite.

Point of fact, I've finally
come around to understanding

- your way of thinking.
- You have?

Yep. You see Howard?

- Hi, Barney.
- Howard.

I wouldn't have asked Howard
to come just to take a picture

- of some old floating log, would I?
- Well, ha, ha.

So you've finally come to see

the truth and consequences
of the matter, huh?

Yeah.

Bait. We have ascertained that
the monster's feeding habits

lean heavily
toward the chicken family.

This little broiler will be his downfall.

We'll tow it behind the boat,
and the minute he gulps it down,

Bob's your uncle! We got him.

But that's a frozen chicken.

Huh? It don't make no difference.

He won't notice.
He's probably cold-blooded himself.

- Ready, Barney?
- All right, on the way. Heh.

He's as good as caught, Andy.

Oh, by the way,

- we've got ourselves a net too.
- Where'd you get it?

Off the high school volleyball court.

That's one.

Now for the other one.

Quarter to 12. Perfect.

You need anything, you just ask.

- Sure.
- Enjoy your supper.

Won't the two gentlemen
be joining you for lunch?

Oh, we tried to talk Andy
and Barney into coming,

but they're too excited about that
motorboat they're putting in the lake.

Motorboat?

Whatever's out there,
they'll get it this time.

Excuse me.

- David.
- What?

- Throw in the bait.
- Bait?

- The chicken.
- Right. The chicken.

There's the other one.

Get Barney off the lake
and over to that shed.

There's the "bong." Swimming time.

Yippee-yip. Hee-hee.

Hope it's been an hour
since you ate.

Hey, Barney!

Barney!

Barney!

Barney! Will you come in here?

There she blows!

Stick. What's wrong?

I'm controlling it.

What--? What are you doing?

You're on my foot.

- Unh!
- Barn!

Pull the net on!

Barn, get off-- Ah! Ahh!

Are you all right, Barney?

Come on here.

- Hold it.
- Hey. Back away.

She still wants to splash--

- No, Ernest T., get it out of there.
- Little splash.

Better do like he says, Ernest T.

And then we'll go along
nice and peaceful-like

to see Sheriff Fife.

I'm telling you, Barney,
Andy says it's important.

Well, I've got to get back on that lake.

Here's your bait.

Come on, Barney.

Here. Hold this. I'll be back.

You're making a big mistake,
Mr. Taylor.

A big mistake.

You take that out there,

you totally destroy Barney's
chance of getting elected.

- How do you figure?
- It's simple. You see, all along,

he's claimed there might be
a monster out there,

and some people laughed.

You show that thing,
everybody's gonna laugh.

You'll make him out to be a real boob.

He won't have a prayer.

Andy! You in there?

Are you sure that's where he went?

Well, this is the direction
he came in.

- Andy, what in the world--?
- Barn. Barn.

You don't have to pretend anymore.

Your scheme worked
just like you said it would.

- My scheme?
- Making believe

there actually was a monster, all just
to make Butler here feel overconfident

and show his hand.
You even fooled me.

Heh. I did?

You sly dog,
using that boat and everything

when all the time
you knew it was him

and this fake old head.

But you never let on
one bit, did you?

You know what?
That would make a good picture.

Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Hold it, Barn, now. Hold it.

- Got you.
- Okay, now.

Everybody get over. Get over.

All right, now, be sure you
get them all in.

All right, get close together.

All right. Hold it now.

- Got you.
- Uh, could I have a copy

of that for my purse?

Just one more

of Sheriff Fife taking down
that clever sign

he put up just to get them.

Yeah, come on, Barn.
That'll be a good one.

So, uh...

- Uh, what happens now?
- Well,

this business with the monster
is a misdemeanor.

Using that shed is trespassing.

Directing Ernest T. to steal
those chickens and those dogs

around here could be
considered grand theft.

Well, uh, what should I do?

The first thing I'd do is send Ernest T.
with those chickens and dogs

back to their rightful owners.
And if any are missing,

take them out of
Briscoe Darling's stock.

Does that mean
I don't get to keep the coat?

Get out of here, Ernest T.

I don't get to keep the coat.

As to what happens next,
I don't know.

I'm not even a citizen here yet.

But if I were you, I'd throw myself
on the mercy of the new Sheriff Fife.

As to what might happen next,

if you stay here or if you
move to another town,

whatever you go into,
try honesty.

It works better.

Hooray for Barney

Hooray for Barney

One, two, three, four

Who you gonna yell for?
Barney, that's who!

Hey.

- Barney. I've been looking for you.
- Hi, Howard. Great crowd, huh?

Yeah. Band sounds terrific too.

You want more pictures?

No, no. You forgot to
sign your filing papers.

Come on over here.

You know something, Howard?
These past few days,

you've really been looking good.

Well, I've been kind of working on it.

You know, Barn,
you don't really need this rally.

- You're gonna win easy.
- Yeah, I suppose so,

but everybody insisted.
You know how people are.

Hooray for Barney
Hooray for Barney

Hooray for Barney

One, two, three, four
Who you gonna yell for?

Barney, that's who!

Where's Barney?

Oh, he's probably
practicing his speech.

Oh, there he is.
Oh, isn't this exciting?

- I'm gonna join Andy.
- All right.

- Go, Barney!
- Go, Barney!

- I would like to thank everyone--
- Louder!

I would-- I-- I wanna
thank you all for coming.

Thank you.

Tomorrow you're gonna
vote for, uh...

the new sheriff of Mayberry.

That's right. Yay, Barney!

Now, what qualities do you want

in your next sheriff?

Experience?

Uh-- How about a--?

A man who's had 15 years of service
right here in this town?

And background?

How about a man who's a native

born and bred Mayberrian?

A man who's a firm and fair friend

to one and all.
Man and woman, child.

Rich and poor.

Young and old, irregardless.

So tomorrow,

when you go into that booth
and close the curtain,

I'm asking you--

And I found out
only five minutes ago

that he's willing to be sheriff.

But I'm asking you

to write in the name

Andy Taylor.

Because that's exactly

what I'm gonna do.

Barney, I love you.

I don't care if you're sheriff

or dogcatcher, or--
Or chicken inspector.

You deserve better. And I'm sorry,

but there's really nothing
you can say or do

that's gonna change my--

Do you, Thelma Lou,

take this man, Bernard,

to be your lawfully-wedded
husband?

To love and honor
during your life together?

I do.

Do you, Bernard,
take this woman, Thelma Lou,

to be your lawfully-wedded wife?

To love and honor
during your life together?

I do.

The ring, please.

Place it on her finger.

I now pronounce you

man and wife.

All right, now, you newlyweds,

get your shoulders together,
nice and tight.

All right, now.
Hold still. Give me a smile.

- Got you!
- Folks!

Folks! Don't cut the cake.

We gotta make us some speeches.

Ha, ha. Everybody. Everybody.

I'm the best man here today.

At least officially.

Which means I get to
make the first toast.

So friends,

I give you the bride and groom.

Hear, hear!

Hey, hey, Barney.

You know,

there's a feeling around here

that these two
were always meant to be married.

And I guess just like
it was always in the cards

for Helen and me to come home.

And for Barney to be
my deputy again.

But not everybody's moving in.

Opie and his little family

will be leaving

for a big, new job out of state.

If you like, Barney,
we'll leave our crib for you two.

Well, what in the world
would we want with--?

But I wouldn't be surprised
at all if someday

they'll be coming back.

Yeah.

There's something about Mayberry,

and Mayberry folk

that never leaves you.

No matter where life takes you,

you always carry in your heart

the memories of old times

and old friends.

So here's to all of us.

Old friends.

- Old friends.
- Ha, ha.

Now, we better cut this cake
before these young'uns have a spell.

Let's go, Barney.

Hey, the Darlings!

Happy wedding to you,
Mr. and Mrs. Sheriff. Ha!

We brung you a present.

Uh, chicken and dumplings.

- Briscoe.
- Eh, eh-- It was one of ours.

Ah, what say we
scrub one off, boys,

for the occasion?
A-one, two, three, four.