Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,516
(sighs)
2
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:22,189
Hi, Alice.
3
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,649
Oh, hello, Ralph.
4
00:00:29,321 --> 00:00:31,448
It's creamed chipped beef.
5
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:34,326
Creamed chipped beef again?
6
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,578
Yeah, but I fixed it
a new way, Ralph.
7
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,580
I got the recipe out
of a movie magazine.
8
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,999
It's Ricardo Cortez's favourite.
9
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:48,507
Well, when Ricardo gets here
tonight, I hope he enjoys it.
10
00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:50,509
What are you doing
with all that material?
11
00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,928
Making a bedspread?
12
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,890
No, I'm letting
your pants out again.
13
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:03,564
Don't you, uh, think you let 'em
out a little too much?
14
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,024
I haven't started yet.
15
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,653
I, uh... I gotta go in
and get dressed.
16
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,822
Norton and I got
a Racoon Lodge meeting.
17
00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,198
Okay.
18
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:18,954
-(clicks tongue) Ralph.
-Yeah?
19
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,998
Will you come here a minute?
20
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,833
What do you want?
21
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,877
I can't thread this needle.
22
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,129
Will you try it?
23
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,505
I'm in a hurry, Alice.
24
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,300
Must I do everything
around this house?
25
00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:51,486
You sure there's a hole in this?
26
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,489
Ralph, try wetting
the end of the thread.
27
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,491
I'll thank you
for no suggestions.
28
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,660
I'll do this myself.
29
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,251
Well, I wet it,
Mrs. Wisenheimer,
30
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,586
and there's no difference.
31
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,421
Well, give it to me.
I'll try it.
32
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,548
Just leave me alone.
33
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,720
I started this
and I'll finish it.
34
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:20,265
Just when I get it all warmed
up, you want to take the credit.
35
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:21,558
Look, Ralph...
36
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,352
Shh, hold it.
37
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,395
Don't breathe, Alice.
38
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,064
Don't say a word.
39
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,607
I got it.
40
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,108
- I got it...
-What's going on?!
41
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,861
'90.“!
42
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,780
- What's the matter
with you, Norton?! -What?
43
00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:37,199
- What, what? What'd I...
-I'm trying to thread a needle.
44
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:40,452
Oh, is that all?
Here, give it to me.
45
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,412
(chuckles)
46
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,209
Come on with the thing!
47
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,379
There you are.
48
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,548
Quicker than a cat
can wink its eye, Billy boy!
49
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,343
-(laughs)
-Yeah, yeah.
50
00:02:56,468 --> 00:03:00,514
Well, I can see Ralph is
in his usual good, gay spirits.
51
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:01,765
Yeah.
52
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,184
- Hey, Ralph.
-What? What do you want?
53
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,645
You forgot to give me
the friendly Racoon greeting.
54
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,272
(howls)
55
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,859
(g rumbles)
56
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,987
Now I can see why all the world
loves a fat man.
57
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,656
(chuckles)
58
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:20,492
Hey, Alice, mind if I do
the puzzle in your paper here?
59
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,703
No, not at all. Go right ahead.
60
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:28,542
Uh, let me see here, there.
61
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:32,129
Four-letter word
for "place of dwelling."
62
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,131
Uh, house.
63
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:36,299
H-O-S-E.
64
00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:39,094
That's the trouble
with these things, Alice.
65
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,096
You know, they don't...
they don't present a challenge.
66
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,347
You know, they're too easy.
67
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:43,765
Yeah, real easy.
68
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,184
Easy. E-S-Y.
69
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:49,438
Boy, you must be a whiz
at these things, huh?
70
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,273
(knock on door)
71
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,859
Just a minute. Come in.
72
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:56,486
Telegram for Ralph Kramden.
73
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:57,821
Telegram?
74
00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:59,489
Sign here, please.
75
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,830
Just a minute.
76
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,206
- There you are.
-Thank you.
77
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,458
Ralph?
78
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,001
Yeah, what do you want?
79
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,461
A telegram just came.
80
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,963
Telegram? What does it say?
81
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,507
Well, I don't know.
I haven't opened it yet.
82
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,176
I hope it's not bad news, Ralph.
83
00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:21,678
You know how telegrams are.
84
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,556
It might mean sickness
in the family or something.
85
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,099
Hey, Ralph,
what's an eight-letter word
86
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,851
for "incognito"?
87
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:30,729
Do you think it means sickness?
88
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:33,732
Sickness? S-I-C-K...
89
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,901
...N-E-S-S. Yeah, that's it.
90
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,278
What are we getting
all worried about?
91
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,863
It's probably nothing.
92
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,865
I'll read it.
93
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,825
"My dear children,
94
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,994
"Father's going to be away
for a few days,
95
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,996
"so I'm coming
for a short visit.
96
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,998
Will arrive Wednesday.
Love, Mother."
97
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,167
- Oh.
-And you thought it was trouble.
98
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,837
You always start
the trouble, all the time.
99
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,382
Your mother?!
100
00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:03,011
Alice, your mother isn't
stepping one foot in this house!
101
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,639
Not one foot,
or we'll never get rid of her.
102
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,183
Listen, Ralph, she says she's
just coming for a short visit.
103
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,559
Short visit? Ha, ha, ha!
104
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,894
Short visits?
105
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,063
You know
what her short visits are!
106
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,065
Like the last one--
she came for a short visit
107
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:18,068
just for the holidays,
Christmas and New Year's.
108
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,611
The only trouble is
she came New Year's
109
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,613
and stayed till Christmas!
110
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,240
Now, look,
she's not coming here,
111
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,158
because when she comes here,
I know what she does.
112
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,409
She starts right in...
113
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:28,286
right in
with the wisecracks, Alice.
114
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,622
"Poor Alice hasn't got
a washing machine.“
115
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,749
"Poor Alice hasn't got
an electric stove."
116
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,876
"Poor Alice hasn't got
a vacuum cleaner."
117
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,170
You call your mother
and tell her she can't come.
118
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:41,007
I can't. Poor Alice hasn't
got a phone, either.
119
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,301
- Gettin' wise or something?
-Hey, Ralph.
120
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:46,596
- Ralph, three-letter word
for "insect." -Bug!
121
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,307
Now, look, your mother is not
coming in this house, Alice!
122
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,309
You listen to me, Ralph,
my mother is coming,
123
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,144
and you are going
to be nice to her.
124
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:55,689
I'm gonna be nice to her?
I'm gonna be nice to her?
125
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:56,940
That's impossible!
126
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,775
We don't get along!
127
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,652
We're enemies. Natural enemies.
128
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:03,154
Like a boa constrictor
and a mongoose.
129
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,990
She hates me, Alice.
130
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,616
Mother doesn't hate you, Ralph.
131
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,159
It's just your imagination.
132
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,871
My imagination?
My imagination?
133
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:13,957
I suppose it was my imagination
the day we got married
134
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,625
and she went
around the reception
135
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,669
telling that joke
about me to everybody.
136
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,504
I suppose that was
my imagination.
137
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,131
- What joke?
-You know what joke.
138
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,966
- You remember the joke.
-I don't remember, Ralph.
139
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,301
- What joke?
-Oh, yes, you do.
140
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,136
She ran around
to everybody and said,
141
00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:29,097
"I'm not losing a daughter,
I'm gaining a ton."
142
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,600
(laughs)
143
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,895
Think it's funny, huh, Alice?
144
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,355
It's real funny, huh?
Sure, it's funny.
145
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,357
You love it
when she insults me.
146
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,359
- I'm sorry, Ralph.
-No, you're not sorry.
147
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:44,696
No, you just adore it when
she insults me in front of you.
148
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,907
You listen to me, Ralph--
you can stand on your head,
149
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:48,491
my mother is still coming.
150
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,118
- Oh, yeah?
-Ralph, that, uh...
151
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,786
that three-letter word
for "bug" ain't right.
152
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,455
It has to end in a
153
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,333
Put down "gnat." N-A-T.
Now, look...
154
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:59,044
Ed, "gnat" is spelled
with a
155
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,713
"Gnat" is spelled N-A-T.
Put it down.
156
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,715
Alice, I got to go along
with Ralph.
157
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,842
I got a guy that works
with me in the sewer--
158
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:09,846
he don't spell it
with a Nat Burnbaum.
159
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,724
There you are, Nat Burnbaum
does not spell it with a
160
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:14,267
- Put it down, N-A-T.
-Ed,
161
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:17,020
the word you're looking for
is "ant." A-N-T.
162
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,356
Hey! Hey! A-N-T. That's right.
That's it. Thank you.
163
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:20,690
Put down "nat."
164
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,734
- But "ant" fits.
-Put down "nat"!
165
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,194
Ay.
166
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,862
Now, to get back to you.
167
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,697
Your mother
is not coming here.
168
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,491
I'm sick and tired
of her coming here
169
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,076
and putting on that same record.
170
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,827
"Oh, if my daughter
had only married
171
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,413
one of those other fellows
instead of marrying you."
172
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,290
"If she'd only married
Jack Townsend,
173
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,792
she would've had fur coats."
174
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,293
"If she'd only married
Fred Bailey,
175
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,962
she would've had a big home
on Long Island."
176
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,546
Well, let me tell you something.
177
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,341
I had some chances, too,
you know, before I married you.
178
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,760
-(laughs derisively)
-Don't laugh, Alice.
179
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,972
There were plenty of girls crazy
about me, and you know it.
180
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,515
Every time I went down
to the beach,
181
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,517
they used to crowd around me.
182
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,144
Sure. Sure,
they crowded around you.
183
00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,897
That didn't mean
they were crazy about you.
184
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,900
They just wanted
to sit in the shade.
185
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:06,903
"(laughs)
-shut up!
186
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:10,323
Now, look,
get this into your head:
187
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,325
your mother
is not coming in here.
188
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,327
Hey, Ralph, I'm stuck again.
Three-letter word...
189
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:15,870
Will you leave me alone?!
190
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,248
- Three-letter word for "exit."
-Out!
191
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,916
That's it. That's good.
192
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,751
Not that! Get out!
193
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,423
- Ralph...
-Out!
194
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,717
You forgot
the friendly Racoon good-bye.
195
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,510
-(howls)
-Get outta here!
196
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,973
Have to be snaggled
with that maniac.
197
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,475
Listen, Ralph, you can scream
all you want to,
198
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,228
but I want you to get
one thing straight.
199
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,938
My mother is coming here,
200
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:46,234
and my mother is always
welcome in my house.
201
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,944
Your house?
202
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:51,531
Yo-0-0-0-u r. . .
203
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,116
ho-ho-ho-house?!
204
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,368
This is my house, Alice.
205
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,704
M-Y house, my house.
206
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:58,955
My house.
207
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,124
Oh, I am sorry, Ralph.
208
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,126
I forgot. It is your house.
209
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,545
You really have been
very big-hearted, Ralph,
210
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,714
sharing it with me,
letting me live here with you
211
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,799
in the lap of luxury like this.
212
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,634
Don't think that I don't
appreciate it, Ralph,
213
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,428
'cause I do.
214
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,306
After all, where else would I
get a beautiful home like this?
215
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,516
This place, Ralph,
you know what it is?
216
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,603
It's a regular Disneyland.
217
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,438
Look, Ralph.
218
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,483
Look at this wonderful view
that we have from the window.
219
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,151
Look,see?
220
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:31,571
Old man Grogan's long underwear
hanging on the line.
221
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,406
Garbage cans in the alley.
222
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,700
Back of a Chinese restaurant.
223
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,410
That's all part
of my Disneyland, too,
224
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:38,661
you know, Ralph.
225
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,830
- That's my...
-(groans)
226
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,333
That is my Fantasyland.
227
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,376
Now, Ralph, over here,
this sink.
228
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:47,921
- See?
-(metal clanks)
229
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,342
Every time I go near
that sink, Ralph,
230
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:54,177
I never know
what's gonna happen.
231
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,595
You know what the sink is?
232
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,847
That's my Adventureland.
233
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:01,267
That stove and that ice box.
234
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:03,645
That's Frontierland.
235
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,649
There is only one thing, Ralph,
236
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:10,652
that's missing from
my Disneyland, only one thing.
237
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,362
The world of tomorrow.
238
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:15,448
I have nothing from the world
of tomorrow.
239
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:17,992
You want the world
of tomorrow, Alice?
240
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,702
You want the world of tomorrow?
241
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,704
I'll give you
the world of tomorrow.
242
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:25,792
You're going to the moon!
243
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:30,672
Har-har-hardy-har-har.
244
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,216
Ho-ho!
245
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,009
Ha-ho!
246
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,387
Ha, de...
247
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,225
Okay, Alice.
248
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,018
You've made your decision.
249
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,728
You made it.
250
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:47,105
You made it clear to me
251
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:49,399
your mother is
more important than me.
252
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:52,402
Okay, you're welcome
to your mother.
253
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:55,738
But you can't have her and me
at the same time.
254
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:58,408
So when I come home
from the Racoon Lodge tonight,
255
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:00,243
I'm moving in with Norton.
256
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,621
And I am staying there until
your mother leaves this house.
257
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,039
Good-bye!
258
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,000
Oh!
259
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,224
- Yeah. (chuckles) So long.
-Bye, Cassidy.
260
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,893
(both howl)
261
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,561
- Bye!
-(Cassidy howls)
262
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,396
(chuckles)
Boy.
263
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,565
Well, Ralphie boy, that was
a good meeting, wasn't it?
264
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,400
- Yeah, that was all right.
-Oh, hey, you know,
265
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,027
that was a very good
suggestion you made there
266
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:36,154
when the president asked
if anybody had any ideas
267
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,364
for the Racoons to promote
international goodwill.
268
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,866
That was a beaut, boy.
269
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:42,118
- Well, thought it was
pretty good? -I mean,
270
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,621
well, what's better?
You said that after the meeting,
271
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:47,207
instead of serving
chocolate cake, serve pizza.
272
00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:48,666
I mean, that does it.
273
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,627
Well, it's a step
in the right direction,
274
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,503
- I'll say that. -I think so.
Well, I'll get the cot out,
275
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:53,880
if you're gonna sleep.
We gotta get up early.
276
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:56,507
- All right, pal.
-Right away.
277
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:59,469
-(scatting)
-(Norton whistling)
278
00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:00,970
(Norton grunts)
279
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,472
Ah, here she is.
280
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:04,224
All right, I'll help you
open that.
281
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,934
- Well, get it around over here.
-TRIXIE: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
282
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,061
What is going on out here?
283
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:10,188
Ralph, what are you doing
up here?
284
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:13,024
Oh, uh, Ralph's gonna spend
a couple of days with us.
285
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,568
I had a little, uh, argument
with Alice.
286
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,195
Her mother-in-law's coming.
287
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,821
That is, my mother-in-law.
288
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,032
Ralph, do you mean to tell me
that you left Alice
289
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,868
because her mother's coming?
Oh, that's ridiculous.
290
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,371
I've met Alice's mother,
and she's a sweet old lady.
291
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,373
Look, Trix, if you don't
want me to stay here,
292
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,208
I can go to a hotel
and get a room,
293
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,752
but I will not stay under
the same roof with that woman.
294
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:35,380
Oh, look, Ralph, I'm not gonna
force you to go to a hotel,
295
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:37,966
but I still think you're wrong.
296
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,468
Well, if you're gonna
sleep here,
297
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,220
y-you're gonna have to have
some bedding and a pillow.
298
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,930
You can get 'em out
of the closet in there.
299
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:47,392
- Here, I'll get 'em.
-Ed, let Ralph get them.
300
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,769
- What?
-Let Ralph get them.
301
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,688
Oh.
302
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,856
-(quietly): Ed, I want
to talk to you. -What?
303
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,276
Look, we got to get Ralph to go
back downstairs with Alice.
304
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:57,735
You got to convince him
that his place is
305
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,195
-with his wife no matter what...
-But Trix...
306
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,239
Ed, if you let Ralph
sleep here tonight,
307
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,907
you'll be helping
to break up their marriage.
308
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,367
But, Trixie, you...
309
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:07,287
Ed, your duty is to get him back
with his wife.
310
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,497
(sighs) Well, all right,
all right. I guess you're right.
311
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,457
- Yes. -This ain't exactly
gonna get me in good
312
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,001
with the boys down there,
you know.
313
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,335
They're not in favour
of happy marriages.
314
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,170
It spoils attendance.
315
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,967
Ralph, don't you think
your place is with your wife?
316
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,593
What?
317
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,512
I mean, can you give me
one good reason
318
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,139
why you don't go back
with Alice?
319
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,016
Yes, my mother-in-law's coming.
320
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:31,686
Trixie, I got to admit,
he's got a good reason there.
321
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,732
I mean, why don't you
go downstairs with Alice?
322
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:37,358
Why should I?
323
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:38,651
You want to get rid of me?
324
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:40,153
No, no, it ain't that, Ralph.
325
00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,238
But... a man's place
is with his wife.
326
00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:43,740
Y-Your place is with Alice.
327
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,908
A man's place is
with his wife, huh?
328
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:49,912
Well, then why isn't Alice's
mother home with Alice's father?
329
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,664
Look, your mother-in-law coming
ain't gonna be
330
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:53,666
-the worst thing in the world
happening, you know. -No?
331
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:56,210
Well, name one thing
that could possibly be worse
332
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,712
than my mother-in-law coming.
333
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,255
My mother-in-law coming.
334
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,257
Boy, compared to her coming,
335
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:04,344
the invasion of locusts
was a boon to mankind.
336
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:06,346
Don't start, Norton.
337
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,056
Don't try to compare
your mother-in-law
338
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,849
with my mother-in-law
'cause you gotta lose.
339
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,100
It's no match.
340
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,560
Yeah? Well you got
to be careful.
341
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,062
In Ring Magazine,
342
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,064
my mother-in-law's
number two contender
343
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,940
for the Marciano title.
344
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:21,819
I'll tell you, she looks
at Strike It Rich for laughs.
345
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,947
Boy, if she ever got
on that $64,000 Question,
346
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,033
her category would be "Nasty."
347
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,994
Yeah, well, if she ever got
to the last question,
348
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:31,621
she'd have to bring
my mother-in-law along
349
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,831
as an expert.
350
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,167
Let me tell you something,
mine's got her beat.
351
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,378
Got her beat a mile.
I can't even afford to feed her.
352
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,254
Boy, can she eat.
When she comes to dinner,
353
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,964
she clears that table
like a hurdler.
354
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,258
Sheesh. And is she fat.
355
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,969
From the front she looks
like you from the back.
356
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:53,518
I'll tell you, th-they're just
not a couple of living dolls.
357
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,228
I'll admit that, but we got
to get along with them
358
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:56,646
and that's all...
359
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:57,897
When Trixie's mother comes
to visit,
360
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,357
I don't leave her.
361
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:02,068
If anybody's got a reason
to leave, I do.
362
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,530
Maybe you're right, Norton.
363
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:07,865
If you can get along
with your mother-in-law,
364
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,659
I guess I can
get along with mine.
365
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,412
- I'm going back down.
-That's the spirit, Ralph.
366
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,539
- Go back to your wife.
-Okay, pal.
367
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,374
Oh, Trix, I'm going back down
with Alice.
368
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:18,376
Oh, Ralph.
Ralph, that's wonderful.
369
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,753
And believe me,
you're doing the right thing.
370
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,463
Why, I-l just think
it's wonderful.
371
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,674
You know, Ed gets along
with my mother so beautifully.
372
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,634
If you'll just try to get along
with Alice's mother,
373
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,885
it-it'll just be wonderful.
374
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,262
He thinks my mother is
375
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,721
the greatest thing
that ever happened.
376
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:34,225
The sun rises and sets on her,
according to Ed.
377
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,562
So, if you wanted
to get rid of me, Norton,
378
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:41,232
all you had to do was say so.
You didn't have to lie!
379
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:44,235
Ralph, I wasn't lying to you.
Believe me, I wasn't lying.
380
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,736
What do you mean
you weren't lying? She says
381
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,321
you're crazy about her mother,
382
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,323
and you said she's the meanest
woman on earth.
383
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,326
- What?! You said what?
-No, Trix, I didn't say that.
384
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,245
- Believe me, I didn't say that.
-Oh, then you were lying.
385
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,456
- You did want to get rid of me.
-No, I wasn't lying. I didn't...
386
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:57,957
Well, what do you mean
by saying
387
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,208
that she's the most
impossible woman around?
388
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,460
I didn't.
389
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:01,711
- Did I?
-Then you meant it?
390
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:02,962
No, I didn't mean it.
391
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,547
- Then you were lying?
-No.
392
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:07,258
Ed Norton, just what do you
think of my mother?
393
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:11,095
I think her mother is
the meanest, most miserable...
394
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,098
sweetest little old lady
that ever lived.
395
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:16,184
Ed Norton, I wouldn't stay
another minute
396
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,894
in this house with you.
397
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,229
I'm going downstairs
to spend the night with Alice.
398
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:25,610
Well, let's get to bed, Ralph.
399
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,820
We've got to get up
in the morning.
400
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:31,032
I wouldn't stay
in the same room with you.
401
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,910
You sleep out here;
I'll go in the bedroom.
402
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:40,666
Uh, Ralph?
403
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:43,461
- Yes? -Ain't you even
gonna give me a...
404
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,338
friendly Racoon good-bye?
405
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:48,007
(howls)
406
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:57,642
I wouldn't "ooh-ooh" you
for anything in the world.
407
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,645
Never again
will I "ooh-ooh" you.
408
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,148
You are a traitor
and a turncoat.
409
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:07,735
A disgrace to that uniform
and the Racoon Lodge.
410
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:11,948
I should "ooh-ooh" you?
411
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:21,541
Norton?
412
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,875
Yeah?
413
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,503
Ooh-ooh.
414
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:28,714
Brother Racoon!
415
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,522
Alice, you want anything
from the store besides the milk?
416
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:47,191
Oh, yeah, you might as well get
a pound of margarine, too.
417
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:48,734
Oh, okay, Alice.
418
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,075
Well, go ahead.
419
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,330
All right, what are you doing
down here?
420
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,165
I come down to get
my bus uniform.
421
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,543
Do you mind?
422
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:08,671
Is, uh, Miss Charm here yet?
423
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:14,844
If you are referring
to my mother, no.
424
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:16,596
I might've known.
425
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,515
There's still some food left
around the house.
426
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:26,188
I certainly hope that you are
satisfied, Ralph Kramden.
427
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,733
I hope you're very pleased
with yourself.
428
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:31,402
Now that you have
the Nortons fighting, too.
429
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:34,363
I have the Nortons fighting?
430
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:37,158
I should be satisfied?
431
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,534
This wasn't my fault, Alice.
432
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:39,994
This wasn't my fault.
433
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,621
Your mother started
this whole thing
434
00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:42,872
by coming here for a visit.
435
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,540
She's the culprit.
436
00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:47,376
Do you realize, Ralph,
what an embarrassing position
437
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:50,212
you're putting me in?
What am I supposed to say
438
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:52,423
when my mother comes here
and you're not here?
439
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,008
What do I care what you say?
440
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:57,428
Tell her I ran off
and joined the circus.
441
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,639
What as? An elephant?
442
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:07,229
Oh, you're a riot, Alice.
443
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:12,026
You are a regular riot!
444
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,196
Ha,ha,ha,ha!
445
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:18,366
Oh, you must have everybody
in the building laughing.
446
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,243
Ha, ha, ha, ho, ho!
447
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,537
You certainly are funny, Alice.
448
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,541
You ought to be in the circus.
You ought to be in the circus.
449
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,543
You'd be funnier
than that guy they got there,
450
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,129
uh, Emmett Kelly, the clown.
Much funnier than him.
451
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:35,299
As a matter of fact,
you look a little like him.
452
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,010
Except for one thing,
the big red nose.
453
00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:41,889
And you might get that
before this is over.
454
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,226
(knock on door)
455
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:48,646
- That's my mother now, Ralph.
-I'm getting out of here.
456
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:51,774
Ralph Kramden,
don't you dare leave.
457
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,444
(g rumbles)
458
00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,406
Come in.
459
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,535
Sonny!
460
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,329
Hello, Alice.
461
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,706
Hello, Mother Kramden.
462
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:07,957
- Sonny.
-Mama!
463
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:11,377
Mom!
464
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:13,504
What are you doing here, Morn?
465
00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:16,006
Well, what are you
so upset about, Sonny?
466
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:17,675
I sent you a telegram.
467
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,552
Oh.
468
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:22,805
I thought it was Alice's mother
that sent the telegram.
469
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,515
Oh, I didn't realize.
470
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,767
I hope I didn't cause
any trouble.
471
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,185
Trouble? Oh, don't be silly.
472
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,855
How could you cause any trouble,
Mother Kramden?
473
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,107
You must be tired now
from your long trip.
474
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,775
You wanna go inside and change?
475
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,360
I'll take you in the bedroom.
476
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:37,778
Oh, thank you, Alice.
477
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,780
You're so considerate.
478
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:44,326
You know, Sonny, you're lucky
to have a wife like Alice.
479
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,355
(grunts)
480
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,540
(no dialogue)
481
00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:51,477
I'm sorry, Alice.
482
00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:54,897
Did it again, I guess.
483
00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:57,441
Boy, I don't know
why you put up with me.
484
00:21:57,566 --> 00:22:00,236
I always got
to put my foot in it.
485
00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:02,279
Here I am, yelling and screaming
486
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,281
because I think
your mother's coming.
487
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,033
And my mother shows up
488
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:10,830
and you treat her just as nice
as if nothing happened.
489
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:17,336
I don't know what to say,
what to do or anything else.
490
00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:20,548
I'm sorry.
491
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:24,635
Ralph, last night
I found a letter
492
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,720
that was written
by a pretty big man
493
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:29,306
on the subject
of mother-in-laws.
494
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:31,141
I wish you'd read it.
495
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:33,561
Out loud.
496
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,155
"Dear Morn,
497
00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:48,993
"I just thought I'd write
and tell you this.
498
00:22:49,118 --> 00:22:52,413
"A mother-in-law
is the most criticized,
499
00:22:52,538 --> 00:22:54,623
"the most misunderstood,
500
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:57,918
"and the most defenseless
of all women.
501
00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:00,838
"The average woman
must be clever enough
502
00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:02,506
"to know when to speak,
503
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:06,343
"but a mother-in-law must know
when to keep silent.
504
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:08,387
"She must be very wise,
505
00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:13,142
"wise enough sometimes
to withhold advice,
506
00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:15,853
"although she knows the answer
to the problem.
507
00:23:15,978 --> 00:23:18,689
"A mother-in-law
must sit on a fence
508
00:23:18,814 --> 00:23:22,192
"between her own child
and a child by marriage,
509
00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:24,862
"and somehow she must
keep her balance.
510
00:23:24,987 --> 00:23:28,198
"She must lean backwards
until her spine aches
511
00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:31,243
"or else she's accused
of being partial,
512
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:33,120
"and she isn't permitted
the luxury
513
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:35,247
"of hurt feelings or tears.
514
00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:38,417
"If a person
could put themselves
515
00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:40,502
"in their mother-in-law's place,
516
00:23:40,628 --> 00:23:42,671
"weigh her in the balance,
517
00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:44,548
"be completely fair,
518
00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:48,427
"they'd nominate her for the
presidency of the United States.
519
00:23:48,552 --> 00:23:53,974
And she'd be the first woman
to make it."
520
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:56,393
That's pretty good.
Who wrote it?
521
00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:58,395
You did.
522
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:02,441
To my mother, Ralph.
523
00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:06,487
15 years ago
when we were on our honeymoon.
524
00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:16,580
I'm going out
for a little air, Alice.
525
00:24:18,916 --> 00:24:20,834
So long, sweetheart.
38637
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof