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1
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[Pal]
2
00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:05,05
Major Nelson.
3
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:08,108
You're gonna be surprised
by what I’m about to say,
4
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:09,309
but | want you to understand
5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:13,80
that the need for secrecy
is imperative.
6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,949
Absolutely imperative.
7
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,589
There’s a security leak
at this base.
8
00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:23,991
A security leak?
9
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:25,592
You mean, a spy?
10
00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:27,761
Well-- Well, where? How?
Have you caught him yet?
11
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:29,396
No, we have not caught him.
12
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,164
We don’t even know who he is.
13
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:35,35
All we know is
that they’re after
14
00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:39,206
your new modification plan
of the Apollo 12 capsule.
15
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:40,974
Apollo 12?
Mmm.
16
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:43,243
That’s the most closely-guarded
secret on this base.
17
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,612
There must be some kind
of precautions we can take.
18
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,314
Exactly.
Therefore, General Peterson
19
00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:48,649
has decided to remove you
20
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,918
from the base until
you've finished your design.
21
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:52,819
An excellent idea, sir.
Where’ll | be going?
22
00:00:53,20 --> 00:00:54,221
Well, | don’t know.
23
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:57,658
The location has to be selected
by the Computer Section.
24
00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,426
It'll even be kept a secret
from you.
25
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,28
That's wise. That's very wise.
26
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,330
And that way, | won't be able
to give away the location,
27
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:04,531
even by a slip of the tongue.
28
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,333
I’m glad you're in agreement,
major,
29
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:08,01
because you're to leave now.
30
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,637
Now?
That's right.
31
00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:11,838
[SIGHS]
32
00:01:12,39 --> 00:01:14,174
Oh, uh,
come in, men.
33
00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:16,977
Uh, | can go home and, uh,
pick up a few things, sir,
34
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:18,579
and throw ’em in a bag
and be on my way--
35
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,148
You, uh, don’t seem
to understand, major.
36
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:24,451
Now means now.
37
00:01:25,52 --> 00:01:26,587
Get in.
38
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,355
In there?
39
00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,524
Uh, sir, there are arrangements
I'd have to make--
40
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:32,526
That’s all
been taken care of.
41
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,828
Now, good luck,
major.
42
00:01:35,28 --> 00:01:37,97
But, sir, if-- If | could just
make a phone call...
43
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:38,832
There we are.
Now--
44
00:01:39,32 --> 00:01:41,935
Dr. Bellows, if | could
make one phone call--
45
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,537
Take him away, men.
46
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:45,973
Easy.
47
00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:49,710
Mm-hm.
48
00:01:52,45 --> 00:01:53,981
You can come out now.
49
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:56,216
Major Nelson is gone.
50
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:04,524
Perfect.
51
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:08,295
Absolutely perfect.
52
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,35
[Pal]
53
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,884
[Pal]
54
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,156
All right, Pomfret, that was
your first real peek
55
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,458
at Major Nelson,
other than films.
56
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:13,160
What'd you think?
57
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,961
[NASALLY VOICE]
An uncomplicated type.
58
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,531
You were wise in not telling him
where he was going.
59
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:20,233
| doubt if he could keep
a secret from anybody.
60
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:23,737
Oh, by the way, where is
this secret destination?
61
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:24,971
| don’t know,
62
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:27,274
and, uh, there’s no need
for you to know either.
63
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,309
Uh, now then, Pomfret.
64
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:31,678
From the moment
you leave this office,
65
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:35,82
you are Major Anthony Nelson.
66
00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:38,18
Don’t worry, sir. No one could
possibly penetrate my cover.
67
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,420
Then stop talking
like that.
68
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:43,790
You've had ample time to study
the films of Major Nelson.
69
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,159
Oh, and there’s, uh,
one thing to remember:
70
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:47,961
To avoid Major Healey
as much as possible.
71
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,796
And I'd advise you
to spend a lot of time
72
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:52,199
at Major Nelson’s house.
73
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:55,01
Since he lives there alone,
there won't be any danger.
74
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:57,437
Understood.
Shall | assume my duties now?
75
00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:59,172
Right.
76
00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:00,307
Very observant.
77
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,409
[Pal]
78
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:04,311
Oh, by the way, Dr. Bellows,
79
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:06,313
| wonder if | could use
your phone, sir.
80
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:10,183
Now, Major Nelson, I’ve told you
before about this pho--
81
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:13,453
See? | even had you fooled
for a second.
82
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:16,690
I’ve noticed that Major Nelson
looks very worried around you.
83
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,561
[WHISTLING]
84
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,664
Excuse me, Sir.
85
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,666
Moving out the skeleton
in somebody’s closet?
86
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:27,801
[CHUCKLES]
87
00:04:28,01 --> 00:04:29,836
[BANG]
88
00:04:30,36 --> 00:04:31,705
Some room in there.
Ha, ha, ha.
89
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:33,607
"Skeleton
in somebody's closet."
90
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,811
[WHISTLING]
91
00:04:38,11 --> 00:04:39,179
Hi, Roge.
92
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:41,414
Hi, Tony.
How are you?
93
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,583
Oh, listen.
Uh, about that top-secret.
94
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,952
Uh, there’s been
a little change.
95
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,287
Top-secret?
96
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:49,523
Yeah. Here’s, uh--
Here’s tonight’s menu.
97
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,124
| decided
on truffled, uh, grouse
98
00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:53,426
instead of
the tournedos Rossini.
99
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:56,496
Um, what's the menu for, Roge?
100
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:58,732
It's the menu
for tonight’s dinner.
101
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:02,302
Oh, tonight’s dinner, yes.
Sure, at your place, eh?
102
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:05,105
At my place? You know | couldn’t
cook a dinner like that.
103
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,473
I'll see you at 7, huh?
104
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,708
Right you are, Roge. Seven.
Okay.
105
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,711
[SIGHS]
106
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:14,181
"Oysters Rockefeller,
truffled grouse,
107
00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:17,317
"baked Alaska
and Persian melon
108
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,319
from Persia."
109
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:22,122
--and baked Alaska.
110
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,991
But you didn’t tell me
Nelson was a gourmet cook.
111
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:27,327
Research must have
slipped up on that.
112
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:28,795
Well, it can’t be helped.
113
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:32,199
You'll have to prepare
the dinner Major Healey expects.
114
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:33,767
Can you do it?
Positive.
115
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,101
| once impersonated a chef
116
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:37,737
who was a secret agent
for de Gaulle.
117
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,707
[Pal]
118
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,880
Is this really necessary?
119
00:05:47,80 --> 00:05:49,349
Sorry, Sir.
Orders.
120
00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:51,151
Even the plane goes
on automatic pilot
121
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,519
when we reach
our destination.
122
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:55,88
But nobody’s gonna
know where we are.
123
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,924
There’s one thing | know.
We're going fast.
124
00:05:58,124 --> 00:05:59,226
It’s all that time
in orbit.
125
00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:01,261
Gives ’em an incredible sense
of direction.
126
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:02,896
Yeah.
127
00:06:03,96 --> 00:06:04,931
Stand up, please, major.
Huh?
128
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:07,500
We're gonna do something
about that sense of direction.
129
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,636
Oh.
130
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:11,738
[Pal]
131
00:06:16,09 --> 00:06:17,844
[MUTTERING]
Baked Alaska...
132
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,480
[GRUNTS]
133
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,120
Oh!
134
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,688
My poor master.
135
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,257
Oh, your head.
Are you all right?
136
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:32,325
Yeah. Who are you?
137
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:35,528
Oh. He does not even
remember my name.
138
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:36,930
| am your Jeannie.
139
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,698
What?!
Oh.
140
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,269
Oh, there, there, there.
My poor master.
141
00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:44,738
Do not worry.
| will make you well again.
142
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,173
Uh, all right. I’m all right.
143
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:48,708
I’m-- I’m fine, miss.
144
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,878
Jeannie. Do you not even
remember my name?
145
00:06:52,78 --> 00:06:54,814
Oh, of course | do.
Yes, of course | do.
146
00:06:55,15 --> 00:06:56,917
Huh. I'll be fine, Jeannie.
147
00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,453
You just, uh, go on and do,
uh, what you usually do.
148
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,889
Oh, thank Allah.
Heh.
149
00:07:03,89 --> 00:07:05,492
Well, you see, today is
my usual day for housecleaning,
150
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,193
but | did not expect you
So early.
151
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:08,662
But | will be finished
in a trice.
152
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:09,863
[GIGGLES]
153
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,367
Oh, right.
154
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:16,236
Nelson’s maid.
155
00:07:18,38 --> 00:07:19,572
In that outfit?
156
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,675
[Pal]
157
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,79
Master?
158
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,347
What are you doing?
159
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:29,616
Oh, just truffling a grouse.
160
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:32,419
Uh, Rockefellering
some oysters, you know.
161
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,254
| do?
[CHUCKLES]
162
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,556
You haven't been around long
enough to see me in action.
163
00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:38,158
Master, what is the matter?
164
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:42,62
Matter? Ma--? Nothing.
Absolutely nothing’s the matter.
165
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,164
Why don’t you go finish
your housework, hm?
166
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,932
| have finished.
167
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,868
Well, how could you finish?
You just started.
168
00:07:49,69 --> 00:07:51,171
See for yourself.
169
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,06
No. I-- | believe you.
170
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,274
| believe you.
171
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,276
Well, I'll see you next time.
172
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,745
Next time?
173
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:02,582
Yes. Oh, | am sorry. | forgot--
My hands are a little sticky.
174
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:03,717
| forgot to pay you.
175
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,486
Here, just-- Just take
whatever | owe you, huh?
176
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,221
Pay me?
177
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,657
Oh!
178
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,726
Oh, master!
179
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:19,599
Now, what on earth
is the matter with her?
180
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,669
| tell you, the servant problem
these days is something else.
181
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:23,770
[SNIFFS]
182
00:08:25,05 --> 00:08:27,107
[POTS BANGING]
183
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,975
Oh!
184
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,378
Pay me?
185
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:34,147
[RUMBLING]
186
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,188
Jeannie.
187
00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,697
What a time for an earthquake.
188
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:54,501
[Pal]
189
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,837
Hey, listen, fellas, when you
get back to the base,
190
00:08:58,38 --> 00:08:59,139
would you do me a favor?
191
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,607
Uh, if you call my house,
please,
192
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,709
and tell...my maid
193
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,244
that | won’t be home
for a while.
194
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:07,547
Sorry, major. No communications
from you are allowed.
195
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:08,915
Yeah,
but this is important.
196
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,518
One step backward, please.
Oh, all right, but I--
197
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,119
[SCREAMS]
198
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,25
Sure is a beautiful place.
199
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,794
l’d love to take
a vacation there.
200
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,762
You'll wanna take
at least a week.
201
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:24,497
[BOTH LAUGH]
202
00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:27,167
Tony, I’m here.
203
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,569
Boy, I’m so hungry
| could eat a bear.
204
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,311
Oh, hi, Jeannie.
205
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:39,546
[SOBS]
206
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,147
Oh, what’s the--?
What’s the matter?
207
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:43,249
[CRYING]
208
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,586
I-- | do not Know what is
the matter, Major Healey.
209
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:50,56
It is my master.
He is acting so strangely.
210
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,192
He... He...
211
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:55,595
He offered to pay me
for cleaning the house!
212
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,597
Oh, | don’t blame you.
213
00:09:57,797 --> 00:10:00,633
He’s been getting free
maid service for a long time.
214
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,403
[JEANNIE CRYING]
ROGER: Oh, now, take it easy.
215
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,39
Whoa, that’s all right.
Take it easy.
216
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:08,408
Aw, aw, pumpkin.
217
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,809
Aw.
[SOBBING]
218
00:10:10,09 --> 00:10:11,111
Aw.
219
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:13,847
Oh.
220
00:10:14,47 --> 00:10:15,815
That’s his girlfriend.
221
00:10:16,15 --> 00:10:18,485
No wonder.
222
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,753
What am | gonna do
about this meal?
223
00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:22,355
[CLEARS THROAT]
224
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:26,593
Hi, Roge, old pal.
225
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,95
Well, you finally put
Jeannie on the payroll.
226
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,699
Oh. Jeannie, I’m sorry
about, uh, this afternoon.
227
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:34,33
| was tired and hot.
228
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,236
I'd had a hard day
at the office, you know.
229
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,538
Hey. All fixed up.
230
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:41,74
| am sorry too, master.
[CHUCKLES]
231
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,109
It was a misunderstanding.
232
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,577
Now that we’re
all friends again,
233
00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:46,346
how ‘bout making Tony’s
favorite drink?
234
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:47,580
A Baghdad Camel.
235
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,949
Yes, a Baghdad Camel
would certainly hit
236
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,217
the spot right about now.
237
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,686
Right away, master.
Uh, I’m sorry about dinner,
238
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,421
but I’m afraid---
Here we are, master.
239
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:56,956
Fantastic.
Mmm.
240
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,625
To a pleasant evening.
241
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:02,295
You, uh, had ’em
all ready, huh?
242
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,430
Boy.
243
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:05,899
[CLEARS THROAT]
Mmm.
244
00:11:06,99 --> 00:11:08,868
Delicious. As always.
245
00:11:09,68 --> 00:11:10,203
Look, kids, about dinner.
246
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,305
I’m afraid the earthquake
destroyed everything.
247
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,73
Do you mind going out
for dinner tonight?
248
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,942
Well-- Well--
Well, what earthquake?
249
00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:20,213
The earthquake that demolished
the kitchen about two hours ago.
250
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,15
| didn’t feel
any earthquake.
251
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,984
Well, it demolished the kitchen
and everything in it.
252
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,920
As a matter of fact...
Oh, master.
253
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,821
This room
looks all right.
254
00:11:29,22 --> 00:11:30,690
Ah...
Master, | am sorry. Heh.
255
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:32,926
That was no earthquake.
That was me.
256
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,694
You?
Mm-hm.
257
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:38,698
Yes. | was just a little bit
angry with you, so I:
258
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:40,133
[MUSIC CHIMES]
Yeah.
259
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,670
[BOTH LAUGH]
260
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:44,904
[LAUGHS]
261
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,274
Do not worry, master.
262
00:11:48,474 --> 00:11:49,542
I-| will fix everything.
263
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:51,211
[STAMMERING]
264
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,979
No, you don’t--
Don't go in there, it’s--
265
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:54,113
[POMFRET STAMMERING]
266
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,715
[MAGIC BOINGS]
267
00:11:56,816 --> 00:12:00,186
Hey, that looks great.
Let's eat.
268
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,454
Hey,
how did you...?
269
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:04,390
How did you do that?
They were all over the kitchen.
270
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:05,491
[YELLS]
271
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:09,128
Something wrong,
master?
272
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,663
No.
273
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,474
[Pal]
274
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:37,890
Good evening,
Major Nelson.
275
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,130
Dr. Bellows.
276
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,633
| thought the television
was for relaxation.
277
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,935
You’re not there
to relax, major.
278
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:50,937
We’ve arranged to cut in
for communications
279
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:52,505
with Cocoa Beach.
280
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:53,773
Twice a day
at 12 noon
281
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:56,09
and again
at 12 midnight, your time.
282
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,10
Right, sir.
283
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,244
Two times a day.
284
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:02,915
Correct. And remember,
this project is important.
285
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,50
Uh, how’s the work going?
286
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,852
Oh, just fine, sir.
Just fine.
287
00:13:06,52 --> 00:13:07,720
Uh, but | do have
a few questions.
288
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,522
| wanna show you
a tape, major.
289
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,57
It was made
several weeks ago.
290
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:14,193
/ think it will
explain everything.
291
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:15,862
| don’t remember making
any tape, sir.
292
00:13:16,62 --> 00:13:19,732
Major Nelson,
meet Major Nelson.
293
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,902
[Pal]
294
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,737
Hi, Tony.
295
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,940
| know
we haven't met,
296
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,342
but | feel
| know you well enough
297
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:32,445
to call you Tony.
298
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,981
It’s-- Eh, that’s me.
No, no, it couldn’t be me.
299
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:36,516
Yes, it is me.
300
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,117
BELLOWS:
Relax, major.
301
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,19
That man is
an intelligence agent
302
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:41,387
with theatrical training.
303
00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:42,488
He’s a dead ringer for you,
304
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,590
and no one will notice
a discrepancy.
305
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:46,459
Not even if he’s having dinner
306
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,428
with Major Healey
at your house.
307
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,330
That’s--
That’s really remarkable, sir.
308
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,699
It would fool prac--
309
00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:54,767
It won’t work.
It won’t work, Dr. Bellows.
310
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:57,303
Well, of course it will.
It’s working now.
311
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,839
Mayor Healey has already
accepted him as you.
312
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:03,576
What’s the matter, major?
313
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,345
Nothing, sir.
314
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,880
It's not Major Healey
I’m worried about.
315
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,486
Well, Jeannie.
Where’s old Roge?
316
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:14,854
Oh, he went home.
317
00:14:15,54 --> 00:14:16,823
Home?
Mm-hm.
318
00:14:17,23 --> 00:14:18,558
[CAR STARTS]
319
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,627
Healey!
Healey, you forgot Jeannie!
320
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:22,628
Roger?
321
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,464
[CAR DEPARTS]
322
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:27,934
He’s gone.
323
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,405
And your're still...
here.
324
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,841
Of course
| am still here.
325
00:14:35,41 --> 00:14:38,77
Master, are you sure
you feel all right?
326
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:40,613
I’m fine.
Fine, fine.
327
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,982
Uh, listen, Jeannie, ahem,
it was great of good old Roge
328
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,851
to allow you to help
with my housecleaning.
329
00:14:45,51 --> 00:14:46,85
But what does Major Healey--
330
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:47,653
But there’s no reason
for you to stay
331
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,355
and do the, uh, dishes.
332
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,923
| can do them myself.
333
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:52,792
They are done.
Mm.
334
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:55,962
Yes. That’s fine. Good--
Good little worker, aren't you?
335
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:58,131
Uh, he probably forgot.
Shall we go?
336
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,733
Go where, master?
337
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,35
Home?
338
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:05,271
Master?
339
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,173
We are home.
340
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:12,678
All right, she’s not the maid,
341
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,81
and she’s not
Healey’s girlfriend.
342
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,851
Jeannie, uh...
Ahem.
343
00:15:19,51 --> 00:15:20,353
I’ve been thinking,
uh...
344
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:23,856
How long has it been
since we first, uh, met?
345
00:15:24,56 --> 00:15:27,360
Oh, well, it has been
a long time, master.
346
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,328
| have been so happy
347
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:32,31
that the time
has just flown by.
348
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:36,269
Well, you Know how your memory
plays tricks on you.
349
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,938
l-- | can’t for the life of me
remember, uh,
350
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:42,241
when we first got together.
351
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,144
Do you mean our anniversary?
352
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,113
Yes, our anniversary.
353
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:50,216
The anniversary
of our...marriage.
354
00:15:52,51 --> 00:15:53,653
Marriage?
355
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,655
Oh, master.
356
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:59,25
Oh, master, that is why you
have been acting so strangely.
357
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:00,259
After all these years,
358
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,262
you are finally going
to ask me to marry you.
359
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,132
Oh! | am ready!
360
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:07,934
Oh!
361
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,936
You darling thing.
362
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:11,737
Everyone will be so happy.
No, no, no.
363
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:13,806
Wait till | tell my mother.
No, no.
364
00:16:14,06 --> 00:16:15,908
You've got the wrong idea.
She won't believe it.
365
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:17,310
She will not believe it.
366
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,746
Oh, master, darling, goodbye.
I’m going to go tell everyone.
367
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,649
You've made me the happiest
genie in the world.
368
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,751
[JEANNIE LAUGHS]
369
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:29,755
That-- That’s not the idea
at all.
370
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,224
Jeannie?
371
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,426
Jeannie? Jeannie?
372
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,96
Nelson's gonna kill me.
373
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:40,533
Let’s see. | wonder
if | can get Jeannie here.
374
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,202
At least Ill know
what’s going on.
375
00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:44,537
What am | talking about?
376
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,973
| don’t even know
what hemisphere I'm in.
377
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:50,676
[Pal]
378
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,481
Fresh air.
379
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,783
Sure does give you
an appetite.
380
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,621
Let’s see what | have for lunch.
381
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,628
Veal cutlet.
382
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,430
My favorite.
383
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,332
Mm-mm.
384
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,475
Ridiculous.
385
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:23,743
| was simply intoxicated.
386
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,145
She won't even be here
this morning.
387
00:17:29,48 --> 00:17:30,216
[POMFRET GASPS]
388
00:17:31,50 --> 00:17:32,51
Oh!
389
00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:33,519
Oh, master.
390
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:36,856
It does not matter if you see
the bride before the wedding.
391
00:17:37,56 --> 00:17:39,725
| want you to meet the
Right Reverend Ibn Bernoulli.
392
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,994
Uh, do | have to?
393
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,767
[COUGHS]
394
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,236
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
395
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,444
He says that he is honored
to meet you, master,
396
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,580
and honored to perform
the marriage ceremony
397
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,449
according
to the ancient rites.
398
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:05,484
How do you do?
399
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,453
[SPEAKING IN ARABIC]
400
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:22,735
He says that he is
all choked up, master,
401
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,771
because he performed
this very same ceremony
402
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:29,275
for my mama and papa
over 5000 years ago.
403
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:33,212
Five thousand years ago.
404
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:34,747
As a matter of fact,
405
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,716
| believe he was
at their wedding anniversary
406
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,317
just last year.
407
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:40,753
Well, when you marry people,
408
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,888
they really stay married,
don’t they?
409
00:18:43,89 --> 00:18:44,390
[SPEAKING IN ARABIC]
410
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:45,558
[CHUCKLES]
411
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,827
[SCREAMS]
412
00:18:48,27 --> 00:18:49,895
Master, wait! Wait!
413
00:18:50,96 --> 00:18:51,397
Oh...
414
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,100
[SPEAKING IN ARABIC]
415
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,835
He has just gone to, uh...
416
00:18:56,35 --> 00:18:57,870
Uh...
417
00:18:58,70 --> 00:19:00,406
To get a marriage license.
That is it.
418
00:19:00,606 --> 00:19:03,876
In America,
one needs a license for...
419
00:19:04,76 --> 00:19:04,910
everything.
420
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:06,479
[SPEAKING IN ARABIC]
421
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,581
...America.
422
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,116
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
423
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,751
Come in.
424
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:14,820
Well, major.
Everything go all right?
425
00:19:15,21 --> 00:19:16,422
Negative,
Dr. Bellows.
426
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,724
I’m drunk.
427
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:21,160
Yes. That’s the only
explanation, sir.
428
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,462
She fed me a Baghdad Camel
last night,
429
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,964
and it must have
been pure alcohol,
430
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,167
because from the first sip,
| was smashed.
431
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:31,37
| began to see things.
| still think I’m smashed.
432
00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:32,805
Don't be ridiculous, major.
433
00:19:33,05 --> 00:19:34,674
Look at you.
You're neatly dressed.
434
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,242
Your eyes aren't bloodshot.
435
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:38,844
You didn’t stagger,
your speech isn’t slurred.
436
00:19:39,45 --> 00:19:41,313
Nevertheless, wait
till | tell you what | saw.
437
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,481
Oh, | can hardly wait.
438
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,350
Major Healey,
are you in the habit
439
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:46,318
of barging into
a superior officer’s office?
440
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,120
I’m sorry, Sir.
Looking for Major Nelson.
441
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,422
| gotta talk
to you right away.
442
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,657
Later, Roge.
When | sober up.
443
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:52,658
When you sober up?
444
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,127
Ah, Major Nelson
is intoxicated.
445
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:57,396
That’s imposs-- Impossible, sir.
He doesn't drink.
446
00:19:57,596 --> 00:19:59,165
Oh, yeah? Um...
447
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:02,68
What was in that Baghdad Camel
last night? Pablum?
448
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:03,769
| never saw anything
like it, sir.
449
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,771
Uh, plates appearing
and then disappearing,
450
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:07,840
a-a turkey
that carves itself,
451
00:20:08,40 --> 00:20:11,510
a-a baked Alaska just suddenly
appearing out of nowhere.
452
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,579
He’s drunk, that’s right.
Stoned. Very stoned.
453
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,147
Look at that.
Bloodshot eyes there,
454
00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:16,849
tie all crooked and wobbly.
455
00:20:17,49 --> 00:20:18,617
Now, is that the Tony Nelson
we know, sir?
456
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,186
All right.
457
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,855
I’m gonna get to the bottom
of this. Come along, major.
458
00:20:23,55 --> 00:20:24,824
We're going to the lab
and take a blood sample.
459
00:20:25,24 --> 00:20:27,393
We'll soon find out
what’s wrong with you.
460
00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:29,261
Major Healey.
461
00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:35,267
TONY [OVER TV]:
Dr. Bellows. Dr. Bellows?
462
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,236
Dr. Bellows,
I’ve gotta talk to you.
463
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:40,39
Tony?
464
00:20:43,42 --> 00:20:44,710
Tony, what are you
doing on television?
465
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,212
Roger, thank goodness
it’S you.
466
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,613
We’re
in terrible trouble.
467
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:48,981
I'll say we are.
What’s the idea
468
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,283
of telling Dr. Bellows
about Jeannie?
469
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:52,451
What are you talking about?
470
00:20:52,651 --> 00:20:53,552
Just now,
471
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,287
when you walked out
of the office.
472
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,857
How could you walk out
of the office and be on TV?
473
00:20:58,57 --> 00:20:59,658
It wasn’t me, Roge.
474
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,961
It wasn’t you.
Of course it wasn’t you.
475
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:05,631
| mean, you wouldn't act
like that. It wasn’t you?
476
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:08,33
Look, there’s a phony Tony
on the loose. Now listen.
477
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:09,902
| don’t know
how much time we’ve got.
478
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,37
Yeah. | think | better.
479
00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:13,339
Bellows--
480
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:14,640
Tony?
481
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,443
Tony, come back. Come back.
482
00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:19,545
[MAN SPEAKING SPANISH
OVER TV]
483
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:23,783
Ah.
484
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:25,518
He’s somewhere in France.
485
00:21:29,588 --> 00:21:31,390
[Pal]
486
00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:33,592
[SPEAKING IN ARABIC]
487
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,297
[STAMMERS]
488
00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:41,534
A-as soon as the sands run out,
you must go?
489
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:44,270
Oh, b-but what if my master
does not return?
490
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:45,671
[SPEAKS IN ARABIC]
491
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:46,872
[GASPS]
492
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,314
All right, Reverend.
493
00:21:55,514 --> 00:21:57,850
As soon
as the sands run out.
494
00:21:58,50 --> 00:22:00,486
You see, major, not a trace
of alcohol in your blood.
495
00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:02,454
You're stone-cold sober.
496
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,423
Well, sir...
497
00:22:04,623 --> 00:22:05,558
Sir, in that case,
498
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:07,793
there’s only one
other explanation.
499
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:09,895
I’m really seeing
those things.
500
00:22:10,95 --> 00:22:12,865
Well, Major Nelson.
501
00:22:13,65 --> 00:22:15,401
For the first time
since I’ve known you,
502
00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:17,136
you admit it.
503
00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:19,772
| admit nothing.
504
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,608
Oh. I’m sorry,
| almost forgot.
505
00:22:22,808 --> 00:22:24,877
| thought for a moment
you were the real Major Nelson.
506
00:22:25,77 --> 00:22:26,912
Well, nevertheless,
come on.
507
00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:28,480
This time,
| think we've got him.
508
00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:30,850
We're going to the house
and see what's really going on.
509
00:22:31,50 --> 00:22:32,384
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Il-- PIl-- PIl--
510
00:22:32,585 --> 00:22:33,552
I'll take him, sir.
511
00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:35,421
Acold shower and hot coffee
will fix him up--
512
00:22:35,621 --> 00:22:36,755
Uh, no, there’s no need, major.
513
00:22:36,956 --> 00:22:38,457
Major Nelson and | are
going to his house
514
00:22:38,657 --> 00:22:40,559
and see what's going on.
515
00:22:40,759 --> 00:22:43,863
Major Healey,
if you don’t mind.
516
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:47,366
Oh.
517
00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:50,870
[Pal]
518
00:22:53,672 --> 00:22:56,141
Pomfret, | want you to know that
| was against substituting you
519
00:22:56,342 --> 00:22:58,77
for Major Nelson
from the start.
520
00:22:58,277 --> 00:22:59,678
But if you really can
show me any proof
521
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:01,480
of any funny business
going on at--
522
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:02,882
Proof positive, sir.
523
00:23:03,82 --> 00:23:04,183
She wears a funny little outfit
524
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:07,353
like she came out
of an Arabian harem.
525
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:08,587
No. Extraordinary.
Yes.
526
00:23:08,787 --> 00:23:10,556
She blinks her eyes,
and things pop in and out.
527
00:23:10,756 --> 00:23:13,759
Vacuum cleaners,
baked Alaskans, chickens.
528
00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:20,666
[Pal]
34004
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