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1
00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:02,69
[Pal]
2
00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:05,239
Thank you. All right,
when | count three,
3
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,240
you let it down--
4
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,541
Uh, take it out.
Yes, master.
5
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,343
One, two--
6
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:11,845
Three.
7
00:00:12,45 --> 00:00:13,13
[DOORBELL RINGS]
8
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:14,381
Oh. | will get it.
9
00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:16,984
No, no, no.
ll get it, Pll get it.
10
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:22,956
Talk about air mail.
11
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:25,225
| think
it’s for you.
12
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:27,895
Oh!
It is from my mother.
13
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,533
| think | know
what it is.
14
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:36,670
Uh, Jeannie.
15
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,906
Uh, Jeannie, do me a favor.
Would you ask your mother
16
00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:41,375
to go through the normal
channels when she mails things?
17
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,577
| really don't think
my neighbors could understand
18
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,445
us getting parcels on--
19
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,948
On magic carpets.
Yes, master.
20
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:51,552
Ooh! | was right. Pipchicks.
21
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,220
Yeah?
Pipchicks.
22
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:55,856
My favorite candy.
23
00:00:56,56 --> 00:00:56,990
[MOANS]
24
00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:59,526
And no one can make them
like my mother does.
25
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,95
Mmm.
Try one, master.
26
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,698
No, thanks. If your mother made
them, I'd really rather not--
27
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,366
Oh, please, master.
Here, try one.
28
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,535
You'll adore them.
Mmph--
29
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:10,404
Well?
30
00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:13,240
Well, good.
31
00:01:15,08 --> 00:01:17,311
It's great.
What'd she put in ’em?
32
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,713
| do not know.
It is my mother’s secret recipe.
33
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,81
She will not tell anyone.
34
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:22,783
You thank her
the next time you see her.
35
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,318
They’re really sensational.
36
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:27,220
| will, master.
| am delighted you like them.
37
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,489
Well, there we are.
38
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,959
[Pal]
39
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:41,768
[Pal]
40
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,50
[Pal]
41
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,822
[Pal]
42
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,893
Is that all you're having
for lunch?
43
00:02:40,93 --> 00:02:41,261
Yeah, I’m not
terribly hungry.
44
00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:43,363
Oh, what’s the matter,
aren’t you feeling well?
45
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,265
Ha, | never felt better
in my life.
46
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,267
I’m just making a note to send
Jeannie’s mother
47
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,301
a little something.
48
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,604
| thought you two
hated each other.
49
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,639
How could you hate anybody
that makes these?
50
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,74
Look.
51
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,343
What are those?
52
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:57,978
Pipchicks.
Oh.
53
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,80
Uh, Roge, I'd rather
you didn’t eat any.
54
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,916
They have kind of a strange
temporary side effect.
55
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,219
[CUTLERY SCRAPES
THEN CLATTERS]
56
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,924
[CUTLERY SCRAPES
THEN CLATTERS]
57
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,459
Then why are you eating it?
58
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:16,63
It’s got a fantastic taste.
They’re really sensational.
59
00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:18,131
Hello, ah, Major Nelson,
Major Healey.
60
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:20,701
Mind if | join you?
Of course not, sir.
61
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,569
You know, uh,
about that inside report
62
00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:23,937
that we had
the other day.
63
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,273
| think we’ll have to do
some more research. You see,
64
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,942
four pages would do it, if--
65
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,377
Mmmmm.
66
00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:31,678
Delicious.
67
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,80
Simply delicious.
68
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,382
I’ve never tasted anything
quite like it.
69
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,785
Did you eat one of those, sir?
Yes.
70
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:40,153
Well, where can you buy them?
71
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:42,222
Uh, well, you-- You can't, sir.
72
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:43,523
They’re--
They're homemade.
73
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,125
Who made them?
Jeannie’s mother.
74
00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:46,393
[THUD, CLATTERING]
75
00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:48,228
Oh. Sorry, Roge.
76
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,364
Um, | did, sir. | just kind
of whipped ’em up
77
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,466
in the kitchen.
78
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,268
Remarkable.
79
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,871
Well, then, uh, you won't mind
if | take this other piece.
80
00:03:58,71 --> 00:03:59,239
That one’s my last one, sir. |--
81
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:00,874
Oh, come, come,
come, major.
82
00:04:01,74 --> 00:04:03,310
You can always whip up
another batch.
83
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:06,379
Oh, uh,
have some more coffee--
84
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,715
Extraordinary.
85
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:12,252
Absolutely
extraordinary.
86
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,722
Extraordinary.
87
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,891
You know, this has
got to weigh 300 pounds.
88
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,27
Oh.
89
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,563
| feel absolutely marvelous.
90
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,532
Major, | don’t know
what’s in this,
91
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:26,733
but whatever it is,
92
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,01
I’m going to take it
to the lab
93
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:29,936
to have it analyzed.
94
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,606
300 pounds. Extraordinary.
95
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:38,912
They’re not making cafeterias
like they used to.
96
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,581
You're right, Roge. There’s
nothing wrong with making candy.
97
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,650
| don't have anything
to worry about. Nothing--
98
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,219
Major Nelson,
do you know what you’ve done?
99
00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:47,954
If it’s what you found
in the pipchicks,
100
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,689
sir, | can explain about it.
| don't--
101
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,258
The Dietician Section
has finished
102
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,793
the analysis
of your candy.
103
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,61
Colonel Finch is on the way
over now with the results.
104
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:56,563
Well, I'd better
be running along.
105
00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:58,131
| can explain that. | know
exactly--
106
00:04:58,331 --> 00:04:59,699
Don't any of you come
to attention
107
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,902
when a superior officer
enters the room?
108
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:06,106
I’m sorry, colonel.
| didn’t, uh, see you.
109
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,209
And are you nearsighted too,
Dr. Bellows?
110
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:11,211
| beg your pardon?
Dr. Bellows.
111
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:12,612
| believe | became
a full colonel
112
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,282
four days before you,
so | outrank you.
113
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,584
Attention.
114
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:19,419
That’s the trouble
with you men.
115
00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,989
You can't get used to women
in positions of authority.
116
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,392
All right,
at ease.
117
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:26,660
Nelson.
Ma’am.
118
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,428
Come here.
119
00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:31,631
Pick me up.
120
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,133
| didn’t catch that,
ma’am.
121
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,368
| said, pick me up.
122
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:37,838
Pick you up?
123
00:05:43,76 --> 00:05:44,644
[WHEEZING]
124
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,249
Sorry, ma’am.
Mm.
125
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:51,751
When was the last time
you had a piece of your candy?
126
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,653
This morning, colonel.
That explains it.
127
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,689
The initial effects
wear off immediately.
128
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,123
It certainly does.
Ha-ha-ha!
129
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:59,92
Healey.
Yes, sir.
130
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,94
Come here.
Yes, sir.
131
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:03,763
Yes, colonel.
132
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,365
What--?
What is here, Colonel?
133
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:07,767
Put your hands over your head.
Yes, Sir.
134
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,536
Now watch this.
135
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:11,938
Whoa.
136
00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:13,506
BELLOWS:
Extraordinary.
137
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,609
[Pal]
138
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:20,981
See, very simple.
There’s nothing to it.
139
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:26,486
Well, I-- | better be getting
back to my office. Excuse me.
140
00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:28,555
Absolutely
extraordinary.
141
00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:31,458
| took a bite of the candy
just before | came in here.
142
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,660
Nelson, do you realize
what you’ve done?
143
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,295
I’ve created a monster.
144
00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:41,167
You have single-handedly solved
the space capsule food problem.
145
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,169
You mean that
Major Nelson’s homemade candy
146
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:45,572
could be used
in space flights?
147
00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:47,240
Oh, well, | don’t think
it'd work, sir.
148
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,342
What | mean is,
it was an accident.
149
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:50,577
What is the recipe?
150
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:52,178
Oh, well, there’s no recipe.
151
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,514
No, well, you know how
us old-fashioned cooks work.
152
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:56,249
A pinch of this,
a handful of that.
153
00:06:56,449 --> 00:06:58,251
Do you mean
it's not written down?
154
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:00,353
No, sir. Well, that’s what
I’m trying to tell you.
155
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:02,155
l-- I'd never be able
to do it again.
156
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,758
That’s where you're wrong,
Nelson.
157
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,159
You're going
to do it again,
158
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,761
and you're going
to write it down.
159
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,397
Do you read me?
Yes, ma’am.
160
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,998
Doctor, | want this man
transferred
161
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:13,900
to the Dietician Section
immediately.
162
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,70
And he’ll remain there
until these-- These, um--
163
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,571
Eh, what do you call them,
major?
164
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:19,940
Pipchicks.
165
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:23,910
Until these pipchicks
have been duplicated exactly.
166
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,545
Well, ma’am, | can’t do that.
167
00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:26,780
I’m preparing for a mission.
168
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,448
Nelson.
169
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,917
This is much more
important.
170
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,954
Why, this has worldwide
implications.
171
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:37,290
You don't seem to realize
what a breakthrough this is.
172
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:40,126
The Army may march
on its stomach, major,
173
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,594
but from now on,
174
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:45,265
the Air Force
will fly with pipchicks.
175
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,600
[Pal]
176
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,311
But, Mama,
| must have the recipe.
177
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:00,347
It’s for him,
isn’t it?
178
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,249
My poor baby.
179
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:06,786
My poor darling Jeannie,
always in trouble.
180
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,89
Always in trouble.
181
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:13,93
That bum.
Spending his time up in space.
182
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,996
What kind of a living is that
for a grown man?
183
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,230
Mama.
184
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,299
Aha-ha!
| knew it. | knew it.
185
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,500
Oh, my poor darling.
186
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,601
[SIGHS]
187
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:23,937
If you could just give me
the recipe?
188
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,439
Eh. Who uses a recipe?
189
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:29,776
A pinch of this,
a handful of that. I...
190
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,381
All right.
191
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,516
All right.
192
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:38,585
It is for him,
isn’t it?
193
00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:41,955
Yes, Mama,
and he needs it desperately.
194
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:43,990
Hmmm.
195
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:47,394
And I’m going
to give it to him.
196
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,163
[Pal]
197
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,232
That’s the recipe?
198
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:55,368
Yes, sir. Yeah. I--
It's very complicated, sir.
199
00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:56,536
And there’s no guarantee
200
00:08:56,736 --> 00:08:58,605
that the pipchicks will come out
the same way.
201
00:08:58,805 --> 00:08:59,906
It doesn't matter, major.
202
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,842
NASA has given this project
the highest priority.
203
00:09:03,43 --> 00:09:06,446
The resources of the entire base
are at your disposal.
204
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:10,683
"Three heskils of dates"?
So, what’s a heskil, major?
205
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,253
Four truckloads.
Four truckloads?
206
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,922
Why, major, are you planning
to make enough pipchicks
207
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,857
to feed the entire population
of India?
208
00:09:18,58 --> 00:09:19,292
Oh, no, sir.
209
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:21,694
You see, this recipe
only makes about two dozen.
210
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,164
Sir, |--
I'd appreciate it
211
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:25,865
if you had a little talk
to Colonel Finch
212
00:09:26,66 --> 00:09:27,934
about having me relieved
from this assignment.
213
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,936
I’m sorry, major.
You know how important
214
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:32,38
the space capsule
food program is.
215
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:37,10
Yeah.
"Three hipsibahs of oranges"?
216
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,44
Half an acre.
217
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,346
Half an acre?
218
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,982
Why, that’s impossible, major.
Well, | know that, sir.
219
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,318
That's why I'd like you
to talk with Colonel Finch.
220
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,553
Well, | certainly will.
221
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,721
| never heard of anything so
ridiculous in my life.
222
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:49,989
A half an acre.
223
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:51,591
I'll have you relieved
immediately.
224
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:53,259
Were you looking for me, doctor?
Yes.
225
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:54,761
As a matter of fact,
| was, colonel.
226
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,629
Major Nelson was just showing me
the recipe
227
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:57,697
for the pipchicks.
228
00:09:57,897 --> 00:10:00,934
A half an acre of oranges,
and I--
229
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,102
And?
230
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:03,937
And he'll report
231
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,772
to the kitchen
immediately.
232
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:06,906
Good.
233
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,08
[Pal]
234
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,450
Thanks for getting me assigned
as your assistant.
235
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:20,520
There’s nothing I'd rather
do more than pit dates.
236
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,288
Well, men?
Roger--
237
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:23,690
How are we doing?
238
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:26,159
Well, I’ve never had so many
dates in my life. Ha-ha-ha!
239
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:32,31
Well, ahem,
that’s the last one we needed.
240
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:33,566
What do we do
with these now?
241
00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:35,301
Throw ’em away.
242
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:36,803
We use the pits.
243
00:10:40,73 --> 00:10:41,541
We can use the pits?
244
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:45,845
[GRUNTS]
245
00:10:46,45 --> 00:10:48,314
[PANTING]
| can't keep this up
much longer.
246
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,416
My back is breaking.
247
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:53,653
Oh, don't worry. I'll relieve
you in another five minutes.
248
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,256
[LAUGHING]
Oh.
249
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,490
Good evening,
master.
250
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,626
How is the--?
The little old candy maker?
251
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:00,994
Oh, just great.
252
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,595
Your mother can certainly
figure out
253
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:03,596
some wild recipes.
254
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:04,697
[LAUGHING]
| tell you...
255
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,399
Oh, boy, I--
W-what’s the matter?
256
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,168
Oh, it’s my back.
It’s breaking.
257
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,970
Oh, let me help you, master.
Oh.
258
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,408
What is that?
| don’t know,
259
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,877
it’s not in the recipe.
BELLOWS: Thank you.
260
00:11:18,77 --> 00:11:21,247
Jeannie, get out.
Oh, yes, master, | am going.
261
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,385
You forgot the burro.
262
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,253
Jeannie?
263
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:30,323
A burro. What’s that burro
doing in here?
264
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,626
Well, sir, the recipe called for
a burro to, uh, stir this mess,
265
00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:35,195
so naturally,
| got a burro.
266
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,130
This laboratory
is supposed to be
267
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,898
completely sterile
and antiseptic.
268
00:11:39,98 --> 00:11:40,400
Now you get this beast
outta here.
269
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,901
| can’t get him outta here,
sir.
270
00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:43,703
What seems to be
the problem, major?
271
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,705
Oh, a donkey.
272
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:48,141
Oh, I-- I-l’m sorry
about this, colonel,
273
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,943
but, um, uh,
Major Nelson insists
274
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:52,679
that the pipchick mixture
be stirred by this burro.
275
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,414
| just insisted
that they get rid of it.
276
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:55,715
Negative.
277
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:58,51
If Nelson says it’s to be
stirred by a burro,
278
00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,719
it’s to be stirred
by a burro.
279
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,555
Look, I, uh, oh, uh, eh, yes.
280
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:03,656
Uh...
281
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,158
Ooh.
282
00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:08,595
I'd prefer we test it
on something else. May--
283
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:10,930
[PHONE RINGS]
Oh, excuse me.
284
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,235
Yes?
Oh, hello, Amanda.
285
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:16,536
What?
286
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,705
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
287
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:19,706
Uh--
288
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,140
The cat fell in the what?
289
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,309
Please, eh, sir, I’d rather
we test it on a dog, or--
290
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:26,346
Well, | don’t care what kind
of detergent you’re using.
291
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:29,415
No, no, no.
Cats don’t shrink.
292
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,618
They only look shrunk
when they're wet.
293
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:33,386
Sir, couldn’t we test it
on something--?
294
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,687
Major, will you stop this?
295
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:37,123
This is embarrassing
and personal.
| Know, but I--
296
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:39,392
I'll eat the pipchicks
when I'm ready,
297
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,560
in my own good time.
298
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,128
Now would you mind leaving,
please?
299
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,130
Yes, of course.
What?
300
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,465
No.
301
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,568
[CHUCKLING]
No, no, no.
302
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,106
Colonel Finch?
303
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,342
Ah, colonel, I’ve just delivered
the pipchicks to Dr. Bellows.
304
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:57,810
Colonel?
305
00:12:58,11 --> 00:12:59,912
FINCH:
Tony.
306
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:07,320
You can call me Abigail.
307
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,422
[Pal]
308
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,260
Are--? A-are you--?
Are you feeling all right?
309
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,562
Never felt better.
310
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,564
~ Boo-boo-pee-doo f
311
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:19,766
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
312
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,834
You-- You-- You ate one
of the pipchicks, right?
313
00:13:22,35 --> 00:13:24,304
Nectar and ambrosia.
Oh.
314
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:27,674
Let’s you and |
tango the night away, baby.
315
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:29,542
Oh, | think maybe
you ought to lie down.
316
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,244
Don’t wanna lie down.
317
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,13
Wanna dance,
wanna sing, wanna live.
318
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:36,282
Colonel, remember,
you're a colonel.
319
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,284
Look, why don't you lie down,
and I'll go get
320
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,585
Dr. Bellows, huh?
321
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,921
Can’t catch me.
322
00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:43,556
I’m a butterfly.
323
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,59
Now--
Now wait a minute, please.
324
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,161
Would you just
control yourself, please?
325
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:49,629
Kiss me, major.
326
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,98
That’s a butterfly
giving you an order.
327
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:53,266
[STAMMERING]
328
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:54,701
Kiss me.
Tony.
329
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:56,769
Look, about this candy report
| did--
330
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:59,405
Oh, excuse me.
| didn’t mean to butt in.
331
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:01,607
Roger, will you come back here?
It’s Colonel Finch.
332
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:04,410
Col-- Tony, you shouldn't be
doing that.
333
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:05,445
She outranks you.
334
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,146
Oh, so nice.
I’m sorry. Please.
335
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,948
Give me those lips.
Please, take it easy.
336
00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:11,84
My back.
Give me those lips. Kiss me.
337
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,819
Yeah.
Tony.
338
00:14:13,19 --> 00:14:15,455
She also outweighs me.
Would you give me a hand?
339
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,824
Miss...?
Thank you, ma’am.
340
00:14:18,24 --> 00:14:18,958
That's right.
341
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:21,227
That's right, men.
Dominate me!
342
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,696
I’ve always wanted
to be dominated!
343
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:24,897
Oh, what happened
to her?
344
00:14:25,98 --> 00:14:26,299
She-- What happened to her?
345
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,601
She ate one of pipchicks, that’s
what happened to her.
346
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,370
She had some kind
of a wild reaction.
347
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,571
Now you hang onto her.
348
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,806
I'll get Dr. Bellows.
Excuse me, ma--
349
00:14:34,06 --> 00:14:35,74
Dr. Bellows.
350
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:36,509
| gave Dr. Bellows
a pipchick.
351
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,578
| gave Dr. Bellows
a pipchick!
352
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:39,979
No!
353
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,891
Major.
Oh.
354
00:14:52,91 --> 00:14:54,427
Major, | never realized
355
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:58,631
what beautiful blue
butterfly eyes you have.
356
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:03,136
Major. Major. Major.
Please. We’re both officers.
357
00:15:04,36 --> 00:15:04,937
Oh. Hi.
358
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,641
BELLOWS:
ft Way, hey J
359
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:10,810
< Blow the man down Jf
360
00:15:11,10 --> 00:15:12,478
Ahoy, there.
361
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:14,547
Come aboard, major.
Ha-ha-ha.
362
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,482
Come outta the water.
| beg your pardon?
363
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:18,50
The water.
Ohl!
364
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,554
Did you eat the pipchicks, sir?
365
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,256
| certainly did.
366
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:26,292
Salt air
gives you a marvelous appetite.
367
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,495
Ready to come about.
368
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,231
Come aboard.
369
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,200
Look out for the boom, major.
370
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,435
The what, sir?
371
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,03
The boom!
Oh.
372
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,639
Oh, right, right.
373
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,408
Ah, sir, l-- | really think
you ought to come with me.
374
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,544
Come with you? What for?
375
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:49,148
I’m finally doing something
I’ve always wanted to do.
376
00:15:49,348 --> 00:15:51,951
Sailing a whaler to Alaska.
377
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,355
Mmm.
378
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,825
Looks like a sou’easter’s
379
00:15:59,25 --> 00:16:01,561
blowing up
outta the nor’west.
380
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:04,230
Ah, you gotta watch out
for them sou’easters.
381
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:05,465
Perhaps we ought to go below
382
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,133
and put on
our foul-weather gear, sir.
383
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:08,568
Too late for that.
384
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,436
Lower the lifeboat.
385
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,104
[LAUGHING]
The what?
386
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,07
The lifeboats, the lifeboats.
Oh.
387
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,212
[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
388
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,192
f A-roving, a-roving J
389
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,795
J Since roving’s been
My ruin
390
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:41,133
I lll never go a-roving
With you, fair maid
391
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,135
f A-roving, a-roving J
392
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,571
J Since roving’s been
My ruin
393
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:51,244
I lll never go a-roving
With you, fair maid
394
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:52,912
Welcome aboard,
commodore.
395
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,615
[WHISTLES]
396
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,817
Ahoy, there!
397
00:16:58,17 --> 00:16:59,418
S When | was... J
398
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:03,789
[SINGING CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY]
399
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,958
Listen, | found out
what these pipchicks do to you.
400
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,593
They release
your inhibitions.
401
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:09,395
They-- They turn you on
to whatever you are
402
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:11,397
really deep down
inside.
403
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,966
Look at-- Look at Colonel Finch,
she wants to be a butterfly.
404
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:15,968
That’s what she is.
She’s a butterfly.
405
00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:17,770
A-and Dr. Bellows.
406
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,438
He wants to be a sailor
hunting whales.
407
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,742
You understand?
You're sloppy, soldier.
408
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:26,12
The one thing | can’t stand
409
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,647
is a sloppy soldier.
410
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:30,82
You should read
the Air Force manual more often.
411
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:33,52
35-M.
412
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:35,121
Roger, did you eat
one of those pipchicks?
413
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:36,789
Positive.
414
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,991
Proper diet is crucial
to an officer’s efficiency.
415
00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:41,160
Regulation 94R21.
416
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,962
Are there any more
of those things left?
417
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:44,530
You didn't eat all
of them, did you?
418
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,98
You didn't eat all
of these, did you?
419
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,701
Negative. Sent to General
Peterson’s office for dispersal.
420
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,570
All superior officers
should be informed
421
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:51,971
on completions
of new projects.
422
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:54,907
Regulation 94-21.
[METALLIC CLATTERING]
423
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,343
You sent ‘em
to General Peterson?
424
00:17:57,543 --> 00:17:59,278
You sent ‘em
to General Peterson?!
425
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:03,49
Jeannie. Jeannie.
No, that’s too slow.
426
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,817
Jeannie. Jeannie.
427
00:18:05,17 --> 00:18:06,886
Jeannie. Argh!
428
00:18:07,86 --> 00:18:09,188
| am here, master.
Are your pipchicks finished?
429
00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:11,157
Are they finished?
I’m finished.
430
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:12,425
Look.
431
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,893
No dancing.
[BELLOWS SINGING]
432
00:18:14,93 --> 00:18:15,962
The regulations book
says no dancing.
433
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,397
Oh, dear.
Yeah.
434
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,700
What went wrong?
I'll tell you what went wrong.
435
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,269
Your mother, that’s what--
She did this deliberately.
436
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:25,504
W-would you please
blink them outta that?
437
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:28,40
Oh, of course,
master. Heh-heh.
438
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,41
[MAGIC BOINGS]
439
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,610
Well, go ahead.
440
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,579
[BELLOWS SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
441
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,247
Salute.
Always salute when rowing.
442
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,216
ROGER:
Sir, you’re out of uniform.
| said...
443
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:38,317
Oh, dear.
444
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,252
"Oh, dear"?
445
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,388
Listen. You go back
to your mother
446
00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,56
and you ask her
what this is all about.
447
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:46,459
You find out what this is,
and you get an antidote.
448
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:47,927
I’ve gotta go
to General Peterson
449
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,662
before this whole base
goes berserk.
450
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,197
Yes, master.
Yeah.
451
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:56,235
And furthermore,
you tell your mother-- Oh.
452
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:57,803
You mean, you ate
one of those things
453
00:18:58,04 --> 00:18:59,271
and nothing happened?
454
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,907
Why, of course not, except |
never felt better in my life.
455
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:04,377
Why, you’ve done
a marvelous job, major.
456
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,579
Oh. Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
457
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,280
Uh, what’d you do
with the rest of them?
458
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,548
| sent a dozen
to Washington,
459
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,117
the president,
the vice president.
460
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,53
The joint chiefs of staff
would be most interested.
461
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,356
How did you
send them, sir?
462
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:19,125
By the regular
NASA mailbox.
463
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:20,393
What’s the matter
with you?
464
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,495
You look as if
you re about to collapse.
465
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,131
Sir, those pipchicks
have a very strange side effect.
466
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,466
People’s inner personality
come to the surface.
467
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,202
Well, that ridiculous. They
haven't done anything to me.
468
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:33,239
| have Colonel Bellows,
Colonel Finch and Roger Healey
469
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:34,907
locked up
in the laboratory right now.
470
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,276
If the inner personalities of
the people in Washington
471
00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:39,278
come to the surface--
472
00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:40,713
Good heavens.
473
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,282
Get to the NASA mailbox, major.
I'll try to stop it from here.
474
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:45,317
Right, sir. Il-l’m glad to see
they didn't have
475
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,318
any effect on you.
476
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,721
I’m all right.
Good, good.
477
00:19:52,24 --> 00:19:54,26
Oh, hi.
Tony.
478
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:55,194
PETERSON:
Charge!
479
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:56,962
Indians.
Indians all over the place.
480
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:58,564
We gotta protect the fort.
481
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,666
That way, paleface.
Oh.
482
00:20:02,34 --> 00:20:04,570
Charge! Get those Indians.
483
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:07,640
General, general.
Here, this way, sir.
484
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,509
Sitting Bull, I’m gonna get you
for what you did to Custer.
485
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,245
f A-roving, a-roving J
486
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:14,914
General,
this way, Sir.
487
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,816
Sitting Bull’s
right in there, sir.
488
00:20:17,16 --> 00:20:18,918
[SCREAMS]
489
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:22,188
[BUGLE CALL PLAYS]
490
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,623
Mailbox. Mailbox.
491
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:27,793
[WHIMPERING]
492
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:31,831
Ohl!
Hello, master.
493
00:20:32,31 --> 00:20:34,967
What has happened?
Oh, nothing much, Jeannie.
494
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,203
Let’s see: Uh, Colonel Finch
is a butterfly,
495
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,138
Colonel Bellows
is out hunting Moby Dick,
496
00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,173
General Peterson is trying
to revenge Custer,
497
00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:43,642
and our swinger friend Roger
is Captain Bligh.
498
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:45,644
How’s your mother?
Oh, she’s just fine.
499
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,513
Thank you, master. Heh, heh.
Right, yeah.
500
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,282
But | am afraid
she gave you the wrong recipe.
501
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:52,752
No kidding, yeah. Listen,
there’s a parcel of pipchicks
502
00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:54,820
on its way to the Pentagon.
Pick it out of there.
503
00:20:55,20 --> 00:20:58,224
Oh, that is easy, master.
No, not here, not here.
504
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:01,627
Well. Hi.
505
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:06,398
Jeannie? Jeannie.
506
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,68
Look, there’s no time to play
games. Where are you, anyhow?
507
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,303
| am here, master.
In the mailbox.
508
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:12,772
[GROANS]
509
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:13,806
Look, find the package.
510
00:21:14,06 --> 00:21:15,174
Get the package. The parcel.
511
00:21:16,475 --> 00:21:18,77
Yes, master.
512
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:23,215
Oh!
513
00:21:24,817 --> 00:21:27,19
No, no. Not-- Not letters.
Not letters.
514
00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:28,521
The package.
The parcel.
515
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:31,624
Yes, master.
| am looking. | am looking.
516
00:21:34,93 --> 00:21:36,28
You will have to take
some of these, master.
517
00:21:36,228 --> 00:21:38,497
| cannot see
what | am doing.
518
00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:40,65
[GRUNTS]
519
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:42,935
Oh.
520
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,837
Here it is,
master.
521
00:21:45,37 --> 00:21:47,706
Oh, it is all smashed.
522
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:49,275
Well, blink it out.
523
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,443
Oh, | could not do that,
master.
524
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,712
After all,
it is Mama’s magic.
525
00:21:55,681 --> 00:21:57,483
All right, well, then
hand ‘em up one at a time.
526
00:21:57,683 --> 00:22:00,85
Oh, master.
| told Mama you were
527
00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:02,421
the most intelligent astronaut
of the whole group.
528
00:22:02,621 --> 00:22:05,24
She did not believe me, but
| will convince her some day.
529
00:22:05,224 --> 00:22:06,392
Jeannie, will you?
530
00:22:06,592 --> 00:22:08,460
Oh, yes, master.
Right away, right away.
531
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:11,297
Look, uh, | haven't got all day.
Will you hurry it up, please?
532
00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:13,265
Hi. How are you?
533
00:22:13,465 --> 00:22:14,767
No-- Yes,
as a matter of fact.
534
00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:17,136
You know,
I’ve always admired you mailmen.
535
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,171
Through sleet and snow,
hail and rain,
536
00:22:19,371 --> 00:22:21,73
the mail must meet
its appointed rounds.
537
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:23,375
And there--
Excuse me, I’m a little late.
538
00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:24,743
Relax, take it easy.
539
00:22:24,944 --> 00:22:26,545
You’re in the service,
I’m in the service.
540
00:22:26,745 --> 00:22:28,881
Maybe we chew the fat,
learn how each other operates.
541
00:22:29,81 --> 00:22:31,183
Major, you're interfering
with U.S. mails.
542
00:22:31,383 --> 00:22:32,585
[LAUGHS]
Of course not.
543
00:22:32,785 --> 00:22:34,353
| use the U.S. mails
all the time, watch.
544
00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:36,355
I'll show you
how easy it is.
545
00:22:36,555 --> 00:22:38,157
JEANNIE:
Master.
546
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:39,692
There someone in there?
547
00:22:39,892 --> 00:22:40,993
[LAUGHING]
No, of course not.
548
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,829
You can't go around
mailing people.
549
00:22:44,29 --> 00:22:45,865
Oh, sorry.
550
00:22:46,65 --> 00:22:48,100
Jeannie, will you hurry it up?
Will--? Oh.
551
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:49,535
[Pal]
552
00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:51,103
[COUGHING]
Major.
553
00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:53,272
Are you all right,
major? Major?
554
00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:55,708
[HOARSELY]
I’m all right.
Thanks. Thanks.
555
00:23:02,982 --> 00:23:04,650
What’s going on here?
556
00:23:04,850 --> 00:23:05,951
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
557
00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:08,754
Let us out. Let us out.
Somebody unlock the door.
558
00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:10,723
| still don’t know
what I’m doing in here.
559
00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:12,892
| don’t even know how
we got here in the first place.
560
00:23:13,92 --> 00:23:14,493
We-- We must have been
attacked.
561
00:23:14,693 --> 00:23:16,929
| can’t think of any other
reason I’d be out of uniform.
562
00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:19,832
Last thing | remember, Major
Nelson came into my office.
563
00:23:20,32 --> 00:23:22,635
Of course.
Major Nelson.
564
00:23:22,835 --> 00:23:24,703
He'd have an explanation, sir.
He always does.
565
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,805
[ALL SCREAMING]
566
00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:33,178
Don’t anybody panic.
Major Nelson.
567
00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:34,446
Don’t anybody panic.
568
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:37,216
Ladder Company Number 69
to the rescue.
569
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:40,219
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
570
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,321
[Pal]
571
00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:51,630
[Pal]
37834
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