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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,445 --> 00:00:25,861 Greetings from the Hammersmiths. 2 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,520 I hope all is well, 3 00:00:29,555 --> 00:00:31,798 and you are in good spirits. 4 00:00:31,833 --> 00:00:34,698 As Christmas approaches, 5 00:00:34,732 --> 00:00:36,148 I like to take time 6 00:00:36,182 --> 00:00:39,116 to reflect on all the wonderful times my family 7 00:00:39,151 --> 00:00:40,669 and I have had this past year. 8 00:00:42,499 --> 00:00:46,641 Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. 9 00:00:46,675 --> 00:00:48,125 Love, Clive H. 10 00:01:49,462 --> 00:01:51,844 Dad, mail's here. 11 00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:53,017 - Bring it up. 12 00:02:00,335 --> 00:02:02,544 - Here's your mail. - Thanks. 13 00:02:04,684 --> 00:02:07,100 Your mother's gonna make me bankrupt. 14 00:02:07,135 --> 00:02:08,274 - What's bankrupt? 15 00:02:09,724 --> 00:02:12,692 - It's like when somebody eats all your Cocoa Puffs. 16 00:02:12,727 --> 00:02:13,900 - Cocoa Puffs. 17 00:02:22,115 --> 00:02:23,841 - Right on schedule. 18 00:02:42,481 --> 00:02:45,311 Greetings from the Hammersmiths. 19 00:02:45,346 --> 00:02:49,936 I hope all is well and you are in good spirits. 20 00:02:49,971 --> 00:02:53,146 As Christmas approaches I like to take time 21 00:02:53,181 --> 00:02:55,770 to reflect on all the wonderful times 22 00:02:55,804 --> 00:02:58,048 my family and I have had this past year. 23 00:03:01,327 --> 00:03:05,573 P.S. You're invited to my big birthday bash in England. 24 00:03:05,607 --> 00:03:09,956 Bono is my special musical guest. Details to come. 25 00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:35,672 - Deb, how come we never do anything? 26 00:03:35,706 --> 00:03:38,399 - Hmm? What are you talking about? 27 00:03:38,433 --> 00:03:39,641 - I mean, we're alive, 28 00:03:39,676 --> 00:03:42,679 but I don't really live, 29 00:03:43,921 --> 00:03:45,475 I never do anything interesting. 30 00:03:45,509 --> 00:03:48,167 - We went to the Scouts dinner Monday. 31 00:03:49,962 --> 00:03:51,688 Well, I enjoyed it. 32 00:03:51,722 --> 00:03:54,725 I like socializing with people in the community. 33 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,244 It helps me feel connected. 34 00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:57,763 You like hanging out 35 00:03:57,797 --> 00:03:59,661 with grown men in shorts in the winter? 36 00:03:59,696 --> 00:04:00,766 I mean, come on. 37 00:04:04,804 --> 00:04:07,600 Oh, I mean, we never travel 38 00:04:07,635 --> 00:04:11,190 or go anywhere or skydive. 39 00:04:11,224 --> 00:04:12,709 We never go skydiving. 40 00:04:12,743 --> 00:04:14,918 We used to talk about going skydiving. 41 00:04:14,952 --> 00:04:18,404 - I never talked about skydiving. That's your death wish. 42 00:04:18,439 --> 00:04:21,062 - Oh. Oh yeah. 43 00:04:39,943 --> 00:04:43,395 - Wait. We got it, didn't we? 44 00:04:44,913 --> 00:04:46,501 - What do you mean? 45 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,504 - This annual envy fest is getting old. 46 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:50,436 - Mm. 47 00:04:50,471 --> 00:04:51,713 - Do you think Mary bragged 48 00:04:51,748 --> 00:04:53,681 about all the gold, frankincense, 49 00:04:53,715 --> 00:04:55,579 and myrrh that baby Jesus got? 50 00:04:55,614 --> 00:04:58,789 - Well, she should have. It was quite the haul. 51 00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:03,346 Ah, I'll get it. I'll get it. 52 00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,278 - Ah! If it's a package, no peeking. 53 00:05:05,313 --> 00:05:08,109 - If. - If it's a package. 54 00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:12,009 Oh, hey. 55 00:05:12,044 --> 00:05:14,011 - Hey, Joe. - Yeah. Hi Rich. 56 00:05:14,046 --> 00:05:16,945 - I got one for you today. - Okay. Thank you. 57 00:05:16,980 --> 00:05:18,222 - Yeah. 58 00:05:18,257 --> 00:05:19,845 - Do all your packages end up like this? 59 00:05:19,879 --> 00:05:22,848 It's a little beaten up. - Oh, no worries. 60 00:05:22,882 --> 00:05:24,988 Whatever's in there is pretty strong. 61 00:05:25,022 --> 00:05:26,645 Mm. - Okay. 62 00:05:26,679 --> 00:05:29,026 - I, I know 'cause I, I used it to step on it 63 00:05:29,061 --> 00:05:31,235 to reach the top shelf in my truck, so. 64 00:05:31,270 --> 00:05:32,582 - Oh. - You're good to go. 65 00:05:32,616 --> 00:05:34,169 - Okay, great. 66 00:05:35,205 --> 00:05:37,276 - Hi, Rich. - Hi, Rich. 67 00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:39,002 - Oh, hey, kids. 68 00:05:39,036 --> 00:05:40,900 - Did you bring us any presents? 69 00:05:40,935 --> 00:05:42,454 - Yeah, did you bring us anything? 70 00:05:42,488 --> 00:05:45,733 - That's Santa's job. I'm just an honorary elf. 71 00:05:49,184 --> 00:05:52,291 Yeah, see, my job is to pack in all the things 72 00:05:52,325 --> 00:05:54,293 that Santa can't fit into a sleigh. 73 00:05:54,327 --> 00:05:57,779 And I bring those, see? Okay? 74 00:05:57,814 --> 00:05:59,402 - Yes! - Yes! 75 00:06:00,782 --> 00:06:03,854 - Well, I'm gonna be, be going. 76 00:06:03,889 --> 00:06:05,131 - Okay. - Gotta get there. 77 00:06:05,166 --> 00:06:06,685 - That's a good one, Rich. 78 00:06:06,719 --> 00:06:07,893 - So I'll be seeing you real soon. 79 00:06:07,927 --> 00:06:08,721 - All right. - Okay. 80 00:06:08,756 --> 00:06:09,964 - I'll see you around. 81 00:06:09,998 --> 00:06:13,519 - And uh, uh, tell Debbie Merry Christmas! 82 00:06:15,038 --> 00:06:16,073 - Okay. - Yeah. 83 00:06:16,108 --> 00:06:17,074 - Merry Christmas. 84 00:06:28,914 --> 00:06:31,123 Rotating tree stand. 85 00:06:32,504 --> 00:06:34,506 - I told you not to peek. 86 00:06:34,540 --> 00:06:36,508 - What am I supposed to do with this? 87 00:06:36,542 --> 00:06:38,889 - It's to stringing up the lights on the tree. 88 00:06:38,924 --> 00:06:40,235 - Oh. - Isn't that neat? 89 00:06:41,340 --> 00:06:42,479 - Yeah. Neat. 90 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:52,455 ♪ O tannenbaum, o tannenbaum ♪ 91 00:06:54,802 --> 00:06:56,148 - Who does this? 92 00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,219 - Someone with controlling stock in Waterford. 93 00:06:59,496 --> 00:07:02,810 Wonder what his doorknob looks like. 94 00:07:02,844 --> 00:07:04,363 - You know, for someone who supposedly 95 00:07:04,397 --> 00:07:06,572 has been friends with this guy for years, 96 00:07:06,607 --> 00:07:08,643 you sure don't act like it sometimes. 97 00:07:09,955 --> 00:07:13,890 - Yeah, he means well. He's just a bit tone deaf. 98 00:07:13,924 --> 00:07:17,721 He lives in the world of rich and famous 99 00:07:17,756 --> 00:07:19,654 and I live in this one. 100 00:07:20,621 --> 00:07:21,898 And he likes to remind me of it 101 00:07:21,932 --> 00:07:24,176 every single year without fail. 102 00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:27,766 - You know, his letters are always over the top. 103 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,907 So why do you stay in touch? 104 00:07:30,941 --> 00:07:35,083 - I dunno. I guess this goes back to my childhood. 105 00:07:35,118 --> 00:07:36,671 - I am pleased to announce, 106 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:40,019 today I have your pen pal assignments. 107 00:07:40,054 --> 00:07:41,607 Yes! 108 00:07:41,642 --> 00:07:44,714 - Ooh, I hope I get to write to a cute Italian boy. 109 00:07:45,749 --> 00:07:47,130 - Save yourself a stamp. 110 00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:50,996 Getting to know someone from a foreign land 111 00:07:51,030 --> 00:07:52,791 is a wonderful thing. 112 00:07:52,825 --> 00:07:55,483 Many pen pals become lifelong friends. 113 00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:56,726 - Texas? 114 00:07:58,003 --> 00:07:59,383 Even in spite of cultural differences, 115 00:07:59,418 --> 00:08:02,041 you'll discover that you and your new pen pal 116 00:08:02,076 --> 00:08:04,423 have a lot more in common than you think. 117 00:08:10,878 --> 00:08:12,362 I play tennis too. 118 00:08:12,396 --> 00:08:15,123 In fact, I'll be playing Junior Wimbledon this year. 119 00:08:15,158 --> 00:08:17,540 What tennis club do you belong to? 120 00:08:17,574 --> 00:08:19,680 Cheers, Clive H. 121 00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:21,958 - Bloody hell. 122 00:08:21,992 --> 00:08:23,546 - I could really tell we are worlds apart 123 00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:26,963 when I got my gold badge in Scouts 124 00:08:26,997 --> 00:08:29,344 and he said, "Oh, gold, 125 00:08:29,379 --> 00:08:31,174 that's a good investment opportunity. 126 00:08:31,208 --> 00:08:32,900 It'd be great for your portfolio." 127 00:08:38,146 --> 00:08:39,044 Bloody hell. 128 00:08:40,217 --> 00:08:41,253 I must have been a glutton for punishment 129 00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,358 because I visited a few times 130 00:08:43,393 --> 00:08:46,845 and was eventually asked to be an usher at his wedding. 131 00:08:54,818 --> 00:08:57,269 - Oh, there you are, old dog. 132 00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:59,202 Look at you, mate. 133 00:08:59,236 --> 00:09:00,444 You could almost be mistaken 134 00:09:00,479 --> 00:09:02,308 for an accomplished businessman, huh? 135 00:09:02,343 --> 00:09:03,482 - Uh... - Hey, hey, 136 00:09:03,516 --> 00:09:05,208 I want you to introduce you to someone, 137 00:09:05,242 --> 00:09:07,072 has a big thing for Americans. 138 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,662 Joe, meet Fiona. 139 00:09:12,008 --> 00:09:12,871 - Hi. - Hey. 140 00:09:14,355 --> 00:09:16,115 - Okay. Got to dash. 141 00:09:16,150 --> 00:09:18,186 Wedding and all, uh... 142 00:09:20,050 --> 00:09:21,155 - What's this for? 143 00:09:21,189 --> 00:09:22,639 - An usherly favor. 144 00:09:22,674 --> 00:09:24,330 See, my horse steed will be pulling 145 00:09:24,365 --> 00:09:26,816 our carriage away from the church. 146 00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:28,645 He had a little molasses this morning 147 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:30,543 and he's not feeling that great. 148 00:09:30,578 --> 00:09:31,752 Would you mind? 149 00:09:31,786 --> 00:09:33,063 - Uh... - Thanks. 150 00:09:33,098 --> 00:09:36,273 And keep the spade, the shovel, as a gift. 151 00:09:38,206 --> 00:09:39,173 You kids have fun. 152 00:09:44,109 --> 00:09:45,766 - So, Fiona, right? 153 00:09:46,974 --> 00:09:47,871 - Fiona. 154 00:09:58,192 --> 00:10:00,746 - And that's when the Christmas letters began. 155 00:10:02,506 --> 00:10:05,820 Year after year reminding me of how great his life is 156 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:09,652 and how, how mine wasn't. 157 00:10:11,343 --> 00:10:16,313 I just wish I could just experience that life just for once. 158 00:10:19,972 --> 00:10:21,698 What did Thoreau say? 159 00:10:21,733 --> 00:10:24,528 "Most men live lives of quiet desperation." 160 00:10:26,910 --> 00:10:29,050 I don't wanna be most men. 161 00:10:29,085 --> 00:10:32,088 - Well, at least you're not quiet about your desperation. 162 00:10:32,122 --> 00:10:34,918 - One year, we're gonna live that life. 163 00:10:34,953 --> 00:10:36,851 We're gonna do all those crazy wild things 164 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,095 that, that he does. 165 00:10:39,129 --> 00:10:40,061 We're gonna do it. 166 00:10:41,753 --> 00:10:43,030 And people are gonna read about it 167 00:10:43,064 --> 00:10:45,929 and they're gonna wish they we're us 168 00:10:45,964 --> 00:10:49,484 as opposed to us was wishing we were them. 169 00:11:03,050 --> 00:11:04,189 Yeah. 170 00:11:04,223 --> 00:11:06,847 - Stop comparing yourself to others. 171 00:11:06,881 --> 00:11:08,711 You've got it pretty good right here. 172 00:11:09,988 --> 00:11:12,300 I'll get it. 173 00:11:14,993 --> 00:11:17,202 - What is going on with this thing? 174 00:11:17,236 --> 00:11:18,203 Is that smoke? 175 00:11:20,619 --> 00:11:21,689 - Hello. 176 00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:23,518 - Deb Michaels. Is that you? 177 00:11:23,553 --> 00:11:25,797 Clyde Hammersmith. 178 00:11:25,831 --> 00:11:28,523 Wow, we were just talking about you. 179 00:11:28,558 --> 00:11:33,011 - Sorry. Signals here in the Med are just atrocious. 180 00:11:33,045 --> 00:11:35,703 And the Greeks wonder why things are so bad. 181 00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:37,601 No decent 5G anyway. 182 00:11:37,636 --> 00:11:38,741 - Oh, what a shame. 183 00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,125 - We've been trying all day 184 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,645 to get dinner reservations at Oroscopo and no luck. 185 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:47,991 - I know what you mean. 186 00:11:49,613 --> 00:11:51,615 - So have you received our letter yet? 187 00:11:51,650 --> 00:11:54,826 - Yes. Joe, can't stop talking about it. 188 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:56,517 I can't wait to read it. 189 00:11:56,551 --> 00:11:58,346 - Yes. Brilliant. 190 00:11:58,381 --> 00:12:00,866 Full of great pics, including some of me 191 00:12:00,901 --> 00:12:04,076 and my new tennis Daniel Craig. 192 00:12:12,395 --> 00:12:15,639 Oh. And there's a special surprise in there for you and Joe. 193 00:12:15,674 --> 00:12:17,572 Hasn't he told you about it yet? 194 00:12:17,607 --> 00:12:20,644 - Uh, not yet. - I won't spoil the surprise. 195 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:21,991 But how is old Joe? 196 00:12:22,025 --> 00:12:24,856 Still chasing the big money in advertising? 197 00:12:24,890 --> 00:12:27,306 - Yep. Always chasing. 198 00:12:27,341 --> 00:12:28,860 - Put that old dog on the line. 199 00:12:28,894 --> 00:12:30,689 I want to have a chat with him. 200 00:12:30,723 --> 00:12:31,897 - Hold on a second. 201 00:12:36,350 --> 00:12:39,974 Clive, He'll call you back. 202 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:42,218 - Dad. 203 00:12:43,391 --> 00:12:45,393 - Oh! - Is Dad okay? 204 00:12:46,498 --> 00:12:47,568 - He'll be fine. 205 00:12:49,052 --> 00:12:51,434 Once I find the receipt for that rotating tree stand. 206 00:12:53,677 --> 00:12:55,507 ♪ Jingle bells ♪ 207 00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:57,405 ♪ Jingle bells ♪ 208 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:00,512 ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ 209 00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:03,377 ♪ Oh, a fun it is to ride ♪ 210 00:13:03,411 --> 00:13:07,001 ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh, hey ♪ 211 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,451 - Don't you get sick of playing that song? 212 00:13:08,485 --> 00:13:10,833 - Don't you ever get sick of listening to Journey? 213 00:13:10,867 --> 00:13:12,938 - Hey, they got me through a lot of tough times. 214 00:13:12,973 --> 00:13:15,354 - What? Puberty? - Uh-huh. 215 00:13:18,012 --> 00:13:19,186 - What you working on? 216 00:13:19,220 --> 00:13:20,739 - Oh, it's a itinerary 217 00:13:20,773 --> 00:13:24,156 for a whole year of family activities and, and vacations. 218 00:13:24,191 --> 00:13:26,538 I'm, I'm gonna present it to them at Christmas. 219 00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:27,746 Don't get caught 220 00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:29,299 doing that on company time. 221 00:13:29,334 --> 00:13:32,130 I, I hear they're looking to make cuts before Christmas. 222 00:13:32,164 --> 00:13:33,786 - Yeah. I think I'm gonna be okay. 223 00:13:33,821 --> 00:13:35,892 I'm not the one walking around playing a ukulele. 224 00:13:35,927 --> 00:13:39,033 - But I'm hip and quirky and companies love that. 225 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,863 It's like the new MBA. 226 00:13:40,897 --> 00:13:43,969 - The what? - You're old school, man. 227 00:13:44,004 --> 00:13:45,971 Nobody cares about good punctuation 228 00:13:46,006 --> 00:13:47,214 and grammar and spelling. 229 00:13:47,248 --> 00:13:49,872 It, it's all about reaching your audience. 230 00:13:49,906 --> 00:13:53,496 And your audience is young and hip and quirky. 231 00:13:53,530 --> 00:13:55,360 - You're 45 years old. 232 00:13:55,394 --> 00:13:56,982 - Yeah, but I don't act like it. 233 00:13:58,432 --> 00:14:00,710 So let's hear these big plans. 234 00:14:00,744 --> 00:14:02,677 - Really? - Hmm. 235 00:14:02,712 --> 00:14:05,957 - All right, so this is gonna really blow my wife's mind. 236 00:14:05,991 --> 00:14:07,855 I'm gonna take it to the Chez Monet 237 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,581 in Times Square for New Year's Eve. 238 00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:11,686 - The Chez Monet? - Yeah. 239 00:14:11,721 --> 00:14:13,550 - One meal there is like a car payment. 240 00:14:13,585 --> 00:14:15,311 I know. It's gonna be great. 241 00:14:15,345 --> 00:14:16,795 - What's that one? 242 00:14:16,829 --> 00:14:19,763 - This one? It's a golf clinic with a golfing legend. 243 00:14:19,798 --> 00:14:21,731 Yeah. - Hmm. A legend. 244 00:14:21,765 --> 00:14:22,870 Like who? 245 00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,389 - Well, it's subject to availability, 246 00:14:24,423 --> 00:14:27,875 but they do mention there could be a one Tiger Woods. 247 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,877 - This says Tigger Woods. 248 00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:31,396 - Yeah, it's a typo. 249 00:14:31,430 --> 00:14:33,398 But anyway, I got this guy who sends me these letters. 250 00:14:33,432 --> 00:14:34,847 Anyway, it's a long story, 251 00:14:34,882 --> 00:14:37,264 but when he sees me playing golf with Tiger Woods- 252 00:14:37,298 --> 00:14:39,852 - Tigger. - he's gonna freak out. 253 00:14:39,887 --> 00:14:42,234 Oh, maybe Tiger's gonna let me wear 254 00:14:42,269 --> 00:14:43,684 his green PGA jacket. 255 00:14:43,718 --> 00:14:45,306 That's gonna be so cool. 256 00:14:45,341 --> 00:14:47,170 - Yeah, you'll be wearing a jacket, 257 00:14:47,205 --> 00:14:49,000 but it ain't gonna be green. 258 00:14:49,034 --> 00:14:51,209 Oh, well- 259 00:14:51,243 --> 00:14:52,451 Hello. This is Joe. 260 00:14:53,694 --> 00:14:55,489 Sure. I, I, I'll be there in a sec. 261 00:14:56,524 --> 00:14:57,801 That was HR. 262 00:14:57,836 --> 00:14:59,527 Just gonna go down there for a quick meeting. 263 00:14:59,562 --> 00:15:02,323 - Ooh, HR? Want me to pack some boxes for you? 264 00:15:02,358 --> 00:15:03,738 - No, it's not gonna be anything like that. 265 00:15:03,773 --> 00:15:04,843 It's probably they wanna talk 266 00:15:04,877 --> 00:15:06,707 to me about that community project. 267 00:15:06,741 --> 00:15:08,985 And besides if anyone's gonna be packing boxes, 268 00:15:09,020 --> 00:15:11,608 it's gonna be you, walking around playing that stupid thing. 269 00:15:11,643 --> 00:15:12,885 - Did you not hear anything I said 270 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,335 about being hip and quirky? 271 00:15:15,405 --> 00:15:16,924 - Anyway. Forget about it. 272 00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:17,925 I'll be back soon. 273 00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:21,377 ♪ Jingle bells ♪ 274 00:15:21,411 --> 00:15:23,310 ♪ Jingle bells ♪ 275 00:15:26,382 --> 00:15:28,039 - I can see you're in shock. 276 00:15:29,419 --> 00:15:31,766 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 277 00:15:31,801 --> 00:15:34,838 - You see, Joe, corporate says we're failing 278 00:15:34,873 --> 00:15:36,737 to reach the younger internet crowd. 279 00:15:38,221 --> 00:15:40,568 We need people who can relate to them. 280 00:15:40,603 --> 00:15:41,880 People who could reach them 281 00:15:41,914 --> 00:15:45,677 in a hip and quirky kinda way. 282 00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:47,920 And for less money, of course. 283 00:15:47,955 --> 00:15:49,819 - I- I- I can play the jug. 284 00:15:49,853 --> 00:15:52,753 I mean, is that hip and quirky enough? 285 00:15:52,787 --> 00:15:55,825 ♪ See the blazing yule before us ♪ 286 00:15:55,859 --> 00:15:59,035 - So do you wanna go out the front door or the back door? 287 00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:00,278 - What are you talking about? 288 00:16:00,312 --> 00:16:02,280 - We like to give newly-separated assets, 289 00:16:02,314 --> 00:16:03,557 in this case, you, 290 00:16:03,591 --> 00:16:05,455 a choice as to whether he or she wants 291 00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:08,113 to avoid being seen by former coworkers. 292 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,047 - Hey, Linda. - Hi, Drew. 293 00:16:11,082 --> 00:16:14,361 - You're looking great. - So are you. 294 00:16:14,395 --> 00:16:15,638 - Oh, I get it. 295 00:16:15,672 --> 00:16:17,985 You don't want me to make a scene, freak out? 296 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,849 That's why you want me to go out the back door? 297 00:16:19,883 --> 00:16:21,299 - The company would prefer it. 298 00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:23,370 - Well, since the company's already backdoored me, 299 00:16:23,404 --> 00:16:25,579 I would like to go out the front door, if that's okay. 300 00:16:25,613 --> 00:16:27,753 ♪ Don we now, our gay apparel ♪ 301 00:16:27,788 --> 00:16:30,204 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la ♪ 302 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,517 ♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪ 303 00:16:32,551 --> 00:16:36,969 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪ 304 00:16:37,004 --> 00:16:39,248 ♪ Fast away, the old year passes ♪ 305 00:16:39,282 --> 00:16:41,802 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la ♪ 306 00:16:41,836 --> 00:16:44,080 ♪ Hail the new, ye lads and lasses ♪ 307 00:16:44,115 --> 00:16:46,427 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la ♪ 308 00:16:46,462 --> 00:16:48,981 ♪ Sing we joyous all together ♪ 309 00:16:49,016 --> 00:16:51,501 ♪ Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪ 310 00:17:01,028 --> 00:17:04,273 - Oh, man. Really? - Yep. I'm afraid so. 311 00:17:05,929 --> 00:17:08,449 - Sorry man. We'll miss you around here. 312 00:17:08,484 --> 00:17:09,968 - Yeah. Yeah. 313 00:17:10,002 --> 00:17:11,556 Look, don't worry about that. 314 00:17:12,626 --> 00:17:14,593 How's your, uh, house situation going? 315 00:17:14,628 --> 00:17:18,010 - Fell through again. We just don't qualify for a mortgage. 316 00:17:18,045 --> 00:17:20,565 - Man, that ain't right. Sorry. 317 00:17:20,599 --> 00:17:23,844 - It all works out. Just keep the faith. 318 00:17:23,878 --> 00:17:25,017 - Ahem. 319 00:17:25,052 --> 00:17:28,090 ♪ Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪ 320 00:17:28,124 --> 00:17:30,954 - Let us know if you have any questions. 321 00:17:30,989 --> 00:17:33,233 We'll be in touch with severance papers. 322 00:17:33,267 --> 00:17:36,132 Merry Christmas! 323 00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:09,821 - I can't believe they did this 324 00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,650 to you right before Christmas. 325 00:18:12,479 --> 00:18:13,480 - Yeah. 326 00:18:13,514 --> 00:18:16,138 Human resources love Christmas. 327 00:18:17,622 --> 00:18:20,866 Especially love their Christmas firing carols like 328 00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:23,766 ♪ I'll be homeless for Christmas ♪ 329 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:24,801 Or their other one. 330 00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:26,976 ♪ Santa isn't coming to town ♪ 331 00:18:27,010 --> 00:18:29,392 ♪ San- ♪ - Santa isn't coming to town? 332 00:18:29,427 --> 00:18:30,945 - Uh- no. 333 00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:33,189 - Oh, sweetie. He is. - Yeah. 334 00:18:33,224 --> 00:18:35,467 - It's just, daddy got the name of that song wrong. 335 00:18:35,502 --> 00:18:37,228 That's all. - Yeah. 336 00:18:37,262 --> 00:18:38,953 - Yeah. Go ahead, go back to bed. 337 00:18:43,303 --> 00:18:45,684 Look, I know this is tough, 338 00:18:45,719 --> 00:18:48,170 but please don't ruin the holiday for the kids. 339 00:18:50,344 --> 00:18:51,207 - Okay. 340 00:18:53,589 --> 00:18:55,487 - Get some sleep. 341 00:18:55,522 --> 00:18:59,974 Tomorrow's a new day. 342 00:19:20,063 --> 00:19:22,894 - Ooh, tough break, buddy. 343 00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:27,968 But just remember, don't stop believing. 344 00:19:32,386 --> 00:19:36,321 Joe! This is Dylan, your replacement. 345 00:19:36,356 --> 00:19:37,529 He's a millennial. 346 00:19:37,564 --> 00:19:40,014 Half your age, half your salary. 347 00:19:40,049 --> 00:19:44,433 People love his blog and he is a master with emojis. 348 00:19:56,962 --> 00:20:00,587 - Oh, well, tough luck, Michaels. Onward steed. 349 00:20:28,787 --> 00:20:30,202 - You'll be fine. 350 00:20:33,965 --> 00:20:38,452 - I, um, I cashed in my 401k. 351 00:20:39,626 --> 00:20:40,420 - Excuse me? 352 00:20:41,904 --> 00:20:43,526 - That's the only way we can finance 353 00:20:43,561 --> 00:20:45,010 the year of the Michaels. 354 00:20:47,634 --> 00:20:49,360 - What are you talking about? 355 00:20:49,394 --> 00:20:52,846 - A whole year of family fun and excitement and adventure 356 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,158 so we can write the ultimate Christmas letter. 357 00:20:55,193 --> 00:20:56,470 - Wait a minute. 358 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:59,956 You lost your job and just cashed in on 359 00:20:59,991 --> 00:21:03,546 the one thing standing between us and a homeless shelter? 360 00:21:03,581 --> 00:21:06,411 All so you could write your own narcissistic newsletter? 361 00:21:06,446 --> 00:21:08,310 - Our narcissistic letter. - Oh, f... 362 00:21:08,344 --> 00:21:10,519 - And it's only gonna work if we give it 110%. 363 00:21:10,553 --> 00:21:12,348 - Why didn't you talk to me about this? 364 00:21:12,383 --> 00:21:15,213 How we spend our money should be a mutual decision. 365 00:21:15,247 --> 00:21:17,733 - We never had a discussion about all the shoes you buy. 366 00:21:17,767 --> 00:21:20,391 I mean, how many did you buy last year? 45 pairs. 367 00:21:20,425 --> 00:21:22,669 - That's for when we do something special someday. 368 00:21:22,703 --> 00:21:24,153 - Exactly. 369 00:21:24,187 --> 00:21:26,293 I was gonna wait till Christmas to give you this. 370 00:21:31,712 --> 00:21:32,610 - Joe. 371 00:21:40,238 --> 00:21:41,791 We don't ski. 372 00:21:41,826 --> 00:21:43,206 - Y- I mean... 373 00:21:43,241 --> 00:21:44,518 - Squirrels on YouTube do it better than you. 374 00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:46,140 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but we'll learn. 375 00:21:46,175 --> 00:21:47,418 I mean, that's the whole point 376 00:21:47,452 --> 00:21:49,281 of doing these fun family things, you know? 377 00:21:49,316 --> 00:21:51,111 Chez Monet? 378 00:21:51,145 --> 00:21:52,733 Yeah. Right? 379 00:21:52,768 --> 00:21:53,596 - Bahamas? 380 00:21:53,631 --> 00:21:54,942 Yes. - Oh! 381 00:21:54,977 --> 00:21:57,393 - It'll be awesome. - Wait, Tigger Woods. 382 00:21:57,428 --> 00:21:58,843 - Eh, that's a typo. 383 00:22:00,776 --> 00:22:02,812 - Tiger Woods? - Yes. 384 00:22:02,847 --> 00:22:03,744 The one and only. 385 00:22:05,401 --> 00:22:06,644 - We can't afford this. 386 00:22:06,678 --> 00:22:08,508 - The, the 401k will finance the whole thing. 387 00:22:08,542 --> 00:22:10,026 - Joe, our savings. 388 00:22:10,061 --> 00:22:12,028 - Ah, it's gonna be fine. Trust me. 389 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:17,275 Oh, I don't know. 390 00:22:17,309 --> 00:22:20,658 - Oh, it's gonna be great, I'll be there. 391 00:22:20,692 --> 00:22:21,900 It's good. 392 00:22:24,834 --> 00:22:26,318 What are doing, Rich? 393 00:22:26,353 --> 00:22:27,941 - Merry Christmas! 394 00:22:30,978 --> 00:22:33,395 - What better way to start the year of the Michaels 395 00:22:33,429 --> 00:22:36,018 than a Norman Rockwell-esque sleigh ride 396 00:22:36,052 --> 00:22:37,260 on Christmas morning. 397 00:22:38,434 --> 00:22:42,645 - But Dad, I wanna play with my toys. 398 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,027 - Yeah, Dad. It's Christmas morning. 399 00:22:45,061 --> 00:22:46,822 I didn't even get to open my Legos. 400 00:22:48,202 --> 00:22:49,583 - Joe. This is nice. 401 00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:52,068 But if you wanted to be like Norman Rockwell, 402 00:22:52,103 --> 00:22:54,416 I could have just gotten you some paints. 403 00:22:54,450 --> 00:22:55,693 Why look at a painting 404 00:22:55,727 --> 00:22:57,522 when you could experience the real thing. 405 00:22:57,557 --> 00:22:59,075 Well, here it is. 406 00:22:59,110 --> 00:23:02,838 ♪ It is to ride on a one-horse open sleigh, hey ♪ 407 00:23:02,872 --> 00:23:07,912 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪ 408 00:23:11,294 --> 00:23:12,468 - Where are the horses? 409 00:23:13,331 --> 00:23:14,470 Where's all the snow? 410 00:23:14,505 --> 00:23:16,921 - Uh, I don't know. 411 00:23:16,955 --> 00:23:18,750 Oh, It'll be fine. 412 00:23:18,785 --> 00:23:20,131 It'll be fun. Come on. 413 00:23:20,165 --> 00:23:22,961 Let's, uh, let's go have a sleigh ride, meet Santa. 414 00:23:25,239 --> 00:23:26,206 Be great. 415 00:23:27,172 --> 00:23:28,622 Yeah. 416 00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:29,520 - Santa! 417 00:23:34,801 --> 00:23:36,181 - Merry Christmas. 418 00:23:37,424 --> 00:23:40,496 Name's Frederick Santa. 419 00:23:40,531 --> 00:23:43,085 You must be my 10:00 am special appointment. 420 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:44,673 Mighty adventurous of you, man. 421 00:23:44,707 --> 00:23:47,227 Coming out on Christmas for a big holiday hunt. 422 00:23:48,021 --> 00:23:49,505 Let's get it on. 423 00:23:49,540 --> 00:23:50,402 - Hunt? 424 00:23:51,783 --> 00:23:54,993 - Yeah, it'll be like the Easter egg hunt, candy cane hunt. 425 00:23:55,028 --> 00:23:56,823 Anyway, l- l- let's go. Let's get going. 426 00:24:01,793 --> 00:24:02,691 - Uh, Mom? 427 00:24:06,211 --> 00:24:07,109 - Joe. 428 00:24:08,248 --> 00:24:09,870 - Is this supposed to be a sleigh ride? 429 00:24:09,905 --> 00:24:12,217 - Yep. Slay Rides Incorporated. 430 00:24:13,046 --> 00:24:14,461 We kill 'em, you grill 'em. 431 00:24:15,358 --> 00:24:16,670 Now let's go find Rudolph 432 00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:18,914 and get us some fresh Christmas venison, huh? 433 00:24:18,948 --> 00:24:21,641 - Daddy, what's venison? 434 00:24:21,675 --> 00:24:24,885 - Oh, it's, a, it's a little town in Italy. 435 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:26,231 We'll go there one day. 436 00:24:26,266 --> 00:24:28,855 It's, they make pizzas and stuff. 437 00:24:29,890 --> 00:24:30,926 - Ho-ho-hold on. 438 00:24:32,375 --> 00:24:33,825 - This'll be fun. 439 00:24:38,071 --> 00:24:43,110 Poor Rudolph. 440 00:24:45,527 --> 00:24:47,667 Guys, go wash your hands. 441 00:24:47,701 --> 00:24:48,978 Yes, mommy. 442 00:24:49,013 --> 00:24:53,949 - So, uh, I'll just, uh, 443 00:24:53,983 --> 00:24:55,467 put this under the tree then? 444 00:25:15,936 --> 00:25:18,421 - Yes, Dad. We're fine. 445 00:25:20,389 --> 00:25:21,286 What? 446 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,186 Yeah, he's right here. 447 00:25:26,222 --> 00:25:27,499 He wants to talk to you. 448 00:25:32,401 --> 00:25:33,747 - Hi, Tony. 449 00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:37,613 - Heard you bagged Rudolph on Christmas day. Nice. 450 00:25:37,648 --> 00:25:41,099 Thanks for traumatizing my daughter and grandkids. 451 00:25:41,134 --> 00:25:42,756 Wanna mount my head on the wall? 452 00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:44,344 - Oh, actually, yeah, 453 00:25:44,378 --> 00:25:46,242 but I think you have to be dead first, but- 454 00:25:46,277 --> 00:25:48,175 - Oh, Joe. Gimme that. 455 00:25:48,210 --> 00:25:50,695 Dad? Yeah, I'm sorry. 456 00:25:50,730 --> 00:25:54,181 I know, I know. Okay. 457 00:25:55,597 --> 00:25:58,530 I love you too. Merry Christmas. 458 00:26:01,188 --> 00:26:02,949 - Well, it was, uh, nice of Frederick 459 00:26:02,983 --> 00:26:04,882 to process all that venison for us. 460 00:26:04,916 --> 00:26:08,886 And he even gave us a box of reindeer jerky. 461 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:10,646 - What the hell were you thinking? 462 00:26:11,682 --> 00:26:13,166 - Well, you don't wanna let 463 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,858 a little mishap spoil our Christmas fun. 464 00:26:15,893 --> 00:26:17,411 - Fun? 465 00:26:17,446 --> 00:26:20,967 That head was eating berries no less than 24 hours ago. 466 00:26:22,900 --> 00:26:26,835 - Um, look, can I make it up to you 467 00:26:26,869 --> 00:26:29,665 with a another Christmas surprise? 468 00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:33,669 - Oh, what's next, a taxidermy elf? 469 00:26:33,704 --> 00:26:35,429 No. 470 00:26:37,017 --> 00:26:41,090 We're going to England next summer. 471 00:26:41,125 --> 00:26:42,885 - What are you talking about? 472 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,507 - Didn't you read Clive's letter? 473 00:26:44,542 --> 00:26:45,819 - I couldn't get past the part 474 00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:47,994 about having tea with Sir Paul McCartney. 475 00:26:48,028 --> 00:26:49,823 - Oh no, there was, there was a P.S. 476 00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:53,137 and he was inviting us all to his big birthday bash 477 00:26:53,171 --> 00:26:55,001 next summer in the UK. 478 00:26:55,035 --> 00:26:58,832 And it's gonna be like bow ties and black ties 479 00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:02,249 and champagne and caviar and dignitaries 480 00:27:02,284 --> 00:27:04,010 and all that kind of stuff. 481 00:27:04,044 --> 00:27:05,839 So I thought, "Hey, why not?" 482 00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:08,946 So I booked a ticket and RSVP'd and away we go. 483 00:27:08,980 --> 00:27:10,292 Wh- what do you think? 484 00:27:10,326 --> 00:27:14,296 - You want to go to a party for the very man 485 00:27:14,330 --> 00:27:17,782 whose Christmas letter drives you crazy each year? 486 00:27:17,817 --> 00:27:20,923 A party for the man who will likely put this event 487 00:27:20,958 --> 00:27:22,614 in next year's letter. 488 00:27:22,649 --> 00:27:23,892 - Yeah, absolutely. 489 00:27:23,926 --> 00:27:26,929 'Cause then We can write about it in our letter. 490 00:27:26,964 --> 00:27:30,001 What a way to steal his thunder. 491 00:27:30,036 --> 00:27:31,623 It's gonna be brilliant, hey? 492 00:27:31,658 --> 00:27:32,797 Oh yes. 493 00:27:36,456 --> 00:27:38,630 - I see you truly value his friendship. 494 00:27:41,357 --> 00:27:46,431 - I think it's gonna be good. 495 00:27:51,505 --> 00:27:52,403 - Hey, everyone. 496 00:27:52,437 --> 00:27:53,956 Bryan Deacrest here with you 497 00:27:53,991 --> 00:27:56,683 to celebrate another New Year's Rompin' Eve in Times Square. 498 00:27:56,718 --> 00:27:57,960 Tonight, we're outside 499 00:27:57,995 --> 00:28:00,273 the inimitable Chez Monet French restaurant, 500 00:28:00,307 --> 00:28:02,033 under new management, by the way. 501 00:28:02,068 --> 00:28:03,897 Where everyone who's anyone 502 00:28:03,932 --> 00:28:05,899 will be enjoying sumptuous dining, 503 00:28:05,934 --> 00:28:08,730 fine music, and a Rompin' Eve tradition: 504 00:28:08,764 --> 00:28:11,215 the midnight pressing of the ceremonial button 505 00:28:11,249 --> 00:28:13,320 that lowers the famous ball. 506 00:28:22,019 --> 00:28:23,227 - But this is my best suit. 507 00:28:23,261 --> 00:28:25,332 - I'm sorry, sir. Those are the rules. 508 00:28:25,367 --> 00:28:27,679 - I mean, we had a reservation for 6:30. 509 00:28:27,714 --> 00:28:29,302 I wanna speak to the manager. 510 00:28:29,336 --> 00:28:31,200 - You mean the general manager? 511 00:28:31,235 --> 00:28:32,236 Yeah, that'd be moi. 512 00:28:32,270 --> 00:28:34,928 - Oh, bonjour. - Bonsoir. 513 00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:37,103 I'm Norm de Plume, the general manager. 514 00:28:37,137 --> 00:28:38,760 This is Chez Monet. 515 00:28:38,794 --> 00:28:41,452 Where everything is fine and beautiful 516 00:28:41,486 --> 00:28:44,351 and the music's good and the food is sumptuous. 517 00:28:44,386 --> 00:28:46,112 But you're not dressed right. 518 00:28:46,146 --> 00:28:49,667 And I can't let people dressed like you in here. 519 00:28:49,701 --> 00:28:51,324 I'm sorry. I hope you understand. 520 00:28:51,358 --> 00:28:53,844 - Uh, is this even a French restaurant? 521 00:28:53,878 --> 00:28:55,466 I mean, are you even French? 522 00:28:55,500 --> 00:28:58,469 - No. Thanks for asking. 523 00:28:58,503 --> 00:29:00,298 - W- what about my reservation? 524 00:29:00,333 --> 00:29:01,955 - Didn't she tell you about the dress code? 525 00:29:01,990 --> 00:29:03,508 - Yeah, yeah. She did, she did. 526 00:29:03,543 --> 00:29:04,475 - Okay, good. 527 00:29:04,509 --> 00:29:05,717 Well, know you look just great 528 00:29:05,752 --> 00:29:08,617 for a high school reunion, let's say, 529 00:29:08,651 --> 00:29:10,274 Moose Club in Paramus. 530 00:29:11,585 --> 00:29:13,001 Did you show him the rules? - Yes. I, uh, okay. 531 00:29:13,035 --> 00:29:14,381 Again. - Yes. 532 00:29:14,416 --> 00:29:17,557 - Section three, paragraph four specifically states 533 00:29:17,591 --> 00:29:20,629 that we will not serve any man, woman, or child 534 00:29:20,663 --> 00:29:23,839 who's not wearing attire befitting the establishment. 535 00:29:23,874 --> 00:29:27,429 I- - Excuse me, sir. 536 00:29:27,463 --> 00:29:28,292 - Sir? - What? 537 00:29:28,326 --> 00:29:29,603 - Is there a problem? 538 00:29:30,673 --> 00:29:32,848 There must be some misunderstanding. 539 00:29:32,883 --> 00:29:37,749 Ah, oh, see Deb and Joe Michaels 6:30. 540 00:29:37,784 --> 00:29:39,303 - Oh. 541 00:29:39,337 --> 00:29:41,961 But, you know, we can't just, 542 00:29:41,995 --> 00:29:47,035 you are just very pr- p- pretty. 543 00:29:48,933 --> 00:29:50,452 You're a lucky devil. 544 00:29:51,315 --> 00:29:52,834 As lovely as you are, 545 00:29:52,868 --> 00:29:55,077 I can't let your husband dine here tonight. 546 00:29:56,665 --> 00:29:57,735 - Why not? 547 00:29:57,769 --> 00:29:59,771 - At Chez Monet we have rules like, 548 00:29:59,806 --> 00:30:01,773 you need a proper dinner suit. 549 00:30:01,808 --> 00:30:04,742 - What? Like a tuxedo? - Not like a tuxedo. 550 00:30:04,776 --> 00:30:06,571 A real tuxedo. 551 00:30:06,606 --> 00:30:09,540 Like a one-button mohair by Brioni. 552 00:30:09,574 --> 00:30:10,990 - Oh yeah. Brioni would be a good one. 553 00:30:11,024 --> 00:30:12,163 - The rules are the rules. 554 00:30:12,198 --> 00:30:13,751 If I made an exception, 555 00:30:13,785 --> 00:30:15,926 I'd have the let in the whole hoi polloi. 556 00:30:17,134 --> 00:30:18,376 - We had a reservation here 557 00:30:18,411 --> 00:30:20,206 and we're not gonna leave until we're seated 558 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,794 buying some, something expensive 559 00:30:22,829 --> 00:30:24,037 and celebrating the New Year's. 560 00:30:24,072 --> 00:30:28,041 - Well if I may, we may have an option 561 00:30:28,076 --> 00:30:29,767 if you'd be amenable to it. 562 00:30:29,801 --> 00:30:30,664 - Sure, if I must. - You know what? 563 00:30:30,699 --> 00:30:33,495 We can rent you a tuxedo. 564 00:30:33,529 --> 00:30:37,775 Our selection is quite limited, but we have some. 565 00:30:37,809 --> 00:30:39,259 - All right. How much is it? 566 00:30:40,467 --> 00:30:41,779 - 300. - $300. 567 00:30:41,813 --> 00:30:44,437 - 300? That's our whole budget for the evening. 568 00:30:44,471 --> 00:30:46,888 - What were they gonna order? Bread and water. 569 00:30:46,922 --> 00:30:50,201 A crouton? 570 00:30:52,203 --> 00:30:55,172 More? 571 00:30:55,206 --> 00:30:57,036 - Yeah, uh, uh, garcon? 572 00:30:57,070 --> 00:30:59,176 Garconesse, or whatever. 573 00:30:59,210 --> 00:31:00,004 - Sir? 574 00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:02,973 - Another round of your finest bread. 575 00:31:04,215 --> 00:31:05,734 - Can I get you anything else? 576 00:31:05,768 --> 00:31:10,773 Uh, some dessert, some bread pudding perhaps? 577 00:31:11,982 --> 00:31:13,431 - No, just the bread's fine. 578 00:31:24,615 --> 00:31:25,478 - Sir. 579 00:31:27,963 --> 00:31:29,689 They've requested more bread. 580 00:31:31,518 --> 00:31:32,899 - How about the day-old? 581 00:31:39,147 --> 00:31:40,010 Perfect. 582 00:31:45,118 --> 00:31:45,947 - Do you see that? 583 00:31:46,844 --> 00:31:49,122 Is that a Rolex? - Ooh. 584 00:31:49,157 --> 00:31:50,227 Do we get one too? 585 00:31:50,261 --> 00:31:51,435 - Yeah, I think we do. 586 00:31:52,367 --> 00:31:53,851 I think they're giving them out. 587 00:31:56,716 --> 00:31:58,925 - What is this, your 10th bread basket? 588 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,445 - Can we get one of those goody bags? 589 00:32:01,479 --> 00:32:05,207 - Oh, I'm afraid you don't get one now. 590 00:32:05,242 --> 00:32:06,968 - Why not? We're patrons. 591 00:32:07,002 --> 00:32:09,039 - You ate free bread all night. 592 00:32:09,073 --> 00:32:10,972 I'm sorry. Now if you'll excuse me. 593 00:32:13,043 --> 00:32:15,390 - What's a French word for a guy like that? 594 00:32:15,424 --> 00:32:18,358 - Douche. - Yeah. Le douche. 595 00:33:06,234 --> 00:33:09,306 - Oh Joe, I'm sorry. 596 00:33:10,583 --> 00:33:11,998 - You know what? 597 00:33:12,033 --> 00:33:15,553 I'm not gonna let anybody ruin this night. Okay? 598 00:33:17,969 --> 00:33:19,833 Have I told you that I love you? 599 00:33:19,868 --> 00:33:21,145 - Mm-hmm. 600 00:33:21,180 --> 00:33:23,734 Last week when I took in the garbage cans. 601 00:33:23,768 --> 00:33:25,149 - Oh yeah. - Mm-hmm. Joe! 602 00:33:29,809 --> 00:33:33,640 Ten, nine, eight, seven 603 00:33:33,675 --> 00:33:36,850 six, five, four, 604 00:33:36,885 --> 00:33:39,405 three, two, one. 605 00:33:54,661 --> 00:33:56,456 - Happy New Year! Go! 606 00:33:57,871 --> 00:34:00,598 - Stop them! Stop those people! 607 00:34:00,633 --> 00:34:03,049 Idiots. It's only 9:45. 608 00:34:08,261 --> 00:34:10,332 - Hi Mr. Clark. Oh my Gosh. 609 00:34:10,367 --> 00:34:11,299 Where you been? 610 00:34:11,333 --> 00:34:12,852 Happy New Year. Muah! 611 00:34:12,886 --> 00:34:14,164 Happy New Year. 612 00:34:16,649 --> 00:34:18,616 - I cannot find my phone. 613 00:34:18,651 --> 00:34:19,893 Deb, Deb, I need your phone. 614 00:34:19,928 --> 00:34:21,240 Quick, quickly. - What? What are you doing? 615 00:34:21,274 --> 00:34:23,034 You gonna tear us apart. - No. It's gonna be great. 616 00:34:23,069 --> 00:34:24,933 Excuse me. Can we get a selfie with you? 617 00:34:24,967 --> 00:34:25,899 - Sure. - Oh, thank you. 618 00:34:25,934 --> 00:34:27,211 - Why not? - All right. 619 00:34:27,246 --> 00:34:28,764 - It's not like I don't have any time to kill. 620 00:34:28,799 --> 00:34:31,181 Cheese. 621 00:34:31,215 --> 00:34:32,975 Huge fan. I love of you on "American Band Stand." 622 00:34:33,010 --> 00:34:35,046 You are great. All right. 623 00:34:36,117 --> 00:34:37,808 - I bet this never happened to Dick. 624 00:34:48,957 --> 00:34:52,340 - Hello? - Joe? 625 00:34:52,374 --> 00:34:53,858 - No. - Oh, I, oh. 626 00:34:56,585 --> 00:34:58,518 I'm looking for Joe Michaels. 627 00:34:58,553 --> 00:35:00,002 - Oh yeah. Right. 628 00:35:00,037 --> 00:35:01,245 I'm afraid the Michaels 629 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,247 are thankfully no longer in this building. 630 00:35:04,145 --> 00:35:05,215 - Oh. - So. 631 00:35:05,249 --> 00:35:08,045 - Well, I, I heard he was coming in 632 00:35:08,079 --> 00:35:09,909 to the big city tonight. 633 00:35:10,910 --> 00:35:12,981 I guess I missed a hell of a party. 634 00:35:13,015 --> 00:35:14,810 - Ah, you could say that, yeah. 635 00:35:16,122 --> 00:35:18,538 Now I'm afraid I don't wish to help you anymore. 636 00:35:18,573 --> 00:35:21,196 I hope you have a very happy New Year. 637 00:35:21,231 --> 00:35:22,542 - Wait, wait, wait, 638 00:35:22,577 --> 00:35:24,130 wait, wait, wait. - What, what, what, what? 639 00:35:24,165 --> 00:35:28,824 - Could you tell him about the package? My package for Joe. 640 00:35:29,653 --> 00:35:30,861 See, I missed it on my route 641 00:35:30,895 --> 00:35:35,003 and well now it's, it's leaking and... 642 00:35:35,037 --> 00:35:36,107 - I'm sure it is. 643 00:35:36,142 --> 00:35:38,972 I'll be sure not to let them know. 644 00:35:40,457 --> 00:35:42,493 - He'll, uh, he'll find it tomorrow. 645 00:35:45,116 --> 00:35:48,603 Looks like you've got a pretty nice place there. 646 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,019 - Bloody hell. 647 00:35:54,471 --> 00:35:59,234 - Dining and dashing. I feel so dirty. 648 00:35:59,269 --> 00:36:01,132 We turned Times Square into a ghost town 649 00:36:01,167 --> 00:36:02,203 on New Year's Eve. 650 00:36:02,237 --> 00:36:03,342 Who does that? 651 00:36:03,376 --> 00:36:05,896 - Well, Times Square is so overrated. 652 00:36:05,930 --> 00:36:07,380 Besides, there's nowhere to pee. 653 00:36:07,415 --> 00:36:08,726 Sorry. Correction. 654 00:36:09,865 --> 00:36:12,282 I did see someone peeing in a mailbox. 655 00:36:12,316 --> 00:36:14,939 In fact, I saw a lot of people peeing. 656 00:36:16,113 --> 00:36:17,666 And we didn't even dine we just had some bread. 657 00:36:17,701 --> 00:36:19,599 It was fine. - Then why did we dash? 658 00:36:20,945 --> 00:36:22,119 - Uh... 659 00:36:22,153 --> 00:36:23,500 - Wouldn't have anything 660 00:36:23,534 --> 00:36:26,641 to do with that Rolex on your wrist now, would it? 661 00:36:26,675 --> 00:36:28,919 - Well, I mean, you have one as well. 662 00:36:28,953 --> 00:36:30,265 - I'm not wearing it. 663 00:36:31,093 --> 00:36:32,336 - Well, look, besides, 664 00:36:32,371 --> 00:36:33,855 I mean all those people at that restaurant, 665 00:36:33,889 --> 00:36:35,305 that this means nothing to them. 666 00:36:35,339 --> 00:36:36,961 It's like a pair of socks to them. 667 00:36:36,996 --> 00:36:39,757 - A very expensive pair of socks. 668 00:36:44,831 --> 00:36:46,557 - Your phone's ringing. 669 00:36:48,110 --> 00:36:49,008 Ah. 670 00:36:52,287 --> 00:36:53,357 Hello? 671 00:36:53,392 --> 00:36:54,324 - Oh, it's you. 672 00:36:54,358 --> 00:36:55,463 Heard you got yourself a pair 673 00:36:55,497 --> 00:36:57,327 of hot watches the other night. 674 00:36:57,361 --> 00:37:00,433 Thanks for making my daughter a felon. 675 00:37:00,468 --> 00:37:02,573 What are planning next? A homicide. 676 00:37:06,025 --> 00:37:07,475 Joe, you there? 677 00:37:07,509 --> 00:37:08,993 - Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 678 00:37:09,028 --> 00:37:11,513 Yeah, I'm here. I was just trying to do something else. 679 00:37:11,548 --> 00:37:14,067 - Get my daughter on the phone. 680 00:37:14,102 --> 00:37:15,276 - Who is it? - Grampus. 681 00:37:16,656 --> 00:37:18,313 No, I mean Grandpa. 682 00:37:19,728 --> 00:37:20,936 Is your mom around? 683 00:37:20,971 --> 00:37:22,110 Deb? Deb? - Momma! 684 00:37:24,215 --> 00:37:26,804 - Little thing is on the phone. 685 00:37:28,047 --> 00:37:29,531 Crazy ol' Grampa. 686 00:37:31,257 --> 00:37:32,154 Grampa. 687 00:37:42,717 --> 00:37:44,995 - Oh, hey Rich. - Hi, Joe. 688 00:37:45,029 --> 00:37:46,617 - Oh. - Whatcha got there? 689 00:37:46,652 --> 00:37:47,549 Thank you. 690 00:37:48,412 --> 00:37:49,793 Why do your packages look like 691 00:37:49,827 --> 00:37:52,071 they're being used as a ThighMaster? 692 00:37:52,105 --> 00:37:54,625 - Oh, well, sorry. I'm sure it's fine. 693 00:37:54,660 --> 00:37:56,075 Yeah? Here. - Okay. 694 00:37:56,109 --> 00:37:57,870 - I just need your signature. 695 00:37:57,904 --> 00:38:00,286 - All right. - There you go. Right there. 696 00:38:00,321 --> 00:38:01,770 - So, uh, how's life? 697 00:38:02,909 --> 00:38:06,085 - Well, I'm getting the vasectomy. 698 00:38:06,948 --> 00:38:08,432 - Oh, okay. 699 00:38:08,467 --> 00:38:12,540 - Yeah, my wife's been bugging me for years. 700 00:38:12,574 --> 00:38:14,680 At first she wanted to be like that family on TV. 701 00:38:14,714 --> 00:38:16,198 You know the one with the 10 kids? 702 00:38:16,233 --> 00:38:17,130 - Oh yeah. 703 00:38:17,165 --> 00:38:18,442 - But after four C-sections, 704 00:38:18,477 --> 00:38:21,859 a couple of sets of breach twins 705 00:38:21,894 --> 00:38:25,346 and giving once birth on a roller coaster, 706 00:38:25,380 --> 00:38:27,624 she got tired of trying to keep up, so. 707 00:38:27,658 --> 00:38:31,041 - Yeah. - Nine's the magic number. 708 00:38:31,075 --> 00:38:35,252 So next week I, I'm seeing my urologist and Dr. Stoppe. 709 00:38:36,460 --> 00:38:38,462 - Dr. Stop. Is that like stop? 710 00:38:38,497 --> 00:38:41,085 S-T-O-P? - No, no. 711 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,675 S-O it's two P's and an E. - Oh. 712 00:38:44,710 --> 00:38:47,713 - Like, like shoppe, you know, like ye olde shoppe. 713 00:38:47,747 --> 00:38:49,508 - Right. Yeah. 714 00:38:49,542 --> 00:38:50,992 Yeah. 715 00:38:51,026 --> 00:38:53,097 So he's kinda like a boutique back vasectomy doctor 716 00:38:53,132 --> 00:38:54,616 kind of thing? - It's a regular office, 717 00:38:54,651 --> 00:38:56,515 but he says a couple of snips 718 00:38:56,549 --> 00:38:59,656 and my baby making days are over. 719 00:38:59,690 --> 00:39:03,073 - Wow, well thanks for your public service there, Rich. 720 00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,664 - Hi, Rich. - Mrs. Michaels. 721 00:39:08,837 --> 00:39:13,394 Well, uh, well, nice talking to you, Joe. 722 00:39:13,428 --> 00:39:16,949 Mrs. Michaels. Deb. 723 00:39:19,227 --> 00:39:21,781 - Uh, did he just wink at you? 724 00:39:23,507 --> 00:39:24,853 - I think it was a twitch. 725 00:39:25,923 --> 00:39:27,891 Probably nervous about that vasectomy. 726 00:39:29,893 --> 00:39:32,551 Hmm. 727 00:39:34,518 --> 00:39:35,761 There's nothing like 728 00:39:35,795 --> 00:39:38,280 the crisp winter snow in the mountains. 729 00:39:38,315 --> 00:39:39,212 Right, kids? 730 00:39:40,386 --> 00:39:42,043 Come on. We're headed to Goliath Mountain. 731 00:39:42,077 --> 00:39:44,942 The Goliath Mountain. 732 00:39:44,977 --> 00:39:46,772 Who's ready to rip some poo. 733 00:39:48,083 --> 00:39:50,223 Think you mean rip some pow. 734 00:39:51,535 --> 00:39:52,881 - Where's daddy? 735 00:39:52,916 --> 00:39:55,781 - He went to register us for the tennis lessons. 736 00:39:55,815 --> 00:39:56,885 If he doesn't show up soon, 737 00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:58,473 he's gonna miss the ski lessons. 738 00:39:58,508 --> 00:40:00,889 - Oh, sorry. Sorry I'm late. 739 00:40:02,373 --> 00:40:04,445 Oh, there was a long line. 740 00:40:04,479 --> 00:40:06,550 Look, I just found out that John McEnroe 741 00:40:06,585 --> 00:40:08,794 is gonna be one of the instructors at the tennis camp. 742 00:40:08,828 --> 00:40:10,278 - Get out! - Yeah. Isn't that cool? 743 00:40:10,312 --> 00:40:11,590 - And with that, 744 00:40:11,624 --> 00:40:13,730 I wish you all the best of luck on the slopes. 745 00:40:13,764 --> 00:40:16,526 - Oh, but wait, my husband just got here. 746 00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:20,081 - Oh, uh, he could join my next lesson 747 00:40:20,115 --> 00:40:21,738 and catch up with you later. 748 00:40:21,772 --> 00:40:23,498 How's that? - Yeah, that sounds fine. 749 00:40:23,533 --> 00:40:25,811 You go ahead. I'll catch up with you later. 750 00:40:25,845 --> 00:40:28,503 Go rip some poo. 751 00:40:30,747 --> 00:40:33,853 Pow. 752 00:40:38,513 --> 00:40:39,480 - All right. 753 00:40:40,653 --> 00:40:42,034 - Here's our other participant. 754 00:40:42,068 --> 00:40:44,070 Big Joe, meet Little Joe. 755 00:40:44,105 --> 00:40:46,038 Oh, like in the "Bonanza"? 756 00:40:46,072 --> 00:40:51,008 - No, no. This little guy is a Joe too. 757 00:40:51,802 --> 00:40:52,941 - Hey, hey, Little Joe. 758 00:40:52,976 --> 00:40:55,150 - Who you calling little? - Ow. 759 00:40:55,185 --> 00:40:56,635 - Big Joe and Little Joe, 760 00:40:56,669 --> 00:40:59,016 the first thing we're gonna cover is the snowplow. 761 00:40:59,051 --> 00:41:00,604 - Mm-hmm. - Just watch me. 762 00:41:00,639 --> 00:41:02,779 It's very simple, okay? - Okay. 763 00:41:03,952 --> 00:41:05,506 - That's it. Okay? 764 00:41:06,507 --> 00:41:08,509 Go forward and you're gonna bend. 765 00:41:14,791 --> 00:41:16,309 Come on. 766 00:41:16,344 --> 00:41:18,760 - I think I'm doing it. - Mm-hmm. Yep. 767 00:41:18,795 --> 00:41:21,176 Uh-huh. You're really doing it. 768 00:41:21,211 --> 00:41:23,213 There you go. 769 00:41:23,247 --> 00:41:27,389 Wow. Good job. 770 00:41:31,808 --> 00:41:33,568 That was amazing. 771 00:41:42,025 --> 00:41:43,405 Yeah! 772 00:41:50,274 --> 00:41:52,000 - This is so fun. 773 00:41:52,035 --> 00:41:54,140 - It is, isn't it? 774 00:41:54,175 --> 00:41:57,005 I just wish I knew where your father was. 775 00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:58,628 - Dip it in the sauce. Dip it in the sauce. 776 00:41:58,662 --> 00:42:00,699 Yeah. Okay. 777 00:42:00,733 --> 00:42:02,217 Good job, Little Joe. 778 00:42:02,252 --> 00:42:03,874 Side of mayo. Side of mayo. 779 00:42:03,909 --> 00:42:05,082 Hit it. Hit it. 780 00:42:05,117 --> 00:42:06,394 Okay. 781 00:42:08,499 --> 00:42:10,260 Okay, Big Joe. Come on. 782 00:42:11,226 --> 00:42:12,469 You gotta want it. Come on, bud. 783 00:42:12,503 --> 00:42:14,851 Come on Joe. Come on, Joe. 784 00:42:17,439 --> 00:42:18,440 - Dad? Dad? 785 00:42:21,271 --> 00:42:24,308 - we are out here skiing kind of. 786 00:42:24,343 --> 00:42:26,310 You're, you're doing really good. 787 00:42:26,345 --> 00:42:27,795 You're doing really good, Big Joe. 788 00:42:27,829 --> 00:42:29,175 Super, super proud of you. 789 00:42:33,559 --> 00:42:35,596 Big Joe, my dude. 790 00:42:36,942 --> 00:42:39,082 Little Joe, you did great. 791 00:42:40,255 --> 00:42:43,155 Big Joe, how's your insurance? 792 00:42:43,189 --> 00:42:44,363 I'm just, I'm just funnin' with you. 793 00:42:44,397 --> 00:42:46,399 Just, just take it easy up there. 794 00:42:46,434 --> 00:42:48,022 Remember what I showed you. 795 00:42:48,056 --> 00:42:53,027 And you'll be king of the bunny hill in, in no time. 796 00:42:53,061 --> 00:42:56,547 Big baby on the bunny hill. 797 00:42:58,342 --> 00:43:00,793 - How we doing, sir? - Oh, good. 798 00:43:00,828 --> 00:43:03,209 All right. Step right on up. 799 00:43:08,180 --> 00:43:09,181 - Here we go, sir. 800 00:43:09,215 --> 00:43:10,941 - Okay. - Enjoy the ride. 801 00:43:15,083 --> 00:43:16,844 - Yeah. Where is Dad? 802 00:43:16,878 --> 00:43:19,087 Dad? 803 00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:31,341 - That was more like a bunny hill. 804 00:43:33,826 --> 00:43:36,001 - Where the hell have you been? 805 00:43:36,035 --> 00:43:37,727 We were worried sick. 806 00:43:37,761 --> 00:43:41,109 We thought you slammed into a tree or flew over a cliff. 807 00:43:41,144 --> 00:43:42,697 - That'd be more dignified. 808 00:43:43,767 --> 00:43:45,286 You know the Goliath Mountain gives 809 00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:48,254 every first-timer who skis down the bunny trail 810 00:43:48,289 --> 00:43:50,947 a little bunny rabbit's foot thing. 811 00:43:50,981 --> 00:43:51,913 - Oh. Yeah. 812 00:43:53,363 --> 00:43:55,537 - Yeah. One of those. 813 00:43:55,572 --> 00:43:57,643 - Where's yours? 814 00:43:57,678 --> 00:44:00,335 - It's, uh, hopping down some trail 815 00:44:00,370 --> 00:44:01,820 in the forest somewhere. 816 00:44:05,375 --> 00:44:06,756 - Let's go get dinner, huh? - Yeah. 817 00:44:08,447 --> 00:44:09,828 - We need all our strength 818 00:44:09,862 --> 00:44:12,313 for tomorrow's tennis lesson with McEnroe, remember? 819 00:44:15,143 --> 00:44:16,420 Come on, kids. 820 00:44:17,628 --> 00:44:21,011 - Uh, I just, I just need to do something. 821 00:44:21,046 --> 00:44:22,633 Just, uh, just... 822 00:44:22,668 --> 00:44:23,945 - Whoa, whoa, where you going? 823 00:44:23,980 --> 00:44:25,809 - Oh, I'll be back in a sec. 824 00:44:25,844 --> 00:44:28,398 I, I, I'll, I'll see you soon. 825 00:44:30,020 --> 00:44:30,952 - Hi. - Hi. 826 00:44:30,987 --> 00:44:32,091 - I'd like, like a photo please. 827 00:44:32,126 --> 00:44:33,472 - Can I see your Black Diamond badge? 828 00:44:33,506 --> 00:44:35,577 - My what? - Your Black Diamond badge. 829 00:44:35,612 --> 00:44:37,269 You got one when you completed the run, right? 830 00:44:37,303 --> 00:44:38,857 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had one. 831 00:44:38,891 --> 00:44:40,651 I think it flew off when I was skiing down the ninth thing. 832 00:44:40,686 --> 00:44:43,516 - Yes. Sorry, I can't take your photo without the badge. 833 00:44:43,551 --> 00:44:46,727 - Oh. Uh, mm, let's, uh. 834 00:44:46,761 --> 00:44:48,729 - Hey, night skiing just opened up. You wanna go ride? 835 00:44:48,763 --> 00:44:50,420 - I am working. - Oh yeah, that's great idea. 836 00:44:50,454 --> 00:44:51,870 Oh, look, I, I, I, I can take care of this. 837 00:44:51,904 --> 00:44:52,871 You, you can go. - Are you sure? 838 00:44:52,905 --> 00:44:55,114 - Yeah. You guys go have some fun 839 00:44:55,149 --> 00:44:57,013 that's really dumb- - All right, let's go. 840 00:44:57,047 --> 00:44:58,152 Let's go. - and stupid. 841 00:44:58,186 --> 00:45:00,119 All right, here we go. Oh, uh. 842 00:45:02,535 --> 00:45:03,433 Okay. Oh! 843 00:45:04,365 --> 00:45:06,194 That's good. 844 00:45:06,229 --> 00:45:07,678 I can't believe it. 845 00:45:07,713 --> 00:45:09,059 Finally gonna get a tennis lesson 846 00:45:09,094 --> 00:45:10,474 by the number-one tennis champion 847 00:45:10,509 --> 00:45:12,476 of the world, John McEnroe. 848 00:45:12,511 --> 00:45:15,410 - I hate to admit it, but this is exciting. 849 00:45:16,653 --> 00:45:18,620 - Is he that toe fungus guy? 850 00:45:18,655 --> 00:45:20,933 - "For toes that play tennis." 851 00:45:20,968 --> 00:45:22,624 - W- what are they talking about? 852 00:45:22,659 --> 00:45:24,903 - He did a commercial for toe fungus. 853 00:45:26,076 --> 00:45:28,320 It had a cartoon of two toes playing tennis. 854 00:45:28,354 --> 00:45:29,666 The kids laughed. 855 00:45:29,700 --> 00:45:31,150 - Okay, well let's not bring that up. 856 00:45:31,185 --> 00:45:33,566 It might not have been McEnroe's finest moment. 857 00:45:35,810 --> 00:45:38,606 - You're a bunch of losers! 858 00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:40,366 - Especially you grandma. 859 00:45:40,401 --> 00:45:43,059 - That's right. You never once charged the net. 860 00:45:43,093 --> 00:45:44,715 You know, you sat back on the baseline, 861 00:45:44,750 --> 00:45:46,821 you blamed everything on your double hip replacement. 862 00:45:46,856 --> 00:45:47,995 Unbelievable. 863 00:45:50,135 --> 00:45:50,963 - What is that? 864 00:45:52,827 --> 00:45:55,381 - I dunno. I'll be right back. 865 00:46:00,214 --> 00:46:01,353 Hi. 866 00:46:01,387 --> 00:46:02,630 I, I'm, I'm just here with my family 867 00:46:02,664 --> 00:46:04,149 for the tennis lesson. 868 00:46:05,529 --> 00:46:08,360 I was just wondering, what was that jungle gym thing? 869 00:46:08,394 --> 00:46:09,326 What's the deal with that? 870 00:46:09,361 --> 00:46:11,535 - Oh, the extreme ninja course. 871 00:46:11,570 --> 00:46:12,882 - Yeah. 872 00:46:12,916 --> 00:46:14,090 - Tennis isn't as popular as it used to be, 873 00:46:14,124 --> 00:46:16,230 so we had to roll with the times 874 00:46:16,264 --> 00:46:20,475 and, and people love anything extreme anyways, right? 875 00:46:20,510 --> 00:46:24,341 - Uh, I heard that John McEnroe was gonna be here. 876 00:46:24,376 --> 00:46:26,930 I see a lot of people who look and sound like McEnroe, 877 00:46:26,965 --> 00:46:29,070 but I don't actually see- 878 00:46:29,105 --> 00:46:30,313 - Yeah. - John McEnroe. 879 00:46:30,347 --> 00:46:31,348 - You heard right, 880 00:46:31,383 --> 00:46:33,868 but you didn't. - Uh, excuse me. 881 00:46:33,903 --> 00:46:38,390 - It's John, Mac, and Ro Dablonski. 882 00:46:38,424 --> 00:46:40,461 They're our onsite tennis pros 883 00:46:40,495 --> 00:46:42,290 And they're actually fraternal triplets. 884 00:46:42,325 --> 00:46:44,465 Their parents are big fans of Johnny Mac 885 00:46:44,499 --> 00:46:47,295 so, you know, named them accordingly. 886 00:46:47,330 --> 00:46:49,746 It does confuse people sometimes. 887 00:46:49,780 --> 00:46:51,990 Sir, sir, the clock is ticking 888 00:46:52,024 --> 00:46:54,337 and I do not want them mad with me. 889 00:46:54,371 --> 00:46:57,064 Last time they made me climb the extreme rope. 890 00:47:03,518 --> 00:47:06,867 - You came here to play, right? 891 00:47:08,316 --> 00:47:11,388 - Mac asked you if you came here to play, did ya? 892 00:47:12,217 --> 00:47:13,770 Yeah! 893 00:47:15,634 --> 00:47:17,498 - We started this facility in honor of one of 894 00:47:17,532 --> 00:47:20,881 the world's all-time tennis grades, Johnny Mac. 895 00:47:26,679 --> 00:47:28,578 Again, if you've never been here before, 896 00:47:28,612 --> 00:47:32,582 please pay a visit to our Johnny Mac tribute wall 897 00:47:32,616 --> 00:47:33,894 where you'll find a wide array 898 00:47:33,928 --> 00:47:37,552 of his original passion rackets. 899 00:47:37,587 --> 00:47:39,347 - Uh, what's a passion racket? 900 00:47:41,867 --> 00:47:43,110 - What's a passion? 901 00:47:43,144 --> 00:47:45,802 It's a racket that Johnny Mac sacrificed 902 00:47:45,836 --> 00:47:47,424 for his passion for the game. 903 00:47:47,459 --> 00:47:50,565 - Oh, you mean like when he lost his shit? 904 00:47:53,775 --> 00:47:54,673 - Ninja. 905 00:47:55,501 --> 00:47:57,124 - Ninja? Why? 906 00:47:57,158 --> 00:47:59,712 - Ninja course! 907 00:48:02,646 --> 00:48:03,924 - For the rest of you, 908 00:48:03,958 --> 00:48:05,995 let's line up and do a return-and-serve drill. 909 00:48:08,514 --> 00:48:10,965 - Let's go! - Move! 910 00:48:16,384 --> 00:48:18,352 - All right, let's start with forehand. 911 00:48:24,220 --> 00:48:25,704 - Crying out loud. 912 00:48:25,738 --> 00:48:29,294 Next! 913 00:48:34,989 --> 00:48:35,886 - Come on. 914 00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:40,029 - Next! 915 00:48:58,668 --> 00:49:02,051 - Ow! - Yeah! Yeah! 916 00:49:03,155 --> 00:49:05,399 You've got to be kidding! - Come on. 917 00:49:05,433 --> 00:49:07,021 - No, it's the, the grip. 918 00:49:07,056 --> 00:49:08,126 I can't get a good... 919 00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:09,472 You realize if Johnny Mac 920 00:49:09,506 --> 00:49:11,612 made an excuse for every time he missed a shot, 921 00:49:11,646 --> 00:49:13,062 he would never have gone toe to toe 922 00:49:13,096 --> 00:49:15,685 with some of the greatest of all time. 923 00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:16,686 - Toe to toe, huh? 924 00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:19,275 Yeah. He knows a lot about toes. 925 00:49:19,309 --> 00:49:22,692 - Excuse me? - Joe, don't. 926 00:49:24,590 --> 00:49:28,353 - Oh, your hero Johnny Mac, 927 00:49:28,387 --> 00:49:30,872 he knows a lot about toes. 928 00:49:30,907 --> 00:49:32,736 - What's that supposed to mean? 929 00:49:32,771 --> 00:49:35,670 - I mean, toe fungus. I mean, come on. 930 00:49:35,705 --> 00:49:38,225 Who in their right mind does a toe fungus commercial 931 00:49:38,259 --> 00:49:40,468 with animated toes playing tennis? 932 00:49:41,469 --> 00:49:43,954 - Toejemina is a great product. 933 00:49:43,989 --> 00:49:45,749 - Oh yeah. What's next? 934 00:49:45,784 --> 00:49:47,924 You know, hemorrhoid cream commercial 935 00:49:47,958 --> 00:49:50,892 with like hemorrhoids running around with tennis rackets? 936 00:49:50,927 --> 00:49:53,999 Well, I'd love to see that. 937 00:49:54,034 --> 00:49:55,276 - All right. That's it, funny man. 938 00:49:55,311 --> 00:49:57,520 You wanna endorse a funeral home? Let's go. 939 00:50:02,559 --> 00:50:03,388 - Oh gosh, don't look. 940 00:50:03,422 --> 00:50:04,354 Don't look. Don't look. 941 00:50:09,118 --> 00:50:11,741 - Oh, that had to hurt. Come on! 942 00:50:13,053 --> 00:50:14,537 - Say it! Say it! 943 00:50:17,747 --> 00:50:22,579 Hey, morons, meet my little friend. 944 00:50:28,137 --> 00:50:30,932 - Don't do that. Don't. - Not the children! 945 00:50:30,967 --> 00:50:33,280 You're disrespecting the game. 946 00:50:33,314 --> 00:50:35,627 - How dare you disrespect Johnny Mac? 947 00:50:35,661 --> 00:50:36,628 - Yeah? - Oh-ho-ho-ho. 948 00:50:36,662 --> 00:50:38,078 He won seven Grand Slams. 949 00:50:38,112 --> 00:50:41,978 He beat Borg and Connors and Lendl and Gerulaitis! 950 00:50:42,012 --> 00:50:43,945 - Is that another form of toe fungus? 951 00:50:43,980 --> 00:50:47,017 - I'm gonna get ya! I'm gonna get ya! 952 00:50:49,848 --> 00:50:51,367 Me win! 953 00:50:51,401 --> 00:50:52,885 Remember, toe fungus is nobody's fault. 954 00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,578 Ask your doctor if Toejemina is right for you. 955 00:50:57,235 --> 00:50:58,443 - Mom, Dad. 956 00:50:58,477 --> 00:51:00,790 - The crazy tennis people are on TV. 957 00:51:00,824 --> 00:51:02,826 - Area triplets, tennis trainers, 958 00:51:02,861 --> 00:51:04,932 and John McEnroe's biggest fans, 959 00:51:04,966 --> 00:51:07,245 John, Mac, and Ro Dablonski 960 00:51:07,279 --> 00:51:09,178 were placed under observation today 961 00:51:09,212 --> 00:51:12,215 after something in the three offspring sprung 962 00:51:12,250 --> 00:51:13,527 while giving lessons 963 00:51:13,561 --> 00:51:16,254 at Goliath Mountain Ski and Tennis Resort. 964 00:51:16,288 --> 00:51:18,773 Video clearly shows the Dablonskis 965 00:51:18,808 --> 00:51:21,121 firing tennis balls at attendees 966 00:51:21,155 --> 00:51:23,951 with high-velocity ball machines. 967 00:51:23,985 --> 00:51:27,230 While no fault has yet been assigned to the Dablonskis, 968 00:51:27,265 --> 00:51:29,612 it appears there is no love lost 969 00:51:29,646 --> 00:51:31,821 between them and their students. 970 00:51:31,855 --> 00:51:35,169 Now, let's see what Susie's serving up in the weather. 971 00:51:40,968 --> 00:51:44,696 - So are we finished yet? 972 00:51:44,730 --> 00:51:45,524 - Finished? 973 00:51:46,732 --> 00:51:48,907 - With that stupid Christmas letter. 974 00:51:50,253 --> 00:51:53,946 So far, the kids have seen Santa gut a deer. 975 00:51:53,981 --> 00:51:57,398 We ruined New Year's Eve for untold millions of people. 976 00:51:57,433 --> 00:52:00,539 And today they witnessed a family of nut-job tennis pros 977 00:52:00,574 --> 00:52:02,886 with an unhealthy obsession for John McEnroe 978 00:52:02,921 --> 00:52:05,579 have a major psychotic breakdown, in unison, 979 00:52:05,613 --> 00:52:08,478 over his role in a toe fungus commercial. 980 00:52:08,513 --> 00:52:10,135 - Yeah, but I, I, I, couldn't control that. 981 00:52:10,170 --> 00:52:12,793 I mean- - No, you can't. 982 00:52:12,827 --> 00:52:16,003 So then why are you trying to control our lives? 983 00:52:16,037 --> 00:52:17,246 - What do you mean? 984 00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:18,937 - Is any of this real? 985 00:52:19,938 --> 00:52:22,009 Where's your Black Diamond badge? 986 00:52:22,043 --> 00:52:23,424 Are you gonna put photos 987 00:52:23,459 --> 00:52:25,461 of the attack of the ball machine in the letter? 988 00:52:25,495 --> 00:52:27,221 - No. - No, exactly. 989 00:52:27,256 --> 00:52:31,087 Because reality isn't as pleasing as fantasy. 990 00:52:31,121 --> 00:52:34,435 - But I mean, isn't it the whole point is to show people, 991 00:52:34,470 --> 00:52:36,644 I mean, how much fun we've been having. 992 00:52:36,679 --> 00:52:37,921 - We're not having fun. 993 00:52:39,578 --> 00:52:41,511 - It hasn't been all that bad, has it? 994 00:52:43,582 --> 00:52:45,205 I mean, you've, you've had some fun. 995 00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:49,864 I mean, skiing and hanging out with all the kids, I mean, 996 00:52:52,764 --> 00:52:54,628 isn't that what it's all about? 997 00:53:02,291 --> 00:53:04,638 I organized a, a special day 998 00:53:04,672 --> 00:53:07,019 just for the two of us at a spa. 999 00:53:09,574 --> 00:53:10,954 - Really? - Yeah. 1000 00:53:11,955 --> 00:53:13,854 We're gonna get carp pedicures. 1001 00:53:14,786 --> 00:53:15,787 - What? - Yeah. 1002 00:53:15,821 --> 00:53:17,651 - Carp like as, fish carp? 1003 00:53:17,685 --> 00:53:19,239 Yeah. 1004 00:53:19,273 --> 00:53:22,000 Yeah. So what you do is you have a glass of wine 1005 00:53:22,034 --> 00:53:23,553 and you put your feet in this little tub 1006 00:53:23,588 --> 00:53:24,796 and, and the carp come 1007 00:53:24,830 --> 00:53:27,902 and they eat all your dead skin cells. 1008 00:53:27,937 --> 00:53:29,249 I mean, sounds kind of gross, 1009 00:53:29,283 --> 00:53:31,561 but you know, it's doesn't hurt or anything. 1010 00:53:31,596 --> 00:53:35,393 It feels kind of tingly and it's very therapeutic. 1011 00:53:35,427 --> 00:53:38,430 And you always complaining about your heel thing. 1012 00:53:38,465 --> 00:53:42,192 So what do you think? It's gonna be great, I think. 1013 00:54:00,141 --> 00:54:02,109 Who knew the carp would be so hungry, huh? 1014 00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:29,481 - This is my kind of weather. 1015 00:54:29,516 --> 00:54:31,311 Yeah. Ope. 1016 00:54:31,345 --> 00:54:33,658 All right. Better get this. 1017 00:54:34,935 --> 00:54:37,869 - Michaels. - Hello, Clive. 1018 00:54:39,940 --> 00:54:41,079 - Can you hear me, Joe? 1019 00:54:41,113 --> 00:54:43,771 - Yeah, I'm here. - Yeah, sorry. 1020 00:54:43,806 --> 00:54:46,636 On the heli on the way to Majorca for a boys' trip. 1021 00:54:46,671 --> 00:54:49,052 Sometimes I can't hear over these damn rotors. 1022 00:54:52,366 --> 00:54:55,024 - Yeah, I have the same problem with the rotor brakes. 1023 00:54:55,058 --> 00:54:56,508 - Well, we're excited for you 1024 00:54:56,543 --> 00:54:58,717 to join us for my birthday bash. 1025 00:54:58,752 --> 00:55:00,029 Still set to make the journey? 1026 00:55:00,063 --> 00:55:02,549 - Yeah, yeah, sure. 1027 00:55:02,583 --> 00:55:03,826 - Ah, fantastic. 1028 00:55:03,860 --> 00:55:05,966 Well, Bono's confirmed 1029 00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:07,277 and we might even get a visit 1030 00:55:07,312 --> 00:55:09,728 from our family friend Charles. 1031 00:55:10,695 --> 00:55:12,800 - Like King Charles? 1032 00:55:12,835 --> 00:55:14,112 - The last time I saw him, 1033 00:55:14,146 --> 00:55:15,941 he was up the other end of my tennis court 1034 00:55:15,976 --> 00:55:19,911 doubled over after I'd beat his royal ass. 1035 00:55:19,945 --> 00:55:21,878 So how's the job going? 1036 00:55:21,913 --> 00:55:25,192 Seen any profit shares or stock options yet? 1037 00:55:27,677 --> 00:55:32,130 - Yeah, well I was laid off just before Christmas, so. 1038 00:55:32,164 --> 00:55:35,478 - Oh. Bad luck, Michaels. 1039 00:55:35,513 --> 00:55:37,825 I hope that won't stop you from visiting us 1040 00:55:37,860 --> 00:55:40,759 and I trust you've got a generous severance package there. 1041 00:55:41,691 --> 00:55:43,486 - Yeah, yeah. I, I did. 1042 00:55:43,521 --> 00:55:47,421 In fact, I'm just here at the Port of Miami with the family. 1043 00:55:47,456 --> 00:55:49,596 We're just about to get on a luxury cruise. 1044 00:55:49,630 --> 00:55:52,564 - Yeah, well anyway, Michaels, we're about to take off, 1045 00:55:52,599 --> 00:55:54,808 so I better be on my way. 1046 00:55:54,842 --> 00:55:58,052 You enjoy that and avoid those tourist traps. 1047 00:55:58,087 --> 00:55:59,364 - Yeah, will do. 1048 00:55:59,399 --> 00:56:00,883 And, and look out for those helicopter blades 1049 00:56:00,917 --> 00:56:03,264 so they don't, you know, cut off your head. 1050 00:56:08,891 --> 00:56:10,720 Yeah, guess the rest of you folks 1051 00:56:10,755 --> 00:56:13,205 are cruising with us down here. 1052 00:56:13,240 --> 00:56:15,518 All aboard for Bahama Mama. 1053 00:56:17,002 --> 00:56:18,866 You just have to climb down here to the maintenance pier. 1054 00:56:18,901 --> 00:56:19,971 Bloody hell. 1055 00:56:20,005 --> 00:56:21,731 It's gonna be an adventure. 1056 00:56:27,496 --> 00:56:31,154 - Hey, John. John, wake up. 1057 00:56:32,466 --> 00:56:33,812 You know what day it is? 1058 00:56:34,917 --> 00:56:37,195 - It's day? - Well, yeah, it's day. 1059 00:56:37,229 --> 00:56:38,921 But this is, we might get out 1060 00:56:38,955 --> 00:56:42,096 and be able to play with Tiger Woods day. 1061 00:56:44,789 --> 00:56:47,412 Do I have to go? 1062 00:56:47,447 --> 00:56:48,862 - "Do I have to go?" 1063 00:56:48,896 --> 00:56:50,450 You're gonna miss out on the opportunity 1064 00:56:50,484 --> 00:56:53,004 to play with golf's living legend, 1065 00:56:53,038 --> 00:56:54,419 the one and only Tiger Woods. 1066 00:56:54,454 --> 00:56:56,870 You wanna sleep through that? Come on. 1067 00:56:56,904 --> 00:57:00,080 - Isn't he that guy who crashed his car into a fire hydrant? 1068 00:57:00,114 --> 00:57:02,082 - Yeah, that was, I don't know. 1069 00:57:02,116 --> 00:57:04,291 - Didn't his wife smash all of his windows 1070 00:57:04,325 --> 00:57:05,223 with one of his golf clubs? 1071 00:57:05,257 --> 00:57:06,845 - No, no, I think she was trying 1072 00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:08,985 to get him outta the car or something like that. 1073 00:57:09,020 --> 00:57:11,747 - He was only going five miles an hour. 1074 00:57:11,781 --> 00:57:13,058 - What is this, CSI? 1075 00:57:13,093 --> 00:57:15,164 Come on, get out of bed. This will be fun. 1076 00:57:15,198 --> 00:57:18,236 We'll play golf, we'll Have a good time. Come on. 1077 00:57:18,270 --> 00:57:19,893 - I hope she's not there. 1078 00:57:19,927 --> 00:57:21,481 Don't worry about it. 1079 00:57:34,528 --> 00:57:36,737 This is supposed to be the 100 Acre Wood Country Club. 1080 00:57:36,772 --> 00:57:37,669 Where, where am I? 1081 00:57:39,671 --> 00:57:40,534 Oh. 1082 00:57:43,503 --> 00:57:47,230 Oh! my God, man, that stinks. 1083 00:57:47,265 --> 00:57:51,890 Um, excuse me, miss, miss. 1084 00:57:51,925 --> 00:57:54,375 Excuse me. I, I think I'm, I'm a little lost. 1085 00:57:54,410 --> 00:57:58,172 I'm, I'm, I'm looking for the 100 Acre Woods Golf Club. 1086 00:57:58,207 --> 00:58:00,381 - This is it. Or was it. 1087 00:58:00,416 --> 00:58:01,900 Now it's 10 Acre Woods. 1088 00:58:01,935 --> 00:58:03,661 - Oh, okay. 1089 00:58:03,695 --> 00:58:05,041 W- what? I don't understand. 1090 00:58:05,076 --> 00:58:06,353 What do you, what do you mean? 1091 00:58:06,387 --> 00:58:09,356 - A couple of years ago, the owners discovered 1092 00:58:09,390 --> 00:58:11,082 there was natural gas under the course 1093 00:58:11,116 --> 00:58:12,324 and sold it to Gas Co. 1094 00:58:13,394 --> 00:58:15,293 Now, they're fracking the back nine. 1095 00:58:15,327 --> 00:58:17,640 Hey, hey, hey, and because of the gas revenue, 1096 00:58:18,468 --> 00:58:20,056 get this, Gas Co. is kind enough 1097 00:58:20,091 --> 00:58:23,025 to give back to the community and make it a public course. 1098 00:58:24,613 --> 00:58:26,580 - So this is it? 1099 00:58:26,615 --> 00:58:29,549 - It is now one of the most challenging courses around. 1100 00:58:29,583 --> 00:58:30,653 - Oh my God. 1101 00:58:30,688 --> 00:58:31,930 - See that big tank over there? 1102 00:58:31,965 --> 00:58:33,622 - Mm-hmm. - Filled with fracking fluid. 1103 00:58:33,656 --> 00:58:36,003 - What? - Oh! And the ponds! 1104 00:58:38,143 --> 00:58:38,972 - They're on fire. 1105 00:58:39,006 --> 00:58:40,214 Why, why are they- 1106 00:58:40,249 --> 00:58:42,976 - Great use of wastewater, right? 1107 00:58:43,010 --> 00:58:45,012 We have more water hazards here 1108 00:58:45,047 --> 00:58:47,325 than any other course in the state. 1109 00:58:59,509 --> 00:59:02,582 Course, uh, if your ball drops in one, 1110 00:59:02,616 --> 00:59:03,444 it's best to ask for drop. 1111 00:59:03,479 --> 00:59:04,376 - Uh-huh. 1112 00:59:07,241 --> 00:59:08,691 - Did we get in a car accident? 1113 00:59:08,726 --> 00:59:09,830 - Uh, no, no, it's fine. 1114 00:59:09,865 --> 00:59:13,731 Shh. We're on a golf course, I think. 1115 00:59:13,765 --> 00:59:14,973 Um, yeah, look. 1116 00:59:15,008 --> 00:59:16,975 My son, my son and I, we, we booked in 1117 00:59:17,010 --> 00:59:19,529 a, a private lesson with a golfing professional. 1118 00:59:19,564 --> 00:59:21,773 I hear he is a bit of a golfing legend. 1119 00:59:21,808 --> 00:59:23,188 - Tigger Woods. 1120 00:59:23,223 --> 00:59:26,191 - Don't you mean Tiger Woods, right? Tiger Woods. 1121 00:59:26,226 --> 00:59:28,815 Golfing legend, wears the green jacket, 1122 00:59:28,849 --> 00:59:30,851 drives into fire hydrants. 1123 00:59:30,886 --> 00:59:33,336 Yeah, it is a typo in the thing here, 1124 00:59:33,371 --> 00:59:36,029 but I know you mean Tiger Woods, right? 1125 00:59:36,063 --> 00:59:37,202 - No, it's Tigger. 1126 00:59:38,307 --> 00:59:39,757 I get why you thought it was a typo. 1127 00:59:39,791 --> 00:59:41,828 I mean, what are the odds of a guy who plays golf 1128 00:59:41,862 --> 00:59:43,484 being called Tigger Woods? 1129 00:59:43,519 --> 00:59:45,072 - Yeah. What are the odds. 1130 00:59:45,107 --> 00:59:47,178 Right. - Anyway, uh. 1131 00:59:47,212 --> 00:59:48,455 - Ow! - People aren't usually 1132 00:59:48,489 --> 00:59:49,767 too happy when they find out about that. 1133 00:59:49,801 --> 00:59:50,699 - No. - But, uh, 1134 00:59:50,733 --> 00:59:52,459 Tigger enjoys all the attention. 1135 00:59:52,493 --> 00:59:53,771 He's a happy guy anyway. 1136 00:59:53,805 --> 00:59:56,014 - Okay, great. 1137 00:59:56,049 --> 00:59:57,257 - Yeah. Speak of the devil. 1138 00:59:57,291 --> 00:59:58,499 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1139 01:00:00,985 --> 01:00:02,987 - Hey, I'm Tigger. 1140 01:00:03,021 --> 01:00:04,713 - Oh, hi. - Hey. 1141 01:00:05,990 --> 01:00:08,475 - So you must be what, Christopher Robin? 1142 01:00:08,509 --> 01:00:09,752 - Robinson, actually. 1143 01:00:10,891 --> 01:00:14,930 Oh, and, um, you got a little poo. 1144 01:00:14,964 --> 01:00:16,241 - Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1145 01:00:16,276 --> 01:00:19,866 Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Christopher Robin-son. 1146 01:00:19,900 --> 01:00:22,178 You guys are hilarious. 1147 01:00:22,213 --> 01:00:23,490 - I'm not really sure what you're getting at, 1148 01:00:23,524 --> 01:00:25,975 but you're literally standing in dog shit. 1149 01:00:26,010 --> 01:00:27,252 Aw, crap. 1150 01:00:27,287 --> 01:00:29,047 Why is there so much dog shit everywhere? 1151 01:00:29,082 --> 01:00:29,979 Dammit! 1152 01:00:30,877 --> 01:00:32,257 Oh man. - All right, so, 1153 01:00:32,292 --> 01:00:33,638 should we begin? 1154 01:00:33,673 --> 01:00:35,675 - Begin what? - You mind being a? 1155 01:00:35,709 --> 01:00:37,090 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1156 01:00:37,124 --> 01:00:39,644 - Thank you. He's gonna go get him something. 1157 01:00:39,679 --> 01:00:40,472 - Sure. - Chop chop. 1158 01:00:40,507 --> 01:00:43,786 - Woo-hoo! That was fun. 1159 01:00:43,821 --> 01:00:45,098 - Gimme this. Yeah. 1160 01:00:45,132 --> 01:00:46,409 You wanna make sure you have one of these babies 1161 01:00:46,444 --> 01:00:47,790 when you're playing 10 Acre Woods. 1162 01:00:47,825 --> 01:00:50,137 If not, you'll be gasping like a perch on the pier 1163 01:00:50,172 --> 01:00:51,311 by the third tee. 1164 01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:57,041 Dad? 1165 01:00:58,352 --> 01:00:59,181 Yes, son. 1166 01:01:01,114 --> 01:01:05,705 - Is this what hell is like? - Yeah, pretty much. 1167 01:01:12,228 --> 01:01:13,126 Ah, yes. 1168 01:01:14,058 --> 01:01:16,060 Joe! 1169 01:01:16,094 --> 01:01:17,855 Whoa, whoa. - Rich. 1170 01:01:17,889 --> 01:01:20,650 What are you doing delivering packages this way? 1171 01:01:20,685 --> 01:01:22,583 - Running behind. Hope you don't mind. 1172 01:01:22,618 --> 01:01:24,654 - No, why would I mind? That's, that's fine. 1173 01:01:24,689 --> 01:01:27,002 Look, let me get that for you. 1174 01:01:27,036 --> 01:01:30,902 So how did the little procedure go with your, you know? 1175 01:01:30,937 --> 01:01:32,455 - That snip snip thing? - Yeah. 1176 01:01:32,490 --> 01:01:36,114 - Oh, well it was fine for a while. 1177 01:01:36,149 --> 01:01:37,253 - For a while? What do you mean? 1178 01:01:37,288 --> 01:01:39,566 - Yeah, my wife got pregnant again. 1179 01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:41,706 - Oh. - I mean, 1180 01:01:41,741 --> 01:01:42,742 I guess it didn't take. 1181 01:01:42,776 --> 01:01:44,122 You know, go figure. 1182 01:01:44,157 --> 01:01:46,331 And it, it stinks too 1183 01:01:46,366 --> 01:01:49,749 because now I gotta bring the handyman back 1184 01:01:49,783 --> 01:01:52,579 to put an addition on the house, you know, 1185 01:01:52,613 --> 01:01:54,512 to accommodate the kid. 1186 01:01:54,546 --> 01:01:56,825 And the guy's costing me an arm and a leg. 1187 01:01:56,859 --> 01:01:58,136 - Mm. Wow. 1188 01:01:58,171 --> 01:02:00,311 - He spent 12 weeks on our bedroom redo. 1189 01:02:00,345 --> 01:02:02,382 - Whoa. - It's, it's just ridiculous. 1190 01:02:02,416 --> 01:02:04,522 But, you know, I can't complain. 1191 01:02:04,556 --> 01:02:06,696 The guy's a, he's a craftsman. 1192 01:02:06,731 --> 01:02:08,698 - Hmm. Okay. - No, my wife can't say 1193 01:02:08,733 --> 01:02:11,425 enough about his skills with wood. 1194 01:02:11,460 --> 01:02:12,564 - Oh, okay. 1195 01:02:13,842 --> 01:02:16,810 Well look, I hate to take the packages and run, 1196 01:02:16,845 --> 01:02:20,883 but I think I left something on. 1197 01:02:20,918 --> 01:02:22,126 Maybe it's the oven. 1198 01:02:22,160 --> 01:02:24,024 - Well, thank you for keeping me busy. 1199 01:02:24,059 --> 01:02:25,750 - Yeah, yeah. No thanks. 1200 01:02:25,785 --> 01:02:27,372 Thanks, Rich. - And thank you too, Deb. 1201 01:02:27,407 --> 01:02:28,995 - Yeah. Okay, okay. 1202 01:02:29,029 --> 01:02:30,099 Thanks, Rich. - Yeah. 1203 01:02:30,134 --> 01:02:30,859 - All right. All right. - See ya. 1204 01:02:30,893 --> 01:02:31,791 - See ya. 1205 01:03:04,996 --> 01:03:06,826 Oh, what do you think? 1206 01:03:07,930 --> 01:03:10,553 This is our year. This is our time. 1207 01:03:10,588 --> 01:03:12,590 We're gonna go to Clive Hammersmith's party 1208 01:03:12,624 --> 01:03:14,592 and we're gonna live it up on his dime. 1209 01:03:15,731 --> 01:03:17,526 - I'm just having second thoughts, it's- 1210 01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:19,148 - No, it's fine. 1211 01:03:19,183 --> 01:03:21,392 People go across the Atlantic on private jets all the time. 1212 01:03:21,426 --> 01:03:23,532 Besides, it's gonna look great in the Christmas letter. 1213 01:03:23,566 --> 01:03:25,914 Woo-hoo. Yeah, here we go. 1214 01:03:25,948 --> 01:03:28,399 - This is exactly what I'm talking about. 1215 01:03:29,503 --> 01:03:30,297 - Is this all? 1216 01:03:30,332 --> 01:03:31,160 - Yeah. Yeah. 1217 01:03:31,195 --> 01:03:32,679 Do you need my ticket? 1218 01:03:32,713 --> 01:03:34,819 'Cause I bought it online with the, the discount site. 1219 01:03:34,854 --> 01:03:36,165 It was a two-for-one deal with a payment plan. 1220 01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:38,167 - Oh no, that's just fine. I can, I can take that. 1221 01:03:38,202 --> 01:03:38,996 - Cool. Great. 1222 01:03:39,030 --> 01:03:40,100 Oh. Oh, ah. 1223 01:03:40,135 --> 01:03:43,138 Can I get a selfie with everybody? 1224 01:03:44,449 --> 01:03:45,623 Yeah you can be in this. Yeah. 1225 01:03:45,657 --> 01:03:47,107 There we go. 1226 01:03:47,142 --> 01:03:48,143 Look at that jet. Look at that. 1227 01:03:48,177 --> 01:03:50,214 Awesome. 1228 01:03:50,248 --> 01:03:52,043 All right, let's do it. Here we go. 1229 01:03:54,183 --> 01:03:55,875 - Have a nice trip. - Thank you. 1230 01:04:08,301 --> 01:04:10,613 - This is nicer than our bedroom. 1231 01:04:10,648 --> 01:04:11,925 - Oh, I wouldn't go as far as that. 1232 01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:13,651 But it, it's pretty nice. 1233 01:04:21,935 --> 01:04:24,110 - This is molten hot! 1234 01:04:24,144 --> 01:04:26,181 Where do they heat those, in the engines? 1235 01:04:26,215 --> 01:04:27,561 Get me another towel 1236 01:04:27,596 --> 01:04:30,254 that won't require plastic surgery after I use it. 1237 01:04:40,816 --> 01:04:42,680 - Here you are, sir. - About time. 1238 01:04:46,339 --> 01:04:49,169 I want to open my pores. 1239 01:04:49,204 --> 01:04:51,171 Open. Get it? 1240 01:04:51,206 --> 01:04:54,450 This, this tepid rag ain't going to cut it honey. 1241 01:04:54,485 --> 01:04:55,589 No thanks. 1242 01:04:58,972 --> 01:05:00,422 - Someone needs to shut this guy up. 1243 01:05:00,456 --> 01:05:02,044 He's being a real jerk. 1244 01:05:02,079 --> 01:05:03,839 - It's a long flight. 1245 01:05:03,873 --> 01:05:06,324 I don't need an international incident, okay? 1246 01:05:08,188 --> 01:05:11,467 Okay. Okay. 1247 01:05:11,502 --> 01:05:12,675 Yeah. 1248 01:05:12,710 --> 01:05:13,883 - Um, we're offering a light snack 1249 01:05:13,918 --> 01:05:16,748 of either chicken or avocado sandwich. 1250 01:05:16,783 --> 01:05:19,165 - Oh, I will have the chicken. 1251 01:05:19,199 --> 01:05:20,960 - Yeah, make it two, thanks. 1252 01:05:20,994 --> 01:05:24,342 Very good. 1253 01:05:24,377 --> 01:05:26,758 - Oh, thank you so much. - Thank you. 1254 01:05:31,211 --> 01:05:32,695 - I'll have the chicken too. 1255 01:05:32,730 --> 01:05:34,180 - I'm sorry sir, 1256 01:05:34,214 --> 01:05:37,045 but for some reason those are the last two chicken. 1257 01:05:37,079 --> 01:05:38,529 - What!? 1258 01:05:38,563 --> 01:05:41,290 - Oh, you can have my chicken sandwich if you like. 1259 01:05:42,533 --> 01:05:45,294 - Well give it to me then. 1260 01:05:45,329 --> 01:05:46,226 - Sure. Here. 1261 01:06:05,797 --> 01:06:07,178 - You're kidding, right? 1262 01:06:07,213 --> 01:06:10,354 - No, I mean those Icelandic dudes were pretty cool. 1263 01:06:11,148 --> 01:06:12,287 - Well you're lucky. 1264 01:06:13,633 --> 01:06:16,636 Thank God those flight attendants vouched for you. 1265 01:06:16,670 --> 01:06:18,914 Priscilla told them you were a hero and Maggie said 1266 01:06:18,948 --> 01:06:22,159 you gave "that duffer a right, good bollocking." 1267 01:06:22,193 --> 01:06:23,850 - Uh, yeah. 1268 01:06:23,884 --> 01:06:25,162 And look where it got us. 1269 01:06:26,094 --> 01:06:27,164 The trip was gonna be the icing 1270 01:06:27,198 --> 01:06:28,958 on the Christmas letter cake. 1271 01:06:28,993 --> 01:06:30,546 Our coup de gras, 1272 01:06:30,581 --> 01:06:32,514 or coop de grass, or whatever you call it. 1273 01:06:33,722 --> 01:06:37,795 Oh, uh, do you want me- - Go ahead. 1274 01:06:37,829 --> 01:06:42,110 Okay. Hi, Tony. 1275 01:06:43,214 --> 01:06:44,215 - Oh it's you. 1276 01:06:46,631 --> 01:06:50,118 I heard you grounded a transatlantic flight. 1277 01:06:51,671 --> 01:06:53,086 Well, thanks for putting my daughter 1278 01:06:53,121 --> 01:06:55,778 on the terrorist watch list. 1279 01:06:55,813 --> 01:06:58,333 Remind me never to travel with you. 1280 01:06:58,367 --> 01:07:00,852 Probably end up getting a cavity search. 1281 01:07:01,922 --> 01:07:03,165 - Yeah, probably. 1282 01:07:03,200 --> 01:07:04,822 But they still wouldn't find your soul up there, 1283 01:07:04,856 --> 01:07:05,754 that's for sure. 1284 01:07:06,651 --> 01:07:08,274 - Put my daughter on the phone! 1285 01:07:09,482 --> 01:07:11,967 - Fine. Here's Krampus. 1286 01:07:13,279 --> 01:07:15,453 - Dad? Look, we're in the middle of something. 1287 01:07:15,488 --> 01:07:18,077 Can I call you back? Okay. 1288 01:07:22,184 --> 01:07:23,427 You ever think that 1289 01:07:23,461 --> 01:07:27,293 what actually might make your letter special, 1290 01:07:27,327 --> 01:07:29,571 the thing that will truly make it stand out, 1291 01:07:30,848 --> 01:07:34,058 might not be about what you've done for yourself, 1292 01:07:34,093 --> 01:07:37,337 but maybe about what you've done for others. 1293 01:07:40,168 --> 01:07:41,755 It's the Christmas season, Joe. 1294 01:07:42,687 --> 01:07:44,448 What about doing something 1295 01:07:44,482 --> 01:07:47,002 that's not about building up your own ego? 1296 01:07:49,315 --> 01:07:51,972 - Building. Building, yeah. 1297 01:07:53,146 --> 01:07:54,699 That's a great idea. 1298 01:07:55,976 --> 01:07:59,497 Why don't we build one of those Homes for Humans? 1299 01:07:59,532 --> 01:08:01,016 - Now, that's a great idea. 1300 01:08:01,050 --> 01:08:03,432 - Yeah. 'Cause that's what this letter needs. 1301 01:08:03,467 --> 01:08:05,020 It needs some heart. - Yeah. 1302 01:08:05,054 --> 01:08:07,056 - The Hammersmith letter has no heart at all. 1303 01:08:07,091 --> 01:08:09,024 - Well, no, but- - Yeah. No, no. 1304 01:08:09,058 --> 01:08:10,439 - It's gonna be great. 1305 01:08:10,474 --> 01:08:12,131 So not only do we do cool things for ourselves. 1306 01:08:12,165 --> 01:08:13,373 "Look at us." Yeah. 1307 01:08:13,408 --> 01:08:16,273 But we also do cool things for others. 1308 01:08:16,307 --> 01:08:19,276 Yeah, I can see it now, the before and after photos. 1309 01:08:19,310 --> 01:08:20,725 - Wait- - There's us and we're, 1310 01:08:20,760 --> 01:08:21,933 "Oh, the Michaels are coming!" 1311 01:08:21,968 --> 01:08:23,418 And we're gonna build this house 1312 01:08:23,452 --> 01:08:25,730 for these poor people and these homeless people 1313 01:08:25,765 --> 01:08:27,180 and they come in there and they're all happy 1314 01:08:27,215 --> 01:08:28,457 and everyone's gonna go "Look at this." 1315 01:08:28,492 --> 01:08:30,425 Oh my. Oh, this is brilliant. 1316 01:08:31,736 --> 01:08:34,463 Deb, you might have just saved the Christmas letter. 1317 01:08:38,502 --> 01:08:39,606 Yes. 1318 01:08:44,749 --> 01:08:46,958 Hi. We're here to help build a house. 1319 01:08:46,993 --> 01:08:49,375 - Great. Martin Kennedy. 1320 01:08:49,409 --> 01:08:50,307 Can I get your last name? 1321 01:08:50,341 --> 01:08:51,618 - Uh, we're the Michaels. 1322 01:08:53,482 --> 01:08:54,794 - I'm sorry, Mr. Michaels, 1323 01:08:54,828 --> 01:08:56,140 I don't see your names on the volunteer list. 1324 01:08:56,175 --> 01:08:58,142 - We're kind of being a little spontaneous 1325 01:08:58,177 --> 01:08:59,523 and, you know, we kind of got caught up 1326 01:08:59,557 --> 01:09:01,249 in the whole materialism of everything 1327 01:09:01,283 --> 01:09:03,216 and I thought, you know, I wanted to show the kids 1328 01:09:03,251 --> 01:09:05,460 what it's really all about, giving back, 1329 01:09:05,494 --> 01:09:09,153 and what a better thing to do and then help build a house. 1330 01:09:09,188 --> 01:09:11,811 - It's mighty nice of you, Mr. Michaels. 1331 01:09:11,845 --> 01:09:12,984 And I would sure hate to ruin 1332 01:09:13,019 --> 01:09:15,263 such a wonderful lesson for the kids. 1333 01:09:15,297 --> 01:09:17,057 - Oh, I appreciate that, Martin. 1334 01:09:17,092 --> 01:09:18,714 Can I call you Martin? - Sure thing. 1335 01:09:18,749 --> 01:09:20,785 Uh? - Joe. 1336 01:09:20,820 --> 01:09:23,202 Joe. 1337 01:09:23,236 --> 01:09:24,651 - Well is there anything we could do? 1338 01:09:24,686 --> 01:09:26,791 Can you help us out? 1339 01:09:26,826 --> 01:09:29,104 - Yeah. Mr. Michaels, you and the- 1340 01:09:29,138 --> 01:09:30,968 - Oh, call me Deb. 1341 01:09:31,002 --> 01:09:32,556 - Deb. 1342 01:09:32,590 --> 01:09:35,179 You and the kids can help out over there with landscaping. 1343 01:09:35,214 --> 01:09:36,560 And Joe, I could sure use some help 1344 01:09:36,594 --> 01:09:38,044 with some light plumbing. 1345 01:09:38,078 --> 01:09:39,873 - Great. - I'm short a plumber, 1346 01:09:39,908 --> 01:09:42,082 our deadline's only three days away. 1347 01:09:42,117 --> 01:09:43,808 You know how to sweat a copper pipe? 1348 01:09:43,843 --> 01:09:45,258 - Uh, well, I know how to sweat. 1349 01:09:45,293 --> 01:09:46,639 So that's a start, right? 1350 01:09:48,054 --> 01:09:49,711 - Okay, well let me get you set up over here and then- 1351 01:09:49,745 --> 01:09:51,160 - Wait, wait, wait. 1352 01:09:51,195 --> 01:09:52,817 Let me, uh, can I get a selfie, 1353 01:09:52,852 --> 01:09:55,993 just you and all of us in front of the house? 1354 01:09:56,027 --> 01:09:57,339 - Okay, sure. 1355 01:09:57,374 --> 01:09:58,754 - Uh, say "cheese." 1356 01:10:00,411 --> 01:10:02,517 - Okay, formalities outta the way. Now we can get to work. 1357 01:10:02,551 --> 01:10:04,657 - Great. Thanks again Martin. - So much. 1358 01:10:09,144 --> 01:10:10,179 - Very well. 1359 01:10:10,214 --> 01:10:11,767 This is gonna be the bathroom. 1360 01:10:13,044 --> 01:10:14,356 Here's your torch. 1361 01:10:14,391 --> 01:10:16,082 Just press- 1362 01:10:16,116 --> 01:10:17,911 Oh, I better check that out. - Sure. 1363 01:10:17,946 --> 01:10:19,913 Be right back. - Okay. Okay. 1364 01:10:26,610 --> 01:10:31,649 Okay. 1365 01:10:33,444 --> 01:10:36,620 Oh! 1366 01:10:41,866 --> 01:10:46,388 Martin, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 1367 01:10:46,423 --> 01:10:48,459 I was only trying to help. 1368 01:10:48,494 --> 01:10:49,771 It was an accident. 1369 01:10:49,805 --> 01:10:53,292 I, I, didn't mean to burn down the house. 1370 01:10:54,845 --> 01:10:55,639 Wait. 1371 01:10:57,813 --> 01:10:58,607 - What's up, Joe? 1372 01:10:59,574 --> 01:11:00,989 - What are you doing here? 1373 01:11:01,023 --> 01:11:03,612 - Oh, we were tweaking my house, but, but then, you know. 1374 01:11:03,647 --> 01:11:04,786 - Well this is your house? 1375 01:11:04,820 --> 01:11:06,270 I burnt down your house? 1376 01:11:06,305 --> 01:11:08,514 - No, Joe. It's all right. It's just a house. 1377 01:11:08,548 --> 01:11:09,756 It's gonna get rebuilt. 1378 01:11:10,550 --> 01:11:11,758 - I- I... 1379 01:11:11,793 --> 01:11:13,691 - Hey, everything works out. Remember? 1380 01:11:14,727 --> 01:11:16,107 It's all good, man. 1381 01:11:16,142 --> 01:11:17,557 Take care buddy. - I don't know what to say. 1382 01:11:17,592 --> 01:11:19,318 I'm, I'm, I'm sorry. 1383 01:11:21,975 --> 01:11:23,218 I'm sorry. 1384 01:11:38,613 --> 01:11:41,201 - Grandma! Grandpa! - Oh! Hello! 1385 01:11:41,236 --> 01:11:43,480 How are you doing? - Hi, pie. 1386 01:11:43,514 --> 01:11:44,964 - Oh, mom! - Oh, look at you. 1387 01:11:44,998 --> 01:11:46,137 - You didn't need to do that. Come on in. 1388 01:11:46,172 --> 01:11:47,415 Come on in. - Hi, sweetheart. 1389 01:11:47,449 --> 01:11:48,485 - Missed you guys! - Gosh. 1390 01:11:48,519 --> 01:11:49,624 - Muah! - It's good to see you. 1391 01:11:49,658 --> 01:11:52,903 How tall are you now? 1392 01:12:07,331 --> 01:12:09,368 - I know Joe's lay off has been hard on you, honey, 1393 01:12:09,402 --> 01:12:13,717 but you know, if you need anything you call us. 1394 01:12:13,751 --> 01:12:15,270 - Thanks, Mom. 1395 01:12:15,304 --> 01:12:18,963 Need anything? She's got everything. 1396 01:12:18,998 --> 01:12:20,482 No offense little baby girl. 1397 01:12:20,517 --> 01:12:24,037 But you gotta lay off those shopping channels. 1398 01:12:25,038 --> 01:12:27,075 You know what QVC really means? 1399 01:12:28,387 --> 01:12:31,700 Quickly-vanishing cash. 1400 01:12:31,735 --> 01:12:35,221 Aw. Don't oh. 1401 01:12:36,671 --> 01:12:38,466 Speaking of vanishing cash. 1402 01:12:39,915 --> 01:12:43,436 What's this crap I hear about you cashing out your 401k? 1403 01:12:44,368 --> 01:12:47,992 - I never said a word to him. 1404 01:12:48,855 --> 01:12:50,857 Mom! - I'm sorry. 1405 01:12:52,756 --> 01:12:54,033 I just couldn't hold it in. 1406 01:12:55,379 --> 01:12:56,863 It just seems so crazy. 1407 01:12:58,106 --> 01:12:59,901 - Because it is crazy. 1408 01:12:59,935 --> 01:13:03,905 Who in their right mind blows their retirement savings 1409 01:13:03,939 --> 01:13:08,357 just to live out their fantasies to try and impress others? 1410 01:13:08,392 --> 01:13:09,669 Hm? - Fantasies? 1411 01:13:09,704 --> 01:13:10,808 Tony, you're the one who wanted 1412 01:13:10,843 --> 01:13:12,948 to become a professional baseball player 1413 01:13:12,983 --> 01:13:14,329 so you dipped into your savings 1414 01:13:14,363 --> 01:13:16,814 to pay for that professional baseball camp. 1415 01:13:16,849 --> 01:13:18,367 Then you had to go back to your savings 1416 01:13:18,402 --> 01:13:19,507 to pay for that lawyer 1417 01:13:19,541 --> 01:13:21,060 to get you outta that Nolan Ryan case 1418 01:13:21,094 --> 01:13:22,751 that you were involved with. 1419 01:13:22,786 --> 01:13:24,615 - That's son of bitch brushed me back. 1420 01:13:24,650 --> 01:13:26,272 - Well, you didn't have to charge the mound, did you? 1421 01:13:26,306 --> 01:13:27,204 - Stop it. 1422 01:13:28,377 --> 01:13:29,724 Stop it. 1423 01:13:29,758 --> 01:13:33,486 I'm sorry. Honey, I just needed to talk to someone. 1424 01:13:34,694 --> 01:13:38,042 You were so hell bent on this big plan of yours 1425 01:13:38,077 --> 01:13:40,493 and I was worried about our finances. 1426 01:13:40,528 --> 01:13:42,668 I needed to vent. That's all. 1427 01:13:45,118 --> 01:13:46,016 - Excuse me. 1428 01:14:24,951 --> 01:14:28,092 Mommy! Cookies are ready! 1429 01:14:28,127 --> 01:14:29,438 Okay, hold on. 1430 01:14:29,473 --> 01:14:31,199 Hold on it's hot. Be careful. 1431 01:14:31,233 --> 01:14:33,788 Dad, mail's here. 1432 01:14:33,822 --> 01:14:35,859 Bring it on up. 1433 01:14:36,860 --> 01:14:39,725 Our first Christmas card. 1434 01:14:44,212 --> 01:14:45,593 - Thanks, buddy. 1435 01:15:10,307 --> 01:15:13,344 Greetings from the Hammersmiths. 1436 01:15:13,379 --> 01:15:16,831 I hope you're well and in good spirit. 1437 01:15:16,865 --> 01:15:18,902 As Christmas approaches, 1438 01:15:18,936 --> 01:15:20,697 you know I like to take time out 1439 01:15:20,731 --> 01:15:23,976 to reflect on all the wonderful times my family 1440 01:15:24,010 --> 01:15:26,461 and I had the past year. 1441 01:15:26,495 --> 01:15:29,947 The highlight being my big birthday bash. 1442 01:15:41,372 --> 01:15:42,270 - Joe. 1443 01:15:46,619 --> 01:15:47,620 Joe! 1444 01:15:51,693 --> 01:15:53,971 Joe, you can't do this, no. 1445 01:15:56,042 --> 01:15:59,218 Joe. 1446 01:15:59,252 --> 01:16:02,324 Joe, this is fiction and you know it! 1447 01:16:03,809 --> 01:16:04,672 Joe! 1448 01:16:07,882 --> 01:16:08,917 Joe, please. 1449 01:16:10,160 --> 01:16:12,265 You can't send this, Joe. 1450 01:16:21,067 --> 01:16:23,725 - Deb, open the door. 1451 01:16:23,760 --> 01:16:25,693 I just wanna go to bed. 1452 01:16:26,625 --> 01:16:29,835 Thank you. 1453 01:16:29,869 --> 01:16:31,181 Come on. 1454 01:16:31,215 --> 01:16:32,872 Fine. I'll sleep downstairs on the couch. 1455 01:16:32,907 --> 01:16:36,117 Then I can keep an eye out to see if any packages arrive. 1456 01:16:37,636 --> 01:16:38,637 Oh! Really? 1457 01:17:08,977 --> 01:17:14,017 ♪ Silent night ♪ 1458 01:17:14,638 --> 01:17:19,091 ♪ Holy night ♪ 1459 01:17:19,125 --> 01:17:23,958 ♪ All is calm ♪ 1460 01:17:23,992 --> 01:17:29,032 ♪ All is bright ♪ 1461 01:17:29,618 --> 01:17:32,138 ♪ Sleep in ♪ 1462 01:17:32,173 --> 01:17:34,969 ♪ Heavenly peace ♪ 1463 01:17:42,493 --> 01:17:44,564 - So? Got it out of your system? 1464 01:17:44,599 --> 01:17:47,429 Oh yeah. 1465 01:17:47,464 --> 01:17:49,224 Well, almost. 1466 01:17:49,259 --> 01:17:52,434 Just as soon as I drop the letter off at the post office. 1467 01:17:52,469 --> 01:17:54,643 - And that's it? - Look, I know you're thinking 1468 01:17:54,678 --> 01:17:57,198 I'm being obsessed with this Hammersmith letter, 1469 01:17:57,232 --> 01:17:59,752 but, I mean, what kind of an example do I set 1470 01:17:59,787 --> 01:18:02,686 for you and the kids after everything I've put you through. 1471 01:18:02,721 --> 01:18:04,446 - Uh, that you're not an idiot. 1472 01:18:04,481 --> 01:18:08,036 Look, you came up with this idea, hair-brained idea, 1473 01:18:08,071 --> 01:18:09,072 because you lost your job. 1474 01:18:09,106 --> 01:18:10,659 I got that. 1475 01:18:10,694 --> 01:18:12,765 And I wanted to support you. 1476 01:18:12,800 --> 01:18:15,975 You wanted to do things as a family and I agreed. 1477 01:18:16,010 --> 01:18:17,252 But the next thing I know, 1478 01:18:17,287 --> 01:18:19,945 we are doing things no one wants to do. 1479 01:18:19,979 --> 01:18:22,050 We are trying to shoehorn some form 1480 01:18:22,085 --> 01:18:26,261 of manufactured happiness into our lives 1481 01:18:26,296 --> 01:18:29,333 while overlooking the real happiness we already have. 1482 01:18:29,368 --> 01:18:30,403 And for what? 1483 01:18:31,232 --> 01:18:32,302 So you could prove something 1484 01:18:32,336 --> 01:18:33,717 that never needed proving? 1485 01:18:35,684 --> 01:18:38,411 Somehow this whole living well idea 1486 01:18:38,446 --> 01:18:40,310 has morphed into a living hell. 1487 01:18:40,344 --> 01:18:42,415 - Yeah. but living well- - Is the best revenge. 1488 01:18:42,450 --> 01:18:44,141 Yes. Great. 1489 01:18:44,176 --> 01:18:46,005 Revenge on everyone and everything that ever wronged you. 1490 01:18:47,282 --> 01:18:51,528 Go ahead, show them who the bigger person is, Joe. 1491 01:18:52,632 --> 01:18:54,980 Prove to them you're nothing like them. 1492 01:18:55,014 --> 01:18:57,499 Mm-hmm. G'ahead, send it. 1493 01:18:57,534 --> 01:19:01,469 - Yeah, I will. I will send it. 1494 01:19:02,608 --> 01:19:05,507 - You can't edit reality like this Joe. 1495 01:19:05,542 --> 01:19:06,785 And if you send that letter, 1496 01:19:06,819 --> 01:19:08,856 you are no better than Clive Hammersmith. 1497 01:19:10,374 --> 01:19:11,651 - Yeah. 1498 01:19:11,686 --> 01:19:13,964 You know, the one thing I learned in advertising 1499 01:19:14,827 --> 01:19:17,105 is perception is reality. 1500 01:19:18,244 --> 01:19:19,245 With this letter, 1501 01:19:20,764 --> 01:19:23,940 I will be better than Clive Hammersmith. 1502 01:19:25,389 --> 01:19:29,186 We, the Michaels, will be better than the Hammersmiths. 1503 01:19:29,221 --> 01:19:32,983 - You send that letter, there might not be a we anymore. 1504 01:21:00,795 --> 01:21:02,452 - You got it. 1505 01:21:02,486 --> 01:21:04,143 Hey, boss. How we doing tonight? 1506 01:21:04,178 --> 01:21:07,491 - Good. - What can I get you? 1507 01:21:07,526 --> 01:21:09,631 - Can I just get a, uh, craft beer? 1508 01:21:09,666 --> 01:21:11,461 - The closest thing we got is a Utica Club. 1509 01:21:11,495 --> 01:21:13,566 - Okay. Utica Club sounds good. 1510 01:21:13,601 --> 01:21:15,223 Thanks. Hey. 1511 01:21:20,125 --> 01:21:21,471 - There we are. - Thanks. 1512 01:21:22,437 --> 01:21:25,130 - Tough night? - Tough year. 1513 01:21:25,164 --> 01:21:28,823 - Tell me about it. You know, I got a story for you. 1514 01:21:31,239 --> 01:21:34,277 The past six months, I'm fighting the health department 1515 01:21:34,311 --> 01:21:36,762 because they find one rat 1516 01:21:36,796 --> 01:21:39,109 and it's like they opened up a federal case against me. 1517 01:21:39,144 --> 01:21:41,594 It's, it's... 1518 01:21:41,629 --> 01:21:44,770 You know what? Rats, they love those, beer nuts. 1519 01:21:44,804 --> 01:21:45,598 Go figure. 1520 01:21:49,878 --> 01:21:51,259 So you're not out shopping 1521 01:21:51,294 --> 01:21:53,158 with all the other morons tonight? 1522 01:21:53,192 --> 01:21:54,538 - Uh, yeah, I was thinking 1523 01:21:54,573 --> 01:21:55,746 of getting something for my wife. 1524 01:21:55,781 --> 01:21:58,335 - Wife. Yeah! - Wives. 1525 01:21:58,370 --> 01:22:00,027 What are you gonna get your wife for Christmas? 1526 01:22:00,061 --> 01:22:03,030 - Uh, I'm not sure. She's not really in a Christmas mood. 1527 01:22:07,689 --> 01:22:10,071 Do you ever get one of those Christmas letters? 1528 01:22:10,106 --> 01:22:11,521 - Like a, like a Christmas card? 1529 01:22:11,555 --> 01:22:12,798 - No, it's a, it's a Christmas letter. 1530 01:22:12,832 --> 01:22:15,111 It kind of opens up like a novel. 1531 01:22:15,145 --> 01:22:17,941 These pictures of families doing all these amazing things. 1532 01:22:17,976 --> 01:22:20,633 You know, jet skiing, yachting, travel, 1533 01:22:20,668 --> 01:22:22,981 amazing life, you know, all that kind of stuff. 1534 01:22:24,154 --> 01:22:27,606 - Every year I get this letter from this guy 1535 01:22:27,640 --> 01:22:28,883 that I went to high school with, right. 1536 01:22:28,917 --> 01:22:30,402 This jack hole. 1537 01:22:30,436 --> 01:22:33,750 The guy gets a patent for anti-skid mark underwear, right? 1538 01:22:33,784 --> 01:22:35,096 The prince of skid marks. 1539 01:22:35,131 --> 01:22:36,822 I refuse to wear 'em. 1540 01:22:36,856 --> 01:22:38,548 - They don't work. - They don't work. 1541 01:22:38,582 --> 01:22:40,032 Anyway, this guy, he writes this letter 1542 01:22:40,067 --> 01:22:41,827 and he puts in this, this, this picture 1543 01:22:41,861 --> 01:22:44,278 of his million-dollar mansion, his fancy cars, 1544 01:22:44,312 --> 01:22:45,693 where he sends his kids all over the... 1545 01:22:45,727 --> 01:22:47,315 You know where he send my kids? 1546 01:22:47,350 --> 01:22:49,524 To the end of the driveway to take out the trash. 1547 01:22:49,559 --> 01:22:50,456 You know? Yeah. 1548 01:22:53,839 --> 01:22:55,496 - Don't you wish you had his life? 1549 01:22:58,568 --> 01:22:59,362 - Nah. 1550 01:23:00,673 --> 01:23:03,400 Listen, I may not have my, my name on a building 1551 01:23:03,435 --> 01:23:05,437 and my face on a stamp. 1552 01:23:06,645 --> 01:23:08,198 Heck, I don't even know my own house. I rent. 1553 01:23:08,233 --> 01:23:12,030 But you know what? It's my life. 1554 01:23:12,064 --> 01:23:13,721 What's wrong with my life? 1555 01:23:14,894 --> 01:23:16,758 You know, what's wrong with your life? 1556 01:23:18,139 --> 01:23:19,037 - Yeah. 1557 01:23:20,762 --> 01:23:22,109 What's wrong with my life? 1558 01:23:25,215 --> 01:23:26,251 That's a good point. 1559 01:23:31,566 --> 01:23:32,671 Yeah. 1560 01:23:32,705 --> 01:23:34,776 Thanks, uh, for the conversation. 1561 01:23:34,811 --> 01:23:35,812 - Well, hey, where you going buddy? 1562 01:23:35,846 --> 01:23:36,640 You got your beer? 1563 01:23:36,675 --> 01:23:37,917 You didn't tell me 1564 01:23:37,952 --> 01:23:39,126 what you're buying your wife for Christmas. 1565 01:23:41,749 --> 01:23:42,991 - I'll send you a copy. 1566 01:23:44,545 --> 01:23:45,442 Merry Christmas. 1567 01:23:46,926 --> 01:23:51,448 Merry Christmas, pal. 1568 01:23:52,691 --> 01:23:57,730 ♪ It's a wonder land outside ♪ 1569 01:23:59,007 --> 01:24:02,666 ♪ So lets dance in the street light ♪ 1570 01:24:03,564 --> 01:24:07,568 ♪ Underneath the evergreens ♪ 1571 01:24:07,602 --> 01:24:11,951 ♪ In Central Park you look at me ♪ 1572 01:24:11,986 --> 01:24:15,817 ♪ It's a magic kind of scene ♪ 1573 01:24:17,405 --> 01:24:22,030 ♪ It's Christmas in New York ♪ ♪ It's Christmas in New York ♪ 1574 01:24:23,204 --> 01:24:27,208 ♪ The empire state goes green and red ♪ 1575 01:24:27,243 --> 01:24:31,557 ♪ Rockefeller's tree can't be compared ♪ 1576 01:24:31,592 --> 01:24:36,528 ♪ It's a beautiful sight to see ♪ 1577 01:24:36,562 --> 01:24:39,082 ♪ But what matters most ♪ 1578 01:24:39,117 --> 01:24:42,154 ♪ Is in front of me ♪ 1579 01:24:44,639 --> 01:24:46,469 ♪ My love for you ♪ ♪ My love for you ♪ 1580 01:24:46,503 --> 01:24:49,057 ♪ Will always be ♪ ♪ Will always be ♪ 1581 01:24:49,092 --> 01:24:51,819 ♪ The very greatest ♪ ♪ The very greatest ♪ 1582 01:24:51,853 --> 01:24:53,717 ♪ Gift to me ♪ ♪ Gift to me ♪ 1583 01:24:53,752 --> 01:24:55,581 ♪ There's nowhere ♪ ♪ There's nowhere ♪ 1584 01:24:55,616 --> 01:24:58,688 ♪ I'd rather be ♪ ♪ I'd rather be ♪ 1585 01:24:58,722 --> 01:25:03,382 ♪ Than here with you ♪ 1586 01:25:03,417 --> 01:25:06,454 ♪ Than here with me ♪ 1587 01:25:08,387 --> 01:25:12,253 ♪ At Christmas time ♪ ♪ At Christmas time ♪ 1588 01:25:12,288 --> 01:25:17,327 ♪ In New York ♪ ♪ In New York ♪ 1589 01:25:36,070 --> 01:25:39,038 - Are you and dad gonna talk to each other again? 1590 01:25:41,420 --> 01:25:42,663 - I don't know, honey. 1591 01:25:43,871 --> 01:25:48,531 - Can Santa fix it? - Honey. 1592 01:25:48,565 --> 01:25:49,877 - I know what. 1593 01:25:49,911 --> 01:25:53,087 I'm gonna ask Santa if I can trade my presents. 1594 01:25:53,121 --> 01:25:54,019 - What for? 1595 01:25:54,053 --> 01:25:56,263 - You and daddy to laugh again. 1596 01:25:57,091 --> 01:25:58,644 - I wanna trade my presents too. 1597 01:25:58,679 --> 01:26:01,164 Oh. 1598 01:26:04,995 --> 01:26:09,103 - Hi, Catherine. Merry Christmas to you too. 1599 01:26:11,243 --> 01:26:12,140 What? 1600 01:26:13,314 --> 01:26:15,316 Wonderful? 1601 01:26:15,351 --> 01:26:17,870 Are you sure it's our letter? 1602 01:26:21,184 --> 01:26:23,013 Okay. 1603 01:26:23,048 --> 01:26:26,983 Uh, I'll tell him. We love you too. 1604 01:26:27,915 --> 01:26:28,916 Merry Christmas. 1605 01:26:30,745 --> 01:26:32,402 - Is everything okay? 1606 01:26:32,437 --> 01:26:34,853 - She wanted to wish us a merry Christmas. 1607 01:26:36,303 --> 01:26:39,478 Hmm. 1608 01:26:39,513 --> 01:26:40,479 Hi, Uncle Harold. 1609 01:26:44,725 --> 01:26:46,934 Wait, I don't understand because... 1610 01:26:49,350 --> 01:26:51,732 Aunt Martha cried when she read it? 1611 01:26:51,766 --> 01:26:54,044 Yeah, well I cried when Joe sent it, but... 1612 01:26:57,565 --> 01:27:00,258 Okay, I'll, I'll give him a hug. 1613 01:27:02,639 --> 01:27:05,504 You bet. Merry Christmas. 1614 01:27:13,167 --> 01:27:14,824 - Mail's here. I'll get it. 1615 01:27:16,377 --> 01:27:17,240 Oh. 1616 01:27:17,275 --> 01:27:18,828 Would you get that, John? 1617 01:27:23,867 --> 01:27:27,146 Mama more Christmas cards. 1618 01:27:31,496 --> 01:27:32,635 - It's Grandpa. 1619 01:27:32,669 --> 01:27:34,326 - Oh, tell him I'll call him back. 1620 01:27:54,553 --> 01:27:56,452 - Dear family and friends, 1621 01:27:56,486 --> 01:27:59,386 this is my first ever attempt at a Christmas letter. 1622 01:28:00,283 --> 01:28:02,941 Strike that. My second. 1623 01:28:04,045 --> 01:28:06,393 My first is in a dumpster. 1624 01:28:06,427 --> 01:28:08,360 Let's just say it wasn't written 1625 01:28:08,395 --> 01:28:11,329 in the true spirit of Christmas. 1626 01:28:11,363 --> 01:28:14,297 So you can think a Utica Club 1627 01:28:15,540 --> 01:28:19,475 and a very caring bartender with a rat problem 1628 01:28:19,509 --> 01:28:23,686 from saving you from a fate worse than Black Friday shopping 1629 01:28:23,720 --> 01:28:25,066 and saving you from 1630 01:28:25,101 --> 01:28:27,172 a horrendous narcissistic Christmas letter filled 1631 01:28:27,206 --> 01:28:29,243 with nothing but overblown boasts. 1632 01:28:30,900 --> 01:28:33,592 No, the following is all too real. 1633 01:28:34,490 --> 01:28:37,389 Boring but real. 1634 01:28:37,424 --> 01:28:40,737 We didn't escape to any remote sun-drenched islands, 1635 01:28:40,772 --> 01:28:42,083 attend the posh parties 1636 01:28:42,118 --> 01:28:44,465 or rub elbows with the heads of state. 1637 01:28:45,777 --> 01:28:48,435 Our kids didn't shatter records in sports or academics, 1638 01:28:48,469 --> 01:28:50,747 but they, you know, they did us proud 1639 01:28:50,782 --> 01:28:52,956 by just doing their best. 1640 01:28:52,991 --> 01:28:54,958 None of us won any awards, 1641 01:28:54,993 --> 01:28:57,064 but Caroline did make me 1642 01:28:57,098 --> 01:28:59,687 the Greatest Dad Award on Father's Day. 1643 01:29:00,757 --> 01:29:01,758 No weight was lost. 1644 01:29:01,793 --> 01:29:04,416 We may have even gained some. 1645 01:29:04,451 --> 01:29:05,969 We didn't make a killing on stocks 1646 01:29:06,004 --> 01:29:08,213 or join any exclusive clubs, 1647 01:29:09,594 --> 01:29:12,010 but we did laugh a lot, though, 1648 01:29:12,044 --> 01:29:15,116 and talked with each other almost every day. 1649 01:29:16,601 --> 01:29:18,844 None of us were ill or injured 1650 01:29:18,879 --> 01:29:22,020 and no one in our respective families died. 1651 01:29:23,573 --> 01:29:25,782 We still have a roof over our heads 1652 01:29:25,817 --> 01:29:29,407 and, uh, boundless optimism for a better future. 1653 01:29:30,925 --> 01:29:34,066 This in spite of my job loss, which happened a year ago. 1654 01:29:35,102 --> 01:29:37,104 And you know, really was a blessing. 1655 01:29:38,416 --> 01:29:39,762 There could be nothing worse 1656 01:29:39,796 --> 01:29:43,075 than spending your entire life hating what you do. 1657 01:29:44,076 --> 01:29:46,665 And I won't lie, I, I hated my job. 1658 01:29:48,149 --> 01:29:51,049 The fact is, there's only one job I've ever really loved. 1659 01:29:52,602 --> 01:29:56,330 That of being a good husband, father, and friend. 1660 01:29:58,470 --> 01:29:59,782 Of all there is to see 1661 01:29:59,816 --> 01:30:02,543 and do in this busy world of ours, 1662 01:30:02,578 --> 01:30:05,650 there is nothing more wonderful than simply being alive 1663 01:30:05,684 --> 01:30:09,585 to share the unending, undying love 1664 01:30:09,619 --> 01:30:11,034 of family and friends. 1665 01:30:12,726 --> 01:30:16,143 As my mom and dad always used to say, 1666 01:30:16,177 --> 01:30:19,836 "We may not have much, but we have everything." 1667 01:30:21,631 --> 01:30:24,185 Thanks for being part of our everything this year. 1668 01:30:25,532 --> 01:30:28,362 Be of good cheer, and merry Christmas to you all. 1669 01:30:28,396 --> 01:30:31,365 Love Joe, Deb, John, and Caroline. 1670 01:30:34,920 --> 01:30:37,544 Looks like somebody opened her Christmas present early. 1671 01:30:39,200 --> 01:30:40,616 - What is all this? 1672 01:30:40,650 --> 01:30:43,826 - Well, you know how you like to order lots of things 1673 01:30:43,860 --> 01:30:45,966 and this is the one way I can ensure 1674 01:30:46,000 --> 01:30:47,864 you get 'em all in one piece. 1675 01:30:47,899 --> 01:30:50,833 And besides Rich wanted and some time off. 1676 01:30:50,867 --> 01:30:55,838 He's on paternity leave again. 1677 01:31:12,579 --> 01:31:13,476 - Bloody hell. 1678 01:31:16,893 --> 01:31:17,929 Well done, Michaels. 1679 01:31:37,362 --> 01:31:39,882 ♪ A one, two, a one, two, three ♪ 1680 01:31:39,916 --> 01:31:42,885 ♪ My life with you is so much better ♪ 1681 01:31:42,919 --> 01:31:47,717 ♪ Than what I could write in a Christmas letter ♪ 1682 01:31:47,752 --> 01:31:50,651 ♪ Sunny vacations by the sea ♪ 1683 01:31:50,686 --> 01:31:55,587 ♪ Powder blue waves and a pineapple breeze sound fine ♪ 1684 01:31:56,277 --> 01:31:59,453 ♪ If you like ♪ 1685 01:31:59,487 --> 01:32:02,318 ♪ Paris romance and diamond rings ♪ 1686 01:32:02,352 --> 01:32:07,392 ♪ Fancy red wine near the fire and things sound nice ♪ 1687 01:32:08,082 --> 01:32:11,154 ♪ For the price ♪ 1688 01:32:11,189 --> 01:32:16,228 ♪ You give me way more than words can say ♪ 1689 01:32:17,471 --> 01:32:22,062 ♪ More than every gift in Santa's sleigh ♪ 1690 01:32:23,132 --> 01:32:25,652 ♪ My life with you so much better ♪ 1691 01:32:25,686 --> 01:32:29,517 ♪ Than what I could write in a Christmas letter ♪ 1692 01:32:29,552 --> 01:32:33,107 ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪ 1693 01:32:33,142 --> 01:32:38,181 ♪ Whoa, oh, oh, yeah ♪ 1694 01:32:40,598 --> 01:32:43,497 ♪ Skiing down snow-white wonder lands ♪ 1695 01:32:43,531 --> 01:32:48,467 ♪ Will never compare to holding your hands in mine ♪ 1696 01:32:48,502 --> 01:32:52,851 ♪ Oh, baby, you shine ♪ ♪ Shine ♪ 1697 01:32:52,886 --> 01:32:55,751 ♪ Brighter than the Northern Lights ♪ 1698 01:32:55,785 --> 01:33:00,203 ♪ Green auroras burning inside of your eyes ♪ 1699 01:33:00,238 --> 01:33:03,828 ♪ They light my fire ♪ 1700 01:33:03,862 --> 01:33:06,520 ♪ Let's throw aside ♪ 1701 01:33:06,554 --> 01:33:10,386 ♪ That glass-half-empty life ♪ 1702 01:33:12,043 --> 01:33:15,736 ♪ I wanna hear you say ♪ ♪ I wanna hear you say ♪ 1703 01:33:15,771 --> 01:33:18,636 ♪ My life with you so much better ♪ 1704 01:33:18,670 --> 01:33:23,226 ♪ Than what I could write in a Christmas letter ♪ 1705 01:33:23,261 --> 01:33:28,128 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1706 01:33:28,162 --> 01:33:30,648 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1707 01:33:30,682 --> 01:33:33,547 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1708 01:33:33,581 --> 01:33:38,656 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1709 01:33:39,415 --> 01:33:42,418 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1710 01:33:42,452 --> 01:33:45,386 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1711 01:33:45,421 --> 01:33:48,251 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1712 01:33:48,286 --> 01:33:51,220 ♪ La, la, la, la ♪ 1713 01:33:51,254 --> 01:33:54,672 ♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪ 1714 01:34:01,575 --> 01:34:06,062 ♪ Life with you so much better ♪ 1715 01:34:06,097 --> 01:34:11,136 ♪ Than what I could write ♪ 1716 01:34:14,450 --> 01:34:18,592 ♪ In a Christmas ♪ 1717 01:34:18,626 --> 01:34:21,422 ♪ Life with you so much better ♪ 1718 01:34:21,457 --> 01:34:24,322 ♪ Life with you so much better ♪ 1719 01:34:24,356 --> 01:34:27,014 ♪ Life with you so much better ♪ 1720 01:34:27,049 --> 01:34:30,949 ♪ Than what I could write in a Christmas letter ♪ 1721 01:34:30,984 --> 01:34:34,539 ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪ 1722 01:34:34,573 --> 01:34:37,715 ♪ Whoa, oh, oh, yeah ♪ 124054