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1
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Christmas With Jerks
2
00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:27,070
This is Eve Carter.
3
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Leave me a message.
4
00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,465
Hey, sis.
5
00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:32,336
I know it's a weird time of
year for you,
6
00:00:32,510 --> 00:00:33,729
but you can still come with us
to Hawaii for Christmas.
7
00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:35,078
Okay? Let me know.
8
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:37,385
Christmas With Jerks
9
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,256
Eve, it's Brian.
10
00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:40,910
I've been on the phone with
the studio all morning.
11
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,694
They know they screwed us
both over, but
12
00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:45,175
there's nothing we can do
at this point.
13
00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:46,394
But we'll get the next one.
14
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,528
Hey, uh,
15
00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:53,401
I saw the viral video of you.
16
00:00:53,879 --> 00:00:54,750
Yikes.
17
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:56,447
Um, look, I get it.
18
00:00:56,621 --> 00:00:57,622
If you wanna hide out for
the holidays,
19
00:00:57,796 --> 00:00:59,146
but I don't want you all alone.
20
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,365
Okay? So just come to Atlanta
21
00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:02,888
and stay with Mickey. Okay?
22
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:06,892
Christmas With Jerks
23
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,199
Eve, PR is having to work
double time for you,
24
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,593
so maybe don't go out
this December.
25
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,422
Eve Carter?
26
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,337
You know what?
27
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:17,773
You got to stop leaving me these
angry voicemails,
28
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:19,818
okay?
29
00:01:19,992 --> 00:01:21,646
I know this reboot's been
our baby for years. I
30
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,300
I fought for you.
31
00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:25,346
I fought for you. I really did.
32
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,391
But you can't fight a studio,
so just--
33
00:01:28,044 --> 00:01:29,785
You got to stop badmouthing me
in public.
34
00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:31,134
Move on.
35
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:34,224
Bye.
36
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:43,929
8 Days til Christmas
37
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,496
Yeaaah
38
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:48,630
Good news!
39
00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:50,458
You at least got a callback
for Emma.
40
00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:53,025
It's Off Off Broadway, but
41
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,115
at least it's not New Jersey.
42
00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:58,466
Hey, jackass,
it's your sister.
43
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:00,032
Remember me?
44
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:02,426
Look, I need to know if you're
coming or not.
45
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,862
Call me. Seriously.
46
00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:05,647
Christmas With Jerks
47
00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:09,216
Christmas With Jerks
48
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:10,869
Uncompromising.
49
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:12,436
Unwilling to admit my faults.
50
00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:13,829
What my ex said.
51
00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:15,135
Glad he's gone, actually.
52
00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:17,354
I want to be alone for holiday.
53
00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:20,444
Alone. Alone, Alone.
54
00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:22,881
Wow. I mean,
55
00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:25,928
that was
56
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,104
Yeah.
57
00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:30,628
Listen, I know that we had to
do a callback
58
00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:33,022
as soon as you landed off
the plane, but
59
00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:35,067
I'm really, really glad
it worked out.
60
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:37,374
Yeah?
My driver understands.
61
00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:39,028
When Brian told me you were
going to do a
62
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,595
modern take on Emma.
Oh, no.
63
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:43,728
This play is going to be
lit sizzling.
64
00:02:43,902 --> 00:02:45,991
Okay? We're going to get butts
back in seats.
65
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,776
Right? Get that butt
66
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:48,994
back in a seat.
67
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,474
Hashtag live theater, baby.
68
00:02:50,648 --> 00:02:51,954
Yeah?
Yeah.
69
00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:53,782
I just want to do
meaningful work
70
00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:55,175
from now on.
71
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,525
Hmm. Yeah, yeah,
72
00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,440
they really typecast you, huh?
73
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:00,963
Uh, listen it doesn't
really help
74
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:03,661
that you've had A LOT of uh
75
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,446
crazy moments go viral.
76
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:09,276
And I've never gotten to work
with a female director before,
77
00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:11,843
so I'd love to see
you in action.
78
00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:13,541
Cool. Great.
79
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:16,196
Well, I am so impressed by
your range,
80
00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:19,721
and I'm sure that we're going to
get word before the holidays,
81
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,289
so I want you to go and just
enjoy your family.
82
00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:23,115
Yes.
83
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,116
Same to you.
84
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:27,598
What did you think?
85
00:03:28,382 --> 00:03:30,297
Five stars. Up high!
86
00:03:32,777 --> 00:03:34,126
Thanks for letting me get
that done.
87
00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:36,128
Yeah.
88
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:37,217
Why aren't you in the new
“Christmas With Jerks” movie?
89
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:39,306
Just lucky, I guess.
90
00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,230
Thanks.
91
00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:06,115
“All I got for Christmas was
a candy cane!”
92
00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:07,595
I love that line.
93
00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:08,509
You learn the real meaning
of Christmas
94
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:09,771
after being such a brat.
95
00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:11,033
Yeah.
96
00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:12,077
Thanks.
97
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,906
Bye.
bye.
98
00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:29,573
Ahh!
99
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,447
Wait! Wait! Wait!
100
00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:37,407
Somebody!
101
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:38,539
Help me!
102
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:39,540
Help!
103
00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:41,324
Oh god!
104
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:42,760
My phone!
105
00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:50,290
I don't know how to get
in the house!
106
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,425
Up on the housetop
reindeer pause
107
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:57,166
Out jumps good old
Santa Clause
108
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,907
down through the chimney with
lots of toys
109
00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:00,169
All for the little ones
Christmas joys
110
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:01,301
Oh, oh, oh,
111
00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:02,258
Who wouldn't go?
112
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:03,390
Oh, oh, oh,
113
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,261
Where'd the keys go?
114
00:05:05,435 --> 00:05:07,219
Up on the housetop,
click, click, click
115
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:07,568
Down through the chimney
like old Saint Nick
116
00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:09,744
How you gonna get in the house?
117
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:11,267
I don't know.
118
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:12,790
First comes the stocking of
little Nell
119
00:05:12,964 --> 00:05:14,575
Old dear Santa, fill it well
120
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:16,141
Give her a dolly that
laughs and cries
121
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,578
one that can open and
shut its eyes
122
00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:18,709
Oh, oh, oh
123
00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:19,710
Who wouldn't go?
124
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:20,842
Oh, oh, oh
125
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,713
Where'd the keys go?
126
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,280
Up on the housetop,
click, click, click
127
00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:24,846
Give them keys
find them quick
128
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:26,326
Did you try the window?
129
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,590
Look in the stocking of
little Bill
130
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,243
Oh, just see what
a glorious fill
131
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,071
Here is a hammer and
lots of tacks
132
00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:34,769
a whistle, and a ball,
and a whip that cracks
133
00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:36,336
Check the gnome
Check the gnome
134
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,163
There you go
There you go
135
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,948
Up on the housetop,
click, click, click
136
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:40,862
You found the keys,
yeah, that's sick
137
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,823
Throw a party!
138
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,347
You don't have to climb down
the chimney!
139
00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:49,174
Woohoo!
140
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,524
Yeah, baby!
141
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:53,353
We're gettin' in that house.
142
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:54,789
Ah huh!
143
00:05:56,268 --> 00:05:57,574
Thank you, gnome.
144
00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:01,578
You don't have to climb
down the chimney
145
00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:06,366
Like Old Saint Nick
146
00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:16,550
Mickey?
147
00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:50,497
To family!
148
00:06:50,671 --> 00:06:51,802
Thank God they're not here!
149
00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:59,348
Social media royalty:
Shadonna Lambert
150
00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:01,481
has landed the coveted lead role
151
00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:05,006
in the reboot of the holiday
classic, “Christmas with Jerks”.
152
00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:07,965
DEADLINE previously reported
that the eighties child star
153
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:11,273
Eve Carter was reprising
her role as “Cookie Jerk”,
154
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:14,363
But it appears the 44 year old
has been replaced
155
00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:16,278
by the 30 year old influencer
156
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,672
with over 10 million followers.
157
00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:20,717
When asked why the recasting
158
00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:23,198
this is what director
Charlie Belflour had to say:
159
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:25,722
“How could I argue with 10
million people?”
160
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:28,290
Next up, how young is too
young for Botox?
161
00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:52,183
Touch Me
162
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:55,665
Baaaby
163
00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:58,581
Oooh, oooh, oooh
164
00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:03,586
We should be together
165
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,546
The moment's here now
166
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:14,902
You might want to do that
somewhere a little more private.
167
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,645
Jesus Christ!
168
00:09:19,384 --> 00:09:20,211
Mickey!
169
00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:22,736
Who are you?
170
00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:24,433
Ace.
171
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:27,741
Jim's cousin.
172
00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:29,612
Oh, dear God.
173
00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:31,658
No, just “Ace” is fine.
174
00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:38,578
Hey, Ace.
175
00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:43,931
Beat it, squirt.
176
00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:50,590
You grew up.
177
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:52,983
You too.
178
00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:55,986
You remember me?
179
00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,598
My cousin's in-law is
“Cookie Jerk”.
180
00:09:58,772 --> 00:10:00,295
How could I forget?
181
00:10:01,122 --> 00:10:03,603
Will you please do the candy
cane line for me?
182
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:04,865
Please?
183
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:07,519
No! Why are you here?
184
00:10:07,694 --> 00:10:08,782
I'm dog sitting.
185
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:09,913
Recovering from surgery.
186
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:12,612
What are you doing here
besides uhh
187
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,705
I have a mosquito bite.
188
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,969
Is that what the kids are
calling it these days?
189
00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:25,146
I -I -I want to wallow in
my misery alone.
190
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:26,713
with Mickey!
191
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,236
and not be judged by
someone like you.
192
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,672
So get out!
193
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:31,108
Well if it makes you feel
any better
194
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:32,283
I'm not that judgy.
195
00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:34,416
This is my sister's house.
196
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:35,765
She said I could stay here.
197
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:37,854
And I forgot to confirm
with her but
198
00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:39,726
It's her house so
199
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:41,553
Get out!
200
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:43,730
No.
201
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:46,776
Jim asked me to watch the dog,
202
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:48,125
and I need a bedroom on
the main, so I --
203
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,258
I don't care!
204
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:51,999
Do I look like I care?
205
00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:54,044
Are you or are you not leaving?
206
00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:54,871
No.
207
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,481
I'm not.
208
00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:58,527
I could pay you.
209
00:10:58,701 --> 00:10:59,441
I don't need your money.
210
00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:00,660
Okay.
211
00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:07,841
But I'll get you a nice hotel.
212
00:11:08,015 --> 00:11:09,320
I'll get you a nice hotel!
213
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:11,845
My god!
214
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,717
This is my
sister's house!
215
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:17,459
and I'm never going back into
the world again.
216
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:19,330
Or until after Christmas.
217
00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:21,550
Same.
218
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,686
Sorry, Cookie.
219
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:27,774
I ain't leavin'.
220
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:30,385
And word to the wise:
221
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:31,995
If you're going to wallow
in your misery
222
00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:33,388
with your mosquito bite,
223
00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:35,738
make sure you have on underwear.
224
00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:39,307
Ohh!
225
00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:40,525
Get out!
226
00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:43,137
I don't like you!
227
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,356
So good to see you again!
228
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,360
Look, I don't care
who stays there
229
00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:51,362
as long as someone takes
care of Mickey.
230
00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:53,016
Send me a new phone, Ash!
231
00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:54,714
I'm dying over here!
232
00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:57,238
Happy holidays?
233
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,067
Come on.
234
00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:09,032
Mickey was my mom's dog,
and I'm not leaving.
235
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:11,034
So you better get
your crap and--
236
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:20,696
Seven days til Christmas
237
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,872
Oh, no, he did not!
238
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:32,969
Ugh!
239
00:12:37,539 --> 00:12:40,890
It's pretty hot here for
December
240
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:50,117
Or is that just the way you're
making my blood boil?
241
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:53,381
You put my brain into
a blender
242
00:12:56,427 --> 00:13:00,431
Throw it out before
it spoils
243
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:06,611
It's like I'm living in
a nightmare
244
00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:14,228
And now you've ruined
everything that I enjoy
245
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:18,972
I'm writing Santa,
this is not fair
246
00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:25,369
Gonna take away your toys
247
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:31,462
Helluva Holiday with you
248
00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:37,338
A lump of loathing is
the only thing
249
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,906
You will get under this roof
250
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:44,258
Helluva Holiday with you
251
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:48,262
I'll stuff your stocking
252
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:52,614
And I'll show you where
you can put your tofu
253
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:56,836
You took the joy from my
martinis
254
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:04,452
But just like spite, I have
a holiday supply
255
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:09,761
There's nothing cheerful
here about us
256
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:12,025
And I-uh
257
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,858
Sweet baby Jesus!
258
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,385
Oh!
259
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:26,909
My god
260
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:28,693
I didn't know anyone actually
looked like this.
261
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:43,273
Helluva Holiday with you
262
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,799
I'll stuff your stocking
263
00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:54,415
And I'll show you where
you can put your tofu
264
00:14:56,547 --> 00:15:03,250
extra firm tofu
265
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:07,819
Oh.
266
00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:09,299
Wow.
267
00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:24,140
Ooh!
268
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:29,363
Like I was saying
269
00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,757
Helluva Holiday!
270
00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:36,587
With you!
With you!
271
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:39,242
With you!
272
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:42,854
Helluva Holiday!
273
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:46,946
Holiday with you!
Holiday!
274
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:48,730
With you!
275
00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:54,649
6 days till Christmas
276
00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:57,608
It's getting ugly in here
277
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:02,570
HELLUVA HOLIDAY WITH YOU!
278
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:06,835
-No!
A lump of loathing
279
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:11,057
Is the only thing you will get
under this roof
280
00:16:11,231 --> 00:16:15,278
Helluva Holiday with you!
281
00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:18,716
A touch of snow
282
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,805
And then we'll see how long
283
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,808
you're in the bathroom
284
00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:40,086
Helluva holiday
285
00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:45,917
Helluva Holiday with you!
286
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,093
I hate you.
287
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:57,494
I hate you.
I hate you more.
288
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:00,019
Oh, my God.
289
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:01,368
Oh
290
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:09,985
Mac!
291
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:11,682
Hey.
292
00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:14,294
Yeah. Just uh
293
00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:16,122
laying low for the holidays.
294
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:18,124
Uh, January.
295
00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:20,430
Yeah, rehearsals are up
in January.
296
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:22,780
Oh I'll--
297
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,173
I'll be-I'll be ready.
298
00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:31,224
What?
299
00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:33,052
That computer working?
300
00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:37,056
Actually, the internet's down.
301
00:17:39,232 --> 00:17:40,102
Can I please borrow your phone
302
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:41,799
for, like, 2 seconds?
303
00:17:42,974 --> 00:17:44,802
Only if you promise to go
to a hotel.
304
00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,066
I need to call my doctor.
305
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:48,719
Ha!
306
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:50,373
My God.
307
00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:51,896
Same.
308
00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:02,516
Hey, uh, this is Ace Strong
309
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:03,908
calling Dr. Arjona back.
310
00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:06,650
Doc! Hey. Hey. Uh
311
00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:07,695
What's the good news?
312
00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:08,739
Scans look good?
313
00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:15,442
Right but I'm goin'--
314
00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:17,096
I'm goin' be good to go by
January, right?
315
00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:20,577
I know that
316
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:22,275
95% of people
317
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,190
need longer to recover from
this, but --
318
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:27,541
you and I both know I'm not 95%
of people, right?
319
00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:30,239
Doc? I've--
320
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:31,936
I've been doing my exercises
every day.
321
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,677
and, and then some.
322
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:39,422
So what happens
if I go through with
filming then?
323
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,036
Permanent damage?
324
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:47,778
Oh, okay.
325
00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:48,605
Yeah, umm
326
00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:49,824
Yeah. Yes.
327
00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:51,521
We should reassess next week.
328
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,132
Absolutely.
329
00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:55,308
Talk to you then.
330
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:56,439
All right.
331
00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:57,745
Bye.
332
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:03,272
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
333
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:06,797
Let nothing you dismay
334
00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:13,500
was born on Christmas Day
335
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:14,675
Eve!
336
00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:15,241
to save us all
337
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:16,416
EVE!
338
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:17,286
from Satan's power
339
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:18,287
What is going on?!
340
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,159
I lost 5 whole pounds!
341
00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:22,117
So I'm baking brownies, Darling!
342
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,600
Can you turn the music down?
343
00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:29,211
Not at all! Au revoir!
344
00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:32,867
comfort and joy
345
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,264
No, I got it!
346
00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:41,745
I got it.
347
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,624
Why do you listen
348
00:19:50,928 --> 00:19:52,930
to such bad Christmas music?
349
00:19:53,104 --> 00:19:54,845
I can't find anything else.
350
00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:57,065
There's 11-teen remotes.
351
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:03,898
Look at that!
352
00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:08,990
My phone hasn't come in.
Can I please borrow yours?
353
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:11,340
No.
354
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:17,999
I need to take this.
355
00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:22,656
Bianca! Hey
356
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,048
girl, um
357
00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:26,312
Yeah, no, uh, you got
my message.
358
00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:27,661
That's awesome, uhh
359
00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:29,793
I'm just wanted to
let you know
360
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:32,013
I'm back in town, and uh
361
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:34,233
Yeah, for the next,
next gig
362
00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:35,799
um, I may or may not
363
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:38,454
be wearing spandex, so
364
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:42,197
Uh-but-I was wondering
if you were--
365
00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:46,549
Yeah, no. Cool.
366
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,638
That's That's cool, uh
367
00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:51,598
Sure. Whenever. Just
368
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:54,644
uh text me and--
369
00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:57,908
Bianca?
370
00:21:19,756 --> 00:21:20,931
Peace in the Middle East?
371
00:21:23,673 --> 00:21:25,414
That's not applicable.
372
00:21:31,507 --> 00:21:32,726
So how did you get hurt?
373
00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:36,773
Driving a car out of
an airplane.
374
00:21:37,513 --> 00:21:38,297
Okay.
375
00:21:41,822 --> 00:21:42,866
You like this person?
376
00:21:44,564 --> 00:21:45,391
She's my ex.
377
00:21:47,393 --> 00:21:48,481
You want her back?
378
00:21:51,397 --> 00:21:52,311
Okay.
379
00:21:52,485 --> 00:21:54,182
So what's the big plan, Ace?
380
00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:56,663
Beg.
381
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,622
Okay, I can help.
382
00:22:00,231 --> 00:22:01,842
but not tonight. Cause I'm
about to be
383
00:22:02,016 --> 00:22:03,800
real messed up and I'm not
trying to go back to jail.
384
00:22:04,627 --> 00:22:06,368
But mañanawe work on it.
385
00:22:09,153 --> 00:22:10,720
I swear to God.
386
00:22:10,894 --> 00:22:11,982
Sorry.
387
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,771
Eve Carter in “A Matchmaker
for Christmas.”
388
00:22:17,945 --> 00:22:20,121
That's actually a great title.
389
00:22:21,601 --> 00:22:22,776
I need to call my agent.
390
00:22:23,733 --> 00:22:24,560
No.
391
00:22:27,128 --> 00:22:28,259
You know what?
392
00:22:28,434 --> 00:22:29,130
Give me that drink.
No!
393
00:22:29,304 --> 00:22:30,523
No! You gave this to me!
394
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:31,785
You-uh--
395
00:22:31,959 --> 00:22:33,308
Eve! Hey, hey, hey!
396
00:22:34,744 --> 00:22:36,311
Maybe the universe
397
00:22:36,833 --> 00:22:38,313
wants you to disconnect.
398
00:22:38,487 --> 00:22:40,359
Maybe the universe wants
you to fuck off.
399
00:22:45,581 --> 00:22:47,714
Hey, that's not funny.
400
00:22:49,193 --> 00:22:50,630
I'm still healing!
401
00:22:50,804 --> 00:22:52,632
Eve! Don't be a c-uhh.
402
00:22:55,243 --> 00:22:56,070
crone.
403
00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:58,986
Don't be a crone.
404
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,467
You just wait till that cannabis
juice kicks in, fella.
405
00:23:01,641 --> 00:23:03,120
You won't know up from down.
406
00:23:05,645 --> 00:23:06,385
What?
407
00:23:08,343 --> 00:23:09,692
I hope you don't have to pee!
408
00:23:09,866 --> 00:23:11,390
Kay, byeee!
409
00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:21,748
I have to pee so bad.
410
00:24:08,142 --> 00:24:11,537
Five days '‘til Christmas
411
00:24:13,277 --> 00:24:15,497
You're up to no good
412
00:24:15,671 --> 00:24:16,498
Ooooh
413
00:24:21,242 --> 00:24:24,724
Are you ready to fall in love
this Christmas?
414
00:24:24,898 --> 00:24:27,683
Under the mistletoe
415
00:24:28,554 --> 00:24:31,905
Is a kiss on the top of
your wish list?
416
00:24:32,079 --> 00:24:35,125
Well, I know a girl
you should know
417
00:24:36,736 --> 00:24:39,129
She's sugar and spice
418
00:24:39,303 --> 00:24:40,696
Naughty and nice
419
00:24:40,870 --> 00:24:43,394
Waiting under that evergreen
420
00:24:43,569 --> 00:24:46,702
If you're ready to fall in
love this Christmas
421
00:24:46,876 --> 00:24:50,358
Fall in love with me
422
00:24:53,056 --> 00:24:53,796
Lunch?
423
00:24:54,884 --> 00:24:56,538
Is it laced?
424
00:24:56,712 --> 00:24:57,844
With my scorn.
425
00:25:05,939 --> 00:25:07,941
So what'd you do to
run off Kiki?
426
00:25:08,115 --> 00:25:08,811
Bianca.
427
00:25:08,985 --> 00:25:10,204
Ooh la la.
428
00:25:10,552 --> 00:25:12,032
She would say I was a bit
429
00:25:12,598 --> 00:25:13,424
of a killjoy.
430
00:25:13,599 --> 00:25:15,078
I see that.
431
00:25:15,296 --> 00:25:17,603
I didn't go to this one
influencer thing and
432
00:25:18,299 --> 00:25:19,866
Didn't feel like faking
happiness
433
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,172
in front of a bunch of strangers
and cameras, you know?
434
00:25:23,565 --> 00:25:25,306
Yeah. She lives here?
435
00:25:25,741 --> 00:25:26,525
Midtown.
436
00:25:28,048 --> 00:25:28,918
Okay.
437
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,877
I got an A in stalking in
high school,
438
00:25:31,051 --> 00:25:33,532
and this was long before
the interweb, Mr..
439
00:25:33,923 --> 00:25:35,446
We had to do the legwork.
440
00:25:35,621 --> 00:25:36,926
I once followed a guy all
the way to Lake Lure and--
441
00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:38,449
I got it.
442
00:25:38,624 --> 00:25:39,625
You're insane.
443
00:25:41,017 --> 00:25:42,192
It's almost Christmas.
444
00:25:42,366 --> 00:25:44,455
So what's some stuff
she always does?
445
00:25:44,630 --> 00:25:46,153
Her best friend Crystal
446
00:25:46,327 --> 00:25:49,199
always throws a Christmas Eve
party. Every year.
447
00:25:49,722 --> 00:25:51,724
She gets there early,
stays late.
448
00:25:52,855 --> 00:25:54,378
She always rides me for not
dressing up
449
00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:56,163
for these events either.
450
00:25:56,337 --> 00:25:57,599
And I believe in dressing for
the job that you want,
451
00:25:57,773 --> 00:25:58,905
and athleisure wear--
I get it.
452
00:25:59,079 --> 00:25:59,949
You're a schlub.
453
00:26:00,123 --> 00:26:01,168
Okay.
454
00:26:01,603 --> 00:26:02,996
This is going to work.
455
00:26:03,170 --> 00:26:04,563
You'll go to the party, wear
something spiffy,
456
00:26:04,737 --> 00:26:06,913
get her a little gift,
prepare a few words.
457
00:26:07,696 --> 00:26:08,610
We got this.
458
00:26:08,784 --> 00:26:09,611
We got this?
459
00:26:09,785 --> 00:26:10,786
Yeah.
460
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,092
You and me?
Oh yeah.
461
00:26:12,266 --> 00:26:13,136
You're going to help me?
Mmhmm.
462
00:26:14,834 --> 00:26:15,791
And you'll
463
00:26:16,444 --> 00:26:17,880
let me use your phone
464
00:26:18,054 --> 00:26:19,447
and leave me the house by
Christmas Eve.
465
00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:21,623
So win win.
466
00:26:31,633 --> 00:26:32,808
So what's the big plan, Eve?
467
00:26:34,201 --> 00:26:35,768
No fucking way!
468
00:26:36,246 --> 00:26:38,074
She hasn't been offered
the role yet,
469
00:26:38,248 --> 00:26:40,076
but we know she's auditioned.
470
00:26:40,250 --> 00:26:41,295
That's my goddamn part!
471
00:26:41,469 --> 00:26:43,732
And she's-what? 12?!
472
00:26:44,298 --> 00:26:46,735
Gigi has over a million
followers,
473
00:26:47,431 --> 00:26:49,259
So I can't even get this
teeny, tiny role
474
00:26:49,433 --> 00:26:50,652
off-Broadway--
475
00:26:50,826 --> 00:26:52,393
Off-OFF-Broadway.
476
00:26:52,567 --> 00:26:53,786
Exactly!
477
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,744
They have, like, 50
seats to fill.
478
00:26:55,918 --> 00:26:57,703
What do they care about
a following like that?
479
00:26:57,877 --> 00:26:58,834
Just keep doing what
you're doing.
480
00:26:59,008 --> 00:26:59,661
Lay low.
481
00:26:59,835 --> 00:27:01,184
No mishaps.
482
00:27:01,358 --> 00:27:02,969
And it'll be if it's
meant to be.
483
00:27:03,317 --> 00:27:04,579
Bye.
484
00:27:06,712 --> 00:27:07,930
My agent just--
485
00:27:09,236 --> 00:27:10,150
You don't care.
486
00:27:13,022 --> 00:27:14,720
I hate that shirt and
it hates you.
487
00:27:14,894 --> 00:27:15,938
Next!
488
00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:23,598
What? Worse!
489
00:27:23,772 --> 00:27:25,861
Who's your stylist? The Rock?!
490
00:27:26,035 --> 00:27:27,210
What are you? Some kind of
491
00:27:27,384 --> 00:27:28,647
Muscle Milk
492
00:27:28,821 --> 00:27:30,126
tuna fish twice a day
493
00:27:30,300 --> 00:27:31,650
tank top lovin' freak?
494
00:27:32,433 --> 00:27:33,347
Yes.
495
00:27:34,435 --> 00:27:35,305
Gross.
496
00:27:37,481 --> 00:27:38,918
Eee! Look at this!
497
00:27:39,092 --> 00:27:40,006
Check this suit out.
498
00:27:40,180 --> 00:27:41,007
Pure class.
499
00:27:41,398 --> 00:27:42,791
A grand?!
500
00:27:42,965 --> 00:27:43,923
Is it motorized?!
501
00:27:44,097 --> 00:27:45,446
You get what you pay for.
502
00:27:45,620 --> 00:27:47,100
I'm not paying for anything.
503
00:27:47,796 --> 00:27:50,799
Oh, I kind of already got us
some sushi delivery.
504
00:27:51,452 --> 00:27:53,193
And some saki.
505
00:27:53,367 --> 00:27:54,411
And a Great American
Cookie Company cookie cake!
506
00:27:56,892 --> 00:27:58,111
What is up with you?
507
00:27:58,546 --> 00:27:59,808
It's called self love.
508
00:27:59,982 --> 00:28:01,244
And I'm leaning into it.
509
00:28:01,941 --> 00:28:03,290
And where's your phone?
510
00:28:04,073 --> 00:28:05,379
It's on back order.
511
00:28:05,553 --> 00:28:06,728
But Ashley's sending me
one tomorrow.
512
00:28:07,816 --> 00:28:09,513
I got an idea! BRB.
513
00:28:34,669 --> 00:28:37,106
Pomegranate martinis!
514
00:28:39,413 --> 00:28:40,980
Would you care for a drink, sir?
515
00:28:45,941 --> 00:28:48,074
No. I'm watching my figure.
516
00:28:48,248 --> 00:28:49,249
They're sugar free.
517
00:28:49,423 --> 00:28:50,729
But booze forward.
518
00:28:51,599 --> 00:28:53,732
I won't let you snack
after. Promise.
519
00:28:59,389 --> 00:29:00,782
Come on!
520
00:29:00,956 --> 00:29:02,218
I make it a point never to
drink alone
521
00:29:02,392 --> 00:29:03,742
while someone else is
in the room.
522
00:29:09,443 --> 00:29:10,487
Fine.
523
00:29:19,061 --> 00:29:19,975
Tart.
524
00:29:20,149 --> 00:29:21,237
In a less narcissistic life,
525
00:29:21,411 --> 00:29:22,848
I was a mixologist.
526
00:29:23,022 --> 00:29:24,632
Or Donatella Versace!
527
00:29:25,198 --> 00:29:27,026
Yeah, well in a less
dangerous life
528
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,549
I was a gym owner.
529
00:29:28,723 --> 00:29:29,855
Well, now you can be?
530
00:29:30,029 --> 00:29:30,986
What? No!
531
00:29:31,987 --> 00:29:33,380
I'm a stuntman.
532
00:29:33,946 --> 00:29:34,773
You know? It's
533
00:29:36,252 --> 00:29:38,124
not just what I do.
It's who I am.
534
00:29:38,298 --> 00:29:40,822
Like, you with the acting
thing, right?
535
00:29:40,996 --> 00:29:42,215
Yeah.
536
00:29:42,389 --> 00:29:43,259
Let's not get too personal,
shall we?
537
00:29:47,611 --> 00:29:49,613
I was thinking about getting
538
00:29:50,397 --> 00:29:51,093
umm.
539
00:29:51,746 --> 00:29:53,226
some jewelry?
540
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:54,227
For Banaca?
541
00:29:55,271 --> 00:29:56,533
Bianca!
542
00:29:56,707 --> 00:29:57,796
Right? Hmm.
543
00:30:03,149 --> 00:30:04,150
Okay, I love
these earrings.
544
00:30:04,324 --> 00:30:05,804
They say “I want to do you
545
00:30:05,978 --> 00:30:06,674
but like
546
00:30:06,848 --> 00:30:07,980
forever.”
547
00:30:10,069 --> 00:30:12,811
Maybe in another life
you were a personal shopper.
548
00:30:12,985 --> 00:30:15,204
Well now I can be?
549
00:30:15,378 --> 00:30:17,772
I'll be like Norma Desmond from
“Sunset Boulevard”,
550
00:30:17,946 --> 00:30:20,601
but instead of holing up in my
house wooing a younger man,
551
00:30:20,775 --> 00:30:22,516
I'll be helping folks pick
the exact right
552
00:30:22,690 --> 00:30:25,824
pair of cufflinks to wear
to granddaddy's funeral.
553
00:30:28,174 --> 00:30:30,176
Why are you some kind of like
554
00:30:30,350 --> 00:30:32,700
crazy Auntie Mame hermit
these days?
555
00:30:33,875 --> 00:30:35,398
Oh, my God.
556
00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:39,489
That's like the best compliment
I've ever gotten in my life!
557
00:30:39,663 --> 00:30:41,535
I love that you know that film!
558
00:30:41,709 --> 00:30:43,276
My mom watches movies.
559
00:30:43,450 --> 00:30:46,888
She loved you in
“Operation Octopus”.
560
00:30:47,062 --> 00:30:48,847
Nobody liked that movie!
561
00:30:49,021 --> 00:30:52,589
She would leave her singles
cruise in a lifeboat right now
562
00:30:52,763 --> 00:30:54,113
If she knew I was with
563
00:30:54,287 --> 00:30:55,549
“The Cookie Jerk”
564
00:30:57,246 --> 00:30:58,682
Oh, I do send that out.
565
00:30:58,857 --> 00:30:59,596
Every year.
566
00:30:59,770 --> 00:31:00,728
Just look at--
567
00:31:03,470 --> 00:31:04,732
See, they show that
568
00:31:04,906 --> 00:31:06,081
and then they show this.
569
00:31:07,169 --> 00:31:08,954
Like, “she used to be sooo cute,
570
00:31:09,128 --> 00:31:10,651
but look at her now.”
571
00:31:10,825 --> 00:31:13,306
Like it's a crime getting old!
572
00:31:15,134 --> 00:31:16,613
Yeah, for men too.
573
00:31:18,267 --> 00:31:19,616
It's worse for women.
574
00:31:20,182 --> 00:31:21,009
Okay.
575
00:31:21,183 --> 00:31:21,880
But
576
00:31:22,054 --> 00:31:23,751
men can't be weak.
577
00:31:23,925 --> 00:31:26,145
And that's why I picked my
stage name:
578
00:31:26,319 --> 00:31:27,059
Strong.
579
00:31:27,842 --> 00:31:29,104
Ace Strong.
580
00:31:29,278 --> 00:31:30,845
Stop! It's
581
00:31:31,019 --> 00:31:32,586
very on the nose.
It's very on the nose!
582
00:31:36,546 --> 00:31:38,026
Okay, okay.
583
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:39,636
But if you could go back,
584
00:31:40,637 --> 00:31:41,900
would you turn down the role?
585
00:31:43,553 --> 00:31:45,251
So we're getting personal?
586
00:31:47,775 --> 00:31:48,645
Shall we?
587
00:31:49,777 --> 00:31:51,605
No, I mean,
588
00:31:52,388 --> 00:31:54,347
I love being on set.
589
00:31:55,609 --> 00:31:57,785
but then I'd go back and learn
how to direct. You know?
590
00:31:57,959 --> 00:32:00,309
like Spielberg it as a teenager.
591
00:32:00,657 --> 00:32:02,268
Tell the stories.
592
00:32:03,399 --> 00:32:04,313
So do it now.
593
00:32:07,099 --> 00:32:07,926
It's hard.
594
00:32:08,100 --> 00:32:09,188
And I'm just--
Don't.
595
00:32:09,666 --> 00:32:10,754
I'm too old to start!
No!
596
00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:12,582
No, I am!
Nooo!
597
00:32:12,756 --> 00:32:14,715
No! Stop! You--
598
00:32:14,889 --> 00:32:16,891
You bought in! You're--
599
00:32:17,065 --> 00:32:18,458
You're ageist against yourself.
600
00:32:18,632 --> 00:32:19,589
No! Uh--
601
00:32:20,416 --> 00:32:21,765
Okay.
602
00:32:23,854 --> 00:32:25,378
What about you, tough guy?
603
00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:26,988
Huh?
What?
604
00:32:27,684 --> 00:32:29,034
Your ankle's pretty messed up.
605
00:32:31,384 --> 00:32:34,169
I am in the best shape
of my life.
606
00:32:34,778 --> 00:32:36,606
Okay? Doctor says the word.
607
00:32:36,780 --> 00:32:38,043
I'm back on track.
608
00:32:40,349 --> 00:32:41,133
And if not?
609
00:32:42,482 --> 00:32:44,614
I just need a couple good years.
610
00:32:44,963 --> 00:32:46,312
When you don't get hurt?
611
00:32:47,139 --> 00:32:47,835
Yeah.
612
00:32:48,401 --> 00:32:49,184
And
613
00:32:49,489 --> 00:32:50,969
You know, then maybe I can
614
00:32:51,143 --> 00:32:52,492
get into stunt coordinating.
615
00:32:52,883 --> 00:32:55,190
I just need to
616
00:32:55,364 --> 00:32:57,192
you know, make a name for
myself first.
617
00:32:59,673 --> 00:33:01,066
But if not there's like
618
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:02,981
other things people like
you can do, right?
619
00:33:05,505 --> 00:33:07,289
“People like me”?
620
00:33:07,463 --> 00:33:08,290
who
621
00:33:08,856 --> 00:33:09,770
train their whole lives
622
00:33:09,944 --> 00:33:11,772
care for their body, and
623
00:33:12,816 --> 00:33:13,861
then have the best
624
00:33:14,035 --> 00:33:16,037
opportunity of their career
625
00:33:16,211 --> 00:33:18,518
only to have a freak accident?
626
00:33:22,652 --> 00:33:23,349
No.
627
00:33:25,742 --> 00:33:27,048
No, this is wh
628
00:33:27,701 --> 00:33:28,832
what I was born to do.
629
00:33:32,227 --> 00:33:34,534
You're scared to reinvent
yourself.
630
00:33:34,708 --> 00:33:35,665
And so am I.
631
00:33:35,839 --> 00:33:37,276
'‘Cause I'm old!
632
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:39,887
I have bursitis!
633
00:33:40,061 --> 00:33:41,584
and my skin is retreating
634
00:33:41,758 --> 00:33:43,151
from my neck!
635
00:33:44,109 --> 00:33:44,935
Stop laughing!
636
00:33:45,110 --> 00:33:46,111
It's not funny!
637
00:33:46,285 --> 00:33:47,025
It's real.
638
00:33:48,113 --> 00:33:49,679
Nobody thinks this is sexy.
639
00:33:49,853 --> 00:33:51,768
And guess what?
I'm right there with them.
640
00:33:51,942 --> 00:33:53,379
I want to hump some 18
year olds too!
641
00:33:55,511 --> 00:33:56,817
I maybe just don't want to have
to talk to '‘em after.
642
00:33:58,862 --> 00:34:01,169
'‘Cause all my jokes are from
30 year old films and TV.
643
00:34:01,343 --> 00:34:02,779
I can quote the hell out of
some “Full House”
644
00:34:02,953 --> 00:34:04,477
and I want someone to
appreciate that.
645
00:34:04,651 --> 00:34:06,000
Stop laughing!
646
00:34:07,349 --> 00:34:10,439
Come here, baby. Kiss me under
this mistletoe
647
00:34:14,661 --> 00:34:15,923
Hey, can you um
648
00:34:16,097 --> 00:34:17,577
pass me some gingersnaps?
649
00:34:17,751 --> 00:34:18,969
No! No, no!
650
00:34:19,144 --> 00:34:21,320
A promise is a promise, Sparky.
651
00:34:21,755 --> 00:34:22,712
Sparky?
652
00:34:22,886 --> 00:34:24,366
And we are on a crash diet
653
00:34:24,540 --> 00:34:25,889
for Kimmy Gibbler's
birthday party.
654
00:34:27,804 --> 00:34:29,589
See? See what I did?
655
00:34:29,763 --> 00:34:30,720
It was good.
656
00:34:31,634 --> 00:34:32,940
Okay.
657
00:34:36,639 --> 00:34:39,164
Can you get yourself home
alright, partner?
658
00:34:39,686 --> 00:34:40,469
Believe so.
659
00:34:40,904 --> 00:34:41,818
Okay.
660
00:34:59,749 --> 00:35:01,925
Wind you up, boy
661
00:35:02,100 --> 00:35:03,362
Get your gears going
662
00:35:03,536 --> 00:35:04,711
Yeah
663
00:35:04,885 --> 00:35:08,671
Hey now, hey now, hey now
664
00:35:08,845 --> 00:35:11,283
As I pull your little string
665
00:35:11,457 --> 00:35:13,198
Make you say
the nicest thing
666
00:35:13,372 --> 00:35:18,986
Oh! Oh, hey now, hey
now, hey now
667
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:20,857
If could have my way
668
00:35:21,031 --> 00:35:23,599
You'd be my robot baby
669
00:35:23,773 --> 00:35:27,995
Hey now, hey now, hey now
670
00:35:28,169 --> 00:35:30,476
'‘Cause you're better than
a boyfriend
671
00:35:30,650 --> 00:35:32,695
Who would take my heart
and pretend
672
00:35:32,869 --> 00:35:34,044
to stay now
673
00:35:34,219 --> 00:35:38,614
Hey now, hey now
674
00:35:38,788 --> 00:35:41,139
Robot boy, hey,
675
00:35:41,313 --> 00:35:43,228
Beep boop, beep boop
beep boop
676
00:35:43,402 --> 00:35:45,795
Robot boy. Sing it loud!
677
00:35:45,969 --> 00:35:47,667
Beep boop, Beep boop,
beep boop
678
00:35:47,841 --> 00:35:49,451
I
679
00:35:49,625 --> 00:35:52,237
I try
680
00:35:52,411 --> 00:35:54,500
to believe in love before
681
00:35:54,674 --> 00:35:57,155
But it leaves me
wanting more
682
00:35:57,329 --> 00:35:59,287
I
683
00:35:59,461 --> 00:36:01,681
have tried
684
00:36:01,855 --> 00:36:04,074
to fall in love again
685
00:36:04,249 --> 00:36:06,425
But it always hurts my
feelings
686
00:36:06,599 --> 00:36:08,688
All I need is a Robot Boy
687
00:36:08,862 --> 00:36:11,256
'‘Cause he will bring me joy
688
00:36:11,430 --> 00:36:13,475
And I know he won't
break my heart
689
00:36:13,649 --> 00:36:16,870
like the other boys
did before
690
00:36:17,044 --> 00:36:18,828
Robot Boy, hey
691
00:36:19,655 --> 00:36:21,744
Beep boop, beep boop,
beep boop
692
00:36:21,918 --> 00:36:24,399
Robot Boy, hey
693
00:36:24,573 --> 00:36:26,532
Beep boop, beep boop,
beep boop
694
00:36:26,706 --> 00:36:29,187
Robot Boy, hey!
695
00:36:29,361 --> 00:36:31,450
Beep boop, beep boop,
beep boop
696
00:36:31,624 --> 00:36:33,626
Robot Boy. Everybody
at home!
697
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,715
Beep boop, beep boop,
beep boop
698
00:36:44,332 --> 00:36:48,684
4 Days '‘til Christmas
699
00:36:48,858 --> 00:36:51,034
Girl, you do you
700
00:36:54,168 --> 00:36:54,951
Yeah!
701
00:36:58,128 --> 00:37:01,436
Not sure you're famous enough
for the wig and glasses.
702
00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:05,875
Okay.
703
00:37:06,441 --> 00:37:07,312
What are you going to say to
her when you see her?
704
00:37:07,486 --> 00:37:08,791
Set the scene for me.
705
00:37:09,357 --> 00:37:11,316
She's there looking
all gorgeous,
706
00:37:11,794 --> 00:37:14,057
surrounded by people full of
holiday cheer.
707
00:37:14,449 --> 00:37:17,496
You're there.
Sharp suit, Grinch face.
708
00:37:17,670 --> 00:37:19,062
What are you going to
say, Hot Shot?
709
00:37:19,672 --> 00:37:22,152
Hey, uh, Bianca I--
710
00:37:23,545 --> 00:37:24,764
Uhh, hey Bianca.
711
00:37:24,938 --> 00:37:25,939
What's up, girl?
712
00:37:26,113 --> 00:37:27,288
That's not what I sound like.
713
00:37:27,462 --> 00:37:28,811
No, you got to be suave.
714
00:37:29,725 --> 00:37:31,510
Sweep her off her feet.
You know?
715
00:37:31,814 --> 00:37:32,598
Sweep her
716
00:37:32,772 --> 00:37:33,686
up onto your scooter.
717
00:37:35,557 --> 00:37:37,385
I want to tell her
that this accident
718
00:37:37,559 --> 00:37:40,258
put a lot of things into
perspective for me?
719
00:37:40,432 --> 00:37:41,563
And
720
00:37:42,434 --> 00:37:44,653
that I'm willing to be
more flexible.
721
00:37:45,045 --> 00:37:46,264
And
722
00:37:46,916 --> 00:37:48,178
Li-listen
723
00:37:48,353 --> 00:37:49,136
to her?
724
00:37:50,180 --> 00:37:51,834
Yeah. Yeah, that's good.
725
00:37:52,008 --> 00:37:52,879
Oh that--
726
00:37:53,053 --> 00:37:54,184
“That's good”?
727
00:37:54,359 --> 00:37:56,883
No snark from Eve Carter?
728
00:37:57,057 --> 00:37:59,929
Why are you saying my whole name
like you're from TMZ?
729
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,715
Maybe you can segue into
tabloid host.
730
00:38:04,456 --> 00:38:05,326
You're here live with
731
00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:07,241
Ace Strong,
732
00:38:07,415 --> 00:38:10,375
former stunt man,
current gossip king of
Avondale Estates.
733
00:38:10,853 --> 00:38:12,725
We're outside the home of
734
00:38:12,899 --> 00:38:15,423
some famous asshole
just trying to live their life
in peace.
735
00:38:15,597 --> 00:38:17,643
Let's see if we can
catch a glimpse
736
00:38:17,817 --> 00:38:19,819
of their greasy hair whilst
they haul their
737
00:38:19,993 --> 00:38:22,517
recycling bin full of vodka
bottles to the curb!
738
00:38:24,084 --> 00:38:25,346
Alright.
739
00:38:26,173 --> 00:38:27,957
I'll give this a whirl.
You take this.
740
00:38:35,356 --> 00:38:37,053
Don't stare at me like that.
741
00:38:37,227 --> 00:38:39,273
I just don't want to have to
piggyback your ass to the house.
742
00:38:39,447 --> 00:38:42,494
You are 100% going to
piggyback my ass to the house.
743
00:38:42,668 --> 00:38:44,626
No, sir. I will leave
you on the ground.
744
00:38:55,855 --> 00:38:57,160
Oh, Jesus!
745
00:38:57,639 --> 00:38:58,684
How long have you been there?
746
00:39:01,208 --> 00:39:02,427
What uh--
747
00:39:02,775 --> 00:39:03,776
What do you think?
748
00:39:04,211 --> 00:39:05,343
You look really nice.
749
00:39:06,431 --> 00:39:07,345
“Really nice”?
750
00:39:07,519 --> 00:39:08,998
Mm hmm.
751
00:39:09,172 --> 00:39:10,348
Yeah, but you kind of look like
a pallbearer.
752
00:39:10,783 --> 00:39:11,871
You need some Ace flair.
753
00:39:18,878 --> 00:39:20,314
What the hell does that mean?
754
00:39:34,197 --> 00:39:35,938
Eeeek!
755
00:40:01,268 --> 00:40:02,791
Happy Hour starting
756
00:40:04,053 --> 00:40:04,837
early?
757
00:40:05,490 --> 00:40:07,622
I can't remember my passwords,
758
00:40:07,796 --> 00:40:10,059
except for my Nordstrom
password, '‘cause I'm a lady.
759
00:40:11,365 --> 00:40:12,627
Oh, good.
760
00:40:13,889 --> 00:40:15,195
What are you missing out on?
761
00:40:15,369 --> 00:40:16,849
I'm trying post a photo of
this beauty.
762
00:40:18,894 --> 00:40:19,939
Take a picture of it.
763
00:40:20,983 --> 00:40:23,159
I'm trying to post a photo so
people can see it.
764
00:40:23,464 --> 00:40:25,335
Like my sister who gave
it to me.
765
00:40:25,510 --> 00:40:26,685
She knows what a cake
looks like.
766
00:40:26,859 --> 00:40:28,687
Okay, but it's me saying
I'm grateful.
767
00:40:28,861 --> 00:40:30,732
So call her and tell her.
768
00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:33,866
Okay, also
I'd get like 3000 likes.
769
00:40:34,388 --> 00:40:35,476
It's called social capital.
770
00:40:35,650 --> 00:40:37,173
If someone likes you,
771
00:40:37,347 --> 00:40:38,392
you're more appealing to others.
772
00:40:38,958 --> 00:40:42,135
People would be all
impressed by your
773
00:40:42,309 --> 00:40:45,051
big pretty cake
and think more highly of you?
774
00:40:45,921 --> 00:40:47,836
Bianca was into the same
stuff. It's nuts.
775
00:40:48,010 --> 00:40:50,143
You know none of this means
anything, right?
776
00:40:50,317 --> 00:40:53,059
It might mean the difference
between me getting my dream
job or not.
777
00:40:53,581 --> 00:40:54,234
Oh!
778
00:40:54,887 --> 00:40:56,149
Eve, why didn't--
779
00:40:56,323 --> 00:40:57,585
Why didn't you say that?
780
00:40:58,194 --> 00:40:59,282
Let me help you out.
781
00:41:00,153 --> 00:41:01,023
Like.
782
00:41:01,763 --> 00:41:02,590
Like.
783
00:41:03,156 --> 00:41:04,070
Like.
784
00:41:04,505 --> 00:41:04,940
Like.
Stop that.
785
00:41:05,114 --> 00:41:05,985
Like.
786
00:41:06,159 --> 00:41:06,942
Stop!
Like.
787
00:41:07,116 --> 00:41:08,161
Like, like.
788
00:41:08,335 --> 00:41:09,075
Like, like.
You know what?
789
00:41:09,249 --> 00:41:10,946
Nobody likes you.
790
00:41:12,295 --> 00:41:13,558
Yikes.
791
00:41:13,732 --> 00:41:14,820
See that's why I'm not on
the socials.
792
00:41:14,994 --> 00:41:16,082
It's ugly out there.
793
00:41:16,256 --> 00:41:17,387
Also,
794
00:41:17,562 --> 00:41:19,564
you can't have any of my cake.
795
00:41:19,738 --> 00:41:20,956
I don't want any of
your damn cake!
796
00:41:21,130 --> 00:41:22,871
It's coconut.
797
00:41:23,045 --> 00:41:23,916
What?
798
00:41:24,090 --> 00:41:25,308
Even more reason!
799
00:41:43,283 --> 00:41:44,676
Sure you don't want some?
800
00:41:45,024 --> 00:41:45,851
No.
801
00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:48,723
Stop!
802
00:41:54,816 --> 00:41:55,513
You have--
803
00:41:56,122 --> 00:41:56,775
What?
804
00:41:58,690 --> 00:41:59,647
You have frosting--
805
00:41:59,821 --> 00:42:00,735
No.
Did I get it?
806
00:42:00,909 --> 00:42:02,128
No. It's on the other side.
807
00:42:03,129 --> 00:42:04,130
Stop!
808
00:42:04,304 --> 00:42:06,088
You look so dumb. Stop.
809
00:42:16,446 --> 00:42:17,143
Thanks.
810
00:42:18,666 --> 00:42:19,362
Yeah.
811
00:42:22,496 --> 00:42:23,541
Thanks, buddy.
812
00:43:15,897 --> 00:43:21,947
3 Days '‘til Christmas
813
00:43:22,121 --> 00:43:24,166
Oh, he smells so good!
814
00:43:37,571 --> 00:43:38,485
Charlie Belfour
815
00:43:38,659 --> 00:43:39,834
The-the director?
816
00:43:40,008 --> 00:43:41,793
He's an hole!
817
00:43:43,185 --> 00:43:44,273
You know they titled it
818
00:43:44,447 --> 00:43:46,101
“Christmas with MORE Jerks”
819
00:43:46,275 --> 00:43:47,276
Tha-the title!
820
00:43:49,539 --> 00:43:51,237
That movie is gonna blow!
821
00:44:11,300 --> 00:44:13,172
All Cookie Jerk wanted
for Christmas
822
00:44:13,346 --> 00:44:15,304
was a Punky Brewster doll.
823
00:44:16,044 --> 00:44:17,089
Jiminy Christmas!
824
00:44:17,263 --> 00:44:19,178
This eggnog is disgusting!
825
00:44:20,701 --> 00:44:21,528
And that little jerk
826
00:44:21,702 --> 00:44:22,485
would stop at nothing
827
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:23,530
until she got one.
828
00:44:25,314 --> 00:44:26,881
Her family will follow her
829
00:44:27,055 --> 00:44:29,231
all over New York City
until they find her.
830
00:44:30,755 --> 00:44:33,366
All I got for
Christmas is a candy cane!
831
00:44:35,716 --> 00:44:37,413
And in the meantime,
832
00:44:37,587 --> 00:44:39,372
they just might find
the true meaning of Christmas.
833
00:44:39,546 --> 00:44:43,028
Christmas with Jerks
834
00:44:43,202 --> 00:44:44,333
Now
835
00:44:44,507 --> 00:44:46,292
take off your clothes.
836
00:45:00,393 --> 00:45:03,309
Now do exactly as I say.
837
00:45:04,223 --> 00:45:06,355
Turn to the left.
838
00:45:08,967 --> 00:45:09,837
Yes.
839
00:45:10,011 --> 00:45:11,926
Now turn to the right.
840
00:45:15,625 --> 00:45:17,715
We are going to indicate
incision sites.
841
00:45:17,889 --> 00:45:19,847
Areas to be altered.
842
00:45:20,021 --> 00:45:22,632
As well as those to be avoided
when you get here.
843
00:45:22,807 --> 00:45:24,112
But this will save some time.
844
00:45:26,593 --> 00:45:28,508
Okay, we can straighten
out your nose
845
00:45:28,682 --> 00:45:30,162
when we do the rest of
your face.
846
00:45:30,336 --> 00:45:31,685
And, uh
847
00:45:32,207 --> 00:45:34,253
What about your earlobes?
848
00:45:34,775 --> 00:45:36,646
My earlobes?
849
00:45:36,821 --> 00:45:39,911
Yes. Most patients prefer to
have the detached earlobes.
850
00:45:40,085 --> 00:45:41,390
I can do this for you,
no problem.
851
00:45:42,696 --> 00:45:43,610
Okay.
852
00:45:44,829 --> 00:45:46,787
And you mentioned some
853
00:45:46,961 --> 00:45:49,311
syndactyly in your digits?
854
00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:52,967
Some webbed toes?
855
00:45:53,141 --> 00:45:54,664
Oh, yeah.
856
00:45:54,839 --> 00:45:57,493
Careful, doc. They're the reason
I'm a fast swimmer.
857
00:46:02,411 --> 00:46:04,022
Oh, wow.
858
00:46:04,196 --> 00:46:06,764
I-I see you have sizable
bunions as well.
859
00:46:06,938 --> 00:46:08,417
Uh, that's okay. That's--
860
00:46:08,591 --> 00:46:10,202
That's-That's not-uh--
That's not good.
861
00:46:10,376 --> 00:46:12,204
But I can take care of both of
these for you.
862
00:46:12,378 --> 00:46:13,596
They don't hurt.
863
00:46:13,771 --> 00:46:15,729
Just wait.
864
00:46:16,338 --> 00:46:19,646
And in the meantime,
we can take care of these
unsightly bumps, hmm?
865
00:46:19,820 --> 00:46:21,909
Okay, uh, you haven't mentioned
866
00:46:22,083 --> 00:46:25,130
labiaplasty, but I'm
seeing some--
867
00:46:25,652 --> 00:46:27,262
Oh, no, no, no, no.
868
00:46:27,436 --> 00:46:30,048
My girl is perfect just
the way she is.
869
00:46:30,222 --> 00:46:32,006
We're doing some
incredible things
870
00:46:32,180 --> 00:46:34,400
in vaginal rejuvenation for
871
00:46:34,574 --> 00:46:35,444
women of
872
00:46:35,618 --> 00:46:37,533
advanced age.
873
00:46:39,709 --> 00:46:42,669
Could I just get an itemization
of the costs?
874
00:46:43,713 --> 00:46:45,193
Of course.
875
00:46:45,672 --> 00:46:47,630
Do you have any more
questions for me?
876
00:46:48,109 --> 00:46:49,154
Is it going to hurt?
877
00:46:51,460 --> 00:46:52,940
For sure!
878
00:46:53,114 --> 00:46:55,377
Pain is painful, right?
879
00:47:45,732 --> 00:47:46,864
You having a party?
880
00:47:47,386 --> 00:47:49,431
Christmas comes, but
once a year!
881
00:47:50,519 --> 00:47:51,651
That's quite a dress.
882
00:47:52,173 --> 00:47:53,392
This old thing?
883
00:47:54,959 --> 00:47:56,134
It's a family tradition.
884
00:47:57,439 --> 00:47:58,788
My mom always did a big hors
d'oeuvres night
885
00:47:58,963 --> 00:48:00,268
before Christmas.
886
00:48:01,182 --> 00:48:04,098
She was a teacher,
and her students would bring
her little treats.
887
00:48:04,751 --> 00:48:07,101
And we'd cover the table in '‘em
and it was like
888
00:48:07,275 --> 00:48:08,668
snack roulette.
889
00:48:12,324 --> 00:48:13,151
I'm telling a story.
890
00:48:13,325 --> 00:48:14,500
Take the champs.
891
00:48:19,287 --> 00:48:21,681
And she'd put out all
the presents they gave her.
892
00:48:21,855 --> 00:48:23,857
you know, like pot holders and
893
00:48:24,031 --> 00:48:25,554
stuff with little apples on it.
894
00:48:28,035 --> 00:48:29,341
But this one year,
895
00:48:29,515 --> 00:48:31,299
she had a student and she said,
896
00:48:32,822 --> 00:48:34,476
he didn't have anything
to give her.
897
00:48:35,913 --> 00:48:37,566
So the day before break,
898
00:48:37,740 --> 00:48:39,264
he brings her this dress
899
00:48:39,438 --> 00:48:41,092
in a beat up old box.
900
00:48:43,224 --> 00:48:44,965
And it was his mom's.
901
00:48:45,139 --> 00:48:46,880
And it was the nicest thing
they could think to give her.
902
00:48:49,796 --> 00:48:51,754
That was the Christmas after
my dad died.
903
00:48:52,451 --> 00:48:54,888
And we all just cried about
it the whole night.
904
00:48:56,455 --> 00:48:58,936
And said how he would've cried
too, you know?
905
00:49:01,112 --> 00:49:02,026
And then my mom would wear it
906
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:03,810
every year after.
907
00:49:05,551 --> 00:49:07,335
I think to show up for us.
908
00:49:07,509 --> 00:49:08,249
You know?
909
00:49:09,076 --> 00:49:10,077
For her life.
910
00:49:12,036 --> 00:49:13,951
Ashley inherited it, so--
911
00:49:19,130 --> 00:49:19,913
My dad
912
00:49:21,610 --> 00:49:22,960
died last year.
913
00:49:29,401 --> 00:49:31,011
Does it get easier?
914
00:49:39,672 --> 00:49:40,978
Okay, uh
915
00:49:41,630 --> 00:49:42,762
Why didn't she
916
00:49:43,154 --> 00:49:44,111
return the dress?
917
00:49:45,678 --> 00:49:46,722
She tried!
918
00:49:46,896 --> 00:49:48,768
They wouldn't take it back. Aw!
919
00:49:50,030 --> 00:49:51,466
Okay!
920
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:54,252
That's my crab Rangoon.
Do not be a scrotum!
921
00:49:54,426 --> 00:49:55,601
Eat my Rangoon.
922
00:49:55,775 --> 00:49:56,994
It's delicious.
923
00:50:23,150 --> 00:50:24,586
Beep boop, beep boop
924
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,154
beep boop. Robot Boy,
sing it now!
925
00:50:28,025 --> 00:50:29,287
Hello!
926
00:50:29,809 --> 00:50:31,158
Eve Carter.
927
00:50:31,332 --> 00:50:32,899
What are you up to?
928
00:50:33,073 --> 00:50:36,163
You've gotten 2,000 new
followers in 24 hours?
929
00:50:36,337 --> 00:50:37,469
Who is this mystery man?
930
00:50:37,643 --> 00:50:39,601
Wait for it.
931
00:50:39,775 --> 00:50:41,951
I'm just laying low and proving
I'm the best person
932
00:50:42,126 --> 00:50:43,866
for the role of Emma, darling!
933
00:50:44,041 --> 00:50:45,607
I'm a matchmaker at heart.
934
00:50:46,304 --> 00:50:47,087
Well
935
00:50:47,348 --> 00:50:48,306
Can't hurt.
936
00:50:48,697 --> 00:50:49,611
Follow along, dear.
937
00:50:49,872 --> 00:50:51,439
I have a plan!
938
00:50:58,272 --> 00:51:02,972
2 Days '‘til Christmas
939
00:51:03,147 --> 00:51:05,627
Ew, ew, ew, you better wash
those hands!
940
00:51:56,330 --> 00:51:58,158
Oh?! Were you still sleeping?
941
00:51:58,724 --> 00:51:59,551
Yeah.
942
00:51:59,942 --> 00:52:00,987
I need
943
00:52:01,161 --> 00:52:02,641
a full 9 when I'm recovering.
944
00:52:02,815 --> 00:52:04,338
You got 10 minutes.
Time's a wasting.
945
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:06,775
Come on, Mickey!
946
00:52:06,949 --> 00:52:07,907
Let's go!
947
00:52:09,996 --> 00:52:11,867
For what?!
948
00:52:19,527 --> 00:52:22,400
Ready to fall in love this
Christmas?
949
00:52:22,574 --> 00:52:25,142
Fall in love with me
950
00:52:25,316 --> 00:52:26,143
Jam' on!
951
00:52:27,927 --> 00:52:28,754
What?
952
00:52:29,363 --> 00:52:30,799
You are going to make sure
953
00:52:30,973 --> 00:52:32,801
that Brit Brit knows you're
ready to party.
954
00:52:33,411 --> 00:52:34,151
Bianca.
955
00:52:34,542 --> 00:52:35,152
Yeah.
956
00:52:38,459 --> 00:52:39,243
What are you doing?
957
00:52:39,417 --> 00:52:40,418
Texting her.
958
00:52:40,766 --> 00:52:42,202
What are you writing?
959
00:52:42,376 --> 00:52:44,378
Are you going to be at Crystal's
tomorrow night?
960
00:52:45,205 --> 00:52:46,075
“Do you still
like me?”
961
00:52:46,250 --> 00:52:47,164
“Check yes or no.”
962
00:52:48,687 --> 00:52:49,253
'‘Kay.
963
00:52:49,427 --> 00:52:50,906
She ended things
964
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:52,212
because you're no fun.
965
00:52:52,386 --> 00:52:53,518
And
966
00:52:54,432 --> 00:52:55,737
I'm not flexible?
967
00:52:55,911 --> 00:52:58,175
I mean, physically, I am
very flexible.
968
00:53:00,481 --> 00:53:02,440
Alright, maybe not
emotionally, though.
969
00:53:04,093 --> 00:53:06,922
So what we need to do is let
her know you've changed
970
00:53:07,096 --> 00:53:08,968
So by the time you see her,
971
00:53:09,142 --> 00:53:11,057
she's gagging for it.
972
00:53:12,493 --> 00:53:14,800
I don't think you can say things
like that anymore.
973
00:53:14,974 --> 00:53:16,802
Yeah, I can.
But you certainly shouldn't.
974
00:53:16,976 --> 00:53:18,195
Pull up Instagram.
975
00:53:19,892 --> 00:53:20,893
Facebook?
976
00:53:21,546 --> 00:53:23,156
It got hacked a while
back, but I
977
00:53:23,330 --> 00:53:24,810
think the account is
still there?
978
00:53:24,984 --> 00:53:26,551
Okay, let's roll.
979
00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:29,945
Okay.
980
00:53:31,817 --> 00:53:32,687
Hey, guys, uh
981
00:53:32,861 --> 00:53:34,559
long time no see.
982
00:53:34,733 --> 00:53:37,170
At the request of a friend,
983
00:53:37,866 --> 00:53:39,520
uh, I wanted to let you know
984
00:53:39,694 --> 00:53:40,739
I'm back in town!
985
00:53:40,913 --> 00:53:42,654
I'd love to see you.
986
00:53:42,828 --> 00:53:44,221
Grab a holiday nosh.
987
00:53:45,309 --> 00:53:47,224
Yeah. So hit me up!
988
00:53:49,661 --> 00:53:51,532
I cannot say “nosh”.
989
00:53:51,706 --> 00:53:53,752
I'm not one of the Golden Girls.
990
00:53:53,926 --> 00:53:54,927
Okay.
991
00:53:55,101 --> 00:53:55,797
That was good energy, though.
992
00:53:55,971 --> 00:53:57,712
This time
993
00:53:57,886 --> 00:53:59,758
say “drink” instead of
“nosh” and
994
00:54:00,628 --> 00:54:02,761
give me a little devilish
grin at the end.
995
00:54:02,935 --> 00:54:04,676
You know I'm not
an actor, right?
996
00:54:04,850 --> 00:54:06,068
Yeah, I can tell.
997
00:54:07,026 --> 00:54:07,896
Okay.
998
00:54:11,509 --> 00:54:14,120
Hey guys! Long
time no see.
999
00:54:14,294 --> 00:54:16,253
At the request of a friend
1000
00:54:23,477 --> 00:54:24,261
Hey!
1001
00:54:24,435 --> 00:54:24,870
She watched my video!
1002
00:54:26,045 --> 00:54:26,959
She watched my video!
1003
00:54:27,133 --> 00:54:27,525
Yes!
1004
00:54:27,699 --> 00:54:28,743
Mmm!
1005
00:54:32,269 --> 00:54:33,313
Windmill it out!
1006
00:54:33,487 --> 00:54:34,575
Come on!
1007
00:54:34,749 --> 00:54:36,055
I can't do that!
1008
00:54:39,754 --> 00:54:40,668
Eve?!
1009
00:54:41,582 --> 00:54:42,627
EVE!
1010
00:54:42,801 --> 00:54:44,281
Hey, come here.
1011
00:54:45,456 --> 00:54:46,892
Crystal texted!
1012
00:54:48,241 --> 00:54:49,764
Hey! Crystal-Crystal texted.
1013
00:54:49,938 --> 00:54:50,809
The friend?
1014
00:54:50,983 --> 00:54:51,940
What'd she say?
1015
00:54:52,114 --> 00:54:54,029
Come to my Dog and Nog.
1016
00:54:55,553 --> 00:54:57,642
Hot dogs and eggnog. It's--
1017
00:54:58,773 --> 00:54:59,470
It's a thing.
1018
00:55:00,906 --> 00:55:02,299
Gagging.
1019
00:55:02,473 --> 00:55:04,431
You're so gross!
1020
00:55:05,345 --> 00:55:06,477
Let's celebrate.
1021
00:55:07,826 --> 00:55:09,567
Ashley told me how to turn on
the hot tub.
1022
00:55:09,741 --> 00:55:10,307
What?
1023
00:55:11,917 --> 00:55:13,571
Come on, let's go!
1024
00:55:13,745 --> 00:55:14,876
We'll do some swimming.
1025
00:55:15,050 --> 00:55:16,095
Breaststroke.
1026
00:55:16,269 --> 00:55:18,140
What? What?
1027
00:55:18,793 --> 00:55:19,620
Come on, come on.
1028
00:55:19,794 --> 00:55:21,840
Hop up. Hop up. Hop up!
1029
00:55:22,014 --> 00:55:23,885
Who could say no to that?
1030
00:55:24,059 --> 00:55:24,886
Let's go!
1031
00:55:26,366 --> 00:55:27,976
Angela Merkel,
1032
00:55:28,977 --> 00:55:30,109
Melania Trump,
1033
00:55:31,066 --> 00:55:32,807
or Michelle Obama?
1034
00:55:32,981 --> 00:55:34,679
Oh, clear winner.
1035
00:55:34,853 --> 00:55:36,855
I gotta marry Michelle.
1036
00:55:37,029 --> 00:55:37,899
No!
1037
00:55:38,073 --> 00:55:39,248
It's a trick question.
1038
00:55:39,423 --> 00:55:40,989
Don't marry anyone.
1039
00:55:41,163 --> 00:55:42,643
Just be with someone
1040
00:55:42,817 --> 00:55:43,775
and be good to them
1041
00:55:43,949 --> 00:55:45,080
for as long
1042
00:55:45,254 --> 00:55:46,343
as you both shall live.
1043
00:55:47,387 --> 00:55:48,170
Alright.
1044
00:55:49,258 --> 00:55:51,173
Did you ever tie the knot?
1045
00:55:52,218 --> 00:55:53,828
I almost got married
1046
00:55:54,002 --> 00:55:55,526
for the wrong reasons
1047
00:55:55,700 --> 00:55:56,788
twice.
1048
00:55:56,962 --> 00:55:58,006
Why didn't you pull the trigger?
1049
00:55:59,007 --> 00:56:00,966
I think I needed to
grow up some.
1050
00:56:01,140 --> 00:56:01,967
Yeah.
1051
00:56:02,141 --> 00:56:04,056
Hashtag spinster life.
1052
00:56:07,102 --> 00:56:07,929
Did you ever
1053
00:56:08,103 --> 00:56:09,191
tie the knot?
1054
00:56:09,366 --> 00:56:10,410
Nah.
1055
00:56:10,584 --> 00:56:12,064
Too busy working.
1056
00:56:12,238 --> 00:56:12,934
I
1057
00:56:13,892 --> 00:56:14,893
like the nomad life.
1058
00:56:15,763 --> 00:56:16,590
Same.
1059
00:56:17,069 --> 00:56:18,940
Mmm.
Mmm!
1060
00:56:19,898 --> 00:56:22,640
You can work around the clock at
a big muscle gym!
1061
00:56:22,814 --> 00:56:24,032
“A big muscle gym”?
1062
00:56:24,206 --> 00:56:24,946
Mmhmm.
1063
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:26,208
And have tuna fish
1064
00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:29,211
and wheatgrass Happy Hours
1065
00:56:29,386 --> 00:56:32,040
every Friday morning at 5 a.m.
1066
00:56:32,214 --> 00:56:33,259
after boot camp.
1067
00:56:34,086 --> 00:56:36,044
That actually sounds
pretty great.
1068
00:56:36,218 --> 00:56:37,785
Ew! You're the worst.
1069
00:56:37,959 --> 00:56:39,178
What?
1070
00:56:39,700 --> 00:56:41,441
But I do need to get back to
the gym in the new year.
1071
00:56:41,615 --> 00:56:44,357
No! You're the worst.
People like you!
1072
00:56:44,531 --> 00:56:45,837
Always waiting '‘til the New Year
1073
00:56:46,011 --> 00:56:47,882
“New Year's resolutions”
1074
00:56:48,056 --> 00:56:48,927
“Diet starts on Monday.”
1075
00:56:49,101 --> 00:56:50,407
No, it's now!
1076
00:56:51,059 --> 00:56:52,191
Ahh!
1077
00:56:52,713 --> 00:56:54,193
Doesn't matter anyway because
1078
00:56:54,367 --> 00:56:56,543
I'm getting a full body
tuneup, toot sweet.
1079
00:56:58,066 --> 00:56:58,850
What?
1080
00:56:59,851 --> 00:57:01,243
Yeah.
1081
00:57:01,418 --> 00:57:03,071
I'm getting a little NJ and
a pick me up.
1082
00:57:03,245 --> 00:57:05,247
I don't speak Rodeo Drive.
1083
00:57:05,422 --> 00:57:07,380
Uh, liposuction,
1084
00:57:07,554 --> 00:57:10,122
some lifts and a nose job.
1085
00:57:10,296 --> 00:57:11,428
That's
1086
00:57:11,602 --> 00:57:12,733
crazy.
1087
00:57:12,907 --> 00:57:13,604
Is it?
1088
00:57:15,867 --> 00:57:17,346
I never had any work done
1089
00:57:17,521 --> 00:57:19,087
because I was Cookie Jerk
1090
00:57:19,261 --> 00:57:21,655
for 35 fucking years
1091
00:57:21,829 --> 00:57:23,962
and then they shot the reboot
without me!
1092
00:57:24,136 --> 00:57:25,572
They hired an influencer
1093
00:57:25,746 --> 00:57:27,835
to play my role with my
film family.
1094
00:57:28,009 --> 00:57:29,576
So,
1095
00:57:29,750 --> 00:57:31,883
I don't think I need to look
like Cookie anymore!
1096
00:57:36,540 --> 00:57:37,279
Sorry.
1097
00:57:38,890 --> 00:57:39,891
It got loud.
1098
00:57:40,065 --> 00:57:41,327
It got really loud.
1099
00:57:45,549 --> 00:57:46,419
Look
1100
00:57:47,420 --> 00:57:49,030
go for what you want, Eve.
1101
00:57:49,901 --> 00:57:51,555
But do it on your terms.
1102
00:57:52,773 --> 00:57:53,557
And
1103
00:57:53,731 --> 00:57:54,993
you know
1104
00:57:55,341 --> 00:57:56,385
Don't carve yourself up like
a Christmas ham
1105
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:58,126
and expect to be happy after.
1106
00:58:01,695 --> 00:58:02,957
Christmas ham?!
1107
00:58:03,610 --> 00:58:05,525
That's going to be the title
of my memoir.
1108
00:58:05,699 --> 00:58:07,396
Or my band name! Aw!
1109
00:58:11,792 --> 00:58:12,924
So I whipped my shirt off,
1110
00:58:13,098 --> 00:58:14,273
and I had
1111
00:58:14,447 --> 00:58:16,275
the world's oldest bra on
1112
00:58:16,449 --> 00:58:18,190
like cotton clamshells
1113
00:58:18,364 --> 00:58:21,498
from the fifties. I had borrowed
it from my mother.
1114
00:58:21,672 --> 00:58:23,238
But I was going to do
it with my crush,
1115
00:58:23,412 --> 00:58:25,327
and then he whispered,
1116
00:58:26,677 --> 00:58:28,896
“You're moving too fast.”
1117
00:58:30,942 --> 00:58:33,074
No!
1118
00:58:33,248 --> 00:58:33,988
You did not get laid?
1119
00:58:34,162 --> 00:58:35,816
Oh, aw!
1120
00:58:35,990 --> 00:58:37,165
I wish!
1121
00:58:37,339 --> 00:58:38,689
That--
So,
1122
00:58:38,863 --> 00:58:41,169
I was on this TV show
out in Arizona,
1123
00:58:42,127 --> 00:58:43,520
and there was this woman on set.
1124
00:58:43,694 --> 00:58:45,522
God, she was gorgeous.
1125
00:58:46,566 --> 00:58:48,829
I was so nervous to talk to her.
1126
00:58:49,003 --> 00:58:50,788
But I finally got the chance
1127
00:58:50,962 --> 00:58:52,485
to make out with her, right?
1128
00:58:52,659 --> 00:58:55,009
But I had had so much
Jack Daniels
1129
00:58:55,706 --> 00:58:57,011
that by the time
1130
00:58:57,185 --> 00:58:58,317
that it was time
1131
00:58:59,013 --> 00:59:00,537
No boner?
1132
00:59:00,711 --> 00:59:01,407
Taffy pull.
1133
00:59:01,581 --> 00:59:02,756
Ewww!
1134
00:59:02,930 --> 00:59:03,931
That's not good!
1135
00:59:04,105 --> 00:59:05,454
No.
1136
00:59:05,629 --> 00:59:07,021
She didn't look me in
the eyes again.
1137
00:59:07,195 --> 00:59:08,545
Aww!
1138
00:59:09,154 --> 00:59:11,330
There is one person I still
think about from time to time.
1139
00:59:11,504 --> 00:59:12,766
You know, my uh
1140
00:59:13,332 --> 00:59:14,376
first.
1141
00:59:15,203 --> 00:59:16,553
Mmmm.
1142
00:59:17,162 --> 00:59:18,467
You know, '‘cause my--
1143
00:59:18,642 --> 00:59:20,426
my body said he was
something special.
1144
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:21,993
And your brain?
1145
00:59:22,167 --> 00:59:22,994
Said we might kill each other.
1146
00:59:24,996 --> 00:59:26,258
Should you track him down?
1147
00:59:26,432 --> 00:59:28,956
God, no. I mean, I did,
years ago. But--
1148
00:59:30,088 --> 00:59:30,915
He's married.
1149
00:59:31,089 --> 00:59:32,133
Two kids.
1150
00:59:32,569 --> 00:59:33,657
Kinda looks like a
1151
00:59:34,875 --> 00:59:36,747
stodgy old man now.
1152
00:59:37,269 --> 00:59:38,575
So he got--
1153
00:59:38,749 --> 00:59:39,967
I know, I know.
1154
00:59:40,141 --> 00:59:41,795
But he doesn't look
like fun old.
1155
00:59:41,969 --> 00:59:42,883
He looks like
1156
00:59:43,057 --> 00:59:45,494
an angry Santa. You know?
1157
00:59:45,669 --> 00:59:47,061
Why'd you call it quits?
1158
00:59:48,062 --> 00:59:49,803
Well, I think he loved me,
1159
00:59:49,977 --> 00:59:52,284
but he didn't like me.
1160
00:59:52,458 --> 00:59:54,416
And what is not to like?
1161
00:59:54,591 --> 00:59:55,200
Okay.
1162
00:59:57,681 --> 00:59:58,682
Okay!
1163
00:59:58,856 --> 01:00:00,161
But let's talk about true love.
1164
01:00:01,293 --> 01:00:01,946
Let's talk about
1165
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:03,904
Brianna.
1166
01:00:04,078 --> 01:00:06,080
Bianca! It's Bianca!
1167
01:00:06,254 --> 01:00:07,516
Come on!
1168
01:00:08,343 --> 01:00:10,607
Does your body just know?
1169
01:00:11,912 --> 01:00:12,478
Yeah.
1170
01:00:13,392 --> 01:00:14,915
I think so.
Yeah?
1171
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:19,398
All right, well
1172
01:00:20,312 --> 01:00:21,400
that's it for me.
1173
01:00:21,574 --> 01:00:22,619
Okay.
1174
01:00:27,841 --> 01:00:29,103
I should've had some agua.
1175
01:00:29,930 --> 01:00:30,888
Here.
Here. Get--
1176
01:00:31,062 --> 01:00:32,106
No!
No! Eve! Eve!
1177
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:36,154
Ow!
1178
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:37,634
You okay?
1179
01:00:38,460 --> 01:00:39,984
Yeah, I'm okay.
1180
01:00:54,825 --> 01:00:55,652
Eve.
1181
01:00:57,479 --> 01:00:58,655
I--
1182
01:01:00,526 --> 01:01:01,658
I'm sorry.
1183
01:01:02,310 --> 01:01:04,225
It's okay.
It's not okay.
1184
01:01:05,313 --> 01:01:07,098
We're just a little drunk.
1185
01:01:08,142 --> 01:01:11,406
I'm crazy, but I try to never be
a complete douche.
1186
01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:14,322
You're not
a complete douche.
1187
01:01:14,496 --> 01:01:15,367
Just
1188
01:01:15,889 --> 01:01:17,848
maybe a partial douche?
1189
01:01:19,110 --> 01:01:21,025
'‘Kay, I'm gonna
1190
01:01:21,199 --> 01:01:22,374
I--
1191
01:01:22,548 --> 01:01:23,680
Can you, uh--
1192
01:01:24,419 --> 01:01:25,290
Yeah.
1193
01:01:26,770 --> 01:01:27,901
Okay.
Oh, hey.
1194
01:01:29,555 --> 01:01:31,688
“Chin up, Cookie.”
1195
01:01:33,080 --> 01:01:35,474
Are you doing movie lines on me?
1196
01:01:37,128 --> 01:01:37,955
Yea--
1197
01:01:39,434 --> 01:01:40,435
Eve--
1198
01:02:33,227 --> 01:02:38,798
1 Day '‘Til Christmas
1199
01:02:38,972 --> 01:02:41,540
Girl, what did you do?
1200
01:03:57,529 --> 01:03:59,270
Hi. Did you find
everything okay?
1201
01:03:59,444 --> 01:04:00,619
I did.
1202
01:04:00,924 --> 01:04:01,663
Wait,
1203
01:04:01,838 --> 01:04:04,144
are you Cookie Jerk?
1204
01:04:04,666 --> 01:04:06,581
I'm Cookie Jackass now.
1205
01:04:06,755 --> 01:04:08,105
I knew it!
1206
01:04:08,279 --> 01:04:10,977
I almost didn't recognize
you because
1207
01:04:12,239 --> 01:04:13,240
Got tall?
1208
01:04:13,719 --> 01:04:14,720
Yeah!
1209
01:05:09,383 --> 01:05:10,341
Eve?
1210
01:05:34,931 --> 01:05:36,715
That's why they call me
1211
01:05:36,889 --> 01:05:38,891
Ace Strong.
1212
01:05:57,823 --> 01:05:59,477
Okay, can't do that yet.
Can't do that yet.
1213
01:05:59,651 --> 01:06:00,478
That's okay.
1214
01:06:19,366 --> 01:06:21,716
You big old dirty slut!
1215
01:06:22,065 --> 01:06:24,458
I cannot believe you tried
to bone Ace!
1216
01:06:24,763 --> 01:06:26,678
I thought you were done with
love and going out in public.
1217
01:06:26,852 --> 01:06:28,027
I am.
1218
01:06:28,201 --> 01:06:29,072
Yeah, clearly.
1219
01:06:29,246 --> 01:06:30,508
Where are you right now?
1220
01:06:30,682 --> 01:06:32,118
In Jim's car,
1221
01:06:32,292 --> 01:06:33,380
in front of the house.
1222
01:06:36,383 --> 01:06:36,993
Okay.
1223
01:06:37,167 --> 01:06:38,864
Are you done?
1224
01:06:39,038 --> 01:06:41,084
Oh, I am never going to let
you live this one down.
1225
01:06:41,258 --> 01:06:42,433
Absolutely not, Sister.
1226
01:06:42,607 --> 01:06:43,695
Ugh.
1227
01:06:43,869 --> 01:06:44,826
Do you have the coconut cake?
1228
01:06:45,001 --> 01:06:45,784
I already ate it.
1229
01:06:45,958 --> 01:06:46,959
I got something else.
1230
01:06:47,829 --> 01:06:48,352
Light her up!
1231
01:06:48,526 --> 01:06:49,222
Alright.
1232
01:06:57,056 --> 01:06:59,015
Okay, done.
1233
01:07:00,016 --> 01:07:01,147
Happy birthday, Baby Girl.
1234
01:07:01,321 --> 01:07:02,540
I love you.
I love you.
1235
01:07:02,714 --> 01:07:03,628
Thanks.
1236
01:07:05,108 --> 01:07:06,892
Okay now, Evie,
say the words.
1237
01:07:07,066 --> 01:07:08,459
I don't feel like it today.
1238
01:07:09,068 --> 01:07:10,591
I'm not asking.
1239
01:07:11,940 --> 01:07:13,725
I'm thankful for my birthday.
1240
01:07:14,204 --> 01:07:14,943
Mmhmm.
1241
01:07:15,118 --> 01:07:16,293
And every day.
1242
01:07:17,294 --> 01:07:18,904
I'm thankful for the chance
to get older.
1243
01:07:19,078 --> 01:07:20,558
that some people never get.
1244
01:07:21,994 --> 01:07:23,300
Mmhmm.
1245
01:07:23,474 --> 01:07:26,129
I'm thankful for my family
and friends.
1246
01:07:26,738 --> 01:07:28,696
And this here red
velvet cupcake!
1247
01:07:31,264 --> 01:07:32,265
Mmhmm!
1248
01:07:32,439 --> 01:07:34,528
Get a big old bite, Sister!
1249
01:07:34,702 --> 01:07:36,704
Mmm, that's good.
1250
01:07:37,618 --> 01:07:38,489
Mmm!
1251
01:07:40,795 --> 01:07:41,927
Oh, Jesus.
1252
01:07:42,710 --> 01:07:43,624
That's rude.
1253
01:07:44,799 --> 01:07:46,105
What? Is somebody there?
1254
01:07:46,279 --> 01:07:47,324
Mmhmm.
1255
01:07:47,715 --> 01:07:48,673
Show me. Show me!
1256
01:07:50,457 --> 01:07:52,198
Hey! You big jerkface!
Why don't you
1257
01:07:52,372 --> 01:07:53,591
back the fuck up?
Stop!
1258
01:07:53,765 --> 01:07:56,246
I'm still trying to
get that job!
1259
01:07:56,420 --> 01:07:58,509
Why do you think I've been doing
all these posts about Ace?
1260
01:07:58,987 --> 01:08:00,380
What are you talking about?
1261
01:08:00,554 --> 01:08:02,252
I'm growing my following the old
fashioned way.
1262
01:08:02,426 --> 01:08:04,297
Lots of cryptic posts
about love.
1263
01:08:08,562 --> 01:08:10,869
Oh, my God.
You got to take these down right now.
1264
01:08:11,043 --> 01:08:12,044
I can't.
1265
01:08:12,218 --> 01:08:13,567
They've got shitloads of views.
1266
01:08:13,741 --> 01:08:15,395
I can't believe you'd do
this to him.
1267
01:08:16,092 --> 01:08:17,354
What? It's fine.
1268
01:08:17,528 --> 01:08:19,312
He's not even online.
1269
01:08:19,486 --> 01:08:22,968
Right! But the studio people
that hired him are!
1270
01:08:23,795 --> 01:08:26,667
And you can clearly tell it's
him in this last one.
1271
01:08:26,841 --> 01:08:28,669
I cannot believe
you'd do this!
1272
01:08:28,843 --> 01:08:29,931
Ashley, it's fine.
1273
01:08:30,106 --> 01:08:31,672
No, it is not.
1274
01:08:31,846 --> 01:08:33,587
Do you even know why he's alone
for the holidays?
1275
01:08:33,761 --> 01:08:35,328
He's recovering from surgery.
1276
01:08:35,502 --> 01:08:37,156
Right, and he doesn't
want anyone
1277
01:08:37,330 --> 01:08:39,027
to know so he can keep
his next job.
1278
01:08:39,202 --> 01:08:40,942
It's a big one, Evie.
1279
01:08:41,117 --> 01:08:43,293
I would think you of all people
would respect his privacy.
1280
01:08:43,467 --> 01:08:44,859
Ash!
1281
01:08:45,033 --> 01:08:46,861
Ash?! Don't “Ash” me. Look.
1282
01:08:47,471 --> 01:08:49,647
Take that shit down. Now.
I got to go.
1283
01:08:49,821 --> 01:08:50,865
Take that shit down now.
1284
01:08:51,562 --> 01:08:52,171
Now!
1285
01:08:56,306 --> 01:08:57,872
Oh, Jesus.
1286
01:09:35,997 --> 01:09:37,651
Brian, talk to me.
1287
01:09:37,825 --> 01:09:39,436
So, down to business.
1288
01:09:39,610 --> 01:09:41,089
You didn't get the role of Emma.
1289
01:09:41,264 --> 01:09:42,830
What? Why?
1290
01:09:43,004 --> 01:09:45,137
I have thousands of new
followers.
1291
01:09:45,746 --> 01:09:48,053
Andrea saw your last
post and said it's no bueno.
1292
01:09:48,227 --> 01:09:49,402
But we'll get the next one.
1293
01:09:53,841 --> 01:09:54,973
Fuck!
1294
01:09:58,759 --> 01:10:00,457
Shit!
1295
01:10:07,290 --> 01:10:08,421
What do you think, Coach?
1296
01:10:09,727 --> 01:10:10,423
It's better.
1297
01:10:11,032 --> 01:10:11,903
Yeah?
1298
01:10:12,469 --> 01:10:14,514
Long time fanboy, huh?
1299
01:10:15,428 --> 01:10:16,299
Suits you.
1300
01:10:16,473 --> 01:10:17,517
The red.
1301
01:10:18,344 --> 01:10:19,302
You know, I could drive
you over there.
1302
01:10:19,476 --> 01:10:20,999
She doesn't live that far away.
1303
01:10:21,173 --> 01:10:23,306
Oh, my buddy's waiting for
me out front.
1304
01:10:23,480 --> 01:10:26,091
uh, so the house is yours.
1305
01:10:26,874 --> 01:10:28,006
Oh, and
1306
01:10:28,180 --> 01:10:29,964
I, uh,
1307
01:10:30,922 --> 01:10:31,966
I got you something.
1308
01:10:39,147 --> 01:10:40,105
Thanks.
1309
01:10:45,763 --> 01:10:48,069
Hey, do you remember the first
time we met?
1310
01:10:48,461 --> 01:10:49,462
Yeah.
1311
01:10:49,636 --> 01:10:51,899
I was kind of a bitch, I guess.
1312
01:10:52,073 --> 01:10:53,379
No you weren't.
1313
01:10:55,947 --> 01:10:57,775
I was trying to get a kiss
from Riley Tippet.
1314
01:11:04,564 --> 01:11:06,087
Gross!
1315
01:11:11,876 --> 01:11:13,007
Hey, Ace?
1316
01:11:14,748 --> 01:11:16,576
You know what my Mimi
always says?
1317
01:11:17,882 --> 01:11:18,970
The bus comes along
1318
01:11:19,144 --> 01:11:21,146
every 10 minutes.
1319
01:11:24,105 --> 01:11:25,629
What does that mean?
1320
01:11:25,803 --> 01:11:27,805
It means you'll be
a heartbreaker
1321
01:11:27,979 --> 01:11:29,589
after puberty.
1322
01:11:34,942 --> 01:11:35,813
Beat it, squirt.
1323
01:11:40,600 --> 01:11:42,472
Puberty.
1324
01:11:43,386 --> 01:11:46,084
And I have been
a Cookie Jerk fan
1325
01:11:46,693 --> 01:11:47,868
ever since.
1326
01:11:48,956 --> 01:11:49,870
You were
1327
01:11:52,003 --> 01:11:52,743
magic.
1328
01:11:54,048 --> 01:11:56,094
I was young and full of myself.
1329
01:11:57,443 --> 01:11:59,140
So be old and full of yourself.
1330
01:11:59,967 --> 01:12:00,925
I'm full of something.
1331
01:12:03,580 --> 01:12:04,450
All right,
1332
01:12:04,711 --> 01:12:05,756
beat it, squirt.
1333
01:12:08,106 --> 01:12:09,542
Eve, I--
1334
01:12:09,716 --> 01:12:10,891
Ace, actually I want to tell
you something.
1335
01:12:12,502 --> 01:12:14,330
The other night,
I was so messed up.
1336
01:12:17,158 --> 01:12:18,682
You've been posting about me?
1337
01:12:19,639 --> 01:12:21,119
That's what I wanted
to tell you.
1338
01:12:21,293 --> 01:12:22,860
See, that wasn't even about you.
1339
01:12:23,034 --> 01:12:24,688
It's just that--
Eve, what the hell?
1340
01:12:25,210 --> 01:12:26,733
Why would you do this?
1341
01:12:26,907 --> 01:12:27,647
Listen, I--
1342
01:12:27,821 --> 01:12:28,387
I don't want to hear it.
1343
01:13:00,550 --> 01:13:03,640
It's Christmas Eve in
the city
1344
01:13:03,814 --> 01:13:05,032
Fuck!
1345
01:13:05,206 --> 01:13:09,820
And all around the world
1346
01:13:12,736 --> 01:13:14,302
wish good will
towards man
1347
01:13:14,477 --> 01:13:15,129
Bianca.
1348
01:13:15,434 --> 01:13:16,348
Hey, you.
1349
01:13:17,305 --> 01:13:18,742
Can I grab you a nog?
1350
01:13:19,133 --> 01:13:19,873
I'm sorry.
1351
01:13:20,047 --> 01:13:21,440
Where's Ace?
1352
01:13:21,614 --> 01:13:23,877
He only drinks raw eggs and
lives in dry fit.
1353
01:13:28,795 --> 01:13:30,406
I'm trying to do things
a little different.
1354
01:13:32,451 --> 01:13:33,496
It's good to see you.
1355
01:14:46,351 --> 01:14:48,135
Eve Carter.
1356
01:14:48,309 --> 01:14:49,833
Hey, you calling to yell at me
again on Christmas Eve?
1357
01:14:50,007 --> 01:14:51,269
I got my kids on
the speakerphone
1358
01:14:51,443 --> 01:14:52,662
so they can hear everything.
1359
01:14:53,271 --> 01:14:55,099
No, Charlie.
1360
01:14:55,273 --> 01:14:56,666
Well look, “Christmas
with More Jerks”
1361
01:14:56,840 --> 01:14:58,755
wasn't quite right without
you, kid.
1362
01:14:58,929 --> 01:15:00,191
Shadonna, it turns out,
1363
01:15:00,365 --> 01:15:01,758
is quite the “Sha-diva”.
1364
01:15:01,932 --> 01:15:04,369
So that's on me.
1365
01:15:04,543 --> 01:15:06,502
Can you forgive me?
Maybe. Listen,
1366
01:15:07,372 --> 01:15:08,895
I need a favor.
1367
01:15:15,598 --> 01:15:19,297
under the mistletoe
1368
01:15:19,471 --> 01:15:22,866
Is a kiss on the top of
your wish list?
1369
01:15:23,040 --> 01:15:26,086
Well I know a girl
you should know
1370
01:15:27,653 --> 01:15:28,436
She's sugar and spice
1371
01:15:28,611 --> 01:15:29,394
Eve?
1372
01:15:29,786 --> 01:15:31,352
Naughty and nice
1373
01:15:31,527 --> 01:15:32,832
What are you doing here?
1374
01:15:33,224 --> 01:15:34,312
What? Came to finish the job,
1375
01:15:34,486 --> 01:15:35,748
just needed an audience?
1376
01:15:36,793 --> 01:15:38,272
Go ahead. Just do it to my face.
1377
01:15:38,446 --> 01:15:39,796
I don't even have my phone.
1378
01:15:39,970 --> 01:15:41,232
Sorry if I don't believe you.
1379
01:15:41,841 --> 01:15:43,016
That's fair.
1380
01:15:43,190 --> 01:15:44,017
Who's this?
1381
01:15:46,280 --> 01:15:47,673
Cookie Jerk!
1382
01:15:49,980 --> 01:15:50,937
Oh, my gosh!
1383
01:15:51,111 --> 01:15:52,330
Let's take a selfie!
1384
01:16:00,773 --> 01:16:02,427
Why are you here, Eve?
1385
01:16:04,211 --> 01:16:05,648
I just wanted to make sure
you got here okay.
1386
01:16:05,822 --> 01:16:07,258
And you did.
You're doing great!
1387
01:16:07,432 --> 01:16:08,738
So I'm just going to go.
1388
01:16:13,090 --> 01:16:13,960
I screwed up.
1389
01:16:15,919 --> 01:16:17,094
I was so focused on
what I wanted
1390
01:16:17,268 --> 01:16:18,704
I wasn't even thinking
about you.
1391
01:16:18,878 --> 01:16:20,706
I just wanted you out of
that house.
1392
01:16:22,490 --> 01:16:24,623
But somebody told me recently
that if I wanted something,
1393
01:16:25,276 --> 01:16:27,017
I should go for it on my terms.
1394
01:16:28,540 --> 01:16:29,846
But the thing is,
right now,
1395
01:16:30,324 --> 01:16:31,108
all I want
1396
01:16:32,413 --> 01:16:33,763
is just a little more
time with you.
1397
01:16:35,982 --> 01:16:36,983
Ooh!
1398
01:16:38,028 --> 01:16:38,594
Thank you.
1399
01:16:38,768 --> 01:16:40,117
Mistletoe!
1400
01:16:40,813 --> 01:16:41,814
Who is next?
1401
01:16:42,772 --> 01:16:44,077
Come on.
We-We talked about this.
1402
01:16:44,251 --> 01:16:45,862
Simon, consent.
1403
01:16:46,036 --> 01:16:47,167
Okay, Well, I--
1404
01:16:47,690 --> 01:16:48,604
Are you okay?
1405
01:16:50,388 --> 01:16:51,171
Wow.
1406
01:16:51,868 --> 01:16:52,564
She's, like,
1407
01:16:52,738 --> 01:16:53,609
obsessed with you.
1408
01:16:54,697 --> 01:16:55,436
That's
1409
01:16:55,872 --> 01:16:56,960
so sad.
1410
01:16:57,134 --> 01:16:58,918
She's sugar and spice
1411
01:16:59,092 --> 01:17:01,051
But she's not asking twice
1412
01:17:01,225 --> 01:17:03,706
Waiting under
that evergreen tree
1413
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:06,665
If you're ready to fall in
love this Christmas
1414
01:17:06,839 --> 01:17:10,800
Fall in love with me
1415
01:17:13,454 --> 01:17:14,847
You're saying no?
1416
01:17:15,021 --> 01:17:17,197
Andrea saw that viral
party video.
1417
01:17:17,371 --> 01:17:19,547
She wants you now for Emma.
1418
01:17:19,722 --> 01:17:21,332
And your passing?!
1419
01:17:21,549 --> 01:17:22,942
Is this some kind of midlife
crisis thing now?
1420
01:17:23,116 --> 01:17:24,988
No!
1421
01:17:25,162 --> 01:17:26,511
But you're bailing on
the plastic surgery trip?
1422
01:17:26,685 --> 01:17:28,469
Well, I'm still going to
get my Botox.
1423
01:17:28,644 --> 01:17:29,906
'‘Cause I'm not an animal.
1424
01:17:30,994 --> 01:17:32,735
And Andrea said I could
shadow her
1425
01:17:32,909 --> 01:17:34,432
while she directs Emma
this summer.
1426
01:17:35,041 --> 01:17:36,260
So you want to
direct now?
1427
01:17:37,609 --> 01:17:39,219
I'm getting whiplash over here.
1428
01:17:39,959 --> 01:17:42,048
Look, I got to get back
to my family.
1429
01:17:43,180 --> 01:17:44,311
Yeah, of course.
1430
01:17:44,834 --> 01:17:46,183
Let's talk next week.
1431
01:17:46,357 --> 01:17:47,793
Maybe you'll come to
your senses.
1432
01:17:47,967 --> 01:17:49,142
Merry Christmas.
1433
01:17:49,752 --> 01:17:51,231
Merry Christmas to you, too.
1434
01:17:53,190 --> 01:17:54,278
Group shot!
1435
01:17:56,715 --> 01:17:58,195
Here, like this.
1436
01:18:03,809 --> 01:18:05,506
Next stop, Claremont Rooftop?
1437
01:18:05,985 --> 01:18:07,987
Havana Club!
1438
01:18:11,425 --> 01:18:12,339
Umm,
1439
01:18:12,513 --> 01:18:13,558
let's just go to a bar.
1440
01:18:14,472 --> 01:18:15,516
Mmhmm.
1441
01:18:26,005 --> 01:18:28,138
Why, Satan? Why?!
1442
01:19:08,656 --> 01:19:10,746
Christmas With Jerks
1443
01:19:23,715 --> 01:19:24,455
Gross.
1444
01:19:36,728 --> 01:19:37,381
Hey, Mac.
1445
01:19:39,035 --> 01:19:40,297
Yeah, you saw the post.
1446
01:19:40,863 --> 01:19:42,603
Look, I'm-I'm really sorry.
1447
01:19:44,823 --> 01:19:45,781
Wait, what?
1448
01:19:48,696 --> 01:19:50,350
They want to offer me what?
1449
01:19:56,922 --> 01:20:00,317
Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!
1450
01:20:15,941 --> 01:20:18,901
Oh, tell me do you want to get
down tonight?
1451
01:20:19,075 --> 01:20:21,512
Do the Christmas boogie and
it feels alright
1452
01:20:21,686 --> 01:20:24,167
Santa, let the music move
your feet
1453
01:20:24,341 --> 01:20:26,430
Feel the eternal rhythm to
the crazy beat
1454
01:20:26,604 --> 01:20:28,998
Aren't you tired of driving
that same old sleigh?
1455
01:20:29,172 --> 01:20:31,696
You deserve a night to just
play, play, play
1456
01:20:31,870 --> 01:20:34,090
No one's going to miss you for
an hour or so
1457
01:20:34,264 --> 01:20:36,875
Come on, Santa! Let
yourself go
1458
01:20:37,049 --> 01:20:37,876
Eve?
1459
01:20:38,268 --> 01:20:38,877
Oh shit!
1460
01:20:39,051 --> 01:20:40,139
Uh, sorry! Sorry!
1461
01:20:42,794 --> 01:20:43,664
Sorry.
1462
01:20:45,492 --> 01:20:46,842
Eve, thank you.
1463
01:20:48,713 --> 01:20:50,149
I know you made some
calls for me.
1464
01:20:51,324 --> 01:20:52,064
And
1465
01:20:53,587 --> 01:20:55,285
I get to stay in the multiverse.
They're
1466
01:20:56,329 --> 01:20:57,417
going to let me coordinate.
1467
01:20:59,028 --> 01:21:00,725
Are you sad you won't be in
the spandex?
1468
01:21:02,858 --> 01:21:05,861
Uh, with the higher rate I think
I'll survive.
1469
01:21:09,299 --> 01:21:10,082
You know, I was--
1470
01:21:10,256 --> 01:21:11,649
I was getting dressed.
1471
01:21:12,302 --> 01:21:12,868
Huh?
1472
01:21:13,694 --> 01:21:14,608
My ankle.
1473
01:21:16,045 --> 01:21:18,177
I wasn't driving a car out
of a plane.
1474
01:21:18,351 --> 01:21:19,613
I was getting dressed.
1475
01:21:21,180 --> 01:21:23,748
Got my foot caught in my
underwear, and
1476
01:21:23,922 --> 01:21:24,705
I tripped.
1477
01:21:25,750 --> 01:21:26,838
I guess I'm.
1478
01:21:27,926 --> 01:21:29,754
I guess I'm getting--
Old?
1479
01:21:31,277 --> 01:21:32,583
Well,
1480
01:21:32,757 --> 01:21:34,193
today's my birthday.
1481
01:21:38,763 --> 01:21:40,896
I really like your suit.
1482
01:21:45,204 --> 01:21:47,119
She wanted you back.
1483
01:21:50,383 --> 01:21:51,036
Yeah.
1484
01:21:52,516 --> 01:21:53,386
She just
1485
01:21:55,084 --> 01:21:56,128
doesn't really like me.
1486
01:21:59,958 --> 01:22:01,177
What's not to like?
1487
01:22:07,139 --> 01:22:10,142
You know my body says you're
something special.
1488
01:22:10,751 --> 01:22:11,796
And your brain?
1489
01:22:11,970 --> 01:22:13,319
Says we might kill each other.
1490
01:22:13,493 --> 01:22:15,147
Oh, we're definitely going to
kill each other.
1491
01:22:18,237 --> 01:22:21,762
I just want to be with
you for Christmas
1492
01:22:23,112 --> 01:22:26,506
Wrap you up in a big red bow
1493
01:22:26,680 --> 01:22:29,509
All I got for Christmas was
a candy cane.
1494
01:22:31,468 --> 01:22:32,860
Oh, my God.
1495
01:22:33,035 --> 01:22:35,080
You did the line!
1496
01:22:35,254 --> 01:22:37,691
You did the line, and you made
it naughty.
1497
01:22:42,392 --> 01:22:43,349
You
1498
01:22:43,959 --> 01:22:45,047
are
1499
01:22:45,612 --> 01:22:46,918
magic.
1500
01:22:47,440 --> 01:22:48,572
You are
1501
01:22:49,007 --> 01:22:50,574
overdressed.
1502
01:22:51,488 --> 01:22:52,750
I couldn't agree more.
1503
01:22:55,535 --> 01:22:56,406
Oh, no! Going down!
1504
01:22:58,799 --> 01:23:00,062
You okay?
1505
01:23:00,497 --> 01:23:01,454
No.
1506
01:23:01,802 --> 01:23:03,021
I'm Ace.
1507
01:23:05,284 --> 01:23:10,289
Come on and fill my
Christmas stocking
1508
01:23:10,463 --> 01:23:14,990
Turn on all my
Christmas lights
1509
01:23:16,121 --> 01:23:18,384
I'm going to need to piggy back
your ass to the bed, aren't I?
1510
01:23:18,558 --> 01:23:19,559
Absolutely.
1511
01:23:21,953 --> 01:23:22,780
Here we go!
1512
01:23:25,609 --> 01:23:32,703
Halleluuuuuu ujah!
1513
01:23:32,877 --> 01:23:35,532
Christmas came
1514
01:23:35,706 --> 01:23:37,403
twice
1515
01:23:37,577 --> 01:23:38,491
for real.
1516
01:23:43,018 --> 01:23:44,628
Merry Christmas, Eve.
1517
01:23:49,024 --> 01:23:49,807
Uh oh.
1518
01:23:52,636 --> 01:23:54,029
Found your little friend.
1519
01:23:55,421 --> 01:23:57,467
Her name is Maude.
1520
01:23:58,337 --> 01:24:00,122
And she could be
your friend too.
1521
01:24:01,601 --> 01:24:02,385
Oooh.
1522
01:24:03,255 --> 01:24:04,039
Ooh!
1523
01:24:05,475 --> 01:24:07,868
Ooh! Oh, okay!
1524
01:24:09,914 --> 01:24:11,568
You big old dirty slut!
1525
01:24:12,699 --> 01:24:13,961
I knew it.
1526
01:24:15,659 --> 01:24:18,488
Merry Christmas?
1527
01:24:18,662 --> 01:24:21,099
You're buying me new sheets.
Both of you.
1528
01:24:24,972 --> 01:24:25,712
Does this have other settings?
1529
01:24:26,974 --> 01:24:28,150
Ohh!
Oh, my God!
1530
01:24:28,324 --> 01:24:28,889
Oh, it goes faster!
Oh, hello.
1531
01:24:35,766 --> 01:24:37,289
Christmas With Jerks
1532
01:24:44,731 --> 01:24:46,298
Christmas With Jerks
1533
01:24:48,909 --> 01:24:50,389
Christmas With Jerks
1534
01:24:52,826 --> 01:24:54,176
Christmas With Jerks
1535
01:24:59,746 --> 01:25:01,444
Christmas With Jerks
1536
01:25:15,806 --> 01:25:17,286
Christmas With Jerks
1537
01:25:28,601 --> 01:25:30,473
Christmas With Jerks
1538
01:25:31,648 --> 01:25:33,606
Christmas With Jerks
1539
01:25:36,609 --> 01:25:38,524
Christmas With Jerks
1540
01:25:40,744 --> 01:25:42,528
Christmas With Jerks
1541
01:25:47,881 --> 01:25:49,796
Christmas With Jerks
1542
01:25:56,629 --> 01:25:58,588
Christmas With Jerks
1543
01:26:03,810 --> 01:26:05,769
Christmas With Jerks
1544
01:26:12,863 --> 01:26:14,473
Christmas With Jerks
1545
01:26:19,870 --> 01:26:21,872
Christmas With Jerks
1546
01:26:23,787 --> 01:26:25,789
Christmas With Jerks
1547
01:26:27,660 --> 01:26:32,448
Christmas With Jerks
98358
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