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1
00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:53,580
This program me contains strong
language and scenes of a sexual nature.
2
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,276
Hi.
3
00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:01,316
Hey!
4
00:01:01,340 --> 00:01:02,596
How you doing?
5
00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:04,196
Good, thanks. How are you?
6
00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:06,140
I'm good, good.
7
00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:10,876
You're late. I'm late. I'm
sorry I'm late. I know.
8
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,356
It's OK.
9
00:01:12,380 --> 00:01:16,516
I'm about 10 to 15 minutes
late in life, I've realised.
10
00:01:16,540 --> 00:01:17,956
Are you, you're always late?
11
00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:20,876
Yeah, it might be a good thing
for you to bear that in mind.
12
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:22,516
Yeah?
13
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:24,356
OK.
14
00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:26,500
What were you thinking
when I texted you?
15
00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:31,596
Erm, you want the honest answer?
16
00:01:31,620 --> 00:01:32,660
Ooh...
17
00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:35,676
Only the honest answer.
18
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:38,396
I was thinking, "Oh, this guy."
19
00:01:38,420 --> 00:01:39,556
"Oh, THIS guy."
20
00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:41,396
"This guy."
21
00:01:41,420 --> 00:01:43,316
I dunno, like,
22
00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:46,860
if it was anyone else, I would
have probably dismissed it and...
23
00:01:49,340 --> 00:01:50,756
OK.
24
00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:52,636
I don't know. I felt...
25
00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:55,276
I don't know why. I don't
know why I felt this
26
00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:57,500
differently.
27
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:00,916
That's good.
28
00:02:00,940 --> 00:02:01,980
Yeah.
29
00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:15,556
OK.
30
00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:17,060
Oh, look.
31
00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:21,236
"Together for over
65 years." Yeah.
32
00:02:21,260 --> 00:02:23,956
"Let me not to
the marriage of true minds"
33
00:02:23,980 --> 00:02:25,916
"admit impediment."
34
00:02:25,940 --> 00:02:26,980
All right.
35
00:02:28,620 --> 00:02:30,020
I have to sit here now. OK.
36
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:32,940
Wow.
37
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,476
65 years. Imagine being
with someone for 65 years.
38
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:37,980
Mate, that's... That's crazy.
39
00:02:38,980 --> 00:02:40,020
Yeah.
40
00:02:42,980 --> 00:02:45,756
Is that the dream?
Would that be the dream?
41
00:02:45,780 --> 00:02:47,500
Like, is that your dream?
42
00:02:52,220 --> 00:02:54,060
Maybe, yeah, with
the right person.
43
00:02:56,900 --> 00:02:59,996
Yeah. I guess you
can't really know.
44
00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:02,556
You can't really know
that, starting out.
45
00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:03,940
Erm...
46
00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:09,556
But, yeah, that would be...
47
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:10,980
The idea of it's nice.
48
00:03:13,340 --> 00:03:14,380
I think so.
49
00:04:28,940 --> 00:04:31,316
Hey,
Hannah. It's James.
50
00:04:31,340 --> 00:04:32,676
Erm...
51
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:35,596
I just wanted to say, I hope you
like me as much as I like you.
52
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:39,796
Or even... or even
half as much, erm...
53
00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:44,820
I'm thinking about you, and, er,
yeah, let's do something else.
54
00:05:40,660 --> 00:05:42,820
Yeah,
exactly. It's just...
55
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,196
Yep, all right then.
No, no, no worries.
56
00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:50,756
Thank you very
much, though, for...
57
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:54,380
All right. Cheers,
buddy. Cheers, thanks.
58
00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:12,820
So have you been on many of
these, er, swipe right dates?
59
00:06:14,780 --> 00:06:17,236
No, I'm pretty new
to it, actually.
60
00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:19,516
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
61
00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:21,100
What did you do before?
62
00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:25,836
Fell into things by
accident. Oh, OK.
63
00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:28,516
What about you? Have
you done this a lot?
64
00:06:28,540 --> 00:06:32,476
Yeah, I've... I've defeated...
I've clocked the dating apps.
65
00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,916
Like, I'm waiting for, like,
number two to come out.
66
00:06:34,940 --> 00:06:37,476
Oh, you've completed them?
I've completed it, yeah. OK.
67
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,836
Clocked is like a gaming...
OK, sorry, I'm not a gamer.
68
00:06:39,860 --> 00:06:41,316
It's a term.
69
00:06:41,340 --> 00:06:45,556
Erm, yeah, no, a lot, a
lot, and I should stop,
70
00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:47,876
but when you're just in
the office all the time
71
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:51,276
and you're sort of, like, meeting
the same people, then you've got...
72
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:53,796
Your time's precious. You haven't
got a lot of time, you know.
73
00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:55,900
It makes sense, erm, yeah.
74
00:06:59,260 --> 00:07:03,476
And, er, good, good experiences?
75
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:07,596
Good and bad, sometimes people
look nothing like their picture.
76
00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:09,476
And this is going to sound bad,
77
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:12,196
but, like, one girl literally
turned up and she had, like,
78
00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:13,716
two extra chins.
79
00:07:13,740 --> 00:07:16,236
No, I know that sounds...
You know what I mean, though?
80
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:19,676
It's like why are we starting on
a lie? I don't have a problem.
81
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,756
I don't necessarily need
a girl to be skinny, or...
82
00:07:21,780 --> 00:07:23,996
I'm not really bothered,
that bothered about size,
83
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:25,516
but, like, let's
not start on a lie.
84
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:27,676
We're starting a date with
an elephant in the room.
85
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:29,196
Do you know what I mean?
86
00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:30,716
An elephant in the room?
87
00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:32,556
No, I didn't... Sorry!
88
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:35,156
No. Sorry, I know what you're
saying. I know what you're saying.
89
00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:37,436
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
90
00:07:37,460 --> 00:07:39,940
So what made you,
erm, start swiping?
91
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:44,900
Erm...
92
00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:47,700
I dunno. I guess I'm...
93
00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:53,156
I'm hoping to meet some
interesting people, maybe,
94
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:56,036
and just see what happens.
95
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,780
But you're not looking for
anything specific, or...?
96
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:04,316
What, like, a husband,
you know, or...
97
00:08:04,340 --> 00:08:07,516
Well, I don't... I don't mean, like,
second date, let's get married,
98
00:08:07,540 --> 00:08:10,156
but, yeah, you're going in
there with an intention,
99
00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:13,036
like, some people are on
it just to have a shag
100
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:16,276
and some people are on
it for other things.
101
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:19,196
Mm, yeah, possibly, possibly.
102
00:08:19,220 --> 00:08:23,140
I haven't, I haven't made up my
mind about all that stuff yet.
103
00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:27,916
At all?
104
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:29,676
At your age? Not like that.
105
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:32,076
I know it sounds
bad, but at your age,
106
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:35,316
you must have thought about
it. Clock ticking, all that?
107
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:36,540
Mm, well...
108
00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:42,980
Yeah, I've thought about
it. I haven't decided.
109
00:08:44,380 --> 00:08:46,196
Erm...
110
00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:48,796
You haven't thought about kids?
111
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,396
Thought about it.
112
00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:51,940
Still thinking about it.
113
00:08:53,420 --> 00:08:54,580
What I...
114
00:08:56,380 --> 00:08:59,236
I suppose I just... I don't know
exactly what it is that I want yet,
115
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:01,140
and I'm still trying
to figure it out.
116
00:09:04,220 --> 00:09:05,940
So why are you on a date?
117
00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:11,596
This date?
118
00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:13,300
Yeah, why are you on this date?
119
00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:18,636
I don't know. I thought we were
getting to know each other,
120
00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:20,220
having, having a chat.
121
00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:25,300
You seem like an interesting guy and
I thought we could see what happens.
122
00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:29,276
When you say "see what happens," do
you mean actually see what happens,
123
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:30,580
or you mean... Yeah.
124
00:09:32,620 --> 00:09:34,116
You look annoyed.
125
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:36,956
I'm not annoyed. I just know
what I want out of this,
126
00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:41,796
and if I meet someone, I'm
meeting, thinking, what is this,
127
00:09:41,820 --> 00:09:44,156
and what can this be, and, er,
128
00:09:44,180 --> 00:09:46,516
I don't mean to put pressure
or anything like that,
129
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:48,276
I just mean...
130
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:50,116
I just... I just
waste a lot of time.
131
00:09:50,140 --> 00:09:52,836
I've been on a lot of these
dates, and I just feel sometimes
132
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:55,316
it's getting a little
bit frustrating when
133
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:58,636
someone's just come out of a
relationship or someone's not ready.
134
00:09:58,660 --> 00:10:02,236
I sort of just feel like I need
people to be a lot more honest so...
135
00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:05,636
I know that can be abrasive
for some people, but,
136
00:10:05,660 --> 00:10:07,676
yeah, that's what I'm asking.
137
00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:10,116
Er, I do feel...
138
00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:12,356
Because I don't think
you know what you want.
139
00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:14,396
See, I think you're
wasting my time.
140
00:10:14,420 --> 00:10:17,556
I think you're here to find
yourself or use me to find yourself,
141
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:20,116
or use me to find
what you really want,
142
00:10:20,140 --> 00:10:22,860
and that's just fucking
wasting my time, to be honest.
143
00:10:23,780 --> 00:10:27,236
So I think we should
just leave it here, yeah?
144
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,660
OK. I'm right, right?
145
00:10:30,940 --> 00:10:33,076
I'm... I'm right, right?
146
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,756
You... Yeah, it's
a fucking joke.
147
00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:37,316
You seem to think you're
right. I'm right. OK, yeah.
148
00:10:37,340 --> 00:10:39,540
Thanks for wasting my
fucking time. Peace.
149
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,340
Ugh...
150
00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:51,540
Wow, wow...
151
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:19,636
What do you want, Mum?
152
00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:21,260
Erm, a herbal, please.
153
00:11:29,260 --> 00:11:30,836
Is camomile all right?
154
00:11:30,860 --> 00:11:32,100
Lovely.
155
00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:45,236
Do you want me to
leave your tea bag in?
156
00:11:45,260 --> 00:11:46,460
Yes, please.
157
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:56,460
Here you go.
158
00:11:58,860 --> 00:11:59,900
Thank you.
159
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:04,740
Do you remember what your
grandmother used to say?
160
00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:09,036
She used to say,
161
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:13,436
"There is no path to happiness.
162
00:12:13,460 --> 00:12:16,540
"Happiness is the path." I know.
163
00:12:18,420 --> 00:12:19,700
Yep.
164
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:24,716
It feels strange,
not having her there,
165
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:29,196
but you have to build your
own happiness, Hannah.
166
00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:32,316
You, you are very smart,
167
00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:34,396
you're strong,
168
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,636
you're beautiful. Ugh...
169
00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:38,020
Yeah, you are, really.
170
00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:41,476
And
171
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,956
you can have everything, Hannah,
172
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:45,980
but it doesn't happen by itself.
173
00:12:47,780 --> 00:12:51,236
And sometimes you have to
make conscious decisions
174
00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:54,676
about what you want in life,
175
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:58,340
and make a plan,
and stick to it.
176
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:02,036
You don't need to
worry about me, Mum.
177
00:13:02,060 --> 00:13:03,340
I'm all right.
178
00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:06,636
I'm fine, Mum.
179
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,516
Erm, I don't think
you are, Hannah...
180
00:13:08,540 --> 00:13:10,316
I'm, I'm happy, Mum!
181
00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:12,356
I really don't think you are.
182
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:14,420
Oh, fucking hell...
183
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:20,876
I know this is going
to sound silly, Hannah,
184
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:24,620
but one day you're going to wake
up and you're going to be 40.
185
00:13:25,780 --> 00:13:29,516
Well, they say that
40 is the new 20,
186
00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:31,476
50's the new 30, so
187
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:34,796
I think it's...
It's not that bad.
188
00:13:34,820 --> 00:13:37,196
You might look great,
189
00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:40,860
but your body will be that
of a 40-year-old woman, and.
190
00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:45,796
I don't want you to
191
00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:49,756
miss out on building a family
192
00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:52,100
and sharing your
life with somebody.
193
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:58,636
Of building a really loving,
meaningful relationship.
194
00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:00,156
Oh, my God, Mum...
195
00:14:00,180 --> 00:14:03,916
All I really care about
is your happiness.
196
00:14:03,940 --> 00:14:06,796
I don't want to just
sit here and watch you,
197
00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:08,836
and have cups of
tea once a month,
198
00:14:08,860 --> 00:14:11,196
while your life just
drifts by and then you...
199
00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:13,676
Mum, please, please,
please drop this.
200
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:16,116
OK, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that
you don't have grand kids
201
00:14:16,140 --> 00:14:17,836
to play with yet... It's not,
202
00:14:17,860 --> 00:14:19,316
so just please leave it.
203
00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:22,996
It's not about that, Hannah. It's
not about me having grandchildren.
204
00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:26,036
It's about the whole
of your life, darling.
205
00:14:26,060 --> 00:14:29,100
You can't meet Mr Wonderful
when you're 60, darling.
206
00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:47,500
Bye, Mum.
207
00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:59,756
Hey! Oh, hey,
hello! How are you doing?
208
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:02,436
How are you doing? Hey, darling.
209
00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:05,236
How are you doing? Yeah, I'm
good, thanks. How are you?
210
00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:06,756
Yeah, good.
211
00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:09,476
So this is Gabriel.
Oh, my gosh! Ahh...
212
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,236
Hello! He's gorgeous.
213
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:12,916
Aw, thanks.
214
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:14,516
Yeah, he is quite
cute, isn't he?
215
00:17:14,540 --> 00:17:16,276
Gosh. I got you a
little something.
216
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,276
Aw, thank you.
I'll pop it down...
217
00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:21,756
That's really kind. I'll pop
it down here. Thanks so much.
218
00:17:21,780 --> 00:17:23,076
Yes.
219
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,556
So, how are you?
220
00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:26,116
We're good.
221
00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:28,636
I mean, the lack of
sleep thing is difficult,
222
00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:30,796
but apart from that
I feel really good.
223
00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:33,876
I'm feeling really
happy, quite contented.
224
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,916
I don't think I was expecting
to feel the big love rush thing
225
00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:40,060
that everyone talks
about, but it's all true.
226
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,236
And Tim's been brilliant.
227
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:46,556
He's been just an
absolute Trojan.
228
00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:49,356
He's there every step of the way,
with the, sort of, the 2am feeds,
229
00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:53,756
and the 4am feeds, and changing
nappies in the middle of the night.
230
00:17:53,780 --> 00:17:56,236
He takes it all in his
stride, and he's amazing.
231
00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:58,836
It's really brought out
the best in him, I think.
232
00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:00,796
And the best in us, I think.
233
00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:02,140
Oh!
234
00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:05,580
Yeah, yeah.
235
00:18:09,940 --> 00:18:11,676
Do you want to hold him?
236
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:13,036
Yeah. Yeah?
237
00:18:13,060 --> 00:18:14,556
Why not? Cool.
238
00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:16,076
Are you sure?
239
00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,516
Yeah, he's quite chilled.
240
00:18:18,540 --> 00:18:20,476
Which side do you
want his head? Erm...
241
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,876
Left or right?
242
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:25,236
No, I can... Yeah, right, I
guess. Just straight over? OK.
243
00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:26,916
Oh, God...
244
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:29,236
I don't want him to wake
up. No, it's all right.
245
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:30,500
Oh, a quick changeover.
246
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:37,916
Aww...
247
00:18:37,940 --> 00:18:39,220
Hello.
248
00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:41,836
Hi!
249
00:18:41,860 --> 00:18:43,180
Waking up?
250
00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:50,860
So cute.
251
00:18:54,820 --> 00:18:56,916
You're so cute.
252
00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:58,460
Oh, he's beautiful.
253
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:02,076
I'm so happy for you.
254
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,796
Ah, thank you!
255
00:19:03,820 --> 00:19:05,716
Honestly, it's...
256
00:19:05,740 --> 00:19:08,220
It's amazing. It's
amazing, what you've done.
257
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:12,020
Oh, love...
258
00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:17,836
Oh, love, what's going on? It's
all right. Nothing, honestly.
259
00:19:17,860 --> 00:19:20,436
Come on. Are you all
right? What's happening?
260
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,220
I'm fine. I'm just...
261
00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:26,780
Yeah.
262
00:19:56,580 --> 00:19:57,620
Shit.
263
00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:30,980
OK.
264
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,356
Hi. Hey.
265
00:20:42,380 --> 00:20:44,876
Hi. Yep. How are you doing?
266
00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:47,356
I'm good, thanks. How are
you? Erm, great, good.
267
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:48,956
Sorry if I've kept you waiting.
268
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:50,596
No, no, no, not at all.
269
00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:53,316
It's been, like, 10
minutes, but it's fine.
270
00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:55,996
It's fine... I ordered
a, sort of, a small beer,
271
00:20:56,020 --> 00:20:58,636
and I've drunk a bit of it, so
I'm, er, pretty much raring to go.
272
00:20:58,660 --> 00:21:01,916
What, er, do you want a
drink? Erm, yeah, why not?
273
00:21:01,940 --> 00:21:03,556
Er, what can I get you?
274
00:21:03,580 --> 00:21:04,956
Hi. What can I get you?
275
00:21:04,980 --> 00:21:07,036
Erm, can I have a vodka
cranberry juice, please?
276
00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:08,540
Sure, no problem. Thank you.
277
00:21:11,380 --> 00:21:13,356
So, how was your day?
278
00:21:13,380 --> 00:21:17,276
Er, er, good, good.
279
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:20,916
I sort of do... I do, like,
freelance copy writing.
280
00:21:20,940 --> 00:21:22,396
I'll tell you what I wrote.
281
00:21:22,420 --> 00:21:25,116
Right, it's... Erm, so there's
a button you have to click
282
00:21:25,140 --> 00:21:27,116
to get into the
website... Mm-hm.
283
00:21:27,140 --> 00:21:32,036
And, er, I gave them five
different options, and... Yep.
284
00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:34,036
We went with, eventually,
285
00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:35,916
"Click here."
286
00:21:35,940 --> 00:21:38,596
So there you go, three years at
university. How crafty, yeah.
287
00:21:38,620 --> 00:21:40,436
Pretty solid, erm...
288
00:21:40,460 --> 00:21:41,940
Well, there you go.
289
00:21:44,860 --> 00:21:46,876
OK, here's where I'm at.
290
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:51,676
Sometimes, I want to meet someone
who I can find peace with,
291
00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:55,836
total fucking
tranquillity, but then,
292
00:21:55,860 --> 00:21:57,980
but then sometimes I just want
293
00:22:00,100 --> 00:22:02,156
fucking chaos, you know?
294
00:22:02,180 --> 00:22:04,876
I want that person to be mad,
295
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:08,196
and drive me insane and
torment me even more.
296
00:22:08,220 --> 00:22:12,596
You know? So tell me,
what's Hannah looking for?
297
00:22:12,620 --> 00:22:14,060
What are you after?
298
00:22:16,740 --> 00:22:20,316
I don't know. I suppose when
it comes to a relationship,
299
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:24,596
I want to have the freedom to be
300
00:22:24,620 --> 00:22:26,756
myself,
301
00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:28,756
like completely myself.
302
00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:29,820
And...
303
00:22:32,020 --> 00:22:35,740
I don't know if I've ever really
had that in a relationship.
304
00:22:38,220 --> 00:22:42,676
Like, don't we want
contradictory things from people?
305
00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:45,836
Like, we like the idea of safety
306
00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:49,436
and security and love and care
307
00:22:49,460 --> 00:22:51,836
and someone to feel like home,
308
00:22:51,860 --> 00:22:54,196
and of course we want
that, we need that,
309
00:22:54,220 --> 00:22:57,476
but then there's another side of us
that wants novelty and excitement,
310
00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,380
and the new, and...
311
00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:02,956
I don't know how
you resolve that.
312
00:23:02,980 --> 00:23:06,436
I don't know how you resolve
that with just one person, so
313
00:23:06,460 --> 00:23:09,916
I know that I don't
want to be tied down.
314
00:23:09,940 --> 00:23:13,740
I know that I want excitement.
315
00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:17,540
I like sex.
316
00:23:20,180 --> 00:23:21,220
I...
317
00:23:24,140 --> 00:23:28,156
I don't know, I guess, sometimes
I feel like a bit of a freak,
318
00:23:28,180 --> 00:23:29,996
compared to other
women that I know,
319
00:23:30,020 --> 00:23:35,676
I mean, most of my friends
from school and uni,
320
00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:37,636
they're already settling down,
321
00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:44,076
some are on their, you know,
their second or third kid,
322
00:23:44,100 --> 00:23:47,796
and I worry sometimes that
I'm going to be left behind
323
00:23:47,820 --> 00:23:50,100
before I figure my
shit out, you know?
324
00:23:53,540 --> 00:23:55,356
I don't know.
325
00:23:55,380 --> 00:23:57,636
Yeah.
326
00:23:57,660 --> 00:23:59,436
You're pretty
fucking incredible,
327
00:23:59,460 --> 00:24:01,540
as far as I'm concerned, but...
328
00:24:05,260 --> 00:24:06,916
Erm...
329
00:24:06,940 --> 00:24:08,596
I'm just going to go to the loo.
330
00:24:08,620 --> 00:24:10,236
Yep, no, yeah. That's fine, yep.
331
00:24:10,260 --> 00:24:11,820
All right. Sorry!
332
00:24:50,420 --> 00:24:52,196
Hey, hey. Come on, now.
333
00:24:52,220 --> 00:24:53,980
You want to be free, don't you?
334
00:24:56,060 --> 00:24:58,316
Hey, hey, slow down.
You want to fucking...
335
00:24:58,340 --> 00:24:59,956
Slow down.
336
00:24:59,980 --> 00:25:02,116
Come on, let's go,
let's go back upstairs.
337
00:25:02,140 --> 00:25:04,356
I know you want... Let's
go back upstairs. Come on,
338
00:25:04,380 --> 00:25:05,756
slow down, slow down, slow down!
339
00:25:05,780 --> 00:25:07,260
No, come on...
340
00:25:08,580 --> 00:25:09,940
Get off!
341
00:25:54,820 --> 00:25:56,260
Fuck.
342
00:26:07,220 --> 00:26:10,196
So, yeah, I was telling you that
my parents had a dinner party
343
00:26:10,220 --> 00:26:13,796
a few weeks ago, and they were,
like, had all their friends over,
344
00:26:13,820 --> 00:26:16,636
and they were all, like,
they brought all their kids,
345
00:26:16,660 --> 00:26:20,036
and it was, like, so mental
346
00:26:20,060 --> 00:26:21,996
but it was so, so, so fun.
347
00:26:22,020 --> 00:26:27,436
We had, like, like, this huge table
for all, like, my mum and dad's
348
00:26:27,460 --> 00:26:30,596
friends, and then we had, like,
another table for all the kids,
349
00:26:30,620 --> 00:26:32,116
and it was just so fun.
350
00:26:32,140 --> 00:26:35,116
Like, everybody was together, and
they were all telling stories about
351
00:26:35,140 --> 00:26:38,316
being on holidays with
their kids, and, like,
352
00:26:38,340 --> 00:26:40,596
the kids were like running about,
all being friends together,
353
00:26:40,620 --> 00:26:42,796
they've all known each other
since they were little,
354
00:26:42,820 --> 00:26:46,116
and I was just like,
oh, my God, like,
355
00:26:46,140 --> 00:26:47,476
I want that.
356
00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:52,876
Like, I want to have that
relationship with someone,
357
00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:57,716
that's like my person, my
partner, and my husband,
358
00:26:57,740 --> 00:27:02,436
and I want to have the house and,
you know, the white picket fence,
359
00:27:02,460 --> 00:27:05,756
and the children and the dog,
360
00:27:05,780 --> 00:27:10,356
and the nice kitchen with
the island in the middle,
361
00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:14,316
and I know that, you know, I
know that sounds materialistic
362
00:27:14,340 --> 00:27:15,940
but I think it's more than that.
363
00:27:17,020 --> 00:27:20,916
I don't know, I guess I just
don't see the point in being
364
00:27:20,940 --> 00:27:22,780
in a relationship
for the sake of it.
365
00:27:24,020 --> 00:27:25,316
Like, what's the point?
366
00:27:25,340 --> 00:27:27,396
What's the point in being
with someone who isn't right,
367
00:27:27,420 --> 00:27:28,916
just cos you're
scared of being alone?
368
00:27:28,940 --> 00:27:32,676
You know, I would
rather be on my own than
369
00:27:32,700 --> 00:27:36,796
be with someone who isn't right.
370
00:27:36,820 --> 00:27:40,316
And I see so many women, and
so many people that we know,
371
00:27:40,340 --> 00:27:43,156
they've panicked and they have
settled for, like, the next guy,
372
00:27:43,180 --> 00:27:45,516
this, like, he'll do, I've
just got to have kids, and,
373
00:27:45,540 --> 00:27:47,916
and I just, I don't
want to be that person.
374
00:27:47,940 --> 00:27:50,716
I, I want something more, I...
375
00:27:50,740 --> 00:27:51,780
I do.
376
00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:56,276
And you know what
my biggest fear is?
377
00:27:56,300 --> 00:27:59,996
My biggest fear is that
actually I'm getting it wrong,
378
00:28:00,020 --> 00:28:02,876
and maybe my mum's right, I'm going
to wake up and I'm going to be...
379
00:28:02,900 --> 00:28:05,116
And it's going to be too late,
and I'm going to realise too late
380
00:28:05,140 --> 00:28:07,196
that that is what I want,
381
00:28:07,220 --> 00:28:09,796
that is what I want
and I've fucked it up.
382
00:28:09,820 --> 00:28:11,940
I'm terrified of fucking it up.
383
00:28:15,420 --> 00:28:19,876
Fucking ridiculous, actually.
384
00:28:19,900 --> 00:28:21,796
It's so fucking unfair.
385
00:28:21,820 --> 00:28:24,396
It's so fucking unfair that we
even have to think about this now.
386
00:28:24,420 --> 00:28:27,156
Guys can decide to have kids when
they're 50, it's not an issue,
387
00:28:27,180 --> 00:28:32,676
but the moment we hit 35, it's,
like, you've got to decide now
388
00:28:32,700 --> 00:28:34,436
or it's going to be too late.
389
00:28:34,460 --> 00:28:35,716
And like, you know,
390
00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:38,676
what we've been told from, like,
our teenage years to our 20s,
391
00:28:38,700 --> 00:28:41,356
like, it's like the worst thing
that can happen is to get pregnant.
392
00:28:41,380 --> 00:28:43,276
It's, like, the end, your
life will be over, right?
393
00:28:43,300 --> 00:28:44,876
That's what we're told,
394
00:28:44,900 --> 00:28:47,356
that's, like, drilled into
us from such a young age,
395
00:28:47,380 --> 00:28:49,556
and then suddenly it's,
like, it switches,
396
00:28:49,580 --> 00:28:52,036
it goes from, like, don't
get pregnant, to, like,
397
00:28:52,060 --> 00:28:54,836
you'd better fucking get pregnant
or, or you've missed your chance.
398
00:28:54,860 --> 00:28:57,876
And that's, like, literally that
change happens in like five years
399
00:28:57,900 --> 00:28:59,916
in your 30s, and it's
just, like, what the fuck?
400
00:28:59,940 --> 00:29:02,796
So now, in this tiny space of
time, I'm meant to find the guy,
401
00:29:02,820 --> 00:29:04,956
the perfect guy, the guy
that I could potentially
402
00:29:04,980 --> 00:29:09,236
spend the rest of my life with,
and do that, and get all that done?
403
00:29:09,260 --> 00:29:10,356
I just think it's insane,
404
00:29:10,380 --> 00:29:13,556
I think it's crazy, I
think it's fucking crazy.
405
00:29:13,580 --> 00:29:16,676
I just... And I don't want
to buy into any of that crap,
406
00:29:16,700 --> 00:29:19,620
but, yeah, I still, obviously,
I'm bothered by this crap.
407
00:31:47,380 --> 00:31:50,396
Good morning. Morning, I have
an appointment with Dr Saris.
408
00:31:50,420 --> 00:31:52,300
Sure, can I have
your name? Hannah Li.
409
00:31:54,260 --> 00:31:56,916
If you'd just like to take a
seat, he'll be with you shortly.
410
00:31:56,940 --> 00:31:57,980
Thanks.
411
00:32:17,500 --> 00:32:20,756
Obviously, it very much depends
on who's doing the egg freezing,
412
00:32:20,780 --> 00:32:24,196
what their age is and how
many eggs we can get as well.
413
00:32:24,220 --> 00:32:26,636
The success rate of
somebody who's in their 20s,
414
00:32:26,660 --> 00:32:28,716
where you might have
10 or 12 eggs frozen,
415
00:32:28,740 --> 00:32:32,356
might be as high as 40% or 50%,
416
00:32:32,380 --> 00:32:34,436
but for a woman
who's in her 40s,
417
00:32:34,460 --> 00:32:36,796
the success rate
can be as low as 1%.
418
00:32:36,820 --> 00:32:40,476
So, at the age that you are,
very roughly, we would expect
419
00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:43,876
about a 3% to 4% chance of
each egg to give us a baby.
420
00:32:43,900 --> 00:32:45,556
Three to four? Per egg.
421
00:32:45,580 --> 00:32:47,956
But of course if we
have a number of eggs,
422
00:32:47,980 --> 00:32:50,516
ten eggs, or a dozen
eggs, for example,
423
00:32:50,540 --> 00:32:55,116
it can be anywhere between 20%,
25%, maybe even 30% success rate.
424
00:32:55,140 --> 00:32:57,916
Egg freezing is like
an insurance policy,
425
00:32:57,940 --> 00:32:59,876
but actually it's not a
very good insurance policy,
426
00:32:59,900 --> 00:33:01,956
because you'd expect a good
insurance policy to pay out
427
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:06,836
every time that you need it, as
opposed to this is a might pay out.
428
00:33:06,860 --> 00:33:07,956
But it's the best that we have,
429
00:33:07,980 --> 00:33:09,836
unfortunately we have
nothing better than that.
430
00:33:09,860 --> 00:33:11,196
It's hope, though, isn't it?
431
00:33:11,220 --> 00:33:14,476
It is hope, but it wouldn't be
right for me to tell somebody
432
00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:17,660
that this is a guarantee, when
in fact it's just a possibility.
433
00:33:29,940 --> 00:33:30,980
You OK?
434
00:33:32,060 --> 00:33:33,330
Lift going down.
435
00:33:39,980 --> 00:33:41,156
Ground floor.
436
00:33:41,180 --> 00:33:42,340
Don't look so worried.
437
00:33:46,260 --> 00:33:48,236
Mum.
438
00:33:48,260 --> 00:33:49,596
It's OK.
439
00:33:49,620 --> 00:33:52,516
It went really
well, really well.
440
00:33:52,540 --> 00:33:53,820
OK?
441
00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:59,276
Look, he was amazing, the doctor,
you know, he really reassured me
442
00:33:59,300 --> 00:34:02,596
and we talked through
everything, and,
443
00:34:02,620 --> 00:34:04,020
yeah, I'm, I'm going to do it.
444
00:34:06,820 --> 00:34:07,860
I am.
445
00:34:08,940 --> 00:34:10,676
You should be happy for me,
446
00:34:10,700 --> 00:34:12,796
you should be happy
that I'm going to have,
447
00:34:12,820 --> 00:34:16,316
I'm going to have some options,
I'm going to have some more time.
448
00:34:16,340 --> 00:34:18,316
It's a good thing.
449
00:34:18,340 --> 00:34:20,676
It really is, it's a good thing.
450
00:34:20,700 --> 00:34:24,196
You know, yeah,
451
00:34:24,220 --> 00:34:27,756
I can, in a few years, if
I've met someone we can,
452
00:34:27,780 --> 00:34:29,716
you know, we could, we
could do this together.
453
00:34:29,740 --> 00:34:33,076
Or if I haven't met someone
I could do it on my own,
454
00:34:33,100 --> 00:34:34,116
it's all possible.
455
00:34:34,140 --> 00:34:35,420
It's brilliant, really.
456
00:34:36,980 --> 00:34:38,156
I promise you.
457
00:34:38,180 --> 00:34:39,740
Don't look so worried.
458
00:34:41,540 --> 00:34:42,580
Come here.
459
00:34:46,460 --> 00:34:47,500
It's all right.
460
00:34:50,380 --> 00:34:52,996
I really wish you'd
been there, actually.
461
00:34:53,020 --> 00:34:54,836
If you'd heard
what he had to say,
462
00:34:54,860 --> 00:34:57,636
I think you'd feel so
much better about it.
463
00:34:57,660 --> 00:34:58,700
Come on.
464
00:35:00,140 --> 00:35:02,700
Honestly, it's really
exciting, what they can do.
465
00:35:04,140 --> 00:35:05,396
It's OK.
466
00:35:05,420 --> 00:35:07,796
It's OK, look, you were the one
who told me to come up with a plan,
467
00:35:07,820 --> 00:35:09,756
this is my plan.
468
00:35:09,780 --> 00:35:11,356
It's a good plan.
469
00:35:11,380 --> 00:35:12,476
Are you sure?
470
00:35:12,500 --> 00:35:13,500
I'm sure.
471
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:27,016
OK, Hannah, what I'm
going to do now is
472
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,376
I'm just going to
insert the probe.
473
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,320
You might feel a
little bit of pressure.
474
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:37,016
And, if you want, you can
look at the screen as well.
475
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,816
So here, I'm just
looking at the womb.
476
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,456
This little triangle
inside is the cavity,
477
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,816
and you'll see just
here how on either side
478
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:48,936
the tubes are going
out of the womb.
479
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:52,216
And we'll check that
a little bit later.
480
00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:56,536
And here what we're looking
at is the ovary on one side,
481
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,576
this little grey area.
482
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:02,136
And what I'm trying to see is how
many of these little black spots
483
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,840
I can see inside, which is
where eggs are developing.
484
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,776
OK, so now that we've looked
at the ovaries and the womb,
485
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,536
I'm just going to arrange for
you to have your blood test
486
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:18,936
and after that I'll see you
back in the consulting room.
487
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:24,456
So for somebody of your age, we'd
expect to see 15 or 16 of these
488
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,176
little developing follicles
with their eggs inside.
489
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:28,816
But when I scanned you,
490
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:32,856
unfortunately what I
saw was one follicle.
491
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,656
Now, the blood test that we did
492
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,456
it's another way at looking
what's happening in your ovaries,
493
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,816
and again, your result
came back very low.
494
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,416
In combination, those
two tests tells us
495
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,296
that the number of eggs your
ovary is releasing every month
496
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:51,576
is much less than we would
expect for someone of your age.
497
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,736
The final test that we
did looks at the tubes
498
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,456
that connect the ovaries
to the womb. Mm-hm.
499
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:02,616
And, unfortunately what
that test showed us
500
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:06,216
is that both tubes
appear to be blocked,
501
00:37:06,240 --> 00:37:07,840
and not to be working properly.
502
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:10,200
So
503
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:17,776
What exactly does
that mean for me?
504
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,736
Well, the chance of achieving a
505
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,936
natural pregnancy on
your own is very low.
506
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,456
Now, for egg freezing
to be something
507
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,336
which is worthwhile from
an insurance point of view,
508
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,296
we would want to be able to
collect a good number of eggs.
509
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:35,936
And based on today's,
uh, information,
510
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:41,736
we would be very unlikely to be
able to collect that number of eggs,
511
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:44,856
even with multiple cycles
of egg freezing. OK.
512
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:49,136
Also, even if we tried to do
something like IVF, although not
513
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,280
impossible, the chance of success
would be very low as well.
514
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:00,480
OK.
515
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,816
I know it's a lot to
process right now.
516
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,816
We can arrange for another meeting
to talk about it again. Mm.
517
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,136
Also, what a lot of
women find useful is
518
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:12,936
maybe speak to a counsellor.
519
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,160
I can give you details
for that as well.
520
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,296
OK, yeah, erm
521
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:22,096
yeah, that would be, that would
be good, thank you. Thank you.
522
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:23,456
Do you have any other questions?
523
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:25,920
Anything else I can help
you with at this moment?
524
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,096
No, no, no other questions.
525
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:31,400
Thanks very much.
526
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:30,320
MUSIC PLAYS
527
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,800
I used to think there was
something wrong with me.
528
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:19,960
Cos I'd get bored
of people so easily.
529
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:27,680
I mean, at this bit for example
530
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:30,880
most of the time, like after
531
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,920
after I've done it,
like I just kind of.
532
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,520
I'm not interested anymore. Like,
I could take it or leave it. Mm.
533
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:45,440
But, erm...
534
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:50,296
I just
535
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:51,640
I don't know, well.
536
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:54,560
I'm really liking this.
537
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,680
I'm really, really
liking this and... Hm.
538
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:03,920
I just kind of, erm...
539
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:08,920
I don't want to leave.
540
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:11,600
I, erm.
541
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:18,960
I don't want to mess this up.
542
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:23,896
Let's not worry about kids.
543
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:26,296
We don't have to
worry about kids,
544
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:27,360
This is
545
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:29,800
just about you and me.
546
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:34,240
This could be that
65 year thing.
547
00:43:36,720 --> 00:43:38,080
This, this is the one.
548
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:52,720
Fucking hell.
549
00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,536
Oh, my God.
550
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:01,456
I don't get you,
I do not get it.
551
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,776
Are you telling me that all
that stuff you said to me,
552
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:05,576
about how I make you feel?
553
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,096
You do. Right?
554
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,856
And now you just want, you
just want to dash it all away?
555
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:11,696
That's not what I'm saying. Hm?
556
00:44:11,720 --> 00:44:14,736
I can't carry on with you
as if nothing has happened,
557
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,336
things have changed for me.
558
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:22,760
And I feel like I can be
OK, but I need some time.
559
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,640
Honestly, I don't think I can
be in a relationship right now.
560
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:31,600
Can you understand that?
561
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,456
Isn't there a world, right,
where I can help with that?
562
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:40,976
I don't want you... I cannot rely on
someone else to get me through this.
563
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,576
I need to know that
I've done it for myself.
564
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:46,576
And I'm sorry, I know you want to
be the knight in shining arm our,
565
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:49,136
and you want to just, you know,
help me pick up the pieces,
566
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,176
but to be honest, and that's
567
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:53,536
I don't mean to sound
disrespectful, but I need to...
568
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:56,280
I need you to understand why
I need to do this by myself.
569
00:44:57,880 --> 00:44:58,920
I have to.
43019
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