Original subtitles

Subtitles From DVD9 uploaded at Asian DVD Club by bob68

"Ring around the Rosie,"

"Pocket full of posies,"

"Ashes, ashes."

'We all fall down..."

"Ring around the Rosie,"

"Pocket full of posies,"

"Ashes, ashes."

'We all fall down..."

"Ring around the Rosie,"

"Pocket full of posies,"

"Ashes, ashes."

'We all fall down..."

I didn't think you would show up.

Where is my sister?

We have been waiting for you.

Boo! You're gonna pop your cherry tonight!

Bugger off you two!

You two dimwits

I should chop your balls off

- and make keyrings with them. - Forget them losers.

Piss off!

I'm not the one with my tits hanging out. Slut!

You should wear an "Occupied" sign around your tits!

Actually,

I did see something hanging on her tits.

Those are nipple rings you retard!

Brother, some people called me a dimwit,

I need your toughest guys pronto!

You two dimwits take care of it your damn selves,

I'm "occupied".

That's all you had to say! Brother is sending his best guys out.

Who are these guys?

Us two...

What the?

Snakey Honey...

Baby,

Wait a second.

Do you still get possessed these days?

Not since that Tao master you hired

banged the spirits out of me...

I have been waiting for this...

Honey you suck like a pro!

Awesome

It feels like 3 of you sucking me off...

That's right, all three of us are sucking you right now...

You can suck but please no biting...

No promises, I will try my best...

This place is filled with DTF chicks...

- What's DTF? - Cheers!

Nicky,

that chick gave me the bedroom eyes!

Sorry Boo, she was checking me out...

Hi, what's your name?

Nicky!

I'm the Alpha male, of course I get dips!

- Now go! - Then who's gonna pop my cherry?

This guy is a registered sex offender... I tell him to piss off...

OK, Piss off...

Yeah! Piss off...

We go shag like feral rabbits!

OK, rabbits!

Feral rabbits!

You smell like a retired Russian tennis player...

Yet I can't resist you...

You have huge...

Balls!

Dude?

Tranny fanny?!

This is a robbery!

Whatever you say.

Spare a twenty for the taxi?

What are you doing?

Slop!

WTF! Do you know who you're messing with?

They call me Nicky Blade, I'm gonna cut you!

You Tranny,

I should cut off your balls and make keyrings!

Slop!

I...I'm...

Hang on, just hang on!

Help! Somebody Help!

Somebody!

Somebody!

Hang on okay, stay away from the tunnel,

don't follow the light!

What's your name?

Huh?

Your...Name?

I'm Nicky, people call me Big Nicky.

To...morrow...

To-morrow...

Tomorrow is a brand new day!

Stay with me, we're almost there...

He...He pushed me...

Who? Who pushed you?

Breathe, breathe...

We are here, the doctors are here!

We're almost there!

Think happy thoughts! I got you!

Thank you,

I owe you one...

Don't sleep!

What a waste of a perfect 10!

- Who? - Hey bro, it's Boo!

Announciate your words!

Nicky!

Brother Snake's wife got possessed by demons,

they are taking Brother Snake's dick hostage...

We need your help!

What? She is holding his dick hostage?

- What are her demands? - Heck if I know, just get here now!

You're a woman, what would you give up a dick for?

Yo, let me get a light,

"Master Charlie Chiang: 2014 Year of the Horse Chinese Zodiac Forecast"

Oh, this is that Feng Shui master on TV,

published author no less...

This is Charlie Chiang speaking, leave a message and I will call you back.

Master Chiang, my boss's mistress is possessed by demons,

Star Mansion room 5B Causeway,

money is no issue, come quick!

Where in the hell is that Nicky!?

He's on his way! Hey!

You are dead if he doesn't show!

He'll show, I swear!

That guy has no honor!

Who says!?

This is on you! She is possessed, again!

- Careful! - Come out,

come out wherever you are!

I am right here!

What's up with Big Sis's voice Brother?

That wasn't her, it was the demon!

That's right, don't forget about me, me too!

That's way too many...

So this is a demon orgy?

They come and go as they please, she is like their village bicycle

Fix this now...she's grinding her teeth!

Brother, you really need someone

who would take a bullet for you...

Where am I gonna find someone like that?

Get me something to wedge between her teeth...

Rock and Paper,

I take Paper...

Me too,

Me three...

- Okay - Okay

Losers say...

My brother,

I haven't done much for you honestly,

it's time for me to

pay it forward,

If you have to suck a dick tonight Big Sis,

let it be mine!

Thank god I saved a sausage for Boo...

Run!

Big sis!

Big sis!

She tied our dicks together!!!

Let's see how you like it!

Big Sis, please!

I wanna "French" you!

Please, don't hurt "Little Nicky'...

Master!

Demon!

Master Charlie Chiang is really here!

Demon, I got your eviction notice right here!

Damn Taoist...why don't you eat shit and die!

No body shits on the Master!

It's not possible...

a piece of shit this size without breakage, it's not possible...

It's time for a bath I say...

Run!

Red Ribbon!

Wind...

Earth...

Lightening!

Reveal yourselves at once demons!

Spirit Trap!

Damnation awaits you demons!

I told you I got your back Bro!

Master Chiang, I didn't think you would show up!

It's fate, I suppose...

Kid, you look like shit!

I know!

Come to my office tomorrow, let me take a good look.

Thanks Master!

Master,

is my wife gonna be okay?

No worries,

I will give her a lucky charm, remember to pray daily,

she'll be back on her knees in no time.

Ling Xin!

Honey, what's wrong with me?

"Master Charlie Chiang Metaphysics"

Those demons are pretty badass,

lucky you found me.

You two could have gotten possessed yourselves...

The fact that you found me...

The universe must have plans for you yet...

Am I gonna be alright?

Carry it with you, you will be fine.

That's all you had to say!

Show me your hands.

Palms down!

Tell me your "Birth Character"

I was born 8 a.m. on July 28th 1978...

Your "Birth Character"

8 a.m. on July 28th 1978...

Forget it!

Master, I figured it, he's got a prosperious life.

I don't get it,

he looks a wealthy man,

Could live a wealthy life...

Oh yeah?

Why is he still such a loser?

Don't be mean, Master.

Empty your pockets, give me your change.

That's all I got.

5...7

$77.7...

Try to remember,

were you always left with a remainder of 7 each night you get home?

Sounds about right...

A 7-Head you are, there is a problem with your ancestor's grave...

Where was your grandfather buried?

Blind Granny Bay

- Blind Granny Bay? - That's right.

Everybody out!

Out? Your mother wants out!

Don't be fighting in my office!

Oh shit! oh god! oh shit...

Master Chiang, Hello.

You are?

I am DF Chow's son, A.K. Chow!

AK? What's A.K. stand for?

My name is Ah Keung, a name I hate.

Sol prefer if you call me A.K. Sounds cooler...

Ah Keung, I have a client with me,

you need to make an appointment.

Master Chiang,

I hate to wait for people, tell these extras here to go Yum Cha,

my treat!

I don't eat free lunches!

You are talking to my boss

A.K.!

Hi A.K. Brother, I was just playing.

Be polite!

Come on Master, this is A.K.

Come here, come closer,

vacate the premises!

Piss off!

I will leave you two to your business. I'll come back.

You still here?

Can I get some peace and quiet!

Keep an eye on them outside!

Yes Master!

Whatever it is you want,

spit it out!

From your grandfather on, the Chiang family have always helped my family with our burials.

Why would I go anywhere else?

You should go get a second opinion!

This is not some Feng Shui horoscope operation.

Only the Chiang family can handle this.

You know as I do that your father

performed the burial ceremony for my grandpa!

Get to the point!

Since your father performed the burial ceremony,

the Chow family has been prospering throughout the years.

I even own a TV station.

But you see, my luck will run out after 30 years,

If we don't find a new burial site,

I could lose everything!

I'm sorry, I made promises, I can't help you.

I am sorry for what happened to your father 30 years ago.

So this time,

I am willing to pay,

whatever the cost!

Your great grandfather's grave have been sucking up

all the luck from neighboring graves.

All that luck and prosperity went to your family,

while other families suffered.

He did it because of greed.

We have helped the Chow family twice already...

My father paid for his greed with his life.

Before he died...

He made me promise never to exhume graves again.

This is business, who doesn't want to make money?

I have worked hard for my own slice of heaven.

You should give this up.

I don't want to spend all the money I have in hell with you...

This is my card,

come check out AKTV,

I can let you be the judge of our beauty pagent!

In my house, the only station I watch is TVB,

you can stick your AKTV where the sun don't shine!

TVB? Shit!

You're both fired,

get up, come on!

Master!

Let's hope they won't sue me this time.

They started it,

I was just finishing it...Master, what did they want?

Ling Xin.

How about I tell you a story over a nice cup of tea...

Yes Master!

When I was 17,

I saw my first real Vampire!

30 years ago, my father helped the Chow's

perform a burial relocation ceremony.

Something went wrong

"Ring around the Rosie..."

"Pocket full of posies,"

"Ashes, ashes."

'We all fall down..."

Boss, please come pay your respects!

Here

Thank you

Master Chiang, make it snappy, I have a plane to catch!

Boss Chow, why don't you wait in the car.

This is on you now!

I got this!

Dad, what's wrong, you look like you've seen a ghost!

You see the incense sticks?

"3 long 2 short", this is a bad sign!

Quiet, come here.

Is there something wrong with the coffin?

The coffin's fine.

It's the corpse I am worried about.

No way...

That stinks like hell!

Get the 7 star nails, it's time to lock this monster up!

You think the corpse has "turned"?

Wait I thought you have seen a Vampire before!

Have you?!

The Chiang family has been Taoist for 7 generations.

Vampire Hunting is a dying art.

Nowadays, we only get the odd demonic possession,

half the times,

the client is high on drugs.

So no, I haven't seen a Vampire before!

So you are saying it's possible?

Everything is possible, I could win the lottery that's possible,

but I get to meet an angry Vampire who's been stuck for 60 years...

What if the corpse did "Turn"?

Then it's every man for himself!

"Ring around the Rosie..."

"Pocket full of posies,"

"Ashes, ashes."

'We all fall down..."

"Ring around the Rosie..."

"Pocket full of posies,"

"Ashes, ashes."

'We all fall down..."

"Ring around the Rosie..."

'Pocket full of posies..."

Dad!

Son, Cover your face, stop breathing at once!

Son, I need your blood!

Why my blood!?

This Vampire is too powerful, I need the blood of a virgin to tame him!

But Dad! Wait a minute!

Boss Chow!

Dad!

Dad, are you okay?

You devious lad, you broke your cherry...?

I got a couple of shorties, yeah.

That's my BOY!

When I was your age, I was just discovering masturbation...

I will call you an ambulance!

No need,

I'm toast.

Stop wasting time...

Remember to burn the Vampire,

along with all the bodies and me...

Dad!

Dad!

Dad!

I locked the Vampire in the new coffin,

before I could burn it all,

the police came.

I was locked up in a mental ward for 3 months.

The Chows spend a lot of money relocating the burial site

They found someone to perform the ceremony

and their family continue to prosper off of the misfortunes of others.

For another 30 years

And if we don't help them relocate the grave?

On the 30th year, luck runs out, death falls upon the world.

Are there anyone else who can perform this?

They are only a bunch of con-artists,

real Vampire hunters are few

and far between.

If he hired some wannabe Master to exhume the corpse, then death falls upon the world...

Retard.

Ba...ba...ba...Balla

The one with huge tits?

That's my goddess Balla you are talking about!

What kind of name is...?

She's the hottest young starlet on AKTV right now,

she's no Anne Hathaway,

but she has a set of humongous "Knockers".

I don't like tits, I am a nipple man!

- Morning Balla... - Morning.

Wow, you look so hot today!

Really?

I suppose I am pretty hot...

Hiro, you are my idol,

I loved you in that movie 'Pineapple Express" where you talked to cans of expired pineapples.

Oh, I too am a fan of Takeshi...

You are so much prettier on camera than in person...

Thank you! Excuse me...

Okay.

Hey

What did you get me into?

The lead actress can't act for shit.

Who's acting is shit?

From my other movie...

- Selfie time! - Okay sure!

Boss, Snake and his men are here.

Boss!

That Taoist is a real prick,

I don't like him.

We will beat his ass.

That's easier said than done...

My bodyguards got the crap beat out of them by his protege

Boss, I bring you,

Nicky the Blade and Boo, they are the meanest of the mean...

We are indeed!

Would you get on the elevator with them?

I don't care what you do, just convince Master Chiang to exhume the corpse.

My luck is really running out,

the government wouldn't give me a broadcasting license.

Damn it.

Boss, we will throw shit at the guy..

Everyday until he agrees.

He won't be able to fight back...

How would that work?

He can't walk into a police station with shit all over him...

He can shower...

Yes, along goes all the evidence...

Sounds like a plan...

Plan for your mother.

If you guys can't get him to commit in 3 days, all that shit is going to be on your heads!

Piss off

Nicky, look what I got!

This is more than we need...

It's 100 bucks a handful or for the lot,

I took the lot!

So I guess we will be smelling shit all day!

Master, those gangsters are here again...

A couple of crows were cooing by my window yesterday,

I knew they would show up.

Should I get rid of them?

No need, I am happy staying where I am...

I seriously need to take a piss,

may be he won't show.

What are you telling me for?

You need help with that?

I will be right back!

Wash your hands!

I got your number Feng Shui master,

let's see how you get out of this one...

Hope I didn't scare you...

Miss, have we met before?

You saved my life,

you took me to the hospital remember?

Tomorrow! Of course,

I never forget a pair like that... You sure you are okay?

Doctor said I was lucky,

I had a small concussion...

You are one lucky girl!

I owe you my life, I wish I could thank you!

Sex please!

I mean, you are welcome, I am glad you are okay!

I live not far from here,

may be I can fix you some supper?

That's all you had to say!

Who's this Nicky?

This is Miss Tomorrow, we have some important business to discuss,

- you stay and finish the job. - Yes Nicky!

Taxi!

My driver is nearby, I can drive you.

I couldn't have planned it better myself.

I will count to 10 if he doesn't show,

I am going home to masterbate,

10, 9, 8,

7, 6...

What happened to my shit!

Sometimes the harder you look, the longer you have to wait...

What?

I suggest you look for your brother instead, because he may never come back.

Why not?

Your brother is...possessed...

Possessed?!

For real?

How rich are you, this is a mansion!

You can come more often if you like.

I will only come when you want me to come!

Come inside!

That's what I like to hear!

Have a seat!

Nicky...

Fate has brought us together...

So...Umm...

I haven't had the pleasure, this is?

Nanna, go to sleep

Why don't we take a stroll outside!

Great idea!

Bye Nanna, Bye...

For a moment there I thought Nanna was your thank you gift to me...

God damn you are pretty!

Nicky lost his damn mind!

This is what demonic possession look like!

Oh Nicky...

Demon, reveal yourself at once!

Demon! How dare you seduce this young man

in the realm of the living no less,

Master, I mean Nicky no harm.

He is a kind man, I just need his help to save me from damnation!

What the hell?

Nicky, you were possessed!

Don't be calling my woman a demon!

Open your eyes dummy!

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, Mao!

Wow, a real magician you are,

with special effects and everything! Don't worry babe!

She is a spirit!

Would spirit have a set of knockers that real?

Look at her upside down, you will see her true face!

How am I gonna look upside...

Down!

She looks damn fine to me, just let us be!

Nicky!

Master is right! I am a spirit...

I died that day of the accident,

they couldn't bring me back.

I still don't get it, how real are those knockers!

Spirit or not, I love you!

I was killed by an evil man,

he stole my ashes so that

I am trapped in the realm of the living.

Please help me Master!

Who stole your ashes?

Before I could burn it all, the police came.

She took advantage of my dying sister,

emptied her bank account.

I went to see him

and demand he let my sister go...

All I need is your sister's account details,

this money will benefit many monks at the temple,

they will pray for her recovery.

No! We are leaving now!

You never told me you had a hot sister,

may be you can serve me like your sister did!

Don't come any closer!

If you do, I will jump!

Go ahead

Don't come any closer!

I had no idea,

Leopard Man you wanker, I'm gonna cut you!

After I died, he signed for my ashes,

blocking me from entering

the spirit world!

What about your sister?

She passed. I tried to enter his office, but his talisman blocks my entry.

Master!

Whatever the case may be, I need to capture you!

Spirit trap!

Don't Nanna Don't

Penny-Sword!

Don't ruin her knockers!

Run!

You wish!

- Run Tomorrow run! - Let go!

No! Let's go!

No! Let's go!

No!

Master, they disappeared!

Nicky, you the man!

Why?

Pennies sticking out your ass.

Ouch, Ouch, come on, to the hospital we go!

0kay

Master! Who is this Leopard Man?

He is an evil Tao master,

in our business,

he has to be the worst of the worst.

Then should we seek him out?

I'm afraid someone already has...

Boss, this is Leopard Man,

we got him on the payroll,

he has helped us beat every lawsuit in the past,

even that time when that girl died at your party...

all because he planted a lucky seed in us...

Money works 90% of the time, this one takes skill.

Baby, why don't we pay the master to drop a lucky seed in me, make me famous!

We will talk later.

Snake told me about your predicament,

that your grandfather's corpse turned after the coffin was exhumed.

You have experience in this field?

My master taught me everything he knew about Vampires,

catching one is easy, I can build you one from scratch.

Don't bullshit me man! Death will fall upon his world...

if he really turned, then I will catch him.

You can stay in the car if you like.

How much?

I can count on one hand the number of masters that has the guts to take this on...

$50 Million!

$50 Million!

Master Leopard

You silly billy...

Boss, time is of the essence...

You must be getting a kick back, what?

Like 20%?

Make it $10 Million,

take it or suck it!

I'll call it a first time discount,

a friend in need is a friend in deed!

You will get the money when it's done! Find me a prosperity grave!

- No problem! - What about my lucky seed?

I have to go home to watch Breaking Bad finale!

Miss

this is my card, come see me!

I sure will!

Make it look good okay, I don't want any mishaps.

Relax, I picked the time,

the sun is out, if he turns,

he will get burned to a crisp.

This will all be over before sunset...

How far is the new grave?

An hour tops! Relax!

Only losers relax at a time like this, winners always expect the worst...

What? You think it's gonna rain today?

Constable, what's wrong?

The road up the mountain is blocked, no one is going past this point!

But we have a corpse to bury!

Nothing I can do, I can't let you past,

you won't make it up the mountain today!

Boss!

Before my grandfather is buried, don't even think about leaving!

- Snake! - Yeah Boss!

Watch him,

if he tries to leave, cut off his left hand and his right foot!

Have a good night boss!

You better be the real deal, if that thing jumps out of the truck, you will be Fu...

Relax, I will tell my guys to hang some talismans up,

throw some rice around...Nothing to it!

Where are you going?

Dinner time!

You heard the boss,

you are staying with us tonight, buy some food,

- Yes boss! - it's poker night!

Can't you tell when it's gonna rain?

I'm a vampire hunter not a weather man!

Cut, Cut, Cut, Cut, Cut!

What is this shit! Jet! Fix it now!

You are the master here!

Special effects make up are very well done these days...

Sir, this way please, sorry about that, we are shooting a movie...

Hurry UP!

Deuce!

Pass...

Pass your ass, straight!

Winner right here!

What's that noise?

Shooting guns may be, this is a TV station!

That wasn't a gun,

I am getting a bad feeling...

Don't joke about that

Don't walk away without paying your debt, you owe me 3 grand!

Then I owe, I am getting a bad feeling, I am going to check it out!

Is this your first time visiting a TV station?

I need to go now!

Such a kill joy!

Shit!

The corpse, did it turn?

What else could it be?

I told you I heard something.

This Vampire is 90 years old, he is hungry,

if he feeds on human blood, his powers will be limitless!

This is some spooky shit!

Call your boss now!

Vampires can sense their own blood,

AK needs to know his grandfather is back!

What do you have for me?

Boss, the corpse turned!

Turned?

The vampire is loose somewhere,

Leopard man said to vacate the building

I am sending my lackies to take you home!

You little maggots!

What is it baby?

I have work to do, wait for me!

You would rather go fight someone then screw me?!

It can't be...

Grandpa,

I am your grand son Ah Keung!

I will buy you a new robe, find you a nice new grave, I swear!

Boss,

are you okay?

I'm alright, I cut myself...

Boss, we need to call the cops,

Snake and his lackies are all dead!

No way!

If the cops find out a Vampire is on the loose, how can I bury him?

$5 Million more,

catch him and bury him!

What about those bodies?

A million each, take care of it!

I got your back boss!

Hurry UP!

Grandpa cut me good,

wail,

why are these numbers flashing before me...

What does it all mean?

Honey, you're back!

Leave me alone!

I just blew you good, not even a thank you!

I will call you tomorrow okay,

now leave!

Fine, fine,

You and your mood swings...

Just get out.

"E-Stock-Buy-Sell"

'Transaction Complete'

Hello?

Hey AK,

those margin calls were spot on,

how did you know the market would drop 800 points?

Where are you getting your leads?

I'm not well, talk soon!

Boss!

They said that you were alone up here,

I thought I would talk to you...

Who are you?

I am Ceci! You only have Balla on your mind!

Oh my bad,

of course I remember you...

I know you guys are making Bikini Cop after Vampire Vs Zombies wraps,

I want to play the Bikini Cop!

Please?

Let me think about it.

Welcome guests,

Please bow,

again,

again,

Pay respects to the family...

I miss Brother Snake...

Who would want him dead?

Whoever it was, they cut him good...

Has got to be the Sing gang!

He should never have trusted Nicky,

if it were up to us,

Snake would still be here today!

True that!

Could Nicky be the snitch?

Brother Cow, that's all I have been thinking...

I didn't have the heart to say it...

When Nicky gets here, we will find out what's what!

That wanker won't talk.

We will waterboard his ass!

I got a car battery, we can tie it to his nuts!

Welcome guests,

Please bow,

again,

again,

Pay respects to the family...

What now?

Come on guys!

Gel lost!

Did you snitch on Snake?

I had nothing to do with it!

Kneel down before your blood brother!

I am innocent!

He died with his eyes open,

you killed our Brother!

You are going in the coffin with him tonight!

Snake is alive!

Run

The corpse has turned!

Hurry, run

Let me go.

Hey Boo, help! Boo!

Gel the hell out of here!

"Master, Snake's body turned!"

Run

Open the door

Boo! Help me!

Nicky!

Open up!

Who locked the doors!

Turn off the lights and hide, Vampires are blind!

Keep the bosses safe!

Honey, what's wrong with you,

Honey! Honey!

'Vampires are blind, they follow human breath, stop breathing"

Stop Breathing!

Hey Everyone, Stop Breathing!

Brother...!

Honey!

Brother, this chick looks tasty!

Sis Run!

Quick

Ling Xin! Peachwood Sword!

Master! Sword!

Ling Xin, Sword!

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust...

Spirits big and small, enter her at once!

Ashes to ases dust to dust!

Master thank god you came! You saved our lives!

These two have been bit,

burn them in the furnace out back!

AK's grandfather is loose!

What should we do?

To the east, I call upon wood,

to the south, I call upon fire,

To the gurdians of the gates of hell

Reveal yourself Vampire King

I knew it,

Leopard Man!

This loser is Leopard Man?

Charlie Chiang, I am in the middle of a ceremony.

Seven starlight, Peach Wood Sword, Chicken's blood,

looks like someone is trying to catch a vampire!

This is none of your concern,

Go home!

This is not a game!

You don't know what you are doing!

How will you catch something this powerful

You are talking nonsense

Security, please escort these gentlemen off the premises!

- Hey! - Please leave! Now!

Stay calm everyone,

the boss wants to see both Masters in his office!

Please.

Wanker!

Stay over there you two!

Boss!

Master Chiang, you refuse to help me,

now you are ruining my ceremony...

Do you know how much trouble you are in

I killed two Vampires yesterday at a funeral parlor,

This must be your Grandfather's work!

I think you have watched one too many movies!

Vampires?

You still have a chance to make good! Don't mess with him!

Keep your distance...

I have a fever, don't come any closer!

Those guys outside are setting a Vampire Trap...

Are you hiding him inside the TV station?

Charlie Chiang!

You show up here uninvited, accusing me of this and that!

I should call the cops on you!

Do no evil, see no evil!

You are in way over your head!

Master!

What about Tomorrow's ashes?

We have more important things to worry about!

We will find her ashes soon enough

Come on!

Boss, you are not feeling well?

I don't care how,

if any of this leaks, I am done!

Fix this and you will get your money!

Yes Boss!

Baby, where have you been these few days?

I am sick, I have work to do,

leave me alone!

No way!

Just go, I will call you later!

I know what's going on,

you are hiding some girl in there aren't you!

If you are busy, then I will come back never.

Get off me! Gel off!

Let me go!

Help!

Now that Leopard Man knows we are onto him,

you guys need to go to his office

to find Tomorrow's ashes

before he destroys it!

Perfect

I minored in lock picking when I first joined the gang!

You can't waltz in there like this,

There will be trouble

let me give you guys some special power!

Powers?

This is an invisible talisman,

go to his office find the ashes,

he won't be able to see you!

So just go with the flow...

This is some voodoo spell

Then we might as well rob a bank!

Wrong

This talisman only works when you do good deeds!

You can only use it once.

They only last the duration of half an incense stick!

Half?

How long is that?

The only down side is.

Western Vampires cannot be seen in reflections

You guys will,

Remember, stay away from mirrors and reflective surfaces,

your reflections will give you away!

Thanks Master! I Will bring back Tomorrow's ashes.

Balia what's wrong you look terrible!

Insomnia I guess.

What happened?

Did AK really turn into a Vampire?

Am I turning too?

Oh no...I don't want to be a Vampire,

they are jumping all the time,

my knockers

they are so going to sag.

"Leopard Man Wizardry"

Leopard Man?

Hi Master!

I was expecting you.

I have been meaning to visit!

Come on inside!

So is it true you deal with the weird and the strange everyday?

That's not all I can do.

If someone got bitten by a Vampire, do you know how to heal them?

Simple, I use rice, works everytime. No peeking

Rice? Simple carbs really ruins my figure.

May be I should plant a lucky seed in you,

so you can be-rich and famous...

For real?

Of course, but first,

I need to see you in your original state, then I can plant the seed.

Oh, you want to see me naked?

It's up to you

If I don't bang you today, then I am not the Leopard Man!

If you be good,

I will plant your lucky seed,

so you will be more famous than Angela Baby!

For real?!

Crap! You turned, you are a Vampire!

Stay away from me, I will kill you!

Wait up!

Stay away! Don't come any closer!

I thought you can help me!

Forget it!

Then what about me?

The heck with you!

Leave or I will stick it in you good!

I will let you stick it in me if you heal me!

I will stick this Peach wood sword in you!

You take advantage of me, now you want me to leave?!

What the hell happened to my Goddess?

Who's there?

Don't play games with me, if you don't heal me, I'll bite you.

Someone is in here.

There's no one here but us!

Okay

If you find them for me, then I will heal you!

How?

Here

Here

Someone is in here using invisible talisman.

Look into the demon mirror and you will see him.

when you do, cut him.

Hold it like this

Nicky! I got your back.

Who's there. Let go.

You want to cut me?!

Nicky, your turn!

Your turn!

No Boo!

The hell with you two!

I'm gonna kill you, come here!

I'm gonna kill you, come here!

You can run but you can't hide

Okay, wait,

let's talk about this!

Where is Tomorrow's ashes?

Ashes? Oh,

Here you go.

Mother-F...

Nicky!

That dimwit took off!

What about me? I'm going to turn into a Vampire!

Bring her back to Master Chiang's office, we will regroup there

You want your ashes, come get it!

Yes Boss!

Where have you been?

You looking for me?

Yes.

Boss, I got my crew out there, looking for the Vampire right now.

Come on up to my office.

Come up?

Okay.

Boss? What's with the lights?

I fell asleep that's all.

By sunrise tomorrow,

we will have your grandfather back in the earth!

I am not worried!

I knew you sounded strange,

now you are half human half Vampire!

50 million, then I will help you

if not...

I should thank you then!

Did you let him feed on blood?

What are you doing?

This is thousand year old rice water,

it will rid your body of vampire blood,

but it hurts like hell

Just like kicking a drug habit.

If you can't handle it

then you will turn into a vampire!

Ling Xin,

watch her, if she turns,

then send her straight to hell!

Come on.

You need to be strong!

You don't want to be a vampire do you?

Of course not,

all I wanted was to be a movie star,

why is crap like this always happening to me!

I have paid my dues.

I am a hard worker

Why can't I be famous.

I am no better than you.

I don't even want fame and fortune,

meeting with him was my only mistake

all I want is a simple life

with someone I love

You finally showed yourself?

What? You are a spirit? For real?

She's a spirit, you are a vampire, what's the problem?

I guess...

Oh it hurts!

Tough it out!

I think I got it the worst,

my family is poor,

all I needed was a chance to marry a rich man,

AK's TV station is no TVB.

But I thought I was going to be rich!

Now he's turning me into a vampire

Why me?

Shit like this always happens to me.

There there,

please don't cry.

He promised me a penthouse apartment with floor to ceiling windows

Awesome

All my life I have never seen Vampire knockers!

What are you to doing here?

We were going to sneak a peak.

But we had no idea how bad your lives are.

We are a couple of sensitive guys, we couldn't help but be moved!

So did you get a good peek?

Yeah!

But it doesn't mean we are bad,

I see AV girls get gang banged!

It's okay,

I have made porn before, I only wish I had more of an audience.

Balia, you are one smart girl, do you need some warm water?

That's enough!

I didn't know you were a fan of mine...

Yeah, I am .

I can't believe you are seeing me at my worst.

You still look hot...sort of...

Hey, that hurts!

Listen, no looking at another woman,

no more AV girls, no more masturbation!

Jerking off to AV girls will help me

learn to appreciate you more in the long run.

Okay fine, no more peeping tom,

no more Shen Zhen bath houses,

but no Jerking off?

Okay fine,

no monkey business.

Don't cry, where is that smile.

You made a promise, now remember what you said.

Spirits are so damn stingy.

What did you say?

I said Spirits are so damn sexy.

Master, the Leopard Man was killed by AK!

Don't tell people I nearly turned into a Vampire!

I won't...

Come here.

What?

I won't bite.

Wait, may be you should meet my parents first.

Father, I am afraid I can not keep my promise to you!

Run

Master, where are you going?

If you are not scared, come with me!

What happened to your face.

Come on!

Be careful of the Vampire breath.

Don't scare me like that!

Take your masks off!

The mask, take it off!

Take the damn mask off!

Ling Xin, give me a demon mirror.

The ones that reacts are Vampires!

Obviously the ones who don't are human!

Understood!

Hey wait for me, wait up!

Freeze the lot of you!

You freeze, we are from the Organised Crime Unit!

Detective Chan!

They have been trying to extort money from me,

arrest them officers!

We are here to catch a Vampire!

I knew you too, Nicky the Blade and Boo,

you two lackies trying to extort money, you are coming with us!

We are not lying, there is a Vampire out there.

Don't move an inch!

It's true,

we have been shooting Walking Dead VS Twilight

There are vampires all over the station!

Shut up you two, get in the van!

Okay

Take it easy guys!

Shut up

Let go of me

You see that hole, a Vampire made that hole!

Hurry up!

I am walking as fast as I can.

Ling Xin, get ready

There is a Vampire out there

No more bullshit

Get in the car

Police business, keep clear!

Run!

Hurry, run!

Don't move

Master

Come on Master!

Wait,

let me send a talisman inside to check it out first...

Send in the spy

Master, becareful in there,

AK and 4 female vampires are in there!

I will take care of AK

and you guys take care of the 4 female Vampires.

Sure, we will take one on

and you can fight the rest!

How about I fight all of them and you guys can cheer and watch!

Not a bad idea!

you call yourself a man Stop fooling around!

Let's go

Ah Keung, I am here to send you to hell!

I hate when people call me Ah Keung!

We might as well cheer and watch then!

Best seat on the house

Help me Boo, what's going on!

how come he is copying everything you do?

May be he breathed in my breath!

Master help! I can't hold on any longer!

Master

Master

Help!

He's really scary!

Where is Ah Keung!

Go find him!

Wait, I need to get Tomorrow's ashes!

come on let's go!

Hey wake up!

Hell no!

Nicky!

Get out of here

I hereby call for the help of the spirit world.

Monkey King and the Rebel Prince show yourselves at once!

Mao!

Mao!

I hereby release you from the human vessel,

return to the spirit realm at once!

Go

Grandpa!

Grandpa!

Grandpa!

It's me and you against the world

from now on!

Ah Keung, your grandfather is a Vampire,

there is no way I will let him go!

What are you gonna do? Where are your weapons?

Ling Xin, if you get a chance,

stab the stake into the Vampire's heart!

Damn you vampires!

Grandpa!

The talisman won't hold much longer

He is breathing in all the vampire life force

Ling Xin, go!

Grandpa!

Nicky!

Tomorrow!

Ling Xin, are you okay?

Ling Xin

With the power of the wind, the earth and lightening! I call upon thee!

This Vampire is too strong,

I need Virgin blood to break his shield!

Come on

Virgin's blood? Are you a virgin for real?

Wind, Earth and Lightening!

You are awake? Tomorrow...

What happened?

The Master Chiang has vanquished the Vampire, we are safe!

Lucky me

Nicky...

Master...

Fate brought us together, now we must part for good!

Nicky, what about Tomorrow...

Master,

can I make one more tiny tiny request?

I was opposed to a bond between lovers of two realms.

But I can see that true love conquers all.

Alright then.

I am here today to marry you two.

Nicky,

be good to her!

Red packets for good luck!

Thanks you Master!

Nicky, it's time to shag!

Nicky, it's time to shag!

Out of the way please,

hot water coming through!