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Previously on
"Miracle Workers"...
2
00:00:03,382 --> 00:00:05,039
I want to do more
to help.
3
00:00:05,074 --> 00:00:08,042
I will transfer you to the
Department of Answered Prayers.
4
00:00:08,077 --> 00:00:09,733
Impossibles go all the way
to the top.
5
00:00:09,768 --> 00:00:12,081
And so, if anyone
can handle them, he can.
6
00:00:12,115 --> 00:00:14,704
I decided to blow up Earth.
I guess that's it.
7
00:00:14,738 --> 00:00:17,603
If I answer one of these
"Impossible" prayers,
8
00:00:17,638 --> 00:00:18,708
you spare Earth.
9
00:00:18,742 --> 00:00:20,399
It's a bet.
10
00:00:20,434 --> 00:00:22,160
I really like this girl.
11
00:00:22,194 --> 00:00:24,472
Okay,
love prayers never work.
12
00:00:24,507 --> 00:00:25,646
But related prayer.
13
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,820
I really like this guy.
14
00:00:28,752 --> 00:00:30,582
Okay.
This could work.
15
00:00:41,144 --> 00:00:43,457
Rosie, if anyone comes
looking for me,
16
00:00:43,491 --> 00:00:45,666
tell them
I'm in a meeting.
17
00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:47,633
With God!
18
00:00:49,773 --> 00:00:52,673
Religion --
stupid, dangerous, pointless.
19
00:00:52,707 --> 00:00:53,881
Just everything up.
20
00:00:53,915 --> 00:00:55,538
Hey, I got all
your missed calls.
21
00:00:55,572 --> 00:00:57,402
What's the emergency?Man: Love you, Bill!
22
00:00:57,436 --> 00:00:59,611
Have you heard
of this guy Bill Maher?
23
00:00:59,645 --> 00:01:01,578
The talk-show guy?
Yeah.
24
00:01:01,613 --> 00:01:02,855
Do you think he's funny?
25
00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:04,202
'Cause I've been watching
his stuff,
26
00:01:04,236 --> 00:01:06,100
and I don't know
about these jokes.
27
00:01:06,135 --> 00:01:08,102
You mean the jokes about you?Oh, no.
28
00:01:08,137 --> 00:01:09,862
I don't care about that.
I mean
29
00:01:09,897 --> 00:01:13,176
No, I just -- I just don't --
I don't think he's funny.
30
00:01:13,211 --> 00:01:14,867
So, what do
you want to do?
31
00:01:14,902 --> 00:01:18,388
Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking
about "doing" anything.
32
00:01:18,423 --> 00:01:21,184
I'm just -- But now
that you bring it up,
33
00:01:21,219 --> 00:01:23,186
what's that thing
that where we can, uh...
34
00:01:23,221 --> 00:01:24,843
you know...
Kill him?
35
00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:26,534
Whoa! Sanj!
36
00:01:26,569 --> 00:01:29,365
Did you just drop the "K" bomb?
Wow!
37
00:01:29,399 --> 00:01:31,884
Wouldn't want to get
on your bad side, Ice Man.
38
00:01:32,954 --> 00:01:34,301
Ai-ai-uh-uh!
Whoo! Uh!
39
00:01:34,335 --> 00:01:35,440
Ooh! Freezer burn.
40
00:01:37,235 --> 00:01:38,546
But, yeah, kill him.
41
00:01:38,581 --> 00:01:40,583
Okay.
Well, the good news is,
42
00:01:40,617 --> 00:01:42,516
Bill Maher's
already scheduled to die
43
00:01:42,550 --> 00:01:44,863
along with everyone else, when
the Earth explodes in 13 days.
44
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,865
You know what's funny,
is that,
45
00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:50,938
you know how sometimes, like,
a day can feel so long?
46
00:01:50,972 --> 00:01:52,491
Okay, I'll go find a way
to kill him.
47
00:01:52,526 --> 00:01:54,769
Ice Man.
48
00:01:54,804 --> 00:01:56,392
I love you, buddy.
49
00:01:56,426 --> 00:01:57,669
Okay.
50
00:02:29,632 --> 00:02:31,358
Okay.
51
00:02:31,392 --> 00:02:32,876
If we're gonna get
these humans kissing,
52
00:02:32,911 --> 00:02:34,361
we need to know more
about them.
Right.
53
00:02:34,395 --> 00:02:36,742
First up, we have Laura.
24 years old.
54
00:02:36,777 --> 00:02:40,574
Works at an escape room
called "Solitary Confunment."
55
00:02:40,608 --> 00:02:42,852
Listen up, ya jailbirds.
56
00:02:42,886 --> 00:02:45,855
A couple
of ground rules, see?
57
00:02:45,889 --> 00:02:48,271
Don't touch
the actors, see?
58
00:02:48,306 --> 00:02:51,447
And if you're looking for
some clues, just ask the...
59
00:02:51,481 --> 00:02:52,931
warden.
60
00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,415
Woman: End clip.
61
00:02:54,450 --> 00:02:56,245
What about Sam?
What's his deal?
62
00:02:56,279 --> 00:02:57,970
So, Sam is
also 24 years old.
63
00:02:58,005 --> 00:02:59,558
He was born
with extra teeth,
64
00:02:59,593 --> 00:03:01,457
and he seems to really love
his grandmother.
65
00:03:01,491 --> 00:03:03,321
Both: Yahtzee!
66
00:03:05,771 --> 00:03:08,257
Oh, this might be harder
than we thought.
67
00:03:08,291 --> 00:03:10,638
Well, look, neither of them
are particularly socially adept.
68
00:03:10,673 --> 00:03:13,434
But I ran
a compatibility check,
69
00:03:13,469 --> 00:03:16,541
and they scored a 98%.
70
00:03:16,575 --> 00:03:19,302
Whoa!
They have so much in common.
71
00:03:19,337 --> 00:03:21,235
They both pretend to text
in elevators
72
00:03:21,270 --> 00:03:22,788
in order to avoid
potential small talk.
73
00:03:22,823 --> 00:03:24,445
They were both
accidentally omitted
74
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,964
from their high-school
yearbook.Both: Dang.
75
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:27,759
They laugh at the same
insurance commercial,
76
00:03:27,793 --> 00:03:29,554
they cry
at the same car commercial,
77
00:03:29,588 --> 00:03:32,936
and they sing along incorrectly
to the same dumb commercial.
78
00:03:35,870 --> 00:03:37,907
Ooh, they both love gye-ros
with extra green onions.
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00:03:37,941 --> 00:03:39,495
I think it's pronounced
"jai-ros" but yes,
80
00:03:39,529 --> 00:03:40,944
and they both have
matching pollen allergies.
81
00:03:42,429 --> 00:03:43,878
No wonder they want
to be together.
82
00:03:43,913 --> 00:03:45,984
Unfortunately,
they are both so shy
83
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,917
that they haven't
actually communicated
84
00:03:47,951 --> 00:03:49,781
since the night they met.
85
00:03:49,815 --> 00:03:51,748
What are
they waiting for?
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00:03:51,783 --> 00:03:53,750
A sign.
87
00:03:53,785 --> 00:03:55,994
Cool.
How does it work?
88
00:03:56,028 --> 00:04:00,274
We send them subtle clues to
gently influence their actions.
89
00:04:00,309 --> 00:04:02,276
-Huh.
-Yeah!
90
00:04:02,311 --> 00:04:03,898
Now, on the night they met,
they had
91
00:04:03,933 --> 00:04:07,316
a fascinating conversation
about the game of badminton.
92
00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:08,938
Let's have a listen.
93
00:04:08,972 --> 00:04:11,320
So, I hit the badminton thing
with the badminton racket,
94
00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:13,736
and I was like,
"Badminton's fun.
95
00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:15,772
I think I like badminton."
96
00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:17,740
Wow. I-I've never played
badminton,
97
00:04:17,774 --> 00:04:18,982
but I really want to now.
98
00:04:19,017 --> 00:04:20,639
You should!Woman: End clip.
99
00:04:20,674 --> 00:04:22,331
They spoke of badminton.
100
00:04:22,365 --> 00:04:24,988
Thus, if we remind them
of badminton,
101
00:04:25,023 --> 00:04:26,990
they will see it as a sign --
102
00:04:27,025 --> 00:04:28,923
a call to arms.
103
00:04:28,958 --> 00:04:31,478
Each other's arms,
as it were.
104
00:04:32,617 --> 00:04:34,032
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
105
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:36,759
The game begins.
106
00:04:41,833 --> 00:04:45,112
So, I found some build-up
in Bill Maher's left ventricle.
107
00:04:45,146 --> 00:04:46,838
Looks like all we have to do
is thicken it up,
108
00:04:46,872 --> 00:04:49,392
and he'll have a massive
heart attack by end of day.
109
00:04:49,427 --> 00:04:51,774
Wow, that's great, Sanjay!
110
00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:53,638
So we could explode
his heart...
Mm-hmm.
111
00:04:53,672 --> 00:04:54,915
...or his lungs...
112
00:04:54,949 --> 00:04:56,468
or his penis.
113
00:04:56,503 --> 00:04:57,814
Explode his penis?
114
00:04:57,849 --> 00:04:59,747
Whoa, Sanjay!
115
00:04:59,782 --> 00:05:01,404
Now, that'san idea!
116
00:05:01,439 --> 00:05:02,992
Oh, no. I don't know
if, uh, that's...
Rosie!
117
00:05:03,026 --> 00:05:04,856
...something that...
118
00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:06,513
Wow, you're not
gonna believe this.
119
00:05:06,547 --> 00:05:10,344
Sanjay, tell Rosie your idea
about Bill Maher.
120
00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:13,451
About his penis.
121
00:05:13,485 --> 00:05:18,628
I guess, uh...my idea...
122
00:05:18,663 --> 00:05:21,390
is to explode his penis.
123
00:05:21,424 --> 00:05:23,944
Wow.
I know.
124
00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:26,533
Ice Man is on the warpath.
125
00:05:26,567 --> 00:05:28,914
Better go handle that.
126
00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:33,919
So, uh, I guess, uh,
we should probably get started.
127
00:05:33,954 --> 00:05:36,784
No.
This is all you.
128
00:05:36,819 --> 00:05:39,062
This is insane!
129
00:05:39,097 --> 00:05:40,892
I'm an executive.
130
00:05:42,756 --> 00:05:44,654
Have fun!
131
00:05:44,689 --> 00:05:46,794
Gust. Gust.
132
00:05:46,829 --> 00:05:49,901
Breeze. Zephyr.
133
00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:52,559
Quarter-breeze.
Updraft.
134
00:05:52,593 --> 00:05:54,664
Yes! Boo-yah!
135
00:05:54,699 --> 00:05:57,046
In a mere six hours,
I've successfully blown
136
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,151
a badminton birdie
from a rooftop court
137
00:05:59,186 --> 00:06:01,740
all the way
to Laura's living room.
138
00:06:01,775 --> 00:06:04,398
That is
what I call a sign.
139
00:06:06,849 --> 00:06:08,851
Mmm.
What is that?
140
00:06:08,885 --> 00:06:10,956
It's a mustard packet.
It's a little treat.
141
00:06:10,991 --> 00:06:12,924
You do something good,
you get a little reward.
142
00:06:12,958 --> 00:06:15,064
Here. Have one.
143
00:06:15,098 --> 00:06:16,962
Oh, hello. Look.
It's happening.
144
00:06:20,138 --> 00:06:23,175
Hmm.
145
00:06:23,624 --> 00:06:26,524
Okay.
Onto the next sign.
146
00:06:26,558 --> 00:06:28,491
Craig, okay, I've been
doing research,
147
00:06:28,526 --> 00:06:31,114
and it seems like people
never pick up on signs.
148
00:06:31,149 --> 00:06:33,807
Okay? No matter
how obvious they are. Look.
149
00:06:33,841 --> 00:06:35,429
Ooh!
150
00:06:35,464 --> 00:06:38,052
'Tis a crow-y day, indeed.
151
00:06:38,087 --> 00:06:40,710
Well, time for the theater.
152
00:06:40,745 --> 00:06:42,436
This will be a normal night.
153
00:06:42,471 --> 00:06:45,128
See? This badminton thing
is not gonna work.
154
00:06:45,163 --> 00:06:47,234
We need to be bolder.
155
00:06:47,268 --> 00:06:48,131
What?
156
00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:50,133
Eliza?
157
00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:52,584
Out of my way, black cat.
158
00:06:52,619 --> 00:06:54,966
I'm late for my fun play.
159
00:07:15,504 --> 00:07:18,092
Hey, colleagues!
160
00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:21,958
Ahh!
I'm Sanjay from upstairs.
161
00:07:21,993 --> 00:07:24,858
Love what you guys
do down here.Oh, thanks.
162
00:07:24,892 --> 00:07:27,101
Um, we -- we hardly ever
get acknowledged, so --
163
00:07:27,136 --> 00:07:29,759
Listen, I'm gonna need you
to explode Bill Maher's penis.
164
00:07:29,794 --> 00:07:31,796
What?
It's important.
165
00:07:31,830 --> 00:07:34,108
Um, sir, I-I think there's
been a misunderstanding
166
00:07:34,143 --> 00:07:35,800
about what we do here
in Genitals.
167
00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,180
Our powers are
extremely limited.
168
00:07:37,215 --> 00:07:39,804
We mainly just try
to enforce puberty.
169
00:07:39,838 --> 00:07:41,530
Well, I need
this dick exploded.
170
00:07:41,564 --> 00:07:45,154
So I guess you better
get to it, huh?
171
00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:48,157
Thaaaaanks, guys.
172
00:07:48,191 --> 00:07:49,676
Okay.
173
00:07:49,710 --> 00:07:51,471
Do you guys know how to...
174
00:07:52,748 --> 00:07:55,026
Ha!
I figured it out.
175
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:56,683
We can get Sam
and Laura together.
176
00:07:56,717 --> 00:07:59,548
We just need to engineer...
a Chance Encounter.
177
00:07:59,582 --> 00:08:01,584
Oh, no.
Those are very risky.
178
00:08:01,619 --> 00:08:02,827
Check it out.
179
00:08:02,861 --> 00:08:04,967
They both live near
the same hospital,
180
00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:07,141
so all we need to do is get
them there at the same time.
181
00:08:07,176 --> 00:08:09,040
Step one -- injure Laura.
182
00:08:09,074 --> 00:08:12,146
I found a melon near an open
window along her route to work.
183
00:08:12,181 --> 00:08:14,252
We blow it off,
it clonks her on the head,
184
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,012
and she goes straight
to the ER.
185
00:08:16,047 --> 00:08:19,291
With Sam, I figure we
just pop his appendix.
186
00:08:19,326 --> 00:08:20,776
They spot each other
in the ER,
187
00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:24,780
sparks fly, they kiss.
188
00:08:24,814 --> 00:08:26,920
World saved.
189
00:08:26,954 --> 00:08:29,543
Okay. It's very --
It's -- I don't --
190
00:08:29,578 --> 00:08:30,820
I don't know, though.
Um...
191
00:08:30,855 --> 00:08:32,304
Oh, don't worry.
Appendixes are easy.
192
00:08:32,339 --> 00:08:34,168
Look, there's even a button
for it.
193
00:08:34,203 --> 00:08:35,342
Oh, you've seen that.
194
00:08:35,376 --> 00:08:37,102
Um...
I know.
195
00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:39,726
This is not the kind of stuff
you usually do,
196
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,004
and it's a little,
you know --
197
00:08:42,038 --> 00:08:43,661
It's outside
of your comfort zone,
198
00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:45,352
and I get
why you're scared.
199
00:08:45,386 --> 00:08:47,112
Oh, no. No.
I'm not scared.
200
00:08:47,147 --> 00:08:48,631
You're not?
No.
201
00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:51,116
I'm a bold, intrepid man
with a strong mind.
202
00:08:51,151 --> 00:08:52,117
I'm a risk taker.
203
00:08:52,152 --> 00:08:55,155
I'm a big, bad boy.
204
00:08:55,189 --> 00:08:57,951
So that's a yes
to the plan?
205
00:08:57,985 --> 00:08:59,021
Yes.
206
00:08:59,055 --> 00:09:00,022
Yes?
Yes.
207
00:09:00,056 --> 00:09:01,782
Yes!
Yeah.
208
00:09:01,817 --> 00:09:04,060
Oh, yes.
Okay.
209
00:09:04,095 --> 00:09:07,201
I hope these lovebirds
like hospital food.
210
00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:12,621
Oh, Jean-Claude,
I'd be lost without you.
211
00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:14,036
Don't neglect
the heel cap.
212
00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:15,347
You know what they say.
213
00:09:15,382 --> 00:09:16,866
It's not the clothes
that make the man.
214
00:09:16,901 --> 00:09:18,316
It's the man who makes the --
215
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:19,835
Aren't you meant to be off
dealing with that penis?
216
00:09:19,869 --> 00:09:21,837
Oh, yeah.
I put someone on that.
217
00:09:21,871 --> 00:09:24,391
Part of being an executive
is knowing when to delegate.
218
00:09:24,425 --> 00:09:26,289
God: Sanjay!
Get in here!
219
00:09:26,324 --> 00:09:27,636
You don't have to come.
220
00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:31,122
Look at this! Bill Maher,
221
00:09:31,156 --> 00:09:32,951
or should we say
"Bill More,"
222
00:09:32,986 --> 00:09:34,988
was feeling cocky
as he dragged
223
00:09:35,022 --> 00:09:37,784
more than one hot dog
down the street.
224
00:09:37,818 --> 00:09:38,888
His dick grew!
225
00:09:38,923 --> 00:09:41,339
We asked
the anti-religious provocateur
226
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:44,031
how he felt about his blessing, and the funnyman quipped,
227
00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:46,827
"God is as fake
as my dick is huge."
228
00:09:46,862 --> 00:09:48,829
Happy birthday to Bill Maher!
229
00:09:48,864 --> 00:09:50,279
Come on!I don't know what happened!
230
00:09:50,313 --> 00:09:51,694
I'll tell you what happened.
231
00:09:51,729 --> 00:09:53,178
You messed up, man!
232
00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:54,835
I thought
you could handle this.
233
00:09:54,870 --> 00:09:56,906
You're supposed to be
an executive.
234
00:09:59,288 --> 00:10:03,637
Stick around for more girthy
gossip right after the break.
235
00:10:03,672 --> 00:10:04,880
All right.
236
00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:07,779
Melon is in position.
237
00:10:07,814 --> 00:10:10,023
All we gotta do now
is hit this button,
238
00:10:10,057 --> 00:10:11,645
and bonk!
We're in business.
239
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,820
Woman:
Laura approaching.
240
00:10:13,854 --> 00:10:15,649
All right.
Let's do this.
241
00:10:18,169 --> 00:10:19,446
Oh, no! Wait!
242
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,828
Um, we --
we don't have enough power
243
00:10:21,862 --> 00:10:23,692
to execute this sequence.What?
244
00:10:23,726 --> 00:10:27,143
We need to increase the voltage
to the valve coil,
245
00:10:27,178 --> 00:10:28,697
which is sort of
down there a bit.
246
00:10:28,731 --> 00:10:29,836
Oh. Oh, okay.
247
00:10:29,870 --> 00:10:31,009
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, thank you.
248
00:10:31,044 --> 00:10:32,321
Dream team.
Whoo-hoo, yes.
249
00:10:45,334 --> 00:10:47,025
Huh.
250
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:51,029
I couldn't find a breaker box
or anything resembling a --
251
00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:53,480
What the
252
00:10:53,514 --> 00:10:56,310
What happened?
Oh, no!
253
00:10:56,345 --> 00:10:57,864
Did it fall early?!
254
00:10:57,898 --> 00:11:00,142
Oh, what a disappointment
for both of us.
255
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,180
So, I had an idea
for a sign
256
00:11:04,215 --> 00:11:06,286
involving their matching
pollen allergies.
257
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,012
Did you do this?
258
00:11:10,048 --> 00:11:11,843
Yes! Yes, yes!
Why?
259
00:11:11,878 --> 00:11:13,017
Because I -- If I can
be extremely blunt,
260
00:11:13,051 --> 00:11:16,848
I just thought that your plan
was maybe possibly --
261
00:11:16,883 --> 00:11:17,918
Stupid.
My plan was stupid.
262
00:11:17,953 --> 00:11:18,988
No.Is that what you're saying?
263
00:11:19,023 --> 00:11:20,369
No, no, no, no, no.
264
00:11:20,403 --> 00:11:22,060
It's -- It's just that,
yesterday, you --
265
00:11:22,095 --> 00:11:24,338
you did cause
that typhoon,
266
00:11:24,373 --> 00:11:26,478
which unfortunately
killed many people, and then,
267
00:11:26,513 --> 00:11:28,204
after that, you convinced God
to blow up the Earth,
268
00:11:28,239 --> 00:11:31,932
so I just think that a little
bit of caution is advisable.
269
00:11:31,967 --> 00:11:34,935
You're not cautious, Craig.
270
00:11:34,970 --> 00:11:36,281
You're a coward.
271
00:11:40,182 --> 00:11:42,011
Man: Oh, shit.
My melon.
272
00:11:42,046 --> 00:11:43,806
Man #2:
There goes our fruit salad.
273
00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:45,394
Barbara's gonna be furious.
274
00:11:53,264 --> 00:11:54,541
Oh.
275
00:11:54,575 --> 00:11:56,198
Good.
There you are.
276
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:57,924
Um...
277
00:11:57,958 --> 00:12:00,823
can we go back downstairs
where it's not as dangerous
278
00:12:00,858 --> 00:12:03,515
and there's not ledges
to stand near?
279
00:12:03,550 --> 00:12:05,379
Uh, right you are.
280
00:12:10,074 --> 00:12:12,283
I'm very sorry
that I broke the melon.
281
00:12:12,317 --> 00:12:14,112
It's fine.
282
00:12:14,147 --> 00:12:17,529
I was just trying to help,
but, as usual,
283
00:12:17,564 --> 00:12:19,117
I made things worse.
284
00:12:19,152 --> 00:12:22,189
Eliza, you're down
on yourself, and I get it.
285
00:12:22,224 --> 00:12:24,364
If the world explodes,
then you will go down
286
00:12:24,398 --> 00:12:25,952
as history's
greatest murderer.
287
00:12:25,986 --> 00:12:27,919
Nobody wants that.From now on,
288
00:12:27,954 --> 00:12:30,232
I am just going to stay
out of the way.
289
00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:31,405
No.
Please no.
290
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,132
I need you in the way.
Why?
291
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:35,962
Because you were right
about me.
292
00:12:35,996 --> 00:12:37,239
Right?
I am not brave.
293
00:12:37,273 --> 00:12:39,551
Not even slightly.
But you are.
294
00:12:39,586 --> 00:12:41,001
And -- And that --
That's --
295
00:12:41,036 --> 00:12:42,934
That's what Earth needs
right now.
296
00:12:42,969 --> 00:12:45,523
And I certainly can't do this
without you.
297
00:12:48,077 --> 00:12:50,217
Also, I've been thinking
about it, and you were right.
298
00:12:50,252 --> 00:12:52,944
A Chance Encounter
really might work.
299
00:12:52,979 --> 00:12:56,120
We just have to refine
the execution a bit.
300
00:12:56,154 --> 00:12:57,569
How?
301
00:12:57,604 --> 00:12:59,917
Well, I don't know yet,
but I was kind of hoping
302
00:12:59,951 --> 00:13:01,263
we could figure that
out together.
303
00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:08,304
Okay.
304
00:13:08,339 --> 00:13:09,547
Okay.
Downstairs?
305
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:10,997
Yes.
Thank you,
306
00:13:11,031 --> 00:13:12,895
thank you.
307
00:13:18,418 --> 00:13:20,075
What the shit?!
308
00:13:20,109 --> 00:13:22,111
Oh, I-I-I can explain.
309
00:13:22,146 --> 00:13:25,114
We pumped Bill Maher's glands
full of hormones in hopes
310
00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:28,221
that his penis would expand
and then pop like a balloon,
311
00:13:28,255 --> 00:13:31,327
and everything was going
smoothly, but then --
312
00:13:31,362 --> 00:13:33,053
What?!
313
00:13:33,088 --> 00:13:35,435
As Bill's penis
became larger,
314
00:13:35,469 --> 00:13:38,438
it grew more -- more beautiful.
315
00:13:38,472 --> 00:13:40,854
At a certain point, we realized
it would be immoral for us
316
00:13:40,889 --> 00:13:42,407
to destroy
something so perfect.
317
00:13:42,442 --> 00:13:43,857
I don't care.
318
00:13:43,892 --> 00:13:45,203
This is
coming from the top!
319
00:13:45,238 --> 00:13:47,550
Just blow it up!
320
00:13:47,585 --> 00:13:51,140
With respect, we refuse.
321
00:13:51,175 --> 00:13:53,246
This isn't
the Department of Anuses.
322
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,006
We have integrity.
323
00:13:55,041 --> 00:13:56,249
Okay, fine!
324
00:13:56,283 --> 00:13:58,941
I'll do it myself!
325
00:13:58,976 --> 00:14:00,943
Woman:
Pump-O-Tron activated.
326
00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:05,120
Why isn't this working?
327
00:14:05,154 --> 00:14:07,087
You have to put your eyes up
to the eye hole,
328
00:14:07,122 --> 00:14:10,263
and, uh, stare at
the penis when you pump.
329
00:14:10,297 --> 00:14:12,230
Why?
330
00:14:12,265 --> 00:14:14,060
Uh, I don't...
331
00:14:16,994 --> 00:14:18,374
How many pumps
is this gonna take?
332
00:14:18,409 --> 00:14:19,962
50,000.
333
00:14:19,997 --> 00:14:23,000
50,000?
334
00:14:23,034 --> 00:14:25,278
Yeah. 50,000.
335
00:14:29,592 --> 00:14:31,077
1.
336
00:14:31,111 --> 00:14:33,079
2.
337
00:14:33,113 --> 00:14:35,012
Okay, here's our target --
Bob's Hummus House.
338
00:14:35,046 --> 00:14:37,428
It's perfect --
halfway between Sam
339
00:14:37,462 --> 00:14:40,189
and Laura's apartments.And, most importantly,
it serves their favorite food.
340
00:14:40,224 --> 00:14:41,501
Gyros.
341
00:14:41,535 --> 00:14:43,089
Let's get them there.
342
00:14:43,123 --> 00:14:45,712
First step -- cut off
their food supply.
343
00:14:45,746 --> 00:14:48,542
Oh. Dang.
344
00:14:48,577 --> 00:14:49,681
Laura's a little trickier.
345
00:14:49,716 --> 00:14:51,097
She never has any food
in the house.
346
00:14:51,131 --> 00:14:52,443
Always orders in.
347
00:14:52,477 --> 00:14:54,963
Lucky for us,
there's a simple fix.
348
00:14:54,997 --> 00:14:57,620
We blow up the satellite
for her cellphone provider.
349
00:15:01,107 --> 00:15:02,418
Oh, dang.
350
00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:05,352
Nice work.
Now to lure them in.
351
00:15:16,467 --> 00:15:18,987
Mmm, gye-ro.
352
00:15:20,574 --> 00:15:22,335
Mmm.
353
00:15:22,369 --> 00:15:23,923
Jai-ros.
354
00:15:25,648 --> 00:15:29,273
30 seconds to contact.
355
00:15:29,307 --> 00:15:30,688
Wait.
Why is Sam stopping?
356
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,552
Ooh, pizza.
357
00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:33,760
No, no, no.
What?
358
00:15:33,794 --> 00:15:34,761
No, I've scanned the route
three times.
359
00:15:34,795 --> 00:15:37,281
Every place Sam likes
should be closed by now.
360
00:15:37,315 --> 00:15:39,248
No, something's happening
at Pizza Bongiorno.
361
00:15:39,283 --> 00:15:42,010
If you're just joining us,
comedian Bill Maher
362
00:15:42,044 --> 00:15:45,082
is dead after a tragic
and confusing incident
363
00:15:45,116 --> 00:15:48,016
that has shaken the world
of comedy and medicine.
364
00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:50,018
We have to close
that shop. Now.
365
00:15:50,052 --> 00:15:52,123
Maher's family has announced
that the funeral
366
00:15:52,158 --> 00:15:54,229
will
"definitely be closed casket."
367
00:15:54,263 --> 00:15:56,507
Aaaah!
368
00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,717
I did it.
369
00:16:01,477 --> 00:16:03,100
It's done.
370
00:16:03,134 --> 00:16:06,137
Look.
Look, he's turning back around.
371
00:16:06,172 --> 00:16:07,621
Yes!
372
00:16:07,656 --> 00:16:09,451
Awesome work.
We're back on track.
373
00:16:09,485 --> 00:16:10,624
Thank you,
and this pizza gentleman
374
00:16:10,659 --> 00:16:11,522
is gonna live, right?
375
00:16:11,556 --> 00:16:13,731
We are back on track.
376
00:16:20,462 --> 00:16:21,428
No! They're gonna miss
each other!
377
00:16:21,463 --> 00:16:22,429
What do we do now?
378
00:16:22,464 --> 00:16:24,466
I've got an idea.
379
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,438
Matching pollen allergies.
380
00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:32,819
You're good.
381
00:16:32,853 --> 00:16:34,821
Gesundheit.
382
00:16:34,855 --> 00:16:36,271
Sam?
383
00:16:36,305 --> 00:16:38,031
Laura?
384
00:16:38,066 --> 00:16:40,068
Wow.
385
00:16:41,448 --> 00:16:43,623
Now what?
386
00:16:43,657 --> 00:16:46,729
Now we just sit back
and watch the sparks fly.
387
00:16:54,599 --> 00:16:56,532
Remember the bathroom line
at the party?
388
00:16:56,567 --> 00:16:58,638
Yeah, yeah.
389
00:16:58,672 --> 00:17:00,433
It was long.
390
00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:02,573
Ohh, no.
391
00:17:02,607 --> 00:17:03,850
-Not like here.
-Nope.
392
00:17:03,884 --> 00:17:07,716
There's -- There's
no bathroom line.
393
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:09,614
Nope.
394
00:17:09,649 --> 00:17:11,720
I can't watch this.It's really hard to watch.
395
00:17:17,139 --> 00:17:19,417
Can I maybe get your number?Do you want to
hang out sometime?
396
00:17:19,452 --> 00:17:20,763
Both: Yes.
397
00:17:20,798 --> 00:17:21,557
What?! Yes!
398
00:17:21,592 --> 00:17:22,593
Yes!
Go on!
399
00:17:22,627 --> 00:17:24,112
Oh, yes!
Never in doubt!
400
00:17:24,146 --> 00:17:25,768
Yes! Yeah!
Yes!
401
00:17:25,803 --> 00:17:27,391
Yes!
Oh!
402
00:17:27,425 --> 00:17:28,530
-Go!
-Yes!
403
00:17:28,564 --> 00:17:31,119
Go, Sam and Laura.
404
00:17:31,153 --> 00:17:33,742
Oh, thank you.
Help yourself to one of these.Oh, no.
405
00:17:33,776 --> 00:17:34,743
I'm gonna put you
in your phone.
406
00:17:34,777 --> 00:17:36,572
My --
Your --
407
00:17:36,607 --> 00:17:38,574
I'm gonna put
my name as "Sam."
Sam. Yeah.
408
00:17:39,713 --> 00:17:42,095
All right, Sanjay!
409
00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:44,270
I hope you're proud.
You look proud.
410
00:17:44,304 --> 00:17:46,479
Tell you what,
I'm proud of you. Wow.
411
00:17:46,513 --> 00:17:49,654
I mean, I know
how much you hated Bill Maher.
412
00:17:49,689 --> 00:17:51,794
How much he hurt you.
413
00:17:51,829 --> 00:17:53,796
And it would've been so easy
for you
414
00:17:53,831 --> 00:17:56,351
to just keep taking the hits,
night after night,
415
00:17:56,385 --> 00:17:57,766
special after special.
416
00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,354
But you stuck to your guns,
417
00:17:59,388 --> 00:18:03,185
and that's why you are
one heck of an executive.
418
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:06,119
Thanks, God.
419
00:18:06,154 --> 00:18:07,569
All right.
420
00:18:07,603 --> 00:18:09,778
I hope you're hungry
for some gumbo.
421
00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:11,193
What?
422
00:18:11,228 --> 00:18:12,194
Aah!
423
00:18:12,815 --> 00:18:14,472
For Lazy Susan's!
424
00:18:14,507 --> 00:18:16,302
Oh, I bet you thought I forget
about our restaurant.
425
00:18:16,336 --> 00:18:18,649
Now, don't worry.
I am still all in,
426
00:18:18,683 --> 00:18:20,547
fully committed to our dream.
427
00:18:20,582 --> 00:18:24,620
Now, I need you to taste-test
all of these gumbos immediately.
428
00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:27,727
They range from very thick
to almost solid.
429
00:18:27,761 --> 00:18:30,868
Can Rosie taste
some of the gumbos?I'm allergic.
430
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:33,388
Well, that's more for you.
431
00:18:33,422 --> 00:18:36,701
Ah, love you, buddy.
I love you.
432
00:18:36,736 --> 00:18:38,600
Uh-huh.
433
00:18:38,634 --> 00:18:40,602
Oh, and let me know
if you find my tweezers.
434
00:18:40,636 --> 00:18:42,535
Oh, okay.
435
00:18:42,569 --> 00:18:43,915
No, no, no, no.
436
00:18:43,950 --> 00:18:46,366
Rosie, Rosie.
Rosie, this is ridiculous.
437
00:18:46,401 --> 00:18:47,954
Okay, I'm not even hungry.
438
00:18:47,988 --> 00:18:50,198
I ate a full lunch.
439
00:18:50,232 --> 00:18:51,544
My arms are in a sling.
440
00:18:51,578 --> 00:18:53,615
I've got to come
at this mouth-first?!
441
00:18:53,649 --> 00:18:54,961
This is crazy!
442
00:18:54,995 --> 00:18:57,170
I'm an executive!
443
00:18:57,205 --> 00:19:00,415
Good morning, good morning.
How's it going?
444
00:19:00,449 --> 00:19:01,450
She's already texting him.
445
00:19:01,485 --> 00:19:03,245
Oh, nice.
446
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,384
Oh, thanks.
447
00:19:11,978 --> 00:19:14,670
Oh!
I am so sorry.
448
00:19:14,705 --> 00:19:16,879
No, don't, uh...
449
00:19:19,261 --> 00:19:20,952
...worry about it.
450
00:19:20,987 --> 00:19:22,713
Who's this guy?
451
00:19:22,747 --> 00:19:24,266
I don't know.
452
00:19:24,301 --> 00:19:26,820
You know, it's funny. I...
453
00:19:26,855 --> 00:19:28,719
I ran in here to get
out of the rain.
454
00:19:28,753 --> 00:19:33,965
And once we started talking,
the rain stopped.
455
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,796
Maybe it's a sign.
456
00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:37,969
Maybe.
457
00:19:38,004 --> 00:19:40,455
Not a sign. Not a sign.No. No. How?
458
00:19:40,489 --> 00:19:42,595
How would that be a sign?!No, it's not!
It's not a sign!
459
00:19:44,355 --> 00:19:46,426
Pizza-shop owner
and philanthropist
460
00:19:46,461 --> 00:19:48,877
Vincent Alfonsi is fighting
for his life tonight
461
00:19:48,911 --> 00:19:50,741
after his appendix ruptured,
462
00:19:50,775 --> 00:19:54,607
leaving him stranded for hours
inside his darkened pizzeria.
463
00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:56,816
Alfonsi, known for
the Thanksgiving pies
464
00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:59,853
that he distributes personally
to the city's neediest children,
465
00:19:59,888 --> 00:20:01,924
will never walk again.
466
00:20:01,959 --> 00:20:03,823
In my 20 years as a journalist,
467
00:20:03,857 --> 00:20:06,757
I've never seen such a beloved
community fixture suffer
468
00:20:06,791 --> 00:20:09,242
so randomly and horribly.
469
00:20:09,277 --> 00:20:11,520
It makes one question
everything.
470
00:20:11,555 --> 00:20:12,728
Sports is next.
32613
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