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ORGAN STARTS TO PLAY
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MUSIC: Here Comes The Bride
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Jesus! But that taxi took forever,
so it did.
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Oh! Isn't she gorgeous?
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Give me strength.
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♪ I am the one and only! ♪
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Everyone's looking at us!
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Do you think it's your hat? What?
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It is a bit much, Mary. I did try to
tell you.
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My hat's a bit much? Really?
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You should be ashamed of yourself.
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What in under Christ have you
done now?
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I don't think she was talking
to me, Joe.
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I think she was talking to the
person in the full-length
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white frock who just managed to
upstage the actual bride.
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Och, I wouldn't say I upstaged her
now, Gerry.
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It's so mortifying.
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Well, take it off then, Mary.
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What?
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The hat.
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Ah, shite.
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There you are. He's spied us.
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Run, girls. Save yourselves.
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John over there was just saying...
You know John?
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Lovely fella. Married to, er,
Patricia, I think it is,
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and her mother worked in the credit
union, you might remember.
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Absolutely crippled with the old
gallstones, so she was.
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Christ Almighty.
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And the gallstones... Well, now,
they're no joke.
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A neighbour of mine, Dickie
Dunnagan, by God,
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he was tortured with the gallstones.
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The size of golf balls they were.
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And what did John say, Colm? For the
love of God, what did he say?
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He was telling me there, John was,
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that every being in the place is
talking about Sarah's frock.
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Och, really?
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Jesus, but this is an ordeal.
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Well, at least they got a good day
for it, Mary.
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I'll tell you, I was at one there,
up in the Cathedral last week.
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By God,
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the wind could have cut you in two.
Fierce it was, and now I don't mind
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a bit of a breeze.
If anything, I prefer it.
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But thon was aggressive.
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And I says to myself, says I, "Colm,
this is no day for a do."
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And as it turns out...
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Can I just stop you there, Colm?
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Surely, Mary. Go ahead. Oh, no, I've
got nothing to say.
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I just really, really need you to
stop talking.
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Fair enough.
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Herself's over there.
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Circling the drinks table.
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Bitter old bat. Da...
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It's one glass per head.
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She has already necked the guts of
four bottles.
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Da! Though it'll hardly touch the
sides.
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Tolerance of a rhino.
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Stop it, OK? Bridie's still our
aunt.
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She's still Mammy's sister.
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And if Mammy was alive...
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Your mother couldn't stick her!
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Sh! She's coming over.
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Auntie Bridie, great to see you!
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Well, you should be proud of
yourself.
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Och, thanks very much.
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All right, Bridie. Are you well?
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Nope. No, I'm not, actually.
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Not that you give a shit.
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Mammy hasn't been keeping the best
lately, Joe.
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I was a bit worried about her for a
while.
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I wouldn't upset yourself too much,
son.
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Sure a bullet couldn't take your
mother out.
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Isn't that right, Bridie?
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Still a prick I see, Joe.
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Christ knows what our Marie ever saw
in you,
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God rest her soul.
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Yous must still miss her terribly,
girls. We do indeed.
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Isn't it a crying shame neither of
you got her looks?
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OK.
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So, Eamonn! Any craic with you?
Are you seeing anyone?
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Should I maybe buy myself
another hat?
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You should definitely buy yourself
another hat, Mary. That thing does
nothing for you.
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I'm not seeing anyone. Plenty of
time, I suppose.
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Eamonn'll never marry.
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Is that a feeling, Bridie, or an
instruction?
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Och, it's a great wee day so far,
isn't it?
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Beam me up.
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MUSIC PLAYS: I'm Too Sexy
by Right Said Fred
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Thank God!
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Motherfuckers!
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How's it been?
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Boring. Brilliant. Erin!
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Orla! Aw, for Christ's sake!
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I said you could invite one friend
to the reception! One!
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Och, Mummy, they don't come
separately. Aye, we're pack animals,
Mary.
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I love your hat, Mrs Quinn.
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Thanks, son. Dickhead.
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Well, no old carry-on. Do you hear
me? We're in enough bother as it is.
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Best behaviour.
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Completely!
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You'll have no trouble from us,
Mary.
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OK, girls, who wants to do drugs?
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Me. I'm sorry?
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Nothing heavy, just a bit of blow.
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And where are you planning
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on getting a bit of blow from,
Michelle?
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Right, well, you know Macca?
I can't say I do.
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Aye, Macca. Big Macca. Come on!
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Everybody knows Macca. We don't.
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Wise up! Macca? Macca. Macca.
Macca!
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That's not helping, Michelle!
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Macca. Tall fella, dark hair,
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wonky nose from when he used to do
the bare-knuckle boxing.
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Look, he's loads of tattoos, big
scar under his left eye.
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He was kicked out of Creggan for
joyriding!
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Well, he sounds delightful!
He really does.
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He said he can hook us up.
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Class or what? I'm not sure.
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Well, I am. It's not happening.
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Drugs are for mugs, folks!
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Congratulations, Clare. That may
be the dickiest sentence that
anyone's ever said.
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Come on, Michelle, what makes you
think you can trust this Macca
person?
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Well, he's not English for a start,
so...
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James has a point. No, he doesn't!
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What if he gives us dodgy gear?
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Dodgy gear?! What is this, The
Bill?!
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I cannot believe you're even
discussing it.
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Let's live a little, for fuck's
sake!
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I want no part of this.
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00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,520
And if you guys do decide to go
through with it, then, I'm sorry,
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but any friendship we have is over.
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MUSIC PLAYS: Rock The Boat
by Hues Corporation
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Rock The Boat! IT'S ROCK THE BOAT!
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Happy fucking days!
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Quick! Yes!
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Bagsy the front! BAGSY THE FRONT!
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# So, I'd like to know where you got
the notion
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# So, I'd like to know where
you got the notion
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# To rock the boat
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# Don't rock the boat, baby
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# Rock the boat
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# Don't tip the boat over
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# Rock the boat
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# Don't rock the boat, baby
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♪ Rock the bo-o-oat... ♪
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You're such a wreck-a-buzz, Clare.
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Look, Michelle, drugs are illegal,
drugs are addictive,
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but perhaps most importantly, in
this country you can
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lose your kneecaps if you're caught
doing them.
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00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,200
And I like my kneecaps, Michelle.
They suit my knees.
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You do have cracking kneecaps,
Clare.
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Is that true? Sort of.
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♪ Our love is like a ship on the
oce-e-an... ♪
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Oh, God!
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What is it?
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He's got someone.
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Should we save the poor fella?
No chance.
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Och, Daddy, he's only young.
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I don't care!
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When it comes to our Colm,
it's every man for himself.
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# I'd like to know where
you got the notion
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# To rock the boat
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# Don't rock the boat, baby
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♪ Rock the boat... ♪
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I would like a word. It's fine,
Mammy. Indeed it is not fine.
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Something troubling you, Bridie?
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Aye, you could say that.
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My Eamonn has been waiting all night
for this song.
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For Rock The Boat? Really?
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But your girls pushed him out of the
line, and now he has a bruise.
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Show them the bruise, Eamonn.
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I bruise quite easily.
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That's not the point!
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Right. I see.
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Well, I'm sorry about that, Eamonn.
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Is that all you have to say?
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I'm not sure what else there is to
say, Bridie.
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00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,560
Except, maybe, our girls are 16,
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and Eamonn's a 50-year-old man.
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00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,200
Look, it's a rough routine, Bridie.
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00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,640
You know that going in.
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You sit down on that floor at your
own risk.
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You are seriously not going to pull
them up about this?
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No, Bridie. We're not.
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It's Rock The Boat.
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Well, that certainly explains a few
things.
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What's that supposed to mean?
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It means that a bit of discipline
would do those girls no harm.
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They have been running about all day
like a couple of wild animals.
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OK, that'll do, Bridie.
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00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,080
Then the apple never did fall far
from the tree. Mammy, please.
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Yous girls never did know how to
conduct yourselves.
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Nothing but a pair of hallions.
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00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,160
Come on now, Bridie, that's enough
of that.
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00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,960
What, do they need you to defend
them? You big pair of knickers.
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00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,760
It wasn't my poor sister's fault.
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00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,520
She tried her best with both of you,
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00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,480
but you're your father's daughters,
all right.
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00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,360
I'd rein it in, now, if I were you.
199
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,120
I really think you were a
disappointment to her, you know?
200
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:57,560
Now, hold on a goddamn minute!
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00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,960
Daddy, you will not dignify that
with a response.
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00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,600
And I'll tell you something else.
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00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,280
If your mother saw thon hat, she'd
be turning in her grave
204
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,480
for it's nothing but a bloody
eyesore.
205
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,120
Och, drop dead,
you spiteful old hag!
206
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:17,120
♪ Rock the boat, rock the boat,
rock the boat, rock the boat... ♪
207
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,000
Catch yourself on...
208
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:25,480
♪ Rock the boat, rock the boat,
rock the boat... ♪
209
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,080
I just cannot believe it.
210
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,200
Listen, Mary, no matter
what you've done
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00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:39,480
you're still my sister.
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00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,080
I'll stand by you.
213
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,400
I haven't done anything, Sarah.
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Exactly, love.
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00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,760
Everybody knows you didn't
mean to kill the old boot.
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00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,720
God rest her soul.
I didn't kill her!
217
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,200
Och, you know what I mean,
not kill...
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00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,360
..hex.
219
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,080
I didn't hex her either, Da!
220
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,720
It was just a very tragic...
221
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,520
My mother, she had the gift too,
you know.
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00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,480
By God, that woman could make
her enemies drop like flies.
223
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,520
Look, I don't have any gift.
224
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,680
There's no dark forces at play here.
225
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,680
I just said something unfortunate
that happened to...
226
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:08,720
Cause her death?
227
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,360
..coincide with her death.
228
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:11,960
Right, well, that's the dishes done.
229
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,520
Would you like another cup of tea
there, Mammy? No, I'm fine.
230
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:17,280
I'll just grab the Hoover and give
the stairs a bit of a going over.
231
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,320
And I'll maybe do a bit of dusting.
232
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,320
What's got into you two? What are
you up to? What do you want?
233
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,640
Nothing, we just thought
that we should pull our weight
234
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:25,840
a bit more, Mammy.
235
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,680
You do so much for us, Aunt Mary.
236
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,320
You deserve a bit of a break.
237
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,880
I can't hex people, girls.
238
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,000
It was an accident.
239
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,200
So how's the wicked witch
of the north west?
240
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,520
Who put 50p in the eejit?
241
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:38,640
God, how am I going
to go to this wake?
242
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:39,880
It'll be grand, love.
243
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,520
But, listen,
see if things do get heated?
244
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,280
Try not to rise to it.
245
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,280
The last thing we want is another
dead body on our hands here.
246
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,040
I'll do my best, Da.
247
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,280
# Back once again
for the renegade master
248
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,120
# D4 damage, with the ill behaviour
249
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,320
♪ Back once again
for the renegade master. ♪
250
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,800
So good of you to come.
251
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,560
God, this is a big turnout.
252
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,800
Well, Mammy was just so well liked.
253
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,440
Right. Really?
254
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,240
I suppose because she was
the life and soul, wasn't she?
255
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,120
Full of the joys, always laughing.
256
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,600
We're talking about Bridie here,
aren't we? Yes, Da.
257
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,000
Look, Mary, there's
something I need to say.
258
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:15,720
Is this about the curse, Eamonn?
259
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:16,840
Sorry?
260
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,800
Because Mary's saying she didn't
do it and that's good enough for us.
261
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,160
That's the truth, Eamonn!
262
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,400
I wouldn't know where to start
with all that carry-on!
263
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,480
No, Mary, no, I was just gonna say
that my poor mother,
264
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,600
God bless her and keep her... Amen.
265
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,880
..well, she didn't mean
what she said at the wedding.
266
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,440
Please, you don't need to explain.
267
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,680
You were worried I'd think
you'd put a curse on her? Well...
268
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,080
That's hilarious.
269
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,680
Aye.
270
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,920
I mean, obviously,
a curse was my first thought.
271
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,880
But I looked into it
and Mammy's death,
272
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,200
it doesn't meet
the official requirements.
273
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,520
So, you're completely in the clear
on that front, Mary.
274
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:53,560
Nothing to worry about at all.
275
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:54,800
Great.
276
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,080
We've brought some bits.
Should we just leave them here?
277
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,480
Genius.
278
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,480
Sister! How are you?
279
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,920
Well, I'm at a wake, Mr Quinn,
so I've had better evenings.
280
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,520
Did you know Bridie, then?
281
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:07,560
No.
282
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,880
But I believe your wife put
some sort of a curse on her.
283
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,440
Well, no, not exactly.
284
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,200
You're not a tongue person, are you?
285
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,920
I'm sorry? I'm on communion duty.
286
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,600
Christ, but I cannot stand
the tongue people!
287
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,280
I mean, what's all that about?
288
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,440
You can't lift a wafer into your own
mouth? You need me to do it for you?
289
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,760
Right, yeah, that...
that must be tough.
290
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,480
Father Thomas usually
deals with the wakes
291
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,800
but he's very sick at the minute.
292
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,080
Bedridden, in fact.
293
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,040
God! What caused it?
294
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,960
Jack Daniels...mostly.
295
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,320
I see.
296
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,400
I'll take them. Lovely stuff.
297
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,600
I need six rounds of cheese and ham,
298
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,480
four rounds of egg and cress
and three rounds of tuna.
299
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,320
Cut the cheese and ham in triangles,
300
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,240
the egg and cress in rectangles
and the tuna...
301
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,800
..well, you can freestyle.
302
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,440
I'd get buttering if I were you.
303
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,480
Grand, so...
304
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,840
She really suits being dead,
doesn't she?
305
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,160
What?
306
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,480
Can we come in?
307
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,360
Why are you whispering?
308
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,840
I don't know.
309
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,360
Thanks for coming, guys.
310
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,080
It's nice to have a bit of support
at this very difficult time.
311
00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:10,560
You thought she was a dick.
312
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,320
I never said that! You did, Erin.
313
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:13,960
Aye, I definitely heard you say it!
314
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,960
OK, can I just check something?
315
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,960
Everybody else can see
the dead body, right?
316
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,040
It's just Bridie!
317
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,080
It's Bridie's corpse.
318
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,880
It's Bridie's dead corpse.
319
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,640
It's her wake.
What were you expecting?
320
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,440
Haven't you ever seen
a dead body before?
321
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,760
Of course not!
322
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,520
Christ, but the English are weird.
323
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,400
You can touch her if you want?
324
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,400
Why the hell would
I want to touch her?!
325
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,600
It's nice.
326
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,320
Stop it!
It's just a dead body, James.
327
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,000
We're all going to be one someday.
328
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,320
Oh, thanks for that, Clare.
329
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,000
Yeah, that's helped.
330
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,520
It really makes you think,
doesn't it? Death.
331
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:45,920
It just...
332
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:51,000
It makes you want to do everything
and just, like, try everything.
333
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,480
What's going on, Michelle?
334
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,360
Do yous wanna see something class?
335
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,560
What is it?
336
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,040
Prepare yourself, girls.
337
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,320
Scones. That's right.
338
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,760
What's so class about scones?
339
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:05,840
Scones are lovely.
340
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,080
Aye, I like scones!
341
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,080
These aren't any old scones, girls.
342
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,880
These are funny scones.
343
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,920
Aye, they do look like good craic,
in fairness. Funny scones?
344
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,160
They're drug scones!
345
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,080
She's put the drugs in the scones!
346
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:18,720
Too fucking right I have!
347
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:21,560
I wanted to do brownies but this was
the only recipe my Ma had, so...
348
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,320
We talked about this, Michelle.
We agreed. No, we didn't.
349
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,920
Anyway, drugs aren't illegal
when you put them in food.
350
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,160
Everybody knows that.
351
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,920
Is that right?
I'm not sure that's right.
352
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,400
Any cups up here?
353
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:33,920
I'll take that.
354
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,400
What the fuck just happened?!
355
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,360
Three cheese and tomato on
brown bread. Brown, right, got it.
356
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,480
Four salad on white.
357
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,800
Salad, white. Hang on! Are they
rectangles or triangles?!
358
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,120
Two with no onion.
359
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,760
We're low on vol-au-vents, Gerry!
360
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,520
Here, that quiche
isn't cooked, Gerry!
361
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:54,840
Sweet suffering Jesus...
362
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,880
And, now, I don't mind
a bit of a breeze,
363
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,840
if anything I prefer it,
364
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,920
but thon was aggressive.
365
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,680
So, I says to myself, says I,
"Colm, this is no day for a do..."
366
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:06,920
What's happening?
367
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,760
..for, when the bride arrived
368
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,720
and, as I say, by this stage the
wind was fierce... Am I dead?
369
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,880
..I've never heard wind like it.
370
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,240
Is this my wake?
371
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:16,920
Howling like a banshee, it was.
372
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,320
Am I in hell?
373
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:22,240
So, the poor girl, the bride now,
this is, she arrives anyway
374
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,920
and isn't she no sooner
out of the car than she's lifted
375
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,440
up in the air like a paper doll
376
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,640
and blown into a flowerbed.
377
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,480
That's actually quite funny.
378
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:44,560
What are we gonna do?!
379
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,680
What in under God are we gonna do?!
It's fine.
380
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,280
It's definitely not fine!
There's drug scones down there!
381
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,480
If people eat the drug scones
382
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,720
then we'll have drugged
those people, Michelle! So?
383
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,120
Drugging people isn't a crime.
384
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,240
You've a very loose grasp
of the law, Michelle.
385
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,360
What kind of person brings
hash scones to a wake?
386
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,400
Typical.
387
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,600
I try and do a nice thing
and this is the thanks I get.
388
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:03,520
It's terrible.
There's old people down there.
389
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:04,920
What if an old person takes one?
390
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,200
Why does everybody get so
sentimental about old people?!
391
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,720
Old people are arseholes!
392
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,320
We have to get them back.
393
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,520
Look, I'm not disagreeing with you.
I bought that stuff
394
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,120
so I could get high,
not your Great-Uncle Colm.
395
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,680
Christ, can you imagine?
396
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,040
Hold on a minute!
Where did the scones go?
397
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,760
OK. I'll head for the kitchen
and grab whatever's still there.
398
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,000
The rest of you look out for
any ones that have gone rogue.
399
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,200
And remember...
400
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,480
..be subtle.
401
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:34,840
I need to take your scone.
402
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,320
The thing, is I just have
so many questions about God,
403
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,280
about life after death.
Go away, please.
404
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,440
And I try to silence my doubts,
I really do, but lately...
405
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:42,760
I don't believe it.
406
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,560
Why? I'm not allowed to say.
407
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:46,600
OK.
408
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,800
What's wrong, Sister?
409
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,320
Are these cinnamon?
Do you like cinnamon?
410
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:56,960
I can't be doing with cinnamon.
411
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,320
Then that's what they are!
412
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,600
Absolutely! 100%!
413
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,240
Where are my scallions?!
414
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,400
How do you make a salad sandwich
if you don't have scallions?!
415
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,040
I asked for them ten minutes ago!
416
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:08,320
Come on, now, people!
417
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,200
Let's get it together, please!
418
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,720
And there's a multipack of Taytos
still waiting to be bowled up!
419
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,240
No cross contamination this time.
420
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,320
I want cheese and onion in one bowl,
421
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,560
salt and vinegar in another!
422
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,520
It is not that difficult, folks!
423
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,200
Listen here, you.
424
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,680
Yes, Joe?
425
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,160
I just want to say...
426
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,280
..I think you're doing a fine job.
427
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,720
Keep up the good work.
428
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,000
A TIMER DINGS
429
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:53,760
After all was said and done,
she wasn't a bad old soul.
430
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,240
I was actually
quite fond of her, you know.
431
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,040
And I really hope
she's up there now,
432
00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,840
looking down on us both, thinking...
433
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,080
What in under Christ?!
434
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,320
Aye, me too, Mary.
435
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:07,840
No, Sarah! Look!
436
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,240
The earrings! Look at the earrings!
437
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,120
God, aye.
438
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,160
I wouldn't have put a drop on her,
now, she doesn't have enough neck.
439
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,040
She would've been
better with a stud.
440
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,920
They're Mammy's.
She's wearing Mammy's earrings!
441
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,840
So they are!
442
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,720
How did she get them?!
443
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:27,160
Probably swooped in like a vulture
before Mammy drew her last breath.
444
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,440
And now the old bitch...
445
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:30,840
..is getting buried in them!
446
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,120
Has the woman no shame?!
447
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,760
Earrings like that don't
deserve to be buried alive!
448
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,040
It's a sin! She is doing this
to spite us, you know.
449
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,200
What should we do? I don't know.
450
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,440
We could replace them
with exact replicas.
451
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,240
Right.
452
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:50,960
We don't have exact replicas
is the thing, though!
453
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,400
That's true enough, Mary,
true enough.
454
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,680
I can't believe we're doing this.
It's fucking heartbreaking.
455
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,400
Look, Granda's had one and now he's
acting really, really weird.
456
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,360
You're being paranoid, Erin.
He was nice to Daddy.
457
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,000
Jesus! Exactly. And if my ma
starts asking questions...
458
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,480
Your ma won't trace it back to us.
459
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,520
Are you for real? She traces
everything back to us!
460
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,360
She traces things we
haven't even done back to us!
461
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,880
Are you sure this'll work? This is
how you get rid of drugs, Clare.
462
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,680
I've seen Goodfellas,
like, 20 times.
463
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,520
It's not the only way.
464
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,920
I watched this film once about
this girl who was trying to hide
465
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,000
drugs and what she did was she
shoved them right up her...
466
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,800
I'm not sticking
a scone up my hole, Orla,
467
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,240
I'll tell you that for nothing.
468
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,040
OK, I'm gonna flush. Go for it.
469
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,520
Is it working?
470
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:32,960
Of course it's working.
471
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:35,720
Is the water rising?!
472
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,160
Jesus Christ! Why's the water
rising, James? I don't know!
473
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,000
The water didn't rise in Goodfellas!
474
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,560
Fuck! We've clogged it.
475
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:42,800
Who has a plunger?
476
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,080
I'm afraid I left the house
without my plunger tonight, Orla.
477
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:48,360
Aye, me too. Nightmare, so it is.
478
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,400
THEY WAIL
479
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:52,680
Hurry up!
480
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,240
You mind your own ear, Mary!
Don't concern yourself with mine!
481
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:56,640
It won't budge.
482
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,200
What are they, like,
glued on or something?
483
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,440
Pull harder!
484
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,840
I'm pulling as hard as I can!
485
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,440
Oh! Got it!
486
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,240
Mary, look,
487
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,160
this is a bit awkward...
488
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,800
..but there's been a few
complaints from the kitchen...
489
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:10,840
..about Gerry.
490
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,120
Och, Eamonn, how are you?
491
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,480
What brings you here?
492
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,520
Uh, it's my mother's wake.
493
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,280
Oh, God, so it is.
494
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,520
What's going on?
495
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,000
We just came in to do
a wee decade of the rosary
496
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,400
and, sure, didn't Sarah
forget her beads.
497
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,600
What am I not?
498
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,360
What's in your hand?
499
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:35,480
Sorry?
500
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,280
What have you got in your hand?
501
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:38,600
Nothing.
502
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:39,760
Let me see.
503
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:42,600
Your other hand.
504
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:44,840
My other hand?
505
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,000
Yes.
506
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,440
God! How did that get there?!
507
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,400
Jeepers!
508
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,640
Were you stealing Mammy's earrings?!
509
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,080
Actually, I think you'll find
they were our mother's earrings
510
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,280
originally, so...
What is wrong with you?
511
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:04,520
We were doing her a favour,
Eamonn, they're not flattering.
512
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:07,200
For God's sake, Mary.
First the curse and now this?
513
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,640
You said there was no curse!
514
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,680
I didn't want to
make you angry, Mary!
515
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,920
I mean, I'm about to bury my mother,
a hex is the last thing I need.
516
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,440
Aw, for Jesus' sake!
517
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,680
Urgh, what is that?
518
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:28,920
ARGH!
519
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,600
Dear God...
520
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,360
It looks worse than it is.
521
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,640
My mother was right
about you people!
522
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,640
Wild animals would
have more manners!
523
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,360
We didn't have a plunger, Eamonn.
524
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,560
Get out! Get out, now!
525
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,960
Not a bad sendoff in the end,
I thought.
526
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,600
I'm still devastated
about Mammy's earrings, Mary.
527
00:20:58,640 --> 00:20:59,840
We were so close.
528
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:03,480
Well, they're six feet under now,
so unless we dig Bridie up again...
529
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,960
Maybe that's not such a bad...
530
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,160
It is a bad idea, Sarah.
531
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,840
It's a very bad idea.
532
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,160
I just want to forget
the whole thing.
533
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,680
How's your scoots now, Erin, love?
534
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,360
Aye, they're clearing up, I think.
535
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,680
God, it's my worst nightmare,
536
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,720
getting caught out in
someone else's house like that.
537
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:21,040
I still don't understand
538
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,400
why you had to bring all of
your friends in there with you.
539
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,000
I panicked, Daddy.
540
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,840
Can we please stop talking
about Erin's scoots?
541
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:28,480
We're about to have our tea.
542
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,720
Oh, I meant to say...
543
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,480
..I had one of these
scones at the wake
544
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:37,040
and, honest to God, I've never
tasted anything like it.
545
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,080
So, I bagged us up a couple.
546
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:43,960
Lovely! Happy days.
547
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,280
Don't mind if I do.
548
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,480
Pass us one, there, would you, Erin?
40864
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