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1
00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:06,140
(PHONE RINGING)
2
00:00:06,209 --> 00:00:08,089
RECEPTIONIST: Good morning,
Free Stallion Publishing.
3
00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:10,169
Ah, hello. Yes...
4
00:00:13,449 --> 00:00:15,209
-ANDREW: Well?
-I like it.
5
00:00:15,289 --> 00:00:16,929
-Yeah?
-Yeah. It's a good first draft.
6
00:00:17,009 --> 00:00:18,489
-Good.
-My biggest concern
7
00:00:18,569 --> 00:00:21,729
and it was my initial concern
as well, is the...
8
00:00:21,809 --> 00:00:25,449
deliberately vague pronoun
and title usage.
9
00:00:25,529 --> 00:00:27,929
-Yes.
-"The wife said this,"
10
00:00:28,009 --> 00:00:31,689
-"the child refused
to participate," etc. -Yeah. Yeah.
11
00:00:31,769 --> 00:00:33,209
No specific gender use.
12
00:00:33,289 --> 00:00:35,169
Yeah, I mean, that's part
of the whole idea.
13
00:00:35,249 --> 00:00:36,729
That's part of the anonymous
traveller thing.
14
00:00:36,809 --> 00:00:39,329
How does writing "the child"
15
00:00:39,409 --> 00:00:42,409
instead of a child's name
help that?
16
00:00:42,489 --> 00:00:44,449
Because no gender is invoked.
17
00:00:44,529 --> 00:00:46,849
So if people somehow
were to find out
18
00:00:46,929 --> 00:00:50,689
that I was there doing
an article or a book about their hotel or restaurant
19
00:00:50,769 --> 00:00:53,249
or whatever,
then if I am there with my family,
20
00:00:53,329 --> 00:00:55,289
then it's one less thing
to give it away.
21
00:00:55,369 --> 00:00:57,529
But if they've already found
out then what's the point?
22
00:01:00,529 --> 00:01:01,809
Here's the thing though,
23
00:01:04,129 --> 00:01:06,249
if they haven't quite
found out yet,
24
00:01:06,329 --> 00:01:09,089
but they're on the cusp
of finding out,
25
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:12,449
then it would throw them off
the scent is what I meant.
26
00:01:12,529 --> 00:01:16,169
But why don't you just
make up a name like any other writer does?
27
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,889
Huh!
28
00:01:18,969 --> 00:01:21,209
Erm, I mean, I could.
29
00:01:23,329 --> 00:01:25,729
Mmm, no, no. It's no good.
30
00:01:25,809 --> 00:01:28,609
My child would not like
being referred to by another name.
31
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:31,409
You do not want to see
my therapy bills. (LAUGHING) Wall to wall!
32
00:01:31,489 --> 00:01:33,289
(LAUGHS) Therapy...
33
00:01:33,369 --> 00:01:35,089
Yeah, sorry, no can do.
34
00:01:35,169 --> 00:01:38,049
These issues run really,
really deep with her.
35
00:01:38,129 --> 00:01:39,169
I thought you had a son.
36
00:01:40,409 --> 00:01:42,649
Er, exactly.
37
00:01:42,729 --> 00:01:45,969
Exactly. It's like I have both
a son and a daughter.
38
00:01:46,049 --> 00:01:47,609
(CHUCKLES)
39
00:01:47,689 --> 00:01:50,569
No, sorry, I will not publish
my wife or child's name.
40
00:01:50,649 --> 00:01:52,369
That's another purpose.
41
00:01:52,449 --> 00:01:55,249
I need to protect their
identities lest the wrong people find out.
42
00:01:55,329 --> 00:01:56,729
-Sorry?
-Because...
43
00:01:58,169 --> 00:02:00,009
People are crazy.
44
00:02:00,089 --> 00:02:04,209
I don't want some guy
whose kebab van I gave a bad review to
45
00:02:04,289 --> 00:02:05,409
to come after them.
46
00:02:05,489 --> 00:02:06,969
Nobody is gonna
come after them.
47
00:02:07,049 --> 00:02:08,849
You don't know that.
48
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,409
-I do.
-This is for their... No, this is for their safety.
49
00:02:10,489 --> 00:02:12,529
Just spend five minutes
on the internet, man.
50
00:02:12,609 --> 00:02:15,569
It's littered with stories
of some guy in Birmingham who got pissed off
51
00:02:15,649 --> 00:02:18,049
because of an online review
of his chip shop
52
00:02:18,129 --> 00:02:20,169
and he set fire
to that person's caravan
53
00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:21,529
with their children inside.
54
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,369
All right, all right.
Fine, fine. Fine.
55
00:02:24,449 --> 00:02:26,449
You win.
56
00:02:26,529 --> 00:02:27,969
Thank you. I mean it could be
the difference between life and death.
57
00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:30,809
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
58
00:02:36,649 --> 00:02:39,849
ANDREW: Oh, very nice.
More Brexit inspired racism.
59
00:02:39,929 --> 00:02:43,049
A Polish off-licence
set on fire, this time in Swindon.
60
00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:44,809
Creeping ever closer.
61
00:02:44,889 --> 00:02:46,089
Could I get a coffee?
62
00:02:46,169 --> 00:02:47,329
No. Since when do you
drink coffee?
63
00:02:47,409 --> 00:02:48,529
Since when does he
drink coffee?
64
00:02:48,609 --> 00:02:50,089
-He doesn't.
-Since forever ago.
65
00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:52,289
I'm an adult now.
I've got to drink coffee on the job,
66
00:02:52,369 --> 00:02:53,649
it's practically required.
67
00:02:53,729 --> 00:02:54,969
What's wrong with tea?
68
00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:56,249
Nothing. But what's wrong
with coffee?
69
00:02:56,329 --> 00:02:58,169
It's got caffeine in it.
70
00:02:58,249 --> 00:02:59,409
-So does tea.
-So does tea, I know.
71
00:03:01,689 --> 00:03:03,449
Now you'll fit in with
your fellow workmen.
72
00:03:03,529 --> 00:03:06,089
I wonder if I'll see any
of that racist ugliness on the job.
73
00:03:06,169 --> 00:03:09,129
Why? Are the labourers racist?
You shouldn't be working with racist labourers.
74
00:03:09,209 --> 00:03:10,769
No. They're Eastern European.
75
00:03:10,849 --> 00:03:14,129
Oh, yeah. Good, strong,
solid men types.
76
00:03:14,209 --> 00:03:15,729
Very reliable.
77
00:03:15,809 --> 00:03:17,929
-They're Latvian.
-That's what I was doing.
78
00:03:18,009 --> 00:03:19,929
-(DENISE CHUCKLES)
-Kris said the guy they're doing the contracting work for
79
00:03:20,009 --> 00:03:21,929
-right now is a real twat.
-Language!
80
00:03:22,009 --> 00:03:23,569
KRIS: He said he's barely
ever around,
81
00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:26,209
but when he is,
he's really weird. Super dodgy.
82
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,889
I suppose you'll find out
tomorrow. I want to know the gossip.
83
00:03:28,969 --> 00:03:31,849
I'm curious to find out
what a Latvian thinks a real twat is.
84
00:03:31,929 --> 00:03:34,569
-Language.
-Language.
85
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,449
He won't shut up about
the daughter though.
86
00:03:36,529 --> 00:03:38,609
I guess they like each other
or something stupid.
87
00:03:38,689 --> 00:03:40,889
Hey, you'll have
your own girlfriend.
88
00:03:44,929 --> 00:03:47,169
Hey. I have an idea.
89
00:03:47,249 --> 00:03:50,969
What if we spend the day today
at Weston Super Mare?
90
00:03:51,049 --> 00:03:54,449
-KRIS: Yes!
-Weston Super Mare? We were just there last year.
91
00:03:54,529 --> 00:03:56,929
What are you talking about?
I've not been there for years.
92
00:03:57,009 --> 00:03:58,329
Yeah, remember...
93
00:04:01,569 --> 00:04:03,009
Oh, yeah, no.
94
00:04:03,089 --> 00:04:05,609
Yeah, I'm thinking of, erm...
95
00:04:05,689 --> 00:04:07,169
Burnham on Sea
we went last year.
96
00:04:07,249 --> 00:04:08,849
Yes! Burnham on Sea.
97
00:04:08,929 --> 00:04:10,489
DENISE: Yeah, but they don't
have the pier and all that.
98
00:04:10,569 --> 00:04:12,049
Yeah, of course.
99
00:04:12,129 --> 00:04:14,089
Come on. It'll be a fun
family day out. Let's go!
100
00:04:14,169 --> 00:04:16,329
Yeah, good idea. Erm...
101
00:04:16,409 --> 00:04:19,489
I should really proofread
my article before I send it. Give me half an hour?
102
00:04:19,569 --> 00:04:20,809
DENISE: Of course, yeah.
103
00:04:20,889 --> 00:04:23,369
-Kris, help me tidy up.
-Okay.
104
00:04:23,449 --> 00:04:25,489
Do not darest disturb.
105
00:04:27,169 --> 00:04:29,569
(DENISE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
106
00:04:29,649 --> 00:04:31,969
DENISE: Oh, I see you
didn't touch your coffee.
107
00:04:34,169 --> 00:04:35,129
KRIS: Oh, right, yes.
108
00:04:55,089 --> 00:04:57,569
Ah, okay, thank you, James.
109
00:04:57,649 --> 00:05:00,489
Yep, I'll see you in the bar
later. I'll be down for a wee dram.
110
00:05:00,569 --> 00:05:01,769
(CHUCKLES) Okay, bye.
111
00:05:01,849 --> 00:05:04,889
Hey. How's it going?
112
00:05:04,969 --> 00:05:07,729
Greetings from
desert dry Inverness.
113
00:05:07,809 --> 00:05:09,409
How's Christina,
she still moping about?
114
00:05:09,489 --> 00:05:10,889
She's going to be fine.
115
00:05:10,969 --> 00:05:12,409
It's me you should be
more worried about.
116
00:05:12,489 --> 00:05:13,529
How's Inverness?
117
00:05:13,609 --> 00:05:14,849
Ugh, yeah.
118
00:05:14,929 --> 00:05:17,009
You know, I have to go
and get a train
119
00:05:17,089 --> 00:05:21,329
and go and judge
a haggis eating contest in John O'Groats, of all places.
120
00:05:21,409 --> 00:05:23,009
KIM: Ugh! I hate haggis.
121
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:26,209
How do you judge a contest
anonymously?
122
00:05:26,289 --> 00:05:29,609
Very carefully. (LAUGHS)
123
00:05:33,129 --> 00:05:35,849
Joking aside, what plans
have you got for today?
124
00:05:35,929 --> 00:05:39,569
Well, I'm doing a flyer
and an agenda for the pothole committee
125
00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:41,769
and there's the whole
Etsy thing.
126
00:05:41,849 --> 00:05:44,089
And Christina?
What's she up to this fine day?
127
00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:47,609
Assuming you have nice weather
down over there today.
128
00:05:47,689 --> 00:05:50,569
She's going to see a film
with some friends at the shopping centre.
129
00:05:50,649 --> 00:05:52,649
-Which film?
-I don't know.
130
00:05:52,729 --> 00:05:55,249
She didn't say which film?
You sure she's definitely going to a film?
131
00:05:55,329 --> 00:05:57,369
You sure she's even going
to the shopping centre?
132
00:05:57,449 --> 00:06:01,769
Kids nowadays say one thing
and then they do the exact opposite.
133
00:06:01,849 --> 00:06:04,889
Yeah, she's going to see
a film. What do you care? Anyway, I gotta go.
134
00:06:04,969 --> 00:06:07,849
Hey, did you read about,
erm...
135
00:06:07,929 --> 00:06:11,729
There was a fire,
where was it, er, in Weston Super Mare?
136
00:06:11,809 --> 00:06:13,569
Oh, really, again?
137
00:06:13,649 --> 00:06:15,249
Yeah, I thought I read
something about it somewhere.
138
00:06:15,329 --> 00:06:17,649
Er, I guess we won't be
going there any time soon.
139
00:06:17,729 --> 00:06:20,609
Well, that's okay by me
because we were just there last year anyway.
140
00:06:20,689 --> 00:06:24,329
Yeah, I know. I know that.
Yeah. Last year.
141
00:06:24,409 --> 00:06:26,209
We'll need at least three
years to recover from that.
142
00:06:26,289 --> 00:06:28,889
That Coldplay cover band
was good though.
143
00:06:28,969 --> 00:06:31,929
-Alright. I love you. Bye.
-(KISSES)
144
00:06:32,009 --> 00:06:35,969
Okay, ready to go?
Weston Super Mare.
145
00:06:36,049 --> 00:06:38,129
-God, damn it.
-Language!
146
00:06:39,209 --> 00:06:41,049
Oh! It's my husband.
147
00:06:41,849 --> 00:06:43,369
Not yet, I'm not.
148
00:06:43,449 --> 00:06:45,289
You know I've been
thinking about it
149
00:06:45,369 --> 00:06:48,809
and, erm, I've really
come 'round to seeing things your way.
150
00:06:48,889 --> 00:06:53,969
I mean, there really is
a patriarchy and what is it?
151
00:06:54,049 --> 00:06:57,929
Social construct. I mean,
what is the point in us doing this?
152
00:06:58,009 --> 00:07:01,609
To make it official. I mean,
justify you wearing that ring.
153
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:04,609
Because I love you
and you love me and why not?
154
00:07:06,169 --> 00:07:07,689
Right. Hmm.
155
00:07:24,329 --> 00:07:26,449
Love
156
00:07:27,449 --> 00:07:29,089
Love is strange
157
00:07:30,009 --> 00:07:31,489
Yeah, yeah
158
00:07:31,569 --> 00:07:33,689
Lot of people
159
00:07:35,369 --> 00:07:37,329
Take it for a game
160
00:07:39,409 --> 00:07:41,409
Once you get her
161
00:07:43,049 --> 00:07:45,009
You never want to quit
162
00:07:48,249 --> 00:07:51,289
-Ooh
-My hat! Oh.
163
00:07:51,369 --> 00:07:53,409
Oh, don't worry about
your hat, honey.
164
00:07:53,489 --> 00:07:55,049
It's Neptune's now.
165
00:07:55,129 --> 00:07:58,449
Or Poseidon's?
Are we going Greek or Roman here?
166
00:07:58,529 --> 00:08:02,409
Father, what shall it be?
Roman or Greek?
167
00:08:02,489 --> 00:08:04,049
I need my hat.
I got to get another hat.
168
00:08:04,129 --> 00:08:06,049
Sorry. But I just gotta do it.
169
00:08:06,129 --> 00:08:08,289
Okay, we'll get you
a hat inside, honey.
170
00:08:08,369 --> 00:08:09,489
Sorry. Yeah, thanks.
171
00:08:10,569 --> 00:08:12,049
Hey, look at that hat!
172
00:08:13,209 --> 00:08:14,889
Oh, that is perfect.
173
00:08:14,969 --> 00:08:19,809
(LAUGHS) Funny, funny hat.
174
00:08:19,889 --> 00:08:21,609
What do you think of your
old man in one of these, eh?
175
00:08:21,689 --> 00:08:23,249
-Er...
-Funny, right? (LAUGHS)
176
00:08:23,329 --> 00:08:25,809
So, funny. And you can't even
tell it's me.
177
00:08:25,889 --> 00:08:28,369
Excuse me how much for
this great, very funny hat?
178
00:08:28,449 --> 00:08:31,009
It's not for sale.
You gotta win it.
179
00:08:31,089 --> 00:08:33,689
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But how much if I just paid you?
180
00:08:33,769 --> 00:08:36,009
It's not for sale.
181
00:08:36,089 --> 00:08:38,289
(STAMMERS) Oh. right,
I'll tell you what, I'll give you 10 pounds for it. Okay?
182
00:08:38,369 --> 00:08:40,809
It's probably not worth 10p
let alone 10 pounds.
183
00:08:40,889 --> 00:08:42,409
You gotta win it.
184
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:46,369
Rule 16-3 of the midway laws.
I mean, blame the EU.
185
00:08:46,449 --> 00:08:49,969
Between this and the shitty
bananas we can't get out soon enough if you ask me.
186
00:08:51,929 --> 00:08:56,689
All right.
What if I were to lose 20 pounds here
187
00:08:56,769 --> 00:09:00,049
and one of these hats
were to blow away.
188
00:09:01,929 --> 00:09:03,089
Yeah, but it's not for sale.
189
00:09:07,649 --> 00:09:08,849
All right, 50 quid, mate.
Come on.
190
00:09:12,529 --> 00:09:15,089
Come on. There are plenty
of hats inside. Let's go and get you a hat.
191
00:09:15,169 --> 00:09:17,329
-No, I want that one.
-Come on. We'll go inside.
192
00:09:19,889 --> 00:09:22,249
Okay, it's time to show-off
my cricketing skills.
193
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,009
I was one of the best bowlers
in my league.
194
00:09:24,089 --> 00:09:25,929
Wait, you were in
a cricket league?
195
00:09:26,009 --> 00:09:27,689
Yeah, before I met
your mother, one of the best.
196
00:09:27,769 --> 00:09:29,849
Right. There you go.
197
00:09:29,929 --> 00:09:32,049
Okay, give me the balls!
This is gonna be great.
198
00:09:32,129 --> 00:09:33,209
Thank you!
199
00:09:33,289 --> 00:09:34,569
Warm up a bit.
200
00:09:36,249 --> 00:09:37,529
Okay, that's...
201
00:09:38,569 --> 00:09:39,849
That's just in the way.
202
00:09:48,489 --> 00:09:51,569
All right. It's all about
the arc of the throw. Let's go again. Er...
203
00:09:51,649 --> 00:09:54,249
Are you sure it's cricket
you're thinking of?
204
00:09:54,329 --> 00:09:55,809
Because, well,
you're not very good.
205
00:09:55,889 --> 00:09:57,369
Yeah, of course it's cricket
I'm thinking of.
206
00:09:57,449 --> 00:10:00,289
Why else would I be
doing this? Uh, again.
207
00:10:00,369 --> 00:10:03,969
Enough. Right, okay? Really,
I'm getting hungry now.
208
00:10:04,049 --> 00:10:05,969
Bit of encouragement
would be nice, please.
209
00:10:06,049 --> 00:10:08,769
I'm going to
keep going till I get this god-damn motherfucking...!
210
00:10:10,449 --> 00:10:13,049
Goodness' sake.
It's a total scam.
211
00:10:13,129 --> 00:10:14,809
Do you want some food?
212
00:10:14,889 --> 00:10:17,449
Just taking your money
and there's no way you can win.
213
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:18,609
Keep the balls coming please.
214
00:10:18,689 --> 00:10:21,289
I'm going to win that hat.
215
00:10:21,369 --> 00:10:23,969
Look, can we move some of
these hats please, because they're really...
216
00:10:24,049 --> 00:10:25,889
It's right in the trajectory
of my throw.
217
00:10:25,969 --> 00:10:28,449
-Well, it's the rules.
-Ah, the rules. You and your rules.
218
00:10:28,529 --> 00:10:30,849
If you pull the rules
out of your fucking arse
219
00:10:30,929 --> 00:10:34,329
once in a while
you might live a little.
220
00:10:34,409 --> 00:10:35,769
(SCREAMS)
221
00:10:51,849 --> 00:10:53,449
Love
222
00:10:54,849 --> 00:10:57,009
Love is strange
223
00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:58,969
Yeah, yeah
224
00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:01,009
Lot of people
225
00:11:02,809 --> 00:11:04,649
Take it for a game
226
00:11:06,609 --> 00:11:08,849
Once you get her...
227
00:11:34,009 --> 00:11:37,329
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
228
00:11:37,409 --> 00:11:39,729
Shove that up
your regulations. Give me the hat.
229
00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:42,089
I did it.
230
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:44,449
Oh, yes!
231
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:47,249
That feels good.
Yes! (LAUGHS) Look!
232
00:11:47,329 --> 00:11:48,809
I got it. Yes.
233
00:11:48,889 --> 00:11:50,809
Andrew!
234
00:11:50,889 --> 00:11:53,169
Andrew! Hey.
235
00:11:53,249 --> 00:11:55,049
Mr. Marsden.
236
00:11:55,129 --> 00:11:57,489
(SCOTTISH ACCENT)
What? No Andrew, me. The name's McGregor.
237
00:11:57,569 --> 00:12:01,009
(CHUCKLES) Nice hat.
It's Elise.
238
00:12:01,089 --> 00:12:03,089
I'm on your wife's
pothole committee.
239
00:12:03,169 --> 00:12:05,089
-I work for Etsy.
-Ah...
240
00:12:05,169 --> 00:12:07,049
Fancy meeting you here!
241
00:12:07,129 --> 00:12:08,769
Yes, hello! Good to see you.
I'm just leaving now.
242
00:12:08,849 --> 00:12:10,969
I'm in a bit of a hurry
unfortunately.
243
00:12:11,049 --> 00:12:14,249
Oh, look, I didn't get
a chance to say at that meeting, but I am a big fan.
244
00:12:14,329 --> 00:12:16,009
I love
The Anonymous Traveller.
245
00:12:16,089 --> 00:12:17,969
Ah, yeah, thank you
for that. Er...
246
00:12:18,049 --> 00:12:20,449
But remember the key word
is "anonymous".
247
00:12:20,529 --> 00:12:21,809
Mustn't compromise the data.
248
00:12:21,889 --> 00:12:23,889
Seriously, I'm being serious
about that.
249
00:12:23,969 --> 00:12:28,289
Don't ever mention to anyone
that I was here.
250
00:12:28,369 --> 00:12:30,409
Okay. Do you know
if Kim's planning on...
251
00:12:30,489 --> 00:12:32,009
In fact,
to be absolutely safe,
252
00:12:32,089 --> 00:12:34,409
you don't know me
or my family,
253
00:12:34,489 --> 00:12:38,009
never even heard of them,
so from this point forward you don't know me.
254
00:12:38,089 --> 00:12:41,329
For all you know, I'm just
some random bloke who doesn't even have a family.
255
00:12:42,409 --> 00:12:44,409
Okay.
256
00:12:44,489 --> 00:12:46,689
But having a family
doesn't really affect anything though, does it?
257
00:12:46,769 --> 00:12:50,289
I mean, the Anonymous
Traveller is allowed to have a family. In fact, he does.
258
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,769
Does he though? Really?
259
00:12:52,849 --> 00:12:55,329
Yeah, I've read the books.
It's genius.
260
00:12:55,409 --> 00:12:57,809
All that, the wife
and the child...
261
00:12:57,889 --> 00:13:01,449
Oh, I get it. Wow!
262
00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:03,529
Yeah, it's sort of like
a secret identity.
263
00:13:03,609 --> 00:13:06,569
You see, I once gave
a negative review to a kebab stand
264
00:13:06,649 --> 00:13:10,049
and the guy threatened me
and my family.
265
00:13:10,129 --> 00:13:11,969
It was a really
stressful time for us.
266
00:13:12,049 --> 00:13:14,049
So, no one can talk about it
and I beg of you to do the same.
267
00:13:14,129 --> 00:13:15,609
-Yeah of course. Yeah.
-Yeah, and in fact,
268
00:13:15,689 --> 00:13:18,249
don't even tell Kim
that we met here.
269
00:13:18,329 --> 00:13:20,249
I, I don't need her implicated
in all of this.
270
00:13:20,329 --> 00:13:21,289
DENISE: Andrew?
271
00:13:24,449 --> 00:13:29,329
My partner is the one
who insisted on this, really.
272
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,729
-Your partner?
-Yeah, yeah I have a partner
273
00:13:31,809 --> 00:13:34,489
-who helps out with all things
Anonymous Traveller. -DENISE: Andy?
274
00:13:34,569 --> 00:13:36,809
That's part of the secret.
275
00:13:36,889 --> 00:13:40,489
So anyway, lovely to see
and I suppose we both ought to be really getting along.
276
00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:42,769
Actually I was just wondering
is Kim planning to have...
277
00:13:42,849 --> 00:13:45,729
Yeah, I don't know because...
Oh, I don't...
278
00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:48,129
(GROANS) This bloody hat.
Why don't you phone her yourself?
279
00:13:48,209 --> 00:13:52,569
Sorry, it's the wind.
And the hat. It's... God, it's so windy.
280
00:13:54,049 --> 00:13:56,089
Oh! The...
281
00:13:57,849 --> 00:14:00,129
Andrew, what are you doing?
(CHUCKLES)
282
00:14:00,849 --> 00:14:02,089
Denise.
283
00:14:02,169 --> 00:14:04,009
-You are my partner.
-Yes!
284
00:14:04,089 --> 00:14:05,369
Yes.
285
00:14:05,449 --> 00:14:07,249
In everything that I do.
286
00:14:07,329 --> 00:14:10,129
And that is why I said
let's get married.
287
00:14:11,249 --> 00:14:12,649
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
288
00:14:14,769 --> 00:14:17,009
You know it would be so nice,
Andrew. Just something simple.
289
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,089
-You should be my editor.
-Oh!
290
00:14:19,169 --> 00:14:23,249
Yeah, I mean think about it.
You already read over everything I write
291
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:25,449
and you make notes
and you give notes, great notes.
292
00:14:25,529 --> 00:14:28,009
So we should make it official.
You're my partner.
293
00:14:28,089 --> 00:14:29,529
Let's get you paid for it.
294
00:14:29,609 --> 00:14:32,009
Sure, sounds good.
Right, let's go.
295
00:14:32,089 --> 00:14:33,889
Ah, yeah. I'll see you
at the car,
296
00:14:33,969 --> 00:14:35,889
I just need to look for
my hat.
297
00:14:35,969 --> 00:14:38,369
Oh, no. No, no, no.
I'm not letting you out of my sight.
298
00:14:38,449 --> 00:14:40,449
We'll be stuck here
for another three hours.
299
00:14:40,529 --> 00:14:44,369
And I want to leave before
that god awful Coldplay cover band starts.
300
00:14:44,449 --> 00:14:45,769
Come on, Andrew.
301
00:14:45,849 --> 00:14:47,329
Mr. Marsden?
302
00:14:47,409 --> 00:14:48,849
Hi, I'm Denise.
303
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,449
Elise.
304
00:14:50,529 --> 00:14:51,849
Oh, yeah...
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
305
00:14:52,929 --> 00:14:54,089
Like this.
306
00:14:56,369 --> 00:14:57,329
Of course.
307
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,720
Denise, this is Elise.
Elise, Denise.
308
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,240
That's not gonna get
confusing.
309
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,240
Denise is my partner.
310
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:20,040
Yeah, my editing partner!
Elise is...
311
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,000
On the pothole committee
with Kim.
312
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,240
But more importantly,
more interestingly, she works for Etsy.
313
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,600
Do you know what Etsy is?
It's a computer website...
314
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,920
Yes, I know what Etsy is.
What pothole committee?
315
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,560
Didn't I tell you about that?
316
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,680
Oh, Kim set it up really.
I'm just along for the ride.
317
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,360
Yes, and what a bumpy ride
it's been,
318
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,560
but soon to be made smooth
by the work of your committee.
319
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,560
-Right, come on then, partner,
we should be going. -(CHUCKLES)
320
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,680
Well, send my best
to everyone there
321
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,560
and I hope you will accomplish
what you're setting out to accomplish.
322
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,200
Well we want to get
the potholes filled in.
323
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,480
That's what we want
to accomplish on our street. On everyone's street.
324
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,840
I mean we pay our taxes,
don't we? So...
325
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,160
Oh! I'm missing
Yellow Scientist.
326
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,960
I can't believe
they're opening with this one.
327
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,040
Listen, lovely to meet you,
Denise, and you Mr. Marsden.
328
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,800
And don't worry,
your secret's safe with me.
329
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,360
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
330
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,560
Who's that?
331
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,160
Oh, just some woman from
the pothole committee. She made me sign a petition.
332
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,880
Came to the house.
I've got to go to the loo.
333
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,400
Okay, yeah.
334
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,400
What does she mean
your secret's safe with me?
335
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,640
Ah... Um, she...
336
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,080
Oh, she found out I was
the Anonymous Traveller.
337
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:26,840
How?
338
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,640
She came into the house
and saw the books.
339
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,280
In the house?
340
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,640
Yeah, to... For me to sign
the petition.
341
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,400
That's not the kind of thing
you invite someone into the house for.
342
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,320
I mean, they knock
on the door, they show you the petition,
343
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,920
and you sign the fucking
thing or not.
344
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,960
I mean, what was she doing
in our house?
345
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,040
What was she doing
in our house, Andrew?
346
00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,840
For fuck's sake, Denise.
347
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,480
It was raining outside.
She was standing in the rain.
348
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,000
What was I supposed to do?
Jesus!
349
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,360
Sorry.
350
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,080
Sorry. Just got
a little jealous then.
351
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,040
I'm sorry, honey. I...
352
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,360
Sorry.
353
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,680
Okay, thanks.
I, I got to go to the loo.
354
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,080
Who's Kim?
355
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:31,640
Who now?
356
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:34,000
Kim.
357
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,920
She said Kim who started
the committee up as if you'd know Kim.
358
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,400
So I assume you know Kim,
so who's Kim?
359
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,200
Oh. (LAUGHING)
360
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,000
No... (LAUGHING) Clem.
361
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,200
Clem. She said Clem.
362
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,080
Clem is the guy who started up
the pothole committee. Clem.
363
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,960
Uh, yeah, he's
the pothole guy. He set it up.
364
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,160
He was there doing petitioning
and whatnot.
365
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,960
She's probably one of
those people who can't say her Ls.
366
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,400
I got to go to the loo,
um, it's an emergency.
367
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,360
(RETCHING)
368
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:17,760
(PANTING) Oh, Jesus Christ.
Fuck me.
369
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,360
I can't do this any more.
370
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,360
KRIS: Dad?
371
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,480
(TOILET FLUSHING)
372
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:26,640
Dad?
373
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,200
Hey, Son.
374
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,640
I guess I shouldn't have had
that second ice cream.
375
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,320
KRIS: I guess so.
God's way of saying don't be greedy.
376
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,280
Yeah.
377
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:38,600
Well, I'll just clean up here
and I'll see you and Mum by the car. Okay?
378
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:39,640
KRIS: All right.
379
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:55,520
What time is your flight?
380
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,000
Uh, 10, I think.
381
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,240
-10?
-Yeah.
382
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,880
And you're going to...
383
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,160
I already told you. Inverness.
384
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,440
Uh-huh. What for?
385
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,080
-For the haggis festival.
-The haggis festival?
386
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,560
Yeah. (LAUGHING) I mean, God!
387
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:15,280
Haggis, wow, you couldn't
even pay me to eat that stuff.
388
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,760
It's like the inside...
Literally, it's like the inside of...
389
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,680
That's easy enough to Google.
The Inverness Haggis Festival. I can find out all about it.
390
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,920
Yeah, go right ahead.
391
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,600
You know, I could just take
a quick flight up there.
392
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,080
Yeah. Yeah, you could.
It would be easy. You just hop on a plane.
393
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,440
Come and check up on me.
394
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,760
Yeah.
395
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,240
Just make sure I'm where
I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
396
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,080
Like somebody who needs
to be checked up on.
397
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,200
Just to make sure
I'm not lying to you...
398
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,280
About who I am. About my job.
399
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,360
Yeah, like that.
400
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:00,920
Something along those lines.
401
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:07,280
(DOG BARKING)
402
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,880
Would you like me to make you
a little takeaway container?
403
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,040
Uh, no thanks, but, um...
404
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,160
thank you.
405
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,640
I guess you better get
going then?
406
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,000
Yeah, I suppose so.
407
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,800
Remember when you was
in Dubrovnik?
408
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,160
-Uh, yeah.
-And it was raining all week, that week?
409
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,160
-And?
-And when we Skyped you said,
410
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,880
welcome to sunny Dubrovnik.
411
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,280
It was a joke.
412
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,440
What kind of joke is that?
It's not funny.
413
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,560
Well I'm always making
unfunny jokes.
414
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,040
You're always complaining
that I make unfunny jokes.
415
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,120
You know, when do I get
to do something for me?
416
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,000
When do I get to actually
do something?
417
00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,280
(WATER HISSING)
418
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,320
God damn piece of shit.
419
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,360
This is what
I'm talking about.
420
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,720
Yeah, okay. Okay.
421
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:08,000
No not okay, okay?
Fuck you, okay, okay?
422
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,360
You have no idea of
the condition of this place,
423
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,520
because you're never here.
424
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,760
I don't know where you are
half the time, but sure as hell it's not here.
425
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,440
Do you even remember what
I said I'm doing this weekend?
426
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,280
Do you remember?
427
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,760
-Making some...
-I'm taking a course in community activism.
428
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:32,960
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
429
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,760
-The cruise.
-That's right, yeah.
430
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,320
I told you,
but you don't listen.
431
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,960
And even when you're here
you're not here.
432
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,800
-What happened?
-Well, Denise,
433
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,400
you know I do a job
that requires...
434
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,640
To me.
435
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,080
What happened to me?
This was not part of the plan.
436
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,760
I haven't done a god-damn
thing with my life.
437
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:58,040
That is not true.
You're gonna take this course thing...
438
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,880
that you just mentioned.
And you should, it's a great idea.
439
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,360
You're raising
a fantastic son.
440
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,920
Oh, that reminds me.
We do need to have a chat.
441
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,760
I do think he's got
a secret mobile phone.
442
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,880
Yeah...
But, yeah, obviously...
443
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,440
-redo the kitchen.
-I'm going to redo the kitchen, Andrew.
444
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:24,360
Yeah, do whatever you want.
I'm sorry, Denise. I'm so sorry...
445
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,080
you know, about this
and that and...
446
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:29,600
Do whatever you want.
447
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,320
Good. I know just the man
for the job.
448
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:36,720
Good, solid, strong man.
Reliable.
449
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,920
Yeah. No, I mean,
of course, yeah.
450
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,280
Yeah.
451
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:43,400
I'm sorry. (CRIES)
452
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,240
(ANDREW CRYING)
453
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:13,400
(DOOR CLOSES)
454
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:15,400
Hey.
455
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,480
I may have to go back
to Inverness.
456
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,920
-What? When?
-CHRISTINA: Ssh.
457
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:28,320
Um, any minute now.
Tomorrow maybe. I don't know.
458
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,320
God, you guys, please.
459
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,160
Yeah, I probably won't.
Stupid boss.
460
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:34,920
See? I told you he was lying.
461
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,480
You were right.
462
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:38,600
What?
463
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:42,240
Oh.
464
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,120
Hey, can we take it easy
this week?
465
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,360
Lay low. Have some family
alone time here in the house?
466
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,360
For the fifth time,
I'm doing the Etsy seminar,
467
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,040
and you and Christina
are supposed to have father-daughter time.
468
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:57,680
Mum, just pause it
if you're going to keep talking.
469
00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:58,720
I'm sorry, honey.
470
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:00,600
Right.
471
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,280
I'm going to hit the hay.
472
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,960
Long week.
473
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,200
KIM: Okay.
474
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,480
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
475
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:33,400
-(THUDS)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
476
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:41,280
(GROANS)
477
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:44,520
When are these guys
going to be finished?
478
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,160
For fuck's sake.
It's been nearly a month.
479
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:47,880
Well, we knew it was gonna
take time when they started.
480
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,440
They did just install
a whole new kitchen.
481
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:53,040
VLAD: (LAUGHS)
(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
482
00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:55,640
Yeah, hi. Yeah.
I don't mean to be a bell end or anything about it,
483
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,160
but when are you guys
going to be finished?
484
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,280
The last of your fittings
are due this afternoon
485
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:02,360
and I will personally send
Kristaps to get it.
486
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,840
And later we have a new boy
coming to help us,
487
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,600
so we finish for you
very soon, finally.
488
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:09,880
-(THUDS)
-(INDISTINCT SHOUTS)
489
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:11,480
Kristaps.
490
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:13,120
Stop it.
491
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:15,880
Ugh.
492
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,880
Do they even know
what they're doing?
493
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:20,600
KIM: You're the one
who wanted to hire these guys.
494
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,000
You said, let's go with
the Latvians.
495
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,440
The Latvians are cheaper than
the Poles, and they're half as cheap as the British...
496
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,680
-DENISE: They're Latvian.
-KRIS: I got a Saturday job working in construction.
497
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,400
-They're Eastern European.
-They're Latvian.
498
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,840
Kris, your friend,
when is he due?
499
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,360
KRIS: A friend of mine, Kris,
he sorted it for me.
500
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,600
VLAD: Kris, wake up!
501
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,960
KRIS: He won't shut up
about this daughter. Guess they like each other.
502
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,760
KIM: She had her first kiss.
503
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,680
Kris and Christina.
It'll be easy to remember.
504
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,040
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
505
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:48,200
VLAD: We have a new boy
coming...
506
00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:53,840
Oh, my God!
507
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:57,800
Wouldn't it be nice
if we were older?
508
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:01,560
Then we wouldn't have
to wait so long
509
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:05,400
And wouldn't it be nice
to live together
510
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:10,600
In the kind of world
where we belong
511
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,600
You know it's gonna make it
that much better
512
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:19,560
When we can say goodnight
and stay together
513
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,360
Wouldn't it be nice?
514
00:26:23,410 --> 00:26:27,960
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